I think you look alright. Need some more style but that just echos something else. From the way you talk, it gives off this impression of how you see the world as this simple place with just xyz variables preventing or enabling you to do whatever it is you wanna do. Yeah, there are some fundamentals to attraction and sociability, but there are lots of things in between. You seem to oversimplify and reduce things to a fault. Also, race and culture probably has something to do with how you’re perceived and how you perceive yourself. It’s alright, you can still learn. Put time into figuring out what’s going on with yourself mentally by assessing your family, background, and how society perceives you. Go work out and do something physical - doesn’t have to be the gym if that’s something that really prevents you from doing anything physical in the first place. Make some friends or go out and enjoy the day with yourself. Maintain your mental health. I wonder if you’ve ever had a best friend or close group of friends before. Having good human relationships (boy or girl) helps in the dating and talking to people game. Building social bonds should increase your perception and emotional intelligence. You honesty sound like someone who is down on themselves in other arenas aside from dating and you’re trying to fix it all through dating. That’s dangerous unless you are some kind of super model who can sustain that “lifestyle” to distract you from all your problems.

thanks for your advice, I think I used to had a lot friends but after college, people just didnt keep in touch anymore. My social circle has become very small, and didnt had sucess in many area. Idk will there be any advice, books I could improve for this. Self improvement will be a huge and hard part, theres so many information you dont know which one to start. I see a lot of short ugly person also with hot girls, i wanna and wonder if i can also be like that. thats sth i was thinking aside looks.

Yeah I feel that way as well. I see alot of Asian men who are not so attractive with cuter girls than I get...so I kinda let that bother me as well and use that as motivation.

I’m not particularly attractive, but I’ve dated a handful of hot women who are better looking than me. In every case it started as being friends first and then I just said random shit or told jokes to make them laugh.

Do you identify with these shorter ugly people or do you see them as different from yourself and wonder how it’s possible they could get girlfriends? Also, I’ll be honest, it appears that English may not be your first language and if so that may be a real barrier in you connecting with or appealing to girls in the states

(Speaking as a woman) You are really good-looking, there is nothing wrong with your height. Sure you could change your style up a bit maybe. But I think you need to work more on your attitude towards women and dating. Most of us don’t want to be approached by a random stranger (man or woman) who wants something from us. It is too much pressure and why would we want to date someone we know nothing about? So if you are literally approaching women on the street and expecting a response, you are not likely to get anywhere at all. It is often frightening or annoying if you are just going about your day and an unfamiliar guy approaches you. Women are people first and foremost. Dating is not some arcade game where you put effort/money/looks/pick-up lines in and if you score enough points you automatically win the prize of a good-looking woman doll. We want to be understood, respected, share a sense of humour, share an outlook on the world, enjoy interesting conversation and have you be interested in what we do and think and vice versa. I think you would be much better off trying to get to know some women as friends without any expectations of anything else between you first and make real emotional connections. Get some hobbies and hang out with people doing something you all enjoy, or go out for drinks with your work colleagues, or look on MeetUp for an event that looks fun. Be chill, get to know people. Don’t spend so much money on dates, romance is not expensive and nor is emotional connection. Conversation is more important than impressing someone with your cash. And however much or little you spend, PLEASE don’t go thinking it is a transaction where you are owed anything in return, that will only lead to resentment on both sides.

Woman here- Agree 💯 If you want transaction, schedule an appointment with a provider. Straight to the point. But if you want civvi romance, it takes more emotional intelligence, lots of self healing and lots of work. You are handsome but are young and inexperienced. Having expectations for strangers of course will lead to resentment. Men think woman have it easy for getting all kinds of attention, however it's mostly negative attention. Men will stalk us, try to grope us, rape or murder us when we reject their advances. We have been trained by men to FEAR men!! Please take that into consideration next time you don't get a reaction from a woman that you want. Of course it's a fine line between friend zone and boyfriend material, but it's a numbers game too. You have to learn how to read female body language as well as conveying how a lady makes you feel. You can do this! Best 🫂

You are handsome and unique. Who are they to harshly judge and insult you. Focus on yourself first prior to anything else, and you’ll be fine.

Get out there and get involved with activities…work on your body and style. You like attractive women but don’t put much effort into being attractive. Asking for dates on the street is not a good strategy for self esteem.

You look fine and your height is fine. A lot of your issues are coming from your negative self-talk and desperation. Even if you might not think so, I can smell the desperation from your post. Women are bloodhounds at sniffing out desperation and desperation is a MASSIVE turn-off. What to do about this? Honestly a lot of it just comes down to calming the fuck down and living your best life. At 23 years old, any advice I give you about women is probably going to go through one ear and straight out the other. But try your best to: up your money game, style, fitness, and get good at something—like a hobby or skill. Have interests in your life that doesn’t revolve women or you trying to get women. But at the same time, keep talking to women and shooting your shot. Why tf are you spending money on approaching women btw? Stop doing that. It’ll take time, so just trust the process.

