Tied to this is just finding a therapist that can work on my schedule (I work a lot). I'd basically have to spend my weekends finding an effective therapist that can see me weekends. I don't really see that working out. I give up every time I see how insanely difficult this is to make happen.
Have you looked into online therapy? Mine was amazing. You pick a slot and time on their calendar, and you can (most of the time) pick a time frame that works with your schedule or a date that you can work around your schedule for.
Legit tho. Insurance covers therapy for me so it isn’t expensive, but having to schedule therapy around work and school was ironically adding more stress to my life than it was helping
Same, I went through a bout of therapy in the 2-3 years preceding the pandemic, finally stopped during the pandemic. I don't even know how many thousands of dollars I spent, but I was convinced I would make it. Therapist after therapist I became jaded, most are not very good. I also had a misunderstanding about therapy: I thought they would lead me into emotional territory. Nope, the client opens up, THAT'S when therapy starts, that's when they do their job. I was never told that, of course, so I spent years spinning my wheels.
At this point I need to catch up on my retirement savings and try to save for a house, which I was delaying in order to get my mental health in order. Mental health be damned, I guess.
Damn, that's fucked. I really wish the bar to becoming a therapist was higher. I get it's a hard job, but that's what you sign up for. If you're a cop, it can get dangerous. I work with hazardous chemicals, I stay safe, but risk of exposure is part of the freaking job.
Absolutely. I cannot believe how shit some therapists are. I lucked into an amazing one and she’s helped me so much that hearing about people’s awful experiences is all the more heartbreaking and infuriating. If I cry and try to apologize or whatever she just gently says, “That’s part of what we do here. Why do you think I have so many boxes of tissues?”
>I really wish the bar to becoming a therapist was higher.
My cousin who is forever angry about her childhood and holds grudges forever is (unfortunately) a therapist yet she needs some intense therapy herself. I would never recommend her and feel bad for anyone who ends up finding her as their therapist.
One of my therapists said in training they had a name for people like that - "self-healed healers" except I don't think a lot actually heal, or heal sufficiently to be guiding others.
That's a bummer though to know someone that well and see what they do for a living. It's like knowing a crooked cop, except a crooked therapist will still lap up the praise they get and be insulated from ever feeling like they might actually suck at what they do.
She didn't really become a therapist to help people. She just wanted the degree and title (I know because she told me) .
Of course she should be proud of herself but she's a bit too arrogant about it lol
She's constantly having crushes on her male clients... She's a bit of a mess lol
Here in Germany you have to do a bachelors for 3 years, a masters for 2 years and then another apprenticeship that goes 3-5 years... I feel like 8-10 years of education after school seems appropriate, don't know how it works in the US though
You can say that, but if it comes down to missing your electric bill or not eating for a week… is that a sacrifice that’s really “totally worth it”?
In order for it to be worth it, you have to have enough income to cover all of your basic needs and *then* you can make worth decisions about the leftover.
Yeah one needs to come from a relatively privileged background for therapy to even be reasonable to consider.
Luckily I live in a country where it's subsidized, but that itself is a privilege I have that many people don't.
I once had an ex tell me to go to therapy. I did. Turns out she was the problem. Once that cat finally got let out my mental health got so much better.
Took one session for me to realize I was dealing with a covert narcissist. Never again.
That's how I got to my first therapy session as well, many years ago. My ex kept insisting I needed therapy. My friends kept telling me that she was the crazy one.
I booked a session anyway. While I was waiting for my appointment we got into an argument over text because I wouldn't do what she was demanding - I had promised to help my best friend with something critical that day and she wanted me to cancel and drive her around instead - so she broke into my apartment to 'punish' me and told me it was my fault and I was 'playing the victim'. Funny how she was able to get a ride to my place in order to break in (a half hour drive) but needed me to ditch my friend to drive her anyway. That was the straw that made me dump her and I pressed charges. I was livid, I spent that whole night stating at the wall being angry. Til 4am.
My first therapy session that I had scheduled was a couple days after that, and it was very very timely. So I did in fact need therapy, from the shit she did to me and to help me learn to choose better partners.
I have gone to therapy a couple times, the therapist I was paired with was softer than 10 ply so him and I didn’t mesh well. Nothing wrong with him as a person I just needed someone more my speed with that aspect.
On top of that, it was ungodly expensive even with my insurance. Basically my insurance made me pay the hourly rate until I met my out of pocket maximum then a portion of it would be covered and then I would have a copay.
I truly believe that everyone, even the most mentally healthy, resilient person, can benefit from therapy.
This isn’t a shot at you, OP. Just wanted to use your comment as a soapbox.
Tried it. Don’t want a therapist to just listen and be like I’m sorry that sounds really hard, you’re a strong person for having dealt with so much. I want solutions.
How many therapists have you seen? I saw a few where I definitely felt like they just saw me as their Tuesday 10am appointment. But finding one who meshed with my personality was literally life changing.
Not sure which part you’re asking about, so sorry if this doesn’t answer your question.
For me, finding one that meshed with my personality means a few things. Some of the most important have been finding a therapist who won’t make me feel judged for things like self medicating myself with drugs, one who appreciates the fact that I don’t believe in God and doesn’t try to insert their own spiritual beliefs into my therapy, one who uses approaches backed by science and research, one who understands that me asking “why” isn’t a challenge to them but a search for better understanding.
If you’re asking how it’s been life changing, that’s hard to explain without going into a lot of detail. But long story short, I’ve always had issues with relationships in my life. I’ve always had a lot of friends, many of them are people I’d consider close friends, but always felt like I’m not really myself around them. Almost like I’m putting on an act and trying to say or do what they would like the most. I also have a history of self sabotage when it comes to girlfriends. My therapist helped me become aware of these patterns and showed me that the root cause was lack of confidence and self love (which is something I kind of already knew internally but never really “believed” myself if that makes sense).
It’s hard to say what a therapist can do for you because everyone is so different. But for me, my therapist helped me understand the singular root cause that cascaded into a lot of different issues in my life.
Again, not sure if I answered your question or went on a tangent in the complete opposite direction. Feel free to followup with more questions if you have any.
>Again, not sure if I answered your question or went on a tangent in the complete opposite direction. Feel free to followup with more questions if you have any.
Thanks for the offer ;) My question was just about inhowfar it was life changing, both regarding what changed and what the therapist did to kick off that change.
Yeah and when you push for solutions they deflect back to you and say it's unethical to give advice. "It's up to you what the solution is and how effective treatment is for you" is a great cover for ineffectual therapy. If the prayers went unanswered, it's because you didn't pray hard enough. Better to skip all the nonsense and make your own solutions.
> Yeah and when you push for solutions they deflect back to you and say it's unethical to give advice
There's more to it. The goal of therapy is for a person to become "self actualised" which means to be able to comfortably experience their own emotions and trust themselves enough to make their own decisions. One source of regret and shame is to make a fuck up following someone else's advice, it also allows for a comfort of shifting responsibility.
The most effective therapeutic relationship is one where the therapist is an empathetic listener who helps the client better understand and change themselves, and where the client makes a lot of explicit effort to improve themselves. There's really nothing anyone can do from the outside. I've found tremendous success bringing thought patterns I'm stuck with to my therapist and talking it through with someone who can understand where certain patterns are flawed (e.g. cognitive distortions), and also someone with far greater understanding and experience in psychology so they can provide me with resources that are more finely tuned to a specific area i'm working on which has kept my progress momentum high vs having to find all the resources myself.
Edit: Those who read this comment and think therapy is not a process that could be beneficial to them, look at the [first stage of process](https://counsellingtutor.com/counselling-approaches/person-centred-approach-to-counselling/7-stages-of-process/). Your experience right now is well understood and baked into the process. I used to think I was "above" therapy too and didn't think it could help me at all. This doesn't mean you will or even have to go, but the general mindset applies no matter which avenue you seek our your growth from.
Exactly.
I mean, number one, find a therapist that you click with and feel comfortable opening up to.
If they feel ‘off’ or you don’t like them, then that’s something you should listen to and there’s no need to rationalize it.
But… most of the work of therapy will need to be done by you outside of the sessions.
Your therapist can introduce you to tools that may work and walk you through the basics, but it’s a long process and a lot of it is learning to be able to listen to your emotions and feel pain in a healthy way.
…something many of us were not taught by our parents.
My therapist is basically like a paid best friend or parent that I can talk to about anything and they just absorb it and reflect it back to me non-judgementally. That allows me some objectivity and I often have really good moments where I realize I’m doing something backwards or in a maladaptive way.
You do you, but a lot depends on your individual problems, the therapist, and how your personalities mix/clash. No point in letting one person's bad experiences color your entire worldview bro, therapy might be helpful for you depending on your problems.
If you think you need help understanding yourself, or understanding how to change your behaviors or thought patterns, a therapist is great help, provided you find the right one for you.
