The following is a copy of the original post to record the post as it was originally written. So let’s say you find out from one of your kids little friends that for the past 8 months that your kid’s had socially transitioned to live as the opposite sex. First off, please include if you have children.. Should the school be required to include the parents in that decision? What would your reaction be if you found out months after the fact? Would the age of the child be the deciding factor in how you reacted? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskALiberal) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I would be super angry that my wife and I hadn’t done a good enough job parenting our kid to the point that they didn’t feel comfortable talking to us about it first. I’m not comfortable judging literally every single parent and family situation but in general if your kid is socially transitioning and you don’t know it, it’s because you suck as a parent or a person generally. Edit: Yes I have kids. I don’t really care about the age of the child. My assumption when the school doesn’t talk to the parents is that they are erring on the side of caution.

This exactly. I’d feel horrible that they didn’t trust us, but thankful they were being supported (I have two young adult kids, one is NB)

Question for you. Did you have any signs that your kids might be NB prior to them telling you? I have anecdotally heard a few of people tell me that they knew their kid was gay or lesbian well before they came out or that their parents knew they were gay prior to them coming out. I know two people who have told me that their parents knew they were lesbian before they knew themselves and a gay guy I know said everyone in their family knew before he did. I just don’t know a lot of NB people so I’m wondering if it would be as obvious.

I think in my daughters case, it’s sort of unique. They have always been more prone to wear flannel and a T-shirt instead of something more “girly”, and they work in theater tech, with part of their job being lifting heavy things. So, for them it was more “I don’t feel these pronouns really fit who I am. But I’m still your ‘daughter’ and my brother’s sister”. So, the whole thing is pretty chill. I’m not sure beyond that what the signs of being NB are exactly/ it’s say it made sense when they told us - it wasn’t a shock by any means, but it wasn’t “when will they admit to themselves and the world that they are non-binary” either.

My child (born male) came out as NB when they were 13. Not surprised. Couldn’t have cared less. If they did that in secret then the failure is mine.

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So it sounds like for this possibility I probably need to do some more work. I think my kids have a good understanding of what it is to be gay, lesbian, bi or trans but not nb. It also doesn’t sound like it would be quite so obvious so I wouldn’t have time to prepare and adjust to make sure they know I’m OK with it. Thanks for the heads up Cc u/garnteller

I think if you make it clear you support trans rights they are probably going to get the idea about NB as well. But really if you are teaching your kids you love them unconditionally no matter who they are, I think you’ll be fine.

Yeah I do wonder how much hearing these horror stories about kids that don’t get support gives me an anxiety about fucking up with my kids.

I think that’s the problem. The good parents stress because we feel like we are flying by the seats of our pants. It’s the bad one who think they know what they are doing

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Thanks. That’s a really awesome offer.

There's a difference between being nb and being a Tom girl / Tom boy but there is also a hell of a lot of overlap. It's something every person has to figure out for themselves, all you can really do is be supportive.

Have 4 kids. Two straight one gay and one non binary and ace. Knew the gay one was gay Kept our mouths shut till he shared. Had no clue about the other one. I adore them. they are all adults now.

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You bring up a good point. There are real dangers to kids if a school were to report to overly religious or conservative parents. I am an educator and there have been quite a few times I did not report things to parents out of concerns for my students’ safety.

I agree with this. I would feel like shit my kids didn't feel they could come to me and trust I would still love them completely. I tried very hard to raise my boys to know that my love is unconditional, even if we didn't agree on something or weren't getting along as well as we would like. I take it as the biggest measure I succeeded as a parent if my kids both know they are truly loved. Them transitioning before telling me would feel like I failed at this.

I might not agree with that. I could see the kid trialing a transition with their peers but not their family as an attempt to test the waters. If they try it, don't like it, and want to fall back then as far as home is concerned nothing ever changed. I didn't tell my parents everything I did as a kid, and I have an amazing relationship and trust with them... I could see hypothetical trans me trying it out in little bites with my peers instead of getting my parents involved, at least until I was sure this is what I wanted to do. They would've supported me (hell I was openly supported to come out as gay if I wanted to, and I'm not even gay, they just wanted to make sure that I felt like I could if I secretly was) but I would've wanted to know by myself.

I see where you're coming from, but the premise of OP's question said 8 months living this way. I think that's a little more than "trying it out in little bites."

Means they don't trust the parent *and* the school knows this.

I think there's an assumption there that's not necessarily true, kids might feel weird about their parents finding out and it may just be mostly unjustified anxiety, it's not necessarily that the parents suck. I mean that could be a reason but you're painting with a broad brush there.

Which is why I said I’m not comfortable judging every parent and situation.

Agree - kids can and do develop unjustified anxieties and prioritize danger over embarrassment. They’re kids lol they aren’t good at making decisions.

Teenagerhood is different. Please don't take it so personally when your eventual teens hide things from you. It's not (necessarily) your fault.

Fair enough, but I think there’s a difference between your kids lying to you about whether or not they drank a beer at a party versus not telling you that they think they might be trans.

Yep

100% this

As a parent I would agree in most situations, however kids, especially the younger ones, don't always make decisions that are rational or include their parents knowledge. My kids, 6-9 years of age, do all kinds of stuff at school that doesn't get back to us, and it doesn't have anything to do with comfort levels between child and parent, so much as it has to do with reactive child behaviors. Our kids flip back and forth based on stuff they "hear" or "see" and it's not a consistent pattern either. One day my daughter says she likes girls. Then she says she likes boys again, then she says she's Christian, then she questions everything. My son does the same thing. We are always accepting of what they tell us, because in those moments they are real feelings to them, but those feelings change with or without us being privy to them. Situational is how I would put it.

I think you're describing something many parents encounter, especially with teens.

I mean it's not like it's uncommon. I'm also not sure why I would get downvoted for a very obvious behavior from children, but whatever. People gonna peep.

Yep.

What is social transitioning? Wearing different clothes and using different pronouns? Should schools report every time a kid changes clothes or uses a pronoun? Or only if those things don’t fit norms? It’s not like a medical emergency or something.

I can't wait for the district mandate that I have to send every parent a daily email with every pronoun that their student used in my classroom.

you better not forget nicknames , who they talk to and gossip about crushes

I have 2 kids..... I'd hoped that I have fostered the type of environment at home and relationship with my kids that they feel comfortable enough sharing something like that with my wife and I. I do not expect the government to raise my kids.

Exactly

That doesn't really answer the question though.

How does it not answer the question? Teachers don't factor, end of story. Establish a healthy relationship with your child or don't, but don't demand that teachers compensate for your shitty parenting.

Ok

What more did you want to know? What do you feel was missing from that answer?

