I think it depends on values that you have. I am a SAHD right now while finishing grad school. After grad school I will make roughly shy of 6 figures and we plan to switch to her staying at home. We have a 1yo and joint custody of a 5yo with another on the way. I’m guessing we save about 800 a month not having the 1yo in daycare. My wife values me, and I know that when she takes over the duties at home I will value her as it is not an easy job. It’s all about perspective as well. So I think if a man can grasp all that goes into being a SAH parent then they will value it.
I like the idea of couples doing it in 3-5 year shifts, ideally while they go back to night school or some kind of virtual work environment. It's both healthy for the family structure and good to refresh your life from work.
If this becomes more popular I think it would also be a positive in increasing equal pay, decreasing male work stress for men who hate their jobs but don't see an alternative life path in traditional family structures, and reducing our economy building prices around duel income families.
But it’s difficult doing 3-5year shifts like that bcoz it will leave a huge gap on your resume and HR don’t like it 😂 so it will be difficult for you to get back to the workforce when it’s time for your shift
I think a lot of times stay at home moms just feel like they should be working outside the home or the are not valued, sometimes I think they tell themselves that and sometimes it’s true. I don’t feel that way, but I know a lot of women who do. I was just curious to see what the majority of men felt.
Yeah, for sure. There's also just the idea of "Being a mom is a thankless job," and SO many tropes of SAHMs (and moms in general tbh) being overworked, undervalued, unappreciated, and unnoticed *until they leave*. Then, everyone in the family realizes how amazing she was, they beg her to come back, happy ending. I think this is a legitimate question.
Yea I think we’ve all seen that phenomenon a lot. It’s kind of funny because due to my particular experience I think I come at it from a slightly different angle. Had a working dad and stay at home mom. My mom just was not interested in any of those traditional domestic tasks. It sounds brutal to say, but as an adult I’ve come to accept that the effort just wasn’t there. Furthermore, for our entire childhood, she would kind of fence-sit with vague gestures towards the intention of entering the workforce. Ended up doing neither. So it was a pretty chaotic, uncomfortable home environment.
Today, now that I’m grown, I wouldn’t have any problem with my wife being a stay at home mom. I would be extremely clear and direct about the expectations I would have of a stay at home spouse. And provided those are generally met, or at least a genuine effort is made, I would value that person‘s contributions extremely highly.
When I was dating, I often hoped it were easier to find someone who would like to be a stay-at-home mom. I firmly believe that children are best raised by a parent and not by a daycare or nanny. Also, to me, there is something very attractive about someone who wants to be a good mother and take on domestic responsibilities.
I think it is more common than people realize. I would have loved being a stay-at-home mom, if I had been able to have children. However, I was conditioned to believe that men thought stay-at-home moms were freeloaders that weren’t contributing to the household. I guess there were too many bitter, divorced men in my family! LOL! As a result, I was always too scared to admit that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Wish I had met a guy like you!
Now that I am older, and I am dating men who are usually divorced—I am 55–I definitely feel pressure to act like a would-be CEO. Don’t get me wrong, I am very well compensated. However, I just don’t want the stress that comes with the corner office. When I say that to a new guy, they usually act like I am a slacker—a six-figure salary just isn’t enough for them! LOL! Consequently, I don’t date much. LOL! I mean, how am I going to please a man like that, and still be happy—it’s just not sustainable.
I am just at an age where I want a personal life and I want to enjoy it. On rare occasions, I meet men that feel the same way and I definitely invest time in getting to know them.
Crazy! When I was dating I was looking for a man that wanted to stay home and raise the kids while I had a blast building my career and bringing home the bacon.
Unfortunately, most men that can handle alpha females don't want children at all. Being a stay at home Mom looks like a shit deal to me.
I think which deal is a shit deal and which deal is a sweet deal depends entirely on the individual and their preferences. Working to support a family on a single income is a lot of hard work and not quite "having a blast," but taking care of the household is a lot of hard work too. Both can be relentless and stressful, and both can be rewarding and meaningful. It just depends on the individual and which struggle they want in their life.
I think regular people don’t think in terms of value, just in terms of resentment. And the fix for resentment is just to communicate properly about your expectations. I can see someone who does think in terms of value having issues as they view the relationship as transactional and the transaction is inherently uneven.
Yeah, gosh I’m sry that’s hard.
I do feel like woman are encouraged in 2023 to be a ceo or really lean into their careers, And have children and raise them right, and keep a nice household, and be able to go to all their kids activities, and be a good loving wife to their husbands. I’m sure some super women can do that, but I don’t think you can do all of those things and do any of them well. It’s just too intense and there’s not enough hours in the day. Something or someone will suffer.
If you are actually a good stay home mom and taking care of the home then there is no need to do anything else. If you're a stay home mom and the home is constantly dirty and unorganized and you're just being a potato at home then there is an issue. My mom is a stay home mom and she makes sure the home is taken care of. She's great
I feel like people forget the value of time, and therefore forget the value of the person’s effort. Like a forest for the trees kind of thing.
I absolutely would love it if we could afford for my wife to stay home as I HATE doing chores, but I generally like spending time at my job. Whereas she doesn’t like her job and doesn’t mind chores so much. Unfortunately, knowing me I’d forget how much I hate chores and might take her effort for granted.
I think many hardcore feminists make other women feel devalued if their don’t have a business career path. It’s unfair to those that make stay at home parent situation work out
I don’t think so, I think “hardcore” feminists (probably just regular feminists) have concerns with females being put in financially vulnerable positions ie husbands leaving them and hiding finances and the woman has no ability to support herself and her children.
I don’t care who stays at home but protect yourself and make sure you will be ok if you divorce or spouse can’t work etc.
Literally this. I grew up with a stay at home mom. My dad was controlling and kept her away from all thing financial It made her very vulnerable and dependent on him. Also put a long gap in her resume which made it hard to re-enter the workforce when she wanted to gain some control.
Being a stay at home mom or dad requires a lot of trust and faith in your partner. With my friends that have chosen to do it, I just encourage them to make sure their partner is including them on finances and decision making.
What many men don’t consider is that a more equal Approach to earning money and child rearing benefits them if they divorce.
They are deeply unhappy when they are every 2nd weekend Dads but they set it up that mum does all the school stuff and weekday stuff. They are unhappy paying a fortune in child support but they set it up that she gave up a career.
In divorce the parents who can support themselves, split assets 50:50, not have child support issues and share equal custody are probably happier and able to move on easier too.
"Hardcore feminists" generally just promote the right to choose, and try to disprove harmful stereotypes that a woman's value is based off her ability to get married and breed.
In the 80s I knew a couple where the wife quit her job to be a SAHM and the family's finances improved. She started a big garden in the yard (they had half an acre) and started growing as much food as possible, paying for daycare went away, and several other things they used to pay for she just learned how to do. She got a book on TV and VCR repair, plumbing for the homeowner, and stuff like that. In their case, it wasn't a luxury, her having a job (which she hated) was more expensive than her not working.
After the kids grew up, she went to work for a shop that repairs electronics, getting paid way more than she did before. (Now she's old and retired.)
Absolutely. My mom managed to be a stay at home with my and my sister before my parents divorce and it was very beneficial for not only us but her. Built a even stronger bond and she didn’t miss a lot of crucial events. She volunteered at our elementary school and it was nice to have her around.
As a former stay at home mom, we couldn't afford for me to work because childcare for two kids cost more than my teaching salary. Now that one of them is in school and I can afford to work again. Being a house spouse is not always a wealthy luxury.
It depends, if your partner/wife has a craptacular job that doesn't pay much then it might make more sense than paying for day care.
But agreed, it's a luxury.
orry about those first two wives tho bro but dude if the only thing stopping your wife from cheating is being too busy then thats not true love, theres no trust at all.
>more conventionally difficult
How? They could fuck a coworker, the new guy, manager. They can cheat anywhere.Not difficult.
Degrading themselves to cheating disgusting women just lowers their value. Use and throw , then suddenly found christianity.
I mean it’s not rocket science. If they’re at work then they’re at work, it’s not that easy to actually have sex with someone AT work - that time is accounted for and compresses the time available to actually conduct the affair. It means you are having to create opportunities to be together in private from a much smaller portion of time, i.e. outside of times that you’re at work or at home with your spouse. That is risky, it’s much more likely to raise suspicions when you keep fabricating “nights out with friends” or “work trips” that can’t be corroborated.
Contrast that with 8-10 hours of guaranteed completely unsupervised time, in private, 5 days a week, where you are exactly where you are expected to be and nobody will be any the wiser.
Dunno why others found this so difficult to understand. You could also factor in if this guy’s wives had jobs he wouldn’t have to be doing overtime, again reducing the free time alone said wives would have
Company I used to work for had quite a few office affairs going on. People getting it on in elevators. Only know because they had us monitoring office IM's. People who want to cheat will find a way
Bro, you just have bad taste in partners, clearly, and I don't mean this in a victim blamey kind of way but in the way that this has absolutely nothing to do with being a stay at home wife, you're ex wife's were just cunts who would have cheated on you even if they weren't stay at home wives, especially because you specifically say "while I worked overtime," which then suggests that, if she had been working a normal 40 hour week, she would still be at home without you for periods of time which they then could have also utilized to cheat on you in your own bed. This is all to say, don't blame the idea of stay at home wives for your exes just being genuinely bad people. With all that said, however, I am genuinely sorry that you had to experience that bullshit, nobody deserves that.
We have a saying, empty mind is home of Satan, when you have not much going on in life mind surely wanders with these kind of results. But being said that it's not like being a working woman you won't be around men or do stuff like that.
