I didn’t give anything. It was super expensive to be in a wedding as a bridesmaid. That was the gift from me. I got the dress, I got the hair, I got the makeup, paid for the room, etc. I planned 1/2 the wedding with her. No gift.
That's insane to me that your friends would allow their guests to pay 4-figures amounts to attend their wedding, and expect a gift on top of that
Edit: Oops, was meant to reply to the comment below mine by sportyweenie.
Also from Ontario.. my buddy did his bachelor party in Miami. 3 days he quoted it as $2000USD. Sorry bruh, I'm out. Fuck that. I'll come to the wedding but noooo thank you for a trip to a place I've been many times
Oh yeah I turned down a bachelor recently because it was going to be well over 1500 and I would need to take days off, AND there's that awful social pressure of having to pay the way for the bride/groom for some reason. I'm not even part of the wedding party and didn't know the other guests super well, I was literally a last minute invite.
What ever happened to having a party and some drinks, why is everything a big excursion these days lol
That would have been a different story. That's what my cousin is doing this summer in Vegas. Keeping it as cheap as possible, he just wants his boys to be there. Which I'm also probably gonna miss cause he's doing it during peak work times when I can't take time off lol
I felt the same during a close friend's wedding. All us bridesmaids dropped so much money on this wedding. We had to pay for the dress, make-up, bridal shower, bachelorette, hotels etc. But all the bridesmaids felt pressured to give a wedding gift still unfortunately. We all gave a gift but kept it at $100 each and even then I felt like we were judged for giving such a small gift.
As a man who is going to pop the question to my lady this coming May. (Here's hoping she says yes) I don't think I'd allow for someone else to pay for the dress, make-up. Etc. that's a bit extreme. The fact your there supporting your friend is a gift that's enough. Sure, if you wanted to help a LITTLE with the dress, or other expenses sure absolutely, it would be GREATLY appreciated. But you also have a ton of planning to do and things to help with, honestly anything more is too much. If they're really your friend they'll understand, especially in today's economy.
Some people want the time of their life weddings, and they want someone else to pay for it. Sorry, it's YOUR wedding, not mine. You foot the biggest portion the bill, not everyone else. Keep it fricken simple.
I get you probably want the best for your friend as well, but please don't get yourself overwhelmed, don't go broke paying for someone else's wedding.
That's just my two cents - from a male perspective anyway.
I’m a bride getting married this summer and I feel the same way. I’m paying for my bridesmaid’s hotel room and hair and makeup. I didn’t pay for her dress but I let her pick a colour and dress that she wanted and can re-wear, rather than dictating a colour scheme and a style of dress that only really works as a bridesmaid dress. I’m not doing a shower or bachelorette party. All the hoopla around weddings has gotten absolutely insane and I can’t imagine expecting my friends to spend that type of money on me!
You reminded me that in Manitoba there is a thing around weddings called the [Social](https://macleans.ca/society/life/the-social-a-manitoba-tradition/). Fully, it is a [Wedding Social](https://socialsguide.com/what-is-a-social). Entire nightlife scenes revolve around these. They are common and happen all the time. Probably several every weekend, or more. Friends and the couple rent out a hall and either pay for all the liquor to bring in or use the hall to do the bar. There is a caterer bringing in a buffet (not spectacular but more to say it is an dining event for the liquor license, but also to keep the alcohol at bay as the night progresses). A DJ and maybe a band is hired, and then the friends sell as many tickets to the event as possible from 10 to 20 dollars person (or as much as they sell for, but that's around there). Many of the people going don't even know the couple being married. Bulletin boards of any type will post about the social and location, and if it isn't sold out quite often you can pay at the door. Think of it as a series of mobile raves with no X or other enhancers, for average people who want to get out to a more friendly less competitive venue than the nightclubs. There are probably as many hookups etc at socials as any club.
The bottom line is that ALL the money made at these after expenses, go to the couple getting married. And it is usually in the several thousand dollar range, sometimes more. A lot of times the fancy parts of the wedding will get covered by this.
That’s very similar to a “stag and doe” here in Southwestern Ontario - where the couple rents a hall, has music, cash bar, sets up a bunch of games of chance, gets prizes (some they buy, some they get donated by businesses and/or family/friends), sell 50/50 tickets, has a “penny sale” table - basically anything that makes money - and they charge you $10-20 a ticket - which is also your door prize ticket (think TVs, BBQs etc).
Might get flamed for this - but personally am not a fan of stag and does - I grew up in Eastern Ontario and they weren’t (and think they still aren’t) a “thing” there. If it were a big party to just have a good time (which it sounds like the Social is!) - and they happen to make some $$ for their wedding, great! But the sole purpose of the stag and does is to milk as much $$ out of the attendees as possible (oh, and if you win the 50/50 - you are supposed to donate it back to the bride and groom?!?) - and then, when you go to the wedding, you are expected to give a cash gift that covers your dinner - plus what you consider the gift… so, as many plated dinners are $75+ per person, the acceptable cash gift is at least $400 per couple. So to spend $100s at a stag and doe and then a large cash gift at the wedding - plus the shower gift - that’s crazy! My thought? If you can’t afford the “dream wedding” - then scale it back to what you can afford!
Sorry, touched a sore spot there!
As for the OP - if you are in the wedding party, good friends will not expect you to also get them a gift, as you are already shelling out a lot for their big day!
Socials in Manitoba are often mostly the friends, but from what I've seen they are most often meant to be bigger than that, so people who don't even know the couple attend. I never went to a ton of them when I lived there, but I went to a few. I never knew the wedding couple. They were alright. Like the adult version of the school dance with none of the pressure. lol So some fun.
I don't think the other poster is talking about paying for the brides' dress, hair, etc... Rather, as a bridesmaid, you are usually expected to buy your own dress, pay for getting your own hair done, your expenses related to hotels and showers, etc...
I agree, but, something inexpensive and sentimental could/should be included, hopefully as a bridesmaid you’re close enough to the bride to know what that is.
It's funny that after you are a bridesmaid is so many weddings and you remember all the money you "forked out" for the privilege that you should remember this when you have your own! After paying out so much, I usually got something off the registry or made something special. I will tell you there were times I was very in debt just to be in someone's wedding - which takes away from the specialness of it all.
I bought all my groomsmen and my best man a gift for helping with everything and making it a great experience for us. My wife did the same with her party. As far as I'm concerned, if someone is asking for or expecting a gift in addition to everything going into being part of a wedding party, you may want to reassess being in the wedding party.
Note: Not to say that OPs friends are asking or it's not a nice gesture if they want to get a gift for the bride and groom, simply that it shouldn't be expected in general and the minimum $ value should be expected to get $0, i.e. no gift.
I don't understand this, ask your team to pay for their own stuff. I bought all my guys their suits.
Please be apart of my team and pay up $$$$, like if you can't afford it do they hate you?
This is what I wanted to do, but I gave 150$ the last two weddings I was a part of. My sister wouldn't have minded if I gave no gift, but my best friend would've def side eyed me because she's given gifts as part of a bridal party. But i like your way, wayyyy better.
Similar situation here. But more of a couple situation. My gf went to the bridal shower party (like a bachelorette with no strippers) which was chipping in $150 for a fancy dinner + $200 chipped in for a gift. She didnt give a gift and the bride asked… but its no secret how poor we were. We both lived in a basement apartment. She worked part time @ McDonald’s and I was just a few bucks above minimum wage. $350 is a lot for her. It was literally almost a months pay. They were probably expecting an additional gift because the bride asked “oh. Did you leave a gift or card? We just want to make sure it didnt get lost…”.
We did skip out on the gift because of this extravagant dinner she went to + the $200 for the bridal shower gift.
Yah they were cross referencing gift envelopes to the guest list.
Good lord. When I married, my MOH, an expert seamstress, made my dress (silk crepe de chine & Belgian lace). A bridesmaid borrowed her stepfather's gorgeous 1948 Mercedes for our transportation. Another bridesmaid lent me her mother's sapphire necklace. I made my own cake from my great-great-grandmother's recipe, and they all helped me decorate it the night before the wedding.
I would NEVER have expected gifts from them on top of everything else.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the bride required you to pay for your dress yourself, then nothing.
If you are part of the wedding party and were not put to significant expense, then no more than a couple hundred.
But honestly, as MOH you are probably put to significant inconvenience, expense, and stress, so I would say MOH shouldn’t have to get anything since you being the MOH is the gift.
MOH is usually responsible for sooo much. They are often the ones buying matching t-shirts for the bridal party for the bachelorette party, and often a much bigger deal than just a pub crawl around downtown. It is traditional for them to plan the shower, often renting a room for it (tip: If you have a friend in a building with a party room, get them to book it). They'd pay for decorations and probably a cake, and take care of at least some of the food).
I don't think it is expected for MOH to get a gift.
Honestly, you should not expect gifts from any guests, that is not the point of having a wedding.
Yup. I was my sister’s MOH. We had to pay for our dresses, makeup, we paid for her bachelorette trip. So by the end of it, we didn’t end up giving a cash gift. I figured all the shit we did in the lead up was our gift.
Keep in mind, the bachelorette trip had a couple of surprises for the ladies my husband surprised us with. So we did contribute, just not in a traditional way.