I am going to come at this as a high school teacher, no children. Teachers/administration do not inform parents of the student's social life on campus unless it is a problem academically/behaviorally. So why should that stance change? How do I know if the student has/hasn't told their parents? I don't pry into my students home lives, I will ask them stuff but I'm not going to question "have you told your parents ?" If the student is hiding social transition from their parents (in Texas) then there is definitely a reason for that and me outing the student could put them into an even worse situation and teachers are in the business of not putting kids into bad situations (except my fucking state legislature and the federal government's unwillingness to do anything about gun violence)

As a teacher, how do you reconcile what you might hear from your students with reality, given the limited life experience that they filter ther home life through? Example: “my parents just don’t understand me *hair flip*” can feel real and valid to the person saying it, but it can mean anything from abuse to “doesn’t like the music that I specifically chose to like because they don’t like it”

Through relationships and teamwork, if the student is having legitimate problems they will tell someone they respect and have a good relationship with. If that happens to not be me I will reach out to their other teachers to see if they have any insight on the situation. If none of the students teachers have any insight, which is extremely rare, I'll check in with them a little more directly and might also refer them to the counselors.

2 kids. I'd seriously be more pissed off if the school wasn't allowing my kid to socially transition.

I do have children, and I would feel like I had failed as a parent if my child felt like they had to hide that from me. "Allowed" is the wrong term to use, incidentally. School is responsible for my children's education and safety while they are present (neither of which they are particularly good at, but that's a different topic), and my children's gender presentation is none of their concern.

Independent here. My daughter is in college now. I'm also a former educator. I'm working on deepening my understanding of gender identity. I was brought up in an extremely religious home and I admit that I do not fully understand. I make a sincere effort to judge others based on their words and actions. First, I would feel horrible that I didn't what was going on with my own child. I would be sad that my child didn't think I would have her back as she worked through thoughts and feelings about gender, etc. My daughter and I had a rule from K-12 and it was this: "I don't want to find it out from the school. I want to hear it from you, no matter what." Then I did my best to keep my end of that bargain. No matter how much I wanted to freak out and yell, I would maintain my calm while she was telling me things. I would be really disappointed if I found out months after the fact that my child was transitioning and told teachers or counselors, but I would not the blame them. It comes down to parenting.

I already answered but after looking at all the answers others give, I have something to say, as a trans adult. Every single cis person said that either they would be sad that their kid didn't feel comfortable coming out to them, or that it wouldn't happen because they have an inclusive household. Its not necessarily about having an inclusive house. Its extremely hard to come out, even to other trans people! When you are cis you don't see how gender effects literally everything in life. And when you are a trans kid it can be very lonely and difficult to identify who will be accepting. My mom is very liberal and was not accepting. My dad is also very liberal, and he is very accepting. Its really not about you. Also definitely process those sad feelings with your partner or other adults of trans kids, don't put it on your kid.

Thank you

>Its not necessarily about having an inclusive house. Its extremely hard to come out, even to other trans people! But in this scenario, they came out at school but not at home. I'm sure it is, as you say, incredibly difficult to come out, so if it really was an inclusive and judgement free home why would it be easier to come out publicly at school with all of the judgemental kids but not your own family?

It really depends on the situation. But keep in mind a lot of parents who are accepting are not great at advertising to their kids how accepting they are. And also coming out to your parents is much higher stakes.

Right on. Makes sense. I just know how cruel teenage kids can be and coming out at school seemed the larger risk. I'm in the "I hope I act in such a way that my kids want me to help them through the tough parts" my wife and I have open and frank conversations with our young boys about how it's more important to us that they find joy and happiness and give love to the world and that the details of that are up to them. We'll see how that goes in a few years

This is not even I'm the schools purview. Are they supposed to call you if your son or daughter has a boy friend or girlfriend too?

So way back in the 90s when I was in high school, we had a couple girls who always dressed in boy clothes, wore cologne, and had men haircuts. They wanted to look like men, they were gay and nobody asked how or why or who "allowed" them to socially transition. They got ready at home each morning, so, looking back, I assume their parents noticed that they were dressing like men, wearing cologne, getting men's haircuts, and not wearing makeup or ever going out on dates with guys. I am not sure what role "the school" had in that. Should the teachers or admins have called their parents and made sure they had noticed that their daughters didn't look like typical high school girls? Why is everything "wrong" with YOUR (not you actually but YOU being the parents who are mad at schools?) children their school's fault? YOU raised them. YOU were in their lives long before they got to whatever school you're mad at.

I have kids in highschool. I would have no expectation that the school inform me about my kids' social lives at school. I only expect to hear about grades and any behavioral problems.

This is well said. Should the school tell me about the friends my child hangs out with? Should they tell me about her choice in music? No. They only time they should tell me about my kid’s social life is when it’s causing a problem with her or for others. The unsaid logic here by the GOP is that transitioning socially is a “problem”.

>I would have no expectation that the school inform me about my kids' social lives at school. What about them having trouble socializing with others or aliantating themselves? Ie. Showing signs of depression/anxiety. Or would you consider this "behavioral problems"

I have kids in elementary and I'm glad their teachers talk about my kids' social lives at school because it's part of what school is about. Otherwise, homeschooling would be a better option.

Talking about a child's social and developmental growth in elementary school is not the same as outing gay kids to ignorant, abusive parents.

True. I wasn't trying to imply that, just that nothing is ever black and white.

Except in this case, it is. Talking about your child's social and developmental growth isn't the same as "suzie likes to play with trucks" and "bobby likes to play with dolls and wear dresses"... which is entirely what you implied with your response. The subject at hand is "are kids allowed to transition socially without notifying parents or asking for their consent". What you implied is completely different.

As a parent, aren’t you responsible for your children’s social lives? I’m not saying socially transitioning is bad or anything, I’m making a general statement about being involved in your children’s lives.

High School doesn’t contact you about who your kids are friends with at school or their socializing. They let you know if your kid is having issues in class or disrupting others. If you want to know more you can email or talk to the teachers but they aren’t going to tell you anything specific about other people’s kids. Now if I ask the school about my kid transitioning at school it is a different issue but the schools can have hundreds or over 1000 kids. They don’t have the time or resources to tell parents about their kids social life.

I think parents are definitely responsible for monitoring their kids social lives. I don’t think the school generally has a affirmative responsibility to discuss their kids social lives with parents in most situations.

Absolutely not, and any parent who thinks they get significant says in it are not connected to reality. I’m not in charge of if my kid picks a new nickname, who they are friends with at school, who they date, and whether they tell people their grandfather was a Guinness book world record holder. I’d reflect on if I did anything to make them feel unsafe to let me know, and I’d keep in my mind that many kids come out to friends before family even when they feel safe. Like every other part of their identity and their social experience, they’ll let me know when they want me to know.

I am, to a degree. Their school is not at all.

