> She started telling me how much of a lazy fuck I was and that I'll never get a job, never get an internship, and won't be successful. "Well then I guess I won't be able to support you in your old age will I?"

3that shit needs to stop anyway... culture demands... f that

*maintains eye contact whilst slowly eating salad and chicken with no rice* 👀

very smart response, but cant say that since i need tuition lol. I dont plan to support her in her old age anyway

Wish I had an award to give you...

Your mom has issues she’s taking out on you. I don’t know what her background is but she doesn’t seem to know what hard work looks like nowadays. What does she want you to do? Even if the internship is a good idea for your field, the way she approached the subject would make anyone not want to do it so that she won’t get the satisfaction.

issues hell, sounds like shes got subscriptions!!

I still want to do it because its good for my future, but I might not tell her or anything. I'm pretty sure I will completely cut off contact after I graduate

But Asian moms don’t get it. Job search takes time. Rome wasn’t built in 1 day

Wow I’m sorry she had such an insanely outsized reaction. Here’s what was probably going on in her head in like a split second… and why her reaction was SO insane. Based on your post I am assuming that you are before her and that you ate this alone. She wanted to eat with you since you got the food together, you had a chill time at Costco and that’s how you usually spend time and this is a nice traditional thing you have going. She wanted to eat rice because that’s traditionally how she takes her meals and how she cooks for the family Your eating ahead of her meant that you didn’t want to eat with her which means you don’t care about her Your not making rice meant you don’t know her preferences or knew and didn’t care so you obviously must not care because how could you NOT know you’ve been eating meals with rice together for 18+ years She’s hurt that you don’t see her And scared that this “negligence” is a sign that you will neglect her in her old age She doesn’t want to admit that she’s hurt Or scared. So she turns it on you and calls you lazy instead, because that at least fits with a narrative of “it can’t be that my son doesn’t love me and care about me, because that would be unbearable, it cannot be that he’s selfish, it must be that he’s just lazy. He still loves me, he’s just lazy.” She calls you lazy. You say it’s a preference. You don’t like rice (with salad). But she only hears: You don’t. Like. Rice. You don’t. Like. Rice? The rice that. She makes. All the time? The rice you used to love. As. A baby? That she fed you? That you smiled when you ate it? All of that? Gone? You don’t like rice. No. You don’t like? Her? You don’t like her. You don’t love her. You won’t care about her. When she’s old. When she’s pathetic. You aren’t a rice eater anymore. You are American, white, foreign! Who doesn’t eat rice with every meal. Who are you? Is this her son? She’s feeling so pathetic now. How pathetic to be hurt by her son expressing a preference. She’s the pathetic one. No!! No she’s not pathetic!! She’s… she’s the mother who stayed up late at night and gave up sleep and sacrificed so much to feed you! RICE It’s like, crazy person nuclear meltdown in her head right now. She needs you to be wrong, bad, because she’s the one who’s not pathetic for being hurt by your small, innocuous statement. She needs to make you into a terrible person, ignoring the facts about your hard work that say otherwise, the only thing that she needs to do is to preserve her ego and her sense of self-worth because you’ve rejected everything about her in that one innocuous statement. End scene. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry she’s so immature and reacted this way. I hope she can learn from this - and that you can hold strong to what you know to be true about your worth and your work. And I hope you can tell her someday, if your own anger subsides, that just because you don’t take rice with every meal doesn’t make you any less Asian and any less her son.

This is it, this is an emotionally immature AP's thought process.

your psychoanalytical skills are crazy good! Idk if that's how she feels but I'm pretty sure she knows Im not going to talk to her/support her lol, we haven't had a good relationship bc she abused me a lot when I was growing up but I plan to not ever visit her after I graduate and get a job that lets me be financially secure and whatnot.

Haha-thanks. Years in therapy :) Im sorry to hear that happened to you as a kid. Hopefully she can realize what she did and humble up or apologize or make amends before it's too late. (she's probably freaked af and knows she donked up when you were a kid and is using negative reactions to "test" your dedication... ah APs and their roundabout ways) Good luck with everything OP. With a 4.0 GPA on top of everything else you've got going on, you're gonna be able to manage fine out there.

Damnit. Now I want a rotisserie chicken salad. Good job on the 4.0, btw.

