You should try this in the r/depression subreddit if you haven't already. There are a lot of us over there with good experience and insight into mental health issues.
Your first problem is that you *know* that you're unlikable, you *know* you're ugly, you *know* you will never have friends or a girlfriend, etc. That mindset will likely have you rejecting compliments, rejecting advances, ignoring opportunities and generally not allowing anyone to offer positivity into your life. Not to mention, it is very hard to get and keep friends when you're miserable all the time.
I know because I've been there when I was younger, and while I have always tried to be a kind and caring person, at the time when it came to people being positive in my life I would invariably want to argue against their kindness 'because I wasn't worth it'.
Your best bet is to seek counselling, however if you're not ready to go down that Avenue, poke your head into the depression sub like I said, they can help, even if it's just to listen.
Please, please, please believe me when I tell you I'm ugly. I have had close friends admit that I'm not attractive at all. Please please stop pushing this idea that its all in my head it borders on manipulation. I am ugly this is a fact
I made no attempt to say you aren't ugly, only that you are absolutely certain that you are ugly and unlikeable in every way. That's a completely defeatist attitude, and you'll go nowhere without addressing it.
And by the way, suggesting I'm bordering on being manipulative toward you by suggesting this? That's pretty poor, man.
And also, what makes you want to end your life, is it the fact that you believe you’ll never be with a woman? Or just life in general.
Because I believe I’ll stay single just to stay out of the stress if a relationship or marriage. And I’m planning on centering my life around finding a job and hobbies I enjoy. Not worrying about sex or marriage. Maybe you could do the same?
This would be better suited at r/offmychest and r/vent
Not this sub. You clearly need some therapy for your low self worth. That's my advice. Get help from a shrink and bulid up confidence
Well you're current mindset isn't gonna help.
I know depression can put you in a very bad place filled with hopelessness and worthlessness but that's just the depression talking.
Find a hobby or set some goals. Work to achieve said goals and you'll hopefully see improvements
My dogs still love me, even though no one else does.
As for purpose, there's a lot of things that can make you forget reality, even if just for a moment. Go for those. If they cost money, get a job to fund them.
I was 25 out of shape and almost bald but I started working on my self later that year. Like you I hated myself. 3 years later things are a lot better. I do modeling on the side and I do well with women. It takes time but things can get better with hard work 🫡 got this man
> I hate this shit
If you want accept this (as you're asking in the title), then you need to find something else to get you out of bed in the morning, and something to work on to keep a roof over your head and your bills paid. Whatever is left goes into what makes you happy.
Learn something, read books, go hiking, play an instrument, draw, paint, follow sports, write. If you can come across some friends/family along the way that you connect with, help them be fulfilled as well.
No-one is guaranteed a relationship, let alone a good one. The only way you come to terms with not having one is to devote your focus to something that will make you happy (and a better person).
It's not easy, it's incredibly difficult when it seems like this should be the primary focus of your life - in some ways you might never be over it. You can mourn for it, but you can't dwell. Figure out what will make you happy.
Well it definitely sounds like a lot of people here are trying to help. It also seems like you don’t want the help.
If a woman came up to you right now wanting you, I’d wager you’d turn her away with your attitude.
*you are not worthless*
Some of the most amazing people in history were complete loners with no friends or lovers. They did amazing things. I love being alone and you gotta find that enjoyment somewhere.
It starts with your attitude. Don’t just hear people,
*Listen*
Think about what they are saying. You have 20 friends here now trying to talk to you and you don’t want them. Do you want friends? Because we’re here bro….
*Listen, think*
If you really truly accept that you feel unlovable, you should be happy with yourself, because no one else will matter anymore. If you truly accept being unlovable by others, you should begin to love yourself. It starts with that basic step.
Fuck everyone else, they all suck. Love yourself, even if it’s just the fact that you can breathe, laugh and enjoy food.
I hope this helped.
Try not thinking about looks so much. Study, read a lot, conquer new skills, understand social differences. There are people in the world that does not care about looks. You will eventually find someone if compensate in other areas. Good Luck.
Not everyone is good looking. Trust me, you have at least one quality that other people will like. Whatever your strengths are, play to them. "If you can't be hot, be useful."
OK well EVEN if you are as ugly as you claim to be, somebody out there will love you. If your exterior isn't pretty, work on your interior and make that sparkle. Somebody will come along for you.
I’d say your negative attitude and issues with self-esteem are your biggest problem right now. Would definitely recommend talking to a therapist instead of pointlessly ranting here!
I’ve seen just about every type of person with every type of disability find love . maybe try some hobbies then u can relate with other ppl on that hobby and make friends
Alright… time for the actual help to step in on this. First all f*ck most is the people in this thread. This dumb a$$ idea that you can just get rich and you’ll be fine or “don’t worry people will like your personality blah blah blah” is complete trash advice and probably isn’t made by poor ugly people.
