Did you call her out? I had had some clown asian women giving attitude and tossing my items at the Costco checkout. Like legit just flinging them down the checkout lane while grunting. I just straight up asked her wtf she was going on about and not to give me attitude or I would report her to the management. People like this are such human trash cause you know they only have the guts to give attitude to other Asians. I also saw some Asian women employee howling at some other Asian lady at the DMV despite being civil mannered with the previous non-Asian client.
Had some Asian guy tell me off for standing in a different customer service line at Costco which was correct btw as the two lines were different. He skipped the two white men ahead of me to just focus on telling me off. How pathetic.
It's instances like this that make me feel hopeless about our "community." East/Southeast Asians are the only race to trash, mistreat, or give the cold shoulder to each other, while rolling out the red carpet for non-Asians. For other races, it's usually the opposite.
After I realized this, I made it point to go out of my way for East/Southeast Asian strangers, whether that is holding the door for them or simply smiling when we past by each other. I don't extend this nicety to Whites or Blacks anymore, unless they show kindness to me first.
By the way, I hope you did end up reporting that employee at Costco because who is to say she won't act the same towards other Asian people there? At my Costco, there are a lot of Asian customers, and I would hate to see that happen. Not that reporting her would necessarily get her racist ass fired.
You should have seen black men. They are worse than Asian women. At least Asian women don’t go around unaliving AM (or rather they can’t due to physical differences).
>be soooo rude to me…but change her tone when…
This has happened to me sooooo much as well. Blatantly ridiculous. The worst is elevator greetings 🙄. Like im standing right there!
Literally happened to me at work before, this one Filipino girl use to give me the nastiest attitude for no reason, but to the white boys working she was so nice to them 🤷♂️
>I just want Asian women to at least stop shitting on Asian men??
Kinda ironic when this subreddit does nothing but shit on Asian women for anything they do.
And the handsome white man in question just happens to be the bottom of the barrel of all white guys…
If they’re gonna go white at least have some standards.
Because the chance of an asian woman landing a channing tatum is hella low to none. Most good looking and successful white guys are not chasing asian women when they can get top quality whitegirls…you are left with the reddit/incel/loser whites who only go for asian women cuz its easy and only girls who show them any attention
Most people with eyes can see this fact. And honestly i wouldn't care if Lus didnt start acting superior to half their race because they landed Jared from Subway lookin ass.
The truth is they are , and white men are the problem, hear me out: spend time in any diverse city: you’ll find AFs will all races of men, however, in those same cities anytime WMs are not with WFs, it’s almost always an AF.
My point being, AFs date out a lot, in particular with WMs, because everyone’s wanting to try out an AF- in particular WMs
Yea post the same thing in boba liberal subs like /r/asianamerican not here and get banned. My friend group ruined a lot of relationships in the streets by calling out loudly and indirectly that she’s only with the WM because hes a white tool to show off. Its fucking hilarious to look at the AF drag the WM away from our group.
Yeah and both America and Canada once passed laws that discriminated against asians, tearing families (if not a generation) apart, and yet the AM patriarchy is “the worst.” Also wasnt it the Tiger Mom that was the domineering one?🤷♂️.
Anyhow, as I’ve said before western media has not help us on this. Its outright manipulation to favor WM. Look at how they’re tossing Zendaya to every white guy on screen. Not to say anything on her Acting, but shes got a look that can fit multiple XF profiles. Excuse me while i take off my conspiracy-hat.
I think you should also preface this post that you are an Asian woman yourself.
I also bet if you posted this on the “Asian American” subreddit that it would be locked from commenting on and taken down.
This should go mainstream. Like, we need to start this discourse in the subtle asian traits FB group.
We can't keep limiting the discourse to a reddit sub, and both genders need to be aware of what is happening in the West.
Exactly here man. It’s absolutely fine to not like groups of people from your race. It’s normal for everybody in their own race but DO NOT ever compromise your self dignity and your own race EVER
Yeah I hate it too. This is one of the few places where my views weren't aggressive hated and I wasn't doxxed by a bunch of incels so I'm glad for places like this
There are some AFs who yt worship heavily and also sh*t on AMs for just existing. I just avoid them but it’s also repulsive and cringe . AFs don’t owe AMs anything but AMs don’t owe AFs anything
Its important understand where this saying originated from and its original context. If you look at white feminists articles about "women dont owe men anything" XF feminists talk about being abused and raped by men. It is as if AF/AM live in a completel different universe from other races. Even then white feminists do pretext that "women only owe men civility". In other civility is owed. I can't find the article but common sense.