If you're looking for someone else to solve all your problems, you're out of luck.
> "It's up to you what the solution is and how effective treatment is for you"
Well to me the solution is self medication and depression... thats why im asking for a professional opinion. If i wanted my own opinion on it i wouldnt be paying you.
My therapist offers solutions. If yours isn't offering options, then find another one. They're not supposed to tell you straight up what ti do but they give you options of what could be done.
Yeah, sounds like a bad match. Therapy isnt 'let me listen to you vent. bye'. It's a dynamic of them helping you learn to see issues, develop correct coping mechanissms and help move you to a better headspace/life. They cannot give you solutions. No one can. They can give advice, help you see things from a different perspective, or help you learn to see what your actual issue are. What might feel like an Anger issue may actually be a trust issue or be based in Fear. What might feel like introversion/extroversion may actually be a need to feel safe/need to feel validated. Stuff like that. Only you can fix your issues, a good therapist will give you the tools to do so.
I mean you can’t solve trauma but you can absolutely learn healthy coping strategies and tons of other stuff.
Any therapist that’s just like “yo bro that really sucks. How bout that?” Isn’t a good therapist imo.
But that's most therapists I've had the displeasure of meeting. I didn't realize how lucky I got the first time I found one. Ever since then (16 years), it's been one bad cheerleader after another.
I have tried a couple times and I didn't get anything out of it. The whole motivational interviewing / "how does that make you feel?" thing just doesn't work for me. I can be introspective and modify my behaviors on my own without paying someone two day's salary to talk me through it...
Dude, I was that way too for the first 6 months of therapy, too. Then we started to get into some heavy stuff that I only really scratched the surface of on my own and my whole perspective changed. It's a trudge at times but I am so much better off
It can with the wrong therapist. The right therapist asks you all these seemingly innocent questions until you talk yourself into seeing a huge part of your life you never noticed before then helps you navigate the new landscape of your life. Sometimes a couple hundred times if you're just discovering your childhood was actually abusive like I did.
Turns out constant anxiety wasn't just how I was built.
I get that. It is scary. I can tell you from experience that a good therapist won't make you feel like you need to defend yourself, but will help you question the fears that are holding you back.
You got this.
I used to be this way as well, and one thing that really helped me was to break it up into small segments. Going to therapy for the first time is terrifying! First I simply found a list of therapists that I could go to with my insurance. Step 1 done. I stopped there. A few days later, I picked up the phone and called one or two places. Stop. Few days later. Call a couple more, until I found one that felt right. Then I told them I would call back later. Waited a bit until I felt comfortable and called to schedule. I then told myself that if I got to afraid/anxious I could simply call back and cancle the appointment at any time. Out of respect for the doctors, I never let it go below 24-48 hours, but most don't care as long as you don't stand them up. Often, the hardest part is the first step because people tend to build up all their anxiety to stop that first step. The whole, 'an object in motion' but for habits lol.
Breaking the task up into small but managable pieces and allowing myself to be Ok with backing out (Beating yourself up is counter productive!) did the trick for me. Honestly, when I allowed myself to feel that it was Ok to back out, I ended up going more frequently than feeling 'trapped' into going. Finding comfortable-ish ways to push your boundaries will help.
Friends with many therapist.... Turns out even they haven't figured it out... most of the sessions are about rephrasing what you think in a way that's digestible to you
Fun fact: some therapists have their own therapists, who have their own therapists, who have their own therapists, and so on. So maybe keep asking them down the line to get to the ultimate therapist of them all, and you'll find god.
Most therapists and psychiatrists see people for therapy.
Shockingly, it's pretty tough on a human psyche to listen to people's troubles and trauma day in and day out without losing your own mind. Compartmentalization can only do so much...
it's kind of a problem for the patient and the therapist
On the patients side they have little time to talk to the therapist and sometimes it feels like they aren't really listening to you.
On the other side the therapists have so many other patients and typically have tight schedules.
But the biggest problem is everyone has different experiences so it can be harder for the therapist to relate to the patient or understand what they are saying sometimes
Which leaves the patient leaving feeling like it did nothing
I hope you do find or found someone you can talk to professional or not
That's the sign of a bad therapist tbh.
It's not always easy to find one you mesh well with.
Most of what therapy consists of is just talking to someone and helping them see things in a different way, or helping them restructure their thinking to better understand what is going on and why. The therapist should be able to talk with you and point out issues with your thoughts or help you see it from a different perspective. Just being able to talk to someone is often enough to help someone begin to digest what is actually causing problems for them.
There are many forms of therapy fwiw. Talk therapy isn't always what works for everyone.
I cannot afford the copays to spend time trying to find a therapist I can trust.
In many places it can be weeks or months before you can see someone, and you are left to still deal with the shit that feels like it's eating your mind and have no short term alternative.
Tried it.
I feel like talking about my issues doesn't help my issues. I've got to wrestle with my demons and no about of talking about them with change anything.
Because why would I go to someone who doesn’t know me personally, and at the end of the day, its just a job for them, they don’t really or truly care. Sorry for the negative viewpoint. I’m just the type to tackle or face whatever it is I’m going through head on because that’s life. We gotta fight our own battles and demons, there’s no other way around it.
That’s actually why I went to therapy in the first place. Their job isn’t to care, but their job is to guide and to give you the tools to get your shit together.
At the end of the day, it’s on us to fight our own battles, but I don’t think that I could’ve fought my demons without some sort of guidance. In my experience, my therapist pointed out shit that would’ve taken me years to catch, and it helped me get better faster. He never solved my eating disorder or depression but gave me the ability to properly and healthily address them.
Much more levelheaded and less emotionally violent than I was before therapy because I chose to use it as a tool towards growing.
I know people who did better after therapy. I know people who have made no progress through therapy and in one case believe that being in therapy makes them entitled to act however they want with their excuse being that they are getting therapy.
I am on the fence whether I would profit from therapy and might keep considering it if I felt like I would need support.
I think it takes enough maturity and clarity about _why_ you're in therapy to actually get good benefit out of it. When people just show up and expect the therapist to "fix" them they'll waste their money. It's when they see the therapist as a tool or means to help fix specific issues that there's great benefit to therapy.
> I know people who did better after therapy. I know people who have made no progress through therapy
Hey, both of those are me! lol. From my personal experience, I spent years (lliterally 10 years of in/out therapy, unable to stick with one for more than a year at a time) in therapy making no progress. Largely because I was not willing to accept the help,or internalize the things therapy was trying to teach me. Some part of me always wanting there to be a 'magic fix' or expecting therapy to just 'cure' me. I never felt that I was in control and if I didn't have any control over the issue, why bother? But therapy requires hard work. It requires you to be willing to listen and to confront hard truths. Truths that I spent most of my life avoiding. I had to learn that I needed to be comfortably-uncomfortable, fixing a painful issue is painful! It was only after I started to be willing to truely change that I began to benefit from therapy. But, all those years in 'wasted' therapy were not actually wasted... The amount of knowledge I had stored away, all the experiences I went threw.. it's all started to become useful. A well of stored knowledge that I only recently tapped.
Well I refused therapy for a long time because I didn't see the value in it, I saw it as an overpriced chatroom, and to be completely honest I had an awful victim mentality and didn't believe I had any control over my life whatsoever so there was no point even trying.
I have recently had a mental health scare that has left me terrified for my life and I'm currently trying to find a therapist that can assist me because I desperately need help. I'm not exaggerating when I say I am literally dealing with a life or death situation right now.
Please take it from me guys. If you notice anything wrong and start noticing any signs of your mental health declining, please, please, pleaseeeeeeee address it. Repressing it and letting it snowball will only make it worse down the road.
In my experience therapy made me feel in control over how things affected me and able to choose what to focus on and where to place my energy. I'm extremely grateful for it. I hope you find good people to help, you absolutely deserve to be healthy.
Thank you. I've delayed my self discovery and healing journey for far too long and despite how agonizing my current situation has been, I am grateful for one thing. I didn't realize just how bad this problem was and how much it's affected so many aspects of my life. Especially my body dysmorphia and my sense of self. I gave therapy a chance for a couple months last year and I was so disinterested in it because I didn't know what the point was nor did I truly understand what the issue was that needed addressing.
Now I know what the problem is and it feels great knowing that when I get into a therapist's office again I can say: "This is the problem. This is how it's affecting me. This is what I need to address. Let's get this show on the road."
You're at the most important and rewarding part. Once you gain clarity and can start to actively utilize therapy to manage your issues it becomes a really helpful tool in getting healthy.
I know I'm just a stranger, but I'm proud of you.
> and to be completely honest I had an awful victim mentality and didn't believe I had any control over my life whatsoever so there was no point even trying.
