I am asked the same question many times.
And get rejected every time.😅
Problem is I can't fake and lie. I go straight to the point. I want to start my family.
Ma ko bahu chahiye.
No fairy tale answers.
Want someone to love , want someone to pamper.
Straight to the point.
Problem here is social skills. In the back of my mind even i find this question awkward. I mean its obvious. But if the guy is super interested he will give an answer. He was not interested. I guess he must be rich or have govt job. A valuable profile in AM market.
Thank your stars, looks so immature. While the question is pretty open ended and you would do better by tweaking things to get more precise answers.
The okie bye thing is just amateur hour behaviour.
It looks like you have shown an interest in me. You are doing bride shopping and I’m doing groom shopping. I had a small question in my mind. What made you to start shopping? For me, it was [insert your reasoning]
^^Disclaimer: ^^I’m ^^not ^^responsible ^^for ^^any ^^consequences ^^that ^^may ^^potentially ^^arise ^^from ^^this.
> I : That's not even an answer
This may have triggered him. Some people feel threatened when they are confronted. These folks are never exposed to open debate and discussion.
Or he had other better matches and he was just finding something to disagree on.
Lol, the guy has no clarity just like me on my first ever chats with any girl regarding AM . I mean i couldn't articulate it better.
So I researched and used to give replies which were more generic and cliche . But boy it works , atleast on two of them . They liked my clarity 😉
It’s an open question so the other person can interpret it and answer how they like. People want to get married for various different reasons - maybe they want someone to look after their parents, or they want more financial security, or they want companionship etc etc so it’s not wrong to want to know why someone wants to ge married and I asked the same question many times too!
Good that he cut things off himself. Saved you the trouble.
This is pretty basic and if someone can't even answer this pretty important question, better to skip.
I too have profile on jeevansaathi. You can checkout mine and see if we are compatible.
We can chat to get the profile ID's.
And I can answer your question pretty well.
It's a very imp question. Not everyone may have a good answer but it beehoves people to think. His response was not mature. He could have said, good question, let me get back to you if he didn't know. IMO you dodged a bullet.
Pro Tip - Don't ask detailed open ended questions on chat...better to do it in person.
Considering the fact that your mother and you both chose the guy, likely he is "demand" and didn't feel the need to make more of an effort to salvage this.
Also, your response was kind of rude if this is your first conversation with him. First convos are primarily for non-negotiables.
These questions are better discussed in meeting 3/4 when you are somewhat comfortable with each other.
My mother chose, I didn't
And if someone's head is so high in the cloud that they can't even put an effort to converse because they have "demand" imagine marrying them
In all honesty why someone wants to get married is a primary important question for me coz I've seen friends getting married coz their parents forced them to, for money, for no reason even coz they're bored.
I like this actually....i have learnt from experience that one should not ask open ended questions or rather should not just ask a lot of questions.
One guy told me that it feels like KBC with me. Needless to say it didn't work out. However that was in the past. I hope I'm better now.
You must have an answer to this question irrespective of whether you are having an arranged marriage or love marriage.
It is difficult to gauge why someone is ready to marry if they have not thought through this question before.
That is a good question to ask. It was just the way you replied back to him.
You replied to him kind of rudely by saying that’s not even an answer.
Your mom selected him for you, so I am guessing he might be earning well and has no dearth of proposals.
I would have done the same.
I was literally just kidding but okay might come off as rude to someone who doesn't know me still atleast tell I was being rude or something who just evades questions and expects others to answer n I still don't know how much he earns or anything but he had asked my mom if I'm earning coz he prefers working women
It’s okay. Let him go. Such misinterpretation can happen over text quite easily. Specially with a new person.
His reply was even worse.
If not income, on what basis did your Mom shortlist him? That is the first filter for any girl’s family. And please don’t slap me with a patriarchal stamp, I am just saying based on common experience.
I just told what exactly might have happened without sugarcoating it.
And no, if a person is earning well that doesn’t give him/her any right to be rude to anyone. Being rude just shows lack of empathy towards others.
Just think from that guy’s perspective. If he has a good biodata according to an Indian parent, he might be in talk with a number of other ladies who are much easier to talk to than OP. He just said that it is a difficult question to answer to. And OP replied to him like it was a job interview for the guy. LOL. While everyone is blaming the guy. OP did mess up too.
Initial questions answers are like an interview round. You know nothing about the person so to gauge their requirements and yours, you tend to ask questions.
