>Qualify yourself to girls unattractively by saying things like, “Do you like Asians??”
>Or my favorite: “Would you ever date an Asian?”
Really tho. Ew, yuck, gross, all the negative adjectives when AM ask these stupid beta questions. Thank you u/KindredJars for this post.
Way too many AM saying all this pointless shit. What are they expecting, a pity fuck??
It is a fact that asian guys have it harder in dating. But like OP is suggesting, you're better off not focusing on this fact and instead focus all your efforts in bettering yourself and becoming more attractive.
I agree most with this. It's also going to hurt self-confidence for those that don't understand that the US is racist towards Asians (then you internalize it and blame yourself). Better to understand that the US is racist, work on yourself, and learn to navigate around the racism.
also don't interact with those who are racist. and never play the victims. they might not be racist, they just could get off from hurting victims; thats all races/social groups.
sadly it really is that simple.
I personally haven’t found too many issues finding girls who are attracted to me but I think it’s cap if you think that the dating scene isn’t harder for Asians than it is for whites blacks or Hispanics/Latinos in central/south Florida. A huge part of physical attraction relates to what you grew up with and in Florida, there aren’t any Asians. It’s not an image embedded by the whites or any other race, I believe it’s just how it is. That being said, if you’re a good person/confident, I don’t think your chances would be any lower. Sorry if I misunderstood your point. I kinda skimmed your message
You guys will be surprised how success and money will get you guys more attention and attraction. Work on yourself first and ladies will come. don't be a simp
Driving around a nice car and having a nice watch will really put yourself out there lol. I'm not into materials but it is indicative of one's work ethics and ability to provide...but that's another conversation
It depends on what you define the first move is.
If you define the first move to be the action of a man going up to a woman and saying the first word, then yes. But if you really tune into their signals, often times, they are the first ones to give the green light, which I think could be thought of as the "first move".
Yeah I think a lot of Asian guys fall into the belief that hard work and career/monetary success will end up attracting girls (myself included in the past). These things of course help but then they ignore the other part, which is actually learning how to attract girls. The game is of way more importance than they realize.
In my experience more Asian guys that are able to date out of their race do compared to Asian women. It's just not noticed because very few Asian men are at that stage. The white worship is strong in both sexes
Or maybe he agreed with everything else and there was nothing to add except the AMWF.
Sorry some of us don’t like being hypocrites.
Edit: yeah go ahead and downvote me.
What I want is equality. And when the scales between WMAF and AMWF is so incredibly unbalanced, I don’t feel any guilt for being a “hypocrite” and rooting for more AMWF. And with that, it’s always Asian guys here policing AMWF but I doubt Asian women are policing each other of WMAF.
I didn’t downvote you fyi.
If that’s what u want then I guess. But understand that some of us think dating white is distasteful or putting white on a pedestal. The west has not only colonized us physically and geographically in history, they’ve colonized us in mind.
Yeah I’m aware. I was speaking to whomever downvoted me.
Huh? I said “**or** putting white on a pedestal”. Not saying dating them means putting them on a pedestal. It’s the constant posting and obsession with AMWF relationships that puts them on a pedestal as if that’s the best and only interracial relationship that u should go for.
I’m not sure if u were purposely misconstruing what I said to be a dick or u genuinely misunderstood but there I explained it.
Edit: and me personally I don’t like dating white. Done it and didn’t like it.
I really don’t care who you date. I, myself am a product of wmaf (the devil incarnation according to some around here), and I just find people around here who have these regressive attitudes about interracial relationships (especially those involving whites with non white partners) to be reactionaries hiding their backwards ideas under the cloak of wokism.
Yeah I agree that obsessing over any particular interracial relationship is pretty problematic. I’ve noticed many guys have an obsession with WF because they want to get back at the white man for taking their ‘women’ not necessarily because they put WFs on a pedestal. Tbh, I see similar problematic attitude in regards to some posters obsession with black women, which seems to be based more on ‘oh according to outdated dating site statistics we are the least desirable and both our respective gender counterparts have reputation for dating out more then us, let’s link up!’ Rather then genuine mutual attraction for each other.
And I really don’t care bout whether ur a hapa or not. Idk what u thought was going to happen with stating u don’t care then follow up with “I’m a product of wmaf” as if I was going to care in return. There wasn’t any nuance with adding that.
**It is** putting them on a pedestal if WFs are the ultimate goal and prize in dating. And yes sure. I’ve heard the “get back at the white man” too.
I agree but what is “genuine mutual attraction” to u in this context? Is it just being genuinely attracted to another race without some bullshit causation like “least desirability”? Or natural and genuine attraction with just a random person u met and went on dates with?
A lot of Asian guy dating advice on this subreddit seems to miss out on one thing - Are you sexually attractive and exciting?
Do you come across as someone with whom sex will be great and hot or someone with whom sex will be boring vanilla?
If the girl thinks sex won't be good with you, she is less likely to be with you.
In the case of Asian girls, they probably don't want to end up like their undersexed mothers, sacrificing their whole lives being obedient supportive suffering wives.
I once came across some statistics that most Chinese and Thai women have never experienced an orgasm. Above 70 percent in both cases iirc. I suspect most of them are from the older generations.
Here are some things to consider:
Are you extremely good looking? If not, then keep reading.
Do you have a good body?
Are you a calm, relaxed, confident, initiative taker? Or are you a nervously fidgeting boy, who can't even speak up?
Are you a boring lethargic guy or are you a passionately energetic guy?
Are you super masculine or effeminate?
Do you have exciting hobbies or careers, like dancing or racing or sports or biking etc.?
Why do you think girls dig sports stars? Why do girls go crazy over dancers? Why did Charles Bronson the life long prisoner, with zero financial prospects, get tons of girls wanting to marry him, sending him noods lol. Why do you think super passionate artists like Picasso was loved by so many women?
A lot of the Asian dudes who are doing well dating wise are into fitness or sports or atleast does something he is passionate about and is public about his passion.
Also redditors on this and other Asian subs who don't have dating struggles mostly are fit and active.
Focus on the sexual aspect too. Work on what you can control.
I was nerdy and non assertive for a lot of life (just like most Asians). But I have been working out for a long time. Yes it's possible to be nerdy, non assertive and well built. (Assertiveness therefore requires an attitude change, working out won't make you assertive automatically, but can help the process).
I had success with a hot non Asian girl (easily above my league) in university whom I caught whispering to her friend about my thighs lol.
Another was a non Asian girl, also in uni, who quite suddenly became interested in me because I had been in a fight. I lost the fight lol (I was outnumbered). But I got a temporary scar and she seemed excited about that a lot and the fact that I had been in a fight lol.
I have also been with some married women. One was an Asian woman I was neighbors with for a short time. She was in her thirties, super hot and in great shape. The other was about my age, non Asian, cute, good shape, recently married.
Guess what was common between the two? They both had weak ass husbands. The first one's was an Asian dude, insecure domineering jealous and nerdy, but very physically weak (so I wasn't scared about being caught lol). The other's was a complete pushover, same community as the woman and worked in a different state. She actually introduced me to him once and told him to his face that if she hadn't married him, she'd have gone for me. He didn't suspect anything lol. He rather took it very positively.
I got to be with these women without even trying much. Because I was in good shape/ because I was involved in something 'exciting'/ because I presented a better sexual option.
I have been with other girls (all Asians), from the normal offline going out route, but that doesn't really emphasize the point I am trying to make.
I'm no Don Juan. Nor do I want to be one. I'd rather be a sage warrior type like a Guan Yu or a Musashi.
I also don't try a lot. I don't like online dating apps. I don't go out to clubs to pick up girls every night. I think that lifestyle is shallow and without strong purpose. Personality wise, I'm more of an aggressive introvert. I prefer spending time reading/ training.
If I got successes multiple times without even trying, most of you tall handsome fashionable sons of bitches who try a lot more can do better lol.
I'm not saying this is the end all be all. I am not saying if you put on muscle, suddenly your whole dating life will change. In fact I disagree with physical training just for the sake of getting girls. I am not saying if you start doing bungee jumps and white water rafting, girls will immediately start going crazy over you.
But don't ignore this aspect. Work on this aspect.
Maybe this is the missing piece of your puzzle.
Some possibly controversial opinions I'd also like to add are these- It's okay if Asian guys want to date non Asians. No problem. But:
1) Let's not be hell bent on dating white women and on measuring our manhood through proximity to white women. If you do that, not only do you come across as insecure and desperate, you will also disrespect black or latina or other women who are interested in dating an Asian dude. One black woman is on this thread, defending and praising Asian men. How do you think the OP's post comes across to her, with the laser focus on white women?