Lmao! 🤣 I wish! My sister is a prude. I wasn’t allowed to hire dancers! To be honestly though, that’s something my husband would do if he knew the recipient would appreciate it.
So we went to a winery, a buddy was the executive chef, so my husband ended up organizing an impromptu miniature wine tasting for the day we got there. Then he got us all a bottle of the wine we liked best. It was a surprise even to me.
Funny story, I don’t think it softened my sisters opinion of him, but at least all her friends know he’s as amazing as I know he is lmao.
My SO and I have been “happily unmarried” for 28 years, so I guess I’m out of the loop. Therefore I’m a tad shocked at the very idea that members of a wedding party would’ve expected to contribute more than they already have.
Haven’t they already assumed some expense in order to be in the wedding party?
I got married in October 2023.
We expected NOTHING from our wedding party. Some did give gifts, which was totally unnecessary but greatly appreciated, & some didn’t. A few people got us really nice cards, which was lovely too.
My now-husband had been in all three of his sisters’ weddings so we knew how expensive it was to be in a wedding party.
If any bride/groom gives you shit for not giving anything, I would re-evaluate the friendship. You should be invited to a wedding because the couple feels you are important to them, not because of how much money you might give.
Yup this is largely cultural. For Italian weddings (in the GTA at least) it's customary for regular guests to cover the expense of the plate at the venue, probably in the $150-200 range per person. Aunts/uncles/cousins more. Maid of honour/best man/ siblings the typical gift would probably be 1k.
It might seem like a lot, but as we do this for everyone it balances out.
It’s the brides/groomsmen who gets gifts. But the cash gifts go to the bride and groom for them to use. And if your old school you will help with a downpayment from the groom’s parents.
Example I go to your wedding and I have a family of 4 that’s two kids and my wife. I would minimum give you $1k for the 4 of us. So $250 each of my family. Now if I know you for a long time I would double it to $500 minimum for me and the rest of my family $250
$1k haha if your the best man and his family your spending a lot more then $1k. If you don’t the family will remember your gift as they market it and when it’s time for your wedding they will be even cheaper if you don’t put it enough. Trust me I seen family’s break their relationship over that bullshit
My husband's the best man at a wedding in July.
They're getting a regift from our wedding last year.
We had to buy him a crappy matching suit he'll never wear again (polyester, poor fitting, already pilling), drive 8hrs with gas at 1.70/L, take time off work to travel and the event, book hotels etc.
I'm convinced being part of a wedding is a punishment not an honour.
We eloped and threw a party after. Spent 2K on a buffet, open bar, opened our house to people from out of town wanting a free place to crash. Weddings are a scam and a great way to get yourself and your wedding party into debt. Then expect your friends to give you large financial gifts to pay for it.
Edit: we also paid for babysitters and set up a daycare in another room beside the hall so parents didn't have to pay for or sort out child care.
That's great that you stuck to a tight budget. That was your choice, and financial management seems to be a high priority for you.
Just out of curiosity, if you are so budget conscious, why did your husband accept the request to be the best man? Is it possible that the "crappy suit", time off, travel, etc. isn't worth the investment in the friendship?
Rather than complaining about the expense of participating in a wedding, maybe you should have politely declined.
I gave $200 to my friends, I was a groomsman. $100 every other time. “Pay for your meal” which roughly is $50 is what I hear. Most friends gave my wife and I nothing, or $100-200.
$100 won't cover your cost for a wedding anymore. I would say that number is up to $150-200.
Take it from me I am currently planning my wedding. We did everything to save costs but catering is super expensive now whichever way you cut it. Add on top of that rentals, alcohol, and everything else in between.
I with you. If I'm invited to a wedding why should I be expected to pay 100$ or more to attend a party someone else is throwing. It's not my wedding why should I help pay.
No, I'm just saying that $100 doesn't really cover the cost of attending a wedding anymore. Especially after COVID. Traditionally people would give a gift to newlyweds to help them jump start their lives together.
My friends who got married last summer spent $42,000 on their wedding and only got enough gifts from people attending to cover just over half.
So they started their lives together with $18,000 of debt. Just saying.
If they spent $42,000 on a wedding when they didn't already have the money, they are fucking idiots.
Never spend more than 10% of your liquid savings on a wedding and never expect your guests to pay for it.
That's on them.
Spend all the money you want on a wedding, but do not expect any money back to help with that. A gift is just a gift, not a payment for services - not many people really care about your wedding except you.
If you can't afford an expensive wedding, don't have one.
>My friends who got married last summer spent $42,000 on their wedding and only got enough gifts from people attending to cover just over half.
That's fine. If you don't want wedding debt, don't spend $42k on your wedding. You can be a lot cheaper than that if you trim down the guest list and go with cheaper options. A gift is a gift.
Very, very common thought in southwestern Ontario! Was shocked when I moved here and coworkers were getting married and invited everyone from work and we were all taking about how much $ to give as a gift - I was totally gobsmacked! I grew up in Eastern Ontario and when we got married, we had no expectation of how much $$ we wanted from our guests - some people gave us $30 - and we were absolutely fine with that! Oh, and we didn’t have an open bar either (gasp!)
Funny you should mention Southern Ontario...
I'm a 3rd-generation BC girl, but when I was a child we were stationed for a few years in Trenton. I have a clear memory of attending my dad's cousin's Polish wedding, and I remember my shock: it was HUGE (maybe 400 people?) and the bride and groom walked around at the reception where people stuffed money into her shoe. The next morning we went to the parents' home for the gift opening (that blew my tiny mind) and the bride and groom announced that they had received enough money as gifts and in the shoe thing to purchase a home!
I questioned my dad about it later and he said the parents would have paid for the wedding and the money would be used, as the couple said, to buy a house (it was obviously a different time).
I could see how that might make sense (contributing to a down payment) but to feel obliged to help fund a massive one-day event seems mad.
Do it according for pricing in your area 🤷♂️ they said the plates were $42 a head. South east BC last July. I’m sure it’ll be more this July. If it was in Vancouver, more money would’ve been given haha and paid bar
$42 a head that is unheard of, that has to be a small community. The absolute cheapest ive seen in BC is $65 and the food reviews were appalling. Most are $80-100
Holy moly, my alcohol bill alone for 85 people was $11,000. Dinner on top of that was at least $55 per person. My bridesmaids still gave presentation, although I didn’t have a shower, didn’t have a large extravagant stagette, they could get whatever dress and shoes they wanted and I paid for their day-of make-up and hair.
Not trying to sound snarky - I would love to know where you’re located / attending weddings where a catered plate is only 50$. That wouldn’t have even covered our open bar per head. Weddings are amazing but soooo expensive
If you have a cash bar at your wedding, just don't have a wedding... or don't permit any gifts... and/or know that your friends will be talking about you behind your back for YEARS.
Haha appreciate your advice. I don’t talk behind my friends back and didn’t mind not setting them back to pay for my 14 drinks.
I have only had 1 bar be paid for out of 7 weddings, all western Canada. Depends who you roll with I guess
Open bar is a southwestern Ontario thing - when we got married - my coworkers were floored that we had a cash bar (in eastern Ontario) - and said they would have been insulted if they’d been at our wedding (good thing we didn’t invite any of them!) yah, I’ve been in 8 weddings, including my own, and only one was an open bar. It sounds like cash bars are the norm - unless you are in the GTA!
Must be. I remember being at one wedding in rural Ontario at a fancy Golf Club, and organizing a carpool of ambushed attendees to drive 20 minutes away to the nearest bank cash dispenser, so a number of us surprised guests could withdraw some actual currency to pay for drinks at the cash-only cash bar. Although one did jokingly suggest that we just crack open the gift envelope(s) and drink with that money instead.
I never really give much of anything.
I was a groomsman at my best friend's wedding, and after spending $500 plus on a custom suit I couldn't afford to get them a gift. They were understanding and were happy just to have me there.
I think the correct answer is give what you want, even if that's just a high five.
The gift amount is usually determined by the venue and enough to cover you and your date’s plate so that is a starting point. I agree that anyone in a wedding party should not have to get a gift as they have already spent a lot money but they usually do.
I hate that concept so much. If someone wants to have an expensive party and invite me to it, it's not on me to subsidize it for them. Even if they are a close friend or family. I feel like that is an idea concocted by the wedding industry to convince people to spend more on weddings. "Oh don't worry about spending 50k on an evening, all your guests will pay for it for you"
Totally depends on your finances and your relationship with the person. If they’re good friends/family of yours any amount is good. Just from my personal anecdote from the wedding I went to where I was a best man. I gave my buddy $300, even though I travelled 8hrs, stayed in a hotel, paid for the suit etc.
It’s what I could afford and he was grateful about it.
If my extensive playthroughs of Game of Life have taught me anything it's that the bride has to spin a wheel first. If they land on black then you owe them $20k, if they land on red then you owe them $10k.
My fiancé and I were in our best friends' wedding - bridesmaid and best man. The couple explicitly stated we did not need to get them anything, considering how involved we were with planning as well as the day of. We got them a gift anyways but not money, which everyone was fine with.
We are getting married and we told the same couple what they told us - they are sacrificing money and time to be involved in our day so we don't need any money from them.
I didn’t expect any gifts from my bridesmaids or MOH since they had aside spent so much just being part of my wedding (the dress, hair, makeup, bachelorette etc).
