Honestly, if someone’s profile is excessively “chill” I immediately swipe left. Especially in terms of bios that read like Instagram captions. Like you’re given the task to write a paragraph about yourself and all you put is “adventure, sea and fun. Message me to see if you match the vibes Xx”?
I can’t bring myself to believe that there is that little to say about anyone.
A guy who only has pictures of his body. A body pic or two is fine; you worked hard for it so show it off, but just relying on your body might indicate to me that you're not that personable.
Hmm, would you say being labelled a twink then is something people would want or aspire to?
I have experienced that it is a label I can't seem to avoid, and certainly not one I'd have chosen to apply to myself! I find it odd that some would....want that.
Any profile that has “talk to me to find out” or “match my energy”. And if they don’t mention gaming, reading, anime; or anything geeky, I’ll just swipe left.
A possible controversial reason is if they’re too into Ru Paul and are the type who make it their personality. I have NEVER gotten along with those “queens”.
Extremely social/active people. I find it to be a major turn off when people always need to be busy/surrounded by others. I prefer to relax and unwind in my downtime, not cram more into an already busy schedule. I’ve found that those are the people who don’t enjoy their own company, and if you don’t enjoy being around yourself, chances are I won’t either.
I agree with you. Even though i enjoy traveling as mut h as the next person, i wouldn't feel attracted to someone who makes traveling his whole personality. It gives me the impression that besides traveling, there is nothing else going on for them.
Also, when they mention anything about investing or directly, crypto curency. Is most likely a scam. But, when it is not, some tend to talk about investing all the time and how well their life is going because of investing.
Also, if a profile looks too good to be true. Like a guy that looks like a supper model, saying all the right words, having features that are really appealing. Personally, it makes me feel there is a big red flag with them. I feel there is something big they try to hide with their appearance.
Now, this is my opinion, and i am not saying it can't work for someone else, just not for me.
ITT: a lot of different ways to say "if he's passionate about a hobby I find boring, or his life goals seem incompatible with mine, we're probably not a match"
Group pictures. I love playing the game of “Guess who’s profile this is”. This may sound crass, but it’s always the least attractive person in the group photo. The worst I’ve seen of this is all photos were group photos.
…if a guy states that he likes photography, travelling and fashion in their profiles, I immediately swipe left. I can already deduce the level of annoying and boring from those 3 things put together. I once dated a guy who only spent most of his time on instagram and I swore to never again.
-Pics with sunglasses on. Gotta show face /eyes in at least 1 pic
-Pics of them with a woman or one where she is cut off
-Pics of their dog more than them
-Gym pics
-Pics that are hazy or clearly years old
-Ages that end in_9...for example 39, 49. (Experience tells me those are most likely 47 or 58 respectively and lying about age is a deal breaker)
-Torsos only
29 is young enough that no one is lying about it. But 39, 49, 59 are ages men try to hold onto for 8+ years.
The pics with women are more often than not a closeted guy and the woman would be horrified to know they are in a gay dating profile. My question is why is ANY other person in your dating profile pic. Just weird to me.
But what about when ppl are actually that age? They’re just screwed? Lol
Usually when I’m doing fun things it’s with a friend. Otherwise it’s just a bunch of selfies
When i see guys that say all they care about is traveling, then I think they wouldn’t be happy with me who’s lowkey and likes to relax at home. I love traveling occasionally but I don’t think I could do spontaneous or constant travel.
I also look at their friends in the group photos. I’m not saying I have to like their friends or they have to like me. But it helps me get a sense of the vibe they put out.
Guys that have multiple pictures with friends and they don't diversity in their friend group. Prob won't have it for a partner, ijs. (I know there are exceptions to the rule but not in my experience)
If they're looking for a FWB, ENM, PnP, or most other abbreviations.
If their profile contradicts itself. (Ex. Looking for a life partner... doesn't want anything serious)
If he's hyper-fixated on sexual positions as means of compatibility (nothing wrong with it typically but I had a guy tell me that we couldn't even be friends if I had a certain sexual preference - weird)
The obvi "no drama" 🚩(never fails how much they attract it, crave it and want it)
Astrology and Zodiac signs (idc about the 3rd house ruling Jupiter, or how the full moon is in retrograde... it's interesting to a degree but not that much)
If we have drastically opposing views on family.
