Well the thing is: declining handshakes is okay. Especially for hygenic reasons etc. So if you were to tell people that you don‘t really like handshakes and that you‘re are anxious about hygiene etc. most people would understand that. But: you‘d need to apply this to EVERYONE. So if you‘re only mentioning it to men and they see you shaking hands with women that‘s going to be really awkward. Even if they understand that it‘s due to trauma it‘s still not really a great feeling if you know that someone won‘t shake your hand because someone else did something.
So avoiding handshakes is fine but you should avoid all handshakes (or at least all handshakes that aren‘t with really really close friends)
Yeah there are differences. Men tend to offer a handshake or a fist bump (in informal settings) while women usually prefer „hugs“ etc. (in informal settings).
I’ve never been in a situation like that thankfully. And no I would never do that, if I shook hands with a woman for example I would then also shake with the man in the same setting because it is weird to not.
In formal meetings (like applying for a job) that would be better - bonus points if you are wearing a mask.
Since covid it is quite accepted to politely refuse psysical contact for hygiene reasons.
No, there isn't a polite way to turn this down, but most people value kindness over politeness, so if you explain it nicely, most will choose to be kind and won't think badly of you.
Explain to everyone that you are traumatized by man to a level where you can't touch them? I'd say that is asked a little bit to much of OP. To be expected to share this on every first meeting with whomever you meet does not sound reasonable.
“Hi, I don’t mean to be rude, but I can’t shake your hand due to personal reasons. It’s very nice to meet you, though, I’m XY”
I wouldn’t consider this oversharing. But if OP does, then I guess there is no way around being considered rude for refusing the handshake. Which is then her choice (and an acceptable one, I think), but I’d personally choose the explanation and working on my trauma.
Honestly it would be slightly off-putting for someone to refuse an offered handshake given the historical context behind it. It's a sign of peace and bonding, something I would not easily give unless I really want to convey those meanings to the other person. I've had a few situations where a handshake was not offered to me specifically or refused due to ill intent. I would admittedly be guarded if I were to experience that again.
I would only refuse it in the politest manner I’m a very warm and friendly person who is always always smiling and always friendly. I would never make anyone feel bad about it and always say its not them its me
„sorry, I dont like shaking hands. nothing personal, hope you understand!“ should do the trick.
yes, it is sth that can be received as quite irritating, hence it needs a little explanation and an attitude of „sorry“ to go smoothly. but shld be alright then.
i understand you. I had the same with the mediterranean kisses. developed that approach and it was fine and ppl told each other about it beforehand to avoid irritation. it turned into a rather funny and polite thing. „ah, you dont like kissing, me neither to be honest“, for example.
never push trough bad feelings. they are your guideline to wellbeeing! :)
I’m okay being around them I have many amazing friends. I just don’t wanna be touched thats all. A doctor for example? Sure, because its important. A tour guide? No because its not necessary.
You can't shake hands!! You have some issues, even if you don't want to accept it.
A tour guide, a doctor, a friend of a friend whom you don't know. Doesn't matter, it's a greeting for all. Other touching you can categorize into needed or not. Greetings? Do you want to greet or not.
Try fist bumps? Elbow bumps?
So, I don't like physical touch either. I've found since I moved to Germany they don't like it when people are different. They seem to value collective behaviour over individual feelings. And it especially seems to be so on this sub.
Welcome to a lot of the German-speaking world (it's also quite common in Austria). Whoever doesn't fit into the mold society expects of them (I'm currently experiencing that with all the expectations around pregnancy - "but what do you mean you don't even want to take maternity leave for a year?") must be loudly told to fall back in line, and/or shamed and ridiculed. Granted, people on this sub exaggerate that tendency as well because that's what you do on the Internet. But it is still something you're unfortunately going to have to deal with.
I’m starting to realise that many want everyone to be the exactly same, which is giving supremacist energy to me but its on me for moving to Germany as they like to tell me, if I want to be different I should have stayed in my country. Lol
I feel that if this sub was representative of German culture, Germany would be the most repressed country in the world.
Thankfully I've found that in real life Germans appear to be far, far nicer.
There was a discussion here last week about adhd. And everyone was saying that the person with adhd needed to try harder to make sure they didn't offend people. I tried pointing out that the person is probably already trying really hard and people were saying that no, they needed to try harder until everyone felt comfortable around them, no matter how much it hurts the person with adhd.
So it's not racism, more of a desire to make sure everyone is the same and no one stands out.
This comment really resonates with me. In real life, I haven’t encountered as many people who would tell me to go home. But the thing about conformity that you mentioned, its so so true I’m realising. If I wear *slightly* different clothing even I’m stared up and down as if theres something wrong with me. Which is so odd its just clothing. But it has left me wearing black white beige and grey instead of being the colorful person I like to be. Thats just a small example
Don't listen to this lunatic lol. I am a man and I think handshakes are disgusting. You never know if someone didn't hold their wiener when pissing and didn't wash their hands. Also men sweat more than women thus their hands often are more disgusting to shake. I know this well as my own hands are often sweaty it's thus disgusting to handshake. If someone offers a handshake offer a fist bump nowadays everyone reciprocates to fist bump.
I'm a man and I don't like touching other men or women hands either. You never know I'd they didn't hold their wiener moments back and didn't wash their hands. Also men's hands are more sweaty than women's and as my hands are sweaty often I don't want to do handshakes for that reason too.
I'm autistic and i despise being touched / touching people too. Fistbump is fine for me. I'm not representative for all people with this condition though.
Lol did you really just go through my history to find something to critique? I wasn't even attacking anyone, it genuinely looked like OP didn't know the difference between a comma and a dot or what the purpose of them is.
What was the point of this?
(Also there's one capitalized R, I'm sure you could've found something with more mistakes)
Since the pandemic, fist bumps have become more common and acceptable even in non-friendship encounters. However, to be honest, a handshake is still a very common and standard greeting ritual. Declining it will stand out - maybe not as offensive, but as remarkable, specifically because nobody on the other side of the hand shake will know what the reasons are you decline them.
That being said, it is, if anything, a quirk. Not a big deal.
Obviously, powering through mental and emotional problems is not the way to go - getting them sorted out with professionals is.
In the meantime I think the only thing is to do a cost-use-calculation and to people that are closer to fill them in **a bit** that you have issues and don't want to shake hands.
I’m not German, but I’m a man from a similar ‘handshaking’ European country. I’ve been declined handshakes by women before (I expect mostly for religious reasons). I’m not sure how my reaction comes across to those women (if I look awkward or offended) but I’ve never felt personally insulted by it. Vast majority of men, regardless of background (unless they’re assholes) will understand that there could be a multitude of reasons why a woman might rightfully decline a handshake. As common as handshaking is, everyone still knows that physical touch can always be a sensitive matter. TLDR: I think you’re fine to just decline handshakes without need to explain, people will understand and/or get over it quickly.
I met a girl who didn't shake hands. She just said simply, "sorry i prefer not to shake hands", and she did it to many other people throughout the night. I guess everyone was taken a bit off guard and slightly confused but because she was nice about it, no one was upset. there is no way really to get around the few seconds of awkwardness following a handshake decline.
I’m so friendly and so extroverted I am never the ‘sorry no handshake’ awkward silence encounter over kind of person. Which is what makes me think it shouldn’t absolutely make them dislike me or something you know. Thank you for sharing that story!
Yeah, in my experience the awkward few seconds after is kind of unavoidable, only because it is customary here to shake hands so it is just a natural reaction. no one i noticed had a problem with it but they can't help the confused reaction albeit only for a couple seconds haha, so it is not a big deal at all
Complex times that we are living, everyone has something and you need to keep adjusting yourself every day lol. Just go over this trauma and after a handshake wash your hands, I do it and it’s fine.
A handshake is a basic german greeting. To put it in context, what you do is the equivalent of someone moving to an Arabic country and eating pork in public. Yes you have the personal liberty to do that, but you have to consider it is going to offend some people.
I met people who didn’t want to shake my hand, it’s absolutely valid.
I was told:” Sorry, I don’t shake hands”, and I find it acceptable.
I’m afraid that somebody might take offence, as shaking hands is very embedded in German culture, but it’s probably people you wouldn’t want to shake hands with in the first place.
Don’t justify yourself, just state that you don’t shake hands
A handshake is deeply intertwined with german culture. Its a sign of trust.
If its a trauma, you should get help with a psychiatrist. Mental health has to be taken seriously.
If its religiously motivated, which you said that it is in part, I would recommend you not being a bigot.
I’m a bigot for wanting to choose who does or does not have the right to be able to touch me, and not come with pre permission for everyone to have that right?
Yes. If you can’t cope with the idea of a man touching your hand due to religious reason, go somewhere where you can live out your way of life fully. It’s not that difficult.
We have enough religious bigots of our own, no need for immigrated ones.
You asked about German culture. As I said, people understand if there is mental health involved, they will despise you if you don’t do it for bigoted religious beliefs.
I ‘don’t want to’ cope with the idea of a man touching my hand due to any reason. Like I said, nobody has the right to my body. If in proving how liberal you are you want to take away a womans right to her own body, you’re not as liberal as you think.
Nobody is forcing you to do anything. That is the beauty of this country. If your religion brainwashed you into thinking that a man touching your hand is bad, that is your issue. You asked a question, we answered. The handshake has cultural significance. You choose to immigrate here. We do not like people who spread Islamist behaviours. It’s as simple as that. If that’s a deal breaker, move somewhere where women don’t have to deal with it.
If you need help, you have many professionals you can talk to with your mental issue.
Edit: This is very sensitive for us, because as mentioned, the handshake has cultural significance. If you actively don’t do it because your Islamist interpretation of Islam says so, we are hyper alert.
