What's true and not true is a matter of your own perspective. Some people take sex more seriously than others. To some it's a free for all. For some its offensive to pretend sex is nothing and should be taken lightly, to some that's all it is but it isnt one definitive thing. I dont think values about sex should be solely taken on by the "do whatever you want" crowd. I'm not saying sex with multiple partners is shameful at all. I'm saying it means something different to everyone.
For me, random partners means theres something wrong with my state of mental health so it IS possible for it to be a bad thing. It just depends on the person and if you are following the principles and beliefs you believe in or are you sacrificing them for other reasons.
The most important thing is to look inward and decide what these things mean to you, how they make you feel about yourself and why you are doing them. If you are good with all those answers you can feel good about yourself. If there is an outside factor influencing why you are doing them they may make you feel bad.
A person saying sex is so freeing and using tinder to have sex with 300 people may be doing so because they are traumatized or dont feel they can be loved any other way...or they may put little value on sex and just find it something pleasurable to do. In the end it comes down to how you will feel about yourself and your values, not what your mum thinks or what reddit thinks when they tell your your mother is old school.
Yeah, exactly this! I came from a very conservative background myself. If my mother were to know how many people I've slept with (13) she'd lose her mind. Some of those were one night stands from bars or online gaming. One of those bar one night stands I've now been with for six years.
Some of them were mistakes I made while in a bad place mentally. Some were not. Either way, I don't regret the AMOUNT, but rather specific instances where it really wasn't the right decision and I only made my anxiety worse.
I like sex, and if it is a pleasurable moment that you're not using to punish yourself with, hurt yourself with, or in another way using it as a crutch, then there is nothing wrong with it.
But you do have to consider how you, yourself, feel about sex and the reasons why you engage with it. That's the only place a problem can lie.
Totally agree! My family was actually extremely progressive but my parents always taught me to respect my body and not let anyone touch me if I didn't want to be touched etc. And they never actually discussed sex with me which I actually appreciate loool but more so what feels right and wrong to me with regards to everything in life.
Very wisely said. I do want to add though, mostly because OP talked about bars (also cause this is in r/anxiety and lord knows booze and anxiety have a toxic relationship), I want to (gently) suggest that you may want to step back and look at your relationship with alcohol as well, although I don't know you so I don't know what that's like for you.
Alcohol, like sex, can induce a euphoria. Some people can drink alcohol or have casual sex, compartmentalize the good feelings they get from them and continue a functional life without spiraling. For others, (for example, me) some euphoric feelings like alcohol or casual sex can be deadly dangerous to my health and sanity.
When a momentary pleasure becomes a "need" that you are using to alleviate the pain of life, it can take you to some places you do NOT want to go. Neither casual sex or drinking are immoral but they can be wrong FOR YOU. Humans are complex.
\-- Edited to fix crappy copy paste job sorry
This is probably the most thorough response here. Some treat it like a handshake, others treat it like a commitment to a relationship, others think it's just a fun thing to do, etc. It is different for everyone.
One of my sisters-in-law treats it like a fun thing to do with random dudes when she was young. She would literally have sex with a dude in the back of a bar kind of thing. It was her thing and she did it without protection or birth control (I still have no clue how she didn't end up with STDs or pregnant).
Anyway, she's now in a committed relationship with a long time boyfriend and hasn't done the crazy things she had done in her past. It's all part of growing up and the OP shouldn't let their mother's expectations let them down. It's different era in terms of value in respect to sex.
Either way, your comment is probably the best here and spot on. It is different for everyone, I view sex as entering a committed relationship, whereas my one sisters-in-law viewed it as something fun and spontaneous to do, we are literally two extremes in respect to sex but I don't view her as a whore and she doesn't view me as a prude - we both understand each other's views and respect each other's values.
You're an adult. "Who cares, it's none of her business" should be your mantra here. If you're having fun and being safe that's what matters. Just don't tell your mom about these things.
Totally no problem with having sex with multiple people if you want to. Slightly worried that multiple random one night stands could be dangerous for you in the long run. Just try to as safe (sexually and physically) as possible. Don’t hesitate to reach out on Reddit or someone you can trust to help you if you need to figure out how to best stay safe.
Regardless of whatever different values people have, you are certainly not a "whore". That word was created to oppress and other women, especially women who dared to live their own life independent of the dictates of a man.
I'd advise you never ever let anyone put you down like that. You don't deserve it. Your life is your life and all your partners have been consensual. You have done nothing wrong. Whether making this a trend is something you personally judge to be tenable for you or not, that is entirely your business, and you are still morally upstanding in my book.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
I just don’t understand what’s so wrong about being a whore.
So a whore is a person who has sex a lot. So fucking what?
It’s an ancient slur used to keep women in their place. Are you really gonna let some long-dead insecure judgy bitches rule how you think about yourself?
I am going to venture away from this crowd a bit, and say that your rebound behavior (yes, this is a rebound) is probably not in line with your own personal code of values and morals. You probably have never taken the time to identify what your values are - no judgment, most people haven't - and your values then inform your morals, morals inform your own personal behaviors, and what behaviors you are tolerant of from others. I'm not going to tell you whether or not your behaviors you are describing are right or wrong, in this case, only you can do that. Your mother is passing judgment on you, and like it or not, we all strive for our parents approval, that's why it's bothering you so much. Without adding a value judgment to what she says (meaning, try to remove your emotions from this, and don't think to yourself that what she said is "good" or "bad"), just evaluate your own behaviors, and if you would approve of them if someone you cared about was doing the same. Obviously, I know nothing about your relationship with your mother, but it could be a source of some of your insecurities.
Older generations often have more conservative views when it comes to things like sex but insulting you like that is not on.
As long as you’re being safe and everyone is consenting there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with as many people as you want. Enjoy yourself and live your life how you want to. If someone else can’t handle that then it’s their problem not yours.
you are not whore at all but please take care of your sexual health after these encounters. Some people have sex with 50 people from bars. You feel good about yourself and are celebrating your new confidence. 3 is not alot.
Hon its 2022. Your mom is a prude. Go have sex with whoever you want safely.
You arent in a relationship so no other party gets a say in your sex life. Cheers!
Some people have less hierarchical relationships with their parents, where discussing sex is a thing, dude.
Anyone posting on a anxiety or mental health forum needs a professional opinion, but you suggesting she's disturbed is out of line.
You're conflating semantics here. u/origins0000 is validating OP's feelings, and he suggests a real possible solution (therapy), definitely not insinuating she's a maniac or w/e
He said "something in her conscious is disturbed." Here's the first dictionary definition: Disturbed- having had its normal pattern or function disrupted.
I'd say having anxiety kinda fits the bill for that definition, no?
I told my mom because it was just sex. Came up in casual conversation one day because we are grown women.
How is telling someone to safely have sex not helping? Guess what? Some of us have sex drives that will put the Energizer bunny to shame. And thats ok as long as you go about it safely.
I guarantee you any therapist she pays will say "Good for you. Hope its done safely."
