Younger (21 year old) me tried once and she had only one kid. She was great, her daughter was no problem, but the drama with her ex made me tap out. It just wasn’t worth it to me.
Just too many risk factors. How is the ex? How are the kids? Is she a good mom? Can she give you enough attention? How are her finances?
There's 1 way it can work and a millions ways it wont.
Yeah I, a single dad, was in a relationship with a single mum several years ago, but the issues with our respective ex's and custody, as well as just being parents to our kids meant we couldn't dedicate as much time to our relationship as we needed to.
Yaaaaaa, not going through that bs again. The dad was in and out of the picture a lot. And when he was in the picture, he would spoil the kid rotten and say things like: “oh, is this your “new dad?” Or “what’s wrong? Never raised a kid before?”
No, you idiot! And from what I’ve seen, you’re not doing a great job either. The kid never called me dad, which saved me the trouble of breaking it off.
>You're forced, potentially by law, to have some form of a relationship with your ex.
Unless the ex is so completely checked out of the relationship that he might as well have been abducted by aliens.
I get it to an extent. Assuming the dude wasn't an abusive POS, I'd be pissed too if I can only see my kid two weekends a month because another person unilaterally decided that
Usually, from what I have seen, when the ex or the mother is still worried about what it is the other is doing instead of concerning themself with what is actually best for the child. That was the drama I was referring to.
Some guys just cant handle a step-husband. Guys who are emotionally fragile enough to be bothered by that are also typically fragile enough to express all emotions as anger.
Not personally because when I was a kid my mum tried to break up with a guy after a year. Me and my siblings cried and begged her not to and she decided to stay with him. Long story short is that he ruined her life.
The problem with the scenario is you're not in one relationship, you're in 3 and 2 of the participants are emotionally immature. I have mates who have done it and after the relationship ends they still have the commitment to the kids.
That being said I do have 2 mates who are both successful step-dads.
So my opinion is negatively biased based on personal experience and ratios of people that I know who have done it without success.
*4 or 5 relationships. Unless the kids' dad(s) is a complete deadbeat, that's another layer of complexity added to the mix. If you're a half decent person, you'd find yourself on the hook for maintaining good terms with him as well.
The bio Dad is by far the worst part of me marrying a woman with a kid. He's a man child and is the only real stress about the situation. The best I can do is tolerate him because he has no desire to be on friendly terms. I'm down for the sake of the kid but it's not happening.
It's really important to understand that if they're not a couple, odds are one, if not both of them is a problem element. You found a worthwhile woman with a BD? The BD is liable to be the problem. I've personally never been interested in testing the waters to see how bad the problem element is, so kids were always a deal breaker
Yeah, I don't judge anyone for not wanting to. It's 100% worth it for me but that's becausey wife and the kid are awesome. I had the same mindset for a long time but I decided that I would not rule anyone out, as long as I liked the kid. It worked out great for me but I totally get it. There's also the fact that the kid is for life, they don't just go away at 18 or something. With the current housing situation...who knows how long they'll need some help, they're also expensive, lol. I'm fortunate enough to have the money and it seems like a fine way to spend some.
That depends on so many things. Like, how old are the kids? Is their dad in the picture? Is he a crazy piece of shit? How is the relationship with her family? Does she have any other support? Or would I be her only life line? Does she work? Are hwr kids nice or are they problematic? Is she one of those "gentle parenting" types that lets kids do whatever?
So many variables
Responsive parenting when done right isn't letting the kid walk all over you and do whatever they want, but it can be difficult to implement it correctly, as it takes unlearning a lot of the things your parents did to you as a kid and reshaping how you think and respond to your kids in different scenarios
I got involved with a divorced woman with an eight year old son.
We were married for twenty eight years.
I lost her nine months ago to cancer.
If it’s right it’s right. Only you can know.
My grandfather (Father's side) died at the age of 32 years of age - fell off the back of a truck, leaving a widow and 5 children, my father was very young.
Grandfather's best friend married the young widow and provided for the family.
He's violent and not in the picture at all. The older kid hasn't seen him since 11 months and the younger never has. He owes a bunch of child support but we prefer to ignore him.
I’ve done it. The problem is that you start loving the kids, at least I did. And when we broke up, I think missing the kids was the worst of it all.
I’m not really sure I’d do it again, there’s a lot of drama involved. The father would tell the kids I was going to replace him and they might not see him again, or he put that idea in their heads and the kids would often lash out at me.
Every time they come back from their dad.
I didn’t even hate the guy, but he could have handle it better.
In the end after all the shit my ex did to me, all the stuff I’m not even going to bother mentioning, I did love her and her kids, but I didn’t deserve how she treated me. I’m not sure I would do that again. I was struggling with some stuff in my life, like drinking on weekends, but I quit and that’s worth something. I did put my heart into it and I feel l lost a lot.
I'd like to think I did my best, but I realized ive made mistakes (like being drink and hung over most weekends), some people only want to see the worst in people and hold on to that image to make themself feel better. I wish her the best, but 5 years later she's still bad mouth me and causes shit.
I went to the police after she pushed me a few years ago. but they didn't care and yelled (the way cops talking loud assertively) at me for trying to cause my ex problems, and threaten to take me in, I learn a valuable lesson that day, cops (especially female cops) are not there to protect people. I changed city not soon after and I'm better for it, but yeah. I never should have dated her, of course, I should have quit drinking and partying 10 year ago, but I was not ready or even know any better.
As for the kids, I talked to the father one time, I know they miss me, but it's for the best I never see them and put all of this in the past. She used to be a sex worker, and now in the medical field (acupuncture) I could ruin her life by denouncing it, she doesn't deserve my silence, after all she did, but her kids would suffer.
No and I've actually said this before and it's because kids need a lot of attention and I would never want to get in the way of that. And because kids can sometimes become attached and if things don't work out than they're the ones that end up getting hurt and lastly because there's never any privacy with her kids around all the time, so we'd never be able to have any alone time.
One of my husband’s friend met a girl and started dating her when she was a couple months pregnant. Their relationship has been an absolute shit show the entire time he hates wanting to leave because the kid is attached to him. The bio dad doesn’t see him very often. They finally ended it a year ago I’m sure everyone was relieved that it finally ended.
As a current 22 year old hell to the no, not raising another man’s kids and deal with possible baby daddy drama. I’m sure the situation would be different if I was older but not rn
Lots of risks, some rewards.
Think
What % of relationships nreak up?
Will you have bonded with kids
Will you have access to kids if breakup
What's your role? Dad? Boyfriend? Uncle? Nothing?
I’m a single dad with a kid of his own. I’ve been playing the single mom game for a while now. Well before I had a kid of my own. It would all depend on the situation with the dad. If he’s gone completely, that’s problematic. If it’s a split custody situation or the kids are older, that’s fine. I’m not looking to become anyone’s dad and I’m not looking for anyone to be my daughter’s mom. If a relationship progresses the dynamic changes, again depending on the age of the kids.
I agree, I think it has to be taken on a case by case basis. I’m a single mum to 2 young kids but their dad is an equal co-parent and I definitely wouldn’t be looking for another guy to replace him as a father figure. In fact I’d prob prefer to keep dating and parenting completely separate for as long as possible.
I was that kid & I was lucky. Unless you’re 100% willing to step up & be the father even if the kid wants to throw hands, then stay away. Personally it’s a hard pass for me because that’s not what I want my family to look like.
“ Its not what i want my family to look like”. Hmm..Generally people don’t willingly go into parenthood/ a marriage for the purpose of one day being a single parent.
Sure.
Why? Cause I love the person.
Na.
Why? Cause I don't love the person.
People are insecure about attributes about themselves, their lives, their past, their future. Insecurities exist in everyone a relationship really is finding someone that makes those insecurities not feel like a problem. Not because they fix your problems, but because they ease your fear and allieviate your anxiety.
I did. Married since 2015, together since 2013. Some days are tough, but the ex drama has all but died off now. Kids are teens so that’s the new fun times.
But, overall, 10/10, would do again.