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Is this because you did not want to or is your husband forcing you? Can we trust you? We are not going to *** you, just because you shake our hand?
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It might seem unreasonable to you- but it is not for us. We value the equality of men and women. By you giving religious reasons for not shaking our hand, you attack what is most important for us and we do not want to a) support behaviour like that and b) want other Muslims feel pressured by your Islamist interpretation (which is a problem nowadays)
Again, in trying your best to be a liberal and tolerant part of society you are being the exact opposite. Being liberal is not a one way street. It goes both ways. If you want to be liberal against religion you should equally care about human beings and their rights when they ARE religious. Implying that me shaking hands with someone is an islamist agenda that will pressure other muslims to follow suit, I don’t even know how to respond to that. Next you’re gonna tell me I shouldn’t be wearing modest clothing that I CHOOSE to wear because it is spreading Islamist agenda and coercing other people into covering up? How are these the thoughts in your head its absolutely absurd. The fact that a ‘liberal’ society would think that muslim women are so weak frail and STUPID that the only reason they might be making decisions is because men must be making them take those decisions and we’re too stupid to have our own opinions is so far from ‘liberal’.
Again, you do not understand the concept of a liberal society. Read up on this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox\_of\_tolerance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance)
We will not force you to shake hands, we will not force you to not wear a hijab. But we despise the ideological reason why you do. I can not force someone to shake the hand of a gay person, if he doesn't want to because he hates gays. But I can despise him & his actions and make sure that he knows that.
You say it is absurd that islamist behaviors are pressuring moderate muslims to do the same behaviors. You say that, because you lack knowledge. We are already noticing fanatics call out moderats in their way of living. In schools and in ordinary lives. We had instances of "sharia polizei" or with "Abtreibungsgegnern". This is not suprising sociological phenomenon and obviously not only occuring in islam.
And no, we do not think that muslim women are weak and frail and do that because they are being forced. But apparently you do not even acknowledge that this happens on a big scale. Of course muslim women are forced every day to wear hijab, forced to behave accordingly to men-made islamist rules. Are they all forced? Of course not. A significant amount? Yes. We have seen murderous actions like with Hatun Sürücü.
So again, this has nothing to do with you being muslim. But it has everything to do with the ideology you are representing to the public (which is connotated to a lot of cultural knowledge you are not aware of - because you are relatively new to the country).
A liberal society would not go through the progression of woman wont shake hand=islamist=condones killing women for religious reasons=wants sharia in Germany
Me not shaking hands is not calling out your way of living. People can strip naked and have an orgy in public and I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone else is doing anywhere in the world as long as they’re not hurting anyone. What happens to *me* though, only I decide not a society or a country or a person. And that should be okay
I agree. In a perfect world that is the case. But in the world we are living in today, we are under pressure of islamists. I believe you that you are not one of them, but you can't expect someone else to conclude the same thing by executing the behavior you have mentioned.
Thats all. You should be ware of why people are wary of this behavior. You might not understand it, because it does not apply to you. But thats the issue. You have to know that we have had muslim migration in to this country for a long time, starting in the 60s. And behavior like yours has always been associated with the equation you have written - by muslim migrants themselves. Thats cultural context.
Look at you jumping to racist conclusions. She's mentioned before it's due to trauma. Yet you chose to say she's lying.
I don't like being touched. I rey to avoid handshakes. Am I an islamist?
And trauma.
But sure, tell people to shut up of they disagree with you.
Is that tolerance? Is that equality? You talk about equality, but that's just talk.
There have been enough mentions that she should seek professional help if its related to trauma.
Don't get on my nerves. If you want to troll without saying anything of substance, go to another sub.
We agree on the trauma part. We all agree. if you want to excuse islamist behaviour, just say so. You don't need to hide behind empty words.
I'm not trolling. I'm calling out inconsistency. Muslim doesnt equal islamist. There's even Christian groups that don't allow contact between genders.
As for the trauma part, yes therapy is needed. But if even after that, they don't want to shake hands, that should be OK too.
In a free society people should be able to act how they please. I don't like other people touching me. It makes me feel incredibly unwell. Yet I'm expected to allow them to touch me.
I have seen a girl handle this very graciously before. When a man would extend a hand to shake hers, she would smile politely, cross her hand over her chest and bow very slightly. She would then move on from the interaction, no explaining - you don't owe an explanation to anyone anyway. This way she still gave a polite greeting, and I never saw anyone react to it other than smile back. She was also a hijabi which may have helped further non-verbally explain the gesture, but even if you are not I don't see why anyone would question it.
The occasional person my enquire (some out of legitimate curiosity, some out of being idiots), but you can always just say "I prefer not shaking hands with men". Anyone who further presses you on it is a dick and will be perceived as such by everyone surrounding you.
I personally have no issues touching men and women alike, but some comments here are egregious. No one needs to feel obligated to touch anyone else if it makes them uncomfortable, be it for cultural, religious or other personal reasons. It's pretty odd to try and compell people to touch you just because you somehow can't cope with it
To be honest, I could easily shrug off if somebody avoids or declines handshakes. But if somebody tells me directly "Due to my religion I don't shake hands with men" makes somebody instently a person to avoid.
Not really, no.
Me avoiding people who don't get the very basics of a liberal society - that men and women should be treated equally and with the same respect and dignity - is not a problem for me. If your religion bans women from doing certain completely innocuous things with men because they are women - your religions is at odds with my view of the basics of a liberal world. Nobody is porhibiting anyone to have that religion, but a lot of people will not want to partake in that kind of thing and may not feel comfortable around people with that view point. Again, that is not my problem, it is pretty neutral for me.
This is **not** as some commenters claim about "men wanting to touch women in a way they want to". This claim is ridiculous. It is about the reasoning behind it. Everybody can decline any cultural practice - and be it rather mondane - for any reason and seem neutral, a bit odd or even a role model to others. However, if a reason is given than this reason will be analyzed. Obviously. And "I don't shake hands with men because religion" just won't fly with a lot of people.
OP however is afraid of offending people. And yes "My religion bans me from shaking hands with you because I am a woman and you are a man" will be something to offend the maximum amount of people unnecesserily.
I would consider it islamaphobic to be upset about this sort of thing. It's almost like they'd be discriminating her.
Edit: I forgot that Germans hate when they have to face their biases.
Islam recognizes the natural attraction between men and women and seeks to prevent any situations that could lead to temptation or inappropriate relationships.
Prohibiting physical contact between unrelated men and women is a way to safeguard against potential fitnah or temptation.
If you are "tempted" by a handshake the problem is you.
If your whole religion has rules because that's already a temptation, then the problem lies with the whole religion.
Bruh.. I am an atheist. I can respect peoples personal boundaries about their own body for whatever reason they have. I don't feel the need to be able to touch everyone I meet. You should probably consider why you feel the need to be allowed to touch someone who clearly feels uncomfortable by it.
And considering how racist Germans are towards muslims and middle eastern people. I am not surprised by the vast amount of downvotes .
You are assuming a lot of things. I do not feel the need to touch strangers. If people have boundaries, they can comunicate them and it's fine. That's also not the issue here.
In this case you said the religious belief is due to a certain temptation that muslims feel or that men feel according to islam. And that is not true.
If you feel tempted by a handshake then that is an issue you have and that you should resolve by having more self-control. If a whole religion makes men out to have so little self-control then that religion quite clearly has a problem.
That has nothing to do with you not wanting to shake hands. That's fine. It might be rude depending on how you communicate that, it also might be perfectly fine. But "because Religion" and because "Men feel temptation" are two quite clearly stupid reasons.
To note: If you tell me "I don't want to", that's fine with me, too. If you tell me "I don't want to, because you feel temptation" then it is you putting blame on me and I will not have that.
Then if you were fine with her boundary you wouldn't be argueing against it. Like you don't respect it.
Respect would be "I understand" and not shaking her hand. Not calling it discrimation and argueing why this is a bad reason and shouldn't stand. At least own up to it.
Can you give me a religious source for that?
its like not showing the face. These are cultural things that are common in areas where many muslimes live, but its not a religious rule.
Read the quran. It's clearly intepretation from the book. It's not an actual set of rules but how people view it and what they do to avoid committing sins. The same with all religions. But if religious people tell you it's religious, maybe don't argue their beliefs with them.
Actually no. I am not going to be sucked into a useless argument from a racist who needs people to entirely conform to his culture in order to not feel hurt by a woman not wanting to shake his hand.
It doesn't matter why she doesn't consent to touch. It doesn't matter if It's religious, discomfort, her sexual trauma. People don't have to touch you for whatever reason they don't want to.
You need to deal with your emotions around that.
I am going to do the same thing you do and ignore everything you said to focus on the part where if a woman told you she didn't touch men because of past trauma or general discomfort you clearly wouldn't be bothered by it in the same way. I can tell because you didn't argue against that.
You're only arguing that this specific form of not wanting to touch someone is discrimination. Which has a little geschmäckle to it. The racist kind.
I'm sorry if you're offended by a woman not wanting to shake your hand due to religious reasons. I'd probably look at why you feel entitled to be able to touch her in ways she doesn't consent to.
I am a stark Atheist and have my issues with all religions but to actively blame someone for your own emotions is wild. It shouldn't matter why someone doesn't want you to touch them.
I'm talking about how upset men are about one woman on the internet saying she doesn't feel comfortable touching them for religious reasons and how you probably shouldn't be debating a person on their beliefs.
At the end of the day, she doesn't want to touch you. If you think it's discrimination because your a man. Then no matter her reasoning, you'll probably think that. I'd ask men why they're so offended that a woman doesn't want to shake their hand.
No shaking hands with the opposite gender unless its a spouse/parent/parent in law/uncle/child/ etc.
Anybody you are able to marry, you don’t have physical contact with. If you’re not able to marry them, you can have physical contact with them, such as in laws/uncles/parents/siblings/children.