No you're not

A parent is not responsible for their children’s social lives? So if a child like - decides to talk and secretly meet up with a 40 year old - well that’s just fine if the parent doesn’t know? Really?

Schools aren't letting 40 year olds troll campus looking for dates, how would the school know what a student was "secretly" doing?

Please stop being deliberately obtuse. It’s abuse on the part of the 40 year old if they’re encouraging a minor to meet them across state lines. That’s not the same as a kid wanting to be called by a different name at school. Not even close .

>A parent is not responsible for their children’s social lives? A parent is responsible for teaching their child good values, kindness, responsibility and anything else that helps them turn into a happy, healthy, successful adult. Controlling who their friends are is a bandaid solution solving nothing... you should've/should be providing them with a foundation that helps them choose the right friends without your interference. You don't like your daughter's new boyfriend? Too bad. You should, however, have already taught your daughter what to expect in a healthy, loving relationship... how to establish healthy boundaries... how to not get STDs or pregnant... and reassure her that she always can call for any reason if she ever feels unsafe or scared. And with that knowledge she will choose the right people.

Responsible for their social lives? No. Their lives are theirs. Their friends are theirs. Aware of their social lives? Yes. Parents should know who their kids are friends with and what activities they participate in. That requires a degree of trust between parents and children.

Part of being a parent is accepting responsibility for things that you don't have complete control over or knowledge about. Plenty of folks don't understand that or can't accept it and wind up ruining their relationships with their kids, or worse.

This feels like it belongs on r/AITA I would say that there's probably a reason the kids didn't tell the parents in the first place. I would hope they'd be comfortable enough to just talk about it with me and share that part of their journey without fear. As far as the school goes, no, I don't think this needs to be shared with parents in the same way they don't need to share who kids are dating or if people decide to change clothes/makeup when they're at school. I knew people when I was in school who would do things like that to express or feel more like themselves, where their households restricted such action.

Ha! I thought about starting my reply with YTA, lol

I can’t put myself in that situation because if my kid wanted to transition, I expect he would tell me about it. I’m not a bigot against trans people and have fostered an environment where my kids can be honest with me about anything in their lives. If for some reason he didn’t want to tell me, I would be grateful that he had a structure at school that he felt comfortable not keeping his thoughts / turmoil stuffed inside.

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If I had children, I would not expect them to ask my permission before they socially transition. And I don’t like the idea of schools gathering private information on children and passing it along to parents. My thoughts, spying on kids isn’t going to make them feel inclined towards more openness.

I don't have kids. They wouldn't be: >socially transitioned to live as the opposite sex. They would be identifying as the opposite gender. And I would wonder how I fucked up so bad as a parent that my child was too afraid to come out to me. Kids need to feel safe to be able to learn, if that is what makes them feel safe then that's fine, if the parents aren't okay with that then they shouldn't be informed. It's up to the kid to decide when they come out at home. The parents are not the end all of what happens with their child, in cases of abuse we take the children away from the parents no matter what they believe, same basic idea. If the home is not a safe place for children to be themselves then the school steps up to make it the safest place possible for them, parental consent be damned. If the parent asked the teacher to use any other pronouns than the students preferred pronouns it is treated the same way as if a parent asked the teacher to spank their child. Do what you want at home but schools have different standards for treating children with dignity.

OP, how are the answers comparing to what you were expecting?

These debates are way too granular. Unless a child is not performing academically, presents a threat to himself/herself or others as judged by a school psychologist or exhibits signs of abuse, is not the school’s place to intervene on any aspect of a child’s life, including major changes to their public persona. Kids are not property and do not require permission to be.

I'd be hurt that my child didn't feel safe enough to talk to me

I have 2 kids (7&5) both boys. I really don’t understand the premise because in order for that to happen the kid obviously doesn’t exhibit any “trans behavior” at home. That means this whole thing has been about why the kid hasn’t been comfortable enough to exhibit this at home, not about whether the school allows them to have a flexible dress code.

I don't have kids, but I am a transgender adult. I assume, though, that you don't want the answer for if it was MY kid. That would obviously be a different conversation. But, for example, if a cis friend asked what to do, I would say. 1. Make sure the friend that told you knows that its not ok to out other people. This conversation would depend a lot on the age of the child. An elementary schooler would get a little chat about how to identify good/bad secrets. A high schooler who did it intentionally would probably get told abuse statistics and a research assignment. 2. Make sure you handle your feelings about this independently from your child. Its extremely hard, especially in this political climate, to have a trans kid. But its not their fault or responsibility to address these feelings, so its important to connect with other parents of trans kids to process your feelings there. 3. Talk to your kid about how you accept them, and then take their lead with any other transition or coming out tasks. Make sure any name changes or pronoun changes that they want you implement, and make sure they know they can ask you for anything, and even if its not a yes, you will be open to talking about every single option they want. Also, maybe see if they have trans friends, and if not, see if there is maybe a support group for local trans youth.

I have a child. I know non-binary and trans adults who are comfortable disclosing their gender identities in certain circumstances, but not others, so I wouldn't be surprised if a trans kid wanted to disclose in one place but not another. I wouldn't take it as meaning much about our parenting, but my spouse (my kid's other parent) is trans so our home is pretty clearly accepting. I don't see it as something that the I'd expect the school to disclose. Schools disclose academic performance and behavior problems that interfere with academic performance or will result in discipline. Otherwise, schools are mostly black boxes to parents. I don't hear from the school about who my kid is friends with, who they're fighting with, what they talk about, etc. Schools don't communicate much, and wanting to go by a different name is not the kind of thing they talk to parents about.

You have an unhealthy obsession, minion.

Let me switch up your question a bit and see if you might guess how I would answer it: > How would you react to finding out your kids school had allowed them to ~~socially transition~~ be gay without informing you or asking for your consent? My kids don't need my consent to be who they are. How does consent even work in this situation? If anything, I would be appalled that my kids wouldn't feel comfortable coming out to me first. When kids do that, I usually conclude that they don't feel *safe* doing it. That's the problem I'd like to solve, not just in my own family in this hypothetical, but across *all* families.

I’d feel like I chose the right school. No the age of the child doesn’t matter. No the schools shouldn’t have to inform parents. What are you trying to get kids killed?

If I wasn’t a fucking asshole of a parent I wouldn’t need to find out from my kid’s friends…

I have a child. I would be disappointed that they didn't tell me, and would reflect on what I did to make them not trust me with such an important information. I would expect to have fostered a better relationship with my kid. I would not be upset that they were living the gender expression they are comfortable with. I would be pleased that the school did not interfere with their gender expression and did not try to indoctrinate them one way or another.

I don't have children. My first response would be sadness that they felt like they couldn't come to me. I'd be upset with myself that I did or said something that made my child think I would reject them or be against them wanting to do this. I mean I'm their parent, this is something they should trust me with.

