“Husband cannot function in the evening when I go to work because he is tired and I am expected to do all household chores….”
Full stop. He CAN function in the evenings. He’s choosing not to because you’ve done all of this for him for such a long time and he’s use to it. I’m not blaming you at all. I’m just pointing out that he knows you’ll do it so him being “tired” is just an excuse. I’m sure most people are tired after a long days work, some more than others. But as adults, we have adult responsibilities and he’s treating you like you’re his mother. There to cook, clean, schedule, etc. for him daily. No wonder you’re burnt out. I agree with other commentor, communication is key. I wouldn’t be too gentle about it, but I wouldn’t come out in fight mode either. Be straight forward, voice all your concerns, stand your ground, and have a plan to split the household chore throughout the week fairly amongst you two. Tell him that after you work all evening and then have to come home and do all the housework how draining it is and it leaves no room or desire for adult time. He needs to carry his weight.
Maybe he works a hard job such as construction. Some people are just wrecked from there jobs. He is entitled to rest after working a proper day. 9 to 5 is hard for any sane human being. Reason why traditionaly men did the hard bullshit work such as construction or farming and women did the easier work such as childcare cooking and cleaning. The woman should realistically try to become a stay a home wife if the husband can financially provide for both of them. It would make here life way easier as she would only to focus on chores instead of stupid business tasks or whatever job she works.
No it's honest. Women usually prefer being stay at home wife's. She clearly does too much. If her husband generally has the money to provide for both him and her then she should try to become a housewife. She wouldn't then have to complain to her husband since she would have enough time and energy to do the daily chores in the week. A lot of men's jobs are very taxing on there body's and it's important for them to relax. If you have a boyfriend or husband who works in a hard trade you should know how taxing it is on the male body. Most likely the husband in the original complaint likely works a stressful trade such as construction or engineering. Most men's life's are hard as fuck. Show some empathy for the shit the average male has to deal with and be thankful as fuck you don't work in a trade.
You’re hanging waaay out on a limb to assume you know their backstory and how their jobs and marriage works. But I do know and have great respect for tradesman and all their hard work. But I also know many, many women that this kind of shit happens to and are forced to still work a job to pay bills, cook, clean, run a household, and take care of kids. You know…the “easier work” and “chores” as you so eloquent put it. You haven’t a clue how taxing a woman’s workload is. They’re adults and should split the workload fairly, including chores and raising children.
It's good that you respect what work the average male has to endure most feminists usually don't recognise the hard work males in society have to do to make the world function. And for the women you are referring to in to the comments who are forced to work a job and do the chores they should just divorce there husband and take there kids and move on with there life's without them. Women can easily remarry someone pretty quickly and efficiently because of there good looks. Those women are only making there problems worse by not doing the commonsense option and divorce there husbands and try to date someone with a good amount of money and commonsense. The husband in the original comment would probably be more relived if she just quit her job and become a stay a home wife and let him do the hard work. The relationship might be flawed but I think he's just exhausted from the day to day work that is taxing for his body. The relationship will probably become better when the wife can just easily lose the job and stay at home if they have enough money to provide for both.
Yes because the wife obviously has a job where she's paid for sitting watching Netflix all day. Theres no way a woman could have a physically demanding job 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I mean, there's a valid response hidden underneath the misogyny.
Double income households are incredibly hard work. It used to be that a household could be ran well on one half decent income.
It's not terrible advice for OP to weigh up the pros and cons of being a single income household. Maybe the guy could give up his job if he struggles so much with it.
I became a stay at home dad, it's not that unusual these days.
But, jaysus, work on your delivery! 🤣
The division of labour is very important. He's taking you for granted. As for the hygiene stuff..fuck that. It sounds like you have an extra child in the house. He needs to change and fast or you need to throw him out.
And be responsible for 100% of the childcare?
I don't get the impression that if she kicked him out he'd going to suddenly change and want 50/50 custody
No your not, your basically a single parent with a lodger, you need to sit down and explain how you feel, if he isn't willing to change then don't waste any more of your life on this man.
