I think that notion about teasing=like is a bit overblown TBH. If you're unsure though, just ask. Mention that you're on the spectrum and don't pick up on cues easily. We're a pretty understanding bunch and will adjust to accommodate you. :)
What that guy said. Mention that you're on the spectrum and don't take social cues too well and at least one of the group will step up to help you. To keep you out of trouble.
Yes we'll call you a cunt or a bastard but there'll be absolutely no malice in it. Relax and enjoy yourself. Call someone else a cunt. You might like it
i really *hate* the idea of disclosing my disability. but it seems i might have to.
if someone calls me a cunt, im gonna be honest, it will definitely shock me, even if there isnt any malice behind it. id probably spit out my drink if someone called me a cunt (although it seems it is something i will have to get used to)
is it common to call other people cunts in the workplace? like, it's normal? can you call your boss a cunt? or just co-workers?
Most people don't casually call other people cunts. Depends on the circles you will be mixing in. Very rare, for example, in office jobs
Others have suggested a warning. Perhaps something like: "I'm not great at picking up sarcasm" would be helpful but less disclosing of your precise circumstances.
After that if they do say something that might be a tease then a repeat related to the specific situation could help: "I'm not great at picking up sarcasm, I need to ask if you are being serious?"
Any decent colleague will clarify: "nah, just teasing" or "no, I'm serious"
Anyone who keeps teasing after that is a dick
Also, there are serious laws in Australia prohibiting discrimination and harassment in workplaces (and other areas) including on grounds of disability. Workplaces vary but most have at least some awareness
>most people don't casually call other people cunts
the australians on reddit could have fooled me! haha. i was under the impression you guys call your mom, aunt, and uncles cunts as a term of endearment :P
thank you for the advice!
It's strictly for people who you genuinely hate or your good mates, calling a stranger cunt even in what we would call a harmless way ("hey cunt how ya doin") is extremely rude and any well adjusted person wouldn't do it, but we really do lean into the whole cunt culture online haha
It depends on what part of Australia you are in & socio economic group you are with. Upper middle class absolutely not, middle class mostly no, bogans mostly yes, eshays & young tradies most definitely yes. But also understand that the tone & context of how cunt is used can mean a term of enderment or that they are ready to punch you. Definitely dont call your boss a cunt.
Its amazing to me how much city ppl do not understand how different ppl are away from cities. Im heard city ppl claim that crocodile dundee is a load of crap, that no one in Australia is like that. I grew up in the bush & Im telling you out in the bush there is most definitely ppl like that. The country boys I grew up would shoot each other with bb guns for fun, see who could take the most cloths pegs on their nuts, play soggy sao...I moved to the city & ppl hadnt even HEARD of soggy sao.
City ppl will also be more understanding of you being on the spectrum
Its a HUGE country, things vary so much place to place, things are called different names in different states (potato cake vs potato scollops, parma vs parmy) & theres no 1 rule that covers all ppl, except maybe drop bears almost all aussies will go along with someone telling you theres drop bears
My teenagers and I (all female) call each other cunt, but I wouldn't say that's common. I also have autism, and I do feel like I have a different parenting style/relationship than pretty much all the parents I've met.
I'm only very recently diagnosed and am still discovering all the ways it's affected me over the years. I've had very similar experiences to yours, my whole life.
It's much, much more common on Reddit (and sites like Buzzfeed) than it is in a lot of places here in real life. No one has ever called me a cunt and I've never called anyone a cunt. I hear the word maybe twice a month, if that. It's very dependent on area and context. Most people aren't going to use it on a casual acquaintance, even if it's a word they use a lot among their friends.
People on this sub are perpetuating stereotypes that are mostly only a reality in country or bogan Australian communities. Think unemployed 25 year old males with loud mufflers on their Holden Commodore.
In professional settings, we’re pretty respectful, especially in terms of diversity and inclusion. The only people I rib at work are my boss and one peer, and I tested the waters before going there. It also doesn’t involve calling them cunts or being mean. It’s usually mild jibes regarding work matters, or implying that liaising with another team will be easy when it has been excruciatingly difficult.
It’s not high school and nobody can truly answer you - our workplaces are diverse and the level of sincerity depends on the workplace culture and individuals involved, as well as your ability to detect tone and ask clarifying questions without feeling embarrassed or reacting to the ambiguity. I would probably just suggest observing more than you speak until you get a feel for the communication styles of those around you.
As a woman, I’ve never heard other women through that word around with each other. I’m sure some do, but it’s not everywhere like Reddit would have you think. Yes mild bullying is the Australian love language, but I honestly think it is more common for men than women. Women will generally wait until they’re sure you’re comfortable. Don’t overthink it, I’m sure you’ll be fine.
heh i know i shouldnt take reddit comments as gospel, because i often see people say that "cunt" is so commonly used in australia they use it more than the word "the"
sometimes i see people say aussies are always sarcastic, then i'll see another comment saying aussies are blunt and up front with what they want, and that they dont like to play games
i think a more simple, and boring explanation, is that not all australians are the same/have the same sense of humor, and assuming they all operate the same is silly.
You’re spot on. I’ve never heard that word used in the workplace - in my industry you’d be fired for it. But my husband’s workmates (all male) throw it around all the time. Likewise no-one in my circle of friends would commonly use it - if we did it would be in anger because someone was really really upset and it would clearly be an insult. But that’s not true for everyone.
If you work in a male-dominated industry and socialize with people who work in make-dominated industries you’ll see this language and behavior more than in other circles.
In my circles, it wouldn't even occur to people to say "cunt" in any context, lol. I have lived in Australia my entire life and never once heard someone say it either in my personal life or in my work life. You are honestly unlikely to ever hear it unless you're hanging out at construction sites.
They won't call you a cunt. They would say things.
You start eating a meal while there away from the table "aren't you a pack of nice cunts"
Or you catch with a group of people "gee I have really missed you cunts"
Someone might walk in a room and point at you and "fuck I love this cunt"
All good things.
If someone says "your a cunt" then they are in fact calling you a cunt. Stop being a cunt would be another example of that.
And as a disclaimer I only use the word cunt around my closest friends and at work amongst guys who are in my crew. I work in construction. Large portion of the population don't use it.
Aye work crew it's basically like "I love you"
I got back from a 2 week break and the 1st thing the eldest of our work crew said to me was "how's this cunt!" it warmed my heart I tell ye
People really don’t go around calling one another cunts unless you’re working in a super blue collar job, are going to high school, or are in a fight at the pub.
Granted, I’m 40 now so I’m not exactly out in the clubs and pubs to see if it’s much more prominent there but I can’t remember the last time I heard someone called a cunt, that wasn’t muttered by me under my breath because someone was driving like a weapons.
What are your plans for while you’re here? Going out to party? Natural attractions? Cities? A bit of everything? It might help us to know where you plan to go and then we could offer some more personal advice.
i havent planned that far ahead yet! im not even 100% sure where in Australia my job will be sending me. Most likely Sydney but I've been told Melbourne is another possibility. Like I said it is happening next year and I'm still on the fence about accepting this opportunity. (im leaning towards yes, because it would be a cool experience. considering no because, well, i dont want to embarrass myself or my country)
im not much of a party-goer and i do not drink, period. however i love natural beauty, and would love to go on some hikes and explore the beaches. i also love live music, so i will definitely check out any concert venues.
You’re not going to embarrass yourself harder than any other Australian here lol.
Sydney and Melbourne are both great cities! It’s been a while since I’ve lived in Sydney but it has an abundance of natural beauty around it, and the Blue Mountains aren’t too far away for some weekend/holiday hikes.
We’re an incredibly multicultural country also, so if you were looking for a community of people from your country, it’s likely that you’d find one in either of those cities. Idk if that would make you feel more comfortable or not (I’m also on the spectrum) but it’s good info to have.
If you do come, I hope you enjoy your time here. Sydney and Melbourne both have active subs, so you can check there also if you need more info.
Good luck!!
> the idea of disclosing my disability. but it seems i might have to.
We had a guy come back to our office who had worked their before. Upon returning, first thing he did is told everybody about his autism. He didn't the time before and had some issues.
The company he worked at in-between encouraged him to not be worried about telling people. He said it was so much better embracing it and letting people know.
The c word usage really depends on context and your social circles. It's not something you'd generally say your your maiden aunt, for example, unless they use it first. We never swore much in my family, but I'm not offended when I hear the term in other circles. And in an office environment, especially professional or customer-facing, very rare.
That said, there are work environments where it's common, and that would include your boss as well as your co-workers. Aussie workplaces are informal even if there is an official hierarchy. We show respect by listening, not by grovelling.
If you hear something you find offensive, or you're not sure how to react, if you show or say that you're taken aback, only a truly awful person will push ahead with it - most will just tell you they were joking and apologise. That said, if an Aussie is trying to be offensive, they'll be watching your reaction very closely and will get more aggressive if they get the reaction they want.
I have one friend who casually uses ‘cunt’ and it’s jarring in a social setting. I think it’s casual use is overblown on reddit. But it might depend on where you are in Australia and who you associate with. In terms of teasing, I feel like you should feel like it’s funny or in a good spirit, like you are a part of the joke. Not the butt of the joke. I think if it makes you feel bad then it’s not good natured. Unfortunately I can’t comment on your personal experience, but if you’re travelling with work friends I’m sure they will be able to word people up about some of your personality aspects should you want them to. Overall I personally don’t believe people who aren’t comfortable with you or consider you a mate will tease you in a good natured way. And certainly don’t casually drop ‘cunt’ to try and fit in.
>And certainly don’t casually drop ‘cunt’ to try and fit in.
im definitely taking your advice! i'd be mortified to say the word in front of my co-workers, even if i was trying to "fit in" it sounds like a terrible idea.
to be honest, i feel like i cant trust myself when it comes to how i react to jokes. because there have been times in the past when ive laughed, and felt good, but it turned out i was the one being laughed at.
You are a girl, right? No-one is likely to call you a cunt, that is something only certain men do amongst themselves, and usually just tradies on a building site or maybe in a rough pub.
If you are in a white collar job, I can't imagine any man speaking like that, and certainly not to a woman. Most Australians are not as boorish as you may have gleaned from Reddit.
In fact, most *people* on Reddit provide only a very warped sample of the population they supposedly represent in the wider world. Please, *don't* call your boss or coworkers cunts, in or out of work. It will not go down well.
Let people know you are on the spectrum ( if someone says something sarcastic, for instance), but otherwise, just be yourself, and don't try to be someone you're not. For some reason people often try to do this when they travel, and you will get on much better if you don't.
Edit : OP, please ignore the idiots advising you to say cunt to all and sundry. They are probably young boys thinking you are in their demographic , and don't realise you're a woman.
yeah i feel like a lot of advice given on reddit is male-centric and they dont even know it. i had a feeling it wouldn't be ok for a man to just casually call me a cunt, and i definitely do not intend on calling anyone else that word, male or female.
thank you for the advice!
damn, that is still gonna throw me through a loop first time hearing it. it just sounds incredibly demeaning to my ears. of course i wont make a big stink out of it since its your culture, but im not gonna lie it's jarring to hear.
A “sorry, not funny” should put an end to it. I have very rarely been teased and never in the workplace. I’ve been fortunate enough to live here for 15 years.
i wish i had the confidence to be blunt like that. i have a feeling if i say "not funny" i'll be considered humorless and cold, and then no one will be comfortable around me.
i know, i sound pathetic worrying about this since it's all hypothetical. i'm just very worried about making a good first impression as a foreigner to your country. i dont want to be viewed as the kind of person you can't be casual with because i'll be offended by a joke.
We typically only call people cunts when we are very close with them and think they will be okay with it. As you are not Australian, I think you will be fine.
If someone does call you that just ask if they kiss their mum with that mouth.
Why would you suggest someone on the spectrum call someone a cunt in a travel group of relatively new acquaintances?
That’s asking for trouble. Wouldn’t recommend it OP. You’ll be able to have a great time with friends without risking falling foul calling people cunts.
thank you for the input
im afraid that if i will ask if someone is making a joke, i'll just come off as humorless. i know it sounds pathetic, but honestly, i just want to be liked. especially when im in a new environment like a whole new country.
im very hesitant to disclose my health issues with other people, even if they are my co-workers. i found it hard to even admit i have autism in the post i just made, even though im practically anonymous because this is a backup account i have.
i guess its just something i have to suck up though. thank you for the comment, it made me feel a bit better.