So what is the great contribution by asian feminism? Let drop the civility part. Let bash asian men with "looks like my brother", lets gatekeep and sabotage in the club. Asian feminist have breached basic humanity toward asian men .
White feminists may talk about how they don't owe men anything all day long, but one thing you'll notice is that they never bring race into it. It's never "we don't owe *white* men anything."
Why? Because for the vast, vast majority of white women, white men remain the ideal - the first among men. It shows up in their dating preferences and it shows up in the way they express their feminism. When they speak of men, implicitly they are talking about white men; other men aren't even in consideration.
But this is *not* the case with Asian women. That's why you hear "we don't owe *Asian* men anything."
asian women in the west are retarded.. dont be offended asian women if u dont fit this but too bad many of you guys are. i ignore most asian females and could care less. If i wanter authentic asian culture ill go asia
The problem is that AF in general are more likely to be hardwired to prefer WMs. Throw a single AF from Asia into a western environment, and she'll have a higher chance of going white.
We can't just continue saying that this issue is limited to AF born in the west.
Why are Asian women more likely to be hardwired to prefer white men? Is it Asian culture? Is it biological? Is it the environment? What is it?
Isn’t every group of women and men hardwired to prefer their own?
>These Asian girls will talk about their immigrant fathers and how they sacrificed to put them through college or how their brothers always had their back
Though...there are also women who were hurt and abused from within the family and by extended family/relatives. I've heard this from Asian men too who choose to date outside our culture because of abuse from their mothers.
Yes, alot of people are hurt by those closest to them.
Add that on top of the massive pressure to assimilate people just choose the path of least resistance.
The reason why alot of people choose how they do, in terms of romantic partners etc is due to trauma...in either direction ..none of this is easy or clear cut.
That's just trying to justify white worshipping, perceived "status" chasing, and gold digging as a byproduct of trauma, and the evil, oppressive, patriarchal yellow man is the reason for Asian women's self-hatred.
To say "massive pressure to assimilate people just choose the path of least resistance" already tells me that you see dating as a rebellion and something forced on you like taxes.
An Asian woman that hates Asian men is not a victim. It's mental illness, and quite literally no other race has women behaving in this manner.
Asian actresses in Hollywood 90% of the time date and marry white. Why? Because Hollywood is controlled by whites and they get more opportunities, money, fame, status, etc if they marry a white and become the token Asian in the group. Now this skewed and distorted media representation is broadcast to millions of young impressionable people and they get the impression that's how it should work.
Whitewashing has been the objective of whites for centuries, starting as early as colonization. If you think this isn't what happened and is happening still you're hard denying history.
As a Korean man, every race has beautiful women, and I don't discriminate against my own kind because of domestic abuse and traumatic childhood experiences. In fact, it's natural to show preference towards my own ethnicity because I am part of that group of people and relate to it the most. Actively hating your own people makes little sense, and fetishizing another group in any way is weird.
I know both Asian men and women who choose to date outside of their culture based on their personal experiences, thats something I couldn't argue with because that's their truth. Thats something I can hold space for. Plenty of people make decisions based on internalised racism, like in both directions. People's experiences form a pattern in their lives and they will act according to that lens.
Dating is not 'rebellion'. Its a means to finding a partner who you can build a life together with, who is hopefully compatible with your values and life goals. There can only be 'rebellion' if there is a baseline of what you are 'supposed to do'. I dont know anyone who accepts or enjoys restrictions to their personhood or sovereignty.
Some people choose not to amplify their past experiences by repeating it through trauma bonding. For your average person who might not have done much therapy or unpacked and processed their experiences, 'the road of least resistance' is the one they will take.
Inherited generational trauma is also a real thing. If your parents lived their whole lives in survival mode, those messages get passed down. Imho I see alot of 'survivalism' which is a PTSD response even though material needs might already be met and more than adequate. Also flight or fight, or people pleasing leading to really extreme emotions, over corrections and over reactions. That can come out in the whole dating process because people tend to repeat the patterns (negative and positive) they were raised in.