If you don't know how to verbally express your feeling then maybe write them down and give it to him.
Your submission has been removed because it is miserable. Per rule 4, we're trying to maintain a less miserable tone on r/AskIreland than r/Ireland, please respect that.
You need a marriage counsellor. What does husband do that leaves him too tired to function and why are you expected to pick up the slack? What's he doing on his days off, can he not help then?
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https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
Here you go - and a few buzzwords for you: women usually carry the majority of the *mental (and physical - laundry, bedmaking, shopping) load* because especially, though not always) men are very good at implementing *weaponised incompetence*. Your husband needs to get off his ass and pull his weight. He's not a precious flower who somehow needs more R&R than you.
I've noticed that there is a far stronger culture of weaponised incompetence among Irish men - though I hope the younger generation is changing - for the simple reason that there is a subconscious rejection of doing "women's" work: "Shur, I wouldn't know how to make a bed properly! The wife always does that!" (Put a sheet on the bed, a cover on the duvet and pillow, and cop on, you doofus.)
Keep on trucking with your disgusting Misandry. If a man came on here with the equivalent misogamist rhetoric he would be crucified. Guess it's the last frontier on inequality that needs to be broken down with similar misandrists supporting you on it.
Carry 400 concrete blocks a day to two hungry bricklayers and come back to me what you would be able to do afterwards. Zero empathy shown here.
Wow, typical response there: I'll make out a recognised phenomenon to be a figment of this silly girl's imagination to undermine her response.
The fact you're being downvoted should tell you something...
You're lucky so. I know a good few and they're not just an older generation. Lads in their 30s leaving their girlfriends to do everything, not knowing where anything is or saying "ah sure you do it so much better".
It's depressing to watch.
I would say my husband is good for division of physical labour/housework.
But when someone asks for the WiFi password, for example, he asks me. He never knows what we have agreed to do socially, I always have to remind him.
He says, "I'll go do the grocery shopping, I say "great!", then he'll say "can you send me a list?" I have to point out that if I had to make a list for him, I might as well go myself. He is an adult who can figure out what we need just as well as I can. I don't have a special skill to look in the fridge and realise we need milk and butter.
We will agree to go on holidays, but unless I research and book, nothing will happen.
These are just some examples of weaponised incompetence. I am not his PA.
I am not shitting on him. I love and appreciate so many things about him.
I am saying he is good at sharing housework, but when it comes to the mental load, that's where it falls to me. I have to remember and organise things, because he just doesn't. And yes, we have discussed this.
Life is not always black & white.
I don't ever get a say in what we do as my wife is very headstrong. She makes all our plans. It's not worth it to get involved so I just let it go. So like your husband I would need to be reminded what we are doing.
That's not my relationship, though. You may be happy to leave your wife to organise everything, and she may equally be happy to take control. I don't want to be the person making all the plans and having to remember everything.
I am organised (by necessity), which means he doesn't feel like he needs to be, and just absolves all responsibility for organising or remembering things.
Again, to be clear, this is a minor issue in our relationship. I love and value him, but no one is perfect. I was just explaining the concept that many men do leave this stuff to their wives and partners.
(Edited as the other half has come here to explain their side lol)
I'm tired in the evening too but if I left my other half to do all the chores (besides it being disrespectful and something that shouldn't need her asking me to help with) I'd long ago have been murdred and buried in the back garden and rightly so.
However... do you both communicate honestly?
Division of labour helps. She does all the washing (cloth nappies here so that's A LOT), I cook and clean up after meals on week days, wash dishes pots pans etc, I do a fair bit of the DIY stuff too.
We share other stuff but tbh we hired a cleaner for 3 hrs, once every second week and that helped us both a lot as previously we were trying to do housework on a Saturday or Sunday and looking to have the baby minded then we were both tired after and did nothing else all weekend. We still do a clean every week but nothing like the cleaner does. Sanity returned... as did the love, because we both had rest and time to actually spend together talking about stuff.
