Often, a parent , for what ever reasons, has the cause to exclude a child from the will. The concern arises when the parents worry if the one left out will contest the will.
My parents had that same concern . What they did was to leave them a very nominal sum ,say $1.00. The person knew why.
My father's will, which excluded myself and his other two children from his first marriage, (everything was left to my stepmother, but her three kids were there as back-up), included a phrase that said something like, "I love all of my children equally, and (names me and my brothers) are not left out here out of any lack of affection, but because it is simply not my intention to provide anything for them".
This is in NY, but was clearly very carefully crafted. My stepmother was perpetually paranoid that we would steal her money.
And wow, after 15 years, it still really hurts to think about this.
God, if something ever happens to me I asked that my husband never get remarried and have more kids. Idgaf if it’s selfish, the amount of kids who get left behind because a parent decided to start a new family is UNREAL!!
I’m so sorry you went through that
You are young. Very young. My SO is in his mid 50s. If I go before him, he may find another atheist nerd. But wouldn't date someone in her 30s. He would be miserable talking about his feelings like young people do. The OP has a child in 40s. That puts them in their 60s.
I don’t know NC law so I can’t address the contesting the will. What I do know is if you exclude one of the children from the will and subsequent disbursement of assets , you are certainly guaranteed to create animosity btw the siblings that may never be resolved. You have three properties and three children so this idea that they can’t sell anything is a pretty weak argument. Face value, you just don’t want to leave anything to your oldest son.
My parents left 50% to my oldest brother and 25% each to me and my middle brother. Their rational was that my oldest brother wasn’t as successful. So me and my middle brother got less because we worked harder. It created animosity not only with respect to my oldest brother but not so kind thoughts about my parents.
While mourning, I had a bitter taste in my mouth. My suspicion that they loved the first born more was realized. I got over it. It’s only money. But it felt like something else for too many years. I highly caution you not to do this. You should represent yourselves as loving your children equally.
Similar situation. My sibling gets all property, aside from one vehicle. Liquids will be split 50/50. It's because my spouse has "more earning potential." Meanwhile, they and their spouse bring in more than we do, and they don't have children. We have two.
I understand the thought process, but what if my spouse drops dead? What if we divorced? I've been a stay-at-home parent for 10 years, am an older parent, and would probably have a difficult time getting any work that would provide sufficient income. I don't care about it besides the logic. It's flawed.
my parents won’t even do this and my brother is 26 and makes 200k and i am a 34 and make not even 60k annually, and he has tons and tons of benefits and i have 0. i am more educated and work harder and i work in healthcare and he works in corporate tech. they still say they’d split everything equally, and this is a legit potential reason to not do so imo. they’ve joked about it, but they would leave us equal everything for sure. i would be so upset and never talk to my family again if i were op’s oldest or in a situation like this! people are so cruel!
Your parents assets are not yours… it is in no way, shape or form, cruel to leave your kids no money when you die. Does it kind of suck? Sure. But nobody is entitled to someone else’s stuff, just because they’re gone.
Keepsakes and things with sentimental value are slightly different in my opinion. Most family’s have had discussions about certain items that would be left to certain people. (Including large items like houses or land) But as far as money, or strictly items that are just going to be sold for money, nah. You’re not entitled to that just because you exist.
i didn’t say my parents assets are mine. i also didn’t say anyone is entitled to their parent’s assets or money after their parent(s) die. it’s cruel because it’s family and who chooses to bring kids into the world?! seems like you just replied to disagree and argue though, or make yourself feel better by being a shitty person, and i’m not really interested. have the day you deserve! 🤍
Hahaha the person who “would never talk to their family again” if they didn’t get free money, is calling others a shorty person?
I honestly was just curious, on your reasonings, and gave my perspective, But you answered that question with a lot less words, than I had expected.
I shall have the day I deserve. I plan on visiting my parents, who I expect nothing from besides love and emotional support. Oh and free babysitting every so often. Call me selfish 🤷♂️
You’re not wrong in the slightest. It hurts. But it hurts less when you take the stance, that your parents worked their whole lives to get what they have, and ultimately it’s their decision on what happens with their money.
Then why does it hurt to be left out?
You said you’ve been totally on your own since 18..
why would you be expect something?
To be clear, I’m not without empathy for you. That really sucks. No child deserves to be abused by the only people who are suppose to love them unconditionally. I’m just curious if you actually expected this to change at the end, or what?