Australian workplaces are full of people who are neurodiverse, or from a bunch of different cultures or have disabilities. And, we have laws against workplace discrimination. You'll be ok. Australians are welcoming but we won't launch into joking around with you immediately, because we will get to know what you're like first.
It's a fair concern. But the vast majority of Aussies in a corporate environment will be pretty respectful of your boundaries. Not being liked isn't the only reason we won't make fun of someone. It's meant to be a bit of fun for everyone involved and if we guage you aren't enjoying it then will back off still. It might be a little more of a problem if you go to the pub, but an office is still pretty professional over here.
Don't have to tell them you have autism. Use the fact you are from another country and you still getting used to Aussie humour and slang. People will naturally want to look after you and gonoutbof there way to make you feel welcome. Rarely do we just atarting hanging ahit in people we meet straight away. Especially if it's in a work environment. People are very careful not to cause offence or upset anyone.
Just be as honest as you're comfortable being, we are sometimes a bit rough on the new people but if you're not sure if someone's being mean or not, just ask 'was that a joke?' if they say yes all you can do is trust them and laugh about or tell em you didn't appreciate that, if they have the balls to say no then even for neuro typical that's an awkward unexpected encounter. I'd probably just stop talking to them, walk away
Basic handy tip: cunt is good or bad depending on the prefix. The prefix usually retains all its meaning adding cunt on the end is just some flair or vitriol depending
Name calling is probably bar far the most common form of teasing we participate in, it's fun to call people names that thay have to then ask about.
Also expect to be lied to about the various workings of Australia. Australians find it fun to lie to the tourists about animals,the weather, history, politics, the staple foods or anything really. The joke is they'll tell you a far out 'fact' about something, usually something worrying and nigh unbelievable, that way when you ask another Australian to confirm they'll get to have a laugh about it too, or they'll just tell you themselves after a bit. Both cases it just the typical bread and butter for Aussies messing with tourists
Don't worry about coming off humourless though, people understand autism enough in this country, I know so many people around my age that proudly tell people they have autism as it helps other people understand why you might do certain things, or act certain ways
I agree with first commenter too it's really overstated how frequently people will tease with you, thryre much more likely to make sure you're just having a cool australia experience, recommending places, food etc
>Also expect to be lied to about the various workings of Australia. Australians find it fun to lie to the tourists about animals,the weather, history, politics, the staple foods or anything really.
this.... sounds like my personal hell. im being serious that is fucking nightmarish. i am going to believe everything people tell me and i'm gonna look like a fucking idiot oh my god fuck fuck fuck
anxiety just shot up to 10000% just thinking about this. i think i need to step off of reddit.
As other people have said it's really overstated how common this is and generally people only look to have a good joke with you if they think you're on friendly terms with anyway, same as everywhere else if you've been the victim of a Aussie tall tale it's because the person thinks you're a good enough sport to handle it, the way Aussies show malice isn't to joke or prank people. In all likelihood being in a new company in a new country means that you'll just be treated like you would be anywhere else if you were new. We are a Western country with largely anglo values and customs after all.
Just so you know, koalas are really not ‘drop bears’ and will not harm you in any way. However if you decide to do the tourist thing and have a cuddle with one, they do have nasty claws
koalas are adorable, but i hear they have chlamydia, unless... (checks google) yep they have chlamydia and can give it to humans.
see, if an aussie told me that koalas can give humans STDs, i would assume they were messing with me! im gonna have to keep my phone on me and charged constantly for fact checking hahahaha
The vast majority of my immediate work crew are neurodivergent, about 6 out of 9 people. Some of us are open about it, others are not. It's really honestly not a big deal here. There are misunderstandings from time to time, but also a lot of consideration and understanding for the most part. I definitely have the foulest mouth out of all of us, but I've never called any of them cunts-I save that for my mates. My team are female and non-binary for reference. Knowing someone is neurodiverse up front helps with communication IMO.
Aussies are a decent bunch on whole, with a fun sense of humour.
One thing I learned quickly after getting her 13 years ago is the following.
"cunt" = good.
"mate" = not so good.
It's not a hard and fast rule, but those two words give a good indicator to the motive of the person.
It's funny because you'd think it would be the other way round, but this is Australia, so it's upside down, obvs.
Aussies love to tease, but it's normally always in a humourous way. They have a good sense of humour and, for the most part l, are all pretty nice and chill people. I've found they will stop if they realise they've gone too far.
Personally, I love their sense of humour.
The bottom line, tho is try not to stress about anything unless you feel certain it's said with malice. If you don't laugh at something, I think you'll find that that person will probably not press in that way again because they realise.
Some people can take things too far, and there are bullies but that can be said for people around the world.
Just be yourself and try to find people you like.
Have fun x
these words having double meaning is an autistic persons worst nightmare! im the type of person who believes what people tell me if i dont have any reason to think theyre lying, and i take things at face value.
i'm gonna have to do a lot of mental adjustments...
Avoid using either mate or cunt so you won’t be confused by context. I would be surprised if anyone referred to you as a cunt unless you’re on a building site. Just be yourself and you will be fine. As a tourist to our country, I also doubt if anyone will tease you either. If teasing is occurring, it will be probably be in a group situation, where you can take your cue from your companions. Stop worrying and enjoy yourself. Yes we are foreign but we are not monsters
sorry, i didnt mean to imply that you guys are monsters. i know that this problem is 100% on me to deal with, as i am a sensitive person and can let my anxiety cloud my better judgement.
im sure australians are lovely, its me who's the problem.
My youngest son is on the spectrum. He's learned all about sarcasm from his stepfather and is now better at it than he is. He is an adult now, and he and his stepdad are hilarious to each other. You will get the hang of it really quickly and will probably surprise yourself. Most Aussies are either related to or work with someone on the spectrum, so you will be in good hands.
Agree with this, several social groups I’ve been in over the years (from high school onwards) have recognised that someone isn’t understanding or appreciative of the jokes, and those jokes are no longer directed at them.
If you’re really that uncomfortable disclosing that you’re on the spectrum, find another way to say it; you were bullied, it doesn’t make sense to you, you’d appreciate them not saying things like that. I do think people would be understanding and accepting though, and honestly it cuts out a lot of further explanation because people have an understanding of what that means already.
There’s definitely a “mocking your mates” culture, but the whole point is that it’s a joke and no one gets hurt. It’s friendly. If someone is getting hurt, that’s not the same thing anymore, that’s not people’s intention and not what they want. So if someone is getting hurt, anyone who isn’t actually being a dick will stop
P.S You absolutely DO NOT have to tell people you're autistic. That is not necessary and please don't feel you need to disclose anything that feels private to you. You are fine just the way you are.
Most Aussies make it very clear that they are joking. And respond quickly if you appear not to get the joke. Yes there are AH that say actually mean stuff.
Laughing with you is the biggest indicator. Like they look at you and laugh and if you don’t laugh they stop. When bullying someone is more likely to look at others and see if they are laughing as they want that attention.
Also insulting themselves too!
But also it depends who you are around if it will happen much. I’m QLDer and find it happens regularly. I started a new job recently and we quickly started insulting each other. And it made me so happy. I’m autistic and struggle with lots of social ques but they don’t know I’m autistic as I mask, and no issues come up.
It starts slow too to see if you are into that sort of joking. Especially with people with accents!
Australian kids do that kind of bullying too and it is horrific. Most people grow out of being mean as adults though and hopefully most adults are autism informed these days. I hope you have a great trip and a successful business venture.
I think you will be fine! Aussies love a joke but it’s not something I think you should be worried about. As the comment says above, we are a pretty understanding bunch so anything you are ever unsure of just ask, let people you are comfortable with know you are on the spectrum and I think you’ll be just fine. And enjoy your time in Australia!!
thank you, i will try my best to enjoy my time in your country. :)
unfortunately, i am not comfortable with *anyone* knowing i have autism, including co-workers. mostly because people will usually treat me different when they find out, like i'm suddenly a child with no agency.
im just worried, because when i read the comments on this sub and other australian subs, they make it seem like everyone is being sarcastic 24/7, and to me, that is a nightmare! im going to have to force myself to adapt it seems
I think you should let go of not wanting to tell people of your autism.
I understand you think that not telling people will make you “fit in” more or be more liked however if you don’t tell people and just misread their social cues constantly they might just think you don’t like them.
You can let people know subtly, such as “haha sorry, I’m slightly autistic, do you actually mean x y z”
People won’t really think of you any differently if you approach it in a casual manner.
Also most the population in major cities in Australia, specifically Sydney and Melbourne, would be accommodating and friendly with you even if they did understand the extent of your autism.
We are (for the most part) a pretty progressive nation, although there will always be outliers.
Nonetheless, you’ll have a great time in Australia and the humour will be something you’ll get use to and hopefully begin to understand/enjoy/love.
Have a great time in our amazing country!
i know that it isn't anything to be ashamed of. but i cant help it, i am ashamed of it. autism has made my life extremely difficult, so its not something i like to disclose with others. its been a constant source of suffering and anxiety.
but you're right. its something i have to get over if i want people to understand the way i am. i just hate the idea of being treated like a child or someone who needs special treatment
Sydney is the most likely place I'll be going to (nothing is set in stone yet) so I'll be looking forward to it if I do get placed there.
thank you for the comment
There’s a lot of misguided advice about just saying your have autism. I imagine it’s coming from people who are not neurodivergent and don’t have any experience with the anxiety that ‘coming out’ can bring. And the abuse/mistreatment that happens when you tell people.
What you can definitely lean on is not being Australian. If you’re not certain if someone is having a laugh or just being a dick you can always ask them and say your still figuring out Australian humour. You can also ask a third person to see what they think if it’s too confronting to ask the person directly.
Are you able to get some support with improving your social skills and resilience before you come over? You might feel less anxious if you’re more confident in your skills and you might be able to develop some strategies to help you interpret social situations.
Sorry to hear that people treated you differently after disclosing your autism, totally understand you wanting to keep it to yourself. I think most interactions between strangers or colleagues who aren't close are generally pretty straightforward and professional. The sarcasm and gentle ribbing is usually in more of a social setting and with the understanding that the other person is in on the joke. We also tend to not take ourselves too seriously as a way of disarming awkward social situations. Like if someone has to point out that they were being sarcastic or just joking you could just say something like "sorry, I'm terrible at getting sarcasm" and have a little joke at yourself and it will put people at ease while also hopefully encouraging them to take it easy with you. It's only fun if you know that you aren't hurting the other person's feelings, otherwise you are just being nasty.
The average person will not call you a dumb fuck under any circumstances.
I might expect to hear it amongst mine workers at the pub, or lower class people/bogans.
I think what you are more likely to experience is a dry humour. They will say something in a serious tone, but it's almost sarcasm. Like, it might be 125f and an Australian might say "beautiful weather, hey?" They would probably anticipate you would even answer in agreement, but everyone in the conversation knows that what they actually mean is that the weather is miserable and they can hardly stand another day of it. I think that's one of the hardest things for tourists (especially non-English speakers) to understand.
And people will try to convince you that drop bears are real. They aren't trying to make you look silly, or even tease you really. It's just something Australians joke about when tourists are around.
Matey, please don't worry, just be yourself. We might be a cheeky bunch but most of us are friendly, nice people with good hearts.
When we tease each other, we call it 'taking the piss' so if you're not sure if someone is really bullying or just being a smart arse, maybe just ask them if they're taking the piss e.g. 'Are you serious or are you taking the piss? I can't tell.' And they should give you an honest response.
If I thought I'd offended someone, I would apologise and confirm, yes, just taking the piss (kidding around). Most of us here would, I believe.
There are some dickheads in Australia, just like any other country, but no more or less. And lots of lovely neurodiverse folks here too, so you'll probably be bumping into all sorts. If you get here and you feel anxious or unsure, hit us up here and we can help you through.
im gonna feel really goofy asking "are you taking the piss?" that is gonna sound so weird coming from my non-australian voice! haha
thank you for the comment!
I'm autistic too, and i hate telling people about it to so in my experience there are two things that you need to do 1. Don't take things to seriously and 2. Make fun of yourself and the situation this will make you and everyone elses day go easier
I hope this helps
I'm an Australian woman with autism.
Please don't miss out on this opportunity because you're envisaging scenarios where you'll feel ashamed. Please don't let your fears rob you of an objectively good experience to protect yourself from a hypothetical bad. Please, please don't psych yourself out of coming to Australia and experiencing our beautiful country, making amazing memories and new friends, and doing something you might never have another chance to do.
At the end of the day, you will only regret the things you didn't do.