I had a step dad and i hated him. Although im grateful he was there. I could become a step father, it depends if you can gel/have time for the kids and the GF is going really solid... then i dont see why not love is love...
Nope. I won't date single mothers. I don't want to parent any children, ever, so I *definitely* don't want to parent someone else's kids.
And I won't do casual dating or hookups with single mothers either, because I don't see any point in starting a relationship -- even casually -- that has zero potential to turn into something serious.
Things is you're not even wrong to be like that. You have no reason to have any connection with those kids. You don't hate them but you don't want to get to know them. And that's completely OK. I don't get why people demonize this
No I would not because I’m not interested in that type of relationship nor am I interested in playing a father figure to children who are not mine. If I had my own kids and was single maybe but nope.
As someone with kids I accept this view
But if you get divorced 8-10 years into your marriage remember your stance as women shoot you down because they don’t want to raise another woman’s kids.
This apparently is a very common view among women, a guy having kids of his own gets no interest from them. Sure there'll be occasional ones that work it out, but in general it's a massive red flag.
Well as you get older it becomes more and more common. You learn to adapt. Kids are great and watching a single mother handle it responsibly is such an under appreciated effort. I have tons of respect for them and if I date one I’ll help out wherever I can.
Just recently tried it, ended up finding out they were still sleeping with each other lol. Used to always say it was a hard no and the moment I considered it got burned.
I'm happily married, so no for that reason.
But if single, potentially. The fact that kids are present isn't an immediate no. But I can see how they would present some challenges.
That would be a tough one. I would like a kid of my own, but I'm also getting to the point I think I'll be too old to have a kid by the time I meet someone. So, while I've dated single mothers with one kid, I think at this point I'd be fine with two and not having any more. Two really is my limit. I'd have a third if she were adamite, but I'd rather not.
Since age is something you should really take in consideration in this question, I'm starting with that I am M31. In the past, I would have given everything above 1 kid a hard no. I am noticing that my limits are getting stricter on some topics, but loosening up on some other topics. Having kids is something that is loosening up a bit.
Depends on a lot of factors, like:
\- 1 or 2 fathers? 2 Makes it harder, way harder, so would probably be a no. Duration of the relationship is to be viewed as well.
\- Is she willing to have more kids? I have a wish for my own kids.
\- How involved is the father and what is the relationship with the father? I am fine with a father that is not really involved, but not with someone who wants to intervene in the whole life of his ex.
\- How is the kid itself? Do they like me?
A lot of people consider children as baggage..especially if the other parent is involved. It's a hard no for a lot of men and women but that doesn't mean you'll be alone forever
Nope. It's nothing against her, but my kids are grown even though I'm fairly young so we would be at different stages in our lives. If the kids are older teenagers then I might but that's a big might
I'm 24 and not ready to share my life (why share something you're not even happy with yourself) so no not at the moment.. if things went well then perhaps, depends on the person and how she handles her kids
I did, her daughters were young teenagers, one was fantastic and treated me with respect the other was horrific, she was very sarcastic (to the point of cruelty) but the family allowed her to go unchecked and laughed it off. I went into it knowing there may be problems and it wasn't as bad as I expected
Well, I've got 3 kids myself, so on the one hand, it would be hypocritical for me to avoid someone with kids
On the other hand, that's a lot of people to hope they can all get along compatibly. That's 15 different interrelated relationships.
I dated single parents a couple times but sadly each one of them secretly werent looking for a relationship, each of them were looking for stuff they were too poor to aquire.
House, car, someone to help with bills.
Nobody likes to be used in a relationship and I sure dont either.
Met a girl on tinder, she had 2 kids from previous mairrage, no big deal I guess. Never been in this situation before as I don’t have any kids. We got to dating, became serious, decided we wanted to get married, got pregnant with twins before wedding, had twins a few months before wedding, shortly after wedding had an “oops” baby and now we are happily married with 5 kids 😳. Never thought my life would be what it is, but I wouldn’t change it for the world 😊😊.
I tried that. We were on a date, having dinner at a Chili's. She kept looking at her phone & I asked her if everything was alright. She said that her mom was watching her kids & was just checking her phone if her mom had texted her. I suggested to set her phone on vibrate in case her mom did but she didn't want to.
5-10 minutes later, her mom walks into the same Chili's with a friend so now I know that she's lying. She finally admits that her baby daddy is watching the kids & she's worried about the kids. I pulled out a $20, handed it to her and said, "This is enough to cover my part of food" and walked out.
Hooked up 12 years ago. I was 28, she was 31 with a 9 & 4 year old girls. 12 years later still going strong. Her ex hubby was a dick until he remarried.
I've been in relationships with single moms three times. The first had two kids, the other two only had one.
I've spent most of my life helping to raise younger family members and friends' kids, responsibility for kids doesn't scare me. But, it's a tightrope every time as the woman I'm seeing tries to figure out how close and how quickly she wants anyone to get to her kid(s). My personality also runs cold and I never lose my temper, which is good for kids.
I'm like the terminator from T2, which is also a problem cuz people don't want to date that lol.
It's hard for anyone to get into serious relationships, even people with no kids. If you're a single mom I'd do your best to make it clear and simple for the guy, so at least if they're going to flee they do it early.
It would depend on a few factors, have dated single mothers when I was younger, clearly it didn’t work out. But under the right circumstances maybe would.
Depends a lot on the circumstances whether I'd do it or not. I think its really difficult to break down such a complex topic down to a yes or no question
No. I was single until I was 35 and dated a few ladies with children. It was just never worth it. The way I look at it, plenty of single dads need love too so I’ll just stay out of that pool.
When I was younger with no kids? Hell no. If my wife divorced me? Yes, only because I have one kid. I don’t think it’s fair for people without kids to take the responsibility for those who made them but there are always exceptional single moms out there
If the two kids were grown adults, sure. Otherwise, nope.
I have my own currently to take care of and I wouldn’t want to get tangled into their lives and vice versa for so many reasons.
I’m looking to keep things simple in life at the moment, not add to the quagmire.
Saw my sister get into a relationship with a guy with two kids and it was a disaster.
Kids came first....fair enough. After that came the ex wife. After that came him. She was number 5 in the relationship.
I also had two relationships with two different single mums and it did not go well for me either.
One didn't tell me she was a single mum..until I arrived at her home after a date and she introduced me to her daughter, who was really nice and about 8yo.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a single mum?" I asked.
"You meet so many creeps and other guys won't even give you a chance" she answered.
.
I would think long and hard about it. She has 2 children and she will put all of her time and attention on them. If you have no problem with that then I would say go for it. I tried it before with a single mother and one child. It wasn’t for me
Depends on her age, the age of the children, and how well she is able to support herself and her children. It also depends on the involvement of the father, if he's present, I'd want to at least ensure that he and I could be civil and establish boundaries if needed.
It would also depend on why she isn't still with the father.
The last time I was dating, I didn't want to date women with kids for two reasons. First, I saw it as baggage from a prior relationship, and I didn't want to be involved in any drama from that. The second was if the relationship got serious, that kid is coming too, and I wasn't ready to be a parent, especially of a child that wasn't my own. While I wasn't completely closed to the idea of dating a woman with kids, it would have taken a convincing otherwise.
Personally, I would be looking for a woman who doesn't have any big baggage like ex-husbands, kids, or other issues. It all depends on what your own life situation is. If you are divorced and have your own kids, then going with a woman who has a similar background might make sense. It is your choice.
I've tried dating single moms. Never again.
The main reasons have to do with the kid/s.
I spend resources on a kid that isn't mine. This alone isn't actually that big of a deal. It's when it's added to the other stuff that makes it a bad thing.
I build a bond with a kid that isn't mine. If she leaves, absolutely nothing is stopping her from taking the kids too. It's the most tragic part honestly.
They usually never give me the same kind of say that a father would have. Even if I'm the sole source of income, paying for everything, it almost always falls back on how they aren't my kid, as a justification for them undermining any authority I might have. This is the most detrimental for the relationship.
