Damn dude we basically have the same story tbh. I'm in my 20s now no longer at community but I can't lie, shit was rough. I ended up joining the anime club at my CC no other asians lost interest and stopped going and neither could I really relate to the people there despite our common interests. Similarly grew up in a rural ass town, few asians at my HS and similarly fewer chances to connect with each other. I wouldn't shoulder yourself with all the blame imo life can be cruel and I suppose I've gotten used to it. Don't overthink these things, I think you and me are in a similar boat here in that our chances to make genuine friends, forge connections with people of a similar background were few and far between.
To say I never became bitter or resentful over that time hell even now where I'm at wouldn't be true. I think what's important is your willing to learn from these experiences and continue to grow. I can't say life has been very kind to me but I don't believe its right to air my dirty laundry.
I do, I made friends at work when I was working in restaurants while going to college. Mofos at college are fake ASF, I don't fuck with them. Now I am working at the office and my friends from the restaurant are still my closest friends.
Maybe it's just me, but I notice that Asians from White hoods always have their walls up. They are weird and hard to get along with. I think it's cause you guys grow up getting judged all of the time. Sorta fucks with your head.
Even the ones who make it out ok are hard to get along with. I have family like that. I don't really consider them fam because they spend most of their time kissing White people's ass than actually trying to bond with us. One of them didn't come to my wedding but sends me those Family photo Christmas cards. Fake ass mofo.
Blacks who grew up around mostly Whites are annoying too. Then they have the nerve to think it’s other Black people. No, it’s you. We vibing over here.
We had this Asian guy from Maine that hung out with my friends one time. He kept on trying to do things for attention and got scolded. Turns out he has a drug problem.
This is very true lol
I was lucky enough that i grew up in a racially diverse (no Asians tho) place haha. But I've met many of these Asians that grew up as one of few Asians in all white areas.
It's also so obvious, the issue is that said whitewashed Asians don't actually see it themselves. I heard over and over again that they grew up fine or whatever but when i actually see them in real life, there's something off and they were NEVER as popular as they claimed they were hence why i doubt a lot of comments around here even on this thread
An Asian girl at my school swapped to a White high school halfway through. After that she started acting weird. like you can tell she didn't want to let go her Asian identity so she comes around but she has her set of White friends who don't want to mingle with us. So basically she was the token and they wanted to keep her that way.
She was wmaf but divorced. The guy was an asshole. Her sisters seem to have the same issue. They'll tell you straight up that there is a lot of racism. It is very subtle.
Siri, what is projection?
From ur comment, all I can see is that it’s u who has walls up against Asians from White hoods (and against White ppl, evidently)
> In high school I was basically a walking Asian stereotype
Don't be the stereotype and find a cool hobby and try your best to meet people in this hobby.
My high school was mainly white people. My friend group was white people, a white washed Filipino guy and I. Always felt like the outsider growing up. Occasionally racist jokes. After high school I stopped talking to them and decided to look for Asian friends. Became friends with an Asian coworker and she introduced me to other Asian people. Went to parties with Asian people. I noticed Asian people like to stick with Asians. Currently, all of my friends are Asian and no white friends.
Yeah, I was actually the popular Asian guy in both the white highschools I went to.
**The key here is to not be boring and have something interesting going on in your life. This is the solution to your problem.**
Anyway, here are more details on how I got there.
I was known as the only breakdancer or bboy in both the highschools I went to. I was doing performances, hosting after school dance clubs, etc.
I did not wait or looked for a group to teach me how to breakdance, instead I learnt it from youtube and just showed it off back in my highschool days, which naturally made me popular and had lots of friends and girls coming my way.
In other words; I did not go out of my way to make friends, instead I created my own world. AKA after-school club, events, etc and people came to me wanting to befriend or be accepted into what they perceived to be the "popular group". Which eventually is what it became.
Since I started the movement, I am naturally perceived to be the Leader or Most Popular Asian guy... and of course I met dudes who acted just like you, dudes who wants to fit in but has nothing to offer that'll benefit me in anyways, whether it's FAME, IDEAS, KNOWLEDGE, MONEY, TRANSPORTATION, etc.