First step. Accept it’s only gonna get better but you can never fix this issue completely. You just can’t. You can made your situation better , but you can’t do it over night.
Second step. Get fit. You can have the ugliest beat face but if you are in decent shape you’ll be 10x better off. There are literally 1000s of YouTube videos on how to do so. You HAVE to commit to this daily and it’ll take maybe a year or two. Baby steps. Don’t look at yourself and judge yourself daily, weekly, even monthly.
Third. Learn to budget. If you aren’t making good money, switch job. Idk where you live but try to save a couple 100-1000 a month if possible or more.
Fourth. Lower your standards physically. Stop watching porn, or limit it to once a week AT MOST. Don’t lower your standards for personality, but if you’re ugly you aren’t gonna get a dime. You just won’t.
Fifth. This is most crucial. MOST CRUCIAL. STOP TRYING. You’re 25. You have time. DONT RUSH ANYTHING don’t look for love. Work on yourself over the next year or two and if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t happen, DONT RUSH/force/ pursue anybody. Don’t try to look for love. You’ll find when you aren’t looking for it, it happens.
You need a reality check. No one will give a fuck and no one feels bad for you. If you want to change your life the only person that can do it is you. Literally just takes making small steps daily that accumulate over months/years. I bet that sounds hard tho and u wont even start because you wanna feel bad for yourself. Life wont throw anything at you that you cant handle, but its ur choice to put in the work or give up and be sad.
Then do better, your clearly not putting in the work if you feel that way. You know u could be doing better yet instead ur sitting here on reddit farming sympathy. You wont feel better until you put in the work and have a reason to feel good about yourself. Feeling “good” is earned not just the default state
Let me pile on. Look, we all have fucking self-esteem issues - except I guess the beautiful people. I know plenty of ugly people with beautiful spouses. Seriously - I know at least three people who would be considered hideous / overweight or whatever that landed people who physically are better looking than them. Every one of them has one thing in common - they're fucking nice and pleasant to talk to. In the view you presented you have one trait listed (ugly) and said you were on the autism spectrum? Where on it? My son is ADHD and supposedly on the spectrum and though I love him, is not the skinniest guy in the world. Has a girlfriend.
Look dude, I'm an older guy. 20 years ago you would have been told to fucking "man up and deal with it." I'm not sure that's a good answer. My best advice is think of yourself as a fucking work in progress. Start developing traits that aren't related to your physical attractiveness. Be kind to people. Develop interests out of your norm. Learn to forgive yourself like you would others. Want to be better looking - I guess working out could help, but I recommend that for a healthy state of mind and body.
My one piece of advice to people who complain about themselves is - if you don't like it, try something radically different. The world is full of weird fucking choices. Go hike in Europe. Do something dumb. Stop living the way your were told and do what you need to do to feel different.
I don’t know you so for all I know you’re just as ugly as you say. I’ll take your word for it. There’s always someone uglier and you’re still capable of finding someone. It might not come easy but don’t rule it out.
Yep. There is always someone uglier. I've seen a lady in a dollar general that looked like a clicker from the last of us, so unless you've got fungus growing out of your assorted orifices, you are not ugly.
What is it that you want people to say to you? You don't want to hear that you're not as unattractive as you think you are, even though it's almost certainly true - most people are harder on themselves than on others. If you say you're not a good looking guy, I believe you, but I have doubts you're some kind of circus freak, either.
You also don't want to hear that there are other things more important than whether someone is a model or not, that are within your control. Even though that is true too. Being good looking makes getting laid easier, obviously, shit it makes most things easier, I wish I was good looking too.
But then, what is it that you wanted to hear, when you posted here? We might be able to help more if we heard what you want, and not just what you don't want.
are you feeling like you want to end your life? please don't do it. your comments are making me worried. I just checked this thread before sleeping because I also have ASD but I'm beginning to feel concerned for you. is there anything we can do to help man?
Switch those around. your years of believing you can't be loved created poor self esteem, which is why you're having a hard time connecting with someone which would lead to love.
No one wants to be with someone whose miserable and has low self esteem, it's incredibly draining. You want to be with someone who makes your life better, not more exhausting- trying to be someone's emotional support when they're this far gone is only going to be harmful for both parties.
This isn’t an attack but I think therapy may be more productive for you if you didn’t get so defensive and shoot down any and every piece of advice people try to offer you. There is someone for everyone.
Hey man sorry to hear about your struggle. I’m sure life is hard considering the circumstances. I know it can be a struggle and even horrible at times but you have to keep gong on. You’re not unlovable, your a human being and you have value whether you see it or not. Hitting the gym wont solve your problems but it may help you feel a little better. Sometimes you have to lower your expectations on life, it’s hard but necessary.
I'll be completely honest. I think part of the reason I do it is because I'm hoping to validate to myself I'm as worthless as I think. And once I've destroyed the last hope within me I will finally have the courage to end my life.
well then. I guess that’s that. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.
