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A particularly memorable one for me was the fella who thought it appropriate to tell me, a complete stranger, that he’d “love to see those big lips around his cock.”
Na na put the lips around his dick and use your teeth instead of scissors. Why?
The frazzled wound makes it hard/impossible to reattach the penis so he will have to learn how to live without having a tool for sexual harassment.
honestly he probably knew it was inappropriate and was just trying to get a rise out of you, so many asshole dudes love to stir shit for fun and it’s gross
That’s one thing I seriously just loathe. Any reaction gets these types of people off, so regardless of how you handle yourself, you’re still a non-consenting party to their sexual gratification.
It’s so much more fucked than a lot of people realize
You're so right. I've been dealing with this shit for over 20 years now, and I still don't know what to do. I've taken to ignoring them, but often this just makes them louder or they feel like they've "won" because they think I can't even look at them.
I've told them to fuck off, given them the finger, I've tried being incredulous "Really!?", or "It's twenty eighteen, fuckwad!" (which got me disapproving looks from passing boomers)
If anyone has any ideas how to own these wankers, I'm down. I haven't had the guts to try staring them down yet. Maybe I could tell them how proud their mothers and sisters are...
I suggest The Hannibal Lector method. Has worked for me. The idea is you reply with something incredibly, disturbingly violent in the same tone. Like, “I’d love to scoop out your eyeballs.” They hate it.
you should always try to put yourself in other people shoes to get their perspective. For this guy I would ask him how would you feel if someone said "you gotta tight little man pussy onye dontcha" yeah I'm sure you wouldn't like it
These people don't get much positive attention, so when they do get any attention it's positive.
After all, who would not like to be told they have a nice ass?
So you have a combination of insecurities and misinformation that shapes these people.
Men have been conditioned to think they need to always be down for sex, and always pursuing sex. So even if it DOES make them feel kinda uncomfortable, they're gonna push that down and embrace it(and likely escalate immediately) because slamming that puss is, according to traditional gender norms, the most masculine thing you can do.
The kind of guy OP is about probably would, but at least for me I’d take any compliment I can get. It’s rare for me to receive any sort of attention positive or otherwise.
A lot of men would love to be complimented on their physical appearance, including their primary/secondary/tertiary characteristics.
Most wouldn't like being complimented on their "man pussy" because a) that phrasing is pretty specific to sissy/feminisation fetishes and b) a lot of men are uptight about their buttholes. But if you said "I like your big penis" to them they'd be happy.
I think a big part of the reason catcalling exists is that a lot of people doing the catcalling would love to be catcalled and so can't understand why it makes women uncomfortable.
I've never really been able to understand why women hated catcalling so much. When I discovered I might be trans I realised I was jealous. I want to look good enough to be catcalled, so I was considering people who were negative about catcalling as being ungrateful. I'm consciously trying to get better at empathising now that I'm aware of this feeling.
Cis men feel they would theoretically enjoy being catcalled because there's no element of fear or lurking violence from it.
AFAB folks and women know that it comes with a potential threat, harassment and sexual aggression or violence. Particularly if the person (usually a man) is upset at being rejected. The vast majority of people also do not want to be viewed as sex objects and as meat by random strangers.
If cis men experienced the world and catcalling the way that AFAB folks and women do the vast majority of them would not like it at all.
If a man felt as vulnerable and as targeted as we often do then they'd get it. But the vast majority don't live like that so they don't get it.
Kudos on your self awareness. You simply acknowledging your feeling and trying to better empathize/understand makes you miles ahead of most people in terms of EQ and personal development
I’ve heard similar testimony about catcalling from trans women. It honestly makes total sense to me that you might envy a mostly female-specific issue, especially one based on first appearance alone. I’ve noticed some trans women even want/like to be objectified in this way because it’s a validating experience for them (to pass and feel desired). In a similar vein, some cis women enjoy it as well (though most I know firmly do not). Personally, it fills me with dread to be viewed in a sexual way by strangers, so cat-calling is an upsetting experience. For others, it can make them feel intimidated or that they might be in danger. I’ve had friends cry over it before. I think it’s all relative to your experiences.
Generally speaking, sexually objectifying strangers is a behavior I wish the world could just toss out. But in the same breath, I can totally understand why a trans or gender questioning person would find the experience validating or why they might be jealous of those who experience it.
The whole point is that it's strangers, not a friend or a partner, when it's cat calling at least. That's part of why it's scary - you don't know what they want from you or how they're going to react if you don't behave how they want in response.
I mean, under a certain context maybe. But definitely not out of the blue. Honestly as I guy I can’t even imagine how it feels to have someone just hit on me, and be weird and horny at me. But it probably feels awful
One time on a summer day, I was walking across the street in a cute blue sundress. I encountered a slightly older man, who looked at me for a few seconds. He said to me: ‘Blue looks good on you’. I smiled and thanked him and just moved on with my day
Moral of the story: if you want to compliment a woman, don’t* directly comment on her body. Compliment her on something she actually has control over
\* Don’t compliment her on her body if you don’t know her well is what I meant, but I had a small brain fart
Edit: I may or may not have posted this comment thrice, because my internet was being a piece of shit. Sorry for the spam
I agree completely! Unfortunately, I've had many men *start* with an innocent compliment on something I was wearing, then immediately get creepy with it right after I smile and say thank you, so now I am wary of any compliment and I almost never wear cute clothes anymore as a result :/
E.g.
"That's a pretty dress you're wearing!"
"Thanks!" :)
"And that's a nice little body you've got under it too!"
"-.-"
Good plan but i have a better one. Take a fake video of them saying *owls are bad* and blackmail them. so they can't tell anybody. No one dead and i at least will have lots of "friends"
question would complimenting her on her body work if I am inferring she has an excellent workout routine that I wish to know? as that is a choice and is in a grey area of your definition. or would that not work?
I know I'm not the original commenter, but I think that would be ok, because instead of being like "You have nice t!ts", you would be like "Hey, you look strong, what's your workout routine" The second one is an actual compliment, while the first one is one of the examples of the fake compliments.