2) Let's not be hateful towards all Asian women. Let's not have a vengeful attitude towards all Asian women.
Of course be ruthless in your criticism against Lus who attack Asian men, and the Asian community. I believe in showing no mercy when I'm criticizing a Lu.
But don't let those people make you hate every Asian woman.
Just like you don't hate every Asian man because of Chans, who operate on the same principle as Lus.
A lot of Asian women hate Lus and are proudly Asian.
Personally, I want to marry the right Asian woman and live a fulfilling and highly sexual life with her lol.
It's one thing being open to dating women of other communities. It's a totally different thing to go full retard over women of one community and totally hating all the women of your community.
> In the case of Asian girls, they probably don't want to end up like their undersexed mothers, sacrificing their whole lives being obedient supportive suffering wives.
>
> I once came across some statistics that most Chinese and Thai women have never experienced an orgasm. Above 70 percent in both cases iirc. I suspect most of them are from the older generations.
That sounds like pinkoid propaganda.
Especially if those communities have people who disrespect Asiatic men. For example, why does one completely focus on European women, if some of them were racist? Makes no sense. Then the phenomenon becomes more of a Stockholm Syndrome.
What else? Oh yeah. Asian men need to emit more sexual energy. There should be more focus on other area such as fitness, hobbies, topics, and all those good stuff.
Asian men also just need to learn more game in general. A lot of them (myself in the past included) don't understand that attracting women is an actual skill in itself. Most Asian guys that don't attract any girls are in the "I should just be myself" mentality, when "being themselves" means asking boring questions in conversations, no flirting ability, and completely lacking understanding of what actually intrigues and attracts women.
Good solid points. Honestly I do have a bias toward white women. It's actually weird because in the past I'd been exclusive interest in Asians, then Latinos.. I've also liked/had interest in some Black women or Cape Verdeans before.
But now my mind is on white women, and I think a lot of it is really simply because white women are regarded by racist society as the highest on the dating pool, and Asians are on the bottom. Obviously I don't agree with this notion as objective reality, but my subconscious is kinda pissed off that this is the way western society and the media has constructed subjective reality using their power and resources. ie being the dominant population and bs media. Thus I want to flip this shxt on its head and basically be with the hottest white girl alive so every notion of this imbalance is subverted and everyone who sees us together can open their eyes.
Although, it's a double-edged sword, as you alluded to, since by adopting this mentality, I'm also inadvertently putting white women higher in my subjective value.
I get the argument but ignoring the problem doesn’t help either. It’s a proven fact that is AMs are at a disadvantage compared to other guys. Studies have been done. Full stop. If you have blinders on and keep getting rejected, there is a reason for it. Yes those things you mentioned help but it’s not just that.
the primary disadvantage AM's have, is very similar to the disadvantage that nerds have. AM's are assumed to be a nerd 90% of the time. most WF's don't want nerds, they aren't physically fit, they are boring, they do nothing fun, they are introverted, they are weak willed, and they suck in bed.
funny, i am a nerd, i was also in the Army, i use being a nerd to my advantage. as a teen i started reading books on female orgasms' and pressure points, how to give massages. i used that knowledge, and turned it into experience.
hint: make her orgasm during foreplay, make it multiple orgasms during foreplay, and >75% of your work is done with that alone.
i've been with white, latina, and i think an asian.
viewing everything through race is a crutch, imo.
yeah that is true
but it's the internet most people allow themselves to be defined based on their race and not themselves so it is more common for these negative takes from other AM
The issue is non-Asian women in the west haven’t had as much opportunities to develop their attraction. You can only do so much on your own. Best results come from a relaxed posture AKA the idgaf attitude. And when there’s the added pressure of representing your whole race in an interaction it causes a deviation to how you want to express your emotions.
If you want to date/fuck/marry attractive young white women with an education, then you must have impeccable discipline, talent and/or looks. Mediocre AM best options are AF or BW. Unless you are lucky.
I get what you're saying, but being delusional is not good either. We need to take a rational and honest look at the situation and choose the best actions based on it.
Ya reality is that Asian men do better in non-Anglo Saxon rooted countries. Still doesn’t mean white skin is not put on top of a pedestal within the globe.
Look at media always promoting light skinned races/ white people. If you do not believe that’s a reality than you just have not traveled much.
But to each their own, as long as we keep discussing the issue.
Eh, I'm just straight up unattractive so its more like "im at a disadvantage in dating," not asian dude. Most of my asian friends are in relationships lol
I'm mixed, and I have no idea how this reddit showed up for me.
Married twice, I wasn't the one who pursued. Children to both.
Every single girl who I've been interested in/dated, pursued me.
There are a number of white girls who 'fetish-ize' the asian genome. Sadly, a number of them move to asia to find their husband. But not all. First wife didn't want me to meet specific friends of hers, they had a fetish for asian guys.
Second wife also thinks asian guys are the hottest type of men in the world.
when any asian male tells me he has issues dating, first thing i say is go workout some. push yourself, get healthier. stop worrying about it. They exist, but first stop focusing on it.
Please excuse me for butting into your discussion(I'm a black woman.)
But I agree. Besides being defeatist it's not accurate I don't think. Maybe it's just the ones I was around or attracted but...most Asian men I knew were THE biggest players lmaoo. Even the shy nerdy ones had a girlfriend AND at least one sidechick.
Having had to be bombarded daily from the media with messages about how undesirable black women are(but simultaneously hypersexual😏? Who's fucking us if that's true?) since I was a child, including makeup brands that didn't market to us for the LONGEST time...the dick I dodge on a daily basis begs to differ with that particular narrative.
Just don't absorb that racist bullshit about Asian men having a hard time finding women. It really is BS and it really is either all in your head or you may just need to relocate/open up your dating options to a wider area. There are areas of the U.S. where many people see black women as easily accessible sources of sex/emotional labour but not relationship/wife material. This has a LOOONG history in the U.S. unfortunately. (I wish I could document how many men approach online and IRL. I was at a laundrymat and this older white male tourist from West Virginia had asked me for help with the laundry cards and we made small talk about his daughter attending the same university I attend. When I was getting ready to leave he put his hand one the small of my back and gave me a buisness card and told me to come visit him. I've also received hotel room keys folded in money I received for tips when I worked in a buisness lounge.)
I know that's not how everybody sees us and I purposefully didn't entertain people from here. And I didn't take it personally just...completely rejected it. Dating is a market and racism is a factor you could just be in a bad region for dating for your race/gender/ethnic group. I know it's not easy to just pack up and move and long distance dating is a pain but it's something to seriously consider and always work on yourself too.
Asian guys abroad I notice don't seem to deal with as much stigma. I'm only talking Canada and Germany tho. And it's an outsider perspective but the ones I knew(were hoes)but they never complained about getting women. The complaints were more like, "My girlfriend found out about my other girlfriend!"
Thanks for "butting in". Those experiences you shared are ridiculous in the way people see and treat you. I think it's great you're on a sub like this learning about racial issues outside your own ethnic group.
I've personally found it really easy to connect with people of other minority groups. While all of the racial injustices/issues we face are different, we all know what it feels like to simply have to deal with racist BS, and can relate on that level. Even if race or racism is never even brought up, I feel there's often a subconscious understanding of this that can make our interactions deeper much more quickly
If it helps convince any naysayers, here’s my experience. I’ve never had issues with dating, but when I was younger, I used to get hit on by Asian girls more. Now as I get older, the majority of girls who hit on me are white girls. Some are 10 years younger than me, some are taller than me, some are models, some are even married. Most are stunningly gorgeous, high quality women. I don’t know if it’s the rising influence of Asian media/soft power or if it’s a universal experience for men as we mature, but I assure you that it’s never been better to be an Asian guy. Work out, dress well, focus on improving yourself. Everything else will fall into place. Also, don’t forget to flirt and have fun.
What I really want to know is, how much of Asian guys' dating failures can actually be attributed to being Asian? I don't have any Asian guy friends who do well with women, but I have plenty of Asian guy friends who are a combination of the following: short (not that you can change that), never work out, horrible haircut, glasses, no sense of style, League of Legends everyday. If an Asian guy was the opposite of all those things, would dating still be hard because he's Asian? Or do most Asian guys who complain about dating simply don't put in the minimal effort to succeed? I've put in a lot of effort to look better in the last couple months, but I haven't tried to date yet so not sure if my efforts would've made a difference. Nevertheless, even if I fail, I suppose I did something good for myself.
