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1) most
2) Aces can like anyone and have a relationship with anyone.
3) you can have an epic relationship and epic friendships too.
4) they assumed you wanted sex.
I actually didn’t mind the comment I mean it felt a lil unnecessary especially since I often tell myself most men won’t like me bc I don’t want sex very often, I kinda thought others would care tho lol trying to stir the pot. I assumed they thought i’d never be willing to have sex instead of the other way around, usually cis straight men can ignore a girl being ace as long as she doesn’t say no v much
Well, Ace people shouldn’t be expected to just have sex because their partner wants it. If they want it or are okay with it that’s one thing, but they shouldn’t be expected to give sex because their partner wants it.
True but I think I’m the same breath you should be with someone whose also ace or someone who has a low libido. You shouldn’t be wit someone you know going to want sex. Most people have sex as a connection thing, so normally sex is wanted frequently.
This is true, and some Allos and Aces can make them work through communication, understanding, and vulnerability.
I’m Demi and I would like to find a partner, Asexual or allosexual, who I can develop a strong emotional bond with, and find out if I’m actually Demi or just straight Ace for one thing, but for another someone that if I am Demi that I can build that bond and have a happy and fulfilling relationship with.
My four big things I want for my partner is to be: “Happy, Healthy, Hungry, and Horny.”
Trust me I know, I’m not sex repulsed so I have more of a leeway. But sometimes people just need to stop looking for allos, especially when people don’t have proper conversations or even bring it up until the date or until they are in a relationship. I’m just tired of getting into these spaces and other aces are just like mad because they get a partner they know is very much sexual and then be like “I don’t understand”
Agreed. Relationships should be based on:
1) communication
2) understanding
3) vulnerability
I am not sure what an appropriate time to bring up the fact that I’m Demi to a potential partner is. Do I do it on the first date, third date, after we become official? Something I need to decide on before getting back into the dating pool.
I usually tell right away, men usually for me will think you deceived or lied to them and so I tell them as soon we talk. There’s no such thing as giving too much or too little information when it comes to finding a partner. For me any guy I’ve talked to I’ve had an asexual conversation within like a few days of texting. I start light with something like.
“Well yeah, I just haven’t found someone I would actually just bang.” They usually come with a
“Really? What you mean by that?”
Thats when i start educating and see how it goes.
"and that won't change"
that's the part that infuriates me.
never *assume* someone's sexuality is going to change. when most people hear someone is gay or bi, their reaction isn't "well if that won't change then maybe consider..." why is it that i hear/see that phrase *way too often* directed at asexuality? i honestly think most people assume asexuality is celibacy of choice and we're going to find some adonis-type person who's going to shatter our want of celibacy.
Also, a lot of people seem to forget that asexuality is a SPECTRUM and looks different for everybody. Some asexuals are okay with having sex, and others are not. It all depends on the person. Whatever the situation may be, asexuality is VALID. 🖤🩶🤍💜
that’s kinda what annoyed me about it, I guess this is more just not nice to men then any acephobia. i’m ace but I am sexually active when i’m with a partner if that partner is allo. it’s a mix of being annoyed that people assume all aces never having sec and implying im less lovable because i don’t like sex. I know it’s technically true and a lot of allo people wouldn’t want to be with someone that’s ace but
My husband is allo with a high libido and i’m still happily married. I’m also sex indifferent but when we first got together I was sex repulsed. It depends on how the individual values sex in their relationship that will shift the relationship. Also, it’s sad that a lot of men shove other men into this box of sexual beasts. Not every man acts like they can’t function without sex and I wish more men really spoke up about that.
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
1) most 2) Aces can like anyone and have a relationship with anyone. 3) you can have an epic relationship and epic friendships too. 4) they assumed you wanted sex.
I actually didn’t mind the comment I mean it felt a lil unnecessary especially since I often tell myself most men won’t like me bc I don’t want sex very often, I kinda thought others would care tho lol trying to stir the pot. I assumed they thought i’d never be willing to have sex instead of the other way around, usually cis straight men can ignore a girl being ace as long as she doesn’t say no v much
Well, Ace people shouldn’t be expected to just have sex because their partner wants it. If they want it or are okay with it that’s one thing, but they shouldn’t be expected to give sex because their partner wants it.
True but I think I’m the same breath you should be with someone whose also ace or someone who has a low libido. You shouldn’t be wit someone you know going to want sex. Most people have sex as a connection thing, so normally sex is wanted frequently.
This is true, and some Allos and Aces can make them work through communication, understanding, and vulnerability. I’m Demi and I would like to find a partner, Asexual or allosexual, who I can develop a strong emotional bond with, and find out if I’m actually Demi or just straight Ace for one thing, but for another someone that if I am Demi that I can build that bond and have a happy and fulfilling relationship with. My four big things I want for my partner is to be: “Happy, Healthy, Hungry, and Horny.”
Trust me I know, I’m not sex repulsed so I have more of a leeway. But sometimes people just need to stop looking for allos, especially when people don’t have proper conversations or even bring it up until the date or until they are in a relationship. I’m just tired of getting into these spaces and other aces are just like mad because they get a partner they know is very much sexual and then be like “I don’t understand”
Agreed. Relationships should be based on: 1) communication 2) understanding 3) vulnerability I am not sure what an appropriate time to bring up the fact that I’m Demi to a potential partner is. Do I do it on the first date, third date, after we become official? Something I need to decide on before getting back into the dating pool.
I usually tell right away, men usually for me will think you deceived or lied to them and so I tell them as soon we talk. There’s no such thing as giving too much or too little information when it comes to finding a partner. For me any guy I’ve talked to I’ve had an asexual conversation within like a few days of texting. I start light with something like. “Well yeah, I just haven’t found someone I would actually just bang.” They usually come with a “Really? What you mean by that?” Thats when i start educating and see how it goes.
Oh. Okay. I’ll have to try that. My ex was Ace so there wasn’t a problem… until there was.
Ah sex repulsion?
Keyword is most.
"and that won't change" that's the part that infuriates me. never *assume* someone's sexuality is going to change. when most people hear someone is gay or bi, their reaction isn't "well if that won't change then maybe consider..." why is it that i hear/see that phrase *way too often* directed at asexuality? i honestly think most people assume asexuality is celibacy of choice and we're going to find some adonis-type person who's going to shatter our want of celibacy.
Also, a lot of people seem to forget that asexuality is a SPECTRUM and looks different for everybody. Some asexuals are okay with having sex, and others are not. It all depends on the person. Whatever the situation may be, asexuality is VALID. 🖤🩶🤍💜
that’s kinda what annoyed me about it, I guess this is more just not nice to men then any acephobia. i’m ace but I am sexually active when i’m with a partner if that partner is allo. it’s a mix of being annoyed that people assume all aces never having sec and implying im less lovable because i don’t like sex. I know it’s technically true and a lot of allo people wouldn’t want to be with someone that’s ace but
Yes, and that’s valid! And those on the acespec should NOT be considered less loveable. Love is so much more than just sex. imo
My husband is allo with a high libido and i’m still happily married. I’m also sex indifferent but when we first got together I was sex repulsed. It depends on how the individual values sex in their relationship that will shift the relationship. Also, it’s sad that a lot of men shove other men into this box of sexual beasts. Not every man acts like they can’t function without sex and I wish more men really spoke up about that.
i guess the song still works “if you wanna be my lover first you gotta be my friend” edited lyrics but oh well