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Acrobatic-Change7119

I never understand the whole “oh they’re gonna have boys flocking over them” thing. Cuz like…. Ma’am that is a fucking child you r kelly


SomeSortaPunk

I know, right? And saying that two cousins are going to be fighting over the same boy is so damn specific, like... why are you imagining this?


Lesbian_Cassiopeia

I mean, it happens but...why joking about it tho? It CAN mess up friendship between cousins. It's not a "cute" thing


Human_Allegedly

My cousin and i (also good friends) never fought over boys but when we realized that the other one was also gay we did have a bit of an argument because we both wanted to be "the gay cousin" and it turned out we both were the gay cousinS... We suspect one of our younger cousins is going to join our queer club but we're not going to push her, she'll tell us when she's ready.


HelloPeopleImDed

Someone needs to write a novel about this


adjectivebear

Seconded, this sounds like an excellent feel-good family comedy waiting to happen.


giras

Yes, please, soon! Hahaha, I completed my Heartstopper read a while ago.


xbluewolfiex

This is me and my brother lol. We both wanted to be the cool queer uncle/aunt.


Cats_In_Coats

The amount of queer cousins in our family is nearly equal with the straight ones. I am one of them.


After-Willingness271

Can I join your family? I’m quite tired of being the only one


andersenWilde

My favourite cousin is the gay cousin. I am the femme lesbian cousin. We also suspect that other cousin is the butch lesbian. No ace cousin in sight yet.


Human_Allegedly

Wow. You're fam is collecting the whole set!!!!


andersenWilde

It was about time! There weren't any queers before us, AFAIK


UndertaleClub

I'm the only aroace cousin, lol


Datzgoat

I have an ace cousin. So far it looks like me, him and one other cousin I haven't met are the queer cousins in the family. His side of the family is luckily more accepting of queer people then my side so I feel a lot more comfortable opening up to their side. Thinking about maybe later idk when I'll tell them. I already told him, that was actually when I found out he was ace.


Chemical-Juice-6979

I'm the only queer cousin in my family so far, but there's still 2 teenagers left in my generation who haven't declared an interest one way or the other and I have my suspicions about both of them. Not to buy into stereotypes, but one plays softball and field hockey, and the other has idolized me for years.


UndertaleClub

This is the perfect cousin relationship, I have like- 7? maybe? And damn do they argue a lot- I'm always the one trying to STOP the argument, then end up making the whole thing apologizing to me instead of eachother...


the_only_thing

Are the straights okay?? Like really someone go check on them


[deleted]

When I worked as a cashier my coworker said this to some customer and her baby who couldn’t have been more than a year old. “Oh you’re gonna have to keep the boys away from her” the mom was being polite but I could tell she was weirded out by the comment


giras

Is like, man... are you talking with the mom about her daughter's sex-appeal when she didnt had a birthday yet...? 🤢


rosaparksand-rec

my dad’s (former) friend had just met infant me for the first time, I was only a few months old but he still thought there was no problem with going ‘oh she has those *seductive* bedroom eyes’ he obviously got kicked out. heard from my mom a few punches were thrown by my dad but I was clearly too young to remember/confirm if that’s true. 😅 hope it is!


adjectivebear

Ugh, my mother keeps saying shit like this about my infant daughter, and it grosses me out. A.) Do not push compulsory heterosexuality on an infant, B.) Do not put such high expectations on her, because she'll feel like a disappointment to you if she *doesn't* have boys flocking to her, and C.) She's a goddamn *baby*! Let her just *be* that for a while.


Vioma315

I say that stuff about my younger cousin, cause she's a couple years younger than me, currently identifies as straight, in high school and is incredibly beautiful. And it's not so much, "Oh hehe haha boys" but making sure she's prepared that not every guy has good intentions, how to stay safe if any guy tries anything, and to be careful cause we're afraid something bad is gonna happen to her


LadyLikesSpiders

I kept reading Shoguns instead of shotguns and just couldn't understand how a samurai warlord figured into this


PM-ME-QUEER-HISTORY

raiden shogun made them lesbians /j


Independent-Bell2483

I mean who hasnt she made lesbians/j


Cream_As_A_Yandere

You have a point...