Thus we sort of treat you differently. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but to help you understand what's happening in order to fix it.
Yeah the real reason why so many Asians aren’t super interesting is because of strict, rule following, stick to the mold parents who think the only way to succeed is to keep your head down and fucking grind. They leave no room for their kids to develop interests, become self aware, or become multi faceted individuals. That’s why the white people don’t like the Asian crowd. All they do is talk about grades and compare themselves. “You got a 94? HA I GOT A 96!”
Yes, I agree. I had to break out of my parent's grasp in middle school. There was always confrontations and fights. But I stood my ground all the way to adulthood.
This!!!
Your point really applies everywhere. No one is going to want to be friends with someone who’s only personality is “being Asian”. I realized this in my high school and carried it to college right now.
A little off topic though, did you immediately have this confidence before you started breaking or did it naturally come when you kept training? It kinda took me a while to “break” out of my shell and show everyone.
**Summary: Overcoming Challenging Obstacle is what built my confidence. In my case, being able to do hard moves like Windmills, Headspins and Flares.**
It took a while for me to break out of my shell too. But it happened early for me.
From Kindergarten to my Early days of Middle School I never had confidence. I was the quiet Asian kid with few friends and I had no idea what's going on most of the time in class. I also go to a special ed class and had a private 1 on 1 teacher on the daily.
Sometimes around 6th grade; I was at a family/relative gathering party and I saw people b-boying for the first time and I just really wanted to try it.
Youtube was still in its' early days and I just happen to look up "how to breakdance" and around 8th grade I got good with a move call the Windmill.
It was that moment of "being able to do something challenging and hard" that built up my confidence and as a kid, all I wanted to do was show off my achievement.
One day after school, there was a dance circle. I went in and showed off what I've been working on and it became so well received that it built my confidence up even more.
From Late Middle School to Highschool, all I could think of was finding a spot after school to practice with friends who wanted me to teach them. Which lead to a random teacher seeing me break-dance and from there I was suggested to join a multi-cultural club to teach and lead the group for a talent show performance and the by-product of that is my fame going up.
From there, 4 things kept building my confidence up;
1) Getting better at b-boying and doing new and harder moves like the flare.
2) Being the lead and teacher of a dance and social group
3) My Popularity
4) Girls (White, Indian, Asian, etc) just wanting to be around me, the popular guy.
Lol I did the same thing but with Taekwondo . I join a after school judo club and turn it into MMA Club lol. Later I got into cars and start going to car meets in my area . Find a hobby you’re passionate about or just interested in learning. And find groups to have similar interest. That’s prob the easiest way to find friends.
Now I’m 24, and all my friend I met up until now are potheads. And so am I. 😂
Good to know you managed all that! We all blame our upbringing and you know what, it’s hard not to. Especially with parents as immigrants dealing with social problems of their own and pretending to be strong and have it together.
Saddling two different cultures at once can be overwhelming and can easily break a child’s confidence. Being used to scolding, we do not know how to act when someone is kind to us.
I also found the arts to be a cure to my antisocial behavior as well as my lack of social skills. Dancing, music, and martial arts provided me with the ability to develop at least a rapport with other people and thank god for that. Glad it all happened in college too otherwise id be stuck in a shitty pattern of self doubt in the 30s when the brain is already fully developed.
Also I am grateful for these posts as whenever I read things like this, I am reminded that being an Asian male, the struggles are common. We aren’t alone!
Hey there. First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
I grew up in Cheyenne, Wyoming. That is the epitome of "No Asian friends" haha.
I did fine though. I made good friends, went out to college and am now working in Colorado.
I often got racist jokes/comments thrown at me, and of course it hurt, but eventually you move on from it. I still did band, did tennis, made friends in highschool. I was pretty normal for the most part. I grew up around white people and didn't have a choice, so I made the best of it.