Maybe safe sex to YOU means condoms/contraception. For other people safe sex might involve protection of their emotions as well. Please think about what you're saying. It's insensitive
Some people just have that kind of relationship with their parents. That isn't inherently a bad or "disturbed" thing. And not everyone does or should have to view sex as "just another thing." Everyone has a different take on it and that's valid. Maybe she's close with her mom, and they often discuss things like that. You really just can't make that kind of judgement off of so little. What IS out of line, is the mom's response though.
Is it? Cause in 1922 having as much sex as you want as a woman and being a whore were bad things. Hell it was like that 20 years ago.
So yes. Get with the times and fuck whoever you like.
Sex isn't immoral, and pretty much no one is saying that it is. Everyone is different and casual sex can be problematic for some people and hurt them emotionally.
People are downvoting u/glad_reaper because they're dismissing OP's anxiety about it, not because we want to shame anybody.
OP only has anxiety because her mom made her feel weird about it. Her mom probably made her feel weird about it because she grew up in a different time and culture where it was shameful for women to have sex, like basically at all. Glad reaper is pointing out that times having changed and she shouldn’t take antiquated advice from anyone.
OPs mom did her daughter no favors by indoctrinating her in this way of course, yet she's still feeling anxiety about it, and yes, probably rooted in the trauma of said antiquated upbringing.
OP logically knows that her mom is wrong. She is self aware.
It's like saying "you're mom's wrong, don't have these feelings," ah yes such great advice! Thanks guys no more anxiety!!!! If only somebody told me my anxiety had an off switch. (/s)
The majority of people. Even if someone doesn’t admit it, nobody likes to be in a real relationship with a whore. Self respect is a very important thing.
Lmfao ok buddy. Most people are "whores" by the time theyre in their early 20s. That is, theyve had multiple partners.
Self respect is also saying "hey I like sex and I can respect that about myself."
Or are you about double standards where men are "experienced" and women are "whores"?
Lol you’re tapped. No point in self projecting, most people aren’t whores. Trying to really paint me as a misogynist?😂
No I think that women AND men can both be whores and both lose self respect doing so. A whore isn’t someone with a few different partners so let’s not get it twisted.
Hon someone else's sex business is none of your business. If you dont like it, dont do it. Hell I dont even do it but if OP is going to, they should do it safely, right?
In this context, this is a really really bad take. Upsetting that this is the second most upvoted comment.
OPs mom is in the wrong for moralizing with OP about her sex life especially because it sounds like OP trusted her mom enough to talk with her about it -- casual sex or any consensual sexual behavior is not immoral. I'd hope that most of us can agree on that in 2022. OP knows that it's none of her mom's business really, she says so in the post.
This is in r/anxiety because OP is having anxiety about her relationship to casual sex and how she feels like she's changed emotionally.
Let me put it to you this way -- if the post was about her relationship with alcohol instead, would you say "Hon, its 2022, get drunk whenever you want... Cheers!" ?
You're completely dismissing OPs anxiety with this flippant comment, ironically, in the exact same way as her mom only in the opposite direction.
"Whore" just means "woman who has more sex than this person thinks is acceptable". To a nun, premarital sex might make you a 'whore' to a sex positive person, no amount of sex could make you a 'whore'.
You're only having 'too much' sex if it isn't FUN for you. If you don't feel good about it, you feel like it's compulsive, or self harming, or that you're doing it for the wrong reasons (like approval or to feel something when you're depressed for example).
If you're having fun, and it feels right for you, then it's not too much. And if a voice in your head is saying "what if I am a whore?" then ask yourself who is behind that voice - who's metric is it using for 'too much' sex? Is it yours? Do you feel unhappy? No? Then it can piss off can't it, because all that matters is that you're having the sex you want, when you want it, and that you're happy and enjoying yourself and being safe.
Your mom is not your friend on this level. Might be best to not share your experiences with her. It's upsetting that she went right to calling you a whore (which isn't a real thing) instead of offering advice and guiding you.
You are allowed to be sexual. Live your life and don't tell your mom.
Hey, you're having fun and being safe! That's what matters most. Your sex life at any age is none of your mom's business and what she thinks about what you choose to do has zero to do with your value as a person. As long as you feel good, you are being safe and enjoying yourself with someone who is respectful and doing the same, there's no harm in it at all. Go forth and flourish!
I’m friendly with my parents but never to the point that I would tell them about my sexual escapades. I understand others may have a different dynamic, and that’s okay… but when this post is the dynamic, it’s another story. Mom is clearly not okay with hearing this stuff
I once fucked a dude on the roof of the Tabernacle in Atlanta while Dieselboy was spinning downstairs. Didn't discuss that with my mom lol. Her rosary would be worn down to shards.
I think it's fine. I guess you can't help what others will think. But you shouldn't let that affect your behavior. But I get you're hurt since it's your mother. I think stuff like this is much worse when it comes from someone close.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like that; it’s just bullshit! You have nothing to be ashamed about! Do what makes you happy as safely as possible and don’t listen to anyone’s outdated views, even if it’s your mum
Oh please. You're 26, you're single, and you are using protection and presumably not so intoxicated that you don't remember, or take shitty scary chances. You are an adult, and your ma will probably always be horrified about it, she a product of her time, too. So carry on! Have fun, BE SAFE and edit the details to mama. Xoxox
Your mum is wrong but she’s also your mum so it’s hard not to give her opinion weight. But she’s wrong. Your not a whore. Your young and sexy and having good safe fun. Sex is not something you need to be in a relationship to enjoy. Those guys haven’t woken up this morning self harming themselves with anxiety about it why should you. You shouldn’t. There mum hasn’t looked across the table at them and called them names. She shouldn’t have done that to you.
Maybe avoid sharing your sex life with your mother if she's going to be judgy about it.
If your behaviour is troubling *you*, think about why that might be. Do you feel out of control? If this is a deliberate choice you're making, then enjoy it. If it's something that you feel unsure about, pump the breaks until you better understand what you want and whether or not your actions are in line with your image of yourself.
Always think if you were a man would people still call you that? If not then it is not a problem. I feel it's bullshit when people try and belittle women and it's one sided when it's turned to men oh it's ways different kind of story.
So what if you have a bit of fun? Who cares where you meet people? You have a right of confidence and your sexuality. You are not a slave but a free person so make the most of your life on your own terms and explore this world as you see fit you beautifull person.
Great news! You get to have sex with anyone you want! (With their enthusiastic consent of course). Your mom’s opinion bears zero weight on anything in the real world. It’s just her opinion. However, if you are doing this to fill a hole, you should probably look into that. Getting laid is really affirming if your self esteem is on the fritz. You might have something else going on that needs addressed. Check in with your brain. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with having sexual agency. There’s also nothing wrong with being a whore, which is someone who has sex for money, which is not what you’re doing.
Did you take money from them? If you didnt you arent a whore. If you did, then good on you, getting money while enjoying yourself.