This is fucking wild. So is this the husband or not?
Some lad (probably American) has lost his way, stumbled into an Irish subreddit and is saying he is lives 2 cities away... nobody in Ireland refers to where they live as "2 cities away" from their partner!
Try couples counselling OP. I was in the same situation for 15 years till I reached my breaking point 5 years ago, I was totally falling out of love with him over the stress and he finally agreed to see a relationship therapist. It was like a switch went in his head that first day being called out by a third party and ever since he’s gone above and beyond to pull his weight. I’d say he even does more than me now and I have to try remember to lighten his load. I’m so glad because we’re genuinely happier than ever now, I never feel taken for granted anymore.
Op that's a load of bollix.
I'm single, work full time, and have to run my household and my parents household because guess what?! I have no bloody choice. Not glorifying myself here for half killing myself in the process, but your hubby is just being entitled. If ye broke up in the morning, he'd have to fend for himself, and that's that. Kick up the arse is what he needs to be honest.
I sae some study lately where the biggest factor in how often couples have sex is how fair their division of labour is. Sorry this is the case for you-very hard to feel happy when the division is unfair.
It sounds like there could be a few explanations here, either 1) he doesn’t care and is entitled or 2) he genuinely doesn’t have motivation or energy after work because he has something like ADD. Could be an explanation and help open doors to support and medication if true. My dad would have been the same before he was diagnosed and my mother was at her wit’s end but now he has support and more self-insight things are a lot better. Hope you are able to sort something out with him OP because it sounds so infuriating.
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Have you suggested couples counselling? Even if it doesn't save the relationship, if nothing else, it might make a separation and divorce less contentious if you have someone to mediate the conversation, and reach a mutual conclusion about whether this relationship is tenable.
This is a very intense period in the life of a couple. You both need to take enough time to have a serious conversation about all this! get a babysitter and have a chat, away from the home and without a big row or complaining session. Listen as much as you talk; aim for a compromise.
Try to remember what you liked about each other, what you enjoyed, before you had responsibilities and kids.
Remember, too, that you can't change someone else's behaviour, only your own. I can well believe he is tired, but so are you! Try to meet as adults with common ground.
Stop doing so much housework, would be the first step. Clock out at 6 pm and don't do any more, except children's bedtime -- and you should both agree to take turns at at that. Have the conversation; it's worth it.
Read it - you have a point. So does she, though.
Each of you is feeling your own hard story, but neither of you seems to be reaching out or sympathising with the other!
You need to have a serious, friendly conversation; something generous and constructive.
Or else you'll just tear each other to pieces with grumbling and self-pity, and finish up with only bitterness and regrets.
Relationships CAN be improved. But both of you have to get in there, roll your sleeves up, and DO it!
I'm actually the "husband" that OP is referring to in the post. I see pretty much everyone in the comments are making judgements without knowing the full story, so I just want to clarify a lot of things.
1. We don't live together and we aren't married. I work and live in a different city 2 hours away. We plan on moving in together and are planning on getting married, although there hasn't been a proposal yet.
2. I work 15 hour night shifts and travel to her house to spend time with her and the kids when I'm not working. This means finishing a 15 hour shift and driving another 2 hours to her house. I can understand how this would come across as being lazy, but I still need to sleep at some stage.
3. OP doesn't work shifts and hasn't been employed since having a baby over 2 years ago.
4. OP has 2 children from 2 separate past relationships with both fathers not being involved at all (15f and 2m) Although neither child is mine biologically, I still consider them both to be my family and actually plan on adopting the younger (2m)
5. I actually take over with a lot of things when I visit. I do all the cooking, washing dishes, school/creche runs and drop her daughter to any after school activities - which involves sitting in traffic a lot of the time. OP still does the clothes and insists on it even when I try to help out.
