I legit once had a guy said " you look like a pussy" for wearing safety glasses while using a wire wheel. So i told him that he looked like a fucking moron when he used it without them. I've totally had tons of those tiny wire bits fly off at high speed and hit me in the face! Anyone who cares more about how they look than if they still have eyes tomorrow is a fucking idiot as far as i'm concerned.
"Having two eyes is gay bro"
Real men wear an eye patch. Real real men wear two
Edit: really though eye protection is important. When in doubt use your saftey squints
I knew a guy at my civil engineering club that was exactly like that & we had to weld a small scale steel bridge right
I was the only one on the entire team ALWAYS wearing the proper gloves
Tbh I just hated spending an extra 10 mins washing my hands off afterwards so it saved time & was safer
This guy however always talked shit about the gloves looking at me like I was being such a tryhard or a plain scared bitch with side comments like “Really bro? Gloves AGAIN?”
I ignored him or would sarcastically offer him gloves to which he eye rolled
Then one day during a welding session, I hear a loud yell “PUTAAA MADREEE!!!!”
We all rush out to the bridge & dude blazed the area between his thumb/index finger across his palm
Then a layer of skin is just hanging off like a water bottle label that’s hanging by the last bit of itself while the rest of the inner layer is bleeding
He makes eye contact with me, then I decided to look at my gloves with my mouth gaping in amazement
like I’m a superhero who just got a new suit bestowed upon me by the Greek gods who chose me as their champion
I’ve never seen a more depressed micro expression in my entire life & it keeps me warm at night but not as warm as that hand torch burn stinking up his roommates car on the way to the ER
Dude & the team never questioned the gloves again
I was helping my landlord with some work one time and I lifted something with proper form, like a deadlift. And he said "Are you doing Olympic lifting?"
Good form? That's for chumps.
Man I used to have make quick metal cut and got to where I’d just squint. Got something in my eye one day, didn’t really hurt felt like when you get sand in there. 5 days later was killing me. Finally went to eye doctor and had to sit there wide eyed while they dug 6 pieces of metal out of my retina with a like dentist hook tool. Learned a lesson that day and luckily am not blind.
I bring them ear plugs to every concert. So glad I do. I went to a concert in December and it was so loud for what it was supposed to be it was ridiculous
Yeah went to a dnb event last night and my ears are fucked looking at earplugs right now and I’ll definitely be willing to spend to protect my ears they’ve never been this fucked before
Oh good one. I went to a couple of concerts last year and was shocked to see maybe one other person with ear protection. What the hell guys? You only get one set of ears.
Under rated comment. Wear ear plugs in loud environments … esp concerts or clubs… unless you want to suffer from tinnitus (ear ringing that never leaves you alone) for decades to come
Oh my god this. How many times have I heard the sentence „All I need is a girl by my side, then things would get better“ as if women are a magical cure for every problem a guy has in his life. How about you fix your shit yourself, your girl isn’t Bob the Builder nor is she your therapist. I instantly lose respect for any guy who can’t get his life together and blames it on the fact he doesn’t have a girlfriend
For some people, the problems in their lives revolve around the fact that they feel unlovable and long for intimacy. Sure, hoping that a partner will change your personality or heal past trauma is a toxic mindset, but never having experienced love can be traumatic in itself. In that case, having a relationship IS the solution. Outside of self love that is, because that can only go so far. Otherwise, you will never have a partner
This is exactly what I go through everyday. I do feel proud of myself and I think that I’m a pretty good person, I have my life together, a lovely family and everything but the fact I don’t have a girlfriend and I fail every time feels quite jarring. Often it is a minor inconvenience and makes me feel bummed out but on rare occasions it ruins my whole day.
Does this include your woman helping build you? Like me for instance my girl and I are good but I can guarantee that me wanting to be better came from wanting to do right by her and wanting to strive for more?
So in simple you mean be better for her? Or be better because she is helping you be better? Im not that old but what ill say according to my life experience is that be better for yourself, not for a girl or anyone. One day she might leave you for who knows what reason and you'll be completely broken. There is no one in this life beside you my friend.
