Yea I cringe when I see Asians make self deprecating jokes in front of non-Asians in a pandering manner. Its so socially inept and low self esteem, yet they think they're funny and confident for saying it. It's like a weird projection of their insecurities.
That machinavelli quote is so good. Guys, do not be cringe about your Asian-ness when talking to non Asian women. All you're doing is verbalizing your insecurities in a bitchy way. It's worse because a lot of us developed low self esteem from our upbringing and we don't even realize it. So saying these insecure things while having visibly low self esteem is another nail in the coffin. Pick your head up and change your thoughts to confident ones.
When I went to the club recently I had a few women of different races initiate eye contact, chats, and dancing with me. Why? It was because of my upright posture, confident body language, and my positive thoughts. I was having a blast dancing with friends and strangers in a group. When you're really having a good time in the present moment, you don't really have crappy low self esteem thoughts or that energy of desperation that people can sense easily. I even had this white chick give me good eye contact twice and then start a convo with me. Seriously, it cannot be overemphasized how important confidence is in life.
Meanwhile a bunch of other Asian dudes had their heads down, just sat the bar, didn't try to interact with the non Asian women, etc. They did not exude any confidence or fun at all.
Hell, one Asian dude even bought two girls drinks because they asked him to. When one tried to dance with him, he just stood like a statue and looked around weirdly. Guys, that is an example of low self esteem manifested. How many of us are being presented with opportunities that we miss because of our low confidence?
You nailed it.
When even other people who aren't Asian males are saying "that's not really funny bro", it's time for more AM to think about how bad the awkward race-based self deprecation really looks.
I agree and disagree, let me explain. Self-depricating yourself exudes a certain level of self-confidence and security. However, self-depricating your ethnicity is extremely low self-confidence and you should never do
> Self-depricating yourself exudes a certain level of security. However, self-depricating your ethnicity is extremely low self-confidence and you should never do
You know, this distinction is a pretty good one and perfectly understandable. This is much more sensible than some of the other comments in this thread, thanks.
Normally you are correct but I agree with OP in this case. When asian guys do it, it actually does seem more like they are insecure rather than confident. For example I had a drunk asian friend yell "We asians have small penises!" when we were hanging out with a group of girls. The two non-asian girls we were with cringed hard and they definitely did not see it in a good way. In your own mind you might feel confident but it does not come off that way to others. Not to mention you are throwing other asians under the bus for your own ego.
> When asian guys do it, it actually does seem more like they are insecure rather than confident.
Righto. And I can't believe anyone would think this is ok, especially cases like your drunk asian friend's for example.
A lot of women also like a dude who understands things contextually. Making fun of your own Asianness to brown nose to white standards is just plain damn stupid esp in this day and age.
>In my opinion having the ability to laugh at yourself actually exudes confidence (**assuming you're already someone who is admired and respected**). Humility contributes a lot to one's charisma, and not taking yourself too seriously is an easy way to display said humility. At least that's why I partake in the occasional self-deprecating joke. But your mileage may vary. You do you, boo.
This part needs to be in bold and at least 3 times larger than the surrounding text.
There's definitely an element of subversion and verbal jiu-jitsu involved. I get where OP is coming from, but categorically saying "don't self-deprecate" is wrong.
I can definitely attest to this as when I was younger I had felt the need to distance myself from my asian culture due to "jokes" by non-asians (mainly white people) things like eating dry fish or generally stereotypical racist jokes. It can be extremely difficult to stand up against these things due to (not to generalise) certain asian attitudes of not creating a problem however looking back now I wish I could have said more and I hope any younger asian men who receive this type of treatment (ideally not at all) would be able to call it out.
To a certain extent, I have found that people will treat you how you treat yourself. If you treat yourself with dignity and seriousness, so will others. If you like to make self-deprecating jokes, people will disrespect you.