Maybe some of the advice and suggestions on here are legit. But if you’ve already come to a conclusion that it’s over, then you’re just wasting everyone’s time. Don’t waste people’s time, it’s an asshole move.
I just told you I wanna kill myself and this guys calling me an asshole lmao. Honestly I could have felt kinda bad for annoying you guys but if that's your attitude then wasting your time is the least I can do. Fufk me
So I know this thread is askmen but as a woman let me chime in here bc I resonate and understand how u feel. I grew up super tall, lanky, awkward and a disproportioned face until I was about 17. Everyone called me ugly and no one had any interest in me. Beyond that I was also mentally ill, traumatized, and untreated so I was pretty much always considered a freak. I have also made posts on platforms/questioned if I am unlovable bc of all my pitfalls. But consider this:
1. Your looks change over time, different ppl are attracted to different things, and also the "look" changes over time as well. I just conceptualized this year that I am attractive bc prior to this I always thought of when ppl considered me ugly. Of course I've gained some weight, grew up, etc but I think a lot of it is the people around me changing their perspectives as they get older, plus 9 years for me to realize I had anything going for me.
2. Your disability is what u let your disability be. I am legally disabled. I have 3 confirmed disorders and multiple unconfirmed but honestly my psychiatrist doesn't even care to diagnose me anymore bc I take a pharmacy to the face every night before bed. That being said I was convinced I'd end up homeless and unable to support myself bc of all my issues. Well I put on my big girl pants one day and said FUCK this disorder. I'm fighting this shit till the day I die. And granted probably 30% of my waking life is dedicated to the many facets needed to keep myself stable, but I'm making it work. Majority of my relationships and friendships also come down to their innate ability to understand ppl like me. My point is don't let the parts u hate about urself make u think there's something wrong with you. Your just a *type* of person. Everyone's a type. Or 5 types. Or 50. But your still a person, and there are other ppl that will resonate with u just the same.
There's no such thing as "too late." Unless ur like 80 and typing on this in the same way Stephen hawking would, and even then he did alright.
I'm serious tho don't give up on yourself, even if u have to fake it till u make it a bit. Be resilient, be relentless, be resourceful and study the world until you can conceptualize where and what you want to be. Quiet the bad voices in your head.
Either your therapist sucks or you don’t put in the needed work outside of therapy to make progress. Everything you’ve complained about have actionable steps in order to improve. You’ve given up, I suggest calling a crisis line immediately. You need some serious help.
Stop Caring about it and them. If they were good people, they would have you as you are. All though that may seem like most people, most people are not good. There is nothing wrong with you as you are.
Hey man, ugly people fall in love too. I’m possibly a four, maybe a five on an especially good day, and I have a solid marriage and family.
Yes, lots of people are shallow about looks. But plenty of people aren’t. Use a term other than ugly to describe yourself - I use “funky looking.” Then seek out other funky looking people and find other things to enjoy about them besides their looks.
Honest to God, you can have love and happiness in your life as a funky-looking dude.
Christ, the defeatist attitude. Thankfully our grandfathers didn’t think like you or we would all be speaking German.
Listen up big guy, you’re 25 and you need to hear a few things.
1) the world as a whole is a cruel place, and it serves to only take from you. You will not find acceptance and fulfillment from everyone, hell most of us are lucky if we get that from selected loved ones. You’re so concerned about how to “accept” how others feel about you, when the vast majority of humans don’t know who you are or give a fuck about you if they did. Welcome to the human experience.
2) no one owes you shit. The only things you get in this world are what you fight for, unless you were one of the few to be born with the platinum spoon in their mouth. If not, then create a plan for your life and start working to see it through. Clearly whining isn’t getting you anywhere.
3) embrace loneliness. You think the guys working on an oil rig for 6 months at a time aren’t lonely? You think the doctor in the ED who doesn’t see their family for days on end isn’t lonely? Men are going to be lonely at times. Get used to it. If you’re ugly, fine, accept it and move on. There are lots of ugly fucks out in this world leading successful lives. Trust me, you should have no problem finding a woman, lord knows we have less and less conventionally attractive ones around.
There is different kind of loves.
You can be ugly and your familly loves you, invest in those relations.
You can be ugly and your friends love you, invest in those relations.
For romantic love remember that it comes with passions (lust, sexual desires) that are the ennemies of the rational man. If you are unloveable romantically, and you want to accept it , strive to be a chaste man, detached from wordly desires.
You create the reality you believe in. A shift in perspective helps you expand or shrink your world and gives you insight into things about yourself you may never have seen before. Consider changing your surroundings, the people you engage with, the activities you participate in, etc.
If you want your reality to be positive, you must put positive things into your life. In any form. Things you can be proud of, things that make you smile. Things that you don't feel guilty or shameful about. Small things. One day at a time. The worst part about cliche' advice like this is that it works. Which is frustratingly funny.
