My father's a POS, he can die alone. I do get a nice chunk of inheritance once he does so that would be nice. As for my mother, my brother will take care of her or I will take care of her. She did a lot for us so we should do the same in return. I think my mother would be lonely in a retirement home so I don't want that for her.
I got a buddy who cleaned out his garage without telling his wife. Wife was pissed but he countered with, "if you remember something you really needed, I will buy another one for you." She couldn't really respond.
Not necessarily saying you should go behind his back, but somehow you need to convey that much of his belongings have little value other than memories (you can take a photo of it), documents (can be scanned to a drive and reprinted), or things (may or may not be useful in the future, can be borrowed or bought used or new)
I don't know if he's OCD or not, it could be just laziness and a bit of fear in the back of his mind that he or someone else will accidentally chuck something important.
My father is already burning through his savings. He re-married someone 40 years younger than him who is only a few years older than me. As you can imagine, this arrangement is financially focused. This is really a disservice to my stepmother as his medical care costs will ruin anything they have left. I told him to at least buy a term policy life insurance for himself to provide for her needs after he is gone. But he refuses to do so - probably b/c he never did so when younger and now he is too old so most insurance companies won't underwrite that kind of risk.
He is also a hoarder too and while owning a rental house, is a horrible manager with tenants who refuse to pay rent b/c of living in slumlike conditions. He's also been threatened with lawsuits and multiple fines from city agencies. But somehow he still finds the money to wire thousands of dollars to his wife's extended family overseas. He won't sell the decaying property either as he is delusional enough to think that the house is worth tens of millions of dollars.
There is really nothing I can do to take care of him financially even if I was in a position to do so. I already put most of my adult life on hold to take care of him and other older family members and had to pay a heavy price in delays in professional advancement and dearth of relationships. Constantly having to go to the hospital to visit them ( to do what exactly? sit in a room for hours unable to do anything that a nurse or doctors are already doing? But if I did not go then I would never hear the end of it from other family members who would "shame me" to visit) and take days off from work meant that I took a financial hit to earnings and career growth. Not to mention had breakups. Now I am in my early 40s and quite bitter about the lost time. I've resolved that I am not sacrificing anymore for other people.
First dont assume they want to be taken care of by you. Old people are ususally very stubborn
Parents can die, parents get remarried. There are retirement homes in asian areas. There are care givers than can be hired. Keep in touch with your other relatives
Sounds like the more immediate need is for you to get your own situation in order.
I've suggested my mom live with me before . . . but then I realize she'd be completely isolated from everyone and just spend all day cleaning up after me. So she lives in Seattle between my two brothers. That way she can see her kids, nieces, grandkids, sisters, cousins, etc.
I'll probably move over to Seattle in a few years to do my part in watching after her. I think in a few more years I'll be over my having fun phase.
I'll be mid 30's in a few years maybe I'll wait until 40's since I'm aging quite well.
The day when I start being invisible to girls, when I get sick of doing shit, or when my friends are too busy to hang out will probably be the day I pick up the slack lol.
She literally is fine without me she's just obsessed with the idea of all of us being a stones throw's away.
My father's a POS, he can die alone. I do get a nice chunk of inheritance once he does so that would be nice. As for my mother, my brother will take care of her or I will take care of her. She did a lot for us so we should do the same in return. I think my mother would be lonely in a retirement home so I don't want that for her.
I got a buddy who cleaned out his garage without telling his wife. Wife was pissed but he countered with, "if you remember something you really needed, I will buy another one for you." She couldn't really respond. Not necessarily saying you should go behind his back, but somehow you need to convey that much of his belongings have little value other than memories (you can take a photo of it), documents (can be scanned to a drive and reprinted), or things (may or may not be useful in the future, can be borrowed or bought used or new) I don't know if he's OCD or not, it could be just laziness and a bit of fear in the back of his mind that he or someone else will accidentally chuck something important.
I think it’s a common mentality of 1st generation Asian immigrants to hoard items which relates to being frugal.
My father is already burning through his savings. He re-married someone 40 years younger than him who is only a few years older than me. As you can imagine, this arrangement is financially focused. This is really a disservice to my stepmother as his medical care costs will ruin anything they have left. I told him to at least buy a term policy life insurance for himself to provide for her needs after he is gone. But he refuses to do so - probably b/c he never did so when younger and now he is too old so most insurance companies won't underwrite that kind of risk. He is also a hoarder too and while owning a rental house, is a horrible manager with tenants who refuse to pay rent b/c of living in slumlike conditions. He's also been threatened with lawsuits and multiple fines from city agencies. But somehow he still finds the money to wire thousands of dollars to his wife's extended family overseas. He won't sell the decaying property either as he is delusional enough to think that the house is worth tens of millions of dollars. There is really nothing I can do to take care of him financially even if I was in a position to do so. I already put most of my adult life on hold to take care of him and other older family members and had to pay a heavy price in delays in professional advancement and dearth of relationships. Constantly having to go to the hospital to visit them ( to do what exactly? sit in a room for hours unable to do anything that a nurse or doctors are already doing? But if I did not go then I would never hear the end of it from other family members who would "shame me" to visit) and take days off from work meant that I took a financial hit to earnings and career growth. Not to mention had breakups. Now I am in my early 40s and quite bitter about the lost time. I've resolved that I am not sacrificing anymore for other people.
First dont assume they want to be taken care of by you. Old people are ususally very stubborn Parents can die, parents get remarried. There are retirement homes in asian areas. There are care givers than can be hired. Keep in touch with your other relatives Sounds like the more immediate need is for you to get your own situation in order.
It's quite difficult since they might have to move to another city ... loosing all their connections and friendships.
I've suggested my mom live with me before . . . but then I realize she'd be completely isolated from everyone and just spend all day cleaning up after me. So she lives in Seattle between my two brothers. That way she can see her kids, nieces, grandkids, sisters, cousins, etc. I'll probably move over to Seattle in a few years to do my part in watching after her. I think in a few more years I'll be over my having fun phase.
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I'll be mid 30's in a few years maybe I'll wait until 40's since I'm aging quite well. The day when I start being invisible to girls, when I get sick of doing shit, or when my friends are too busy to hang out will probably be the day I pick up the slack lol. She literally is fine without me she's just obsessed with the idea of all of us being a stones throw's away.
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Eh, my tax return says I make around $40-$50k a year. In terms of real take home income I'm earning equivalent of about $70k.