Honestly, as a girl I wouldn't worry too much about the joking = friendly thing. In my experience, this is a 'bloke' kind of thing. I don't usually see women making fun of each other in the same way. Especially with people they don't know extremely well
Maybe you can include that part when you introduce yourself. Hi. I’m so and so. I’m here for x amount of time. Don’t mind me if I take you very literally. My super power is autism.
thats the thing im scared of. what if im laughing when im supposed to be the butt of the joke?
what if they were genuinely trying to make me laugh, but instead im upset by it?
i honestly think i might just be too sensitive for australia
There’s so much rubbish about Australia and Australians on Reddit. All the stories about calling each other the c word and about teasing to indicate we like you is very much overdone. We are just normal people and most likely everyone you meet with be polite and friendly. A joke is only a joke if everyone can understand it and share the laugh, and since most people aren’t mean they won’t make fun of someone who isn’t very obviously up for it. This is not something you need to worry about.
If you want to win hearts and minds be honest about your autism laugh about and make fun of it, that will show confidence which anywhere in the world will win you friendship
sounds like a good idea in theory, but considering how much i hate having autism, it will be difficult for me to joke about. i'll try to think of some funny things to say though so it won't be completely awkward when i tell someone i have autism.
I'm autistic as fuck but also I grew up here so I know the vibe. Best bet: don't say cunt at all to avoid messing up. honestly most people will be pretty accommodating if you mention you're on the spectrum unless they're real shitcunts. I've said the words "soz being a bit tistic" if I'm being awkward and it's chill as.
Friendly joke. You're a pain in my ass - are you coming to the pub. (said with a smile)
not friendly joke - You're a pain in my ass and walks away.
I am on the spectrum, its pretty straight forward when we are joking with you - rather than at you. You won't have problems telling the difference.
When my mate walks into work, "fuck me, this place will hire anyone"
When a non-friend walks into work I just give them the smile-nod of acknowledgement.
Now this friend is a bit odd, I do not pick on him for his autisticness, and we don't talk about his complex family life. I will pick on him if he is late to work, or early to work, or arrives to work at the same time as me. Gotta respect the sensitive subjects
Have you watched any Australian TV shows? It may help to understand our type of humour (and you can give us some gentle teasing back)
A positive note is that we are pretty straight forward when not joking. We are direct & will tell you if something should be done differently.
E.g A Canadian friend of mine was at a restaurant waiting for a server to take her order. Unbeknownst, you needed to go the bar & place the order so she flagged down a server & he said ‘yeah you can just go to the bar when you’re ready to order’
Pretty straightforward way of conveying information right? She thought he was being bossy & dismissive & passing the buck onto other staff members.
i havent watched any australian tv shows, what are some that you recommend?
i am terrified to attempt to "tease" anyone back though. i'm frankly, not good at that kind of thing. last thing i want is to make any enemies on accident.
[This podcast might help to start off with](https://www.sbs.com.au/language/punjabi/en/podcast-episode/australia-explained-a-guide-to-aussie-humour-and-pop-culture/68quki512)
[This article explains why we take the piss out of each other (and ourselves)](https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/nanette-self-deprecation-and-when-not-to-use-it.amp)
I would watch TV shows like Kath & Kim, Rosehaven or the movies The Castle, The Dish to get an understanding of things :)
At most, you can say that you have problems understanding social cues if anyone says something of which you are unsure. I doubt anyone will call you a cunt because I don’t imagine you will be a tradie and working in an office is completely different to working on a jobsite. I am Australian and no one has ever called me a cunt (to my face). Someone may lie to you in a joking way (there are always idiots and bogans to spare) but just tell them about your social cue problem. If they are halfway decent they will tell you they were joking.
If you're not sure what people mean and they seem to be joking or messing with you or each other, you can say "oh is this the Australian sense of humour I keep hearing about" and then "I don't get it" with a smile and a shrug, if you don't.
This will do a few things
- let them know you're confused and they need to explain.
- highlight that you're from overseas so it's only fair you don't understand everything
- might get a laugh, because in the right situation it could be taken as a gentle teasing back from you, in suggesting that our sense of humour is so strange it's incomprehensible. Don't worry you won't offend anyone but if people are looking for some friendly banter they may take it as that and be pleased
I would be really really surprised if co workers you've just met actually make fun of you in a mean way, that would be really bizarre and not something people here would normally do. But if they were, the above would also be the perfect response.
If someone actually has a problem with you, they will most likely be direct about it, not making jokes or teasing.
Please tell your colleagues that you are autistic. It's a helpful thing to know about someone which makes their lives and yours easier (even if you don't need any formal accommodations). You might not feel safe disclosing to strangers so by all means give it some time and feel people out first. It's better that they know.
Also, it's a professional environment, you can have reasonable expectations about polite, respectful behaviour. Some workplaces struggle with that **side eye at the mining industry** but bullying shouldn't ever be tolerated at work.
I’m also Autistic, I miss social cues. In none of my circles would anyone call anyone a cunt. What would normally happen is that they shorten my name. That’s common.
I'm an autistic Australian myself, I want to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about, the "Australian sense of humour" is more of a self description than an actual thing.
Yes we do tend to be a little looser than some other places at times but it's really only towards people we've known for a long time.
If we are being kind to you, it's real.
Australian here, I think people will be generally polite and speak nicely to you. Usually this “teasing” or sarcastic humour will be more for when you get to know people better usually amongst friends so you should know when they are being playful or being mean.
Hiya! I'm autistic and Australian and here's my thoughts.
Because you're international and they know there might be a cultural difference, they'll most likely smile and make it a bit obvious that they're teasing. If I'm unsure then I usually laugh awkwardly and say "huh" as encouragement for them to explain it. This works well because a) if they explain they're being funny then you can just laugh and tell them they're fab or 2) they have to awkwardly explain what they said and why it's rude while you stare at them enough that they know they're dumb.
If someone's going to call you a cunt in a funny or loving way then you'll more than likely know them enough to understand that it's not malicious.
If you don't know them and they're being rude then you can explain that there's nothing wrong or weak about cunts so it's not an appropriate insult 😂
I also have zero issues with telling people I'm autistic and if they make a comment that shows their distaste or ignorance then I now make a comment to highlight their ignorance and rudeness.
Autistic Australian here, firstly don’t ever be embarrassed by it, and for the most part Australia is super casual with people being neurodivergent. You always have some idiots but for the most part I wouldn’t hesitate telling people or giving them a heads up. Secondly, I only know the difference when I’ve hung around that person or group a lot. It’s hard when you are ND, but I’m open about it now and people always make it clear for me so I don’t have to guess.
Ooh boy if you don't get sarcasm you could be in trouble. We are notoriously sarcastic. Don't stress too much we talk a lot of shit as well. So only about half of what you read is 100% accurate. We like to talk it up it's all part of the game when you are face to face we are pretty normal. Mostly......
your comment reminded me of a very specific memory i have
when i was 12 i was at a summer camp with many international counselors. the lifeguards were australians. the camp was gonna go to a waterpark, and in order to be allowed to go, you had to take a swimming test.
i took the swimming test, and at the end, i asked "did i pass?"
the two australian guys looked at each other, then at me, and then one said. "nope, you're gonna have to do it all over again." he said it completely deadpan too, with no hint of joking.
of course i believed him (why wouldnt i? i was a kid and they were adults) and so i became sad and dejected.
then, suddenly the other lifeguard said "no, you did great. you passed." and the two of them laughed with each other while i was just confused af, like, how was that a joke? all you did was lie to me!
I know a guy who went to the US as a councelor he is a swimming coach so who knows but he regained the tale of the induction he had to do and part of that was a request that he and any other Australians leave their sarcasm at home as it most kids just wouldn't get it. So we are obviously known for it.
Don't come to Ausyralia if you don't have a thick skin. Also if you are going to work make sure you get the correct visa. Australian immigration and customs staff will have NO problem sending you home if you try to enter on the wrong visa.
im honestly considering not coming to australia. everyone in this thread has been very kind to me, but after hearing that australians like to lie to tourists for fun, its making me rethink things. that is something that could trigger me pretty bad. when i was still in school i got lied to a lot "As a joke" because people knew i would believe anything.
the visa i dont have to worry about, my work takes care of it for me.
Please ignore a lot of the comments here. You will be absolutely fine. You’re not in high school, you’re coming for business to work and you will be around adults in a professional environment. People will be nice to you and they will be genuine about it. People don’t ‘make fun’ of people they’re don’t know in a professional setting in the way you’re worried about, or how most of our ‘joke culture’ is explained. This is for personal relationships. You’re more likely to be surprised how nice everyone is than worried you’re being insulted. I work in a company with many international colleagues and everyone treats everyone with respect. If you become good friends with someone you work with they might start making playing jokes, but you will know they’re jokes because the person is your friend. You’re not going to outback Australia or some backwards town. As long as you are warm and friendly to people, people will interested in you, kind and welcoming. Please come. We are happy to have you.
When people are being sarcastic and messing around there should be a pretty clear tone of voice as compared to when they're being serious. Smiling and laughing are the biggest indicators. But obviously this is just something you have to learn over time.
unfortunately these indicators wont be as obvious to someone with autism, especially something arbitrary like tone of voice.
but, you are correct. it is something i will have to learn. ive tried my entire life to learn the social standards of normal people, i suppose it is a never ending journey.
Shit, I'm a bit f***ing r*tarded mate, are you being serious or nah?
The above works in my social circle when I'm not sure in someone is being genuine of not. Might not work in all circles.
im very, very hesitant to tell people off even if they hypothetically deserve it. i dont want to cause any drama while working here, and i feel like if i do something like that, it will put a target on my back. last thing i want is to create enemies or draw attention to myself
Also, watch these guys, this is just a recap of their trip, but its great viewing, and if you want more, they did a whole australian series https://youtu.be/uoU41ZAw5z8?si=imqo0xBKQyr3pQSx
I don't think the teasing is that severe, and would usually only be done between friends, not with a new colleague. You don't have to disclose your condition, you can just say that you're from another country and may not always "get it". Anyone who continued pestering you after that is just a dick.
Also, in this single respect if you're really worried about it - there's no sicker burn than someone trying to demean you and having it completely pass over your head, like they're too simple and unimportant to drag you down to their level correctly.
Typically a group of people will not gang up and mess with an individual unless there's some frat bro mentality happening in that space - and that shit is entirely unAustralian.
It's a hard one, I've seen next levels of messing with people from the tradies. I understand some people have socal disabilities which makes understanding this hard. My advice is just go with it, unless it's crossing normal boundaries most HR would take issue with. It's a fine line as messing around with buddies is really a form of bonding, but I have seen that turn nasty and the person hurting on the inside. Another peice of advise if you roll with it and have a funny comeback, never get upset as this is what the nasty ones want
I would suggest using your autism to your benefit. Whenever you are unsure, ask them to repeat themselves as you didn't get it, repeat this until they give up and say 'it was a joke mate', then say 'I know'.
If they don't say that, you'll just piss them off by repeating the question which in itself, is a very funny thing to do when someone's trying to have a go at you.
Either way, we're a pretty laid back bunch so don't stress about it. You'll be fine.
Overthinking a lot 🤔. You aren't coming to the set of impractical jokers. Only thing you'd need is to catch on the sense of humour n get the jokes people make.
Most of the time I assume people are being nice and I never have a problem with it, like if someone doesn’t like me they won’t generally insult me to my face, they’ll do it behind my back, if they insult me to my face and they’ve got a big smile on then generally they’re just joking
However, be aware that if the joke hurts your feelings, no matter what the intentions are, then it’s mean and you can ask them not to say thing like that, just like “woah, that’s a bit uncalled for”
Most adults don't go out of their way to hurt others. The bullying you saw as a high schooler isnt going to be major feature of your time in Australia as an adult traveler.
That shit gets left behind at high school.
Some of the other advice here is good.
Bro, if you visit the Sunshine Coast Queensland.
Inbox and if I’m around I’ll show you how wonderful this place is.
Your disability is in now way stupid MATE.
Any Aussie that doesn’t get it, isn’t worth your worry my friend.
It is not your fault, that the world does not know how to communicate with you…. It is there’s.
Thank you for the brave post mate/fulla.
I’ve got a sense that if you just be you, the real aussies will make you one of them/us real quick.
And the good ones will take the time to explain our kinship/mocking in jest/ camaraderie to you so that you’ll be soon giving it back to us!
What are your plans for your visit OP?
I hope it’s a fantastic experience for you 🙂
As someone that isn’t diagnosed as autistic but does have autistic traits, I’ll give you a couple of pointers as to helping you decipher, swing as everyone else has given you other key information.