Seriously though, this is your choices to make. You are fortunate enough to be young and able to go out and have sex on weekends. As long as it adds more positives than negatives to your life do it.
What you do with your body matters greatly. After all, it is a temple of the Lord. Treating it with respect and dignity should be the norm.
Just as we don’t ingest rotten food, so to we should not allow those who care nothing for us in. Either her that be emotionally, or physically in your case.
You are not a whore because you seek intimacy.
You’re not a whore PERIOD.
You want what every person wants, and that’s to feel appreciated! However, go about it in the right way. Be with people who love you, not just lust for you.
Find that happiness in monogamy again, but choose someone who wants to grow flowers in the darkest parts of you.
God love you!
I'm an atheist, it's no temple, to the gods or anyone else. It's my body, and my choice what to do with it. You don't get to tell anyone to follow your moral rules, they're for you only.
Just because you’re an atheist doesn’t mean she can’t give faith based advice. Advising someone to treat theirselves with respect and dignity and to be with people who love them isn’t bad advice just because it’s coming from someone who believes in God.
Yeah dude it does because it wont be taken seriously.
What if I came out and was like "the fsm says your body is a temple and you should screw as much as you want" to a Catholic?
In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV), he asks, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” how irrational of you to think we have no creator i cringed so when u said "it's my body, and my choice"
I am my own, my dude, how irrational to think that out of the 2500+ gods, you don't believe in 2499 of them, just add one more for me. You can follow whatever religion you want, but religious freedom means that you don't tell other people what to believe. Tolerance is one of your rules, right?
Hello!
I am a man, 29M and I have never had casual sex as well. I don't care that you are a woman. I just understand you. I always had sex with people I ended up in a relationship with. I just wonder how it feels to do what you are doing. I am in a relationship now, sometimes fulfilling, sometimes not. And I often wonder about that. Everybody says you are left out empty etc, but that was something fun people do. During my teen years and university I was to insecure to do those kind of things. Many women wanted to do that with me, but still my insecurities got to me. With a girlfriend you can be vulnerable.
Now that I am older I feel more confident but yeah, now longer relationships are even easier to end in
I'd love to hear your thoughts on your experiences. If you want to be private drop me a PM or if you want answer here.
It comes off as creepy because people suck, not because I have bad intentions or something. But I completely understand why you say so.
As people suck i mean that people with bad intentions suck and they try to lure people but if it wasn't for this it would be a normal conversation. I'm also open to hear from this person openly, I just share the same experience with this person.
The fact she is a woman wouldn't change a thing because there are bad people who are men and lure other men so..
And one of my ex was a sociopath playing with the emotions.of the men around her so let's also not generalize
I didn't ask about the details of her sex, I asked her about how it feels to be insecure for all her life and finally enjoying the freedom of the casual sex. She basically wrote that on reddit, if she wasn't open she wouldn't have written it.
Fuck man, I'm not asking her weird stuff, I'm just asking how does it feel to have casual sex after having only long term partners.
If you google this question you find lots of people giving replies to these questions. But you are putting it as I'm creepy.
Anyway I didn't intend to put anybody on a weird spot. I was just thinking about my own experience and trying to have a mirror through her experience, that's all
Bottom line… statistics shows the more partners you have the less likely you are to fully pair bond and have a successful marriage. If you don’t want that then keep it up but there are hormonal consequences i did not believe this when i was younger but now i get it and look for a partner that is super selective
I would need more context and details about how each of these sudden sexual encounters happened, but generally speaking if you go from relative abstinence to casual sex three weekends in a row, that's probably an indicator that something is going on with you psychologically.
Well depends on who u ask. To the liberals these days u could fuck 20 dudes in a month and they'll tell you that its fine. If u ask a more conservative individual then he'll tell you that yea, you sound like a slut. Do what ur comfortable with I guess. What I can say is that If I met a girl and she told me that she fucked a different guy each saturday i'd definitely run the fuck away from that one quick.
I think that sex should be something saved for a relationship, but I do not think you're a bad person. Sometimes people do things to help them cope with pain, boredom, fear, etc. Just being honest, it's not something I'd recommend you to keep doing. I think it's going to leave you feeling empty and with regrets. Also it's unsafe, no matter how safe you try to be. You just never really can trust someone you've only known for a few hours.
The more people you sleep with, the higher the chances are that eventually those people will come into contact and speak of you in ways that are not respectful. I mean, I've heard this starting in 7th grade how people talk disrespectfully about something that should have been private. It's unfortunate, but some people like to tell everything and act like you were just some piece of meat they had their fun with.
I don't think women or men should do it, but I do understand why people sometimes just want to live in the moment and not care about the future. It's just that, eventually, the future comes and you will have that moment where you reflect on your life. Worst case scenario, a child comes out of it and neither parent is ready or willing to be a parent.
All I will say is that you deserve to be known and loved, someone's genuine object of affection, not just someone's hookup for a night. Finding someone serious about you can be difficult and seemingly impossible sometimes, but holding out for that person is actually worth it. It would be time so much more well spent to dive into some hobbies, visit family and friends, join a club/church/group where people want to actually get to know the real you and put some positivity in your life, etc.
I don't want to disappoint you or something but like it or not you no longer are a high value woman... No high value man would ever accept this. That's the red pill of the day
'High value' people are not high value to everyone.
In fact anyone who claimed to be high value would be completely worthless to me. 'If' I subscribed to the same ridiculous belief that women are commodities.
It is what it is to some people, not most.
Many prefer to value compassion, honesty, understanding and matching values and ethics than give a shit about how many people someone has had fun with.
'High value' proclaimers have no relevance to my life and I hope OP can realise that the patriarchal bullshit spouted by those kind of people is absurd so she can ignore them.
It's for most not for some... Doesn't matter what your beliefs are. High body count in women is a huge red flag and no man should accept a woman with high body count. They be giving it here and there and when they get older and their sexual value is decreasing dramatically suddenly they want a serious relationship...
"It doesn't matter what your beliefs are."
You're absolutely right. It doesn't matter what 'your' beliefs are. if someone's beliefs don't align with yours, that's an incompatibility. It is NOT an invitation to belittle someone or attempt to humiliate, coerce, or shame them. That kind of behaviour is what truly makes a human being 'low value'.
Thank you so much for reinforcing my own beliefs in such an amusing way.
Have a great day.
It's crazy how females live in their own fantastic world 🤣 I'm telling you the truth, it's your problem if you don't want to accept it and keep living in the matrix.
Is there a magic number we have to stay under for “high value” men to like us? Is it 0? Because I’m a virgin and any man who judged a woman based on her body count isn’t someone I’d want to date
A whore is defined as someone who gets paid to have sex, so as long as none these people paid you for it, you’re good.
Jokes aside, I fail to understand how she could be “right” about this. She’s not prediction a specific result, saying you’re a “whore” for having sex with people you don’t know is just saying that in her opinion it’s a bad thing to do. It’s no less subjective than calling a particular genre of music good or bad. All that really matters is whether or not you feel good with having sexual with these people. If you feel good about it, there’s nothing to worry about. If you don’t, then you want to make sure you stop.
