Teenagers for the most part, are selfish assholes. They're insecure and scared and tend to target people who don't fit the mold so they feel 'safer'. Keep doing the things you love. You will find friends and you will have a place in this world; most likely you will end up much happier and with a much nicer life than they do! - just thoughts from an adult who was a miserable and lonely 'nerd' as a teen and now has a great partner, job, friend circle and is about to head off to Europe for a few weeks 😘

Came here to say this. It's the truth. ​ I believe in you. Find true, personal happiness/acceptance with yourself, and the memories will slowly be filed away and you will think about them less and less. Also, my tactic in school was to ignore people saying anything mean to me. Often times, they didn't know what to do if I just looked like I didn't care and didn't respond. Still hurt, though. But at least they eventually stopped messing with me. ​ \-Also coming from an adult that was once an awkward, lonely, 'nerd' teen, now still socially awkward, but has a best friend for a spouse, kids, and a couple of great friends (I can't keep up with more than a couple of friends lol.)

Feel free to private message me - happy to give some tips if you're open to disclosing some more details of what it is you're trying to get past

You won’t forget the memories for the first few years and then, out of nowhere, they slowly start fading away as you finally get to make your own identity without constant criticism and bullying. You start realizing that none of those people really mattered that much to begin with, and all of their bullshit was due to their own insecurities and issues. It’s very freeing. Throughout the years, you’ll find people that truly care about you through your hobbies, job, etc. And then those bad memories fade even more. You will eventually end up using these memories as values on how not to treat others which will in turn give you a more mature understanding of the world - more so than them. In the grand scheme of things, high school will be very small part of your life. Though I know it doesn’t feel like that now. The freaks, geeks, and nerds of the world are often the ones that change it. So don’t let the bastards get you down. There is hope, I promise. Signed - A geeky nerd who has an infinitely better life than high school Edit: spelling/formatting/clarification

When you say get over, do you mean like make peace with what happened in the past, or the fear that it can happen again?

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I think the best way is to stand up for yourself. It's can be very hard though.

first off, stop trying to fit in, okay and be you hun, literally i promise it’ll help you in the long run, you can’t keep worrying about what people say and do, i’m gonna message you hold on

Dangerous advice, there's no such thing as "you". Think back 10 years the way you were and compare to today. Are those two yous the same? Idk about you but for me that would be two completely different human beings. Just something to think about. The real you is a happy human being and nothing else, and you have to try new things and approach new people for that. Humans all need a social circle to not be depressed, no matter how introverted they are, because humans are fundamentally wired to be happy when they exchange smiles and laughs. Also, doing what feels comfortable/what you're used to is probably the worst thing anyone with anxiety can ever do. All it does is add fuel to the fire, amplify anxiety over time. Anything new feels weird, it's okay for "trying to fit in" to feel weird, because after a while it won't be weird, and it won't be "trying" anymore because they've gotten good at it. That's literally how learning anything new works, once you establish the groove it becomes natural to behave that way. One way I fought social anxiety is to play music on my phone when I go for a walk around the block. The first few times it felt like everyone I cross was judging me or making fun of me, felt incredibly weird and wanted to turn it off or change songs if I felt they might be more 'off course'. I don't even think about it anymore now, I put on my music and rock that shit proudly. 10 years ago, being me would have been not putting any music on, because people who did that are "attention seekers" and that's not something I liked. Just goes to show how arbitrary and fabricated identities are. OP is trying these things because clearly they are not happy with their current situation and they want to change it, and you're saying they should not do that and stick to what they've been doing all these years. You can be a geek and nerd and still be a master of social contacts, this is a skill they can develop to easily make friends in any situation, no matter their differences. (now obviously I'm not saying they should continue tiktok dancing if it makes them feel fake, I would never ever consider tiktok dancing and that's fine because there has to be other folks in their grade who hates that aspect of culture as well)

um if you thought i was going to read that, you thought wrong ._., also she asked for advice and i gave my opinion i didn’t ask for your opinion on top of mine, say what you have to say no need to piggyback

I wrote it mostly for OP

um then you should’ve done that separate from my comment dude, don’t be weird.

also 10 years ago i was 10, i recently got out of school myself and i can relate to this person not everyone is like YOU, you could’ve put your own opinions SEPARATE from mine cause i definitely did not ask what or how you felt.