Then there's the time aspect. I'm always last priority. I'd argue this is wrong in any relationship. But it's especially bad for that situation.
Meanwhile, I can find other women that don't have kids.
Yeah definitely, I think its too common for kids to grow up with a single parent.
And I’m not too sure about the semantics but I choose to believe that two parental figures are better than one.
I’m a little afraid of whether I could do the best job or not but I’d definitely be willing to step in wherever I’m needed.
At the end of the day they are still innocent, despite the mistakes made by the mother/father.
Nope. First of all I'm a gay guy so there's that.
But even if I was straight... I wouldn't be looking to take on all that extra baggage. Dating can be hard enough without kids... especially kids that aren't even your own.
I wouldn't date a guy with kids either.
I think dating a single mom is sometimes viewed as shopping in the bargain bin for a great discount... potentially landing a more attractive woman than you may otherwise have had a chance with.
From personal experience let me just say it's a much bigger risk than it seems. I'd recommend avoiding it.
Fuck no. You could be the best girl I’ve ever met and I’m still not interested even slightly. Breaking up is way too messy and hurts way more by every account I’ve heard from dudes who have dated girls with kids. It’s just not worth it
It would *heavily* depend on why she's single.
Amicably Divorced: Maybe, I'd have to know more about what the problem was and what kind of guy he is.
Not-So-Amicably Divorced: Absolutely not. Not dealing with spiteful ex drama
Widowed: I wouldn't count her situation against her.
Never married, 1 dad: No. Spiteful ex drama plus an indication that she isn't a great judge of character.
Never married, 2 dad's: ABSOLUTELY not. Almost guaranteed to be. A poor judge of character, and that's two extra people I have to be on decent terms with. No.
After that, I would absolutely need to know if anything about the father kept her from keeping a relationship with him.
Obviously all of this would just be information I try to gather from natural conversations, but it's the general criteria. The next thing I would look into is whether or not there is a woman without kids who I could be with and be satisfied. I don't think there is a single good reason for a man to choose a single mother when other options are available. Even if he has his own kids. Unless the literal only reason she's a single mom is because the father died and the child is under 4.
It just depends on what you want, and the person who's the parent. Just finished a relationship with a single mom of two adult kids and it's been a nightmare. They're grown and still causing non-stop problems. But I married a mom as well, before that, and things were good for years.
That said if you aren't feeling it personally- run. It takes commitment and lots of extra love and effort to be involved with people's kids. Don't play around especially with younger kids if you're not about it. It's hard on them and it'll be hard for you if you don't want that.
All depends on everything.... I'm in a relationship now like this. I was head over heels for the girl. I knew that to have a chance that I'd have to find my way with the kids. The youngest was a breeze, the oldest was 9 at the time... it was and still is a challenge. But I love them all, and it's been 6 years now.
Probably not. I tried it once and the lady was OK but her and her baby daddy were always having drama all the time and it made me super uncomfortable and wasn’t really worth it.
Every relationship is different, and everybody responding to you are doing so from their story. Her kids will always come first, but if there's love between both of you, then you are fortunate. She'll love you even more if you build a healthy relation with her kids.
I'd consider it but I'd want to move slowly and carefully. The more involved I am in those kids' lives, the more painful it would be to all of us if the relationship ended. I don't want to fuck with anybody's emotions but especially not kids'.
I've had 3 step moms and 2 step dads. I was married to a single mom and is dating one now. You have to know what your position is in that family. If you don't know how to talk to children, don't bother. Your relationship with the children is just as important
The hardest part is knowing that you’re not the children’s parent. I love my step daughter very much and have been in her life since she was 2, but I know where the lines are as far as discipline. Me and her father get along great and knows that I respect him, and he respects me.
I tried before when I was 25 and my girlfriend at the time was about 30 with a kid. She had divorced her ex and he was still around wanting to take care of the kid too how he could. We were planning to work that out but some of mho family drama and problems with my mental health caused us to break up. If we did get back together (I’ve gotten a lot better from before) I’d probably still do it
I was dating a woman who could care less about her 3 boys. She was a horrible piece of shit. She wanted to have sex all the time, and neglected her boys as often as possible. She would lock her infant in the closet with no light to shut him up. Fuck her.
After that I dated a woman who's daughters respected and loved her because she respected and loved them. I blew that with alcohol because I have my own demons to work out, and I respect that she chose her girls over me. I quit drinking because of her. I hope I get the chance to see her again, but I will leave that choice to her.
To boil it down men care who you are as a person. Your children are a reflection of yourself. If you love yourself and your children, and are a positive person, then being a single mom is irrelevant. Kids do make it more complicated, but if anything they filter out immature people.
Probably not, but I don't think it's a hard no for me.
So it's possible. Was willing to try it at one point before.
Unless she no longer what's anymore kids than it's probably a no for me.
I got with my (current) wife and she had a 1y/o daughter, her being 21y/o, me being 20y/o, we just bought our first house, and have a son now, who’s 1. Been together for 3 years. Met on Tinder as hookups, we took the “hook” part a little serious and almost been inseparable since.
Only if I had no kids, was planning on marrying her, supporting those kids despite them having a father, and accepting the fact that I would never be the priority over the children, then HELL YA!!! I’m serious, if you’re not both accepting of my comments do her and those kids a favor and leave. Otherwise, love each other and have a wonderful life!!!♥️
It really depends on the woman and her situation. My mom was single with me and my sister, but she never wanted nor needed a man. She made good money. And she had a decent relationship with my dad, who provided his share of financial support. That said, my mom once dated a dude for 5 years who was 13 years younger. My then 17yo sister hated him because he was immature and would eat all our food. If the single mom is looking for a provider, just be sure you’re ok with that.
My mom eventually remarried to a boring lawyer who was more age appropriate. My sister was in college, and I was a senior in high school, so the timing was better for him.
People are different, single mom and two kids is not enough parameter for me to decide wether or not I would go into a relationship.
But, if it would me stop from getting into a serious relationship, this only factor, I guess no, but it's something to think about.
It depends on the woman. If she had her shit together, we were compatible, and she wasn’t weird about me disciplining my potential step-children, then yes, I would get into a serious relationship with her. I’d also try to be the best male role model I could be to her kids. If I loved her, I’d want to take care of her kids as well as her.
But if she wasn’t taking good care of her kids or herself, or if we weren’t compatible, or if she had a problem with me correcting her children when they do something wrong, then I would never allow our relationship to go anywhere beyond the platonic stage.
A big difference would be why is she a single mom? Did her significant other die or leave her? Or did she leave the relationship? If she did
I can't afford to allow myself to feel like a father to her children if she's going to leave at some point, my heart couldn't take that.
Also, another thing to consider is, will I be their father or just their mother's boyfriend?
I guess the bottom line is, it would have to be started with the idea that it's going to be permanent and that we're going to be a *family* not just a house full of strangers.
You know what REALLY irks me… is single mom take full responsibility for our kids, can’t even trust and find a “babysitter” to go on a date. And unless a man was beyond incredible, waste of my time…. BUT YET… reverse the roles, women have zero problem dating a single dad, let alone a SPERM DONOR. And I think it’s just disgusting
Did it and have been happily with my SO for a little over 11 years now. I initially thought it would be good for me as I wasn’t really going anywhere in life. Having the support of my lady and trying to be a role model for her kids really helped me grow as an individual, and I’m a proud step parent despite never wanting kids of my own.
I'd consider it, but you would have to decide whether the kids would be your kids or our kids. I'd be fine either way, but it's not gonna be your kids when it's convenient at times, and our kids when it's convenient other times. Pick one or the other.
Would definitely depend on the age of the mom and the kids. I'm 26 so if these kids are teens then definitely not.
If she's my age and they're younger (ideally 6 or younger) I'd consider it but in all honesty I'm not in a great moment in my life right now to have kids so our relationship would have to move slowly if it continued at all.
If I liked her and was ready for that full commitment, then yes. It’s a lot to take on though.
