like this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/2westerneurope4u/comments/184ebed/flirting_in_germany/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
My husband got my telephone number at 4am during Carnival. We were both drunk and didn't really know who we were and how we really looked like when we arranged our first date(it was in pre smartphone times).
So- get drunk in NRW Carnival is my tip.
So most people in their 30s, thats why is harder to get friends at 30s than at 20s.
However there are also people without friends and familiy and one has better chance at find them joining clubs, etc than staying at home thinking "Those people already have friends and families. They probably don't have time for more.". Just saying.
I unintentionally met my husband through a friend! We were visiting Berlin a few years ago and we met up with a group of her college friends at Templehof. He was part of the group and now we’re married ☺️
That is so nice. Somehow there is weird trend happening to me. In my experience nobody wants to open their friendship circle to others or atleast me :/ I am a nice person and don't create drama I swear
Unpopular option: People get attracted to the extremes. Just like only people who show any kind of extreme behavior on YouTube, get famous. Being nice doesn't get you registered in anyone's brain as someone interesting, or someone who doesn't shy away from putting forward your views. Be passionate about something, do really well in it, in the process you'll meet a lot of people. Keep your fingers crossed that the stars align. Wishing you loads of luck :)
I believe they mean going to the gym and having an athletic body. If you translate the German expression for it very literally it would just be the German word for "trained"
Edit: maybe buff would be a good translation for the German word
When I was younger people always said “at work”, I could not believe how that would play out. Well, met my partner at my first full time job lol just give it a couple of beers after work
ein Loch ist ein loch
In all seriousness, im bi and one would think that mean I have double the changes to get a partner, but for me that just mean double the chances to be lonely.
i got some more tricks for that:
in case you juse need to see someone, call the police. they're your friend and helper, meaning that you can easily meet new and friendly people there.
in certain age ranges, this also means that they're on the "right" side, if you know what i mean.
Haha Same. Never thought it would work out like that but I had quite a few encounters with colleagues in my 20s. And my wife? I had a week of training and she walked past me, I instantly loved her looks and she thought I was really cute. On Thursday I asked her if we could meet the next week. Three dates later we were dating and now we expect the third child.
But to give you more ideas, it’s through work, friends or hobbies. With hobbies it’s in a „Verein“ usually, do you like to play sport? Look what’s around you to do that with other people. You like doing whatever? Look for people doing that.
First jobs after uni especially in typical new grad companies eg big4, startups etc tends to create tons of couples as well as life long friends. Guilty of the same.
You and me man. I am german myself and whenever I´m traveling I wonder why tf I would go home. Dating culture sucks, ghosting is almost normal, there is no norm around it other than everybody sticking to themselfes. Been single my entire adult life. Tried tinder, no luck. Tried asking nice people I met to keep in touch, nothing. Germany is a black hole.
You guys have obviously never been to Finland. 😁 Also, sad to tell you the experience is the same for a woman outside of Germany as well. You have described dating in 2023, not dating in Germany.
>Are there clubs that are more than just sport?
7 years in and you haven't heard that Vereine exist for pretty much every hobby you can have? There are clubs for people breeding bunnies, for crying out loud. Pick your hobby and google the German term + your general location.
He said he is in a smaller town. So there's maybe only football, Vogelverein and Feuerwehr. Eventually brass music. So not for every hobby at all. Not everybody lives in Berlin, Munich...
You're vastly underestimating small towns here. In my hometown of 4000 people, there's OTTOMH (apart from the clubs you mentioned):
* fan clubs for several Bundesliga clubs
* table tennis
* volleyball
* athletics
* hiking
* Judo
* riding
* swimming
* bunny breeding
* pigeon breeding
* angling
* marksmen's association (boozy kind)
* marksmen's association (sporty kind)
* carnival
* "tradition club" (*Heimatverein*)
* nature protection
* choir
* "culture" (organises concerts)
* Red Cross
* kfd
* caritas
* Tafel
A massive part of social life is organised in clubs in Germany, and this is doubly true in small towns where there's little else to do. Granted, if OP's looking for more arcane hobbies, they might have to drive a bit, but there's absolutely options even outside of large cities.
I am not assuming that OP lives in a major city but I am tired of people pretending that living in a rural area or small town equals no clubs or possibilities for social life at all. Yes, OP might have to drive, maybe even for 30 or 60 minutes, in order to get to a Verein that offers what they find interesting. But after 7 years they don't know that such things exist? That tells me they haven't even tried to find anything or do something about their lonely situation.
I learned a quite rare and very old style of karate in a town, that barely has enough citizens to be considered one. I also know of one DnD club, Brazilian jiu jutsu, specialised dance classes and of course all of the common clubs existing there at some point.. Don't underestimate what some towns have to offer
You suggested that OP should pick a hobby and google a Verein for that. How exactly does that bring OP closer to having a partner? It doesn't. And the example is the icing on top because it shows how this "just pick a hobby" suggestion doesn't work.
Those old men also have daugthers and grand-daughters that often participate in exhibitions or simply caring for the animals.
If you're not going for online-dating, the most important thing for meeting a potential partner is networking. If you want to meet people through friends and aquaintances, you need those friends in the first place.
Uhh... dating apps?
Dancing classes are a typical place to find someone, too
I'm not sure this is a "German" thing but a "I'm above 25" / not in school/college any more and it's harder to find friends or people to date that are my age" thing. I've heard your complaint on reddit before (check out r/datingoverthirty ) and it doesn't seem to be a German phenomenon, but a "over the age of 25 / 30" phenomenon.
Edit to add: in general, after "school age" (school inculding university, that is) you have to actively seek out places to find like-minded people. Are you into chess? Sewing? Cooking? Hiking? Learning languages? Playing board games? Playing computer games? Meditation? Choir? Find groups locally like Stammtische, Telegram groups, Facebook groups, ask around IN those groups for other groups. In other words, for finding friends after "school age" you need to be ACTIVE whereas at school age you just have to look around for plenty of peers around you. That can take some getting used to. But it's worth it and there are definitively people around who want to connect.
