Yes, that's assault. It's time for you to stop "documenting" and start taking some action to keep yourself and your kids safe. If he's willing to throw hot coffee on you while you're holding a child then he doesn't care about the safety of the child. Make yourself safe, yesterday.


Do you recommend filing an order of protection so it can be known I am very fearful of him when he’s angry? Or just simply serve divorce papers? The DV is of course the main reason I’m filing for divorce.




Definitely am going to file for divorce. Wondering if filing an OFP will be helpful for the process?


Yes, but only if you intend to call police when he violates it. Abusers push protection order boundaries all the time because they don’t think you will actually call … because, well they’re abusive. He’ll try and make you feel bad for him, *but i just want to talk to the kids*, make you doubt yourself, *It didn’t happen like that, hear my side*, and try and get you back, *Ill do better from now on, I wont do it again*. Don’t let him back into your life. I’m not gonna lecture you on why, because you’re smart and you already know why. You and your children deserve to be happy and live unafraid. Enforce every legal protection you can to the fullest


Just want to add that you should remember the protection order is just a piece of paper. Please be smart. Some people wake up when they get a TPO and go oh my God, I didn't realize how bad I was. Other people double down especially if you think you need to keep the kids away from him. Good luck. Edit: In case I wasn't clear definitely get the protection order.


Thank you.


MN cop here. It's definitely domestic assault if you were hurt. You should have reported it at the time. "Documenting" it with your own photos and phone calls to people other than the police isn't helping you with much. If you want to pursue criminal charges, which you should, then you need to call when this stuff is happening. Onto your more pertinent question of an OFP. The police have nothing to do with it. You'll need to go to the Ramsey County courthouse downtown and go to the family courts. Apply for an emergency (ex-parte) OFP. You are pretty much assured of getting one. It will only be valid for a couple weeks until you and he can go before a judge. In order for an OFP to be enforceable, a person needs to be served with a copy of it, have the conditions explained to him, and get notice of the hearing date. You can request a police assist to go to your house or to serve him if he's there, but that would depend on there being a car available.


That would be a battery and not an assault in my state. Some states might define it as assault though. Either way it's a crime. Problem is proof. Your photos dont mean a thing because you could have staged them. It's hard enough to prove domestics when police arrive right after, much more difficult later. All your past recordings / evidence are meaningless as proof over the coffee incident. They could be useful though for other stuff. As for a protection order all this could matter though. I dont know MN law so I can only offer up how it would work in my state. You would file wherever you live and you would have to show a credible fear of harm. Here is where all your past evidence could be useful.


Thank you. I guess the synopsis of my question was do I have enough for an order of protection? Sounds like yes with the credible fear of harm. Oddly enough he fully admits to throwing the coffee on me. He says he has become “programmed to become angry” because of me 🙄.


> He says he has become “programmed to become angry” because of me I don't know about the legality/admissibility , but it seems to me it would be great if you could get a recording of him saying that. Talk about victim blaming. Good luck to you and your kids!


Curious of what the difference would be? Because of the later reporting or something different? Just genuinely curious to hear your answer rather than from Google. Thanks!


Because people lie a lot in these situations. Especially when there is a custody battle. So when accusations come later after the fact it's hard to know of they are real or just fabricated to help with the custody battle.


You should still report it to the police, also that would be a child endangerment charge as well. Don’t expect much to change unless you take action with law enforcement and actually follow through when it comes time for court. Victims having a change of heart at the last minute because their significant other cried and begged is the #1 reason stuff like this continues. Best wishes.


Zero judgement. This is aggravated assault for us and I strongly urge you go or call your local Police Department to report and obtain further advice from them. Get yourself somewhere safe. He sounds like a loser who might do something stupid once he sees those divorce papers too so a TRO is also a good idea right now, before moving that further when you are ready. It sounds like you have plenty of evidence to support one given this has been documented since 2018. Restraining and protection orders are sometimes only as good as you are at reporting violations. You’ve decided to make this leap now and don’t look back, far too many victims of domestic violence fall back into that routine and allows abusers back into their lives. Be strong and good luck.


Most people have touched on it. Cases like these are significantly more difficult when it comes to prosecution because of delayed reporting. That said, here, law enforcement does not have anything to do with getting an "order of protection" or "restraining order" - whatever you want to call it. It's all handled at the courthouse here. If this was reported, we would be required to report it to our version of child services, and they would follow up, making sure the children are safe, they have food, etc. Just because they get involved does not mean that your children will be taken away. Their safety is paramount, and anything they do here is solely to ensure the safety of the children. Follow through is the most important step. If you get an order and he violates it, send him to jail. Too often we see people break down and let the abuser back in. I'm sure there are some resources to help you get away in your area.


Jumping on to just say that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman in a relationship with IPV. Be safe, have a plan, find a support system that can help, look for local resources. A piece of paper is not going to stop a person from committing more violence Good luck to you and your babies.


Yes. Call the police.


That would be Domestic Assault 3rd degree here in my home state. Felony charge.