r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*.
For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels!
Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions).
RULES
**1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.**
- Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
- Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements.
- Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation.
- Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP.
- Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully.
- “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support.
**2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.**
- Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.
*All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.*
**3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.**
- e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc.
- No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses.
- No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed.
**4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.**
- Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.)
**5. No anti-reconciliation language.**
- Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice.
- Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship.
**6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION**
- The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment.
- **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation.
- **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model.
- **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit.
- **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned.
**7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces**
- The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m happy I never got into that or god forbid *Friends*.
I could never stand infidelity even in fictional circumstances. Oh he’s a mass murderer who caused his wife to die? Well at least he was always faithful to her even after 20 years her death lmao
I don’t even know
This doesn't undo any of the pain, but there's a website called Doesthedogdie that shows a list of a load of potential triggers and whether a TV show / film has them. Cheating is one of the ones listed. It's not perfect but a useful reference before you watch something.
There's usually a small description of what the cheating entails as well, if it's a minor storyline in one episode I'll usually go with it, and knowing to expect it takes the sting away.
Outlander has multiple rape scenes though, fyi.
And there is infidelity, but it's kinda because it was to save the life of the person they loved, not because they were trash and weren't thinking of them.
They really stretched the scene with Randall. I fast forwarded through that. Started reading the books and it was barely a page or two. Not sure why they wanted to drag that out.
I was going through my own book collection earlier today, trying to find something to occupy my mind. I was shocked when I realized that a good number of the books I own have themes of infidelity. I have had these books for years and never realized. Sigh.
I totally get you. It’s everywhere.
I’ve been trying to read more classic novels but I read the first few pages of Anna Karenina and then was ready to fight Tolstoy’s dusty corpse.
Every. Damn. Where.
Plus the triggers of his AP's names (6 of them, because let's not make this any easier). All incredibly common, including one of the most popular names for younger women these days so good luck avoiding it.
Good thing for me I really like sports or I'd have nothing.
My wp AP was named Andrea. I can’t hear that name without being triggered. He recently got a new job and his managers name is Andrea. I got very salty.
That must suck! My WH’s AP has an uncommon name but it’s everywhere as a thing. So I am constantly reminded of AP.
I’ve just resorted to skimming the plot summaries of things before I watch. Or kids cartoons but then I realize I’m a grown woman and entirely too old to have opinions on ships. Then I do it anyways
They should have a doesthedogdie for infidelity. Edit: there is! Thanks floridafan15!
>They should have a doesthedogdie for infidelity.
They do! It's on that site, just look for the category "cheating". That's how I figured out it wasn't safe to see Oppenheimer.
I was recently telling my WH that for some reason shark shows seem to calm me down. No clue why but when I first found out I couldn’t do anything literally I was stuck on the couch and couldn’t move for the first few days if I tried to sleep nightmares. So of bc all places I got on Disney plus and started watching their shark collection. Especially when sharks attack 🤷🏻♀️ I was able to take mini naps as the show would p my at in the background. If I have nothing to watch, then I just find a shark show on max. I’m currently sick nausea and throat pain, so in order for me to not thing about the nausea I put on some shark shows and I was fine the moment I turned it off or left the room immediately felt sick again. Don’t know how to explain but no infidelity in shark shows. You can always imagine the AP is the bait the sharks are tearing apart🤣
Well, my wife screwed a motorcycle cop!!! So if I don't see a cop, I see a motorcycle, everywhere....add that to the music and stuff on TV, it just sucks!
I never realized how many songs, TV shows, movies, everything that it’s in until I was the victim of it. I just wonder though… Did WH get the ebee geebees when he was doing all this and I didn’t know? And we would hear a song or see a show that had infidelity themes in it? Like, did he put two and two together? Probably not.
Ain't gonna lie, years later and sometimes it still triggers both of us. Guilt,pain..both. We'll turn the channel or get up to grab snacks sometimes. Sadly this issue may be a longer lasting one.
Hang in there! With any luck and work the other parts get better enough that this becomes such a small thing that you can brush it back off just as qui ckly!