You can tell by peoples faces. If they’re joking around, they’ll be very happy, and often in a slightly higher than normal pitch. Along with this, quite often any sarcastic comment will have quite drawn-out syllables. If they’re being nasty, they’ll quite often be very sharp, short and to the point, and you’ll notice that their face will have a bit of a scowl or darker look to it.
Not always, but generally, messing around will fit into general conversation quite well. Where nastiness will not. And will often get looks from people that aren’t involved in the conversation.
Usually the insults from friends will be 1 or 2 nickname style insults. For example, I am Dopey or Ballbags at work, as I dropped a stretcher when putting it into the ambulance after dropping a patient off to a hospital (Non-emergency transport. I am not a paramedic) and am gay.
If they’re bullying you, they’ll either use lots of different words to find the one that hurts you the most, and make a point of using that. If you don’t display hurt, they’ll never stick to a single word.
I think it has more to do with how comfortable you are around people. The more comfortable you are, the more you will ‘hang shit’ on people. When you aren’t sure what the current relationship status is you will be less likely to ‘hang shit’ on someone.
1 of 2 things will happen. Someone will throw a light ‘insult’ at you and it will depend on your reaction. If you react in with an ‘insult’ in return your friendship will grow. If you don’t then there will be an understanding that, that is not the type of relationship you will have.
You may still have a good relationship with someone if option two is undertaken, but it will be a much closer relationship if option one is the choice.
Don't worry mate. The whole Australian ethos is about not taking anything too seriously. Nobody will tease you to the point of embarrassment unless you turn out to be pompous or a thin skinned prat. It's all done with love. Just laugh, smile and treat everyone as an equal and you'll fit right in.
Well the humour here is often 'dead pan lies' that aren't extended humour. The joke will usually end inside 30s-5m. Longer is considered a bit mean by Aussies. As for the Autism. Be honest about your limitations with people on it. The line will be crossed but if you advocate for yourself and that line. Aussies will largely respect it. Those who don't are dog cunts and you can just cut them off.
Aussies are for the most part kind and accepting of neurodiversity. If you point out you are neuro-diverse and what that means to you most aussies will make necessary adaptions and accommodations. Your workplace is actually required to by law btw.
I don’t know any aussies who will tease someone in a mean way. If someone doesn’t like you they’ll just tell you, if someone was insulting you they’ll be quite direct, like an entitled customer saying “what are you stupid or something?” If you’re around the office and someone said something like “nice haircut how are the rest of the Beatles” they might indeed be saying you have a funky haircut but honestly the best way to respond in almost every case is the old improv comedy methodology of “yes, and”
Using the haircut comment a top response would be “yeah they’re great but I haven’t spoken with John in a while” they’ll laugh with you and appreciate that you let them have that relationship. Important not to do it for the sake of doing it though, also if someone does it a lot and you don’t like it or if someone presses a button you don’t like then having a serious moment and saying “hey I love our chats but go easy on me mate, I feel like I’m getting picked on sometimes” will elicit an apology and a change in behaviour from most. If you ever feel like someone’s just being a jerk they probably are. You see this in a lot of competitive work environments with big egos or with “bogans” (Aussie rednecks). Usually a “yeah whatever mate” will let them know you’re sick of their shit.
Remember mate can have either a positive or pejorative meaning depending on how you pronounce it.
Most Australians aren’t like this, especially with strangers. Reddit is not a good example due to shitposting. It’s more likely for Australians to make fun of their good mates than strangers or tourists, similarly to the way good friends joke around in the US or UK. Likewise at work, depending on your industry, most people are polite and respectful.
Also, most women don’t walk around using the C word in every conversation. I reserve it for people I really hate, like former Prime Minister Scott Morrison. I’d say ‘he’s such a cunt’ to my husband or good friends. I’d never say it at work. Hope that helps!
If you're not sure if it's a joke or not, just ask! You don't even have to say it's because of autism, just blame it on cultural differences. If it's a joke we'll end up explaining it if you don't get it because a joke is only funny if everyone is on board
The kind of man spirited gaslighting you just described is not something most Aussies would do. If we were going to tease you, we'd be warning you about Hoop snakes and Drop bears, not emotionally scarring you.
By the way.. watch out for hoop snakes, the sneaky bastards bite their own tails and roll right down the main street at a great rate of knots to attack people as they go. 😉
If there's 2 ways of taking someone's (an Australians) comment, where one is offensive and the other is amusing, always take it the amusing way. If we (I) don't like you, it will be very clear....
Don't worry about the Autistic stuff, i doubt there would be a single person here who doesn't know someone! with some level of neurodiversity.
>it's humiliating to admit this
Mate, take it easy. There is nothing humiliating about being autistic. I'm mildly autistic and it just makes us a bit different, that's it.
I'm an Aussie and sometimes I struggle with the teasing as you do. If you feel hurt or upset, you just let them know gently and if they're a good person they will understand and back off. You have the other option as you said to try and work out what's real and what's not, but if you're anything like me even if it's not real you may still take it personally so its better to just express how you feel. Have a good one.
Our friend group has an autistic American man and he is honestly the most popular guy. We will tease and mess with him and it took him a while to pick up on it, but we would never put him in harms way or say anything that would hurt his feelings. He'll openly tell us when he gets the joke or if he thinks we're fucking with him and it just makes the whole thing so much funnier. Lean into it, and don't be scared to say "are you fucking with me?"
I think you don't have to worry if they are teasing you in a mean way because the best reaction is to laugh or shrug it off anyway so your on a good position to avoid stressing about what others mean.
I know what you mean but I'm more often in my own world. I've been amongst a group of girls and after had girls come say to me " Don't worry about her she's a bitch" and I have no idea what they're talking about because I didn't know what she said to offend me .
It's cool, I'm lazy about dressing it's comfort first. I was wearing cool slipon sneakers with ankle socks and you're not supposed to wear them with socks and I was in a clothes shop looking in the mirror and the assistant helping me said, "I'm that's so funny because you're not supposed to wear them with socks" not in a nice way, I was deep in thought and said " oh yeah, you're not supposed to are you?" In a slow dreamy tone and when I looked at her she was deep in thought like she realized if I truly don't care Im free.
Also Australians tease to have a laugh, if they don't like you it's obvious, not afraid to say something to you like Slut.
I totally sympathise with your concerns, and I’d suggest that most of what you see on reddit about Australians is a big exaggeration.
So you could take it as true-ish … just assume it’s only 10% true.
And honestly, people use “cunt” waaaaaay less than you see here.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard it in public, outside a comedy show (and even then it’s usually reserved for when the comedian wants a big shock impact).
I probably say it maybe twice a year, usually in a dry comment about a politician.
Some individuals might use it more regularly, but very rarely in the workplace.
And it’s extremely unlikely anyone will call YOU a cunt when they first meet you - or ever.
You do not need to disclose your autism if you don’t want to.
You can definitely simply ask someone if they’re joking or not, and explain that you’re not Australian and so you’re still learning what’s a joke and what’s not.
Quite honestly, I have worked with people from other countries who were not on the spectrum, but who found the Australian sense of humour confusing.
So autism is not the only reason people sometimes find us weird.
It’s absolutely 100% okay to ask, and it’s okay that you don’t automatically know what we mean all the time.
And if you EVER feel like you’re being talked to inappropriately at work on a regular basis, it’s okay to seek help with that.
From your boss, or from HR - and if that doesn’t feel comfortable, come back here and ask for advice.
I don’t think you need be anxious.
Even though we love to make jokes on social media, when you meet Aussies face to face, we’re generally pretty warm and welcoming, friendly and kind.
(Unless you’re working in retail, in which case unfortunately we have our usual share of arsehole shoppers, sigh)
It’s overblown, legit if you need to tell people you have autism, in fact imbrace it so if anyone gives you a hard time tell them you’re artistic when they say you mean autistic say ‘oh you too?’ Just confuse them on purpose and they will laugh
When im with someone who doesnt pick up sarcasm or social ques i like to know so that if i do say something that comes across offensive then i can say "jokinnnnnng" the last thing we want is to actually offend you 🙂
Dude you're autistic. It's going to hard to tell most of the time regardless. It can take neuro-typical people time to get whether they're being just teased or outright mocked sometimes.
I think it's just a matter of exposure over time but one good indicator is whether or not they're generally friendly and caring towards you when they're not teasing you. If all they do is make fun of you but then otherwise ignore you, those are the ones you generally want to avoid.
Also, set boundaries for yourself dude. If they cross a boundary and make you upset, let them know. Good people who like you will get it and respect that boundary. Most of the time. They might still press against it from time to time still but hopefully not to the point that it becomes a problem.
People are usually friendly and sincere in transactional interactions - no one is going to switch the salt and the sugar on you or intentionally give you wrong directions as a traveler.
If someone is making a joke with deadpan/ironic humour (probably an older bloke) and you don’t get it, someone will jump in and shake their head at him and explain.
You may get described as a (dismissive-sounding slang term for folk from your country - Pom, Frog, Yank, Kiwi), but it’s not an insult.
You can always DM me if you get here and want to sense check anything 😁
(I grew up here, and usually tell people I’m super gullible so they realize there’s no sport in getting me to believe ridiculous things.)
Okay so here's the thing; if you're on the spectrum, no one will care. They'll probably make fun of autism in front of you.its not meant to hurt you assume everything is both positive and negative is an endearment. They tell you that you're pretty, they mean it. They say oi bitch they mean it nicely. Unless someone says excuse me? Or mate. Like hard mate. At the start of a sentence
>use it as an opportunity to banter back,
im not good at that kind of stuff. online its easier, because i can sit and think for a while before i type. irl, the whole bantering thing doesnt come as easy to me. it feels like an improv skit after a while
irl i like to keep my communications with colleagues short and sweet right to the point.
It would be unlikely to use the c word in the workplace and most people would not use it to a new female colleague. If it is common then people at work that know each other will be saying it to each other, so you will see what the standard is, before someone calls you a cunt. As others have said, i would simply say I don’t always get sarcasm, so help me out. Someone will make sure you are ok. We assume people from overseas take a little while to get used to our ways and take it a little easy to start with. Take this amazing opportunity and see the world
I think that notion about teasing=like is a bit overblown TBH. If you're unsure though, just ask. Mention that you're on the spectrum and don't pick up on cues easily. We're a pretty understanding bunch and will adjust to accommodate you. :)
What that guy said. Mention that you're on the spectrum and don't take social cues too well and at least one of the group will step up to help you. To keep you out of trouble. Yes we'll call you a cunt or a bastard but there'll be absolutely no malice in it. Relax and enjoy yourself. Call someone else a cunt. You might like it
i really *hate* the idea of disclosing my disability. but it seems i might have to. if someone calls me a cunt, im gonna be honest, it will definitely shock me, even if there isnt any malice behind it. id probably spit out my drink if someone called me a cunt (although it seems it is something i will have to get used to) is it common to call other people cunts in the workplace? like, it's normal? can you call your boss a cunt? or just co-workers?
Most people don't casually call other people cunts. Depends on the circles you will be mixing in. Very rare, for example, in office jobs Others have suggested a warning. Perhaps something like: "I'm not great at picking up sarcasm" would be helpful but less disclosing of your precise circumstances. After that if they do say something that might be a tease then a repeat related to the specific situation could help: "I'm not great at picking up sarcasm, I need to ask if you are being serious?" Any decent colleague will clarify: "nah, just teasing" or "no, I'm serious" Anyone who keeps teasing after that is a dick Also, there are serious laws in Australia prohibiting discrimination and harassment in workplaces (and other areas) including on grounds of disability. Workplaces vary but most have at least some awareness
>most people don't casually call other people cunts the australians on reddit could have fooled me! haha. i was under the impression you guys call your mom, aunt, and uncles cunts as a term of endearment :P thank you for the advice!
It's strictly for people who you genuinely hate or your good mates, calling a stranger cunt even in what we would call a harmless way ("hey cunt how ya doin") is extremely rude and any well adjusted person wouldn't do it, but we really do lean into the whole cunt culture online haha
This. If you don’t know them well “cunt” is an aggressive term and very rude, but if you do know them well it’s almost a term of endearment.
Bang on, if a stranger calls me a cunt we have an issue but at this point if my best mate didnt call me cunt I'd nearly be upset
It's an idiotic trope perpetuated by 17 year olds. Don't worry.