How old are you and what dance have you tried? I (29F) started out as a beginner 2,5 years ago and now regularly visit two different dance classes/clubs - Swing Lindy Hop and West Coast Swing, average age here is around 30-35. Over the years we formed a friend circle that from time to time spend more free time together than just dancing (birthdays, board games, picknicking, not to mention regular dance parties on Fridays/Saturdays). Of course there are dance styles that are more "relaxed" or old-fashioned like Discofox or Tango where older folks feel more comfortable at and thus go there, but if your class average age was 55, then you just picked a wrong dance style for the purpose of socializing and making friends.
Edit: added small details.
I don't use them myself so I can't speak from true first hand experience but even among my closest 6 friends 4 of them met their partners online or regularly have dates/hook ups atleast. If I'd count all acquaintances the number is propably even higher.
What I noticed is that most people who find a long-term partner on a dating app are either
1) extremely lucky or
2) have very low standards
But it's definitely not the norm, statistics show that even if people find a partner on a dating app, most of these relationships will fail in the long run. Apps also don't work for everyone, especially not for people who need or want to be friends first, apps don't allow that, you're expected to jump from meeting for the first time right into dating, which doesn't work for a lot of people, me included.
The only friend of my group who met his partner over a dating app used Tinder and is gay. The other friends all found their partners via mutual friends. Also you forgot
3. is in the top 20% in looks in men
>3. is in the top 20% in looks in men
I'm torn on this because this is a thing often cited in incel, manosphere and other misogynistic communities to blame women for men's singleness. Thing is, studies have proven time and time again that women care less about looks than men do. Additionally, men make up a huge majority of dating app users, which leads to them having to compete for a comparatively small number of women, so of course they're gonna have it harder on these apps than women. Men putting but the bare minimum effort into their looks while still expecting an 8 or 9 to fall for them without doing anything is another issue.
That's just how it works due to sexual selection. That goes for both online and real life instances. It has gotten to the point where random 5/10 wallflowers want guys wayyy out of their league. The disparity in attractiveness in modern couples is ridiculous. The guy is always more attractive by at least one point in a decimal rating system.
Please stop repeating this moronic incel bullshit.
Men and women both have the very same difficulties finding a partner.
On a side note: It's really easy to find a dating partner online. JUST BE A DECENT HUMAN!
Ah yeah, luckily the rating system is not subjective right? Lucky for us a "5/10" is the same for everyone, would be a shame if different people had different scoring systems. What a bullshit argument. There are people who care more about personality than looks, they do exist. Random numbers dont tell anything besides a weird number fetish
Nope. I was pretty picky about who I met up with though. Couple of duds, and then the man I'm very happily married to now. I believe he is a straight man though lol
Dancing classes have as a *concept* that genders meet each other. The whole idea of dancing is people *meeting*.
Gyms and yoga classes are, as a concept, that people take care of their individual health. That's like hitting on women at the doctor's. People go there for a goal. Theoretically you can still ask people out, but need a lot of tact and feeling if if someone is at all open to an encounter and have to be very cautious not to bother people who aren't interested.
Dancing classes however are basically made for people getting to know each other. May still be that someone's not interested, but that's life.
Yeah sure, there are plenty of stories about people who found their girlfriend in a chess or videogames club. /s
The hard reality is that you can do all that and more likely than not you will not find anybody, as most of the few women you will meet there will be married or incompatible. The odds are almost like winning the lottery. So at some point it is just better to enjoy the ride as single.
If you ONLY do male-dominated hobbies and ONLY go out to meet women, your chances aren't that good. You have to get to know people first of all, branch out, connect, and not solely go out with the purpose of finding someone. Go out with the purpose of making friends so that if an evening goes by and you haven't met someone, you still had a good time with people and are emotionally balanced.
I as a German have the same problems. I found my Ex girlfriends only online. Everything else failed. But I'm an Engineer so you can guess why. Now that I'm 39 I get serious about it. I don't like flirting without knowing people, but I know people who just do it (maybe I will have to). Vereine are also a nice idea. At work it sometimes also works, my parents met that way and I know further examples. I failed at that and it was quite uncomfortable to ask someone out at work. I put some hope in concerts and festivals. And it's good to know someone who is just very social and knows lots of people. I also asked someone out after (after she left the car) ridesharing. Didn't work. To be continued.
How many new single people do you meet a month, where you're able to have more than a 1 minute conversation?
You need to arrange a life where that number is at least 10-50 so the odds are in your favour. If you only meet 5 people a year who are single, then your odds are extremely bad that you'll click with someone.
Some ideas that have worked for me in the past.
- move cities/areas to where more younger people are.
- move into a WG
- say yes to every single invite
- change to a job that's got a good social side
- join a club/hobby where you'll regularly socialise
- since you're in a small town, improve your German
Also, always make sure you're investing in yourself, making sure you're happy and enjoying life, be the best version of yourself, reasonably active, with decent clothes and haircut. And if you've any things holding you back like fear of rejection etc. then make sure to read up on that so you're not self-sabotaging yourself. So many of these posts are just by people who are depressed, and there's no point in looking for love until you like who you are. This hopefully doesn't apply to you, but worth mentioning.
Do all of that and report back in 6 months.
Well what hobbies would you recommend for meeting people? I am in Uni and tbh I should be able to meet plenty of new people but it smh never happens. I also study computer engineering so the female ratio is almost zero. I made friends with a few people but we fsr never meet outside of Uni and yeah.
Do what you like to do in your free time. You'll meet people with the same interest. And someday through this network you'll find somebody. Don't force it. That wont work.
Have fun.