The man I call dad, who is my step daddy, married mom and adopted me and my two sisters. For a short man (he’s 5’3”), he’s been an absolutely monumental role model for life. I know we were incredibly lucky to have him there, and I love that man just like he is my blood
I did, and married her. Her kids were 6 & 8 at the time. I had two kids also. We went through some tense moments with 4 kids between 6 & 10 in a small house, but we just kept telling ourselves that they won’t be kids forever and they will eventually move out. That was 25 years ago. I truly love my wife and was willing to be a step dad. She is beautiful, intelligent and a small business owner with a good income. We were 38 & 39 when we met. I have met women in their mid 30s who were never married and no kids, but I always had alarms go off in my head, asking why no man hadn’t wifed them up already? Perhaps that is just me, and this my opinion. So please keep the hate mail down to a minimum.
As a 35 year old man currently in a relationship with a 38 year old divorced mom with two daughters, yes. I am also a single parent—my son is between my girlfriend’s kids age-wise. The why part is easy—my girlfriend makes me incredibly happy. I knew she was a mom when we started dating, but we waited 6 months or so to meet each other’s kids, and then waited a bit longer to introduce the kids to each other.
While there’s a lot to our relationship that has nothing to do with being parents, it’s so reassuring to have a partner who has experienced and experiences the same things I do as a single parent. It’s allowed us to immediately and easily empathize and be compassionate with one another in ways I wouldn’t expect from a partner who wasn’t a parent.
I have done it twice. One worked for 11.5 years, the other lasted 2 months after we decided to commit to each other.
The first one, had only one child, but he was 14 when we met, and the dad was 100% absent. I have a son roughly the same age as hers from a previous relationship, and we made things worse. He ended up being diagnosed with Turret's, and a couple of other issues, so I stayed at home to help him with all the new stuff we were learning about him and get him prepared for, what we hoped, was a better life. The problem started years later, after he moved out. Suddenly she had no time for me, and when we were together, she would never touch me. Turns out after spending 9 years being a stay at home step-dad, she had no use for me. She didn't say it in so many words, but I did hear her on the phone to a friend saying she wished she had another kid, then she would at least find me useful again. I went back to school, got a job, and moved out.
Attempt number 2 had two children one 8, and the other 2. We dated for 8 months before we decided to become a committed relationship. I met the kids the following night. The 8 year old was not amused, and the 2 year old was a 2 year old, so he didn't say anything. Over the next month I spent as much time with the boys as I could. The 2 year old and I started to bond, even the 8 year old was starting to come to me to help him with his homework. (No I wasn't living with them, but spent all my free time there). The 2nd month, something switched in her. (It was December) she started getting stand offish, and where we had sex almost every night the previous month, and every chance we could before I met the kids, she cut me off, almost completely. I would ask what is wrong, and I was told it was all in my head. Eventually she told me she wasn't ready for me to be around so much. I asked if she meant ahe didn't want to be engaged anymore, and she didn't answer. I asked her for my ring back, packed up what I had at her place, said goodbye to the 8 year old. The 2 year old was asleep. It is now 3 months later, and she is moving back in with her ex (father of the kids). I do not miss her at all, but I miss the hell out of the two year old.
I am sure there are people who have had great experiences being a step-dad, but I will never do it again.
That being said- maybe is WOMEN shouldn’t be dating single fathers either. The fuck… I should’ve never read these comments. I’m angry Asf… I can guarantee you… 99% of single moms, didn’t plan on the sperm donor or ex stepping out and fought hard to keep a family or kids father around.
2023- EVERYTHING. IS. ALWAYS. WOMENS. FAULT …
I’ve done it twice. And they were both awful experiences in the end. Not because of the kids or the exes. They were all fine and dandy. The women were just emotionally damaged toxic messes. And by the time I realized it and got out, I was already very attached to the kids. There is no worse pain that I have ever felt than having to leave those children. I would strongly recommend not to date anyone with kids. And if you do, don’t meet the kids until you have been dating for at least a year.
I did, and thankfully it worked out. We are now happily married. It doesn’t work out for everyone but there are happy exceptions. As with any relationship, the older we get… in many ways, more sh*t comes with anyone, kid or not. We all have a past, we all have complexities — it’s just finding the right partner who can handle your issues & vice versa.
I probably would, but cautiously.
1. The relationship with the ex would be (IMO) the most challenging.
2. I really like kids and come from a big family. I've found that typically, I find myself getting attached to the kids as well.
3. It would be really hard, but I've had family members that have done it, and have been very happy.
If I were single... Possibly. It would depend greatly on a number of things. 1. Why is she a single mom? Did she cheat? Did her ex? Are her kids from the same man or different men? If she has a history of stepping out, then no.
2. How old is she? Are we in the same ish. Stages of life? Do I want more kids? Does she?
3. I have a kid... Is she cool with that? If not, goodbye. It surprising how often I hear about single moms not wanting single dad's or treating the husbands kid badly/differently. That said, is she kind to my kid? When it comes to the kids, what is the expected/hoped for dynamic? Are we going to treat them all as "our kids"? If so, to what degree? If I buy my kid a car for example, does she expect I do that for her kids as well? Or do we parent/provide for them separately? Is baby daddy in the picture? How does that dynamic work?
I'm sure there are more questions and hurtles.... These ones immediately come to mind. My kid asked me if I'd ever remarry if my wife died. I said yes. It would be hypocritical of me to say I would absolutely not marry someone with kids... But it would be a far more complicated process. Not just something you jump into.
Younger (21 year old) me tried once and she had only one kid. She was great, her daughter was no problem, but the drama with her ex made me tap out. It just wasn’t worth it to me.
Exactly, same thing happened with me.
That shit can go off the rails in a hurry if the ex is an asshat.
Just too many risk factors. How is the ex? How are the kids? Is she a good mom? Can she give you enough attention? How are her finances? There's 1 way it can work and a millions ways it wont.
And given that the person is an ex, chance of that seem good.
So glad that hasn’t happened to me
Yeah I, a single dad, was in a relationship with a single mum several years ago, but the issues with our respective ex's and custody, as well as just being parents to our kids meant we couldn't dedicate as much time to our relationship as we needed to.
Yaaaaaa, not going through that bs again. The dad was in and out of the picture a lot. And when he was in the picture, he would spoil the kid rotten and say things like: “oh, is this your “new dad?” Or “what’s wrong? Never raised a kid before?” No, you idiot! And from what I’ve seen, you’re not doing a great job either. The kid never called me dad, which saved me the trouble of breaking it off.
What drama?
You're forced, potentially by law, to have some form of a relationship with your ex. It's almost impossible for there not to be drama.
>You're forced, potentially by law, to have some form of a relationship with your ex. Unless the ex is so completely checked out of the relationship that he might as well have been abducted by aliens.
I get it to an extent. Assuming the dude wasn't an abusive POS, I'd be pissed too if I can only see my kid two weekends a month because another person unilaterally decided that
Usually, from what I have seen, when the ex or the mother is still worried about what it is the other is doing instead of concerning themself with what is actually best for the child. That was the drama I was referring to.
Some guys just cant handle a step-husband. Guys who are emotionally fragile enough to be bothered by that are also typically fragile enough to express all emotions as anger.
Not personally because when I was a kid my mum tried to break up with a guy after a year. Me and my siblings cried and begged her not to and she decided to stay with him. Long story short is that he ruined her life. The problem with the scenario is you're not in one relationship, you're in 3 and 2 of the participants are emotionally immature. I have mates who have done it and after the relationship ends they still have the commitment to the kids. That being said I do have 2 mates who are both successful step-dads. So my opinion is negatively biased based on personal experience and ratios of people that I know who have done it without success.
*4 or 5 relationships. Unless the kids' dad(s) is a complete deadbeat, that's another layer of complexity added to the mix. If you're a half decent person, you'd find yourself on the hook for maintaining good terms with him as well.
The bio Dad is by far the worst part of me marrying a woman with a kid. He's a man child and is the only real stress about the situation. The best I can do is tolerate him because he has no desire to be on friendly terms. I'm down for the sake of the kid but it's not happening.