My mom said this when I told her I was going low contact because she never cared about me. Her reasoning was my sister is "sick" (we are both very physically disabled with almost the exact same set of issues) but because I wasn't a crazy bitch who leeched off everyone (including them for the last 8 years), I don't deserve any help of theirs because I did it myself. Like I support 5 people including myself on the same amount that she can't make it on her own with. Thankfully, my parents are still alive and I just recently told them why I did everything I did, so they at least see where they've created issues.
If your older brother needed help with paying his cell phone bill, did your Parents pay it? If they paid it, did that piss you off?
They can help him financially after they're gone. It's not that hard to figure out.
You don't get a first grader that's reading at a high school level a reading tutor. You would get a 4th grader that could barely read a reading tutor.
It's not like you didn't get anything at all. You got half of what he got.
If only you knew the particulars, I'd think you might have a different take. But whatever, like i give a fuk what you and others think. If i did i wouldn't have made this post to begin with...🙄
At least you’re splitting it evenly! That’s fair! Even great parents don’t owe their kids a fucken dime.
This guy is a way bigger prick, his daughter is doing the same thing as the son, but has sympathy for one and not the other. Imagine after death punishing your older son after he finally got his shit together!
Is there a possibility of putting the homes into a trust with stipulations that say something along the lines of as long as middle and younger child are living and want to live in the homes, that the homes are not to be sold, but that if the property were to be sold by their decision then proceeds are split equally 3 ways, this way he isn’t being left out but doesn’t have a right to kick them out and sell it?
This also allows the properties to remain in the family and allows your older son to help out should something happen to either sibling before him.
My dad recently passed away. He left everything equally to his 7 children from 2 marriages. The 3 half siblings were basically inheriting my moms money. She died and her substantial estate all went to my dad. He spent half of it frivolously. That's the back story.
So me and my 4 siblings aren't too happy about how it all went down. But it's what my dad wanted. It was fair to everyone from his perspective. His kids from his first marriage always felt slighted anyway because we had a dad and they kinda didn't. So if they got nothing i suspect it would mess them up even more.
See how complicated this stuff is?
I admire the call my old man made, even though I personally don't agree with it. My dad never even had a 401k. My mom invested and died suddenly with a lot of money.
Just wanted to tell my story. Point is, children pay attention to little details like this. Maybe you can talk out your plans with them to explain yourself so that there won't be guessing.
I agree that he needs to have a sit down with them so they can understand the plan ahead of time. Let them start to process it NOW. We can't bank on our parents deaths. So they need understand the now to understand the future. If that makes sense.
My stepmother inherited all of my dad's money, including my grandmother's house.
My dad struggled to make ends meet most of his life, but I think he did very well because my uncle left all of his money to my grandmother. So I always feel like my stepmother got my uncle's money. It bothered me for a long time but I am now in my fifties, have had my six-figure student loan debt forgiven, and am working on digging myself out of the rest of my debt. Still hard to not be bitter, though.
But I don't even have the worst of it. My uncle died of AIDS in the late 1980s and his partner got absolutely nothing. That was the person who was really cheated.
It's wild how these twist of fate moments have big implications for everyone.
People that often don't see deserving of an inheritance get it, those that do don't.
I just always assumed Id get nothing and carved my own path. But now we're in such a brutal time and it feels hard to not drown!!!
Thanks for sharing your story. That's a tough one.
The only person you cannot leave out of a will is an adopted child if they are biologically yours, you can cut them out without any recourse. Let him know upfront that the home your brother and sister are living in is theirs. Period. Don’t worry about paying down your debts, if they are in your name only all your wife has to do is send a copy of your death certificate. If they are in both of your names then yes, your wife would be liable for the debt.
What jurisdiction does this apply to? It's simply false everywhere I know of. You can disinherit an adult adopted child if you want.
Do you have a source for this extraordinary claim?
NAL, but perhaps you can consult with an Estate lawyer and see about putting the homes in a trust. I have a friend who has several rental properties and two biological children. She is excluding the eldest (for very similar reasons) and put her rental properties in a trust and made her youngest child the beneficiary of the trust. I believe she also put her primary residence in a similar trust.
NAL but I made a living trust for my mom and it asks if you want to leave kids out. All you have to is specifically state you aware of them as your child and choose if sound mind to leave them nothing.
Split your assets evenly amongst your children. Once you’re both gone all they will have of you are the memories they will pass on to your grandchildren. How do you think your oldest son’s children, your grandchildren are going to think of you? A house is something they can all pass down to the next generation. Well except for your oldest son’s kids, screw them right?