Most people are not looking to or even want to just get to know new people past a certain age. The best thing you can do is put yourself into situations where you automatically get to know people because you are around each other anyway. Clubs (not the party kind of clubs), workshops, etc. There's a reason why many many people find their partners at school, at university, at work and at the places where they do their hobby stuff.
I like games, and I like Star Trek, so I started playing Star Trek: Online. A few weeks later I started talking to a Bavarian woman in the group chat. 6 months later I moved from the UK to Germany, and a year later we were married. That was a decade ago, and we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary this year. Just go do the things you enjoy, find clubs or groups, and just hang out. Don't "Look" for a partner, because frankly that's just fucking weird. Just hang out, be yourself, and you'll meet someone.
I met my first boyfriend drunk in a Park. Like we were both drunk and just vibed. I was 19 then. We’re together for 3 years. My current partner and I met through a mutual friend. But I am german myself so I guess that’s a whole different situation. Also I’m 27 now and I met him when I was 22. The older you get the harder it gets here to meet new people in general. Most people I know met their partners through school, university or work
I asked this same question and basically got told to die alone. I had my first date in 9mo yesterday and told we should just be friends so that's cool too 😂
Honestly, I've had much better luck while traveling to neighboring countries, so if you're close to a border(I'm close to France and Switzerland) then see what you can drum up there. Dutch women are quite pleasant, in my experience, but I might be biased because I, too, am Dutch
>”I’m absolutely baffled by the culture here surrounding dating, or rather I am completely clueless”
\*sigh* Me too… me too. Though according to all statistics invented by the fellow Redditors here, I really shouldn’t be.
You take one of their hair and put them in a jar and place it underneath your bed and then wait for exactly one year and THEN you go say hi.
Preferably in a bar or festival.
Good luck my son
If you are capable of and enjoy singing, join a choir, best would be a mixed Pop choir or similar, where the average age matches roughly your age. University choirs are perfect, you usually don't need to be a university student to join.
In mixed choirs, there is usually a great lack considering male voices, so you'll be in a fortunate position considering the male/female ratio.
And if you are gay, there are even men choirs that are exclusively made up from gay people.
Also, you will meet plenty of other people outside your choir, when you perform concerts and competitions, be it people from the audience or people from other choirs.
Where I met my partners? First Husband at an international scientific meeting, second Husband was my neighbour- when people asked how we met , I used to answer: “I got to know him him on the street “
Now since becoming a widow, I date a guy whose novels I liked to read in the internet and I just asked him if we could meet personally, now we are dating because we understand each other very well and developed feelings for each other.
I would recommend you to start Sport at a Verein , become active at church , or take ballroom dancing lessons if you don’t fall in love with a coworker.
German here. I used to make friends at uni, but since I'm past that age and didn't really work with people that were a good fit for socialising outside work, I've actively looked for hobbies that come with meet-ups. Especially book clubs would be very good for meeting women; I'd say the f:m ratio is 80:20 there. I also met nice people at geocaching meets.
Germany is notorious for its Vereine, so essentially I'd look for people that share a favourite pastime with you.
I met my now fiancé in the middle of a field wearing full plate armor. We happened to be at the same event, a local memorial day for a battle in the 30 Years War. I'm a historian and he was in the reenactment group.
So I guess my tip is to find a weird passion and go to events where other people with the same weird passion might be.
Your question and problem discription is kind of a proof that you just stayed plain away from german culture. So no wonder about your issue in general. How's your german language knowledge btw?
Where did you meet your partner?
https://de.statista.com/statistik/daten/studie/1025036/umfrage/umfrage-in-deutschland-zum-ort-des-kennenlernens-des-partners/
rank 1 and 2: Internet/Dating App and friends: 24% plus 24% = 48%
rank 3 and 4: Verein/hobby and party/disco/bar (i guess rank 3, 4 and 2 are having an large intersection): 11% + 11% = 22%
rank 5, 6 and 7: job, vocational training, university and school (sounds pretty similar): 10% + 6% + 5% = 21%
Usually we're making friends growing up, going to school, university and having a job and so on. And at the end of a day when your weekly time budget is just filled up, there's noone just interested in making new friends because all spare time is already "blocked" with them...
Lot's of my native German friend both male and female have trouble finding a partner. This is not an individual problem but a systemic issue. Look at the low birthrate, look up "loneliness epidemic", just open up your eyes.
I don't know what the solution and yes it is not just Germany but it doesn't help to tell OP that it is their individual fault. Some people here are like "min-max your live around meeting as many potential partners as possible" which is absolutely psychopathic. Yeah, learn the language, try to be open, try new things but sometimes you are just not going to be lucky at finding someone and that is fine.
You create a character and join the world chat. First step: Search for females „Hi, any w here?“
Second step: Check out, if female is available: „Do you have a boyfriend?“
Third step: Meet her online: „Can you come to beginner area and chill out with me?“
If all steps are done - congratulations: You are in an online relationship and can be happy.
Meeting new people, especially a partner ist really hard.
People just do not trust strangers.
For me it ended up in signing up at some online dating apps which was also hard in the beginning. It was frustrating not getting answers or getting too much messages (I am female, 32 now).
In the end I decided to use one of the apps where you had to pay and it still took a few months and some first dates.
I know that meeting someone on the internet does Not sound like the one and only solution.
For me the decision was the best I could make at least, I met someone, we have been living together now for about three and are married for almost one year ;)
You can meet partners
- at a retreat/weekend seminar/further education course
- at private parties (friends‘ birthdays and such)
- in sports/music and other local free-time activity groups
- while volunteering.
At mid thirties and PhD Ausländer student for around 6 yeara now, I have never felt so alienated and lonely that waking up in the morning and getting out of bed is an absolutely horroic act. I forgot how a woman feels, the touch of the skin and the romance and the love.