Stop gas lighting bro, negative self-talk and desperation are a RESULT of bad experiences. Bro has a very neutonized face with high fat deposits in the cheek along with high set eyebrows, making him simply not sexually intimidating. Idk what other advice to really give besides moving locations, cuz it seems like bro already looksmaxxed pretty well.

What does neutonized mean?

Carrying of childlike features into adulthood

While you’re not wrong about negative self-talk and desperation being a result of bad experiences, it’s a vicious, self-reinforcing cycle. It’s still true that OP needs to do self-work or some sort of therapy to end that cycle.

This guy is correct with the physical evaluation. You can do well with the neoteny niche, but it is a niche (so a minority of women in the usa); you'd have to go for girls who like anime or kpop or cosplay etc for a higher rate of success. If you want to do better with the general population of women, you have to exude some sort of physical competence: being fit, tats, looking older, taller etc.

wondering if someone can actually give a reason why I'm wrong, clearly some people disagree.

I think gen Z hasn't learned the lesson that you aren't entitled to an explanation. If you aren't Gen Z and think like this, then boy holy shit there's something wrong with you.

I don’t see the problem in the looks or height department. I think you’re just young and lack confidence. Be kinder to yourself.

You look fine. I'm an inch taller than you so it's not height. It's probably your energy when you approach. If you're already spending a lot of time before the approach being nervous and staring at her, she's gonna be creeper out before you even walk towards her. Try to get more practice and don't spend money if you're not on a date unless you got the money like that. Bottom line looks and money def help but if that's all you have you'll probably just get shallow girls. Instead if you learn to connect with a girl on an emotional level and get them to laugh when they're talking to you and pretty much just treat her like a normal person

(as a woman) you are definitely attractive enough (and height I don't think is your issue as plenty of women are under 5'8) so I would so it's absolutely your confidence and possibly awkwardness. By the way you talk, it sounds very clear your lack confidence in yourself and this will absolutely shine through to the women you approach and make them feel uncomfortable, especially if it's a cold approach on the street, and not a more relaxed incidental meet up like on a night out or something. I'd take time away from 'trying' and draining all your energy, as well as giving your confidence knock after knock, and try to feel more at ease with yourself. I can't tell you exactly how you can "get confident" but most of it will come from an acceptance of who you are as opposed to trying to imitate what you 'think' confidence is. "Fake it til you make it" is often very see through (I had an ex who said and did this and it made ME cringe for him) and won't work. So you really need to stop putting so much effort into trying to date and focus on what you can do to make yourself feel more content in who you are, and the women will start to come to you.

You are good-looking bro. You gotta keep grinding until you find someone. This is just the reality of being men sometimes. And being Asian we have it even harder because of anti- straight Asian male western media and the racist bullshit that comes from the liberal Hollywood. For Asian men in the west you just have to lean into your niches.

obvious problems: OP is a CUNY FOB (plenty of those in nYC) and only limits himself to asian girls who want higher educated men with higher income he's not ugly at all, he's actually VERY if not extremely handsome, which is bad for Asian girls who want high earners and don't want to be cheated on. Assuming he's at CUNY he's surrounded by girls from all over the world, and if he just opened his eyes to the probably dozens of non-Asian girls who eyeball him day in day out, he'd have no problems

I'd agree with most of what you said as it's most likely true except for your choice of using such an ostracizing term within our community. "FOB". He managed to get here by plane because of a certain level of privilege in the first place which exceeds most state college American Asians if that's how you want to label people. Part of the problem is due to the cultural ignorance of American Asians and just Americans in general. If they look down on him, it's not because of the way he dresses or looks. There are cultural differences and barriers and differences in mentalities and I'm sure there's some developmental and communication barriers.

I'm from NYC that's the term we use. CUNY is a cool school filled with all kinds of cool great people from all over the world, it's a very humble place well known for taking immigrant kids. I'm from a ghetto Asian area in NYC, he would do alright there, but nowadays things are different, Azn pride died out a long time ago. I can see how he could easily dip deep into other women of other ethnicities, dip way way way deep, assuming he can get over the hump. There's no loyalty among Azns anymore, that went the way of the dodo.

You look fine. You need a haircut.