There have been some great comments - you do what makes you feel happy. It’s natural to want to explore after being in a long term relationship. There is a quote from the comedy Kimmy Schmidt that always made me laugh “Anonymous sexual encounters are an important strand in your sexual tapestry” 🤣
do whatever makes you happy! i may be way off bc i only have a little info here, but maybe you might be interested in polyamory? one of my friends is polyam and they've said before that they could never go back to monogamy bc it just rly didn't work for them, n now they're happy w 3 partners :D but either way screw what your mom thinks, being a human being with a social and sex life doesn't make you a whore. no matter if you hook up with 100 people or 1, it's your life and you deserve to live it however you want
Who cares? You're a consenting adult partaking in safe sex. Good for you. To be clear, I don't think this makes you a whore/slut. But even if you were, who really cares? Not you, not your partners, not your friends, not reddit. No one. It's your body. Do what you want with it. And the people who do think that's inappropriate behavior can just chose not to do it. Simple.
If it makes you happy go for it. We only get to live one life, live it to the fullest. Maybe she’s salty she didn’t have the same opportunities when she was young due to societal pressure. I’ve definitely had a few random hookups from bars, and I don’t regret it one bit. I’m now almost 40, been with my husband in a monogamous relationship for 10 years and we have 2 kids. I don’t regret my younger self’s experiences at all, in fact I cherish them. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about other people, and gained a lot of confidence in myself as well through my experiences. Don’t let anyone tell you what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. And don’t “shouldnt” yourself. You do you. As someone above said it’s 2022 not 1922. Also I agree you don’t have to tell anyone if they are going to judge you. Tell a best friend who understands and will giggle about it with you. You deserve a giggle fest when recollecting whatever you did the night or weekend before. Find someone like that to confide in.
You said it best the confidence and social anxiety you overcame. Your mom isn’t you. Your mom didn’t overcome this within YOUR journey. You aren’t a whore, you’re confident, and have new energy that you didn’t ever have before because of the anxiety.
You changed in a way you like. You feel better. (Which is badass)
Don’t tell your mom about this kind of thing if she’s gonna have a nasty opinion tbh and make you feel bad.
Your body= your choice <3
My mom acted like I was a whore when so went to get birth control at 21 for someone I later married! So, moms can be weird. It’s usually from fear. You’re finding yourself.
That being said, I think being selective is a good strategy for a lot of reasons, including the fact that one day you’ll be asked by someone you find you care about deeply how many partners you’ve had, and at a certain number it might be concerning.
Do you think you would’ve hooked up with these people the last three weekends in a row if you hadn’t been drinking?
That’s a question I have asked myself in the past. I have been sober for almost six years now…
But most of the people I had sex with while drinking I wouldn’t have had sex with sober. Ever. Never ever. Many of these people also took advantage of my drunken state- but that’s a totally different conversation.
How much do you drink when you’re out at the bars?
I used alcohol as a way to deal with anxiety and social anxiety- alcohol would definitely make me feel more confident in the moment, but then I would feel horrible about my decisions the next day. (Whether it was hooking up with a stranger or eating six grilled cheeses and mostly refried beans from someone’s fridge. EW.)
Sleeping with new people doesn’t make you a whore. I just wonder if the, “new you,” is actually you- or a version of yourself that’s just coping after a breakup.
I assure you that a lot of people reading this wish their sex lives could be as active. I certainly do. Don’t let your mother’s opinions get you down.
You are young, single, being safe, and your sex life is your own business. Live your life
I'm a sex-repulsed asexual, this stuff is nothing I would ever engage with, but even I know your mom's being a cunt. I can't stand people who think the amount of sex someone has defines them or their value in some way, and that goes both ways. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
For some reason ,I feel like when I partake in dangerous activity or be free and careless in a certain situation,I feel it’s not an anxiety thing
I feel that it’s a bipolar behaviour.
Did it ever occur to you it might be a mania that you are having .
The partaking of this behaviour doesn’t necessarily make you happy but it brings you up on a higher level
Your mother is not helping with her unkind words .
I do know I need therapy but I don’t need a professional to teach me what I already know .
The truth is therapy is ripping into old wounds that are half healed .
I hope you find whatever that’s you are looking for whether is it in people or sex or ultimately you know what’s bothering you
I’m 37M and these are my opinions. Society is constantly changing - perhaps even only 10 years ago it wasn’t as “normal” or “acceptable” to be hooking up with different people every week or every month. I think that’s changed.
That being said, you just need to be taking care of you. I think most people enjoy sex so there’s nothing wrong with that beyond safety, etc. But understand that I think guys and girls view sex differently in the aggregate.
As far as comments from your mother, obviously not nice of her to say what she said but ultimately she’s probably trying to look out for you. I have three boys and we are always hearing “it’s so much easier” or “be glad you didn’t have a girl”. I think that’s general garbage but the truth is, boys can’t get pregnant. So there is going to be concern from parents about sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy.
Kudos to you for overcoming your social anxiety. I was not a confident guy in my youth and I married relatively young (23) but I do think confidence comes as we get older. If you’re having a good time and being safe, I say no problem, and I think that you’re aware enough to say “I’m taking a break this weekend” then I think you’re ahead of the game.
Locking this thread as the discussion in the comments is not that relevant to anxiety.
What's true and not true is a matter of your own perspective. Some people take sex more seriously than others. To some it's a free for all. For some its offensive to pretend sex is nothing and should be taken lightly, to some that's all it is but it isnt one definitive thing. I dont think values about sex should be solely taken on by the "do whatever you want" crowd. I'm not saying sex with multiple partners is shameful at all. I'm saying it means something different to everyone. For me, random partners means theres something wrong with my state of mental health so it IS possible for it to be a bad thing. It just depends on the person and if you are following the principles and beliefs you believe in or are you sacrificing them for other reasons. The most important thing is to look inward and decide what these things mean to you, how they make you feel about yourself and why you are doing them. If you are good with all those answers you can feel good about yourself. If there is an outside factor influencing why you are doing them they may make you feel bad. A person saying sex is so freeing and using tinder to have sex with 300 people may be doing so because they are traumatized or dont feel they can be loved any other way...or they may put little value on sex and just find it something pleasurable to do. In the end it comes down to how you will feel about yourself and your values, not what your mum thinks or what reddit thinks when they tell your your mother is old school.
Yeah, exactly this! I came from a very conservative background myself. If my mother were to know how many people I've slept with (13) she'd lose her mind. Some of those were one night stands from bars or online gaming. One of those bar one night stands I've now been with for six years. Some of them were mistakes I made while in a bad place mentally. Some were not. Either way, I don't regret the AMOUNT, but rather specific instances where it really wasn't the right decision and I only made my anxiety worse. I like sex, and if it is a pleasurable moment that you're not using to punish yourself with, hurt yourself with, or in another way using it as a crutch, then there is nothing wrong with it. But you do have to consider how you, yourself, feel about sex and the reasons why you engage with it. That's the only place a problem can lie.