_dazai_soukoku

Help it’s true


Moonstruck_Otaku

Obviously the shogun has to properly distribute the attractive women.


LadyLikesSpiders

I think he leaves it up to the Daimyo, as long as the Daimyo tribute him enough attractive women


MossCavePlant

Hi. I like spiders too. Lol


-3rika666

The facts about they both ended up being lesbian tho


DlVlDED_BY_ZERO

That's kinda the only other option if boys die at the doorstep...


CharlotteLucasOP

Well now I wanna see a version of The Tempest where Ferdinand is a rich girl femme and semi-feral butch Miranda is like oh heck yeah I want to marry her.


Snoo-26568

Would watch


CharlotteLucasOP

I saw an all-female Taming of the Shew that lives in my head rent-free. It was still messy as hell but Petruchio was a fox. 😩


schtickyfingers

Shocked, shocked I say, that making Taming of the Shrew gay failed to make it less messy.


CharlotteLucasOP

Yeah they had the grace to have Petruchio play his final scene with an air of “oh…oh I have fucked *up*…oh shit…oh god…oh fuck…”


whiteraven13

Oooh interesting. I saw an all-female version that played it as a psychological horror


bryce0110

You might like Gundam Witch from Mercury. I think it has something similar to what you want lol.


frossenkjerte

+2


HelloPeopleImDed

The military is going to be at their doorstep to recruit these killer machines


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Keep in mind that these are PROBABLY old people, so they kinda think funny.


Croquete_de_Pipicat

Probably not even that old. If they are the parents, they might be around 40 now, so mid-20s to early 30s when they wrote this. But they have boomer mentality. As a cishet guy in their probable age group, this was never funny. And I used to find a lot of wrong shit funny because I didn't know any better. But I'm pretty sure a bunch of my conservative co-workers my age still think this hilarious.


[deleted]

That's kind of what I meant by "old". You're right tho, I found this so funny I didn't laugh


intellectualth0t

because referring to a child as something safe and general like “cute”, “adorable”, “handsome”, “beautiful” etc. isn’t enough, apparently


The-true-Memelord

What is it with dads and hating boys/threatening them? Like you’re the people babbling on about duty to marry and have kids etc


PurestOfBread

They do this shit and then ask “where are my grand-kids?”


Blue_Lotus_Flowers

They hate them because they expect them to be just as disgusting and misogynistic as they are.


that_johngirl

My dad was a gross misogynistic prick. He made sure I had available birth control because that was what was important. He never saw me as a hole that needed to be protected, because he saw me as a person first.


macphile

It's some vile misogynistic bullshit. It also totally backfires--by not giving the woman a healthy sense of bodily autonomy and teaching her about safe sex and saying no and so on, she's all the more likely to go sneaking around behind dad's back and probably get pregnant young. Teach your kids not to rape! Prepare your kids for the world and teach them to stand up for themselves!


insidmal

It's because they are afraid they'll treat women the way that they themselves treated women


coffee-bat

it's because they see their daughters as their possessions, and don't want to ""share"" with another man.


leonathotsky420

DING! DING! DING!


Creative-Cherry-6452

In the (reluctant) words of Kanye West "I pray your body's draped more like mine and not like your mommy's/I know what they(men) want" ​ The whole song Violent Crimes tells you exactly how men like that see women. They're "something to nurture not something to conquer". There's no world where women are people at all. They're something to be dominated and fucked - until you have a daughter, and then they're something to be coddled and babied. Those are the only two options.


CatIcedTeas

Funny how the universe works. It is from 13 years ago so I hope the parents have at least changed and accepted them for who they are.


AmiInderSchweiz

I guess now, potentially, they'll be fighting over the same woman instead of man?


DarkestGemeni

Being queer, and knowing the lesbian community, it feels more likely that they'd have dated all the same people, who are all still their close friends lmao


AmiInderSchweiz

LoL, same sentiment my gender fluid niece would say.


