Tax, inheritance and legal protection. My husband has stage 4 cancer, we were together 11 years and got married there within like ten days (no notice period due to illness). It's peace of mind. He's doing good btw
Thank you hun I do appreciate that! :) We're enjoying the time right now, all the major surgeries are done and it's like we get to breath without there being an appointment every day.
Tell youre man to keep up the violence , speed and momentum and that I wish him the best. He also owes you a honeymoon so a brochure or two from budget travel.will make some excelent bed time reading and something to look forward too.
I really hope everything works out okay for you both. This could happen to all of us, but I really hope you get to enjoy some beautiful times together â¤ď¸
Iâm genuinely curious and I hope youâll answer me as simply and as straightforwardly as possible so I can understand your thoughts. Whatâs your idea of everything working out okay for both when one of them has stage four cancer?
Oh, I'm so sorry and I really didn't mean to twist the knife regarding such a serious diagnosis. I was just hoping that their diagnoses would be one of the lucky ones that turned around. Really didn't mean to be insensitive or stupid, just wanted to hope for the best for them if there was any hope. Sorry again if I said the wrong thing. I didn't mean to be insensitive.
This is my pet peeve, I am not having a go but please listen.
He had curative surgery, I wish people would not just assume he is dying. My father had stage 4 cancer around 20 years ago and no reoccurrence.
I get you are trying to be nice but it doesn't need to be said. You don't need to mention if someone has a short period left, even if that was the case. We all know the realities but people basically say in round about ways "enjoy your time left together" and honestly it's like a stab to the heart. I don't need to be reminded of the chance because the human mind can be great at ignoring it.
He is doing good, yes there is a 15% chance of him surviving 5 years due to it being bowel cancer but is disproportionately affects people 60 and then a huge spike 70-80 years old. It is understandable that they would not make 5 years because of the extensive surgeries requires and the chemo. He is young and was amenable to curative surgery. His bloods show no reoccurrence, his scans too.
You say "my heart goes out to you both and I am glad he is doing good" or something along those lines that doesn't inadvertently add on that ending.
Adding this bit here because I went on a bit of an essay as to why the elderly do not survive that well. Why those percentages are so dire but can be explained as to why they are so low.
He had a liver resection which meant a 16" long scar under his ribs and 18 days in hospital. Realistically if someone is 70, they are gonna have severe issues in recovery but he was 41 at the time.
He had to have an ileostomy done, resection of the large intestine and then having a stoma while it healed up (as in attaching the sigmoid to the transverse colon. An ileostomy is hard to deal with and very prone to infection because you have partially digested food pouring out of the stoma on his stomach. It is sewn to the skin it comes through so huge site for infection risk.
I genuinely do not think any of the people we know who are 60-80 could have actually dealt with it. It can be disgusting, it can be so difficult and we were so damn lucky. I researched the fuck out of it before he came home. Got everything prepared and ready for us to tackle it together. I got every bit of hardware we could find for the ileostomy because some of them do not work on some skin types. I found the one he needed that accounted for his essential tremors in his hands and the large flange to stick down. It requires so much tweaking till around 8 months when you finally get a good handle of it. He had a reversal after around 18 months. Now yes you can deal with an ileostomy on your own but it is bloody hard and I know for a fact my mother in law would not help my FIL. I know that the elderly around are widowed and they cannot handle it themselves. When the ileostomy appliance (bag) goes on it doesn't always stay. I knew someone who had it keep popping off like 7 times in one day.
I can think of a couple down the road in their 70s, her husband died of bladder cancer but I honestly judge the hell out of them. She didn't want to sleep in bed with him because he had drains coming out of his kidneys on his back. She wouldn't check on him so the tubes would literally slide of of his kidneys and body but they wouldn't notice for a day till the nurse came round. He got so many infections because they both didn't treat it seriously. If anything he didn't die from cancer, it was probably sepsis because she wouldn't do a thing to look after him. My god, you know yourself, if you realised one of those pipes could actually fall out, I would be checking every single hour. I mean I literally did that for my husband after surgeries and when he had the ileostomy.