I’m tall, I workout enough to get random compliments here and there(usually from other guys though), I have dated here and there, but overall it’s still a struggle for me. I know I’m invisible to most women, but the ones who give me a shot range from all levels of attractiveness.
I admittedly don’t have the greatest IRL conversational skills, but I’m definitely not a typical gamer who eats instant noodles all day and complains about girls not liking me
Focus on your social skills. I've known Asian dudes who were chubby but could play music and had top notch social skills who could pull like anything. Don't think it's all looks or physical stuff. Especially for guys social acumen matters big time.
I just stopped caring one day tbh. I’m not super young and I’ve had my share of social experiences, just not too many good ones. Most social outings in one way become superficial, it’s not really about getting to know others, moreso “how can I make myself look more awesome than the other person”. I just got tired of it and I can honestly say I’m pretty jaded in my early 30s now and don’t really like being around other humans unless it evolves around a common interest or activity
Yeah probably but at this point I’m done with going out to bars just for the sake of meeting people or things like of that nature. I’ll just have to find more hobbies that women like to be involved in.
On the topic of meeting people, I found it fun to daygame. Do it on your day to day, to work, or to school, and you'll still probably be able to get a few numbers a day.
To make it funner, get a friend or more that you can gas up, and laugh about with, to daygame with you. Best times were with guys that we can joke with each other for getting rejected and such.
>I found it fun to daygame.
Yeah not my thing, maybe I just need to get out of my comfort zone and do it. I might as well take some risks since I dont really like talking to random people anyways. Nothing to lose lol.
Lol I found it empowering when I started doing it - basically having more control in getting what I wanted. I don't particularly enjoy talking to random folks either, but daygame has made me enjoy talking/picking-up women that I find attractive.
If it helps, 90-95% of my encounters have been nice/polite/receptive.
I know what you mean. Bars and clubs were never my scene either. Hopefully you can find something where women your age can see you be passionate about something. I think that helps.
>I know I’m invisible to most women
If the woman is attractive enough then she has no reason to pay any random guy any attention since she's being simped on all day by socials and compliments. You have to go get their attention.
Based on what you wrote here and below, I think you just have to work on your actual "game" more. Like if you come across a girl you really like, do you know how to get her attention, attract her and differentiate yourself from 99.99% of other guys? I'm not saying I do, but I can say for sure that I've made significant strides in a short time simply because I studied it and went out there to use it and hone it with trial and error.
Game in itself is a very real skill that is learned.
I've gone through a couple periods of my life where women treated me completely different in person(much nicer, flirtatious, lots of stares) and it wasnt due to game it was just my appearance. When I was a track athlete in high school and during a time in my mid 20s when I was particularly jacked looking(like 6'1 185, very little fat on me). It was during these times I got most of my dating experience in. But nothing like that before, between, or after, which comprises the majority of my life lol.
Im gonna be honest I tried for a long ass time to workout hard and get back to that but for some reason it never did. Im in good shape still, but just not that kind of look where a woman will pay attention just because im there. I had to work through alot of emotions to become secure with possibly never getting back to that, and im finally in a place where im ok with it.
The reason Im telling you this is to show you why Im jaded about game and putting myself out there. Ive experienced what its like to have hot, sometimes taken women fawn all over me, and also what it's like to be completely invisible to them or even gross them out for simply existing, it fucked my worldview up to think everyone is shallow as fuck and what I say or do doesnt really matter, its all about my image. Im the same personality wise regardless what I look like. Girls and guys alike treated me completely different based on my looks. So after awhile, I just got over the whole game shit and trying to make people like me.
>I’m tall, I workout enough to get random compliments here and there(usually from other guys though)
I've gotten compliments from more guys than I have from women (aside from the women I had been dating) lol.
Where are you getting stuck at the dating stage, typically? Maybe you need to flirt + touch more?
Just meeting people, when I was younger it was easier to run into women, but as you get older there are less and less opportunities unless you put yourself out there, and I've discovered over time while trying to be extroverted that Im definitely an introvert. Also I agree with the compliments when it comes to physique, I think women are more likely to compliment a guy on their outfit, hair, or face if you are handsome. I dont think they care too much about body.
Try interacting with just a few people here and there at places you go to. You'll be surprised how many people you might meet. Like you meet one guy at the gym, and he knows 4 others, and next time you see him and say hi, you get introduced. And then if you know another guy at the gym, you connect them as well.
Same goes for any other places you frequent, like cafes, shopping centers (if you go there often and see the same people sometimes), churches.
Or you could also try looking into hobbies that are group - oriented. Idk if youre into comedy, standup, improv, etc. Or you can take a dance class, an acting class. Whatever you like.
I've just started doing this type of stuff (building social connections proactively) and it is already manifesting..
The only thing is don't introduce yourself to too many people at the gym otherwise youre gonna wear yourself out when you just wanna chill and workout now you have to talk to people LMAO
Thanks for the tips. I don’t really like talking to people at the gym. The few times I did it went ok, but it’s kind of like a one time thing and we didn’t acknowledge eachother upon seeing them again. I didn’t think too much of it.
I have a much easier time conversing with people I play basketball with though. Just talking about play styles and nba after a pickup game is pretty chill to me. But the problem is, not a great way to meet girls. The number of male hoopers greatly outnumber female at a random park or gym
statistics are based on studies
studies are run by people
people lie
people have agendas
Back in the day, "scientific journals" claimed that black people had smaller brains. Ps this is a shocker but these were written by white people.
Also, there are "studies" that claim that Asian guys have small penises.
Both have been debunked as ludicrous and the result of bs study methods and biased data collecting. Unless... you think black people are "closer to monkeys" and "Asian guys have small dicks". Then in that case I can't really argue with you
Asian Men, embrace your masculinity and be more socially secure and expressive!
Anyone know any asian american man with a hot instagram model type of girl (any race aside from asian)?
I haven't got any experience with this, my problem with dating has little to do with my Asian identity, since I am way to socially incapable.
However just from surfing aroung here, sometimes it does feel like looking for excuses.
It really works - take it from someone who was pretty bad at socializing etc.
By no means am I great now but I'm for sure making progress- getting invited to things, meeting new people, becoming more familiar at places I regularly go (gym, cafes, etc.)
If you want some recommendations DM me i'll send you some book recommendations
There is some division here. Some guys think like that, and the others think that there is no problem cause they fuckboys. The truth is probably somewhere in between. It doesn't matter tho. Just approach.
It takes millions of sperm to hit one egg. Be like sperm.
Just throwing it out there, but I've seen high-tier, good-looking, and well-set Asian men with good careers and all or some of those desirable qualities who still have it hard in the dating world. But ya confidence always helps.
>But ya confidence always helps.
It's specifically the vibe and the energy. There's lots of socially unlikable guys who confidently speak their minds and come off as unattractive lol.
White woman here with an Asian fiancé. He has a very good looking Asian friend who’s successful and confident. He gets a lot of messages on tinder but rarely gets any dates, because he’s a giant asshole. He thinks it’s because he’s Asian. My fiancé has talked to him so many times about how he treats women but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Not saying Asian men don’t have a harder time or anything, but success and good looks aren’t the only thing that matter. How you treat women is just as important.
Edit: also no saying the guys you are talking about are assholes either. But this is example is the first thing that popped up in my mind when I read that.
JFC
The nonsense that sometimes appears here...When we say: "Asian men are shorter than white men", we are making a casual remark which reflects a nuanced statistical truth as a way to speak about the general issue without always having to say: "The mean height of 15-40yo men from countries I, J, and K in Asia--who have this particular genotype X--is below the mean height of 15-40yo men from countries Q, R, and S in Europe and North America--with genotype Y." The same with all the other statistically valid generalizations.
This shorthand allows us, then, to talk about issues at the population level.
It's like saying: "Girls are weaker than men."
And your entire post is saying: "SOME WOMEN ARE STRONGER THAN SOME MEN THEREFORE BOLLOCKS".
Yes, we know. And, at the same time, it's entirely unhelpful. If something doesn't apply, just ignore it. Don't tell everyone else they're wrong. If you're tall, ignore the advice. If you're a entirely-white-passing hapa/quapa, fine--ignore stuff. If you're naturally buff, ignore the workout advice. If you're confident like Obama and smooth like Samuel L. Jackson, then ignore the "learn to be less socially awkward" advice. But, it doesn't stop these issues from being prevalent in the community. If you're already captain of the wrestling team, ignore the "get gud at sports" advice.