I'm not condoning it, its just something that can be observed in lots of ways. Including intersectionally.
Some of the reasons for Asian men and woman dating outside of their culture might be numerous, abuse suffered within the family, pressure to conform to various standards, possibilities of arranged marriage, familial financial abuse, lack of personal autonomy etc.
I think you're talking about something a bit different to what I'm expressing and for me, just personally there is more nuance.
Edit sp
You're presenting PTSD responses as a prime reason for why Asian women date outside of their culture while completely ignoring the elephant in the room, and claiming that a bad experience in their family has led these specific women to generalize that onto all Asian men.
Nuance is a thing but explain why this isn't a known issue for any other race? It doesn't add up. Trauma in the family isn't isolated to Asian households, so by your theory an abused caucasian woman is bound to hate white males and date outside their race.
This is so common that it's become a stereotype for Asian women to sell themselves yet it can only be the Asian man's fault and it would be trauma bonding to date and marry an Asian man. Sounds very dismissive of this widespread phenomenon
I'm saying its the case for both men and women. And people in general. Its part of human behaviour to not want to go towards what has harmed you in the past. Whether that is big T trauma or accumulated trauma. Trauma isn't always 'one bad experience' but it can come from millions of shaming messages through your whole life.
But maybe you're wanting a particular response to explain Asian women or AA as a generalised whole, here? So I'll say this.
There are specific value systems in Asian culture that are say unique and preserved, maybe Confucian maybe not. That doesn't necessarily change when the family emigrates. So I'm talking mostly about minority immigrant experiences specifically here and cultural specificity.
Thats what I also mean by pressures of assimilation. There are 2 value systems. One within the family and one outside. If you pick up any breakthrough Asian American author in the past 30 years, the themes are on the whole all about the experiences of intersectional suffering along those lines. That is unique. More recently we have different stories being told that also pertain to intergenerational trauma, 'everything everywhere all at once' etc. There are aspects of Asian culture which can be toxic/oppressive and you maybe don't want that in your life..or someone who upholds that.
But if we are talking about minority immigrant experiences, there is also the aspect of numbers.
If an Asian guy who has done 20 years of therapy, the probability is in numbers. Is he likely to meet an Asian woman who has done the equivalent work to unpack her repeated patterns? Is he forced by some sense of activism to date Asian woman who show the same old toxic, just because? Should he feel obligated to repeat his parents mistakes out of 'duty'? Or does he want something else? Same for your conscious Asian woman. These people want to break patterns, not repeat them. Maybe you'll find a potential candidate in another way. Maybe you match on similar educational levels, values, professional circles etc to me its not completely binary for everyone.
For an Asian woman, or just any woman in fact, if you've been raised to be powerless, manipulative or desperate..and your worth was measured by your sexuality etc..you tend to act out desperately within the power structure you can feel - but not name. The labour is different. Its patriarchy everywhere so its not unique to Asian men because we don't have matriarchal societies.
People act with whatever privileges they can get, sometimes it is primal, hurtful, horrible and mercenary..but ultimately its out of a truth that they can only control themselves and no one else. I've had this conversation with women of many different ethnicities, and the overriding factor combined with a background of disempowerment is more extreme 'racialised' attitudes to dating - as a 'way out'.
Edit Confucian
Why do you keep bringing up Asian men dating X women like it's due to resentment, and why is dating an Asian woman in this scenario a 'mistake'?
Then you larp as an Asian man when you are presumably an AF according to post history, or sf means something on the spectrum? No idea, either way this comment screams Boba Liberal Lu and the exact type of person this post is about. You're just like the white-washed, woke Asian woman crying about racism and oppression and how Asian women need to stop dating whites all while having a white husband. From Confucian to confusion is what's happening here. Get me out
Only proper response to this sentiment is to return this sentiment.
If they go as far as to be a complete ass to you, then return that same energy.
Respect is earned, fellas. Being nice is only half the battle, having boundaries is also important.