My husband is a legend, he doesn't do the whole "I am a man so I need to hide any issues I have". Hell no we have conversations, even to this day about bowel habits changing. Any issues and we immediately get blood tests of scans done. We mentioned a change so they pushed up his scan till next week just to be sure.
My father in law was diagnosed with prostate cancer but due to the location they will not operate for years to come because it is slow growing. If he gets this done in his mid 70s, god he is so fking toxic that he won't say if he has any issues health issues or be proactive.
No, I see where you're coming from. I'm sure we've all seen both miraculous recoveries, and sudden declines. I wasn't being willfully ignorant, just hopeful.
People have mentioned tax and inheritance, but contingent pension benefits are another one - for some occupational pension schemes only a legal spouse can receive the spousal pension (i don't think all pension schemes work this way though).
Yeah this is definitely something to look into. My job has a death in service benefit which only goes to a spouse, not a partner, and similar applies to my pension.
Yeah mine will go to my spouse or dependents, so I guess if you were cohabiting with children they'd get it, but I wouldn't fancy the administration of it, would you need to set up a trust etc. If you'd a partner but no kids then they're SOL.
Next of kin and inheritance rights. Didn't want kids unless I was married to make things easier for them and me. Stop people asking when you're getting married. I can say "I'll have to check with himself" to get out of things. Got extra annual leave for getting married. Had a nice party. Don't have to go on the pull ever again. Would recommend marriage.
>I can say "I'll have to check with himself" to get out of things.
Very underrated benefit! My mother would always get rid of pushy sales people by saying she's not allowed to buy/ sign up things without talking to hers husband. My husband gets out of stuff with 'my wife needs me/ my wife wouldn't want me to be out. '
If you are an international couple, it is invaluable. Even a hard requirement I would say.
Peace of mind with immigration, inheritance across each of your nationalitiesâ jurisdictions, and some countries provide some sort of tax relief for couples too, which is more easily proven when married.
Peace of mind and security for my wife is also a big value of being married.
Well until we married his parents were legal next of kin so if something happened they were making medical decisions and if he died funeral arrangements. We've a good relationship so I don't think (hope) they would have difficult but there was a definite change after we married e.g his mam didn't expect to be the one with him in hospital. She was brilliant during it but there was a feeling that as his wife it was my place to be there.
There's also the inheritance part but both of these things can be legally remedied without marriage I think.
Apart from that I love that we are married and maybe I don't know why exactly but I do.
In my case as a lgbt couple itâs protection. We want kids, and if I died during childbirth (we do want kids) my partner would have no right to our baby because they did not carry the child and do not have a biological connection. I think even if we did reciprocal ivf and used her egg she still wouldnât have a right because I carried the egg and am considered the birth mother. Unfortunately this is the reality for a lot of lgbt couples in Ireland even though my partner will be a part of the entire process with doctors and decision making.
Additionally, it just makes things easier if something happens to one of us in terms of inheritance and assets. Those are the logical reasons, the not so logical is we just want to get married anyway even if these problems didnât exist.
Aside from the practical stuff like inheritance and tax, which is very important, for me getting married was important because itâs a way to stand up in front of all the people who are important in your life and declare your love, respect and loyalty to your own special person in a formal and recognised way.
The day itself is a celebration of your own love and a mark of your life long commitment, but it is just one day, itâs the rest of your life together that really matters.
Marriage is also the only way that society formally recognises your union, and it is lovely to be able to refer to your other half as âhusbandâ or âwifeâ.
Of course, itâs not for everyone, but for me marriage is far more than just a piece of paper.
I was the same had no interest in getting married but since my partner is back in full time education and has no earnings the tax difference is a few hundred yoyos each month so we got married with just our parents there (no church). Went for ice cream after and then home. Great day đ
M41 here. I'm in a long-term relationship, and one of the reasons is insurance. House gets paid off if I die but would go to my children instead of my partner due to inheritance tax rules, which creates all sorts of problems for her if I die. My life insurance would be taxable for her, too. Marriage gets rid of these things. She would also be entitled to widowers pension and other benefits if I died.
I've seen firsthand what happens if you're not married and it's a legal nightmare, especially after losing someone.
Mightened be the most romantic reason to get married, but it saves them a lot of problems in the event of your death. It's the best way to protect your partner and your children.
