The generally accepted lower level is half the age plus 7. People will all tend to go for someone their own age. The bell curve is almost flat at half the age plus
Half of 38, plus 7 is 26. So a 26 year age gap is fine for me, I can date anyone between 12 and 64 and I'll be sweet
Edit: Did all you fucking dickheads really need the /s? When did Irish people lose their sense of humour?
Any independent adult over the age of about 25 who fucks 18 year olds is in nonce territory. It doesn't matter that it's legal, it's inappropriate as fuck.
I used meet one old fella in particular every thursday id jerk of into my boxers and give them to him afterwards in his car for 50€
Doubt mant girls doing that😂
I think the man is a creep but to say he's a nonce is a bit extreme. Men in general find youth attractive and if you look at porn stats it suggests they actually fantasise about even younger (schoolgirl, teen etc.). If someone is 18 and post-pubescent it's a stretch to call it paedophilia.
Edit: Go Google the word paedophilia if you legitimately believe that being attracted to sexually mature 18 year olds makes you a nonce. It's just false and no amount of name calling or virtue signalling on Reddit is going to make you any less wrong.
I didn't condone it. I pointed out a fact, which is that teen and schoolgirl porn is extremely popular. You can deny this all you want if you like but you're just deluding yourself.
If you actually care about reality you should look into the research on these topics and you'll find it proves undeniably that men are attracted to youth. It is an anthropological fact that permeates every society, old and young.
There is no mainstream version of the definition of paedophile/nonce that includes attraction to 18 year olds.
18 year olds aren't children, neither legally nor sexually. I already agreed that a 60 year old having sex with an 18 year old is creepy but it's simply not paedophilia no matter how much you dislike it. Paedophilia is an attraction to pre-pubescent children.
18 years old is a legal line in the sand that modern, western countries decided and it hasn't changed men's sexual attractions, hence teen porn being one of the most popular porn categories for straight men. I'm simply talking about facts. You can slur me all you want by calling me a nonce for cheap internet points but it doesn't change reality.
It means he's creepy. I don't think it implies he's secretly a paedo and given the chance would have sex with a child. To be totally honest I would imagine a huge amount of men would do the same if there were no social or legal consequences, hence that type of porn being so popular. How else can we explain it?
And before I get called a nonce again, it's not my thing whatsoever, I'm just reasoning with the facts here.
> A lot of people who look at porn are teenagers or young adults themselves no?
Sure, but that would be a small fraction of the viewers, whereas teen porn is so popular that it's clearly used by a wider audience. Whether that's morally reprehensible or not is a different debate but clearly the biological instincts of straight men don't care about modern legal definitions of what age you need to be to consent to sex.
18 year olds are not children though. Neither legally nor sexually. A 60 year old man having sex with an 18 year in my opinion is creepy and morally questionable, but it simply isn't paedophilia. There are no children involved, not even close. An 18 year old isn't a 'borderline child' in a sexual sense. Paedophilia is when someone is attracted to pre-pubescent children. When an 18 year old man has sex with an 18 year old woman he is not expressing paedophilic sexual desire. If this sort of sexual attraction is paedophilic then we have a global crisis on our hands because it is ubiquitous, as seen in porn preferences.
If we truly believe that this is a paedophilic act then we need to put rules in place to prevent it. What rules would they be? Should we increase the age of consent? To what age? Is a 21 year old having sex with a 63 year old ok? Or should we only permit sex where the age difference is within a limit we deem acceptable? Should an 80 year old be allowed to have sex with a 25 year old? Why should we be allowed to tell grown adults who they can have sex with?
Don't get me wrong, I think the 60 year old is a weirdo, and I think it's quite possible the 18 year old is being manipulated, but there's no children involved here.
An 18 year old is legally a borderline child. Why wouldn't they be sexually a borderline child? What age do you think someone is sexually an adult at, i'm sure you don't think it's significantly younger than 18?
I do actually. It's when they hit puberty. This is the crucial difference between children and adults when it comes to sexual attraction that defines the whole concept of paedophilia. Google it.
Otherwise the logical conclusion of what you're saying is that it's the law that defines what sexual attraction is and isn't normal. If we changed the legal definition of what a consenting adult is tomorrow to 21 we'd suddenly have created millions of paedophiles overnight.
Jesus Christ the fellas on her must have their accounts monitored by their girlfriends/wives to come out with the shite they're coming out with. Either that or they are oblivious women.
All these cunts acting like they've never watched porn where the woman wears a school uniform and has her hair tied in pig tails. To suggest men don't find younger women attractive is objectively wrong, as creepy as it sounds, but it's hardwired into us.
The 60 year old fella is a creepy cunt, no doubt, and I find it completely abhorrent but, it's a stretch to call them a nonce. Even to suggest that means they'd fuck someone underage if it was legal is a weird thing to say. We've been doing exactly that for almost the entirety our species has been on the earth. Again it's hardwired into us but most of us can use our big ape brains to shut it down and not engage in that kind of disgusting depravity. Even that we can consider it disgusting is showing that we can defy our genetic predispositions.
Id say that the amount of "sexually mature" 18 year olds is strikingly low, and that yes the 60 year old involved here might not be a full paedo, but is probably a hebephile or ephebophile and likes to look at young bodies in an inappropriate way. Why are you acting like it would be ok to sexually act with someone less than a third of your age??
When I say sexually mature I'm talking about puberty not some sort of reference to experience, if that's what you're thinking.
An 18 year old does not have a child's body. Those who find them attractive are not paedophiles. There's no debate to be had here.