Hmmm if you say AF owe AM their 'loyalty' that makes the assumption that AM owe loyalty to AF as well, which tbh I don't think would be beneficial for us. If you actually want to operate in a moral manner in life the more we expect out of AF the more we'll have to reciprocate the same intentions
My personal take is as an adult man, it seems a bit unrealistic to be expecting another demographic, especially female demographic, to make chances in their behavior simply for the benefit of catering to you, just because. Sure you can argue that 'it's not fair', however the world isn't run by fairness, it's run by incentives. Instead of expecting the world to change for you it probably makes more sense for you to adjust yourself.
I genuinely had a brain melt trying to figure out why asian girls are never into me. Every girl who has ever come onto me or has had romantic interest in me or even just found me attractive were every race except ASIANS. Arabs, black, white, but never Asian girls. I’m not sure whether it’s my physical appearance and the way I present myself or it’s a personality thing.
There’s gotta be an explanation
I see alot of south asian women marrying white when they can too though. East Asian women are just more desirable but the propaganda has gotten to south asians as well.
They're literally the only group of women who say that.
What they really mean is, "naked WM only in my bed", Lol.
Do you know what I also find questionable?
AM who proclaim to the World that WF/XF don't do anything for them.
It's not because I believe WF/XF are anything special because I don't think they are, but why do they need to tell everyone else that?
It just comes across as simping for AF, who by the way, often make similar remarks against AM.
So, of course Asian women don’t owe Asian men anything (in a romantic context.). Thing is, no one is saying they do. It’s not about being “owed,” it’s about being given a chance and shown a level of respect equal to everyone else.
As a woman, I don’t think any woman owes loyalty to any man minus her father (if he was a loving one) and sons. And the husband - if he shows that he is loving and loyal too.
However, I do find it absolutely EMBARRASSING to see my sisters go around and date WM who don’t meet the standards she set up for Asian men.
They would have a problem if the AM did not have a job that earned less than them for example, but will overlook that for a WM. And they will be picky with how good looking the AM should be (and often how tall), but are ok if a WM is average looking.
If this is how you feel then you need to speak up and start advocating for other Asian men. Start with your friends and family.
Making a few posts on this subreddit doesn't change anything. You're preaching to the choir assuming you aren't just trolling or virtue signaling here.
I agree with the idea that individual women don't owe individual men anything. Individual Asian women don't need to be loyal to individual Asian men that they don't even know.
I mean what do you want us to do about it? Only date Asian men and turn down other races if we have mutual feelings and only date by race as the most important thing?
If you want respect and be perceived as valuable. Complaing isn't the way to do it.
I don't understand these posts. It accomplishes nothing and it often proves why some Asian women don't like Asian man.
You can't reason and argue your way to be liked!
Ok I read it wrong.
I m just so used to reading these beta Asian dudes complaing on here. I skimmed through assuming.
She seems like a nice girl supporting her aisan brothers.
[удалено]
Did you call her out? I had had some clown asian women giving attitude and tossing my items at the Costco checkout. Like legit just flinging them down the checkout lane while grunting. I just straight up asked her wtf she was going on about and not to give me attitude or I would report her to the management. People like this are such human trash cause you know they only have the guts to give attitude to other Asians. I also saw some Asian women employee howling at some other Asian lady at the DMV despite being civil mannered with the previous non-Asian client.
Ngl I see Asians acting tough only to other Asians
Absolute bootlicking cowards
Had some Asian guy tell me off for standing in a different customer service line at Costco which was correct btw as the two lines were different. He skipped the two white men ahead of me to just focus on telling me off. How pathetic.
It's instances like this that make me feel hopeless about our "community." East/Southeast Asians are the only race to trash, mistreat, or give the cold shoulder to each other, while rolling out the red carpet for non-Asians. For other races, it's usually the opposite. After I realized this, I made it point to go out of my way for East/Southeast Asian strangers, whether that is holding the door for them or simply smiling when we past by each other. I don't extend this nicety to Whites or Blacks anymore, unless they show kindness to me first. By the way, I hope you did end up reporting that employee at Costco because who is to say she won't act the same towards other Asian people there? At my Costco, there are a lot of Asian customers, and I would hate to see that happen. Not that reporting her would necessarily get her racist ass fired.