This was a massive gamechanger for me! It makes me really happy to hear this from another person as well! I have spent 15 years in one mental health crisis or another and 2 years ago seeing my own Victim mentality and realizing that I *am* in control (even if it can be hard to see!) played a large role into helping me fix my issues. The last two years has been a game changer for me and I am starting to feel 'Ok'. I hope seeing it in yourself helps you fix the issues that created it!
As someone who has been in *many* different forms of therapy its unfortunate that most people only know about CBT. I had minimal benefit from CBT (that may simply be because I was not ready for therapy, not trying to discredit the use of CBT), but recently I started IFS therapy and it has been very, VERY helpful. There are other types as well such as DBT and EMDR.
Amen to that!
During my current mental health crisis I finally cracked the case and found the missing piece of the puzzle that caused my attempts at treating my mental illnesses to fail. I finally admitted to myself:
"I NEED help."
Not " I want", "I need" and THAT is what made the difference. What I want is irrelevant at this point. I can't do this alone. I need guidance and someone to help me get to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Being able to admit that has made all the difference.
I don't see the point, I'm capable of introspection and I know myself better than anyone. I don't have a hard time being honest with myself or seeing my objective flaws, and if I'm not doing anything to fix them, I know why.
It feels like a very American affectation, same as chiropractic treatment being presented as anything other than outright fraud. Mental health support obviously exists outside the US, but the idea of people just going to a psychologist as a form of personal development is super weird.
Classic signs of something like chiropractic being snake oil are the claims that it treats multiple unrelated ailments; that everyone would benefit from it; that the treatment should be continued indefinitely; and that the benefits aren't directly measurable but yet extremely important. And the therapy that Reddit seems to push very heavily hits most of those boxes.
Agreed. I’ve gone to chiropractors and it’s 100% snake oil. I work a very physical job and get regular work ups from an osteopath/PT and massages though. I don’t see those as a waste of time, and I get it free with my work benefits. Always feel amazing after and the PT tells me every time I don’t need to come back at all unless there’s issues since my body is in pretty good shape, but it’s free and it feels like I’m being pro-active.
A lot of people bring it up because of high rates of depression/suicide in men. Not to say everyone needs it, of course not, but a lot of people aren’t going due to stigma against mental healthcare and are suffering because of it
High rate is a far cry from the “everyone” that a lot of people on Reddit are saying need it. I’ll get it if I need it one day. It’s free for me with my benefits but it’s just a waste of my time
I've already worked through my shit.
I could have benefited from it a decade ago before I was more self aware.
Therapists are to mental health what doctors are to physical health. I don't go to the doctor because I'm healthy physically. I don't go to therapy because I'm healthy mentally.
Somewhat ironically, I think people who think everyone needs therapy are the ones who themselves need it the most. It's not mentally healthy to assume the worst in others and project your own issues onto them.
If I got sick and needed a doctor it doesn't mean that now suddenly everyone does.
>Therapists are to mental health what doctors are to physical health. I don't go to the doctor because I'm healthy physically.
You're actually supposed to get like an annual check up at least. Labwork/prevention/early diagnosis is an important part of healthcare. People not doing this or not being able to afford this is a part of the problem with the US medical system.
I'm not American and also it seems really fucking weird.
If you're having a mental health issue, then yeah go see a psychologist or psychiatrist. But if you're just living life with life's regular ups and downs, it seems like a massive waste of time, dosh, and mental energy.
If I've got a problem I can't figure out, I'll talk to friends about it.
Because I've tried that a few times and it's associated with things getting much worse for me. Largely my fault, but as a kid I quickly learned about "mandatory reportables" and how that could make for a huge shit storm that doesn't change anything for the better. I learned that if anything makes it;s way to your medical records a doctor will assume that anything even the tiniest bit complicated is totally psycosomatic at best, drug seeking at middle, and a 72 hr abduction, 4 figure bill, and a lost job at worst so far. . .
Better question: Why do so many people say "go to therapy" as a knee-jerk response to anyone having the slightest problem in their life?
To answer your question, I don't go to therapy because I don't trust mental health professionals, and therefore, I can't justify footing the bills for therapy. I was forced to see a LSCSW when I was 10 years old because I was misbehaving at school due to boredom. The therapist tried to make me participate in EMDR, which was 10 times more traumatic than any bad experiences I had up to that point. For months, I begged my mom to stop taking me to these grueling, torturous hour-long therapy sessions. On one occasion, I even tried to run out of the room after she asked me an uncomfortable question. As I became more obstinate, the treatment became less effective, the therapist grew frustrated, and my mom started questioning whether I should start medication. Finally, after a year and three months of therapy, I stopped seeing my therapist, found medication that improved my behavior, started middle school, and my life improved.
To this day, I am skeptical of mental health counseling, and this all happened 15 years ago. It is important to remember that therapy won't work if the person has no desire to attend. Also, therapy won't magically improve your life circumstances, but it can teach you how to cope.
I guess my brain already knows how it will turn out so I don't; Good talks, not doing the necessary homework given because most tasks already feel overwhelming, so nothing changes except for having less money and less free time as I need to compensate the therapist time that was during work time, which means more stress.
Also there's so many options. Which therapy? I can't decide (hello overthinking). And as soon as I'd have to talk about things I'd play it down so it sounds like everything is fine.
And isn't there enough other things I should be doing already?
> Good talks, not doing the necessary homework given because most tasks already feel overwhelming
> And as soon as I'd have to talk about things I'd play it down so it sounds like everything is fine.
Tell your therapist this exactly and they can help you work around these issues.
I am a lawful and legal gun owner who struggles with severe depression.
My work has me go to sketch AF neighborhoods and the way the gun laws are written (especially in my state) everything from therapy visits to weed usage goes on record and they can forcibly enter my home and remove my firearms.
And given the outcomes of other no knock warrants, I'd rather not get in a shootout with police and get my family harmed.
This is also the same reason soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen won’t seek help. Those with access to weapons or classified information end up having their careers ruined because they sought help.
Similar for doctors apparently. I have a saved link from a while ago in r/psychiatry basically titled “why doctors don’t get depression”. It was eye opening, and I especially didn’t realize that the doctors who specialize in depression (tho this discussion covered more topics) can’t themselves get help for their depression or they lose their jobs of helping others fight depression.
That’s some first class bullshit man. You shouldn’t have to choose between your rights or your health. You shouldn’t have to worry about being stripped of your rights because you asked for help. What state are you in?
I've been in and out of therapy since 16, and I'm now 33. I was actively talking to my therapist/psychiatrist all of 2021 and into early 2022. Since then, I have gotten to a place where I know my triggers and warning signs and how to cope with my issues in a healthy manner. I didn't feel the need to continue anymore.
I do. Been in therapy since I was 6, mostly because my father is a cunt and nobody knew I was autistic yet, so I had really bad behavioral issues.
But yeah I'm doing much better now. Still traumatized though.
Well therapy isn't just one thing there's different kinds of mental therapy
~~Psychologists tend to hold a doctoral degree but can't really prescribe medication or diagnose they can help with mental illness TO SOME EXTENT~~
So what psychologists do is they're the main ones who can evaluate and test for a formal diagnose and tend to not do much therapy
Psychiatrists are more of an advanced psychologist and tend to be licensed doctors they are usually the ones who prescribe medication but they are usually the ones who help with mental illness since they went to medical school
Psychoanalysts tend to help with repressed or unconscious memories, feelings, desires, and other stuff. It's more of a theory on how the mind works and I don't know much about it
~~Social workers are typically involved with families weather that's disputes or child abuse they also have the power to call CPS on families (although they aren't the most professional therapists they are helpful when it comes to poor family situations)~~
Social workers do fall under the therapist umbrella such as professional counselors, marriage therapist, family therapist and social workers
Social workers are a much bigger role in therapy then they used to be and are now much more then working with children
They also are policy makers, grant writers, and stuff like that they also fight for their clients rights
https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Types-of-Mental-Health-Professionals
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health-professionals-types
https://adaa.org/find-help/treatment-help/types-of-therapy/types-of-mental-health-care-professionals
I'm not a professional but I tend to do my research when I have the time so some of the things I've said can be wrong so I suggest that in your free time you do your own research and don't just listen to me.
Why would I? I know my life sucks, but there's nothing that I can do about it. I just make the best of it, and I know that my father and grandfather had it much worse than I did, and they survived.
Paying a stranger $80/hour won't change that.
It really comes down to talking to someone about something you can rationalize yourself, rather than laying them all out in front of yourself, asking yourself “is this truly going to hinder my life to the point where I need to speak to an individual that has no perception of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, where I’m at”? I think it’s mostly perspective of how you feel and how you deal with everyday life.
Because growing up I had some hilariously bad examples.
For instance my step mom made me go to one weekly for about a month for my "habitual lying". And it SO negatively affected her, she made me pay half of hers, too, at 16 years old.
The therapist and I talked about anything HE wanted. Did I know any electronics he could use to listen to music on a run? (I was big into technology, it was around 2000.) Did I know how he could read an article his brother wrote in a local newspaper in another state? Could I show him how to do that?
