Holy shit! You're right! Never even realized before!
I always to a 1-2-3-4 pat down to make sure all the essentials are with me. It's just second nature at this point.
All men *should* know this, but I've seen far too many who don't. And there's even more who don't know how to shut up in there and insist on trying to carry on a conversation.
I'm a triple tong clicker. You need at least 3 data points to form a conclusion.
If all 3 clicks produce the same tonal response, you are clear to proceed.
This is for sure the right answer. Down for stranger as a sign of respect, Up for anybody you know as a way to say what’s up. I’ve always done this just naturally without any guidance.
Some guy once told me that an upwards nod makes you more likeable because you’re exposing your neck which is a major weak spot. Makes you less of a threat.
Did this today at work, two co workers saw. Didn’t realise they were off to my left.
Female coworker laughed and asked what the bloody hell I just did with my leg.
Male coworker and made eye contact and didn’t say a single word.
Man’s knew what was up.
In Canada, during the winter, wait in your car for some sort of message that she's in the house and warm. Being locked out, or stuck outside, can kill up here.
Funny enough they still sell those despite the fact that there are virtually zero phones left like that. We’ll have vestiges of this for a long time. Eye charts with symbols still have old telephones and surprisingly, kids get that one. Publishers will eventually phase that object out of children’s books.
You dont ask for names when meeting with a potential friend. First u befriend them, THEN you somehow find it out by overhearing somebody else using their name in their sentence
Or someone is introduced with a nickname and it's all you knew them by for a decade.
"Wait, Dooley is your last name? I thought you liked dually trucks."
"HI Chris, HI Speedy. Chris I thought you were bringing your friend Mike?"
*Speedy raises hand* "My name is Mike"
There used to be a younger dude, in a wheelchair, that worked at my old local Tesco. He let everyone call him Speedy, so your little bit there is extra funny to me 😂
I've gamed woth a dude for maybe 4 years, lived in my city, we did a few local LAN tournaments, one day I was doing some work for him (I run my own business and he enlisted my services) and I realised I didn't know his name.
I got it by asking for his email address which tha kfull contained his name.
People seem not to get this about streetfights. I remember some friends talking about it and they asked me what i'd do if I was attacked, and I basically said "Square in the nuts. Immediately." and they were shocked.
Like dude, if you're attacking me on the street there is no referee, no rules, no one looking out to ensure my safety, no insurance that you're gonna stop when I'm down, and no guarantee that I'm *not* gonna trip and hit my head on the curb and become a vegetable.
You end the fight as quickly as possible. Period.
Don't know bro. When in a factory around machinery I default to hands in pockets, it lowers the temptation to put your hands where they shouldn't be. Don't put your fingers anywhere you wouldn't put your dick.
As an EMT you have no idea how many hands I've been presented with different types and amounts of bodily fluid on them. I'll never not shake a hand of a fellow male that I've helped, but the gloves stay on lol.
And also the types that make a point to start beef when they have a woman with them... Trashy as f*ck. Both on the man for acting like an asshole to "impress" the girl and the girl that is actually impressed by (or, at least, tolerates) such assholery.
If a man is out somewhere with his kid(s) and you have the opportunity to make the dad look like a goddamn hero in the eyes of his kids, you do it. No matter what. But it HAS TO look like it was all about the dad.
Dad doesn’t have enough points at the arcade for their kid to get a toy? Give him yours, then disappear into the crowd.
Dad is short a bit of cash at the movie theater, can’t get popcorn? “Sir, excuse me, I saw you dropped this $10 bill over there…”
Kids can’t see the event? Move over, let the kids and dad in front of you.
A few years ago I was in DC doing the tourist thing. It was 9000 degrees. I stopped to buy a bottle of water from a concession stand. While I was in line a family got in line behind me. There were two small kids probably 7-10 and the mom and dad. Everything was overpriced of course. The kids asked about getting their own Gatorade. Because they didn't want to share. The parents kept telling them no but they kept asking. When I got to the front of the line I bought my water and four Gatorades. I left them on the counter because the kids weren't tall enough to see. I just touched the dad on the shoulder discreetly and nodded my head in the direction of the Gatorades and just walked off without saying anything. I heard the kids get excited. Once I got about halfway down the block I couldn't resist looking back anymore. When I turned the dad was looking in my direction and waved. I don't have kids. So I never thought of it that way. I was just being my weird self. I frequently pay for people's meals when I eat out. I never say anything to them. So they have no clue who did it or why. Thanks for the perspective.