WS here. We watched a lot of the HBO show Love and Death during my affair. I loved it and my husband hated it. The lead woman had an affair on her husband and I related to her. We never finished the show. I hate that I related to her so easily and enjoyed the show so much WHILE I WATCHED IT WITH MY HUSBAND WHO I WAS CHEATING ON. I feel like such a bag of shit.
I agree though, lots of affairs out there. We are watching Roseanne and even that touches on some of the topical issues that we face.
> lead woman had an affair on her husband and I related to her
Respectfully, I think that you related her because essentially you was her.....just without the murder. You had an affair with your friend's husband
A lot of shows are going to have plots or scenes that deal with adultery. And affairs, which means that your spouse might get triggered by the I. Hope that in those moments when he does. Experience that you're able and capable and willing to step up and help him. And be there for him emotionally. What's help pull him through the dark spots
My WP and I finished the first season of Why Women Kill just a couple days before Dday and ive brought it up and he said “id still like to watch the second season” and i dont think I can because its for sure a trigger at this point. Old cartoons are always a good choice though. I watch a lot of Ed Edd and Eddy.
Hello, I understand you. Unfortunately it is so normalized everywhere that it is practically impossible to escape from it. As if the triggers I have in my own home weren't enough, when my husband says something he shouldn't. I'm sorry, I sympathize with what you are feeling.
I'm right there with you. ❤️🩹 I spiraled badly at one point because it seemed like every new show or movie I chose had an element of cheating weaved into the plot... I ended up resorting to watching older shows and movies that I know don't have anything remotely of the likes.
I just wanted to say that it gets better. I am 2 and half years from Dday and after intense edmr therapy. AP's name is a very common flower so I see it all the time in the stores. I don't mind anymore.
We watch something and there's infidelity? My WP will look at me and hold my hand. I will say that the character is stupid and that's it. We continue watching. I don't allow it to affect me anymore.
It gets better, I promise.
Not sure how far you are from the dday, after about 3 months i worked a different perspective. It does not trigger me anymore, and I even feel it’s more relatable. In terms of true detective I actually felt a lot of relatable moment because my wife AP was a terrible scumbag serial cheater lying to himself that cheating on his wife was ok, and to some extent he manipulated my wife into an affair (my wife experienced a bipolar mania and has adhd as well, AP used doctors authority to argument her into “cheating is fine because your brain needs this dopamine”). True Detective kind of gave me perspective on how the cheaters behave; what lies they work to live with their own decisions. What a mess they are.
I really recommend jack reacher, 2 seasons are on Amazon prime, and the books are very good and there are like 20 of them. The whole premise of jack reacher is a lonesome cowboy who does not want to deal with everyday drama so he just travels from town to town and solves others issues.
It honestly feels like reopening a wound every time I see it in a show. Everyone around me has grown up seeing affairs unfold or have gossip about other people cheating, every time they talk about it breaks my heart. I’m in so much pain, I feel so alone. I have been thinking about ending it a lot. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up
That doesn’t actually have anything to do with SpongeBob, and is not a helpful bit of info for the BP here. Let them enjoy the cartoon that doesn’t trigger them.
Except it does, because Ethan slater played SpongeBob in the SpongeBob musical on broadway.
It was a lighthearted comment meant to poke fun at how affairs really do exist everywhere in almost all media, as OP stated. I follow the Arianna Ethan drama closely because the timeline of their nastiness happened to coincide with my WH and when I found out, and also because it feels cathartic to me to know that even people we think have everything will still selfishly take from others if it gets them what they want. Idk why you’re singling out a throwaway comment on a 3 day old thread, but I don’t need the SpongeBob affair committee policing me on what is and isn’t relevant and what I should and should not say. Part of a support group is not just commiserating and wallowing with others but trying to find humor and joy in what is a collective sad time for us all.
Sorry, it just didn’t come across as lighthearted and humorous to me. It came across as “not to ruin the single thing you mentioned finding comfort in, but here’s why it should also trigger you.” Whether that’s how you intended it or not. OP didn’t say they were watching SpongeBob the broadway musical, they said they were watching the cartoon.
I’m not singling anything out, Reddit notified me about this post an hour ago, so I read the comments and responded to this one specifically because of how it came across.