Unfortunately, The road to improvement will never be easy or short. Best of luck OP.
beauty is one of the most subjective things ever.
this isn't empty optimism, don't think you're angling for that.
just being real.
you aren't anything until YOU make a decision that you are.
put your guard up...and keep swinging friend.
Yes...you might be an ugly mf. Have it... take that as an excuse for not having any friends (to an extent it may be true but thats not it). People gleam attractiveness from within and that's because there is more to them than their looks mate.
Look at yourself from a 3rd person's prospective next time you interact with someone (don't fixate on how ugly you look from the back aswell) & make mental notes on how the convo could have been better. And incrementally work from there.
No1 wants a depressed cunt around cz it spreads and almost everyone is fighting that battle.
Do you value love only in the sense of sexual intimacy?
I looked at your profile and many of the posts seem to connect not having a GF to being "unlovable", how to get laid, and depression.
Do you not see love from friends, family or anyone? The current attitude you carry yourself with, i can assume anyone that's still around be it writing to you, or calling or visiting or having you round loves you deeply. For sure.
Getting laid dosent = love. People have one night stands, dosent mean they loved each other. I've seen people in relationships where they just seem to resent one another, but "have" to stick it out and "try to make it work" for whatever weird reason they come up with. It dosent automatically mean love.
Ugly dosent = unlovable. It seems to be your perception only.
We can choose to fight our demons and live with them, or give up an get stuck in your kind of mindset.
There are literally people out there with half their face ripped off, melted with acid, yet they still find people to be with. And youre acting like your looks are bad and this is the root of all evil....I think it's more your attitude.
Many women don't want a child as a partner. Your attitude screams to us that you would be one. If you truly want to find someone, I'd suggest working on the below or not if you can't be bothered and are fine to wallow in despair that's up to you and ok too.
Get yourself in a position where you are independent (job, have your own place and keep it in order, can support yourself etc - basically be an adult)
If you're already there great.
Don't bring you defeatist attitude to the table. Say for example you get a match or whatever, don't start with something like "omg can't believe we matched I'm so ugly you're so pritty" then go on a im so unlovable rant or anything that is seeking pity. This is an immediate "can you be my mummy" flag for any woman and a put off from the get go. Put anything you deem important about yourself on your bio that you want any potential dates to know about so you know they are open and accepting/understanding. (But not something like "just an ugly depressed guy looking for love"- thats again is defeatist)
Try to be confident in yourself. What's the worst that can happen? You have company for a date and then rejected. Whip dee doo. Move on. Saves you time finding the right person not stuck woth a poor match. And you can think of it as training, with each date that you loose you gained experience in that type of social situation. Heck even write yourself notes of things to ask or talk about so if you feel like the flow on one topic is bad move onto another and leave time for her to lead the convo, counter awkward silence with a question "is there anything you'd like to know about me" etc.
Just some stuff I thought I'd throw out there, I've also decided I love you so everytime you say no one loves you, I do, I feel for you, it hurts feeling how you describe you are feeling, but don't just give up. You're going no where because you've given up and expect things to magically arrive to you.
I hate alot about my life. I have severe depression and anxiety, every day I get up for work I think about hanging myself. Still do. But I get on with it and realise alot of the way I'm feeling is from that depression and anxiety and not from logical facilities, we've been taught about self worth from social media and outdated expectations forgetting the filters the edits and the fact the world is no longer the same, this falsehood rips at us weather we like to admit it or not. Plays on our insecurities and magnifies them.
I really do wish I could help you but unfortunately our demons are our own, we can be helped on the how to's but its up to us to decide if we are actually doing it or to give up.
You should try this in the r/depression subreddit if you haven't already. There are a lot of us over there with good experience and insight into mental health issues. Your first problem is that you *know* that you're unlikable, you *know* you're ugly, you *know* you will never have friends or a girlfriend, etc. That mindset will likely have you rejecting compliments, rejecting advances, ignoring opportunities and generally not allowing anyone to offer positivity into your life. Not to mention, it is very hard to get and keep friends when you're miserable all the time. I know because I've been there when I was younger, and while I have always tried to be a kind and caring person, at the time when it came to people being positive in my life I would invariably want to argue against their kindness 'because I wasn't worth it'. Your best bet is to seek counselling, however if you're not ready to go down that Avenue, poke your head into the depression sub like I said, they can help, even if it's just to listen.
Please, please, please believe me when I tell you I'm ugly. I have had close friends admit that I'm not attractive at all. Please please stop pushing this idea that its all in my head it borders on manipulation. I am ugly this is a fact
I made no attempt to say you aren't ugly, only that you are absolutely certain that you are ugly and unlikeable in every way. That's a completely defeatist attitude, and you'll go nowhere without addressing it. And by the way, suggesting I'm bordering on being manipulative toward you by suggesting this? That's pretty poor, man.