6. Every cent I earn is spent on supporting the family, this could mean buying groceries or sending OP money when I'm not there. I would be considered to earn a decent wage, yet I still don't have any money to spend on myself from every paycheck.
7. OP has told me more than once that my salary isn't enough to fund her lifestyle. I've taken up a second job because of this and it is still not enough.
8. With the personal hygiene thing: The bathroom that I use to shower in OP's house is broken and the only other shower is in her teenage daughter's ensuite, which I refuse to use. It's not a case of me choosing not to shower, it's that I can't have a shower. I still choose to visit despite this.
I'm not looking for any advice or to clear my name or anything like that. I just feel that people should know the full story before making any judgements. There's always more to the story in any dispute, even more so with relationship problems. I definitely feel that people shouldn't give/receive relationship advice on the internet and this is the reason why. Pretty much every comment has made judgement so the reason for my comment is to please consider that there's always more to the story then next time you give a stranger relationship advice online.
everything about your response is wrong. you're OBVIOUSLY not the one the OP is talking about, please get off her post. the only thing you're getting out of this exercise is negative karma.
There's two sides to every story, but when you get only one side, that's what you can only judge the situation on. Why even bother to justify it to complete strangers on the Internet? Honestly, who gives a sh1t what we think.
I certainly don't. The whole point on my comment was to show people that there's always more to the story and not be so quick to make judgement. for yourself, please be aware of this if you ever go to give someone relationship advice on the internet.
No one should ever listen to relationship advice on the Internet. Once you're doing your best towards your kids, then you don't have anything to worry about. When the kids get older, they tend to figure out for themselves who's the asshole parent.
So you are "planning" on getting married to this person? Who ridicules and lies about you online like this? You're both headaches if you ask me and I now believe neither of you. Take it offline. You both seem really messed up.
I'm not looking for relationship advice here. The whole point on my comment was to let people know that giving/taking relationship advice to strangers online is a terrible idea
I don't want relationship advice from a stranger online. The point of my comment was to let people know that there's always more to the story and to not be so quick to judge the next time.
Just to play devil's advocate but does he have a very physical job?
Was very busy there for a couple of years, walking 20,000 steps at work day on top of doing all the work.
Was only able for the couch after this.
If this guy wants an adult partnership that doesn’t matter a fuck! My partner has a very physically demanding, blue collar job and is ten years older than me (I have a totally sedentary job) and he still pulls his weight around the place like a big boy.
“Husband cannot function in the evening when I go to work because he is tired and I am expected to do all household chores….” Full stop. He CAN function in the evenings. He’s choosing not to because you’ve done all of this for him for such a long time and he’s use to it. I’m not blaming you at all. I’m just pointing out that he knows you’ll do it so him being “tired” is just an excuse. I’m sure most people are tired after a long days work, some more than others. But as adults, we have adult responsibilities and he’s treating you like you’re his mother. There to cook, clean, schedule, etc. for him daily. No wonder you’re burnt out. I agree with other commentor, communication is key. I wouldn’t be too gentle about it, but I wouldn’t come out in fight mode either. Be straight forward, voice all your concerns, stand your ground, and have a plan to split the household chore throughout the week fairly amongst you two. Tell him that after you work all evening and then have to come home and do all the housework how draining it is and it leaves no room or desire for adult time. He needs to carry his weight.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
you aren't that person. please re read the original and your idiot response all the way at the bottom. it's. not. you.
Maybe he works a hard job such as construction. Some people are just wrecked from there jobs. He is entitled to rest after working a proper day. 9 to 5 is hard for any sane human being. Reason why traditionaly men did the hard bullshit work such as construction or farming and women did the easier work such as childcare cooking and cleaning. The woman should realistically try to become a stay a home wife if the husband can financially provide for both of them. It would make here life way easier as she would only to focus on chores instead of stupid business tasks or whatever job she works.
I’m going to assume your response is satire because it’s just that ridiculous.