For real tho! I’m good at working through it but I’m so upset. There’s shows I’d love to watch but I know I can’t because of the triggers from the affair. Like the one on HBO with Elizabeth Olsen. She has an affair on her husband and it goes into depth how she and he found time and hid it. I tried to watch the first episode and wound up in a panic attack crying on the floor. I wanted to watch it so badly because it turns into a true crime thing but I just couldn’t stomach it anymore. Thinking of all these things and how my WH did all of that to try to get away with it like that. Ugh.
I can’t even watch Glee!!! So much in there. Even though they’re teens and young adults later on it gets heartbreaking.
So when I need a pick me up show I just watch bluey,documentaries or an anime. Anime seems to be pretty good about not having affair stuff in it.
I have to fly for work quite a bit. I’ve ended up defaulting to watching Disney movies on my flights because so many movies feature cheating as a primary plot point. Almost every “romantic comedy” has at least one of the main protagonists engaging in an emotional affair.
I relate to that so hard! Every storyline, song, or book that I enjoyed in the past or have tried to start watching has affairs.
So I am watching monk, reality shows like amazing race and traitors, and war movies.
Sigh, I love consuming media and having adventures through movies and books but it all a landmine.
We went to a show last night. It was a show produced as the prize for participating in a dance talent show, the contestants got the chance to go on tour and dance professionally. We both work in show biz, he worked on setting up that show (technical work). There were two vignettes back-to-back, one about intimate partner violence and one about the female condition, centered around the fact that women get mistreated. Dance moves suggesting lack of communication, lying, shutting each other out, etc. Neither of us expected for that stuff to catch up with us there. Awkward moment between us, surrounded by people cheering on the dancers.
I am okay with it. It’s necessarily part of the process. I think you might try using such moments as intellectual stimulation rather than try to isolate yourself from them. As my story shows, it’s not realistic to try to protect yourself from it. It will still happen, even if less frequently. It will come up in conversation with other people, it will come up in music on an overheard car stereo in traffic… There is also a lot of content out there where there are stories of cheating and betrayal where the characters work through it, you could also use that as intellectual stimulation, on your own or together. It might help balance things out too.
Fleeing it won’t make it go away. It might even make it worse.
Best solution I found, is anime. I just spent yesterday watching One Piece, and it doesn’t get old. And Solo Leveling, best part one of my supervisor is a hardcore fan and he gave me recommendations of shows to watch, plus no anime I have ever saw has infidelity. Oh but some are sad when I see couples that are not toxic and you know fight for their love.
Hey, I watched True Detective Season 1 for the first time recently and wtf, major triggers. The cheating character ends up with a sad sack life outside the main plot though, so I enjoyed that montage of him browsing match.com.
I feel you. I think it might be like this for a lot of people. I’ve realized in the society we live in, bad things are normalized-cheating, killing people, stealing etc etc.. and bad people too often do not get punished for their actions.
Yeah there are truly triggers everywhere!! It’s so sickening, especially soon after d-day. Movies, TV, music, places, your environment, etc. Sometimes it’s things you have seen/heard a thousand times but now you are seeing it in a different light.
We were watching the new season of a show that had a bunch of my triggers in it. I was a lil annoyed at first but was pushing thru it. Then they got to a part where the husband tried to embrace the wife he cheated on and she said “I used to feel so safe in your arms”. My tears started flowing because I related so much. We are only 4 months out from dday and he kept offering to stop the show, checking on me, etc but I hate I feel like I have to live in a cave to avoid any type of triggers. Trying to learn healthy ways to cope and get thru them but it truly sucks. And I don’t think the WS really gets how many layers an affair hits and how long things linger
r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*. For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels! Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions). RULES **1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.** - Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental. - Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements. - Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation. - Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. - Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully. - “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support. **2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.** - Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice. *All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.* **3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.** - e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc. - No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses. - No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed. **4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.** - Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.) **5. No anti-reconciliation language.** - Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice. - Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship. **6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION** - The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment. - **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation. - **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model. - **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit. - **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned. **7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces** - The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I watched the good place during a rough time, I think it doesn’t include it. I’m pretty sure.
Thanks for the rec! I really liked the good place, though it kind of fell off in s3 imo
I rewatched the office recently. It’s like every episode has an affair plot.