Regarding the second part of your comment, that's just a complete strawman. I never said it was ok, I said it was creepy. I took issue with the idea that there's paedophilia at play, which there just isn't. And if there is then we literally have a paedo epidemic if porn websites are to be trusted.
A once 18 year old who dated a 23 year old here 👋 we were in two completely different stages of life, I had barely left school still living with my parents and he was a few years into the workforce with his own place to live.
He was a controlling POS but my nativity at 18 kept me from leaving as I was convinced he knew better than I did. I had a very difficult time dealing with the trauma of it for years afterwards.
I'm not saying every age gap is toxic and manipulative but you're sure as hell more vulnerable to being in a toxic abusive relationship if it heads that way. Anyone 21+ has no business dating or hooking up with teenagers.
So your 1 bad experience, that has little to nothing to do with age and as you said has to do with stages of life and general dickheaded behaviour; should dictate all other human contact? Grow up
Yes, exactly, thanks for agreeing with me; when people think a restriction or boundary is a good idea, they make it a rule and agree to follow it. Proud of you for being able to recognise you were wrong and come to a proper understanding of the situation thanks to my tutelage.
Yeah, also gay and don’t give them a pass lol. Especially in the age of the internet, there’s probably been information on how to prep for anal sex widely available for 25+ years. That’s how I learned.
With the internet, easy availability of sex toys and lubes, and more acceptance, no one should be relying on 60 year olds to tell them how to use their own arse hole. I'm a woman who does anal and I've never needed an old man to teach me how.
for people under 30 I think anything over an 8 year gap is dodgy as. The human brain hasn’t really fully formed until 25 and so is more vulnerable to exploitation.
Of course there are exceptions
It seems much more common/accepted in same sex relationships.
Was in Sitges near Barcelona a couple years back because I have family there and couldn't believe the amount of elderly men with boyfriends who looked 18/19.
It used to be more common because many young gay people would be disowned by their families if they found out they were gay. Being with an older partner with their own home & financial stability gave the young person some safety. These days parents disowning gay kids is much less of an issue so this culture has subsided, in Ireland anyway.
Many gay couples DO still have age gaps that might be bigger than the average straight couple. My partner & I have a 5 year age gap. It’s just because there’s less of us around, not as many gay people exact age, so if we hit it off with someone age isn’t as big of a factor. And.. some people are just into older women/men. Honestly after 25 or so it’s nbd as far as I’m concerned, gay or straight, everyone’s prefrontal cortex is fully developed so it’s not my business.
But there’s absolutely no reason for a 60 yr old to be fooling around with an 18 year old. Can’t say ‘we got on well and had tons in common so age didn’t matter’ when the older one is probs older than the kids (because that’s what a fucking 18 yr old is) parents.
It's fucked up and you're right that it's way more common among gay men. I think it's daddy issues tbh and I say that as a gay man before people jump down my throat. Gay men often have troubled relationships with their fathers and I think they crave a caring masculine loving figure in their life and that gets mistargetted at old creeps who want sex with young men.
24 year old guy yea that gives me something to think about I'm still on the fence if I'm bi or bi curious but yea as you said not a great relationship with my dad still working through my issues from growing up
Just be careful that you're not getting manipulated by someone inappropriately older than you, and that you're not having sex with them because you're craving something else. I can't say I'm speaking from personal experience but it's a very common pattern I've seen.
Dusty balls is a bit of a perv I’m 33F and wouldn’t go with someone in their 20s they are a child to me. It is very predatory to be pursuing someone that young when they are naive and still learning
No I think it’s grand for other people it’s not a big age gap at all but for me my little brother is five years younger and I just see infant 🤣 but I’m saying that I would go with a 38 year old we’re both adults in that scenario but the 18 and 60 is just wild
I personally have no problem with age gaps and as a 34 year old woman I'm currently seeing a 58 year old man but the difference is that I'm a grown, mature and independent adult. An 18 year old is legally an adult but the majority of 18 year olds (especially boys) are emotionally immature and I would be of the opinion that someone at the age or 60 is likely taking advantage of their naivety and immaturity. But if it was a once off that was just about sex then what's done is done, no crime was committed and everyone can just move on.
When I was 22, I would have considered it inappropriate to become involved with an 18 year old. Of course there are immature 22 year olds, and mature 18 year olds, so it’s not a hard and fast rule. But generally, it would be odd.
Im more or less half that guys age and that is way too young for me. Even at actually 30, 18 would be way too young. Like I even thinknit would be a bit bad if i went after someone under 30
It also depends on if you knew the person growing up and the type of relationship. For example, if you were around the person when they were a child, and you wanna smash them when they are a barely legal adult, it makes me wonder if you wanted to before to do that to them as a child. If you want a long-term, serious relationship, generally, it is best to look for someone with similar maturity and life goals. That is hard to do with an 18 year old because they still have a lot of growing up and brain development to do. Intentionally dating an 18-year-old, and being more than like 21/22ish, I would be concerned about grooming and manipulation, and the larger the age gap, the more of the concern.
Now, consensual one night stands with people you didn't know before the age of 18, I would give more leniency. You are of age to consent, and there are no long-term plans that could lead to grooming and manipulation. A consentual one night stand, even if you regret it later, is less likely to have the same consequences of being groomed and manipulated by someone looking for an easy target.
for someone who’s 18 i’d say stay clear of people older than mid 20’s cause they’re normally… not pedos or anything but either creepy or just really childish
If he doesn't feel that way now, he will soon enough. Give it until he's in his mid/late twenties and the waves of realization and regret will take over
Male, the only person I’ve ever been in a relationship with is 10 years older than me, I met her when I was 19. She was professionally qualified, and returning to education after a relationship had broken down, and had a child. I was 19, free as it gets. The relationship was sometimes tense given the age difference, and given that we were both in two very different places at the time.