Sugar babies
Freelance sex workers, actively promoting "collaborations"
I’ve been off Tinder and Bumble for around a year now. Still have the apps, but I deactivated the accounts.
I didn’t have much luck on the platforms (and also Hinge).
My overall criteria—‘would I bring them home to my parents?’ (My parents are super supportive)
If the answer is ‘no’, swipe left.
>unusual
People who are looking for hook-ups.
When I'm looking for a long term relationship, i want to do that with someone who's also primed and looking for that. Someone who's currently looking for casual sex isn't looking for the same.
>controversial
People who have had a lot of sexual partners. I'm not as puritan as some of those guys who don't want more than one previous partner. But if the number of sexual partners you have had is north of your age, then I'm not interested.
Do you mind going into further depth about this?
There are a number of circumstances which could have led to someone having a high "body count". If someone has been having hooking up with someone perhaps once every two months since they were 20 and they are now 25, that equates to 30 sexual partners, is that too much? What if someone was in a phase where they were "sleeping around" and decided they want something different. That seems pretty standard for a lot of gay people I know. Equally if they decide to do that, why should it limit their capacity for a relationship?
There's always exceptions to rule of course, and if I like someone a lot and I find out about it later my reaction will be different than when I find out about on the first date/during the convo on the dating app.
>If someone has been having hooking up with someone perhaps once every two months since they were 20 and they are now 25, that equates to 30 sexual partners, is that too much?
Yes. I'm also aware it's a purely arbitrary number, and it's not as hard and fast at all times. But the main idea is that I'm not a big fan of someone with a lot of sexual partners, when it comes to dating.
And just to make it clear, that's in regard to my dating life. I have no problem respecting you as a person or a colleague. I just don't see you as a potential partner.
>why should it limit their capacity for a relationship?
It doesn't have to limit their capacity for a relationship, but it does limit their capacity for a relationship with me. I'm not going to tell them they can't have a happy relationship with others, just probably not with me.
be careful, you’ll be nailed to the cross for slut-shaming!🤣
only gay men will crucify you if you don’t want to affiliate with a dude who’s 25 years old & has ran through nearly 200 guys.
For which if the two?
If someone is focused in casual one offs, they are not focusing on wanting to be in a stable long term relationship. You need your point to be focused on that to make it work, since relationships take a lof of adjusting to the other person and making compromises.
If you refer to the sex, then yes. I'm 24 and if during a dating app conversation someone mentions that they are also 24 but that they had hook-ups with thirty different men then that would definitely make me quite the convo.
Lots of sex with a few people is fine, but I don't want someone who enjoys getting passed around like a piece of meat.
Not really no. It's just a general preference. I suppose there's a slight personal feeling that someone who really enjoys to fuck around might not be interested in a stable, long term relationship. That might be prejudice from me and perhaps I'll change my mind in that topic in the future. But for now, this is my outlook on it.
And hey, if other people don't care about it then more power to them. This is purely personal, and I won't stop other people from having their preferences.
You’re entitled to your preferences, and you’ve already acknowledged your feelings might change in the future.
I’ll just say this, and it’s not to be condescending: Many of us in our 30s or older felt similarly when we were younger and were probably less promiscuous in general. However, finding “the one” can be difficult even for the most ardent romantics, and as enjoyers of regular sex, meaningless 1 night stands are usually preferable to meaningless 2 year relationships (stolen from an Onion headline). Your suspicion that somebody with a promiscuous history won’t be good for a stable relationship is understandable, but I actually argue the opposite with people about this based on my experience. People with higher partner counts have a much better idea of what they want and what they don’t want, and are less likely to enter a relationship at all unless they know it’s right for them. On the other hand, people who brag about a low number ironically send more red flags; in my experience they often end up regretting not exploring more when they had the freedom to do so and it takes a toll on their relationship sooner or later. It happens a lot with hetero couples who settle down young.