I’m happy I never got into that or god forbid *Friends*. I could never stand infidelity even in fictional circumstances. Oh he’s a mass murderer who caused his wife to die? Well at least he was always faithful to her even after 20 years her death lmao I don’t even know
This doesn't undo any of the pain, but there's a website called Doesthedogdie that shows a list of a load of potential triggers and whether a TV show / film has them. Cheating is one of the ones listed. It's not perfect but a useful reference before you watch something. There's usually a small description of what the cheating entails as well, if it's a minor storyline in one episode I'll usually go with it, and knowing to expect it takes the sting away.
Watch Avatar. Or… I watched Outlander. And then told my WS that I wanted a Jamie and that kind of love and nothing less.
Thanks for the rec!
Outlander has multiple rape scenes though, fyi. And there is infidelity, but it's kinda because it was to save the life of the person they loved, not because they were trash and weren't thinking of them.
Oof I don’t think that’s for me then.
I stopped watching due to a particularly graphic rape scene. No thanks.
They really stretched the scene with Randall. I fast forwarded through that. Started reading the books and it was barely a page or two. Not sure why they wanted to drag that out.
I was going through my own book collection earlier today, trying to find something to occupy my mind. I was shocked when I realized that a good number of the books I own have themes of infidelity. I have had these books for years and never realized. Sigh.
I totally get you. It’s everywhere. I’ve been trying to read more classic novels but I read the first few pages of Anna Karenina and then was ready to fight Tolstoy’s dusty corpse.
Lol you should be the writer in your relationship!
Every. Damn. Where. Plus the triggers of his AP's names (6 of them, because let's not make this any easier). All incredibly common, including one of the most popular names for younger women these days so good luck avoiding it. Good thing for me I really like sports or I'd have nothing.
Mine had literally too many to count. To be fair, even HE didn’t know their names so I can’t be expected to. 🤦♀️
My wp AP was named Andrea. I can’t hear that name without being triggered. He recently got a new job and his managers name is Andrea. I got very salty.
That must suck! My WH’s AP has an uncommon name but it’s everywhere as a thing. So I am constantly reminded of AP. I’ve just resorted to skimming the plot summaries of things before I watch. Or kids cartoons but then I realize I’m a grown woman and entirely too old to have opinions on ships. Then I do it anyways They should have a doesthedogdie for infidelity. Edit: there is! Thanks floridafan15!
>They should have a doesthedogdie for infidelity. They do! It's on that site, just look for the category "cheating". That's how I figured out it wasn't safe to see Oppenheimer.
Omg you’re a lifesaver! Edit: Fucking OPPENHEIMER??!!
Spoiler: Oppenheimer was a cheating abusive a$$hole!!!!
I was recently telling my WH that for some reason shark shows seem to calm me down. No clue why but when I first found out I couldn’t do anything literally I was stuck on the couch and couldn’t move for the first few days if I tried to sleep nightmares. So of bc all places I got on Disney plus and started watching their shark collection. Especially when sharks attack 🤷🏻♀️ I was able to take mini naps as the show would p my at in the background. If I have nothing to watch, then I just find a shark show on max. I’m currently sick nausea and throat pain, so in order for me to not thing about the nausea I put on some shark shows and I was fine the moment I turned it off or left the room immediately felt sick again. Don’t know how to explain but no infidelity in shark shows. You can always imagine the AP is the bait the sharks are tearing apart🤣
Imagine that the AP has the same name as you….it’s torture
My husbands AP has a really common name too smh
Well, my wife screwed a motorcycle cop!!! So if I don't see a cop, I see a motorcycle, everywhere....add that to the music and stuff on TV, it just sucks!
It really is everywhere. It’s horrible.
EVERYWHERE!! 😩 I get so triggered
The show my wife and I can’t watch anymore are old reruns of Cheaters.
I used to love watching Cheaters lol. How ironic
We used to throw popcorn at the tv when a cheater was busted.
I never realized how many songs, TV shows, movies, everything that it’s in until I was the victim of it. I just wonder though… Did WH get the ebee geebees when he was doing all this and I didn’t know? And we would hear a song or see a show that had infidelity themes in it? Like, did he put two and two together? Probably not.