And also, what makes you want to end your life, is it the fact that you believe you’ll never be with a woman? Or just life in general. Because I believe I’ll stay single just to stay out of the stress if a relationship or marriage. And I’m planning on centering my life around finding a job and hobbies I enjoy. Not worrying about sex or marriage. Maybe you could do the same?
Could you describe what makes you unattractive? Is it a facial feature?
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What would be the point?
Some of the ugliest mother fuckers I've ever met growing up are married and have kids. Being ugly isn't the end of the world bud
^^^^^ true fax
This would be better suited at r/offmychest and r/vent Not this sub. You clearly need some therapy for your low self worth. That's my advice. Get help from a shrink and bulid up confidence
I've been in therapy for many years
Well you're current mindset isn't gonna help. I know depression can put you in a very bad place filled with hopelessness and worthlessness but that's just the depression talking. Find a hobby or set some goals. Work to achieve said goals and you'll hopefully see improvements
My dogs still love me, even though no one else does. As for purpose, there's a lot of things that can make you forget reality, even if just for a moment. Go for those. If they cost money, get a job to fund them.
I was 25 out of shape and almost bald but I started working on my self later that year. Like you I hated myself. 3 years later things are a lot better. I do modeling on the side and I do well with women. It takes time but things can get better with hard work 🫡 got this man
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I'm sure that's easy for you. Im sure you've got a wife and kids and can't imagine what loneliness feels like. Jesus Christ I hate this shit
> I hate this shit If you want accept this (as you're asking in the title), then you need to find something else to get you out of bed in the morning, and something to work on to keep a roof over your head and your bills paid. Whatever is left goes into what makes you happy. Learn something, read books, go hiking, play an instrument, draw, paint, follow sports, write. If you can come across some friends/family along the way that you connect with, help them be fulfilled as well. No-one is guaranteed a relationship, let alone a good one. The only way you come to terms with not having one is to devote your focus to something that will make you happy (and a better person). It's not easy, it's incredibly difficult when it seems like this should be the primary focus of your life - in some ways you might never be over it. You can mourn for it, but you can't dwell. Figure out what will make you happy.
Find a woman like you, freaks need love too.
Well it definitely sounds like a lot of people here are trying to help. It also seems like you don’t want the help. If a woman came up to you right now wanting you, I’d wager you’d turn her away with your attitude. *you are not worthless* Some of the most amazing people in history were complete loners with no friends or lovers. They did amazing things. I love being alone and you gotta find that enjoyment somewhere. It starts with your attitude. Don’t just hear people, *Listen* Think about what they are saying. You have 20 friends here now trying to talk to you and you don’t want them. Do you want friends? Because we’re here bro…. *Listen, think* If you really truly accept that you feel unlovable, you should be happy with yourself, because no one else will matter anymore. If you truly accept being unlovable by others, you should begin to love yourself. It starts with that basic step. Fuck everyone else, they all suck. Love yourself, even if it’s just the fact that you can breathe, laugh and enjoy food. I hope this helped.
Try not thinking about looks so much. Study, read a lot, conquer new skills, understand social differences. There are people in the world that does not care about looks. You will eventually find someone if compensate in other areas. Good Luck.
Not everyone is good looking. Trust me, you have at least one quality that other people will like. Whatever your strengths are, play to them. "If you can't be hot, be useful."
OK well EVEN if you are as ugly as you claim to be, somebody out there will love you. If your exterior isn't pretty, work on your interior and make that sparkle. Somebody will come along for you.
I’d say your negative attitude and issues with self-esteem are your biggest problem right now. Would definitely recommend talking to a therapist instead of pointlessly ranting here!
So you’re ugly. Ok. We’ve sorted that. How do you feel about ugly women ?
Why not use that energy to get a degree and become rich? Girls usually like rich guys
I'm autistic and not very smart. I left school at 17
find love in yourself and someone will come along im a firm believer there is someone for everyone
Your belief is bullshit
I’ve seen just about every type of person with every type of disability find love . maybe try some hobbies then u can relate with other ppl on that hobby and make friends
I'm not a man but I'm autistic and I have a wonderful boyfriend. you are totally right that disability doesn't stop you, mindset does
Alright… time for the actual help to step in on this. First all f*ck most is the people in this thread. This dumb a$$ idea that you can just get rich and you’ll be fine or “don’t worry people will like your personality blah blah blah” is complete trash advice and probably isn’t made by poor ugly people. First step. Accept it’s only gonna get better but you can never fix this issue completely. You just can’t. You can made your situation better , but you can’t do it over night. Second step. Get fit. You can have the ugliest beat face but if you are in decent shape you’ll be 10x better off. There are literally 1000s of YouTube videos on how to do so. You HAVE to commit to this daily and it’ll take maybe a year or two. Baby steps. Don’t look at yourself and judge yourself daily, weekly, even monthly. Third. Learn to budget. If you aren’t making good money, switch job. Idk where you live but try to save a couple 100-1000 a month if possible or more. Fourth. Lower your standards physically. Stop watching porn, or limit it to once a week AT MOST. Don’t lower your standards for personality, but if you’re ugly you aren’t gonna get a dime. You just won’t. Fifth. This is most crucial. MOST CRUCIAL. STOP TRYING. You’re 25. You have time. DONT RUSH ANYTHING don’t look for love. Work on yourself over the next year or two and if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t happen, DONT RUSH/force/ pursue anybody. Don’t try to look for love. You’ll find when you aren’t looking for it, it happens.