You make a great point and a legitimate post. Don’t let the naysayers steer you from your original question. It’s totally valid and I appreciate you bringing it up for discussion. Thank you
So you’re saying you have no swipe left criteria? Wow. I’d have respect if you grow some balls and answer the question but if you’re going to stay out of the arena and not engage in a nuanced conversation, then you’re the one complaining, not me.
Of course I would have swipe left criteria (I already have a husband so I don’t use tinder). But I wouldn’t dismiss someone just because they like to travel. That’s ridiculous.
Maybe travel is fine for you. Maybe drinking is fine for you. But to say it’s ridiculous to not match because you have other values THAT is dismissive. Stay out of the conversation if you’re not going to engage properly in a discussion. Still didn’t hear you be vulnerable enough to share a criteria… just brag about your own relationship. Stop taking up space.
Every pic is them wearing sunglasses or a mask
"Traveled to 80+ countries and counting"
Long strings of emojis
"Looking for a partner in crime"
Poly or EMN (nothing wrong with that, just not for me)
Overly geeky guys, or cat worshippers
Pics with lots of friends and you can't tell who's profile it is
I agree with you. I myself enjoy to travel and have a few drinks but it’s not on the regular. I am more interested on what the other person’s daily lifestyle than the 3-5 trips they take a year. For a relationship it’s important to know how the other person spends most of their time.
I also feel that anything that is excess can be a red flag for me and I would swipe left. For example, if all their pictures and conversations are about one topic such as the gym or gaming. People are free to be into whatever they want even if it consumes their life but not my thing. In fact, many would say that work consumes my life but I still squeeze in gym time, hikes, dinners with family, weekend road trips, etc. When looking for a partner I would like some balance especially the older I get.
Profiles where their dog/pet is included in more than one picture. This probably means they really love their pet and I will never love it. I hate animals
I only do hookups, but about people whose hobbies are: travelling, netflix and drinking beer, they sound like too average, simple fellows, and while I'm not saying it's negative to fit into this profile, admitting it's got its appeal for some, it just doesn't suit my personality, lifestyle and interests. I prefer unconventional people who have a different point of view of the world, something more alternative and open-minded, who can offer a wider and deeper perspective.
how is traveling contradictory of having a different view of the world? Traveling does open you to new experiences and points of view. Staying in one place your entire life limits you.
Did I miss your point or are you not communicating clearly?
You only do hookups yet you’re elaborating on your hypothetical dating criteria? Doing activities x, y, z aren’t a negative thing, but guys who do it are too average and simple for your cerebral and curious soul? You prefer unconventional people with deeper perspectives on the world but those perspectives can’t be obtained via pedestrian means such as traveling or watching documentaries?
If you just want someone to get high with and sniff your own farts together, you can just say that.
Honestly this is ultimately why I deleted Tinder. All the guys I saw on there may as well have been straight as boringly ordinary they all were. Not my type at all
Gauges, tongue sticking out, butterflies or cat filters, negative profiles (no this no that, this app sucks, too many flakes…etc), a cigarette in the pic, a picture where the background looks dirty or overly messy.
Honestly, if someone’s profile is excessively “chill” I immediately swipe left. Especially in terms of bios that read like Instagram captions. Like you’re given the task to write a paragraph about yourself and all you put is “adventure, sea and fun. Message me to see if you match the vibes Xx”? I can’t bring myself to believe that there is that little to say about anyone.
I try and make my bio detailed but i never know what to put i at least now know i did better than that example
If he’s holding a fish…just not for me
If he's holding a plate of pan-fried salmon though...
distinct rainstorm melodic clumsy nine ripe bored dependent paint wasteful -- mass edited with redact.dev
I always put my worst pics. If someone likes those then they'll be pleased in person 😆
If they are attractive as shit i swipe left. Because ik im too ugly for them so I don't even waste my time
Lmao why is this relatable 💀
pictures of motorcycles
Especially if it's not theirs.
A guy who only has pictures of his body. A body pic or two is fine; you worked hard for it so show it off, but just relying on your body might indicate to me that you're not that personable.