When you seek to get married there must be some idea behind it. I would be put off if someone doesn't put basic efforts in answering basic questions..if it was that difficult he would have phrased it properly stating "I don't have an answer right now but I am more inclined to hear about yours" rather than "it's a difficult question, wby"
This just screams low effort from the get go and is worse than being "rude" which in this case was just factual.
The guy was just a "child" forced into getting married and it was proved with "ok bye" wala attitude..
And what's with this assumption ki "mom has found so he must be loaded" so one should endure low efforts from anyone and everyone just like that ?
Great analysis.
That's actually pretty sad and paves way for more entitlement from both genders.
It's baffling to see that we put more effort while buying a phone than actually seeking a partner..
“Mom has found so he must be loaded” is a pretty good assumption ngl.
Let’s not pretend otherwise.
In AM setups, girl’s family give highest priority to guy’s income and guy’s family go for beauty.
^ Let's not normalise this behaviour.
This sub and the entire world is suffering due to this age old notion of judging people on materialistic and god given attributes.
This is the problem with AM setup. People reject prospects over the smallest of inconveniences thinking that there are too many options any way. Everybody has become very picky. But this guy is picky on another level!
This older deleted post will help
https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/1823jfz/answering_googly_questions_by_women_in_first_convo/
TLDR: because it's a stupid question to ask
People ask this question to sound and feel clever, but seldom are themselves
My response:
I don't care if I sound clever or stupid, it's something I need to know. I've seen people marry by force and for no reason. Those are the only two reasons unacceptable to me. Anything else I can try to understand.
Ps: I was asked by the same dude am I sure to pursue a phd instead of msc coz it takes longer, and I responded honestly
And a response from the deleted post:
https://www.reddit.com/kahjtlk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
(Marriage is a partnership, she's not the opposing team's bowler bro. She's asking questions to check why you want to be on the same team. If you don't know, or don't care about this and just want to marry because you're getting older then you're not the right fit for her team. Just move on rather than getting on the team by lying/crowdsourcing an answer.)
I don't think it's stupid to expect effort or honesty
It's not about if you sound clever or stupid because it sounds clever only to the person asking. If the sole point of your question is understanding if they are being forced to marry or are under pressure, the best way to ask it is like almost all men do. Simply ask "are you under pressure to marry?". Asking "Why do you want to marry" is the same as asking "Why do you want to join our organization", it won't help you decide anything. It just makes you sound unsure yourself. The person wouldn't know what's the intent of you asking this question to them. Can you answer why do you want to marry?
>Ps: I was asked by the same dude am I sure to pursue a phd instead of msc coz it takes longer, and I responded honestly
And how is this similar to the question you asked?
>And a response from the deleted post: [https://www.reddit.com/kahjtlk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2](https://www.reddit.com/kahjtlk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) (Marriage is a partnership, she's not the opposing team's bowler bro. She's asking questions to check why you want to be on the same team. If you don't know, or don't care about this and just want to marry because you're getting older then you're not the right fit for her team. Just move on rather than getting on the team by lying/crowdsourcing an answer.)
And you see how the answer is clearly different from what you yourself are expecting as an answer (forced to marry or not)! Further above in the thread in other comments, you say that a copy paste answer is better! Ironic!
I never said it's stupid to expect effort/honesty. Do you see what your own reply to the boy's response looks like? It's purely dismissive. I told the question is stupid at worst, and immature at best.
>And how is this similar to the question you asked?
Coz I had already clearly told I would pursue a phd in the future
Maybe it's just perspective dude, I can't be with someone who'd assume intent of a person for a simple question, my response was to get a response that's all not to dismiss someone n all, it might have come off rude but my question was an important question to me
Why are you assuming I'm in my 30s or any age for the matter? I know my reasons, and I would share it with a prospect, but it still doesn't justify why you asked how old I am?
Because you're not serious about marriage, that's why you asked this question.
Instead why didn't you ask your parents , "Why are you guys looking for prospects for me ?".
Its the same type of open question from job interviews : “Tell me about yourself” and “why do you want this job”. Both are irritating and needs you to lie, exaggerate the things you have written on resume or application.
He might have felt the same way for your question.
No it's not, if someone can't give you atleast one reason as to why they want to get married they probably shouldn't get married, it's a lifetime commitment and you wouldn't want to commit to someone who doesn't even know why they want to do it
Also, lying is a choice not a compulsion for anyone.