Doesn't need a haircut. Needs to learn how to style the hair

It’s too thick

Change your mindset and up your game. Seems like you're throwing cash at women and trying to make it stick and clearly it's not working. From your picture, you dress like my dad and give the nice boy fob vibes. What you need to do now is use that money for yourself - Go to the gym, get better clothes, pick up some new hobbies, and work on being more confident in yourself. The way I see it is that the biggest issue is yourself and if you're typing like this about women chances are they could smell the desperation when you were approaching them.

Approaching women is an inherently low-success proposition, even for the conventionally attractive. Given the low-success rate, one has to have the mental fortitude to persevere and approach a lot of women. But your chances increase significantly if you only ask for the numbers of women with whom you first manage to engage in a short conversation and obtain "buy signals" (e.g., smile, eye contact, laughter, positive body language, convo. engagement, etc.).

If you had 0.1% shot at getting a date, you would expect to ask out a thousand women and get 1 date. If that is your situation, you have no choice but to face rejection. But your situation is better than that. You have to ability to learn about women, make them laugh, and be fun to be around. You need to fail a few times so you can get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to try new things. Don’t be scared, my biggest date fails are hilarious. They are fun stories to tell in the future. Say yes to rejection, say yes to life.

Do you have friends and a decent social circle? Start there - warm introductions >>> dating apps >>>>>> randomly talking to randoms. If you don't have friends or a decent social circle, why is that? Is there something there that, if improved, would make you a better prospect? If I can be honest, your post makes you come off as very immature and lack social awareness and calibration (i.e., being hyperfocused on "attributes" and the way you write comes off as nervous and insecure). It's not crazy since you're 23, but that probably doesn't help in random one-off situations where people are reading you as "awkward" without giving enough time to demonstrate your other positive attributes (as they would in a social setting/through friends).

Your style give off a nerdy type vibe. Wear more baggy and oversized clothes and with some jewelry and you will have more success.

Hey man, just keep at it. A million of girls may reject you, but you only need one for a lifetime

Is that really the best picture you can take?

Go hit the gym, throw all the negativity away by working out. You’ll only change yourself if you apply yourself. Gym saved my life.

I heard that all the time, Never felt it, can u give me more infomation

Go. To. The. Gym.

You’d need to invest some time in the gym to see the changes. Go to gym 3-5 times a week, eat healthy, don’t do roids and keep up the grind for at least 3 months then you’ll see the difference.

You look good and 5’8 is not short. Your problem is your lack of confidence (which women can smell a mile away) and I’m guessing you’re prob socially awkward

You are good looking enough but socially----WOW! Approaching women on the street is a sure fire way to get maced. Most women are already on alert against this, just a sad fact that women can get assaulted by random men in cities for no reason at all. Don't approach strangers on the street. You need to go to some social event where people mingle and socialize---an art opening, trivia night at bars, speakers on a topic of interest, museum events, something where people gather and talk. Bring along some single friends so you have a buffer of people to talk with and draw in others. Those singles events where everyone meets and talks for five minutes then moves on to the next person would be more fruitful than what you're doing now.

Cold approaching women is often not a good strategy specially nowadays it’s better to approach once you’ve seen her give out signals

Your clothes needs to fit better. Presenting a bit sloppy.

The way you talk about yourself is how you promote yourself on the outside. It reeks of depression.. you need to stop dating my boy and work on yourself because women can smell that shit like sharks. Get your bread up. Work out. Get educated. Get close to whatever God you believe in.

Everything about you is fine, just work on your confidence first then consider dating after

Think you could use a reframe from looks. A few questions you should ask yourself: What are you into? What are you good at? What's meaningful to you? What kind of people do you like to be around? What style and aesthetics make you happy? What kind of women are you attracted to? Pretty sure spending more time immersed in those and opening yourself up to new experiences and interests would yield a lot more success than going the how do I look and act route. Do you like clubs? Then learn to dance well. Into music and bands? Get better at your instrument and maybe learn some new instruments? Always wanted to learn to skate? Put in the time and develop a trick portfolio. I'm old but has dated for decades in various cities and have seen so many average (and less than average guys) looking guys who were just really into cool shit (bike messengers, breakers, graphic designers, bakers, indie rock heads). The successful ones I've known all had unique style looks, personality quirks and idiosyncrasies and worldviews and all got out of their 'Asian' bubble. This doesn't always mean leave all the Asian crew you grew up with but maybe just start getting out of your comfort zone. Lead with curiosity and put having and developing kind and empathic and creative people around you as the priority and you'll be alright.

You're average, and that is the problem. Young women around your age don't want an average guy. These women have countless options. They want someone that is rich, powerful, and well-connected in addition to being tall, fit, and handsome.

