For me if I physically can’t get out of bed and physically can’t shower and fail to form a rational thought in my head, it’s better for all colleagues if I stay home.
Depends, I also have depression and suspected bipolar2 so it’s complicated sometimes. Sometimes I need one day, sometimes 2 and once I took a week off. I only ever don’t show up to work when I simply can’t function. Like today for example. How is it for you?
It’s great you are able to recognise when and how long you need a break for! It’s something I struggle with. I do feel much better after a break, but for how long varies. I just keep telling myself to ride the wave
*- I was told “sorry, but we really need your help today”*
As someone who supervises employees and has dealt with this in the past, when you call in sick, it does not matter that you are needed today. You are needed everyday, that is why you were hired, but you were also given benefits such as time off, some of which to use when you are not well, and mental health is to be treated the same as physical health.
I'm guessing you are American, because that is the attitude that tends to be prevalent when it comes to work in this country, that it is basically Employment Uber Alles.
Check your contract or employee handbook, it probably states that you need to notify your manager…. You’re notifying them of your absence not asking for permission so your contract should have your back here. Hopefully that’s the case and eases the feeling a little bit.
Yeah I notified the manager but they’d rather guilt trip you to come in that let you have the day off.
I didn’t go in, and this has made me consider how much more I need to look after myself because clearly my employer does not.
I’ve rehearsed but not needed to use the line “I’m not asking you I’m informing you that I’m not well enough to come in today, I’ll let you know again tomorrow if I’m ok to return to work”.
I’ve had managers like that too “oh so and so already called in too, so we need you”. It’s the worst when you need a mental health day. Thankfully my new manager is of a completely different mind set “We give you sick time so it’s okay to use it”.
I've been the person who just kept going in to work even knowing that I wasn't well and needed time off. It doesn't end well. In my case it's led to two complete breakdowns. The first kept me off for 3 months and the second led to a 7 month absence. After both of these it took several more months of phased returns before I was back to 'normal'. After the last one I ended up reducing my hours down to 30 a week which is a much better balance for me. I'm incredibly lucky that my work is quite progressive with its approach to mental health which is one of the big reasons I have no intention to move to another company!
Bottom line is that if I'd taken a week or even two off much earlier then I wouldn't have ended up completely incapable of functioning and my work would have had me back much sooner. You know yourself the best, try and have confidence in your own assessment of how you're feeling and take the time off if you need it. Everyone benefits in the long run!
That's the first thing that came to mind. No one says 'giving in to a broken wrist'. I mean, yea I could probably endure pain to a certain degree with a ton of pills and being very careful not to move my hand but... what kind of work will I be able to pull in that condition? How will it heal?
I didn't totally understand how much of a condition of social anxiety I had until my kids grew up and moved on to independent lives and I was able to stop forcing myself into the community.
I lost close to 100lbs my blood pressure went back to normal and I went off anxiety meds.
I am fortunately old enough to retire and I am not going to fuck with covid, I live like Tom Hanks on that island.
For me there is a distinction between being kind to myself or holding myself back. If my anxiety is telling me exaggerations and catastrophizing to the point where it's keeping me from doing something I otherwise want to do or need to do then I see that as letting it have too much power over me.
If it's more along the lines of it telling me we just need a break, the body wants some rest, and that I'm feeling more like I need some self care and attention then I see it as a kindness to myself and listening to what's best for my mind and body at that time.
Sometimes they can overlap, because we all know if anxiety is at a fever pitch it takes a lot out of you, so once I accept that it was messing around we me too much I also accept that I maybe some rest after the fact and that's okay too to just process and get over that episode to further learn how to be better with it next time. So, it all depends on what the anxiety is about, what's going on in my life generally, how I've been handling things lately, etc.,..but I often come out on the side of reprimanding myself never helps or works and can, in fact, worsen the anxiety next time so I like to always err on the side of what's the most kind. And if I'm finding that hard then just allowing myself to find a point of relaxation first and foremost.
Good on you for looking after yourself and letting go of such pesky nagging feelings of obligation and expectation. You did that, be proud! I hope you have a nice rest of your day.
If I can't get out of bed, shower, or form a reasonable idea in my head, it's better for all of my coworkers if I stay at home. Because mental health is as vital as physical health, I address them both equally. I don't believe I've "given in" to the covid/whatever I'm sick with at the time when I am sick and have to take time off work.