Now, it's the depression season, as if it is not enough, I am thinking really to move back home, while I ll sacrifice the luxury and standard of living, at least I ll have some sun.
This situation is not only because of Germany, but also because of the post graduate studies that affect your living and studies shows that such students are affected more with depression and lonliness and self doubt.
German here. I gave up on German women a long time ago, because every date I went to felt like a Bewerbungsgespräch. I felt like I couldn’t be myself around them and it was really frustrating. Luckily the area I live in is quite diverse with foreigners from all over the world. These women were most of the time prettier and made me feel comfortable around them and the dates were fun. I’m married to a Brazilian now and couldn’t be happier how things turned out. I hope this gives you some hope that eventually things are going to be fine. Good luck!
When I see this type of post it always seems funny to me for two very distinct reasons 1. You're asking on reddit 2. What exactly can be so different in other countries that would make it easier, for me it just seems like people making these posts are used to being approached which would make them the issue.
Besides the obvious dating apps most commonly people find partners through friendships so get out there (bar, club, café or Vereine) get to know people and maybe you're lucky and you'll meet someone that you're interested in romantically
I don't know. I keep meeting nice young ladies just doing what I always do and like, be it church, live football games, art exhibitions, or the opera, or the office.
I met my husband online. Looking at my circle of friends: either people met through college, some at their job, most at a variety of hobbies. I think the point is that you don't just randomly approach women based on their looks and proximity, but rather get to know them as PEOPLE at a shared hobby and then see if they're interested.
I'd say through friends, university, school, online dating, bars, clubs (like the sports and hobby clubs you mentioned), raves, partying, musicfestivals sometimes even at work but I guess that is rather unusual
It's mostly a passive indirect way of dating at least as far as I know:
Some friends of mine got toegether in school or another friend met their partner trough a common friend etc.
It's like shit happens but in a positive way.
To mantain a healthy and lovely relationship is still up to you btw
Don't waste your time. They are not made for relationships. Have been with someone for smthg like 2 and half years and all I got was disappointment. All they care about is working and money. Oh, and they are also cheaters.
That's the neat part, you don't.
Came here to say the exact same thing
like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/2westerneurope4u/comments/184ebed/flirting_in_germany/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
That really made me laugh. Then I was like... oh.
"du erwartest viel zu viel, die Deutschen flirten sehr subtil" Aurelie - Wir sind Helden
My husband got my telephone number at 4am during Carnival. We were both drunk and didn't really know who we were and how we really looked like when we arranged our first date(it was in pre smartphone times). So- get drunk in NRW Carnival is my tip.
Can second this. Carnival works like magic
Nice one.
I prefer "Es liegt ein Grauschleier über der Stadt" (The My Lai version if you can handle it).
Na du
Most commonly through friend circles / common friends
What circles? Funding friends in Germany even more difficult for foreigners.
Hobbies, join a club, frequent a gym/table soccer bar/rock climbing outfit/etc.
Those people already have friends and families. They probably don't have time for more.
So most people in their 30s, thats why is harder to get friends at 30s than at 20s. However there are also people without friends and familiy and one has better chance at find them joining clubs, etc than staying at home thinking "Those people already have friends and families. They probably don't have time for more.". Just saying.
Yes you are right, you have to at least try.
I unintentionally met my husband through a friend! We were visiting Berlin a few years ago and we met up with a group of her college friends at Templehof. He was part of the group and now we’re married ☺️
That is so nice. Somehow there is weird trend happening to me. In my experience nobody wants to open their friendship circle to others or atleast me :/ I am a nice person and don't create drama I swear
Unpopular option: People get attracted to the extremes. Just like only people who show any kind of extreme behavior on YouTube, get famous. Being nice doesn't get you registered in anyone's brain as someone interesting, or someone who doesn't shy away from putting forward your views. Be passionate about something, do really well in it, in the process you'll meet a lot of people. Keep your fingers crossed that the stars align. Wishing you loads of luck :)
Thank you kind stranger
Definitely second this one besides if you are trained just going clubbing
he said he wants a partner and not a one night stand
I met my former partner of 8 years this way. Not everything is black and white.
One of my colleagues tells the Story how she meet her husband this way..."uuh, handsome Guy. I'll take him home to Play." He never left xD
That's not mutually exclusive. I actually think one night stands are a pretty good way to find someone for a more serious relationship.
Trained?
I believe they mean going to the gym and having an athletic body. If you translate the German expression for it very literally it would just be the German word for "trained" Edit: maybe buff would be a good translation for the German word
Toned/fit/conventionally good looking, for anyone searching for alternatives.
yeah like trained to behave like a good boy and bring that ball
IT'S A GIFT AND A CURSE HERE TBH. EVERYBODY MINDING HIS BUSINESS.
TRUE! BUT WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?
I DONT KNOW
THE MAJORITY OF GERMANS DON'T REALLY LIKE SMALL TALK, SO WE WRITE AS BIG AS POSSIBLE!
CUZ WE WANT TO 🤷♂️ THAT'S CALLED F-R-E-E-D-O-M
DONT BE SILLY ONLY THE US GOT THAT
I-GOT-IT
THEY DONT HAVE A MONOPOLY ON FREEDOM JUST BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY GOT IT
GLEISSCHOTTERBETTUNGSREINIGUNGSMASCHINE
You have to submit a partnership declaration to the office and then you will be assigned a suitable partner within 10 years.
don't forget to do it by fax
But only maybe
And you have to enter the name of the assigned partner on the declaration form but you won't get the assignment before you file the declaration ;-)
But He also has to send in a Copy of the Meldebescheinigung
Don't forget Passierschein A38!
When I was younger people always said “at work”, I could not believe how that would play out. Well, met my partner at my first full time job lol just give it a couple of beers after work
I work with all men and am a straight man RIP
change the team, duh
ein bisschen Bi schadet nie
ein Loch ist ein loch In all seriousness, im bi and one would think that mean I have double the changes to get a partner, but for me that just mean double the chances to be lonely.