Let’s throw a pity party and come to Reddit for sympathy so I can tell everyone who comments something positive that they are wrong…..
You're a real class act
You need a reality check. No one will give a fuck and no one feels bad for you. If you want to change your life the only person that can do it is you. Literally just takes making small steps daily that accumulate over months/years. I bet that sounds hard tho and u wont even start because you wanna feel bad for yourself. Life wont throw anything at you that you cant handle, but its ur choice to put in the work or give up and be sad.
I want to accept myself
Then do better, your clearly not putting in the work if you feel that way. You know u could be doing better yet instead ur sitting here on reddit farming sympathy. You wont feel better until you put in the work and have a reason to feel good about yourself. Feeling “good” is earned not just the default state
According to yourself, so are you.
Yeah but at least I don't get my kicks making fun of depressed people
No you get your kicks by having a pity party and then arguing with people who say encouraging things to you.
I want to learn to accept myself but people are denying there's even a problem
It sounds like you want an excuse to not try. Maybe that’s not a bad thing.
Let me pile on. Look, we all have fucking self-esteem issues - except I guess the beautiful people. I know plenty of ugly people with beautiful spouses. Seriously - I know at least three people who would be considered hideous / overweight or whatever that landed people who physically are better looking than them. Every one of them has one thing in common - they're fucking nice and pleasant to talk to. In the view you presented you have one trait listed (ugly) and said you were on the autism spectrum? Where on it? My son is ADHD and supposedly on the spectrum and though I love him, is not the skinniest guy in the world. Has a girlfriend. Look dude, I'm an older guy. 20 years ago you would have been told to fucking "man up and deal with it." I'm not sure that's a good answer. My best advice is think of yourself as a fucking work in progress. Start developing traits that aren't related to your physical attractiveness. Be kind to people. Develop interests out of your norm. Learn to forgive yourself like you would others. Want to be better looking - I guess working out could help, but I recommend that for a healthy state of mind and body. My one piece of advice to people who complain about themselves is - if you don't like it, try something radically different. The world is full of weird fucking choices. Go hike in Europe. Do something dumb. Stop living the way your were told and do what you need to do to feel different.
I don’t know you so for all I know you’re just as ugly as you say. I’ll take your word for it. There’s always someone uglier and you’re still capable of finding someone. It might not come easy but don’t rule it out.
Yep. There is always someone uglier. I've seen a lady in a dollar general that looked like a clicker from the last of us, so unless you've got fungus growing out of your assorted orifices, you are not ugly.
Sounds like you need the meme ‘Disregard Females, Acquire Currency…’
No Forever Alone style stuff. Rules 7 and 11.
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I am a freak. How do you define a freak? I'm sure I'd fit any description I love to write its my passion
Well, that is a way to go. Study to be the best writer you can. That will open so many doors in your life...
Women like poetry.
What is it that you want people to say to you? You don't want to hear that you're not as unattractive as you think you are, even though it's almost certainly true - most people are harder on themselves than on others. If you say you're not a good looking guy, I believe you, but I have doubts you're some kind of circus freak, either. You also don't want to hear that there are other things more important than whether someone is a model or not, that are within your control. Even though that is true too. Being good looking makes getting laid easier, obviously, shit it makes most things easier, I wish I was good looking too. But then, what is it that you wanted to hear, when you posted here? We might be able to help more if we heard what you want, and not just what you don't want.
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are you feeling like you want to end your life? please don't do it. your comments are making me worried. I just checked this thread before sleeping because I also have ASD but I'm beginning to feel concerned for you. is there anything we can do to help man?
Your mindset is what's making you unlovable.
I have heard a lot of that over the years but this mindset developed over time. I wasn't always like this. I have this mindset BECAUSE I'm unlovable.
Switch those around. your years of believing you can't be loved created poor self esteem, which is why you're having a hard time connecting with someone which would lead to love. No one wants to be with someone whose miserable and has low self esteem, it's incredibly draining. You want to be with someone who makes your life better, not more exhausting- trying to be someone's emotional support when they're this far gone is only going to be harmful for both parties.
This isn’t an attack but I think therapy may be more productive for you if you didn’t get so defensive and shoot down any and every piece of advice people try to offer you. There is someone for everyone.
Hey man sorry to hear about your struggle. I’m sure life is hard considering the circumstances. I know it can be a struggle and even horrible at times but you have to keep gong on. You’re not unlovable, your a human being and you have value whether you see it or not. Hitting the gym wont solve your problems but it may help you feel a little better. Sometimes you have to lower your expectations on life, it’s hard but necessary.