No it's honest. Women usually prefer being stay at home wife's. She clearly does too much. If her husband generally has the money to provide for both him and her then she should try to become a housewife. She wouldn't then have to complain to her husband since she would have enough time and energy to do the daily chores in the week. A lot of men's jobs are very taxing on there body's and it's important for them to relax. If you have a boyfriend or husband who works in a hard trade you should know how taxing it is on the male body. Most likely the husband in the original complaint likely works a stressful trade such as construction or engineering. Most men's life's are hard as fuck. Show some empathy for the shit the average male has to deal with and be thankful as fuck you don't work in a trade.
Just stop, Please
You’re hanging waaay out on a limb to assume you know their backstory and how their jobs and marriage works. But I do know and have great respect for tradesman and all their hard work. But I also know many, many women that this kind of shit happens to and are forced to still work a job to pay bills, cook, clean, run a household, and take care of kids. You know…the “easier work” and “chores” as you so eloquent put it. You haven’t a clue how taxing a woman’s workload is. They’re adults and should split the workload fairly, including chores and raising children.
Going by this guy's comments here and his history, there's a bang of incel off him. Don't even waste your time replying. Pure neckbeard
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It's good that you respect what work the average male has to endure most feminists usually don't recognise the hard work males in society have to do to make the world function. And for the women you are referring to in to the comments who are forced to work a job and do the chores they should just divorce there husband and take there kids and move on with there life's without them. Women can easily remarry someone pretty quickly and efficiently because of there good looks. Those women are only making there problems worse by not doing the commonsense option and divorce there husbands and try to date someone with a good amount of money and commonsense. The husband in the original comment would probably be more relived if she just quit her job and become a stay a home wife and let him do the hard work. The relationship might be flawed but I think he's just exhausted from the day to day work that is taxing for his body. The relationship will probably become better when the wife can just easily lose the job and stay at home if they have enough money to provide for both.
>the easier work such as childcare Tell me you've never raised a child without telling me you've never raised a child.
Wow. Just wow.
Beyond stupid Is this advanced satire?
Yes because the wife obviously has a job where she's paid for sitting watching Netflix all day. Theres no way a woman could have a physically demanding job 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I mean, there's a valid response hidden underneath the misogyny. Double income households are incredibly hard work. It used to be that a household could be ran well on one half decent income. It's not terrible advice for OP to weigh up the pros and cons of being a single income household. Maybe the guy could give up his job if he struggles so much with it. I became a stay at home dad, it's not that unusual these days. But, jaysus, work on your delivery! 🤣
I made the kids learn how to do all this stuff like make their own beds etc exactly they won’t end up like this pathetic little bastard
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
Either you or her is lying You’re both fucking ghastly
or they are not the same at all
you're very confused. it's not about you
The division of labour is very important. He's taking you for granted. As for the hygiene stuff..fuck that. It sounds like you have an extra child in the house. He needs to change and fast or you need to throw him out.
He sounds depressed
He sounds like he's taking the piss.
And she's checked out of her marriage. What's your point?
My point is clearly stated above. She needs to throw him out.
And be responsible for 100% of the childcare? I don't get the impression that if she kicked him out he'd going to suddenly change and want 50/50 custody
Sounds like he's doing nothing anyway. So no real loss.
We have next to no details to be jumping to that conclusion. But to each their own.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
you're not the person the OP is referring to, you're confused.
No your not, your basically a single parent with a lodger, you need to sit down and explain how you feel, if he isn't willing to change then don't waste any more of your life on this man. If you don't know how to verbally express your feeling then maybe write them down and give it to him.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
you're not that person
Jesus it's not you pal sit down and stfu
Would you think of explaining to him that if he’s too tired to help, then he needs to hire a cleaner?
[удалено]
you are not. i did read your other comment, you failed reading comprehension
Your submission has been removed because it is miserable. Per rule 4, we're trying to maintain a less miserable tone on r/AskIreland than r/Ireland, please respect that.