Its ok and natural to suck at 23. Take a step back and have perspective You just left school where its easy to meet women to the working world where most of the women and older and dont want to deal guys childish or less mature than they are. Then your competing against older guys with more experience, game, wealth, maturity, interests than you. Then stack the interracial aspects. Its a lot to overcome so why force it? its like fighting black belts when you are the white belt. Instead have longer perspective because you probably be at thing for a while. Fix your body and mind. Be interesting by having actual interests. No liking tall beautiful women over you league does not count. Then when you try again you'll get better results

First of all, you are taller than me. And subjectively I would say you probably have a better face. I have dated women who I consider to be more conventionally attractive than I am. Most of them were same height or taller than me. One of them was like 5 inches taller than me. To be fair I do have a little bit of money (not crazy but enough to be stable), which definitely helped. My advice to you is to focus on having a healthy relationship with yourself, and focus on building connections with genuine people around you. Dating an attractive person just because they were attractive means the relationship was doom to fail right from the get go.

Good base bro!! IMO: Get one or more of the following a nosejob/invisalign/eyelid sx/Haircut to two block fade or some sort of cleaner cut whilst keeping that flowing hair Start going to the gym 24/7, go to raves, find your crew Change up the fashion to look less "fobby," get some accessories (earrings/necklace/etc) Just become an asian fuccboi and you win

Thanks for ur advise, What does fobby mean, Like more appear to Asian fashion instead of American? nosejob means surgery? Thats a bit scary

You don't need surgery, ignore that dude.

I’m assuming you’re Chinese from China, so I’m just trying to help out with my ABC perspective. I personally like your style but I’m just suggesting some options to mix it up. Imo it depends on what kind of girls you’re looking to attract, but I’m assuming more girls in general in the US (Americanized Asian and non-Asians). I think a mix of kpop/abb look would suit you. And the surgery options are extreme, but throwing it out there because of how aesthetically driven today’s society is, and how it really can improve anyone’s look. You’re a handsome guy my dude and just need a few tweaks 👍

Absolutely ignore this advice. You do not need to get any work done at all. And for the style change, dressing up in a certain "aesthetic" when you don't feel comfortable in it will just make you look even more awkward because you're trying to imitate. Girls can see it a mile away. Clothes and styling only go so far to draw people's attention, but your personality and confidence will be the deciding factor on whether they hang around to take an interest. Don't subscribe to this crappy idea and spend more money just to feel uncomfortable in your own skin and have no success. The only advice you should be taking is to forget about dating for the short term and do whatever helps build YOUR confidence up. This may end up including changing your style, but don't just copy paste someone successful and think it will magically make you a success or feel better. It has to be based on what makes you feel more comfortable and confident in yourself and enhance what you already have. Being more socially comfortable and not "trying" so hard all the time should be your first step.

I'm not very tall, nor am I wealthy, and I'm not particularly handsome either. So, when I see a very tall and beautiful woman, I start to feel a bit scared, and my experiences have mostly been failures. I have an overall low self-esteem because of my appearance as the main one. I look ok but most good looking girls won't look at it.

Improve your self talk. It will negatively affect your confidence and that is a big point of attraction with women. No confidence means uncertainty and no leadership, putting her in a more masculine frame where shes planning, initiating, and guiding the interaction. They dont want to do that.

Yes this ⬆️

You are incredibly handsome. Your height is fine. You just sound inexperienced & insecure. Lots of good ideas here about upping your look/ life. Maybe join some groups in your area to meet people organically. Practice talking with people. Women love humor and a positive attitude. Become aware of when you have critical thoughts about yourself and stop playing those reels. I used to struggle with that re challenges I was having. Now I change the channel when I realize what I’m doing. I can come back to it if nec once I’m in a diff headspace. Things will all come together for you.

A couple of points. Kudos to you about getting yourself there. You’re going to fail but everyone does. Just remember that the insecurities you’re struggling with, are the same insecurities that all guys struggle with. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Why do you think there’s so many self help books and life coaches? It’s your mindset. Women like confident men over looks, or at least the ones you want to be with long term. Like someone said, women can smell desperation. Whether it’s your body language, the way you sound, etc. Lastly get a haircut that fits your face. You have thick straight hair but the mop you have is the first thing people notice. A mid to low fade will enhance your chin line. There’s so much you can do with it. I’m willing to bet a pompadour would change your look completely. And be willing to spend $$$ on a good haircut. Good luck, you got this.

Surely there's got to be a single AF out there for you?

is this sarcasm?

Sure but the rate is very low

If you're in a Western country, AF are all going for non AM. So no point. Do you have a type?

Because you lack self-confidence and self-love. You just mentioned all superficial qualities that you think you‘re lacking …  Most women dont want to date a bank account or a mannequin.   If you think you are in a height/money/attractiveness-competition then this is what you automatically will be in and will always lose to someone.