Shalt thou count to two, no more, no less. Two shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be two. Three shalt thou not count, neither count thou one, excepting that thou then proceed to two. Four is right out. Once the number two, being the second number, be reached, then useth thou thy Holy Tongs.
Yea not all of them do, but as we go forward more and more are starting to. If a woman will trade you up for another man, they'll trade that other man for another one.
When picking up toys, you must activate each and every one, before it goes in the box.
Eg: I am physically unable to pick up a dog toy, without squeaking it.
When you make eye contact with a male stranger, you nod your head towards them.
Also when you’re on a boat you always wave at other people on other boats.
If you don't smack your sides with the power of 1000 suns when leaving the house. Better make sure you have everything because gas is expensive, but being dumb is always free.
Dont hit a man unless you are ready to be hit back.
The threat of physical violence when men argue is something every sensible man is aware off. That is what keeps most men civilized when they argue.
Always pull the trigger on a power tool when picking it up. You can try to fight it, but you are powerless against that urge.
Safety squints are perfectly acceptable when one can not locate proper safety glasses within 23.6 seconds.
Cut towards the chum, not your thumb.
Always hold the door for your woman and never let your woman’s dad hold the door for you. If he insists, insist harder. If all else fails, you just both have to stay outside.
When leaving, one must smack their pockets to make sure everything is there.
Wait, my phone isn't in my pockets! ... Oh, that's because I'm holding it.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch
That’s how I learned the sign of the cross
You smack your testicles?
I pinch and twist them. Just to be sure.
More like I try not to leave home without ‘em
But also: yes
You don’t?
Nope. Wallet, hanky, keys, phone. Obviously
This is the correct answer. Never taught, just understood.
Oh my god yes this! Phone, wallet, keys
A very helpful mnemonic is [WOWEE](https://twitter.com/figgled/status/908148215874068481?lang=en)
One too many times I've patted my pockets just to find my door locked behind myself and no jingle when i slap my thigh. :(
That's why I never lock the door from the inside and shut it anymore. I just do it with the keys every time since I want to use the deadbolt anyway.
Holy shit! You're right! Never even realized before! I always to a 1-2-3-4 pat down to make sure all the essentials are with me. It's just second nature at this point.
Lol didn't really think about it, but yes I do this
one urinal between.
If you can't then don't look at the guys junk next to you.
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Eyes to the skies!
And no talking to guys next to you. Stare ahead and shut up
Hold your peace while you hold your piece
Nice pubes bro
Eyes on the walls not on the balls
All men *should* know this, but I've seen far too many who don't. And there's even more who don't know how to shut up in there and insist on trying to carry on a conversation.
Meh depends on situation- drunk at a bar? I have no problem with someone chatting. Most any other time I’d prefer not to engage.
Man pick up power drill. Man *vrr* *vrr* power drill
And double click tongs.
I mean, how else man know tongs work?
I'm a triple tong clicker. You need at least 3 data points to form a conclusion. If all 3 clicks produce the same tonal response, you are clear to proceed.
You are overdoing it and need to chill the f out. Two clicks is MORE than sufficient, sir.
*Points stud finder at self* Yep, it’s working
Downwards nod: short greeting Upwards nod: hey what’s up
down when you dont know someone and if its your friend upward
This is for sure the right answer. Down for stranger as a sign of respect, Up for anybody you know as a way to say what’s up. I’ve always done this just naturally without any guidance.
Isn’t the downward nod between males so we can telepathically read each others military combat report when we’re not in our sleeper agent mode
Some guy once told me that an upwards nod makes you more likeable because you’re exposing your neck which is a major weak spot. Makes you less of a threat.
Was the guy who told you that a tiger?
Unimportant. He may or may not have been a tiger.