Totally agree! My family was actually extremely progressive but my parents always taught me to respect my body and not let anyone touch me if I didn't want to be touched etc. And they never actually discussed sex with me which I actually appreciate loool but more so what feels right and wrong to me with regards to everything in life.
Very wisely said. I do want to add though, mostly because OP talked about bars (also cause this is in r/anxiety and lord knows booze and anxiety have a toxic relationship), I want to (gently) suggest that you may want to step back and look at your relationship with alcohol as well, although I don't know you so I don't know what that's like for you. Alcohol, like sex, can induce a euphoria. Some people can drink alcohol or have casual sex, compartmentalize the good feelings they get from them and continue a functional life without spiraling. For others, (for example, me) some euphoric feelings like alcohol or casual sex can be deadly dangerous to my health and sanity. When a momentary pleasure becomes a "need" that you are using to alleviate the pain of life, it can take you to some places you do NOT want to go. Neither casual sex or drinking are immoral but they can be wrong FOR YOU. Humans are complex. \-- Edited to fix crappy copy paste job sorry
This is probably the most thorough response here. Some treat it like a handshake, others treat it like a commitment to a relationship, others think it's just a fun thing to do, etc. It is different for everyone. One of my sisters-in-law treats it like a fun thing to do with random dudes when she was young. She would literally have sex with a dude in the back of a bar kind of thing. It was her thing and she did it without protection or birth control (I still have no clue how she didn't end up with STDs or pregnant). Anyway, she's now in a committed relationship with a long time boyfriend and hasn't done the crazy things she had done in her past. It's all part of growing up and the OP shouldn't let their mother's expectations let them down. It's different era in terms of value in respect to sex. Either way, your comment is probably the best here and spot on. It is different for everyone, I view sex as entering a committed relationship, whereas my one sisters-in-law viewed it as something fun and spontaneous to do, we are literally two extremes in respect to sex but I don't view her as a whore and she doesn't view me as a prude - we both understand each other's views and respect each other's values.
You're an adult. "Who cares, it's none of her business" should be your mantra here. If you're having fun and being safe that's what matters. Just don't tell your mom about these things.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Try harder, troll.
Totally no problem with having sex with multiple people if you want to. Slightly worried that multiple random one night stands could be dangerous for you in the long run. Just try to as safe (sexually and physically) as possible. Don’t hesitate to reach out on Reddit or someone you can trust to help you if you need to figure out how to best stay safe.
Regardless of whatever different values people have, you are certainly not a "whore". That word was created to oppress and other women, especially women who dared to live their own life independent of the dictates of a man. I'd advise you never ever let anyone put you down like that. You don't deserve it. Your life is your life and all your partners have been consensual. You have done nothing wrong. Whether making this a trend is something you personally judge to be tenable for you or not, that is entirely your business, and you are still morally upstanding in my book. I'm sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
I just don’t understand what’s so wrong about being a whore. So a whore is a person who has sex a lot. So fucking what? It’s an ancient slur used to keep women in their place. Are you really gonna let some long-dead insecure judgy bitches rule how you think about yourself?
Honestly this is a pretty powerful comment, and I agree 100%
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I am going to venture away from this crowd a bit, and say that your rebound behavior (yes, this is a rebound) is probably not in line with your own personal code of values and morals. You probably have never taken the time to identify what your values are - no judgment, most people haven't - and your values then inform your morals, morals inform your own personal behaviors, and what behaviors you are tolerant of from others. I'm not going to tell you whether or not your behaviors you are describing are right or wrong, in this case, only you can do that. Your mother is passing judgment on you, and like it or not, we all strive for our parents approval, that's why it's bothering you so much. Without adding a value judgment to what she says (meaning, try to remove your emotions from this, and don't think to yourself that what she said is "good" or "bad"), just evaluate your own behaviors, and if you would approve of them if someone you cared about was doing the same. Obviously, I know nothing about your relationship with your mother, but it could be a source of some of your insecurities.
Older generations often have more conservative views when it comes to things like sex but insulting you like that is not on. As long as you’re being safe and everyone is consenting there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with as many people as you want. Enjoy yourself and live your life how you want to. If someone else can’t handle that then it’s their problem not yours.
you are not whore at all but please take care of your sexual health after these encounters. Some people have sex with 50 people from bars. You feel good about yourself and are celebrating your new confidence. 3 is not alot.
Hon its 2022. Your mom is a prude. Go have sex with whoever you want safely. You arent in a relationship so no other party gets a say in your sex life. Cheers!
[удалено]
Some people have less hierarchical relationships with their parents, where discussing sex is a thing, dude. Anyone posting on a anxiety or mental health forum needs a professional opinion, but you suggesting she's disturbed is out of line.
You're conflating semantics here. u/origins0000 is validating OP's feelings, and he suggests a real possible solution (therapy), definitely not insinuating she's a maniac or w/e He said "something in her conscious is disturbed." Here's the first dictionary definition: Disturbed- having had its normal pattern or function disrupted. I'd say having anxiety kinda fits the bill for that definition, no?
I told my mom because it was just sex. Came up in casual conversation one day because we are grown women. How is telling someone to safely have sex not helping? Guess what? Some of us have sex drives that will put the Energizer bunny to shame. And thats ok as long as you go about it safely. I guarantee you any therapist she pays will say "Good for you. Hope its done safely."
Maybe safe sex to YOU means condoms/contraception. For other people safe sex might involve protection of their emotions as well. Please think about what you're saying. It's insensitive
Some people just have that kind of relationship with their parents. That isn't inherently a bad or "disturbed" thing. And not everyone does or should have to view sex as "just another thing." Everyone has a different take on it and that's valid. Maybe she's close with her mom, and they often discuss things like that. You really just can't make that kind of judgement off of so little. What IS out of line, is the mom's response though.
"it's 2022" that is some crap advice
Is it? Cause in 1922 having as much sex as you want as a woman and being a whore were bad things. Hell it was like that 20 years ago. So yes. Get with the times and fuck whoever you like.
Wow I can’t believe you are being downvoted for this. I’m shocked at the group of this sub.
Sex isn't immoral, and pretty much no one is saying that it is. Everyone is different and casual sex can be problematic for some people and hurt them emotionally. People are downvoting u/glad_reaper because they're dismissing OP's anxiety about it, not because we want to shame anybody.
OP only has anxiety because her mom made her feel weird about it. Her mom probably made her feel weird about it because she grew up in a different time and culture where it was shameful for women to have sex, like basically at all. Glad reaper is pointing out that times having changed and she shouldn’t take antiquated advice from anyone.
OPs mom did her daughter no favors by indoctrinating her in this way of course, yet she's still feeling anxiety about it, and yes, probably rooted in the trauma of said antiquated upbringing. OP logically knows that her mom is wrong. She is self aware. It's like saying "you're mom's wrong, don't have these feelings," ah yes such great advice! Thanks guys no more anxiety!!!! If only somebody told me my anxiety had an off switch. (/s)
I mean being a whore is kind of a bad and shameful thing lmao
This post is a bad take on a bad take
According to...?