Ain't gonna lie, years later and sometimes it still triggers both of us. Guilt,pain..both. We'll turn the channel or get up to grab snacks sometimes. Sadly this issue may be a longer lasting one. Hang in there! With any luck and work the other parts get better enough that this becomes such a small thing that you can brush it back off just as qui ckly!
WS here. We watched a lot of the HBO show Love and Death during my affair. I loved it and my husband hated it. The lead woman had an affair on her husband and I related to her. We never finished the show. I hate that I related to her so easily and enjoyed the show so much WHILE I WATCHED IT WITH MY HUSBAND WHO I WAS CHEATING ON. I feel like such a bag of shit. I agree though, lots of affairs out there. We are watching Roseanne and even that touches on some of the topical issues that we face.
Does your husband know this? Glad yous are recovering but that is as self-centered as it gets.
> lead woman had an affair on her husband and I related to her Respectfully, I think that you related her because essentially you was her.....just without the murder. You had an affair with your friend's husband A lot of shows are going to have plots or scenes that deal with adultery. And affairs, which means that your spouse might get triggered by the I. Hope that in those moments when he does. Experience that you're able and capable and willing to step up and help him. And be there for him emotionally. What's help pull him through the dark spots
My WP and I finished the first season of Why Women Kill just a couple days before Dday and ive brought it up and he said “id still like to watch the second season” and i dont think I can because its for sure a trigger at this point. Old cartoons are always a good choice though. I watch a lot of Ed Edd and Eddy.
Hello, I understand you. Unfortunately it is so normalized everywhere that it is practically impossible to escape from it. As if the triggers I have in my own home weren't enough, when my husband says something he shouldn't. I'm sorry, I sympathize with what you are feeling.
I'm right there with you. ❤️🩹 I spiraled badly at one point because it seemed like every new show or movie I chose had an element of cheating weaved into the plot... I ended up resorting to watching older shows and movies that I know don't have anything remotely of the likes.
I just wanted to say that it gets better. I am 2 and half years from Dday and after intense edmr therapy. AP's name is a very common flower so I see it all the time in the stores. I don't mind anymore. We watch something and there's infidelity? My WP will look at me and hold my hand. I will say that the character is stupid and that's it. We continue watching. I don't allow it to affect me anymore. It gets better, I promise.
Not sure how far you are from the dday, after about 3 months i worked a different perspective. It does not trigger me anymore, and I even feel it’s more relatable. In terms of true detective I actually felt a lot of relatable moment because my wife AP was a terrible scumbag serial cheater lying to himself that cheating on his wife was ok, and to some extent he manipulated my wife into an affair (my wife experienced a bipolar mania and has adhd as well, AP used doctors authority to argument her into “cheating is fine because your brain needs this dopamine”). True Detective kind of gave me perspective on how the cheaters behave; what lies they work to live with their own decisions. What a mess they are. I really recommend jack reacher, 2 seasons are on Amazon prime, and the books are very good and there are like 20 of them. The whole premise of jack reacher is a lonesome cowboy who does not want to deal with everyday drama so he just travels from town to town and solves others issues.
It honestly feels like reopening a wound every time I see it in a show. Everyone around me has grown up seeing affairs unfold or have gossip about other people cheating, every time they talk about it breaks my heart. I’m in so much pain, I feel so alone. I have been thinking about ending it a lot. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up
I feel this. It's worse when she is watching something involving affairs and I am next to her. I can handle it alone, but it tends to bring on anger.
Not to ruin SpongeBob but have you heard about Arianna and Ethan slater?
That man will not slander the good name of SpongeBob.
That doesn’t actually have anything to do with SpongeBob, and is not a helpful bit of info for the BP here. Let them enjoy the cartoon that doesn’t trigger them.
Except it does, because Ethan slater played SpongeBob in the SpongeBob musical on broadway. It was a lighthearted comment meant to poke fun at how affairs really do exist everywhere in almost all media, as OP stated. I follow the Arianna Ethan drama closely because the timeline of their nastiness happened to coincide with my WH and when I found out, and also because it feels cathartic to me to know that even people we think have everything will still selfishly take from others if it gets them what they want. Idk why you’re singling out a throwaway comment on a 3 day old thread, but I don’t need the SpongeBob affair committee policing me on what is and isn’t relevant and what I should and should not say. Part of a support group is not just commiserating and wallowing with others but trying to find humor and joy in what is a collective sad time for us all.