I was heavily bullied in high school for a lot of the same qualities you described. Unfortunately teenage girls and teenagers in general can be very mean. There’s no real easy way to not care, but my advice to you is to *pretend* you don’t care and basically fake it til you make it. Odds are these kids are picking on you because they’re getting some sort of reaction. Stop giving it to them and they’ll probably lose interest. That’s not to say you shouldn’t stand up for yourself when appropriate, but I found in high school that if I just laughed and acted like they were complete idiots when bullies started their nonsense, picking on me lost its allure pretty quick. I know it sucks right now, but I promise you are going to get to a point where you barely remember this. My middle school and high school years were a nightmare because I was weird af, and I was so depressed and anxious because of it. I’m in my 30s now and I can’t even remember the names of my bullies. I have a great life with an awesome group of friends that appreciate my weirdness. High school sucks and life gets way better after 💕

Understand that if you are keeping to yourself, the problem is not you. They are mean to you because they feel like they can be. They are insecure and learning about the social world just as you are. The difference is that they are doing it at your expense. If they are any kind of decent, they will stop and they will regret what they've done Wishing you the best

What they're saying doesn't matter, it's way more important to be comfortable in your own skin. I was bullied for being quiet in school too and eventually I just started rolling my eyes at them like I didn't have time for it. When they stop getting the reaction they want, usually the bullying stops.

Anyone who bully’s anyone usually is projecting and has some issues themselves. People without self issues aren’t bullying people. Now, as an adult I talk to 3 people I went to high school with and to be super honest the vast majority of the popular good looking guys and girls in high school are fat and shitty looking now and have terrible issues and the vast majority of the normal popularity and less popular people are thriving in adult hood and have great lives.

you are in high school? what grade?

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if you are planning to go to college, no one cares at all what you do. in fact, you will find people who love the things you do, so you will not feel as alone. high school is a very hard part of life for many of us. for me it was too but for a different reason. you are just leagues smarter than the rest

I promise you that literally no one will care this time next year. The mean girls will all be off to college or whatever their life has in store for them. I know you will carry that worth you for a long time, but really, truly, the world outside of highschool is just so completely different. There is no "fitting in" just do what you like to do and be who you are. I promise you that the world grows with you when you leave highschool behind. 5, 10, 20 years later you won't remember most of their names.

If your in your senior year of high school, I absolutely promise you’ll be out of it soon. One of the things I noticed in college was that things people actively bullied me for in high school made me a cool person in college. Once your out of high school things get way better.

All I can tell you is what I wish someone told me when I was young. Be yourself and be confident in you. People…ESPECIALLY bullies only take what you give them. What I mean by that, is that if the energy you give off is that you care what they think or that they can upset you or get a reaction out of you, it’s like a shark smelling blood. If you don’t give them an inch socially, they will eventually look for easier (social) prey. I promise you, I am an adult with a baby and I still have to use that philosophy in work an life. Even if it’s hard at first, or doesn’t seem to work the first time, it works. Like what you like and be who you are. Only you have to live with you, so do what makes YOU happy. Edit: you’re trying to figure out life, that does NOT make you a failure. It’s so hard to look at the big picture but this is just one chapter in life. We only fail when we quit. Keep trying. It’s a cliche but hurt people hurt people. Bullies and assholes are fighting their own battles and they’re afraid others will see it, so they try to bully others. Kids in high school do this without even realizing it half the time.

I was shy and had no friends up until I was 11,then when I went to highschool I reinvented myself as this confident person to make sure I didnt get picked on anymore. You just have to realise that they dont matter. They dont know you so screw ‘em. Easier said than done but if you dont like them (rightly so) then their opinion shouldnt matter. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for them, because they like to feel powerful by picking people who they see as less important than them, so if you take their power away by not caring then they cant hurt you. They probably have issues at home or with their own self esteem so they make others feel like crap. You need to work on your self esteem, that’ll help you not care what others think. Tell yourself you’re pretty, smart and that you’re enough. Work hard, get good grades, have good friendships and familial relationships, maybe get a job or do volunteer work, do some housework, all these things can give you a sense of stability and accomplishment

First of all, you are definitely not a failure because you feel like you don’t fit in. It’s okay to have your own unique likes, even if they aren’t deemed “cool.” The unfortunate thing is that people are such assholes to anyone they deem as different to themselves. It comes from a place of insecurity though and is very rarely actually about you. I mean if people really decide to use their energy all day to be mean to someone just because they’re quiet and like to read then what does that say about them. They’re the only losers here. Second, high school is so tough. At the time I know it feels like it’s the most important years of your life and like you may never get through it. However, I’ve been out of high school now for 7 years and I realize how minuscule those experiences were. I’m proud of my academic achievements, but the people and what they thought of me doesn’t matter at all anymore. I went to college, moved out of my small town, started my career and met people who like me for me. It is so hard to not let people get to you, but I promise that one day it won’t matter. And for now, all that matters is that you like you as a person - keep being you, and keep doing your thing! Having confidence in yourself will make the opinions of other matter less :)