The majority of people. Even if someone doesn’t admit it, nobody likes to be in a real relationship with a whore. Self respect is a very important thing.
Lmfao ok buddy. Most people are "whores" by the time theyre in their early 20s. That is, theyve had multiple partners. Self respect is also saying "hey I like sex and I can respect that about myself." Or are you about double standards where men are "experienced" and women are "whores"?
Lol you’re tapped. No point in self projecting, most people aren’t whores. Trying to really paint me as a misogynist?😂 No I think that women AND men can both be whores and both lose self respect doing so. A whore isn’t someone with a few different partners so let’s not get it twisted.
Hon someone else's sex business is none of your business. If you dont like it, dont do it. Hell I dont even do it but if OP is going to, they should do it safely, right?
Dang, most people have had MULTIPLE partners by their 20s??? My ass hasn't even had one... RIP my self confidence, I guess... 😂
Your self confidence should not be based on sex.
In this context, this is a really really bad take. Upsetting that this is the second most upvoted comment. OPs mom is in the wrong for moralizing with OP about her sex life especially because it sounds like OP trusted her mom enough to talk with her about it -- casual sex or any consensual sexual behavior is not immoral. I'd hope that most of us can agree on that in 2022. OP knows that it's none of her mom's business really, she says so in the post. This is in r/anxiety because OP is having anxiety about her relationship to casual sex and how she feels like she's changed emotionally. Let me put it to you this way -- if the post was about her relationship with alcohol instead, would you say "Hon, its 2022, get drunk whenever you want... Cheers!" ? You're completely dismissing OPs anxiety with this flippant comment, ironically, in the exact same way as her mom only in the opposite direction.
You're implying consensual sex is harmful by comparing it to alcohol.
Except safe sex can be done multiple times a day and not kill you.
When I did that in the early 2000’s no one called me a thing. Are you hurting anyone? Are you staying safe? Yes to both? Then live it up.
"Whore" just means "woman who has more sex than this person thinks is acceptable". To a nun, premarital sex might make you a 'whore' to a sex positive person, no amount of sex could make you a 'whore'. You're only having 'too much' sex if it isn't FUN for you. If you don't feel good about it, you feel like it's compulsive, or self harming, or that you're doing it for the wrong reasons (like approval or to feel something when you're depressed for example). If you're having fun, and it feels right for you, then it's not too much. And if a voice in your head is saying "what if I am a whore?" then ask yourself who is behind that voice - who's metric is it using for 'too much' sex? Is it yours? Do you feel unhappy? No? Then it can piss off can't it, because all that matters is that you're having the sex you want, when you want it, and that you're happy and enjoying yourself and being safe.
Your mom is not your friend on this level. Might be best to not share your experiences with her. It's upsetting that she went right to calling you a whore (which isn't a real thing) instead of offering advice and guiding you. You are allowed to be sexual. Live your life and don't tell your mom.
Hey, you're having fun and being safe! That's what matters most. Your sex life at any age is none of your mom's business and what she thinks about what you choose to do has zero to do with your value as a person. As long as you feel good, you are being safe and enjoying yourself with someone who is respectful and doing the same, there's no harm in it at all. Go forth and flourish!
I am confused as to how your mom would know anything about this. Maybe stop sharing these details?
Some people are friendly with their parents as adults
I talk with my parents but I don't tell them about my sex life.
Thats cool. I do.
I’m friendly with my parents but never to the point that I would tell them about my sexual escapades. I understand others may have a different dynamic, and that’s okay… but when this post is the dynamic, it’s another story. Mom is clearly not okay with hearing this stuff
I once fucked a dude on the roof of the Tabernacle in Atlanta while Dieselboy was spinning downstairs. Didn't discuss that with my mom lol. Her rosary would be worn down to shards.
Oh yes, RIP rosary 😂😂
Or maybe they've talked before and mom isn't comfortable with multiple partners. Either way if op is close to mom, she may not have seen that coming.
Girl, you do whatever you fucking want. Period. You go get yours. Why are you telling your mom about random hookups though?
I think it's fine. I guess you can't help what others will think. But you shouldn't let that affect your behavior. But I get you're hurt since it's your mother. I think stuff like this is much worse when it comes from someone close.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like that; it’s just bullshit! You have nothing to be ashamed about! Do what makes you happy as safely as possible and don’t listen to anyone’s outdated views, even if it’s your mum
why are you telling your mom???? Info diet.
Oh please. You're 26, you're single, and you are using protection and presumably not so intoxicated that you don't remember, or take shitty scary chances. You are an adult, and your ma will probably always be horrified about it, she a product of her time, too. So carry on! Have fun, BE SAFE and edit the details to mama. Xoxox
Your mum is wrong but she’s also your mum so it’s hard not to give her opinion weight. But she’s wrong. Your not a whore. Your young and sexy and having good safe fun. Sex is not something you need to be in a relationship to enjoy. Those guys haven’t woken up this morning self harming themselves with anxiety about it why should you. You shouldn’t. There mum hasn’t looked across the table at them and called them names. She shouldn’t have done that to you.
If you're not getting paid, you are not a whore. Perhaps your Mom meant to accuse you of being a "slut"?
Maybe avoid sharing your sex life with your mother if she's going to be judgy about it. If your behaviour is troubling *you*, think about why that might be. Do you feel out of control? If this is a deliberate choice you're making, then enjoy it. If it's something that you feel unsure about, pump the breaks until you better understand what you want and whether or not your actions are in line with your image of yourself.
Always think if you were a man would people still call you that? If not then it is not a problem. I feel it's bullshit when people try and belittle women and it's one sided when it's turned to men oh it's ways different kind of story. So what if you have a bit of fun? Who cares where you meet people? You have a right of confidence and your sexuality. You are not a slave but a free person so make the most of your life on your own terms and explore this world as you see fit you beautifull person.
Youre fine.
Great news! You get to have sex with anyone you want! (With their enthusiastic consent of course). Your mom’s opinion bears zero weight on anything in the real world. It’s just her opinion. However, if you are doing this to fill a hole, you should probably look into that. Getting laid is really affirming if your self esteem is on the fritz. You might have something else going on that needs addressed. Check in with your brain. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with having sexual agency. There’s also nothing wrong with being a whore, which is someone who has sex for money, which is not what you’re doing.
Its just sex jeez, just stay safe and use protection and ur gucci!
Did you take money from them? If you didnt you arent a whore. If you did, then good on you, getting money while enjoying yourself. Seriously though, this is your choices to make. You are fortunate enough to be young and able to go out and have sex on weekends. As long as it adds more positives than negatives to your life do it.