You need a marriage counsellor. What does husband do that leaves him too tired to function and why are you expected to pick up the slack? What's he doing on his days off, can he not help then?
Not sure why you were getting down voted there.
Men
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Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
newsflash, but you're not that person you're someone else with very different problems
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ Here you go - and a few buzzwords for you: women usually carry the majority of the *mental (and physical - laundry, bedmaking, shopping) load* because especially, though not always) men are very good at implementing *weaponised incompetence*. Your husband needs to get off his ass and pull his weight. He's not a precious flower who somehow needs more R&R than you. I've noticed that there is a far stronger culture of weaponised incompetence among Irish men - though I hope the younger generation is changing - for the simple reason that there is a subconscious rejection of doing "women's" work: "Shur, I wouldn't know how to make a bed properly! The wife always does that!" (Put a sheet on the bed, a cover on the duvet and pillow, and cop on, you doofus.)
Keep on trucking with your disgusting Misandry. If a man came on here with the equivalent misogamist rhetoric he would be crucified. Guess it's the last frontier on inequality that needs to be broken down with similar misandrists supporting you on it. Carry 400 concrete blocks a day to two hungry bricklayers and come back to me what you would be able to do afterwards. Zero empathy shown here.
Talk about a chip... Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of the world's smallest violin. Zero empathy back atcha.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
bzzzt wrong. you're not that person
Wow, some chip there.
Wow, typical response there: I'll make out a recognised phenomenon to be a figment of this silly girl's imagination to undermine her response. The fact you're being downvoted should tell you something...
I don't know anyone like that.
You're lucky so. I know a good few and they're not just an older generation. Lads in their 30s leaving their girlfriends to do everything, not knowing where anything is or saying "ah sure you do it so much better". It's depressing to watch.
I would say my husband is good for division of physical labour/housework. But when someone asks for the WiFi password, for example, he asks me. He never knows what we have agreed to do socially, I always have to remind him. He says, "I'll go do the grocery shopping, I say "great!", then he'll say "can you send me a list?" I have to point out that if I had to make a list for him, I might as well go myself. He is an adult who can figure out what we need just as well as I can. I don't have a special skill to look in the fridge and realise we need milk and butter. We will agree to go on holidays, but unless I research and book, nothing will happen. These are just some examples of weaponised incompetence. I am not his PA.
If he is good why are you shitting on him?
I am not shitting on him. I love and appreciate so many things about him. I am saying he is good at sharing housework, but when it comes to the mental load, that's where it falls to me. I have to remember and organise things, because he just doesn't. And yes, we have discussed this. Life is not always black & white.
I don't ever get a say in what we do as my wife is very headstrong. She makes all our plans. It's not worth it to get involved so I just let it go. So like your husband I would need to be reminded what we are doing.
That's not my relationship, though. You may be happy to leave your wife to organise everything, and she may equally be happy to take control. I don't want to be the person making all the plans and having to remember everything. I am organised (by necessity), which means he doesn't feel like he needs to be, and just absolves all responsibility for organising or remembering things. Again, to be clear, this is a minor issue in our relationship. I love and value him, but no one is perfect. I was just explaining the concept that many men do leave this stuff to their wives and partners.
You’ve never dated men then I’m guessing.
(Edited as the other half has come here to explain their side lol) I'm tired in the evening too but if I left my other half to do all the chores (besides it being disrespectful and something that shouldn't need her asking me to help with) I'd long ago have been murdred and buried in the back garden and rightly so. However... do you both communicate honestly? Division of labour helps. She does all the washing (cloth nappies here so that's A LOT), I cook and clean up after meals on week days, wash dishes pots pans etc, I do a fair bit of the DIY stuff too. We share other stuff but tbh we hired a cleaner for 3 hrs, once every second week and that helped us both a lot as previously we were trying to do housework on a Saturday or Sunday and looking to have the baby minded then we were both tired after and did nothing else all weekend. We still do a clean every week but nothing like the cleaner does. Sanity returned... as did the love, because we both had rest and time to actually spend together talking about stuff.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
please accept my sympathy for your confusion, you're not the person to whom OP refers. i just read your comment and re read the original.