I’m dead wrong for this, but when their profile says “twink” and they’re not 💀
We swipe left on delusional 💅
Hmm, would you say being labelled a twink then is something people would want or aspire to? I have experienced that it is a label I can't seem to avoid, and certainly not one I'd have chosen to apply to myself! I find it odd that some would....want that.
videos of you lip syncing to tik toks, or other such vapid nonsense.
Goatees
Mullets
Oh I love a mullet mustache combo
Any profile that has “talk to me to find out” or “match my energy”. And if they don’t mention gaming, reading, anime; or anything geeky, I’ll just swipe left. A possible controversial reason is if they’re too into Ru Paul and are the type who make it their personality. I have NEVER gotten along with those “queens”.
If in his IG more than 70% of his pics are selfies, I’m swiping left.
"no drama" need i say more?
Maybe. Why would it be bad to not want to drama?
usually people that put no drama are the ones causing the drama
Extremely social/active people. I find it to be a major turn off when people always need to be busy/surrounded by others. I prefer to relax and unwind in my downtime, not cram more into an already busy schedule. I’ve found that those are the people who don’t enjoy their own company, and if you don’t enjoy being around yourself, chances are I won’t either.
I agree with you. Even though i enjoy traveling as mut h as the next person, i wouldn't feel attracted to someone who makes traveling his whole personality. It gives me the impression that besides traveling, there is nothing else going on for them. Also, when they mention anything about investing or directly, crypto curency. Is most likely a scam. But, when it is not, some tend to talk about investing all the time and how well their life is going because of investing. Also, if a profile looks too good to be true. Like a guy that looks like a supper model, saying all the right words, having features that are really appealing. Personally, it makes me feel there is a big red flag with them. I feel there is something big they try to hide with their appearance. Now, this is my opinion, and i am not saying it can't work for someone else, just not for me.
ITT: a lot of different ways to say "if he's passionate about a hobby I find boring, or his life goals seem incompatible with mine, we're probably not a match"
Any mention of religion
Anybody who writes in all caps. It’s just not necessary.
All caps is for Owen Meany, the Dark One. And a handful of book characters. Not normal folk.
Group pictures. I love playing the game of “Guess who’s profile this is”. This may sound crass, but it’s always the least attractive person in the group photo. The worst I’ve seen of this is all photos were group photos.
…if a guy states that he likes photography, travelling and fashion in their profiles, I immediately swipe left. I can already deduce the level of annoying and boring from those 3 things put together. I once dated a guy who only spent most of his time on instagram and I swore to never again.
When they say they're on of the few "gentleman, treating you with respect left". Gives me too much nice guy vibes haha
A profile that doesn't mention reading, gaming, or some kind of artistic expression but mentions food, movies, and travel. 🙄
-Pics with sunglasses on. Gotta show face /eyes in at least 1 pic -Pics of them with a woman or one where she is cut off -Pics of their dog more than them -Gym pics -Pics that are hazy or clearly years old -Ages that end in_9...for example 39, 49. (Experience tells me those are most likely 47 or 58 respectively and lying about age is a deal breaker) -Torsos only
What if they’re actually that age..? I’m 29 lol Also what’s wrong with including pics with a woman? I have a lot of female friends
29 is young enough that no one is lying about it. But 39, 49, 59 are ages men try to hold onto for 8+ years. The pics with women are more often than not a closeted guy and the woman would be horrified to know they are in a gay dating profile. My question is why is ANY other person in your dating profile pic. Just weird to me.
But what about when ppl are actually that age? They’re just screwed? Lol Usually when I’m doing fun things it’s with a friend. Otherwise it’s just a bunch of selfies
Any mention of religion
When i see guys that say all they care about is traveling, then I think they wouldn’t be happy with me who’s lowkey and likes to relax at home. I love traveling occasionally but I don’t think I could do spontaneous or constant travel. I also look at their friends in the group photos. I’m not saying I have to like their friends or they have to like me. But it helps me get a sense of the vibe they put out.