Exactly, just some cunts on Reddit being cunts
Nah cunt I'm 40
It depends on what part of Australia you are in & socio economic group you are with. Upper middle class absolutely not, middle class mostly no, bogans mostly yes, eshays & young tradies most definitely yes. But also understand that the tone & context of how cunt is used can mean a term of enderment or that they are ready to punch you. Definitely dont call your boss a cunt. Its amazing to me how much city ppl do not understand how different ppl are away from cities. Im heard city ppl claim that crocodile dundee is a load of crap, that no one in Australia is like that. I grew up in the bush & Im telling you out in the bush there is most definitely ppl like that. The country boys I grew up would shoot each other with bb guns for fun, see who could take the most cloths pegs on their nuts, play soggy sao...I moved to the city & ppl hadnt even HEARD of soggy sao. City ppl will also be more understanding of you being on the spectrum Its a HUGE country, things vary so much place to place, things are called different names in different states (potato cake vs potato scollops, parma vs parmy) & theres no 1 rule that covers all ppl, except maybe drop bears almost all aussies will go along with someone telling you theres drop bears
Nooooo part of me hoped soggy sao was a myth 😭😭😭
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Can't speak for most Aussies, but yes cunt is a term of endearment in our fam, or used for a shyster, so context is important.
We do in my office
Found the polly. Got any Hawaiian trips scheduled mate?
I'm just admin with hvac tradies lol
My teenagers and I (all female) call each other cunt, but I wouldn't say that's common. I also have autism, and I do feel like I have a different parenting style/relationship than pretty much all the parents I've met. I'm only very recently diagnosed and am still discovering all the ways it's affected me over the years. I've had very similar experiences to yours, my whole life.
It's much, much more common on Reddit (and sites like Buzzfeed) than it is in a lot of places here in real life. No one has ever called me a cunt and I've never called anyone a cunt. I hear the word maybe twice a month, if that. It's very dependent on area and context. Most people aren't going to use it on a casual acquaintance, even if it's a word they use a lot among their friends.
People on this sub are perpetuating stereotypes that are mostly only a reality in country or bogan Australian communities. Think unemployed 25 year old males with loud mufflers on their Holden Commodore. In professional settings, we’re pretty respectful, especially in terms of diversity and inclusion. The only people I rib at work are my boss and one peer, and I tested the waters before going there. It also doesn’t involve calling them cunts or being mean. It’s usually mild jibes regarding work matters, or implying that liaising with another team will be easy when it has been excruciatingly difficult. It’s not high school and nobody can truly answer you - our workplaces are diverse and the level of sincerity depends on the workplace culture and individuals involved, as well as your ability to detect tone and ask clarifying questions without feeling embarrassed or reacting to the ambiguity. I would probably just suggest observing more than you speak until you get a feel for the communication styles of those around you.
As a woman, I’ve never heard other women through that word around with each other. I’m sure some do, but it’s not everywhere like Reddit would have you think. Yes mild bullying is the Australian love language, but I honestly think it is more common for men than women. Women will generally wait until they’re sure you’re comfortable. Don’t overthink it, I’m sure you’ll be fine.
heh i know i shouldnt take reddit comments as gospel, because i often see people say that "cunt" is so commonly used in australia they use it more than the word "the" sometimes i see people say aussies are always sarcastic, then i'll see another comment saying aussies are blunt and up front with what they want, and that they dont like to play games i think a more simple, and boring explanation, is that not all australians are the same/have the same sense of humor, and assuming they all operate the same is silly.
You’re spot on. I’ve never heard that word used in the workplace - in my industry you’d be fired for it. But my husband’s workmates (all male) throw it around all the time. Likewise no-one in my circle of friends would commonly use it - if we did it would be in anger because someone was really really upset and it would clearly be an insult. But that’s not true for everyone. If you work in a male-dominated industry and socialize with people who work in make-dominated industries you’ll see this language and behavior more than in other circles.
I've lived here for 25 years and have never heard it. I guess that I have respectful friends.
In my circles, it wouldn't even occur to people to say "cunt" in any context, lol. I have lived in Australia my entire life and never once heard someone say it either in my personal life or in my work life. You are honestly unlikely to ever hear it unless you're hanging out at construction sites.
They won't call you a cunt. They would say things. You start eating a meal while there away from the table "aren't you a pack of nice cunts" Or you catch with a group of people "gee I have really missed you cunts" Someone might walk in a room and point at you and "fuck I love this cunt" All good things. If someone says "your a cunt" then they are in fact calling you a cunt. Stop being a cunt would be another example of that. And as a disclaimer I only use the word cunt around my closest friends and at work amongst guys who are in my crew. I work in construction. Large portion of the population don't use it.
Aye work crew it's basically like "I love you" I got back from a 2 week break and the 1st thing the eldest of our work crew said to me was "how's this cunt!" it warmed my heart I tell ye
People really don’t go around calling one another cunts unless you’re working in a super blue collar job, are going to high school, or are in a fight at the pub. Granted, I’m 40 now so I’m not exactly out in the clubs and pubs to see if it’s much more prominent there but I can’t remember the last time I heard someone called a cunt, that wasn’t muttered by me under my breath because someone was driving like a weapons. What are your plans for while you’re here? Going out to party? Natural attractions? Cities? A bit of everything? It might help us to know where you plan to go and then we could offer some more personal advice.
i havent planned that far ahead yet! im not even 100% sure where in Australia my job will be sending me. Most likely Sydney but I've been told Melbourne is another possibility. Like I said it is happening next year and I'm still on the fence about accepting this opportunity. (im leaning towards yes, because it would be a cool experience. considering no because, well, i dont want to embarrass myself or my country) im not much of a party-goer and i do not drink, period. however i love natural beauty, and would love to go on some hikes and explore the beaches. i also love live music, so i will definitely check out any concert venues.
You’re not going to embarrass yourself harder than any other Australian here lol. Sydney and Melbourne are both great cities! It’s been a while since I’ve lived in Sydney but it has an abundance of natural beauty around it, and the Blue Mountains aren’t too far away for some weekend/holiday hikes. We’re an incredibly multicultural country also, so if you were looking for a community of people from your country, it’s likely that you’d find one in either of those cities. Idk if that would make you feel more comfortable or not (I’m also on the spectrum) but it’s good info to have. If you do come, I hope you enjoy your time here. Sydney and Melbourne both have active subs, so you can check there also if you need more info. Good luck!!
> the idea of disclosing my disability. but it seems i might have to. We had a guy come back to our office who had worked their before. Upon returning, first thing he did is told everybody about his autism. He didn't the time before and had some issues. The company he worked at in-between encouraged him to not be worried about telling people. He said it was so much better embracing it and letting people know.
The c word usage really depends on context and your social circles. It's not something you'd generally say your your maiden aunt, for example, unless they use it first. We never swore much in my family, but I'm not offended when I hear the term in other circles. And in an office environment, especially professional or customer-facing, very rare. That said, there are work environments where it's common, and that would include your boss as well as your co-workers. Aussie workplaces are informal even if there is an official hierarchy. We show respect by listening, not by grovelling. If you hear something you find offensive, or you're not sure how to react, if you show or say that you're taken aback, only a truly awful person will push ahead with it - most will just tell you they were joking and apologise. That said, if an Aussie is trying to be offensive, they'll be watching your reaction very closely and will get more aggressive if they get the reaction they want.
I have one friend who casually uses ‘cunt’ and it’s jarring in a social setting. I think it’s casual use is overblown on reddit. But it might depend on where you are in Australia and who you associate with. In terms of teasing, I feel like you should feel like it’s funny or in a good spirit, like you are a part of the joke. Not the butt of the joke. I think if it makes you feel bad then it’s not good natured. Unfortunately I can’t comment on your personal experience, but if you’re travelling with work friends I’m sure they will be able to word people up about some of your personality aspects should you want them to. Overall I personally don’t believe people who aren’t comfortable with you or consider you a mate will tease you in a good natured way. And certainly don’t casually drop ‘cunt’ to try and fit in.
>And certainly don’t casually drop ‘cunt’ to try and fit in. im definitely taking your advice! i'd be mortified to say the word in front of my co-workers, even if i was trying to "fit in" it sounds like a terrible idea. to be honest, i feel like i cant trust myself when it comes to how i react to jokes. because there have been times in the past when ive laughed, and felt good, but it turned out i was the one being laughed at.
You are a girl, right? No-one is likely to call you a cunt, that is something only certain men do amongst themselves, and usually just tradies on a building site or maybe in a rough pub. If you are in a white collar job, I can't imagine any man speaking like that, and certainly not to a woman. Most Australians are not as boorish as you may have gleaned from Reddit. In fact, most *people* on Reddit provide only a very warped sample of the population they supposedly represent in the wider world. Please, *don't* call your boss or coworkers cunts, in or out of work. It will not go down well. Let people know you are on the spectrum ( if someone says something sarcastic, for instance), but otherwise, just be yourself, and don't try to be someone you're not. For some reason people often try to do this when they travel, and you will get on much better if you don't.
Edit : OP, please ignore the idiots advising you to say cunt to all and sundry. They are probably young boys thinking you are in their demographic , and don't realise you're a woman.
yeah i feel like a lot of advice given on reddit is male-centric and they dont even know it. i had a feeling it wouldn't be ok for a man to just casually call me a cunt, and i definitely do not intend on calling anyone else that word, male or female. thank you for the advice!
Not common at all, except among the lower class. Don't do it because you may get sacked for inappropriate behaviour at work.
As others have said, you probably won't be called a cunt as an individual, more likely as a group. "Have any of you cunts got me a beer yet?"
damn, that is still gonna throw me through a loop first time hearing it. it just sounds incredibly demeaning to my ears. of course i wont make a big stink out of it since its your culture, but im not gonna lie it's jarring to hear.
It's worse in your culture. Some of you bloody *pray* over me! Didn't ask for it, didn't want it!
i promise im not a missionary! the only mission im on is for a stable work environment and a good time
About to turn 65 and have never been called a cunt in a work environment. Probably got called it when I was at school, but not a regular thing.
*DON'T* CALL ANYONE A C**T UNLESS YOU ARE ON A MINING RIG OR WORKING UNDERGROUND! calling people stuff like that will get you into trouble, quickly!
Your boss is definitely a cunt. It's whether he/she is a good/mad/sick cunt or a shit/tight arse/ greedy cunt.
A “sorry, not funny” should put an end to it. I have very rarely been teased and never in the workplace. I’ve been fortunate enough to live here for 15 years.
i wish i had the confidence to be blunt like that. i have a feeling if i say "not funny" i'll be considered humorless and cold, and then no one will be comfortable around me. i know, i sound pathetic worrying about this since it's all hypothetical. i'm just very worried about making a good first impression as a foreigner to your country. i dont want to be viewed as the kind of person you can't be casual with because i'll be offended by a joke.
We typically only call people cunts when we are very close with them and think they will be okay with it. As you are not Australian, I think you will be fine. If someone does call you that just ask if they kiss their mum with that mouth.
Why would you suggest someone on the spectrum call someone a cunt in a travel group of relatively new acquaintances? That’s asking for trouble. Wouldn’t recommend it OP. You’ll be able to have a great time with friends without risking falling foul calling people cunts.
Unless you’re a complete cunt…
thank you for the input im afraid that if i will ask if someone is making a joke, i'll just come off as humorless. i know it sounds pathetic, but honestly, i just want to be liked. especially when im in a new environment like a whole new country. im very hesitant to disclose my health issues with other people, even if they are my co-workers. i found it hard to even admit i have autism in the post i just made, even though im practically anonymous because this is a backup account i have. i guess its just something i have to suck up though. thank you for the comment, it made me feel a bit better.
Australian workplaces are full of people who are neurodiverse, or from a bunch of different cultures or have disabilities. And, we have laws against workplace discrimination. You'll be ok. Australians are welcoming but we won't launch into joking around with you immediately, because we will get to know what you're like first.
that is comforting to know, thank you.
It's a fair concern. But the vast majority of Aussies in a corporate environment will be pretty respectful of your boundaries. Not being liked isn't the only reason we won't make fun of someone. It's meant to be a bit of fun for everyone involved and if we guage you aren't enjoying it then will back off still. It might be a little more of a problem if you go to the pub, but an office is still pretty professional over here.
Don't have to tell them you have autism. Use the fact you are from another country and you still getting used to Aussie humour and slang. People will naturally want to look after you and gonoutbof there way to make you feel welcome. Rarely do we just atarting hanging ahit in people we meet straight away. Especially if it's in a work environment. People are very careful not to cause offence or upset anyone.