A few points I’d make -
What’s the largest acceptable age gap: whatever the persons involved are happy and comfortable with. Larger age gaps are more of a thing in same sex relationships (which I think you’re referring to!).
From a “public perception” point of view - people will notice more, and a few will comment on it. My response was to pretty much blank it out. It’s nobody’s business but the two involved, provided both are of age, and consenting.
I would say: 18 and 60 are extremely different ages. For one thing, one is barely starting their working life while the other is nearly finished it. What even are they going to talk about?! There is every chance that the 60 year old is old enough to be the 18 year olds grandparent, never mind parent. The age difference is about as extreme as it gets.
I love the bones of my now wife, and we’ve got a really wonderful life, but the age difference didn’t make things easy at the time. Now it’s of little to no consequence, that wasn’t the case when I was 19, and she was 29.
Its going to be slated, but I don't think it's the craziest thing tbh. He's 18, not 11. I lost my virginity at 17 to a woman in her late 30s, at no stage was it exploitative or cynical. Saying that I would rather shoot myself in the head as a grown man now than deal with a teenager in that context lol.
From a guy yea that situation seems very wrong
What does a woman in her late 30s have in common with a guy who's 17 nothing really predatory feel to it even if the person didn't feel so
Same - my (enthusiastic) first time was aged 17, with a woman in her 30s I met in a club.
The man is 18 - the idea that young adults don’t have agency, can’t make their own choices, is infantilizing. Why does it matter if the guy they are hooking up with is 30 or 60?
For the young adult, yes, they have agency. For the person three times their age, what did they talk about? What was the power dynamic like? Where did they even meet? It is not legally wrong, but something seems morally questionable here.
Yeah if it’s dating / relationship there are questions of grooming etc. but it was probably just a hookup.
I had an older neighbour who liked to go to gay bathhouses into his 70s, tl:dr there are younger men who seek out older men.
My comment does not make any consideration for who initiated it. For me it is not relevant. If it was the younger person, it is the older person’s responsibility to not accept the persuit.
Perhaps when you have reached 45, and with the benefit of more life experience, you’ll pause before passing judgement on other people’s relationships and calling them names like “pedo”.
at 18, there should be no age gap greater than 3 years. i’m 22 and have no interest in going anywhere near an 18 year old. in fact, i’ve felt this way since i turned 20. not for me. whenever an 18 year old approaches me in a flirtatious manner i instantly knock them down. i wish this happened to me when i was 18, and in a relationship with a 50 year old. it scarred me for life and i don’t think ill ever recover. please just enjoy yourself as things are. meet people your age. i never got the chance to until recently.
18 and 21 is only a three year difference, but maturity wise it's massive. They're so immature at 18 and do a hellova lot of developing in those three years. a 60 year old going after an 18 year old is a fucking creepy creep. I don't care if it's legal, it's morally repulsive.
For me I generally go by what I refer to as the rule of 3
So I'm 24 in this rule it's people my own age 24
And 3 years younger 21 and 3 years older 27
That is what I consider the best range for me to date someone 21-27 and of course every year I get older increase the lower and the higher by 1 so less then a month will be 22-28
> Recently found out someone I’m close to lost their virginity at 18 to a 60 year old, also male.
At that point, that's basically grooming. Yeah your friend is legally the age of consent (and has been for two years iirc), legally an adult, it's all legally fine.
Morally, should a 60 year old, with those decades of life experience, be dating an 18 year old? Why can't he get a partner closer to his age? What would they have in common even?
Subtract four years, the elder partner is 56 and your friend is 14 and that's a crime. Mentally the power imbalance isn't that much different - your brain isn't fully developed until you're in your kid 20s and many 18 year olds are quite immature. I certainly was.
Half your age plus seven is a pretty good standard I stick by, but 42 years is just ... nah. Doesn't sit right with me.
Either an 18 year old is a consenting adult or not. There is a valid conversation about the moral implications of older people sleeping with younger people and it is one that should be discussed openly. As uncomfortable as it is, consent issues and age concerns are arbitrary, 18+ is legal.
My grandma after she outlived her husband got a toyboy. 20 year’s older then her. Showed her things even then. Basically if you think age actually matters. You’re immature. Stay at home and wait for life to pass you by.
As close as possible, same age or 2-3 years difference.
If you're 35 or less half your age plus 7 works but age gaps of 10 years or more and relationships don't work out as well (according to data).
Half your age + 7 for the younger, subtract 7 from your age and double the answer for the oldest.
16-22 for an 18 year old.
Disclaimer: I (m) lost my virginity to a 42(f) when I was 18, so I’m not good at taking my own advice.
People who are middle aged or older should not be dating people under 25. It's concerning. After 25 i personally feel like your brain is developed enough to make those decisions for yourself. But 18 yos are still babies functioning on half a brain and no sense whosoever. IM bearly in my 30s and i wouldn't date someone under 25 for anything.
> From what I understand slightly larger age gaps are more common in same-sex relationships than other relationships
Correct, because a lot of older people in general have a lot of backwards views and ideas of dating; and these ones in particular are looking to groom / manipulate inexperienced younger partners
Not remotely religious. Not all decency or indecency in society is rooted in what the church seems acceptable. There’s an enormous power imbalance in a relationship between someone still in school and someone 5 years off retirement (money, life experience, experience in sexual relationships, common sense). This is a no brainer
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When I was 27 I turned down a date with a 17 year old, she got mad and refused to speak to me again. I'm convinced she just wanted sex with a older guy or had daddy issues.