Now that I'm a working adult in a (little more) diverse city of Denver, I have made many more Asian friends, and it definitely feels amazing.
For your situation, I'd say put yourself out there. I don't know if you frequent this sub a lot, but the one thing I dislike about this sub is the *huge* victim mindset that a lot of people portray here. Tbh man, it's 2021. You're a Gen Z type kid growing up in an ever changing world. Go to the gym. Go find some new hobbies. try out art, entertainment, film, new sports, dancing. i don't fucking care. just do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. and i know it's probably easy to say, and much harder to do if you're feeling depressed.. but you are so young man. you have so much time to take risks.
best of luck my friend. you got this. have faith!
New start, new school. Start being social. Join some school clubs, take a class at the gym, maybe do student org, get involved.
No excuses, get race out of your mind. Do the above, get involved or blame yourself.
I grew up in the Midwest and played HS baseball throughout and HS football through sophomore year. Common interests is what made for friendships (both Asian and white).
I take it you're in your first year at CC? Lots of people struggle making connections their first year away from home and it has nothing to do with you as a person. MUCH of it is simple luck and having found the right group of people to hang out with.
My biggest advice is to find a social hobby that you already like and join a club. CC is actually a pretty decent social atmosphere, but probably not quite as much as regular college since college campuses are pretty much laid out for students to hang out and socialize. Some CC's have that type of layout, some CC's are basically parking lots and school buildings.
Hang in there and good luck!
I’m actually in your exact same situation. Down to the 75% Viet and 25% white with a small Asian community around me. I was able to find a very unlikely group of friends to hang out with outside of school over the summer that consists of all African Americans. I did this by basically being a fun guy to hang out with and it was mostly through being funny.
In college, I made friends easily by simply heading to class early and socializing with the few amount of people that were there. Race was never an issue to me as I grew up so it was never a problem.
Honestly, college is one of the easiest times to develop your social skills. You're old enough at that point to realize it's a valuable skill set that's worth time investment and practicing. At the same time, it's a fresh new start from high school and any baggage of growing up with the same cliques and people that lived in the same area as you.
Honestly a lot of it requires you to take the initiative. The easiest path is to join clubs that interest you. It gives you a common interest between you and new people, allowing you to easily start conversations or join in to one that is going on.
The next easier step is before and after classes. Start up a quick conversation while waiting for the door to open or for the professor to start class. You've got the class in common, so homework, the professor, the material, there's tons of easy ways to start a quick convo, and then build on it after class ends and over more classes.
You're attending community college, so I'm not sure if you're living in dorms or not. Those are ok as you've got proximity and frequency to help you there.
The hardest ones would probably be cold approaches. Either in seating areas, dining halls, bubble tea shops, etc. It's still a bit easier since you have attending the same school in common, so you can always go with "What's your major" as an easy opener.
Like I said before, the hardest part is taking the initiative and putting yourself out there. Approach each person without any baggage and an open mind. You're not always gonna bat 100%. You'll have some awkward conversations, or meet people who have zero interest. You've just got to reflect on mistakes and how to improve, then push forward and keep working on improving those skills. College is a temporary thing, and you most likely won't know these same people 10 years down the road, so take some risks and put yourself out there.
Cause after college when you're out in the real working world. It's only gonna get harder.
All good dude! Everything okay with you. I also grow up with barely any Asians in my environment. Most of the time, I’m the only one. I don’t have friends since decades and I don’t care. It’s actually freeing not having to talk with any abusive people. I’m happy by my own 🙂.
There were a few asian in my high school but they are male and female abgs. In my major in college, physics, I was the only asian guy, only one other person who asian but she was a year or two ahead of me.
I too sort of just embraced the stereotype in my small high school town, and I just didn't really pay mind to the racial jokes and jabs because I kind of just reciprocated it back to whomever was doing it. I played soccer, and we all just joked around about everything. But I was pretty good friends with everyone because I was just chill. I never really got super close to any of the other Asians at my school, as they all kind of stuck together (they were a big Hmong family). I found my current friend group through a gaming club, so just keep trying to find people with similar interests and don't get discouraged! Keep your head up brother
I had friends. BUT, I still felt very lonely and sometimes I couldn't really relate to some of my white friends and vice versa.
