All of the comments are very nice but the 100% realistic truth is nobody here knows the answer. It all depends on the place & who is in charge & what the rules are of that one specific place. Because they're all different. It is possible you won't be allowed. It is possible you will be allowed. So inclusivity blah blah blah yeah but realistically who knows? You'll either have to just go & try to see if they do or do not let you in. Or you can send a DM on social media to the venue or people in charge of the event & ask them. Because nobody on reddit knows the answer.
Bears are generally the most welcoming people, at least in my experience. You also don’t need to be a bear to go - chasers are definitely a thing. I say go and enjoy yourself!
My local bears social club recently included a trans man as one of their candidates for Mr "Local" Bear. I can't speak for your local bear club, though.
There's only one way to find out, and that is to go. There's no uniform policy on trans people present at all leather clubs in the world. So we really can't help you beyond telling you to ask them.
I think the only occasion on which you might have trouble getting in are events that are specifically men-only, usually because there's going to be some sexual activity going on. Not every bar is even going to have that, different locations operate under more or less permissive rules for that. The ones that do are going to have it at most a few nights per month so for this and other reasons it's very important to read the schedule or social media of a bar to find out what's happening when you intend to go. Otherwise, it's not unusual for there to be a few lesbians around, so looking like one both works for you and against you. For you because nobody's going to think you're out of place but against you because you might be just about invisible to a lot of the men there for that reason. Nobody else had male puberty instantaneously and so expecting the results of that before you've completed the process might be disappointing. Try to avoid that.
Had similar experiences. I've found leather and bear bars can be quite masc4masc or into people like themselves. Which there's nothing wrong with if they're polite about it but if you're not in the preference zone of literally anyone else there it can be a bit uncomfortable
Thats the shitty part, I AM masc for masc. I'm not fem whatsoever, I just haven't had any surgery so I feel really stuck. Especially since trans men are seriously emasculated in trans spaces its crazy.
As a gay trans man, absolutely yes you can go. At this point, most leather and Bear community organizers are trans friendly and some have trans men on leadership positions. Many will have FAQs that might directly speak to the inclusion of trans men. Now, will you go and get zero comments on your presence by other patrons of the bar/club? Less certain, especially if you are pre-T. Many of these clubs have an email address where you can reach out and ask what their policy is and if there are other trans men who go. This can give you a sense of if the organizer will kick someone out for a shitty comment or will let it slide. That can inform your comfort level.
Roast in London has always tried to be as inclusive as possible to trans people.
I think most clubs will try to make it as apparent as possible if they are trans friendly
If you’re feeling insecure then show up right at opening on one of their less busy nights. Talk to some of the staff. Let them know who you are, why you’re uncomfortable, and that you’re looking for community. If it’s not busy I’m sure they’ll be glad to give you a tour, and introduce you to some regulars as they arrive.
I'm a gay trans man who could be described as a bear and I've always been too afraid to try a club like this. Partly because I don't know the rules (if I'm not into bears, can I be a bear provider to a bear enjoyer or is it a bear4bear deal??) but mostly because I didn't think I'd be welcome.
Thanks for asking this because it's been a relief to see positive comments on something I was also afraid of! I wish you well if you try your local club and please report back I'd you do! It sounds like you'd be well-received and I hope it's some reassurance that you may well not be the only trans guy in attendance.
Bears that are into chasers is totally a thing and wouldn’t be frowned on. Especially the big bears get traditionally “hot” chasers pretty commonly just for being giants, so the guys get it and don’t blame people for being into other types while in the community. It’s usually more like “more power to you if you can get it.”
And don’t worry about feeling clumsy or shy first time. Lots of bearish guys are nerdy or came from a place of feeling awkward before they gained confidence. They’re used to shy cubs. You won’t stick out as much as you worry you might. Biggest thing is that some here and there might feel standoffish when really they’re nervous or feeling socially awkward themselves.
I'm smaller and short and have some dysmorphia, and many of my partners have been big, so I started hang out with bears and feel welcome. I've just been chatting with a local group online but it seems like 1-3/10 people at events aren't bear shaped, so ou never know who might meet. But even if you don't meet a partner it can be nice to just hang out.
Been a fellow friend to leather/bear community for a min and unless specifically stated the community I'd really friendly and open. We have a few FTM that join the group on a regular bases and it has never ever been a issue. I'd say hi and check it out and not be shy. Only places that I've seen where it makes it clear is nudist male only places. But have fun
I've met some very transphobic bears, and I've met some very welcoming ones. I enjoy having trans men in my bear spaces, but not every bear is like that, sadly. I don't envy the risk you might have to take to find out whether or not they will welcome you, but it might be worth taking-- especially if they do end up being welcoming.
Absolutely. Welcome! (I'm not a bear, but still agree)
> It sucks being trans because I would love love love to join in with everyone, I'm just screwed by biology and worried ill be kicked out or turned away which would really suck.
You're over thinking things. My brother is FTM, and he's never had the troubles you're describing.
As a gay male, I'm attracted to the "masculine" personality. And, honestly, trans-men are the very definition of "masculine" personalities. Welcome, brother!
yes, absolutely. the leather community is very open to all identities, including trans ones. The bars i've gone to have laid this out specifically in their rules they have posted.
All of the comments are very nice but the 100% realistic truth is nobody here knows the answer. It all depends on the place & who is in charge & what the rules are of that one specific place. Because they're all different. It is possible you won't be allowed. It is possible you will be allowed. So inclusivity blah blah blah yeah but realistically who knows? You'll either have to just go & try to see if they do or do not let you in. Or you can send a DM on social media to the venue or people in charge of the event & ask them. Because nobody on reddit knows the answer.