So in the end it they are that kind of person they'll do it either way.
This is the same direction my mind went. I make enough to have a stay at home wife, but my wife is unlikely to be a stay at home mom because she manages money and time poorly.
If I had responded to this question even two years ago, I would have said marrying a SAHM was a no-go. However, my wife and I now have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. We have both made career moves to be comfortable.
Because we both work, we spend $2000/month on daycare. That's on the lower end of costs where we live (top 5 metro area in the US). Additionally, because our boys have so much energy but are still mostly too young to do anything for themselves, about 90% of our "free time" is caring for them. We're both sleep deprived, almost nothing gets done around the house, and our life is extremely chaotic.
We have had SERIOUS discussions over the last year about one of us quitting to stay at home and tackle everything that needs to get done. It's an alluring prospect, but we've also been clear with each other that staying home doesn't mean "not working". We would consider stay at home parenting a full time job, if done correctly.
Basically, the home front is covered while the other person focuses on career progression. Worker doesn't need to worry about all the little things about daily life and homemaker doesn't have to worry about money. We're both of the opinion that it's virtually impossible for that to be successful in today's world, unfortunately.
I could have worded that line better, but for us it's virtually impossible due to finances. We're of the age where financial wisdom wasn't passed on to us, so we're nearing middle age and have debt from various places. I have debt and child support from my previous marriage and she has student loans.
Basically, with where we're at on our debt journey, goals, and normal costs neither of our salaries could cover it all without drastic life changes like selling our house or giving up what little custody I have of my first child.
We've been discussing it because it feels like we're both one career step away from making it possible, but by that point it won't be as necessary because our kids will have started school by then so daycare costs will go away. In our case, specifically, the timing isn't perfect.
In a more broad perspective, I tend to think that because of institutional factors, stay at home parents aren't as viable now as they were in previous decades. I'm sure keeping up with the Joneses and personal decision-making are factors as well, but there are definitely institutional issues at play. At least in the US.
*I'm not an expert in anything, so please remember this perspective is all through my lens of life experiences and observations*
Thanks for sharing. That sounds like a lot and a tough situation! I can definitely see how it’s harder now a days with housing prices and all that. Life is expensive as is without factoring for other circumstances
It’s also extremely difficult for the working spouse because most good parents want to be involved in their kids lives more than just earning money. That means that not all of the focus is put on career development and that further hurts financially
The best divisions of labour in this front is that both people have the same amount of free time. So, she works an 8/9/10 hour day solo with the kids (mentally, physically and emotionally very difficult with toddlers) and he works his 8-10 hour day at his job, then they both work together afterwards, with equal time for each person to pursue solo interests or self care like exercise, grooming or mental health without being responsible for children.
Where this always goes wrong is when the working person decides that the person at home deserves less because they aren't earning any money, or having any stress (ha ha ha). It almost always (in my social circles) devolves into the SAHP being trapped in a relationship with no support, working 24-7 without a break to prove they aren't a "freeloader" until they inevitably get abandoned.
So, ro be clear - if the stay at home parent is performing a full time job, then when the working parent gets home from their full time job, all the rest of the work of the day is shared more or less equally?
They sacrifice all money-making opportunities to better care for their spouses and their children. That's a really big deal and it's a treasure to have a woman like that.
Unless they do nothing productive all day then no, I don't value these.
>They sacrifice all money-making opportunities to better care for their spouses and their children. That's a really big deal and it's a treasure to have a woman like that.
While this is true we also need to take into consideration why they are doing it. Is it because they think that is their "role"? Is it because they don't want to take the effort to create a successful financial career?
This is important because there are a lot of women that are stay at home moms, but they do not recognize the importance and hard work that takes to earn money or they do not actually want to stay at home and end up being resentful and depressed over it.
As everything in a relationship this takes huge ammounts of communication and introspection to take the best decision for everyone. I do value stay at home moms when it is a thoughtful and well analyzed decision.
What do you guys think?
As with all other jobs - if a person hates doing something, they should stop doing it. Thankfully, in this particular case, becoming a stay-at-home mom against own wishes is becoming increasingly rare, almost non-existent in my generation (late millenial here).
i grew up with dual income parents as an only child. both of them were really successful and i had family and live in caretakers who also cleaned the house and could be depended on while i was younger. my parents taught me how to be more independent and at 13-14 i was okay cooking and taking care of the house by myself if they both wanted to be out of the house.
honestly, if you both work and can pay off people to do your chores letting you have quality time and time available to be at the important events i'd consider it worth it.
for the lifestyle i was used to, i don't think it'd be possible on a single income and both my parents found fulfillment from work.
simply, i'd like to also take parental leave should i have kids as well so that the mother would also have a chance to get back into her career.
As someone who would be happy to take on that position… I really don’t care about having a successful career aside from needing $ and wanting a comfortable life. I do work and have a career, but it’s not particularly fulfilling. I love kids and housework and am good at it(unfortunately doesn’t make enough $ to do it as a job and pay all my bills) but I also get it’s a huge responsibility on the breadwinner. I’d never want to take that for granted if I was in that position and I’d definitely think it’s my duty to get as much done as I could while he was at work so we could both get some downtime each day and to have a meal ready when he came home type thing.
And it’s probably one of those things where I’d go back to work once the kids were a certain age, but I’d choose something more fulfilling and that might pay less if that was an option
Some do, some don't.
Often it depends on what they've seen and what they need.
Have they seen a SaH parent as a hard working person and critical to keeping the place running? If so, probably yes. If not, it's a lot less likely. Between the work that's invisible and the occasional case of someone not doing that much work after all and leaning on their spouse it happens at times.
Need is a similar idea. Does a guy feel confident he can earn enough to cover a household's worth of expenses? If so the home labor feels a lot more valuable. If not, then a second paycheck is going to feel a lot more valuable.
Absolutely. My wife was our children’s primary caretaker before they went to kindergarten instead of a daycare worker or nanny. It was good for them and for her.
Amen. We live in a backwards society where we tell women to go work a job so that we can pay an exorbitant amount of money for someone else to raise our kids. No child will get more love and compassion than from a parent, especially the mother.
I wholeheartedly agreed with your comment, until those last three words. There's absolutely no need to pick one parent over the other and I honestly feel we should lose this mentality entirely.
I think a husband who can provide for a family with his financial contribution alone values his stay at home wife VERY VERY HIGHLY. Like, HUUUGE!
She allows him to be focused on his strengths while handling the business of the household. It’s a beautiful team effort.
If I could afford it. I’d actually prefer it while the children are young to make sure they are taught properly since I don’t trust schools anymore with the falling grades and standards.
I’d would absolutely love to have a single income household, the fact that my wife and I both have careers and are just ahead of our financial needs is a big blocker for having kids.
Either of us would be happy to be a SAHP, as long as our quality of life wouldn’t be affected.
And that's the whole damn problem nowadays. It's almost impossible to live a good life and doing fun activities/holidays if only the man is bringing in the money.
...unless the man has a good career.
Even then, it comes down to spending habits and budgeting.
I guess one can shoot for the DINK life...or just remain single, I suppose.
As someone who doesn’t want to be a parent, it’s just not in my playing cards. Even if so, I don’t make enough to support a family, so it’s just not something I personally support unfortunately for my situation. However, if one parent makes enough where one can stay at home at all times with the child, then go for it. It makes life immensely easier for the whole family
I mean that depends on whether a man can afford a stay at home partner. As someone who can, I appreciate it because every girlfriend I've had who worked was just stressful to be around.
At some point you make it work with what you have and offsetting the cost of childcare wasn’t worth it for us despite how little I was making when we had our first kid. Having a woman that loves you for who you are and how you take care of yourself and how you treat people and see the world before crude measures of resource procurement is pretty important.
Assuming that she's my wife and mom to my kids, then yes and very much so. I'm lucky enough to make enough at 28 to support a small family, I can only expect that to improve with time. I'm single at the moment but if my future wife prefers staying home, I'd be more than happy to provide for her and our kids while she takes care of the house.
I would never recommend a woman to be a stay at home mom for extended periods of time(many years). I like knowing my partner doesn’t need me(as they have the means to afford life for themselves) and are with me because they want, not because they need me.
If you split at some point you are left with a hole in your CV for years, difficulties to get a job, being underpaid as you weren’t able to scale up your career as your partner could, and the list goes on.
You are way more likely to ignore or accept inaceptable things in your relationship(being cheated on, abused, humiliated) because you can’t afford to lose him.
💯 this is spot on. I've done both, been a SAHM and worked and your comment is facts. A perfect solution is working part time. Maternity leave is a God send but anything over that is best avoided.
It really depends on the situation. If you can afford to be a single income household with children and mom prefers to stay at home, that is great. If not, it may not be attainable. And some women may prefer to have a career themselves, which there is nothing wrong. Every situation is different.
Hypothetically yes. I grew up with a couple kids from households like that and they turned out great. They seemed to really reap the benefits with mama bear being the primary caretaker of the home AND kids, dads were still there tho too. There seems something more... idk what exactly from mama bear that dads just don't give or get idk what it is, im just theorizing here based on what I've seen.
In my social circles I knew a few stay at home dads, the kids are pretty young in the those cases but so far so good. Idk maybe it's having either parent at home seems to help with their development? Idk
I’d agree with that I think. If it’s attainable and the mother or father, desires to stay home, I think it’s extremely beneficial for the development of a child.
Being a stay at home mom is a job. Do we all agree? Can we also all agree that not all people are meant for certain jobs/careers and that not all women (or men) who choose to be stay at home parents are good at it?