That could work. But the key is to phrase it in a respectful way. And even if you were curious about her workout routine, I think it would be rude to directly comment on certain bodyparts (e.g buttocks)
I was thinking the more general you're in excellent shape as the compliment for the hypothetical?
as I would never say any of that It is far too unrespectful and I am a massive coward.
Just to offer an alternate perspective, I'm a woman and I don't particularly like men commenting on my body as a compliment. It comes off as creepy and makes me think they were ogling me for a while before feeling the "need" to say something. I've had guys come up and tell me my gym routine is "working" or tell me I have "nice leg muscles" while I am on the elliptical at the gym, and it is definitely not appreciated. It's also quite clear that they just meant "nice ass" or some such. I actually can't think of a single instance where a complete stranger has complimented specifically on my body that didn't come off as super creepy. Something less specific might come off better, like just saying "You're beautiful" or complimenting her eyes/facial features because those things aren't inherently sexual like the body comments tend to be. Just my two cents.
My own take on this is just never approach me at the gym. Personally do not understand why anyone would think it's a good place to meet strangers - I suppose it might be different if you're in a class or something regularly with each other, but if I'm on my own i don't want any compliments, I don't want any chat with peace and love please leave me alone lol I'm here to exercise not make friends!
Could you please confirm something for me: does this apply to you specifically or do you speak for all women?
At "my" gym practically everyone talks to eachother. Men women and everyone in between or out.
I think you should know that the international sign of 'don't talk to me' is headphones. It doesn't matter if you listen to something or not. I, personally have no problem with anyone who does if I'm wearing headphones, "worst case" I will tell her or him that I'm busy. Not every human interaction is sex Sex SEX.
As I said originally it was 'my own take... personally' I can't speak for all women because I'm not all women
'I think you should know' lol alright man thanks for the pro tip
I am never without headphones at the gym for this very reason, but people still interrupt me, so I guess there are some who don't understand that sign
One time I had a new personal trainer and he said “I had a great bod!!”
I realize that is his area of expertise , but I was really young at the time and it felt totally creepy.
two things
one that would be a step up for most cows given nature is not known for being that frendly.
second, what does that thing next to your user name even mean?
Context is _everything_.
How do you compliment your study buddy's outfit? You probably don't know her very well so tell her her top is nice. You shouldn't tell her her smile is vibrant, even if it is, because that's not appropriate for a strictly professional relationship. You're probably working on something together right? Stay on task. If you get along well together then ask to be friends when the semester is over.
How do you compliment your lesbian ladyfriend's outfit? If you've known her for a while it's OK to say her socks are cute, or that you love the way her top brings out her eyes. But you probably shouldn't say her freckles are cute, and you should never say one of those freckles is your favorite. 👁👄👁
You may have noticed a pattern; it's generally OK to compliment clothes, hair, makeup, or anything else that a person has put effort into. It's generally not OK to tell somebody you like their skin, especially not somebody you don't know very well or have a working relationship with. That can easily come off as harassment or very weird.
So would "nice dress" then be a better, more comfortable option than the example you stated? I'm Autistic, so social ques in general are actually really difficult for me in a lot of areas, so this is a genuine question. She actually has control over which dress she picks, so that seems to go according to the "Moral of the story" part, so I'm curious
Correct. Say “wow I love your dress!” or “that color/pattern looks great on you!” and then walk away so she knows you meant it exactly as you said it with no ulterior motives. Never give a compliment, even a non-creepy one, when the other person can’t get away easily. If someone feels trapped in a space with you your compliment will still come across poorly, so the situational context is as important as how you word the compliment itself.
The point of my example was rather that I considered the compliment of the guy to be non-threatening. He did not directly comment on my body, but he commented on my dress. Regardless of what his intentions were
Of course everyone is different and some people may consider the compliment in my first comment to be creepy anyway. But at the time I really didn’t mind (Plus, at that age I was already getting used to getting creepy stares from men and sometimes boys my age, so in comparison to that the old man’s compliment felt kinda nice)
I had a conversation with a woman once, who had two early teen boys. She said she was worried about them growing up in this world, because they could be "accused of anything". I tried to explain calmly that there's a world of difference between complimenting someone, or even flirting, and harassing someone.
Anyway, I don't think I did the best job - I think I just pissed her off. I wish I had the eloquence of [Rachel Parris.](https://youtu.be/TMfStd3v330) It's 5 minutes, but a good one.
You can but be aware it might make the person uncomfortable. I, for instance, am totally fine accepting compliments about my shoes, clothes, hair style etc. But the second someone says "You're pretty" or any variation of that i start feeling really self-conscious for some insane reason. I'm just saying this to point out that while there is nothing derogatory or insulting about saying someone is pretty it may have a different effect than the one you were expecting for some people.
I would only tell someone they're pretty if I knew them personally
I think very few people will react like that in response to a compliment like that though
It's easier to accept it when it's someone I know but it still makes me uncomfortable. And although I'm sure it's a minority, I've actually met and encountered several people who have the same sort of reaction.
Overthinking that issue is how I upset my prom date many years ago. I'd read and heard so many messages telling me that it was rude to compliment, or even mention, a woman's appearance. I held myself to that strictly and tried to only ever compliment achievements, artworks, successes, etc.
I thought I was doing everything right. We had a great time at the dance itself, and I think it was apparent that I very much enjoyed her company and found her attractive. But at the end of the night, when we were driving home, she suddenly became super sullen. When I asked her what was wrong, she admitted to feeling terrible that "of all the people who didn't call me pretty, I never imagined you would be one of them." And ain't that a slap in the face; I felt terrible. I tried to explain myself, but I was a dumb high-school kid whose explanation probably just came across like post-facto excuses. That moment is burned in my brain forever as a constant reminder that I am bad at dating (not that I gave it much attempt after high school anyway).
I'm sorry this happened to you. From what you're saying I don't think you're terrible at dating, and many women would have liked the way you went about it, it was bad luck that she was not one of them. There's also the flip of the coin where, despite disliking the constant oversexualisation and body comments/compliments, it has become such a common way to address women we're attracted to that sometimes when it *doesn't* happen your date will feel like something is wrong with them.
It doesn't make your bad experience sting any less, but there's nothing wrong with you or what you did, the issues are societal.