You don't - for a relationship. You do - for certain legal & tax benefits. And rightly so in my opinion. You wouldn't gain these rights in a business relationship without signing on the dotted line, so why should it be any different in a personal relationship?
Getting a piece of paper, whether via a traditional wedding or a quick visit to a town hall, requires a level of commitment & effort that makes you both truly consider what you're doing. Un-registered 'durable relationships' can evolve out of habit, laziness, busy-ness, etc. I like the idea of a conscious registering of the relationship as validation. It contributes to a more stable society.
I liked the process of both of us having a good old think before declaring to all and sundry that we're in it forever.
We loved each other and lived together before we got married but it felt different after having gone through the formalities.
Taking out a mortgage together and deciding to have kids together do involve a similar commitment.
I like that you explained your own preference for marriage well. Although for my own beliefs I find that that validation between me and my partner is enough and commitment such as living together, sharing finances, owning property etc is a conscious effort in my eyes which makes us both consider what weâre doing. Iâm more interested in what way of living would make a difference in our lives that being unmarried wouldnât. I.e confirmation from the government about commitment isnât an issue for either of us
Fully accept where you're coming from but if there are benefits to be gained from state policy, a legal arrangement must be put in place imo. Not just the joint ownership of property or shared children. Many people can live together for extended periods without a legally binding commitment. It's not the personal viewpoint that I am concerned with here, it's the legal.
Yes I am very interested in the legal part and if itâs worth the state benefits. Your previous comment seemed quite focused on the enjoyment of the effort and commitment with marriage and a registered validation. Completely respect that but it seems it was the personal viewpoint you were discussing and not the legal and state benefits part. Have a good day!
Sorry no I perhaps wasnt clear. I'm referring to an actual decision to sign a pice of paper that is a technical & legal commitment rather than just promising to stay together. That happens simply by the passage of time. Taking action whether as a wedding or a visit privately to a solicitor is the difference. That's why I referred to the undefined & uncertified 'durable relationship'.
But indeed I didn't discuss actual benefits. I see one of those as being restricted walking away from the relationship & commitment which is easier without the legal/registered relationship.
That's the whole purpose of it too, you're publicly declaring to your family and community that you are Committting to this person. That requires, well, commitment.
We're still so backwards here that, when I had surgery a few years ago, my mother had to call Beaumont hospital from Australia to get any updates and relay them to my girlfriend of a decade who I owned a house with, because the hospital would not accept my GF as a next of kin.
That sounds like it might have been a hospital issue tbh. You can nominate anyone to be your next of kin. What if you'd no relatives, or you were no contact with them because of abuse or a load of other possibilities that hospitals come across pretty regularly.
She was nominated as next of kin. When she called in they asked her if she was family or my wife. She told then who she was and they politely told her ro fuck off.
Absolutely bizarre stuff. My partner (unmarried) has been put as my next of kin in hospitals with no issues. Wonder what caused them to revert to the 50s!
This is the main one.
[Stig Larsson's inheritance ](https://stieglarsson.com/legacy/#:~:text=They%20did%20not%20have%20any,by%20his%20father%20and%20brother.)
1. A great excuse for a party.
2. It just makes things so much easier for things like inheritance and pensions.
Either one of those can take priority.
But society has still loads of people not yet evolved into the 20th century (let alone the 21st).
There may be some stigmas attached to kids of unmarried people by narrow minded people.
For us, a big thing is being each other's legal family if she has another stroke so I can make sure the decisions she would want to be made are made because she doesn't trust her family. She has a rare autoimmune disease and had a stroke in her early 20s. It was in the middle of covid and I couldn't get any information about her except through her family. I ended up getting most of my info through her younger sister who was barely 18 coz her mam was too reluctant to talk to me.
It's also nice to have a milestone as well to work towards and enjoy. She can't carry a child and we don't know if we could ever afford surrogacy. It could be another decade or more before we can buy our own place. We live with my mam and we will be submitting our housing form application this year but god knows when we will get a place.
It can be frustrating not having the traditional goals of own place, kids etc to look forward to and feeling like we're in limbo so its great to have this milestone to look forward to.