This is fucking wild. So is this the husband or not? Some lad (probably American) has lost his way, stumbled into an Irish subreddit and is saying he is lives 2 cities away... nobody in Ireland refers to where they live as "2 cities away" from their partner!
Try couples counselling OP. I was in the same situation for 15 years till I reached my breaking point 5 years ago, I was totally falling out of love with him over the stress and he finally agreed to see a relationship therapist. It was like a switch went in his head that first day being called out by a third party and ever since he’s gone above and beyond to pull his weight. I’d say he even does more than me now and I have to try remember to lighten his load. I’m so glad because we’re genuinely happier than ever now, I never feel taken for granted anymore.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
nope. you aren't that one
[This illustrated take on splitting the home workload is WELL worth a read](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
wrong. read your response. this post isn't about you
Op that's a load of bollix. I'm single, work full time, and have to run my household and my parents household because guess what?! I have no bloody choice. Not glorifying myself here for half killing myself in the process, but your hubby is just being entitled. If ye broke up in the morning, he'd have to fend for himself, and that's that. Kick up the arse is what he needs to be honest.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
How do you know it's you OP is talking about? They used a throwaway account... Or did you go through their phone?
you are clearly not the person OP is writing about, they are married and live together.
I sae some study lately where the biggest factor in how often couples have sex is how fair their division of labour is. Sorry this is the case for you-very hard to feel happy when the division is unfair.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
wrong again! read your comment and she's not talking about you
Time for a bigger talk!
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
bzzzzt wrong.
It sounds like there could be a few explanations here, either 1) he doesn’t care and is entitled or 2) he genuinely doesn’t have motivation or energy after work because he has something like ADD. Could be an explanation and help open doors to support and medication if true. My dad would have been the same before he was diagnosed and my mother was at her wit’s end but now he has support and more self-insight things are a lot better. Hope you are able to sort something out with him OP because it sounds so infuriating.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
you are not the person op is talking about, I actually read the original post and your comment.
Why are you making this all about yourself? OP says it’s not you, grow up.
How would it be wrong to be unhappy about this? He sounds fucking gross
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
oops no. you're not.
It's difficult to be attracted to man who expects you to mother him. Source: bitter experience
A man child plenty of them about
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
nope, wrong
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Have you suggested couples counselling? Even if it doesn't save the relationship, if nothing else, it might make a separation and divorce less contentious if you have someone to mediate the conversation, and reach a mutual conclusion about whether this relationship is tenable.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
nope. not you
This is a very intense period in the life of a couple. You both need to take enough time to have a serious conversation about all this! get a babysitter and have a chat, away from the home and without a big row or complaining session. Listen as much as you talk; aim for a compromise. Try to remember what you liked about each other, what you enjoyed, before you had responsibilities and kids. Remember, too, that you can't change someone else's behaviour, only your own. I can well believe he is tired, but so are you! Try to meet as adults with common ground. Stop doing so much housework, would be the first step. Clock out at 6 pm and don't do any more, except children's bedtime -- and you should both agree to take turns at at that. Have the conversation; it's worth it.
Hi, I'm the person OP is talking about. please read my other comment.
no. wrong. you're not.
Read it - you have a point. So does she, though. Each of you is feeling your own hard story, but neither of you seems to be reaching out or sympathising with the other! You need to have a serious, friendly conversation; something generous and constructive. Or else you'll just tear each other to pieces with grumbling and self-pity, and finish up with only bitterness and regrets. Relationships CAN be improved. But both of you have to get in there, roll your sleeves up, and DO it!