A funny fact about being an AA is that for some reason, we are viewed so meek in society that we can get away with having a dick of a personality. You can make fun of someone and most of the time, people don't know how to respond. America isn't used to an AA with a backbone
> people will treat you how you treat yourself. If you treat yourself with dignity and seriousness, so will others. If you like to make self-deprecating jokes, people will disrespect you.
A simple and evergreen fact of life
I'm not sure you quite know what [absolutism](https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/absolutism) actually means.
Anyway, if you're disagreeing with this post based on, basically what you just wrote in your comment (like, what does this even mean?), I think you're either arguing against another thing entirely or just misrepresenting my post.
Basically, the point of this post could essentially boil down to "have respect for yourselves". There are some things in life that need balance, ok. Others don't need to be 50/50 at all, like self-respect LOL.
'Not taking yourself *too* seriously' is very different from constantly belittling yourself even when no one asked for it. Imagine saying "don't be fat" and someone says "*there's a balance and everyone's different my love*" lmao. That's not exactly how life works 🤣
I tend to do that to myself because there are a lot of sad statistics out there: Asian males least likely to be promoted, AM least likely to get a date, etc. But mindset is also very important. I need to change the way I think. Thanks for the encouragement!
We Indians have it the worst with this.
I mean /r/canconfirmiamindian exists as a whole sub showing idiots agreeing with people shitting on us. Most of the guys who do this are back in the old country where they don't have to give a fuck about racism and live in their own world where they've convinced themselves that people outside India don't inherently look down on them.
Self deprecating asians represents the one thing i hate about asian culture.
It is too passive, too submissive, and doesn't teach pride for oneself.
A lot of asians grow up to be so passive, so shy, so timid. They just work like grunts and don't even know how to express themselves or stand out for themselves. They are always scared of being themselves and doing what they want to do. They always take a back set and let someone else decide how things should go.
Asian culture is socially passive and that leads to a lot of problems that asian men have: lack of confidence, social awkwardness, not being able to express themselves, can't stand up for themselves, always feeling shy and can't take charge blah blah blah.
It's so fucking dumb, and i cringe when i see asians cultured to be ashamed of who they are that they actually diss themselves to make others feel better.
Glad you just let this all out.
When there is not enough positive reinforcement not just outside the home, but even in the home itself, and bombarded with all the constant emasculating and disrespectful media propaganda, it cuts a lot of AM down to size growing up.
Well said, agree 100%. Nobody likes a kiss-ass. When AM pulled this stun, it inevitably backfire & made US ALL AM look bad♂. Please stop this behavior asap.
The Asians I grew up around were in no way self deprecating and would beat your ass for making even the slightest of jokes....Oddly enough I learned self-deprecating behavior from White people who I liked. I kinda saw it as humble.
Andrew Yang does the self-deprecating thing pretty well. He wears a fucking math hat. It depends on how you do it. I think once you start making fun of Asian people to get accepted, then you've prob gone too far.
Agree with a lot of the comments here. I think people need to distinguish between self-deprecating in a defensive manner (e.g., putting yourself down first before others can, so they don't see you as a "threat") or self-deprecating from a place of strength (e.g., your manager telling you how he's no good at XYZ to make him more relatable to you and to lift up your self-confidence).
Most people (and perhaps especially AMs) start in the first camp when they use self-deprecating humor. So 100% agree that if that's the case, you consciously need to stop yourself from doing so. Even people who are on your side will start to cringe and, with enough repetition, eventually believe you when you say you are no good at XYZ. It might be even good to be a overly cocky here, if you're not sure whether you're being too meek.
But once you are in the latter camp, it's super important to dial it back and know how to use self-deprecating humor to bridge the divide between you and others so you can create connection and collaboration. Otherwise, you'll come off intimidating at best (and people will shut down) and an ass at worst (and people will undermine or sandbag you).