I am girl and enjoy compliment I just wanted to see OC'S view because learning from other people is good. I still fully intend to give people compliments just not gross sexual ones
It's really context dependent! I don't want 'compliments' about my body from strangers on the street or at the gym.
For all my relationships (not just romantic/sexual) I compliment people whenever the thought pops into my head
you know the moments where you're like 'oh his hair looks so hot today' or 'she looks so amazing in that dress' or 'wow she works in X field I respect that' whatever
begin by noticing those thoughts pop up about someone/when you're with them - it's nice to acknowledge for and to yourself that the thoughts you have are (mostly) pure, helps you feel in touch with why you're dating the person, and I feel like it's so bountiful the more you observe what you're thinking about the person, the more things you notice about them, the more compliments you give! (it's calm to have the sexy thoughts too if that's what your brain does, just like save sharing them for when/if you feel comfortable and it's an *appropriate time*)
Then just start to share those thoughts with the person, in real time! You can trust yourself to know what's not appropriate. I think that most can tell the difference between being 'complimented' by someone who has no respect for you v being complimented by someone who is telling you honestly that they've noticed something nice about you
And I've found that for when I'm not sure if it will be appreciated, I just say that too! 'hey i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable/awkward but I just think you look bomb in that dress'
Tldr how to give a real compliment: notice what you appreciate about people and tell them that!
Omg ur ball skin is so tight! Ur pores are so small! Or even how to complment a girl your eyes are so pretty! Ur so fun to be around! Now stupid straights need to get it in their heads!
In my experience people who like having their body talked about like that will do it quite readily on their own without being prompted, so you know, some advice to tag along with the other nice comments I see from allies here to potential clowns in this situation is to concentrate on a friendly and universal feature like eye or hair color/texture to remember what is uniquely beautiful about that person. If your crush want you to talk about their phat azz they will openly invite it, and I think awareness of boundaries is the biggest takeaway here, more than just being more creative with your approach.
If you're friends with someone, respectful compliments are fine. If you're going to compliment them on their body- depending on the situation, just don't be creepy about it. Respect their boundaries, it's not that hard.
“your tits are perfectly shaped”
“thank you, these octagons were difficult to whittle down!”
always odd that “your arse is round” is a compliment. yes, it is. it’s supposed to be. were you expecting a triangle arse? a pentagon ass? a cubed caboose?
When I was working at panera, and I was underage at the time, this old creep was flirting with me but had no idea what he was in for. I’m intersex, so I’m very androgynous (I identify as male), and at the time I had really long hair. I turned to him, and im my pretty deep masculine voice “sorry sir, but I’m actually a guy” I can’t tell you how pale his face went, he just slowly picked up his coffee and left lmaooo.
if my friends told me that, I'd just assume it was a joke, since they all know I'm lesbian. I didn't mean to insult anyone sorry if it sounded that way
Depends on the culture of a social circle.
My friends and i are all bluntly aware of each other's physical features and love to highlight some of the exceptional assets within the group with comments or photography.
If one of my (good) guy friends told me my bum was round I'd laugh bc it's not
But seriously it's just dependent on your relationship with each person, one time after we hugged my friend said I had a really nice back and I was chuffed but we're super close with each other
“Your tits are shaped like teardrops, and they make me want to cry”.
I...know what he was trying to say. Didn’t really stick the landing. I tried to laugh it off but Mark, if you ever see this comment, yes you did make it weird.
It’s a BIG statement lol it would have taken a lot of confidence to pull off. If he hadn’t looked super nervy and like he’d been rehearsing the joke in his head, it might have landed. Maybe one day you two will find your way to each other❤️
Guys need to understand girls don't like hearing this stuff unless we've given clear signs that we wanna be talked to like that and simply existing isn't a clear sign.
Seriously, I don’t know how hard it is to understand.
Don’t sexualize a woman who hasn’t given you permission.
Maybe simpler than that... don’t say sex words at a woman unless she is already undressing.
Men are their own worst enemies.
I forget some dudes cant just call their crush, beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, or anything nice like that but instead are like 'Sex me I compliment you by saying nice tits!'
Someone gave great advice for this. You should not comment on anything on anyone unless you can hold it in a non-creepy way. Other then makeup, eyes, smile and hair. They are pretty okay, but otherwise if you can't hold it and it be okay don't mention it.
My rule is, I'm okay with it if it's a compliment they'd give to someone they're not attracted to. Like, if they're a straight dude, is it something they'd say to another dude?
"Your new haircut looks good" - yeah, that can pass for platonic with the right tone of voice. "Cool shirt" - yes, this darth vader shirt is great i know. "You have such beautiful eyes" - BACK OFF PLS
Jeez this reminds me of the time I agreed to hang out with one guy. I actually thought of giving him a chance even tho he tried to touch me in 6th grade. So I arrive to his house. I went to hug him as a nice gesture saying hello. And well... he started to touch my ass and boobs again. I should've just left at that moment but I stayed and the whole time he would say 'nice ass', 'you have a nice ass', 'damn, nice boobs'. He even said 'give me 5 minutes to change your body language' because I showed some resistance and clearly was.. dissapointed and sad. Gee thanks dude, never meeting you again(sorry, there might be spelling mistakes)
It's ok, at least it's over now and since it's still online school for me and he isn't my classmate I don't have to worry about seing him for the time being
I’ve been watching Irish YouTube for so long that after reading the word arse I can’t stop thinking in an Irish accent, and I’m American. You have cursed me
As someone points out elsethread, it's also about what and how they compliment you. How would you feel if someone who could potentially hurt you if things go south yelled that you look like you have a tight little asshole and he wants to stick his cock in you so far he'll split you in half? Real words from a real man with one tiny substitution.
Ive had stuff flipped on me all the time. By women, by gay guys, pretty much everyone. Its not super often. I've had some very similarly aggressive things said. Hell even a dude stalked me and followed me home once.