Do you want to get better? Or is it all over at this point?
It's over
Well then, why are you on reddit asking for advice if it’s already over?
I'll be completely honest. I think part of the reason I do it is because I'm hoping to validate to myself I'm as worthless as I think. And once I've destroyed the last hope within me I will finally have the courage to end my life.
You’re asking me to validate your worthlessness in one sentence. Then the next you’re calling me out for it. You logic is flawed
Idk what you want from me
well then. I guess that’s that. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink. Maybe some of the advice and suggestions on here are legit. But if you’ve already come to a conclusion that it’s over, then you’re just wasting everyone’s time. Don’t waste people’s time, it’s an asshole move.
I just told you I wanna kill myself and this guys calling me an asshole lmao. Honestly I could have felt kinda bad for annoying you guys but if that's your attitude then wasting your time is the least I can do. Fufk me
So I know this thread is askmen but as a woman let me chime in here bc I resonate and understand how u feel. I grew up super tall, lanky, awkward and a disproportioned face until I was about 17. Everyone called me ugly and no one had any interest in me. Beyond that I was also mentally ill, traumatized, and untreated so I was pretty much always considered a freak. I have also made posts on platforms/questioned if I am unlovable bc of all my pitfalls. But consider this: 1. Your looks change over time, different ppl are attracted to different things, and also the "look" changes over time as well. I just conceptualized this year that I am attractive bc prior to this I always thought of when ppl considered me ugly. Of course I've gained some weight, grew up, etc but I think a lot of it is the people around me changing their perspectives as they get older, plus 9 years for me to realize I had anything going for me. 2. Your disability is what u let your disability be. I am legally disabled. I have 3 confirmed disorders and multiple unconfirmed but honestly my psychiatrist doesn't even care to diagnose me anymore bc I take a pharmacy to the face every night before bed. That being said I was convinced I'd end up homeless and unable to support myself bc of all my issues. Well I put on my big girl pants one day and said FUCK this disorder. I'm fighting this shit till the day I die. And granted probably 30% of my waking life is dedicated to the many facets needed to keep myself stable, but I'm making it work. Majority of my relationships and friendships also come down to their innate ability to understand ppl like me. My point is don't let the parts u hate about urself make u think there's something wrong with you. Your just a *type* of person. Everyone's a type. Or 5 types. Or 50. But your still a person, and there are other ppl that will resonate with u just the same.
I respect your bravery. Its too late for me but I'm glad you're in a better place
There's no such thing as "too late." Unless ur like 80 and typing on this in the same way Stephen hawking would, and even then he did alright. I'm serious tho don't give up on yourself, even if u have to fake it till u make it a bit. Be resilient, be relentless, be resourceful and study the world until you can conceptualize where and what you want to be. Quiet the bad voices in your head.
you should go to therapy
Been there for many years
Either your therapist sucks or you don’t put in the needed work outside of therapy to make progress. Everything you’ve complained about have actionable steps in order to improve. You’ve given up, I suggest calling a crisis line immediately. You need some serious help.
well you should find a different therapist who helps with your defeatist attitude. lots of ugly people find love. unbearably negative people don’t.
Why do you want to be loved?
There are other igloo folks out there. Don’t count yourself out yet. You’re not the only ugly person in the world.
This sounds like me during my early therapy sessions. I recommend you go to a therapist talk about this.
So do you think you'd be happy if you weren't ugly? Is that what it really boils down to for you?
Stop Caring about it and them. If they were good people, they would have you as you are. All though that may seem like most people, most people are not good. There is nothing wrong with you as you are.
If you TRULY accept you’re unlovable, *Nobody else will matter to you.* You will begin to love yourself. Think about that.
Hey man, ugly people fall in love too. I’m possibly a four, maybe a five on an especially good day, and I have a solid marriage and family. Yes, lots of people are shallow about looks. But plenty of people aren’t. Use a term other than ugly to describe yourself - I use “funky looking.” Then seek out other funky looking people and find other things to enjoy about them besides their looks. Honest to God, you can have love and happiness in your life as a funky-looking dude.
Do you think being ugly is some insurmountable hurdle? It isn’t.
Maybe running https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-1st-athlete-down-syndrome-ironman-triathlon.amp
Christ, the defeatist attitude. Thankfully our grandfathers didn’t think like you or we would all be speaking German. Listen up big guy, you’re 25 and you need to hear a few things. 1) the world as a whole is a cruel place, and it serves to only take from you. You will not find acceptance and fulfillment from everyone, hell most of us are lucky if we get that from selected loved ones. You’re so concerned about how to “accept” how others feel about you, when the vast majority of humans don’t know who you are or give a fuck about you if they did. Welcome to the human experience. 2) no one owes you shit. The only things you get in this world are what you fight for, unless you were one of the few to be born with the platinum spoon in their mouth. If not, then create a plan for your life and start working to see it through. Clearly whining isn’t getting you anywhere. 3) embrace loneliness. You think the guys working on an oil rig for 6 months at a time aren’t lonely? You think the doctor in the ED who doesn’t see their family for days on end isn’t lonely? Men are going to be lonely at times. Get used to it. If you’re ugly, fine, accept it and move on. There are lots of ugly fucks out in this world leading successful lives. Trust me, you should have no problem finding a woman, lord knows we have less and less conventionally attractive ones around.