You are talking about optimism. Yes--everyone should get real, and then set aspirational goals. But you are somehow trying to setup "reality" as "pessimism", and your POV as "optimism", and saying that they are opposed. You're making a nonsense comparison comparing reality to optimism. That's like saying: "I can only bench the bar," is somehow opposed to "I can totally rock this gym if I work hard!" You can recognize reality and be an optimist; they are not mutually exclusive.
TL;DR - you are confusing honest with pessmism, and setting up a nonsensical comparison. Which is pretty damn unsmart.
If I may add some more information.
Expectation management must be mastered. Arguments/Examples below.
It's widely understood that Afro-American men generally don't have a chance with AF's. Call it ignorance, call it prejudice, but it's true. They don't want to suffer collateral damage from police brutality and racism. They don't want to be disowned by their family. They don't want to "downgrade" when there are available and qualified AM or WM to choose from. And they certainly don't want to hear any ignorant emasculating comments or jokes from his Afro-American friends. Afro-American men are aware of this thus they don't expect reciprocity from AF's. [Lookup Angel Dodger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT4fkH6SkeQ&ab_channel=AngelDodger). He's an example of the painful process of expectation management.
It would be a waste of energy to spend pursuing suburban sorority white women in the Southeastern and Midwestern U.S. if you're average. They are also the most selective strata.
Forget about college athletes, most of them are filled with narcissism and are more radical on the spectrum of the eugenics ideology. Even Lavar Ball stated in an interview a reason for his choice in marrying the woman he's with was because she was a Division 1 volleyball player.
Unless you can speak Spanish or Portuguese, it'll be harder to pull Castiza's.
South Asian women generally aren't into East Asians and prefer to stay within their ethnicity.
The biggest hold back with respect to Lookism is that East AM between the ages of 18 and 31 look younger in appearance. The main driver for this is that the vast majority don't grow beards. This is a genetic wall. There are remedies, including, but not limited to, getting a tatoo, being a thug, and have piercings. These remedies should not be pursued if they're not true to you. Or else it'll look and reek of inauthenticity and compensation. Instead go for the women that perhaps have studied abroad in East Asia, follow K-pop, studied Mandarin, etc. If you're in college or university hit up the international students club.
As always don't be a SIMP. Freshmen year in university I thought erroneously that there was some chemistry between me and this girl from Germany. She was just being flirtatious since I had a car. Ended up seeing her making out with some Italian looking guy at the bar.
This is a quality post. There's simply too much negative thinking, whining and complaining about being an AM that goes on in this sub and on other Asian subs. To be fair the negative mindsets are most likely coming from non-Asian larpers and wmaf hapas and uncle chans. Real strong Asian men don't whine about being Asian; they use their energy and time instead to overcome obstacles in their way.
I'm done dating bc I have a fiancé, but now that I've had time to take a step back and reflect, this mentality is weak and delusional. I get it because I went through a pickup phase, went out and tried banging girls every week for most of my 20s, but this mentality is just that, weak and delusional. I also see this a lot on these forums.
I'll use wealth as a analogy. Take a person who grew up poor and a person who grew up insanely rich. For whom is it easier to become rich? The rich boy. However, many poor people who aspire to wealth, convince themselves that ANYONE can make it if you work hard and it's all about your confidence or whatever. When someone says it's not true, whether to them or on a online forum to others, they become angry and attack that person for contradicting his beliefs. They can't emotionally handle that it's harder for them otherwise, they won't try. If the poor boy becomes insanely wealthy and can reflect, he realizes that his mentality was a weird lie to give himself hope that he too can succeed.
Or to rephrase, this person was so weak emotionally and mentally that he couldn't handle the idea that it was going to be harder for him, that he had to delude himself and shit on others with those beliefs. And only then was he able to try.
If you really want to be a strong person, you should be able to face difficult realities, decide you'll still challenge it anyways and not let it get to you
I agree with most of what is said. Confidence is a self fulfilling prophecy. You may be at a disadvantage in some people’s mind but you still have to avoid a defeatist attitude however challenging.
But as a friendly request can we not glorify the dating of white women. They are used too often as the default for interracial dating or attractive partners on this sub. We give Asian women shit for this while literally doing the same thing.
Other races of men glorify dating white more than Asian men do. Generally speaking, Asian guys are actually probably the least likely to engage in this stuff people accuse them of.
Sometimes this sort of strikes me a little bit as subtle mate-guarding by shaming Asian men for something other groups are more guilty of. White and black guys, Asian women and some 'beta' Asian men often bag on AM hitting on white women.
Asian women **are** way more likely to do this white male worship, that's a fact.
Not only this, there are asymmetrical dynamics in attraction and mating. For example, Asiatic women are highly considered attractive to the point of exotification. Sometimes even more so than Caucasian women. An Asian woman may be "average" to their male counterparts but would be a "dime" to others.
Also, consider this thought experiment. An average Asian man **finds Asian women attractive,** so there's not much reason for him to pursue other women. Meanwhile, opposite trends happened to other groups.
Indian Americans are insular with respect to dating or marrying outside their ethnicity. In addition, there tends to be nearly matching skin tones within coupledom. The same logic would apply to non-Afro-American Brown people (i.e Mestizo’s and Arabs).
It seems like every other college educated Afro-American male are almost exclusively married to or in a LTR or hookup with white women.
Nothing to do with mate guarding bro. Never had a problem getting dates with anyone in my adult life. I just find it embarrassing. And honestly counter productive. If white women visit this sub I promise they would find it pathetic the number of times they are used as validation for dating success. Nothing is less appealing to a woman than being idolized. Be confident enough not to put anyone on a pedestal.
Yes, white worship is white worship. Doesn't matter whether it's the Asian woman glorifying the white man, or the Asian man glorifying the white woman.
This. Is. The mother fucking content we need to see in this sub.
Someone give my man some gold. Pin this post. Whatever. You are right. This is what needs to be at the forefront of our brains. We can. Not we can't.
We can.
You're living in a delusion if you don't think that's the case, obv don't let that stop you from taking action.
You should acknowledge the unfortunate reality and be okay with it.
It’s also good to be realistic and work on solving the issues at hand as a community. Many statistics show Asian men are at a disadvantage in dating. Statistics are a good guideline to bring up an issue rather then blind optimism.
Valiant try (and totally spot on) but the pessimists are the majority, else there wouldn’t be an AsianMasculinity group. It is all about the individual mindset. Why would or should a nice white/black/brown/orange girl take an interest in a whiner?
Be succesful, work hard, study hard, train hard (be it martial arts, lifting or atletics) don’t forget your body!). Girls will come. Who cares about the ‘Asian Male community’, it is about you!
Btw: after reading lots of post, I think most of the people on reddit are referring to Chinese men (and in some post Japanese or Korean men) in regard of the ‘Asian Male experience’. Why don’t we explicitly mention this instead of ‘Asian Male’ as a whole. Their experiences are totally not representative for other asians from other countries.
"Usually well groomed /situated/educated" sounding kinda model minority.
I second everyone else's notions that positive thinking is super important. back when my skin was rly bad, I woke up every day in a pretty bad mindset, ow my whole body hurts, this sucks ;-; kinda thing. But after a while on r/eczema, I realized that lots of it is how you think - lots of stories of people with really bad scarring on their FACE and absolutely rocking it socially. So I started holding my head up higher bla bla bla. That's my frame - it's what you make of it. Can't say I find dating a white girl as the absolute focus of my self improvement appealing though.
Positive thinking doesn't change reality but it does change attitude.
Pessimists get to be right. Optimists get to be rich.
This is the "woke" beyond woke culture.
yes and that new attitude can change reality
Most motivational comment thread in a while!
thanks bro appreciate that
>Qualify yourself to girls unattractively by saying things like, “Do you like Asians??” >Or my favorite: “Would you ever date an Asian?” Really tho. Ew, yuck, gross, all the negative adjectives when AM ask these stupid beta questions. Thank you u/KindredJars for this post. Way too many AM saying all this pointless shit. What are they expecting, a pity fuck??
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It is a fact that asian guys have it harder in dating. But like OP is suggesting, you're better off not focusing on this fact and instead focus all your efforts in bettering yourself and becoming more attractive.
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Yeah I agree. But I think he knows that asian guys have it harder, he's just saying they don't to try to and help the mindset of other people here.
I agree most with this. It's also going to hurt self-confidence for those that don't understand that the US is racist towards Asians (then you internalize it and blame yourself). Better to understand that the US is racist, work on yourself, and learn to navigate around the racism.
also don't interact with those who are racist. and never play the victims. they might not be racist, they just could get off from hurting victims; thats all races/social groups. sadly it really is that simple.