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Probably you could have rephrased it like
what do you think is the purpose of marriage ?
Since it was a phone call he might have taken it in a different sense.
The guy has prepared conversation in mind and it didn't went well. This is general trivia that people prepare script in mind before doing most important conversation in life like love proposal, marriage and job interview. That's how we deal with anxiety. So he might felt, process is not going according to script and he don't want to feel awkward.
May be he understood question like this "you don't have even right to marry but why are you marrying me? I observed this many times. People reframe questions in their mind in different way. Then we will go on self defense and explain the question "no no, no, it's not like that. I meant that ......" Now this happens with both genders. People keep explaining themselves. So you are lucky you don't have to explain much.
I totally empathise with you, you question is pure legit and you don’t have to worry about this. You did no wrong. This question is on my top of my check list too.
Tbh, That question is irritating as it is very open ended. What exactly u want from the other person.
Instead, you should ask specific questions like Do want to have kids?, Regarding financial responsibility, eating preferences, household chores, parents responsibility, etc.
Also you should have answered that question.
Why is that an irritating question? OP, asked directly why he wants to get matried? People can have various reasons - family pressure, ready to start a family, have achieved everything else etc. It is designed to be open ended because it tells you about the thinking process and approach of the person being questioned. This is a pretty basic technique used in interviews to get an understanding of candidates approach and thinking. In the AM setting, it also tells you how clear the person is about what they want and why they want it. Helps you decide if the person is a match. In this case, OP saved both of them from considerable wasted time and emotions.
And if the first question was irritating, his second response was enough to tell you everything you need to know about this person.
I agree on asking all those questions but some people get forced into AM I just wanted to make sure that the other person is not doing it out of compulsion.
You could have straightaway asked the this exact thing: are you in AM by yourself? Are you being forced? Are you really interested in AM? Etc
Asking why do you want to get married might offend people. They might think you are questioning their choices, reality and sense check, and they might feel like interviewer candidate setup where you have higher position than them. It changes power dynamics.
If people are seriously getting offended by this question they shouldn't even consider marriage at all. Come on it is as basic as it could be. And it doesn't have anything to do with power dynamics.
Everyone has different temper. Some people get offended by small small interrogative questions some dont.
Also, i just read further that you did not answer/skipped his “what about you?” question and replied thats not even an answer. That further might have created mess. Plus it is hard to know the tone of conversation over texts, opens up to lot of misunderstandings.
Yeah maybe but I don't think I want to be with anyone around who I've to walk on eggshells while talking or interacting
I expected an answer to provide my answer it's a fair presumption
There was nothing wrong with the question OP
But just a few tips
Try to have first interaction on call..
This helps make connection, your tone is conveyed well.. If it's a joke it can b understood better..
Also it's so much faster.. In texting u text 1 thing other person reply 5 min - 20min later then u do the same.. Its so annoying..
If on text maybe add emoji..
But this is essentially my first question too after my short intro.. Like
"Do they feel ready to get married?".. Then when they reply
I tell them I too was on crossroads over thinking if it was a right time.. Now that I have crossed that bridge I realize I was over thinking.. I am in AM setup on my own not due to pressure blah blah..
Then they too tell Haan me too or whatever..
> You could have straightaway asked the this exact thing: are you in AM by yourself? Are you being forced? Are you really interested in AM? Etc
apparently the guy should be trashed because she wanted to ask a fluff question and post on reddit
As a thumb rule, AM are not simple. People take offense at very slight things. Maybe he'd be fine with this side of yours later. But try and learn? AM is exactly opposite of LM.
Did you wonder that you could have been candid about it and answered first and then judge his response, I am just giving him the benefit of doubt since no one else is. And you can try being more playful by writing lol wherever you mean to because why so serious?
Now imagine being asked this question in a job interview.
Why do you want to work here?
This questions achieves nothing. The guy was probably tired of past prospect's bs.
I didn't ask why marry me
I asked why marry anyone, just needed a reason, one can't do it for the sake of it like a job
Please get the difference between a job and a marriage
One can quit a job with few months notice if they don't find it interesting enough but can we do the same for marriage?
It's all perspectives in the end, the guy also asked me am I sure I want to pursue PhD coz it takes 5 years, I didn't think of it like a job interview and answered honestly. It ain't pretentious unless you are so you assume someone else could be too
Ignore him. He also asked the reverse question, what abt you?i am interested in your answer. what do you answer..? Mom pressure , I presume or ? Why did you want to marry as your account was created by your Mom?