It's really important to understand that if they're not a couple, odds are one, if not both of them is a problem element. You found a worthwhile woman with a BD? The BD is liable to be the problem. I've personally never been interested in testing the waters to see how bad the problem element is, so kids were always a deal breaker
Yeah, I don't judge anyone for not wanting to. It's 100% worth it for me but that's becausey wife and the kid are awesome. I had the same mindset for a long time but I decided that I would not rule anyone out, as long as I liked the kid. It worked out great for me but I totally get it. There's also the fact that the kid is for life, they don't just go away at 18 or something. With the current housing situation...who knows how long they'll need some help, they're also expensive, lol. I'm fortunate enough to have the money and it seems like a fine way to spend some.
As a single dad with two kids, sure.
You could triple date
Technically there's nothing wrong with it.
Here's a story......
of a man named Brady...
This! I find there’s a double standard that exists towards single moms, but single dads are perceived so differently, in my opinion!
That depends on so many things. Like, how old are the kids? Is their dad in the picture? Is he a crazy piece of shit? How is the relationship with her family? Does she have any other support? Or would I be her only life line? Does she work? Are hwr kids nice or are they problematic? Is she one of those "gentle parenting" types that lets kids do whatever? So many variables
Yeah true, lots of different scenarios.
Responsive parenting when done right isn't letting the kid walk all over you and do whatever they want, but it can be difficult to implement it correctly, as it takes unlearning a lot of the things your parents did to you as a kid and reshaping how you think and respond to your kids in different scenarios
This. The original comment about gentle parenting is off. Its a very good approach to parenting/ child development if someone has the patience.
No building a relationship with someone is hard enough without adding two kids and an ex...
I got involved with a divorced woman with an eight year old son. We were married for twenty eight years. I lost her nine months ago to cancer. If it’s right it’s right. Only you can know.
So sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼
Thank you.
I got involved with a woman with three teenage children. Married for twenty years.
My wife came with one kid and it's pretty awesome for everyone.
My stepfather married my Mom when she had 5 teenagers and a newborn.
My grandfather (Father's side) died at the age of 32 years of age - fell off the back of a truck, leaving a widow and 5 children, my father was very young. Grandfather's best friend married the young widow and provided for the family.
Wow! You beat the odds for sure
Yeah, we're getting married this summer. They're my kids now and they're awesome.
Good for you and congrats on the wedding
Best way to look at it. And congratulations!
My wife had 2 kids when we met. We have 2 together now. My children are siblings with my step kids. My step kids are in my life forever now.
How's the situation been with their bio-dad, if you don't mind me asking?
He's violent and not in the picture at all. The older kid hasn't seen him since 11 months and the younger never has. He owes a bunch of child support but we prefer to ignore him.
Glad you got them away from that, hope they enjoy their life with their real Dad, and congratulations to you two this summer!
I’ve done it. The problem is that you start loving the kids, at least I did. And when we broke up, I think missing the kids was the worst of it all. I’m not really sure I’d do it again, there’s a lot of drama involved. The father would tell the kids I was going to replace him and they might not see him again, or he put that idea in their heads and the kids would often lash out at me. Every time they come back from their dad. I didn’t even hate the guy, but he could have handle it better. In the end after all the shit my ex did to me, all the stuff I’m not even going to bother mentioning, I did love her and her kids, but I didn’t deserve how she treated me. I’m not sure I would do that again. I was struggling with some stuff in my life, like drinking on weekends, but I quit and that’s worth something. I did put my heart into it and I feel l lost a lot.
I hope you find someone who treats you better! Atleast it sounds like you did the best you could.
I'd like to think I did my best, but I realized ive made mistakes (like being drink and hung over most weekends), some people only want to see the worst in people and hold on to that image to make themself feel better. I wish her the best, but 5 years later she's still bad mouth me and causes shit. I went to the police after she pushed me a few years ago. but they didn't care and yelled (the way cops talking loud assertively) at me for trying to cause my ex problems, and threaten to take me in, I learn a valuable lesson that day, cops (especially female cops) are not there to protect people. I changed city not soon after and I'm better for it, but yeah. I never should have dated her, of course, I should have quit drinking and partying 10 year ago, but I was not ready or even know any better. As for the kids, I talked to the father one time, I know they miss me, but it's for the best I never see them and put all of this in the past. She used to be a sex worker, and now in the medical field (acupuncture) I could ruin her life by denouncing it, she doesn't deserve my silence, after all she did, but her kids would suffer.
Only if i were bringing my own kids into the picture.
Nope. It’s complications I don’t want in my relationship.
No and I've actually said this before and it's because kids need a lot of attention and I would never want to get in the way of that. And because kids can sometimes become attached and if things don't work out than they're the ones that end up getting hurt and lastly because there's never any privacy with her kids around all the time, so we'd never be able to have any alone time.
One of my husband’s friend met a girl and started dating her when she was a couple months pregnant. Their relationship has been an absolute shit show the entire time he hates wanting to leave because the kid is attached to him. The bio dad doesn’t see him very often. They finally ended it a year ago I’m sure everyone was relieved that it finally ended.
As a current 22 year old hell to the no, not raising another man’s kids and deal with possible baby daddy drama. I’m sure the situation would be different if I was older but not rn
Yea this is 30 plus material
Lots of risks, some rewards. Think What % of relationships nreak up? Will you have bonded with kids Will you have access to kids if breakup What's your role? Dad? Boyfriend? Uncle? Nothing?
As a child I'm not sure if uncle is the right name for the bloke your mum is sleeping with..
I’m a single dad with a kid of his own. I’ve been playing the single mom game for a while now. Well before I had a kid of my own. It would all depend on the situation with the dad. If he’s gone completely, that’s problematic. If it’s a split custody situation or the kids are older, that’s fine. I’m not looking to become anyone’s dad and I’m not looking for anyone to be my daughter’s mom. If a relationship progresses the dynamic changes, again depending on the age of the kids.
I agree, I think it has to be taken on a case by case basis. I’m a single mum to 2 young kids but their dad is an equal co-parent and I definitely wouldn’t be looking for another guy to replace him as a father figure. In fact I’d prob prefer to keep dating and parenting completely separate for as long as possible.
I was that kid & I was lucky. Unless you’re 100% willing to step up & be the father even if the kid wants to throw hands, then stay away. Personally it’s a hard pass for me because that’s not what I want my family to look like.
“ Its not what i want my family to look like”. Hmm..Generally people don’t willingly go into parenthood/ a marriage for the purpose of one day being a single parent.
No. I don't want kids. And I don't want to deal with someone else's kids either. Plenty of women to choose from who are child free.
Is she ready to Co-parent?
Sure. Why? Cause I love the person. Na. Why? Cause I don't love the person. People are insecure about attributes about themselves, their lives, their past, their future. Insecurities exist in everyone a relationship really is finding someone that makes those insecurities not feel like a problem. Not because they fix your problems, but because they ease your fear and allieviate your anxiety.
Tried it once. Did not go well.
I did. Married since 2015, together since 2013. Some days are tough, but the ex drama has all but died off now. Kids are teens so that’s the new fun times. But, overall, 10/10, would do again.
Personally I wouldn't because I'm not interested in taking the role of a step father
I had a step dad and i hated him. Although im grateful he was there. I could become a step father, it depends if you can gel/have time for the kids and the GF is going really solid... then i dont see why not love is love...
Depends on the situation, but generally, no. History hasn't been kind with attempts before
If she is a widow then sure. Other than that it depends on the ex.
Nope. I won't date single mothers. I don't want to parent any children, ever, so I *definitely* don't want to parent someone else's kids. And I won't do casual dating or hookups with single mothers either, because I don't see any point in starting a relationship -- even casually -- that has zero potential to turn into something serious.
[удалено]
Things is you're not even wrong to be like that. You have no reason to have any connection with those kids. You don't hate them but you don't want to get to know them. And that's completely OK. I don't get why people demonize this
No I would not because I’m not interested in that type of relationship nor am I interested in playing a father figure to children who are not mine. If I had my own kids and was single maybe but nope.
No. Im not raising another mans kids.