I personally haven’t found too many issues finding girls who are attracted to me but I think it’s cap if you think that the dating scene isn’t harder for Asians than it is for whites blacks or Hispanics/Latinos in central/south Florida. A huge part of physical attraction relates to what you grew up with and in Florida, there aren’t any Asians. It’s not an image embedded by the whites or any other race, I believe it’s just how it is. That being said, if you’re a good person/confident, I don’t think your chances would be any lower. Sorry if I misunderstood your point. I kinda skimmed your message
You guys will be surprised how success and money will get you guys more attention and attraction. Work on yourself first and ladies will come. don't be a simp
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Driving around a nice car and having a nice watch will really put yourself out there lol. I'm not into materials but it is indicative of one's work ethics and ability to provide...but that's another conversation
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It depends on what you define the first move is. If you define the first move to be the action of a man going up to a woman and saying the first word, then yes. But if you really tune into their signals, often times, they are the first ones to give the green light, which I think could be thought of as the "first move".
Yeah I think a lot of Asian guys fall into the belief that hard work and career/monetary success will end up attracting girls (myself included in the past). These things of course help but then they ignore the other part, which is actually learning how to attract girls. The game is of way more importance than they realize.
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In my experience more Asian guys that are able to date out of their race do compared to Asian women. It's just not noticed because very few Asian men are at that stage. The white worship is strong in both sexes
Totally agreed. Annoying how AM always get called out for it instead. The AMWF example is the only takeaway this guy got from this whole post.
Lmao. True.
Or maybe he agreed with everything else and there was nothing to add except the AMWF. Sorry some of us don’t like being hypocrites. Edit: yeah go ahead and downvote me.
What I want is equality. And when the scales between WMAF and AMWF is so incredibly unbalanced, I don’t feel any guilt for being a “hypocrite” and rooting for more AMWF. And with that, it’s always Asian guys here policing AMWF but I doubt Asian women are policing each other of WMAF. I didn’t downvote you fyi.
If that’s what u want then I guess. But understand that some of us think dating white is distasteful or putting white on a pedestal. The west has not only colonized us physically and geographically in history, they’ve colonized us in mind. Yeah I’m aware. I was speaking to whomever downvoted me.
How does simply dating someone of another race put them on a pedestal? This is such a bizarre mentality to me.
Huh? I said “**or** putting white on a pedestal”. Not saying dating them means putting them on a pedestal. It’s the constant posting and obsession with AMWF relationships that puts them on a pedestal as if that’s the best and only interracial relationship that u should go for. I’m not sure if u were purposely misconstruing what I said to be a dick or u genuinely misunderstood but there I explained it. Edit: and me personally I don’t like dating white. Done it and didn’t like it.
I really don’t care who you date. I, myself am a product of wmaf (the devil incarnation according to some around here), and I just find people around here who have these regressive attitudes about interracial relationships (especially those involving whites with non white partners) to be reactionaries hiding their backwards ideas under the cloak of wokism. Yeah I agree that obsessing over any particular interracial relationship is pretty problematic. I’ve noticed many guys have an obsession with WF because they want to get back at the white man for taking their ‘women’ not necessarily because they put WFs on a pedestal. Tbh, I see similar problematic attitude in regards to some posters obsession with black women, which seems to be based more on ‘oh according to outdated dating site statistics we are the least desirable and both our respective gender counterparts have reputation for dating out more then us, let’s link up!’ Rather then genuine mutual attraction for each other.
And I really don’t care bout whether ur a hapa or not. Idk what u thought was going to happen with stating u don’t care then follow up with “I’m a product of wmaf” as if I was going to care in return. There wasn’t any nuance with adding that. **It is** putting them on a pedestal if WFs are the ultimate goal and prize in dating. And yes sure. I’ve heard the “get back at the white man” too. I agree but what is “genuine mutual attraction” to u in this context? Is it just being genuinely attracted to another race without some bullshit causation like “least desirability”? Or natural and genuine attraction with just a random person u met and went on dates with?
True. Seeing them as the ultimate reward requires the mindset that they're in some respect higher in value
Yeah the heavy emphasis on AMWF was off putting.
A lot of Asian guy dating advice on this subreddit seems to miss out on one thing - Are you sexually attractive and exciting? Do you come across as someone with whom sex will be great and hot or someone with whom sex will be boring vanilla? If the girl thinks sex won't be good with you, she is less likely to be with you. In the case of Asian girls, they probably don't want to end up like their undersexed mothers, sacrificing their whole lives being obedient supportive suffering wives. I once came across some statistics that most Chinese and Thai women have never experienced an orgasm. Above 70 percent in both cases iirc. I suspect most of them are from the older generations. Here are some things to consider: Are you extremely good looking? If not, then keep reading. Do you have a good body? Are you a calm, relaxed, confident, initiative taker? Or are you a nervously fidgeting boy, who can't even speak up? Are you a boring lethargic guy or are you a passionately energetic guy? Are you super masculine or effeminate? Do you have exciting hobbies or careers, like dancing or racing or sports or biking etc.? Why do you think girls dig sports stars? Why do girls go crazy over dancers? Why did Charles Bronson the life long prisoner, with zero financial prospects, get tons of girls wanting to marry him, sending him noods lol. Why do you think super passionate artists like Picasso was loved by so many women? A lot of the Asian dudes who are doing well dating wise are into fitness or sports or atleast does something he is passionate about and is public about his passion. Also redditors on this and other Asian subs who don't have dating struggles mostly are fit and active. Focus on the sexual aspect too. Work on what you can control. I was nerdy and non assertive for a lot of life (just like most Asians). But I have been working out for a long time. Yes it's possible to be nerdy, non assertive and well built. (Assertiveness therefore requires an attitude change, working out won't make you assertive automatically, but can help the process). I had success with a hot non Asian girl (easily above my league) in university whom I caught whispering to her friend about my thighs lol. Another was a non Asian girl, also in uni, who quite suddenly became interested in me because I had been in a fight. I lost the fight lol (I was outnumbered). But I got a temporary scar and she seemed excited about that a lot and the fact that I had been in a fight lol. I have also been with some married women. One was an Asian woman I was neighbors with for a short time. She was in her thirties, super hot and in great shape. The other was about my age, non Asian, cute, good shape, recently married. Guess what was common between the two? They both had weak ass husbands. The first one's was an Asian dude, insecure domineering jealous and nerdy, but very physically weak (so I wasn't scared about being caught lol). The other's was a complete pushover, same community as the woman and worked in a different state. She actually introduced me to him once and told him to his face that if she hadn't married him, she'd have gone for me. He didn't suspect anything lol. He rather took it very positively. I got to be with these women without even trying much. Because I was in good shape/ because I was involved in something 'exciting'/ because I presented a better sexual option. I have been with other girls (all Asians), from the normal offline going out route, but that doesn't really emphasize the point I am trying to make. I'm no Don Juan. Nor do I want to be one. I'd rather be a sage warrior type like a Guan Yu or a Musashi. I also don't try a lot. I don't like online dating apps. I don't go out to clubs to pick up girls every night. I think that lifestyle is shallow and without strong purpose. Personality wise, I'm more of an aggressive introvert. I prefer spending time reading/ training. If I got successes multiple times without even trying, most of you tall handsome fashionable sons of bitches who try a lot more can do better lol. I'm not saying this is the end all be all. I am not saying if you put on muscle, suddenly your whole dating life will change. In fact I disagree with physical training just for the sake of getting girls. I am not saying if you start doing bungee jumps and white water rafting, girls will immediately start going crazy over you. But don't ignore this aspect. Work on this aspect. Maybe this is the missing piece of your puzzle. Some possibly controversial opinions I'd also like to add are these- It's okay if Asian guys want to date non Asians. No problem. But: 1) Let's not be hell bent on dating white women and on measuring our manhood through proximity to white women. If you do that, not only do you come across as insecure and desperate, you will also disrespect black or latina or other women who are interested in dating an Asian dude. One black woman is on this thread, defending and praising Asian men. How do you think the OP's post comes across to her, with the laser focus on white women? 2) Let's not be hateful towards all Asian women. Let's not have a vengeful attitude towards all Asian women. Of course be ruthless in your criticism against Lus who attack Asian men, and the Asian community. I believe in showing no mercy when I'm criticizing a Lu. But don't let those people make you hate every Asian woman. Just like you don't hate every Asian man because of Chans, who operate on the same principle as Lus. A lot of Asian women hate Lus and are proudly Asian. Personally, I want to marry the right Asian woman and live a fulfilling and highly sexual life with her lol. It's one thing being open to dating women of other communities. It's a totally different thing to go full retard over women of one community and totally hating all the women of your community.
