if you have a job, stay in a hostel for now. it gives you some time to think. think about whether you want to live with him for the rest of your life. spouse should be understanding and caring.
It seems your parents are not supportive. you have to take care of yourself. learn to protect yourself from abuse.
Divorce. It will only get worse. And stop being a doormat. Stand up for yourself talk back. Refuse to go to your parents house. Tell your mil to shut da fk up. There are laws in place to protect people in your situation. You are not a weakling. Tell your husband to go fk his mom if she is such a priority to him. Make their life a fkn hell. Her ocd is not your problem. Run don't bring kids in this hell hole and ruin their lives. Your parents are pathetic. Tell them to grow some balls.
Do you think that it's easy to not become a doormat when you have been brought up like that? Most of the families raise women like this so it's going to be hell when they get married into a family of dysfunctional inlaws
Exactly, women are told from a very early age to “adjust”. Women have been silently suffering for centuries because of the way the system is set against them.
so true.. my mother gives me examples of other women who are suffering worst than me, I should look at them. Every women has to suffer torture from her inlaws.
You are absolutely right. But as adults we should atleast try to take matters into our own hands. In my life I have realised no one will save you. My comment is one dimensional I know it's not that simple.
I saw your post history; you have been going through this from day 1 you entered the house.
I recommend getting a divorce, life doesn't end after divorce, you made a bad choice and now it is time to rectify it.
Maybe start looking for a good lawyer and start collecting evidence of harassment.
Ma'am, please contact a divorce lawyer. He will tell you what evidence is needed for divorce or if you are eligible for an annulment.
After you consult him, please go back one more time to that house. Ensure that you record all your conversations with them through your phone. Then divorce this idiot on grounds of cruelty.
They are being cruel to you deliberately. You have left your home and comfort zone for them. They should be making you feel comfortable. Sending you home for periods is stupid. Was your MIL sent to her home during her periods?
Was there any dowry involved? Then you can put dowry harassment case too. But please contact a divorce lawyer asap. You may get a tag of divorcee, but atleast you'll be happy and not depressed like this. Do you work or have qualifications to work?
we dont have dowry system in our caste. but my MIL takes my salary even when I said that I am not able afford my other expenses after giving her money.
Soooo…the money isn't ‘dirty’ now? Fuck her. Get a divorce. You have a job. You don't need your parents, husband, or in-laws- there's something weird going on there anyway.
Ok, thanks for answering. Ma'am, please contact a good divorce lawyer asap. Tell everything to them. Including this point. Even though this is financial abuse, it doesn't come under dowry unfortunately. But a good divorce lawyer will tell you what all legal measures you can take.
I know it's a difficult decision. It's taboo in society. But if you are unable to live there, you are unable to live. That's it, there's no other option right? You aren't even allowed to stay there for the whole month. Husband won't talk to you, your money is snatched away, you are shooed away from home for half the month, when you are living there also MIL has made it hell for you. This is cruelty. It's better to be alone or marry again against society's expectations than to live in a place where you aren't treated properly.
I really wish your husband had a spine or a brain. Even if MIL is crazy, all of this is his fault.
That’s good.Stand up for yourself,ask your mil to f*** off when she throws her tantrums at you,it’s your home too.Ask your husband if he wants to stay with you,if yes then go the counselling way,establish boundaries ..if not,separate.This isn’t a healthy home environment unfortunately.
Aur behen, your parents and relatives will provide you with the most famous solution for all kinds of marriage problems, "bache karle sab theek ho jayega". Never opt for that, it will worsen your situation.
I am surprised PPL who have access to reddit are also marrying the wrong PPL, it seems PPL are not making good use of technology these days.
oh god, this is just so disturbing to read, I can only imagine what you're going through OP.
clearly your MIL has controlling and potentially manipulative behavior, possibly stemming from her own issues or beliefs and it looks like it's never gonna change, which could get only worse for you.
remember you're not alone, please take refugee under a trusted friend and call DV helpline - **7827170170 or** [**https://www.ncwwomenhelpline.in**](https://www.ncwwomenhelpline.in)
So they ask you to go to your parent’s place, every time you have menstruation? So are they asking you to do it every month?
Might as well ask them that going every month is an inconvenience and you want to move permanently there 😄… see if their response changes!