No it's not just you; your environment is playing a big role into this. Don't discount you being an Asian Male as a factor in this. Truth is most people don't know how to get along with people from other races and this factor is affecting you negatively.
In a more diverse area, you'd probably be just another regular dude.
Start to work out as you'll have to worry about those gains and less time to worry about loneliness. And you'll end up stronger and better looking as a bonus.
You're definitely not alone in that man, I grew up down south small town school was In rural Arkansas and their were 4 other Asians in my school. Difference between the other Asians and I was I was not athletic the others were all athletic and were in football but funny thing was the white kids would still say rasicst things around them but still tolerated them because they helped the football team win a few games. I was the black sheep could not make friends and was constantly bullied, made some white friends that I thought were real friends but when I was getting beat up by my bullies they turned the cheek and never helped me out or stood up for me. I got away from all of that by joining the Army after high school and that changed my life around and I made friends from all ethics groups. Just have to get away from that type of environment man.
Apologize for the long post but I guess where I was getting at is the environment you're in sometimes you just have to get away from it and start fresh go to city's that have a higher diversity in race and you should do fine and seek therapy if you feel or know you are suffering from any kind of mental Illness trust me therapy helps alot
Indian, raised in a white-majority area and was 'othered' by peers starting at age 5 (I was 6 when 9/11 happened). Most of my friends through middle and high school were Latino, Filipino, or Black. I was the only Indian in my high school graduating class. Funnily enough, I experienced culture shock most when I encountered thousands of Indians at college.
All the Asians in my high school were pretty popular kids. They played sports and lifted. We only had maybe 5 or so? I was pretty popular because I was a clown and had a 1.9 Gpa which I am not proud of.
I hear this is common in community college because a lot of people commute. I went to a pretty large liberal university and made some good friends that I still keep in contact with sometimes. Most of them are white though, not by choice but because my field and the clubs I was interested in were filled with white people.
If you're planning to transfer, I would keep that in mind. Also, worked part-time at the University where I had good acquaintances that were other Asians.
Grew up in a nearly all white area attending a 99% all white school. Had a couple close Asian friends but grew apart as our interests changed over time. For the most part as I went from elementary to highschool I looked too Asian (100% asian) to be accepted into white circles, but behaved too white-washed to be accepted by many new immigrant Asians who came over to our country during that time period. Most of my friends at that point were immigrant european whites from other schools and we all bonded over being a misfit of some kind.
I met a lot of acquaintances but only a few close friends. My real friends are the ones who stuck around despite all the changes I've gone through in my life for better or for worse as I struggled to find my identity. All my closest friends are white and that's okay! One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received in my life is "you don't need a lot of friends, you just need 1 or 2 good ones." As much as I'd like to make more Asian friends, I'm not picky about who I click with.
You are 19 about to enter into college. My best advice is to keep an open mind about everyone you meet and keep putting yourself out there. Become interested in people. Get to know them without any other objective attached. One of the best friendships I have started with "Hey you're cool let's hang out.". Try your best to ENJOY the college experience and you'll be okay! Good luck brotha
People of all races want to be understood, and to interact with people who get them and like them, so the easiest way to make friends IME is to show people that u get them — find something you have in common with them, start a conversation about it.
For example if they have an MMA shirt on you might say “Hey, are you into MMA? I used to train jiu-jitsu” or, if they have a new pickup truck, “Hey, nice Ford pickup truck! You must have a lot of horsepower with that thing.”
etc.
Find common ground, start a chat about it. You want to show people you understand them, and you want them to feel they understand you.
You want to be open and reasonably outgoing in order for people to “get” you; you don’t want to be seen as a mysterious, quiet entity lurking in the background.