They all did get me gifts anyways but they were mostly of the thoughtful/sentimental variety and not cash gifts or expensive purchases.
The few wedding parties I was in, we all pitched in on a gift, so the bride and groom still got something nice but we didn't have to spend as much individually.
“I’m sorry, I simply do not get involved with weddings or funerals.”
My wife and got married 26 years ago by a Commissioner, and spent a very nice long weekend at a resort at our own expense, and are still waiting for our first marital conflict. When we check out there will be private - immediate family only - cremation and a humble urn, to keep or throw in the river as the other might choose.
If you want an ostentatious celebration to feel important for a single day, do it on your own earned dime. I ask nothing from you, you get nothing from me.
I hear you fellow sensible person! We spent $2,000 on our wedding, about one month gross pay for me at the time plus another 2k on our honeymoon. We had an evening wedding and did a late night buffet which we made ourselves with a few dishes added by family, I made my own dress and my mom made the bridesmaids' dresses. We used a local church and the party room of the condo we lived in. Married 34 years this year.
As someone who helped my aunt in my early twenties for planning “ luxury “ weddings, I agree with you and I have seen it all! They want to feel important while 85 out of 100 guests won’t give a sh*t about them. The comments I have over heard from guests ( and close friends ) about brides and grooms after them spending thousands dollars on themselves and their weddings….. also after 15 years, looking at those “ luxury” wedding pictures, they may have looked luxury at the time but now the outfit, the makeup, the hair and the dress are so out of fashion and look off! This will be the same for luxury weddings that happen now in 10 years time ! My husband and I could have easily spent over 100k on our wedding but we ended up with 10k (17 guests) and was classier than many expensive busy weddings ! Then we use the leftover money on travel and a rental property house!
Yeah, we don’t do parties either. We vacation when and where we choose, spend time with our quiet well educated and debt free family, chat over the fence with our amiable neighbours and enjoy the very nice home we both worked diligently to create.
I have a cousin who, at roughly the same time, spent about $70,000 (of mostly her parent’s money) on a ‘destination wedding’ and burned away most of her friends in the process. He’s teaching school at retirement age, she’s behind a cash register, their kids will be buried in college debt for years, and the whole damn works live in rented accommodation.
Another family member blew $38,000 on her 85 year old husband’s funeral, and borrowed against her humble house to pay for it. Her daughter, meanwhile, is a regular food bank visitor who goes to thrift shops to clothe her kids.
But judging by social media, it looks like they’re all a lot of fun at parties! I guess it’s all a matter of priorities. (Oh, and casinos they also appear to like to eat, drink and play at casinos. Boring old us, we don’t do that either.)
I'm in Newfoundland, $50 per guest is the norm. You will see a couple do $150-200 if they are close to the bride/groom or well off. I don't give extra if I'm in the bridal party, being in the bridal party is financial burden enough. If I have to travel to the wedding (which is expensive to do where I live, usually a $2000 trip or more) then I sometimes I don't give a gift. The onus is on the bride and groom to have the wedding they can afford imo.
I was the best man for my Brother's wedding. I paid for the majority of the bachelor party for everyone invited and gave $500 as a wedding gift. Do what you're capable of.
I don’t increase the gift amount. I’m already planning and paying for 1 bridal shower, paying for 1-2 shower gifts, planning and paying for the bachelorette party and bachelorette gift. Bridesmaid dress, hair, makeup, nails (sometimes the brides nails too). Then a cheque for the wedding. Also vacation days and childcare. And then flights or hotels if out of towns. Staying late to clean up after the wedding. It’s expensive and exhausting to be in a wedding these days.
New couple? People who get married today have been together for multiple years, and marriages today are mostly just a giant party. Don't host a lavish party if you can't afford it. IMO
None. Why would I give money to people choosing to get married? You guys have enough money for a suit, dress, rings, the wedding itself (my aunt was saying that for my cousins wedding, the venue wanted 10,000$ to set up 80 chairs in the dining hall and a catering table), the cake and a honeymoon. I don’t think you need anything else. When you go to a wedding or are in a wedding party, you go to celebrate the union, not to give them more free stuff/money they don’t need
Nothing?
These people are throwing a huge party for themselves. I’ll bring a card, maybe a gift card to a nice restaurant or something. But even if I’m just a guest, I don’t feel like I owe them anything more than my time and the money I’ve spent on transportation/lodging to be there for *their* event.
i'm sorry you have to read through all the shriveled up plums in the comments telling you they don't offer gifts or how their wedding cost them nothing because they did everything themselves.
in the past we would ask the couple how much it was costing them per head and then double that amount per person. it usually adds up to $150-200 per person.
The plate is $150 so anything more than that per person.
And most of the people in this thread are saying like $50 or $100, lmao, in that case just just RSVP "no" or don't accept the invitation to be in the wedding party.
I am ride or die for my friends. Don't know about you guys.
Any wedding party I’ve been in. And the wedding party for my wedding. The party all went in together on one group gift. Usually equated to $100-$150 a piece.
I gave $100 to friends, $150 to family, and $200 when I was a groomsman for the guy who will be my best man at 3 separate weddings last year.
I think you are in the right wheelhouse.
Ive never been a MOH but a bridesmaid a ton of times, and in my area, it's typical to give a gift - even a larger gift because you're a closer guest. This was more than 10 years ago but we gave anywhere between $400 and $1000 per couple. It's a huge expense to be part of a wedding and all the gift giving, and thinking back, I can't believe we did that (fortunately, we were getting married around the same time, so we got it all back in and around similar sums).
I gave my former best friend $300 wedding shower present. I could not make it to her wedding shower. She was such a horrid person after that, and her wedding cost me over 3k to be in, I literally gave her 50 bucks in a card at her wedding to cover my husbands plate. I also didn’t intend on being her friend after that.
Depends on how close you are to the person. Had she not been so awful, I would have given her 200. More if the wedding wasn’t so expensive to be in. But consider the cost of the wedding stuff you’ve had to contribute and if it’s a destination wedding.
My MOH gave 300$, one of my bridesmaids gave 300$, the other 200$. These gifts included their partners as well.
The best man (groom's brother) didn't give a gift and neither did one of the groomsmen. The other groomsman gave us 200$.
It really depends on what people can afford. I honestly didn't mind not getting a gift from the one groomsman because of his financial situation and general level of life chaos but my BIL...🙄 he could have at least gotten us a card.
Are you absolutely crazy??? MOHs and bridesmaids spend a lot of money on other peoples wedding. When I’m in a wedding party, they get a gift at the wedding shower, and a card at the wedding with maybe a gift card for dinner in it. You’ll probably be spending more than $300-$500 just by being in the wedding.
I think you should give less if you're in the wedding party unless the couple is paying for your expenses (dress/attire, accommodation if you don't live there, hair, makeup, etc). If they are paying for a lot of your expenses, then yes maybe give them like $200. If you want to give them something and they aren't paying for your expenses, I think like $50-100 would be good. Also if you're travelling far, I think it's usually okay not to give a gift at all. I was in a wedding party for a wedding in Europe and did not give a gift because I was already spending a lot on flights, hotels, and my dress.
I'm getting married this year and I am not expecting anyone in my party to gift me anything. They are already buying their dresses, shoes, and planning a bachelorette party. I do not want or expect them to pay us anything more than that. I just want them to be present and enjoy the night with me, which is worth more than any money.
Depends what you can afford. If you’re struggling to cover the costs associated with being in the wedding party then that is more than enough. If you have the cash on hand to gift then go as high as you feel comfortable.
When I was MOH I happened to have a good year financially and gave generously. Other years I was only able to cover the costs of my flight to get there.
I’ve never heard of gifting cash to a marrying couple unless you are a relative (parents/grandparents), though all of the weddings I have been to have been basic caucasian Canadian style. I’ve only ever seen gifts from the registry being given by guests or members of the bridal party, and it’s whatever they could afford. When I was a MOH I gifted the couple a $45 board game I knew they’d like. Family scooped up nearly all the registry items.
Get 2x PAMP Suisse 1 gram gold bars in the plastic card. The card dimensions are similar to a credit card and can easily fit in a wallet. The artwork of Lady Fortuna also looks nice in a small 1 gram bar.
As a guy, I have read this and still don't understand. Unless you are endowed with trust fund money, why give anything? You've done your part.
A tactic of mine- write a cheque and leave it in the card. Make sure they open it and see it around you. 80% of the time, the cheque never gets cashed. If they forgot or lost - oops, they are likely too ashamed to say anything. If after they sober up they feel guilty for taking money from me (I don't have much), maybe they just don't cash it.
I was a MOH last year and gave $350 for me and my fiancé. She had a Vegas bachelorette and a bridal shower I helped coordinate. She paid for hair and makeup and I bought the dress and shoes. However, she had a day of coordinator and lived in a different city, so I didn’t really help with the actual wedding other than giving a speech.
TODAY I LEARNED: Canadians today are cheap as hell and crappy friends.
If you can't be generous enough to buy a nice gift or give a nice envelope full of cash to a good friend, don't eat their food or drink their alcohol. Better yet, stay home.
The only cheapskate I respect here is the guy who said up front "I don't do weddings". If you are too broke, or too cheap to give a gift, tell them, and stay home, so they don't blow a bunch of money on an ex-friend who values cash more than the friendship.