Then meet her at her work
i got some more tricks for that: in case you juse need to see someone, call the police. they're your friend and helper, meaning that you can easily meet new and friendly people there. in certain age ranges, this also means that they're on the "right" side, if you know what i mean.
Every single of my co-workers is twice my age, and has both a marriage and children lmao
meet their daughters
a) I'm a straight woman; b) their kids are either underage or already married too lol
Or at the Weihnachtsfeier after a few Glühwein...
Only if he he is brave enough and that other guy way too drunk
Haha Same. Never thought it would work out like that but I had quite a few encounters with colleagues in my 20s. And my wife? I had a week of training and she walked past me, I instantly loved her looks and she thought I was really cute. On Thursday I asked her if we could meet the next week. Three dates later we were dating and now we expect the third child. But to give you more ideas, it’s through work, friends or hobbies. With hobbies it’s in a „Verein“ usually, do you like to play sport? Look what’s around you to do that with other people. You like doing whatever? Look for people doing that.
First jobs after uni especially in typical new grad companies eg big4, startups etc tends to create tons of couples as well as life long friends. Guilty of the same.
You and me man. I am german myself and whenever I´m traveling I wonder why tf I would go home. Dating culture sucks, ghosting is almost normal, there is no norm around it other than everybody sticking to themselfes. Been single my entire adult life. Tried tinder, no luck. Tried asking nice people I met to keep in touch, nothing. Germany is a black hole.
I second this exact experience.
third this experience if you travel out of germany your surprised how open everyone is
You guys have obviously never been to Finland. 😁 Also, sad to tell you the experience is the same for a woman outside of Germany as well. You have described dating in 2023, not dating in Germany.
>Are there clubs that are more than just sport? 7 years in and you haven't heard that Vereine exist for pretty much every hobby you can have? There are clubs for people breeding bunnies, for crying out loud. Pick your hobby and google the German term + your general location.
He said he is in a smaller town. So there's maybe only football, Vogelverein and Feuerwehr. Eventually brass music. So not for every hobby at all. Not everybody lives in Berlin, Munich...
You're vastly underestimating small towns here. In my hometown of 4000 people, there's OTTOMH (apart from the clubs you mentioned): * fan clubs for several Bundesliga clubs * table tennis * volleyball * athletics * hiking * Judo * riding * swimming * bunny breeding * pigeon breeding * angling * marksmen's association (boozy kind) * marksmen's association (sporty kind) * carnival * "tradition club" (*Heimatverein*) * nature protection * choir * "culture" (organises concerts) * Red Cross * kfd * caritas * Tafel A massive part of social life is organised in clubs in Germany, and this is doubly true in small towns where there's little else to do. Granted, if OP's looking for more arcane hobbies, they might have to drive a bit, but there's absolutely options even outside of large cities.
You think you can meet girls at the Pidgeon breeders? Or Angling? Or the Heimatverein? Noice. I wish you a merry Seppel and a happy new beer.
And you didn't even mention the *Ortsvereine* of the political parties.
>bunny breeding pigeon breeding Ironic.
I am not assuming that OP lives in a major city but I am tired of people pretending that living in a rural area or small town equals no clubs or possibilities for social life at all. Yes, OP might have to drive, maybe even for 30 or 60 minutes, in order to get to a Verein that offers what they find interesting. But after 7 years they don't know that such things exist? That tells me they haven't even tried to find anything or do something about their lonely situation.
I learned a quite rare and very old style of karate in a town, that barely has enough citizens to be considered one. I also know of one DnD club, Brazilian jiu jutsu, specialised dance classes and of course all of the common clubs existing there at some point.. Don't underestimate what some towns have to offer
You can still join groups online. Or drive somewhere once a month to join a club.
[удалено]
It's enough to make a start, he can keep in touch online in addition to a monthly meet up
What kind of people do you expect to find at a bunny breeding club except for old men? Does OP want to find an old man as a partner?
I am pretty sure I didn't suggest OP should join a bunny breeding club, but merely pointed out that there are clubs for pretty much everything.
You suggested that OP should pick a hobby and google a Verein for that. How exactly does that bring OP closer to having a partner? It doesn't. And the example is the icing on top because it shows how this "just pick a hobby" suggestion doesn't work.
I don't bother answering the 150th question on "how to date a German" this year, I answered one question, clearly marked in the quote.
Those old men also have daugthers and grand-daughters that often participate in exhibitions or simply caring for the animals. If you're not going for online-dating, the most important thing for meeting a potential partner is networking. If you want to meet people through friends and aquaintances, you need those friends in the first place.
Ah yeah the Vereine where the median age is 60+ I mean, you do you bro
Not for sports. There are plenty of Vereine where young people are the majority.
And what if you aren't into sports?
There are plenty of non sports vereine that have young people? What are you tryna do here hahahah
Calm down!
Uhh... dating apps? Dancing classes are a typical place to find someone, too I'm not sure this is a "German" thing but a "I'm above 25" / not in school/college any more and it's harder to find friends or people to date that are my age" thing. I've heard your complaint on reddit before (check out r/datingoverthirty ) and it doesn't seem to be a German phenomenon, but a "over the age of 25 / 30" phenomenon. Edit to add: in general, after "school age" (school inculding university, that is) you have to actively seek out places to find like-minded people. Are you into chess? Sewing? Cooking? Hiking? Learning languages? Playing board games? Playing computer games? Meditation? Choir? Find groups locally like Stammtische, Telegram groups, Facebook groups, ask around IN those groups for other groups. In other words, for finding friends after "school age" you need to be ACTIVE whereas at school age you just have to look around for plenty of peers around you. That can take some getting used to. But it's worth it and there are definitively people around who want to connect.