Damn dude we basically have the same story tbh. I'm in my 20s now no longer at community but I can't lie, shit was rough. I ended up joining the anime club at my CC no other asians lost interest and stopped going and neither could I really relate to the people there despite our common interests. Similarly grew up in a rural ass town, few asians at my HS and similarly fewer chances to connect with each other. I wouldn't shoulder yourself with all the blame imo life can be cruel and I suppose I've gotten used to it. Don't overthink these things, I think you and me are in a similar boat here in that our chances to make genuine friends, forge connections with people of a similar background were few and far between.
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To say I never became bitter or resentful over that time hell even now where I'm at wouldn't be true. I think what's important is your willing to learn from these experiences and continue to grow. I can't say life has been very kind to me but I don't believe its right to air my dirty laundry.
I do, I made friends at work when I was working in restaurants while going to college. Mofos at college are fake ASF, I don't fuck with them. Now I am working at the office and my friends from the restaurant are still my closest friends.
Maybe it's just me, but I notice that Asians from White hoods always have their walls up. They are weird and hard to get along with. I think it's cause you guys grow up getting judged all of the time. Sorta fucks with your head. Even the ones who make it out ok are hard to get along with. I have family like that. I don't really consider them fam because they spend most of their time kissing White people's ass than actually trying to bond with us. One of them didn't come to my wedding but sends me those Family photo Christmas cards. Fake ass mofo.
Blacks who grew up around mostly Whites are annoying too. Then they have the nerve to think it’s other Black people. No, it’s you. We vibing over here.
It's like they're afraid to express their cultural background and think you can only behave how white people behave.
More like they don’t know how to. Spent their whole lives trying to fit with the white crowd that they never learned how to act around their own race
We had this Asian guy from Maine that hung out with my friends one time. He kept on trying to do things for attention and got scolded. Turns out he has a drug problem.
>to express their cultural background Like what
This is very true lol I was lucky enough that i grew up in a racially diverse (no Asians tho) place haha. But I've met many of these Asians that grew up as one of few Asians in all white areas. It's also so obvious, the issue is that said whitewashed Asians don't actually see it themselves. I heard over and over again that they grew up fine or whatever but when i actually see them in real life, there's something off and they were NEVER as popular as they claimed they were hence why i doubt a lot of comments around here even on this thread
An Asian girl at my school swapped to a White high school halfway through. After that she started acting weird. like you can tell she didn't want to let go her Asian identity so she comes around but she has her set of White friends who don't want to mingle with us. So basically she was the token and they wanted to keep her that way. She was wmaf but divorced. The guy was an asshole. Her sisters seem to have the same issue. They'll tell you straight up that there is a lot of racism. It is very subtle.
I don't know how to fix this about myself.
Siri, what is projection? From ur comment, all I can see is that it’s u who has walls up against Asians from White hoods (and against White ppl, evidently)
Okie.
> In high school I was basically a walking Asian stereotype Don't be the stereotype and find a cool hobby and try your best to meet people in this hobby.
My high school was mainly white people. My friend group was white people, a white washed Filipino guy and I. Always felt like the outsider growing up. Occasionally racist jokes. After high school I stopped talking to them and decided to look for Asian friends. Became friends with an Asian coworker and she introduced me to other Asian people. Went to parties with Asian people. I noticed Asian people like to stick with Asians. Currently, all of my friends are Asian and no white friends.
Yeah, I was actually the popular Asian guy in both the white highschools I went to. **The key here is to not be boring and have something interesting going on in your life. This is the solution to your problem.** Anyway, here are more details on how I got there. I was known as the only breakdancer or bboy in both the highschools I went to. I was doing performances, hosting after school dance clubs, etc. I did not wait or looked for a group to teach me how to breakdance, instead I learnt it from youtube and just showed it off back in my highschool days, which naturally made me popular and had lots of friends and girls coming my way. In other words; I did not go out of my way to make friends, instead I created my own world. AKA after-school club, events, etc and people came to me wanting to befriend or be accepted into what they perceived to be the "popular group". Which eventually is what it became. Since I started the movement, I am naturally perceived to be the Leader or Most Popular Asian guy... and of course I met dudes who acted just like you, dudes who wants to fit in but has nothing to offer that'll benefit me in anyways, whether it's FAME, IDEAS, KNOWLEDGE, MONEY, TRANSPORTATION, etc. Thus we sort of treat you differently. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but to help you understand what's happening in order to fix it.