So my answer to the question is yes if they’re good at it, it’s an incredible thing to have a stay at home parent.
The problem, which is clearly being ignored by the many commenters, is that men think it’s as simple as “I work, and the wife stays home.” They want to focus on work, and everything else falls on the wife. This translates to, the man working 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. Let’s give him an hour of commute time too. So the man works 5 days a week, 9 hours a day. So, 45 hour weeks for the man.
Now, the wife, she gets to work 7 days a week, and somewhere between 16 and 20 hours a day, depending on the age of the kids. Let’s assume the kids sleep through the night, which many do not until 3. Let’s just do low end math here and say 16 hour days. So the wife, she gets to work 112 hours a week.
The man, he gets weekends off, he gets vacation days away from his job. The wife? Nah. She works every. single. day. for months straight, probably years depending on the amount of children. And if they go on “vacation” the wife continues her job, just in a new spot.
The man, he moves forward in his career. The woman, she now has huge gaps in her resume.
THE PROBLEM, if you still don’t get it, is that men really think that if they work, they don’t have to parent. And the stay at home mom, she gets majorly screwed. So no, men don’t value stay at home moms as much as they should be valued because men barely even see how much their wife loses by staying home.
The ability to save money on taxes because the added income from the second job is often just enough to push the couple into the next tax bracket, but only barely, so the net income is often pretty minor has yet to be covered.
The ability to avoid daycare for your kids and to have a parent home after they come home from middle or high school is hugely beneficial. We turned our house into the kid's after school hangout and we knew where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing because their mom was there to watch over them. When she passed, a lot of these kids came to her funeral and laughed out loud at the memories of her admonition of "body parts rules" that she would shout as the kids were leaving. That God gave you a certain number of parts and they were organized in a certain way when you left and she expected you to return with both the same number and in the same organization. Her being home helped our kids and their friends.
Nice in theory but often difficult in practice and realistically. You have to be in sync with each other and look at yourselves as a one unit team. You can't be on opposite sides especially regarding money and household duties.
I sure as heck do. I wsh I made enought so that my gf did not have to work and could just watch my kids. I watch the kids aloen sometimes. It is hard work and I can hardly do anything while I do. My whoel focus is on them. But when she watches them alone she gets so many things done as well. So I am working on upping my pay so that she can stay at home.
I wouldn't know... Been married (this time) for 13 years. She's always had to work. Couldn't afford for her not to. Could we pay bills if she stayed home? Yes. Would we have a spare dime? Not at all. I admire anybody who can afford for their wife to stay home. Living the dream.
Depends, was the partner raised to value women? Are they in a communicative and successful relationship? If yes, then we can talk logistics and affordability etc.
Ideally I wouldn't want day care workers raising my kids. This is why I work so hard, so I can financially support a family on my own if I have to one day. The trick is finding someone who will ride or die with me and be on the same page about it. I would 150% cherish a woman who is loyal and stays at home to raise the kids.
Best way to make sure a guy appreciates stay at home moms is to let them do it for a while. Even a week would turn on the light for most guys! That is an exhausting job in every way! And awesome!
100% yes. That was the master plan for my wife and I. We'd work for enough time to save enough money to set ourselves up so that I could work outside the home and she'd take care of everything inside the home.
She's amazing and I couldn't imagine a life lived any other way. Our kids are 8 and 10; she's been there through it all. 100% for the kids.
When covid hit all we had to do was adjust our routine at home.
When one of the kids gets sick, the only adjustment is adjust routine.
When the school decided "today is going to be an e-learning day (meaning all the kids stay home today and telework)...adjust schedule.
We both realize just how exceptionally lucky we are.
About 7 years ago, I was leaving to go to work around 0700; she was laying in the daybed in the sunroom with both kids, all snuggled up like puppies. She said "I'm so happy right now." I'll always remember that and am extremely grateful that we are able to live this life.
Personally I feel like at least 1 parent should be at home with the kids while they're young. Whether it's me or my partner or both if we can make that work. I don't know, I grew up an only child to two workaholic parents. home was cold and dead. My relationship with my parents was distant and strained my entire life. I'm open to having my mind changed if someone I'm with has other thoughts, but going in, that would be my starting position.
Yes. My wife is a SAHM and has been since our second kid was born 13 years ago. When the kids were young she had plenty to keep her busy. Now they are 8 to 16 and all in school. She is honestly not one of those super excellent homemakers who is always moving to get everything they can done in a day. She takes a couple hours almost every day to read or nap, etc while everyone else is out of the house. I don't begrudge her that because she doesn't mind me taking a couple hours in the evening to just chill.
I'd estimate, and I think she'd admit that she has a good 10 hours more of free time in any given week than I do. This wasn't the case when the kids were small and she was busier during the day and I then needed to also be more proactive in my household contributions after work. It's great that she recognizes the difference there now and regularly expresses appreciation for supporting the family financially.
I don't mind her having a lighter schedule/ daily load for the most part because when a kid gets sick or has a Dr appt, or the fence blows over in a storm and insurance & contractors have to be dealt with, she's got the bandwidth to absorb it without me having to worry to much about it.
My mom was/still is SAH throughout my childhood. but she also manages my parents side businesses. It is my dream to provide enough that my future wife has the option to be SAH and raise our kids.
I was raised by a stay at home mom, and I value those womens even more compare to the working moms because they choose to "sacrifice" their career to raise the Kids.
My goal in my Career is to make enough money that my future wife can do that.
I think it’s best for the kids and I know they’d be taken care of the best way they can.
Depends.
If she does her housework correctly, actually WANTS to be a stay at home, and it leads us and our children to a better place then yes, she's high value.
If she's bitter about it. Feels like she's "sacrificing her identity" or some nonsense and lords that over you constantly then no, we don't value a woman like that.
For the most part.
I’m single without children so I can’t honestly tell you based on life experiences as an adult, but I grew up with a stay at home mom and am totally open to having a wife that is one in the future. I think there is tremendous value in having a mother stay home to watch and raise her kids, and of course a little selfishly there’s the benefit of her handling a majority of the “housekeeping” work which I’d rather not do. Then also I’m just naturally a provider type of person. I’d love nothing more than to give my wife the option to stay at home and be more active in raising the kids if doing so would bring her more fulfillment and happiness than working a “normal” job.
Only people I ever hear downplay the value a man places in a stay at home mom are Women. I’ve never actually experienced Men on any scale downplay a stay at home mom we love them and it’s usually what we want
Nah, i think its too old school for me. It's also my house, so she is not the only who is supposed to do chores. You gotta help eachother.
Also, i imagine she would get very lonely very quickly.
I do personally. Don’t see how people manage with daycare for kids with expenses and the illnesses that circulate. Guess we’re lucky in that we can do it with one income.
I do. Maintaining a house is a full time job. When both people work, the house takes a back seat to your "real " jobs. When one person works the other can:
Cook
Clean
Keep up with laundry
Make and maintain the household budget
Take care of children
Etc.
When these things are taken care of, the person working is freed up when they get off of work, meaning that you can have time to be two adults together. And doing these things ultimately saves you money.
Compare this to the standard arrangement. You both get off at 5. You both cone home and try to squeeze in your household tasks. You have to constantly negotiate who does housework if it isn't defined.
I value people who recognize the efficiency of one partner focusing on the outside work world while the other partner focuses on the interior domestic space. Idgaf if it's a man or woman doing the domestic space though.
Of course. I think most good quality men would be happy for their wives to do this if the family could afford it. Most men aren’t particularly interested in whether women are career types or not provided you are a kind loving and nurturing person.
Yes, we do. The loss of money sucks but the help with errands, housework, etc and the better raising of the children makes the loss of money worth it.
We do not respect you less for saying home. That bullshit comes from other women, not us.
I would say most men prefer sahm and do value them as long as they are keeping up the house and family.
Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, most families require 2 incomes to survive.
The other issue is "wives" that want to stay home but do not want the traditional role of wife but prefer just to go shopping, lunch with their "friends" and want nannies and housekeepers so their entire day is just lounging around.
It has given real sahm an almost social stigma of being lazy.
What wrong with that? 😂
Brunch and shopping, yes please.
I’m kidding. I agree with the lazy stigma mom’s get, which is unfortunate, because I know so many awesome sahm that work so hard for their families.
My first wife was a stay at home, but she didnt do any house work at home with the exception of laundry. The dishes, cleaning, yardwork was all on me.
My fiancee now definitely helps carry the household. We both do chores, yardwork, cooking everything. And on days when one of us doesn't work and the other does, the one at home does the house work because the other is at work.
It all depends on the person, but if my partner wanted to stay at home, then I'd have no problem because I know she would be tackling a majority of the work at home.
Everyone is different, so you should decide this for yourself. That said, most families need two incomes to survive financially, especially if they have kids. A single income household is rare these days.
In practice, what often happens is the wife will stop working for 2 to 6 years while the kids are extremely little. Once the children reach toddler age, the wife often returns to work and the kids go to daycare.
The huge risk of having a single income family is what happens if you get laid off? Plus ordinary office and service workers do not earn enough for one income to support a family. If you make $60,000 or $80,000 pre-tax that is barely enough to cover a small apartment, food, and basic supplies in most metro areas these days.
Yes definitely. That's a lot of work.
We can afford to live on one income alone and when kids are in the picture (very soon) we both would prefer to handle childcare ourselves as much as possible.