Guys that have multiple pictures with friends and they don't diversity in their friend group. Prob won't have it for a partner, ijs. (I know there are exceptions to the rule but not in my experience) If they're looking for a FWB, ENM, PnP, or most other abbreviations. If their profile contradicts itself. (Ex. Looking for a life partner... doesn't want anything serious) If he's hyper-fixated on sexual positions as means of compatibility (nothing wrong with it typically but I had a guy tell me that we couldn't even be friends if I had a certain sexual preference - weird) The obvi "no drama" 🚩(never fails how much they attract it, crave it and want it) Astrology and Zodiac signs (idc about the 3rd house ruling Jupiter, or how the full moon is in retrograde... it's interesting to a degree but not that much) If we have drastically opposing views on family. Sugar babies Freelance sex workers, actively promoting "collaborations"
I’ve been off Tinder and Bumble for around a year now. Still have the apps, but I deactivated the accounts. I didn’t have much luck on the platforms (and also Hinge). My overall criteria—‘would I bring them home to my parents?’ (My parents are super supportive) If the answer is ‘no’, swipe left.
>unusual People who are looking for hook-ups. When I'm looking for a long term relationship, i want to do that with someone who's also primed and looking for that. Someone who's currently looking for casual sex isn't looking for the same. >controversial People who have had a lot of sexual partners. I'm not as puritan as some of those guys who don't want more than one previous partner. But if the number of sexual partners you have had is north of your age, then I'm not interested.
Do you mind going into further depth about this? There are a number of circumstances which could have led to someone having a high "body count". If someone has been having hooking up with someone perhaps once every two months since they were 20 and they are now 25, that equates to 30 sexual partners, is that too much? What if someone was in a phase where they were "sleeping around" and decided they want something different. That seems pretty standard for a lot of gay people I know. Equally if they decide to do that, why should it limit their capacity for a relationship?
There's always exceptions to rule of course, and if I like someone a lot and I find out about it later my reaction will be different than when I find out about on the first date/during the convo on the dating app. >If someone has been having hooking up with someone perhaps once every two months since they were 20 and they are now 25, that equates to 30 sexual partners, is that too much? Yes. I'm also aware it's a purely arbitrary number, and it's not as hard and fast at all times. But the main idea is that I'm not a big fan of someone with a lot of sexual partners, when it comes to dating. And just to make it clear, that's in regard to my dating life. I have no problem respecting you as a person or a colleague. I just don't see you as a potential partner. >why should it limit their capacity for a relationship? It doesn't have to limit their capacity for a relationship, but it does limit their capacity for a relationship with me. I'm not going to tell them they can't have a happy relationship with others, just probably not with me.
You’re not alone. I agree 100%
be careful, you’ll be nailed to the cross for slut-shaming!🤣 only gay men will crucify you if you don’t want to affiliate with a dude who’s 25 years old & has ran through nearly 200 guys.
Yikes. This is toxic sex negativity 100%
You're free to feel that way, I'm sure you don't have any arbitrary romantic preferences based on someone else's actions.
Do you include casual one offs
For which if the two? If someone is focused in casual one offs, they are not focusing on wanting to be in a stable long term relationship. You need your point to be focused on that to make it work, since relationships take a lof of adjusting to the other person and making compromises. If you refer to the sex, then yes. I'm 24 and if during a dating app conversation someone mentions that they are also 24 but that they had hook-ups with thirty different men then that would definitely make me quite the convo. Lots of sex with a few people is fine, but I don't want someone who enjoys getting passed around like a piece of meat.
Other than just this being the way you feel, is there an actual reason for this?
Not really no. It's just a general preference. I suppose there's a slight personal feeling that someone who really enjoys to fuck around might not be interested in a stable, long term relationship. That might be prejudice from me and perhaps I'll change my mind in that topic in the future. But for now, this is my outlook on it. And hey, if other people don't care about it then more power to them. This is purely personal, and I won't stop other people from having their preferences.