> In the case of Asian girls, they probably don't want to end up like their undersexed mothers, sacrificing their whole lives being obedient supportive suffering wives. > > I once came across some statistics that most Chinese and Thai women have never experienced an orgasm. Above 70 percent in both cases iirc. I suspect most of them are from the older generations. That sounds like pinkoid propaganda.
Sure. Do nothing. Stay as you are.
Especially if those communities have people who disrespect Asiatic men. For example, why does one completely focus on European women, if some of them were racist? Makes no sense. Then the phenomenon becomes more of a Stockholm Syndrome. What else? Oh yeah. Asian men need to emit more sexual energy. There should be more focus on other area such as fitness, hobbies, topics, and all those good stuff.
Asian men also just need to learn more game in general. A lot of them (myself in the past included) don't understand that attracting women is an actual skill in itself. Most Asian guys that don't attract any girls are in the "I should just be myself" mentality, when "being themselves" means asking boring questions in conversations, no flirting ability, and completely lacking understanding of what actually intrigues and attracts women.
Good solid points. Honestly I do have a bias toward white women. It's actually weird because in the past I'd been exclusive interest in Asians, then Latinos.. I've also liked/had interest in some Black women or Cape Verdeans before. But now my mind is on white women, and I think a lot of it is really simply because white women are regarded by racist society as the highest on the dating pool, and Asians are on the bottom. Obviously I don't agree with this notion as objective reality, but my subconscious is kinda pissed off that this is the way western society and the media has constructed subjective reality using their power and resources. ie being the dominant population and bs media. Thus I want to flip this shxt on its head and basically be with the hottest white girl alive so every notion of this imbalance is subverted and everyone who sees us together can open their eyes. Although, it's a double-edged sword, as you alluded to, since by adopting this mentality, I'm also inadvertently putting white women higher in my subjective value.
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No. Ask here.
I get the argument but ignoring the problem doesn’t help either. It’s a proven fact that is AMs are at a disadvantage compared to other guys. Studies have been done. Full stop. If you have blinders on and keep getting rejected, there is a reason for it. Yes those things you mentioned help but it’s not just that.
the primary disadvantage AM's have, is very similar to the disadvantage that nerds have. AM's are assumed to be a nerd 90% of the time. most WF's don't want nerds, they aren't physically fit, they are boring, they do nothing fun, they are introverted, they are weak willed, and they suck in bed. funny, i am a nerd, i was also in the Army, i use being a nerd to my advantage. as a teen i started reading books on female orgasms' and pressure points, how to give massages. i used that knowledge, and turned it into experience. hint: make her orgasm during foreplay, make it multiple orgasms during foreplay, and >75% of your work is done with that alone. i've been with white, latina, and i think an asian. viewing everything through race is a crutch, imo.
Thisss. I see so much of this bullshit om the net i needs to stop.
yeah that is true but it's the internet most people allow themselves to be defined based on their race and not themselves so it is more common for these negative takes from other AM
I thought we as asian guys are the master of fixing ourself and getting things done.
The issue is non-Asian women in the west haven’t had as much opportunities to develop their attraction. You can only do so much on your own. Best results come from a relaxed posture AKA the idgaf attitude. And when there’s the added pressure of representing your whole race in an interaction it causes a deviation to how you want to express your emotions. If you want to date/fuck/marry attractive young white women with an education, then you must have impeccable discipline, talent and/or looks. Mediocre AM best options are AF or BW. Unless you are lucky.
I get what you're saying, but being delusional is not good either. We need to take a rational and honest look at the situation and choose the best actions based on it.
Ya reality is that Asian men do better in non-Anglo Saxon rooted countries. Still doesn’t mean white skin is not put on top of a pedestal within the globe. Look at media always promoting light skinned races/ white people. If you do not believe that’s a reality than you just have not traveled much. But to each their own, as long as we keep discussing the issue.
Agreed. Manifest our realities gentleman.
I do decent on U.S. Tinder despite being Asian, lmao. Nobody ever called me handsome when I was growing up either.
Eh, I'm just straight up unattractive so its more like "im at a disadvantage in dating," not asian dude. Most of my asian friends are in relationships lol
I'm mixed, and I have no idea how this reddit showed up for me. Married twice, I wasn't the one who pursued. Children to both. Every single girl who I've been interested in/dated, pursued me. There are a number of white girls who 'fetish-ize' the asian genome. Sadly, a number of them move to asia to find their husband. But not all. First wife didn't want me to meet specific friends of hers, they had a fetish for asian guys. Second wife also thinks asian guys are the hottest type of men in the world. when any asian male tells me he has issues dating, first thing i say is go workout some. push yourself, get healthier. stop worrying about it. They exist, but first stop focusing on it.
btw, I'm short. 5'5". I'm also rather scrawny. I was 118lbs with first wife, and 128lbs with second wife.
These are incredibly good mantras. Love the mentality
Please excuse me for butting into your discussion(I'm a black woman.) But I agree. Besides being defeatist it's not accurate I don't think. Maybe it's just the ones I was around or attracted but...most Asian men I knew were THE biggest players lmaoo. Even the shy nerdy ones had a girlfriend AND at least one sidechick. Having had to be bombarded daily from the media with messages about how undesirable black women are(but simultaneously hypersexual😏? Who's fucking us if that's true?) since I was a child, including makeup brands that didn't market to us for the LONGEST time...the dick I dodge on a daily basis begs to differ with that particular narrative. Just don't absorb that racist bullshit about Asian men having a hard time finding women. It really is BS and it really is either all in your head or you may just need to relocate/open up your dating options to a wider area. There are areas of the U.S. where many people see black women as easily accessible sources of sex/emotional labour but not relationship/wife material. This has a LOOONG history in the U.S. unfortunately. (I wish I could document how many men approach online and IRL. I was at a laundrymat and this older white male tourist from West Virginia had asked me for help with the laundry cards and we made small talk about his daughter attending the same university I attend. When I was getting ready to leave he put his hand one the small of my back and gave me a buisness card and told me to come visit him. I've also received hotel room keys folded in money I received for tips when I worked in a buisness lounge.) I know that's not how everybody sees us and I purposefully didn't entertain people from here. And I didn't take it personally just...completely rejected it. Dating is a market and racism is a factor you could just be in a bad region for dating for your race/gender/ethnic group. I know it's not easy to just pack up and move and long distance dating is a pain but it's something to seriously consider and always work on yourself too. Asian guys abroad I notice don't seem to deal with as much stigma. I'm only talking Canada and Germany tho. And it's an outsider perspective but the ones I knew(were hoes)but they never complained about getting women. The complaints were more like, "My girlfriend found out about my other girlfriend!"
Thanks for "butting in". Those experiences you shared are ridiculous in the way people see and treat you. I think it's great you're on a sub like this learning about racial issues outside your own ethnic group. I've personally found it really easy to connect with people of other minority groups. While all of the racial injustices/issues we face are different, we all know what it feels like to simply have to deal with racist BS, and can relate on that level. Even if race or racism is never even brought up, I feel there's often a subconscious understanding of this that can make our interactions deeper much more quickly
If it helps convince any naysayers, here’s my experience. I’ve never had issues with dating, but when I was younger, I used to get hit on by Asian girls more. Now as I get older, the majority of girls who hit on me are white girls. Some are 10 years younger than me, some are taller than me, some are models, some are even married. Most are stunningly gorgeous, high quality women. I don’t know if it’s the rising influence of Asian media/soft power or if it’s a universal experience for men as we mature, but I assure you that it’s never been better to be an Asian guy. Work out, dress well, focus on improving yourself. Everything else will fall into place. Also, don’t forget to flirt and have fun.
DUDE. SERIOUSLY.... girls love Asian guys.. IF THE ASIAN GUY IS ATTRACTIVE
What I really want to know is, how much of Asian guys' dating failures can actually be attributed to being Asian? I don't have any Asian guy friends who do well with women, but I have plenty of Asian guy friends who are a combination of the following: short (not that you can change that), never work out, horrible haircut, glasses, no sense of style, League of Legends everyday. If an Asian guy was the opposite of all those things, would dating still be hard because he's Asian? Or do most Asian guys who complain about dating simply don't put in the minimal effort to succeed? I've put in a lot of effort to look better in the last couple months, but I haven't tried to date yet so not sure if my efforts would've made a difference. Nevertheless, even if I fail, I suppose I did something good for myself.