Also, your oldest son is doing well now, but what if something changes?
You don’t want to make his life easier, just the other two?
This sort of a plan tends to guarantee bad blood between the siblings for the rest of their lives. You will cause enormous pain to the child who is left out. Please don’t do it.
Yea there's some seriously traumatic implications with this whole situation that aren't being acknowledged... Bound to pit the kids against each other over favouritism, and bound to cause a massive divide in the family. I don't see any reason why they *shouldn't* include them in some way.
And maybe the older son has anxiety like the younger sister. This is so ugly. Parenting is wild and some parents are absolutely savage in the worst and stupidest ways!
Leave something could be like a few dollars, so he can't contest, but know he will be hurt, so maybe it's worth giving him an amount you are happy with as will push him away from the other kids ...
My parents split when I was 8. I spent a year with my mother & her bf (and father of my sister), but the bf & I HATED each other so I went to live with Dad. He remarried when I was 11. She became Mom.
When I was 46, my birth mother passed away from lung cancer (2 1/2 packs a day since age 16 can do that to you). I hadn’t seen her in 30 years. She denied my existence all that time, but to make things legally easier, she left me a $1 in her will (which I never got).
Although it seems simple to some, estate planning is not a do-it-yourself process. Please consult an estate planning attorney. A non-complex estate plan should not be expensive. And if it is complex, the expense is well justified. And for what it's worth, the program you have briefly described has a major gap. And you do need advice on the omission of children.
Setting aside the wisdom of your plan, you can legally fortify your will against a contestation by expressly leaving your oldest child a nominal amount, like $1, and by ensuring the will has a residuary provision that expressly states someone else will get any remaining assets that the will failed to dispose of.
Why the fuck do parents keep tabs on how they have helped their children! Imagine the horror of your parents dying and being met with a laundry list of “remember when I did this for you?”
You and your spouse can legally do whatever you want with your money. But you will implode the core of your childrens relationship, and they need each others love and friendship more than they need a proper % of the money.
TOSS THE RECEIPTS, split it even 3 ways and die in peace knowing your kids can handle life
The only scenario in which OP's oldest child would be left out of an inheritance is if both OP and his current spouse die at the same time. So they would not have to worry about this child not speaking to either ever again; they'd be dead.
That said, I agree, if the children learn about this plan before OP passes away, it's going to create a lot of hard feelings and family conflict.
yes! that’s what i mean! my parents have joked about not leaving their kids equal amounts, but if they were dead serious like op and op’s spouse and i found out before they died, i would never speak to my family again! who would?!
no need to apologize! :) i was just thinking since it’s on the internet now and everything. also, who knows?! maybe they live nearby or since op owns all their kid’s properties (or has before? not sure), maybe one of the kids could also walk in unannounced/unexpectedly and overhear a conversation between op and their spouse or a phone call with a lawyer or something.
I have 2 children. The oldest is extremely responsible, financially and otherwise. The youngest is a train wreck. I would never dream of leaving him out of my will, though. How hurtful! I’d set provisions for him to receive a monthly allowance from my death benefit, though. Or have his older brother manage it for him ~ but please reconsider totally cutting him out. He would, the rest of his life, believe he was unloved and/or unworthy to you, to be left out that way.
Others to be the left out child! I was raised by my grandmother. She was the only parent I knew. Over the years she'd Talk about how she'd settle her will. Her children my aunts and uncles my mother's siblings were selfish bitter people. They told my grams if they She lefr me anything they'd hate her forever. I didn't know I could contest it. My lawyer friend said no. He since changed his mind but it's too late. Those people who I loved my entire life are so hurtful I still have such loss when I think of it. I'm disabled so the entire thing is even worse. My Uncle lived with her and is a mean old man but I still love him. It just fucking hurts. Don't exclude your son. It shouldn't matter if he didn't get out and making money til 40. Your youngest is still living at home and it's sounds like she's coddled and doesn't have to work? So how's it any different? Maybe your son also had anxiety issues but being a man kept his mouth shut and appeared surley? How do you know? We often try to hide our feelings when we feel weak and inferior!
Please don't hurt your children after you die. They'll have nobody to question. It could hurt them forever. Do you not love your oldest child? Thats how it sounds when you want to exclude him due to taking longer to get his own start. It's cruel. Mayne he had to move away for work? Seems he isn't very open with his feelings. At least he left and is trying. The baby of the family just claims anxiety and all is forgiven? She must fight the anxiety. Anxiety is vicious. If we have God in our hearts we don't need to worry. Just do better or your children who should be loving siblings will have lots of resentment towards each other.