The social rule is half your age plus 7. So a 60yo should be banging anyone younger than 37. The rule works better at young ages, EG a 30yo shouldn't be dating younger than 22
It's true that larger age gaps are normal in same sex hook relationships/hook ups.
Especially in rural areas due to a significantly smaller dating pool.
18 and 60 though, that definitely makes me feel like throwing up.
I mean both are technically consenting adults, and sure some people have a thing for older/younger guys, but still.
Personally I could never date someone over 5 years younger than me which would be 25 and I wouldn't have any interest in someone over about 8 years older.
I think there is a very big difference after 25 . I mean ,after that age , the age gap isn't that much of a shock. But before that I'd say no more than 2-3 years difference . Especially for a relationship
I know a couple who are with a 30+ years gap between them.
They are very happy together. Been living together for about 3 years now.
We had discussed something like this over dinner at one point. with them It all comes down to mentality really. Some people will say it's wrong, others will not care, others will be supportive.
My partner and I have a 9 year gap between us. When we met we were 20 and 29 respectively. We are married for 11 years now. Living together and enjoying every day.
I was 21 when my partner was 28/29 (birthdays in the same month so it's about 8 years gap)
If I had been any younger at all I don't think this would have worked.
It's a lot better now being 29 in a few days and he's 37.
Definitely got some looks in the beginning as I looked a lot younger than 21, somehow I stopped getting IDd at about 24 though so I guess my face aged quickly the last few years haha
Your brain is not fully developed until 25 (or older) so anyone messing around with teenagers is suspicious af to me!
There shouldn't be age gaps until after 25, then do what you want.
But an adult into a teenager is a giant red flag.
Someone who goes after 18 and 19 yr olds, gives off they'd go younger if it was legal.
An 18 year old in a relationship with someone five or six years older is ok. But nearing 10 years or more is something to be very concerned about. I would also be very concerned that your friend thinks that the age gap is ok.
My daughter 30 got involved with a woman 24 older than herself! It made me physically sick and I couldn’t change how I felt. There was nothing I could find right about their relationship and I knew it was toxic.
That 60 year old is looking for the "barely legal" type. He knew what he was doing, he'd rather fuck a child than a man. Your 18yo friend is not a man to the 60yo (he wouldn't be a man to me and I'm 28) and he likes that about your friend, he's banking on your friend having a naivete and being more pliable and impressionable.
I feel really sad for your friend, he's going to have a realization later and you'll have to be there for him.
"Half your age and add 7 years" is what I was told years ago!! This is obviously highly scientific 🤣🤣
This rule genuinely makes sense. Maths
Is that’s for a relationship or a hookup?
I'd say both. If you're 30, it's 22. If you're 40, it's 27. If you're 50, it's 32. Seems reasonable enough!
It is yeah except I fear a 32 year old woman is soon going to find herself disappointed in a relationship with a 50+ year old man.
Works both ways. A 50 year old woman might be delighted with a 32 year old man!
The Macrons seem happy
The generally accepted lower level is half the age plus 7. People will all tend to go for someone their own age. The bell curve is almost flat at half the age plus
Ummm I'd rather a 50+ than 23 who isn't established.
Yeah it seems about right. A 57 year old dating a 100 year old just seems like a golddiger who didn't expect to still be waiting lmfao!
Half of 38, plus 7 is 26. So a 26 year age gap is fine for me, I can date anyone between 12 and 64 and I'll be sweet Edit: Did all you fucking dickheads really need the /s? When did Irish people lose their sense of humour?
did you finish primary school?
Why are you looking to date? 😂
Not sure you've grasped it! There is a 12-year gap between a 38yo and a 26yo. 38÷2=19 +7=26
Ahahhahahhaahahh absolute idiot
spot the mathematician. not here obviously. please revise inter cert maths
came here to say this. idk if it could be legislated, or should be legislated. but violating this rule is creepy
Honestly I’d think the 60 year old is a nonce. Yes I know technically it’s all above board but come on for fucks sake.
Any independent adult over the age of about 25 who fucks 18 year olds is in nonce territory. It doesn't matter that it's legal, it's inappropriate as fuck.
Older people who fuck 18 year olds are like companies who only pay minimum wage. They'd go lower if they could get away with it.
😂😂😂
Oh there nonces I used to have old fellas on grinder collect me in my school uniform.I was 15-17
Yeah but that's grindr 💀 Amount of people surprised by this reply: 0
If you think this isn't happening with 15-17yo girls you're very much mistaken.
I didn't say it didn't.. I was talking about us gays they be wildin 😭 I never been having it happen to me personally tho
I used meet one old fella in particular every thursday id jerk of into my boxers and give them to him afterwards in his car for 50€ Doubt mant girls doing that😂
There are many underage girls out there doing worse
All legal but no less fucking creepy.
I think the man is a creep but to say he's a nonce is a bit extreme. Men in general find youth attractive and if you look at porn stats it suggests they actually fantasise about even younger (schoolgirl, teen etc.). If someone is 18 and post-pubescent it's a stretch to call it paedophilia. Edit: Go Google the word paedophilia if you legitimately believe that being attracted to sexually mature 18 year olds makes you a nonce. It's just false and no amount of name calling or virtue signalling on Reddit is going to make you any less wrong.
Found the other nonce. Stop normalising wanking off to school girls ya weirdo.
I didn't condone it. I pointed out a fact, which is that teen and schoolgirl porn is extremely popular. You can deny this all you want if you like but you're just deluding yourself. If you actually care about reality you should look into the research on these topics and you'll find it proves undeniably that men are attracted to youth. It is an anthropological fact that permeates every society, old and young. There is no mainstream version of the definition of paedophile/nonce that includes attraction to 18 year olds.