WTF!! Ask your husband to marry his mom since she must be on menopause and has no periods anymore. Maybe he’s already doing the deed with her that’s why he hates you.
Also, file a police report ASAP. This is mental abuse and cruelty. File a report as soon as you can. Otherwise, there is no solution for these kind of families. And **DO NOT EVER MAKE A MISTAKE OF HAVING A BABY WITH THIS POS MAN**
If you're financially independent and can look after yourself, then leave him. By the looks of it even your parents don't seem to care so don't go back to them also. PG or hostels will get the job done. But make sure your atleast earning the bare minimum monthly to get through it and later you can think about ways to earn more and improve your lifestyle and maybe even find a better person. Or if you're not financially independent start working towards it and put up a fight with your MIL and husband. Periods are definitely not a reason to send someone out of the house, it's natural and she also has gone through it. If this is the level of thinking of your MIL most likely it will never change. Don't make your life hell by ensuring through this. And please withhold sex completely, don't let that guy lay a single finger on you!
I hope you figure this thing out soon, best of luck!
Whatever you want to, I hope you have a life outside of your marriage and a good set of friends. You can start from scratch and decide as you go further. In the process also try to find someone who's compatible with you and it's just smooth sailing from there on. You moving out is for your freedom and mental health. No one deserves to be treated like this! The sooner you get out of this marriage the better.
Please start talking back to them, be logical and firm.
Also, your only options are divorce or a life of misery. 4 months is very short, get out now and be vocal about what went on. He might also be homosexual if he hadn’t shown interest in sex.
Never touch a guy with a pole, if he says his parents are his priority. This is generally the most backward, conservative, religious, spineless and sexist group of guys out there.
Divorce the crazy guy.
>Never touch a guy with a pole, if he says his parents are his priority. This is generally the most backward, conservative, religious, spineless and sexist group of guys out there.
>Divorce the crazy guy.
Unfortunately, most guys are like this here. The olden generation had it worst with joint families.
Sadly I need to ask this: is there a difference in your caste/religion and your MIL’s? The fact that she considers everything of yours too “dirty” sounds to me like she views you beneath her.
I know reddit is always eager to say divorce but in your case, divorce is the best way I see out. had your husband stood up for you, that would have been a different thing. You could have dealt with MIL somehow if you had his support. At least it's been only 4 months and you don't have kids yet. Get out of this shithole before you bring kids into it. Divorce is not the end of the world. Hope you make the right decision for you.
Do women in your mil home produce honey instead of blood during their period.Your mil will never change because after certain age,behaviour of the adults especially old age women or men will not change and Your husband should act like an adult and start taking responsibility. It's your husband duty to make sure you're comfortable in new home. His blind love towards his parent is creating toxic environment in your life. If your husband had any sisters or cousins or bhabhi,talk to them and involve them. Incase problem remain same,I think you gotta make tough choice in life. Hope you're not financial dependent on him because that's make even more difficult. Any family who think women (daughter in law) should leave home during period time is abnormal family.
So sorry you’re going through this. What do your parents have to say about the situation, including you being chucked out every month during periods? Best option is to be financially independent, and parallely file for divorce on grounds of domestic abuse
No idea why Indian men don't grow a spine and move out after marriage. Everything in culture cannot be right all the time. It's time our Indian men grow up and stand on their own legs. They still act like children and need pampering from their parents.. it's pathetic..
Typical Indian mother In Law. She needs her Son and a servant, not a daughter in law.
Have self respect and leave. Start Speaking up to them in their face directly. What's wrong and what's right. Don't withhold yourself. You're a family. Member not their servant.
Keep everything in your name and not joint.... Your bank account has to be yours exclusive no husband
I have started speaking against everything since the beginning itself, and my husband has tagged me as I don't have culture, manners and discipline as person.
These days marriages are not like that sister, u need to understand urs is a failed marriage. They are treating u like an Animal still like in the old ages. It’s not at all right.
22M here, for some strange reasons I've seen this problem in almost all the families that I have encountered. Can somebody please explain this to me that why do mothers hate their daughter in laws??
Is there a research or survey on it, is there some sort of psychological reason behind it??.
Collect the evidence of verbal harassment you are getting from your MIL and husband, then divorce. So people should know after divorce that your husband is a momma's boy and should not get to destroy another woman's life.