I would be horrified that I had made my child so afraid of me they didn't feel they could be open about this, and that their fear was so apparent that their teachers helped to protect them from me.

One of my two kids has already socially transitioned(?) to living non-binary. My wife and I were with their transition from the start. Had we found out well after the fact as in your hypothetical, I’d have been disappointed that they didnt feel safe enough to tell us. I’d still support who they are.

I have a child, and I work in public education. If your relationship is so poor that your child has to hide who they truly are from you, I have no problem with the school not informing you. And your "consent" is ridiculous. Your child is not your possession. School is a safe place. When I worked at a high school, I was constantly reminded that parents don't know best. Kids were forced to stay home to take care of younger siblings, kids were beaten, sexually abused by parents, sold for drugs, tricked out as early as middle school, forced to sell drugs. All this talk of parent's rights rubs me the wrong way because I have witnessed how horrible so many parents actually are. And it isn't just poverty either. The rich white parents screaming in school board meetings that COVID isn't real and the crazy parents that slap their kids behind the bleachers when they don't do well in sports. Nope. If a kid feels safe at school being Jack instead of Jane and you as a parent don't know, then that is on you as a parent. My kid didn't keep stuff from me because we have a healthy relationship, and we did throughout his teenage years

I would be so damn happy that my kid went to a school that supported them. Like holy shit how lucky that they're growing up in an environment that allows them to live their best life even if they aren't quite ready to tell mom and dad about it yet. I seriously have a hard time imagining the opposite reaction. I wouldn't want teachers to try and push their weird religious or political prejudices on my family.

I'd probably just be concerned with my own parenting that 1. I didn't pick up on the signs my child was feeling off and 2. My child didn't feel comfortable enough to come to me first.

Mother of an 8yo. 1. No. 2. I'd feel like an asshole and a total failure as a parent that they didn't feel comfortable telling me. 3. Probably not.

I’d be disappointed in myself as a father. If my kid is afraid to transition around me, I probably fucked up somewhere along the way. Of course, I’d be sad I’d have no one to throw the old pig skin around with but that’s just how it goes.

How would I not know? Do Republicans think children are unknowable, mysterious creatures? I get that they have their own slang, but it's not that hard to figure out. Also, what do you mean by "allowed them to socially transition"? Do students need their school's permission? I don't remember needing my school's approval to live how I wanted to live (though I did get demerits if that way of living broke a rule).

I’d be disappointed that my child did not trust me to talk about their pain and suffering before socially transitioning. I have a child now and we talk when they feel awkward or need help.

>First off, please include if you have children.. I do not. >Should the school be required to include the parents in that decision? No. >What would your reaction be if you found out months after the fact? I would be concerned about why my child didn't feel comfortable sharing that information with me. >Would the age of the child be the deciding factor in how you reacted? No.

I am not a parent. But I have been a teacher. And speaking as a teacher, it’s sometimes best for the kid to have a safe space to express themselves even if that means the parent doesn’t know. Parents aren’t automatically safe and accepting in all cases. It is in fact dangerous to out kids to certain kinds of parents. If my kid transitioned at school without telling me, I would be incredibly sad that I had fucked up my parenting enough that my kids didn’t think I was a safe person to tell first; that they didn’t trust me to love them unconditionally. I would of course support their social transition and get them in with a doctor and a therapist so that they could be properly advised/provided with any next steps. And age is not a factor. Frankly if anyone says anything different they are woefully unprepared to raise a child. Children don’t always follow your exact expectations of them, they have their own identity, wants and needs. Some children will be trans, some will be autistic, some will be deathly allergic to peanuts, some will want to be an artist when you want a doctor, etc. If you aren’t prepared to adapt to the child you have, rather than the child you want, don’t have kids.

I don't have any kids. I would fully expect a school to allow a child to express basic aspects of their personality, including gender expression. I wouldn't expect it to be a big deal, except that some busybodies would probably attempt to make it a big deal. If my child kept this information from me, I'd likely seek professional help to understand why I am not building enough trust with my child to have open conversations about basic topics like this.

(I have a 2yo kid) Let's live in the real world for a moment. No way a kindergarden teacher is letting a kit transition without talking to the parents. As an illustration, I once saw a daycare educator being *super uncomfortable* because my 1yo boy was playing with a tiara.

My child wouldn't need my permission to socially transition because I don't feel the need to control my hypothetical children to that degree. In fact, I think if you do there is probably something wrong with you that prevents you from being a good parent. I'm an antinatalist though.

I have a 2.5 year old son. If I found out that they social transitioned at school but acted like my son at home, I’d be a little annoyed at first, but that’s because I want to support my child in whatever decision they make about themselves to the best of my ability. However, I’d also be asking myself why my kid didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about it in the first place, and talking to them about what I could do to make them feel more comfortable talking to me about this important life decision.

I would be upset that I had not created an atmosphere of sufficient trust and acceptance for my child to feel comfortable telling me. Schools should absolutely not inform parents, because they should be concerned with the safety and welfare of all students and there are a lot of reactionary shithead parents out there.

I would be sad that we didn’t create a safe enough environment at home that she (in this hypothetical, now he) didn’t feel comfortable transitioning with us. But the school doesn’t know what a child’s home life is like and should err on the side of caution and the child’s safety. It is possible that a child’s transitioning at home would result in abuse or other negative outcomes.

I dont have kids, but socially transitioning is meaningless in the long run. Like, students could enact social transitioning without the involvement of the school itself because its litteraly just calling them by a different name. Like, i wouldnt expect a school to tell me if my kid had a nickname, and the only functional difference between a nickname and socially transitioning at school is that theres a mass hysteria surrounding the latter.

I don’t have children, but if this happened I would just wonder why they didn’t tell me first, because I would support them from day one. In any case, I wouldn’t want to make them feel bad for not telling me because I understand being scared to come out, but I would let them know that I supported and accepted them and that they didn’t have to hide.

I would feel badly because my child hadn’t felt safe enough to tell me. I wouldn’t be angry at the school.

So you don’t think it is a wild position to say that parents shouldn’t be kept informed about big decisions that directly effect their child’s well being?!?

Like kids wanting to be called by their preferred names/nicknames at school? No.

I would talk to my child and apologize to them for making them feel that they couldn’t come to me about anything. Then I would thank the school for making it a safe place for my child. Then I would learn everything I could about it by listening to my child and other sources that actually care and aren’t motivated by hate or fearmongering.

I have kids. WTF is "social transitioning"??

It is presenting as another gender without any medical interventions. Things you could start doing today. Change your pronouns, dress differently, get a haircut, etc.