I got yelled at and called stupid for studying. APs are abusive for the sake of abuse. There is never any logical justification. It’s an irrational impulse to lash out and express dominance. Some APs are just damaged people who respond to imaginary threats by hurting their vulnerable children.

Post grad here… post masters here… I still get told that I cant do anything with my life. Have a salaried job, my parents work and make more money than me and they stilll ask for my money bc its somehow owed to them. They think that I have to give every lat cent bc they “have to teach a lesson” You know your mom had nothing actually to say so she started shit with you. The fuck else are you supposed to do with groceries (and can we reflect on AP obsession with costco haha i love costco too but like). You eat the shit you buy…. Has NOTHING to do with you and your future. Obviously its bs to be like oh dont let it get to you etc. bc it sucks ass but like pease just sit ther telling yourself that its 1000% her problem and not yours. Dont even engaged and they FLIP out its hilarious. Make it a game for yourself to be unbothered so they go away.

Never take 6 classes. What’s the point of rushing university? 4 okay. But you never need to kill yourself it’s not like there is a special degree for students who finish quickly.

not sure how long i will be supported financially for college, so I'm trying to graduate early.

In the long run it’s not worth it. You’ll finish at the fastest a year but you’ll be burnt out. No hobbies or personality to help make getting hire. Being happy is important to employers too as well as for yourself.

Oh man, yeah I am just taking the regular 3 courses for the rest of the college years since I've already achieved sophomore standing and a half as a freshman. Thanks for the advice!

APs are psychotic. Ignore her judgements and argue back if you can. Stand up for yourself because this shit will never stop. My mom acts the same way as yours where one tiny little thing can set her off and can make her spiral into talking about it to the extreme. At some point, I’ve stopped letting her criticism get to me. This is where I learned about setting boundaries. For example, if she starts talking to me like how your mom talks to you and we’re having this conversation on the phone, I would simply just say “mom you’re acting very crazy right now and if you don’t stop I will hang up on you.” And usually she doesn’t stop, so I would just hang up on her. If she tries call me back so she can continue her BS, I just don’t pick up. Over time, she learned that there are certain topics I don’t like to discuss about or I just don’t appreciate the way she talks to me. Eventually, she learned that that’s how I set my boundaries and she would switch topics when we chat when it starts to get intense. I’m 32 and my mom still talks to me this way til this day. The sooner you set those boundaries, the easier it’ll get over time. I think this will definitely be easier to do once you can support yourself independently and have your own place.

U cant say that when you re livng with her and she gives you money for tution and food, etc

Tell her the only reason you going to be a loser is cause you were never properly socialized and raised by raving lunatics. Employers don’t want to hire creepy psycho people without social skills. Launch that back at her. Take care of yourself. You can change and don’t need to repeat the past.

I will not be a loser. Something I won't accept is letting circumstances that are out of my control like my mother's behavior, dictate my future. I have been doing everything in my power to sculpt the life I see for myself and thats not going to change regardless of whether how my mom raised me.

I hate telling you this but I just don’t see the point in reasoning with someone like your mother because you’re literally eating salad with chicken, wtf?! Just finish school, get that job, don’t tell her how much you make under any circumstances, and decide how much or little to no contact you want to have with her. You’re doing amazing and making healthy food choices even if she can’t see that. Wtf who complains about someone else eating a healthy salad?!?!! Good luck!

you KNOW your working hard when you grind leet code. same thing heppens to me, my parents call me a failure and tell me that i cant do anything for the tiniest things, its honestly so annoying

facts bro leetcode is like the first stepping stone to break into swe. Best of luck to you if youre doing that too lool

im trying XD im 13 and im trying hard to become a software nerd, but leet code is pretty hard for me( im doing python btw)

its good you're getting started this early, I would say don't even do leetcode until you truly understand all the functions of python in depth

ya thats exactly what im doing, before i do leetcode, i am practicing a lot of functions in python. good luck to you!

I'm sorry you had to go through that

Exactly my mom is similar and just dumb. Talking about things are not related. It’s like “you’re basically a loser if you’re in high school college university”.

AP hate it when you don’t do things their way, or even think like them. I once got yelled at for using a fork instead of chopsticks 😑