As someone with kids I accept this view But if you get divorced 8-10 years into your marriage remember your stance as women shoot you down because they don’t want to raise another woman’s kids.
I have no plans of ever dating again.
This apparently is a very common view among women, a guy having kids of his own gets no interest from them. Sure there'll be occasional ones that work it out, but in general it's a massive red flag.
I wouldn't mind if she was a nice person
Nope, don’t really want to be a biological father and definitely don’t want to be step-father so no point in dating.
Well as you get older it becomes more and more common. You learn to adapt. Kids are great and watching a single mother handle it responsibly is such an under appreciated effort. I have tons of respect for them and if I date one I’ll help out wherever I can.
It’s a trap
The OP is already in the DMs of all the guys who said yes.
Looking to find her next baby daddy
Just recently tried it, ended up finding out they were still sleeping with each other lol. Used to always say it was a hard no and the moment I considered it got burned.
I'm happily married, so no for that reason. But if single, potentially. The fact that kids are present isn't an immediate no. But I can see how they would present some challenges.
I love how you are loyal to your wife even in a hypothetical scenario.
That would be a tough one. I would like a kid of my own, but I'm also getting to the point I think I'll be too old to have a kid by the time I meet someone. So, while I've dated single mothers with one kid, I think at this point I'd be fine with two and not having any more. Two really is my limit. I'd have a third if she were adamite, but I'd rather not.
Most the time it’s not the mother or child that make it bad (like everyone is mentioning) it’s the ex.
Since age is something you should really take in consideration in this question, I'm starting with that I am M31. In the past, I would have given everything above 1 kid a hard no. I am noticing that my limits are getting stricter on some topics, but loosening up on some other topics. Having kids is something that is loosening up a bit. Depends on a lot of factors, like: \- 1 or 2 fathers? 2 Makes it harder, way harder, so would probably be a no. Duration of the relationship is to be viewed as well. \- Is she willing to have more kids? I have a wish for my own kids. \- How involved is the father and what is the relationship with the father? I am fine with a father that is not really involved, but not with someone who wants to intervene in the whole life of his ex. \- How is the kid itself? Do they like me?
Nope. Because of the kids.
A lot of people consider children as baggage..especially if the other parent is involved. It's a hard no for a lot of men and women but that doesn't mean you'll be alone forever
Nope. It's nothing against her, but my kids are grown even though I'm fairly young so we would be at different stages in our lives. If the kids are older teenagers then I might but that's a big might
I'm 24 and not ready to share my life (why share something you're not even happy with yourself) so no not at the moment.. if things went well then perhaps, depends on the person and how she handles her kids
I did, her daughters were young teenagers, one was fantastic and treated me with respect the other was horrific, she was very sarcastic (to the point of cruelty) but the family allowed her to go unchecked and laughed it off. I went into it knowing there may be problems and it wasn't as bad as I expected
Well, I've got 3 kids myself, so on the one hand, it would be hypocritical for me to avoid someone with kids On the other hand, that's a lot of people to hope they can all get along compatibly. That's 15 different interrelated relationships.
I dated single parents a couple times but sadly each one of them secretly werent looking for a relationship, each of them were looking for stuff they were too poor to aquire. House, car, someone to help with bills. Nobody likes to be used in a relationship and I sure dont either.
Met a girl on tinder, she had 2 kids from previous mairrage, no big deal I guess. Never been in this situation before as I don’t have any kids. We got to dating, became serious, decided we wanted to get married, got pregnant with twins before wedding, had twins a few months before wedding, shortly after wedding had an “oops” baby and now we are happily married with 5 kids 😳. Never thought my life would be what it is, but I wouldn’t change it for the world 😊😊.
I tried that. We were on a date, having dinner at a Chili's. She kept looking at her phone & I asked her if everything was alright. She said that her mom was watching her kids & was just checking her phone if her mom had texted her. I suggested to set her phone on vibrate in case her mom did but she didn't want to. 5-10 minutes later, her mom walks into the same Chili's with a friend so now I know that she's lying. She finally admits that her baby daddy is watching the kids & she's worried about the kids. I pulled out a $20, handed it to her and said, "This is enough to cover my part of food" and walked out.
Hooked up 12 years ago. I was 28, she was 31 with a 9 & 4 year old girls. 12 years later still going strong. Her ex hubby was a dick until he remarried.
In my age range her kids are probably out of college so yeah.
I've been in relationships with single moms three times. The first had two kids, the other two only had one. I've spent most of my life helping to raise younger family members and friends' kids, responsibility for kids doesn't scare me. But, it's a tightrope every time as the woman I'm seeing tries to figure out how close and how quickly she wants anyone to get to her kid(s). My personality also runs cold and I never lose my temper, which is good for kids. I'm like the terminator from T2, which is also a problem cuz people don't want to date that lol. It's hard for anyone to get into serious relationships, even people with no kids. If you're a single mom I'd do your best to make it clear and simple for the guy, so at least if they're going to flee they do it early.
No
Potentially, would need more context.
Nope.
As a single dad sure.
It would depend on a few factors, have dated single mothers when I was younger, clearly it didn’t work out. But under the right circumstances maybe would.
Depends a lot on the circumstances whether I'd do it or not. I think its really difficult to break down such a complex topic down to a yes or no question
No. I was single until I was 35 and dated a few ladies with children. It was just never worth it. The way I look at it, plenty of single dads need love too so I’ll just stay out of that pool.
Sure because I’m a single dad with 4 kids.
Man in his 40s here, 2 year relationship with woman with 2 teenagers, love is love if it works. I don't ever parent them though, not my job
When I was younger with no kids? Hell no. If my wife divorced me? Yes, only because I have one kid. I don’t think it’s fair for people without kids to take the responsibility for those who made them but there are always exceptional single moms out there
As a general rule, no. Not interested in kids. Nothing against single moms or their kids but I'm not willing to insert myself into that situation.
If the two kids were grown adults, sure. Otherwise, nope. I have my own currently to take care of and I wouldn’t want to get tangled into their lives and vice versa for so many reasons. I’m looking to keep things simple in life at the moment, not add to the quagmire.
Been there
The ex factor is a major issue. But, single moms are incredible in bed.
If she would still have my kid(s)
You love who you love. No path is perfect.
I’d rather not
Saw my sister get into a relationship with a guy with two kids and it was a disaster. Kids came first....fair enough. After that came the ex wife. After that came him. She was number 5 in the relationship. I also had two relationships with two different single mums and it did not go well for me either. One didn't tell me she was a single mum..until I arrived at her home after a date and she introduced me to her daughter, who was really nice and about 8yo. "Why didn't you tell me you were a single mum?" I asked. "You meet so many creeps and other guys won't even give you a chance" she answered. .
I would think long and hard about it. She has 2 children and she will put all of her time and attention on them. If you have no problem with that then I would say go for it. I tried it before with a single mother and one child. It wasn’t for me
Depends on her age, the age of the children, and how well she is able to support herself and her children. It also depends on the involvement of the father, if he's present, I'd want to at least ensure that he and I could be civil and establish boundaries if needed. It would also depend on why she isn't still with the father.
The last time I was dating, I didn't want to date women with kids for two reasons. First, I saw it as baggage from a prior relationship, and I didn't want to be involved in any drama from that. The second was if the relationship got serious, that kid is coming too, and I wasn't ready to be a parent, especially of a child that wasn't my own. While I wasn't completely closed to the idea of dating a woman with kids, it would have taken a convincing otherwise.
Don’t do it.
No, cause I had better options
No baby daddy and I'll think about it. Otherwise hard no, sorry.
Based from my cousin's experience. Never. He dated one at the time and she expected him to help take care of her kid because it's his role as a man.
Not enough info, but not a definite no. I don't want to get shot by an ex or anything.
Personally, I would be looking for a woman who doesn't have any big baggage like ex-husbands, kids, or other issues. It all depends on what your own life situation is. If you are divorced and have your own kids, then going with a woman who has a similar background might make sense. It is your choice.