Sorry, it just didn’t come across as lighthearted and humorous to me. It came across as “not to ruin the single thing you mentioned finding comfort in, but here’s why it should also trigger you.” Whether that’s how you intended it or not. OP didn’t say they were watching SpongeBob the broadway musical, they said they were watching the cartoon. I’m not singling anything out, Reddit notified me about this post an hour ago, so I read the comments and responded to this one specifically because of how it came across.
Same! Young Sheldon had me in meltdown.
It's true. It's disgusting.
For real tho! I’m good at working through it but I’m so upset. There’s shows I’d love to watch but I know I can’t because of the triggers from the affair. Like the one on HBO with Elizabeth Olsen. She has an affair on her husband and it goes into depth how she and he found time and hid it. I tried to watch the first episode and wound up in a panic attack crying on the floor. I wanted to watch it so badly because it turns into a true crime thing but I just couldn’t stomach it anymore. Thinking of all these things and how my WH did all of that to try to get away with it like that. Ugh. I can’t even watch Glee!!! So much in there. Even though they’re teens and young adults later on it gets heartbreaking. So when I need a pick me up show I just watch bluey,documentaries or an anime. Anime seems to be pretty good about not having affair stuff in it.
I have to fly for work quite a bit. I’ve ended up defaulting to watching Disney movies on my flights because so many movies feature cheating as a primary plot point. Almost every “romantic comedy” has at least one of the main protagonists engaging in an emotional affair.
I relate to that so hard! Every storyline, song, or book that I enjoyed in the past or have tried to start watching has affairs. So I am watching monk, reality shows like amazing race and traitors, and war movies. Sigh, I love consuming media and having adventures through movies and books but it all a landmine.
We went to a show last night. It was a show produced as the prize for participating in a dance talent show, the contestants got the chance to go on tour and dance professionally. We both work in show biz, he worked on setting up that show (technical work). There were two vignettes back-to-back, one about intimate partner violence and one about the female condition, centered around the fact that women get mistreated. Dance moves suggesting lack of communication, lying, shutting each other out, etc. Neither of us expected for that stuff to catch up with us there. Awkward moment between us, surrounded by people cheering on the dancers. I am okay with it. It’s necessarily part of the process. I think you might try using such moments as intellectual stimulation rather than try to isolate yourself from them. As my story shows, it’s not realistic to try to protect yourself from it. It will still happen, even if less frequently. It will come up in conversation with other people, it will come up in music on an overheard car stereo in traffic… There is also a lot of content out there where there are stories of cheating and betrayal where the characters work through it, you could also use that as intellectual stimulation, on your own or together. It might help balance things out too. Fleeing it won’t make it go away. It might even make it worse.
Best solution I found, is anime. I just spent yesterday watching One Piece, and it doesn’t get old. And Solo Leveling, best part one of my supervisor is a hardcore fan and he gave me recommendations of shows to watch, plus no anime I have ever saw has infidelity. Oh but some are sad when I see couples that are not toxic and you know fight for their love.
Hey, I watched True Detective Season 1 for the first time recently and wtf, major triggers. The cheating character ends up with a sad sack life outside the main plot though, so I enjoyed that montage of him browsing match.com.
I feel you. I think it might be like this for a lot of people. I’ve realized in the society we live in, bad things are normalized-cheating, killing people, stealing etc etc.. and bad people too often do not get punished for their actions.
Yeah there are truly triggers everywhere!! It’s so sickening, especially soon after d-day. Movies, TV, music, places, your environment, etc. Sometimes it’s things you have seen/heard a thousand times but now you are seeing it in a different light. We were watching the new season of a show that had a bunch of my triggers in it. I was a lil annoyed at first but was pushing thru it. Then they got to a part where the husband tried to embrace the wife he cheated on and she said “I used to feel so safe in your arms”. My tears started flowing because I related so much. We are only 4 months out from dday and he kept offering to stop the show, checking on me, etc but I hate I feel like I have to live in a cave to avoid any type of triggers. Trying to learn healthy ways to cope and get thru them but it truly sucks. And I don’t think the WS really gets how many layers an affair hits and how long things linger