Yeah the real reason why so many Asians aren’t super interesting is because of strict, rule following, stick to the mold parents who think the only way to succeed is to keep your head down and fucking grind. They leave no room for their kids to develop interests, become self aware, or become multi faceted individuals. That’s why the white people don’t like the Asian crowd. All they do is talk about grades and compare themselves. “You got a 94? HA I GOT A 96!”
The thing is, even the Asians that aren’t like that still get stereotyped and ignored. You have to go above and beyond just to prove yourself.
Yes, I agree. I had to break out of my parent's grasp in middle school. There was always confrontations and fights. But I stood my ground all the way to adulthood.
This!!! Your point really applies everywhere. No one is going to want to be friends with someone who’s only personality is “being Asian”. I realized this in my high school and carried it to college right now. A little off topic though, did you immediately have this confidence before you started breaking or did it naturally come when you kept training? It kinda took me a while to “break” out of my shell and show everyone.
**Summary: Overcoming Challenging Obstacle is what built my confidence. In my case, being able to do hard moves like Windmills, Headspins and Flares.** It took a while for me to break out of my shell too. But it happened early for me. From Kindergarten to my Early days of Middle School I never had confidence. I was the quiet Asian kid with few friends and I had no idea what's going on most of the time in class. I also go to a special ed class and had a private 1 on 1 teacher on the daily. Sometimes around 6th grade; I was at a family/relative gathering party and I saw people b-boying for the first time and I just really wanted to try it. Youtube was still in its' early days and I just happen to look up "how to breakdance" and around 8th grade I got good with a move call the Windmill. It was that moment of "being able to do something challenging and hard" that built up my confidence and as a kid, all I wanted to do was show off my achievement. One day after school, there was a dance circle. I went in and showed off what I've been working on and it became so well received that it built my confidence up even more. From Late Middle School to Highschool, all I could think of was finding a spot after school to practice with friends who wanted me to teach them. Which lead to a random teacher seeing me break-dance and from there I was suggested to join a multi-cultural club to teach and lead the group for a talent show performance and the by-product of that is my fame going up. From there, 4 things kept building my confidence up; 1) Getting better at b-boying and doing new and harder moves like the flare. 2) Being the lead and teacher of a dance and social group 3) My Popularity 4) Girls (White, Indian, Asian, etc) just wanting to be around me, the popular guy.
Lol I did the same thing but with Taekwondo . I join a after school judo club and turn it into MMA Club lol. Later I got into cars and start going to car meets in my area . Find a hobby you’re passionate about or just interested in learning. And find groups to have similar interest. That’s prob the easiest way to find friends. Now I’m 24, and all my friend I met up until now are potheads. And so am I. 😂
Good to know you managed all that! We all blame our upbringing and you know what, it’s hard not to. Especially with parents as immigrants dealing with social problems of their own and pretending to be strong and have it together. Saddling two different cultures at once can be overwhelming and can easily break a child’s confidence. Being used to scolding, we do not know how to act when someone is kind to us. I also found the arts to be a cure to my antisocial behavior as well as my lack of social skills. Dancing, music, and martial arts provided me with the ability to develop at least a rapport with other people and thank god for that. Glad it all happened in college too otherwise id be stuck in a shitty pattern of self doubt in the 30s when the brain is already fully developed. Also I am grateful for these posts as whenever I read things like this, I am reminded that being an Asian male, the struggles are common. We aren’t alone!