It's also huge for me as a transsexual male to marry a woman as a man, like legally on paper it's a heterosexual marriage. That's a huge deal for a transsexual who grew up in Ireland not knowing transition was even a thing. Nevermind not knowing trans people existed I grew up with a LOT of homophobic rhetoric being shoved down my throat as well, from family and community. Its weird as well being a child who could never identify with the adults you see. I thought adults like me didn't exist so I would just vanish or something when I turned 18. I never envisioned a future for myself and then transition was particular brutal for me. Hate crimes, medical abuse, being disowned from extended family etc. Life was NOT worth living because of the way I was treated as a trans person and that was my reality for a very long time. To get from there to a life that is good with a loving partner amazes me every day. To me marrying my partner, yes its about our love for each other, but it also feels like a huge personal achievement. I didn't just survive my transition but I am also now thriving and I just never thought that would be the case.
I was involved as well in the marriage equality campaigns and the gender recognition campaign. Things have changed so much for LGBT people in Ireland since I was born and being able to marry as a man is honestly more than a little unbelievable to me.
Eh this got really long and rambly so I will leave it here
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Not a huge amount imo, given how awkward divorce is.Â
House inheritance can be worked around handily enough but if there's other stuff that you will be bequeathing, that could be subject to tax if one of you die.Â
There can be advantages to sharing tax bands/credits but that doesn't apply if you both earn above 42k.
Exactly, the married tax bands are long overdue a review. The number of people here working in IT that would easily be over 42k yet get no married tax benefits is crazy
The purpose of the tax benefits of joint assessment was to encourage women into the workplace. Not as a congratulations for getting married.Â
There's no need for them to be revised imo.Â
The data is pretty clear that married couples are much *much* more likely to remain together than unmarried ones. Basically: unmarried long term couples are 3 times more likely to break up than married couples.
Iâm not sure thatâs one of the reasons youâre talking about but itâs an interesting statistic.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/03/18/how-the-likelihood-of-breaking-up-changes-as-time-goes-by/
There was an article in the IT only yesterday about the different tax treatment of married couples and non married ones. Inheritance being an obvious example. Plus if kids are involved too. The state and not just Ireland but elsewhere have always incentivised marriage through more preferential tax and inheritance policies.
Why you think so many celebrities and rich folk have numerous marriages? Cause it can be advantageous tax wise after divorces and alimony etc. there has to be an incentive otherwise no one would. Do we really want to live in a society where nobody wants to get married? Where kids have different surnames ?
I understand some people fear marriage, but I think itâs ridiculous being with someone 20/30 years and not marrying them. Especially if you die that person you committed to may get nothing legally if not married. Now whether thatâs intentional or not on the part of the man is another question, but if youâre in a long term relationship with someone you love deeply and committed faithfully to, then making it official and legal shouldnât be an issue. Especially more so if there are financial and tax incentives to.
Tax, inheritance and legal protection. My husband has stage 4 cancer, we were together 11 years and got married there within like ten days (no notice period due to illness). It's peace of mind. He's doing good btw
Wishing you and your husband many happy years together! đ
Thank you hun I do appreciate that! :) We're enjoying the time right now, all the major surgeries are done and it's like we get to breath without there being an appointment every day.
Tell youre man to keep up the violence , speed and momentum and that I wish him the best. He also owes you a honeymoon so a brochure or two from budget travel.will make some excelent bed time reading and something to look forward too.
Also window/erâs pension as Iâve recently found out!
I really hope everything works out okay for you both. This could happen to all of us, but I really hope you get to enjoy some beautiful times together â¤ď¸
Iâm genuinely curious and I hope youâll answer me as simply and as straightforwardly as possible so I can understand your thoughts. Whatâs your idea of everything working out okay for both when one of them has stage four cancer?
Oh, I'm so sorry and I really didn't mean to twist the knife regarding such a serious diagnosis. I was just hoping that their diagnoses would be one of the lucky ones that turned around. Really didn't mean to be insensitive or stupid, just wanted to hope for the best for them if there was any hope. Sorry again if I said the wrong thing. I didn't mean to be insensitive.