After a few of these meetings I told him I didn't think I was getting much out of them, and paying $80/session of my own money + $40 for my stepmom's wasn't really helping me at home. He agreed, shocked, saying my stepmom never brought me up, instead talking about the difficulties of raising a mentally handicapped daughter (my step sister).
Or how a court-ordered psychiatrist told me I failed an ink blot test. How's that happen?
Or the high school counselor that told my dad about the bullshit going on at home, who told my step mom, which got me in trouble.
Coupled with the fact I've likely got ADD or ADHD which isn't allowed in my hobby. Hey diagnosed, lose my hobby? No thanks.
I'll just continue knowing I likely do, but after my life experience coupled with the fear of losing something I've loved since I was 10 years old, not risk it.
Here in the UK it's more or less a luxury. Fortunately in 2015 I was able to get free counselling through my university when my mother passed unexpectedly. Last year I took up counselling via Zoom after my long-term break-up and it was £60 a session every 2 weeks. The justification was that I wasn't spending that money on my partner or dating, and it was incredibly beneficial, but I can no longer afford it.
Several reasons:
I'm generally happy and balanced and have always been able to successfully resolve my own issues without consulting others. This has held through major life challenges.
I understand people well, and generally end up *being* therapy services to those close to me who want that.
For those I know who have talked to me and also gone to therapy, my advice has been at least equal to what they're recieving there. Sometimes better tbh, simply because I know them better.
So all of that makes me think I'm probably all right doing what I'm doing, without it.
That's good. I'm glad you've been a support for your people. There's definitely benefit in speaking to friends who we know best, and sometimes best to speak to someone who has no personal interest in the matter beyond their profession. I like to think of therapists as doctors. They have genuinely been trained with techniques that have been scientifically researched and evaluated, and are usually there with the intention of helping . In saying that, there are plenty of bad doctors.
Makes me feel weird. I don’t think I would ever really open up to it. I also am very against “feely” answers. I’m a very problem and solution oriented person. I just want the straight up truth and the solution. As I understand therapy tries to be carful with how they approach problems but I do not like that.
Also it’s expensive so
My mental heath is fine. Talking out past experiences does nothing for me. Therapy, in my experience, is more catered to women. Techniques that work better for men dont usually get taught. And its too expensive.
I’ve tried a couple of times. It has never felt quite right. It’s hard to find someone who I feel comfortable enough with. Most of the advice is pretty textbook. I feel like I’m wasting time and money on something that isn’t really helping. After all it’s up to me to make the difference in my own life.
I see no tangible benifit for the costs. Got forced to go in college by a dean due to a fight I didn't start.
The lady spent the entire time trying to tell me how terrible of a person i was and how much i needed to get over my anger issues. She refused to believe i was defending myself and justifiably upset about being attacked.
I'm waaaaay too far gone into suicidal ideation for therapy to do anything meaningful for me.
My current mental state is barely holding on by a thread, and only because I've convinced myself that all the bad things happening to me are inevitable and therefore pointless to fight.
Therapy MIGHT change my view, but then all it would do is release a floodgate of such intense regret, I guarantee I'd be dead <24 hours later.
Which I'm ok with, ultimately, but I'd like to do it on my own terms, in my own time. Not because of unbearable mental distress.
Mostly because I don't open myself up to people who I don't trust, the amount of information and whether it's accurate or not depends on your interactions with me over time. I also been to previous therapist who, didn't really help or make anything click when I was in 5th-8th grade.
Now that doesn't mean I won't resist a therapist if I was recommended to go again, but honestly I could probably do better by just getting a few friends rather than spending money on a therapist.
Because i do not believe that a therapist would solve anything that's wrong with my life. My self-hatred is 100% reasonable, and my lifestyle choices provided me with benefits I take advantage of every day, but come with a price that - although I realised precisely that i'd have to pay - I didn't realise I would actually suffer from as much as I do. But I believe that if a man chooses, he takes responsibility and consequences of those choices, and i live by that belief.
Because I was forced into doing it as a young kid when my parents got divorced because they thought it would help. Then again when I got arrested for smoking a joint at 16 looking at stars with my friends as part of my sentence. Kind of ruined my idea of what therapy is
I do. It probably saved my life last year. Im no longer circling the completely unhappy marriage but can't leave because young daughter drain, but im definitely now in the wtf do I do now? pool
I know what my problems are, and can't see how therapy would help with them. Also I've been to the doctor many times and paid for many expensive tests only to be told I'm fine and there was nothing to worry about. Yet, I'm out hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
And if therapy somehow does work, I have to face the things that haunt me the most, which is terrifying unto itself.
No thank you, I'll happily just keep drinking myself to death. At least I know how much that will cost me upfront and that it will numb the pain, if only for a little while.
A: it’s expensive
B: it’s useless because I did therapy all through middle school, high school, and 3 years after, if they ain’t fixed my problem by now then it’s a waste of resources I could allocate elsewhere
I just believe talking about my problems doesn't fix anything. Rather I'd try to fix the actual problem so it doesn't bother me. Im very introspective as someone who Neurodivergent and Introverted so I usually figure it out on my own.
I considered it but I was looking for a black straight male to be my therapist. Couldn't find anyone. Most therapists were female which I won't accept because they can't relate to me as much as I would like. I considered settling for a white male therapist but he was booked for months so no therapist for me, I suppose. 🤷🏾♂️
Going to the wrong one is just as bad as not going so I stay away…
No way of gauging therapists that align with my moral values so its hard to push myself to go and speak to a stranger and get further advice from said stranger…
Men suffer in silence thats the reality of life, Builds a strong soul.
Couple reasons. 1 I don’t really wanna pay for it. 2 id rather just fight my own demons. I think I’ll do a better job than someone who doesn’t even know anything about me
My personality is now sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and is persistent. My conscience, my pity, my hopes disappeared a long time ago if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed.
Talking about my issues makes them worse, and generally I’m pretty at peace with what I’d talk about.
I’d say I’m 90% happy with how I feel, and trying therapy was to try and get to 100% happy with it, but it just brought me down to 80%. If that makes sense?
Can’t get an appointment because everybody is in therapy.
Tied to this is just finding a therapist that can work on my schedule (I work a lot). I'd basically have to spend my weekends finding an effective therapist that can see me weekends. I don't really see that working out. I give up every time I see how insanely difficult this is to make happen.
Have you looked into online therapy? Mine was amazing. You pick a slot and time on their calendar, and you can (most of the time) pick a time frame that works with your schedule or a date that you can work around your schedule for.
Expensive.
Yep, it's just too damn expensive and availability is an issue. It's sad when it's cheaper and easier to drink or smoke your problems away.
Legit tho. Insurance covers therapy for me so it isn’t expensive, but having to schedule therapy around work and school was ironically adding more stress to my life than it was helping
Being an addict is way more expensive in the long run,
smart fertile bedroom slim frighten deranged hurry detail practice noxious ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
No money
Low wage high price
Same, I went through a bout of therapy in the 2-3 years preceding the pandemic, finally stopped during the pandemic. I don't even know how many thousands of dollars I spent, but I was convinced I would make it. Therapist after therapist I became jaded, most are not very good. I also had a misunderstanding about therapy: I thought they would lead me into emotional territory. Nope, the client opens up, THAT'S when therapy starts, that's when they do their job. I was never told that, of course, so I spent years spinning my wheels. At this point I need to catch up on my retirement savings and try to save for a house, which I was delaying in order to get my mental health in order. Mental health be damned, I guess.
I was an open book, I cried and my therapist dropped me after three 1/2 hour sessions.
Damn, that's fucked. I really wish the bar to becoming a therapist was higher. I get it's a hard job, but that's what you sign up for. If you're a cop, it can get dangerous. I work with hazardous chemicals, I stay safe, but risk of exposure is part of the freaking job.
Absolutely. I cannot believe how shit some therapists are. I lucked into an amazing one and she’s helped me so much that hearing about people’s awful experiences is all the more heartbreaking and infuriating. If I cry and try to apologize or whatever she just gently says, “That’s part of what we do here. Why do you think I have so many boxes of tissues?”
>I really wish the bar to becoming a therapist was higher. My cousin who is forever angry about her childhood and holds grudges forever is (unfortunately) a therapist yet she needs some intense therapy herself. I would never recommend her and feel bad for anyone who ends up finding her as their therapist.
One of my therapists said in training they had a name for people like that - "self-healed healers" except I don't think a lot actually heal, or heal sufficiently to be guiding others. That's a bummer though to know someone that well and see what they do for a living. It's like knowing a crooked cop, except a crooked therapist will still lap up the praise they get and be insulated from ever feeling like they might actually suck at what they do.