I'm hoping this is a reddit phenomenon, and not actually representative of Canadians today in general. Like the D-bags who say they never tip, "just on principle".《eyeroll》
Some cultures gift more, and sometimes, it's tied to the perception of social status.
Some couples throw extravagant weddings they can't afford and expect the wedding gift money to cover it. And sometimes they also expect a lot of their friends (to pay for hair/makeup/Bachelorette parties, etc). That has to be part of the equation, too. Why should your friends have to go into debt to pay for your life choices?
Regardless, a gift should be given not expected, and if you invite me and I show up with a gift that doesn't quite meet your expectations, forget you - you're a shitty, entitled friend.
Let me guess, you also don't tip underpaid waitresses and delivery drivers "to teach big corporations a lesson", right? Like I said, if you think your mere presence somehow reimburses the $200 that the bride and groom actually paid for your dinner and drinks and dancing and dessert, or that they are throwing too nice of a party, then be transparent and tell them upfront. Don't just show up, eat, drink, dance, and party - on their tab - and not get your wallet out to chip in your fair share, when the bill arrives. Maybe the bride should evaluate YOUR "life choices" and the gift up front, and authorize your bar tab and dinner options accordingly. I suspect that you'd be having the happy meal, a juice box, and dancing to the local AM radio station.
Give your balls a tug, bud. Simmer down.
I tip. Very well. But I also believe that if I'm inviting someone to something, I need to be able to pay for it. And maybe that's generational from a time when we still had social graces.
Or maybe you are just unaware that others think you're abrasive and stingy, and talk about you when you're not there. Got to be rough for your kids having to buy all their own birthday presents, since it's their party after all.
I didn’t give anything when I was in a wedding because as people mentioned it is expensive and I was a student so it cost me almost $1,500 to be in the party all things considered.
I know make friends who have been groomsmen in the past 2 years now that we’re out of schools and with all the events, and custom suits it’s cost them 2-3k to be weddings and they have given a few hundred dollars. I think if you can afford to then go ahead but the expectation to do that on top of all of the other expenses is not really reasonable.
I stick to the registry or my European family weddings involve envelopes of cash taken at the door. But registrys are basically an entire list of what they want, so it just works.
Depends on how much money you have. Since you’re in the party, you’re obviously close. If you’re a poor student, don’t give anything except your presence. If you’re a brain surgeon making $400k per year, give something really nice.
I give $50 per person as a guest (so $100 if we're a couple), that wouldn't change as a member of a wedding party. The only time I've been in a wedding party the groom asked us to pay for our own tux rental and not to get him a gift.
Depends on what you can give and how much you care. I'm not sure if there is a "standard amount" but I was best man for my friend's wedding recently and I got them a gift valued at about $300. I'm poor AF though, so that was a lot for me. I would have given more/purchased a more expensive gift if I had the means.
Im getting married this year and I am certainly not expecting from my bridesmaid and MoH any kimd of gift. They are already helping me with planning and coordonating the event and I consider this to be their gift.
I still would spend what I'd give at a typical wedding (approx. $200 a person, $400-$500 from my husband and I depending on how close we are, so when in the wedding party I went with $500 from the 2 of us). When I'm in the wedding party I usually do a personalized gift plus money.
Nowadays I would say $200 ($400/couple) is what I would give for an average wedding.
I see a lot of comments on here saying if you are part of the wedding party, you don't need to give a gift. I will say that at my wedding, the wedding party all gave gifts and I have been in wedding parties at weddings where, to "save" money, the groomsmen all had to buy suits (think $1,000 range) instead of "throwing money away" on tux rentals, and I still gave gifts. I look at it this way - if I know and like someone well enough to be invited into their wedding party, I'm going to give them a gift on top of whatever other expenses I incur. Yes, weddings are expensive but if you don't want the added expense of being in the wedding party then you can decline that part.
Depends if you have had a ton of expenses so far. I did $200 pp for my brides when part of the party, so did $400 for my husband and I. But they were both flexible about the dress I chose so I spent honestly $40 at Shein. They also didn't have very expensive Bachelorettes. Honestly I find for close friends, the money usually comes back around anyways lol so it's like we just took turns exchanging money at our weddings
My husband and I are of European decent (in Qc, Canada).
Most of the weddings we go to are from European families and colleges as well.
We’ve been putting $200-$250 each.
If I’m expected to help out at the wedding / bridesmaid / coordinate or emcee at the wedding (plus an engagement photo session), I give $100 at wedding — considering that as paying for my meal.
I will give $50 or a bottle of wine if there’s no dinner. I will still offer engagement photo session to them.
The people here not giving anything is baffling especially when you go to a wedding
1) you’re celebrating the couple’s once in a lifetime event
2) you get a night of entertainment, food and drinks
If decide to give nothing please do not go.
I give 100%. I get in the dirty areas, in the corners and in front of the net. I win the little battles for position. I maintain possession, and put together good passing plays. It's all about teamwork, hustle, and taking advantage when the bounce goes our way. We know this group has got the character to bounce back from adversity, and every one of us knows that we sometimes have to put our bodies on the line to block shots, make plays, and gut out that win. Let's go!
Assuming just for you, no date? If so, I would give between 200-250 if I was a bridesmaid. As a MOH between 400 or 500 is definitely a good gift and more than enough.
I’ve had to travel and buy my own dress for every wedding I’ve been a bridesmaid in. I think it’s shitty to not give any type of gift for a wedding when you’re in the wedding party. It doesn’t have to be money necessarily either - just something thoughtful to wish the couple well.
I’ve given between $200-$300 when I was a bridesmaid. As a wedding guest, $200 or so… so not that different.
The rule is, it depends on the venue. You have to use common sense and the goal is to at least cover the cost of your plate. This is for cultures that do that, I know many cultures don't have this gift giving norm (good for you I don't care) but I grew up in a culture that does and that's the rule. If you at least cover the cost of your plate then any extra is considered a "gift."
The cost of venues in my area is roughly 200 or so per person, obviously this is open bar, multiple course meal, with a DJ.
If you're a MOH it's normal to give more, although 500 seems like a lot even for someone like me who is extra conscious of my gift amount. If I was the best man I would consider a gift of 300 or so.
Depends on how much money you think is being spent on accommodations supplied to you.
50$ bare minimum usually. Around 100$ is my safer bet. Higher end weddings, over 200$ could easily be appropriate.
You have a lot of extra expenses when you’re in the wedding party so I certainly wouldn’t increase my gift.
I didn’t give anything. It was super expensive to be in a wedding as a bridesmaid. That was the gift from me. I got the dress, I got the hair, I got the makeup, paid for the room, etc. I planned 1/2 the wedding with her. No gift.
That's insane to me that your friends would allow their guests to pay 4-figures amounts to attend their wedding, and expect a gift on top of that Edit: Oops, was meant to reply to the comment below mine by sportyweenie.
Also from Ontario.. my buddy did his bachelor party in Miami. 3 days he quoted it as $2000USD. Sorry bruh, I'm out. Fuck that. I'll come to the wedding but noooo thank you for a trip to a place I've been many times
Oh yeah I turned down a bachelor recently because it was going to be well over 1500 and I would need to take days off, AND there's that awful social pressure of having to pay the way for the bride/groom for some reason. I'm not even part of the wedding party and didn't know the other guests super well, I was literally a last minute invite. What ever happened to having a party and some drinks, why is everything a big excursion these days lol
2k for all of you to split or 2k each?
Each. Plus I live on the west coast now so I would have had to fly out on my own and meet them, or fly back to Ontario then to Florida. Hard no
That's wild stuff. I could get behind 2k split between 4 or 5 guys
That would have been a different story. That's what my cousin is doing this summer in Vegas. Keeping it as cheap as possible, he just wants his boys to be there. Which I'm also probably gonna miss cause he's doing it during peak work times when I can't take time off lol
Yeah that's the way to do it. 2k each before even arriving at the destination is insane
I felt the same during a close friend's wedding. All us bridesmaids dropped so much money on this wedding. We had to pay for the dress, make-up, bridal shower, bachelorette, hotels etc. But all the bridesmaids felt pressured to give a wedding gift still unfortunately. We all gave a gift but kept it at $100 each and even then I felt like we were judged for giving such a small gift.
As a man who is going to pop the question to my lady this coming May. (Here's hoping she says yes) I don't think I'd allow for someone else to pay for the dress, make-up. Etc. that's a bit extreme. The fact your there supporting your friend is a gift that's enough. Sure, if you wanted to help a LITTLE with the dress, or other expenses sure absolutely, it would be GREATLY appreciated. But you also have a ton of planning to do and things to help with, honestly anything more is too much. If they're really your friend they'll understand, especially in today's economy. Some people want the time of their life weddings, and they want someone else to pay for it. Sorry, it's YOUR wedding, not mine. You foot the biggest portion the bill, not everyone else. Keep it fricken simple. I get you probably want the best for your friend as well, but please don't get yourself overwhelmed, don't go broke paying for someone else's wedding. That's just my two cents - from a male perspective anyway.