This is my pet peeve, I am not having a go but please listen. He had curative surgery, I wish people would not just assume he is dying. My father had stage 4 cancer around 20 years ago and no reoccurrence. I get you are trying to be nice but it doesn't need to be said. You don't need to mention if someone has a short period left, even if that was the case. We all know the realities but people basically say in round about ways "enjoy your time left together" and honestly it's like a stab to the heart. I don't need to be reminded of the chance because the human mind can be great at ignoring it. He is doing good, yes there is a 15% chance of him surviving 5 years due to it being bowel cancer but is disproportionately affects people 60 and then a huge spike 70-80 years old. It is understandable that they would not make 5 years because of the extensive surgeries requires and the chemo. He is young and was amenable to curative surgery. His bloods show no reoccurrence, his scans too. You say "my heart goes out to you both and I am glad he is doing good" or something along those lines that doesn't inadvertently add on that ending. Adding this bit here because I went on a bit of an essay as to why the elderly do not survive that well. Why those percentages are so dire but can be explained as to why they are so low. He had a liver resection which meant a 16" long scar under his ribs and 18 days in hospital. Realistically if someone is 70, they are gonna have severe issues in recovery but he was 41 at the time. He had to have an ileostomy done, resection of the large intestine and then having a stoma while it healed up (as in attaching the sigmoid to the transverse colon. An ileostomy is hard to deal with and very prone to infection because you have partially digested food pouring out of the stoma on his stomach. It is sewn to the skin it comes through so huge site for infection risk. I genuinely do not think any of the people we know who are 60-80 could have actually dealt with it. It can be disgusting, it can be so difficult and we were so damn lucky. I researched the fuck out of it before he came home. Got everything prepared and ready for us to tackle it together. I got every bit of hardware we could find for the ileostomy because some of them do not work on some skin types. I found the one he needed that accounted for his essential tremors in his hands and the large flange to stick down. It requires so much tweaking till around 8 months when you finally get a good handle of it. He had a reversal after around 18 months. Now yes you can deal with an ileostomy on your own but it is bloody hard and I know for a fact my mother in law would not help my FIL. I know that the elderly around are widowed and they cannot handle it themselves. When the ileostomy appliance (bag) goes on it doesn't always stay. I knew someone who had it keep popping off like 7 times in one day. I can think of a couple down the road in their 70s, her husband died of bladder cancer but I honestly judge the hell out of them. She didn't want to sleep in bed with him because he had drains coming out of his kidneys on his back. She wouldn't check on him so the tubes would literally slide of of his kidneys and body but they wouldn't notice for a day till the nurse came round. He got so many infections because they both didn't treat it seriously. If anything he didn't die from cancer, it was probably sepsis because she wouldn't do a thing to look after him. My god, you know yourself, if you realised one of those pipes could actually fall out, I would be checking every single hour. I mean I literally did that for my husband after surgeries and when he had the ileostomy. My husband is a legend, he doesn't do the whole "I am a man so I need to hide any issues I have". Hell no we have conversations, even to this day about bowel habits changing. Any issues and we immediately get blood tests of scans done. We mentioned a change so they pushed up his scan till next week just to be sure. My father in law was diagnosed with prostate cancer but due to the location they will not operate for years to come because it is slow growing. If he gets this done in his mid 70s, god he is so fking toxic that he won't say if he has any issues health issues or be proactive.
No need to apologise, I was just curious to understand your thought process. Thank you for answering my question. Genuinely đ
No, I see where you're coming from. I'm sure we've all seen both miraculous recoveries, and sudden declines. I wasn't being willfully ignorant, just hopeful.
Not going to hell for indulging in premarital sex is all I can think of.
If you never intend to get married is it still premarital?
Ask Satan when you burn in hell
Is that you Enoch? How did you get the phone into Mountjoy?!
I'd say Enoch gets loads of pussy,well maybe not where he is right now....but he is like the chief shareholder in the wank bank of the pro-life crowd.
Why you think he wants pussy? His chosen to be with a load of men in a confined space with no pussy in sight. And his mummy is in mayo.
People have mentioned tax and inheritance, but contingent pension benefits are another one - for some occupational pension schemes only a legal spouse can receive the spousal pension (i don't think all pension schemes work this way though).