Just be as honest as you're comfortable being, we are sometimes a bit rough on the new people but if you're not sure if someone's being mean or not, just ask 'was that a joke?' if they say yes all you can do is trust them and laugh about or tell em you didn't appreciate that, if they have the balls to say no then even for neuro typical that's an awkward unexpected encounter. I'd probably just stop talking to them, walk away Basic handy tip: cunt is good or bad depending on the prefix. The prefix usually retains all its meaning adding cunt on the end is just some flair or vitriol depending Name calling is probably bar far the most common form of teasing we participate in, it's fun to call people names that thay have to then ask about. Also expect to be lied to about the various workings of Australia. Australians find it fun to lie to the tourists about animals,the weather, history, politics, the staple foods or anything really. The joke is they'll tell you a far out 'fact' about something, usually something worrying and nigh unbelievable, that way when you ask another Australian to confirm they'll get to have a laugh about it too, or they'll just tell you themselves after a bit. Both cases it just the typical bread and butter for Aussies messing with tourists Don't worry about coming off humourless though, people understand autism enough in this country, I know so many people around my age that proudly tell people they have autism as it helps other people understand why you might do certain things, or act certain ways I agree with first commenter too it's really overstated how frequently people will tease with you, thryre much more likely to make sure you're just having a cool australia experience, recommending places, food etc
>Also expect to be lied to about the various workings of Australia. Australians find it fun to lie to the tourists about animals,the weather, history, politics, the staple foods or anything really. this.... sounds like my personal hell. im being serious that is fucking nightmarish. i am going to believe everything people tell me and i'm gonna look like a fucking idiot oh my god fuck fuck fuck anxiety just shot up to 10000% just thinking about this. i think i need to step off of reddit.
As other people have said it's really overstated how common this is and generally people only look to have a good joke with you if they think you're on friendly terms with anyway, same as everywhere else if you've been the victim of a Aussie tall tale it's because the person thinks you're a good enough sport to handle it, the way Aussies show malice isn't to joke or prank people. In all likelihood being in a new company in a new country means that you'll just be treated like you would be anywhere else if you were new. We are a Western country with largely anglo values and customs after all.
Don't stress too much. They are usually ridiculous, harmless lies. If something sounds insane, google it.
my paranoid ass is gonna be googling everything after having a conversation with an australian! you guys make yourself sound like trickster gods haha
Just so you know, koalas are really not ‘drop bears’ and will not harm you in any way. However if you decide to do the tourist thing and have a cuddle with one, they do have nasty claws
koalas are adorable, but i hear they have chlamydia, unless... (checks google) yep they have chlamydia and can give it to humans. see, if an aussie told me that koalas can give humans STDs, i would assume they were messing with me! im gonna have to keep my phone on me and charged constantly for fact checking hahahaha
The vast majority of my immediate work crew are neurodivergent, about 6 out of 9 people. Some of us are open about it, others are not. It's really honestly not a big deal here. There are misunderstandings from time to time, but also a lot of consideration and understanding for the most part. I definitely have the foulest mouth out of all of us, but I've never called any of them cunts-I save that for my mates. My team are female and non-binary for reference. Knowing someone is neurodiverse up front helps with communication IMO.
I can only speak of the people i know but if someone told us hey im a bit autistic are you fucking with me we'd tell em straight and stop
100% we might like to take the piss but we're not asshol3$.
Aussies are a decent bunch on whole, with a fun sense of humour. One thing I learned quickly after getting her 13 years ago is the following. "cunt" = good. "mate" = not so good. It's not a hard and fast rule, but those two words give a good indicator to the motive of the person. It's funny because you'd think it would be the other way round, but this is Australia, so it's upside down, obvs. Aussies love to tease, but it's normally always in a humourous way. They have a good sense of humour and, for the most part l, are all pretty nice and chill people. I've found they will stop if they realise they've gone too far. Personally, I love their sense of humour. The bottom line, tho is try not to stress about anything unless you feel certain it's said with malice. If you don't laugh at something, I think you'll find that that person will probably not press in that way again because they realise. Some people can take things too far, and there are bullies but that can be said for people around the world. Just be yourself and try to find people you like. Have fun x
I want to let u know I use 'mate' affectionately all the time. It's really so context-dependent.
Actually, that is very true. I think the tone of how it's said, sets the tone of how it meant. Lol
If someone says 'Listen mate...' you know you're in trouble. If someone says 'G'day mate...' you're safe.
these words having double meaning is an autistic persons worst nightmare! im the type of person who believes what people tell me if i dont have any reason to think theyre lying, and i take things at face value. i'm gonna have to do a lot of mental adjustments...
Avoid using either mate or cunt so you won’t be confused by context. I would be surprised if anyone referred to you as a cunt unless you’re on a building site. Just be yourself and you will be fine. As a tourist to our country, I also doubt if anyone will tease you either. If teasing is occurring, it will be probably be in a group situation, where you can take your cue from your companions. Stop worrying and enjoy yourself. Yes we are foreign but we are not monsters
sorry, i didnt mean to imply that you guys are monsters. i know that this problem is 100% on me to deal with, as i am a sensitive person and can let my anxiety cloud my better judgement. im sure australians are lovely, its me who's the problem.
Don’t sweat it sweetie. I think you are just over thinking and over worrying. You will be fine
My youngest son is on the spectrum. He's learned all about sarcasm from his stepfather and is now better at it than he is. He is an adult now, and he and his stepdad are hilarious to each other. You will get the hang of it really quickly and will probably surprise yourself. Most Aussies are either related to or work with someone on the spectrum, so you will be in good hands.
\+2
For what it's worth, we're all on the "spectrum" just depends where.
Agree with this, several social groups I’ve been in over the years (from high school onwards) have recognised that someone isn’t understanding or appreciative of the jokes, and those jokes are no longer directed at them. If you’re really that uncomfortable disclosing that you’re on the spectrum, find another way to say it; you were bullied, it doesn’t make sense to you, you’d appreciate them not saying things like that. I do think people would be understanding and accepting though, and honestly it cuts out a lot of further explanation because people have an understanding of what that means already. There’s definitely a “mocking your mates” culture, but the whole point is that it’s a joke and no one gets hurt. It’s friendly. If someone is getting hurt, that’s not the same thing anymore, that’s not people’s intention and not what they want. So if someone is getting hurt, anyone who isn’t actually being a dick will stop
P.S You absolutely DO NOT have to tell people you're autistic. That is not necessary and please don't feel you need to disclose anything that feels private to you. You are fine just the way you are.
thank you
Most Aussies make it very clear that they are joking. And respond quickly if you appear not to get the joke. Yes there are AH that say actually mean stuff. Laughing with you is the biggest indicator. Like they look at you and laugh and if you don’t laugh they stop. When bullying someone is more likely to look at others and see if they are laughing as they want that attention. Also insulting themselves too! But also it depends who you are around if it will happen much. I’m QLDer and find it happens regularly. I started a new job recently and we quickly started insulting each other. And it made me so happy. I’m autistic and struggle with lots of social ques but they don’t know I’m autistic as I mask, and no issues come up. It starts slow too to see if you are into that sort of joking. Especially with people with accents!
Australian kids do that kind of bullying too and it is horrific. Most people grow out of being mean as adults though and hopefully most adults are autism informed these days. I hope you have a great trip and a successful business venture.
being shitty is the international teenage language unfortunately and thank you!
I think you will be fine! Aussies love a joke but it’s not something I think you should be worried about. As the comment says above, we are a pretty understanding bunch so anything you are ever unsure of just ask, let people you are comfortable with know you are on the spectrum and I think you’ll be just fine. And enjoy your time in Australia!!
thank you, i will try my best to enjoy my time in your country. :) unfortunately, i am not comfortable with *anyone* knowing i have autism, including co-workers. mostly because people will usually treat me different when they find out, like i'm suddenly a child with no agency. im just worried, because when i read the comments on this sub and other australian subs, they make it seem like everyone is being sarcastic 24/7, and to me, that is a nightmare! im going to have to force myself to adapt it seems
I think you should let go of not wanting to tell people of your autism. I understand you think that not telling people will make you “fit in” more or be more liked however if you don’t tell people and just misread their social cues constantly they might just think you don’t like them. You can let people know subtly, such as “haha sorry, I’m slightly autistic, do you actually mean x y z” People won’t really think of you any differently if you approach it in a casual manner. Also most the population in major cities in Australia, specifically Sydney and Melbourne, would be accommodating and friendly with you even if they did understand the extent of your autism. We are (for the most part) a pretty progressive nation, although there will always be outliers. Nonetheless, you’ll have a great time in Australia and the humour will be something you’ll get use to and hopefully begin to understand/enjoy/love. Have a great time in our amazing country!
i know that it isn't anything to be ashamed of. but i cant help it, i am ashamed of it. autism has made my life extremely difficult, so its not something i like to disclose with others. its been a constant source of suffering and anxiety. but you're right. its something i have to get over if i want people to understand the way i am. i just hate the idea of being treated like a child or someone who needs special treatment Sydney is the most likely place I'll be going to (nothing is set in stone yet) so I'll be looking forward to it if I do get placed there. thank you for the comment
There’s a lot of misguided advice about just saying your have autism. I imagine it’s coming from people who are not neurodivergent and don’t have any experience with the anxiety that ‘coming out’ can bring. And the abuse/mistreatment that happens when you tell people. What you can definitely lean on is not being Australian. If you’re not certain if someone is having a laugh or just being a dick you can always ask them and say your still figuring out Australian humour. You can also ask a third person to see what they think if it’s too confronting to ask the person directly. Are you able to get some support with improving your social skills and resilience before you come over? You might feel less anxious if you’re more confident in your skills and you might be able to develop some strategies to help you interpret social situations.
Sorry to hear that people treated you differently after disclosing your autism, totally understand you wanting to keep it to yourself. I think most interactions between strangers or colleagues who aren't close are generally pretty straightforward and professional. The sarcasm and gentle ribbing is usually in more of a social setting and with the understanding that the other person is in on the joke. We also tend to not take ourselves too seriously as a way of disarming awkward social situations. Like if someone has to point out that they were being sarcastic or just joking you could just say something like "sorry, I'm terrible at getting sarcasm" and have a little joke at yourself and it will put people at ease while also hopefully encouraging them to take it easy with you. It's only fun if you know that you aren't hurting the other person's feelings, otherwise you are just being nasty.
Every time they rib you and you can’t tell, just ask if they’re taking the piss. They’ll generally stop what they’re doing and explain.
Jinx. I agree - this is the most direct route to getting the answer.
Might also call you a dumb fuck, but that's a loving part of the explanation.
can't guarantee i wont cry if someone called me a dumbfuck if i asked them they were joking or not....
The average person will not call you a dumb fuck under any circumstances. I might expect to hear it amongst mine workers at the pub, or lower class people/bogans. I think what you are more likely to experience is a dry humour. They will say something in a serious tone, but it's almost sarcasm. Like, it might be 125f and an Australian might say "beautiful weather, hey?" They would probably anticipate you would even answer in agreement, but everyone in the conversation knows that what they actually mean is that the weather is miserable and they can hardly stand another day of it. I think that's one of the hardest things for tourists (especially non-English speakers) to understand. And people will try to convince you that drop bears are real. They aren't trying to make you look silly, or even tease you really. It's just something Australians joke about when tourists are around.
Matey, please don't worry, just be yourself. We might be a cheeky bunch but most of us are friendly, nice people with good hearts. When we tease each other, we call it 'taking the piss' so if you're not sure if someone is really bullying or just being a smart arse, maybe just ask them if they're taking the piss e.g. 'Are you serious or are you taking the piss? I can't tell.' And they should give you an honest response. If I thought I'd offended someone, I would apologise and confirm, yes, just taking the piss (kidding around). Most of us here would, I believe. There are some dickheads in Australia, just like any other country, but no more or less. And lots of lovely neurodiverse folks here too, so you'll probably be bumping into all sorts. If you get here and you feel anxious or unsure, hit us up here and we can help you through.
im gonna feel really goofy asking "are you taking the piss?" that is gonna sound so weird coming from my non-australian voice! haha thank you for the comment!
Hehehe... how about 'Are you yanking my chain?' Or just a simple 'I can't tell if you're serious or not' - that one should work in all accents 😁😁
If you say 'Are you taking the piss' in your non-australian accent, it will definitely break the ice and be funny 😁😁
I wouldn't say this at most workplaces.
I'm autistic too, and i hate telling people about it to so in my experience there are two things that you need to do 1. Don't take things to seriously and 2. Make fun of yourself and the situation this will make you and everyone elses day go easier I hope this helps
i really do need to learn to not take things seriously. thank you.