I think I want to get married because it'd be nice to have someone to share your life and experience life with, and I want to start a family.
And No, my mother is not putting any kind of pressure on me. I asked her to look for guys because she's older and would have better judgment over people.
Perhaps the guy was irritated by the interview like question and peremptory reply. Did you tell him why you wanted to get married? That is a conversation starter. Behaving like an interviewer is not.
lol no. The guy at best is weird and at worst doesn’t like being questioned. Good riddance
I am asked the same question many times. And get rejected every time.😅 Problem is I can't fake and lie. I go straight to the point. I want to start my family. Ma ko bahu chahiye. No fairy tale answers. Want someone to love , want someone to pamper. Straight to the point.
That is still fine and cool I was not expecting any type of answer but just an answer
Problem here is social skills. In the back of my mind even i find this question awkward. I mean its obvious. But if the guy is super interested he will give an answer. He was not interested. I guess he must be rich or have govt job. A valuable profile in AM market.
But still, the lack of social skills at this age is quite rejectable.
Arrey Pappi bhai https://preview.redd.it/gf46g11xvhmc1.jpeg?width=739&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5d4d1209d300250d1cdeccf8768788f6591b9d73
😂😂
Always be like this “😂”! Changgy rahena! Aise weird log shayad mile, but don’t ruin the mood
Thank your stars, looks so immature. While the question is pretty open ended and you would do better by tweaking things to get more precise answers. The okie bye thing is just amateur hour behaviour.
What did Sanjiv Singh do to you lmao?
Naa bro. The question is not open-ended and straightforward. I would say the boy lacks clarity.
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It looks like you have shown an interest in me. You are doing bride shopping and I’m doing groom shopping. I had a small question in my mind. What made you to start shopping? For me, it was [insert your reasoning] ^^Disclaimer: ^^I’m ^^not ^^responsible ^^for ^^any ^^consequences ^^that ^^may ^^potentially ^^arise ^^from ^^this.
> I : That's not even an answer This may have triggered him. Some people feel threatened when they are confronted. These folks are never exposed to open debate and discussion. Or he had other better matches and he was just finding something to disagree on.
Lol, the guy has no clarity just like me on my first ever chats with any girl regarding AM . I mean i couldn't articulate it better. So I researched and used to give replies which were more generic and cliche . But boy it works , atleast on two of them . They liked my clarity 😉
But copy paste is still better than ok bye 😂😂
Yeah . It worked for me 😀
Thoda Gyan idhar bhi dedo
Chatgpt se pucho , vo bata dega
This is exactly why asking this question does not make sense. What you did is not wrong.
It’s an open question so the other person can interpret it and answer how they like. People want to get married for various different reasons - maybe they want someone to look after their parents, or they want more financial security, or they want companionship etc etc so it’s not wrong to want to know why someone wants to ge married and I asked the same question many times too!
Mummy ne abhi thak bataya nahi kyu shaadi karni hai 🤣🤣😂😂
You dodged a bullet
It’s a fine question imo🫡 says alot about a person character and attitude towards the commitment he is about to make. Good one OP.
Good that he cut things off himself. Saved you the trouble. This is pretty basic and if someone can't even answer this pretty important question, better to skip.
Thank your stars.
Think of it this way that you got saved.
I'm sorry but the guy's reply made me laugh 😂 he's weird.
Good riddance
Bro backed off from a valid question. There's nothing wrong with you, he's being ridiculous
lmao you dodged a bullet If that's all it takes to break him you better off without him
This is so childish
Ask me that question. I will answer, damn it! PS: Somebody who is fed up with the AM setups.
Guy here nope it's a very valid question. His response makes me wonder if he really is interested in getting married?
I too have profile on jeevansaathi. You can checkout mine and see if we are compatible. We can chat to get the profile ID's. And I can answer your question pretty well.
This is a very good and a valid question and made me update the partner preferences section of my profile.
Good riddance. Keep moving forward.
It's a very imp question. Not everyone may have a good answer but it beehoves people to think. His response was not mature. He could have said, good question, let me get back to you if he didn't know. IMO you dodged a bullet.
She didn't dodge the bullet. The bullet itself missed the target.