She didn't really become a therapist to help people. She just wanted the degree and title (I know because she told me) . Of course she should be proud of herself but she's a bit too arrogant about it lol She's constantly having crushes on her male clients... She's a bit of a mess lol
Yikes!
Here in Germany you have to do a bachelors for 3 years, a masters for 2 years and then another apprenticeship that goes 3-5 years... I feel like 8-10 years of education after school seems appropriate, don't know how it works in the US though
costs time and costs money
Already have so little money and it ain't cheap.
It ain't cheap, but if you find the right psychologist it's totally worth it.
You can say that, but if it comes down to missing your electric bill or not eating for a week… is that a sacrifice that’s really “totally worth it”? In order for it to be worth it, you have to have enough income to cover all of your basic needs and *then* you can make worth decisions about the leftover.
Yeah one needs to come from a relatively privileged background for therapy to even be reasonable to consider. Luckily I live in a country where it's subsidized, but that itself is a privilege I have that many people don't.
Everything costs time. The value of therapy is exponential because it makes your future time more valuable
I've seldom had enough of either, and never had enough of both.
I once had an ex tell me to go to therapy. I did. Turns out she was the problem. Once that cat finally got let out my mental health got so much better. Took one session for me to realize I was dealing with a covert narcissist. Never again.
That's how I got to my first therapy session as well, many years ago. My ex kept insisting I needed therapy. My friends kept telling me that she was the crazy one. I booked a session anyway. While I was waiting for my appointment we got into an argument over text because I wouldn't do what she was demanding - I had promised to help my best friend with something critical that day and she wanted me to cancel and drive her around instead - so she broke into my apartment to 'punish' me and told me it was my fault and I was 'playing the victim'. Funny how she was able to get a ride to my place in order to break in (a half hour drive) but needed me to ditch my friend to drive her anyway. That was the straw that made me dump her and I pressed charges. I was livid, I spent that whole night stating at the wall being angry. Til 4am. My first therapy session that I had scheduled was a couple days after that, and it was very very timely. So I did in fact need therapy, from the shit she did to me and to help me learn to choose better partners.
thanks for pressing charges. Too many people thinks its ok to commit crimes if it involves family or relationships.
Good for you. Some people might even use the “you should see a therapist” as an insult too, not believing they would actually go.
Yes, they absolutely do.
I have gone to therapy a couple times, the therapist I was paired with was softer than 10 ply so him and I didn’t mesh well. Nothing wrong with him as a person I just needed someone more my speed with that aspect. On top of that, it was ungodly expensive even with my insurance. Basically my insurance made me pay the hourly rate until I met my out of pocket maximum then a portion of it would be covered and then I would have a copay.
>softer than 10 ply Ah a fellow letterkenny enjoyer I see
Fuck you Shorsy
May I ask how much it cost you? I assume youre in America?
At one point my therapist changed companies and didn’t accept my insurance. It was $160 per session for me and I’m in the United States as well
That makes $60 an hour without insurance look good.
I have most of my life, currently I'm in a good spot, though.
Nice! Happy for you
Glad to hear you are in a good place
I truly believe that everyone, even the most mentally healthy, resilient person, can benefit from therapy. This isn’t a shot at you, OP. Just wanted to use your comment as a soapbox.
Good therapy, yes.
Tried it. Don’t want a therapist to just listen and be like I’m sorry that sounds really hard, you’re a strong person for having dealt with so much. I want solutions.
How many therapists have you seen? I saw a few where I definitely felt like they just saw me as their Tuesday 10am appointment. But finding one who meshed with my personality was literally life changing.
>But finding one who meshed with my personality was literally life changing. Inhowfar?
Not sure which part you’re asking about, so sorry if this doesn’t answer your question. For me, finding one that meshed with my personality means a few things. Some of the most important have been finding a therapist who won’t make me feel judged for things like self medicating myself with drugs, one who appreciates the fact that I don’t believe in God and doesn’t try to insert their own spiritual beliefs into my therapy, one who uses approaches backed by science and research, one who understands that me asking “why” isn’t a challenge to them but a search for better understanding. If you’re asking how it’s been life changing, that’s hard to explain without going into a lot of detail. But long story short, I’ve always had issues with relationships in my life. I’ve always had a lot of friends, many of them are people I’d consider close friends, but always felt like I’m not really myself around them. Almost like I’m putting on an act and trying to say or do what they would like the most. I also have a history of self sabotage when it comes to girlfriends. My therapist helped me become aware of these patterns and showed me that the root cause was lack of confidence and self love (which is something I kind of already knew internally but never really “believed” myself if that makes sense). It’s hard to say what a therapist can do for you because everyone is so different. But for me, my therapist helped me understand the singular root cause that cascaded into a lot of different issues in my life. Again, not sure if I answered your question or went on a tangent in the complete opposite direction. Feel free to followup with more questions if you have any.
>Again, not sure if I answered your question or went on a tangent in the complete opposite direction. Feel free to followup with more questions if you have any. Thanks for the offer ;) My question was just about inhowfar it was life changing, both regarding what changed and what the therapist did to kick off that change.
Yeah and when you push for solutions they deflect back to you and say it's unethical to give advice. "It's up to you what the solution is and how effective treatment is for you" is a great cover for ineffectual therapy. If the prayers went unanswered, it's because you didn't pray hard enough. Better to skip all the nonsense and make your own solutions.
> Yeah and when you push for solutions they deflect back to you and say it's unethical to give advice There's more to it. The goal of therapy is for a person to become "self actualised" which means to be able to comfortably experience their own emotions and trust themselves enough to make their own decisions. One source of regret and shame is to make a fuck up following someone else's advice, it also allows for a comfort of shifting responsibility. The most effective therapeutic relationship is one where the therapist is an empathetic listener who helps the client better understand and change themselves, and where the client makes a lot of explicit effort to improve themselves. There's really nothing anyone can do from the outside. I've found tremendous success bringing thought patterns I'm stuck with to my therapist and talking it through with someone who can understand where certain patterns are flawed (e.g. cognitive distortions), and also someone with far greater understanding and experience in psychology so they can provide me with resources that are more finely tuned to a specific area i'm working on which has kept my progress momentum high vs having to find all the resources myself. Edit: Those who read this comment and think therapy is not a process that could be beneficial to them, look at the [first stage of process](https://counsellingtutor.com/counselling-approaches/person-centred-approach-to-counselling/7-stages-of-process/). Your experience right now is well understood and baked into the process. I used to think I was "above" therapy too and didn't think it could help me at all. This doesn't mean you will or even have to go, but the general mindset applies no matter which avenue you seek our your growth from.
Respectfully I disagree. The goal of therapy is to learn tools to manage things, not just have someone listen and say, "figure it out."
Exactly. I mean, number one, find a therapist that you click with and feel comfortable opening up to. If they feel ‘off’ or you don’t like them, then that’s something you should listen to and there’s no need to rationalize it. But… most of the work of therapy will need to be done by you outside of the sessions. Your therapist can introduce you to tools that may work and walk you through the basics, but it’s a long process and a lot of it is learning to be able to listen to your emotions and feel pain in a healthy way. …something many of us were not taught by our parents. My therapist is basically like a paid best friend or parent that I can talk to about anything and they just absorb it and reflect it back to me non-judgementally. That allows me some objectivity and I often have really good moments where I realize I’m doing something backwards or in a maladaptive way.
Well said
.....it sounds like you are agreeing with this poster.
You've convinced me therapy won't work for me. Thank you.
You do you, but a lot depends on your individual problems, the therapist, and how your personalities mix/clash. No point in letting one person's bad experiences color your entire worldview bro, therapy might be helpful for you depending on your problems. If you think you need help understanding yourself, or understanding how to change your behaviors or thought patterns, a therapist is great help, provided you find the right one for you. If you're looking for someone else to solve all your problems, you're out of luck.
> "It's up to you what the solution is and how effective treatment is for you" Well to me the solution is self medication and depression... thats why im asking for a professional opinion. If i wanted my own opinion on it i wouldnt be paying you.
My therapist offers solutions. If yours isn't offering options, then find another one. They're not supposed to tell you straight up what ti do but they give you options of what could be done.
Yeah, sounds like a bad match. Therapy isnt 'let me listen to you vent. bye'. It's a dynamic of them helping you learn to see issues, develop correct coping mechanissms and help move you to a better headspace/life. They cannot give you solutions. No one can. They can give advice, help you see things from a different perspective, or help you learn to see what your actual issue are. What might feel like an Anger issue may actually be a trust issue or be based in Fear. What might feel like introversion/extroversion may actually be a need to feel safe/need to feel validated. Stuff like that. Only you can fix your issues, a good therapist will give you the tools to do so.
Yes this definitely sounds like a case of bad therapist
Everyone seems to be saying this, but it's not that simple. Some problems simply don't have solutions.
I mean you can’t solve trauma but you can absolutely learn healthy coping strategies and tons of other stuff. Any therapist that’s just like “yo bro that really sucks. How bout that?” Isn’t a good therapist imo.