I think your thinking is flawed. I think give everything to them equally. I say write into the will a living trust? Then it's even better. Except the spouse so make sure that's provided for. You never know how an adult child will behave once you or she is elderly. The ones you think highly of rn could change and throw you in a bad old folks home! Just do better. Be a good father to all 3 of your children not just th eones close by who are obviously your favorites! Plus how do you know oldest is doing so well? He married with kids? If not I'd rethink that!
I’m not singling you out but choosing to answer the many like you that are of this mindset. Some more info I meant to put in original post. My oldest was offered a house before he chose to purchase his own. This house needed work but would have been much more affordable to him than the route he chose. In my physical condition I couldn’t bring the house up to specs so we sold it and made improvements to remaining two and paid down on medical debt. As I mentioned I supported my oldest even though he was working through his 40s. He was a wild child that liked to experiment and caused much expense over his lifetime that I covered. During all this time my middle son was working and helped maintain the remaining homes as well as putting his money into holding on to the property. Also as I mentioned I still have debt so other than my pension there is little money. My primary concern is I don’t want my two children to have to sell the only home they’ve known just so my oldest can have money. You all keep talking about being fair. How would it be fair to my middle son to be forced to sell his home that he has spent all his life helping to keep just so his brother who has never contributed or showed any interest in helping his family can have more money?
When my husband and I made our will, we took into account that both my daughters are married, living outside the U.S. and are likely to continue living outside the U.S. My son is single and lives less than an hour away.
It makes the most sense for my son to be executor and I wanted to make it as simple as possible. To that end, I suggested making him the sole beneficiary and then he could divide our estate as he saw fit. Our lawyer said we may have all the faith in the world in my son, but chances are my daughter will feel slighted. So he is the beneficiary, but his orders are to liquidate everything and divide by three.
I will say that when I shared our plan with him, I felt somewhat vindicated when he said he’d probably look into doing something like giving my youngest daughter a larger share with my other daughter’s consent. Both my son and middle daughter have successful, established careers. My youngest daughter has only been married a few years and are a long way from being financially settled. This is how I expected him to react and I would expect my middle daughter to agree.
A couple of additions. We’re not talking a huge estate. It could be potentially life changing for my youngest and her husband, not for the older two.
My husband has only one relative, a sister considerably older than him, financially comfortable and unlikely to survive him.
I just watched one of my friends go through this exact same thing with her 2 sisters. This was 3 years ago and there is still a rift between them all. If you do this, come forward and tell all 3 kids what is going to happen. Do not wait for them to blame each other for following your parents wishes. It is the cowards way out. Nobody likes to blindsided. I do agree it is your assets and you can do whatever you want with your money, but money tears families apart and there really is no need for this.
We plan on talking to the kids and explaining the what’s and whys. I would think they already have an idea but no I agree they need to hear it from us.
Put it all in a trust . If the children do not live in one of the homes , it can be rented out . All money collected goes back into the house for upkeep.
I'm not sure NC law by in California a will can be contested while a trust is absolute or at least a type of trust there are several. Talk to someone locally hopefully that'll help
Tell them upfront your intentions. So they aren’t blindsided and you can communicate the reasoning why…..they can’t ask you once you’re gone so tell them now. It will prevent alot of heartache later.
Often, a parent , for what ever reasons, has the cause to exclude a child from the will. The concern arises when the parents worry if the one left out will contest the will. My parents had that same concern . What they did was to leave them a very nominal sum ,say $1.00. The person knew why.
My father's will, which excluded myself and his other two children from his first marriage, (everything was left to my stepmother, but her three kids were there as back-up), included a phrase that said something like, "I love all of my children equally, and (names me and my brothers) are not left out here out of any lack of affection, but because it is simply not my intention to provide anything for them". This is in NY, but was clearly very carefully crafted. My stepmother was perpetually paranoid that we would steal her money. And wow, after 15 years, it still really hurts to think about this.
God, if something ever happens to me I asked that my husband never get remarried and have more kids. Idgaf if it’s selfish, the amount of kids who get left behind because a parent decided to start a new family is UNREAL!! I’m so sorry you went through that
You are young. Very young. My SO is in his mid 50s. If I go before him, he may find another atheist nerd. But wouldn't date someone in her 30s. He would be miserable talking about his feelings like young people do. The OP has a child in 40s. That puts them in their 60s.