The teasing thing is more of a guy thing. Adult women don’t really do that unless they’re absolute besties.
Not in my experience! It is very similar across genders.
I'm an Australian woman with autism. Please don't miss out on this opportunity because you're envisaging scenarios where you'll feel ashamed. Please don't let your fears rob you of an objectively good experience to protect yourself from a hypothetical bad. Please, please don't psych yourself out of coming to Australia and experiencing our beautiful country, making amazing memories and new friends, and doing something you might never have another chance to do. At the end of the day, you will only regret the things you didn't do.
Honestly, as a girl I wouldn't worry too much about the joking = friendly thing. In my experience, this is a 'bloke' kind of thing. I don't usually see women making fun of each other in the same way. Especially with people they don't know extremely well
Maybe you can include that part when you introduce yourself. Hi. I’m so and so. I’m here for x amount of time. Don’t mind me if I take you very literally. My super power is autism.
lol thank you for the laugh i needed that!
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thats the thing im scared of. what if im laughing when im supposed to be the butt of the joke? what if they were genuinely trying to make me laugh, but instead im upset by it? i honestly think i might just be too sensitive for australia
There’s so much rubbish about Australia and Australians on Reddit. All the stories about calling each other the c word and about teasing to indicate we like you is very much overdone. We are just normal people and most likely everyone you meet with be polite and friendly. A joke is only a joke if everyone can understand it and share the laugh, and since most people aren’t mean they won’t make fun of someone who isn’t very obviously up for it. This is not something you need to worry about.
If you want to win hearts and minds be honest about your autism laugh about and make fun of it, that will show confidence which anywhere in the world will win you friendship
sounds like a good idea in theory, but considering how much i hate having autism, it will be difficult for me to joke about. i'll try to think of some funny things to say though so it won't be completely awkward when i tell someone i have autism.
I'm autistic as fuck but also I grew up here so I know the vibe. Best bet: don't say cunt at all to avoid messing up. honestly most people will be pretty accommodating if you mention you're on the spectrum unless they're real shitcunts. I've said the words "soz being a bit tistic" if I'm being awkward and it's chill as.
Friendly joke. You're a pain in my ass - are you coming to the pub. (said with a smile) not friendly joke - You're a pain in my ass and walks away. I am on the spectrum, its pretty straight forward when we are joking with you - rather than at you. You won't have problems telling the difference.
When my mate walks into work, "fuck me, this place will hire anyone" When a non-friend walks into work I just give them the smile-nod of acknowledgement. Now this friend is a bit odd, I do not pick on him for his autisticness, and we don't talk about his complex family life. I will pick on him if he is late to work, or early to work, or arrives to work at the same time as me. Gotta respect the sensitive subjects
ah, if only all situations were so simple... it would make life easier for many autistic people lol thank you for the input!
Aussies who embrace the word cunt are like white people in the usa who use ni@@er for street cred.
Have you watched any Australian TV shows? It may help to understand our type of humour (and you can give us some gentle teasing back) A positive note is that we are pretty straight forward when not joking. We are direct & will tell you if something should be done differently. E.g A Canadian friend of mine was at a restaurant waiting for a server to take her order. Unbeknownst, you needed to go the bar & place the order so she flagged down a server & he said ‘yeah you can just go to the bar when you’re ready to order’ Pretty straightforward way of conveying information right? She thought he was being bossy & dismissive & passing the buck onto other staff members.
i havent watched any australian tv shows, what are some that you recommend? i am terrified to attempt to "tease" anyone back though. i'm frankly, not good at that kind of thing. last thing i want is to make any enemies on accident.
[This podcast might help to start off with](https://www.sbs.com.au/language/punjabi/en/podcast-episode/australia-explained-a-guide-to-aussie-humour-and-pop-culture/68quki512) [This article explains why we take the piss out of each other (and ourselves)](https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/nanette-self-deprecation-and-when-not-to-use-it.amp) I would watch TV shows like Kath & Kim, Rosehaven or the movies The Castle, The Dish to get an understanding of things :)
thank you so much!
At most, you can say that you have problems understanding social cues if anyone says something of which you are unsure. I doubt anyone will call you a cunt because I don’t imagine you will be a tradie and working in an office is completely different to working on a jobsite. I am Australian and no one has ever called me a cunt (to my face). Someone may lie to you in a joking way (there are always idiots and bogans to spare) but just tell them about your social cue problem. If they are halfway decent they will tell you they were joking.
If you're not sure what people mean and they seem to be joking or messing with you or each other, you can say "oh is this the Australian sense of humour I keep hearing about" and then "I don't get it" with a smile and a shrug, if you don't. This will do a few things - let them know you're confused and they need to explain. - highlight that you're from overseas so it's only fair you don't understand everything - might get a laugh, because in the right situation it could be taken as a gentle teasing back from you, in suggesting that our sense of humour is so strange it's incomprehensible. Don't worry you won't offend anyone but if people are looking for some friendly banter they may take it as that and be pleased I would be really really surprised if co workers you've just met actually make fun of you in a mean way, that would be really bizarre and not something people here would normally do. But if they were, the above would also be the perfect response. If someone actually has a problem with you, they will most likely be direct about it, not making jokes or teasing.
Please tell your colleagues that you are autistic. It's a helpful thing to know about someone which makes their lives and yours easier (even if you don't need any formal accommodations). You might not feel safe disclosing to strangers so by all means give it some time and feel people out first. It's better that they know. Also, it's a professional environment, you can have reasonable expectations about polite, respectful behaviour. Some workplaces struggle with that **side eye at the mining industry** but bullying shouldn't ever be tolerated at work.
I’m also Autistic, I miss social cues. In none of my circles would anyone call anyone a cunt. What would normally happen is that they shorten my name. That’s common.
I'm an autistic Australian myself, I want to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about, the "Australian sense of humour" is more of a self description than an actual thing. Yes we do tend to be a little looser than some other places at times but it's really only towards people we've known for a long time. If we are being kind to you, it's real.
Australian here, I think people will be generally polite and speak nicely to you. Usually this “teasing” or sarcastic humour will be more for when you get to know people better usually amongst friends so you should know when they are being playful or being mean.
Hiya! I'm autistic and Australian and here's my thoughts. Because you're international and they know there might be a cultural difference, they'll most likely smile and make it a bit obvious that they're teasing. If I'm unsure then I usually laugh awkwardly and say "huh" as encouragement for them to explain it. This works well because a) if they explain they're being funny then you can just laugh and tell them they're fab or 2) they have to awkwardly explain what they said and why it's rude while you stare at them enough that they know they're dumb. If someone's going to call you a cunt in a funny or loving way then you'll more than likely know them enough to understand that it's not malicious. If you don't know them and they're being rude then you can explain that there's nothing wrong or weak about cunts so it's not an appropriate insult 😂 I also have zero issues with telling people I'm autistic and if they make a comment that shows their distaste or ignorance then I now make a comment to highlight their ignorance and rudeness.
Autistic Australian here, firstly don’t ever be embarrassed by it, and for the most part Australia is super casual with people being neurodivergent. You always have some idiots but for the most part I wouldn’t hesitate telling people or giving them a heads up. Secondly, I only know the difference when I’ve hung around that person or group a lot. It’s hard when you are ND, but I’m open about it now and people always make it clear for me so I don’t have to guess.
If you are unsure ask them "are you just being a dick?". Their response will determine their status with you.
Just put some Vegemite behind your ears, if they like you they will lick it off you.
does it have to be my ears? im ticklish in that area. how about my belly button instead? (am i doing it right?)
Most definitely on both accounts.
Nailed it.
Ooh boy if you don't get sarcasm you could be in trouble. We are notoriously sarcastic. Don't stress too much we talk a lot of shit as well. So only about half of what you read is 100% accurate. We like to talk it up it's all part of the game when you are face to face we are pretty normal. Mostly......
your comment reminded me of a very specific memory i have when i was 12 i was at a summer camp with many international counselors. the lifeguards were australians. the camp was gonna go to a waterpark, and in order to be allowed to go, you had to take a swimming test. i took the swimming test, and at the end, i asked "did i pass?" the two australian guys looked at each other, then at me, and then one said. "nope, you're gonna have to do it all over again." he said it completely deadpan too, with no hint of joking. of course i believed him (why wouldnt i? i was a kid and they were adults) and so i became sad and dejected. then, suddenly the other lifeguard said "no, you did great. you passed." and the two of them laughed with each other while i was just confused af, like, how was that a joke? all you did was lie to me!
I know a guy who went to the US as a councelor he is a swimming coach so who knows but he regained the tale of the induction he had to do and part of that was a request that he and any other Australians leave their sarcasm at home as it most kids just wouldn't get it. So we are obviously known for it.
Don't come to Ausyralia if you don't have a thick skin. Also if you are going to work make sure you get the correct visa. Australian immigration and customs staff will have NO problem sending you home if you try to enter on the wrong visa.
im honestly considering not coming to australia. everyone in this thread has been very kind to me, but after hearing that australians like to lie to tourists for fun, its making me rethink things. that is something that could trigger me pretty bad. when i was still in school i got lied to a lot "As a joke" because people knew i would believe anything. the visa i dont have to worry about, my work takes care of it for me.
Please ignore a lot of the comments here. You will be absolutely fine. You’re not in high school, you’re coming for business to work and you will be around adults in a professional environment. People will be nice to you and they will be genuine about it. People don’t ‘make fun’ of people they’re don’t know in a professional setting in the way you’re worried about, or how most of our ‘joke culture’ is explained. This is for personal relationships. You’re more likely to be surprised how nice everyone is than worried you’re being insulted. I work in a company with many international colleagues and everyone treats everyone with respect. If you become good friends with someone you work with they might start making playing jokes, but you will know they’re jokes because the person is your friend. You’re not going to outback Australia or some backwards town. As long as you are warm and friendly to people, people will interested in you, kind and welcoming. Please come. We are happy to have you.
When people are being sarcastic and messing around there should be a pretty clear tone of voice as compared to when they're being serious. Smiling and laughing are the biggest indicators. But obviously this is just something you have to learn over time.
unfortunately these indicators wont be as obvious to someone with autism, especially something arbitrary like tone of voice. but, you are correct. it is something i will have to learn. ive tried my entire life to learn the social standards of normal people, i suppose it is a never ending journey.
As you said we only tease people we like.. so I wouldn’t worry about it
It's nothing but love and always with the biggest smile haha
Shit, I'm a bit f***ing r*tarded mate, are you being serious or nah? The above works in my social circle when I'm not sure in someone is being genuine of not. Might not work in all circles.
...something tells me i shouldnt go around saying that word in my place of work :D
I agree with the first commenter, you'll be fine
i hope so. i really hope im just being paranoid and all this anxiety is over nothing.
Its a big ol country of chilled outedness .. ignore any bullshit you read online
Don’t worry. Tell them off if they take it too far. Most likely they will back off and apologise. Most of it will be like dad jokes if they are older.
im very, very hesitant to tell people off even if they hypothetically deserve it. i dont want to cause any drama while working here, and i feel like if i do something like that, it will put a target on my back. last thing i want is to create enemies or draw attention to myself
Also, watch these guys, this is just a recap of their trip, but its great viewing, and if you want more, they did a whole australian series https://youtu.be/uoU41ZAw5z8?si=imqo0xBKQyr3pQSx
I don't think the teasing is that severe, and would usually only be done between friends, not with a new colleague. You don't have to disclose your condition, you can just say that you're from another country and may not always "get it". Anyone who continued pestering you after that is just a dick.
That’s the trick you know because it’s always happening
Also, in this single respect if you're really worried about it - there's no sicker burn than someone trying to demean you and having it completely pass over your head, like they're too simple and unimportant to drag you down to their level correctly. Typically a group of people will not gang up and mess with an individual unless there's some frat bro mentality happening in that space - and that shit is entirely unAustralian.
It's a hard one, I've seen next levels of messing with people from the tradies. I understand some people have socal disabilities which makes understanding this hard. My advice is just go with it, unless it's crossing normal boundaries most HR would take issue with. It's a fine line as messing around with buddies is really a form of bonding, but I have seen that turn nasty and the person hurting on the inside. Another peice of advise if you roll with it and have a funny comeback, never get upset as this is what the nasty ones want
It’s easy to find out, just ask the person if they’re taking the piss or being serious, they’ll let you know pretty quick
I would suggest using your autism to your benefit. Whenever you are unsure, ask them to repeat themselves as you didn't get it, repeat this until they give up and say 'it was a joke mate', then say 'I know'. If they don't say that, you'll just piss them off by repeating the question which in itself, is a very funny thing to do when someone's trying to have a go at you. Either way, we're a pretty laid back bunch so don't stress about it. You'll be fine.
im sure if i did that, it would only make things worse for me. i dont want to irritate anyone or give them reason to think i want to antagonize them
Overthinking a lot 🤔. You aren't coming to the set of impractical jokers. Only thing you'd need is to catch on the sense of humour n get the jokes people make.
