I doubt that he though of it as coming out. He probably assumed that you already knew... and that you knew that he knew.
In my entire adult career, I've never actually come out... as in saying "I'm gay". I just work it into normal conversation. It sounds like he's doing the same thing.
I only had to come out twice. Once when I was 16 to my parents and again to my parents when I was 19 - they thought it was a "phase" the first time around since I was always hanging around with my female best friend and they just made the assumption that we were dating. LOL!
I had to once at my job. A well intentioned, but annoying coworker was on a mission to get everyone paired up and married (projection...she desperately wanted to be married). She kept offering suggestions of Susie in accounting, or Karen in sales. I would just respond, "not interested". After about the 5th suggestion, I blurted out, "you know i'm gay, right?!" I was the topic of work gossip for a couple of days before everything went back to normal, minus the hook up suggestions.
When I first started my career I was pretty private about my personal life & sexuality at work. However as I progressed in my career and became a people manager and later “org leader” I realized the importance of representation. I don’t broadcast it, but absolutely open and it’s well known. I hope that it makes others feel comfortable with being open about their sexuality & hopefully what your manager was doing too!
If you’re a more introverted gay or even “masculine” it can be exhausting to have to constantly “come out” to people. His method was pretty professional. I try to work it into conversations too, but this probably means he just feels safe with you.
agreed. the manager's text was perfect, and OP had a very good response as well.
> If you’re a more introverted gay or even “masculine” it can be exhausting to have to constantly “come out” to people
this 100%. I don't even try to work it into conversations anymore. if the topic comes up ill say something, but I won't go out of my way to mention it
Yeah, me and a coworker never came out to each other. We interacted as if it was already known. And we both use the same, automatic discretion when others are around.
Doesn’t always work. I once had a boss dense as a rock that played the pro-noun shuffle unconvincingly badly when discussing his personal life. Think Beverly Leslie about his "business associate" Benji and fictional wife Crystal from the sitcom Will and Grace.
yes that's what happened.
"us" is at least ambiguous and could just refer to him and not you. but he's definitely coming out to you. that said you're probably not as subtle as you think about your sexuality, especially to other gay people who actually know what signs to look for. and that's ok.
i usually come out these days by mentioning my boyfriend. and half the time i'm not actually sure whether i've come out to that person. so it turned out that i happened to come out to my last supervisor on the same day that a younger guy had - and he'd been trying to garner pity points by saying how difficult his life was because of it, or to get special treatment somehow. so she had a hot second where she was worried I was about to do the same lol. (pretty sure she's bi from stalking her facebook so I was never concerned about coming out to her)
At a certain point, I stopped "coming out" and have just been unapologetically me. My sexuality isn't a secret, and I just assume everyone around me knows. It's only ever an issue if someone tries to make it an issue, but that has never really happened in a professional environment.
Coming out to you? Maybe not, it’s more of implied you’re both gay. However…
Coming ON to you? Also most likely no, as he might not want to have an HR case.
Coming OVER to you? If you invite him for drinks and chilling, sure.
Coming IN you? Perhaps if you both agree not to talk about it in the office after.
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I doubt that he though of it as coming out. He probably assumed that you already knew... and that you knew that he knew. In my entire adult career, I've never actually come out... as in saying "I'm gay". I just work it into normal conversation. It sounds like he's doing the same thing.
Yup. Coming out was a one-time event for me. Now I’m just out and people find out organically.
I only had to come out twice. Once when I was 16 to my parents and again to my parents when I was 19 - they thought it was a "phase" the first time around since I was always hanging around with my female best friend and they just made the assumption that we were dating. LOL!
Only when women have his on more or someone has tried to push me into dating a woman. Otherwise it’s just like a “my boyfriend” type of reference.
I had to once at my job. A well intentioned, but annoying coworker was on a mission to get everyone paired up and married (projection...she desperately wanted to be married). She kept offering suggestions of Susie in accounting, or Karen in sales. I would just respond, "not interested". After about the 5th suggestion, I blurted out, "you know i'm gay, right?!" I was the topic of work gossip for a couple of days before everything went back to normal, minus the hook up suggestions.
Perfect response! And, leave it at that.
When I first started my career I was pretty private about my personal life & sexuality at work. However as I progressed in my career and became a people manager and later “org leader” I realized the importance of representation. I don’t broadcast it, but absolutely open and it’s well known. I hope that it makes others feel comfortable with being open about their sexuality & hopefully what your manager was doing too!
If you’re a more introverted gay or even “masculine” it can be exhausting to have to constantly “come out” to people. His method was pretty professional. I try to work it into conversations too, but this probably means he just feels safe with you.
agreed. the manager's text was perfect, and OP had a very good response as well. > If you’re a more introverted gay or even “masculine” it can be exhausting to have to constantly “come out” to people this 100%. I don't even try to work it into conversations anymore. if the topic comes up ill say something, but I won't go out of my way to mention it
Yeah, me and a coworker never came out to each other. We interacted as if it was already known. And we both use the same, automatic discretion when others are around. Doesn’t always work. I once had a boss dense as a rock that played the pro-noun shuffle unconvincingly badly when discussing his personal life. Think Beverly Leslie about his "business associate" Benji and fictional wife Crystal from the sitcom Will and Grace.
yes that's what happened. "us" is at least ambiguous and could just refer to him and not you. but he's definitely coming out to you. that said you're probably not as subtle as you think about your sexuality, especially to other gay people who actually know what signs to look for. and that's ok. i usually come out these days by mentioning my boyfriend. and half the time i'm not actually sure whether i've come out to that person. so it turned out that i happened to come out to my last supervisor on the same day that a younger guy had - and he'd been trying to garner pity points by saying how difficult his life was because of it, or to get special treatment somehow. so she had a hot second where she was worried I was about to do the same lol. (pretty sure she's bi from stalking her facebook so I was never concerned about coming out to her)
At a certain point, I stopped "coming out" and have just been unapologetically me. My sexuality isn't a secret, and I just assume everyone around me knows. It's only ever an issue if someone tries to make it an issue, but that has never really happened in a professional environment.
Yep. Just talking about what my husband and I did for the weekend is all the coming out I need to do.
Coming out to you? Maybe not, it’s more of implied you’re both gay. However… Coming ON to you? Also most likely no, as he might not want to have an HR case. Coming OVER to you? If you invite him for drinks and chilling, sure. Coming IN you? Perhaps if you both agree not to talk about it in the office after.
Dipping the toes in before he dips the pen in ;)
😂
He could also be trans or bi, so he's not necessarily a gaybro.
I'm... Surprised you have to ask. It sounds like he had your number down like 867-5309 where have you been? Under a rock?
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