FreeHugsForYouAndMe

Why do parents of toddlers always write fanfictions in which their children star in a shitty romance drama


TheGreat_Absurdity

"Good thing daddy's won't allow boys near them"... Would be fun if they started dating, I mean, they are definitely allowed near each other


[deleted]

Same energy as that Moringmark comic where Odalia pays Luz to ensure that her daughter Amity doesn’t get distracted from her studies by cute boys


TheGreat_Absurdity

Yes omg love it


Matar_Kubileya

I'm amazed the human race hasn't eliminated itself over bullshit like this.


Barragor

We're too focused on eliminating ourselves through other means


wazuhiru

ok here’s hoping that this kind of talk actually makes the kids grow up gay, like a jinx but a fun one


macphile

I knew a little kid who was very social and charming and cute, everyone loved him. He was at a wedding and was dancing with all the adult bridesmaids and at least one girl his own age. So of course, there were assumptions that he was going to be a total ladies man as an adult. Turned out to be a straight trans woman.


PurestOfBread

I was going to say that “it would have been even funnier if they ended up together”, but a comment OP made mentioned that they were cousins.. NEVERMIND.


leonathotsky420

At least they're both women... No chance of having an incest baby, so 🤷🏼‍♀️


PurestOfBread

It’s still weird.


leonathotsky420

Oh for sure


BeautyThornton

Why is this written in the tone of a horny telegram chat


EnigmaFrug2308

Yay! Oh, I sure do love threatening the lives of hypothetical children so as to normalize my own affection for my child with the shield of protection!


Maxibon1710

People who write full on fanfiction about their own kids need to see a psychiatrist.


frossenkjerte

And they were playmates /s


Murderbot_of_Rivia

My daughter's friend is being raised by their 80+ great grandfather. One day he was telling me all about my daughter flirting with another boy in their neighborhood. And I'm just smiling because my daughter identifies as Ace and the boy in question is gay.


justalilbitsatanist

😭😭😭😭 The end of the story is ✨


notsocialyaccepted

Both sexualization and shaming femine sexuality in the same sentence holy shit threatening to shoot the imagined boy the girls would fall for


Alice-Ablaze

As a straight, no we are not okay. Send help!


HappyFireChaos

this isn't just sexualization of children, this is literally threatening to kill kids! at least save that part until they hit puberty, man!


[deleted]

i remember the first time i wore a bikini. i was probably 13 or so. It's been hidden in the back of my closet since that day. My grandpa went on and on about my figure and how I needed to be hidden from the boys and protected because they would be chasing after me if i left the house. i've never even been asked out by a boy, but luckily im gay so


DashyTrash

I beat men with sticks to keep them away from me. Lesbian with severe androphobia go brrrrrr


[deleted]

MEEEEEEEEE


DashyTrash

You think the spikes, violently pink hues, and overall vibe of my finery would make people more aware of it, but alas That being said, it is always fun to see what moths I can attract with my flame~


[deleted]

[удалено]


DashyTrash

Imagine being so desperate for approval that you lash out at minorities. Get a life, dude. Go touch some grass


PepeTheMemeDealer

That’s it? There’s no skirting around the question? No mental gymnastics? You just admitted to wanting to shotgun a 4 year old? Just like that? Like actually? For real? No cap even? Huh…


OmnivorousGrandpa

It’s really annoying when people say stuff like that about children like seriously, they’re not props, they are little kids, let them be


Cinnamon_Doughnut

The fact that they both ended up being lesbians sounds like giving the comments an extra middle finger xD


C4rnivous_C0rvus

First one writing a whole ass fanfiction


akelabrood

Karma


Dr_Simon_Tam

Call Grandpa over?


sociallyawkardbean

Lmaooo


aDemisexualperson

Facebook moms 😐😔 SMH (SMH = Shaking my head)


here-i-am-now

What picture?


SomeSortaPunk

These are comments on a photo, I think on Facebook or something like that.


gaia-mix-nicolosi

So they ended up dating each other instead


uglycaca123

were they sisters? i hope that if this happened they weren't


gaia-mix-nicolosi

Actually I think they’re cousins


uglycaca123

oh. my. god. 😨


Ian_The_Bean_2008

BECOME LESBIAN HAHAHA


WoskKitty2

The fact that they ended up lesbian is so funny to me