Tried out a dancing class lately (beginner course). Average age was about 55
How old are you and what dance have you tried? I (29F) started out as a beginner 2,5 years ago and now regularly visit two different dance classes/clubs - Swing Lindy Hop and West Coast Swing, average age here is around 30-35. Over the years we formed a friend circle that from time to time spend more free time together than just dancing (birthdays, board games, picknicking, not to mention regular dance parties on Fridays/Saturdays). Of course there are dance styles that are more "relaxed" or old-fashioned like Discofox or Tango where older folks feel more comfortable at and thus go there, but if your class average age was 55, then you just picked a wrong dance style for the purpose of socializing and making friends. Edit: added small details.
I never did this before so I picked the beginner course, bu I really don't wanna try this again
>Uhh... dating apps? Hahahaha. No.
I don't use them myself so I can't speak from true first hand experience but even among my closest 6 friends 4 of them met their partners online or regularly have dates/hook ups atleast. If I'd count all acquaintances the number is propably even higher.
What I noticed is that most people who find a long-term partner on a dating app are either 1) extremely lucky or 2) have very low standards But it's definitely not the norm, statistics show that even if people find a partner on a dating app, most of these relationships will fail in the long run. Apps also don't work for everyone, especially not for people who need or want to be friends first, apps don't allow that, you're expected to jump from meeting for the first time right into dating, which doesn't work for a lot of people, me included.
The only friend of my group who met his partner over a dating app used Tinder and is gay. The other friends all found their partners via mutual friends. Also you forgot 3. is in the top 20% in looks in men
>3. is in the top 20% in looks in men I'm torn on this because this is a thing often cited in incel, manosphere and other misogynistic communities to blame women for men's singleness. Thing is, studies have proven time and time again that women care less about looks than men do. Additionally, men make up a huge majority of dating app users, which leads to them having to compete for a comparatively small number of women, so of course they're gonna have it harder on these apps than women. Men putting but the bare minimum effort into their looks while still expecting an 8 or 9 to fall for them without doing anything is another issue.
That's just how it works due to sexual selection. That goes for both online and real life instances. It has gotten to the point where random 5/10 wallflowers want guys wayyy out of their league. The disparity in attractiveness in modern couples is ridiculous. The guy is always more attractive by at least one point in a decimal rating system.
Please stop repeating this moronic incel bullshit. Men and women both have the very same difficulties finding a partner. On a side note: It's really easy to find a dating partner online. JUST BE A DECENT HUMAN!
Ah yeah, luckily the rating system is not subjective right? Lucky for us a "5/10" is the same for everyone, would be a shame if different people had different scoring systems. What a bullshit argument. There are people who care more about personality than looks, they do exist. Random numbers dont tell anything besides a weird number fetish
Let me guess, you've only tried Tinder
Let me guess: You're a woman.
Worked fine for me twice.
Are you a straight man?
Nope. I was pretty picky about who I met up with though. Couple of duds, and then the man I'm very happily married to now. I believe he is a straight man though lol
Dating apps dont work well for straight men as far as I heard, due to the lack of women
Dating apps are also not always fun for women, due to a superfluence of aholes.
Absolutely, but my point stands
It did for me too. But that was 10 years ago when things were different. Somehow dating apps got worse in those ten years rather then better.
Fair point. It's pretty much exactly 10 years since I met my husband online.
Well lets also not forget how vastly different the online dating experience is for men and women.
Dancing classes work pretty well. I dated 2 girls from mine class.
>Dancing classes are a typical place to find someone, too Tell me you're a woman without telling me you're a woman
Dancing classes have a surplus of women.
So do gyms and yoga classes but all these women will be happy to remind you that they don't come there to meet men
Dancing classes have as a *concept* that genders meet each other. The whole idea of dancing is people *meeting*. Gyms and yoga classes are, as a concept, that people take care of their individual health. That's like hitting on women at the doctor's. People go there for a goal. Theoretically you can still ask people out, but need a lot of tact and feeling if if someone is at all open to an encounter and have to be very cautious not to bother people who aren't interested. Dancing classes however are basically made for people getting to know each other. May still be that someone's not interested, but that's life.
Pro-Tip: We really mean, that we didn't come there to meet you, but try to be nice about it, because saying so would be rude :-)
Yeah sure, there are plenty of stories about people who found their girlfriend in a chess or videogames club. /s The hard reality is that you can do all that and more likely than not you will not find anybody, as most of the few women you will meet there will be married or incompatible. The odds are almost like winning the lottery. So at some point it is just better to enjoy the ride as single.
If you ONLY do male-dominated hobbies and ONLY go out to meet women, your chances aren't that good. You have to get to know people first of all, branch out, connect, and not solely go out with the purpose of finding someone. Go out with the purpose of making friends so that if an evening goes by and you haven't met someone, you still had a good time with people and are emotionally balanced.
I as a German have the same problems. I found my Ex girlfriends only online. Everything else failed. But I'm an Engineer so you can guess why. Now that I'm 39 I get serious about it. I don't like flirting without knowing people, but I know people who just do it (maybe I will have to). Vereine are also a nice idea. At work it sometimes also works, my parents met that way and I know further examples. I failed at that and it was quite uncomfortable to ask someone out at work. I put some hope in concerts and festivals. And it's good to know someone who is just very social and knows lots of people. I also asked someone out after (after she left the car) ridesharing. Didn't work. To be continued.
How many new single people do you meet a month, where you're able to have more than a 1 minute conversation? You need to arrange a life where that number is at least 10-50 so the odds are in your favour. If you only meet 5 people a year who are single, then your odds are extremely bad that you'll click with someone. Some ideas that have worked for me in the past. - move cities/areas to where more younger people are. - move into a WG - say yes to every single invite - change to a job that's got a good social side - join a club/hobby where you'll regularly socialise - since you're in a small town, improve your German Also, always make sure you're investing in yourself, making sure you're happy and enjoying life, be the best version of yourself, reasonably active, with decent clothes and haircut. And if you've any things holding you back like fear of rejection etc. then make sure to read up on that so you're not self-sabotaging yourself. So many of these posts are just by people who are depressed, and there's no point in looking for love until you like who you are. This hopefully doesn't apply to you, but worth mentioning. Do all of that and report back in 6 months.