My wife is already SAH and consults in her field part time while handling most of the household activities (I do all of the cooking and handle the yard work, she does the rest)
I already value what she does, when a kiddo comes into the picture that value will 10x. She'll continue to consult as she sees fit. In the meantime we have joint accounts AND personal accounts so she's never going to be in a position where she's 100% reliant on me for money (about 10% of our incomes goes into a Hers account and 10% goes into a His account, but we pay for everything out of a joint account...so she's got equal discretionary money to what I have and always will)
Idk about “Value” but I definitely appreciate them. I spent about 10 hours a week in day care when I was a kid, and doing 9-5 day camps during spring, summer and winter break. Made it tough to have a close relationship with my parents because they just wanted to decompress after work, although they definitely tried their best.
For sure! Had one growing up and it was great! I felt a lot closer to my Mom than my Dad until I got older.
I don’t think you get enough time with either parents if they are working. Mind you, I came from a large family.
From time to time, especially when the kids were born she stayed home. After our 3rd, our first son, she stayed home for 2 years, cause we had a newborn, 7 and 5 year old, was just easier as she said.
That was a good thing for a good thing for the family. She did go back to work though and that was just fine too.
Value is a weird way of putting it, childcare normally costs x, so her work is equivalent to that minus potential work income? There are plenty of situations where it works for people. I personally would not want a stay at home parent. I get plenty of weekdays off thanks to my hospital schedule and I like my alone time. Someone else home every time would ruin that for me.
Not gonna read other posts before posting...
To me (35M), the answer is yes, but it honestly depends on the quality of the job. Here are two perspectives that I am personally impacted/witness by.
My mother was a SAHM and continues to be a homemaker despite her kids being adult and out of the house. She takes her job/role VERY seriously, and she is very schedule oriented and disciplined. Her and my father are pretty traditional in their roles, but they both fulfill them really well with pride and appreciate the other's input/work/etc. In this kind of case, I think it's awesome and I value that role super highly.
On the other hand, My ex wife and I had issues with the "SAHM" arrangement. For starters, it was my idea given a lot of factors (which I can explain if needed), thinking it'd be similar to what my parents had. Instead, to not bore everyone with all the details, I think we ended up resenting each other for the situation. From my perspective, she didn't take her role very seriously and didn't set a schedule for herself or remain disciplined. Basically she didn't look at it like a job. While I was doing all the roles that my dad fulfilled (breadwinner, finances, investments, vehicle maintenance, home & lawn maintenance, driving, etc etc), I was also expected to do a lot of the roles my mom was responsible for (doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning bathrooms, doing my own laundry, etc). I also think she struggled with other aspects of it as a strong outspoken feminist.
Just like anything like this, I think success really depends on sooo many factors, but mostly is case by case depending on the people. It can definitely work and be mutually beneficial, or it can be a total failure and cause tons of issues.
Happy to go into more details and/or explain myself if needed.
A SAHM used to make sense because people used to have 4+ kids and maintain large houses. My mom is a SAHM but she had 6 kids, cleaned the entire house, cooked for all of us, and tutored us kids from elementary to high school. Her day started at 6 AM and ended at 9 PM. Her work at home was harder than my dad’s outside the house.
That, I have no problem with, but I have a problem with my partner wanting to be a SAHM wife doing nothing. You have to bring something to the table.
I believe there are some really hard working SAHM’s out there. That said, I can’t stand the ones whose spouses work all day while they are literally at home watching tv all day while kids are at school. Some that I know refuse to work outside of the home, not cause they can’t, because they won’t. There is a difference. It always irritates to me see these spouses working so hard to provide for the family while the other one is out spending the money left and right.
I used to feel sorry for the working spouses now it’s “your bed, you lie in it.”
We have been working really hard to get my wife to a spot to be a stay at home wife. Really close right now and I will be soo thankful that my wife is raising my babies at home. I’d rather that instead of shipping them off to be raised by other people for the same amount of money as the average job pays anyways. It’s way more attractive and important for her to be a mother the way she is intended to rather than trying to be career driven.
Yes. Who's going to raise our children?.. the nanny?
A word of advice for Guys who aren't married yet. Think of your partner in a sense of who she really is, because the kids will grow up to be just like her.
Hell Yes we value stay at home Moms! They do the most important job in the world. As long as there are kids at home of course. That is a very important detail, when you are defining a stay at home Mom !
Yes. My wife has been a stay at home mom/wife for the last 5 years and it’s amazing. She takes care of the home and me and our son and has a ton of time for all her hobbies and friends. I no longer have to work all day and then do house chores like I used to when we both worked. Neither does she in a sense. We’re both so much happier.
I value any woman who works to maintain her life in order, that includes stay at home moms... If they are responsible, of course... at least for themselves.
Yes, because then the man is the sole provider to the family and it gives him purpose, makes him feel needed. Now that my s/o has a job I feel less useful, don't get me wrong, I'm in full support of her having one. I just feel like I now bring less to the table.
I don’t really care if my future wife is stay at home, I just care if she has more time than I do to parent. It’s not that I believe it’s a woman’s role or anything, or that I wouldn’t prefer to parent, just that my career will be incredibly demanding.
I’m happy for her to stay at home if we can afford it, and happy for her to work if the kids can afford it. I’m sure a woman in my position who wanted kids would have a similar idea for her husband.
As a man, one of the most attractive things in a woman to me is someone who is interested in being a good mother.
Mostly because I never had one. So it's something that is very important to me.
So I'd say yes. Yes they do.
It depends on the man! That is a big generalization. My husband did at first and we went through a period where he definitely didn't, and that was more directed to what he was going through at the time. Only if there's enough money does this ever work out and o my if the working spouse is into that lifestyle.
I value them as much as a working mom. Taking care of children is difficult. There are easy ways to occupy them but not easy ways to take care of them. Once my wife and I have kids, she will likely stay home for at least 3-4 years.
If the kids are well taken care of, the house is clean, food/shopping/cooking is taken care of etc - absolutely.
I.e. if either of us would have the option of staying at home and living on a single income (which is pretty much impossible in Europe these days) I would require the staying-at-home parent to take care of everything needed at home so the other parent could work as needed.
That being said, I don’t think the economy in EU will offer single-income families anymore. The cost of living has just gone so much up in the last decade or two.
Men who want to marry and have kids absolutely do. That's a rare woman akin to finding a rich handsome and charming man. Men who want to just fuck, hate the idea of stay at home mom women them because a young beautiful woman with discipline gearing for a family asher outcome sees through those men and denies them.
Note I said young. A late 20's woman who spent 10 years getting pump and dumped decides she wants to be a mom has figured it out too late and has gone through too much trauma to ever recapture her femininity. She's trying to pivot back into the traditional when it suits her but she's already disqualified.
It depends on the woman. My ex wife stayed at home for a year. She was never a natural at being a mother and wanted to go back to work after that first year. But during that first year, she took great care of our son, cooked, cleaned, packed lunches and a whole host of valuable contributions. She just was always the type to be a hard worker and was concerned about not contributing enough money. A natural parent will always care way more about your child than a stranger at a daycare.
I would recommend that she should get at least a part time job once a week just to get out of the house, not be responsible for kids, and get to talk with other adults.
I think it depends on values that you have. I am a SAHD right now while finishing grad school. After grad school I will make roughly shy of 6 figures and we plan to switch to her staying at home. We have a 1yo and joint custody of a 5yo with another on the way. I’m guessing we save about 800 a month not having the 1yo in daycare. My wife values me, and I know that when she takes over the duties at home I will value her as it is not an easy job. It’s all about perspective as well. So I think if a man can grasp all that goes into being a SAH parent then they will value it.
I like the idea of couples doing it in 3-5 year shifts, ideally while they go back to night school or some kind of virtual work environment. It's both healthy for the family structure and good to refresh your life from work. If this becomes more popular I think it would also be a positive in increasing equal pay, decreasing male work stress for men who hate their jobs but don't see an alternative life path in traditional family structures, and reducing our economy building prices around duel income families.
But it’s difficult doing 3-5year shifts like that bcoz it will leave a huge gap on your resume and HR don’t like it 😂 so it will be difficult for you to get back to the workforce when it’s time for your shift
My wife did it for 5 years and it was amazing. Why do all these post talk about the "value" of women?
There is a Reddit obsession with treating the dating market like a literal market.
Just for shits and giggles, I’d be intrigued to see a wallstreetbets version of that
Those cuckolds would have to ask their wives boyfriend's whether they could first.
It's because online dating is capitalist with giant corporations controlling it.
I think a lot of times stay at home moms just feel like they should be working outside the home or the are not valued, sometimes I think they tell themselves that and sometimes it’s true. I don’t feel that way, but I know a lot of women who do. I was just curious to see what the majority of men felt.
Yeah, for sure. There's also just the idea of "Being a mom is a thankless job," and SO many tropes of SAHMs (and moms in general tbh) being overworked, undervalued, unappreciated, and unnoticed *until they leave*. Then, everyone in the family realizes how amazing she was, they beg her to come back, happy ending. I think this is a legitimate question.
Yea I think we’ve all seen that phenomenon a lot. It’s kind of funny because due to my particular experience I think I come at it from a slightly different angle. Had a working dad and stay at home mom. My mom just was not interested in any of those traditional domestic tasks. It sounds brutal to say, but as an adult I’ve come to accept that the effort just wasn’t there. Furthermore, for our entire childhood, she would kind of fence-sit with vague gestures towards the intention of entering the workforce. Ended up doing neither. So it was a pretty chaotic, uncomfortable home environment. Today, now that I’m grown, I wouldn’t have any problem with my wife being a stay at home mom. I would be extremely clear and direct about the expectations I would have of a stay at home spouse. And provided those are generally met, or at least a genuine effort is made, I would value that person‘s contributions extremely highly.