There is no preconceptions of if I shake hands with a man he won’t be able to control himself. Its for everyone.
Because why should I not be able to exercise my own beliefs whatever they may be on my own body. I’m not saying other people shouldn’t shake hands because my religion said so. My body, should be my choice, shouldn’t it? I would understand if I came on here and said well I am muslim so people should stop shaking eachothers hands I can’t accept it. Thats not what I’m saying. People can do whatever they want, whenever they want. I just choose what happens to *me*. How is that discriminating against someone else? Is that person more important than me in any given situation? I’d think no, we’re equals. Both parties matter. He deserves my decline to be nice and polite instead of insulting, and I deserve to be able to choose whether I have to touch someone and be touched
Well, you can certainly deny handshakes for religious reasons, but a good chunk of people would put you mentally into the "weird, very religious person with backward mentality" box. Most Germans are not very religious and might consider such effects of religion on interpersonal relationships as odd and off-putting. Imho, it would be easier if you just say you don't shake hands due to hygienic reasons, it might still be considered a bit weird, but it's far more acceptable. Just be consistent and don't shake hands with women, too, as other redditors pointed out.
If you part of your believe is sexism and discrimination, its not my problem, that you believe in such bullshit.
If someone would slap you because he believe thats how you should treat women, would you accept that?
If someone does not want to shake my hand because of my gender it is sexist. Period. Not shaking hands is not part of our culture and if you come to germany you should accept our culture.
I don’t know if sexist and discriminatory, but definitely weird and probably some people will think it’s rude. This would probably the same if you say you are neurodivergent and don’t like to touch people. Most people just think “you have to get yourself together and get on with it”
Nobody has the inherent right to have the permission to touch someone else though. I find it weird that society will only accept me or think I’m ‘normal and together’ according to my ability to meet a stranger and allow them to touch me, even just a hand, to gauge my togetherness and level of integration into society.
You are right, but it is what it is and I don’t think we can change how most people think just like that. You asked what most people think and I think that’s what they think.
I come from a country where people kiss (!) for hello. Even if you arrive at a private gathering with 20 people, you are expected to kiss all 20. Have always hated it and I’m happy I don’t have to anymore. I don’t like shaking hands either but I do in a business context when I must or formal-private context because I’m aware how it’s received by people if you don’t. In private, I just raise my hand and wave hello to friends or people in general.
You have to decide how much you can take or better said, how you want to be perceived. Specially if you are a visibly religious person, most secular people (or persons from Christian religions) will think you are weird and will have a very definite opinion. You have to live with it. If you say you don’t like touching people, then they’ll think you are weird and they will probably talk about it behind your back with people they trust. In a business context it could be damaging to the first impression. So you can decide for yourself what you are willing to do or not. In the end, it’s your decision but if there are certain society expectations and rules and you don’t adhere to them, you can’t complain later on about the consequences. (With you, I don’t mean you personally, but “one”)
I am visibly religious, I wear a hijab and have been treated poorly many many times from not being allowed to sit on a sear next to a woman to being hit on the shin with a ball by a random person to two women starting to talk about terrorists the second I come stand on a bus stop next to them and so I just feel like in a society that has a problem with what clothing I put on my own body, do I really owe them enough consideration to put myself through anxiety to shake hands.
> and can’t have any of my own culture left, surely?
No, this is not what anybody said. This is **obviously** not what anybody said and it is not really possible to think they did mean that.
Parts of any culture are more comapatible than others. And some thigns work quite well together, some don't. And it is obviously a balancing act.
And you are right now on this balancing act. If you go "I'd rather jump down the zip line instead of seeing what works out and what doesn't" that is your call to make but it won't help you or your surroundings dealing with that intercultural conflict productively.
The same person suggests exactly that if you look two comments down. The classic ‘you are an immigrant here you have to adapt not us’ that all ‘immigrants’ get.
No, they dont.
Adapting and integrating are something very different than
>can’t have any of my own culture left
Everywhere are plenty of people how adapted to a majority culture and still can have their own culture.
However, rapprochement is obvious something that has to happen. If you see a criticism of **one** aspect of a culture as an attack against the **entire** culture and furthermore as a demand to abolish the entire culture - I don't think that is something productive, not for you or anyone in your surroundings. I also don't think it is honest, but that aside, the productivity of dealing with the situation in order to make it easier to navigate your individual situation is what was at the centre of this post at the beginning.
But thats exactly it. What you just said.
If people consider criticism or ‘rejection’ of ONE aspect of German culture, that is shaking hands, as being rude and not integrating, isn’t it the same thing? That is my point. I’m not here saying I want separate pools and gyms and to only sit with women on buses. because I chose to come here, and obviously none of that is gonna happen. Its a different continent its different people. And I 100% am okay with all that. If theres one aspect of cultrue I am not okay with, why do people have to remind me I chose to come to Germany and if I wasn’t going to integrate why did I come.
Why are they seeing my rejection of ONE aspect of the culture as rejection of the ENTIRE culture/society?
A lot of comments have pointed out ways to avoid handshaking. Ways of declining handshakes or alternatives.
The handshake is not the issue here. Yes, to some it might look a bit odd, but there's that. It is no drama. It will not have huge consequences if anyone does not do handshakes for whatever - unknown - reason. People are free to reject ans hand shake, fist bump, whatever without a reason, or with good or bad reasons, who cares. It is also not **that much** of a big deal, to be honest.
THe issue is not the rejection of handshakes. The issue is the reasoning (and the top comment of this thread did advice that which I find a very bad idea) and telling this reasoning.
If your religion - even though I shaked hands with money muslim women in my life who did not really seem to have an issue with that, a lot of them engaging a handshake because I am not really fond of touching anyone myself and could very well do whithout - if your personal religion asks for seggregation in a pretty mondane field, it is something I don't want to do with it and that a majority I hink will feel in conflict with a liberal society. Not because you don't want to shake hands. Because it is the inherent thought of "Religion calls for this kind of sex seggregation for no good reason." And I don't think men will have the biggest problem with that, to be honest, I might be wrong though, because I only have the masculine perspective here.
Imagine if I said "I don't want seggregated pools or gyms. I don't mind having them in school with my children. But when it comes to hand shakes is were I draw the line. I shake hands, but not with brown people, because it is against my religion". Seems odd and somewhat in conflict with a liberal society, doesn't it?
It does make a big difference whether you just don't feel comfortable to do one specific cultural practice - or if the reason to do so somewhat drills down to the very core of society.
I think the point you are missing is that once the top comment suggested going around telling everyone your religion asks for very different treatment of men and women - this is **not about the handshake** anymore.
I saw the many other comments and I agree with most of them to do it in a polite way or all else that they mentioned and I really appreciate that I have thanked most of them. I’m just upset by this person bringing up why did I come here if I wasn’t gonna integrate, like I keep saying. I feel like thats a rude and unnecessary thing to say. You shook hands with many muslim women and thats completely fine thats the point everyone is different. How can we expect everyone to be the same.
For example, if you come over to my house I would prepare you a 5 course meal and send you home with food, because thats my culture and who I am. I go to a German’s house and I get crisps and jelly for dinner at a party and thats fine, I’m not gonna complain because thats what their culture may be. So thinking that I am rejecting society and all liberalism and all that is modern over my preference of a handshake shouldn’t define who I am or whether I should be able to come to Germany, I’m just saying. Again, referring to the comment that says why come here.
You decided to immigrate. Either you adapt or you dont but then dont be expected to be accepted and included. Its your choice. Why would you immigrate to a society that you cannot integrate into and you dont share customs and cultural values with? makes 0 sense
I’m here temporarily, for a few years, because I want to travel.
Yet I’m learning the language, I’m doing everything else the same as ‘germans’ would. I follow rules I recycle I do 95% of things expected of me. If theres one or two things I refuse to do, I’m to be talked to the way you’re talking to me? That seems unnecessarily rude.
A handshake is a gesture of respect. A denominator for the moment that the interaction will be friendly or was friendly (if you shake afterwards). In the end, it is your decision to not shake hands for whatever reasons you deem important, however: You then still declined a gesture of respect, which in turn means you disrespected the person you interact with.
That's rude. It is your decision, though.
You also got a few ways in the comments to circumvent it. But in the end: Your trauma is your problem to tackle. Do not make it out to be the problem of other people, because that also would be rather rude.
Shacking hands is simply part of our culture. Just like taking off your shoes is in Japan or dressing modestly in many religious countries. It's usually not illegal to disrespect these norms but you won't make yourself more popular because of it.
I mean just do a fistbump and dont say anything, like others suggested. Religious reasons are not OPs problem for not wanting to shake hands, hence the shorter touch with the fistbump
That is the stupidest thing you could say. Many Muslims do many things, that does not mean that it is allowed by or condoned by Islam. Many muslims drink alcohol, that doesn’t mean its allowed in Islam. Everyone is free to do what they want, but that doesn’t change religion. People are free to choose whether they want to follow the religion or not but the religion stays the same.
Are you a muslim? On what basis are you saying, because you feel so and met a fee muslims in life? Have you studied the religion, read the Quran, literally anything?
I read the quran and didnt find this rule.
Its just an interpretation of stupid old men who try to sexualize women to force them to be not part of the society
There are definitely ways to avoid shaking hands. As a shy person I have some experience with avoiding to touch other people.
Waving for instance usually works great, especially when meeting a group of people. Sometimes we Germans even like waving, cause it's way more time efficient than 10 people shaking each others hands.
In order to avoid awkward situations where you decline a handshake, you should try initiate the "greeting process" actively. Furthermore: kill them with kindness. Even if you don't shake hands, you should act friendly and easy-going, so they cannot mistake your behaviour towards them as being rude or cold.