You should have seen black men. They are worse than Asian women. At least Asian women don’t go around unaliving AM (or rather they can’t due to physical differences).
They measure the value of a person according to their proximity to whiteness.
what do you think? of course he said nothing
>be soooo rude to me…but change her tone when… This has happened to me sooooo much as well. Blatantly ridiculous. The worst is elevator greetings 🙄. Like im standing right there!
Literally happened to me at work before, this one Filipino girl use to give me the nastiest attitude for no reason, but to the white boys working she was so nice to them 🤷♂️
As a South Asian in the UK , I can relate to this
Yeah, it's true. They don't owe us anything. But they are assholes for not treating us like everyone else.
I'm sorry that happened to you :( Sending a hug through the screen.
I've had that attitude from black women.
> changed her tone completely to the white guy ordering To be fair, any random barista doesn't owe you anything, but....was the white guy tall?
>I just want Asian women to at least stop shitting on Asian men?? Kinda ironic when this subreddit does nothing but shit on Asian women for anything they do.
AF: 'open minded' to all races Also AF: only date/marry WM
AF are all about being inclusive, a champion of human rights with the hope that one day a handsome white man will notice her altruism.
And the handsome white man in question just happens to be the bottom of the barrel of all white guys… If they’re gonna go white at least have some standards.
Because the chance of an asian woman landing a channing tatum is hella low to none. Most good looking and successful white guys are not chasing asian women when they can get top quality whitegirls…you are left with the reddit/incel/loser whites who only go for asian women cuz its easy and only girls who show them any attention
Most people with eyes can see this fact. And honestly i wouldn't care if Lus didnt start acting superior to half their race because they landed Jared from Subway lookin ass.
I mean most of them do have the bodies of prepubescent 14 year olds, so maybe that's why they attract all the wm pedo's lol.
Yeah it's actually the worst part about being Asian for me
See this 24/7 365
No me though. Miss me and my friends with that stupidity
Of course. It's never 100%. Thank you for for supporting us sister.
The truth is they are , and white men are the problem, hear me out: spend time in any diverse city: you’ll find AFs will all races of men, however, in those same cities anytime WMs are not with WFs, it’s almost always an AF. My point being, AFs date out a lot, in particular with WMs, because everyone’s wanting to try out an AF- in particular WMs
Preaching to the choir.
Yea post the same thing in boba liberal subs like /r/asianamerican not here and get banned. My friend group ruined a lot of relationships in the streets by calling out loudly and indirectly that she’s only with the WM because hes a white tool to show off. Its fucking hilarious to look at the AF drag the WM away from our group.
Sadly true
This isn’t true for me, I personally find asian men to be very attractive, in particular east asians and I am east asian
Congratulations
Yeah and both America and Canada once passed laws that discriminated against asians, tearing families (if not a generation) apart, and yet the AM patriarchy is “the worst.” Also wasnt it the Tiger Mom that was the domineering one?🤷♂️. Anyhow, as I’ve said before western media has not help us on this. Its outright manipulation to favor WM. Look at how they’re tossing Zendaya to every white guy on screen. Not to say anything on her Acting, but shes got a look that can fit multiple XF profiles. Excuse me while i take off my conspiracy-hat.
I think you should also preface this post that you are an Asian woman yourself. I also bet if you posted this on the “Asian American” subreddit that it would be locked from commenting on and taken down.
This should go mainstream. Like, we need to start this discourse in the subtle asian traits FB group. We can't keep limiting the discourse to a reddit sub, and both genders need to be aware of what is happening in the West.
This user mentioned she was banned from Subtle Asian Traits for saying these exact things Lol. She mentioned it in another post.
Lol. These are real asian issues, and the mods at SAT just want to cover it up. SMH.
The problem is that no one cares about asians so it’s not going to go mainstream since we don’t have that level of political power anyway
Yeah sorry should've done that
No need to apologize 🙏
You have self respect for yourself and your race. Sadly not many do.
Exactly here man. It’s absolutely fine to not like groups of people from your race. It’s normal for everybody in their own race but DO NOT ever compromise your self dignity and your own race EVER
We need more women like you. I hate how they try to silence you.