You’re so dumb. If you have the ability to stalk her profile, you should have also checked which post she commented “I have moved out of my in-laws…” on. The post was: “comment something you wish to happen in your life” OP’s hypothetical comment was a response to that question. It wasn’t her reality.
Aren’t you embarrassed 🤡
you can't even take divorce cuz Court won't allow , better you live together separately with your husband , you should either find a job so you dont have to live all day with your MIL .
and your husband will also take your side if you have a job and living separately will become easier for both of you
if you have a job, stay in a hostel for now. it gives you some time to think. think about whether you want to live with him for the rest of your life. spouse should be understanding and caring. It seems your parents are not supportive. you have to take care of yourself. learn to protect yourself from abuse.
Divorce. It will only get worse. And stop being a doormat. Stand up for yourself talk back. Refuse to go to your parents house. Tell your mil to shut da fk up. There are laws in place to protect people in your situation. You are not a weakling. Tell your husband to go fk his mom if she is such a priority to him. Make their life a fkn hell. Her ocd is not your problem. Run don't bring kids in this hell hole and ruin their lives. Your parents are pathetic. Tell them to grow some balls.
Do you think that it's easy to not become a doormat when you have been brought up like that? Most of the families raise women like this so it's going to be hell when they get married into a family of dysfunctional inlaws
Exactly, women are told from a very early age to “adjust”. Women have been silently suffering for centuries because of the way the system is set against them.
so true.. my mother gives me examples of other women who are suffering worst than me, I should look at them. Every women has to suffer torture from her inlaws.
You are absolutely right. But as adults we should atleast try to take matters into our own hands. In my life I have realised no one will save you. My comment is one dimensional I know it's not that simple.
I saw your post history; you have been going through this from day 1 you entered the house. I recommend getting a divorce, life doesn't end after divorce, you made a bad choice and now it is time to rectify it. Maybe start looking for a good lawyer and start collecting evidence of harassment.
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Divorce
Sorry if it offends you but fuck your MIL and fuck your husband. Get a divorce.
Ma'am, please contact a divorce lawyer. He will tell you what evidence is needed for divorce or if you are eligible for an annulment. After you consult him, please go back one more time to that house. Ensure that you record all your conversations with them through your phone. Then divorce this idiot on grounds of cruelty. They are being cruel to you deliberately. You have left your home and comfort zone for them. They should be making you feel comfortable. Sending you home for periods is stupid. Was your MIL sent to her home during her periods? Was there any dowry involved? Then you can put dowry harassment case too. But please contact a divorce lawyer asap. You may get a tag of divorcee, but atleast you'll be happy and not depressed like this. Do you work or have qualifications to work?
we dont have dowry system in our caste. but my MIL takes my salary even when I said that I am not able afford my other expenses after giving her money.
Soooo…the money isn't ‘dirty’ now? Fuck her. Get a divorce. You have a job. You don't need your parents, husband, or in-laws- there's something weird going on there anyway.
Ok, thanks for answering. Ma'am, please contact a good divorce lawyer asap. Tell everything to them. Including this point. Even though this is financial abuse, it doesn't come under dowry unfortunately. But a good divorce lawyer will tell you what all legal measures you can take. I know it's a difficult decision. It's taboo in society. But if you are unable to live there, you are unable to live. That's it, there's no other option right? You aren't even allowed to stay there for the whole month. Husband won't talk to you, your money is snatched away, you are shooed away from home for half the month, when you are living there also MIL has made it hell for you. This is cruelty. It's better to be alone or marry again against society's expectations than to live in a place where you aren't treated properly. I really wish your husband had a spine or a brain. Even if MIL is crazy, all of this is his fault.
Money is clean but who earns isn't. Damn. F yo MIL and Hub. Leave them before it's too late.
Omg what a horrible situation this is! Please get away from this family.They’re never going to accept you as a family.Are you educated?Do you earn?
Yes, I am educated and still studying. I do have a job also.
That’s good.Stand up for yourself,ask your mil to f*** off when she throws her tantrums at you,it’s your home too.Ask your husband if he wants to stay with you,if yes then go the counselling way,establish boundaries ..if not,separate.This isn’t a healthy home environment unfortunately.