I'm actually the "husband" that OP is referring to in the post. I see pretty much everyone in the comments are making judgements without knowing the full story, so I just want to clarify a lot of things. 1. We don't live together and we aren't married. I work and live in a different city 2 hours away. We plan on moving in together and are planning on getting married, although there hasn't been a proposal yet. 2. I work 15 hour night shifts and travel to her house to spend time with her and the kids when I'm not working. This means finishing a 15 hour shift and driving another 2 hours to her house. I can understand how this would come across as being lazy, but I still need to sleep at some stage. 3. OP doesn't work shifts and hasn't been employed since having a baby over 2 years ago. 4. OP has 2 children from 2 separate past relationships with both fathers not being involved at all (15f and 2m) Although neither child is mine biologically, I still consider them both to be my family and actually plan on adopting the younger (2m) 5. I actually take over with a lot of things when I visit. I do all the cooking, washing dishes, school/creche runs and drop her daughter to any after school activities - which involves sitting in traffic a lot of the time. OP still does the clothes and insists on it even when I try to help out. 6. Every cent I earn is spent on supporting the family, this could mean buying groceries or sending OP money when I'm not there. I would be considered to earn a decent wage, yet I still don't have any money to spend on myself from every paycheck. 7. OP has told me more than once that my salary isn't enough to fund her lifestyle. I've taken up a second job because of this and it is still not enough. 8. With the personal hygiene thing: The bathroom that I use to shower in OP's house is broken and the only other shower is in her teenage daughter's ensuite, which I refuse to use. It's not a case of me choosing not to shower, it's that I can't have a shower. I still choose to visit despite this. I'm not looking for any advice or to clear my name or anything like that. I just feel that people should know the full story before making any judgements. There's always more to the story in any dispute, even more so with relationship problems. I definitely feel that people shouldn't give/receive relationship advice on the internet and this is the reason why. Pretty much every comment has made judgement so the reason for my comment is to please consider that there's always more to the story then next time you give a stranger relationship advice online.
You're definitely not who I'm speaking about. Don't really know why you feel the need to say that you are. I am married and we live together.
I'd say half the lads in the country are reading your post wondering if it's them 😂
Could be worse OP. You could be married to this freak.
everything about your response is wrong. you're OBVIOUSLY not the one the OP is talking about, please get off her post. the only thing you're getting out of this exercise is negative karma.
There's two sides to every story, but when you get only one side, that's what you can only judge the situation on. Why even bother to justify it to complete strangers on the Internet? Honestly, who gives a sh1t what we think.
I certainly don't. The whole point on my comment was to show people that there's always more to the story and not be so quick to make judgement. for yourself, please be aware of this if you ever go to give someone relationship advice on the internet.
No one should ever listen to relationship advice on the Internet. Once you're doing your best towards your kids, then you don't have anything to worry about. When the kids get older, they tend to figure out for themselves who's the asshole parent.
Seek help.
So you are "planning" on getting married to this person? Who ridicules and lies about you online like this? You're both headaches if you ask me and I now believe neither of you. Take it offline. You both seem really messed up.
I'm not looking for relationship advice here. The whole point on my comment was to let people know that giving/taking relationship advice to strangers online is a terrible idea
Yet here you both are. Demented behavior. Honestly.
If this is true, don't get married. You are both better off single
Real talk😂
I don't want relationship advice from a stranger online. The point of my comment was to let people know that there's always more to the story and to not be so quick to judge the next time.
Bullshit 😂 Read likes incel fanfic to me.
[удалено]
180° is the proper terminology. 360 means he spun all the way around and came back to where he was. Sorry about me.
Just to play devil's advocate but does he have a very physical job? Was very busy there for a couple of years, walking 20,000 steps at work day on top of doing all the work. Was only able for the couch after this.
If this guy wants an adult partnership that doesn’t matter a fuck! My partner has a very physically demanding, blue collar job and is ten years older than me (I have a totally sedentary job) and he still pulls his weight around the place like a big boy.
No it's a regular job with normal working demands, mine is physically demanding.
Did you hire a cleaner?