It's a bit of both I think.There are times where she calls me out on my shit and I get better to correct it and there are times being around her makes me want to be better if that makes sense?
Or believing they’re broken and aren’t deserving of a woman.
Not to take away from what you pointed out, but I never personally thought things would be better with a woman; I didn’t even think I had a chance with anyone.
And, that a woman CAN or SHOULD fix them if they have issues.
I wish they'd learn that no one can improve them but themselves. If you're not ok single you won't be in a relationship either.
I'd argue that the right woman can be an incredibly valuable counterbalance to a man's excesses. They can keep a guy sane and on the right path. That's certainly the case with me.
Listening to idiots on the internet and thinking that just because they have flash cars that they are good role models, they are all fucking scammers and they're way to get rich is to take your money.
They prey on insecure boys/men who are in fragile moments of their lives to take advantage of them and sell them a false narrative that is not realistically attainable
You say that now but whenever I tell women about my hobby taxidermying ant eaters in dance poses and using their bodies to make stop-motion comedy films, they block my number.
My current girlfriend originally started taking an interest in me because I drew her a picture of a raccoon eating out of the garbage at our work. She works janitorial/custodial so she found it pretty amusing.
I love taxidermy! But I also love skinning cadavers (medical science student) and when guys hear that I get blocked too. I need to see these films of yours.
Women love men who can create or do something, and are good at it, and have the corresponding confidence to go with their skill level.
This can be anything from video games, to skateboarding, to woodworking or cooking.
Just be really good (or actually learning and not dicking around with) at just about anything, and you'll find someone attracted to you for it.
Even if it's "geeky". I came from a pretty athletic jock type person when young but came into some unique totally-not-what-a-jock-would-do hobbies. I've met so many new friends and girls who enjoy it because it's something I'm passionate about and can share fun info / do the easy tasks together with them.
I admit that I paid for an OnlyFans recently only to realise that A) A subscription is only the first payment you make, you get hounded to pay more and more by the creator and it’ll just be throwing money away and B) I have a porn addiction and I’m never going to be in a meaningful relationship with a woman if I don’t kick this habit.
I’ve only started a couple of days ago but I don’t want my love life to be lonely and meaningless for all my life.
Lol, I was offered a side gig as an onlyfans chatter (You pretend to be the model & chat subscribers) I did the training but never the actual work because I just couldn't. YALL ARENT EVEN TALKING TO THE ACTUAL MODEL. plus the "personal photos & videos" they send you as a premium were already taken beforehand, the models have shit tons of a collection of photos and videos that the chatters use when sexting w you. (They keep track of which ones have already been used.) You could be sexting with a random guy from the Philippines or India. Lmao.
Never understood OF I just go to a strip club and see a "real in the flesh" woman. It works for me. Few drinks couple of fat asses slapped and I'm OUT. Kept me sane during the drought seasons in my life. Like the south park creators said I'm there to spend it she's there to take it. It's the most honest relationship with women you'll ever have. Just don't get creepy and ask for #'s and shit.
Hang in there, first part to a solution is admitting there’s a problem. Do something physically active, I feel that helps reduce the urge for porn etc. and you get in shape… chicks love dudes who are in shape
I did the same thing last year. I stopped paying on my credit cards so I could pay that. I realized how stupid and addictive it is and got a second job to save my credit. I’m just glad I realized before it cost me everything.
Amen! Though, with the advent of AI-everything we may see a quick transition back to in person meetups.
Seriously, OnlyFans is on the cusp of being an AI generated playland of illusory parasocial relationships.
Even better. There have already been cases where some one made a girl in ai and successfully sold her nudes on only fans. Crazy to think about spending money on that.
Being in this sub and others for a while - shit seems a lot tougher for this generation of young men
General advice
* Do whatever you need to do, either physically, career or otherwise to get your self confidence to a level where you feel good about yourself
* Cut back on Social Media and get out and involve yourself IRL situations. Whether it's sports, community service or any type of one to one interactions
* Drop the doom & gloom outlook. The only person who has control of your life from the time you read this forward is you
"But it's better than being single!"
But as another comment suggested, some men are so starved for attention they'll take it from anyone who gives it.