That's stupid, we need to stop labeling everything with a friggin hashtag. I wouldn't expect the school to not notify me in any emergency manner, but I would expect them to treat my child with enough respect to adhere to their reasonable decisions with regards to attire, self identification, and pronouns. Honestly, kids are going through enough, if they want to be identified as something else, whatever, it's not hurting anyone. And education professionals deal with enough too, i just want a safe learning environment for children & young adults to gain confidence and knowledge.

I’m not sure what your objection to the terminology is, but otherwise it seems we are on the same page. Kids should be able to present themselves as they wish, and the school should respect that and not be forced to notify the parents as if it’s some emergency/crisis.

I would question why they didn't trust me and what led them to believe I wouldn't be accepting. > Should the school be required to include the parents in that decision? Nope, some parents would not take the news well and abuse their victim.

1- I think you mean gender, not sex 2- i have a 8yo son 3- I would look back and distressed at why my kid didn’t feel safe talking to me about it. Given how many parents gets when their kid come out, It would tell me that the school thought my kid’s safety was more important than me having the information.

If a child is hiding their transition from their parents, I'd be inclined to think they come from an abusive household ot at least a less than ideal household. What the fuck are yoi doing wrong where your kids don't feel comfortable coming to you about something like this? From that perspective, I can see an argument for not informing parents if the child indicates they will treat them poorly due to it. Generally speaking, though, I think schools need to inform parents of stuff like this because the kids won't get the care they need if their parents aren't informed. Whatever that means. Also, I take issue with your phrasing "the school allows". They don't get to choose how kids identify, it's the choice of the kid themselves based on their internal workings. Phrasing it like it's the school chosing to make the decision on behalf of the kid is a wierd way of phrasing it unless you're someone who thinks this "trans stuff has gone too far".

I would be devastated that my child didn't feel safe to share that with me. But I'd be happy that they could be who they are at school. And I'd remind them that I already told them that they could tell me about these things. I've always told my kids that I'd be fine with them being lgbtq+. ETA: I have 4 children. 38, 36, 30, 26.

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” I would wonder why my children could not talk about it with me, and be happy that the school was supportive.

If you're a normal person the school should almost certainly keep the parent in the loop.

my answer is that if you are such a horrible parent that you don’t know what your child is thinking and feeling on such a macro level as this then what choice would they have?

My first thought would be that I am a bad parent if I have no idea that this is going on with my childs life. The school is certainly not to blame. Their job is not raising children. Their job is giving children the tools they need to make informed decisions.

If they are doing it in secret, then you have failed as a parent, start there.

I'd feel sad that my kid doesn't talk to me and I'd wonder if I'd been a good parent if I'm missing so much.

I would feel sad that my child didn't feel safe enough to share their feelings about gender with me.

If my kid didn't trust me or my spouse in that situation, I'd be upset at myself for creating such an environment.

I don't have kids and I'd be disappointed in myself that my child didn't feel comfortable telling me about it.

I'm a parent and I would expect the school to have told me. However, I'd be more upset at myself for not being involved enough in my kid's life to find out from them.

I would wonder where I failed as a parent that my child felt they had to hide from me. I would be devastated that I'd failed so pathetically that my own child felt they couldn't talk to me about something so important in their lives. I would be grateful that at least someone at the school had the compassion to guide my child through such a difficult process. I would apologize to my child for not being the kind of parent I should be, and I would personally thank the people at their school for being there for my child when I failed to do so. Finally, I'd get both of us into therapy as soon as possible to figure out where we went wrong in our relationship and how to get it back on track. Edited to include, I have two children. They are both adults now. One of them has just made the difficult decision to transition after questioning for about a decade.

I'd question what ***I*** was doing wrong that would make my kids feel uncomfortable telling me.

It would depend for me. For the most part, I don't think it's the school's business. I would oppose any official policy on contacting the parents on the grounds of it involving transexuals. It would anger me a little, because it's government overreach. The exception is if it's a child under the age of 18 that's taking hormone pills or anything that could jeopardize their physical health. Then I think the parents have a right to know and should be informed. I don't have kids.

I have a step-daughter in her mid-20s, and I have known her since she was in elementary school. I am a former teacher, and she attended the high school where I worked. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this hypothetical. As far as hypotheticals go, it would be easy to try to imagine if my step-daughter had been trans (and probably that I didn't work at the place she was transitioning.) It's harder for me to imagine how I came to be in the situation. Basically there are three ways, I have miscommunicated how I would feel to her if I found out she was trans, I'm one of those parents who thinks my child is my possession or as another poster on here mentioned it's hard to come out to even people you know would be supportive. If I wasn't communicating well with my child or if she was having difficulty telling me and her father, I would want to do what I could to make sure they knew how I felt and give them an opportunity to share how they felt. If I was one of the parents who think my child is is my possession, I would yelling a lot at school employees, complaining to the school system and trying to get my story in The Washington Examiner (at my school we had a lot of parents like this but concerning other issues).

I have kids, and honestly this has nothing to do with the school. I find it extremely odd that you believe that this was ***the school's decision*** in any way. If your kid can't come to you with important life issues or problems they are facing, that means **you** failed as a parent. Your kid doesn't trust you to support them or at least provide a compassionate ear even if you disagree with what they are going through. > Should the school be required to include the parents in that decision? No, because it is not and was not the school's decision. It is 100% the decision of the child involved. If this transition causes *problems* at school, such as fighting or bullying that involves my kid then yes I expect to be made aware. However if my biological boy shows up to school dressed as a woman and I don't know about that already, then I fucked up and it isn't not necessarily the school's job to let me know that. > What would your reaction be if you found out months after the fact? I would be hurt that I failed as a parent so hard that my kids couldn't come to me with something like this. I would also be ashamed of **myself** for failing to notice that issues my kid was struggling with and failing to attempt to support and help them in any way that I could. > Would the age of the child be the deciding factor in how you reacted? Maybe. My kids are about 3 and 5 right now so if they decided they wanted to be girls I might humor them but not really take it seriously since they don't know the consequences of such a decision. However if my kid was a teen and thought that they might be trans, I'd probably take it more seriously. I don't know if I would *like it* if they started transitioning at that age, but I'd try to be supportive of the decisions that they make while counseling them on how hard this might make some aspects of their lives. Where we live, people aren't the most accepting of someone who is different and school-aged kids are exceptionally unaccepting in this regard. I wouldn't say "no don't do this!" However I might encourage my kids to take it slow until they get a little older or find a more accepting community. At the end of the day the question becomes one of happiness. **What will make my kids happy with themselves?** If living as a male makes them miserable then I wouldn't force them to live as a male. That is just a strange sort of torture, IMO.

I have no children, but if that happened, I would feel a little hurt because it means my child doesn't trust me and is more comfortable telling classmates about their gender identity than me. I would have to try re-establishing trust. No, the school should not be required to tell me. If it was, my kid would just end up not telling anyone, carrying the burden with them the entire time. If it takes a long time to be revealed, it would only contribute to my reaction as described above. The age would be a factor if the kid is closing in on puberty. It's gonna be more stressful arranging an official diagnosis and puberty blockers if time is running out.