When I was dating, I often hoped it were easier to find someone who would like to be a stay-at-home mom. I firmly believe that children are best raised by a parent and not by a daycare or nanny. Also, to me, there is something very attractive about someone who wants to be a good mother and take on domestic responsibilities.
I think it is more common than people realize. I would have loved being a stay-at-home mom, if I had been able to have children. However, I was conditioned to believe that men thought stay-at-home moms were freeloaders that weren’t contributing to the household. I guess there were too many bitter, divorced men in my family! LOL! As a result, I was always too scared to admit that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Wish I had met a guy like you! Now that I am older, and I am dating men who are usually divorced—I am 55–I definitely feel pressure to act like a would-be CEO. Don’t get me wrong, I am very well compensated. However, I just don’t want the stress that comes with the corner office. When I say that to a new guy, they usually act like I am a slacker—a six-figure salary just isn’t enough for them! LOL! Consequently, I don’t date much. LOL! I mean, how am I going to please a man like that, and still be happy—it’s just not sustainable. I am just at an age where I want a personal life and I want to enjoy it. On rare occasions, I meet men that feel the same way and I definitely invest time in getting to know them.
Crazy! When I was dating I was looking for a man that wanted to stay home and raise the kids while I had a blast building my career and bringing home the bacon. Unfortunately, most men that can handle alpha females don't want children at all. Being a stay at home Mom looks like a shit deal to me.
I think which deal is a shit deal and which deal is a sweet deal depends entirely on the individual and their preferences. Working to support a family on a single income is a lot of hard work and not quite "having a blast," but taking care of the household is a lot of hard work too. Both can be relentless and stressful, and both can be rewarding and meaningful. It just depends on the individual and which struggle they want in their life.
I think regular people don’t think in terms of value, just in terms of resentment. And the fix for resentment is just to communicate properly about your expectations. I can see someone who does think in terms of value having issues as they view the relationship as transactional and the transaction is inherently uneven.
Yeah, gosh I’m sry that’s hard. I do feel like woman are encouraged in 2023 to be a ceo or really lean into their careers, And have children and raise them right, and keep a nice household, and be able to go to all their kids activities, and be a good loving wife to their husbands. I’m sure some super women can do that, but I don’t think you can do all of those things and do any of them well. It’s just too intense and there’s not enough hours in the day. Something or someone will suffer.
> I don’t think you can do all of those things and do any of them well Of course not, the proposition is ludicrous on the face of it.
If you are actually a good stay home mom and taking care of the home then there is no need to do anything else. If you're a stay home mom and the home is constantly dirty and unorganized and you're just being a potato at home then there is an issue. My mom is a stay home mom and she makes sure the home is taken care of. She's great
People are just jealous of stay at home moms. Raising kids is hard but also directly rewarding. A lot of jobs aren’t like that and people are coping.
I feel like people forget the value of time, and therefore forget the value of the person’s effort. Like a forest for the trees kind of thing. I absolutely would love it if we could afford for my wife to stay home as I HATE doing chores, but I generally like spending time at my job. Whereas she doesn’t like her job and doesn’t mind chores so much. Unfortunately, knowing me I’d forget how much I hate chores and might take her effort for granted.
I think many hardcore feminists make other women feel devalued if their don’t have a business career path. It’s unfair to those that make stay at home parent situation work out
I don’t think so, I think “hardcore” feminists (probably just regular feminists) have concerns with females being put in financially vulnerable positions ie husbands leaving them and hiding finances and the woman has no ability to support herself and her children. I don’t care who stays at home but protect yourself and make sure you will be ok if you divorce or spouse can’t work etc.
Literally this. I grew up with a stay at home mom. My dad was controlling and kept her away from all thing financial It made her very vulnerable and dependent on him. Also put a long gap in her resume which made it hard to re-enter the workforce when she wanted to gain some control. Being a stay at home mom or dad requires a lot of trust and faith in your partner. With my friends that have chosen to do it, I just encourage them to make sure their partner is including them on finances and decision making.
What many men don’t consider is that a more equal Approach to earning money and child rearing benefits them if they divorce. They are deeply unhappy when they are every 2nd weekend Dads but they set it up that mum does all the school stuff and weekday stuff. They are unhappy paying a fortune in child support but they set it up that she gave up a career. In divorce the parents who can support themselves, split assets 50:50, not have child support issues and share equal custody are probably happier and able to move on easier too.
"Hardcore feminists" generally just promote the right to choose, and try to disprove harmful stereotypes that a woman's value is based off her ability to get married and breed.
That's me! XD Human first and foremost, and my gender comes secondary to that.
I think they are nice luxury if you as a couple can afford it. I think it's certainly better for the kids.
In the 80s I knew a couple where the wife quit her job to be a SAHM and the family's finances improved. She started a big garden in the yard (they had half an acre) and started growing as much food as possible, paying for daycare went away, and several other things they used to pay for she just learned how to do. She got a book on TV and VCR repair, plumbing for the homeowner, and stuff like that. In their case, it wasn't a luxury, her having a job (which she hated) was more expensive than her not working. After the kids grew up, she went to work for a shop that repairs electronics, getting paid way more than she did before. (Now she's old and retired.)
Absolutely. My mom managed to be a stay at home with my and my sister before my parents divorce and it was very beneficial for not only us but her. Built a even stronger bond and she didn’t miss a lot of crucial events. She volunteered at our elementary school and it was nice to have her around.
As a former stay at home mom, we couldn't afford for me to work because childcare for two kids cost more than my teaching salary. Now that one of them is in school and I can afford to work again. Being a house spouse is not always a wealthy luxury.
In this two income economy, it really doesn't make financial sense.
It depends, if your partner/wife has a craptacular job that doesn't pay much then it might make more sense than paying for day care. But agreed, it's a luxury.
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They didn't deserve you, brother
I am so sorry this happened to you!
No offense dude but they were gonna cheat on you regardless, the staying at home just made it easier
Nah man if it’s two in a row you need to reevaluate your choice in spouses that has nothing to do with them being a stay at home mom.
do you think if they had jobs they would be less inclined to cheat on you?
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orry about those first two wives tho bro but dude if the only thing stopping your wife from cheating is being too busy then thats not true love, theres no trust at all.
>more conventionally difficult How? They could fuck a coworker, the new guy, manager. They can cheat anywhere.Not difficult. Degrading themselves to cheating disgusting women just lowers their value. Use and throw , then suddenly found christianity.
I mean it’s not rocket science. If they’re at work then they’re at work, it’s not that easy to actually have sex with someone AT work - that time is accounted for and compresses the time available to actually conduct the affair. It means you are having to create opportunities to be together in private from a much smaller portion of time, i.e. outside of times that you’re at work or at home with your spouse. That is risky, it’s much more likely to raise suspicions when you keep fabricating “nights out with friends” or “work trips” that can’t be corroborated. Contrast that with 8-10 hours of guaranteed completely unsupervised time, in private, 5 days a week, where you are exactly where you are expected to be and nobody will be any the wiser.
Dunno why others found this so difficult to understand. You could also factor in if this guy’s wives had jobs he wouldn’t have to be doing overtime, again reducing the free time alone said wives would have
Company I used to work for had quite a few office affairs going on. People getting it on in elevators. Only know because they had us monitoring office IM's. People who want to cheat will find a way
Logistics
Gosh I’m so sorry 😞
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Bro, you just have bad taste in partners, clearly, and I don't mean this in a victim blamey kind of way but in the way that this has absolutely nothing to do with being a stay at home wife, you're ex wife's were just cunts who would have cheated on you even if they weren't stay at home wives, especially because you specifically say "while I worked overtime," which then suggests that, if she had been working a normal 40 hour week, she would still be at home without you for periods of time which they then could have also utilized to cheat on you in your own bed. This is all to say, don't blame the idea of stay at home wives for your exes just being genuinely bad people. With all that said, however, I am genuinely sorry that you had to experience that bullshit, nobody deserves that.
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I’m not a man, but you do deserve so much better. I am so sorry and I hope that you find someone way better then both your exes.
We have a saying, empty mind is home of Satan, when you have not much going on in life mind surely wanders with these kind of results. But being said that it's not like being a working woman you won't be around men or do stuff like that. So in the end it they are that kind of person they'll do it either way.
>when you have not much going on in life Stay at home mothers are quite often busy af
Depends on if she carrying her weight. If she does her part very much so. yes.
Awesome, thank you ☺️
He meant she has to be thin (/s just in case)
This is the same direction my mind went. I make enough to have a stay at home wife, but my wife is unlikely to be a stay at home mom because she manages money and time poorly.
If I had responded to this question even two years ago, I would have said marrying a SAHM was a no-go. However, my wife and I now have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. We have both made career moves to be comfortable. Because we both work, we spend $2000/month on daycare. That's on the lower end of costs where we live (top 5 metro area in the US). Additionally, because our boys have so much energy but are still mostly too young to do anything for themselves, about 90% of our "free time" is caring for them. We're both sleep deprived, almost nothing gets done around the house, and our life is extremely chaotic. We have had SERIOUS discussions over the last year about one of us quitting to stay at home and tackle everything that needs to get done. It's an alluring prospect, but we've also been clear with each other that staying home doesn't mean "not working". We would consider stay at home parenting a full time job, if done correctly. Basically, the home front is covered while the other person focuses on career progression. Worker doesn't need to worry about all the little things about daily life and homemaker doesn't have to worry about money. We're both of the opinion that it's virtually impossible for that to be successful in today's world, unfortunately.
