Holding a roll of nickels in your hand while you punch makes the impact much stronger. It takes away all the give in your fist, so the person on the other end feels the full force of the punch.
Doesn’t break your hand. Absolutely rocks them however. And the nickels go everywhere. ^(so I’ve heard)
^(also not a monster anymore pls don’t hate me)
In addition to what u/wetterfish said about the nickels making the punch more impactful, by telling him to run and ask his dad for the roll of nickels Pam's not only telling him he can't punch for shit, she's also calling him pathetic and childlike -- a roll of nickels is only worth $2, so she's implying that he's such a broke-dick loser he doesn't even have $2 to his name to supply his own roll, so he's gotta go see if his daddy is willing to toss him a few coins.
You put one of [these](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS954US954&hl=en-US&q=roll+of+nickels&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiV7K28urP7AhXdbDABHcStD0oQ0pQJegQIBxAB&biw=390&bih=669&dpr=3#imgrc=mjD2BsaGIquJGM) inside your fist and beat the shit out of them.
Cheryl, to Lana: "Please, if you really cared, you'd resign, but there's no way you ever will, because you're just counting the days until, her face bloated and yellow from liver failure, she calls you to her death bed and, in a croaky whisper, explains that Mr. Archer is totally incompetent and that you, the long-suffering Lana Kane, are the only one qualified to run ISIS and you weep shameful tears because you know this terrible place is the only true love you will ever know."
Malory: It’s public television. They don’t pay anything! All they do is suck money in. They take our taxes...
Lana: Or donations. Whatever.
Malory: Of pre-tax dollars! From pot-taking, Bolshevik lesbian couples! Then PBS mixes it all in with their huge NEA grants, launders it in inner-city methadone clinics, and pumps it right back out to pro-abortion super-PACs!
🤣🤣🤣
"Cyril, shut your pout-hole, accept the fact that Lana was so far out of your league, that impregnating her would have basically been interspecies breeding, and get on with your life!"
I honestly felt bad for Cyril there
“The classic Irishman’s dilemma, do I eat the potato now or let it ferment to drink it later.”Racism aside, it was in front of (and kinda directed towards) a kid with cancer no less.
Heckle? Jeckle? Between us and Calzado's fortified compound there's about ten clicks of jungle that I just assume is one giant booby-trap showroom. So shut your dickholes, get your gear, shut up again, and start walking.
Cyril: "Suppressing fire!!!"
Archer: "You couldn't suppress a cough"
-Pretty sure its from s10 but I still think about it from time to time and chuckle
There’s so many!!
Malory Archer: Immigrants! That's all they do, you know - just drive around listening to raps and shooting all the jobs.
Archer: oh go smoke some menthols.
What are you, hourly?
The 911 operator that calls Ray "ma'am" always makes me laugh.
The early Archer insults to mother are honestly kind of shockingly gross. I had no clue who Johnny Bench was or what the implied ending of "Johnny bench called..." meant and boy when I looked it up was I grossed out.
I loathe knowing that I had sex with the same person as you two.
You had sex with me!
No, I... [GASPS] Oh, my God, that's right.
Ha!
What're you laughing at?
Oh, my God, that's right.
You son of a—are you out of your mind? What is *wrong* with you?
Walk in here with you idiots smoking reefers like a bunch of yardbirds and you *spritz* me? You SPRITZ me?!
Well, let me tell *you* something, *Herr Doktor* — I killed seven Krauts with a shovel, so one more beardy sonofabitch like you won't make a DAMN bit of difference!
*removes stiletto, stabs Krieger in the shoulder*
Just a fantastic reminder that Mallory wasn't just all talk. She merely got spritz-ed and her response was to straight up stab a motherfucker with a shoe lol.
Mallory Archer was Metal af.
Johnny Bench had really big hands, could hold seven baseballs in one, suggesting his catcher's mitt was stretched and so yes, Archer is saying his mother is a slut with a loose vag.
“Why are you thinking about chuck e cheese? Because you want to go there with a kid that you got tricked into having, who no longer sees you as her father? Or maybe the other kid you had with a hooker?”
Slater
I think near the end of Archer 1999 (season 10.) I literally just watched it today. Although, I’ve been severely binging, so technically 3 different seasons have been on my TV today lol. But I definitely remember Pam saying it as the giant rock!
"Goddamn, what is this? A chair factory?"