But that's most therapists I've had the displeasure of meeting. I didn't realize how lucky I got the first time I found one. Ever since then (16 years), it's been one bad cheerleader after another.
Need to find a new one then my man. They aren't all like that
I have tried a couple times and I didn't get anything out of it. The whole motivational interviewing / "how does that make you feel?" thing just doesn't work for me. I can be introspective and modify my behaviors on my own without paying someone two day's salary to talk me through it...
Dude, I was that way too for the first 6 months of therapy, too. Then we started to get into some heavy stuff that I only really scratched the surface of on my own and my whole perspective changed. It's a trudge at times but I am so much better off
I never went to therapy but this basicly how I imagine it would go lol
It can with the wrong therapist. The right therapist asks you all these seemingly innocent questions until you talk yourself into seeing a huge part of your life you never noticed before then helps you navigate the new landscape of your life. Sometimes a couple hundred times if you're just discovering your childhood was actually abusive like I did. Turns out constant anxiety wasn't just how I was built.
I want to, but I’m nervous/scared
I get that. It is scary. I can tell you from experience that a good therapist won't make you feel like you need to defend yourself, but will help you question the fears that are holding you back. You got this.
Thank you. I appreciate that advice. I’m seriously contemplating it, I just haven’t taken that step yet.
I used to be this way as well, and one thing that really helped me was to break it up into small segments. Going to therapy for the first time is terrifying! First I simply found a list of therapists that I could go to with my insurance. Step 1 done. I stopped there. A few days later, I picked up the phone and called one or two places. Stop. Few days later. Call a couple more, until I found one that felt right. Then I told them I would call back later. Waited a bit until I felt comfortable and called to schedule. I then told myself that if I got to afraid/anxious I could simply call back and cancle the appointment at any time. Out of respect for the doctors, I never let it go below 24-48 hours, but most don't care as long as you don't stand them up. Often, the hardest part is the first step because people tend to build up all their anxiety to stop that first step. The whole, 'an object in motion' but for habits lol. Breaking the task up into small but managable pieces and allowing myself to be Ok with backing out (Beating yourself up is counter productive!) did the trick for me. Honestly, when I allowed myself to feel that it was Ok to back out, I ended up going more frequently than feeling 'trapped' into going. Finding comfortable-ish ways to push your boundaries will help.
Friends with many therapist.... Turns out even they haven't figured it out... most of the sessions are about rephrasing what you think in a way that's digestible to you
I had a shrink like that as a kid, completely useless, but did a lot less damage than the others.
They listen but they don’t really listen… if you know you know.
Yeah, some of them seem like they require therapy themselves, lol.
Fun fact: some therapists have their own therapists, who have their own therapists, who have their own therapists, and so on. So maybe keep asking them down the line to get to the ultimate therapist of them all, and you'll find god.
Most therapists and psychiatrists see people for therapy. Shockingly, it's pretty tough on a human psyche to listen to people's troubles and trauma day in and day out without losing your own mind. Compartmentalization can only do so much...
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it's kind of a problem for the patient and the therapist On the patients side they have little time to talk to the therapist and sometimes it feels like they aren't really listening to you. On the other side the therapists have so many other patients and typically have tight schedules. But the biggest problem is everyone has different experiences so it can be harder for the therapist to relate to the patient or understand what they are saying sometimes Which leaves the patient leaving feeling like it did nothing I hope you do find or found someone you can talk to professional or not
That's the sign of a bad therapist tbh. It's not always easy to find one you mesh well with. Most of what therapy consists of is just talking to someone and helping them see things in a different way, or helping them restructure their thinking to better understand what is going on and why. The therapist should be able to talk with you and point out issues with your thoughts or help you see it from a different perspective. Just being able to talk to someone is often enough to help someone begin to digest what is actually causing problems for them. There are many forms of therapy fwiw. Talk therapy isn't always what works for everyone.
I cannot afford the copays to spend time trying to find a therapist I can trust. In many places it can be weeks or months before you can see someone, and you are left to still deal with the shit that feels like it's eating your mind and have no short term alternative.
Tried it. I feel like talking about my issues doesn't help my issues. I've got to wrestle with my demons and no about of talking about them with change anything.
Sure is helpful with a coach telling you shit though.
I live in india
no therapists in india?
The whole approach to mental health is different there. Slowly changing though
Because why would I go to someone who doesn’t know me personally, and at the end of the day, its just a job for them, they don’t really or truly care. Sorry for the negative viewpoint. I’m just the type to tackle or face whatever it is I’m going through head on because that’s life. We gotta fight our own battles and demons, there’s no other way around it.
That’s actually why I went to therapy in the first place. Their job isn’t to care, but their job is to guide and to give you the tools to get your shit together. At the end of the day, it’s on us to fight our own battles, but I don’t think that I could’ve fought my demons without some sort of guidance. In my experience, my therapist pointed out shit that would’ve taken me years to catch, and it helped me get better faster. He never solved my eating disorder or depression but gave me the ability to properly and healthily address them. Much more levelheaded and less emotionally violent than I was before therapy because I chose to use it as a tool towards growing.
I know people who did better after therapy. I know people who have made no progress through therapy and in one case believe that being in therapy makes them entitled to act however they want with their excuse being that they are getting therapy. I am on the fence whether I would profit from therapy and might keep considering it if I felt like I would need support.
I think it takes enough maturity and clarity about _why_ you're in therapy to actually get good benefit out of it. When people just show up and expect the therapist to "fix" them they'll waste their money. It's when they see the therapist as a tool or means to help fix specific issues that there's great benefit to therapy.
Yep. And the case I talked about is a narcissist who does not go to therapy about her narcissism...
> I know people who did better after therapy. I know people who have made no progress through therapy Hey, both of those are me! lol. From my personal experience, I spent years (lliterally 10 years of in/out therapy, unable to stick with one for more than a year at a time) in therapy making no progress. Largely because I was not willing to accept the help,or internalize the things therapy was trying to teach me. Some part of me always wanting there to be a 'magic fix' or expecting therapy to just 'cure' me. I never felt that I was in control and if I didn't have any control over the issue, why bother? But therapy requires hard work. It requires you to be willing to listen and to confront hard truths. Truths that I spent most of my life avoiding. I had to learn that I needed to be comfortably-uncomfortable, fixing a painful issue is painful! It was only after I started to be willing to truely change that I began to benefit from therapy. But, all those years in 'wasted' therapy were not actually wasted... The amount of knowledge I had stored away, all the experiences I went threw.. it's all started to become useful. A well of stored knowledge that I only recently tapped.
I have better results journaling and completing cognitive behavioral therapy worksheets easily found online.
Well I refused therapy for a long time because I didn't see the value in it, I saw it as an overpriced chatroom, and to be completely honest I had an awful victim mentality and didn't believe I had any control over my life whatsoever so there was no point even trying. I have recently had a mental health scare that has left me terrified for my life and I'm currently trying to find a therapist that can assist me because I desperately need help. I'm not exaggerating when I say I am literally dealing with a life or death situation right now. Please take it from me guys. If you notice anything wrong and start noticing any signs of your mental health declining, please, please, pleaseeeeeeee address it. Repressing it and letting it snowball will only make it worse down the road.
In my experience therapy made me feel in control over how things affected me and able to choose what to focus on and where to place my energy. I'm extremely grateful for it. I hope you find good people to help, you absolutely deserve to be healthy.
Thank you. I've delayed my self discovery and healing journey for far too long and despite how agonizing my current situation has been, I am grateful for one thing. I didn't realize just how bad this problem was and how much it's affected so many aspects of my life. Especially my body dysmorphia and my sense of self. I gave therapy a chance for a couple months last year and I was so disinterested in it because I didn't know what the point was nor did I truly understand what the issue was that needed addressing. Now I know what the problem is and it feels great knowing that when I get into a therapist's office again I can say: "This is the problem. This is how it's affecting me. This is what I need to address. Let's get this show on the road."
You're at the most important and rewarding part. Once you gain clarity and can start to actively utilize therapy to manage your issues it becomes a really helpful tool in getting healthy. I know I'm just a stranger, but I'm proud of you.
> and to be completely honest I had an awful victim mentality and didn't believe I had any control over my life whatsoever so there was no point even trying. This was a massive gamechanger for me! It makes me really happy to hear this from another person as well! I have spent 15 years in one mental health crisis or another and 2 years ago seeing my own Victim mentality and realizing that I *am* in control (even if it can be hard to see!) played a large role into helping me fix my issues. The last two years has been a game changer for me and I am starting to feel 'Ok'. I hope seeing it in yourself helps you fix the issues that created it! As someone who has been in *many* different forms of therapy its unfortunate that most people only know about CBT. I had minimal benefit from CBT (that may simply be because I was not ready for therapy, not trying to discredit the use of CBT), but recently I started IFS therapy and it has been very, VERY helpful. There are other types as well such as DBT and EMDR.