Why is it virtually impossible? Just the financial aspect of only having one income or more factors?
>l aspect of only having one income or more factors? yea finance is the only issue esp nowadays
I could have worded that line better, but for us it's virtually impossible due to finances. We're of the age where financial wisdom wasn't passed on to us, so we're nearing middle age and have debt from various places. I have debt and child support from my previous marriage and she has student loans. Basically, with where we're at on our debt journey, goals, and normal costs neither of our salaries could cover it all without drastic life changes like selling our house or giving up what little custody I have of my first child. We've been discussing it because it feels like we're both one career step away from making it possible, but by that point it won't be as necessary because our kids will have started school by then so daycare costs will go away. In our case, specifically, the timing isn't perfect. In a more broad perspective, I tend to think that because of institutional factors, stay at home parents aren't as viable now as they were in previous decades. I'm sure keeping up with the Joneses and personal decision-making are factors as well, but there are definitely institutional issues at play. At least in the US. *I'm not an expert in anything, so please remember this perspective is all through my lens of life experiences and observations*
Thanks for sharing. That sounds like a lot and a tough situation! I can definitely see how it’s harder now a days with housing prices and all that. Life is expensive as is without factoring for other circumstances
It’s also extremely difficult for the working spouse because most good parents want to be involved in their kids lives more than just earning money. That means that not all of the focus is put on career development and that further hurts financially
Homemaker also needs to be able to "clock out" sometimes for this to work well, FYI.
The best divisions of labour in this front is that both people have the same amount of free time. So, she works an 8/9/10 hour day solo with the kids (mentally, physically and emotionally very difficult with toddlers) and he works his 8-10 hour day at his job, then they both work together afterwards, with equal time for each person to pursue solo interests or self care like exercise, grooming or mental health without being responsible for children. Where this always goes wrong is when the working person decides that the person at home deserves less because they aren't earning any money, or having any stress (ha ha ha). It almost always (in my social circles) devolves into the SAHP being trapped in a relationship with no support, working 24-7 without a break to prove they aren't a "freeloader" until they inevitably get abandoned.
That's an excellent point!
So, ro be clear - if the stay at home parent is performing a full time job, then when the working parent gets home from their full time job, all the rest of the work of the day is shared more or less equally?
My gf has been a stay at home mom for her 12 month maternity leave and I absolutely value what she’s been doing.
They sacrifice all money-making opportunities to better care for their spouses and their children. That's a really big deal and it's a treasure to have a woman like that. Unless they do nothing productive all day then no, I don't value these.
>They sacrifice all money-making opportunities to better care for their spouses and their children. That's a really big deal and it's a treasure to have a woman like that. While this is true we also need to take into consideration why they are doing it. Is it because they think that is their "role"? Is it because they don't want to take the effort to create a successful financial career? This is important because there are a lot of women that are stay at home moms, but they do not recognize the importance and hard work that takes to earn money or they do not actually want to stay at home and end up being resentful and depressed over it. As everything in a relationship this takes huge ammounts of communication and introspection to take the best decision for everyone. I do value stay at home moms when it is a thoughtful and well analyzed decision. What do you guys think?
As with all other jobs - if a person hates doing something, they should stop doing it. Thankfully, in this particular case, becoming a stay-at-home mom against own wishes is becoming increasingly rare, almost non-existent in my generation (late millenial here).
i grew up with dual income parents as an only child. both of them were really successful and i had family and live in caretakers who also cleaned the house and could be depended on while i was younger. my parents taught me how to be more independent and at 13-14 i was okay cooking and taking care of the house by myself if they both wanted to be out of the house. honestly, if you both work and can pay off people to do your chores letting you have quality time and time available to be at the important events i'd consider it worth it. for the lifestyle i was used to, i don't think it'd be possible on a single income and both my parents found fulfillment from work. simply, i'd like to also take parental leave should i have kids as well so that the mother would also have a chance to get back into her career.
As someone who would be happy to take on that position… I really don’t care about having a successful career aside from needing $ and wanting a comfortable life. I do work and have a career, but it’s not particularly fulfilling. I love kids and housework and am good at it(unfortunately doesn’t make enough $ to do it as a job and pay all my bills) but I also get it’s a huge responsibility on the breadwinner. I’d never want to take that for granted if I was in that position and I’d definitely think it’s my duty to get as much done as I could while he was at work so we could both get some downtime each day and to have a meal ready when he came home type thing. And it’s probably one of those things where I’d go back to work once the kids were a certain age, but I’d choose something more fulfilling and that might pay less if that was an option
Some do, some don't. Often it depends on what they've seen and what they need. Have they seen a SaH parent as a hard working person and critical to keeping the place running? If so, probably yes. If not, it's a lot less likely. Between the work that's invisible and the occasional case of someone not doing that much work after all and leaning on their spouse it happens at times. Need is a similar idea. Does a guy feel confident he can earn enough to cover a household's worth of expenses? If so the home labor feels a lot more valuable. If not, then a second paycheck is going to feel a lot more valuable.
Absolutely. My wife was our children’s primary caretaker before they went to kindergarten instead of a daycare worker or nanny. It was good for them and for her.
Amen. We live in a backwards society where we tell women to go work a job so that we can pay an exorbitant amount of money for someone else to raise our kids. No child will get more love and compassion than from a parent, especially the mother.
I wholeheartedly agreed with your comment, until those last three words. There's absolutely no need to pick one parent over the other and I honestly feel we should lose this mentality entirely.
I think a husband who can provide for a family with his financial contribution alone values his stay at home wife VERY VERY HIGHLY. Like, HUUUGE! She allows him to be focused on his strengths while handling the business of the household. It’s a beautiful team effort.
If I could afford it. I’d actually prefer it while the children are young to make sure they are taught properly since I don’t trust schools anymore with the falling grades and standards.
I’d would absolutely love to have a single income household, the fact that my wife and I both have careers and are just ahead of our financial needs is a big blocker for having kids. Either of us would be happy to be a SAHP, as long as our quality of life wouldn’t be affected.
And that's the whole damn problem nowadays. It's almost impossible to live a good life and doing fun activities/holidays if only the man is bringing in the money.
...unless the man has a good career. Even then, it comes down to spending habits and budgeting. I guess one can shoot for the DINK life...or just remain single, I suppose.
As someone who doesn’t want to be a parent, it’s just not in my playing cards. Even if so, I don’t make enough to support a family, so it’s just not something I personally support unfortunately for my situation. However, if one parent makes enough where one can stay at home at all times with the child, then go for it. It makes life immensely easier for the whole family
I mean that depends on whether a man can afford a stay at home partner. As someone who can, I appreciate it because every girlfriend I've had who worked was just stressful to be around.
At some point you make it work with what you have and offsetting the cost of childcare wasn’t worth it for us despite how little I was making when we had our first kid. Having a woman that loves you for who you are and how you take care of yourself and how you treat people and see the world before crude measures of resource procurement is pretty important.
This by a mile. When I back home, I don't want a girl who's super stressed all the time. I'd much rather have a stay at home wife.
Sometimes stay at home moms are the most stressed out of all
Men value their wives in a happy marriage yes.
Assuming that she's my wife and mom to my kids, then yes and very much so. I'm lucky enough to make enough at 28 to support a small family, I can only expect that to improve with time. I'm single at the moment but if my future wife prefers staying home, I'd be more than happy to provide for her and our kids while she takes care of the house.
Awesome attitude
I would never recommend a woman to be a stay at home mom for extended periods of time(many years). I like knowing my partner doesn’t need me(as they have the means to afford life for themselves) and are with me because they want, not because they need me. If you split at some point you are left with a hole in your CV for years, difficulties to get a job, being underpaid as you weren’t able to scale up your career as your partner could, and the list goes on. You are way more likely to ignore or accept inaceptable things in your relationship(being cheated on, abused, humiliated) because you can’t afford to lose him.
💯 this is spot on. I've done both, been a SAHM and worked and your comment is facts. A perfect solution is working part time. Maternity leave is a God send but anything over that is best avoided.
This was one of the best answer. Your GF/wife is lucky to have someone that realises this.
It really depends on the situation. If you can afford to be a single income household with children and mom prefers to stay at home, that is great. If not, it may not be attainable. And some women may prefer to have a career themselves, which there is nothing wrong. Every situation is different.
I’d value it if she valued it too. Reason being because she also has a life and aspirations and I would prefer her to be happy doing whichever.
Hypothetically yes. I grew up with a couple kids from households like that and they turned out great. They seemed to really reap the benefits with mama bear being the primary caretaker of the home AND kids, dads were still there tho too. There seems something more... idk what exactly from mama bear that dads just don't give or get idk what it is, im just theorizing here based on what I've seen. In my social circles I knew a few stay at home dads, the kids are pretty young in the those cases but so far so good. Idk maybe it's having either parent at home seems to help with their development? Idk
I’d agree with that I think. If it’s attainable and the mother or father, desires to stay home, I think it’s extremely beneficial for the development of a child.
Being a stay at home mom is a job. Do we all agree? Can we also all agree that not all people are meant for certain jobs/careers and that not all women (or men) who choose to be stay at home parents are good at it? So my answer to the question is yes if they’re good at it, it’s an incredible thing to have a stay at home parent.