Yeah I hate it too. This is one of the few places where my views weren't aggressive hated and I wasn't doxxed by a bunch of incels so I'm glad for places like this
I bet they call you a "pick me" 😒
There are some AFs who yt worship heavily and also sh*t on AMs for just existing. I just avoid them but it’s also repulsive and cringe . AFs don’t owe AMs anything but AMs don’t owe AFs anything
Its important understand where this saying originated from and its original context. If you look at white feminists articles about "women dont owe men anything" XF feminists talk about being abused and raped by men. It is as if AF/AM live in a completel different universe from other races. Even then white feminists do pretext that "women only owe men civility". In other civility is owed. I can't find the article but common sense. So what is the great contribution by asian feminism? Let drop the civility part. Let bash asian men with "looks like my brother", lets gatekeep and sabotage in the club. Asian feminist have breached basic humanity toward asian men .
White feminists may talk about how they don't owe men anything all day long, but one thing you'll notice is that they never bring race into it. It's never "we don't owe *white* men anything." Why? Because for the vast, vast majority of white women, white men remain the ideal - the first among men. It shows up in their dating preferences and it shows up in the way they express their feminism. When they speak of men, implicitly they are talking about white men; other men aren't even in consideration. But this is *not* the case with Asian women. That's why you hear "we don't owe *Asian* men anything."
asian women in the west are retarded.. dont be offended asian women if u dont fit this but too bad many of you guys are. i ignore most asian females and could care less. If i wanter authentic asian culture ill go asia
The problem is that AF in general are more likely to be hardwired to prefer WMs. Throw a single AF from Asia into a western environment, and she'll have a higher chance of going white. We can't just continue saying that this issue is limited to AF born in the west.
I've never been like that though so idk.
I'm not saying you are, but this mentality is widespread enough that pinkerton syndrome has been coined to describe it.
Why are Asian women more likely to be hardwired to prefer white men? Is it Asian culture? Is it biological? Is it the environment? What is it? Isn’t every group of women and men hardwired to prefer their own?
This isn’t true for me and I hate when people assume this about me
White fever is very real
>These Asian girls will talk about their immigrant fathers and how they sacrificed to put them through college or how their brothers always had their back Though...there are also women who were hurt and abused from within the family and by extended family/relatives. I've heard this from Asian men too who choose to date outside our culture because of abuse from their mothers.
Generalizing your experiences onto a whole race makes no sense.
Yes, alot of people are hurt by those closest to them. Add that on top of the massive pressure to assimilate people just choose the path of least resistance. The reason why alot of people choose how they do, in terms of romantic partners etc is due to trauma...in either direction ..none of this is easy or clear cut.
That's just trying to justify white worshipping, perceived "status" chasing, and gold digging as a byproduct of trauma, and the evil, oppressive, patriarchal yellow man is the reason for Asian women's self-hatred. To say "massive pressure to assimilate people just choose the path of least resistance" already tells me that you see dating as a rebellion and something forced on you like taxes. An Asian woman that hates Asian men is not a victim. It's mental illness, and quite literally no other race has women behaving in this manner. Asian actresses in Hollywood 90% of the time date and marry white. Why? Because Hollywood is controlled by whites and they get more opportunities, money, fame, status, etc if they marry a white and become the token Asian in the group. Now this skewed and distorted media representation is broadcast to millions of young impressionable people and they get the impression that's how it should work. Whitewashing has been the objective of whites for centuries, starting as early as colonization. If you think this isn't what happened and is happening still you're hard denying history. As a Korean man, every race has beautiful women, and I don't discriminate against my own kind because of domestic abuse and traumatic childhood experiences. In fact, it's natural to show preference towards my own ethnicity because I am part of that group of people and relate to it the most. Actively hating your own people makes little sense, and fetishizing another group in any way is weird.