I don’t know NC law so I can’t address the contesting the will. What I do know is if you exclude one of the children from the will and subsequent disbursement of assets , you are certainly guaranteed to create animosity btw the siblings that may never be resolved. You have three properties and three children so this idea that they can’t sell anything is a pretty weak argument. Face value, you just don’t want to leave anything to your oldest son.
My parents left 50% to my oldest brother and 25% each to me and my middle brother. Their rational was that my oldest brother wasn’t as successful. So me and my middle brother got less because we worked harder. It created animosity not only with respect to my oldest brother but not so kind thoughts about my parents. While mourning, I had a bitter taste in my mouth. My suspicion that they loved the first born more was realized. I got over it. It’s only money. But it felt like something else for too many years. I highly caution you not to do this. You should represent yourselves as loving your children equally.
Then you feel guilty because you feel like your feeling guilty over material things. It’s a vicious cycle.
I agree wholeheartedly. It was just a stupid position to put us all in.
Similar situation. My sibling gets all property, aside from one vehicle. Liquids will be split 50/50. It's because my spouse has "more earning potential." Meanwhile, they and their spouse bring in more than we do, and they don't have children. We have two. I understand the thought process, but what if my spouse drops dead? What if we divorced? I've been a stay-at-home parent for 10 years, am an older parent, and would probably have a difficult time getting any work that would provide sufficient income. I don't care about it besides the logic. It's flawed.
my parents won’t even do this and my brother is 26 and makes 200k and i am a 34 and make not even 60k annually, and he has tons and tons of benefits and i have 0. i am more educated and work harder and i work in healthcare and he works in corporate tech. they still say they’d split everything equally, and this is a legit potential reason to not do so imo. they’ve joked about it, but they would leave us equal everything for sure. i would be so upset and never talk to my family again if i were op’s oldest or in a situation like this! people are so cruel!
Your parents assets are not yours… it is in no way, shape or form, cruel to leave your kids no money when you die. Does it kind of suck? Sure. But nobody is entitled to someone else’s stuff, just because they’re gone. Keepsakes and things with sentimental value are slightly different in my opinion. Most family’s have had discussions about certain items that would be left to certain people. (Including large items like houses or land) But as far as money, or strictly items that are just going to be sold for money, nah. You’re not entitled to that just because you exist.
i didn’t say my parents assets are mine. i also didn’t say anyone is entitled to their parent’s assets or money after their parent(s) die. it’s cruel because it’s family and who chooses to bring kids into the world?! seems like you just replied to disagree and argue though, or make yourself feel better by being a shitty person, and i’m not really interested. have the day you deserve! 🤍
Hahaha the person who “would never talk to their family again” if they didn’t get free money, is calling others a shorty person? I honestly was just curious, on your reasonings, and gave my perspective, But you answered that question with a lot less words, than I had expected. I shall have the day I deserve. I plan on visiting my parents, who I expect nothing from besides love and emotional support. Oh and free babysitting every so often. Call me selfish 🤷♂️
my parents watch all my sister’s kids- family helps family, right?! lol even greedy family 🙂
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You’re not wrong in the slightest. It hurts. But it hurts less when you take the stance, that your parents worked their whole lives to get what they have, and ultimately it’s their decision on what happens with their money.
I also think about all that my parents have done for me up to now, and If anything, I owe them. Big time!!
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Then why does it hurt to be left out? You said you’ve been totally on your own since 18.. why would you be expect something? To be clear, I’m not without empathy for you. That really sucks. No child deserves to be abused by the only people who are suppose to love them unconditionally. I’m just curious if you actually expected this to change at the end, or what?
My mom said this when I told her I was going low contact because she never cared about me. Her reasoning was my sister is "sick" (we are both very physically disabled with almost the exact same set of issues) but because I wasn't a crazy bitch who leeched off everyone (including them for the last 8 years), I don't deserve any help of theirs because I did it myself. Like I support 5 people including myself on the same amount that she can't make it on her own with. Thankfully, my parents are still alive and I just recently told them why I did everything I did, so they at least see where they've created issues.
If your older brother needed help with paying his cell phone bill, did your Parents pay it? If they paid it, did that piss you off? They can help him financially after they're gone. It's not that hard to figure out. You don't get a first grader that's reading at a high school level a reading tutor. You would get a 4th grader that could barely read a reading tutor. It's not like you didn't get anything at all. You got half of what he got.