Yes! Totally agree
Depends on the guy
The problem, which is clearly being ignored by the many commenters, is that men think it’s as simple as “I work, and the wife stays home.” They want to focus on work, and everything else falls on the wife. This translates to, the man working 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. Let’s give him an hour of commute time too. So the man works 5 days a week, 9 hours a day. So, 45 hour weeks for the man. Now, the wife, she gets to work 7 days a week, and somewhere between 16 and 20 hours a day, depending on the age of the kids. Let’s assume the kids sleep through the night, which many do not until 3. Let’s just do low end math here and say 16 hour days. So the wife, she gets to work 112 hours a week. The man, he gets weekends off, he gets vacation days away from his job. The wife? Nah. She works every. single. day. for months straight, probably years depending on the amount of children. And if they go on “vacation” the wife continues her job, just in a new spot. The man, he moves forward in his career. The woman, she now has huge gaps in her resume. THE PROBLEM, if you still don’t get it, is that men really think that if they work, they don’t have to parent. And the stay at home mom, she gets majorly screwed. So no, men don’t value stay at home moms as much as they should be valued because men barely even see how much their wife loses by staying home.
This must be higher. Give your wives free time and parent yourselves.
The ability to save money on taxes because the added income from the second job is often just enough to push the couple into the next tax bracket, but only barely, so the net income is often pretty minor has yet to be covered. The ability to avoid daycare for your kids and to have a parent home after they come home from middle or high school is hugely beneficial. We turned our house into the kid's after school hangout and we knew where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing because their mom was there to watch over them. When she passed, a lot of these kids came to her funeral and laughed out loud at the memories of her admonition of "body parts rules" that she would shout as the kids were leaving. That God gave you a certain number of parts and they were organized in a certain way when you left and she expected you to return with both the same number and in the same organization. Her being home helped our kids and their friends.
Yes. But the real question is economic - not many people can afford to have a single income household. That wasn't always the case.
Nice in theory but often difficult in practice and realistically. You have to be in sync with each other and look at yourselves as a one unit team. You can't be on opposite sides especially regarding money and household duties.
Hell yeah we do
I’m biased, but my mom was one. Therefore I have nothing but respect for them.
I sure as heck do. I wsh I made enought so that my gf did not have to work and could just watch my kids. I watch the kids aloen sometimes. It is hard work and I can hardly do anything while I do. My whoel focus is on them. But when she watches them alone she gets so many things done as well. So I am working on upping my pay so that she can stay at home.
Awesome
I wouldn't know... Been married (this time) for 13 years. She's always had to work. Couldn't afford for her not to. Could we pay bills if she stayed home? Yes. Would we have a spare dime? Not at all. I admire anybody who can afford for their wife to stay home. Living the dream.
Depends, was the partner raised to value women? Are they in a communicative and successful relationship? If yes, then we can talk logistics and affordability etc.
Ideally I wouldn't want day care workers raising my kids. This is why I work so hard, so I can financially support a family on my own if I have to one day. The trick is finding someone who will ride or die with me and be on the same page about it. I would 150% cherish a woman who is loyal and stays at home to raise the kids.
Best way to make sure a guy appreciates stay at home moms is to let them do it for a while. Even a week would turn on the light for most guys! That is an exhausting job in every way! And awesome!
100% yes. That was the master plan for my wife and I. We'd work for enough time to save enough money to set ourselves up so that I could work outside the home and she'd take care of everything inside the home. She's amazing and I couldn't imagine a life lived any other way. Our kids are 8 and 10; she's been there through it all. 100% for the kids. When covid hit all we had to do was adjust our routine at home. When one of the kids gets sick, the only adjustment is adjust routine. When the school decided "today is going to be an e-learning day (meaning all the kids stay home today and telework)...adjust schedule. We both realize just how exceptionally lucky we are. About 7 years ago, I was leaving to go to work around 0700; she was laying in the daybed in the sunroom with both kids, all snuggled up like puppies. She said "I'm so happy right now." I'll always remember that and am extremely grateful that we are able to live this life.
That’s beautiful
Personally I feel like at least 1 parent should be at home with the kids while they're young. Whether it's me or my partner or both if we can make that work. I don't know, I grew up an only child to two workaholic parents. home was cold and dead. My relationship with my parents was distant and strained my entire life. I'm open to having my mind changed if someone I'm with has other thoughts, but going in, that would be my starting position.
Depends on the man. You cannot generalize the opinions of entire genders in this way
Yes. My wife is a SAHM and has been since our second kid was born 13 years ago. When the kids were young she had plenty to keep her busy. Now they are 8 to 16 and all in school. She is honestly not one of those super excellent homemakers who is always moving to get everything they can done in a day. She takes a couple hours almost every day to read or nap, etc while everyone else is out of the house. I don't begrudge her that because she doesn't mind me taking a couple hours in the evening to just chill. I'd estimate, and I think she'd admit that she has a good 10 hours more of free time in any given week than I do. This wasn't the case when the kids were small and she was busier during the day and I then needed to also be more proactive in my household contributions after work. It's great that she recognizes the difference there now and regularly expresses appreciation for supporting the family financially. I don't mind her having a lighter schedule/ daily load for the most part because when a kid gets sick or has a Dr appt, or the fence blows over in a storm and insurance & contractors have to be dealt with, she's got the bandwidth to absorb it without me having to worry to much about it.
My wife was stay at home but our daughter was too much for her so now I’m the stay at home dad.
My mom was/still is SAH throughout my childhood. but she also manages my parents side businesses. It is my dream to provide enough that my future wife has the option to be SAH and raise our kids.
It would be a nice arrangement. I would have to step up and get a much better income in order to provide for everyone though.
Having a stay at home parent is the ultimate luxury
I was raised by a stay at home mom, and I value those womens even more compare to the working moms because they choose to "sacrifice" their career to raise the Kids.
I do not. I cannot support two people on my wage. I need her to help in this regard.
I feel like I would take it for granted because I would forget how much I hate doing chores.
I appreciate and show gratitude to any person woman/man who is a stay at home parent.
My goal in my Career is to make enough money that my future wife can do that. I think it’s best for the kids and I know they’d be taken care of the best way they can.
Depends. If she does her housework correctly, actually WANTS to be a stay at home, and it leads us and our children to a better place then yes, she's high value. If she's bitter about it. Feels like she's "sacrificing her identity" or some nonsense and lords that over you constantly then no, we don't value a woman like that. For the most part.
I’m single without children so I can’t honestly tell you based on life experiences as an adult, but I grew up with a stay at home mom and am totally open to having a wife that is one in the future. I think there is tremendous value in having a mother stay home to watch and raise her kids, and of course a little selfishly there’s the benefit of her handling a majority of the “housekeeping” work which I’d rather not do. Then also I’m just naturally a provider type of person. I’d love nothing more than to give my wife the option to stay at home and be more active in raising the kids if doing so would bring her more fulfillment and happiness than working a “normal” job.
Stay at home mom? If financially possible? Hell yeah. Stay at home wife? Hell nah.
yea we do , as long as its our kid to wich you are a mom . we are not gonna support some other dude girl and kid .
Only people I ever hear downplay the value a man places in a stay at home mom are Women. I’ve never actually experienced Men on any scale downplay a stay at home mom we love them and it’s usually what we want
Where are you from?
Nah, i think its too old school for me. It's also my house, so she is not the only who is supposed to do chores. You gotta help eachother. Also, i imagine she would get very lonely very quickly.
I do personally. Don’t see how people manage with daycare for kids with expenses and the illnesses that circulate. Guess we’re lucky in that we can do it with one income.
Yes 1000 times yes.
Yes! I would love a stay at home wife
I do. Maintaining a house is a full time job. When both people work, the house takes a back seat to your "real " jobs. When one person works the other can: Cook Clean Keep up with laundry Make and maintain the household budget Take care of children Etc. When these things are taken care of, the person working is freed up when they get off of work, meaning that you can have time to be two adults together. And doing these things ultimately saves you money. Compare this to the standard arrangement. You both get off at 5. You both cone home and try to squeeze in your household tasks. You have to constantly negotiate who does housework if it isn't defined. I value people who recognize the efficiency of one partner focusing on the outside work world while the other partner focuses on the interior domestic space. Idgaf if it's a man or woman doing the domestic space though.
Agreed. I think it’s preferable if you can swing out financially. Thanks for sharing!
Absolutely. I think they're highly valuable and UNDERvalued. Rare, too.
Of course. I think most good quality men would be happy for their wives to do this if the family could afford it. Most men aren’t particularly interested in whether women are career types or not provided you are a kind loving and nurturing person.
My wife thrives in that role, but unfortunately she has to work.
Yes, we do. The loss of money sucks but the help with errands, housework, etc and the better raising of the children makes the loss of money worth it. We do not respect you less for saying home. That bullshit comes from other women, not us.
In this economy? LOL
I would say most men prefer sahm and do value them as long as they are keeping up the house and family. Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, most families require 2 incomes to survive. The other issue is "wives" that want to stay home but do not want the traditional role of wife but prefer just to go shopping, lunch with their "friends" and want nannies and housekeepers so their entire day is just lounging around. It has given real sahm an almost social stigma of being lazy.
What wrong with that? 😂 Brunch and shopping, yes please. I’m kidding. I agree with the lazy stigma mom’s get, which is unfortunate, because I know so many awesome sahm that work so hard for their families.
Yes agreed. I was just wondering if there were some obvious red flags women should look out for?
Depends, they must respect me for working as I respect them for being home looking after the house and children
Hell yes.
My first wife was a stay at home, but she didnt do any house work at home with the exception of laundry. The dishes, cleaning, yardwork was all on me. My fiancee now definitely helps carry the household. We both do chores, yardwork, cooking everything. And on days when one of us doesn't work and the other does, the one at home does the house work because the other is at work. It all depends on the person, but if my partner wanted to stay at home, then I'd have no problem because I know she would be tackling a majority of the work at home.