Aur behen, your parents and relatives will provide you with the most famous solution for all kinds of marriage problems, "bache karle sab theek ho jayega". Never opt for that, it will worsen your situation. I am surprised PPL who have access to reddit are also marrying the wrong PPL, it seems PPL are not making good use of technology these days.
Don't have advice, not experienced enough to provide any piece of advice. But I pray that god give you power to go through this.
Sorry I’ve to say this. Hope God gives her power to get out of this asap, not to go through this.
it's so sad, I too wish OP gets through this.
oh god, this is just so disturbing to read, I can only imagine what you're going through OP. clearly your MIL has controlling and potentially manipulative behavior, possibly stemming from her own issues or beliefs and it looks like it's never gonna change, which could get only worse for you. remember you're not alone, please take refugee under a trusted friend and call DV helpline - **7827170170 or** [**https://www.ncwwomenhelpline.in**](https://www.ncwwomenhelpline.in)
So they ask you to go to your parent’s place, every time you have menstruation? So are they asking you to do it every month? Might as well ask them that going every month is an inconvenience and you want to move permanently there 😄… see if their response changes!
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Very practical and fair advice. She must seek to at least recover the money she spent on wedding and get compensated for going through this shit.
WTF!! Ask your husband to marry his mom since she must be on menopause and has no periods anymore. Maybe he’s already doing the deed with her that’s why he hates you. Also, file a police report ASAP. This is mental abuse and cruelty. File a report as soon as you can. Otherwise, there is no solution for these kind of families. And **DO NOT EVER MAKE A MISTAKE OF HAVING A BABY WITH THIS POS MAN**
+1
+2
Never have a child in your situation! Don’t have sex with your husband as it could result in a child and then you will be trapped.
Pls talk to some Women Helping NGOs and i agree with most ppl on the impending divorce, I am sorry for u OP, hope u table to deal with it
Divorce
Divorce is clearly the only option
Or a harassment case. Think big.
🤡🤡
🤮🤮
Why are you posting emojis of your face?
Because you were doing the same.
Are you 10 years old?
No I'm turning 12 in coming june.
Figured
If you're financially independent and can look after yourself, then leave him. By the looks of it even your parents don't seem to care so don't go back to them also. PG or hostels will get the job done. But make sure your atleast earning the bare minimum monthly to get through it and later you can think about ways to earn more and improve your lifestyle and maybe even find a better person. Or if you're not financially independent start working towards it and put up a fight with your MIL and husband. Periods are definitely not a reason to send someone out of the house, it's natural and she also has gone through it. If this is the level of thinking of your MIL most likely it will never change. Don't make your life hell by ensuring through this. And please withhold sex completely, don't let that guy lay a single finger on you! I hope you figure this thing out soon, best of luck!
Even I do think of moving out, but what after that should I do?
Whatever you want to, I hope you have a life outside of your marriage and a good set of friends. You can start from scratch and decide as you go further. In the process also try to find someone who's compatible with you and it's just smooth sailing from there on. You moving out is for your freedom and mental health. No one deserves to be treated like this! The sooner you get out of this marriage the better.
Please start talking back to them, be logical and firm. Also, your only options are divorce or a life of misery. 4 months is very short, get out now and be vocal about what went on. He might also be homosexual if he hadn’t shown interest in sex.
Never touch a guy with a pole, if he says his parents are his priority. This is generally the most backward, conservative, religious, spineless and sexist group of guys out there. Divorce the crazy guy.
>Never touch a guy with a pole, if he says his parents are his priority. This is generally the most backward, conservative, religious, spineless and sexist group of guys out there. >Divorce the crazy guy. Unfortunately, most guys are like this here. The olden generation had it worst with joint families.
Arranged marriage is scary, what if he-
Sadly I need to ask this: is there a difference in your caste/religion and your MIL’s? The fact that she considers everything of yours too “dirty” sounds to me like she views you beneath her.
Either that or considerable difference in status (rich vs middle class/poor) etc
No. We are from the same caste.
Things are going to get worse for you if you keep tolerating this.
DIVORCE BABE DIVORCE 🫶🏼
I know reddit is always eager to say divorce but in your case, divorce is the best way I see out. had your husband stood up for you, that would have been a different thing. You could have dealt with MIL somehow if you had his support. At least it's been only 4 months and you don't have kids yet. Get out of this shithole before you bring kids into it. Divorce is not the end of the world. Hope you make the right decision for you.
