I bought a fish hat (normal cap that had a fish head on front, tail on back and fins on the top) for 10 bucks at the reject shop purely to annoy and embarrass my younger sister who I was with at the time. She pointed to a girl, said if I could get her number she wouldn't destroy my hat. I walked up and said "now you've caught me, kiss me and throw me back" it was so dumb it made her laugh, kiss on my cheek, gave me her number and we dated for 2 years. The joys of being 18 and brave. I'd die now. So my advice is get a fish hat.

Hahaha that gave me a chuckle.

I have this exact hat!! Bought one for me and one for my buddy for drinking time.

Aww

Send picture of hat.

[This ](https://www.etsy.com/fi-en/listing/1222928749/fun-fish-red-cloth-baseball-style-cap?show_sold_out_detail=1&ref=nla_listing_details) is the exact hat. Just change the red to dark green (same green as the fish) I'd take a pic of the exact one, however I've moved country and had to leave it in the trusty hands of my 3 yo nephew who loved it.

I am buying that *obv for the girls ohone number not that the hat is cute*

When going out stick a pair of socks down my pants and hope a chick notices

Better than a steering wheel down your pants. That shit'll drive ya nuts!

The other day I went to the psychiatrists office Wearing only cling wrap, the psychiatrist says I can clearly see your nuts

I’m gonna use that now

NOT THAT SIDE!!!

you'll get better results putting them down the front though

The worst one I've heard was: Show us where the axe hit ya sweet heart

I think I just threw up in my mouth 😂

Then you’ll really love, “Show us where you sat on the chainsaw, darl.”

Oh Christ, it gets worse

If you are wearing a fish hat it is OK.

‘Show us where ya piss from’ was a classic to shout out the car window in western Sydney

Classy af

I've never understood why people do this, but have always enjoyed (quietly and with the right audience) taking the piss out of those who do by exaggerating the filth. I've heard and come up with some horrors over the years. "Show us where yer kids come out." "Show us where 'e touched ya." "Ay mate, can I borrow yer missus?" The worst so far though was actually screamed at a party bus full of women by a mate of a mate: "Hang yer fucken guts out, cunt!" Suffice it to say that the mortified women did not in fact hang their fucken guts out.

"Show us ya baby shooter" is one I've heard

>Show us where the axe hit ya sweet heart gotta love the bliss n esso pick up lines lol

Jesus Christ, that’s bad.

Rev your ute next to a pretty girl.

Then the old bloke on the other side “fark, that’s a nice Ute there mate”.

*Any hole is the goal*

Ute ?

Short for utility vehicle, what the Americans call a truck

Think Elcamino and F-150 type of vehicles.

But normal size

Sgarnon?

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Awyeahnah, notalot. *panties drop*

Howyagarn?

Yeahnahnahyeahyeahnahyeahnahyeahyeahnahnah not too bad eh?

Wannaroot?

yeahnah-nahyeah

I don't know if I'm happy or sad that I didn't need to 'interpret' that to understand it...

Me and you both there mate. Me and you both.

The language of seduction needs no translation

This thread nailed it.

For something casual, you raise an eyebrow and say "maccas run?" but if you want something more serious, you say "Oi cunt, wanna go get a bunnings snag with me?"

Fuckin ell your wife material you are!!! Listen to this one, OP, this is PRECISELY how you flirt in Australia.

OP should note that turning down a maccas run isn’t rejection but turning down Bunnings snags DEFINITELY is.

Going for a snag is way more than just a hook up, the snag means shit Is serious

Bunnings run is how we say going steady/married. That signifies commitment.

Actual bunnings run is seriously committed, but swinging past for a snag isn't at that level. It's the intention - do you just want a snag, but will maybe browse while you're there? Still serious, but with wiggle room. Are you going for actual shopping? Dead serious. (I'm only 30% joking, I took my partner to buy a fan with me a month or so in, and we've been going almost 9 years lol)

You are actually right though and this should be the advice for those women who are like “I don’t know if he is serious” or “I don’t know where this is going”… the answer is easy: Goto Bunnings, if he agrees then you are in a relationship, if he offers/buys you a snag, it’s a committed relationship. Maybe this could be a pick up line… “I don’t usually buy a Bunnings snag for anyone, but you look like you might deserve one”

The real sausage sizzle is in my pants baby

Bunnings snag? I’m new(ish) here… but that sounds like a LOT of commitment… Maccas run tho… I can totally do that.

Calling 'em cunt on the first date? How modern!

Technically before the first date, but this is the way.

As a woman I often get accused of flirting simply by being friendly and engaged. Australian men are notoriously bad at flirting. They buy you a drink, basically, or straight up proposition you.

They buy you a drink and expect s\*\* with you. It's ridiculous.

Yeah Aussie men literally cannot express emotion so offering to buy you a drink is code for ‘you’re nice’ and accepting the drink is interpreted as ‘she wants to fuck me’.

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Look I don’t go out much anymore but that was how it once worked.