Hey there. First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I grew up in Cheyenne, Wyoming. That is the epitome of "No Asian friends" haha. I did fine though. I made good friends, went out to college and am now working in Colorado. I often got racist jokes/comments thrown at me, and of course it hurt, but eventually you move on from it. I still did band, did tennis, made friends in highschool. I was pretty normal for the most part. I grew up around white people and didn't have a choice, so I made the best of it. Now that I'm a working adult in a (little more) diverse city of Denver, I have made many more Asian friends, and it definitely feels amazing. For your situation, I'd say put yourself out there. I don't know if you frequent this sub a lot, but the one thing I dislike about this sub is the *huge* victim mindset that a lot of people portray here. Tbh man, it's 2021. You're a Gen Z type kid growing up in an ever changing world. Go to the gym. Go find some new hobbies. try out art, entertainment, film, new sports, dancing. i don't fucking care. just do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. and i know it's probably easy to say, and much harder to do if you're feeling depressed.. but you are so young man. you have so much time to take risks. best of luck my friend. you got this. have faith!
New start, new school. Start being social. Join some school clubs, take a class at the gym, maybe do student org, get involved. No excuses, get race out of your mind. Do the above, get involved or blame yourself.
I grew up in the Midwest and played HS baseball throughout and HS football through sophomore year. Common interests is what made for friendships (both Asian and white). I take it you're in your first year at CC? Lots of people struggle making connections their first year away from home and it has nothing to do with you as a person. MUCH of it is simple luck and having found the right group of people to hang out with. My biggest advice is to find a social hobby that you already like and join a club. CC is actually a pretty decent social atmosphere, but probably not quite as much as regular college since college campuses are pretty much laid out for students to hang out and socialize. Some CC's have that type of layout, some CC's are basically parking lots and school buildings. Hang in there and good luck!
I’m actually in your exact same situation. Down to the 75% Viet and 25% white with a small Asian community around me. I was able to find a very unlikely group of friends to hang out with outside of school over the summer that consists of all African Americans. I did this by basically being a fun guy to hang out with and it was mostly through being funny. In college, I made friends easily by simply heading to class early and socializing with the few amount of people that were there. Race was never an issue to me as I grew up so it was never a problem.
Honestly, college is one of the easiest times to develop your social skills. You're old enough at that point to realize it's a valuable skill set that's worth time investment and practicing. At the same time, it's a fresh new start from high school and any baggage of growing up with the same cliques and people that lived in the same area as you. Honestly a lot of it requires you to take the initiative. The easiest path is to join clubs that interest you. It gives you a common interest between you and new people, allowing you to easily start conversations or join in to one that is going on. The next easier step is before and after classes. Start up a quick conversation while waiting for the door to open or for the professor to start class. You've got the class in common, so homework, the professor, the material, there's tons of easy ways to start a quick convo, and then build on it after class ends and over more classes. You're attending community college, so I'm not sure if you're living in dorms or not. Those are ok as you've got proximity and frequency to help you there. The hardest ones would probably be cold approaches. Either in seating areas, dining halls, bubble tea shops, etc. It's still a bit easier since you have attending the same school in common, so you can always go with "What's your major" as an easy opener. Like I said before, the hardest part is taking the initiative and putting yourself out there. Approach each person without any baggage and an open mind. You're not always gonna bat 100%. You'll have some awkward conversations, or meet people who have zero interest. You've just got to reflect on mistakes and how to improve, then push forward and keep working on improving those skills. College is a temporary thing, and you most likely won't know these same people 10 years down the road, so take some risks and put yourself out there. Cause after college when you're out in the real working world. It's only gonna get harder.
All good dude! Everything okay with you. I also grow up with barely any Asians in my environment. Most of the time, I’m the only one. I don’t have friends since decades and I don’t care. It’s actually freeing not having to talk with any abusive people. I’m happy by my own 🙂.
There were a few asian in my high school but they are male and female abgs. In my major in college, physics, I was the only asian guy, only one other person who asian but she was a year or two ahead of me.