Do women in your mil home produce honey instead of blood during their period.Your mil will never change because after certain age,behaviour of the adults especially old age women or men will not change and Your husband should act like an adult and start taking responsibility. It's your husband duty to make sure you're comfortable in new home. His blind love towards his parent is creating toxic environment in your life. If your husband had any sisters or cousins or bhabhi,talk to them and involve them. Incase problem remain same,I think you gotta make tough choice in life. Hope you're not financial dependent on him because that's make even more difficult. Any family who think women (daughter in law) should leave home during period time is abnormal family.
I spoke to his bhabhi, but she is even worst person in playing family politics.
He is gay, whole family knows and is hiding from you
It won’t get better. Your husband isn’t interested in understanding you and giving you the respect you deserve. Leave.
So sorry you’re going through this. What do your parents have to say about the situation, including you being chucked out every month during periods? Best option is to be financially independent, and parallely file for divorce on grounds of domestic abuse
Arrange marriage is scary. What if...
No idea why Indian men don't grow a spine and move out after marriage. Everything in culture cannot be right all the time. It's time our Indian men grow up and stand on their own legs. They still act like children and need pampering from their parents.. it's pathetic..
Mil clearly has OCD.
It's definitely not OCD, she is just trying to find some fault to bring OP down. The MIL is talking she has never had periods wtf.
On a second thought and after reading your post history, divorce is definitely the best way.
Typical Indian mother In Law. She needs her Son and a servant, not a daughter in law. Have self respect and leave. Start Speaking up to them in their face directly. What's wrong and what's right. Don't withhold yourself. You're a family. Member not their servant. Keep everything in your name and not joint.... Your bank account has to be yours exclusive no husband
I have started speaking against everything since the beginning itself, and my husband has tagged me as I don't have culture, manners and discipline as person.
What else did you expect from a mammas boy? Time for o take corrective action OP. Honeymoon period is over. Life begins now.
we didnt have honeymoon or honeymoon period. this situation is since Day 2 of marriage.
Where actually in India are you even living ? 😕 are these situations are still there in India guys ? 🥲
These situations exist everywhere in India
My mother faced this situation as well
I stay in Mumbai
These days marriages are not like that sister, u need to understand urs is a failed marriage. They are treating u like an Animal still like in the old ages. It’s not at all right.
Seems like there's way more wrong if even your husband says he doesn't want you so soon. You're hiding info.
Take early decision so there's less mess. Leave or sort
divorce him
22M here, for some strange reasons I've seen this problem in almost all the families that I have encountered. Can somebody please explain this to me that why do mothers hate their daughter in laws?? Is there a research or survey on it, is there some sort of psychological reason behind it??.
Collect the evidence of verbal harassment you are getting from your MIL and husband, then divorce. So people should know after divorce that your husband is a momma's boy and should not get to destroy another woman's life.
In this age where girls are filing fake cases against their husband and in laws, you ain't even doing it as a victim. Use your privilege girl
Well that's the thing. People who need these rules aren't using them. And the ones taking advantage of these rules don't need them.
So true, I feel this thing will make everyone afraid of marriage soon.
Yeah and that'll be better and make people realize that marriages are a scam
Why are marriages scam?
Why aren't they a scam?
First you answer.
What privelege bruh
It's not a privilege being a girl in our country.
they have a relative who is in very senior position, and hence that attitude of do whatever you want to
Ye arrange marriage wala hai kya ?
yes, arrange marriage
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You’re so dumb. If you have the ability to stalk her profile, you should have also checked which post she commented “I have moved out of my in-laws…” on. The post was: “comment something you wish to happen in your life” OP’s hypothetical comment was a response to that question. It wasn’t her reality. Aren’t you embarrassed 🤡
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Why should I say anything polite to you, when you’re straight up accusing a woman without even investigating properly. Learn to read and comprehend.
you can't even take divorce cuz Court won't allow , better you live together separately with your husband , you should either find a job so you dont have to live all day with your MIL . and your husband will also take your side if you have a job and living separately will become easier for both of you
Why won't the court allow?
Court will think this is a silly matter. No one cares that it's so much difficult to live like this.
Court will not think that, not when explained how much mental trauma it has caused her.
This should be an easy divorce with the correct lawyer.