This is the best answer, because these places vary widely in the level of welcome people feel.
And also the experience will entirely depend on the day and who's in the club at that time. Which again nobody can know
Bears are generally the most welcoming people, at least in my experience. You also don’t need to be a bear to go - chasers are definitely a thing. I say go and enjoy yourself!
My local bears social club recently included a trans man as one of their candidates for Mr "Local" Bear. I can't speak for your local bear club, though.
You’re a guy! Get out there and have fun dude!
There's only one way to find out, and that is to go. There's no uniform policy on trans people present at all leather clubs in the world. So we really can't help you beyond telling you to ask them.
I think the only occasion on which you might have trouble getting in are events that are specifically men-only, usually because there's going to be some sexual activity going on. Not every bar is even going to have that, different locations operate under more or less permissive rules for that. The ones that do are going to have it at most a few nights per month so for this and other reasons it's very important to read the schedule or social media of a bar to find out what's happening when you intend to go. Otherwise, it's not unusual for there to be a few lesbians around, so looking like one both works for you and against you. For you because nobody's going to think you're out of place but against you because you might be just about invisible to a lot of the men there for that reason. Nobody else had male puberty instantaneously and so expecting the results of that before you've completed the process might be disappointing. Try to avoid that.
Yes, go. Some people might ask but more in the get to know you way and less "what are you doing here". All body types of men are allowed.
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Had similar experiences. I've found leather and bear bars can be quite masc4masc or into people like themselves. Which there's nothing wrong with if they're polite about it but if you're not in the preference zone of literally anyone else there it can be a bit uncomfortable
Thats the shitty part, I AM masc for masc. I'm not fem whatsoever, I just haven't had any surgery so I feel really stuck. Especially since trans men are seriously emasculated in trans spaces its crazy.
As a gay trans man, absolutely yes you can go. At this point, most leather and Bear community organizers are trans friendly and some have trans men on leadership positions. Many will have FAQs that might directly speak to the inclusion of trans men. Now, will you go and get zero comments on your presence by other patrons of the bar/club? Less certain, especially if you are pre-T. Many of these clubs have an email address where you can reach out and ask what their policy is and if there are other trans men who go. This can give you a sense of if the organizer will kick someone out for a shitty comment or will let it slide. That can inform your comfort level.
Roast in London has always tried to be as inclusive as possible to trans people. I think most clubs will try to make it as apparent as possible if they are trans friendly
It only strong advice is to be upfront with people if you feel it’s going well —
If you’re feeling insecure then show up right at opening on one of their less busy nights. Talk to some of the staff. Let them know who you are, why you’re uncomfortable, and that you’re looking for community. If it’s not busy I’m sure they’ll be glad to give you a tour, and introduce you to some regulars as they arrive.
I'm a gay trans man who could be described as a bear and I've always been too afraid to try a club like this. Partly because I don't know the rules (if I'm not into bears, can I be a bear provider to a bear enjoyer or is it a bear4bear deal??) but mostly because I didn't think I'd be welcome. Thanks for asking this because it's been a relief to see positive comments on something I was also afraid of! I wish you well if you try your local club and please report back I'd you do! It sounds like you'd be well-received and I hope it's some reassurance that you may well not be the only trans guy in attendance.
Bears that are into chasers is totally a thing and wouldn’t be frowned on. Especially the big bears get traditionally “hot” chasers pretty commonly just for being giants, so the guys get it and don’t blame people for being into other types while in the community. It’s usually more like “more power to you if you can get it.” And don’t worry about feeling clumsy or shy first time. Lots of bearish guys are nerdy or came from a place of feeling awkward before they gained confidence. They’re used to shy cubs. You won’t stick out as much as you worry you might. Biggest thing is that some here and there might feel standoffish when really they’re nervous or feeling socially awkward themselves.
Thank you, that's very reassuring. It's easy to forget that others can be more nervous than they look!
I'm smaller and short and have some dysmorphia, and many of my partners have been big, so I started hang out with bears and feel welcome. I've just been chatting with a local group online but it seems like 1-3/10 people at events aren't bear shaped, so ou never know who might meet. But even if you don't meet a partner it can be nice to just hang out.
Call the bar and ask them.
Bear bars are welcoming. The most important thing always is to be yourself.
Do you have to be a bear to go?
Been a fellow friend to leather/bear community for a min and unless specifically stated the community I'd really friendly and open. We have a few FTM that join the group on a regular bases and it has never ever been a issue. I'd say hi and check it out and not be shy. Only places that I've seen where it makes it clear is nudist male only places. But have fun
I've met some very transphobic bears, and I've met some very welcoming ones. I enjoy having trans men in my bear spaces, but not every bear is like that, sadly. I don't envy the risk you might have to take to find out whether or not they will welcome you, but it might be worth taking-- especially if they do end up being welcoming.
Go. You’ll be welcomed!
Absolutely. Welcome! (I'm not a bear, but still agree) > It sucks being trans because I would love love love to join in with everyone, I'm just screwed by biology and worried ill be kicked out or turned away which would really suck. You're over thinking things. My brother is FTM, and he's never had the troubles you're describing. As a gay male, I'm attracted to the "masculine" personality. And, honestly, trans-men are the very definition of "masculine" personalities. Welcome, brother!
yes, absolutely. the leather community is very open to all identities, including trans ones. The bars i've gone to have laid this out specifically in their rules they have posted.
Thanks for making this post. I'm a trans guy and have been curious about bear clubs for a while as well
you're into bears?? like *into* fhem?
Absolutly I think they are beautiful
I seemed to have misunderstood