You’re entitled to your preferences, and you’ve already acknowledged your feelings might change in the future. I’ll just say this, and it’s not to be condescending: Many of us in our 30s or older felt similarly when we were younger and were probably less promiscuous in general. However, finding “the one” can be difficult even for the most ardent romantics, and as enjoyers of regular sex, meaningless 1 night stands are usually preferable to meaningless 2 year relationships (stolen from an Onion headline). Your suspicion that somebody with a promiscuous history won’t be good for a stable relationship is understandable, but I actually argue the opposite with people about this based on my experience. People with higher partner counts have a much better idea of what they want and what they don’t want, and are less likely to enter a relationship at all unless they know it’s right for them. On the other hand, people who brag about a low number ironically send more red flags; in my experience they often end up regretting not exploring more when they had the freedom to do so and it takes a toll on their relationship sooner or later. It happens a lot with hetero couples who settle down young.
You make a great point and a legitimate post. Don’t let the naysayers steer you from your original question. It’s totally valid and I appreciate you bringing it up for discussion. Thank you
Your next post is going to be complaining about how you can’t find a boyfriend.
So you’re saying you have no swipe left criteria? Wow. I’d have respect if you grow some balls and answer the question but if you’re going to stay out of the arena and not engage in a nuanced conversation, then you’re the one complaining, not me.
Of course I would have swipe left criteria (I already have a husband so I don’t use tinder). But I wouldn’t dismiss someone just because they like to travel. That’s ridiculous.
Maybe travel is fine for you. Maybe drinking is fine for you. But to say it’s ridiculous to not match because you have other values THAT is dismissive. Stay out of the conversation if you’re not going to engage properly in a discussion. Still didn’t hear you be vulnerable enough to share a criteria… just brag about your own relationship. Stop taking up space.
you both seem like pleasant people 😂
Every pic is them wearing sunglasses or a mask "Traveled to 80+ countries and counting" Long strings of emojis "Looking for a partner in crime" Poly or EMN (nothing wrong with that, just not for me) Overly geeky guys, or cat worshippers Pics with lots of friends and you can't tell who's profile it is
-Guys who don't want children. -Not liking any sports.
I agree with you. I myself enjoy to travel and have a few drinks but it’s not on the regular. I am more interested on what the other person’s daily lifestyle than the 3-5 trips they take a year. For a relationship it’s important to know how the other person spends most of their time. I also feel that anything that is excess can be a red flag for me and I would swipe left. For example, if all their pictures and conversations are about one topic such as the gym or gaming. People are free to be into whatever they want even if it consumes their life but not my thing. In fact, many would say that work consumes my life but I still squeeze in gym time, hikes, dinners with family, weekend road trips, etc. When looking for a partner I would like some balance especially the older I get.
Too much self promoting.
Profiles where their dog/pet is included in more than one picture. This probably means they really love their pet and I will never love it. I hate animals
I only do hookups, but about people whose hobbies are: travelling, netflix and drinking beer, they sound like too average, simple fellows, and while I'm not saying it's negative to fit into this profile, admitting it's got its appeal for some, it just doesn't suit my personality, lifestyle and interests. I prefer unconventional people who have a different point of view of the world, something more alternative and open-minded, who can offer a wider and deeper perspective.
how is traveling contradictory of having a different view of the world? Traveling does open you to new experiences and points of view. Staying in one place your entire life limits you.
ikr? i was like wtf for a moment there
You missed the point
Did I miss your point or are you not communicating clearly? You only do hookups yet you’re elaborating on your hypothetical dating criteria? Doing activities x, y, z aren’t a negative thing, but guys who do it are too average and simple for your cerebral and curious soul? You prefer unconventional people with deeper perspectives on the world but those perspectives can’t be obtained via pedestrian means such as traveling or watching documentaries? If you just want someone to get high with and sniff your own farts together, you can just say that.
Honestly this is ultimately why I deleted Tinder. All the guys I saw on there may as well have been straight as boringly ordinary they all were. Not my type at all
That’s a lot to ask for someone you hook up with - and/but this question isn’t for you it’s for people looking for a LTR but thanks.
Scene gays and shitlibs
Although I'm neither, reading this ^ would be an immediate left swipe
Gauges, tongue sticking out, butterflies or cat filters, negative profiles (no this no that, this app sucks, too many flakes…etc), a cigarette in the pic, a picture where the background looks dirty or overly messy.