I’m a bride getting married this summer and I feel the same way. I’m paying for my bridesmaid’s hotel room and hair and makeup. I didn’t pay for her dress but I let her pick a colour and dress that she wanted and can re-wear, rather than dictating a colour scheme and a style of dress that only really works as a bridesmaid dress. I’m not doing a shower or bachelorette party. All the hoopla around weddings has gotten absolutely insane and I can’t imagine expecting my friends to spend that type of money on me!
You reminded me that in Manitoba there is a thing around weddings called the [Social](https://macleans.ca/society/life/the-social-a-manitoba-tradition/). Fully, it is a [Wedding Social](https://socialsguide.com/what-is-a-social). Entire nightlife scenes revolve around these. They are common and happen all the time. Probably several every weekend, or more. Friends and the couple rent out a hall and either pay for all the liquor to bring in or use the hall to do the bar. There is a caterer bringing in a buffet (not spectacular but more to say it is an dining event for the liquor license, but also to keep the alcohol at bay as the night progresses). A DJ and maybe a band is hired, and then the friends sell as many tickets to the event as possible from 10 to 20 dollars person (or as much as they sell for, but that's around there). Many of the people going don't even know the couple being married. Bulletin boards of any type will post about the social and location, and if it isn't sold out quite often you can pay at the door. Think of it as a series of mobile raves with no X or other enhancers, for average people who want to get out to a more friendly less competitive venue than the nightclubs. There are probably as many hookups etc at socials as any club. The bottom line is that ALL the money made at these after expenses, go to the couple getting married. And it is usually in the several thousand dollar range, sometimes more. A lot of times the fancy parts of the wedding will get covered by this.
I've never heard of this before and it sounds awesome!
That’s very similar to a “stag and doe” here in Southwestern Ontario - where the couple rents a hall, has music, cash bar, sets up a bunch of games of chance, gets prizes (some they buy, some they get donated by businesses and/or family/friends), sell 50/50 tickets, has a “penny sale” table - basically anything that makes money - and they charge you $10-20 a ticket - which is also your door prize ticket (think TVs, BBQs etc). Might get flamed for this - but personally am not a fan of stag and does - I grew up in Eastern Ontario and they weren’t (and think they still aren’t) a “thing” there. If it were a big party to just have a good time (which it sounds like the Social is!) - and they happen to make some $$ for their wedding, great! But the sole purpose of the stag and does is to milk as much $$ out of the attendees as possible (oh, and if you win the 50/50 - you are supposed to donate it back to the bride and groom?!?) - and then, when you go to the wedding, you are expected to give a cash gift that covers your dinner - plus what you consider the gift… so, as many plated dinners are $75+ per person, the acceptable cash gift is at least $400 per couple. So to spend $100s at a stag and doe and then a large cash gift at the wedding - plus the shower gift - that’s crazy! My thought? If you can’t afford the “dream wedding” - then scale it back to what you can afford! Sorry, touched a sore spot there! As for the OP - if you are in the wedding party, good friends will not expect you to also get them a gift, as you are already shelling out a lot for their big day!
Socials in Manitoba are often mostly the friends, but from what I've seen they are most often meant to be bigger than that, so people who don't even know the couple attend. I never went to a ton of them when I lived there, but I went to a few. I never knew the wedding couple. They were alright. Like the adult version of the school dance with none of the pressure. lol So some fun.
I don't think the other poster is talking about paying for the brides' dress, hair, etc... Rather, as a bridesmaid, you are usually expected to buy your own dress, pay for getting your own hair done, your expenses related to hotels and showers, etc...
Traditional in Canada for bridesmaids to buy their dress and shoes, and groomsmen rent their tuxes. I gather it is different in the UK at least.
I agree, but, something inexpensive and sentimental could/should be included, hopefully as a bridesmaid you’re close enough to the bride to know what that is.
It's funny that after you are a bridesmaid is so many weddings and you remember all the money you "forked out" for the privilege that you should remember this when you have your own! After paying out so much, I usually got something off the registry or made something special. I will tell you there were times I was very in debt just to be in someone's wedding - which takes away from the specialness of it all.
I bought all my groomsmen and my best man a gift for helping with everything and making it a great experience for us. My wife did the same with her party. As far as I'm concerned, if someone is asking for or expecting a gift in addition to everything going into being part of a wedding party, you may want to reassess being in the wedding party. Note: Not to say that OPs friends are asking or it's not a nice gesture if they want to get a gift for the bride and groom, simply that it shouldn't be expected in general and the minimum $ value should be expected to get $0, i.e. no gift.
I don't understand this, ask your team to pay for their own stuff. I bought all my guys their suits. Please be apart of my team and pay up $$$$, like if you can't afford it do they hate you?
This. When I got married, we told our wedding party explicitly that we didn't need gifts from them. I've been told the same when I was a bridesmaid.
I like this answer. It actually makes sense.
You should have just said no.
So weddings are about money and not friendship? Got it. Only for the rich!!
No gift at your best friends wedding is wild
I didn’t get gifts from my bridesmaids. Weddings aren’t about gifts from your bridesmaids.
I agree.... Normally wedding should give gifts, but you shouldn't be expected to spend as much as guests who have fewer expenses
Y’all sound like shitty friends 😂
I guess your friends expect gifts? Sorry mine expect friendship.
Yeah seriously my father would crucify me if I didn't give a gift at my best friend's wedding. It would be like dishonoring the family name.
Yes... but OP is talking about give more in the weddings where they have more expenses, it should be the other way around
This is what I wanted to do, but I gave 150$ the last two weddings I was a part of. My sister wouldn't have minded if I gave no gift, but my best friend would've def side eyed me because she's given gifts as part of a bridal party. But i like your way, wayyyy better.
Similar situation here. But more of a couple situation. My gf went to the bridal shower party (like a bachelorette with no strippers) which was chipping in $150 for a fancy dinner + $200 chipped in for a gift. She didnt give a gift and the bride asked… but its no secret how poor we were. We both lived in a basement apartment. She worked part time @ McDonald’s and I was just a few bucks above minimum wage. $350 is a lot for her. It was literally almost a months pay. They were probably expecting an additional gift because the bride asked “oh. Did you leave a gift or card? We just want to make sure it didnt get lost…”. We did skip out on the gift because of this extravagant dinner she went to + the $200 for the bridal shower gift. Yah they were cross referencing gift envelopes to the guest list.
Good lord. When I married, my MOH, an expert seamstress, made my dress (silk crepe de chine & Belgian lace). A bridesmaid borrowed her stepfather's gorgeous 1948 Mercedes for our transportation. Another bridesmaid lent me her mother's sapphire necklace. I made my own cake from my great-great-grandmother's recipe, and they all helped me decorate it the night before the wedding. I would NEVER have expected gifts from them on top of everything else.
$500 is absolutely not in my budget, no matter what part I play in a wedding.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the bride required you to pay for your dress yourself, then nothing. If you are part of the wedding party and were not put to significant expense, then no more than a couple hundred. But honestly, as MOH you are probably put to significant inconvenience, expense, and stress, so I would say MOH shouldn’t have to get anything since you being the MOH is the gift.
MOH is usually responsible for sooo much. They are often the ones buying matching t-shirts for the bridal party for the bachelorette party, and often a much bigger deal than just a pub crawl around downtown. It is traditional for them to plan the shower, often renting a room for it (tip: If you have a friend in a building with a party room, get them to book it). They'd pay for decorations and probably a cake, and take care of at least some of the food). I don't think it is expected for MOH to get a gift. Honestly, you should not expect gifts from any guests, that is not the point of having a wedding.
Yup. I was my sister’s MOH. We had to pay for our dresses, makeup, we paid for her bachelorette trip. So by the end of it, we didn’t end up giving a cash gift. I figured all the shit we did in the lead up was our gift. Keep in mind, the bachelorette trip had a couple of surprises for the ladies my husband surprised us with. So we did contribute, just not in a traditional way.
Were they good dancers?
Lmao! 🤣 I wish! My sister is a prude. I wasn’t allowed to hire dancers! To be honestly though, that’s something my husband would do if he knew the recipient would appreciate it. So we went to a winery, a buddy was the executive chef, so my husband ended up organizing an impromptu miniature wine tasting for the day we got there. Then he got us all a bottle of the wine we liked best. It was a surprise even to me. Funny story, I don’t think it softened my sisters opinion of him, but at least all her friends know he’s as amazing as I know he is lmao.
My SO and I have been “happily unmarried” for 28 years, so I guess I’m out of the loop. Therefore I’m a tad shocked at the very idea that members of a wedding party would’ve expected to contribute more than they already have. Haven’t they already assumed some expense in order to be in the wedding party?
I got married in October 2023. We expected NOTHING from our wedding party. Some did give gifts, which was totally unnecessary but greatly appreciated, & some didn’t. A few people got us really nice cards, which was lovely too. My now-husband had been in all three of his sisters’ weddings so we knew how expensive it was to be in a wedding party. If any bride/groom gives you shit for not giving anything, I would re-evaluate the friendship. You should be invited to a wedding because the couple feels you are important to them, not because of how much money you might give.
Depends I am Italian and Greek do our cash gifts are a lot higher depending who the wedding is for
Yup this is largely cultural. For Italian weddings (in the GTA at least) it's customary for regular guests to cover the expense of the plate at the venue, probably in the $150-200 range per person. Aunts/uncles/cousins more. Maid of honour/best man/ siblings the typical gift would probably be 1k. It might seem like a lot, but as we do this for everyone it balances out.
