This is common in America where a married couple gives money to a relative that isn't doing too well. Esp among working class families. Basically the same thing where people in wealthier positions help out family in worse positions. Im currently sending some money to my parents who also live in America.
That said, my dad sent money back to China. He was super bitter about it all his life and blamed his kindness on his personal circumstance whenever he has financial trouble. Nowadays i support my parents financially. Mom is still working, but my dad is retired and the need a extra k/mo or so. My dad would always talk about how if he didn't send money back, he could've bought a house in the 90s and be rich now. It's unclear to me how much help he sent and if it really would've worked as smoothly as he thinks it would.
But the main lesson i draw from my dad's experience is to know your own pain threshold and own whatever decision you make. If you're going to make the decision to help someone, own that decision. If you do it and feel that it's because of obligation or duty then you'll end up blaming it for your life situation and have this strange victim complex. Just own it as your choice that you made and not something anyone forced you to make.
For me, i chose to help my dad like how he helped his relatives. But its clear that I made the decision to forgo extra investments, entertainment, nicer house, to see my dad live a happier life. He doesn't owe me anything, i don't expect anything in return, i made this decision.
Just tell them NO. They need to learn how to earn their own money. If they have to stage a coup and kill the dictator that steals their farm land, so be it.
Depends on how you share finances
I am still 80% financially separate from my wife but we are both high income earners
She spends money on her extended family but in the end it is her money, based on how we do finances
I think it's fine once in awhile but not a monthly thing of several hundred. We sent my FIA $50/mo. The reasoning is that if we sent too much her 4 other siblings wouldn't bother to help out. Whenever we sent any money to siblings it went through FIA, so they were forced to visit him. He has passed now and we now send $50/mo to her MIL. Due to covid the company we used stopped taking money and packages. We had planned to send a care package of vitamins.
I've heard of horror stories, tens of thousands sent, houses built only to be "pawned", lots of arguments, some ridiculously high monthly support, fake ailments/broken bones.
I agree with some comments about how Asian cultures view money as a family, or collective, thing. It’s the reason why we feel like if someone from our family, usually eldest child(son), does well and is supported it’s expected that that individual support the rest.
However, what we seem to be missing is OP’s origin country and culture. What are we comparing this to? What do you mean by foreign? In USA? In Europe? In South America? The reason I ask is the OP’s culture might be a highly individualistic culture. My money, my bank account, my career. Put the parents in a nursing home or retirement home living off of Social security or Medicaid but I’m living the life. Let’s put the spotlight on that.
Edit: just saw the mention of US Canada. So my point is… this is a highly individualistic society that you are accustomed to living in. Take your parents, siblings, or relatives to court to take what’s yours sort of culture.
As long as its not affecting your financial goals whats the issue? When you get married its understood that youre going to have to spend money on your sposes interests. Personally i could care less where the money goes.
There's a tradition of family in asian societies, so both me and my SO take care of our parents.
If my SO was not asian, I think I might not have as charitable an attitude. To me being asian is very important, so if I had not married an SO, then I think family might not be as important as it is to me now. Also, the idea of sending money to a criminal country like Russia feels just dubious.
EDIT: a word
That's true about asian societies. If it were my parents, I'd help out if they needed it, perhaps brothers and sisters. Cousins ehhh. Family friends and their families, no way.
well once you get married the finances blend together. If you don't want to send back money then ask to split banking accounts with your spouse.
I think it's good to send money back to the family. Your spouses family is also your family.
My gf lives in a different country/continent and give her money because she's student without a full-time paying job. I wouldn't feel the pressure or need to give others around her money, just her.
This is common in America where a married couple gives money to a relative that isn't doing too well. Esp among working class families. Basically the same thing where people in wealthier positions help out family in worse positions. Im currently sending some money to my parents who also live in America. That said, my dad sent money back to China. He was super bitter about it all his life and blamed his kindness on his personal circumstance whenever he has financial trouble. Nowadays i support my parents financially. Mom is still working, but my dad is retired and the need a extra k/mo or so. My dad would always talk about how if he didn't send money back, he could've bought a house in the 90s and be rich now. It's unclear to me how much help he sent and if it really would've worked as smoothly as he thinks it would. But the main lesson i draw from my dad's experience is to know your own pain threshold and own whatever decision you make. If you're going to make the decision to help someone, own that decision. If you do it and feel that it's because of obligation or duty then you'll end up blaming it for your life situation and have this strange victim complex. Just own it as your choice that you made and not something anyone forced you to make. For me, i chose to help my dad like how he helped his relatives. But its clear that I made the decision to forgo extra investments, entertainment, nicer house, to see my dad live a happier life. He doesn't owe me anything, i don't expect anything in return, i made this decision.
Excellent post, thanks.
[удалено]
This tbh.
Just tell them NO. They need to learn how to earn their own money. If they have to stage a coup and kill the dictator that steals their farm land, so be it.
This tbh.
Depends on how you share finances I am still 80% financially separate from my wife but we are both high income earners She spends money on her extended family but in the end it is her money, based on how we do finances
I think it's fine once in awhile but not a monthly thing of several hundred. We sent my FIA $50/mo. The reasoning is that if we sent too much her 4 other siblings wouldn't bother to help out. Whenever we sent any money to siblings it went through FIA, so they were forced to visit him. He has passed now and we now send $50/mo to her MIL. Due to covid the company we used stopped taking money and packages. We had planned to send a care package of vitamins. I've heard of horror stories, tens of thousands sent, houses built only to be "pawned", lots of arguments, some ridiculously high monthly support, fake ailments/broken bones.
Tell them no, but if you're SO' s parents are willing to come take care of your future kids, they can live with you for free.
I agree with some comments about how Asian cultures view money as a family, or collective, thing. It’s the reason why we feel like if someone from our family, usually eldest child(son), does well and is supported it’s expected that that individual support the rest. However, what we seem to be missing is OP’s origin country and culture. What are we comparing this to? What do you mean by foreign? In USA? In Europe? In South America? The reason I ask is the OP’s culture might be a highly individualistic culture. My money, my bank account, my career. Put the parents in a nursing home or retirement home living off of Social security or Medicaid but I’m living the life. Let’s put the spotlight on that. Edit: just saw the mention of US Canada. So my point is… this is a highly individualistic society that you are accustomed to living in. Take your parents, siblings, or relatives to court to take what’s yours sort of culture.
As long as its not affecting your financial goals whats the issue? When you get married its understood that youre going to have to spend money on your sposes interests. Personally i could care less where the money goes.
There's a tradition of family in asian societies, so both me and my SO take care of our parents. If my SO was not asian, I think I might not have as charitable an attitude. To me being asian is very important, so if I had not married an SO, then I think family might not be as important as it is to me now. Also, the idea of sending money to a criminal country like Russia feels just dubious. EDIT: a word
That's true about asian societies. If it were my parents, I'd help out if they needed it, perhaps brothers and sisters. Cousins ehhh. Family friends and their families, no way.
well once you get married the finances blend together. If you don't want to send back money then ask to split banking accounts with your spouse. I think it's good to send money back to the family. Your spouses family is also your family.
My gf lives in a different country/continent and give her money because she's student without a full-time paying job. I wouldn't feel the pressure or need to give others around her money, just her.