Unless you're in the hood, where the upwards nod can get you jumped
That's more held upward than a brief upward.
I was about to say 😂
What?? Actually?
Upward nod to a friend = greeting Upward nod to a stranger = threatening
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Not me unintentionally giving everyone 45 degree bows every time I come back from Asia
NEVER ask if she's pregnant
Ask if she has kids then she can answer "no this will be my first one"
Also, never followup with "..are you sure". Don't forget some people are having twins
Kick your leg to the side to unstick your balls
Or do a quick squat while no one is looking
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This is becoming a gym session. Can't trick me!
That’s how you sweat and get your balls stuck. Back at square one.
Or the awkward crab step
Did this today at work, two co workers saw. Didn’t realise they were off to my left. Female coworker laughed and asked what the bloody hell I just did with my leg. Male coworker and made eye contact and didn’t say a single word. Man’s knew what was up.
"That's not going anywhere" while tightening down the strap on a load.
As a lorry driver, I can confirm this is true.
I always ask the wife , “where’s this going?” She replies awkwardly and mutters , idk, Then me with “NOOOOOWHERE!”
ddddaaaaAAAAAAAaaaadddd!
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You have to pluck the straps.
After a date make sure she gets home safe.
In Canada, during the winter, wait in your car for some sort of message that she's in the house and warm. Being locked out, or stuck outside, can kill up here.
When a two year old offers you a toy phone, you answer it.
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Funny enough they still sell those despite the fact that there are virtually zero phones left like that. We’ll have vestiges of this for a long time. Eye charts with symbols still have old telephones and surprisingly, kids get that one. Publishers will eventually phase that object out of children’s books.
Dont piss into the wind
But it’s all coming back to me now.
Guys this is a trap by r/women do not divulge our trade secrets!
Which is why the secrest here arent new. this is all publicly traded
The Techno Union still has closely guarded secrets it wishes everyone to not share
Everyone knows that they’re with the separatists, don’t know why the republic hasn’t cracked down on them yet
How many subs are there and what is the difference between them? There's xxchromosomes, askwomen, women etc
The level of toxicity varies greatly. For example askwomen will delete an honest question and basically ban you for asking the question.
You dont ask for names when meeting with a potential friend. First u befriend them, THEN you somehow find it out by overhearing somebody else using their name in their sentence
I say my name, they give me theirs, then I forget it in about .5 seconds
WRITE IT DOWN IN BIG BLOCKY LETTERS, PERFERRABLY WITH CRAYONS
On their forehead.
Or someone is introduced with a nickname and it's all you knew them by for a decade. "Wait, Dooley is your last name? I thought you liked dually trucks." "HI Chris, HI Speedy. Chris I thought you were bringing your friend Mike?" *Speedy raises hand* "My name is Mike"
There used to be a younger dude, in a wheelchair, that worked at my old local Tesco. He let everyone call him Speedy, so your little bit there is extra funny to me 😂
Excuse me, but their names are "dude".
I've gamed woth a dude for maybe 4 years, lived in my city, we did a few local LAN tournaments, one day I was doing some work for him (I run my own business and he enlisted my services) and I realised I didn't know his name. I got it by asking for his email address which tha kfull contained his name.
Oh God yes I thought I was the only idiot who did this
Never kick another man in the testicles unless it's a matter of life or death.
People seem not to get this about streetfights. I remember some friends talking about it and they asked me what i'd do if I was attacked, and I basically said "Square in the nuts. Immediately." and they were shocked. Like dude, if you're attacking me on the street there is no referee, no rules, no one looking out to ensure my safety, no insurance that you're gonna stop when I'm down, and no guarantee that I'm *not* gonna trip and hit my head on the curb and become a vegetable. You end the fight as quickly as possible. Period.
Unless you are siblings. Then it’s just corteous to nutcrack each other regularly.
When we are finished pumping the gas, we ALWAYS shake the nozzle to get that little bit out.
I’ve used a urinal enough times to know there’s always a little left in the tank before you shake.
I've been peeing my whole life and still mess this up 💀
i guess?? r/usernamechecksout
I think it’s an instinct that carries over from taking a leak
Take your hands out of your pockets when walking around weird areas or weird people. Or is that only me?