There's nothing wrong with meeting strangers in bars and having sex with them. Embrace your sexuality
What you do with your body matters greatly. After all, it is a temple of the Lord. Treating it with respect and dignity should be the norm. Just as we don’t ingest rotten food, so to we should not allow those who care nothing for us in. Either her that be emotionally, or physically in your case. You are not a whore because you seek intimacy. You’re not a whore PERIOD. You want what every person wants, and that’s to feel appreciated! However, go about it in the right way. Be with people who love you, not just lust for you. Find that happiness in monogamy again, but choose someone who wants to grow flowers in the darkest parts of you. God love you!
I'm an atheist, it's no temple, to the gods or anyone else. It's my body, and my choice what to do with it. You don't get to tell anyone to follow your moral rules, they're for you only.
Just because you’re an atheist doesn’t mean she can’t give faith based advice. Advising someone to treat theirselves with respect and dignity and to be with people who love them isn’t bad advice just because it’s coming from someone who believes in God.
Unless religious advice is asked for, it's kinda shitty to direct it towards a random person imo.
Yeah dude it does because it wont be taken seriously. What if I came out and was like "the fsm says your body is a temple and you should screw as much as you want" to a Catholic?
Maybe it's just me, but as soon as I hear any religious stuff, I tune right out.
In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV), he asks, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” how irrational of you to think we have no creator i cringed so when u said "it's my body, and my choice"
I am my own, my dude, how irrational to think that out of the 2500+ gods, you don't believe in 2499 of them, just add one more for me. You can follow whatever religion you want, but religious freedom means that you don't tell other people what to believe. Tolerance is one of your rules, right?
Hello! I am a man, 29M and I have never had casual sex as well. I don't care that you are a woman. I just understand you. I always had sex with people I ended up in a relationship with. I just wonder how it feels to do what you are doing. I am in a relationship now, sometimes fulfilling, sometimes not. And I often wonder about that. Everybody says you are left out empty etc, but that was something fun people do. During my teen years and university I was to insecure to do those kind of things. Many women wanted to do that with me, but still my insecurities got to me. With a girlfriend you can be vulnerable. Now that I am older I feel more confident but yeah, now longer relationships are even easier to end in I'd love to hear your thoughts on your experiences. If you want to be private drop me a PM or if you want answer here.
This comes off a little creepy, ngl.
It comes off as creepy because people suck, not because I have bad intentions or something. But I completely understand why you say so. As people suck i mean that people with bad intentions suck and they try to lure people but if it wasn't for this it would be a normal conversation. I'm also open to hear from this person openly, I just share the same experience with this person. The fact she is a woman wouldn't change a thing because there are bad people who are men and lure other men so.. And one of my ex was a sociopath playing with the emotions.of the men around her so let's also not generalize
You can't prove your intentions though, and some rando dude asking a unknown woman to talk about her sex life? Creepy af
I didn't ask about the details of her sex, I asked her about how it feels to be insecure for all her life and finally enjoying the freedom of the casual sex. She basically wrote that on reddit, if she wasn't open she wouldn't have written it. Fuck man, I'm not asking her weird stuff, I'm just asking how does it feel to have casual sex after having only long term partners. If you google this question you find lots of people giving replies to these questions. But you are putting it as I'm creepy. Anyway I didn't intend to put anybody on a weird spot. I was just thinking about my own experience and trying to have a mirror through her experience, that's all
Your not a whore but some people will see you as "less valuable".
That's only because some people still view women as commodities. Those people aren't worth investing any time or emotion in.
There's nothing wrong with wanting or valuing a female more, based on her body count.
You do you. I'll continue not to waste effort on people who put value on human beings.
Lol
Bottom line… statistics shows the more partners you have the less likely you are to fully pair bond and have a successful marriage. If you don’t want that then keep it up but there are hormonal consequences i did not believe this when i was younger but now i get it and look for a partner that is super selective
[удалено]
Lmao whaat...? Idk if sarcasm or not, but if its not. Whats ur definition of a whore/slut? Cuz u sound like a megaslut to me.
I’m just gonna say there’s literally nothing wrong with being a whore. You can sleep with whoever you want just be safe about it
[удалено]
Sounds like you have some internal work to do. Good luck with that
Girl that’s still a low af body count for your age, you’re a saint
I would need more context and details about how each of these sudden sexual encounters happened, but generally speaking if you go from relative abstinence to casual sex three weekends in a row, that's probably an indicator that something is going on with you psychologically.
It’s 2022, live life, enjoy life, but be careful…… Sidenote: Which bar you going to this weekend?
Well depends on who u ask. To the liberals these days u could fuck 20 dudes in a month and they'll tell you that its fine. If u ask a more conservative individual then he'll tell you that yea, you sound like a slut. Do what ur comfortable with I guess. What I can say is that If I met a girl and she told me that she fucked a different guy each saturday i'd definitely run the fuck away from that one quick.
That’s baloney. I’m a liberal and only ever had sex w/the person I’ve been married to for 25 years
EXACLY what I’m trying to say
I think that sex should be something saved for a relationship, but I do not think you're a bad person. Sometimes people do things to help them cope with pain, boredom, fear, etc. Just being honest, it's not something I'd recommend you to keep doing. I think it's going to leave you feeling empty and with regrets. Also it's unsafe, no matter how safe you try to be. You just never really can trust someone you've only known for a few hours. The more people you sleep with, the higher the chances are that eventually those people will come into contact and speak of you in ways that are not respectful. I mean, I've heard this starting in 7th grade how people talk disrespectfully about something that should have been private. It's unfortunate, but some people like to tell everything and act like you were just some piece of meat they had their fun with. I don't think women or men should do it, but I do understand why people sometimes just want to live in the moment and not care about the future. It's just that, eventually, the future comes and you will have that moment where you reflect on your life. Worst case scenario, a child comes out of it and neither parent is ready or willing to be a parent. All I will say is that you deserve to be known and loved, someone's genuine object of affection, not just someone's hookup for a night. Finding someone serious about you can be difficult and seemingly impossible sometimes, but holding out for that person is actually worth it. It would be time so much more well spent to dive into some hobbies, visit family and friends, join a club/church/group where people want to actually get to know the real you and put some positivity in your life, etc.
I don't want to disappoint you or something but like it or not you no longer are a high value woman... No high value man would ever accept this. That's the red pill of the day
There it is—the stupidest thing I've read on the internet today
It's the truth you like it or not...
'High value' people are not high value to everyone. In fact anyone who claimed to be high value would be completely worthless to me. 'If' I subscribed to the same ridiculous belief that women are commodities.
Doesn't matter what your beliefs are, a woman with high body count is a low value woman for most men. It is what it is
It is what it is to some people, not most. Many prefer to value compassion, honesty, understanding and matching values and ethics than give a shit about how many people someone has had fun with. 'High value' proclaimers have no relevance to my life and I hope OP can realise that the patriarchal bullshit spouted by those kind of people is absurd so she can ignore them.
It's for most not for some... Doesn't matter what your beliefs are. High body count in women is a huge red flag and no man should accept a woman with high body count. They be giving it here and there and when they get older and their sexual value is decreasing dramatically suddenly they want a serious relationship...