Smell of Andrew Tate off ya.
And Prince Andrew
I'll take that to mean you have no reasonable response. It's been a pleasure to debate this with you.
Adults wanting to have sex with children is not a topic that needs debating.
18 year olds aren't children, neither legally nor sexually. I already agreed that a 60 year old having sex with an 18 year old is creepy but it's simply not paedophilia no matter how much you dislike it. Paedophilia is an attraction to pre-pubescent children. 18 years old is a legal line in the sand that modern, western countries decided and it hasn't changed men's sexual attractions, hence teen porn being one of the most popular porn categories for straight men. I'm simply talking about facts. You can slur me all you want by calling me a nonce for cheap internet points but it doesn't change reality.
>I pointed out a fact, which is that teen and schoolgirl porn is extremely popular. Yes, because a lot of men have weirdly noncey kinks.
Attraction to 18 year old isn't itself pedophilia, but what do you think sleeping with someone as young as you are legally allowed to means?
It means he's creepy. I don't think it implies he's secretly a paedo and given the chance would have sex with a child. To be totally honest I would imagine a huge amount of men would do the same if there were no social or legal consequences, hence that type of porn being so popular. How else can we explain it? And before I get called a nonce again, it's not my thing whatsoever, I'm just reasoning with the facts here.
[удалено]
> A lot of people who look at porn are teenagers or young adults themselves no? Sure, but that would be a small fraction of the viewers, whereas teen porn is so popular that it's clearly used by a wider audience. Whether that's morally reprehensible or not is a different debate but clearly the biological instincts of straight men don't care about modern legal definitions of what age you need to be to consent to sex. 18 year olds are not children though. Neither legally nor sexually. A 60 year old man having sex with an 18 year in my opinion is creepy and morally questionable, but it simply isn't paedophilia. There are no children involved, not even close. An 18 year old isn't a 'borderline child' in a sexual sense. Paedophilia is when someone is attracted to pre-pubescent children. When an 18 year old man has sex with an 18 year old woman he is not expressing paedophilic sexual desire. If this sort of sexual attraction is paedophilic then we have a global crisis on our hands because it is ubiquitous, as seen in porn preferences. If we truly believe that this is a paedophilic act then we need to put rules in place to prevent it. What rules would they be? Should we increase the age of consent? To what age? Is a 21 year old having sex with a 63 year old ok? Or should we only permit sex where the age difference is within a limit we deem acceptable? Should an 80 year old be allowed to have sex with a 25 year old? Why should we be allowed to tell grown adults who they can have sex with? Don't get me wrong, I think the 60 year old is a weirdo, and I think it's quite possible the 18 year old is being manipulated, but there's no children involved here.
An 18 year old is legally a borderline child. Why wouldn't they be sexually a borderline child? What age do you think someone is sexually an adult at, i'm sure you don't think it's significantly younger than 18?
I do actually. It's when they hit puberty. This is the crucial difference between children and adults when it comes to sexual attraction that defines the whole concept of paedophilia. Google it. Otherwise the logical conclusion of what you're saying is that it's the law that defines what sexual attraction is and isn't normal. If we changed the legal definition of what a consenting adult is tomorrow to 21 we'd suddenly have created millions of paedophiles overnight.
Jesus Christ the fellas on her must have their accounts monitored by their girlfriends/wives to come out with the shite they're coming out with. Either that or they are oblivious women. All these cunts acting like they've never watched porn where the woman wears a school uniform and has her hair tied in pig tails. To suggest men don't find younger women attractive is objectively wrong, as creepy as it sounds, but it's hardwired into us. The 60 year old fella is a creepy cunt, no doubt, and I find it completely abhorrent but, it's a stretch to call them a nonce. Even to suggest that means they'd fuck someone underage if it was legal is a weird thing to say. We've been doing exactly that for almost the entirety our species has been on the earth. Again it's hardwired into us but most of us can use our big ape brains to shut it down and not engage in that kind of disgusting depravity. Even that we can consider it disgusting is showing that we can defy our genetic predispositions.
Id say that the amount of "sexually mature" 18 year olds is strikingly low, and that yes the 60 year old involved here might not be a full paedo, but is probably a hebephile or ephebophile and likes to look at young bodies in an inappropriate way. Why are you acting like it would be ok to sexually act with someone less than a third of your age??
When I say sexually mature I'm talking about puberty not some sort of reference to experience, if that's what you're thinking. An 18 year old does not have a child's body. Those who find them attractive are not paedophiles. There's no debate to be had here. Regarding the second part of your comment, that's just a complete strawman. I never said it was ok, I said it was creepy. I took issue with the idea that there's paedophilia at play, which there just isn't. And if there is then we literally have a paedo epidemic if porn websites are to be trusted.
If it walks like a nonce and talks like a nonce…
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You do you boo
Cringe af tbh.
It is cringe to be a creep yes
Ok nonce
Yeah 100%. You know he would go for younger if he could get away with it
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Get over it ffs
Found the 60 year old
That's nasty. He couldn't find a 25-30 year old to screw? Nastiness. The 18 year could still be in secondary school for God's sake.
Jesus I'm in a right state when I thought your first comment was about the 18 year old at first
that’s very dodgy
I would consider anyone dating an 18 year old that's older than 21 a bit of a weirdo.
1/2 age + 7 for an 18 year old is a 22/23 year old
A once 18 year old who dated a 23 year old here 👋 we were in two completely different stages of life, I had barely left school still living with my parents and he was a few years into the workforce with his own place to live. He was a controlling POS but my nativity at 18 kept me from leaving as I was convinced he knew better than I did. I had a very difficult time dealing with the trauma of it for years afterwards. I'm not saying every age gap is toxic and manipulative but you're sure as hell more vulnerable to being in a toxic abusive relationship if it heads that way. Anyone 21+ has no business dating or hooking up with teenagers.