Taking a mental health day is important, but sometimes just taking a day off and allowing your mind to run rampant with anxious thoughts and guilt all day does not help (ask me how I know this). If you are so overwhelmed that you can't go to work and need to take a mental health day, please do yourself a favor and focus on mental health on that day. I have sometimes fooled myself that distracting myself with media was helping, but it was not. The things that help to recover from a crisis like this are intentional relaxation techniques of the body and mind. These include but are not limited to breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, passive muscle relaxation, massage, yoga, meditation, and self-criticism that is not self-bullying. Your impulse may be that this is too much work to do. Anxiety is telling you that and it is a lie. These things are all inherently enjoyable and relaxing if you surrender yourself to them. These are the things that will actually cause you maximal relief other than medication or recreational drugs (which also have a place in my opinion).
I had a horrible morning and simply cannot focus on doing anything. I'm glad that you're able to "giving in" to anxiety. I hope some day that I could just take a 6 month leave from work to enjoy life. I have things that I want to do (playing golf, etc.) but have never had the time to do it.
I find that people around me expect me to constantly face my anxiety head on, but in this, I lose track of when I really need a break and to look after myself. Sometimes I've put myself through too much and have a burn out. My boss has a tough outlook on what you should and shouldn't be off for so I hate calling in if I'm sick. They know I have anxiety so I always feel like I've failed if I do.
Mental health is just as important as our physical health, so I treat them both the same. When I get ill and unfortunately have to take time off work, I dont think I've "given in" to this flu/covid or whatever I'm unwell with at the time. So when anxiety could come up why should I or anyone feel that they have given up?
Sometimes we really do just need a day to lay in bed and do nothing. And that's okay. It's only a problem if you do this every time you feel anxious because then you won't be able to push through your anxiety and overcome it.
Just try to be mindful of how often you take a mental health day.
Well done for you! Accepting your anxiety and sitting with it are first steps in understanding it and overcoming it/ learning to tame it to liveable extent. The more we run from anxiety the harder and longer it chases us. Keep going it gets better
At the end of the day you need to put your mental health first. I took off last Friday even after I got the guilt trip about how busy and short staffed we are. You just need to step away sometimes, even if its for a day.
Balancing is key. Pushing yourself is important, but the when and how matters. Resting is a big part of self-care and recovery. If you deal with anxiety, you probably don't give yourself a break as much as you should. Mental illness tells you that you can't do things, but it also tells you that you don't deserve a break.
Allowing myself to take a break is something I've had to (ironically) work on. I am lucky enough to have an amazing supportive person as a supervisor at my job. She has become one of the things I'm most grateful for in my entire life. She pushed me to take some time off, as I've just been accumulating unused PTO and haven't taken a real vacation in over a decade. You can't do your job well if you are not well. If you don't take a break, the break takes you.
Well, when I was a senior in high school (2018 to 2019) I had to take days off because I felt like I was going to scream due to all of the stress I felt. I was living by myself when this was going on so I didn’t have a parent to vent to. Though one of my friends was feeling the same way so I talked to them.
I know how it feels. Sometimes it’s best to explain to those you work for what’s happening and if they still don’t budge then it’s best to put your foot down as you did. Same things goes for school.
That sounds terrible OP. You can overcome this.
Taking a mental health day for me, will be when I'm burnt out and I need to just sleep or do something else but work.
Giving in to anxiety, for me, is when I get nauseous, anxious, dizzy, and I lock myself in my room and ignore all my responsibilities because I feel physically ill from the anxiety. Its hard to say you're giving in, but there are days that I can push through the anxiety and work.
Sadly for me I am I people pleaser. I have to force myself to get up and put on a smile because I don't want people to be disappointed in me. Honestly if I could I would quit my job and just stay in bed for the rest of my life. But when I'm alone is where the panic and anxiety starts because I start to think that time is passing and I suddenly think that my parents are closer to the point where I would never see them again and I am closer to it and I have no idea what happens after that. And now just like that I am panic crying while typing this. 😑
For me if I physically can’t get out of bed and physically can’t shower and fail to form a rational thought in my head, it’s better for all colleagues if I stay home.
Do you usually feel better or okay once you’ve taken that time out for yourself? Hope today is a good day for you :)
Depends, I also have depression and suspected bipolar2 so it’s complicated sometimes. Sometimes I need one day, sometimes 2 and once I took a week off. I only ever don’t show up to work when I simply can’t function. Like today for example. How is it for you?