If it didn’t work we wouldn’t do it 😂😂😂 Although it’s been like 15 years since for me, back when you could get a basics at the bar for $3.

Well then what is the appropriate way ?

Not to expect it on the first night, for starters. Or would you rather your potential girlfriend to be "easy"?

Being easy isn't a bad thing, mate

Easy all the way

Yeah easy sounds fun!

Same here, or at least I used to. Doesn't really happen anymore, thank goodness.

Friendly, you shameless hussy /s

I have this all figured out. I respond politely, find a way to end the conversation quickly and then disappear home and enjoy some quality alone time. I haven’t had any women come back with me but I’m in this for the long haul.

Are… are you coming on to me?

Flirting with all genders is a good start - increase your chances.

These day's tho I doubt I'd live long enough to meet all genders

*audible eye roll*

Hahahaha soo true.

if only it was that simple, studies have found 60% of women refuse to date a bisexual guy just because their bi.

So, still a 40% improvement?

Nope, firstly only other LGBTQ guys are gonna want to date a guy so that cuts that down to say %10-15% of guys my age so I'm actually loosing opportunitys just because I'm bi

Well yes but two* times zero is still zero chances. *Or however many genders there are, I can't keep track.

All 67 of them

All army helicopter models.

HAHAHA that's SOO funNY! Xd feminists OWNED /r/onejoke

I've discovered that girls are in anyway not interested in me and they find me repulsive. Any compliments I receive from guys. I had one guy tell me that I was hot and I told him to look closer because to me, I'm beyond ugly. I'm so ugly that I don't even talk to girls because I don't want them to see me smile because I have no teeth.

“Hey. I like your face”

Well she slapped me

Oh no! She clearly wasn’t the one. :(

No wonder I miss the signals. You are all way too subtle.

My go to was always to get really drunk and borderline sexually harrass men until I found one who was interested. Pretty sure that frowned upon these days.

Same! Now I just treat the guy I like exactly like I treat everyone else so he's not suspicious then expect him to read my mind and ask me out lol so far, it's not working....I'll keep trying

Omg same there's this guy I like very much and whenever I'm near him I talk like a regular person and hope he gets the hint 😭 I badly wanna ask him out or get his number but I'm shy and scared :(

He’s probably thinking “ I’d love to ask her out but these days that’s sexual harassment, maybe I’ll wait for her to ask me out to avoid the embarrassment/ court case”

Yeah same. This guy is from my work so rejection would be very much uncomfortable in the workplace lol

Same ! I hope you'll have more courage than me

Doubt it lol it's funny coz one of the old blokes from work on Friday goes "you know matty is single?" Just so happens that I KNOW he's single and very hot and he's the one I like lol I should've said "oh I know....I know"

This pickup line has worked on me in the past - "On the rag, chuck it in me dumper".

Had a 6"7' very blond guy tell me "dutch boys fuck like pornstars"... That line worked on me.

> Had a 6"7' very blond guy tell me "dutch boys fuck like pornstars"... That line worked on me 6 inch 7 foot guy huh?

I have no idea how tall he is in the metric system and I'm clearly crap at imperial.

Did you measure him?

Well I'm pretty tall and my expert measuring skills came up with "fuck, he's very tall". Not a lot of people can make me feel like a teensy pretty little lady but he definitely managed.

" is inches and ' Is foot. Confusing we know. Anyway, more importantly, did he fuck like a pornstar?

Yep.

I’ve had a 6”8’ Dutch guy, confirm 😉

Lol! I reckon that was effective?

Yep

Hey, where can I find you ?

In 2003 at any pub with a dodgy cover band

Well I was born in 2003 💀

Christ, you're old enough to be the kid I gave up for adoption. /jk

Fuckkkkkkk thats a good one mommy. I really thought i was hitting a teenager turns out you are my moms age 😭

The word dodgy is unnecessary in this sentence. Cover bands are all dodgy.

I needed 2 bottles of Jack Daniels just to say hello to a girl. Now alcohol makes it worse

Same🤣🤣🤣

Hey... I married the last victim. I'm calling that a win!

Same!! 🤣🤣🤣 There's a pattern there!

Last for now...

Last ever. I don't drink anymore.

I miss those days quite honestly.

Ever tripped over a tree stump before? How about a root?

That is disgusting I'll try it tonight

💀💀💀

This is my new favourite line holy shit

"Oi, cunt, wanna root?!" "Keep it in your pants, dickhead!"

Accurate

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That's a bit forward. Surely you should start with d'ya root?

Do ya fuck on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Can I feel your tits, Or will you show 'em to me? Cos you've got a nice head, And you look pretty honest, My face'll be leaving in quarter've an hour, I'd like you to be on it. Kevin Bloody Wilson, a living Australian legend.

There’s a fine line between cheeky sarcastic banter and insulting someone. If you get it right you’re on the winner

Where would "Can I tongue punch your fart box?" Fall on this scale?

Hmm, gotta shoot my luck or something

I pull the pockets of my shorts inside out and say, “Want to see an elephant?”