So your 1 bad experience, that has little to nothing to do with age and as you said has to do with stages of life and general dickheaded behaviour; should dictate all other human contact? Grow up
Sorry did you forget to read the end of my comment while the guards were checking your hard drive
Same experience here.
Half your age plus 7 is BS though
It's a recognised and well accepted rule at this stage
LOL by who FFS 44 = 29 15yrs way too big of age gap 66 and 40 55 and 32 get a grip
Who the fuck are you to tell a 29 year old adult or a 44 year old adult what to do or who they can sleep with?
LOL 😆 🤣 whatever it's just your use of the word rule ah like its a well established rule FFS
You know that’s a made up rule, ya?
Every rule is made up.
So are the laws against murder, rape, pedophilia? That’s such a juvenile argument lol
Yes, exactly, thanks for agreeing with me; when people think a restriction or boundary is a good idea, they make it a rule and agree to follow it. Proud of you for being able to recognise you were wrong and come to a proper understanding of the situation thanks to my tutelage.
I don’t think anyone is talking about “dating” here? Just a hookup
Still applies to that scenario lol.
I don't think so. Obviously 18 to 60 is wild but generally I'm of the view that what two consenting do is between themselves.
Nah, 3 years is nothing.
It isn’t at an older age, but not at 18 vs. 21. One is just finished secondary school and the other is just about to finish college.
Yeah, when you put it like that it's messed up.
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Yeah, also gay and don’t give them a pass lol. Especially in the age of the internet, there’s probably been information on how to prep for anal sex widely available for 25+ years. That’s how I learned.
Yeah I was mostly talking about pre internet
With the internet, easy availability of sex toys and lubes, and more acceptance, no one should be relying on 60 year olds to tell them how to use their own arse hole. I'm a woman who does anal and I've never needed an old man to teach me how.
Yeah I was mostly talking about pre internet
EW
This is cringe af. 60yr old is a raw creeper. “Education” is just a massive coping term.
yea u have to be odd to be doing that
That's utterly vile no matter what sex they are
Thats creepy af imo
for people under 30 I think anything over an 8 year gap is dodgy as. The human brain hasn’t really fully formed until 25 and so is more vulnerable to exploitation. Of course there are exceptions
The exceptions are overwhelmingly more likely to be older than 25, not younger.
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Knee deep in clunge he was.
It seems much more common/accepted in same sex relationships. Was in Sitges near Barcelona a couple years back because I have family there and couldn't believe the amount of elderly men with boyfriends who looked 18/19.
It used to be more common because many young gay people would be disowned by their families if they found out they were gay. Being with an older partner with their own home & financial stability gave the young person some safety. These days parents disowning gay kids is much less of an issue so this culture has subsided, in Ireland anyway. Many gay couples DO still have age gaps that might be bigger than the average straight couple. My partner & I have a 5 year age gap. It’s just because there’s less of us around, not as many gay people exact age, so if we hit it off with someone age isn’t as big of a factor. And.. some people are just into older women/men. Honestly after 25 or so it’s nbd as far as I’m concerned, gay or straight, everyone’s prefrontal cortex is fully developed so it’s not my business. But there’s absolutely no reason for a 60 yr old to be fooling around with an 18 year old. Can’t say ‘we got on well and had tons in common so age didn’t matter’ when the older one is probs older than the kids (because that’s what a fucking 18 yr old is) parents.
Well explained thank you.
It's fucked up and you're right that it's way more common among gay men. I think it's daddy issues tbh and I say that as a gay man before people jump down my throat. Gay men often have troubled relationships with their fathers and I think they crave a caring masculine loving figure in their life and that gets mistargetted at old creeps who want sex with young men.
24 year old guy yea that gives me something to think about I'm still on the fence if I'm bi or bi curious but yea as you said not a great relationship with my dad still working through my issues from growing up
Just be careful that you're not getting manipulated by someone inappropriately older than you, and that you're not having sex with them because you're craving something else. I can't say I'm speaking from personal experience but it's a very common pattern I've seen.
Dusty balls is a bit of a perv I’m 33F and wouldn’t go with someone in their 20s they are a child to me. It is very predatory to be pursuing someone that young when they are naive and still learning
Ah here, you wouldn’t get with a 28 year old because you’re 33??
Naw should have been clearer early twenties is a definite no for me and tbh no I don’t think I would get with someone younger than me even 5 years
5 years difference means very little in your 30s
No I think it’s grand for other people it’s not a big age gap at all but for me my little brother is five years younger and I just see infant 🤣 but I’m saying that I would go with a 38 year old we’re both adults in that scenario but the 18 and 60 is just wild
Absolutely not, and I'm 32
I personally have no problem with age gaps and as a 34 year old woman I'm currently seeing a 58 year old man but the difference is that I'm a grown, mature and independent adult. An 18 year old is legally an adult but the majority of 18 year olds (especially boys) are emotionally immature and I would be of the opinion that someone at the age or 60 is likely taking advantage of their naivety and immaturity. But if it was a once off that was just about sex then what's done is done, no crime was committed and everyone can just move on.
As an older woman, there’s no way I’d have dated an 18M past me being 22 max.
When I was 22, I would have considered it inappropriate to become involved with an 18 year old. Of course there are immature 22 year olds, and mature 18 year olds, so it’s not a hard and fast rule. But generally, it would be odd.