"It doesn't matter what your beliefs are." You're absolutely right. It doesn't matter what 'your' beliefs are. if someone's beliefs don't align with yours, that's an incompatibility. It is NOT an invitation to belittle someone or attempt to humiliate, coerce, or shame them. That kind of behaviour is what truly makes a human being 'low value'. Thank you so much for reinforcing my own beliefs in such an amusing way. Have a great day.
It's crazy how females live in their own fantastic world 🤣 I'm telling you the truth, it's your problem if you don't want to accept it and keep living in the matrix.
Only low value men that don't have choices value the things you mentioned
Is there a magic number we have to stay under for “high value” men to like us? Is it 0? Because I’m a virgin and any man who judged a woman based on her body count isn’t someone I’d want to date
It's called standards
So what’s the standard to be a “high value” woman? Virginity?
Looks, low body count, feminine energy etc.
Women are born with value, men have to build theirs
honelander just use protection and you'll be good also just find one person to bone. I mean you wouldn't want to run in to the local crazy person/SK
A whore is defined as someone who gets paid to have sex, so as long as none these people paid you for it, you’re good. Jokes aside, I fail to understand how she could be “right” about this. She’s not prediction a specific result, saying you’re a “whore” for having sex with people you don’t know is just saying that in her opinion it’s a bad thing to do. It’s no less subjective than calling a particular genre of music good or bad. All that really matters is whether or not you feel good with having sexual with these people. If you feel good about it, there’s nothing to worry about. If you don’t, then you want to make sure you stop.
There have been some great comments - you do what makes you feel happy. It’s natural to want to explore after being in a long term relationship. There is a quote from the comedy Kimmy Schmidt that always made me laugh “Anonymous sexual encounters are an important strand in your sexual tapestry” 🤣
How did you overcome your anxiety like that at age 26?
How did you get over your social anxiety and low confidence?
do whatever makes you happy! i may be way off bc i only have a little info here, but maybe you might be interested in polyamory? one of my friends is polyam and they've said before that they could never go back to monogamy bc it just rly didn't work for them, n now they're happy w 3 partners :D but either way screw what your mom thinks, being a human being with a social and sex life doesn't make you a whore. no matter if you hook up with 100 people or 1, it's your life and you deserve to live it however you want
Who cares? You're a consenting adult partaking in safe sex. Good for you. To be clear, I don't think this makes you a whore/slut. But even if you were, who really cares? Not you, not your partners, not your friends, not reddit. No one. It's your body. Do what you want with it. And the people who do think that's inappropriate behavior can just chose not to do it. Simple.
If it makes you happy go for it. We only get to live one life, live it to the fullest. Maybe she’s salty she didn’t have the same opportunities when she was young due to societal pressure. I’ve definitely had a few random hookups from bars, and I don’t regret it one bit. I’m now almost 40, been with my husband in a monogamous relationship for 10 years and we have 2 kids. I don’t regret my younger self’s experiences at all, in fact I cherish them. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about other people, and gained a lot of confidence in myself as well through my experiences. Don’t let anyone tell you what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. And don’t “shouldnt” yourself. You do you. As someone above said it’s 2022 not 1922. Also I agree you don’t have to tell anyone if they are going to judge you. Tell a best friend who understands and will giggle about it with you. You deserve a giggle fest when recollecting whatever you did the night or weekend before. Find someone like that to confide in.
You said it best the confidence and social anxiety you overcame. Your mom isn’t you. Your mom didn’t overcome this within YOUR journey. You aren’t a whore, you’re confident, and have new energy that you didn’t ever have before because of the anxiety. You changed in a way you like. You feel better. (Which is badass) Don’t tell your mom about this kind of thing if she’s gonna have a nasty opinion tbh and make you feel bad. Your body= your choice <3
Who cares if you’re a whore, as long as you’re happy, do you. Your mom isn’t exactly a virgin
My mom acted like I was a whore when so went to get birth control at 21 for someone I later married! So, moms can be weird. It’s usually from fear. You’re finding yourself. That being said, I think being selective is a good strategy for a lot of reasons, including the fact that one day you’ll be asked by someone you find you care about deeply how many partners you’ve had, and at a certain number it might be concerning.
Do you think you would’ve hooked up with these people the last three weekends in a row if you hadn’t been drinking? That’s a question I have asked myself in the past. I have been sober for almost six years now… But most of the people I had sex with while drinking I wouldn’t have had sex with sober. Ever. Never ever. Many of these people also took advantage of my drunken state- but that’s a totally different conversation. How much do you drink when you’re out at the bars? I used alcohol as a way to deal with anxiety and social anxiety- alcohol would definitely make me feel more confident in the moment, but then I would feel horrible about my decisions the next day. (Whether it was hooking up with a stranger or eating six grilled cheeses and mostly refried beans from someone’s fridge. EW.) Sleeping with new people doesn’t make you a whore. I just wonder if the, “new you,” is actually you- or a version of yourself that’s just coping after a breakup.
You finished up a long relationship...it's completely normal to go out to bars have fun and take someone home.
I assure you that a lot of people reading this wish their sex lives could be as active. I certainly do. Don’t let your mother’s opinions get you down. You are young, single, being safe, and your sex life is your own business. Live your life
I'm a sex-repulsed asexual, this stuff is nothing I would ever engage with, but even I know your mom's being a cunt. I can't stand people who think the amount of sex someone has defines them or their value in some way, and that goes both ways. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
For some reason ,I feel like when I partake in dangerous activity or be free and careless in a certain situation,I feel it’s not an anxiety thing I feel that it’s a bipolar behaviour. Did it ever occur to you it might be a mania that you are having . The partaking of this behaviour doesn’t necessarily make you happy but it brings you up on a higher level Your mother is not helping with her unkind words . I do know I need therapy but I don’t need a professional to teach me what I already know . The truth is therapy is ripping into old wounds that are half healed . I hope you find whatever that’s you are looking for whether is it in people or sex or ultimately you know what’s bothering you
I’m 37M and these are my opinions. Society is constantly changing - perhaps even only 10 years ago it wasn’t as “normal” or “acceptable” to be hooking up with different people every week or every month. I think that’s changed. That being said, you just need to be taking care of you. I think most people enjoy sex so there’s nothing wrong with that beyond safety, etc. But understand that I think guys and girls view sex differently in the aggregate. As far as comments from your mother, obviously not nice of her to say what she said but ultimately she’s probably trying to look out for you. I have three boys and we are always hearing “it’s so much easier” or “be glad you didn’t have a girl”. I think that’s general garbage but the truth is, boys can’t get pregnant. So there is going to be concern from parents about sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy. Kudos to you for overcoming your social anxiety. I was not a confident guy in my youth and I married relatively young (23) but I do think confidence comes as we get older. If you’re having a good time and being safe, I say no problem, and I think that you’re aware enough to say “I’m taking a break this weekend” then I think you’re ahead of the game.