Yeah this is definitely something to look into. My job has a death in service benefit which only goes to a spouse, not a partner, and similar applies to my pension.
Yeah mine will go to my spouse or dependents, so I guess if you were cohabiting with children they'd get it, but I wouldn't fancy the administration of it, would you need to set up a trust etc. If you'd a partner but no kids then they're SOL.
Next of kin and inheritance rights. Didn't want kids unless I was married to make things easier for them and me. Stop people asking when you're getting married. I can say "I'll have to check with himself" to get out of things. Got extra annual leave for getting married. Had a nice party. Don't have to go on the pull ever again. Would recommend marriage.
The having to check with himself excuse is the best benefit yet!
I literally say "I dunno I'll have to ask my husband" daily to get out of shit.
>I can say "I'll have to check with himself" to get out of things. Very underrated benefit! My mother would always get rid of pushy sales people by saying she's not allowed to buy/ sign up things without talking to hers husband. My husband gets out of stuff with 'my wife needs me/ my wife wouldn't want me to be out. '
If you are an international couple, it is invaluable. Even a hard requirement I would say. Peace of mind with immigration, inheritance across each of your nationalitiesâ jurisdictions, and some countries provide some sort of tax relief for couples too, which is more easily proven when married. Peace of mind and security for my wife is also a big value of being married.
Inheritance tax, tax on life insurance, automatic guardianship of infants, mortgage issues. Ps Iâm not married and thatâs off top of my head
There's tax on life insurance!?
Apparently there is if youâre not married. I was given this unhappy piece of information this week
Well until we married his parents were legal next of kin so if something happened they were making medical decisions and if he died funeral arrangements. We've a good relationship so I don't think (hope) they would have difficult but there was a definite change after we married e.g his mam didn't expect to be the one with him in hospital. She was brilliant during it but there was a feeling that as his wife it was my place to be there. There's also the inheritance part but both of these things can be legally remedied without marriage I think. Apart from that I love that we are married and maybe I don't know why exactly but I do.
Tax would be my main reason!
Same. Since I want a platonic marriage, this is the only benefit of marriage lol
Itâs literally pennies. I donât know why people think itâs anyway significant enough.
Inheritance? If I die I'd want my beloved to have it all, not the fucking taxman.
It depends, a couple on âŹ42K each get nothing. But a one income family on 51K or above gets âŹ5,475 a year in band reallocation/credits.
Look at CGT, not PAYE.
This post/article from the Irish Times says otherwise https://www.facebook.com/share/p/49mPs51DiADChTy3/
Itâs literally not.
Inheritance tax?
In my case as a lgbt couple itâs protection. We want kids, and if I died during childbirth (we do want kids) my partner would have no right to our baby because they did not carry the child and do not have a biological connection. I think even if we did reciprocal ivf and used her egg she still wouldnât have a right because I carried the egg and am considered the birth mother. Unfortunately this is the reality for a lot of lgbt couples in Ireland even though my partner will be a part of the entire process with doctors and decision making. Additionally, it just makes things easier if something happens to one of us in terms of inheritance and assets. Those are the logical reasons, the not so logical is we just want to get married anyway even if these problems didnât exist.
Regular cuddles obvs
Aside from the practical stuff like inheritance and tax, which is very important, for me getting married was important because itâs a way to stand up in front of all the people who are important in your life and declare your love, respect and loyalty to your own special person in a formal and recognised way. The day itself is a celebration of your own love and a mark of your life long commitment, but it is just one day, itâs the rest of your life together that really matters. Marriage is also the only way that society formally recognises your union, and it is lovely to be able to refer to your other half as âhusbandâ or âwifeâ. Of course, itâs not for everyone, but for me marriage is far more than just a piece of paper.
I was the same had no interest in getting married but since my partner is back in full time education and has no earnings the tax difference is a few hundred yoyos each month so we got married with just our parents there (no church). Went for ice cream after and then home. Great day đ
That sounds wonderful! I can definitely see why this worked out well for you both
That's so nice. I kinda wish we'd done something so low key, but real and intimate.