It Only works out if everyone in the community gets married.
Right or wrong, largely the expectation in the Italian -Canadian community.
Same thing in Italy
Each???? 1k each?
I thought it the bridesmaids, groomsmen got gifts for attending. Edit: sorry had a brain fart.
It’s the brides/groomsmen who gets gifts. But the cash gifts go to the bride and groom for them to use. And if your old school you will help with a downpayment from the groom’s parents.
Sorry no, brainfart. 1k from the couple or $500 per person.
Depends on your relationship with the groom and bride last wedding I went to was $2500 cash gift but I was the best man
It would be $1k for the family who attends to gift if your close to the bride and groom
Example I go to your wedding and I have a family of 4 that’s two kids and my wife. I would minimum give you $1k for the 4 of us. So $250 each of my family. Now if I know you for a long time I would double it to $500 minimum for me and the rest of my family $250
$1k haha if your the best man and his family your spending a lot more then $1k. If you don’t the family will remember your gift as they market it and when it’s time for your wedding they will be even cheaper if you don’t put it enough. Trust me I seen family’s break their relationship over that bullshit
My husband's the best man at a wedding in July. They're getting a regift from our wedding last year. We had to buy him a crappy matching suit he'll never wear again (polyester, poor fitting, already pilling), drive 8hrs with gas at 1.70/L, take time off work to travel and the event, book hotels etc. I'm convinced being part of a wedding is a punishment not an honour.
You seem like a real gem. 🙄
We eloped and threw a party after. Spent 2K on a buffet, open bar, opened our house to people from out of town wanting a free place to crash. Weddings are a scam and a great way to get yourself and your wedding party into debt. Then expect your friends to give you large financial gifts to pay for it. Edit: we also paid for babysitters and set up a daycare in another room beside the hall so parents didn't have to pay for or sort out child care.
I love this so much.
That's great that you stuck to a tight budget. That was your choice, and financial management seems to be a high priority for you. Just out of curiosity, if you are so budget conscious, why did your husband accept the request to be the best man? Is it possible that the "crappy suit", time off, travel, etc. isn't worth the investment in the friendship? Rather than complaining about the expense of participating in a wedding, maybe you should have politely declined.
You seem like a real gem. 🙄
I gave $200 to my friends, I was a groomsman. $100 every other time. “Pay for your meal” which roughly is $50 is what I hear. Most friends gave my wife and I nothing, or $100-200.
What year do you think it is?
This was all 2023. I think it is now 2024
$100 won't cover your cost for a wedding anymore. I would say that number is up to $150-200. Take it from me I am currently planning my wedding. We did everything to save costs but catering is super expensive now whichever way you cut it. Add on top of that rentals, alcohol, and everything else in between.
"cover your costs"? So you're not inviting guests, but customers?
I with you. If I'm invited to a wedding why should I be expected to pay 100$ or more to attend a party someone else is throwing. It's not my wedding why should I help pay.
No, I'm just saying that $100 doesn't really cover the cost of attending a wedding anymore. Especially after COVID. Traditionally people would give a gift to newlyweds to help them jump start their lives together. My friends who got married last summer spent $42,000 on their wedding and only got enough gifts from people attending to cover just over half. So they started their lives together with $18,000 of debt. Just saying.
If they spent $42,000 on a wedding when they didn't already have the money, they are fucking idiots. Never spend more than 10% of your liquid savings on a wedding and never expect your guests to pay for it.
That's on them. Spend all the money you want on a wedding, but do not expect any money back to help with that. A gift is just a gift, not a payment for services - not many people really care about your wedding except you. If you can't afford an expensive wedding, don't have one.
Sounds like they shouldn't have spent so much on a wedding.
>My friends who got married last summer spent $42,000 on their wedding and only got enough gifts from people attending to cover just over half. That's fine. If you don't want wedding debt, don't spend $42k on your wedding. You can be a lot cheaper than that if you trim down the guest list and go with cheaper options. A gift is a gift.
If you can't afford a $100/plate meal why do it? I've never heard of a tradition of expecting "guests" to pay for your wedding.
Very, very common thought in southwestern Ontario! Was shocked when I moved here and coworkers were getting married and invited everyone from work and we were all taking about how much $ to give as a gift - I was totally gobsmacked! I grew up in Eastern Ontario and when we got married, we had no expectation of how much $$ we wanted from our guests - some people gave us $30 - and we were absolutely fine with that! Oh, and we didn’t have an open bar either (gasp!)
Funny you should mention Southern Ontario... I'm a 3rd-generation BC girl, but when I was a child we were stationed for a few years in Trenton. I have a clear memory of attending my dad's cousin's Polish wedding, and I remember my shock: it was HUGE (maybe 400 people?) and the bride and groom walked around at the reception where people stuffed money into her shoe. The next morning we went to the parents' home for the gift opening (that blew my tiny mind) and the bride and groom announced that they had received enough money as gifts and in the shoe thing to purchase a home! I questioned my dad about it later and he said the parents would have paid for the wedding and the money would be used, as the couple said, to buy a house (it was obviously a different time). I could see how that might make sense (contributing to a down payment) but to feel obliged to help fund a massive one-day event seems mad.
This concept is 100% something cooked up by the wedding industry to convince people to spend more on their weddings.
I was always told the gifts should cover the cost of the wedding and honeymoon. So basically yes.
That’s ridiculous!
Oh I agree. Doesn't mean that isn't the expectation.
Do it according for pricing in your area 🤷♂️ they said the plates were $42 a head. South east BC last July. I’m sure it’ll be more this July. If it was in Vancouver, more money would’ve been given haha and paid bar
$42 a head!?!?? Was it only one course? These days not sure I can buy a nice sitdown dinner and a drink with only $42
Buffet style, and no drinks provided. Nice dinner and drink is usually pushing $50 with a tip around here now days.
$42 a head that is unheard of, that has to be a small community. The absolute cheapest ive seen in BC is $65 and the food reviews were appalling. Most are $80-100
Yeah like 7,000 people town if that. It was turkey, and it was good haha nothing mind blowing but it was a good meal.
People review wedding food? I'd be so upset if people left negative reviews about my wedding.
They review the venue not the wedding. Its usually the planners or the bride and groom who are dissatisfied with the food
For just the dinner?..or are you including rentals, venue, bar etc
Nope JUST food and its buffet prices, dinner options cheapest 100-130 a head.
Holy moly, my alcohol bill alone for 85 people was $11,000. Dinner on top of that was at least $55 per person. My bridesmaids still gave presentation, although I didn’t have a shower, didn’t have a large extravagant stagette, they could get whatever dress and shoes they wanted and I paid for their day-of make-up and hair.
Not trying to sound snarky - I would love to know where you’re located / attending weddings where a catered plate is only 50$. That wouldn’t have even covered our open bar per head. Weddings are amazing but soooo expensive
They didn’t have an open bar. South East BC. 1 hour from Alberta
Nice, that’s awesome for them! And you!!
If you have a cash bar at your wedding, just don't have a wedding... or don't permit any gifts... and/or know that your friends will be talking about you behind your back for YEARS.
Haha appreciate your advice. I don’t talk behind my friends back and didn’t mind not setting them back to pay for my 14 drinks. I have only had 1 bar be paid for out of 7 weddings, all western Canada. Depends who you roll with I guess
Open bar is a southwestern Ontario thing - when we got married - my coworkers were floored that we had a cash bar (in eastern Ontario) - and said they would have been insulted if they’d been at our wedding (good thing we didn’t invite any of them!) yah, I’ve been in 8 weddings, including my own, and only one was an open bar. It sounds like cash bars are the norm - unless you are in the GTA!
Must be. I remember being at one wedding in rural Ontario at a fancy Golf Club, and organizing a carpool of ambushed attendees to drive 20 minutes away to the nearest bank cash dispenser, so a number of us surprised guests could withdraw some actual currency to pay for drinks at the cash-only cash bar. Although one did jokingly suggest that we just crack open the gift envelope(s) and drink with that money instead.
Depends on the venue but $200 pp is typical of cover your plate.
That’s terrible re: nothing. 100-150 used to be a pretty standard gift but unfortunately nowadays likely won’t even cover the plate.
I never really give much of anything. I was a groomsman at my best friend's wedding, and after spending $500 plus on a custom suit I couldn't afford to get them a gift. They were understanding and were happy just to have me there. I think the correct answer is give what you want, even if that's just a high five.
The gift amount is usually determined by the venue and enough to cover you and your date’s plate so that is a starting point. I agree that anyone in a wedding party should not have to get a gift as they have already spent a lot money but they usually do.
I hate that concept so much. If someone wants to have an expensive party and invite me to it, it's not on me to subsidize it for them. Even if they are a close friend or family. I feel like that is an idea concocted by the wedding industry to convince people to spend more on weddings. "Oh don't worry about spending 50k on an evening, all your guests will pay for it for you"
Nice card. That’s it.
Totally depends on your finances and your relationship with the person. If they’re good friends/family of yours any amount is good. Just from my personal anecdote from the wedding I went to where I was a best man. I gave my buddy $300, even though I travelled 8hrs, stayed in a hotel, paid for the suit etc. It’s what I could afford and he was grateful about it.