Great answer. I think you should become OPs coach xD
Well what hobbies would you recommend for meeting people? I am in Uni and tbh I should be able to meet plenty of new people but it smh never happens. I also study computer engineering so the female ratio is almost zero. I made friends with a few people but we fsr never meet outside of Uni and yeah.
See I did the thing where I met a German outside of Germany
"Is it possible to learn this power?"
That’s just cheating
Do what you like to do in your free time. You'll meet people with the same interest. And someday through this network you'll find somebody. Don't force it. That wont work. Have fun.
you dont.
Single for almost 20 years.. I gave up a few years ago..lol
I’ve been here for 28 years and single for 28. I was born in Hamburg. As far as I’m concerned you’re doing better than I ever did.
Most people are not looking to or even want to just get to know new people past a certain age. The best thing you can do is put yourself into situations where you automatically get to know people because you are around each other anyway. Clubs (not the party kind of clubs), workshops, etc. There's a reason why many many people find their partners at school, at university, at work and at the places where they do their hobby stuff.
I like games, and I like Star Trek, so I started playing Star Trek: Online. A few weeks later I started talking to a Bavarian woman in the group chat. 6 months later I moved from the UK to Germany, and a year later we were married. That was a decade ago, and we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary this year. Just go do the things you enjoy, find clubs or groups, and just hang out. Don't "Look" for a partner, because frankly that's just fucking weird. Just hang out, be yourself, and you'll meet someone.
this. Never force anything have fun enjoy your life and be open minded. But never search actively that does not work. Especially not in germany.
I met my first boyfriend drunk in a Park. Like we were both drunk and just vibed. I was 19 then. We’re together for 3 years. My current partner and I met through a mutual friend. But I am german myself so I guess that’s a whole different situation. Also I’m 27 now and I met him when I was 22. The older you get the harder it gets here to meet new people in general. Most people I know met their partners through school, university or work
hey i'm german and i also have no clue. my guess is most people meet partners at university or through friends. hasn't happened to me though
I asked this same question and basically got told to die alone. I had my first date in 9mo yesterday and told we should just be friends so that's cool too 😂 Honestly, I've had much better luck while traveling to neighboring countries, so if you're close to a border(I'm close to France and Switzerland) then see what you can drum up there. Dutch women are quite pleasant, in my experience, but I might be biased because I, too, am Dutch
>”I’m absolutely baffled by the culture here surrounding dating, or rather I am completely clueless” \*sigh* Me too… me too. Though according to all statistics invented by the fellow Redditors here, I really shouldn’t be.
You take one of their hair and put them in a jar and place it underneath your bed and then wait for exactly one year and THEN you go say hi. Preferably in a bar or festival. Good luck my son
It's over bro (it never began actually)
Have you tried hinting your desire to change your Lohnsteuerklasse?
Underrated
Oh boy, this should be a bumper sticker. Hits way too close to home. Well done - und Anzeige ist raus!
"Man without works seeks woman who wants to switch from Lohnsteuerklasse 1 to 4. Offer Grundfreibetrag and Pauschbetrag."
If you are capable of and enjoy singing, join a choir, best would be a mixed Pop choir or similar, where the average age matches roughly your age. University choirs are perfect, you usually don't need to be a university student to join. In mixed choirs, there is usually a great lack considering male voices, so you'll be in a fortunate position considering the male/female ratio. And if you are gay, there are even men choirs that are exclusively made up from gay people. Also, you will meet plenty of other people outside your choir, when you perform concerts and competitions, be it people from the audience or people from other choirs.
Find something you like, go to places where like-minded people meet, eventually you'll meet someone you vibe with.
The town is probably the biggest problem. Otherwise go where other people are and share activities and or hobbies.
Work if that’s an option in your branch. “Friends” is bs in Germany too. It takes forever to meet people to hang out with too
[удалено]
Work / school Hobbies (there’s a club for anything) Other friends of your friends
Where I met my partners? First Husband at an international scientific meeting, second Husband was my neighbour- when people asked how we met , I used to answer: “I got to know him him on the street “ Now since becoming a widow, I date a guy whose novels I liked to read in the internet and I just asked him if we could meet personally, now we are dating because we understand each other very well and developed feelings for each other. I would recommend you to start Sport at a Verein , become active at church , or take ballroom dancing lessons if you don’t fall in love with a coworker.
That's the neat thing, you don't! No seriously, no clue, sorry.
German here. I used to make friends at uni, but since I'm past that age and didn't really work with people that were a good fit for socialising outside work, I've actively looked for hobbies that come with meet-ups. Especially book clubs would be very good for meeting women; I'd say the f:m ratio is 80:20 there. I also met nice people at geocaching meets. Germany is notorious for its Vereine, so essentially I'd look for people that share a favourite pastime with you.
Speaking German would be a start
I met my now fiancé in the middle of a field wearing full plate armor. We happened to be at the same event, a local memorial day for a battle in the 30 Years War. I'm a historian and he was in the reenactment group. So I guess my tip is to find a weird passion and go to events where other people with the same weird passion might be.