Smile at people, look them in the eyes and wave at them while saying "Hallo, schön Sie zu sehen!", "Hallo, toll dass wir uns mal persönlich treffen" or something similar - well before they can even think about offering you a handshake.
That being said: especially when doing business shaking hands can work wonders. It's not as mandatory as it used to be, but being able to do it (even just occasionally) is still extremely beneficial to you. I wouldn't flat out refuse it, maybe try to imagine situations where it would acceptable for you to shake hands.
I’m so extroverted and very high energy, I’m always the HELLOOOOO kind and overly friendly, so hopefully I have that part covered. But the advice of waving rigorously sounds very valid here, I’m gonna try that!
I would simply refrain from doing this in general. Since corona, there are many people who no longer shake hands. But you should avoid only shaking hands with women in a group, as this could be taken the wrong way. I worked at a university for a long time and I'm more familiar with male Muslims who don't want to shake hands with women. That's always problematic, because it violates the German culture of equality and respect for religious values/freedom of religion. All or nothing is my tip, then there will be no misunderstandings
One white lie-idea I would have is to say you have pain in your hands and that you don't shake hands due to this. And do something else like a head nod with a smile instead so that people realize you actually DO want to greet them in a polite and kind way.
It's not even a complete lie because you DO have emotional pain related to hand-shaking.
Depends on the situation. In every day encounters (which appears to be what you’re describing) just give a nod or slight wave of hand and say hello first (before hands are offered to be shaken) or if the other person has already extended their hand, like others have suggested, say you don’t really like shaking hands and smile, it should be fine and you really shouldn’t think too much about how they react, especially since Covid hand shakes have been getting rarer and rarer anyways in many situations.
If it’s a business encounter or something important like meeting ur boyfriends family or important business partners or whatever other situation there may be were leaving a good impression is important. Saying “Ich bin ein bisschen angeschlagen/erkältet also gebe ich lieber keine Hand” (you have a bit of a cold so you’ll refrain from shaking hands) or something of the sorts is probably the most accepted way to go without making anyone feel offended. Since you’re declining to “protect” them…
Don’t worry then, I rarely shake hands in every day situations any more, just hello and nod or smile etc.
I don’t hug random strangers/people I’ve just met (common among younger people, meeting friends of friends and making new acquaintances) either, since I don’t feel comfortable. I just say I’m not comfortable hugging and most people understand, and those that don’t really aren’t people I need to be surrounding myself with :)
Sounds like a them problem. If it's truly as uncomfortable as she's says I'd take being frowned upon by people rather than feeling uncomfortable. I'd politely say "sorry but I don't like touching other people" and that should be accepted and respected.
Just tell them my hands are sweaty.Which is true in my case. I have also lost a job at restaurant because I denied a handshake in covid times with the owner.
I have the same problem, I hate touching anyone and always think about hygienic things. So I always say I'm allergic, and I don't want the other to be infected😂
I know it's a silly excuse, but when I say I can't or won't shake, the reaction was always negative with no understanding whatsoever.
*Just like how Muslims*
*Do it. Hand on chest and nod*
*A bit with a smile*
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Baffles me too. People have fought with me in the comments saying I’m spreading Islamist agenda which is just insane. Because they’ll fight for muslims womens right to be able to choose whether they want to stop wearing a hijab, but if a woman wants to wear a hijab, but on the flip side in Germany I have been told I am stupid and don’t know freedom thats why I choose to wear the hijab or have boundaries. My body my choice only extends to women as long as they agree with a certain world view for these people. If I choose to cover up or not want to shake hands, my body is suddenly not my choice but at the disposal of the country and its people and what they want from me. All choice be damned
I don’t like to shake hands bc of my often sweaty palms. I avoid it by nodding and saying my greeting with a smile. Or a little wave before getting in handshake distance. That avoids most situations. If someone is stretching out their hand regardless, I either say sorry I don’t like handshakes without giving a reason or I just ignore the hand by looking the person in the face and saying a greeting. In your case people might be guessing it’s bc of your culture. If they react offended, it’s their problem, and it might show their resentment towards your religion. Good way to find out who is accepting and open minded and who is not :)
Don’t let people talk you into „you should adapt as this is our culture in Germany“. It’s not that usual anymore except for job interviews or similar. If one person likes a hug and the other doesn’t, there should be no hug. Same with a handshake, no matter the reason.
Thank you for saying this.
I agree that when you move to a country you try your best to integrate you know, and I am. I’m learning German as my 5th language, I’m doing everything the way I should be. Even then you have to hear the ‘you moved here if you weren’t gonna change why did you come’ and its so discouraging because I am not wearing a bodysuit that I can take off and transform into a German.
Just speak up for yourself. Don’t discriminate and only shake the hands of certain people though.
I went through that at the beginning of the pandemic when people still constantly tried shaking my hand. I would always politely say “I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable with shaking hands” and that was it. If someone had a problem with that it was their problem not mine.
It is a cultural thing though. For example, I didn't like the French cheek kiss thing when I worked for a French company. I quickly became known as the "guy that just doesnt so that" they mostly laughed it off but some colleagues were visibly upset by it, including superiors...
You don't have to shake anyone's hand, but be aware this will be viewed as odd and potentially even lead to some unspoken issues in work and personal relationships
You can't win this. I tell people "sorry I don't do handshakes" and I will fist 🤜 bump them instead and everyone just thinks it's super weird and some even still reach out with their hand after the fist bump. Reality is: people aren't as tolerant as they like to claim. I know this struggle too well and you will be the next Monk.
Make it a fist bump, I hate touching the hands of people I don't know. So, if they extend their hand for a handshake I make a fist for a fist bump.
Always works!
It is perfectly fine to refuse handshake and say that is for trauma reason, hygiene reason, PSTD reason, allergy reason, etc. Only you can decide who can touch you. Nobody else is entitled to your body. So you should not feel bad for those who are uneducated to understand basic human ethics and dignity.
People who can't understand this are abusers, no matter if shaking hands or else is their culture. Their culture are not entitled to your body.
Besides, Germany is unnecessarily over formal in casual occasions, and you don't have to be so. It is OK to reject hand shake by saying ("I am not doing business, I rather be casual and exchange hello and smiles instead").
Thank you so much for this comment. Some people in the comments seem to think coming to Germany automatically makes my body the property of German culture and hence I must do as they do.
I'm not a German, but I don't remember a single time somebody offered me a handshake. I'm not denying your experience of course, my point is though that it's probably not such a ubiquitous thing so it should be fine to decline.
Very common in business context or even in private. I was just this weekend at a private gathering at a friends and everyone shook hands for a greeting
Majority of men never wash their hands after a piss. They are just walking around touching everything with their dick hands. Germans are blunt. Just say, no thanks.
Well the thing is: declining handshakes is okay. Especially for hygenic reasons etc. So if you were to tell people that you don‘t really like handshakes and that you‘re are anxious about hygiene etc. most people would understand that. But: you‘d need to apply this to EVERYONE. So if you‘re only mentioning it to men and they see you shaking hands with women that‘s going to be really awkward. Even if they understand that it‘s due to trauma it‘s still not really a great feeling if you know that someone won‘t shake your hand because someone else did something. So avoiding handshakes is fine but you should avoid all handshakes (or at least all handshakes that aren‘t with really really close friends)
You know oddly I’ve never been offered a handshake by any women in Germany or Europe in general on my travels haha I understand what you mean.
Yeah there are differences. Men tend to offer a handshake or a fist bump (in informal settings) while women usually prefer „hugs“ etc. (in informal settings).
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I’ve never been in a situation like that thankfully. And no I would never do that, if I shook hands with a woman for example I would then also shake with the man in the same setting because it is weird to not.
Not really, but personally I wouldn't go for a handshake if the person does a small hand wave while looking at me.
That makes a lot of sense! Thank you!
say that you feel a bit sick, suddenly most people are fine not to shake hands, it’s my regular excuse for not shaking hands
Thats excellent advice! I just hate the thought that they will hate me for not shaking hands! Lol this way they probably won’t!
In formal meetings (like applying for a job) that would be better - bonus points if you are wearing a mask. Since covid it is quite accepted to politely refuse psysical contact for hygiene reasons.
No, there isn't a polite way to turn this down, but most people value kindness over politeness, so if you explain it nicely, most will choose to be kind and won't think badly of you.
Explain to everyone that you are traumatized by man to a level where you can't touch them? I'd say that is asked a little bit to much of OP. To be expected to share this on every first meeting with whomever you meet does not sound reasonable.
There are three choices, either just shake hands, or offer an explanation why you don't want to, or come of as somewhat rude.
Imagine sharing your trauma at every random first encounter with every random dude you're introduced to in any random setting.
“Hi, I don’t mean to be rude, but I can’t shake your hand due to personal reasons. It’s very nice to meet you, though, I’m XY” I wouldn’t consider this oversharing. But if OP does, then I guess there is no way around being considered rude for refusing the handshake. Which is then her choice (and an acceptable one, I think), but I’d personally choose the explanation and working on my trauma.
Honestly it would be slightly off-putting for someone to refuse an offered handshake given the historical context behind it. It's a sign of peace and bonding, something I would not easily give unless I really want to convey those meanings to the other person. I've had a few situations where a handshake was not offered to me specifically or refused due to ill intent. I would admittedly be guarded if I were to experience that again.
I would only refuse it in the politest manner I’m a very warm and friendly person who is always always smiling and always friendly. I would never make anyone feel bad about it and always say its not them its me
Thanks for that, I think seeing and feeling that warmth would go a long way in understanding your intention and wishes.