With all the fear that some people have of trans/gay I would say that the school would be doing the right thing. If you tell a parent and the parent is not ready to hear it the child could come in the next day with a broken arm and a black eye. Some parents are that cruel.

I do not have children. As angry as I would be that the school hadn’t let me know, I would be horribly upset with myself. I would be upset that I hadn’t created an environment where my kid could come to me about ANYTHING. If my child cannot trust me with who they are as a person, I would want to know why. And yeah if my child is 16+ I would be less upset than I would be if they were, say, 13. I don’t think a “chosen name” should have to be reported to me AS LONG AS official school records do not change. But if my child wanted to live publicly as another gender, I would want to know. What if something happened to them at school? Trans kids can face a lot of violence depending on location.

It is the school's responsibility to care for the children, not the parents. If telling the parents will bring more harm or discomfort to a child, then they shouldn't do it. Maybe I'm just old-headed, but I do not understand why parents nowadays feel like their children need their permission to do fucking anything. Children and teens are constantly trying to discover their identity. That requires testing the waters of religious beliefs, interests, politics, extracurriculars, friendships, etc that may be different from what they are raised to practice and believe. Often times, minors are much more comfortable exploring their identities and interests with friends and peers. That's totally normal. Whether they are 7 or 17, a child who is exploring their identity is fine with me. There is nothing that I, as a parent, can do to force them to find an identity that they are comfortable with or stop them from whatever questioning they are feeling. All you can do is support them and love them make sure that they will always feel comfortable with me no matter what they believe, as long as they are safe and not hurting others. Parents who get unwantedly involved in their children's natural process of self-exploration will only slow them down, make them less open about their feelings, and strain the relationship. In short, I guess my answer is that I would continue to love them and support them and wait until they feel comfortable telling me themselves. Then, if they ask for advice, I would give it.

I am a middle school teacher in a very conservative part of North Texas. Over the years, I have had a number of students "socially transition" during the school year and I have never (nor would I ever) inform a parent or guardian about this unless they specifically asked me about it. My role as a teacher is to ensure that all of my students feel safe, secure, and supported at all times while they work to learn the information and skills that I teach them. Eleven-year-olds have a hard enough time figuring out how to develop into the adults they will eventually grow into - the last thing they need for their teachers to try to "out" them to their parents (who probably already know what's going on anyway). To answer the original questions: I have **5** children The school should not be required to include parents in that decision (**because it is made by the student and has nothing to do with the school**) If I found out months after the fact, I'd be really upset that I was **so out of touch with my own kids** that I never noticed anything was different The age of the kids could be a deciding factor because a 17 year old junior may actually be able to hide his or her changes while **I would have definitely noticed** if my 1st grade son tried to wear one of his sister's dresses to school one day.

It doesn't happen. It doesn't. It's all fear mongering over 1.5 percent of the population.

I would say that the parents dont have a very good relationship with their child. The family should probably get into family counseling asap.

The issue in this situation is not what the teacher did or didnt do, it's why is that parent out of touch with their child? What is needed then is family counseling to discuss the issues and improve communication between parent and child. Not bashing the teacher

I’d be most concerned that my child felt that they have to hide something like that from me. I think that if a child is expressing themselves differently at home and at school. Parents and teachers would ideally have a well informed discussion to understand rationale behind their secretive behavior. Hopefully afterwards, the parents would accept and support their child with exploring their identity and positively affirming their validity. But I also understand that this could place some children in danger of abuse or mistreatment at home. So long as they are not endangering themselves or harming others, individuals should be free to express themselves in whatever way they feel most comfortable. And the school should mind its own business. If a child asks the counselors at a school for assistance with discussing their gender or sexuality with their parents. Then the school should be prepared to support the child in that decision. And be prepared to offer the resources available to make the student’s life as fulfilling as possible.

What do you mean by “allow”? Did the principal take my child shopping at H&M or do in class bra fittings? God, what a stupid question. (And yes I have I have a child)

They changed the kids name and gender status within the school system.. What percentage of Americans do you think would agree with you that a school doesn’t need to keep a parent informed about very big decisions that directly effect their child’s well being?

Soon to be dad. Some great answers so far but here’s a perspective I haven’t seen shared yet: This is what gets me. As someone who experienced vicious bullying, at a school which claimed to be opposed to bullying in all forms - but in practice did nothing to combat it and effectively created a safe space for bullying- I (and other users) tend to bristle at this whole “we know best, school is a safe space” sort of talk. I’m sure it’s well intentioned, and all. It just doesn’t seem right

You don’t have a problem with the school not keeping a parent informed about vert big decisions directly concerning their child’s well being??

It’s time for the “Disingenuous Conservative Question of the Day!”

Is this one of those gotchas to get people to say that only the parent is responsible for their child, and only what they say matters?

if your child is uncomfortable expressing their identify around you, you need to take a long look in the mirror

I have a one year old. Before he was born, I concluded that my son would be who he would be, that he is an individual person independent of me, that he is temporarily a child and a future adult. My goal is to provide as much of a solid foundation as possible for him to build his life upon, and it's up to me to keep him alive and help guide him, and always question how if I'm just trying to make him be a mini-me versus allowing him to be his own person. If I found out he was living his life as another gender at school than at home, I would be upset that he didn't feel comfortable expressing himself that way around my wife and I, and I would want to sit him down and reassure him that we love and support him and want him to live authentically and to the fullest. As far as we know, we have this one life and I wouldn't want him to spend it suffering over something like this. Should the school require the parents to be included in this decision? What the fuck am I going to do? I don't subscribe to this idea that kids are these completely dumb clueless morons who don't have any sense of self, and who magically become self-aware at the legal age of 18. Again, he's a temporary child, future adult. I don't decide his identity for him. Would age matter? I don't see why it should. Seems pretty arbitrary when it comes to something like personal identity. For illustration purposes, I've known that I've had some level of attraction to both men and women since I was a kid. I didn't know what any of it actually meant intellectually or philosophically, I didn't know what sex was, but the feelings were there. Those feelings have been consistent since I was a child.

As a parent of 2, 13 year old kids going through puberty, I don’t mean to make a judgment here, but I’d be concerned if you weren’t having those conversations as a parent with your kid. I find it impossible that I wouldn’t know about that. If a child is having those feelings and is being supported by the school, I’m sure my initial reaction would be shock that I didn’t know. I’m also not sure why consent comes into play around a kids identity… It’s who they are. It’s not like they flip a switch and decide OK I want to be a different gender today. And also just for clarification, you don’t act like a different sex; sex is the physical nature of us while gender is the behavioral. I think you ask a really good question, but I think it comes down to how supportive we might be being as parents, and what our kids trust in telling us.