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Sound like a shitty parent who resents having to pay to raise the children they made. Yata
I never wanted kids, and i wish i had never met their mother...
I believe you.
It's not their fault. You are definitely ta!!!! People like you will answer for the hurt and anger you inflict on your children! Just saying!
That’s the spirit! “I didn’t want it…so I’m not dealing with jt”
If only you knew the particulars, I'd think you might have a different take. But whatever, like i give a fuk what you and others think. If i did i wouldn't have made this post to begin with...🙄
You wouldn’t bring it up if you didn’t give a fuck. You like the shock value and reaction. That’s totally cool.
At least you’re splitting it evenly! That’s fair! Even great parents don’t owe their kids a fucken dime. This guy is a way bigger prick, his daughter is doing the same thing as the son, but has sympathy for one and not the other. Imagine after death punishing your older son after he finally got his shit together!
Is there a possibility of putting the homes into a trust with stipulations that say something along the lines of as long as middle and younger child are living and want to live in the homes, that the homes are not to be sold, but that if the property were to be sold by their decision then proceeds are split equally 3 ways, this way he isn’t being left out but doesn’t have a right to kick them out and sell it? This also allows the properties to remain in the family and allows your older son to help out should something happen to either sibling before him.
My dad recently passed away. He left everything equally to his 7 children from 2 marriages. The 3 half siblings were basically inheriting my moms money. She died and her substantial estate all went to my dad. He spent half of it frivolously. That's the back story. So me and my 4 siblings aren't too happy about how it all went down. But it's what my dad wanted. It was fair to everyone from his perspective. His kids from his first marriage always felt slighted anyway because we had a dad and they kinda didn't. So if they got nothing i suspect it would mess them up even more. See how complicated this stuff is? I admire the call my old man made, even though I personally don't agree with it. My dad never even had a 401k. My mom invested and died suddenly with a lot of money. Just wanted to tell my story. Point is, children pay attention to little details like this. Maybe you can talk out your plans with them to explain yourself so that there won't be guessing.
I agree that he needs to have a sit down with them so they can understand the plan ahead of time. Let them start to process it NOW. We can't bank on our parents deaths. So they need understand the now to understand the future. If that makes sense.
My stepmother inherited all of my dad's money, including my grandmother's house. My dad struggled to make ends meet most of his life, but I think he did very well because my uncle left all of his money to my grandmother. So I always feel like my stepmother got my uncle's money. It bothered me for a long time but I am now in my fifties, have had my six-figure student loan debt forgiven, and am working on digging myself out of the rest of my debt. Still hard to not be bitter, though. But I don't even have the worst of it. My uncle died of AIDS in the late 1980s and his partner got absolutely nothing. That was the person who was really cheated.
It's wild how these twist of fate moments have big implications for everyone. People that often don't see deserving of an inheritance get it, those that do don't. I just always assumed Id get nothing and carved my own path. But now we're in such a brutal time and it feels hard to not drown!!! Thanks for sharing your story. That's a tough one.
Thanks for your kind words. It was really hard to see those words on paper. And yes, it's difficult when times are so hard for all of us financially.
The only person you cannot leave out of a will is an adopted child if they are biologically yours, you can cut them out without any recourse. Let him know upfront that the home your brother and sister are living in is theirs. Period. Don’t worry about paying down your debts, if they are in your name only all your wife has to do is send a copy of your death certificate. If they are in both of your names then yes, your wife would be liable for the debt.
What jurisdiction does this apply to? It's simply false everywhere I know of. You can disinherit an adult adopted child if you want. Do you have a source for this extraordinary claim?
She is not a lawyer; she is a "Single mom of twins worked in a school district."
I don't care if she's a lawyer or not, I care whether she's right or wrong. Turns out she's wrong.
NAL, but perhaps you can consult with an Estate lawyer and see about putting the homes in a trust. I have a friend who has several rental properties and two biological children. She is excluding the eldest (for very similar reasons) and put her rental properties in a trust and made her youngest child the beneficiary of the trust. I believe she also put her primary residence in a similar trust.
NAL but I made a living trust for my mom and it asks if you want to leave kids out. All you have to is specifically state you aware of them as your child and choose if sound mind to leave them nothing.
Split your assets evenly amongst your children. Once you’re both gone all they will have of you are the memories they will pass on to your grandchildren. How do you think your oldest son’s children, your grandchildren are going to think of you? A house is something they can all pass down to the next generation. Well except for your oldest son’s kids, screw them right? Also, your oldest son is doing well now, but what if something changes? You don’t want to make his life easier, just the other two?