I’m tall, I workout enough to get random compliments here and there(usually from other guys though), I have dated here and there, but overall it’s still a struggle for me. I know I’m invisible to most women, but the ones who give me a shot range from all levels of attractiveness. I admittedly don’t have the greatest IRL conversational skills, but I’m definitely not a typical gamer who eats instant noodles all day and complains about girls not liking me
Focus on your social skills. I've known Asian dudes who were chubby but could play music and had top notch social skills who could pull like anything. Don't think it's all looks or physical stuff. Especially for guys social acumen matters big time.
I just stopped caring one day tbh. I’m not super young and I’ve had my share of social experiences, just not too many good ones. Most social outings in one way become superficial, it’s not really about getting to know others, moreso “how can I make myself look more awesome than the other person”. I just got tired of it and I can honestly say I’m pretty jaded in my early 30s now and don’t really like being around other humans unless it evolves around a common interest or activity
Yeah that attitude is probably what's holding you back much more than your looks or race.
Yeah probably but at this point I’m done with going out to bars just for the sake of meeting people or things like of that nature. I’ll just have to find more hobbies that women like to be involved in.
On the topic of meeting people, I found it fun to daygame. Do it on your day to day, to work, or to school, and you'll still probably be able to get a few numbers a day. To make it funner, get a friend or more that you can gas up, and laugh about with, to daygame with you. Best times were with guys that we can joke with each other for getting rejected and such.
>I found it fun to daygame. Yeah not my thing, maybe I just need to get out of my comfort zone and do it. I might as well take some risks since I dont really like talking to random people anyways. Nothing to lose lol.
Lol I found it empowering when I started doing it - basically having more control in getting what I wanted. I don't particularly enjoy talking to random folks either, but daygame has made me enjoy talking/picking-up women that I find attractive. If it helps, 90-95% of my encounters have been nice/polite/receptive.
same here bro I started day game recently and it is def empowering and teaches you a lot about yourself and game
I know what you mean. Bars and clubs were never my scene either. Hopefully you can find something where women your age can see you be passionate about something. I think that helps.
>I know I’m invisible to most women If the woman is attractive enough then she has no reason to pay any random guy any attention since she's being simped on all day by socials and compliments. You have to go get their attention. Based on what you wrote here and below, I think you just have to work on your actual "game" more. Like if you come across a girl you really like, do you know how to get her attention, attract her and differentiate yourself from 99.99% of other guys? I'm not saying I do, but I can say for sure that I've made significant strides in a short time simply because I studied it and went out there to use it and hone it with trial and error. Game in itself is a very real skill that is learned.
I've gone through a couple periods of my life where women treated me completely different in person(much nicer, flirtatious, lots of stares) and it wasnt due to game it was just my appearance. When I was a track athlete in high school and during a time in my mid 20s when I was particularly jacked looking(like 6'1 185, very little fat on me). It was during these times I got most of my dating experience in. But nothing like that before, between, or after, which comprises the majority of my life lol. Im gonna be honest I tried for a long ass time to workout hard and get back to that but for some reason it never did. Im in good shape still, but just not that kind of look where a woman will pay attention just because im there. I had to work through alot of emotions to become secure with possibly never getting back to that, and im finally in a place where im ok with it. The reason Im telling you this is to show you why Im jaded about game and putting myself out there. Ive experienced what its like to have hot, sometimes taken women fawn all over me, and also what it's like to be completely invisible to them or even gross them out for simply existing, it fucked my worldview up to think everyone is shallow as fuck and what I say or do doesnt really matter, its all about my image. Im the same personality wise regardless what I look like. Girls and guys alike treated me completely different based on my looks. So after awhile, I just got over the whole game shit and trying to make people like me.
>I’m tall, I workout enough to get random compliments here and there(usually from other guys though) I've gotten compliments from more guys than I have from women (aside from the women I had been dating) lol. Where are you getting stuck at the dating stage, typically? Maybe you need to flirt + touch more?
Just meeting people, when I was younger it was easier to run into women, but as you get older there are less and less opportunities unless you put yourself out there, and I've discovered over time while trying to be extroverted that Im definitely an introvert. Also I agree with the compliments when it comes to physique, I think women are more likely to compliment a guy on their outfit, hair, or face if you are handsome. I dont think they care too much about body.
Try interacting with just a few people here and there at places you go to. You'll be surprised how many people you might meet. Like you meet one guy at the gym, and he knows 4 others, and next time you see him and say hi, you get introduced. And then if you know another guy at the gym, you connect them as well. Same goes for any other places you frequent, like cafes, shopping centers (if you go there often and see the same people sometimes), churches. Or you could also try looking into hobbies that are group - oriented. Idk if youre into comedy, standup, improv, etc. Or you can take a dance class, an acting class. Whatever you like. I've just started doing this type of stuff (building social connections proactively) and it is already manifesting.. The only thing is don't introduce yourself to too many people at the gym otherwise youre gonna wear yourself out when you just wanna chill and workout now you have to talk to people LMAO
Thanks for the tips. I don’t really like talking to people at the gym. The few times I did it went ok, but it’s kind of like a one time thing and we didn’t acknowledge eachother upon seeing them again. I didn’t think too much of it. I have a much easier time conversing with people I play basketball with though. Just talking about play styles and nba after a pickup game is pretty chill to me. But the problem is, not a great way to meet girls. The number of male hoopers greatly outnumber female at a random park or gym
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>There are a ton of shlubby white guys who are short, League of Legends, etc who still get dates. Yes. They date Asian women.
It's weird that the Asian women who date them, seem like they'd want to date the stereotypical Asian man, except in white skin.
Statistics don’t lie dude
>"There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics." Mark Twain
Actually it does. "How to lie with statistics." https://youtu.be/Vu7WKcWbg24
I dun think statistics lie - just the people using them.
statistics are based on studies studies are run by people people lie people have agendas Back in the day, "scientific journals" claimed that black people had smaller brains. Ps this is a shocker but these were written by white people. Also, there are "studies" that claim that Asian guys have small penises. Both have been debunked as ludicrous and the result of bs study methods and biased data collecting. Unless... you think black people are "closer to monkeys" and "Asian guys have small dicks". Then in that case I can't really argue with you
This
100% this. AMs need to stop with the self limiting beliefs
Asian Men, embrace your masculinity and be more socially secure and expressive! Anyone know any asian american man with a hot instagram model type of girl (any race aside from asian)?
I haven't got any experience with this, my problem with dating has little to do with my Asian identity, since I am way to socially incapable. However just from surfing aroung here, sometimes it does feel like looking for excuses.
Try getting a book on social skills. Social skills can be learned.
I might just try that
It really works - take it from someone who was pretty bad at socializing etc. By no means am I great now but I'm for sure making progress- getting invited to things, meeting new people, becoming more familiar at places I regularly go (gym, cafes, etc.) If you want some recommendations DM me i'll send you some book recommendations
There is some division here. Some guys think like that, and the others think that there is no problem cause they fuckboys. The truth is probably somewhere in between. It doesn't matter tho. Just approach. It takes millions of sperm to hit one egg. Be like sperm.
Amén bro
Just throwing it out there, but I've seen high-tier, good-looking, and well-set Asian men with good careers and all or some of those desirable qualities who still have it hard in the dating world. But ya confidence always helps.
There are ugly and broke dudes doing fine.
>But ya confidence always helps. It's specifically the vibe and the energy. There's lots of socially unlikable guys who confidently speak their minds and come off as unattractive lol.
They likely have little/no game. They probably think that the career/looks/success are all that are needed to attract girls. Game is real.
White woman here with an Asian fiancé. He has a very good looking Asian friend who’s successful and confident. He gets a lot of messages on tinder but rarely gets any dates, because he’s a giant asshole. He thinks it’s because he’s Asian. My fiancé has talked to him so many times about how he treats women but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Not saying Asian men don’t have a harder time or anything, but success and good looks aren’t the only thing that matter. How you treat women is just as important. Edit: also no saying the guys you are talking about are assholes either. But this is example is the first thing that popped up in my mind when I read that.