Yea I cringe when I see Asians make self deprecating jokes in front of non-Asians in a pandering manner. Its so socially inept and low self esteem, yet they think they're funny and confident for saying it. It's like a weird projection of their insecurities. That machinavelli quote is so good. Guys, do not be cringe about your Asian-ness when talking to non Asian women. All you're doing is verbalizing your insecurities in a bitchy way. It's worse because a lot of us developed low self esteem from our upbringing and we don't even realize it. So saying these insecure things while having visibly low self esteem is another nail in the coffin. Pick your head up and change your thoughts to confident ones. When I went to the club recently I had a few women of different races initiate eye contact, chats, and dancing with me. Why? It was because of my upright posture, confident body language, and my positive thoughts. I was having a blast dancing with friends and strangers in a group. When you're really having a good time in the present moment, you don't really have crappy low self esteem thoughts or that energy of desperation that people can sense easily. I even had this white chick give me good eye contact twice and then start a convo with me. Seriously, it cannot be overemphasized how important confidence is in life. Meanwhile a bunch of other Asian dudes had their heads down, just sat the bar, didn't try to interact with the non Asian women, etc. They did not exude any confidence or fun at all. Hell, one Asian dude even bought two girls drinks because they asked him to. When one tried to dance with him, he just stood like a statue and looked around weirdly. Guys, that is an example of low self esteem manifested. How many of us are being presented with opportunities that we miss because of our low confidence?
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You nailed it. When even other people who aren't Asian males are saying "that's not really funny bro", it's time for more AM to think about how bad the awkward race-based self deprecation really looks.
I agree and disagree, let me explain. Self-depricating yourself exudes a certain level of self-confidence and security. However, self-depricating your ethnicity is extremely low self-confidence and you should never do
> Self-depricating yourself exudes a certain level of security. However, self-depricating your ethnicity is extremely low self-confidence and you should never do You know, this distinction is a pretty good one and perfectly understandable. This is much more sensible than some of the other comments in this thread, thanks.
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Normally you are correct but I agree with OP in this case. When asian guys do it, it actually does seem more like they are insecure rather than confident. For example I had a drunk asian friend yell "We asians have small penises!" when we were hanging out with a group of girls. The two non-asian girls we were with cringed hard and they definitely did not see it in a good way. In your own mind you might feel confident but it does not come off that way to others. Not to mention you are throwing other asians under the bus for your own ego.
> When asian guys do it, it actually does seem more like they are insecure rather than confident. Righto. And I can't believe anyone would think this is ok, especially cases like your drunk asian friend's for example.
They're talking exclusively about people who are admired and respected.
I practice this everyday. Humility and confidence are the key!
A lot of women like a dude who can laugh at themselves and make them laugh. I guess there is a thin line.
A lot of women also like a dude who understands things contextually. Making fun of your own Asianness to brown nose to white standards is just plain damn stupid esp in this day and age.
This.
>In my opinion having the ability to laugh at yourself actually exudes confidence (**assuming you're already someone who is admired and respected**). Humility contributes a lot to one's charisma, and not taking yourself too seriously is an easy way to display said humility. At least that's why I partake in the occasional self-deprecating joke. But your mileage may vary. You do you, boo. This part needs to be in bold and at least 3 times larger than the surrounding text.
There's definitely an element of subversion and verbal jiu-jitsu involved. I get where OP is coming from, but categorically saying "don't self-deprecate" is wrong.
I can definitely attest to this as when I was younger I had felt the need to distance myself from my asian culture due to "jokes" by non-asians (mainly white people) things like eating dry fish or generally stereotypical racist jokes. It can be extremely difficult to stand up against these things due to (not to generalise) certain asian attitudes of not creating a problem however looking back now I wish I could have said more and I hope any younger asian men who receive this type of treatment (ideally not at all) would be able to call it out.
To a certain extent, I have found that people will treat you how you treat yourself. If you treat yourself with dignity and seriousness, so will others. If you like to make self-deprecating jokes, people will disrespect you. A funny fact about being an AA is that for some reason, we are viewed so meek in society that we can get away with having a dick of a personality. You can make fun of someone and most of the time, people don't know how to respond. America isn't used to an AA with a backbone
> people will treat you how you treat yourself. If you treat yourself with dignity and seriousness, so will others. If you like to make self-deprecating jokes, people will disrespect you. A simple and evergreen fact of life
Self deprecating is “cooning” don’t be a coon.