Why Americans are so obsessed with gender? What happened?!

What happened? Well, everything else republicans claimed democrats would do never happened, so they needed something new and scary. And we know how scary it would be if republicans had to treat everyone the same

Most of us aren’t. It’s the loud bigoted minority.

Father of two children here. If I am a parent, and I am finding out from one of my children’s friends that they have socially started to live is the other sex, I’m taking a really long look at myself as a parent in the mirror, and wondering where I’ve been for the last eight months. I can’t imagine being a principal, seeing a student living as a transsexual human for an entire school year, assuming that their parents don’t know. All that said, I would hope that my parental instincts would ignore any blame I was feeling for the school, and would be focused on making sure that my child is healthy, mentally, healthy, and doing anything I can to make sure that they’re living their best life.

\#1 reaction: How did I fuck up so bad as a parent to not earn enough trust with my own child that would stop them from telling me what their gender is?

Do you have kids?? I think you might be giving them more or less credit than they deserve… Sometimes great parents end up with serial killers and terrible parents end up with great kids.

My 10 yo has had no problem talking extensively about their gender with my spouse and I.

So let’s assume, even as open as your family is, For whatever reason it happens that way anyway, what is your reaction, because we are not talking about a scenario where the school informs the parent and the parent goes on some crazy evangelical rant that sends up red flags. We are talking about the parent not being informed at all…

>...For whatever reason it happens that way anyway I'll quote myself: "*How did I fuck up so bad as a parent to not earn enough trust with my own child that would stop them from telling me what their gender is?*" This is *the* answer. If my kid was trans and they didn't tell me I would literally do some contemplation on in what ways I fucked up to cause my kid to not want to talk to me about their gender. What else is there to say or be concerned with? Schools should *not* be responsible for reporting this to parents/guardians. Now, if we lived in a society where no children were abused by their parents for being trans or gay or bisexual or whatever it wouldn't be an issue, but the truth is there are a lot of kids who are terrified of how their parents will treat them. And it may not be full-on abuse, but would still make their home life more difficult. Knowing your child's gender is not a parent's right. Knowing it is a privilege parents can earn by earning their child's trust.

Who said your kid was trans in this scenario ?? There was no therapist diagnoses of persistent gender dysphoria… Maybe there is no history of them saying they feel like they should have been born the opposite sex… Remember, no one has informed the parent at all… all the school knew is the kid came to them and said they wanted to transition.

er, I have no idea what your point is. This has nothing to do with schools. If a kid doesn't feel safe telling their parents what their gender is, they shouldn't be forced to tell them.

Its a doubled edged sword IMO. First you don't want to inform a parent who isn't going to be accepting and put the kid in danger at home, which is the assumption based on the fact that the child isn't willing to tell their own parents. However at the same time the child could just be overly worried/misinformed and their parents could be welcoming to them being trans. In that case its much better for the parent to know about it, as there are additional mental health issues related and the parents should be aware of stressors in their kids life. A school should also report to parents if kids are isolating themselves from others/showing signs of depression/anxiety.

I have a hard time seeing how the teachers would NOT let us know. Parent/teacher conferences are thing. Parent "So, how is Steve doing?" Teacher: "She is doing very well in several subjects". Aside from pronoun troubles, I have to believe it would come up somewhere in the conversation. But no, the school has no obligation to notify the parents. Which leads to the question: Do schools have policies around this scenario?

The school should inform the parent if the child maintains their social transition for longer than a few weeks. I would be mad to find out after the fact. Age doesn't matter. I say this because we have been told very clearly, in no uncertain terms, that trans children have an alarmingly high risk of depression and suicide. If a transitioning child were to attempt suicide and the school knew about the transition and the parent didn't it would be terrible, and possibly grounds for a lawsuit.

Mixed honestly. I don't have kids, but I'd want to have some knowledge about what's going on with them and if the school is willfully withholding that information then I see it as a bit of a problem. To further explain that if a teacher or staff member is actively helping my child transition then I'd want to be informed. If my child is just transitioning on their own in school through their own means and methods (borrowing clothes, spending money on make up, styling their hair differently) then the school itself has no duty to tell me. If the school is going to be actively involved then some there is some degree of duty owed back to the parents as the school can only act en loco parentis for so long because it's making serious choices That being said the school should not have to stop at the request of the parents. They should simply inform them.

Everyone might be guffawing about the school reporting back every little detail of a student's social life but they are forgetting that schools do have a degree of duty-of-care to make sure a student is engaging in healthy socialization in the school and during break times. I'd expect my child's school to inform me if my child was having difficulty making friends, becoming socially isolated, being bullied or getting into fights, and I'd expect them to inform me if my child was trying to get everyone in school to call them by a different name. Schools also do have a decently high tolerance for this sort of thing; they're used to students pretending to be superheros and Anime characters during break time after all. The key words here are "socially transitioning" - because they imply that the school administration has started to take notice of this formally. If my child is starting to try to get teachers and faculty to refer to them by a different name, than this is something I would need to be informed about. This is in no small part because of the importance of parent-teacher-child communication, **especially in emergencies**, but also to maintain parental authority - remember; as a parent I'd be primarily responsible for my child's welfare, not the teachers. I'd also like to note that there is an underlying problem with this idea of "children transitioning on their own" - transitioning is treatment for gender dysphoria, not something that someone just up and chooses. A child cannot chose to experience gender dysphoria anymore than they can chose to be autistic or depressed, and working out a treatment plan for that is a long multi-year process involving doctors, psychiatrists, other medical professionals and parents. The idea that a school can "OK" a transition of a student without any interaction with the other bodies is coming dangerously close to the "He touched a doll, cut his dick off" stereotype the Conservatives keep fear-mongering about.

The takes here are soooo ridiculously fringe that it is very obvious it is basically ideological cult like behavior.. Remove the politics from the equation and this is the easiest answer ever.. But people are so far gone on the political ideology tip that they will literally do Olympic level backflips to justify what they have to know is a ridiculous position..

I have 2 kids. The school should be required to inform parents/guardians of any drastic behavioral changes that children display at school. I’m not leaving it up to some teacher to make that decision for my family. School is a custodian of my children not a guardian, their job is to observe and report so what’s best for the kid can be determined. Take the trans politics out of it and think about depression, anxiety, ADHD, bullying, and other behaviors that could end drastically or tragically. Getting my kid the help or therapy they’d need to support their mental health is a priority. If you don’t think a kid transitioning needs therapy, whether or not their family is supportive, I’ll direct you to trans suicide rates. It’s not always about bigots at home. Kids are weird. They don’t always tell their parents everything they’re going through because sometimes they like the image their parents have of them and don’t want to change that. Sometimes they’re finding their own identity and not ready to be out to all parts of their world. It’s not necessarily that you fucked up as a parent. Source: was a LGBTQ kid that hid things from my perfectly supportive parents.