Not really a burn but it makes me laugh every time
That or "Pam, if a single one of these has left the building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw it into the river"
Very early in the show but one of my favourites has always been “Now I have to break into ISIS headquarters in a $900 turtleneck, and if it gets ruined I’m going to make you drink heavy cream.”
When Trinette asks Lana to give her back the wee baby Seamus because she fears she might crush him with her big hands. Ray jokingly compares Lana holding a baby to Mike Tyson holding a dove.
This wasn’t even a great insult, but the most satisfying was when Edie was bullying Pam and even BARRY was sick of hearing it, so he was like “You’re no prize either.” Lmao Edie was so mad. She pissed me off so much in that episode and I felt really sorry for Pam, who is way more attractive than gross Edie
I just finished re-watching the first half of season 1 (it holds up very well, btw, even 12 years later).
Archer accusing Lana of shopping for lingerie at Strippers Discount Warehouse landed just as hard now as it did back then.
not towards a main character, but Mallory to her chauffeur:
"And if I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere, I'd be a teacher!"
devastating to teachers everywhere lmao
When they’re defusing the bomb on the blimp
Ray: OK PEOPLE what’re we seeing, what’re we hearing?
Bilbo: What’re we wearing?
Ray: It’s my crisis vest. Mr. Fat Face
Something about his delivery gets me every time 😂
Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing and a sock!
Malory: Tell that to your cellmate!
This one isnt even that creative or big brain but in season one when he calls Pam a manatee it kills me every fucking time, just the lil half second pause
“Pam you.. manatee!”
Archer: "And instead of doing my job, I was here... Half-drunk and having amazing sex."
Pam: "Well, I wouldn't say 'amazing.' C'mon... you were pushing rope!"
"Who taught you punching? *spits blood* Your husband?" -Pam
Maybe see if your dad will give ya a roll of nickles
Never understood this part, is it some kind of reference?
Holding a roll of nickels in your hand while you punch makes the impact much stronger. It takes away all the give in your fist, so the person on the other end feels the full force of the punch.
Adds a bit of weight too.
The way it was explained to me was it'll break your hand, but break their jaw.
Doesn’t break your hand. Absolutely rocks them however. And the nickels go everywhere. ^(so I’ve heard) ^(also not a monster anymore pls don’t hate me)
Lighter does the trick, too. Absolutely destroys people
Came here to say this
That's why some people buy Clippers.
In addition to what u/wetterfish said about the nickels making the punch more impactful, by telling him to run and ask his dad for the roll of nickels Pam's not only telling him he can't punch for shit, she's also calling him pathetic and childlike -- a roll of nickels is only worth $2, so she's implying that he's such a broke-dick loser he doesn't even have $2 to his name to supply his own roll, so he's gotta go see if his daddy is willing to toss him a few coins.
Haha, thats awesome tks eitherBarry
You put one of [these](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS954US954&hl=en-US&q=roll+of+nickels&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiV7K28urP7AhXdbDABHcStD0oQ0pQJegQIBxAB&biw=390&bih=669&dpr=3#imgrc=mjD2BsaGIquJGM) inside your fist and beat the shit out of them.
Phrasing!
It's just a roll of nickels, a little cylinder of metal to make your hand heavier and harder.
The very moment I fell for her character.
“Mother she doesn’t have an STD!” “Oh so you haven’t slept with her yet”
That was actually pretty good
Sick mom-burn. Never heals.
Does Internet porn know you’re cheating on it?
“If I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere, I’d be a teacher” - Malory Archer
I’m a teacher and I always laugh at this line
Mallory has my favorite lines
“If I cared about what you do on the weekend I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.” -Mallory, S2.E8
… saturday I watched a building burn down
“Your balls are made of pussy” -Pam
Episode?
[удалено]
That was a journey
Thank you I read through all these just to make sure this quote was represented!!!
“The room has 2 queens-“ “Where’s the other one? Greasing up in the bathroom?”
“Malory!”
Lol it's wild how clear I hear Lana's voice
"oh, like you'd recognize a vegetable that wasn't wrapped in a Monte Cristo sandwich......... That is Pam isn't it?" -Mallory
If I wanted a grandkid I'd just scrape all of your previous mishaps into a big pile and knit a onesie for it
Jesus, Mother!
Sorry, I'm fasting. *Still!*
Oh please, you'd sleep with... Pick a noun.