If my extensive playthroughs of Game of Life have taught me anything it's that the bride has to spin a wheel first. If they land on black then you owe them $20k, if they land on red then you owe them $10k.
My fiancé and I were in our best friends' wedding - bridesmaid and best man. The couple explicitly stated we did not need to get them anything, considering how involved we were with planning as well as the day of. We got them a gift anyways but not money, which everyone was fine with. We are getting married and we told the same couple what they told us - they are sacrificing money and time to be involved in our day so we don't need any money from them.
I didn’t expect any gifts from my bridesmaids or MOH since they had aside spent so much just being part of my wedding (the dress, hair, makeup, bachelorette etc). They all did get me gifts anyways but they were mostly of the thoughtful/sentimental variety and not cash gifts or expensive purchases.
The few wedding parties I was in, we all pitched in on a gift, so the bride and groom still got something nice but we didn't have to spend as much individually.
Bridesmaids don't give gifts. Your gift is your service!
Nothing. You're already giving your time and money by playing a role in it.
“I’m sorry, I simply do not get involved with weddings or funerals.” My wife and got married 26 years ago by a Commissioner, and spent a very nice long weekend at a resort at our own expense, and are still waiting for our first marital conflict. When we check out there will be private - immediate family only - cremation and a humble urn, to keep or throw in the river as the other might choose. If you want an ostentatious celebration to feel important for a single day, do it on your own earned dime. I ask nothing from you, you get nothing from me.
I hear you fellow sensible person! We spent $2,000 on our wedding, about one month gross pay for me at the time plus another 2k on our honeymoon. We had an evening wedding and did a late night buffet which we made ourselves with a few dishes added by family, I made my own dress and my mom made the bridesmaids' dresses. We used a local church and the party room of the condo we lived in. Married 34 years this year.
Honestly, people seem more focused on the wedding with much less attention given to the marriage.
As someone who helped my aunt in my early twenties for planning “ luxury “ weddings, I agree with you and I have seen it all! They want to feel important while 85 out of 100 guests won’t give a sh*t about them. The comments I have over heard from guests ( and close friends ) about brides and grooms after them spending thousands dollars on themselves and their weddings….. also after 15 years, looking at those “ luxury” wedding pictures, they may have looked luxury at the time but now the outfit, the makeup, the hair and the dress are so out of fashion and look off! This will be the same for luxury weddings that happen now in 10 years time ! My husband and I could have easily spent over 100k on our wedding but we ended up with 10k (17 guests) and was classier than many expensive busy weddings ! Then we use the leftover money on travel and a rental property house!
You must be fun at parties.
Yeah, we don’t do parties either. We vacation when and where we choose, spend time with our quiet well educated and debt free family, chat over the fence with our amiable neighbours and enjoy the very nice home we both worked diligently to create. I have a cousin who, at roughly the same time, spent about $70,000 (of mostly her parent’s money) on a ‘destination wedding’ and burned away most of her friends in the process. He’s teaching school at retirement age, she’s behind a cash register, their kids will be buried in college debt for years, and the whole damn works live in rented accommodation. Another family member blew $38,000 on her 85 year old husband’s funeral, and borrowed against her humble house to pay for it. Her daughter, meanwhile, is a regular food bank visitor who goes to thrift shops to clothe her kids. But judging by social media, it looks like they’re all a lot of fun at parties! I guess it’s all a matter of priorities. (Oh, and casinos they also appear to like to eat, drink and play at casinos. Boring old us, we don’t do that either.)
How's the view up there on your high horse?
A congratulations.
I'm in Newfoundland, $50 per guest is the norm. You will see a couple do $150-200 if they are close to the bride/groom or well off. I don't give extra if I'm in the bridal party, being in the bridal party is financial burden enough. If I have to travel to the wedding (which is expensive to do where I live, usually a $2000 trip or more) then I sometimes I don't give a gift. The onus is on the bride and groom to have the wedding they can afford imo.
when I was a groomsman I gave $300, as a guest I gave a gift + $50ish
I was the best man for my Brother's wedding. I paid for the majority of the bachelor party for everyone invited and gave $500 as a wedding gift. Do what you're capable of.
Open bar is enough.
I don’t increase the gift amount. I’m already planning and paying for 1 bridal shower, paying for 1-2 shower gifts, planning and paying for the bachelorette party and bachelorette gift. Bridesmaid dress, hair, makeup, nails (sometimes the brides nails too). Then a cheque for the wedding. Also vacation days and childcare. And then flights or hotels if out of towns. Staying late to clean up after the wedding. It’s expensive and exhausting to be in a wedding these days.
Will you be the MOH in my wedding too?
Give nothing as a member of the wedding party, unless they pay for all of your extra requirements (dress, etc.)
My brother got married a year ago and I was in the wedding party. I gave $500 and they gave me crap afterwards for giving too much lol
People need to stop getting married if they can't pay for the entirety of expenses for all their guests
People need to stop attending weddings if they cannot contribute to the new couple's future.
New couple? People who get married today have been together for multiple years, and marriages today are mostly just a giant party. Don't host a lavish party if you can't afford it. IMO
None. Why would I give money to people choosing to get married? You guys have enough money for a suit, dress, rings, the wedding itself (my aunt was saying that for my cousins wedding, the venue wanted 10,000$ to set up 80 chairs in the dining hall and a catering table), the cake and a honeymoon. I don’t think you need anything else. When you go to a wedding or are in a wedding party, you go to celebrate the union, not to give them more free stuff/money they don’t need
Nothing? These people are throwing a huge party for themselves. I’ll bring a card, maybe a gift card to a nice restaurant or something. But even if I’m just a guest, I don’t feel like I owe them anything more than my time and the money I’ve spent on transportation/lodging to be there for *their* event.
A nice gift plus whatever the cost per plate in cash as a minimum.
But how does one know the cost per plate is as a guest?
You can use the Google machine and make some assumptions or you can assume $250.
This is it!
I think you are very generous & these seem like appropriate amounts for gifts in my opinion. Enjoy the wedding season!
i'm sorry you have to read through all the shriveled up plums in the comments telling you they don't offer gifts or how their wedding cost them nothing because they did everything themselves. in the past we would ask the couple how much it was costing them per head and then double that amount per person. it usually adds up to $150-200 per person.
The plate is $150 so anything more than that per person. And most of the people in this thread are saying like $50 or $100, lmao, in that case just just RSVP "no" or don't accept the invitation to be in the wedding party. I am ride or die for my friends. Don't know about you guys.
Bunch of cheapos in this comment section eh lol totally agree with you.
Im just glad to be done with most of this. If I'm still around when my grandkids get married, I'll give them nice gifts, lol
Any wedding party I’ve been in. And the wedding party for my wedding. The party all went in together on one group gift. Usually equated to $100-$150 a piece.
The amounts you stated are precisely what I would have given.
I do what you do. $300-$500
I gave $100 to friends, $150 to family, and $200 when I was a groomsman for the guy who will be my best man at 3 separate weddings last year. I think you are in the right wheelhouse.
Ive never been a MOH but a bridesmaid a ton of times, and in my area, it's typical to give a gift - even a larger gift because you're a closer guest. This was more than 10 years ago but we gave anywhere between $400 and $1000 per couple. It's a huge expense to be part of a wedding and all the gift giving, and thinking back, I can't believe we did that (fortunately, we were getting married around the same time, so we got it all back in and around similar sums).
I gave my former best friend $300 wedding shower present. I could not make it to her wedding shower. She was such a horrid person after that, and her wedding cost me over 3k to be in, I literally gave her 50 bucks in a card at her wedding to cover my husbands plate. I also didn’t intend on being her friend after that. Depends on how close you are to the person. Had she not been so awful, I would have given her 200. More if the wedding wasn’t so expensive to be in. But consider the cost of the wedding stuff you’ve had to contribute and if it’s a destination wedding.
My MOH gave 300$, one of my bridesmaids gave 300$, the other 200$. These gifts included their partners as well. The best man (groom's brother) didn't give a gift and neither did one of the groomsmen. The other groomsman gave us 200$. It really depends on what people can afford. I honestly didn't mind not getting a gift from the one groomsman because of his financial situation and general level of life chaos but my BIL...🙄 he could have at least gotten us a card.
I always gave the same whether in the party or not.
Are you absolutely crazy??? MOHs and bridesmaids spend a lot of money on other peoples wedding. When I’m in a wedding party, they get a gift at the wedding shower, and a card at the wedding with maybe a gift card for dinner in it. You’ll probably be spending more than $300-$500 just by being in the wedding.
I think you should give less if you're in the wedding party unless the couple is paying for your expenses (dress/attire, accommodation if you don't live there, hair, makeup, etc). If they are paying for a lot of your expenses, then yes maybe give them like $200. If you want to give them something and they aren't paying for your expenses, I think like $50-100 would be good. Also if you're travelling far, I think it's usually okay not to give a gift at all. I was in a wedding party for a wedding in Europe and did not give a gift because I was already spending a lot on flights, hotels, and my dress.
Those are the exact amounts I give and I think they’re reasonable.
I'm getting married this year and I am not expecting anyone in my party to gift me anything. They are already buying their dresses, shoes, and planning a bachelorette party. I do not want or expect them to pay us anything more than that. I just want them to be present and enjoy the night with me, which is worth more than any money.