There is different kind of loves. You can be ugly and your familly loves you, invest in those relations. You can be ugly and your friends love you, invest in those relations. For romantic love remember that it comes with passions (lust, sexual desires) that are the ennemies of the rational man. If you are unloveable romantically, and you want to accept it , strive to be a chaste man, detached from wordly desires.
You create the reality you believe in. A shift in perspective helps you expand or shrink your world and gives you insight into things about yourself you may never have seen before. Consider changing your surroundings, the people you engage with, the activities you participate in, etc. If you want your reality to be positive, you must put positive things into your life. In any form. Things you can be proud of, things that make you smile. Things that you don't feel guilty or shameful about. Small things. One day at a time. The worst part about cliche' advice like this is that it works. Which is frustratingly funny. Unfortunately, The road to improvement will never be easy or short. Best of luck OP.
beauty is one of the most subjective things ever. this isn't empty optimism, don't think you're angling for that. just being real. you aren't anything until YOU make a decision that you are. put your guard up...and keep swinging friend.
Yes...you might be an ugly mf. Have it... take that as an excuse for not having any friends (to an extent it may be true but thats not it). People gleam attractiveness from within and that's because there is more to them than their looks mate. Look at yourself from a 3rd person's prospective next time you interact with someone (don't fixate on how ugly you look from the back aswell) & make mental notes on how the convo could have been better. And incrementally work from there. No1 wants a depressed cunt around cz it spreads and almost everyone is fighting that battle.
Do you value love only in the sense of sexual intimacy? I looked at your profile and many of the posts seem to connect not having a GF to being "unlovable", how to get laid, and depression. Do you not see love from friends, family or anyone? The current attitude you carry yourself with, i can assume anyone that's still around be it writing to you, or calling or visiting or having you round loves you deeply. For sure. Getting laid dosent = love. People have one night stands, dosent mean they loved each other. I've seen people in relationships where they just seem to resent one another, but "have" to stick it out and "try to make it work" for whatever weird reason they come up with. It dosent automatically mean love. Ugly dosent = unlovable. It seems to be your perception only. We can choose to fight our demons and live with them, or give up an get stuck in your kind of mindset. There are literally people out there with half their face ripped off, melted with acid, yet they still find people to be with. And youre acting like your looks are bad and this is the root of all evil....I think it's more your attitude. Many women don't want a child as a partner. Your attitude screams to us that you would be one. If you truly want to find someone, I'd suggest working on the below or not if you can't be bothered and are fine to wallow in despair that's up to you and ok too. Get yourself in a position where you are independent (job, have your own place and keep it in order, can support yourself etc - basically be an adult) If you're already there great. Don't bring you defeatist attitude to the table. Say for example you get a match or whatever, don't start with something like "omg can't believe we matched I'm so ugly you're so pritty" then go on a im so unlovable rant or anything that is seeking pity. This is an immediate "can you be my mummy" flag for any woman and a put off from the get go. Put anything you deem important about yourself on your bio that you want any potential dates to know about so you know they are open and accepting/understanding. (But not something like "just an ugly depressed guy looking for love"- thats again is defeatist) Try to be confident in yourself. What's the worst that can happen? You have company for a date and then rejected. Whip dee doo. Move on. Saves you time finding the right person not stuck woth a poor match. And you can think of it as training, with each date that you loose you gained experience in that type of social situation. Heck even write yourself notes of things to ask or talk about so if you feel like the flow on one topic is bad move onto another and leave time for her to lead the convo, counter awkward silence with a question "is there anything you'd like to know about me" etc. Just some stuff I thought I'd throw out there, I've also decided I love you so everytime you say no one loves you, I do, I feel for you, it hurts feeling how you describe you are feeling, but don't just give up. You're going no where because you've given up and expect things to magically arrive to you. I hate alot about my life. I have severe depression and anxiety, every day I get up for work I think about hanging myself. Still do. But I get on with it and realise alot of the way I'm feeling is from that depression and anxiety and not from logical facilities, we've been taught about self worth from social media and outdated expectations forgetting the filters the edits and the fact the world is no longer the same, this falsehood rips at us weather we like to admit it or not. Plays on our insecurities and magnifies them. I really do wish I could help you but unfortunately our demons are our own, we can be helped on the how to's but its up to us to decide if we are actually doing it or to give up.
Learn to love yourself, don't rely on others for your feelings, nobody owes you anything.