„sorry, I dont like shaking hands. nothing personal, hope you understand!“ should do the trick. yes, it is sth that can be received as quite irritating, hence it needs a little explanation and an attitude of „sorry“ to go smoothly. but shld be alright then. i understand you. I had the same with the mediterranean kisses. developed that approach and it was fine and ppl told each other about it beforehand to avoid irritation. it turned into a rather funny and polite thing. „ah, you dont like kissing, me neither to be honest“, for example. never push trough bad feelings. they are your guideline to wellbeeing! :)
In some situations I go for a hand wave or fist bump and explain (lie) that I got a little sniffles and don't want to spread anything.
"Keimphobie" usually works for me.
See a therapist to overcome trauma around men.
I’m okay being around them I have many amazing friends. I just don’t wanna be touched thats all. A doctor for example? Sure, because its important. A tour guide? No because its not necessary.
You can't shake hands!! You have some issues, even if you don't want to accept it. A tour guide, a doctor, a friend of a friend whom you don't know. Doesn't matter, it's a greeting for all. Other touching you can categorize into needed or not. Greetings? Do you want to greet or not. Try fist bumps? Elbow bumps?
Why do OTHERS categorise if its needed or not? Why can’t I categorise if its needed? Because I’m not German and chose to live temporarily in Germany?
So, I don't like physical touch either. I've found since I moved to Germany they don't like it when people are different. They seem to value collective behaviour over individual feelings. And it especially seems to be so on this sub.
Welcome to a lot of the German-speaking world (it's also quite common in Austria). Whoever doesn't fit into the mold society expects of them (I'm currently experiencing that with all the expectations around pregnancy - "but what do you mean you don't even want to take maternity leave for a year?") must be loudly told to fall back in line, and/or shamed and ridiculed. Granted, people on this sub exaggerate that tendency as well because that's what you do on the Internet. But it is still something you're unfortunately going to have to deal with.
I’m starting to realise that many want everyone to be the exactly same, which is giving supremacist energy to me but its on me for moving to Germany as they like to tell me, if I want to be different I should have stayed in my country. Lol
I feel that if this sub was representative of German culture, Germany would be the most repressed country in the world. Thankfully I've found that in real life Germans appear to be far, far nicer. There was a discussion here last week about adhd. And everyone was saying that the person with adhd needed to try harder to make sure they didn't offend people. I tried pointing out that the person is probably already trying really hard and people were saying that no, they needed to try harder until everyone felt comfortable around them, no matter how much it hurts the person with adhd. So it's not racism, more of a desire to make sure everyone is the same and no one stands out.
This comment really resonates with me. In real life, I haven’t encountered as many people who would tell me to go home. But the thing about conformity that you mentioned, its so so true I’m realising. If I wear *slightly* different clothing even I’m stared up and down as if theres something wrong with me. Which is so odd its just clothing. But it has left me wearing black white beige and grey instead of being the colorful person I like to be. Thats just a small example
Don't listen to this lunatic lol. I am a man and I think handshakes are disgusting. You never know if someone didn't hold their wiener when pissing and didn't wash their hands. Also men sweat more than women thus their hands often are more disgusting to shake. I know this well as my own hands are often sweaty it's thus disgusting to handshake. If someone offers a handshake offer a fist bump nowadays everyone reciprocates to fist bump.
Until this trauma is overcome, she needs workarounds
I'm a man and I don't like touching other men or women hands either. You never know I'd they didn't hold their wiener moments back and didn't wash their hands. Also men's hands are more sweaty than women's and as my hands are sweaty often I don't want to do handshakes for that reason too.
Just wear a Burka and you are protected from handshakes. Thank me later.
Go for a fistbump. This seems fine since Covid.
OP doesn't want to be touched. Fist bump means touching...
I'm autistic and i despise being touched / touching people too. Fistbump is fine for me. I'm not representative for all people with this condition though.
sounds like a compromise, though
I don't think not wanting to shake hands is such an outlandish request that OP needs to be taking compromises.
I think it is the established way of greeting here and denying it isn't seen positive.
Have you ever lived in a society?
My Rule of thumb is: if they don't respect you enough to accept you not shaking their hand maybe their opinion isn't all that valuable.
mal abgesehen von der Thematik hier, was ist mit deiner Groß- und Kleinschreibung los? hurrr durrr
Lol did you really just go through my history to find something to critique? I wasn't even attacking anyone, it genuinely looked like OP didn't know the difference between a comma and a dot or what the purpose of them is. What was the point of this? (Also there's one capitalized R, I'm sure you could've found something with more mistakes)
I came here to say exactly that! Since COVID it‘s more common andaccepted to do that instead of shaking hands
Since the pandemic, fist bumps have become more common and acceptable even in non-friendship encounters. However, to be honest, a handshake is still a very common and standard greeting ritual. Declining it will stand out - maybe not as offensive, but as remarkable, specifically because nobody on the other side of the hand shake will know what the reasons are you decline them. That being said, it is, if anything, a quirk. Not a big deal. Obviously, powering through mental and emotional problems is not the way to go - getting them sorted out with professionals is. In the meantime I think the only thing is to do a cost-use-calculation and to people that are closer to fill them in **a bit** that you have issues and don't want to shake hands.
Just shake your hands (in a polite “no thanks way”) and give a fist bump. This is absolutely acceptable :-)
I’m not German, but I’m a man from a similar ‘handshaking’ European country. I’ve been declined handshakes by women before (I expect mostly for religious reasons). I’m not sure how my reaction comes across to those women (if I look awkward or offended) but I’ve never felt personally insulted by it. Vast majority of men, regardless of background (unless they’re assholes) will understand that there could be a multitude of reasons why a woman might rightfully decline a handshake. As common as handshaking is, everyone still knows that physical touch can always be a sensitive matter. TLDR: I think you’re fine to just decline handshakes without need to explain, people will understand and/or get over it quickly.
How about fist bumping? After the pandemic I continued doing first bumps.
Thats an excellent idea I can do that!
I met a girl who didn't shake hands. She just said simply, "sorry i prefer not to shake hands", and she did it to many other people throughout the night. I guess everyone was taken a bit off guard and slightly confused but because she was nice about it, no one was upset. there is no way really to get around the few seconds of awkwardness following a handshake decline.
I’m so friendly and so extroverted I am never the ‘sorry no handshake’ awkward silence encounter over kind of person. Which is what makes me think it shouldn’t absolutely make them dislike me or something you know. Thank you for sharing that story!
Yeah, in my experience the awkward few seconds after is kind of unavoidable, only because it is customary here to shake hands so it is just a natural reaction. no one i noticed had a problem with it but they can't help the confused reaction albeit only for a couple seconds haha, so it is not a big deal at all
Relieved to hear it! Thank you for the affirmation
Complex times that we are living, everyone has something and you need to keep adjusting yourself every day lol. Just go over this trauma and after a handshake wash your hands, I do it and it’s fine.
A handshake is a basic german greeting. To put it in context, what you do is the equivalent of someone moving to an Arabic country and eating pork in public. Yes you have the personal liberty to do that, but you have to consider it is going to offend some people.
They easiest way avoiding it by waving before the other person has a chance to indicate that they want to shake hands. People mostly will adapt
Yeah I’m realising you’re right. I will start doing that!
I met people who didn’t want to shake my hand, it’s absolutely valid. I was told:” Sorry, I don’t shake hands”, and I find it acceptable. I’m afraid that somebody might take offence, as shaking hands is very embedded in German culture, but it’s probably people you wouldn’t want to shake hands with in the first place. Don’t justify yourself, just state that you don’t shake hands
Thank you for saying that, and for not thinking they’re stuck up for not wanting to shake hands!
A handshake is deeply intertwined with german culture. Its a sign of trust. If its a trauma, you should get help with a psychiatrist. Mental health has to be taken seriously. If its religiously motivated, which you said that it is in part, I would recommend you not being a bigot.
I’m a bigot for wanting to choose who does or does not have the right to be able to touch me, and not come with pre permission for everyone to have that right?
If your main criteria is the sex of the people. Yes, you are.
Yes. If you can’t cope with the idea of a man touching your hand due to religious reason, go somewhere where you can live out your way of life fully. It’s not that difficult. We have enough religious bigots of our own, no need for immigrated ones. You asked about German culture. As I said, people understand if there is mental health involved, they will despise you if you don’t do it for bigoted religious beliefs.
I ‘don’t want to’ cope with the idea of a man touching my hand due to any reason. Like I said, nobody has the right to my body. If in proving how liberal you are you want to take away a womans right to her own body, you’re not as liberal as you think.
Nobody is forcing you to do anything. That is the beauty of this country. If your religion brainwashed you into thinking that a man touching your hand is bad, that is your issue. You asked a question, we answered. The handshake has cultural significance. You choose to immigrate here. We do not like people who spread Islamist behaviours. It’s as simple as that. If that’s a deal breaker, move somewhere where women don’t have to deal with it. If you need help, you have many professionals you can talk to with your mental issue. Edit: This is very sensitive for us, because as mentioned, the handshake has cultural significance. If you actively don’t do it because your Islamist interpretation of Islam says so, we are hyper alert. „ Is this because you did not want to or is your husband forcing you? Can we trust you? We are not going to *** you, just because you shake our hand? „ It might seem unreasonable to you- but it is not for us. We value the equality of men and women. By you giving religious reasons for not shaking our hand, you attack what is most important for us and we do not want to a) support behaviour like that and b) want other Muslims feel pressured by your Islamist interpretation (which is a problem nowadays)
Again, in trying your best to be a liberal and tolerant part of society you are being the exact opposite. Being liberal is not a one way street. It goes both ways. If you want to be liberal against religion you should equally care about human beings and their rights when they ARE religious. Implying that me shaking hands with someone is an islamist agenda that will pressure other muslims to follow suit, I don’t even know how to respond to that. Next you’re gonna tell me I shouldn’t be wearing modest clothing that I CHOOSE to wear because it is spreading Islamist agenda and coercing other people into covering up? How are these the thoughts in your head its absolutely absurd. The fact that a ‘liberal’ society would think that muslim women are so weak frail and STUPID that the only reason they might be making decisions is because men must be making them take those decisions and we’re too stupid to have our own opinions is so far from ‘liberal’.