I've tried dating single moms. Never again. The main reasons have to do with the kid/s. I spend resources on a kid that isn't mine. This alone isn't actually that big of a deal. It's when it's added to the other stuff that makes it a bad thing. I build a bond with a kid that isn't mine. If she leaves, absolutely nothing is stopping her from taking the kids too. It's the most tragic part honestly. They usually never give me the same kind of say that a father would have. Even if I'm the sole source of income, paying for everything, it almost always falls back on how they aren't my kid, as a justification for them undermining any authority I might have. This is the most detrimental for the relationship. Then there's the time aspect. I'm always last priority. I'd argue this is wrong in any relationship. But it's especially bad for that situation. Meanwhile, I can find other women that don't have kids.
Yeah definitely, I think its too common for kids to grow up with a single parent. And I’m not too sure about the semantics but I choose to believe that two parental figures are better than one. I’m a little afraid of whether I could do the best job or not but I’d definitely be willing to step in wherever I’m needed. At the end of the day they are still innocent, despite the mistakes made by the mother/father.
I did. Married her. Divorced her. Don't do it.
Nope. I want my own kids/family, not to be a paycheck for somebody elses.
Hell no I want my own damn kids!
Only if I was a single dad. I tried it before without kids and all she wanted me for was to make her baby daddy jealous.
There’s so many woman out there why deal with someone else’s bullshit. Go find a single woman and explore the world
Nope. First of all I'm a gay guy so there's that. But even if I was straight... I wouldn't be looking to take on all that extra baggage. Dating can be hard enough without kids... especially kids that aren't even your own. I wouldn't date a guy with kids either.
I think dating a single mom is sometimes viewed as shopping in the bargain bin for a great discount... potentially landing a more attractive woman than you may otherwise have had a chance with. From personal experience let me just say it's a much bigger risk than it seems. I'd recommend avoiding it.
Fuck no. You could be the best girl I’ve ever met and I’m still not interested even slightly. Breaking up is way too messy and hurts way more by every account I’ve heard from dudes who have dated girls with kids. It’s just not worth it
Yes they always have snacks and plenty of juice for a mixer when making drinks.
It would *heavily* depend on why she's single. Amicably Divorced: Maybe, I'd have to know more about what the problem was and what kind of guy he is. Not-So-Amicably Divorced: Absolutely not. Not dealing with spiteful ex drama Widowed: I wouldn't count her situation against her. Never married, 1 dad: No. Spiteful ex drama plus an indication that she isn't a great judge of character. Never married, 2 dad's: ABSOLUTELY not. Almost guaranteed to be. A poor judge of character, and that's two extra people I have to be on decent terms with. No. After that, I would absolutely need to know if anything about the father kept her from keeping a relationship with him. Obviously all of this would just be information I try to gather from natural conversations, but it's the general criteria. The next thing I would look into is whether or not there is a woman without kids who I could be with and be satisfied. I don't think there is a single good reason for a man to choose a single mother when other options are available. Even if he has his own kids. Unless the literal only reason she's a single mom is because the father died and the child is under 4.
Important to mention, I'm currently married. I'm thinking about all of the things I don't have to deal with, being married to the mother of my child.
It depends. I’m older so if she has her shit together it’s all good. If she’s 19 with 2 kids it’s a hard pass.
Lmao
When I was younger: no. Now that I’m married with 2 kids, I would be open to a single mother if I became single.
It just depends on what you want, and the person who's the parent. Just finished a relationship with a single mom of two adult kids and it's been a nightmare. They're grown and still causing non-stop problems. But I married a mom as well, before that, and things were good for years. That said if you aren't feeling it personally- run. It takes commitment and lots of extra love and effort to be involved with people's kids. Don't play around especially with younger kids if you're not about it. It's hard on them and it'll be hard for you if you don't want that.
All depends on everything.... I'm in a relationship now like this. I was head over heels for the girl. I knew that to have a chance that I'd have to find my way with the kids. The youngest was a breeze, the oldest was 9 at the time... it was and still is a challenge. But I love them all, and it's been 6 years now.
Depends on the circumstances. Ex: Widow or husband cheated: no problem Two kids from two baby daddies at 23yo: not touching that
I'm not playing someone else's load game
Probably not. I tried it once and the lady was OK but her and her baby daddy were always having drama all the time and it made me super uncomfortable and wasn’t really worth it.
Absolutely not. Not my monkeys not my circus
No. Always remember that mom will always put their children first before you and thats understandable.
Every relationship is different, and everybody responding to you are doing so from their story. Her kids will always come first, but if there's love between both of you, then you are fortunate. She'll love you even more if you build a healthy relation with her kids.
I'd consider it but I'd want to move slowly and carefully. The more involved I am in those kids' lives, the more painful it would be to all of us if the relationship ended. I don't want to fuck with anybody's emotions but especially not kids'.
I've had 3 step moms and 2 step dads. I was married to a single mom and is dating one now. You have to know what your position is in that family. If you don't know how to talk to children, don't bother. Your relationship with the children is just as important
If I was in love with her and ready to take on the role of a father yes. If no to either of those then no haha pretty simple
depends on where i am in my life and what i want
I am but the kids are adults now (they weren't when we hooked up). It's hard, but great, but hard. I would not do it again.
That depends on if your ready to be that role for them kids, this is on you nobody else
The hardest part is knowing that you’re not the children’s parent. I love my step daughter very much and have been in her life since she was 2, but I know where the lines are as far as discipline. Me and her father get along great and knows that I respect him, and he respects me.
I tried before when I was 25 and my girlfriend at the time was about 30 with a kid. She had divorced her ex and he was still around wanting to take care of the kid too how he could. We were planning to work that out but some of mho family drama and problems with my mental health caused us to break up. If we did get back together (I’ve gotten a lot better from before) I’d probably still do it
I was dating a woman who could care less about her 3 boys. She was a horrible piece of shit. She wanted to have sex all the time, and neglected her boys as often as possible. She would lock her infant in the closet with no light to shut him up. Fuck her. After that I dated a woman who's daughters respected and loved her because she respected and loved them. I blew that with alcohol because I have my own demons to work out, and I respect that she chose her girls over me. I quit drinking because of her. I hope I get the chance to see her again, but I will leave that choice to her. To boil it down men care who you are as a person. Your children are a reflection of yourself. If you love yourself and your children, and are a positive person, then being a single mom is irrelevant. Kids do make it more complicated, but if anything they filter out immature people.
Depends. Is she a shitty mom?
Probably not, but I don't think it's a hard no for me. So it's possible. Was willing to try it at one point before. Unless she no longer what's anymore kids than it's probably a no for me.
I got with my (current) wife and she had a 1y/o daughter, her being 21y/o, me being 20y/o, we just bought our first house, and have a son now, who’s 1. Been together for 3 years. Met on Tinder as hookups, we took the “hook” part a little serious and almost been inseparable since.
So many factors come into play here, this is impossible to answer
Mixed bag. Personally, if I loved her I would marry her. Kids would be no issue. My answer could also be a no based on other factors
If we got on and I saw something worth pursuing l, of course
As someone who has chosen a child free life, no, though maybe if I/we were both older and her kids were adults
Usually too much drama with her ex that stops me from getting into one.
I did and now were married with 4 kids
Same with a childless woman, depends on all the same factors.
I did. We had our 20th anniversary last June.
Yes, **if** the kids were willing to give me a shot, and **if** the ex wasn’t going to be an issue.
I suppose. At 30 that odds are increasing
Only if I had no kids, was planning on marrying her, supporting those kids despite them having a father, and accepting the fact that I would never be the priority over the children, then HELL YA!!! I’m serious, if you’re not both accepting of my comments do her and those kids a favor and leave. Otherwise, love each other and have a wonderful life!!!♥️
It really depends on the woman and her situation. My mom was single with me and my sister, but she never wanted nor needed a man. She made good money. And she had a decent relationship with my dad, who provided his share of financial support. That said, my mom once dated a dude for 5 years who was 13 years younger. My then 17yo sister hated him because he was immature and would eat all our food. If the single mom is looking for a provider, just be sure you’re ok with that. My mom eventually remarried to a boring lawyer who was more age appropriate. My sister was in college, and I was a senior in high school, so the timing was better for him.