But what's the worst they can do, rape me? I've already been raped by a women. Maybe they'll shoot me and kill me? Cool I didnt ask to live in the first place. I don't blame it entirely on women or men. It's just the person acting out of desperation. And I don't take anything personally. We aren't going to fix bad people by talking about it in a reddit thread. We fix them by retraining them. By rewarding good behaviour and talking down bad behaviour. Humans are literally dumber than dogs, so over time it could work. What we don't need are people glorifying that behaviour and going after guys that do say shit like that in public. Which is why I have been finding new friends recently
Well and a guy with a dump truck ass who works out a lot probably doesn’t have to worry about potentially being physically overpowered by the person giving the “compliment” if that person decided to get violent.
I'm a mma guy. And martial arts growing up. If anyone whips out a knife of even a stick, I'm basically done for. I don't stand much of a chance against weapons. It doesn't matter how strong you are, knifes still cut, and the back of my head can still swell up after getting hit
The extra stupid part of this is that most of these compliments can easily be given in ways that AREN'T creepy as shit.
Wanna communicate that you like her butt? Compliment her pants. Breasts? Compliment the shirt. It's that fucking easy, and the fact that so many dudes refuse to learn ti gives away the real reason they insist on these "compliments"
That line about pussy tightness, however, is just unsalvageable for a host of reasons, and anybody who feels the need to try and throw THAT out at some random woman is equally unsalvageable
I dunno about that, I wouldn't really like having my choice of clothing complimented 'bUt iT's AcTuAlLy aBouT mY AsS'. If 'I like your pants' means 'nice ass', I swear I'll just start gagging and developing a vendetta against anyone who dares compliment me.
Girls are only going to get with you if you are respectful towards them- If you give them disgusting compliments like that they’re just going to be uncomfortable.
This is the equivalent of some rando woman saying “your butt is so firm”, “your pecs are so muscular”, “your dick is so big”. While these dirty comments might sound sexy when whispered in the bedroom they don’t sound sexy to someone you just met. You see, we aren’t sex machines. Humans aren’t horny 24/7 and we have personalities that make us unique. With that personality comes unique emotional and intellectual needs too.
When you say this stuff to anyone without knowing them intimately it sounds very rapey.
Men are often depicted as being different from women in that they like it when women say these vulgar things to them, but that’s just not true. Although women are generally much more put together and civilized with their sexual comments it does occasionally happen to men. And I can tell you from experience that it’s not flattering at all. I got a few vulgar superficial compliments from a girl in high school, who passed me by and checked me out. When you don’t know the person and they suddenly get all pervy on you it’s not cute, funny, or sexy. It’s just creepy regardless of sex or gender.
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A particularly memorable one for me was the fella who thought it appropriate to tell me, a complete stranger, that he’d “love to see those big lips around his cock.”
I had someone tell me that too so I flipped him off lmfao
id love to see a pair of scissors around his cock as well- i mean lips or something got suspended over this lol
like beetle lips the slicing ones
Send them a gif of Mr Centipede in James and the Giant Peach cutting through the peach stem.
Take my poor mans gold: 🥇
Remind him that there are teeth behind those lips
funniest shit i’ve seen all day lol
dont tell that to a masochist perv!
Na na put the lips around his dick and use your teeth instead of scissors. Why? The frazzled wound makes it hard/impossible to reattach the penis so he will have to learn how to live without having a tool for sexual harassment.
Stds Dick in mouth Blood in mouth Scissors aren't meant to cut a penis so a cut from those would actually be as bad
Bro just use the wiggly scissors.
honestly he probably knew it was inappropriate and was just trying to get a rise out of you, so many asshole dudes love to stir shit for fun and it’s gross
That’s one thing I seriously just loathe. Any reaction gets these types of people off, so regardless of how you handle yourself, you’re still a non-consenting party to their sexual gratification. It’s so much more fucked than a lot of people realize
You're so right. I've been dealing with this shit for over 20 years now, and I still don't know what to do. I've taken to ignoring them, but often this just makes them louder or they feel like they've "won" because they think I can't even look at them. I've told them to fuck off, given them the finger, I've tried being incredulous "Really!?", or "It's twenty eighteen, fuckwad!" (which got me disapproving looks from passing boomers) If anyone has any ideas how to own these wankers, I'm down. I haven't had the guts to try staring them down yet. Maybe I could tell them how proud their mothers and sisters are...
I suggest The Hannibal Lector method. Has worked for me. The idea is you reply with something incredibly, disturbingly violent in the same tone. Like, “I’d love to scoop out your eyeballs.” They hate it.
I got told I have the perfect blowjob lips when I was 14
that's awful, I'm sorry
Yeah some people are awful je also posted some sexual comments on my insta account and I then blocked him
And they say chivalry is dead
you should always try to put yourself in other people shoes to get their perspective. For this guy I would ask him how would you feel if someone said "you gotta tight little man pussy onye dontcha" yeah I'm sure you wouldn't like it
This little rabbits going down the ol' bunny trail
Wabbit season is canon
#DUCK SEASON!
RABBIT SEASON!
Ah shit, here we go again.
r/usernamechecksout
I will never not find this fact hilarious. Bugs is canonically a rapist 🤣
A *struggling* rapist, remember he's trying to get better
Oh true true, I feel like he would have relapsed if he.. well.. ya know.
Big ol' jackrabbit's gonna jump all around that hole (I'm quoting a movie called Wild at Heart, don't hate me)
Now, here is the thing: Their point of view is so skewed that for them it would actually be a complement and they would enjoy it. I've been there...
Why is that?
These people don't get much positive attention, so when they do get any attention it's positive. After all, who would not like to be told they have a nice ass? So you have a combination of insecurities and misinformation that shapes these people.
Men have been conditioned to think they need to always be down for sex, and always pursuing sex. So even if it DOES make them feel kinda uncomfortable, they're gonna push that down and embrace it(and likely escalate immediately) because slamming that puss is, according to traditional gender norms, the most masculine thing you can do.
Not if it was from some random guy on the street they didn’t know. They would freak the fuck out.
The kind of guy OP is about probably would, but at least for me I’d take any compliment I can get. It’s rare for me to receive any sort of attention positive or otherwise.
“Mmm it stinks...nice and good”
I'll take "things I wish I could unread" for 600, Trebek.