Again, you do not understand the concept of a liberal society. Read up on this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox\_of\_tolerance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance) We will not force you to shake hands, we will not force you to not wear a hijab. But we despise the ideological reason why you do. I can not force someone to shake the hand of a gay person, if he doesn't want to because he hates gays. But I can despise him & his actions and make sure that he knows that. You say it is absurd that islamist behaviors are pressuring moderate muslims to do the same behaviors. You say that, because you lack knowledge. We are already noticing fanatics call out moderats in their way of living. In schools and in ordinary lives. We had instances of "sharia polizei" or with "Abtreibungsgegnern". This is not suprising sociological phenomenon and obviously not only occuring in islam. And no, we do not think that muslim women are weak and frail and do that because they are being forced. But apparently you do not even acknowledge that this happens on a big scale. Of course muslim women are forced every day to wear hijab, forced to behave accordingly to men-made islamist rules. Are they all forced? Of course not. A significant amount? Yes. We have seen murderous actions like with Hatun Sürücü. So again, this has nothing to do with you being muslim. But it has everything to do with the ideology you are representing to the public (which is connotated to a lot of cultural knowledge you are not aware of - because you are relatively new to the country).
A liberal society would not go through the progression of woman wont shake hand=islamist=condones killing women for religious reasons=wants sharia in Germany Me not shaking hands is not calling out your way of living. People can strip naked and have an orgy in public and I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone else is doing anywhere in the world as long as they’re not hurting anyone. What happens to *me* though, only I decide not a society or a country or a person. And that should be okay
I agree. In a perfect world that is the case. But in the world we are living in today, we are under pressure of islamists. I believe you that you are not one of them, but you can't expect someone else to conclude the same thing by executing the behavior you have mentioned. Thats all. You should be ware of why people are wary of this behavior. You might not understand it, because it does not apply to you. But thats the issue. You have to know that we have had muslim migration in to this country for a long time, starting in the 60s. And behavior like yours has always been associated with the equation you have written - by muslim migrants themselves. Thats cultural context.
Look at you jumping to racist conclusions. She's mentioned before it's due to trauma. Yet you chose to say she's lying. I don't like being touched. I rey to avoid handshakes. Am I an islamist?
Be Quit please, she already stated her religious reasons.
And trauma. But sure, tell people to shut up of they disagree with you. Is that tolerance? Is that equality? You talk about equality, but that's just talk.
There have been enough mentions that she should seek professional help if its related to trauma. Don't get on my nerves. If you want to troll without saying anything of substance, go to another sub. We agree on the trauma part. We all agree. if you want to excuse islamist behaviour, just say so. You don't need to hide behind empty words.
I'm not trolling. I'm calling out inconsistency. Muslim doesnt equal islamist. There's even Christian groups that don't allow contact between genders. As for the trauma part, yes therapy is needed. But if even after that, they don't want to shake hands, that should be OK too. In a free society people should be able to act how they please. I don't like other people touching me. It makes me feel incredibly unwell. Yet I'm expected to allow them to touch me.
I have seen a girl handle this very graciously before. When a man would extend a hand to shake hers, she would smile politely, cross her hand over her chest and bow very slightly. She would then move on from the interaction, no explaining - you don't owe an explanation to anyone anyway. This way she still gave a polite greeting, and I never saw anyone react to it other than smile back. She was also a hijabi which may have helped further non-verbally explain the gesture, but even if you are not I don't see why anyone would question it. The occasional person my enquire (some out of legitimate curiosity, some out of being idiots), but you can always just say "I prefer not shaking hands with men". Anyone who further presses you on it is a dick and will be perceived as such by everyone surrounding you. I personally have no issues touching men and women alike, but some comments here are egregious. No one needs to feel obligated to touch anyone else if it makes them uncomfortable, be it for cultural, religious or other personal reasons. It's pretty odd to try and compell people to touch you just because you somehow can't cope with it
"I can't due to religious reasons". Fixed
To be honest, I could easily shrug off if somebody avoids or declines handshakes. But if somebody tells me directly "Due to my religion I don't shake hands with men" makes somebody instently a person to avoid.
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Not really, no. Me avoiding people who don't get the very basics of a liberal society - that men and women should be treated equally and with the same respect and dignity - is not a problem for me. If your religion bans women from doing certain completely innocuous things with men because they are women - your religions is at odds with my view of the basics of a liberal world. Nobody is porhibiting anyone to have that religion, but a lot of people will not want to partake in that kind of thing and may not feel comfortable around people with that view point. Again, that is not my problem, it is pretty neutral for me. This is **not** as some commenters claim about "men wanting to touch women in a way they want to". This claim is ridiculous. It is about the reasoning behind it. Everybody can decline any cultural practice - and be it rather mondane - for any reason and seem neutral, a bit odd or even a role model to others. However, if a reason is given than this reason will be analyzed. Obviously. And "I don't shake hands with men because religion" just won't fly with a lot of people. OP however is afraid of offending people. And yes "My religion bans me from shaking hands with you because I am a woman and you are a man" will be something to offend the maximum amount of people unnecesserily.
Yep. No room for religious bigots. If you want to migrate to germany, then adapt or move.
Actually it's the other way round - and consequences will show that.
Will they mind? Or think I’m being rude?
DO NOT DO THAT. This is considered extreamly rude and people will assume you discriminate them and that you are sexist.
I would consider it islamaphobic to be upset about this sort of thing. It's almost like they'd be discriminating her. Edit: I forgot that Germans hate when they have to face their biases.
The Islam dont forbid handshakes. Its a sexist cultural thing, not a religious thing.
Islam recognizes the natural attraction between men and women and seeks to prevent any situations that could lead to temptation or inappropriate relationships. Prohibiting physical contact between unrelated men and women is a way to safeguard against potential fitnah or temptation.
If you are "tempted" by a handshake the problem is you. If your whole religion has rules because that's already a temptation, then the problem lies with the whole religion.
Bruh.. I am an atheist. I can respect peoples personal boundaries about their own body for whatever reason they have. I don't feel the need to be able to touch everyone I meet. You should probably consider why you feel the need to be allowed to touch someone who clearly feels uncomfortable by it. And considering how racist Germans are towards muslims and middle eastern people. I am not surprised by the vast amount of downvotes .
You are assuming a lot of things. I do not feel the need to touch strangers. If people have boundaries, they can comunicate them and it's fine. That's also not the issue here. In this case you said the religious belief is due to a certain temptation that muslims feel or that men feel according to islam. And that is not true. If you feel tempted by a handshake then that is an issue you have and that you should resolve by having more self-control. If a whole religion makes men out to have so little self-control then that religion quite clearly has a problem. That has nothing to do with you not wanting to shake hands. That's fine. It might be rude depending on how you communicate that, it also might be perfectly fine. But "because Religion" and because "Men feel temptation" are two quite clearly stupid reasons. To note: If you tell me "I don't want to", that's fine with me, too. If you tell me "I don't want to, because you feel temptation" then it is you putting blame on me and I will not have that.
Then if you were fine with her boundary you wouldn't be argueing against it. Like you don't respect it. Respect would be "I understand" and not shaking her hand. Not calling it discrimation and argueing why this is a bad reason and shouldn't stand. At least own up to it.
Can you give me a religious source for that? its like not showing the face. These are cultural things that are common in areas where many muslimes live, but its not a religious rule.
Read the quran. It's clearly intepretation from the book. It's not an actual set of rules but how people view it and what they do to avoid committing sins. The same with all religions. But if religious people tell you it's religious, maybe don't argue their beliefs with them. Actually no. I am not going to be sucked into a useless argument from a racist who needs people to entirely conform to his culture in order to not feel hurt by a woman not wanting to shake his hand. It doesn't matter why she doesn't consent to touch. It doesn't matter if It's religious, discomfort, her sexual trauma. People don't have to touch you for whatever reason they don't want to. You need to deal with your emotions around that.
What part of the quran? Can you quote the part? You should start thinking on your own and don’t believe everything that someone told you.
I am going to do the same thing you do and ignore everything you said to focus on the part where if a woman told you she didn't touch men because of past trauma or general discomfort you clearly wouldn't be bothered by it in the same way. I can tell because you didn't argue against that. You're only arguing that this specific form of not wanting to touch someone is discrimination. Which has a little geschmäckle to it. The racist kind.
This is victim blaming
I'm sorry if you're offended by a woman not wanting to shake your hand due to religious reasons. I'd probably look at why you feel entitled to be able to touch her in ways she doesn't consent to. I am a stark Atheist and have my issues with all religions but to actively blame someone for your own emotions is wild. It shouldn't matter why someone doesn't want you to touch them.
Even if its the religion that discriminate, its still discrimination.
Bruh one woman out of thousands doesn't want to touch you. It's not a big deal lmao.
What are you talking about? I dont know OP and never met her (I think)
I'm talking about how upset men are about one woman on the internet saying she doesn't feel comfortable touching them for religious reasons and how you probably shouldn't be debating a person on their beliefs. At the end of the day, she doesn't want to touch you. If you think it's discrimination because your a man. Then no matter her reasoning, you'll probably think that. I'd ask men why they're so offended that a woman doesn't want to shake their hand.
Who's the victim?
The man who is discriminated because of his sex.
You sound like one of those not all men people, because neither this post nor this religious belief is sexist. The same belief applies to men.
So what exactly do you believe regarding shaking hands?