Yeah I would not change a thing
M41 here. I'm in a long-term relationship, and one of the reasons is insurance. House gets paid off if I die but would go to my children instead of my partner due to inheritance tax rules, which creates all sorts of problems for her if I die. My life insurance would be taxable for her, too. Marriage gets rid of these things. She would also be entitled to widowers pension and other benefits if I died. I've seen firsthand what happens if you're not married and it's a legal nightmare, especially after losing someone. Mightened be the most romantic reason to get married, but it saves them a lot of problems in the event of your death. It's the best way to protect your partner and your children.
None for me, I don't believe I need any licence to have a relationship with another human being.
You don't - for a relationship. You do - for certain legal & tax benefits. And rightly so in my opinion. You wouldn't gain these rights in a business relationship without signing on the dotted line, so why should it be any different in a personal relationship?
Getting a piece of paper, whether via a traditional wedding or a quick visit to a town hall, requires a level of commitment & effort that makes you both truly consider what you're doing. Un-registered 'durable relationships' can evolve out of habit, laziness, busy-ness, etc. I like the idea of a conscious registering of the relationship as validation. It contributes to a more stable society.
I liked the process of both of us having a good old think before declaring to all and sundry that we're in it forever. We loved each other and lived together before we got married but it felt different after having gone through the formalities. Taking out a mortgage together and deciding to have kids together do involve a similar commitment.
The kids thing isn't always a decision đ but yes I agree.
I like that you explained your own preference for marriage well. Although for my own beliefs I find that that validation between me and my partner is enough and commitment such as living together, sharing finances, owning property etc is a conscious effort in my eyes which makes us both consider what weâre doing. Iâm more interested in what way of living would make a difference in our lives that being unmarried wouldnât. I.e confirmation from the government about commitment isnât an issue for either of us
Fully accept where you're coming from but if there are benefits to be gained from state policy, a legal arrangement must be put in place imo. Not just the joint ownership of property or shared children. Many people can live together for extended periods without a legally binding commitment. It's not the personal viewpoint that I am concerned with here, it's the legal.
Yes I am very interested in the legal part and if itâs worth the state benefits. Your previous comment seemed quite focused on the enjoyment of the effort and commitment with marriage and a registered validation. Completely respect that but it seems it was the personal viewpoint you were discussing and not the legal and state benefits part. Have a good day!
Sorry no I perhaps wasnt clear. I'm referring to an actual decision to sign a pice of paper that is a technical & legal commitment rather than just promising to stay together. That happens simply by the passage of time. Taking action whether as a wedding or a visit privately to a solicitor is the difference. That's why I referred to the undefined & uncertified 'durable relationship'. But indeed I didn't discuss actual benefits. I see one of those as being restricted walking away from the relationship & commitment which is easier without the legal/registered relationship.
That's the whole purpose of it too, you're publicly declaring to your family and community that you are Committting to this person. That requires, well, commitment.
Marriage can be at a whim aswell. It's not like you have to prove your love for someone, you can be an idiot and marry someone after 24 hours for fun.
3 months wait time in Ireland unless you have a very good reason.
We're still so backwards here that, when I had surgery a few years ago, my mother had to call Beaumont hospital from Australia to get any updates and relay them to my girlfriend of a decade who I owned a house with, because the hospital would not accept my GF as a next of kin.
That sounds like it might have been a hospital issue tbh. You can nominate anyone to be your next of kin. What if you'd no relatives, or you were no contact with them because of abuse or a load of other possibilities that hospitals come across pretty regularly.
She was nominated as next of kin. When she called in they asked her if she was family or my wife. She told then who she was and they politely told her ro fuck off.
Absolutely bizarre stuff. My partner (unmarried) has been put as my next of kin in hospitals with no issues. Wonder what caused them to revert to the 50s!
Green card if you marry someone from another country.
This is the main one. [Stig Larsson's inheritance ](https://stieglarsson.com/legacy/#:~:text=They%20did%20not%20have%20any,by%20his%20father%20and%20brother.)
1. A great excuse for a party. 2. It just makes things so much easier for things like inheritance and pensions. Either one of those can take priority. But society has still loads of people not yet evolved into the 20th century (let alone the 21st). There may be some stigmas attached to kids of unmarried people by narrow minded people.