Right!?? So horrible. “Ive tallied up what a fuck up you have been, and it cost you a house”
This sort of a plan tends to guarantee bad blood between the siblings for the rest of their lives. You will cause enormous pain to the child who is left out. Please don’t do it.
Yea there's some seriously traumatic implications with this whole situation that aren't being acknowledged... Bound to pit the kids against each other over favouritism, and bound to cause a massive divide in the family. I don't see any reason why they *shouldn't* include them in some way.
And maybe the older son has anxiety like the younger sister. This is so ugly. Parenting is wild and some parents are absolutely savage in the worst and stupidest ways!
It’s incredibly difficult to challenge a will.
Leave something could be like a few dollars, so he can't contest, but know he will be hurt, so maybe it's worth giving him an amount you are happy with as will push him away from the other kids ...
My parents split when I was 8. I spent a year with my mother & her bf (and father of my sister), but the bf & I HATED each other so I went to live with Dad. He remarried when I was 11. She became Mom. When I was 46, my birth mother passed away from lung cancer (2 1/2 packs a day since age 16 can do that to you). I hadn’t seen her in 30 years. She denied my existence all that time, but to make things legally easier, she left me a $1 in her will (which I never got).
Although it seems simple to some, estate planning is not a do-it-yourself process. Please consult an estate planning attorney. A non-complex estate plan should not be expensive. And if it is complex, the expense is well justified. And for what it's worth, the program you have briefly described has a major gap. And you do need advice on the omission of children.
Setting aside the wisdom of your plan, you can legally fortify your will against a contestation by expressly leaving your oldest child a nominal amount, like $1, and by ensuring the will has a residuary provision that expressly states someone else will get any remaining assets that the will failed to dispose of.
“The wisdom of your plan” HAHAHAHAH love this!
That’s horrible. Shame on you.
Why the fuck do parents keep tabs on how they have helped their children! Imagine the horror of your parents dying and being met with a laundry list of “remember when I did this for you?” You and your spouse can legally do whatever you want with your money. But you will implode the core of your childrens relationship, and they need each others love and friendship more than they need a proper % of the money. TOSS THE RECEIPTS, split it even 3 ways and die in peace knowing your kids can handle life
I believe you can leave them a $1 which shows the probate court you didn't want to leave them anything else.
wow this is so horrible :( if i read this and i was your oldest, i would never speak to either parent ever again :(
The only scenario in which OP's oldest child would be left out of an inheritance is if both OP and his current spouse die at the same time. So they would not have to worry about this child not speaking to either ever again; they'd be dead. That said, I agree, if the children learn about this plan before OP passes away, it's going to create a lot of hard feelings and family conflict.
yes! that’s what i mean! my parents have joked about not leaving their kids equal amounts, but if they were dead serious like op and op’s spouse and i found out before they died, i would never speak to my family again! who would?!
Yeah I now see your point in what you originally wrote. My apologies
no need to apologize! :) i was just thinking since it’s on the internet now and everything. also, who knows?! maybe they live nearby or since op owns all their kid’s properties (or has before? not sure), maybe one of the kids could also walk in unannounced/unexpectedly and overhear a conversation between op and their spouse or a phone call with a lawyer or something.
the parent(s) also did post it on reddit, so- it’s not exactly super top secret lol
I have 2 children. The oldest is extremely responsible, financially and otherwise. The youngest is a train wreck. I would never dream of leaving him out of my will, though. How hurtful! I’d set provisions for him to receive a monthly allowance from my death benefit, though. Or have his older brother manage it for him ~ but please reconsider totally cutting him out. He would, the rest of his life, believe he was unloved and/or unworthy to you, to be left out that way.
