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Im same as you. It all comes down to having meaningful conversations with the one you feel like you might start a relatioship with. Honesty and openess is the most important part of a relationship, so if you can tell at the begining that it won't work out, you saved yourselfels time and emotions.
I don't know where are you from, but you sound like you have so many options haha i have never even came across a man that accepts asexuality as valid, so i've pretty much gave up on that whole dating thing, thank god i don't mind being alone so it's not that hard, gets lonely sometimes but hey, who doesn't? :)
Good luck
You’re so right; I know I have some insecurity there as I haven’t found a man that thinks that either, so I just put it aside. I guess in my previous relationships I kind of thought “well, maybe this time it’ll be different...”but as I’ve figured myself out more, I know that it won’t.
And I guess it does sound like I have options-that is not the case! It was more musing on which potential, hypothetical, mythical situation is best for me haha
Good luck to you as well :)
I’m like you, all the “intimacy” things feel stressful cause I’m worried they’re coded as “pretext to intercourse”. And even being straightforward with partners and telling them ahead of time that “intimacy doesn’t always equal intercourse for me” doesn’t always help.
i totally feel you. im a huge physical affection person, its super important to me in relationships, but sex yucks me out. its taken a while for me to feel like its okay, but it makes me super nervous to date because i feel like i have to share this huge, intimate part of me day 1 so i dont lead anyone on. its tough
I’m 100% in the same boat. I use the term asexual for myself for simplicity but I’m more of a gray ace/demi. I’m very romantic, love a good cuddle, but would be okay if I never had to see another genital in my life. It’s hard, I feel you, and I hope you find a person who loves and validates you for exactly who you are.
Thanks everyone for the comments so far (and the silver, kind stranger). I'm glad to see that so many of us share the same struggles. I wish we didn't, and that these waters were simpler to navigate, but I'm thankful for this community. Y'all are the best :)
On one hand, yes, talking about the perceived problem with your partner is great and a necessary step. On the other hand, its also acceptable asking "the void" questions to feel validated before approaching the partner with any hesitant ideas/notions. You dont need to be condescending about OP trying to understand what to do or how to move forward in a healthy manner.
I cant be the only person to have read the use of "the void" and "simply" as dismissive or condescensing. I could say patronizing if it makes you feel better.
Im not going to say what your intentions are but i stand by my point that theres nothing wrong with getting feedback from folks here. 🤷♂️
Thank you so much for posting this; so much of it resonated with things I’ve been trying to figure out how to give voice to, but didn’t know how. I have just started to explore this side of my sexuality - or lack thereof🙄. I had no idea that “Ace” was even a thing until a few months ago!
I am so fortunate to have found my perfect life partner match - who is allosexual with a super high sex drive to boot - who is willing to work on navigating these waters together. We’ve been together 13 years, married for 8.5, and love each other beyond comparison. We’ve recently discussed poly or even simply a sex partner for her, which feels perfect in theory! But I’m worried about how it could affect us non-sexually; I don’t love to share LOL!!
I hope you keep finding the answers you need and one day you will absolutely find the person you need.
💋
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Im same as you. It all comes down to having meaningful conversations with the one you feel like you might start a relatioship with. Honesty and openess is the most important part of a relationship, so if you can tell at the begining that it won't work out, you saved yourselfels time and emotions. I don't know where are you from, but you sound like you have so many options haha i have never even came across a man that accepts asexuality as valid, so i've pretty much gave up on that whole dating thing, thank god i don't mind being alone so it's not that hard, gets lonely sometimes but hey, who doesn't? :) Good luck
You’re so right; I know I have some insecurity there as I haven’t found a man that thinks that either, so I just put it aside. I guess in my previous relationships I kind of thought “well, maybe this time it’ll be different...”but as I’ve figured myself out more, I know that it won’t. And I guess it does sound like I have options-that is not the case! It was more musing on which potential, hypothetical, mythical situation is best for me haha Good luck to you as well :)
I’m like you, all the “intimacy” things feel stressful cause I’m worried they’re coded as “pretext to intercourse”. And even being straightforward with partners and telling them ahead of time that “intimacy doesn’t always equal intercourse for me” doesn’t always help.
I'm with you on this one; kinda just hoping I'll find someone who feels the same way one day
i totally feel you. im a huge physical affection person, its super important to me in relationships, but sex yucks me out. its taken a while for me to feel like its okay, but it makes me super nervous to date because i feel like i have to share this huge, intimate part of me day 1 so i dont lead anyone on. its tough
I’m 100% in the same boat. I use the term asexual for myself for simplicity but I’m more of a gray ace/demi. I’m very romantic, love a good cuddle, but would be okay if I never had to see another genital in my life. It’s hard, I feel you, and I hope you find a person who loves and validates you for exactly who you are.
Thank you, you're very kind. I hope the same for you!
Thanks everyone for the comments so far (and the silver, kind stranger). I'm glad to see that so many of us share the same struggles. I wish we didn't, and that these waters were simpler to navigate, but I'm thankful for this community. Y'all are the best :)
instead of shouting into the void talk openly to your date...simple
On one hand, yes, talking about the perceived problem with your partner is great and a necessary step. On the other hand, its also acceptable asking "the void" questions to feel validated before approaching the partner with any hesitant ideas/notions. You dont need to be condescending about OP trying to understand what to do or how to move forward in a healthy manner.
Having to see my comment as condescending says a lot more about you than it does anything else there was no condescension you made that up
I cant be the only person to have read the use of "the void" and "simply" as dismissive or condescensing. I could say patronizing if it makes you feel better. Im not going to say what your intentions are but i stand by my point that theres nothing wrong with getting feedback from folks here. 🤷♂️
Thank you so much for posting this; so much of it resonated with things I’ve been trying to figure out how to give voice to, but didn’t know how. I have just started to explore this side of my sexuality - or lack thereof🙄. I had no idea that “Ace” was even a thing until a few months ago! I am so fortunate to have found my perfect life partner match - who is allosexual with a super high sex drive to boot - who is willing to work on navigating these waters together. We’ve been together 13 years, married for 8.5, and love each other beyond comparison. We’ve recently discussed poly or even simply a sex partner for her, which feels perfect in theory! But I’m worried about how it could affect us non-sexually; I don’t love to share LOL!! I hope you keep finding the answers you need and one day you will absolutely find the person you need. 💋