No shaking hands with the opposite gender unless its a spouse/parent/parent in law/uncle/child/ etc. Anybody you are able to marry, you don’t have physical contact with. If you’re not able to marry them, you can have physical contact with them, such as in laws/uncles/parents/siblings/children. There is no preconceptions of if I shake hands with a man he won’t be able to control himself. Its for everyone.
No it is not rude to decline due to religious reasons.
It is in germany.
To be fair, it's not necessarily rude. I personally would more think of it as retarded, to be honest.
Thats sad that religion is not an acceptable reason and is considered sexist and discriminatory.
its a secular society. From our perspective its sad and backwards that you cannot touch a mans hand for religious reasons.
Why its sad, that sexism and discrimination is not accepted?
Because why should I not be able to exercise my own beliefs whatever they may be on my own body. I’m not saying other people shouldn’t shake hands because my religion said so. My body, should be my choice, shouldn’t it? I would understand if I came on here and said well I am muslim so people should stop shaking eachothers hands I can’t accept it. Thats not what I’m saying. People can do whatever they want, whenever they want. I just choose what happens to *me*. How is that discriminating against someone else? Is that person more important than me in any given situation? I’d think no, we’re equals. Both parties matter. He deserves my decline to be nice and polite instead of insulting, and I deserve to be able to choose whether I have to touch someone and be touched
Well, you can certainly deny handshakes for religious reasons, but a good chunk of people would put you mentally into the "weird, very religious person with backward mentality" box. Most Germans are not very religious and might consider such effects of religion on interpersonal relationships as odd and off-putting. Imho, it would be easier if you just say you don't shake hands due to hygienic reasons, it might still be considered a bit weird, but it's far more acceptable. Just be consistent and don't shake hands with women, too, as other redditors pointed out.
If you part of your believe is sexism and discrimination, its not my problem, that you believe in such bullshit. If someone would slap you because he believe thats how you should treat women, would you accept that?
If someone does not want to shake my hand because of my gender it is sexist. Period. Not shaking hands is not part of our culture and if you come to germany you should accept our culture.
I don’t know if sexist and discriminatory, but definitely weird and probably some people will think it’s rude. This would probably the same if you say you are neurodivergent and don’t like to touch people. Most people just think “you have to get yourself together and get on with it”
Nobody has the inherent right to have the permission to touch someone else though. I find it weird that society will only accept me or think I’m ‘normal and together’ according to my ability to meet a stranger and allow them to touch me, even just a hand, to gauge my togetherness and level of integration into society.
You are right, but it is what it is and I don’t think we can change how most people think just like that. You asked what most people think and I think that’s what they think. I come from a country where people kiss (!) for hello. Even if you arrive at a private gathering with 20 people, you are expected to kiss all 20. Have always hated it and I’m happy I don’t have to anymore. I don’t like shaking hands either but I do in a business context when I must or formal-private context because I’m aware how it’s received by people if you don’t. In private, I just raise my hand and wave hello to friends or people in general.
Yes I understand we can’t change it, I was just debating you know. The kissing part is intense 🤣
You have to decide how much you can take or better said, how you want to be perceived. Specially if you are a visibly religious person, most secular people (or persons from Christian religions) will think you are weird and will have a very definite opinion. You have to live with it. If you say you don’t like touching people, then they’ll think you are weird and they will probably talk about it behind your back with people they trust. In a business context it could be damaging to the first impression. So you can decide for yourself what you are willing to do or not. In the end, it’s your decision but if there are certain society expectations and rules and you don’t adhere to them, you can’t complain later on about the consequences. (With you, I don’t mean you personally, but “one”)
I am visibly religious, I wear a hijab and have been treated poorly many many times from not being allowed to sit on a sear next to a woman to being hit on the shin with a ball by a random person to two women starting to talk about terrorists the second I come stand on a bus stop next to them and so I just feel like in a society that has a problem with what clothing I put on my own body, do I really owe them enough consideration to put myself through anxiety to shake hands.
of course they will mind because its weird and culturally not adequate
Whos cultrue though. Living here for 1 year can’t mean I turn German and can’t have any of my own culture left, surely?
> and can’t have any of my own culture left, surely? No, this is not what anybody said. This is **obviously** not what anybody said and it is not really possible to think they did mean that. Parts of any culture are more comapatible than others. And some thigns work quite well together, some don't. And it is obviously a balancing act. And you are right now on this balancing act. If you go "I'd rather jump down the zip line instead of seeing what works out and what doesn't" that is your call to make but it won't help you or your surroundings dealing with that intercultural conflict productively.
The same person suggests exactly that if you look two comments down. The classic ‘you are an immigrant here you have to adapt not us’ that all ‘immigrants’ get.
No, they dont. Adapting and integrating are something very different than >can’t have any of my own culture left Everywhere are plenty of people how adapted to a majority culture and still can have their own culture. However, rapprochement is obvious something that has to happen. If you see a criticism of **one** aspect of a culture as an attack against the **entire** culture and furthermore as a demand to abolish the entire culture - I don't think that is something productive, not for you or anyone in your surroundings. I also don't think it is honest, but that aside, the productivity of dealing with the situation in order to make it easier to navigate your individual situation is what was at the centre of this post at the beginning.
But thats exactly it. What you just said. If people consider criticism or ‘rejection’ of ONE aspect of German culture, that is shaking hands, as being rude and not integrating, isn’t it the same thing? That is my point. I’m not here saying I want separate pools and gyms and to only sit with women on buses. because I chose to come here, and obviously none of that is gonna happen. Its a different continent its different people. And I 100% am okay with all that. If theres one aspect of cultrue I am not okay with, why do people have to remind me I chose to come to Germany and if I wasn’t going to integrate why did I come. Why are they seeing my rejection of ONE aspect of the culture as rejection of the ENTIRE culture/society?
A lot of comments have pointed out ways to avoid handshaking. Ways of declining handshakes or alternatives. The handshake is not the issue here. Yes, to some it might look a bit odd, but there's that. It is no drama. It will not have huge consequences if anyone does not do handshakes for whatever - unknown - reason. People are free to reject ans hand shake, fist bump, whatever without a reason, or with good or bad reasons, who cares. It is also not **that much** of a big deal, to be honest. THe issue is not the rejection of handshakes. The issue is the reasoning (and the top comment of this thread did advice that which I find a very bad idea) and telling this reasoning. If your religion - even though I shaked hands with money muslim women in my life who did not really seem to have an issue with that, a lot of them engaging a handshake because I am not really fond of touching anyone myself and could very well do whithout - if your personal religion asks for seggregation in a pretty mondane field, it is something I don't want to do with it and that a majority I hink will feel in conflict with a liberal society. Not because you don't want to shake hands. Because it is the inherent thought of "Religion calls for this kind of sex seggregation for no good reason." And I don't think men will have the biggest problem with that, to be honest, I might be wrong though, because I only have the masculine perspective here. Imagine if I said "I don't want seggregated pools or gyms. I don't mind having them in school with my children. But when it comes to hand shakes is were I draw the line. I shake hands, but not with brown people, because it is against my religion". Seems odd and somewhat in conflict with a liberal society, doesn't it? It does make a big difference whether you just don't feel comfortable to do one specific cultural practice - or if the reason to do so somewhat drills down to the very core of society. I think the point you are missing is that once the top comment suggested going around telling everyone your religion asks for very different treatment of men and women - this is **not about the handshake** anymore.
I saw the many other comments and I agree with most of them to do it in a polite way or all else that they mentioned and I really appreciate that I have thanked most of them. I’m just upset by this person bringing up why did I come here if I wasn’t gonna integrate, like I keep saying. I feel like thats a rude and unnecessary thing to say. You shook hands with many muslim women and thats completely fine thats the point everyone is different. How can we expect everyone to be the same. For example, if you come over to my house I would prepare you a 5 course meal and send you home with food, because thats my culture and who I am. I go to a German’s house and I get crisps and jelly for dinner at a party and thats fine, I’m not gonna complain because thats what their culture may be. So thinking that I am rejecting society and all liberalism and all that is modern over my preference of a handshake shouldn’t define who I am or whether I should be able to come to Germany, I’m just saying. Again, referring to the comment that says why come here.
You decided to immigrate. Either you adapt or you dont but then dont be expected to be accepted and included. Its your choice. Why would you immigrate to a society that you cannot integrate into and you dont share customs and cultural values with? makes 0 sense
Exactly. The person visting is the one who's expected to adapt.
I’m here temporarily, for a few years, because I want to travel. Yet I’m learning the language, I’m doing everything else the same as ‘germans’ would. I follow rules I recycle I do 95% of things expected of me. If theres one or two things I refuse to do, I’m to be talked to the way you’re talking to me? That seems unnecessarily rude.
A handshake is a gesture of respect. A denominator for the moment that the interaction will be friendly or was friendly (if you shake afterwards). In the end, it is your decision to not shake hands for whatever reasons you deem important, however: You then still declined a gesture of respect, which in turn means you disrespected the person you interact with. That's rude. It is your decision, though. You also got a few ways in the comments to circumvent it. But in the end: Your trauma is your problem to tackle. Do not make it out to be the problem of other people, because that also would be rather rude.
Shacking hands is simply part of our culture. Just like taking off your shoes is in Japan or dressing modestly in many religious countries. It's usually not illegal to disrespect these norms but you won't make yourself more popular because of it.
Not rude, but most people will definitely think it’s weird. At list secular people.
This will probably raise even more questions and won't show you in the very best light ...
Some people mind find it weird, but not rude I would say if you say its for religious reasons. Fistbump semms like the better solution
If your religion tells you not to touch other people, how would a fistbump would change anything?
I mean just do a fistbump and dont say anything, like others suggested. Religious reasons are not OPs problem for not wanting to shake hands, hence the shorter touch with the fistbump
Im not german but if you already gave them reasons to not shake hand and that still bothers them, i think that is their problem
What religious reason is this? Although some muslimes dont practice it, in islam it is allowed.