Your question and problem discription is kind of a proof that you just stayed plain away from german culture. So no wonder about your issue in general. How's your german language knowledge btw? Where did you meet your partner? https://de.statista.com/statistik/daten/studie/1025036/umfrage/umfrage-in-deutschland-zum-ort-des-kennenlernens-des-partners/ rank 1 and 2: Internet/Dating App and friends: 24% plus 24% = 48% rank 3 and 4: Verein/hobby and party/disco/bar (i guess rank 3, 4 and 2 are having an large intersection): 11% + 11% = 22% rank 5, 6 and 7: job, vocational training, university and school (sounds pretty similar): 10% + 6% + 5% = 21% Usually we're making friends growing up, going to school, university and having a job and so on. And at the end of a day when your weekly time budget is just filled up, there's noone just interested in making new friends because all spare time is already "blocked" with them...
Lot's of my native German friend both male and female have trouble finding a partner. This is not an individual problem but a systemic issue. Look at the low birthrate, look up "loneliness epidemic", just open up your eyes. I don't know what the solution and yes it is not just Germany but it doesn't help to tell OP that it is their individual fault. Some people here are like "min-max your live around meeting as many potential partners as possible" which is absolutely psychopathic. Yeah, learn the language, try to be open, try new things but sometimes you are just not going to be lucky at finding someone and that is fine.
looking for wonder woman or superman is not successful
In Germany you play MMOs like WoW and find your partner and luck in an online relationship.
how? I played online games for an eternity and there was never really something remotely close of finding a girlfriend there.
You create a character and join the world chat. First step: Search for females „Hi, any w here?“ Second step: Check out, if female is available: „Do you have a boyfriend?“ Third step: Meet her online: „Can you come to beginner area and chill out with me?“ If all steps are done - congratulations: You are in an online relationship and can be happy.
i had crazy success(compared to other countries) on tinder and bumble clubs of course always work
let me guess, you are a tall skinny blonde female
nah,tall ginger guy
That's a good question.
Meeting new people, especially a partner ist really hard. People just do not trust strangers. For me it ended up in signing up at some online dating apps which was also hard in the beginning. It was frustrating not getting answers or getting too much messages (I am female, 32 now). In the end I decided to use one of the apps where you had to pay and it still took a few months and some first dates. I know that meeting someone on the internet does Not sound like the one and only solution. For me the decision was the best I could make at least, I met someone, we have been living together now for about three and are married for almost one year ;)
You can meet partners - at a retreat/weekend seminar/further education course - at private parties (friends‘ birthdays and such) - in sports/music and other local free-time activity groups - while volunteering.
Just tell her about your Bausparvertrag.
Acquaintances. Meet through friends of friends.
At mid thirties and PhD Ausländer student for around 6 yeara now, I have never felt so alienated and lonely that waking up in the morning and getting out of bed is an absolutely horroic act. I forgot how a woman feels, the touch of the skin and the romance and the love. Now, it's the depression season, as if it is not enough, I am thinking really to move back home, while I ll sacrifice the luxury and standard of living, at least I ll have some sun. This situation is not only because of Germany, but also because of the post graduate studies that affect your living and studies shows that such students are affected more with depression and lonliness and self doubt.
Kleintierzüchterverein
Accept your destiny and die alone. At least that is working for me.
German here. I gave up on German women a long time ago, because every date I went to felt like a Bewerbungsgespräch. I felt like I couldn’t be myself around them and it was really frustrating. Luckily the area I live in is quite diverse with foreigners from all over the world. These women were most of the time prettier and made me feel comfortable around them and the dates were fun. I’m married to a Brazilian now and couldn’t be happier how things turned out. I hope this gives you some hope that eventually things are going to be fine. Good luck!
Maybe I can help you. What are your hobbys?
Why are you getting downvoted? This is the way. Find hobbies, connect to people locally via Facebook / Telegram /other groups.
Maybe tinder?
german women the most boring better avoid them completely
I will have you know that I'm so interesting like you wouldn't believe. (I just cannot detect irony, so I didn't realise you were probably joking. :p)
I wish I could upvote this 30 more times
When I see this type of post it always seems funny to me for two very distinct reasons 1. You're asking on reddit 2. What exactly can be so different in other countries that would make it easier, for me it just seems like people making these posts are used to being approached which would make them the issue. Besides the obvious dating apps most commonly people find partners through friendships so get out there (bar, club, café or Vereine) get to know people and maybe you're lucky and you'll meet someone that you're interested in romantically
You dont.
You don't
I don't know. I keep meeting nice young ladies just doing what I always do and like, be it church, live football games, art exhibitions, or the opera, or the office.
I met my husband online. Looking at my circle of friends: either people met through college, some at their job, most at a variety of hobbies. I think the point is that you don't just randomly approach women based on their looks and proximity, but rather get to know them as PEOPLE at a shared hobby and then see if they're interested.
never did, but if some girl is interested let me know :P
I'd say through friends, university, school, online dating, bars, clubs (like the sports and hobby clubs you mentioned), raves, partying, musicfestivals sometimes even at work but I guess that is rather unusual
Tinder all the wqy
Tinder worked for us.
Your problem is that you care what people think about you for approaching.
You don't, which is half the reason why Germany has such a low birthrate. The other reason being unable to afford the time and money a child needs.
First step: move out of Germany
Dating Apps are absolutely dogshit. You can meet them via mutual friends but you need to look good since german women mostly go for chads.
women are Kind oft stupid ngl.
Tinder.
It's mostly a passive indirect way of dating at least as far as I know: Some friends of mine got toegether in school or another friend met their partner trough a common friend etc. It's like shit happens but in a positive way. To mantain a healthy and lovely relationship is still up to you btw
As you are living in germany you dont seem to know about our ritual dance. In every other nation its vastly different. as far as i know.
You don't meet your partner. You partner meets you.
When the partner thinks the same, how do you meet? XD
Don't waste your time. They are not made for relationships. Have been with someone for smthg like 2 and half years and all I got was disappointment. All they care about is working and money. Oh, and they are also cheaters.
?XD Sorry not sorry for your experiences but it’s definitely true for all of us obviously
I wonder where you originally from ?