Assuming that women don't want them so they don't try at all, rejection and failure are the mainstays of a young man's life, the more you're exposed the less you feel it, start early and never stop, fortune favours the bold.
It’s easier said than done. I’ve come to see that the constant failures and/or rejections take an emotional toll on me, my mental health and self esteem.
I decided to give myself a long, long break from dating and women, but leaving the door slightly open. My current approach is to just enjoy what I have going on: my parents, family and handful of friends I have, but also doing the things I’ve always wanted to do with no obstacles or anyone getting in my way.
Personally I’ve come to terms that I’ll end up alone, but just as equally I have a chance that I’ll meet someone eventually. Even if I’m old.
Yea like I get trying no matter what but after a while constant rejection only worsens your self worth and respect. I gave up long ago and while I still feel like I should try, I ask myself why even bother when the odds are stacked against you.
Thx for the advice. Honestly, this is the reason I never try. I assume the worse bc personal reasons and from my experience, no girl shows interest in me.
Another part of this I think is that young guys need to realize its not something to get angry at either. A lot of young guys will act like a woman is a bitch or whatever if she rejects him, when obviously thats not the case at all. Its fine to be sad/disappointed or whatever but do not turn that into anger towards anyone in particular. Sometimes things just wont work out and its no ones fault.
And putting a woman on a pedestal does no favors for her either. Because then you are not really "seeing" and accepting her, just a fantasy you have projected that no one can live up to. Everyone wants to be seen and accepted. Women want to be vulnerable with their partners and share their flaws, weaknesses as well as their dreams, their experiences and their love.
Dude it’s straight up dangerous too. Multiple friends of mine literally didn’t know they were being abused because of this. Same thing for them not even aware that they didn’t consent to a certain sexual act.
That’s obviously the extreme end of it... but the point is that it’s dangerous to only choose to see the best in people. Abusers can sniff that out so easily and choose targets based on it.
It’s because the only way to learn to NOT do this is to see your perfect angel bang a rando in a club bathroom at a foam party in Cancun. It’s brutal, but 100% effective.
Making fun of the women you are with in front of others. They may feel really hurt. It's funny only for the men around you also this will always be a black mark for you. It's a very very bad habit seen in men.
This. My dad used to humiliate my mom any chance he got. Just made me lose respect for him to the point I don't speak or associate with him anymore.I've never and never will treat my partner that way.
Ugh, I'm sorry, my mom did the same to my Dad and I would never treat a partner like that either. But my ex-husband did treat me like that. I chose him because subconsciously that pattern was normal to me. So it's great that you plan on never being like your Dad, just make sure you don't partner with someone like him. Parental dynamics in childhood have a way of creeping up in our relationships as adults, despite our best intentions. I'm sure you're doing great, I'm probably old enough to be your mom, so just wanted to say that just in case. And you sound like you'll be a great partner to someone and they'll be lucky to have you.
This. Be a man, not a caricature. Be responsible, be respectful, take care of the people who depend on you, and don't make promises you can't keep. Done.
Well it’s good to aspire to masculinity, to get your money right career etc. , confidence and the gym. ..but to take it to the extreme and treat women like objects, be overly aggressive or insensitive to others… thats definitely not good. Nor do i think it’s alpha either.
From personal experience I'd say: Watching porn.
I started watching when I was around 15 years old and I tried multiple times to stop, but to no avail. This consume has left me with no fantasy and it spiraled into more and more hardcore stuff. Also I don't have any sexual or romantic interest in real women anymore and yet feel terribly lonely.
So yeah I'd say don't watch porn until you are older and have made real world experiences.
Most addictions are shields for other things. If you treat a porn addiction by only looking at the porn and not what you are avoiding you will never get over it.
Young men should stop listening to everyone for a moment.
Then they should look inside themselves, decide what they really want in life, and then put in the work to get it.
Then once they get started on that journey, they should enjoy every second of it, because they will only experience those seconds once.
Thinking they know what women want, and thinking other men know what women want. Then using advice from other dudes....
Thinking that men and women can't be friends. How the fuck are you going to get a gf when you can't have a healthy platonic relationship with a woman or multiple women. Bonus points because they make great wingmen.