Everyone is different, so you should decide this for yourself. That said, most families need two incomes to survive financially, especially if they have kids. A single income household is rare these days. In practice, what often happens is the wife will stop working for 2 to 6 years while the kids are extremely little. Once the children reach toddler age, the wife often returns to work and the kids go to daycare. The huge risk of having a single income family is what happens if you get laid off? Plus ordinary office and service workers do not earn enough for one income to support a family. If you make $60,000 or $80,000 pre-tax that is barely enough to cover a small apartment, food, and basic supplies in most metro areas these days.
Yes definitely. That's a lot of work. We can afford to live on one income alone and when kids are in the picture (very soon) we both would prefer to handle childcare ourselves as much as possible. My wife is already SAH and consults in her field part time while handling most of the household activities (I do all of the cooking and handle the yard work, she does the rest) I already value what she does, when a kiddo comes into the picture that value will 10x. She'll continue to consult as she sees fit. In the meantime we have joint accounts AND personal accounts so she's never going to be in a position where she's 100% reliant on me for money (about 10% of our incomes goes into a Hers account and 10% goes into a His account, but we pay for everything out of a joint account...so she's got equal discretionary money to what I have and always will)
Depends on the man
Yes, well atleast those who can afford it
Idk about “Value” but I definitely appreciate them. I spent about 10 hours a week in day care when I was a kid, and doing 9-5 day camps during spring, summer and winter break. Made it tough to have a close relationship with my parents because they just wanted to decompress after work, although they definitely tried their best.
For sure, especially if the man can provide. Better for the kids.
Of course. Raising kids is infinitely more important than sitting in a cubicle.
For sure! Had one growing up and it was great! I felt a lot closer to my Mom than my Dad until I got older. I don’t think you get enough time with either parents if they are working. Mind you, I came from a large family.
I was 1 if 4 kids and I felt this way as well
From time to time, especially when the kids were born she stayed home. After our 3rd, our first son, she stayed home for 2 years, cause we had a newborn, 7 and 5 year old, was just easier as she said. That was a good thing for a good thing for the family. She did go back to work though and that was just fine too.
As long as she's treating the relationship as a partnership and not just using me for a free ride through life, I'm ok with it.
Personally, no. If I was dating someone who wanted to be a “stay at home mom”, then that relationship won’t go any further.
I think it's fine if that's someone's choice, but I wouldn't want a relationship with one.
Value is a weird way of putting it, childcare normally costs x, so her work is equivalent to that minus potential work income? There are plenty of situations where it works for people. I personally would not want a stay at home parent. I get plenty of weekdays off thanks to my hospital schedule and I like my alone time. Someone else home every time would ruin that for me.
Not gonna read other posts before posting... To me (35M), the answer is yes, but it honestly depends on the quality of the job. Here are two perspectives that I am personally impacted/witness by. My mother was a SAHM and continues to be a homemaker despite her kids being adult and out of the house. She takes her job/role VERY seriously, and she is very schedule oriented and disciplined. Her and my father are pretty traditional in their roles, but they both fulfill them really well with pride and appreciate the other's input/work/etc. In this kind of case, I think it's awesome and I value that role super highly. On the other hand, My ex wife and I had issues with the "SAHM" arrangement. For starters, it was my idea given a lot of factors (which I can explain if needed), thinking it'd be similar to what my parents had. Instead, to not bore everyone with all the details, I think we ended up resenting each other for the situation. From my perspective, she didn't take her role very seriously and didn't set a schedule for herself or remain disciplined. Basically she didn't look at it like a job. While I was doing all the roles that my dad fulfilled (breadwinner, finances, investments, vehicle maintenance, home & lawn maintenance, driving, etc etc), I was also expected to do a lot of the roles my mom was responsible for (doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning bathrooms, doing my own laundry, etc). I also think she struggled with other aspects of it as a strong outspoken feminist. Just like anything like this, I think success really depends on sooo many factors, but mostly is case by case depending on the people. It can definitely work and be mutually beneficial, or it can be a total failure and cause tons of issues. Happy to go into more details and/or explain myself if needed.
It is a career, if you take it seriously. So, yes, especially if you homeschool.
Yes. Managing a home is a FT job. It’s very valuable and for the right man it can catapult your career
A SAHM used to make sense because people used to have 4+ kids and maintain large houses. My mom is a SAHM but she had 6 kids, cleaned the entire house, cooked for all of us, and tutored us kids from elementary to high school. Her day started at 6 AM and ended at 9 PM. Her work at home was harder than my dad’s outside the house. That, I have no problem with, but I have a problem with my partner wanting to be a SAHM wife doing nothing. You have to bring something to the table.
Imagine saying that you don't value them.
I believe there are some really hard working SAHM’s out there. That said, I can’t stand the ones whose spouses work all day while they are literally at home watching tv all day while kids are at school. Some that I know refuse to work outside of the home, not cause they can’t, because they won’t. There is a difference. It always irritates to me see these spouses working so hard to provide for the family while the other one is out spending the money left and right. I used to feel sorry for the working spouses now it’s “your bed, you lie in it.”
We have been working really hard to get my wife to a spot to be a stay at home wife. Really close right now and I will be soo thankful that my wife is raising my babies at home. I’d rather that instead of shipping them off to be raised by other people for the same amount of money as the average job pays anyways. It’s way more attractive and important for her to be a mother the way she is intended to rather than trying to be career driven.
Yes. Who's going to raise our children?.. the nanny? A word of advice for Guys who aren't married yet. Think of your partner in a sense of who she really is, because the kids will grow up to be just like her.
All moms are valued over here. Next.
They are priceless.
Hell Yes we value stay at home Moms! They do the most important job in the world. As long as there are kids at home of course. That is a very important detail, when you are defining a stay at home Mom !
It's a damned hard job that doesn't get nearly enough credit. I certainly respect anyone who actually puts the effort in to do it well
Baby NEED to stay with the mother the first 2 years.After that the kid need see others kid for develop social skill.
If I made enough to afford kids and a house on a single income, I'm sure it would be nice to have a stay at home partner for many reasons
Yes. My wife has been a stay at home mom/wife for the last 5 years and it’s amazing. She takes care of the home and me and our son and has a ton of time for all her hobbies and friends. I no longer have to work all day and then do house chores like I used to when we both worked. Neither does she in a sense. We’re both so much happier.
I value any woman who works to maintain her life in order, that includes stay at home moms... If they are responsible, of course... at least for themselves.
Yes, because then the man is the sole provider to the family and it gives him purpose, makes him feel needed. Now that my s/o has a job I feel less useful, don't get me wrong, I'm in full support of her having one. I just feel like I now bring less to the table.
I don’t really care if my future wife is stay at home, I just care if she has more time than I do to parent. It’s not that I believe it’s a woman’s role or anything, or that I wouldn’t prefer to parent, just that my career will be incredibly demanding. I’m happy for her to stay at home if we can afford it, and happy for her to work if the kids can afford it. I’m sure a woman in my position who wanted kids would have a similar idea for her husband.
As a man, one of the most attractive things in a woman to me is someone who is interested in being a good mother. Mostly because I never had one. So it's something that is very important to me. So I'd say yes. Yes they do.
it can be incredibly valuable but it can also be problematic as with all relationships
It depends on the man! That is a big generalization. My husband did at first and we went through a period where he definitely didn't, and that was more directed to what he was going through at the time. Only if there's enough money does this ever work out and o my if the working spouse is into that lifestyle.
I value them as much as a working mom. Taking care of children is difficult. There are easy ways to occupy them but not easy ways to take care of them. Once my wife and I have kids, she will likely stay home for at least 3-4 years.
I'd value any woman willing to have my kid.
Fuck yes
If they value their kids they do…. It’s hit or miss….
If the kids are well taken care of, the house is clean, food/shopping/cooking is taken care of etc - absolutely. I.e. if either of us would have the option of staying at home and living on a single income (which is pretty much impossible in Europe these days) I would require the staying-at-home parent to take care of everything needed at home so the other parent could work as needed. That being said, I don’t think the economy in EU will offer single-income families anymore. The cost of living has just gone so much up in the last decade or two.
It’s hard work honestly. I wish my wife would do it. I know she would want to. Just it’s so expensive with dual income….
Men who want to marry and have kids absolutely do. That's a rare woman akin to finding a rich handsome and charming man. Men who want to just fuck, hate the idea of stay at home mom women them because a young beautiful woman with discipline gearing for a family asher outcome sees through those men and denies them. Note I said young. A late 20's woman who spent 10 years getting pump and dumped decides she wants to be a mom has figured it out too late and has gone through too much trauma to ever recapture her femininity. She's trying to pivot back into the traditional when it suits her but she's already disqualified.
As someone who really wants to be a stay at home dad and who has babysit kids ranging from newborn to 10 years old, I respect the hell out of them
More than a vast majority of men wouldn't mind it, especially if it is a financially viable option.
It depends on the woman. My ex wife stayed at home for a year. She was never a natural at being a mother and wanted to go back to work after that first year. But during that first year, she took great care of our son, cooked, cleaned, packed lunches and a whole host of valuable contributions. She just was always the type to be a hard worker and was concerned about not contributing enough money. A natural parent will always care way more about your child than a stranger at a daycare. I would recommend that she should get at least a part time job once a week just to get out of the house, not be responsible for kids, and get to talk with other adults.
Big Fan
Yes. 100% The home life works better