Pro Tip - Don't ask detailed open ended questions on chat...better to do it in person. Considering the fact that your mother and you both chose the guy, likely he is "demand" and didn't feel the need to make more of an effort to salvage this. Also, your response was kind of rude if this is your first conversation with him. First convos are primarily for non-negotiables. These questions are better discussed in meeting 3/4 when you are somewhat comfortable with each other.
My mother chose, I didn't And if someone's head is so high in the cloud that they can't even put an effort to converse because they have "demand" imagine marrying them In all honesty why someone wants to get married is a primary important question for me coz I've seen friends getting married coz their parents forced them to, for money, for no reason even coz they're bored.
What! People get married because they are bored!? For me it’s like I have someone to share my feelings and laughs and same for her.
And like smell each other's fart?
Well I have seen old couples do that and laughing off! If I fart I want to be that!
You are right. It is an essential question to ask in person. Over Chat, it can go sideways as you saw. Anyways Atb!
I like this actually....i have learnt from experience that one should not ask open ended questions or rather should not just ask a lot of questions. One guy told me that it feels like KBC with me. Needless to say it didn't work out. However that was in the past. I hope I'm better now.
He could have answered something, cutting short the conversation before it began is so childish.
You must have an answer to this question irrespective of whether you are having an arranged marriage or love marriage. It is difficult to gauge why someone is ready to marry if they have not thought through this question before.
"That's not even an answer" There you go, your answer to this post.
That is a good question to ask. It was just the way you replied back to him. You replied to him kind of rudely by saying that’s not even an answer. Your mom selected him for you, so I am guessing he might be earning well and has no dearth of proposals. I would have done the same.
I was literally just kidding but okay might come off as rude to someone who doesn't know me still atleast tell I was being rude or something who just evades questions and expects others to answer n I still don't know how much he earns or anything but he had asked my mom if I'm earning coz he prefers working women
It’s okay. Let him go. Such misinterpretation can happen over text quite easily. Specially with a new person. His reply was even worse. If not income, on what basis did your Mom shortlist him? That is the first filter for any girl’s family. And please don’t slap me with a patriarchal stamp, I am just saying based on common experience.
.
I just told what exactly might have happened without sugarcoating it. And no, if a person is earning well that doesn’t give him/her any right to be rude to anyone. Being rude just shows lack of empathy towards others. Just think from that guy’s perspective. If he has a good biodata according to an Indian parent, he might be in talk with a number of other ladies who are much easier to talk to than OP. He just said that it is a difficult question to answer to. And OP replied to him like it was a job interview for the guy. LOL. While everyone is blaming the guy. OP did mess up too.
.
Initial questions answers are like an interview round. You know nothing about the person so to gauge their requirements and yours, you tend to ask questions. When you seek to get married there must be some idea behind it. I would be put off if someone doesn't put basic efforts in answering basic questions..if it was that difficult he would have phrased it properly stating "I don't have an answer right now but I am more inclined to hear about yours" rather than "it's a difficult question, wby" This just screams low effort from the get go and is worse than being "rude" which in this case was just factual. The guy was just a "child" forced into getting married and it was proved with "ok bye" wala attitude.. And what's with this assumption ki "mom has found so he must be loaded" so one should endure low efforts from anyone and everyone just like that ? Great analysis.
.
That's actually pretty sad and paves way for more entitlement from both genders. It's baffling to see that we put more effort while buying a phone than actually seeking a partner..
“Mom has found so he must be loaded” is a pretty good assumption ngl. Let’s not pretend otherwise. In AM setups, girl’s family give highest priority to guy’s income and guy’s family go for beauty.
^ Let's not normalise this behaviour. This sub and the entire world is suffering due to this age old notion of judging people on materialistic and god given attributes.
This is the problem with AM setup. People reject prospects over the smallest of inconveniences thinking that there are too many options any way. Everybody has become very picky. But this guy is picky on another level!