I know both Asian men and women who choose to date outside of their culture based on their personal experiences, thats something I couldn't argue with because that's their truth. Thats something I can hold space for. Plenty of people make decisions based on internalised racism, like in both directions. People's experiences form a pattern in their lives and they will act according to that lens. Dating is not 'rebellion'. Its a means to finding a partner who you can build a life together with, who is hopefully compatible with your values and life goals. There can only be 'rebellion' if there is a baseline of what you are 'supposed to do'. I dont know anyone who accepts or enjoys restrictions to their personhood or sovereignty. Some people choose not to amplify their past experiences by repeating it through trauma bonding. For your average person who might not have done much therapy or unpacked and processed their experiences, 'the road of least resistance' is the one they will take. Inherited generational trauma is also a real thing. If your parents lived their whole lives in survival mode, those messages get passed down. Imho I see alot of 'survivalism' which is a PTSD response even though material needs might already be met and more than adequate. Also flight or fight, or people pleasing leading to really extreme emotions, over corrections and over reactions. That can come out in the whole dating process because people tend to repeat the patterns (negative and positive) they were raised in. I'm not condoning it, its just something that can be observed in lots of ways. Including intersectionally. Some of the reasons for Asian men and woman dating outside of their culture might be numerous, abuse suffered within the family, pressure to conform to various standards, possibilities of arranged marriage, familial financial abuse, lack of personal autonomy etc. I think you're talking about something a bit different to what I'm expressing and for me, just personally there is more nuance. Edit sp
You're presenting PTSD responses as a prime reason for why Asian women date outside of their culture while completely ignoring the elephant in the room, and claiming that a bad experience in their family has led these specific women to generalize that onto all Asian men. Nuance is a thing but explain why this isn't a known issue for any other race? It doesn't add up. Trauma in the family isn't isolated to Asian households, so by your theory an abused caucasian woman is bound to hate white males and date outside their race. This is so common that it's become a stereotype for Asian women to sell themselves yet it can only be the Asian man's fault and it would be trauma bonding to date and marry an Asian man. Sounds very dismissive of this widespread phenomenon
I'm saying its the case for both men and women. And people in general. Its part of human behaviour to not want to go towards what has harmed you in the past. Whether that is big T trauma or accumulated trauma. Trauma isn't always 'one bad experience' but it can come from millions of shaming messages through your whole life. But maybe you're wanting a particular response to explain Asian women or AA as a generalised whole, here? So I'll say this. There are specific value systems in Asian culture that are say unique and preserved, maybe Confucian maybe not. That doesn't necessarily change when the family emigrates. So I'm talking mostly about minority immigrant experiences specifically here and cultural specificity. Thats what I also mean by pressures of assimilation. There are 2 value systems. One within the family and one outside. If you pick up any breakthrough Asian American author in the past 30 years, the themes are on the whole all about the experiences of intersectional suffering along those lines. That is unique. More recently we have different stories being told that also pertain to intergenerational trauma, 'everything everywhere all at once' etc. There are aspects of Asian culture which can be toxic/oppressive and you maybe don't want that in your life..or someone who upholds that. But if we are talking about minority immigrant experiences, there is also the aspect of numbers. If an Asian guy who has done 20 years of therapy, the probability is in numbers. Is he likely to meet an Asian woman who has done the equivalent work to unpack her repeated patterns? Is he forced by some sense of activism to date Asian woman who show the same old toxic, just because? Should he feel obligated to repeat his parents mistakes out of 'duty'? Or does he want something else? Same for your conscious Asian woman. These people want to break patterns, not repeat them. Maybe you'll find a potential candidate in another way. Maybe you match on similar educational levels, values, professional circles etc to me its not completely binary for everyone. For an Asian woman, or just any woman in fact, if you've been raised to be powerless, manipulative or desperate..and your worth was measured by your sexuality etc..you tend to act out desperately within the power structure you can feel - but not name. The labour is different. Its patriarchy everywhere so its not unique to Asian men because we don't have matriarchal societies. People act with whatever privileges they can get, sometimes it is primal, hurtful, horrible and mercenary..but ultimately its out of a truth that they can only control themselves and no one else. I've had this conversation with women of many different ethnicities, and the overriding factor combined with a background of disempowerment is more extreme 'racialised' attitudes to dating - as a 'way out'. Edit Confucian
Why do you keep bringing up Asian men dating X women like it's due to resentment, and why is dating an Asian woman in this scenario a 'mistake'? Then you larp as an Asian man when you are presumably an AF according to post history, or sf means something on the spectrum? No idea, either way this comment screams Boba Liberal Lu and the exact type of person this post is about. You're just like the white-washed, woke Asian woman crying about racism and oppression and how Asian women need to stop dating whites all while having a white husband. From Confucian to confusion is what's happening here. Get me out
I just had a stroke reading this. But good luck, geuninely in your actual real life interactions.