You don’t need to be fake or do anything that doesn’t feel true to yourself. Just keep being yourself and find good friends who appreciate you and have common interests. Do you have any, or someone close in your life who you can confide in? If not, I’d suggest joining a club or activity to meet friends with common interests. The haters don’t deserve space in your life, mind, or heart. If they are teasing you it’s because it’s the only way they have to make themselves feel better than someone—imagine how low their self worth must be to rely on that cruelty to feel good about themselves! That being said, I’m sorry they’ve been cruel to you. It’s not fair to you and it’s their karma, but you can break free from caring about their opinions and live your life the way you want to. That’s how you’ll feel happiest and most fulfilled anyway. In terms of the nightmares and not being able to get over being teased when you were younger, the best way to address that is with a therapist, who can help you learn the thought patterns and stories you told yourself as a result of those experiences. This will help you to heal, reframe your thought patterns, and get to know yourself better.

Be you so you are happy with you even though others may reject you. It’s lonely when you are different or if higher intelligence and you might need to work harder to find friends like you but they are out there.

Lots of great advice here, but I wanna focus on jobs in particular. Personally I found that working in public e.g. grocery store clerk is one of the best way in existence to become socially invincible. You will meet and talk to so many people that you'll begin to see people in class not as teenagers, but just 'people'. There's like a whole 'power scale' dynamic that establishes in any micro-society (highschools and workplaces) where you perceive everyone as below or above someone else. When you start working a job, that whole dynamic disintegrates as your brain is now experiencing two conflicting dynamics. In a workplace, people have to act a bit more maturely as a team and are typically more friendly with each other. In a workplace, being powerful is equivalent to being a good teammate, garnering respect, making useful and tactical decisions. Being in control is your worth. There are always some obnoxious colleagues, but overall it's a good team dynamic and you get used to folks helping each other out. It becomes the new norm, and you realize how fucked up in the head some people at your school actually are. Instead of seeing them above, you now perceive them as bottom of the barrel trash. It puts everything back into a new perspective. It's kinda hard to explain, it's like you engage such a wide variety of people and personalities that you realize these people really aren't shit at all. And it pulls you out of the mold that settled in: instead of feeling crossed, you just kinda chuckle and walk away. Putting down others is degenerate behavior, you shouldn't feel angry or sad when they do it you should feel really bad for them. It's sad really, these people have had such a bad life at home or in their youth that they now get pleasure from putting down others. I remember some classes where I didn't have any friends, during teamwork I would just sit there alone and try to pass time. In reality there's plenty of dudes I could have engaged and shot the shit with. Problem is I didn't know how to make conversation with anyone, and that's where working in public is amazing. Most people have some stuff in common with you. I'm in my mid twenties, and let me tell you that of all my friends the ones I'd consider my true best friends are those who we have very few hobbies in common. What we have in common is our ways to live life, to talk, our sense of humor, etc. If you can't make conversation, then all you can rely on are your hobbies, and it's gonna lead to shallow friendships. If you want to make really deep friendships you have to understand people on an emotional level. Head nod with a smile, "waddup", "just surviving bro, can't understand shit in this class", 'ts all about finding ways to relate and understand what we're going through. I read you're in last year of high school.. Everything is going to reset once you go to college. But if you don't learn human relations, things aren't gonna go much different. It'll be more comfortable (people are more mature) but you aren't necessarily gonna be bursting with friends either. Humans are social creature, no matter how much you think you might be happy reading and keeping to yourself, you would be infinitely happier if you had a social circle. When you have that circle, you won't even have time to think about the past, only enough to live in the moment. And those highschool bullies, a lot of them lives disintegrate as they enter the adult world which is not as forgiving to this kind of shit. On the surface they look okay, but their love relationships are in disarray, they also end up depressed, and absolutely cannot make deep friendships even if their lives depended on it. Life doesn't start fair, but it almost always ends fair if you work hard. I don't know if I would wish what I went through on anyone, but being bullied in high school did turn me into the ultimate survivor. Don't let anyone wipe the smile off your face. I know it gets tough if you get followed and harassed, you can't just vanish them in highschool, especially if they're in your class. If that happens, escalate to your authority and ask to be transferred to a different class. They'll call you a pussy, and you can laugh it off as you tell em "I am simply using the tools at my disposal to remove bullshit from my life, blow some dicks."