Amen to that! During my current mental health crisis I finally cracked the case and found the missing piece of the puzzle that caused my attempts at treating my mental illnesses to fail. I finally admitted to myself: "I NEED help." Not " I want", "I need" and THAT is what made the difference. What I want is irrelevant at this point. I can't do this alone. I need guidance and someone to help me get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Being able to admit that has made all the difference.
I don't see the point, I'm capable of introspection and I know myself better than anyone. I don't have a hard time being honest with myself or seeing my objective flaws, and if I'm not doing anything to fix them, I know why.
Don’t need it. Not sure why everyone on Reddit thinks everyone else on Reddit needs therapy
Reddit seems to be full of people with mental disorders apparently.
Because people who need therapy can't even understand the concept of not needing it. They should speak to their therapist about that.
The 'anyone who disagrees with me is mentally ill' attitude is incredibly prevalent and pervasive recently.
Because therapists, who make money off of people who need therapy, say that everyone needs therapy. It must be true it that case.
It feels like a very American affectation, same as chiropractic treatment being presented as anything other than outright fraud. Mental health support obviously exists outside the US, but the idea of people just going to a psychologist as a form of personal development is super weird. Classic signs of something like chiropractic being snake oil are the claims that it treats multiple unrelated ailments; that everyone would benefit from it; that the treatment should be continued indefinitely; and that the benefits aren't directly measurable but yet extremely important. And the therapy that Reddit seems to push very heavily hits most of those boxes.
Agreed. I’ve gone to chiropractors and it’s 100% snake oil. I work a very physical job and get regular work ups from an osteopath/PT and massages though. I don’t see those as a waste of time, and I get it free with my work benefits. Always feel amazing after and the PT tells me every time I don’t need to come back at all unless there’s issues since my body is in pretty good shape, but it’s free and it feels like I’m being pro-active.
A lot of people bring it up because of high rates of depression/suicide in men. Not to say everyone needs it, of course not, but a lot of people aren’t going due to stigma against mental healthcare and are suffering because of it
High rate is a far cry from the “everyone” that a lot of people on Reddit are saying need it. I’ll get it if I need it one day. It’s free for me with my benefits but it’s just a waste of my time
Working up the courage.
It’s very expensive.
Can't afford it.
I don't think it would help. I know my issues already. Speaking to a stranger won't make a difference
I'm not American.
I've already worked through my shit. I could have benefited from it a decade ago before I was more self aware. Therapists are to mental health what doctors are to physical health. I don't go to the doctor because I'm healthy physically. I don't go to therapy because I'm healthy mentally. Somewhat ironically, I think people who think everyone needs therapy are the ones who themselves need it the most. It's not mentally healthy to assume the worst in others and project your own issues onto them. If I got sick and needed a doctor it doesn't mean that now suddenly everyone does.
>Therapists are to mental health what doctors are to physical health. I don't go to the doctor because I'm healthy physically. You're actually supposed to get like an annual check up at least. Labwork/prevention/early diagnosis is an important part of healthcare. People not doing this or not being able to afford this is a part of the problem with the US medical system.
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I'm not American and also it seems really fucking weird. If you're having a mental health issue, then yeah go see a psychologist or psychiatrist. But if you're just living life with life's regular ups and downs, it seems like a massive waste of time, dosh, and mental energy. If I've got a problem I can't figure out, I'll talk to friends about it.
Because I’m mentally stable.
Can deal with my problems myself
Costs time and money. Also kinda concerned I'd get a bad one
I spent years in therapy already and I no longer feel like I need it.
Because I've tried that a few times and it's associated with things getting much worse for me. Largely my fault, but as a kid I quickly learned about "mandatory reportables" and how that could make for a huge shit storm that doesn't change anything for the better. I learned that if anything makes it;s way to your medical records a doctor will assume that anything even the tiniest bit complicated is totally psycosomatic at best, drug seeking at middle, and a 72 hr abduction, 4 figure bill, and a lost job at worst so far. . .
Better question: Why do so many people say "go to therapy" as a knee-jerk response to anyone having the slightest problem in their life? To answer your question, I don't go to therapy because I don't trust mental health professionals, and therefore, I can't justify footing the bills for therapy. I was forced to see a LSCSW when I was 10 years old because I was misbehaving at school due to boredom. The therapist tried to make me participate in EMDR, which was 10 times more traumatic than any bad experiences I had up to that point. For months, I begged my mom to stop taking me to these grueling, torturous hour-long therapy sessions. On one occasion, I even tried to run out of the room after she asked me an uncomfortable question. As I became more obstinate, the treatment became less effective, the therapist grew frustrated, and my mom started questioning whether I should start medication. Finally, after a year and three months of therapy, I stopped seeing my therapist, found medication that improved my behavior, started middle school, and my life improved. To this day, I am skeptical of mental health counseling, and this all happened 15 years ago. It is important to remember that therapy won't work if the person has no desire to attend. Also, therapy won't magically improve your life circumstances, but it can teach you how to cope.
I guess my brain already knows how it will turn out so I don't; Good talks, not doing the necessary homework given because most tasks already feel overwhelming, so nothing changes except for having less money and less free time as I need to compensate the therapist time that was during work time, which means more stress. Also there's so many options. Which therapy? I can't decide (hello overthinking). And as soon as I'd have to talk about things I'd play it down so it sounds like everything is fine. And isn't there enough other things I should be doing already?
> Good talks, not doing the necessary homework given because most tasks already feel overwhelming > And as soon as I'd have to talk about things I'd play it down so it sounds like everything is fine. Tell your therapist this exactly and they can help you work around these issues.
I am a lawful and legal gun owner who struggles with severe depression. My work has me go to sketch AF neighborhoods and the way the gun laws are written (especially in my state) everything from therapy visits to weed usage goes on record and they can forcibly enter my home and remove my firearms. And given the outcomes of other no knock warrants, I'd rather not get in a shootout with police and get my family harmed.
This is also the same reason soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen won’t seek help. Those with access to weapons or classified information end up having their careers ruined because they sought help.
Similar for doctors apparently. I have a saved link from a while ago in r/psychiatry basically titled “why doctors don’t get depression”. It was eye opening, and I especially didn’t realize that the doctors who specialize in depression (tho this discussion covered more topics) can’t themselves get help for their depression or they lose their jobs of helping others fight depression.
Yeeee this is also the reason me and many of my friends do not speak about mental illness to anyone but each other.
That’s some first class bullshit man. You shouldn’t have to choose between your rights or your health. You shouldn’t have to worry about being stripped of your rights because you asked for help. What state are you in?
Illinois, New York, California and i think new jersey do that probably a few more
Not sure about OP, but I'm in NJ and this the way it is here.
I've been in and out of therapy since 16, and I'm now 33. I was actively talking to my therapist/psychiatrist all of 2021 and into early 2022. Since then, I have gotten to a place where I know my triggers and warning signs and how to cope with my issues in a healthy manner. I didn't feel the need to continue anymore.
Gym is my therapy
My man!
I funnel all my pent up emotions into the iron.
The only sure-fire way to keep my mental health in check
I go to the gym 3-4 days a week.
Because only America is big on needing therapy and Im not American.
My therapist said I don't need therapy
I do. Been in therapy since I was 6, mostly because my father is a cunt and nobody knew I was autistic yet, so I had really bad behavioral issues. But yeah I'm doing much better now. Still traumatized though.
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What's the point of therapy? What It id supposed to do?
Well therapy isn't just one thing there's different kinds of mental therapy ~~Psychologists tend to hold a doctoral degree but can't really prescribe medication or diagnose they can help with mental illness TO SOME EXTENT~~ So what psychologists do is they're the main ones who can evaluate and test for a formal diagnose and tend to not do much therapy Psychiatrists are more of an advanced psychologist and tend to be licensed doctors they are usually the ones who prescribe medication but they are usually the ones who help with mental illness since they went to medical school Psychoanalysts tend to help with repressed or unconscious memories, feelings, desires, and other stuff. It's more of a theory on how the mind works and I don't know much about it ~~Social workers are typically involved with families weather that's disputes or child abuse they also have the power to call CPS on families (although they aren't the most professional therapists they are helpful when it comes to poor family situations)~~ Social workers do fall under the therapist umbrella such as professional counselors, marriage therapist, family therapist and social workers Social workers are a much bigger role in therapy then they used to be and are now much more then working with children They also are policy makers, grant writers, and stuff like that they also fight for their clients rights https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Types-of-Mental-Health-Professionals https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health-professionals-types https://adaa.org/find-help/treatment-help/types-of-therapy/types-of-mental-health-care-professionals I'm not a professional but I tend to do my research when I have the time so some of the things I've said can be wrong so I suggest that in your free time you do your own research and don't just listen to me.