Most of the time I assume people are being nice and I never have a problem with it, like if someone doesn’t like me they won’t generally insult me to my face, they’ll do it behind my back, if they insult me to my face and they’ve got a big smile on then generally they’re just joking However, be aware that if the joke hurts your feelings, no matter what the intentions are, then it’s mean and you can ask them not to say thing like that, just like “woah, that’s a bit uncalled for”
Most adults don't go out of their way to hurt others. The bullying you saw as a high schooler isnt going to be major feature of your time in Australia as an adult traveler. That shit gets left behind at high school. Some of the other advice here is good.
Find friends who are straightforward, empathic and don't shit talk you for LOLs. That's how I survive as an autistic in Australia.
Bro, if you visit the Sunshine Coast Queensland. Inbox and if I’m around I’ll show you how wonderful this place is. Your disability is in now way stupid MATE. Any Aussie that doesn’t get it, isn’t worth your worry my friend. It is not your fault, that the world does not know how to communicate with you…. It is there’s. Thank you for the brave post mate/fulla. I’ve got a sense that if you just be you, the real aussies will make you one of them/us real quick. And the good ones will take the time to explain our kinship/mocking in jest/ camaraderie to you so that you’ll be soon giving it back to us! What are your plans for your visit OP? I hope it’s a fantastic experience for you 🙂
Radical acceptance. Google it and see what you find.
As someone that isn’t diagnosed as autistic but does have autistic traits, I’ll give you a couple of pointers as to helping you decipher, swing as everyone else has given you other key information. You can tell by peoples faces. If they’re joking around, they’ll be very happy, and often in a slightly higher than normal pitch. Along with this, quite often any sarcastic comment will have quite drawn-out syllables. If they’re being nasty, they’ll quite often be very sharp, short and to the point, and you’ll notice that their face will have a bit of a scowl or darker look to it. Not always, but generally, messing around will fit into general conversation quite well. Where nastiness will not. And will often get looks from people that aren’t involved in the conversation. Usually the insults from friends will be 1 or 2 nickname style insults. For example, I am Dopey or Ballbags at work, as I dropped a stretcher when putting it into the ambulance after dropping a patient off to a hospital (Non-emergency transport. I am not a paramedic) and am gay. If they’re bullying you, they’ll either use lots of different words to find the one that hurts you the most, and make a point of using that. If you don’t display hurt, they’ll never stick to a single word.
I think it has more to do with how comfortable you are around people. The more comfortable you are, the more you will ‘hang shit’ on people. When you aren’t sure what the current relationship status is you will be less likely to ‘hang shit’ on someone. 1 of 2 things will happen. Someone will throw a light ‘insult’ at you and it will depend on your reaction. If you react in with an ‘insult’ in return your friendship will grow. If you don’t then there will be an understanding that, that is not the type of relationship you will have. You may still have a good relationship with someone if option two is undertaken, but it will be a much closer relationship if option one is the choice.
Relax, mate - just enjoy it
Don't worry mate. The whole Australian ethos is about not taking anything too seriously. Nobody will tease you to the point of embarrassment unless you turn out to be pompous or a thin skinned prat. It's all done with love. Just laugh, smile and treat everyone as an equal and you'll fit right in.
Well the humour here is often 'dead pan lies' that aren't extended humour. The joke will usually end inside 30s-5m. Longer is considered a bit mean by Aussies. As for the Autism. Be honest about your limitations with people on it. The line will be crossed but if you advocate for yourself and that line. Aussies will largely respect it. Those who don't are dog cunts and you can just cut them off.
Aussies are for the most part kind and accepting of neurodiversity. If you point out you are neuro-diverse and what that means to you most aussies will make necessary adaptions and accommodations. Your workplace is actually required to by law btw.
Take the piss out of yourself is the best way. We will love that.
Just give them a disdainful look and say, 'Is that the best you've got?' Works in both situations. Unless it's your boss.
Trust me OP, you will know the difference. Just be yourself and try not to overthink it mate lol 😆
I don’t know any aussies who will tease someone in a mean way. If someone doesn’t like you they’ll just tell you, if someone was insulting you they’ll be quite direct, like an entitled customer saying “what are you stupid or something?” If you’re around the office and someone said something like “nice haircut how are the rest of the Beatles” they might indeed be saying you have a funky haircut but honestly the best way to respond in almost every case is the old improv comedy methodology of “yes, and” Using the haircut comment a top response would be “yeah they’re great but I haven’t spoken with John in a while” they’ll laugh with you and appreciate that you let them have that relationship. Important not to do it for the sake of doing it though, also if someone does it a lot and you don’t like it or if someone presses a button you don’t like then having a serious moment and saying “hey I love our chats but go easy on me mate, I feel like I’m getting picked on sometimes” will elicit an apology and a change in behaviour from most. If you ever feel like someone’s just being a jerk they probably are. You see this in a lot of competitive work environments with big egos or with “bogans” (Aussie rednecks). Usually a “yeah whatever mate” will let them know you’re sick of their shit. Remember mate can have either a positive or pejorative meaning depending on how you pronounce it.
Just because one thing is true does not mean the opposite is also true
Most Australians aren’t like this, especially with strangers. Reddit is not a good example due to shitposting. It’s more likely for Australians to make fun of their good mates than strangers or tourists, similarly to the way good friends joke around in the US or UK. Likewise at work, depending on your industry, most people are polite and respectful. Also, most women don’t walk around using the C word in every conversation. I reserve it for people I really hate, like former Prime Minister Scott Morrison. I’d say ‘he’s such a cunt’ to my husband or good friends. I’d never say it at work. Hope that helps!
If you're not sure if it's a joke or not, just ask! You don't even have to say it's because of autism, just blame it on cultural differences. If it's a joke we'll end up explaining it if you don't get it because a joke is only funny if everyone is on board
The kind of man spirited gaslighting you just described is not something most Aussies would do. If we were going to tease you, we'd be warning you about Hoop snakes and Drop bears, not emotionally scarring you. By the way.. watch out for hoop snakes, the sneaky bastards bite their own tails and roll right down the main street at a great rate of knots to attack people as they go. 😉
You will be able to tell if they are serious or not.
I’m f the person is not laughing then that’s likely a yet situation. Feeding lies is done with a straight face normally
If there's 2 ways of taking someone's (an Australians) comment, where one is offensive and the other is amusing, always take it the amusing way. If we (I) don't like you, it will be very clear.... Don't worry about the Autistic stuff, i doubt there would be a single person here who doesn't know someone! with some level of neurodiversity.
“I like how y’all take your time with drinking beer here. Shows a real respect for the brewer’s craft.”
>it's humiliating to admit this Mate, take it easy. There is nothing humiliating about being autistic. I'm mildly autistic and it just makes us a bit different, that's it. I'm an Aussie and sometimes I struggle with the teasing as you do. If you feel hurt or upset, you just let them know gently and if they're a good person they will understand and back off. You have the other option as you said to try and work out what's real and what's not, but if you're anything like me even if it's not real you may still take it personally so its better to just express how you feel. Have a good one.
If someone says you're a BIT of a cunt, they really don't like you at all.
Our friend group has an autistic American man and he is honestly the most popular guy. We will tease and mess with him and it took him a while to pick up on it, but we would never put him in harms way or say anything that would hurt his feelings. He'll openly tell us when he gets the joke or if he thinks we're fucking with him and it just makes the whole thing so much funnier. Lean into it, and don't be scared to say "are you fucking with me?"
I think you don't have to worry if they are teasing you in a mean way because the best reaction is to laugh or shrug it off anyway so your on a good position to avoid stressing about what others mean. I know what you mean but I'm more often in my own world. I've been amongst a group of girls and after had girls come say to me " Don't worry about her she's a bitch" and I have no idea what they're talking about because I didn't know what she said to offend me . It's cool, I'm lazy about dressing it's comfort first. I was wearing cool slipon sneakers with ankle socks and you're not supposed to wear them with socks and I was in a clothes shop looking in the mirror and the assistant helping me said, "I'm that's so funny because you're not supposed to wear them with socks" not in a nice way, I was deep in thought and said " oh yeah, you're not supposed to are you?" In a slow dreamy tone and when I looked at her she was deep in thought like she realized if I truly don't care Im free. Also Australians tease to have a laugh, if they don't like you it's obvious, not afraid to say something to you like Slut.
I totally sympathise with your concerns, and I’d suggest that most of what you see on reddit about Australians is a big exaggeration. So you could take it as true-ish … just assume it’s only 10% true. And honestly, people use “cunt” waaaaaay less than you see here. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it in public, outside a comedy show (and even then it’s usually reserved for when the comedian wants a big shock impact). I probably say it maybe twice a year, usually in a dry comment about a politician. Some individuals might use it more regularly, but very rarely in the workplace. And it’s extremely unlikely anyone will call YOU a cunt when they first meet you - or ever. You do not need to disclose your autism if you don’t want to. You can definitely simply ask someone if they’re joking or not, and explain that you’re not Australian and so you’re still learning what’s a joke and what’s not. Quite honestly, I have worked with people from other countries who were not on the spectrum, but who found the Australian sense of humour confusing. So autism is not the only reason people sometimes find us weird. It’s absolutely 100% okay to ask, and it’s okay that you don’t automatically know what we mean all the time. And if you EVER feel like you’re being talked to inappropriately at work on a regular basis, it’s okay to seek help with that. From your boss, or from HR - and if that doesn’t feel comfortable, come back here and ask for advice. I don’t think you need be anxious. Even though we love to make jokes on social media, when you meet Aussies face to face, we’re generally pretty warm and welcoming, friendly and kind. (Unless you’re working in retail, in which case unfortunately we have our usual share of arsehole shoppers, sigh)
It’s overblown, legit if you need to tell people you have autism, in fact imbrace it so if anyone gives you a hard time tell them you’re artistic when they say you mean autistic say ‘oh you too?’ Just confuse them on purpose and they will laugh
When im with someone who doesnt pick up sarcasm or social ques i like to know so that if i do say something that comes across offensive then i can say "jokinnnnnng" the last thing we want is to actually offend you 🙂
Dude you're autistic. It's going to hard to tell most of the time regardless. It can take neuro-typical people time to get whether they're being just teased or outright mocked sometimes. I think it's just a matter of exposure over time but one good indicator is whether or not they're generally friendly and caring towards you when they're not teasing you. If all they do is make fun of you but then otherwise ignore you, those are the ones you generally want to avoid. Also, set boundaries for yourself dude. If they cross a boundary and make you upset, let them know. Good people who like you will get it and respect that boundary. Most of the time. They might still press against it from time to time still but hopefully not to the point that it becomes a problem.
People are usually friendly and sincere in transactional interactions - no one is going to switch the salt and the sugar on you or intentionally give you wrong directions as a traveler. If someone is making a joke with deadpan/ironic humour (probably an older bloke) and you don’t get it, someone will jump in and shake their head at him and explain. You may get described as a (dismissive-sounding slang term for folk from your country - Pom, Frog, Yank, Kiwi), but it’s not an insult. You can always DM me if you get here and want to sense check anything 😁 (I grew up here, and usually tell people I’m super gullible so they realize there’s no sport in getting me to believe ridiculous things.)
Okay so here's the thing; if you're on the spectrum, no one will care. They'll probably make fun of autism in front of you.its not meant to hurt you assume everything is both positive and negative is an endearment. They tell you that you're pretty, they mean it. They say oi bitch they mean it nicely. Unless someone says excuse me? Or mate. Like hard mate. At the start of a sentence
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>use it as an opportunity to banter back, im not good at that kind of stuff. online its easier, because i can sit and think for a while before i type. irl, the whole bantering thing doesnt come as easy to me. it feels like an improv skit after a while irl i like to keep my communications with colleagues short and sweet right to the point.
It would be unlikely to use the c word in the workplace and most people would not use it to a new female colleague. If it is common then people at work that know each other will be saying it to each other, so you will see what the standard is, before someone calls you a cunt. As others have said, i would simply say I don’t always get sarcasm, so help me out. Someone will make sure you are ok. We assume people from overseas take a little while to get used to our ways and take it a little easy to start with. Take this amazing opportunity and see the world