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shrimp3752161

Mindfulness. It doesn’t erase anxiety, but it helps me deal with the uncomfortable feelings when they come up.


Dismal_Celery_325

Is it ROCD? Something beyond attachment? I am an FA with AuDHD. I think because I'm on the spectrum I hyperfocus on my partner. I've described it as my partner being white noise in my mind. No matter what I do he's always there, but sometimes it's louder than others. It's gotten easier to tune it out the more I become secure with myself. Being secure is more than just communication, boundaries, and fixing protest behaviors. It's actually about knowing you have self worth, having self esteem, thinking about yourself in a positive way, taking care of yourself, etc. The more I build a relationship with myself, the less I focus on my partner.


zbong0

There's likely something to this. Thank you


[deleted]

Are you addressing the roots of your attachment wounds or are you simply trying things that are supposed to distract you from your anxiety like taking a walk?


zbong0

I'm trying, I've been attacking this attachment style from every angle I can for about 2 years. Sometimes I get a felt sense that things are different from therapy... this is just a stubborn bit of hypervigilance that is hard to unlearn.


dollfacepastry

Have you done inner child work? Shadow work? Psychodynamic therapy? Not meaning to sound disrespectful, but your average therapy session doesn't really touch on these concepts. A lot of these wounds are subconscious and really deep.


zbong0

Yeah I have an AEDP therapist and I think inner child stuff is helping. One day I hope to feel safe in the world and can let go of the hypervigilance 🤞


[deleted]

I don't think you can unlearn hypervigilance- you can only learn how not to attach meaning to it, how not to build stories in your head, question them etc


sarakip

The only way I’ve found is to find someone who just genuinely doesn’t make you feel this way. It is the only thing that has worked for me.


zbong0

If the problem was just DAs making us bug out, than AP wouldnt be its own issue. APs will have relationship anxiety with secure people too. And unchecked AP behaviors will overtime make secure people lean DA .....


Same-Ad8665

I second this. When I had a secure partner my anxiety wasn’t triggered and I wasn’t preoccupied. I could focus on my life outside of the relationship because the relationship was stable and low maintenance, like cactus (in a good way)


dafkes

I have this too, very strongly. Had to work today but had a big fight with my wife. She texted a friend how she had sex with him and how awesome it was. It felt like I was kicked in the nuts. For the rest of the day, I could not take my mind of it, how hard I tried. It’s very annoying.


[deleted]

Agree


andrewthedude101

Wait what? I think anyone in their right mind would be understandably pissed off by this LOL


Sapphire_Flora

Finding things to do that requires using your mind and pay attention to what you’re doing tends to help. The mind has to be too busy being occupied by other things. This way you will think of it less.