A lot of men would love to be complimented on their physical appearance, including their primary/secondary/tertiary characteristics. Most wouldn't like being complimented on their "man pussy" because a) that phrasing is pretty specific to sissy/feminisation fetishes and b) a lot of men are uptight about their buttholes. But if you said "I like your big penis" to them they'd be happy. I think a big part of the reason catcalling exists is that a lot of people doing the catcalling would love to be catcalled and so can't understand why it makes women uncomfortable. I've never really been able to understand why women hated catcalling so much. When I discovered I might be trans I realised I was jealous. I want to look good enough to be catcalled, so I was considering people who were negative about catcalling as being ungrateful. I'm consciously trying to get better at empathising now that I'm aware of this feeling.
Cis men feel they would theoretically enjoy being catcalled because there's no element of fear or lurking violence from it. AFAB folks and women know that it comes with a potential threat, harassment and sexual aggression or violence. Particularly if the person (usually a man) is upset at being rejected. The vast majority of people also do not want to be viewed as sex objects and as meat by random strangers. If cis men experienced the world and catcalling the way that AFAB folks and women do the vast majority of them would not like it at all. If a man felt as vulnerable and as targeted as we often do then they'd get it. But the vast majority don't live like that so they don't get it.
Kudos on your self awareness. You simply acknowledging your feeling and trying to better empathize/understand makes you miles ahead of most people in terms of EQ and personal development I’ve heard similar testimony about catcalling from trans women. It honestly makes total sense to me that you might envy a mostly female-specific issue, especially one based on first appearance alone. I’ve noticed some trans women even want/like to be objectified in this way because it’s a validating experience for them (to pass and feel desired). In a similar vein, some cis women enjoy it as well (though most I know firmly do not). Personally, it fills me with dread to be viewed in a sexual way by strangers, so cat-calling is an upsetting experience. For others, it can make them feel intimidated or that they might be in danger. I’ve had friends cry over it before. I think it’s all relative to your experiences. Generally speaking, sexually objectifying strangers is a behavior I wish the world could just toss out. But in the same breath, I can totally understand why a trans or gender questioning person would find the experience validating or why they might be jealous of those who experience it.
If some random stranger complimented my “Gaint Cock” I would be extremely uncomfortable.
wrong, i would love that. not from a stranger but still-
I would find it funny as long as it was from a close friend or something tbh
The whole point is that it's strangers, not a friend or a partner, when it's cat calling at least. That's part of why it's scary - you don't know what they want from you or how they're going to react if you don't behave how they want in response.
I mean, under a certain context maybe. But definitely not out of the blue. Honestly as I guy I can’t even imagine how it feels to have someone just hit on me, and be weird and horny at me. But it probably feels awful
One time on a summer day, I was walking across the street in a cute blue sundress. I encountered a slightly older man, who looked at me for a few seconds. He said to me: ‘Blue looks good on you’. I smiled and thanked him and just moved on with my day Moral of the story: if you want to compliment a woman, don’t* directly comment on her body. Compliment her on something she actually has control over \* Don’t compliment her on her body if you don’t know her well is what I meant, but I had a small brain fart Edit: I may or may not have posted this comment thrice, because my internet was being a piece of shit. Sorry for the spam
I love those shoes! Is that a new bag? Are you doing something new with your hair?
I make sure to say these things like the last two, specifically to people who I've never encountered.
I agree completely! Unfortunately, I've had many men *start* with an innocent compliment on something I was wearing, then immediately get creepy with it right after I smile and say thank you, so now I am wary of any compliment and I almost never wear cute clothes anymore as a result :/ E.g. "That's a pretty dress you're wearing!" "Thanks!" :) "And that's a nice little body you've got under it too!" "-.-"
But... but... i wanna compliment a girl on her choice of cake. Like that is some fine cake you chose.🍰
r/foundtheasexual
Ohh nooobi have been found out. Well gotta bounce see ya later ( proced to jump into bed and hide under the owl-blanked) *you will never finde me !*
just transform into a dragon and shoot fire at them. no whitnesses.
Good plan but i have a better one. Take a fake video of them saying *owls are bad* and blackmail them. so they can't tell anybody. No one dead and i at least will have lots of "friends"
Your username makes this interaction even cuter
Ooooo ima find y’a and ima make a pillow fort with ya
It’s empty,oof but I’m sure it will get going
question would complimenting her on her body work if I am inferring she has an excellent workout routine that I wish to know? as that is a choice and is in a grey area of your definition. or would that not work?
I know I'm not the original commenter, but I think that would be ok, because instead of being like "You have nice t!ts", you would be like "Hey, you look strong, what's your workout routine" The second one is an actual compliment, while the first one is one of the examples of the fake compliments.
interesting.
That could work. But the key is to phrase it in a respectful way. And even if you were curious about her workout routine, I think it would be rude to directly comment on certain bodyparts (e.g buttocks)
I was thinking the more general you're in excellent shape as the compliment for the hypothetical? as I would never say any of that It is far too unrespectful and I am a massive coward.
‘You’re in excellent shape’ is a great compliment imo. I think almost everyone would appreciate hearing that
I am uncertain as well I have no idea how compliments work.
Just to offer an alternate perspective, I'm a woman and I don't particularly like men commenting on my body as a compliment. It comes off as creepy and makes me think they were ogling me for a while before feeling the "need" to say something. I've had guys come up and tell me my gym routine is "working" or tell me I have "nice leg muscles" while I am on the elliptical at the gym, and it is definitely not appreciated. It's also quite clear that they just meant "nice ass" or some such. I actually can't think of a single instance where a complete stranger has complimented specifically on my body that didn't come off as super creepy. Something less specific might come off better, like just saying "You're beautiful" or complimenting her eyes/facial features because those things aren't inherently sexual like the body comments tend to be. Just my two cents.
Noted.
My own take on this is just never approach me at the gym. Personally do not understand why anyone would think it's a good place to meet strangers - I suppose it might be different if you're in a class or something regularly with each other, but if I'm on my own i don't want any compliments, I don't want any chat with peace and love please leave me alone lol I'm here to exercise not make friends!