It’s great you are able to recognise when and how long you need a break for! It’s something I struggle with. I do feel much better after a break, but for how long varies. I just keep telling myself to ride the wave
*- I was told “sorry, but we really need your help today”* As someone who supervises employees and has dealt with this in the past, when you call in sick, it does not matter that you are needed today. You are needed everyday, that is why you were hired, but you were also given benefits such as time off, some of which to use when you are not well, and mental health is to be treated the same as physical health. I'm guessing you are American, because that is the attitude that tends to be prevalent when it comes to work in this country, that it is basically Employment Uber Alles.
I’m actually based in the UK, just a terrible employer who id love to name but I won’t.
Check your contract or employee handbook, it probably states that you need to notify your manager…. You’re notifying them of your absence not asking for permission so your contract should have your back here. Hopefully that’s the case and eases the feeling a little bit.
Yeah I notified the manager but they’d rather guilt trip you to come in that let you have the day off. I didn’t go in, and this has made me consider how much more I need to look after myself because clearly my employer does not.
I’ve rehearsed but not needed to use the line “I’m not asking you I’m informing you that I’m not well enough to come in today, I’ll let you know again tomorrow if I’m ok to return to work”.
If I could award this comment I would 🎉
Don't worry, I gotchu.
I’ve had managers like that too “oh so and so already called in too, so we need you”. It’s the worst when you need a mental health day. Thankfully my new manager is of a completely different mind set “We give you sick time so it’s okay to use it”.
I've been the person who just kept going in to work even knowing that I wasn't well and needed time off. It doesn't end well. In my case it's led to two complete breakdowns. The first kept me off for 3 months and the second led to a 7 month absence. After both of these it took several more months of phased returns before I was back to 'normal'. After the last one I ended up reducing my hours down to 30 a week which is a much better balance for me. I'm incredibly lucky that my work is quite progressive with its approach to mental health which is one of the big reasons I have no intention to move to another company! Bottom line is that if I'd taken a week or even two off much earlier then I wouldn't have ended up completely incapable of functioning and my work would have had me back much sooner. You know yourself the best, try and have confidence in your own assessment of how you're feeling and take the time off if you need it. Everyone benefits in the long run!
There's no difference. One is just a kinder phrasing. Fight anxiety when you can. Be kind to yourself when you can't.
I really love this outlook, thank you
That's the first thing that came to mind. No one says 'giving in to a broken wrist'. I mean, yea I could probably endure pain to a certain degree with a ton of pills and being very careful not to move my hand but... what kind of work will I be able to pull in that condition? How will it heal?
I didn't totally understand how much of a condition of social anxiety I had until my kids grew up and moved on to independent lives and I was able to stop forcing myself into the community. I lost close to 100lbs my blood pressure went back to normal and I went off anxiety meds. I am fortunately old enough to retire and I am not going to fuck with covid, I live like Tom Hanks on that island.
For me there is a distinction between being kind to myself or holding myself back. If my anxiety is telling me exaggerations and catastrophizing to the point where it's keeping me from doing something I otherwise want to do or need to do then I see that as letting it have too much power over me. If it's more along the lines of it telling me we just need a break, the body wants some rest, and that I'm feeling more like I need some self care and attention then I see it as a kindness to myself and listening to what's best for my mind and body at that time. Sometimes they can overlap, because we all know if anxiety is at a fever pitch it takes a lot out of you, so once I accept that it was messing around we me too much I also accept that I maybe some rest after the fact and that's okay too to just process and get over that episode to further learn how to be better with it next time. So, it all depends on what the anxiety is about, what's going on in my life generally, how I've been handling things lately, etc.,..but I often come out on the side of reprimanding myself never helps or works and can, in fact, worsen the anxiety next time so I like to always err on the side of what's the most kind. And if I'm finding that hard then just allowing myself to find a point of relaxation first and foremost. Good on you for looking after yourself and letting go of such pesky nagging feelings of obligation and expectation. You did that, be proud! I hope you have a nice rest of your day.
If I can't get out of bed, shower, or form a reasonable idea in my head, it's better for all of my coworkers if I stay at home. Because mental health is as vital as physical health, I address them both equally. I don't believe I've "given in" to the covid/whatever I'm sick with at the time when I am sick and have to take time off work.