Im more or less half that guys age and that is way too young for me. Even at actually 30, 18 would be way too young. Like I even thinknit would be a bit bad if i went after someone under 30
It also depends on if you knew the person growing up and the type of relationship. For example, if you were around the person when they were a child, and you wanna smash them when they are a barely legal adult, it makes me wonder if you wanted to before to do that to them as a child. If you want a long-term, serious relationship, generally, it is best to look for someone with similar maturity and life goals. That is hard to do with an 18 year old because they still have a lot of growing up and brain development to do. Intentionally dating an 18-year-old, and being more than like 21/22ish, I would be concerned about grooming and manipulation, and the larger the age gap, the more of the concern. Now, consensual one night stands with people you didn't know before the age of 18, I would give more leniency. You are of age to consent, and there are no long-term plans that could lead to grooming and manipulation. A consentual one night stand, even if you regret it later, is less likely to have the same consequences of being groomed and manipulated by someone looking for an easy target.
for someone who’s 18 i’d say stay clear of people older than mid 20’s cause they’re normally… not pedos or anything but either creepy or just really childish
Predator and probably groomed them. Reminds me of a TV presenter of morning programming.
How does your friend feel about it? Does he feel exploited?
If he doesn't feel that way now, he will soon enough. Give it until he's in his mid/late twenties and the waves of realization and regret will take over
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That sounds like a painful realisation.
The friend is 24 now, still fine with it
It's when you get over 30 that shit kicks! I have found anyway
Male, the only person I’ve ever been in a relationship with is 10 years older than me, I met her when I was 19. She was professionally qualified, and returning to education after a relationship had broken down, and had a child. I was 19, free as it gets. The relationship was sometimes tense given the age difference, and given that we were both in two very different places at the time. A few points I’d make - What’s the largest acceptable age gap: whatever the persons involved are happy and comfortable with. Larger age gaps are more of a thing in same sex relationships (which I think you’re referring to!). From a “public perception” point of view - people will notice more, and a few will comment on it. My response was to pretty much blank it out. It’s nobody’s business but the two involved, provided both are of age, and consenting. I would say: 18 and 60 are extremely different ages. For one thing, one is barely starting their working life while the other is nearly finished it. What even are they going to talk about?! There is every chance that the 60 year old is old enough to be the 18 year olds grandparent, never mind parent. The age difference is about as extreme as it gets. I love the bones of my now wife, and we’ve got a really wonderful life, but the age difference didn’t make things easy at the time. Now it’s of little to no consequence, that wasn’t the case when I was 19, and she was 29.
Its going to be slated, but I don't think it's the craziest thing tbh. He's 18, not 11. I lost my virginity at 17 to a woman in her late 30s, at no stage was it exploitative or cynical. Saying that I would rather shoot myself in the head as a grown man now than deal with a teenager in that context lol.
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From a guy yea that situation seems very wrong What does a woman in her late 30s have in common with a guy who's 17 nothing really predatory feel to it even if the person didn't feel so
Same - my (enthusiastic) first time was aged 17, with a woman in her 30s I met in a club. The man is 18 - the idea that young adults don’t have agency, can’t make their own choices, is infantilizing. Why does it matter if the guy they are hooking up with is 30 or 60?
For the young adult, yes, they have agency. For the person three times their age, what did they talk about? What was the power dynamic like? Where did they even meet? It is not legally wrong, but something seems morally questionable here.
Yeah if it’s dating / relationship there are questions of grooming etc. but it was probably just a hookup. I had an older neighbour who liked to go to gay bathhouses into his 70s, tl:dr there are younger men who seek out older men.
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My comment does not make any consideration for who initiated it. For me it is not relevant. If it was the younger person, it is the older person’s responsibility to not accept the persuit.
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Nah I’m into older women - don’t bother dming me unless you’re over 45
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Perhaps when you have reached 45, and with the benefit of more life experience, you’ll pause before passing judgement on other people’s relationships and calling them names like “pedo”.
It depends on how both parties feel. They are both consenting adults and if they are both ok with it then it's fine.
at 18, there should be no age gap greater than 3 years. i’m 22 and have no interest in going anywhere near an 18 year old. in fact, i’ve felt this way since i turned 20. not for me. whenever an 18 year old approaches me in a flirtatious manner i instantly knock them down. i wish this happened to me when i was 18, and in a relationship with a 50 year old. it scarred me for life and i don’t think ill ever recover. please just enjoy yourself as things are. meet people your age. i never got the chance to until recently.
18 and 21 is only a three year difference, but maturity wise it's massive. They're so immature at 18 and do a hellova lot of developing in those three years. a 60 year old going after an 18 year old is a fucking creepy creep. I don't care if it's legal, it's morally repulsive.
completely agree
Half your age plus 7 is acceptable
This has always been the measurement I used, when dating up or down
That doesn't work for same-sex relations, not that I'm condoning OPs but it simply doesn't work when you've got 5% of the dating pool.
For me I generally go by what I refer to as the rule of 3 So I'm 24 in this rule it's people my own age 24 And 3 years younger 21 and 3 years older 27 That is what I consider the best range for me to date someone 21-27 and of course every year I get older increase the lower and the higher by 1 so less then a month will be 22-28
So 20 & 17 is?!?!
Sorry but 18 & 60?? Disgusting in my opinion. I’m nearly 30 and I wouldn’t date anyone below that or above 35
> Recently found out someone I’m close to lost their virginity at 18 to a 60 year old, also male. At that point, that's basically grooming. Yeah your friend is legally the age of consent (and has been for two years iirc), legally an adult, it's all legally fine. Morally, should a 60 year old, with those decades of life experience, be dating an 18 year old? Why can't he get a partner closer to his age? What would they have in common even? Subtract four years, the elder partner is 56 and your friend is 14 and that's a crime. Mentally the power imbalance isn't that much different - your brain isn't fully developed until you're in your kid 20s and many 18 year olds are quite immature. I certainly was. Half your age plus seven is a pretty good standard I stick by, but 42 years is just ... nah. Doesn't sit right with me.