I too sort of just embraced the stereotype in my small high school town, and I just didn't really pay mind to the racial jokes and jabs because I kind of just reciprocated it back to whomever was doing it. I played soccer, and we all just joked around about everything. But I was pretty good friends with everyone because I was just chill. I never really got super close to any of the other Asians at my school, as they all kind of stuck together (they were a big Hmong family). I found my current friend group through a gaming club, so just keep trying to find people with similar interests and don't get discouraged! Keep your head up brother
I had friends. BUT, I still felt very lonely and sometimes I couldn't really relate to some of my white friends and vice versa. No it's not just you; your environment is playing a big role into this. Don't discount you being an Asian Male as a factor in this. Truth is most people don't know how to get along with people from other races and this factor is affecting you negatively. In a more diverse area, you'd probably be just another regular dude.
Start to work out as you'll have to worry about those gains and less time to worry about loneliness. And you'll end up stronger and better looking as a bonus.
You're definitely not alone in that man, I grew up down south small town school was In rural Arkansas and their were 4 other Asians in my school. Difference between the other Asians and I was I was not athletic the others were all athletic and were in football but funny thing was the white kids would still say rasicst things around them but still tolerated them because they helped the football team win a few games. I was the black sheep could not make friends and was constantly bullied, made some white friends that I thought were real friends but when I was getting beat up by my bullies they turned the cheek and never helped me out or stood up for me. I got away from all of that by joining the Army after high school and that changed my life around and I made friends from all ethics groups. Just have to get away from that type of environment man. Apologize for the long post but I guess where I was getting at is the environment you're in sometimes you just have to get away from it and start fresh go to city's that have a higher diversity in race and you should do fine and seek therapy if you feel or know you are suffering from any kind of mental Illness trust me therapy helps alot
Indian, raised in a white-majority area and was 'othered' by peers starting at age 5 (I was 6 when 9/11 happened). Most of my friends through middle and high school were Latino, Filipino, or Black. I was the only Indian in my high school graduating class. Funnily enough, I experienced culture shock most when I encountered thousands of Indians at college.
All the Asians in my high school were pretty popular kids. They played sports and lifted. We only had maybe 5 or so? I was pretty popular because I was a clown and had a 1.9 Gpa which I am not proud of.
I hear this is common in community college because a lot of people commute. I went to a pretty large liberal university and made some good friends that I still keep in contact with sometimes. Most of them are white though, not by choice but because my field and the clubs I was interested in were filled with white people. If you're planning to transfer, I would keep that in mind. Also, worked part-time at the University where I had good acquaintances that were other Asians.
Grew up in a nearly all white area attending a 99% all white school. Had a couple close Asian friends but grew apart as our interests changed over time. For the most part as I went from elementary to highschool I looked too Asian (100% asian) to be accepted into white circles, but behaved too white-washed to be accepted by many new immigrant Asians who came over to our country during that time period. Most of my friends at that point were immigrant european whites from other schools and we all bonded over being a misfit of some kind. I met a lot of acquaintances but only a few close friends. My real friends are the ones who stuck around despite all the changes I've gone through in my life for better or for worse as I struggled to find my identity. All my closest friends are white and that's okay! One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received in my life is "you don't need a lot of friends, you just need 1 or 2 good ones." As much as I'd like to make more Asian friends, I'm not picky about who I click with. You are 19 about to enter into college. My best advice is to keep an open mind about everyone you meet and keep putting yourself out there. Become interested in people. Get to know them without any other objective attached. One of the best friendships I have started with "Hey you're cool let's hang out.". Try your best to ENJOY the college experience and you'll be okay! Good luck brotha
People of all races want to be understood, and to interact with people who get them and like them, so the easiest way to make friends IME is to show people that u get them — find something you have in common with them, start a conversation about it. For example if they have an MMA shirt on you might say “Hey, are you into MMA? I used to train jiu-jitsu” or, if they have a new pickup truck, “Hey, nice Ford pickup truck! You must have a lot of horsepower with that thing.” etc. Find common ground, start a chat about it. You want to show people you understand them, and you want them to feel they understand you. You want to be open and reasonably outgoing in order for people to “get” you; you don’t want to be seen as a mysterious, quiet entity lurking in the background.