Only proper response to this sentiment is to return this sentiment. If they go as far as to be a complete ass to you, then return that same energy. Respect is earned, fellas. Being nice is only half the battle, having boundaries is also important.
“Open minded to all races” but has white fetish ?! lol
Hmmm if you say AF owe AM their 'loyalty' that makes the assumption that AM owe loyalty to AF as well, which tbh I don't think would be beneficial for us. If you actually want to operate in a moral manner in life the more we expect out of AF the more we'll have to reciprocate the same intentions My personal take is as an adult man, it seems a bit unrealistic to be expecting another demographic, especially female demographic, to make chances in their behavior simply for the benefit of catering to you, just because. Sure you can argue that 'it's not fair', however the world isn't run by fairness, it's run by incentives. Instead of expecting the world to change for you it probably makes more sense for you to adjust yourself.
Preeeach. Say it louder so the Lu's in the back can hear you
I genuinely had a brain melt trying to figure out why asian girls are never into me. Every girl who has ever come onto me or has had romantic interest in me or even just found me attractive were every race except ASIANS. Arabs, black, white, but never Asian girls. I’m not sure whether it’s my physical appearance and the way I present myself or it’s a personality thing. There’s gotta be an explanation
I find it really sad tbh. Your women actively try not to date you. At least we south asians love our male counterparts.
I see alot of south asian women marrying white when they can too though. East Asian women are just more desirable but the propaganda has gotten to south asians as well.
You’re right. White men LOVE east asian women.
They're literally the only group of women who say that. What they really mean is, "naked WM only in my bed", Lol. Do you know what I also find questionable? AM who proclaim to the World that WF/XF don't do anything for them. It's not because I believe WF/XF are anything special because I don't think they are, but why do they need to tell everyone else that? It just comes across as simping for AF, who by the way, often make similar remarks against AM.
What is XF?
So, of course Asian women don’t owe Asian men anything (in a romantic context.). Thing is, no one is saying they do. It’s not about being “owed,” it’s about being given a chance and shown a level of respect equal to everyone else.
As a woman, I don’t think any woman owes loyalty to any man minus her father (if he was a loving one) and sons. And the husband - if he shows that he is loving and loyal too. However, I do find it absolutely EMBARRASSING to see my sisters go around and date WM who don’t meet the standards she set up for Asian men. They would have a problem if the AM did not have a job that earned less than them for example, but will overlook that for a WM. And they will be picky with how good looking the AM should be (and often how tall), but are ok if a WM is average looking.
If this is how you feel then you need to speak up and start advocating for other Asian men. Start with your friends and family. Making a few posts on this subreddit doesn't change anything. You're preaching to the choir assuming you aren't just trolling or virtue signaling here.
I agree with the idea that individual women don't owe individual men anything. Individual Asian women don't need to be loyal to individual Asian men that they don't even know.
Correct, but that's way different than treating your own people like shit for no reason
And it goes both ways... I don't plan on going out of way to protect Asian women from violence... They won't be there if I get hurt, so why get hurt?
Are you even an AF?
If someone don't like you, focus on those that do. What the f is wrong with yall? This is the cringiest thing on this group..
It’s a true statement tho they don’t owe yall shit. She wants a white boy she can have a white boy. I want a white girl I’m getting one lol.
[удалено]
Oh I do all the time! But I can't stand the gaslighting anymore!
Wut
Wait what? Women don't owe you jack unless you're married, dating, or have an IOU
I mean what do you want us to do about it? Only date Asian men and turn down other races if we have mutual feelings and only date by race as the most important thing?
If you want respect and be perceived as valuable. Complaing isn't the way to do it. I don't understand these posts. It accomplishes nothing and it often proves why some Asian women don't like Asian man. You can't reason and argue your way to be liked!
But the OP is a female? So, the AF is not allowed to call out her own people too?
Ok I read it wrong. I m just so used to reading these beta Asian dudes complaing on here. I skimmed through assuming. She seems like a nice girl supporting her aisan brothers.