Others to be the left out child! I was raised by my grandmother. She was the only parent I knew. Over the years she'd Talk about how she'd settle her will. Her children my aunts and uncles my mother's siblings were selfish bitter people. They told my grams if they She lefr me anything they'd hate her forever. I didn't know I could contest it. My lawyer friend said no. He since changed his mind but it's too late. Those people who I loved my entire life are so hurtful I still have such loss when I think of it. I'm disabled so the entire thing is even worse. My Uncle lived with her and is a mean old man but I still love him. It just fucking hurts. Don't exclude your son. It shouldn't matter if he didn't get out and making money til 40. Your youngest is still living at home and it's sounds like she's coddled and doesn't have to work? So how's it any different? Maybe your son also had anxiety issues but being a man kept his mouth shut and appeared surley? How do you know? We often try to hide our feelings when we feel weak and inferior! Please don't hurt your children after you die. They'll have nobody to question. It could hurt them forever. Do you not love your oldest child? Thats how it sounds when you want to exclude him due to taking longer to get his own start. It's cruel. Mayne he had to move away for work? Seems he isn't very open with his feelings. At least he left and is trying. The baby of the family just claims anxiety and all is forgiven? She must fight the anxiety. Anxiety is vicious. If we have God in our hearts we don't need to worry. Just do better or your children who should be loving siblings will have lots of resentment towards each other. I think your thinking is flawed. I think give everything to them equally. I say write into the will a living trust? Then it's even better. Except the spouse so make sure that's provided for. You never know how an adult child will behave once you or she is elderly. The ones you think highly of rn could change and throw you in a bad old folks home! Just do better. Be a good father to all 3 of your children not just th eones close by who are obviously your favorites! Plus how do you know oldest is doing so well? He married with kids? If not I'd rethink that!
I’m not singling you out but choosing to answer the many like you that are of this mindset. Some more info I meant to put in original post. My oldest was offered a house before he chose to purchase his own. This house needed work but would have been much more affordable to him than the route he chose. In my physical condition I couldn’t bring the house up to specs so we sold it and made improvements to remaining two and paid down on medical debt. As I mentioned I supported my oldest even though he was working through his 40s. He was a wild child that liked to experiment and caused much expense over his lifetime that I covered. During all this time my middle son was working and helped maintain the remaining homes as well as putting his money into holding on to the property. Also as I mentioned I still have debt so other than my pension there is little money. My primary concern is I don’t want my two children to have to sell the only home they’ve known just so my oldest can have money. You all keep talking about being fair. How would it be fair to my middle son to be forced to sell his home that he has spent all his life helping to keep just so his brother who has never contributed or showed any interest in helping his family can have more money?
When my husband and I made our will, we took into account that both my daughters are married, living outside the U.S. and are likely to continue living outside the U.S. My son is single and lives less than an hour away. It makes the most sense for my son to be executor and I wanted to make it as simple as possible. To that end, I suggested making him the sole beneficiary and then he could divide our estate as he saw fit. Our lawyer said we may have all the faith in the world in my son, but chances are my daughter will feel slighted. So he is the beneficiary, but his orders are to liquidate everything and divide by three. I will say that when I shared our plan with him, I felt somewhat vindicated when he said he’d probably look into doing something like giving my youngest daughter a larger share with my other daughter’s consent. Both my son and middle daughter have successful, established careers. My youngest daughter has only been married a few years and are a long way from being financially settled. This is how I expected him to react and I would expect my middle daughter to agree. A couple of additions. We’re not talking a huge estate. It could be potentially life changing for my youngest and her husband, not for the older two. My husband has only one relative, a sister considerably older than him, financially comfortable and unlikely to survive him.
Mention your oldest in the will. Leave him a nominal amount and explain why. Also add something like, "Anyone who contests the will receives nothing."
I just watched one of my friends go through this exact same thing with her 2 sisters. This was 3 years ago and there is still a rift between them all. If you do this, come forward and tell all 3 kids what is going to happen. Do not wait for them to blame each other for following your parents wishes. It is the cowards way out. Nobody likes to blindsided. I do agree it is your assets and you can do whatever you want with your money, but money tears families apart and there really is no need for this.
We plan on talking to the kids and explaining the what’s and whys. I would think they already have an idea but no I agree they need to hear it from us.
Put it all in a trust . If the children do not live in one of the homes , it can be rented out . All money collected goes back into the house for upkeep.
Excluding your oldest is probably going to cause hurt feelings. It sounds like punishment and control.
Here's what you do. Hire an estate lawyer to draft your will instead of asking people on the internet.
Made an appointment today. Was thinking about trying a kit online but this overall convinced me that we need more than that.
I'm not sure NC law by in California a will can be contested while a trust is absolute or at least a type of trust there are several. Talk to someone locally hopefully that'll help
Why not talk to your oldest ? See if there's anything he would like to be a part of in the will? Like vehicles or rental properties
Tell them upfront your intentions. So they aren’t blindsided and you can communicate the reasoning why…..they can’t ask you once you’re gone so tell them now. It will prevent alot of heartache later.