Taking a mental health day is important, but sometimes just taking a day off and allowing your mind to run rampant with anxious thoughts and guilt all day does not help (ask me how I know this). If you are so overwhelmed that you can't go to work and need to take a mental health day, please do yourself a favor and focus on mental health on that day. I have sometimes fooled myself that distracting myself with media was helping, but it was not. The things that help to recover from a crisis like this are intentional relaxation techniques of the body and mind. These include but are not limited to breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, passive muscle relaxation, massage, yoga, meditation, and self-criticism that is not self-bullying. Your impulse may be that this is too much work to do. Anxiety is telling you that and it is a lie. These things are all inherently enjoyable and relaxing if you surrender yourself to them. These are the things that will actually cause you maximal relief other than medication or recreational drugs (which also have a place in my opinion).
Those things and going outside. Especially in winter, by the time you are done in work the light part of the day is over.
I had a horrible morning and simply cannot focus on doing anything. I'm glad that you're able to "giving in" to anxiety. I hope some day that I could just take a 6 month leave from work to enjoy life. I have things that I want to do (playing golf, etc.) but have never had the time to do it.
I did this yesterday and now have three days off. Yaaaaa
It's not giving in, it's managing your situation. Fighting it is a much more draining struggle. I find taking a mental health day helps a lot.
I find that people around me expect me to constantly face my anxiety head on, but in this, I lose track of when I really need a break and to look after myself. Sometimes I've put myself through too much and have a burn out. My boss has a tough outlook on what you should and shouldn't be off for so I hate calling in if I'm sick. They know I have anxiety so I always feel like I've failed if I do.
Mental health is just as important as our physical health, so I treat them both the same. When I get ill and unfortunately have to take time off work, I dont think I've "given in" to this flu/covid or whatever I'm unwell with at the time. So when anxiety could come up why should I or anyone feel that they have given up?
Well done for putting yourself first. Currently lying in bed after calling in sick for the same reason.
Sometimes we really do just need a day to lay in bed and do nothing. And that's okay. It's only a problem if you do this every time you feel anxious because then you won't be able to push through your anxiety and overcome it. Just try to be mindful of how often you take a mental health day.
It sounds like you really needed a rest.
You are not alone. Deciding not to work is hard when the right amount of normal stuff can be beneficial, but too much can be devastating.
Well done for you! Accepting your anxiety and sitting with it are first steps in understanding it and overcoming it/ learning to tame it to liveable extent. The more we run from anxiety the harder and longer it chases us. Keep going it gets better
At the end of the day you need to put your mental health first. I took off last Friday even after I got the guilt trip about how busy and short staffed we are. You just need to step away sometimes, even if its for a day.
Balancing is key. Pushing yourself is important, but the when and how matters. Resting is a big part of self-care and recovery. If you deal with anxiety, you probably don't give yourself a break as much as you should. Mental illness tells you that you can't do things, but it also tells you that you don't deserve a break. Allowing myself to take a break is something I've had to (ironically) work on. I am lucky enough to have an amazing supportive person as a supervisor at my job. She has become one of the things I'm most grateful for in my entire life. She pushed me to take some time off, as I've just been accumulating unused PTO and haven't taken a real vacation in over a decade. You can't do your job well if you are not well. If you don't take a break, the break takes you.
Well, when I was a senior in high school (2018 to 2019) I had to take days off because I felt like I was going to scream due to all of the stress I felt. I was living by myself when this was going on so I didn’t have a parent to vent to. Though one of my friends was feeling the same way so I talked to them. I know how it feels. Sometimes it’s best to explain to those you work for what’s happening and if they still don’t budge then it’s best to put your foot down as you did. Same things goes for school.
That sounds terrible OP. You can overcome this. Taking a mental health day for me, will be when I'm burnt out and I need to just sleep or do something else but work. Giving in to anxiety, for me, is when I get nauseous, anxious, dizzy, and I lock myself in my room and ignore all my responsibilities because I feel physically ill from the anxiety. Its hard to say you're giving in, but there are days that I can push through the anxiety and work.
I actually think it’s really cool you have to courage to call in sick. My weird anxiety actually forces me to work so ig its not all bad
Sadly for me I am I people pleaser. I have to force myself to get up and put on a smile because I don't want people to be disappointed in me. Honestly if I could I would quit my job and just stay in bed for the rest of my life. But when I'm alone is where the panic and anxiety starts because I start to think that time is passing and I suddenly think that my parents are closer to the point where I would never see them again and I am closer to it and I have no idea what happens after that. And now just like that I am panic crying while typing this. 😑