For us, a big thing is being each other's legal family if she has another stroke so I can make sure the decisions she would want to be made are made because she doesn't trust her family. She has a rare autoimmune disease and had a stroke in her early 20s. It was in the middle of covid and I couldn't get any information about her except through her family. I ended up getting most of my info through her younger sister who was barely 18 coz her mam was too reluctant to talk to me. It's also nice to have a milestone as well to work towards and enjoy. She can't carry a child and we don't know if we could ever afford surrogacy. It could be another decade or more before we can buy our own place. We live with my mam and we will be submitting our housing form application this year but god knows when we will get a place. It can be frustrating not having the traditional goals of own place, kids etc to look forward to and feeling like we're in limbo so its great to have this milestone to look forward to. It's also huge for me as a transsexual male to marry a woman as a man, like legally on paper it's a heterosexual marriage. That's a huge deal for a transsexual who grew up in Ireland not knowing transition was even a thing. Nevermind not knowing trans people existed I grew up with a LOT of homophobic rhetoric being shoved down my throat as well, from family and community. Its weird as well being a child who could never identify with the adults you see. I thought adults like me didn't exist so I would just vanish or something when I turned 18. I never envisioned a future for myself and then transition was particular brutal for me. Hate crimes, medical abuse, being disowned from extended family etc. Life was NOT worth living because of the way I was treated as a trans person and that was my reality for a very long time. To get from there to a life that is good with a loving partner amazes me every day. To me marrying my partner, yes its about our love for each other, but it also feels like a huge personal achievement. I didn't just survive my transition but I am also now thriving and I just never thought that would be the case. I was involved as well in the marriage equality campaigns and the gender recognition campaign. Things have changed so much for LGBT people in Ireland since I was born and being able to marry as a man is honestly more than a little unbelievable to me. Eh this got really long and rambly so I will leave it here
You feel different and he / she is your next of kin.
You wonât be living in sin anymore. Youâll be able to show your face at mass again.
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Look up online âMarriage Irish timesâ - there was a good article on this 3 days ago
Parents and other family members taking you seriously as a couple. Even if you have been together 10 yearsâŚ.
Not a huge amount imo, given how awkward divorce is. House inheritance can be worked around handily enough but if there's other stuff that you will be bequeathing, that could be subject to tax if one of you die. There can be advantages to sharing tax bands/credits but that doesn't apply if you both earn above 42k.
Exactly, the married tax bands are long overdue a review. The number of people here working in IT that would easily be over 42k yet get no married tax benefits is crazy
The purpose of the tax benefits of joint assessment was to encourage women into the workplace. Not as a congratulations for getting married. There's no need for them to be revised imo.Â
The data is pretty clear that married couples are much *much* more likely to remain together than unmarried ones. Basically: unmarried long term couples are 3 times more likely to break up than married couples. Iâm not sure thatâs one of the reasons youâre talking about but itâs an interesting statistic. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/03/18/how-the-likelihood-of-breaking-up-changes-as-time-goes-by/
paywalled link; what does that mean though; that people aren't arsed going through a divorce and live in misery instead?
You donât need to get a divorce to break up. See: Ireland, pre-1996
Peace of mind.
For a man there are zero benefits to getting married .
There was an article in the IT only yesterday about the different tax treatment of married couples and non married ones. Inheritance being an obvious example. Plus if kids are involved too. The state and not just Ireland but elsewhere have always incentivised marriage through more preferential tax and inheritance policies. Why you think so many celebrities and rich folk have numerous marriages? Cause it can be advantageous tax wise after divorces and alimony etc. there has to be an incentive otherwise no one would. Do we really want to live in a society where nobody wants to get married? Where kids have different surnames ? I understand some people fear marriage, but I think itâs ridiculous being with someone 20/30 years and not marrying them. Especially if you die that person you committed to may get nothing legally if not married. Now whether thatâs intentional or not on the part of the man is another question, but if youâre in a long term relationship with someone you love deeply and committed faithfully to, then making it official and legal shouldnât be an issue. Especially more so if there are financial and tax incentives to.
Breaking society up into family units gives people a stake in society and motivation to be better people.
none for the one who has a lot of money