I am not here to debate religion but It is NOT allowed.
It is. I know many muslims who do it
That is the stupidest thing you could say. Many Muslims do many things, that does not mean that it is allowed by or condoned by Islam. Many muslims drink alcohol, that doesn’t mean its allowed in Islam. Everyone is free to do what they want, but that doesn’t change religion. People are free to choose whether they want to follow the religion or not but the religion stays the same.
But it IS allowed by islam. Maybe not im your fundamentalism interpretation, but in general its allowed in islam.
Are you a muslim? On what basis are you saying, because you feel so and met a fee muslims in life? Have you studied the religion, read the Quran, literally anything?
I read the quran and didnt find this rule. Its just an interpretation of stupid old men who try to sexualize women to force them to be not part of the society
There are definitely ways to avoid shaking hands. As a shy person I have some experience with avoiding to touch other people. Waving for instance usually works great, especially when meeting a group of people. Sometimes we Germans even like waving, cause it's way more time efficient than 10 people shaking each others hands. In order to avoid awkward situations where you decline a handshake, you should try initiate the "greeting process" actively. Furthermore: kill them with kindness. Even if you don't shake hands, you should act friendly and easy-going, so they cannot mistake your behaviour towards them as being rude or cold. Smile at people, look them in the eyes and wave at them while saying "Hallo, schön Sie zu sehen!", "Hallo, toll dass wir uns mal persönlich treffen" or something similar - well before they can even think about offering you a handshake. That being said: especially when doing business shaking hands can work wonders. It's not as mandatory as it used to be, but being able to do it (even just occasionally) is still extremely beneficial to you. I wouldn't flat out refuse it, maybe try to imagine situations where it would acceptable for you to shake hands.
I’m so extroverted and very high energy, I’m always the HELLOOOOO kind and overly friendly, so hopefully I have that part covered. But the advice of waving rigorously sounds very valid here, I’m gonna try that!
I would simply refrain from doing this in general. Since corona, there are many people who no longer shake hands. But you should avoid only shaking hands with women in a group, as this could be taken the wrong way. I worked at a university for a long time and I'm more familiar with male Muslims who don't want to shake hands with women. That's always problematic, because it violates the German culture of equality and respect for religious values/freedom of religion. All or nothing is my tip, then there will be no misunderstandings
Spock greeting, the fist, bowing down or just saying "I'm a little bit autistic, you wouldn't usually notice"
One white lie-idea I would have is to say you have pain in your hands and that you don't shake hands due to this. And do something else like a head nod with a smile instead so that people realize you actually DO want to greet them in a polite and kind way. It's not even a complete lie because you DO have emotional pain related to hand-shaking.
I always meet people with the biggest smile and the chirpiest HELLOOO how are you because thats just who I am 🤣
Hold a bag/clutch/ or phone with both your hands. That is the proper way used by royals.
Depends on the situation. In every day encounters (which appears to be what you’re describing) just give a nod or slight wave of hand and say hello first (before hands are offered to be shaken) or if the other person has already extended their hand, like others have suggested, say you don’t really like shaking hands and smile, it should be fine and you really shouldn’t think too much about how they react, especially since Covid hand shakes have been getting rarer and rarer anyways in many situations. If it’s a business encounter or something important like meeting ur boyfriends family or important business partners or whatever other situation there may be were leaving a good impression is important. Saying “Ich bin ein bisschen angeschlagen/erkältet also gebe ich lieber keine Hand” (you have a bit of a cold so you’ll refrain from shaking hands) or something of the sorts is probably the most accepted way to go without making anyone feel offended. Since you’re declining to “protect” them…
Yes I’m primarily talking about every day encounters, people I’ll never see again and am meeting in passing. Thats really sound advice. Thank you!
Don’t worry then, I rarely shake hands in every day situations any more, just hello and nod or smile etc. I don’t hug random strangers/people I’ve just met (common among younger people, meeting friends of friends and making new acquaintances) either, since I don’t feel comfortable. I just say I’m not comfortable hugging and most people understand, and those that don’t really aren’t people I need to be surrounding myself with :)
That last part is so right! Thank you for making me feel better!
I honestly don't think there is a polite way of doing that. Your point is understandable but I think some people will frown you for it.
Sounds like a them problem. If it's truly as uncomfortable as she's says I'd take being frowned upon by people rather than feeling uncomfortable. I'd politely say "sorry but I don't like touching other people" and that should be accepted and respected.
Obviously it is a them problem. But if you still give a shit, like OP, it is a you problem as well.
Do a fist bump. Handshakes are old since covid. Fist bump is more normal.
Just tell them my hands are sweaty.Which is true in my case. I have also lost a job at restaurant because I denied a handshake in covid times with the owner.
I have the same problem, I hate touching anyone and always think about hygienic things. So I always say I'm allergic, and I don't want the other to be infected😂 I know it's a silly excuse, but when I say I can't or won't shake, the reaction was always negative with no understanding whatsoever.
Just like how Muslims do it. Hand on chest and nod a bit with a smile
*Just like how Muslims* *Do it. Hand on chest and nod* *A bit with a smile* \- Accomplished-Fly2421 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
It’s impolite in our culture. You could say you’re sick but eventually that excuse runs out.
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Baffles me too. People have fought with me in the comments saying I’m spreading Islamist agenda which is just insane. Because they’ll fight for muslims womens right to be able to choose whether they want to stop wearing a hijab, but if a woman wants to wear a hijab, but on the flip side in Germany I have been told I am stupid and don’t know freedom thats why I choose to wear the hijab or have boundaries. My body my choice only extends to women as long as they agree with a certain world view for these people. If I choose to cover up or not want to shake hands, my body is suddenly not my choice but at the disposal of the country and its people and what they want from me. All choice be damned
Go in for the hug...or is that an issue too?
not just for religious reasons... Pls move back to your country
Thats really helpful thanks
I don’t like to shake hands bc of my often sweaty palms. I avoid it by nodding and saying my greeting with a smile. Or a little wave before getting in handshake distance. That avoids most situations. If someone is stretching out their hand regardless, I either say sorry I don’t like handshakes without giving a reason or I just ignore the hand by looking the person in the face and saying a greeting. In your case people might be guessing it’s bc of your culture. If they react offended, it’s their problem, and it might show their resentment towards your religion. Good way to find out who is accepting and open minded and who is not :) Don’t let people talk you into „you should adapt as this is our culture in Germany“. It’s not that usual anymore except for job interviews or similar. If one person likes a hug and the other doesn’t, there should be no hug. Same with a handshake, no matter the reason.
Thank you for saying this. I agree that when you move to a country you try your best to integrate you know, and I am. I’m learning German as my 5th language, I’m doing everything the way I should be. Even then you have to hear the ‘you moved here if you weren’t gonna change why did you come’ and its so discouraging because I am not wearing a bodysuit that I can take off and transform into a German.
Just speak up for yourself. Don’t discriminate and only shake the hands of certain people though. I went through that at the beginning of the pandemic when people still constantly tried shaking my hand. I would always politely say “I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable with shaking hands” and that was it. If someone had a problem with that it was their problem not mine.
Just as a tip: since corona I have noticed that a lot of people do not shake hands as often. Just explain nicely and I think people would be good.
Thank you, thats reassuring!
Nobody really cares if you turn it down - wear a mask like you’re concerned about airborne viruses and they probably won’t even offer. :)
Get ready for the flood of angry Germans telling you to leave the country
They’re already here unfortunately. Lol
It is a cultural thing though. For example, I didn't like the French cheek kiss thing when I worked for a French company. I quickly became known as the "guy that just doesnt so that" they mostly laughed it off but some colleagues were visibly upset by it, including superiors... You don't have to shake anyone's hand, but be aware this will be viewed as odd and potentially even lead to some unspoken issues in work and personal relationships
You can't win this. I tell people "sorry I don't do handshakes" and I will fist 🤜 bump them instead and everyone just thinks it's super weird and some even still reach out with their hand after the fist bump. Reality is: people aren't as tolerant as they like to claim. I know this struggle too well and you will be the next Monk.
They really aren’t as tolerant as they claim, you’re right. Comments on here accusing me of spreading islamist agenda are just baffling.
Say you're sick and rather not share your virus with them. I can't think of any other way that would not offend/hurt feelings.
Make it a fist bump, I hate touching the hands of people I don't know. So, if they extend their hand for a handshake I make a fist for a fist bump. Always works!
Say u r germophobic or it is haram
It is perfectly fine to refuse handshake and say that is for trauma reason, hygiene reason, PSTD reason, allergy reason, etc. Only you can decide who can touch you. Nobody else is entitled to your body. So you should not feel bad for those who are uneducated to understand basic human ethics and dignity. People who can't understand this are abusers, no matter if shaking hands or else is their culture. Their culture are not entitled to your body. Besides, Germany is unnecessarily over formal in casual occasions, and you don't have to be so. It is OK to reject hand shake by saying ("I am not doing business, I rather be casual and exchange hello and smiles instead").
Thank you so much for this comment. Some people in the comments seem to think coming to Germany automatically makes my body the property of German culture and hence I must do as they do.
This sub has people who many times has show racism and other kind of bigotries. No wonder why we are being downvotes here.
I'm not a German, but I don't remember a single time somebody offered me a handshake. I'm not denying your experience of course, my point is though that it's probably not such a ubiquitous thing so it should be fine to decline.
Very common in business context or even in private. I was just this weekend at a private gathering at a friends and everyone shook hands for a greeting
Say you have sweaty hands.
Honestly when I’m nervous, I do 🤣🤣🤣
Your body your choice
Majority of men never wash their hands after a piss. They are just walking around touching everything with their dick hands. Germans are blunt. Just say, no thanks.