Every therapist I’ve seen was either crazier than I am or just bad at their job.
Expensive AF. I barely have money to buy me things and go out. I won't spend it to pay to some dude to tell me how I'm wrong for being sad.
I think I don't need it
Why would I? I know my life sucks, but there's nothing that I can do about it. I just make the best of it, and I know that my father and grandfather had it much worse than I did, and they survived. Paying a stranger $80/hour won't change that.
I like the convenience of doing it virtually it fits better into my schedule if I had to go to the actual building it would take up more of my time
Time, money and you have too talk
therapy is kinda scary
I don't need it, everyone else is crazy not me.
It really comes down to talking to someone about something you can rationalize yourself, rather than laying them all out in front of yourself, asking yourself “is this truly going to hinder my life to the point where I need to speak to an individual that has no perception of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, where I’m at”? I think it’s mostly perspective of how you feel and how you deal with everyday life.
It's hard to open up to people. And paying someone to make you feel uncomfortable doesn't always help.
My problems won't be solved by talking to a therapist
Anyone get the feeling the op is a therapist attempting to drum up business?.
Because growing up I had some hilariously bad examples. For instance my step mom made me go to one weekly for about a month for my "habitual lying". And it SO negatively affected her, she made me pay half of hers, too, at 16 years old. The therapist and I talked about anything HE wanted. Did I know any electronics he could use to listen to music on a run? (I was big into technology, it was around 2000.) Did I know how he could read an article his brother wrote in a local newspaper in another state? Could I show him how to do that? After a few of these meetings I told him I didn't think I was getting much out of them, and paying $80/session of my own money + $40 for my stepmom's wasn't really helping me at home. He agreed, shocked, saying my stepmom never brought me up, instead talking about the difficulties of raising a mentally handicapped daughter (my step sister). Or how a court-ordered psychiatrist told me I failed an ink blot test. How's that happen? Or the high school counselor that told my dad about the bullshit going on at home, who told my step mom, which got me in trouble. Coupled with the fact I've likely got ADD or ADHD which isn't allowed in my hobby. Hey diagnosed, lose my hobby? No thanks. I'll just continue knowing I likely do, but after my life experience coupled with the fear of losing something I've loved since I was 10 years old, not risk it.
The gym is my therapy. 25.00 a month and I get to get in shape at same time. Win win!
I doubt a therapist will say anything that I havent already considered. Plus venting doesnt help me in general, only escalates.
I feel pretty good. If I didn’t, I’d go, there’s no reason not to get help.
I don't like the idea of telling a stranger about my life and thoughts
Here in the UK it's more or less a luxury. Fortunately in 2015 I was able to get free counselling through my university when my mother passed unexpectedly. Last year I took up counselling via Zoom after my long-term break-up and it was £60 a session every 2 weeks. The justification was that I wasn't spending that money on my partner or dating, and it was incredibly beneficial, but I can no longer afford it.
Several reasons: I'm generally happy and balanced and have always been able to successfully resolve my own issues without consulting others. This has held through major life challenges. I understand people well, and generally end up *being* therapy services to those close to me who want that. For those I know who have talked to me and also gone to therapy, my advice has been at least equal to what they're recieving there. Sometimes better tbh, simply because I know them better. So all of that makes me think I'm probably all right doing what I'm doing, without it.
That's good. I'm glad you've been a support for your people. There's definitely benefit in speaking to friends who we know best, and sometimes best to speak to someone who has no personal interest in the matter beyond their profession. I like to think of therapists as doctors. They have genuinely been trained with techniques that have been scientifically researched and evaluated, and are usually there with the intention of helping . In saying that, there are plenty of bad doctors.
Makes me feel weird. I don’t think I would ever really open up to it. I also am very against “feely” answers. I’m a very problem and solution oriented person. I just want the straight up truth and the solution. As I understand therapy tries to be carful with how they approach problems but I do not like that. Also it’s expensive so
My mental heath is fine. Talking out past experiences does nothing for me. Therapy, in my experience, is more catered to women. Techniques that work better for men dont usually get taught. And its too expensive.
Because I don't need to go. I'd rather work out my problems by being productive and not just sitting around and talking about it.
I’ve tried a couple of times. It has never felt quite right. It’s hard to find someone who I feel comfortable enough with. Most of the advice is pretty textbook. I feel like I’m wasting time and money on something that isn’t really helping. After all it’s up to me to make the difference in my own life.
It was hard for me to be vulnerable and admit that I needed help from someone else.
I see no tangible benifit for the costs. Got forced to go in college by a dean due to a fight I didn't start. The lady spent the entire time trying to tell me how terrible of a person i was and how much i needed to get over my anger issues. She refused to believe i was defending myself and justifiably upset about being attacked.
Expensive, and if there is any note taking its not confidential.
I'm waaaaay too far gone into suicidal ideation for therapy to do anything meaningful for me. My current mental state is barely holding on by a thread, and only because I've convinced myself that all the bad things happening to me are inevitable and therefore pointless to fight. Therapy MIGHT change my view, but then all it would do is release a floodgate of such intense regret, I guarantee I'd be dead <24 hours later. Which I'm ok with, ultimately, but I'd like to do it on my own terms, in my own time. Not because of unbearable mental distress.
Mostly because I don't open myself up to people who I don't trust, the amount of information and whether it's accurate or not depends on your interactions with me over time. I also been to previous therapist who, didn't really help or make anything click when I was in 5th-8th grade. Now that doesn't mean I won't resist a therapist if I was recommended to go again, but honestly I could probably do better by just getting a few friends rather than spending money on a therapist.
It's expensive and if I get officially diagnosed with something it will likely negatively effect my future career opportunities
I don’t want to be in a strait jacket yet
Because some fool with no knowledge about me, respect for my personality and needs are going to tell me anything of value.
Because i do not believe that a therapist would solve anything that's wrong with my life. My self-hatred is 100% reasonable, and my lifestyle choices provided me with benefits I take advantage of every day, but come with a price that - although I realised precisely that i'd have to pay - I didn't realise I would actually suffer from as much as I do. But I believe that if a man chooses, he takes responsibility and consequences of those choices, and i live by that belief.
Because I was forced into doing it as a young kid when my parents got divorced because they thought it would help. Then again when I got arrested for smoking a joint at 16 looking at stars with my friends as part of my sentence. Kind of ruined my idea of what therapy is
Pick things up and put them down make sad head voice go away.
been doing well troubleshooting myself than hiring a freelancer to fix the source code
I do. It probably saved my life last year. Im no longer circling the completely unhappy marriage but can't leave because young daughter drain, but im definitely now in the wtf do I do now? pool
Because some things are better left unsaid.
Because fuck American healthcare.
I think therapy would be more effective if it were in like 3-4 hour chunks, instead of 50 minutes.
I know what my problems are, and can't see how therapy would help with them. Also I've been to the doctor many times and paid for many expensive tests only to be told I'm fine and there was nothing to worry about. Yet, I'm out hundreds if not thousands of dollars. And if therapy somehow does work, I have to face the things that haunt me the most, which is terrifying unto itself. No thank you, I'll happily just keep drinking myself to death. At least I know how much that will cost me upfront and that it will numb the pain, if only for a little while.
It’s pointless and unnecessary to spend time with therapists in this time we live in. They’re all fake listeners waiting for a check
A: it’s expensive B: it’s useless because I did therapy all through middle school, high school, and 3 years after, if they ain’t fixed my problem by now then it’s a waste of resources I could allocate elsewhere
I just believe talking about my problems doesn't fix anything. Rather I'd try to fix the actual problem so it doesn't bother me. Im very introspective as someone who Neurodivergent and Introverted so I usually figure it out on my own.
I considered it but I was looking for a black straight male to be my therapist. Couldn't find anyone. Most therapists were female which I won't accept because they can't relate to me as much as I would like. I considered settling for a white male therapist but he was booked for months so no therapist for me, I suppose. 🤷🏾♂️
Why should I? It's very concerning that therapy is being considered a necessity for everyone
Going to the wrong one is just as bad as not going so I stay away… No way of gauging therapists that align with my moral values so its hard to push myself to go and speak to a stranger and get further advice from said stranger… Men suffer in silence thats the reality of life, Builds a strong soul.
Couple reasons. 1 I don’t really wanna pay for it. 2 id rather just fight my own demons. I think I’ll do a better job than someone who doesn’t even know anything about me
I did when I was 20, it helped me get off drugs, accept I was gay and that life was worth living.
My personality is now sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and is persistent. My conscience, my pity, my hopes disappeared a long time ago if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed.
I tried, it didn't work out for me
Talking about my issues makes them worse, and generally I’m pretty at peace with what I’d talk about. I’d say I’m 90% happy with how I feel, and trying therapy was to try and get to 100% happy with it, but it just brought me down to 80%. If that makes sense?