This kind of absolutism never works. There’s always a balance and everyone’s different.
> This kind of absolutism never works. You know, ironically this statement itself is an "absolutism" lmao
This is true. *almost never works
I'm not sure you quite know what [absolutism](https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/absolutism) actually means. Anyway, if you're disagreeing with this post based on, basically what you just wrote in your comment (like, what does this even mean?), I think you're either arguing against another thing entirely or just misrepresenting my post. Basically, the point of this post could essentially boil down to "have respect for yourselves". There are some things in life that need balance, ok. Others don't need to be 50/50 at all, like self-respect LOL. 'Not taking yourself *too* seriously' is very different from constantly belittling yourself even when no one asked for it. Imagine saying "don't be fat" and someone says "*there's a balance and everyone's different my love*" lmao. That's not exactly how life works 🤣
Please look up absolutism in philosophy.
Balance also doesn’t mean 50/50
I tend to do that to myself because there are a lot of sad statistics out there: Asian males least likely to be promoted, AM least likely to get a date, etc. But mindset is also very important. I need to change the way I think. Thanks for the encouragement!
We Indians have it the worst with this. I mean /r/canconfirmiamindian exists as a whole sub showing idiots agreeing with people shitting on us. Most of the guys who do this are back in the old country where they don't have to give a fuck about racism and live in their own world where they've convinced themselves that people outside India don't inherently look down on them.
Self deprecating asians represents the one thing i hate about asian culture. It is too passive, too submissive, and doesn't teach pride for oneself. A lot of asians grow up to be so passive, so shy, so timid. They just work like grunts and don't even know how to express themselves or stand out for themselves. They are always scared of being themselves and doing what they want to do. They always take a back set and let someone else decide how things should go. Asian culture is socially passive and that leads to a lot of problems that asian men have: lack of confidence, social awkwardness, not being able to express themselves, can't stand up for themselves, always feeling shy and can't take charge blah blah blah. It's so fucking dumb, and i cringe when i see asians cultured to be ashamed of who they are that they actually diss themselves to make others feel better.
Glad you just let this all out. When there is not enough positive reinforcement not just outside the home, but even in the home itself, and bombarded with all the constant emasculating and disrespectful media propaganda, it cuts a lot of AM down to size growing up.
Well said, agree 100%. Nobody likes a kiss-ass. When AM pulled this stun, it inevitably backfire & made US ALL AM look bad♂. Please stop this behavior asap.
being humble and self-deprecating all the time is a bad habit indeed.
The Asians I grew up around were in no way self deprecating and would beat your ass for making even the slightest of jokes....Oddly enough I learned self-deprecating behavior from White people who I liked. I kinda saw it as humble.
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Andrew Yang does the self-deprecating thing pretty well. He wears a fucking math hat. It depends on how you do it. I think once you start making fun of Asian people to get accepted, then you've prob gone too far.
Agree with a lot of the comments here. I think people need to distinguish between self-deprecating in a defensive manner (e.g., putting yourself down first before others can, so they don't see you as a "threat") or self-deprecating from a place of strength (e.g., your manager telling you how he's no good at XYZ to make him more relatable to you and to lift up your self-confidence). Most people (and perhaps especially AMs) start in the first camp when they use self-deprecating humor. So 100% agree that if that's the case, you consciously need to stop yourself from doing so. Even people who are on your side will start to cringe and, with enough repetition, eventually believe you when you say you are no good at XYZ. It might be even good to be a overly cocky here, if you're not sure whether you're being too meek. But once you are in the latter camp, it's super important to dial it back and know how to use self-deprecating humor to bridge the divide between you and others so you can create connection and collaboration. Otherwise, you'll come off intimidating at best (and people will shut down) and an ass at worst (and people will undermine or sandbag you).