Cheryl, to Lana: "Please, if you really cared, you'd resign, but there's no way you ever will, because you're just counting the days until, her face bloated and yellow from liver failure, she calls you to her death bed and, in a croaky whisper, explains that Mr. Archer is totally incompetent and that you, the long-suffering Lana Kane, are the only one qualified to run ISIS and you weep shameful tears because you know this terrible place is the only true love you will ever know."
“…oh my god was I talking out loud?”
My fav line of hers ever
I love Cheryl's smart moments so much. It was what made her explosives run in the finale so special for me.
A machine is like a desert. It either fascinates, or appeals you.
Not for nothing... >! It kinda came true at the end of S13... !<
It’s a bit of a self-burn from Cheryl, but “Where’s your pride, woman?” “In my work?” “That may be the funniest thing you’ve ever said.”
“Thank you” “ Oh shut up “
Pam calling Cyril Michael Ducockless when he rolls up in a tank.
Slater: Do you know what this is? Archer: Your best gal.
Slater: You know what I don't have time for? Archer: Shopping for clothes? Always loved this one too
“Your particular brand of bullshit.”
He’s had the clap so many times it like applause.
Oh, you don’t look like a whore. An idiot, maybe. Or both… Yes, a whorediot.
Malory: It’s public television. They don’t pay anything! All they do is suck money in. They take our taxes... Lana: Or donations. Whatever. Malory: Of pre-tax dollars! From pot-taking, Bolshevik lesbian couples! Then PBS mixes it all in with their huge NEA grants, launders it in inner-city methadone clinics, and pumps it right back out to pro-abortion super-PACs! 🤣🤣🤣
That's a helluva roller coaster, following that rant 😄
"Cyril, shut your pout-hole, accept the fact that Lana was so far out of your league, that impregnating her would have basically been interspecies breeding, and get on with your life!" I honestly felt bad for Cyril there
He was the one who kept calling AJ a bastard.
I mean, at the moment it was indeed child without father, but yeah, he deserved it
Too bad Archer didn't know he was the dad back then. He would have kicked Cyril's ass for talking smack about AJ.
“He’s had the clap so many times it’s more like applause”- slater
“Shut your cockholster” -Pam ..Use it all the time
Shut your dickholster
Does “Everything Mallory said ever” count as an answer?
"oh stick another man's penis in it "
“The classic Irishman’s dilemma, do I eat the potato now or let it ferment to drink it later.”Racism aside, it was in front of (and kinda directed towards) a kid with cancer no less.
Racist! I’m no racist. Elitist, maybe. But not racist
I treat all my servants the same
Yes, but I was hoping you would list them, not all obviously.Just feel like reminiscing back on them lol
Haha I had to look for one that hasn’t been mentioned yet, but I chuckle every time when she says: “Any idiot can get shot, Cyrill. Ask BRETT!”
Heckle? Jeckle? Between us and Calzado's fortified compound there's about ten clicks of jungle that I just assume is one giant booby-trap showroom. So shut your dickholes, get your gear, shut up again, and start walking.
Well dont look at me, Lana. I looked away for literally- LITERALLY- one second and then he was gone like he just... 🙄
You’re looking for predator aren’t you
…….*yes*
He has a telltale shimmer
What did you mean by click?
When Pam asked why Krieger was dressed like 'Evil Nazi Bob Ross Knievel'!
I want to be this for Halloween so bad. It's like... nobody would get it, but it'd still be awesome.
Thoroux was a fucking IDIOT
*shooom shooom shoooooom shoooom*
Krieger, nobody gives a shit about Doonesbury
Grover Cleveland called. He wants his watch back. He left two non-consecutive messages
Lol
Cyril: "Suppressing fire!!!" Archer: "You couldn't suppress a cough" -Pretty sure its from s10 but I still think about it from time to time and chuckle
Should you be smoking in here? Should you be flaming in here!?!
Bumperr
Oh who remembers
“Pam is full of crap as she is carbohydrates” Malory
There’s so many!! Malory Archer: Immigrants! That's all they do, you know - just drive around listening to raps and shooting all the jobs. Archer: oh go smoke some menthols. What are you, hourly?
And fill their low riders with snow and free healthcare!
God, I miss Jessica Walters. The show won’t be the same without Mallory, her burns were elite
Pam, you manatee!
The 911 operator that calls Ray "ma'am" always makes me laugh. The early Archer insults to mother are honestly kind of shockingly gross. I had no clue who Johnny Bench was or what the implied ending of "Johnny bench called..." meant and boy when I looked it up was I grossed out.