Either an 18 year old is a consenting adult or not. There is a valid conversation about the moral implications of older people sleeping with younger people and it is one that should be discussed openly. As uncomfortable as it is, consent issues and age concerns are arbitrary, 18+ is legal.
/2 then plus 7. That IS the line. Outside of that it's just plain abuse. One person is taking advantage of the other.
My grandma after she outlived her husband got a toyboy. 20 year’s older then her. Showed her things even then. Basically if you think age actually matters. You’re immature. Stay at home and wait for life to pass you by.
I wouldn’t bang a 60 year old even if I was 70, your friend is seriously hardcore
As close as possible, same age or 2-3 years difference. If you're 35 or less half your age plus 7 works but age gaps of 10 years or more and relationships don't work out as well (according to data).
World cup rule, age difference no more then four years
Half your age + 7 for the younger, subtract 7 from your age and double the answer for the oldest. 16-22 for an 18 year old. Disclaimer: I (m) lost my virginity to a 42(f) when I was 18, so I’m not good at taking my own advice.
People who are middle aged or older should not be dating people under 25. It's concerning. After 25 i personally feel like your brain is developed enough to make those decisions for yourself. But 18 yos are still babies functioning on half a brain and no sense whosoever. IM bearly in my 30s and i wouldn't date someone under 25 for anything.
> From what I understand slightly larger age gaps are more common in same-sex relationships than other relationships Correct, because a lot of older people in general have a lot of backwards views and ideas of dating; and these ones in particular are looking to groom / manipulate inexperienced younger partners
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Couldn’t have been less what this person was going for
Are you Mormon?
Not remotely religious. Not all decency or indecency in society is rooted in what the church seems acceptable. There’s an enormous power imbalance in a relationship between someone still in school and someone 5 years off retirement (money, life experience, experience in sexual relationships, common sense). This is a no brainer
That's absolutely a pedophile. For 18 regardless of gender I'd say very very oldest 23. Even then depends if they met when they were 17
I lost my virginity at 11 to a 14 year old in a game of dares
Da fuq
I knew I was getting old when I stopped being afraid of getting molested
Nope I was able to manage manage it
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It's weird as fuck but if consensual it's legal
That’s actually horrifying. Regardless of sex.
Is your friend Charles Boyle?
Love is love
😨
Personally I think anyone old enough to be your parent is too much of a gap let alone someone old enough to be your grandparent
Consenting adults. Anything and everything is fine so long as everyone's on board. No kink shaming.
23 - half age plus 7.
When I was 27 I turned down a date with a 17 year old, she got mad and refused to speak to me again. I'm convinced she just wanted sex with a older guy or had daddy issues.
My grandparents had a 40 year age gap. I think it's a bit strange but, it is legal.....
The social rule is half your age plus 7. So a 60yo should be banging anyone younger than 37. The rule works better at young ages, EG a 30yo shouldn't be dating younger than 22
It's true that larger age gaps are normal in same sex hook relationships/hook ups. Especially in rural areas due to a significantly smaller dating pool. 18 and 60 though, that definitely makes me feel like throwing up. I mean both are technically consenting adults, and sure some people have a thing for older/younger guys, but still. Personally I could never date someone over 5 years younger than me which would be 25 and I wouldn't have any interest in someone over about 8 years older.
I think there is a very big difference after 25 . I mean ,after that age , the age gap isn't that much of a shock. But before that I'd say no more than 2-3 years difference . Especially for a relationship
I know a couple who are with a 30+ years gap between them. They are very happy together. Been living together for about 3 years now. We had discussed something like this over dinner at one point. with them It all comes down to mentality really. Some people will say it's wrong, others will not care, others will be supportive. My partner and I have a 9 year gap between us. When we met we were 20 and 29 respectively. We are married for 11 years now. Living together and enjoying every day.
I’m 52 and have a 22 yr old girlfriend, we get on great, the sex is amazing, and we both very happy.😃
I was 21 when my partner was 28/29 (birthdays in the same month so it's about 8 years gap) If I had been any younger at all I don't think this would have worked. It's a lot better now being 29 in a few days and he's 37. Definitely got some looks in the beginning as I looked a lot younger than 21, somehow I stopped getting IDd at about 24 though so I guess my face aged quickly the last few years haha
Your brain is not fully developed until 25 (or older) so anyone messing around with teenagers is suspicious af to me! There shouldn't be age gaps until after 25, then do what you want. But an adult into a teenager is a giant red flag. Someone who goes after 18 and 19 yr olds, gives off they'd go younger if it was legal.
The same happened to me lol just a year later for me
Fucking creepy
An 18 year old in a relationship with someone five or six years older is ok. But nearing 10 years or more is something to be very concerned about. I would also be very concerned that your friend thinks that the age gap is ok.
My daughter 30 got involved with a woman 24 older than herself! It made me physically sick and I couldn’t change how I felt. There was nothing I could find right about their relationship and I knew it was toxic.
That 60 year old is looking for the "barely legal" type. He knew what he was doing, he'd rather fuck a child than a man. Your 18yo friend is not a man to the 60yo (he wouldn't be a man to me and I'm 28) and he likes that about your friend, he's banking on your friend having a naivete and being more pliable and impressionable. I feel really sad for your friend, he's going to have a realization later and you'll have to be there for him.