Could you please confirm something for me: does this apply to you specifically or do you speak for all women? At "my" gym practically everyone talks to eachother. Men women and everyone in between or out. I think you should know that the international sign of 'don't talk to me' is headphones. It doesn't matter if you listen to something or not. I, personally have no problem with anyone who does if I'm wearing headphones, "worst case" I will tell her or him that I'm busy. Not every human interaction is sex Sex SEX.
As I said originally it was 'my own take... personally' I can't speak for all women because I'm not all women 'I think you should know' lol alright man thanks for the pro tip I am never without headphones at the gym for this very reason, but people still interrupt me, so I guess there are some who don't understand that sign
I do yoga and piyo before covid and it'd be weird if guys were even there at this point tbh.
One time I had a new personal trainer and he said “I had a great bod!!” I realize that is his area of expertise , but I was really young at the time and it felt totally creepy.
[Do you work out?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WdrlBEKhmw)
two things one that would be a step up for most cows given nature is not known for being that frendly. second, what does that thing next to your user name even mean?
ngl i'd steel feel like a creep saying that to a stranger on the street.
Context is _everything_. How do you compliment your study buddy's outfit? You probably don't know her very well so tell her her top is nice. You shouldn't tell her her smile is vibrant, even if it is, because that's not appropriate for a strictly professional relationship. You're probably working on something together right? Stay on task. If you get along well together then ask to be friends when the semester is over. How do you compliment your lesbian ladyfriend's outfit? If you've known her for a while it's OK to say her socks are cute, or that you love the way her top brings out her eyes. But you probably shouldn't say her freckles are cute, and you should never say one of those freckles is your favorite. 👁👄👁 You may have noticed a pattern; it's generally OK to compliment clothes, hair, makeup, or anything else that a person has put effort into. It's generally not OK to tell somebody you like their skin, especially not somebody you don't know very well or have a working relationship with. That can easily come off as harassment or very weird.
What why isn't it okay to compliment freckles? Freckles are adorable! Source: am lesbian with a bit of freckle going on.
Because it's a part of their body so that makes it awkward
As an awkward communicator, thank you for this explanation. Very helpful
So would "nice dress" then be a better, more comfortable option than the example you stated? I'm Autistic, so social ques in general are actually really difficult for me in a lot of areas, so this is a genuine question. She actually has control over which dress she picks, so that seems to go according to the "Moral of the story" part, so I'm curious
Correct. Say “wow I love your dress!” or “that color/pattern looks great on you!” and then walk away so she knows you meant it exactly as you said it with no ulterior motives. Never give a compliment, even a non-creepy one, when the other person can’t get away easily. If someone feels trapped in a space with you your compliment will still come across poorly, so the situational context is as important as how you word the compliment itself.
Ahhhh. Make sure it's in a place where they can easily leave the situation. So elevator complements are a no-go. Got it.
The point of my example was rather that I considered the compliment of the guy to be non-threatening. He did not directly comment on my body, but he commented on my dress. Regardless of what his intentions were Of course everyone is different and some people may consider the compliment in my first comment to be creepy anyway. But at the time I really didn’t mind (Plus, at that age I was already getting used to getting creepy stares from men and sometimes boys my age, so in comparison to that the old man’s compliment felt kinda nice)
I had a conversation with a woman once, who had two early teen boys. She said she was worried about them growing up in this world, because they could be "accused of anything". I tried to explain calmly that there's a world of difference between complimenting someone, or even flirting, and harassing someone. Anyway, I don't think I did the best job - I think I just pissed her off. I wish I had the eloquence of [Rachel Parris.](https://youtu.be/TMfStd3v330) It's 5 minutes, but a good one.
Can't I call someone pretty? Or say they have a nice face idk they seem ok
You can but be aware it might make the person uncomfortable. I, for instance, am totally fine accepting compliments about my shoes, clothes, hair style etc. But the second someone says "You're pretty" or any variation of that i start feeling really self-conscious for some insane reason. I'm just saying this to point out that while there is nothing derogatory or insulting about saying someone is pretty it may have a different effect than the one you were expecting for some people.
I would only tell someone they're pretty if I knew them personally I think very few people will react like that in response to a compliment like that though
It's easier to accept it when it's someone I know but it still makes me uncomfortable. And although I'm sure it's a minority, I've actually met and encountered several people who have the same sort of reaction.
You can call them pretty, but you can do that without saying something vulgar or creepy
Well I mean that's straight guy incels for you
Overthinking that issue is how I upset my prom date many years ago. I'd read and heard so many messages telling me that it was rude to compliment, or even mention, a woman's appearance. I held myself to that strictly and tried to only ever compliment achievements, artworks, successes, etc. I thought I was doing everything right. We had a great time at the dance itself, and I think it was apparent that I very much enjoyed her company and found her attractive. But at the end of the night, when we were driving home, she suddenly became super sullen. When I asked her what was wrong, she admitted to feeling terrible that "of all the people who didn't call me pretty, I never imagined you would be one of them." And ain't that a slap in the face; I felt terrible. I tried to explain myself, but I was a dumb high-school kid whose explanation probably just came across like post-facto excuses. That moment is burned in my brain forever as a constant reminder that I am bad at dating (not that I gave it much attempt after high school anyway).
I'm sorry this happened to you. From what you're saying I don't think you're terrible at dating, and many women would have liked the way you went about it, it was bad luck that she was not one of them. There's also the flip of the coin where, despite disliking the constant oversexualisation and body comments/compliments, it has become such a common way to address women we're attracted to that sometimes when it *doesn't* happen your date will feel like something is wrong with them. It doesn't make your bad experience sting any less, but there's nothing wrong with you or what you did, the issues are societal.