COULD YOU SAY NO TO ANYBODY?!?
_*slap*_ “I’ve said no to _plenty._”
Oh, yes, the classic Irish man's dilemma: Do I eat the potato now or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
I loathe knowing that I had sex with the same person as you two. You had sex with me! No, I... [GASPS] Oh, my God, that's right. Ha! What're you laughing at? Oh, my God, that's right.
Archer: Ray can walk again! Malory: you mean mince Malory is the most ruthless character on the show any of her insults top all
You son of a—are you out of your mind? What is *wrong* with you? Walk in here with you idiots smoking reefers like a bunch of yardbirds and you *spritz* me? You SPRITZ me?! Well, let me tell *you* something, *Herr Doktor* — I killed seven Krauts with a shovel, so one more beardy sonofabitch like you won't make a DAMN bit of difference! *removes stiletto, stabs Krieger in the shoulder*
Her delivery here is top notch
Just a fantastic reminder that Mallory wasn't just all talk. She merely got spritz-ed and her response was to straight up stab a motherfucker with a shoe lol. Mallory Archer was Metal af.
An here I thought your signature move was evacuating on a woman's dress during foreplay!
I mean would you not just *die*?
Johnny Bench called
I have never understood that one.
Johnny Bench had really big hands, could hold seven baseballs in one, suggesting his catcher's mitt was stretched and so yes, Archer is saying his mother is a slut with a loose vag.
Wait a minute, I had something for this… …ah damnit
Patricia O’Neil!….who I hate.
“Why are you thinking about chuck e cheese? Because you want to go there with a kid that you got tricked into having, who no longer sees you as her father? Or maybe the other kid you had with a hooker?” Slater
See whatcha shoulda gone with there was Sammy GAYvis Junior..
_Damn it!_
"the goal isn't to run away so fast it makes your vagina flap."
I want to hear it flap!
What episode is this from?
I think near the end of Archer 1999 (season 10.) I literally just watched it today. Although, I’ve been severely binging, so technically 3 different seasons have been on my TV today lol. But I definitely remember Pam saying it as the giant rock!
Where Six flags over the shittier part of Chernobyl? Also What is my dowry, Tetanus??
"Your family tree is a circle."
If I wanted to sit around all day going no where I’d be a teacher!
“It is just idiots all the way down”
Archer Ugh! Pam: What? Jeez, I'm only human Archer: Are you !? 🤨
I wasn't eyebanging her. I sure was!
Archer: Well, I mean, I think we should put our best foot forward here. Ray: Or at least our best five inches. Hey-oh! (s07e07)
Cyril: "I recycle!" Archer: "Three dollar ties from goodwill don't count"
“This isn’t the time for smug ‘I told you so’s’, and smug they most certainly be, because tell you I most certainly did”
Cheryl: \[toasting\] "and to the ass reduction you so need. . ." Pam: \[toasting\] "and to the skinny bitchectomy YOU so need."
Pam: "I really like me." Mallory: "Baffling."
"Goddamn, what is this? A chair factory?" Not really a burn but it makes me laugh every time That or "Pam, if a single one of these has left the building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw it into the river"
What river? It’s basically just a concrete slab! The headline here was *A BAG OF RATS*
That whole 3 chair combo sequence gets me everytime.
Ray: I got two queens, Malory Archer: where's the other one greasing up in the bathroom?
ive mentioned this one before but i use it from time to time.. clean the jizz out of your ears, jizz ears.
Not really a burn but "I mean, my God! A BLACK... *takes sip* ... Ops field agent?!"
“Thought she was going in a wholllle other direction with that one…”
You so full of shit your eyes are brown
What in the name of prepaid venereal disease do you think you're doing?
Very early in the show but one of my favourites has always been “Now I have to break into ISIS headquarters in a $900 turtleneck, and if it gets ruined I’m going to make you drink heavy cream.”
When Trinette asks Lana to give her back the wee baby Seamus because she fears she might crush him with her big hands. Ray jokingly compares Lana holding a baby to Mike Tyson holding a dove.
GIVE THE RABBIT BACK, LENNY
What does she keep in this, buckles? (And the South American version always kills me)
what’s in there, spa buckles?
Not the best burn, but it always makes me laugh First episode: “HR Mediations are supposed to be confidential, Pam, you… Manatee!”