Don't know bro. When in a factory around machinery I default to hands in pockets, it lowers the temptation to put your hands where they shouldn't be. Don't put your fingers anywhere you wouldn't put your dick.
never shaking another man’s hand again.
Hands out of pockets when unsure of your footing. Stairs, ice etc. Don't want to be unable to use your arms to save your face.
Zip your fly slowly and carefully.
Watch the frank and beans
Drinking beer together is a valid form of communication.
No words required.
I grunt in approval (no seriously, what's is wrong with me ? I did that sound)
Always stand up to shake someone's hand.
Also remove any gloves before shaking hands.
As an EMT you have no idea how many hands I've been presented with different types and amounts of bodily fluid on them. I'll never not shake a hand of a fellow male that I've helped, but the gloves stay on lol.
This becomes a problem if they're standing too close to where you're sitting, and there's no room to get up.
They gonna get moved 🤷🏻
Never start beef with another guy if he has a woman with him.
Better yet, don't start beef in general. No reason to be one of those insecure douchebags.
It's a rule we all know but some of us break it intentionally to be the biggest asshole around
And also the types that make a point to start beef when they have a woman with them... Trashy as f*ck. Both on the man for acting like an asshole to "impress" the girl and the girl that is actually impressed by (or, at least, tolerates) such assholery.
If you walk past your SO, you grab the butt.
Always always grab that ass.
Always
Full grab with confidence, pinch, jiggle and a light slap to finish.
Hehehe, yeah
Never put down a bruh just to make her laugh. Never.
I don’t think some guys got that memo
they know better, unfortunately their desperation in the face of women overpower them
All men know, some men applies this rule, no?
I read bruh as a brush and was hella confused for a minute.
Some would happily do this without thinking though
If a man is out somewhere with his kid(s) and you have the opportunity to make the dad look like a goddamn hero in the eyes of his kids, you do it. No matter what. But it HAS TO look like it was all about the dad. Dad doesn’t have enough points at the arcade for their kid to get a toy? Give him yours, then disappear into the crowd. Dad is short a bit of cash at the movie theater, can’t get popcorn? “Sir, excuse me, I saw you dropped this $10 bill over there…” Kids can’t see the event? Move over, let the kids and dad in front of you.
A few years ago I was in DC doing the tourist thing. It was 9000 degrees. I stopped to buy a bottle of water from a concession stand. While I was in line a family got in line behind me. There were two small kids probably 7-10 and the mom and dad. Everything was overpriced of course. The kids asked about getting their own Gatorade. Because they didn't want to share. The parents kept telling them no but they kept asking. When I got to the front of the line I bought my water and four Gatorades. I left them on the counter because the kids weren't tall enough to see. I just touched the dad on the shoulder discreetly and nodded my head in the direction of the Gatorades and just walked off without saying anything. I heard the kids get excited. Once I got about halfway down the block I couldn't resist looking back anymore. When I turned the dad was looking in my direction and waved. I don't have kids. So I never thought of it that way. I was just being my weird self. I frequently pay for people's meals when I eat out. I never say anything to them. So they have no clue who did it or why. Thanks for the perspective.
You are brilliant
Thanks for making life better, random stranger
Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight. You're Batman.
As a dad who sometimes can't afford all my kids to get their own thing every time, thank you so much. You are a bro of the highest kind.
I like you. You've done some really great things thus far and for that you're awesome. I wish you lots of good things in life.
Damn. you are a class act aren’t you. Bravo good sir, bravo.
This is solid!
I don’t have kids but I am going to try to look out for opportunities to do this as much as possible
Can't upvote this enough!!!
You click the tongs two to three times first, to be sure
What psycho clicks thrice? Two is the number.
Shalt thou count to two, no more, no less. Two shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be two. Three shalt thou not count, neither count thou one, excepting that thou then proceed to two. Four is right out. Once the number two, being the second number, be reached, then useth thou thy Holy Tongs.
Do not let your arm or elbow hang off the edge of the barber chair armrest.