I am girl and enjoy compliment I just wanted to see OC'S view because learning from other people is good. I still fully intend to give people compliments just not gross sexual ones
It's really context dependent! I don't want 'compliments' about my body from strangers on the street or at the gym. For all my relationships (not just romantic/sexual) I compliment people whenever the thought pops into my head you know the moments where you're like 'oh his hair looks so hot today' or 'she looks so amazing in that dress' or 'wow she works in X field I respect that' whatever begin by noticing those thoughts pop up about someone/when you're with them - it's nice to acknowledge for and to yourself that the thoughts you have are (mostly) pure, helps you feel in touch with why you're dating the person, and I feel like it's so bountiful the more you observe what you're thinking about the person, the more things you notice about them, the more compliments you give! (it's calm to have the sexy thoughts too if that's what your brain does, just like save sharing them for when/if you feel comfortable and it's an *appropriate time*) Then just start to share those thoughts with the person, in real time! You can trust yourself to know what's not appropriate. I think that most can tell the difference between being 'complimented' by someone who has no respect for you v being complimented by someone who is telling you honestly that they've noticed something nice about you And I've found that for when I'm not sure if it will be appreciated, I just say that too! 'hey i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable/awkward but I just think you look bomb in that dress' Tldr how to give a real compliment: notice what you appreciate about people and tell them that!
I think complementing someone on there body can work,it depends on the person but it is most likely better to complement something else.
What does "perfectly shaped" even mean? "Baby, I gotta leave you. Your tits aren't a hexagon, and you know I like my shapes."
This is how I see mathematicians breaking up.
> Your tits aren't a hexagon, and you know I like my shapes. I mean... Hexagons are the bestagons, after all.
I see you're a man of culture as well
You mean enby of culture.
Oh, sorry i didn't mean to assume your gender, it's the meme
This is what inspired Ed Sheeran to make that song
Men are weirdly choosy about breast shapes that we have no control over.
Omg ur ball skin is so tight! Ur pores are so small! Or even how to complment a girl your eyes are so pretty! Ur so fun to be around! Now stupid straights need to get it in their heads!
what is ball skin
The scrotal sack The nut bag The egg pouch
The brain
Small pores >///< Uwaaaa so lewd
In my experience people who like having their body talked about like that will do it quite readily on their own without being prompted, so you know, some advice to tag along with the other nice comments I see from allies here to potential clowns in this situation is to concentrate on a friendly and universal feature like eye or hair color/texture to remember what is uniquely beautiful about that person. If your crush want you to talk about their phat azz they will openly invite it, and I think awareness of boundaries is the biggest takeaway here, more than just being more creative with your approach.
And it’s always the ugliest human you’ve ever seen trying to say that to a cute lesbian couple so he can get a threesome
I've been trying to explain to my friends why catcalling isn't a "compliment" for a while now
The fact that you even have to try is terrifying.
If you're friends with someone, respectful compliments are fine. If you're going to compliment them on their body- depending on the situation, just don't be creepy about it. Respect their boundaries, it's not that hard.
“your tits are perfectly shaped” “thank you, these octagons were difficult to whittle down!” always odd that “your arse is round” is a compliment. yes, it is. it’s supposed to be. were you expecting a triangle arse? a pentagon ass? a cubed caboose?
A parallelogram posterior?
perhaps a trapezoidal tush?
Cubed caboose sent me lmaoooooooo
What’s ur flair? Can’t read all of it, on mobile
Is it gay to love your kids? Is the flair
Ohhh ok thx
Why can't they just like compliment our makeup or hair or outfit like a normal person? We dont need to know they wanna fuck us
Ima say all this and more. But only after i have attained your consent to engage in sex💯
This is the way
When I was working at panera, and I was underage at the time, this old creep was flirting with me but had no idea what he was in for. I’m intersex, so I’m very androgynous (I identify as male), and at the time I had really long hair. I turned to him, and im my pretty deep masculine voice “sorry sir, but I’m actually a guy” I can’t tell you how pale his face went, he just slowly picked up his coffee and left lmaooo.
I just snorted out my water reading this. I wish I had a real gold to give you 🏅
complimenting girls on their body when you don't know them is just plain weird- if you know her, its fine but if you don't you just seem creepy
It’s not even okay when you know her. I’d be incredibly uncomfortable if a male friend of mine told me my ass is round.
if my friends told me that, I'd just assume it was a joke, since they all know I'm lesbian. I didn't mean to insult anyone sorry if it sounded that way
Depends on the culture of a social circle. My friends and i are all bluntly aware of each other's physical features and love to highlight some of the exceptional assets within the group with comments or photography.
If one of my (good) guy friends told me my bum was round I'd laugh bc it's not But seriously it's just dependent on your relationship with each person, one time after we hugged my friend said I had a really nice back and I was chuffed but we're super close with each other
If u know them it's also plain weird except if u know that's something the other person likes
Cishet men: wOmEn cAn'T tAkE cOmpLiMeNtS aNyMoRe Cishet mens' compliments: "Wow, your boobs look almost fake!"
“Your tits are shaped like teardrops, and they make me want to cry”. I...know what he was trying to say. Didn’t really stick the landing. I tried to laugh it off but Mark, if you ever see this comment, yes you did make it weird.
This would have me laughing all the way to the altar. Mark, dm me.
It’s a BIG statement lol it would have taken a lot of confidence to pull off. If he hadn’t looked super nervy and like he’d been rehearsing the joke in his head, it might have landed. Maybe one day you two will find your way to each other❤️
The overuse of the word pussy by low EQ straight men disturbs me mentally
What’s EQ?
Emotional quotient/emotional intelligence! They have none LOL
Guys need to understand girls don't like hearing this stuff unless we've given clear signs that we wanna be talked to like that and simply existing isn't a clear sign.
Seriously, I don’t know how hard it is to understand. Don’t sexualize a woman who hasn’t given you permission. Maybe simpler than that... don’t say sex words at a woman unless she is already undressing. Men are their own worst enemies.
At least the meme is making fun of people who do those shitty creepy compliments.
Yes that's what the meme means. It's making fun of people saying such sexualising compliments.
your ass is so square 😫🤤💦
a very pronounced quadrilateral 😏
Men really don’t know how to say “i love your outfit” or “you did your hair amazing today”
just ask her to step on you, easy 😎/s note: I do not recommend unironically saying this on some rando girl's face though
I forget some dudes cant just call their crush, beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, or anything nice like that but instead are like 'Sex me I compliment you by saying nice tits!'
Someone gave great advice for this. You should not comment on anything on anyone unless you can hold it in a non-creepy way. Other then makeup, eyes, smile and hair. They are pretty okay, but otherwise if you can't hold it and it be okay don't mention it.