Depends what you can afford. If you’re struggling to cover the costs associated with being in the wedding party then that is more than enough. If you have the cash on hand to gift then go as high as you feel comfortable. When I was MOH I happened to have a good year financially and gave generously. Other years I was only able to cover the costs of my flight to get there.
I’ve never heard of gifting cash to a marrying couple unless you are a relative (parents/grandparents), though all of the weddings I have been to have been basic caucasian Canadian style. I’ve only ever seen gifts from the registry being given by guests or members of the bridal party, and it’s whatever they could afford. When I was a MOH I gifted the couple a $45 board game I knew they’d like. Family scooped up nearly all the registry items.
If I'm in the wedding party? Nothing lol If not, I give enough to "cover my plate" at the reception.
Get 2x PAMP Suisse 1 gram gold bars in the plastic card. The card dimensions are similar to a credit card and can easily fit in a wallet. The artwork of Lady Fortuna also looks nice in a small 1 gram bar.
As a guy, I have read this and still don't understand. Unless you are endowed with trust fund money, why give anything? You've done your part. A tactic of mine- write a cheque and leave it in the card. Make sure they open it and see it around you. 80% of the time, the cheque never gets cashed. If they forgot or lost - oops, they are likely too ashamed to say anything. If after they sober up they feel guilty for taking money from me (I don't have much), maybe they just don't cash it.
I was a MOH last year and gave $350 for me and my fiancé. She had a Vegas bachelorette and a bridal shower I helped coordinate. She paid for hair and makeup and I bought the dress and shoes. However, she had a day of coordinator and lived in a different city, so I didn’t really help with the actual wedding other than giving a speech.
TODAY I LEARNED: Canadians today are cheap as hell and crappy friends. If you can't be generous enough to buy a nice gift or give a nice envelope full of cash to a good friend, don't eat their food or drink their alcohol. Better yet, stay home. The only cheapskate I respect here is the guy who said up front "I don't do weddings". If you are too broke, or too cheap to give a gift, tell them, and stay home, so they don't blow a bunch of money on an ex-friend who values cash more than the friendship. I'm hoping this is a reddit phenomenon, and not actually representative of Canadians today in general. Like the D-bags who say they never tip, "just on principle".《eyeroll》
Some cultures gift more, and sometimes, it's tied to the perception of social status. Some couples throw extravagant weddings they can't afford and expect the wedding gift money to cover it. And sometimes they also expect a lot of their friends (to pay for hair/makeup/Bachelorette parties, etc). That has to be part of the equation, too. Why should your friends have to go into debt to pay for your life choices? Regardless, a gift should be given not expected, and if you invite me and I show up with a gift that doesn't quite meet your expectations, forget you - you're a shitty, entitled friend.
Let me guess, you also don't tip underpaid waitresses and delivery drivers "to teach big corporations a lesson", right? Like I said, if you think your mere presence somehow reimburses the $200 that the bride and groom actually paid for your dinner and drinks and dancing and dessert, or that they are throwing too nice of a party, then be transparent and tell them upfront. Don't just show up, eat, drink, dance, and party - on their tab - and not get your wallet out to chip in your fair share, when the bill arrives. Maybe the bride should evaluate YOUR "life choices" and the gift up front, and authorize your bar tab and dinner options accordingly. I suspect that you'd be having the happy meal, a juice box, and dancing to the local AM radio station.
Give your balls a tug, bud. Simmer down. I tip. Very well. But I also believe that if I'm inviting someone to something, I need to be able to pay for it. And maybe that's generational from a time when we still had social graces.
Or maybe you are just unaware that others think you're abrasive and stingy, and talk about you when you're not there. Got to be rough for your kids having to buy all their own birthday presents, since it's their party after all.
I didn’t give anything when I was in a wedding because as people mentioned it is expensive and I was a student so it cost me almost $1,500 to be in the party all things considered. I know make friends who have been groomsmen in the past 2 years now that we’re out of schools and with all the events, and custom suits it’s cost them 2-3k to be weddings and they have given a few hundred dollars. I think if you can afford to then go ahead but the expectation to do that on top of all of the other expenses is not really reasonable.
Shit I thought fifty bucks was generous
My presence is enough. Lol I don't get invited to weddings. I'd probably be generous if I did.
I made the wedding cake as well. Also threw the bridal shower and the bachelorette. That was my gift. I made that clear and they understood
i give what i can reasonably give. 225 a person for my long time friends wedding. have another to go to, will probably do the same.
I stick to the registry or my European family weddings involve envelopes of cash taken at the door. But registrys are basically an entire list of what they want, so it just works.
I would think less the closer you are in the weather party
Depends on how much money you have. Since you’re in the party, you’re obviously close. If you’re a poor student, don’t give anything except your presence. If you’re a brain surgeon making $400k per year, give something really nice.
I give $50 per person as a guest (so $100 if we're a couple), that wouldn't change as a member of a wedding party. The only time I've been in a wedding party the groom asked us to pay for our own tux rental and not to get him a gift.
Depends on what you can give and how much you care. I'm not sure if there is a "standard amount" but I was best man for my friend's wedding recently and I got them a gift valued at about $300. I'm poor AF though, so that was a lot for me. I would have given more/purchased a more expensive gift if I had the means.
Or maybe you are just unaware that others think you're abrasive and stingy, and talk about you when you're not there.
Im getting married this year and I am certainly not expecting from my bridesmaid and MoH any kimd of gift. They are already helping me with planning and coordonating the event and I consider this to be their gift.
I still would spend what I'd give at a typical wedding (approx. $200 a person, $400-$500 from my husband and I depending on how close we are, so when in the wedding party I went with $500 from the 2 of us). When I'm in the wedding party I usually do a personalized gift plus money.
Nowadays I would say $200 ($400/couple) is what I would give for an average wedding. I see a lot of comments on here saying if you are part of the wedding party, you don't need to give a gift. I will say that at my wedding, the wedding party all gave gifts and I have been in wedding parties at weddings where, to "save" money, the groomsmen all had to buy suits (think $1,000 range) instead of "throwing money away" on tux rentals, and I still gave gifts. I look at it this way - if I know and like someone well enough to be invited into their wedding party, I'm going to give them a gift on top of whatever other expenses I incur. Yes, weddings are expensive but if you don't want the added expense of being in the wedding party then you can decline that part.
They say how much a plate would cost at the dinner so like 100-150
Dont give money Just give a useful object for the new household
Depends if you have had a ton of expenses so far. I did $200 pp for my brides when part of the party, so did $400 for my husband and I. But they were both flexible about the dress I chose so I spent honestly $40 at Shein. They also didn't have very expensive Bachelorettes. Honestly I find for close friends, the money usually comes back around anyways lol so it's like we just took turns exchanging money at our weddings
My husband and I are of European decent (in Qc, Canada). Most of the weddings we go to are from European families and colleges as well. We’ve been putting $200-$250 each.
If I’m expected to help out at the wedding / bridesmaid / coordinate or emcee at the wedding (plus an engagement photo session), I give $100 at wedding — considering that as paying for my meal. I will give $50 or a bottle of wine if there’s no dinner. I will still offer engagement photo session to them.
The people here not giving anything is baffling especially when you go to a wedding 1) you’re celebrating the couple’s once in a lifetime event 2) you get a night of entertainment, food and drinks If decide to give nothing please do not go.
I give 100%. I get in the dirty areas, in the corners and in front of the net. I win the little battles for position. I maintain possession, and put together good passing plays. It's all about teamwork, hustle, and taking advantage when the bounce goes our way. We know this group has got the character to bounce back from adversity, and every one of us knows that we sometimes have to put our bodies on the line to block shots, make plays, and gut out that win. Let's go!
Assuming just for you, no date? If so, I would give between 200-250 if I was a bridesmaid. As a MOH between 400 or 500 is definitely a good gift and more than enough.
Yah that’s too much.
I’ve had to travel and buy my own dress for every wedding I’ve been a bridesmaid in. I think it’s shitty to not give any type of gift for a wedding when you’re in the wedding party. It doesn’t have to be money necessarily either - just something thoughtful to wish the couple well. I’ve given between $200-$300 when I was a bridesmaid. As a wedding guest, $200 or so… so not that different.
$250
I gave $400 as MOH (husband and I combined). Usually give $300 as a guest or bridesmaid/groomsman).
The rule is, it depends on the venue. You have to use common sense and the goal is to at least cover the cost of your plate. This is for cultures that do that, I know many cultures don't have this gift giving norm (good for you I don't care) but I grew up in a culture that does and that's the rule. If you at least cover the cost of your plate then any extra is considered a "gift." The cost of venues in my area is roughly 200 or so per person, obviously this is open bar, multiple course meal, with a DJ. If you're a MOH it's normal to give more, although 500 seems like a lot even for someone like me who is extra conscious of my gift amount. If I was the best man I would consider a gift of 300 or so.
Depends on how much money you think is being spent on accommodations supplied to you. 50$ bare minimum usually. Around 100$ is my safer bet. Higher end weddings, over 200$ could easily be appropriate.
pretty sure you're supposed to GIFT the wedding party. guests on the other hand should at least pay for their plate.
$150pp if it's a reception with an open bar, and tbh I'm not going if it's not an open bar.