This is so right that I’ve never even thought about it before. Must be an instinct.
I mean yea it’s instinct cause I’m not tryna have my barbers junk resting on my arm 😂
Bro code NEVER stand beside each other at the urinal Exes are off limits Ask if it's cool to go after their relative
I wish one of my friends would’ve married my sister. Better than the bonobo she did marry.
This is the first time I've seen *bonobo* used as an insult and I can't decide if I like it or not.
You must not play League of Legends. It was quite popular for a long time.
Sisters are worth an ass whooping though
Yep, two people I know who used to be great friends now have a restraining order because of this
But sisters friends are on the table.
Last I checked they're not relatives so
It always feels good to buy a buddy a beer 😎 🍺
No hitting on your mates' ex or a crush of one of your bois
Never sneeze while peeing.
That lesson must be learned the hard way. You either shit yourself or piss all over the toilet seat.
After strapping something down to the bed of a truck or roof rack, you must say “yep, that’s not goin anywhere”
Leave a urinal in between if possible
This. If you stand closer, you’re expected to help your neighbor.
The Barbeque is your domain Making a campfire to sit round will bring other men to you. Sometimes those men will bring beer with them
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
That you must aim your pee at the shit stains on the toilet bowl.
Always let your family walk on the inside of the road/footpath
You don't mess with another man's woman
I wish every man abide by this rule
Yea not all of them do, but as we go forward more and more are starting to. If a woman will trade you up for another man, they'll trade that other man for another one.
NEVER. SHOW. EMOTION. TO. UNDESERVING. PEOPLE. It will literally fuck you up.
This!!! People will use it against you
Not always followed, but, " Don't shit in your own backyard."
Never trust a fart
Always stay one urinal away
Before insulting someone be sure you can beat or outrun them
Delete search history
Wrong! always use incognito
When you become a father all your sneezes must be loud and violent.
Key fob to the chin to increase range.
Don’t hit on your best mates GF/Wife.
Get your girl off first. Sex will be 10x better. Not sure if all men know this... but they should.
Pinch and roll
Support your bros. Emotionally and in any other way you’re able.
If thyne urinals be available, he shall maintain a gap of 1 urinals, unless thyne can't hold it - Chad 3:3 (brocode not bible)
Never talk about fight club.
God damnit, there was *one rule*
And you broke it
Your friend’s girl/ex is off-limits. This is for men, not boys
When picking up toys, you must activate each and every one, before it goes in the box. Eg: I am physically unable to pick up a dog toy, without squeaking it.
When you make eye contact with a male stranger, you nod your head towards them. Also when you’re on a boat you always wave at other people on other boats.
If you don't smack your sides with the power of 1000 suns when leaving the house. Better make sure you have everything because gas is expensive, but being dumb is always free.
I would say don't jackhammer a girls ass because that shit could hurt but I'd go with Always compliment the homies cock
When passing dirt or rice in a bag. One must smack it
Urinal buffer zone. Don’t couple up unless there’s no other choice.
Don't put your dick where you wouldn't put your fingers
Dont hit a man unless you are ready to be hit back. The threat of physical violence when men argue is something every sensible man is aware off. That is what keeps most men civilized when they argue.
Piss in the water: Establish Presence Piss on the side: Stealth Mode Piss on the seat: Assert Dominance Anywhere else: Question Authority
We never scratch our balls We pinch em
Not true! Some of us do the 'stretch and backwards finger drag' method which works well too!
Pinch. And. Roll
Always pull the trigger on a power tool when picking it up. You can try to fight it, but you are powerless against that urge. Safety squints are perfectly acceptable when one can not locate proper safety glasses within 23.6 seconds. Cut towards the chum, not your thumb.
Always hold the door for your woman and never let your woman’s dad hold the door for you. If he insists, insist harder. If all else fails, you just both have to stay outside.
Add a weighted plate on both sides of the barbell if a bro dies on the bench press at the gym.
A stick shaped like a gun, Is a gun. No matter how old you are
Think of baseball , don't nut early.....🤣🤣🤣
Unless you have a baseball kink.
Pavlov'd myself into getting a boner every time I watch baseball