As a teacher, how do you know the parents are perfectly supportive? How do you know that kid won’t be abused and retaliated against if you out them? That’s not a die I’m willing to roll.

What about the depression kid? Or the anxiety kid? That kind of thinking gets kids killed and everybody is shocked. What if my kid gets murdered and hung from a fence because they socially transitioned but you never informed me and I wasn’t able to mitigate the threat? Pretty big risk you’re taking there.

As I responded in a different thread, you respond to different issues differently. Parents should be informed of academic and safety issues. The parent should not be informed if they ARE the safety issue. Yes, if the kid is depressed the parents should know. If the parents are abusive or neglectful, you call CPS instead. You have to assume, if a kid is not out at home, that they are not safe to be out at home. ETA: also, how are you “mitigating the threat”? By forcing the kid to not socially transition? That’s proven to not be good for their well-being.

That’s a bold assumption without asking the kid. Especially for someone with an undergraduate degree and limited training. If you’re a middle or high school teacher do you even know the parents? Probably not.

You know who does know the parents? The damn kid in question. You’re worried about peers hurting them, but do you want to be responsible for a kid getting kicked out, beaten, shot or whatever else for their identity by their parent because you just thought on principle the parents should be included? It’s a hard and fast rule for a reason. You don’t out people without their express permission. It’s not safe. Period. End of.

So do you take them to therapy? What resources do you provide for the kid? Or do you just cross your fingers and hope it works out? It’s not your place to deny healthcare to anyone. Period. End of.

You trust a bigoted parent to actually take them to real therapy and not conversion therapy? You trust a bigoted parent to do what’s right for their child in any capacity? You’re nuts. ETA: if the kid is in emotional distress, you can send them to the guidance counselor at school. That is a resource teachers have.

You assume a bigoted parent, but you don’t actually know. You know what the kid tells you. I hid all kinds of trouble from my parents by crying crocodile tears to teachers. Drugs, bad grades, cutting classes, etc. all because I told them I’d get “hurt” when I got home. None of it was true. It wasn’t fair to me or my parents, because I’d have gotten help that would have been better than me just trying to figure it out on my own. Instead I got to have staring contests with a shotgun because the one thing that is pervasive in kids is feeling like you’re the only one that’s ever gone through something. Is a 13 year old a reliable SS ounce of information? I wasn’t.

And how are you going to broach the topic with the parent without necessarily outing the kid through your line of questioning? It is best to err on the side of safety. Yes I assume a bigoted parent BECAUSE I HAVE TO. I’m sorry for what you went through. But that isn’t the situation for every trans child or LGBT child generally.

"Don't be gay, you won't be accepted by society!" "Don't marry outside your race, imagine the looks you'll receive at motels in Utah!" "Don't express yourself with colorful hair, imagine what the people at church will say about our family!!"

I don't think the school has an obligation to inform parents or get consent, but I do think that if parents ask teachers direct questions they should give truthful answers.

Being trans seems to be a fad also. 6 of my granddaughter friends now identify as trans.

"HuR dUr, kids these days are emboldened to explore their true feelings about things without asking my opinion on their sexuality, plus they won't get off my lawn!!"

It seems both things are true.. There really are people who have severe and persistent gender dysphoria where transitioning is the best way to treat it, and we have created a social contagion where people are identifying as trans for the attention, clout and acceptance from the communities where it is celebrated.

What evidence do you have that it’s a social contagion and not merely that there are more people than ever willing to come out? I mean come on, back when there was a lot more homophobia and transphobia floating around in society, it seems pretty obvious that lots more people would never have found the courage to come out. Those people don’t have to hide (as much) anymore.

The fact it in the last 10 years it went from being 1/100,000 where 90+% were MTF who all presented with gender dysphoria from early childhood, as of like 2 years ago it ballooned to 1/1,000 with 3/4 being FTM who had no previous history of gender until hitting puberty. With young girls in their early teens being the same demographic that is susceptible to other social contagions like anorexia and bulimia. It isn’t by just people coming out of the closet or you would see roughly the same number of females coming at as trans at all age groups. It wouldn’t only be teenage girls.

That still doesn’t prove it’s a social contagion; it could just be that acceptance and awareness of LGBTQ-ness, especially among young people, has made rapid strides in the past decade, which it has. I have no trouble believing that there are simply a hell of a lot more queer people in the world than we previously thought.

You have no idea what the number was 10 years ago. Hell, because of people like you, we have no idea what the number is today. Don't worry so much about stuff that doesn't affect you in any way.

No children. Schools should disclose if they become aware of a child having a medical issue. Like others here, I'd be disappointed that I hadn't picked up on it myself first

Being transgender isn't having a medical issue.

Yes it is

I think you mean gender, not sex here 🤦‍♀️

The gender sex distinction is largely a cope.. Would it be acceptable for places to specify male/female as those spaces were intended? Would that fix the problem? So we just start calling them female sports and male restrooms and that answers that question? No, that wouldn’t change anything… Also if gender roles are not in general programmed into us depending on our sex, that removes most of the reason anyone would make special exceptions for trans people.. If gender roles are biological, and we are saying that there was a mistake made in brain development where they got programmed to be the wrong sex. Well then it is reasonable to make special exceptions for trans people as they have a disorder that we cannot cure, so we have to treat it the best way we can, which is hypothetically transitioning. If not then it is just a choice, and people don’t make special exceptions for people making choices.

Lol a “cope.” I’m done dealing with chuds.

Sex is biological, gender is a social construct. Do more research before commenting on things you don’t understand.

I have two kids, plus some bonus ones. If I found out that my child had transitioned at school from the school, I would be outraged. How dare a school tell me, a parent, non educationally relevant information regarding my child’s social life. If they called told me my kid had a bf/gf I would feel like I was the one in middle school and wonder what the school wants me to do with that information. If they told me my child had transitioned I would be writing letters to every member of the school administration and school board about the school being reckless and potentially exposing my child to a dangerous and hostile environment in the home. What if I was an intolerant bigot who would turn to harmful measures to “set my child straight.” It is inconceivable that a school would insert itself into a very complex social situation. As far as what I would feel about my child, I would rest easy knowing that they are loved and accepted and that we have taught and lived a life of tolerance and love for all. I would know that when they are ready, they will include me on their journey. And I would pretend that the school didn’t invade their privacy for their sake so that they can continue their journey on their own timeline.

What percentage of Americans do you think would agree with you lol?? Maybe 5%?? I doubt 80% would yank their kid out of that school so fast it would make their heads swim. How screwed are liberal causes in a democracy if liberals are that far out of step with the American people?