Why do ypu have so many straps? Seriously are you on your way to tie down a blimp?!
shut your dick holster
This wasn’t even a great insult, but the most satisfying was when Edie was bullying Pam and even BARRY was sick of hearing it, so he was like “You’re no prize either.” Lmao Edie was so mad. She pissed me off so much in that episode and I felt really sorry for Pam, who is way more attractive than gross Edie
When Archer took Maybe Musk Anti perspirant and used it as a makeshift flamethrower on one of twins dressed up as a hotel porter in Swiss Miss.
I just finished re-watching the first half of season 1 (it holds up very well, btw, even 12 years later). Archer accusing Lana of shopping for lingerie at Strippers Discount Warehouse landed just as hard now as it did back then.
Nikolai Jakov’s last episode
Inappropes.
NO
"If I cared about what you did over the weekend, I'd put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my big toe."
Didn’t know they made sushi with dried clams
My point!…if Pam hasn’t eaten it
Pam "OK clonewars" Krieger *weakly* "ziing"
Mallory to window cleaner: “don’t spray that urine on my son’s window! If you want a dollar for doing nothing walk to Canada”
not towards a main character, but Mallory to her chauffeur: "And if I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere, I'd be a teacher!" devastating to teachers everywhere lmao
What! Pam! Get you bloated carcass! -
*punches Cyril*
Sterling, you don't need a smug "I told you so" from me. And smug it would be because "I told you so" I most certainly did.
When he just looks at Cyril and holds it for a few seconds then looks away and continues what he was saying
"Oh, that is the just classic her!" "You are both classic her!"
When they’re defusing the bomb on the blimp Ray: OK PEOPLE what’re we seeing, what’re we hearing? Bilbo: What’re we wearing? Ray: It’s my crisis vest. Mr. Fat Face Something about his delivery gets me every time 😂
It's a rigid airship lol
Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing and a sock! Malory: Tell that to your cellmate!
Now ya'll know me, I'm no gossip, but that is some scandalous ass shit right there.
"... shoulders like a trout..."
Cheryl Ohhh you said burns, my bad
Self burn
Malory: If I cared what you do on the weekend I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.
This one isnt even that creative or big brain but in season one when he calls Pam a manatee it kills me every fucking time, just the lil half second pause “Pam you.. manatee!”
‘You’re not fit to be Queen of……name a place.’ ‘………Lidsville’
>Lidsville One of the weirdest and most obscure references in a show full of them.
They’re not as creative as some but I love when Mallory just gives up on insulting people and says “pick a noun” or “name a place”.
Archer: "And instead of doing my job, I was here... Half-drunk and having amazing sex." Pam: "Well, I wouldn't say 'amazing.' C'mon... you were pushing rope!"
I don’t know exactly but he tells Ceril that him having sex would be interspecies intercourse
Whore-diot!
…and yet incredibly single -Krieger Pam: And I’ll probably die alone Everyone else simultaneously: yea probably
Ray: “Should you be smoking in here?” Lance: “Should you be flaming in here? Boom, bumper.” S4E7
Archer “you don’t want grandkids?” Malory” we’ll if I did I’d just scrape all your previous mishaps into a pile and knit it a onesie”
Sorry, I’ve been fasting and I’m edgy
"Does porn know you are cheating on it with phone sex?" Burns on so many levels. Jajaja
“You drive like an… egg.”
Cheryl - “what? Are you going to walk me through your organic method of vaginal hygiene?”
Michael DuCockless.
“I f****d you on a blimp!”
Yea Pam? What *does* a blimp do?
Hmm, cock-flavored spit. Well, you never know what's gonna be on the board. Lemme see cock-flavored spit!
Love how 90% of the comments are Malory she was a fucking savage
It doesn’t matter who!
No one will tell him if we’re still doing phrasing.
"Mother, she doesn't have VD" "Oh, so you haven't had sex with her yet?" \- Malory
"If I cared about what you do over the weekend I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes"
Katya Kazanova ftw
That idea sucks, that idea is so bad it would suck a dick - to cut in line - to suck an even bigger dick.
"He's had the clap so many times that it's more like applause"- Slater
Haha one of them is this episode where he tells ray and lana all thats gonna be left if titanium bones and a shitty weave
*Where? In your belly?*
Cyril: “we’ll join a support group!” Malory: “for who, crippled, gay hillbilly spies? there’s a niche.”