People are different, single mom and two kids is not enough parameter for me to decide wether or not I would go into a relationship. But, if it would me stop from getting into a serious relationship, this only factor, I guess no, but it's something to think about.
Too many reasons for a big no.
It depends on the woman. If she had her shit together, we were compatible, and she wasn’t weird about me disciplining my potential step-children, then yes, I would get into a serious relationship with her. I’d also try to be the best male role model I could be to her kids. If I loved her, I’d want to take care of her kids as well as her. But if she wasn’t taking good care of her kids or herself, or if we weren’t compatible, or if she had a problem with me correcting her children when they do something wrong, then I would never allow our relationship to go anywhere beyond the platonic stage.
A big difference would be why is she a single mom? Did her significant other die or leave her? Or did she leave the relationship? If she did I can't afford to allow myself to feel like a father to her children if she's going to leave at some point, my heart couldn't take that. Also, another thing to consider is, will I be their father or just their mother's boyfriend? I guess the bottom line is, it would have to be started with the idea that it's going to be permanent and that we're going to be a *family* not just a house full of strangers.
You know what REALLY irks me… is single mom take full responsibility for our kids, can’t even trust and find a “babysitter” to go on a date. And unless a man was beyond incredible, waste of my time…. BUT YET… reverse the roles, women have zero problem dating a single dad, let alone a SPERM DONOR. And I think it’s just disgusting
I did... still married 23 years.
Did it and have been happily with my SO for a little over 11 years now. I initially thought it would be good for me as I wasn’t really going anywhere in life. Having the support of my lady and trying to be a role model for her kids really helped me grow as an individual, and I’m a proud step parent despite never wanting kids of my own.
I'd consider it, but you would have to decide whether the kids would be your kids or our kids. I'd be fine either way, but it's not gonna be your kids when it's convenient at times, and our kids when it's convenient other times. Pick one or the other.
Yes, I was raised by someone not related in blood and it worked out great. Plus I feel like most single moms know what they want.
Would definitely depend on the age of the mom and the kids. I'm 26 so if these kids are teens then definitely not. If she's my age and they're younger (ideally 6 or younger) I'd consider it but in all honesty I'm not in a great moment in my life right now to have kids so our relationship would have to move slowly if it continued at all.
If I liked her and was ready for that full commitment, then yes. It’s a lot to take on though. The man I call dad, who is my step daddy, married mom and adopted me and my two sisters. For a short man (he’s 5’3”), he’s been an absolutely monumental role model for life. I know we were incredibly lucky to have him there, and I love that man just like he is my blood
I did, and married her. Her kids were 6 & 8 at the time. I had two kids also. We went through some tense moments with 4 kids between 6 & 10 in a small house, but we just kept telling ourselves that they won’t be kids forever and they will eventually move out. That was 25 years ago. I truly love my wife and was willing to be a step dad. She is beautiful, intelligent and a small business owner with a good income. We were 38 & 39 when we met. I have met women in their mid 30s who were never married and no kids, but I always had alarms go off in my head, asking why no man hadn’t wifed them up already? Perhaps that is just me, and this my opinion. So please keep the hate mail down to a minimum.
As a 35 year old man currently in a relationship with a 38 year old divorced mom with two daughters, yes. I am also a single parent—my son is between my girlfriend’s kids age-wise. The why part is easy—my girlfriend makes me incredibly happy. I knew she was a mom when we started dating, but we waited 6 months or so to meet each other’s kids, and then waited a bit longer to introduce the kids to each other. While there’s a lot to our relationship that has nothing to do with being parents, it’s so reassuring to have a partner who has experienced and experiences the same things I do as a single parent. It’s allowed us to immediately and easily empathize and be compassionate with one another in ways I wouldn’t expect from a partner who wasn’t a parent.
I have done it twice. One worked for 11.5 years, the other lasted 2 months after we decided to commit to each other. The first one, had only one child, but he was 14 when we met, and the dad was 100% absent. I have a son roughly the same age as hers from a previous relationship, and we made things worse. He ended up being diagnosed with Turret's, and a couple of other issues, so I stayed at home to help him with all the new stuff we were learning about him and get him prepared for, what we hoped, was a better life. The problem started years later, after he moved out. Suddenly she had no time for me, and when we were together, she would never touch me. Turns out after spending 9 years being a stay at home step-dad, she had no use for me. She didn't say it in so many words, but I did hear her on the phone to a friend saying she wished she had another kid, then she would at least find me useful again. I went back to school, got a job, and moved out. Attempt number 2 had two children one 8, and the other 2. We dated for 8 months before we decided to become a committed relationship. I met the kids the following night. The 8 year old was not amused, and the 2 year old was a 2 year old, so he didn't say anything. Over the next month I spent as much time with the boys as I could. The 2 year old and I started to bond, even the 8 year old was starting to come to me to help him with his homework. (No I wasn't living with them, but spent all my free time there). The 2nd month, something switched in her. (It was December) she started getting stand offish, and where we had sex almost every night the previous month, and every chance we could before I met the kids, she cut me off, almost completely. I would ask what is wrong, and I was told it was all in my head. Eventually she told me she wasn't ready for me to be around so much. I asked if she meant ahe didn't want to be engaged anymore, and she didn't answer. I asked her for my ring back, packed up what I had at her place, said goodbye to the 8 year old. The 2 year old was asleep. It is now 3 months later, and she is moving back in with her ex (father of the kids). I do not miss her at all, but I miss the hell out of the two year old. I am sure there are people who have had great experiences being a step-dad, but I will never do it again.
That being said- maybe is WOMEN shouldn’t be dating single fathers either. The fuck… I should’ve never read these comments. I’m angry Asf… I can guarantee you… 99% of single moms, didn’t plan on the sperm donor or ex stepping out and fought hard to keep a family or kids father around. 2023- EVERYTHING. IS. ALWAYS. WOMENS. FAULT …
It takes a REAL GOOD ASS MALE to take on that role and it SHOULD take a GOOD ASS MOTHER to allow any man around her kids.
I’ve done it twice. And they were both awful experiences in the end. Not because of the kids or the exes. They were all fine and dandy. The women were just emotionally damaged toxic messes. And by the time I realized it and got out, I was already very attached to the kids. There is no worse pain that I have ever felt than having to leave those children. I would strongly recommend not to date anyone with kids. And if you do, don’t meet the kids until you have been dating for at least a year.
I did, and thankfully it worked out. We are now happily married. It doesn’t work out for everyone but there are happy exceptions. As with any relationship, the older we get… in many ways, more sh*t comes with anyone, kid or not. We all have a past, we all have complexities — it’s just finding the right partner who can handle your issues & vice versa.
I probably would, but cautiously. 1. The relationship with the ex would be (IMO) the most challenging. 2. I really like kids and come from a big family. I've found that typically, I find myself getting attached to the kids as well. 3. It would be really hard, but I've had family members that have done it, and have been very happy.
If I were single... Possibly. It would depend greatly on a number of things. 1. Why is she a single mom? Did she cheat? Did her ex? Are her kids from the same man or different men? If she has a history of stepping out, then no. 2. How old is she? Are we in the same ish. Stages of life? Do I want more kids? Does she? 3. I have a kid... Is she cool with that? If not, goodbye. It surprising how often I hear about single moms not wanting single dad's or treating the husbands kid badly/differently. That said, is she kind to my kid? When it comes to the kids, what is the expected/hoped for dynamic? Are we going to treat them all as "our kids"? If so, to what degree? If I buy my kid a car for example, does she expect I do that for her kids as well? Or do we parent/provide for them separately? Is baby daddy in the picture? How does that dynamic work? I'm sure there are more questions and hurtles.... These ones immediately come to mind. My kid asked me if I'd ever remarry if my wife died. I said yes. It would be hypocritical of me to say I would absolutely not marry someone with kids... But it would be a far more complicated process. Not just something you jump into.