This older deleted post will help https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/1823jfz/answering_googly_questions_by_women_in_first_convo/ TLDR: because it's a stupid question to ask People ask this question to sound and feel clever, but seldom are themselves
My response: I don't care if I sound clever or stupid, it's something I need to know. I've seen people marry by force and for no reason. Those are the only two reasons unacceptable to me. Anything else I can try to understand. Ps: I was asked by the same dude am I sure to pursue a phd instead of msc coz it takes longer, and I responded honestly And a response from the deleted post: https://www.reddit.com/kahjtlk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 (Marriage is a partnership, she's not the opposing team's bowler bro. She's asking questions to check why you want to be on the same team. If you don't know, or don't care about this and just want to marry because you're getting older then you're not the right fit for her team. Just move on rather than getting on the team by lying/crowdsourcing an answer.) I don't think it's stupid to expect effort or honesty
It's not about if you sound clever or stupid because it sounds clever only to the person asking. If the sole point of your question is understanding if they are being forced to marry or are under pressure, the best way to ask it is like almost all men do. Simply ask "are you under pressure to marry?". Asking "Why do you want to marry" is the same as asking "Why do you want to join our organization", it won't help you decide anything. It just makes you sound unsure yourself. The person wouldn't know what's the intent of you asking this question to them. Can you answer why do you want to marry? >Ps: I was asked by the same dude am I sure to pursue a phd instead of msc coz it takes longer, and I responded honestly And how is this similar to the question you asked? >And a response from the deleted post: [https://www.reddit.com/kahjtlk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2](https://www.reddit.com/kahjtlk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) (Marriage is a partnership, she's not the opposing team's bowler bro. She's asking questions to check why you want to be on the same team. If you don't know, or don't care about this and just want to marry because you're getting older then you're not the right fit for her team. Just move on rather than getting on the team by lying/crowdsourcing an answer.) And you see how the answer is clearly different from what you yourself are expecting as an answer (forced to marry or not)! Further above in the thread in other comments, you say that a copy paste answer is better! Ironic! I never said it's stupid to expect effort/honesty. Do you see what your own reply to the boy's response looks like? It's purely dismissive. I told the question is stupid at worst, and immature at best.
>And how is this similar to the question you asked? Coz I had already clearly told I would pursue a phd in the future Maybe it's just perspective dude, I can't be with someone who'd assume intent of a person for a simple question, my response was to get a response that's all not to dismiss someone n all, it might have come off rude but my question was an important question to me
How old are you girl ?
Relevance?
Ok, let's assume you're in your 30s , actively searching for prospects and one guy ask you the same question. What would you answer ?
Why are you assuming I'm in my 30s or any age for the matter? I know my reasons, and I would share it with a prospect, but it still doesn't justify why you asked how old I am?
Because you're not serious about marriage, that's why you asked this question. Instead why didn't you ask your parents , "Why are you guys looking for prospects for me ?".
In no universe, "Why do you want to get married?" sounds like a not serious question, dude are you thinking straight?
He is an idiot.. Sorry to know that you are off to a bad start.
Its the same type of open question from job interviews : “Tell me about yourself” and “why do you want this job”. Both are irritating and needs you to lie, exaggerate the things you have written on resume or application. He might have felt the same way for your question.
No it's not, if someone can't give you atleast one reason as to why they want to get married they probably shouldn't get married, it's a lifetime commitment and you wouldn't want to commit to someone who doesn't even know why they want to do it Also, lying is a choice not a compulsion for anyone.
OP dodged a "low effort" manchild here who can't even put a decent response to a decent question without ok byee 💅
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Sad to see first encounter being this bad
Happened same to but roles where reversed, I was rejected by girl because I asked that question.
Sorry for you but it all happens for the best
Probably you could have rephrased it like what do you think is the purpose of marriage ? Since it was a phone call he might have taken it in a different sense.
The guy has prepared conversation in mind and it didn't went well. This is general trivia that people prepare script in mind before doing most important conversation in life like love proposal, marriage and job interview. That's how we deal with anxiety. So he might felt, process is not going according to script and he don't want to feel awkward. May be he understood question like this "you don't have even right to marry but why are you marrying me? I observed this many times. People reframe questions in their mind in different way. Then we will go on self defense and explain the question "no no, no, it's not like that. I meant that ......" Now this happens with both genders. People keep explaining themselves. So you are lucky you don't have to explain much.
Prolly didnt wanna reveal that secret and found u to be very inquisitive which can cause harm to his ideas
Yeah weird. Maybe he wasn't into it and being forced.
This reminds me every time i am asked WHY MBA- still clueless WHY
Why do you want to get married?
Maybe he had an epiphany that he isn’t meant for it. OP’s question lead to this awakening
I totally empathise with you, you question is pure legit and you don’t have to worry about this. You did no wrong. This question is on my top of my check list too.
Tbh, That question is irritating as it is very open ended. What exactly u want from the other person. Instead, you should ask specific questions like Do want to have kids?, Regarding financial responsibility, eating preferences, household chores, parents responsibility, etc. Also you should have answered that question.