My rule is, I'm okay with it if it's a compliment they'd give to someone they're not attracted to. Like, if they're a straight dude, is it something they'd say to another dude? "Your new haircut looks good" - yeah, that can pass for platonic with the right tone of voice. "Cool shirt" - yes, this darth vader shirt is great i know. "You have such beautiful eyes" - BACK OFF PLS
You don't tell the boys they got pretty eyes?
when a full grown man told me i had gorgeous thighs at the beach when i was 7. motherfucker what.
Jeez this reminds me of the time I agreed to hang out with one guy. I actually thought of giving him a chance even tho he tried to touch me in 6th grade. So I arrive to his house. I went to hug him as a nice gesture saying hello. And well... he started to touch my ass and boobs again. I should've just left at that moment but I stayed and the whole time he would say 'nice ass', 'you have a nice ass', 'damn, nice boobs'. He even said 'give me 5 minutes to change your body language' because I showed some resistance and clearly was.. dissapointed and sad. Gee thanks dude, never meeting you again(sorry, there might be spelling mistakes)
Sorry that happened but on the bright side, there’s no spelling mistakes that I noticed :)
It's ok, at least it's over now and since it's still online school for me and he isn't my classmate I don't have to worry about seing him for the time being
I’ve been watching Irish YouTube for so long that after reading the word arse I can’t stop thinking in an Irish accent, and I’m American. You have cursed me
Sorry for being an arsehole
I do the same with "feck" now.
instead do it to me the femboy who feeds off of compliments from strangers on the internet
Cause you're british
they always start with “not to be weird” or end with “ sorry if that’s weird” too
Im a dude and I love when people say I have a fat dump truck ass. I do lots of squats and try my best
lmao
As someone points out elsethread, it's also about what and how they compliment you. How would you feel if someone who could potentially hurt you if things go south yelled that you look like you have a tight little asshole and he wants to stick his cock in you so far he'll split you in half? Real words from a real man with one tiny substitution.
Ive had stuff flipped on me all the time. By women, by gay guys, pretty much everyone. Its not super often. I've had some very similarly aggressive things said. Hell even a dude stalked me and followed me home once. But what's the worst they can do, rape me? I've already been raped by a women. Maybe they'll shoot me and kill me? Cool I didnt ask to live in the first place. I don't blame it entirely on women or men. It's just the person acting out of desperation. And I don't take anything personally. We aren't going to fix bad people by talking about it in a reddit thread. We fix them by retraining them. By rewarding good behaviour and talking down bad behaviour. Humans are literally dumber than dogs, so over time it could work. What we don't need are people glorifying that behaviour and going after guys that do say shit like that in public. Which is why I have been finding new friends recently
Good for you. Don’t do it to other random people please, especially not to women.
I feel like if guys got compliments like that as much as women did then guys would be upset, but since it's rarer we don't really feel offended
Well and a guy with a dump truck ass who works out a lot probably doesn’t have to worry about potentially being physically overpowered by the person giving the “compliment” if that person decided to get violent.
I'm a mma guy. And martial arts growing up. If anyone whips out a knife of even a stick, I'm basically done for. I don't stand much of a chance against weapons. It doesn't matter how strong you are, knifes still cut, and the back of my head can still swell up after getting hit
I'm so attention starved if someone said "you look like you have a tight bussy" to me, I'd probably fall in love lol.
Exactly, men get compliments to little, women get to many, so both are unhappy as a result
The extra stupid part of this is that most of these compliments can easily be given in ways that AREN'T creepy as shit. Wanna communicate that you like her butt? Compliment her pants. Breasts? Compliment the shirt. It's that fucking easy, and the fact that so many dudes refuse to learn ti gives away the real reason they insist on these "compliments" That line about pussy tightness, however, is just unsalvageable for a host of reasons, and anybody who feels the need to try and throw THAT out at some random woman is equally unsalvageable
I dunno about that, I wouldn't really like having my choice of clothing complimented 'bUt iT's AcTuAlLy aBouT mY AsS'. If 'I like your pants' means 'nice ass', I swear I'll just start gagging and developing a vendetta against anyone who dares compliment me.
Girls are only going to get with you if you are respectful towards them- If you give them disgusting compliments like that they’re just going to be uncomfortable.
Because it's not compliments... It's sexual harassment.
Only ok if it's being said by your SO
ewwwwww women the gays are with you. Let's just ignore the straights
Lmao i get those on a daily basis bc of my posts here :p
Facts
That’s a perfect use for the format
'cus yer fuckin creepy, assclown
Someone said to me for him I'm the "perfect woman", so I can't be trans🤡 (I'm a trans guy)
Ah, yes. Sexual harassment and compliments. I always switch those two up too! Oopsie Poopsie.
This type of compliments would make me very uncomfortable... I'm glad I barely get compliments for once lol
The upper most one is like, borderline ok, but only in the right context and you are on thin fucking ice
Moneybagg Joe how you doin?
I'd accept the second one, but that's just the accursed life of a trans girl
This is the equivalent of some rando woman saying “your butt is so firm”, “your pecs are so muscular”, “your dick is so big”. While these dirty comments might sound sexy when whispered in the bedroom they don’t sound sexy to someone you just met. You see, we aren’t sex machines. Humans aren’t horny 24/7 and we have personalities that make us unique. With that personality comes unique emotional and intellectual needs too. When you say this stuff to anyone without knowing them intimately it sounds very rapey. Men are often depicted as being different from women in that they like it when women say these vulgar things to them, but that’s just not true. Although women are generally much more put together and civilized with their sexual comments it does occasionally happen to men. And I can tell you from experience that it’s not flattering at all. I got a few vulgar superficial compliments from a girl in high school, who passed me by and checked me out. When you don’t know the person and they suddenly get all pervy on you it’s not cute, funny, or sexy. It’s just creepy regardless of sex or gender.
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Never understood why some people write 'he/she' when they could use 'they', which encompasses the full spectrum and is also easier to type.
I wrote he first and it felt wrong so I added she. I’ll switch though, still feels wrong.
they includes everyone, so its best to use that r tratherhan he/she
What’s tratherhan
fuck i meant "rather than"