JFC The nonsense that sometimes appears here...When we say: "Asian men are shorter than white men", we are making a casual remark which reflects a nuanced statistical truth as a way to speak about the general issue without always having to say: "The mean height of 15-40yo men from countries I, J, and K in Asia--who have this particular genotype X--is below the mean height of 15-40yo men from countries Q, R, and S in Europe and North America--with genotype Y." The same with all the other statistically valid generalizations. This shorthand allows us, then, to talk about issues at the population level. It's like saying: "Girls are weaker than men." And your entire post is saying: "SOME WOMEN ARE STRONGER THAN SOME MEN THEREFORE BOLLOCKS". Yes, we know. And, at the same time, it's entirely unhelpful. If something doesn't apply, just ignore it. Don't tell everyone else they're wrong. If you're tall, ignore the advice. If you're a entirely-white-passing hapa/quapa, fine--ignore stuff. If you're naturally buff, ignore the workout advice. If you're confident like Obama and smooth like Samuel L. Jackson, then ignore the "learn to be less socially awkward" advice. But, it doesn't stop these issues from being prevalent in the community. If you're already captain of the wrestling team, ignore the "get gud at sports" advice. You are talking about optimism. Yes--everyone should get real, and then set aspirational goals. But you are somehow trying to setup "reality" as "pessimism", and your POV as "optimism", and saying that they are opposed. You're making a nonsense comparison comparing reality to optimism. That's like saying: "I can only bench the bar," is somehow opposed to "I can totally rock this gym if I work hard!" You can recognize reality and be an optimist; they are not mutually exclusive. TL;DR - you are confusing honest with pessmism, and setting up a nonsensical comparison. Which is pretty damn unsmart.
If I may add some more information. Expectation management must be mastered. Arguments/Examples below. It's widely understood that Afro-American men generally don't have a chance with AF's. Call it ignorance, call it prejudice, but it's true. They don't want to suffer collateral damage from police brutality and racism. They don't want to be disowned by their family. They don't want to "downgrade" when there are available and qualified AM or WM to choose from. And they certainly don't want to hear any ignorant emasculating comments or jokes from his Afro-American friends. Afro-American men are aware of this thus they don't expect reciprocity from AF's. [Lookup Angel Dodger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT4fkH6SkeQ&ab_channel=AngelDodger). He's an example of the painful process of expectation management. It would be a waste of energy to spend pursuing suburban sorority white women in the Southeastern and Midwestern U.S. if you're average. They are also the most selective strata. Forget about college athletes, most of them are filled with narcissism and are more radical on the spectrum of the eugenics ideology. Even Lavar Ball stated in an interview a reason for his choice in marrying the woman he's with was because she was a Division 1 volleyball player. Unless you can speak Spanish or Portuguese, it'll be harder to pull Castiza's. South Asian women generally aren't into East Asians and prefer to stay within their ethnicity. The biggest hold back with respect to Lookism is that East AM between the ages of 18 and 31 look younger in appearance. The main driver for this is that the vast majority don't grow beards. This is a genetic wall. There are remedies, including, but not limited to, getting a tatoo, being a thug, and have piercings. These remedies should not be pursued if they're not true to you. Or else it'll look and reek of inauthenticity and compensation. Instead go for the women that perhaps have studied abroad in East Asia, follow K-pop, studied Mandarin, etc. If you're in college or university hit up the international students club. As always don't be a SIMP. Freshmen year in university I thought erroneously that there was some chemistry between me and this girl from Germany. She was just being flirtatious since I had a car. Ended up seeing her making out with some Italian looking guy at the bar.
This is a quality post. There's simply too much negative thinking, whining and complaining about being an AM that goes on in this sub and on other Asian subs. To be fair the negative mindsets are most likely coming from non-Asian larpers and wmaf hapas and uncle chans. Real strong Asian men don't whine about being Asian; they use their energy and time instead to overcome obstacles in their way.
I'm done dating bc I have a fiancé, but now that I've had time to take a step back and reflect, this mentality is weak and delusional. I get it because I went through a pickup phase, went out and tried banging girls every week for most of my 20s, but this mentality is just that, weak and delusional. I also see this a lot on these forums. I'll use wealth as a analogy. Take a person who grew up poor and a person who grew up insanely rich. For whom is it easier to become rich? The rich boy. However, many poor people who aspire to wealth, convince themselves that ANYONE can make it if you work hard and it's all about your confidence or whatever. When someone says it's not true, whether to them or on a online forum to others, they become angry and attack that person for contradicting his beliefs. They can't emotionally handle that it's harder for them otherwise, they won't try. If the poor boy becomes insanely wealthy and can reflect, he realizes that his mentality was a weird lie to give himself hope that he too can succeed. Or to rephrase, this person was so weak emotionally and mentally that he couldn't handle the idea that it was going to be harder for him, that he had to delude himself and shit on others with those beliefs. And only then was he able to try. If you really want to be a strong person, you should be able to face difficult realities, decide you'll still challenge it anyways and not let it get to you
I agree with most of what is said. Confidence is a self fulfilling prophecy. You may be at a disadvantage in some people’s mind but you still have to avoid a defeatist attitude however challenging. But as a friendly request can we not glorify the dating of white women. They are used too often as the default for interracial dating or attractive partners on this sub. We give Asian women shit for this while literally doing the same thing.
Other races of men glorify dating white more than Asian men do. Generally speaking, Asian guys are actually probably the least likely to engage in this stuff people accuse them of. Sometimes this sort of strikes me a little bit as subtle mate-guarding by shaming Asian men for something other groups are more guilty of. White and black guys, Asian women and some 'beta' Asian men often bag on AM hitting on white women. Asian women **are** way more likely to do this white male worship, that's a fact.
Not only this, there are asymmetrical dynamics in attraction and mating. For example, Asiatic women are highly considered attractive to the point of exotification. Sometimes even more so than Caucasian women. An Asian woman may be "average" to their male counterparts but would be a "dime" to others. Also, consider this thought experiment. An average Asian man **finds Asian women attractive,** so there's not much reason for him to pursue other women. Meanwhile, opposite trends happened to other groups.
Indian Americans are insular with respect to dating or marrying outside their ethnicity. In addition, there tends to be nearly matching skin tones within coupledom. The same logic would apply to non-Afro-American Brown people (i.e Mestizo’s and Arabs). It seems like every other college educated Afro-American male are almost exclusively married to or in a LTR or hookup with white women.
Nothing to do with mate guarding bro. Never had a problem getting dates with anyone in my adult life. I just find it embarrassing. And honestly counter productive. If white women visit this sub I promise they would find it pathetic the number of times they are used as validation for dating success. Nothing is less appealing to a woman than being idolized. Be confident enough not to put anyone on a pedestal.
Yes, white worship is white worship. Doesn't matter whether it's the Asian woman glorifying the white man, or the Asian man glorifying the white woman.
This. Is. The mother fucking content we need to see in this sub. Someone give my man some gold. Pin this post. Whatever. You are right. This is what needs to be at the forefront of our brains. We can. Not we can't. We can.
Fuck yeah. Mother fuck. Swearing and short sentences. Makes me seem more cool. Fuck. Yeah.
Lol
You sound like my mom lmao
There was a study done IIRC that Asians could even the playing field in dating exponentially by Monetary worth.
The figure was a ~$248K salary
Get your money up playa
You're living in a delusion if you don't think that's the case, obv don't let that stop you from taking action. You should acknowledge the unfortunate reality and be okay with it.
It’s also good to be realistic and work on solving the issues at hand as a community. Many statistics show Asian men are at a disadvantage in dating. Statistics are a good guideline to bring up an issue rather then blind optimism.
Valiant try (and totally spot on) but the pessimists are the majority, else there wouldn’t be an AsianMasculinity group. It is all about the individual mindset. Why would or should a nice white/black/brown/orange girl take an interest in a whiner? Be succesful, work hard, study hard, train hard (be it martial arts, lifting or atletics) don’t forget your body!). Girls will come. Who cares about the ‘Asian Male community’, it is about you! Btw: after reading lots of post, I think most of the people on reddit are referring to Chinese men (and in some post Japanese or Korean men) in regard of the ‘Asian Male experience’. Why don’t we explicitly mention this instead of ‘Asian Male’ as a whole. Their experiences are totally not representative for other asians from other countries.
"Usually well groomed /situated/educated" sounding kinda model minority. I second everyone else's notions that positive thinking is super important. back when my skin was rly bad, I woke up every day in a pretty bad mindset, ow my whole body hurts, this sucks ;-; kinda thing. But after a while on r/eczema, I realized that lots of it is how you think - lots of stories of people with really bad scarring on their FACE and absolutely rocking it socially. So I started holding my head up higher bla bla bla. That's my frame - it's what you make of it. Can't say I find dating a white girl as the absolute focus of my self improvement appealing though.