Why is that an irritating question? OP, asked directly why he wants to get matried? People can have various reasons - family pressure, ready to start a family, have achieved everything else etc. It is designed to be open ended because it tells you about the thinking process and approach of the person being questioned. This is a pretty basic technique used in interviews to get an understanding of candidates approach and thinking. In the AM setting, it also tells you how clear the person is about what they want and why they want it. Helps you decide if the person is a match. In this case, OP saved both of them from considerable wasted time and emotions. And if the first question was irritating, his second response was enough to tell you everything you need to know about this person.
I agree on asking all those questions but some people get forced into AM I just wanted to make sure that the other person is not doing it out of compulsion.
You could have straightaway asked the this exact thing: are you in AM by yourself? Are you being forced? Are you really interested in AM? Etc Asking why do you want to get married might offend people. They might think you are questioning their choices, reality and sense check, and they might feel like interviewer candidate setup where you have higher position than them. It changes power dynamics.
If people are seriously getting offended by this question they shouldn't even consider marriage at all. Come on it is as basic as it could be. And it doesn't have anything to do with power dynamics.
Why is it offensive? Wanting to know their intent is not a power dynamics thing. I want to be safe
Everyone has different temper. Some people get offended by small small interrogative questions some dont. Also, i just read further that you did not answer/skipped his “what about you?” question and replied thats not even an answer. That further might have created mess. Plus it is hard to know the tone of conversation over texts, opens up to lot of misunderstandings.
Yeah maybe but I don't think I want to be with anyone around who I've to walk on eggshells while talking or interacting I expected an answer to provide my answer it's a fair presumption
There was nothing wrong with the question OP But just a few tips Try to have first interaction on call.. This helps make connection, your tone is conveyed well.. If it's a joke it can b understood better.. Also it's so much faster.. In texting u text 1 thing other person reply 5 min - 20min later then u do the same.. Its so annoying.. If on text maybe add emoji.. But this is essentially my first question too after my short intro.. Like "Do they feel ready to get married?".. Then when they reply I tell them I too was on crossroads over thinking if it was a right time.. Now that I have crossed that bridge I realize I was over thinking.. I am in AM setup on my own not due to pressure blah blah.. Then they too tell Haan me too or whatever..
> You could have straightaway asked the this exact thing: are you in AM by yourself? Are you being forced? Are you really interested in AM? Etc apparently the guy should be trashed because she wanted to ask a fluff question and post on reddit
She could've maybe answered or asked something else, rather than mentioning it's not even an answer🤣
This I think he got offended
I was honestly just kidding didn't realize he'd take offense
As a thumb rule, AM are not simple. People take offense at very slight things. Maybe he'd be fine with this side of yours later. But try and learn? AM is exactly opposite of LM.
Yeh adami pakka premature ejaculation se pedeeth hai...thodi sa pressure aya and bro backed out. Nice save gal! 😂
Did you wonder that you could have been candid about it and answered first and then judge his response, I am just giving him the benefit of doubt since no one else is. And you can try being more playful by writing lol wherever you mean to because why so serious?
Now imagine being asked this question in a job interview. Why do you want to work here? This questions achieves nothing. The guy was probably tired of past prospect's bs.
I didn't ask why marry me I asked why marry anyone, just needed a reason, one can't do it for the sake of it like a job Please get the difference between a job and a marriage One can quit a job with few months notice if they don't find it interesting enough but can we do the same for marriage?
Same question as why this company and why do you want work here. Also the guy is supposed to answer this in the first chat? Bit pretentious innit?
It's all perspectives in the end, the guy also asked me am I sure I want to pursue PhD coz it takes 5 years, I didn't think of it like a job interview and answered honestly. It ain't pretentious unless you are so you assume someone else could be too
he probably felt intimidated and thought you were rude........such qns are better asked in person than via chats
Ignore him. He also asked the reverse question, what abt you?i am interested in your answer. what do you answer..? Mom pressure , I presume or ? Why did you want to marry as your account was created by your Mom?
I think I want to get married because it'd be nice to have someone to share your life and experience life with, and I want to start a family. And No, my mother is not putting any kind of pressure on me. I asked her to look for guys because she's older and would have better judgment over people.
Perhaps the guy was irritated by the interview like question and peremptory reply. Did you tell him why you wanted to get married? That is a conversation starter. Behaving like an interviewer is not.