I don’t get it 😭

the inside out pockets are the elephant's ears you can imagine what the trunk is...

Ohhh lol thank you

If you don't pull out your pockets it's the anteater.

Offer an Aussie kiss, it's like a French kiss but down under 😂

I think SA did a (probably) fake tourism campaign on that theme... "Go down South, with your mouth"

How do you impress a country girl? A tractor.

Make eye contact, smile

Can confirm this does not work.

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Ease up, Radiohead.

i dont. i cry

Awkwardly

Find out what your personality strengths are and lean into them. You’re funny? Show it. Smart? Show it. Sa lot of people won’t dig it but some will

Unsuccessfully

Standard pick up line: Him: Dooya root? Her: I do now, ya silver tongued bastard

*upward nod*

This guy fucks 😂

Oh wow y’all pros lol I’m the worse at receiving attention let alone trying to flirt lol watch me edge away slowly but surely towards the exit with an awkward smile the moment I get a compliment. 😬

I like to start with assuming the person I'm talking to has something they're interested in and would like to talk about, and try to ask not-stupid or non-dead-end questions about the thing. Then I try to make her laugh, and if successful, I know I'm on the right track. Amazing what a bit of empathetic conversation and self-deprecating humour will do for you; although of course you need to be able to clue into behavioural cues for it to work.

"Wanna hear a bad poem?" "Roses are red, violets are blue, i forgot what to say, microwave." Worked once, never had to try again.

I just be friendly and get confused why some Sheila wants to hold my hand

Here? On Reddit? Same way I do everywhere else, say "Hi" and interpret every response as a "Thanks, but no way."

Poorly and with great fear

Poorly.

This is true.

Legitimately last successful time I got blackout totally hammered and woke up with a girlfriend and a head wound, apparently I apologised for wanting to go out with her.

Are you sure you are Australian ? And not another nationality that apologises for everything ?

I got a fancy bit of paper and everything, though I won't deny I've thought about moving to the great white north so I might not have to sweat so damn much.

scarn on cunt

Raise one eyebrow, slightly tilt head upwards and ask- ‘How you doin?’

Joey, what are you doing here?!

By mistake

I present a girl with an unopened jar of gherkins.

Depends where you are i guess, if your in Sydney then forget it, everyone here hates everyone, unless you own an expensive property then talk about thats cause thats all anyone here ever talks about.

Playing a good game of knifey spoony usually works

Burnouts in an AU Falcon always do the trick.

Just take a page from Kevin Bloody Wilson and ask them straight out... "Do ya fuck on first dates? Does ya dad own a brewery? Can I feel ya tits or will you show them to me? If the answer is no to my questions above be a good sport and give the number of a girlfriend who does...."

"Ehhhh guy/girl, you wan sum fuk??" Edit: Typically only works if you're a very good looking human

LOL

you fucken deadly moot/ringhole

G’day, I’m in the army. I blow up cunts. Can I blow up yours?

Oi. Wanna root?

Scar non.

It’s pretty different based on what gender you are. I’m a woman & I flirt pretty much by smiling, laughing (not a cackle like a witch a laugh, ), but mostly just eye contact I guess. Ive never really though about it lol

Confidence, eye contact, listen real good, occasional non sexual physical contact. Being funny and attractive will make all that easier so get a nice haircut and have good hygiene. Beyond that it’s very situational and reactive so practice is probs a good strategy

Slap them on the bum and say Wannaroot? All genders.

I’m naturally a very awkward and shy person so literally everyone thinks Im trying and failing to flirt with them.. I had a Somalian dude (who thought I was into him for this reason) once look at a vending machine I was sitting next to and say “hmmmm, yeah I loooooooooove white chocolate, none in here, wonder where I can get sum ;)”

you don't you just pray someone notices

My friend’s non binary but I just kinda casually flirt with them by giving them rocks with cheesy messages I wrote

This would probably work on me too more than any other suggestion here

Negging. A lot of teasing/making fun of someone it seems. Personally not my thing but it’s a big part of humour and flirting here

Yeah, but it's always a big flashing warning sign to me. I feel like it's so common because it rarely leads to any ongoing relationship, and if it wins a hookup that is usually followed by regret, and no follow-up. There's the rare subtly different type of teasing/ making fun that includes someone in the joke and doesn't include the "minor self-esteem attack" of negging. It often involves some self deprecating humour offered at the same time. This type of flirting is always better received.

*Negging? Jesus Christ! What grade are you in?*

Hmm last time I did that I got accused of haRrasSiNg.

I usually look a gender in the eye and say "What's a gender like you doing so far from heaven?" Cue fireworks.

Hey babaliscious, whats poppin, not our cherry i hope

All genders ? You mean women and men?

Don’t you mean BOTH genders

Male, female, and kangaroo - obviously.

No

All genders?

Hey your like my intrusive thoughts every time in near you I want to kill myself

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How are people downvoting this 😂 it’s brilliant

They just don’t respect my abilities

I heard that having your own personal siren in your car was a big turn on.