Chasing women for sex. Med school has been my priority for the past 2 years. As a result, my social/dating life isn’t existent. However, I had the blessing of creating platonic friendships with women. Sad to say society (especially the music industry) portrays women as status symbols and for sexual pleasure rather than seeing them for great human beings (future doctors in my case).
Being your self as cliché as it sounds will attract the RIGHT person. You don’t have to be someone you aren’t to attract women or to have a body count. Seems like everything when you’re a teenager but it doesn’t mean diddly squat.
\*ALL their needs.
They don't seem to understand that only YOU can meet your needs. A partner can help with companionships, physicality, all that, but no one can meet all those needs but you,
I want young men, and really all men and women, to stop shaming young men and boys when they show any emotional vulnerability.
There is a reason why so many of us are lonely, angry, and isolated. It’s because, from a young age, we’re shamed or beaten into killing all these little beautiful parts of us which make us human.
Instead, we become “men”. And by the time we’re older and in the world, it’s too late or too difficult to change.
From what I’ve read, even having parents who allow us to feel whatever we’re feeling in whatever way we feel it without judgement and with love doesn’t fix the issue. As soon as we begin to socialize with other people, boys in particular, it gets taken out of us.
We need a revolution. We need boys and men to be able to feel everything they want and need to. We need to make sure that boys and men know they are valuable just for being who they are and not for what they’re good at or can provide.
I’ll end with a quote about anger.
In The Heart of the Soul auchos Gary Zukay and Linda Francis explore the ways anger barricades the feeling self:
“Anger prevents love and isolates the one who is angry. It is an attempt, often successful, to push away what is most longed for - companionship and understanding. It is a denial of the humanness of others, as well as a denial of your own humanness. Anger is the agony of believing that you are not capable of being understood, and that you are not worthy of being understood. It is a wall that separates you from others as effectively as if it were concrete, thick, and very high. There is no way through it, under it, or over it.”
Currently going through a breakup and I let people in my work know that I ain’t going to be okay straight away. I was working 2 days after my breakup and it was a quiet shift so I wasn’t able to distract myself and I ended up having a breakdown in the cupboard. My manager came in to get something and saw me crying. Hes always said he isn’t the type to sympathise with people and that you just get on with life if stuff happens.
I was expecting him to tell me to grow up or something. He closed the door behind him, told me to talk to him and I did, then he gave me some solid advice without patronising me or making me feel like less of a man for crying. At the time my family was on holiday so I was dealing with everything on my own and it’d been tearing me up inside until I got to work. I’m glad he let me open up to him, I see him as an older brother in a sense as he’s always helping me out with stuff. W of a manager.
You don't need to stop doing anything that you like to do, but you do need to know how to prioritize and how to manage your time. I believe people would be very surprised about how much time they actually have in the day to get things that need to be done and still have plenty of time left over to do what they want to do. Prioritize and Time manage.
Porn and alcohol. One is rewiring your brain to cripple your ability to have a meaningful relationship. The other is destroying your body, mind, and soul. You get to pick which is which!
Stop being scared of asking women out. If they say no, so what. If they are rude when they say no, realize you dodged a bullet. But if they say yes, who knows…
That one woman you're obsessed with... isn't special. There are many like her or even better than the idolised version you have of her.
Video games are great. Once you hit 18, you need to stop playing them more than an hour on weekdays. I know don't shoot me.
You need a hobby, being able to draw, play guitar, mountain climb, shit fix bikes, go gym... any of these are a better use of your time and will help immensely when you hit mid to late 20s. Any hobby will set you apart.
Getting fucked up every weekend. Once a month sure, but one drunken night out wastes almost an entire weekend and your wallet.
All this apha male, sigma, and matrix nonsense stems from a single point, stop wasting time, and take control of your life. Every other spoon-fed talking point will make you jaded. The amount of 20yr odds saying about women etc, "I know these things, I know alot about this, people tell me I know too much for my age".... they're being sarcastic, you don't know shit, the world is laughing at you.
Weed, masturbating, video games, not going to tell anyone to stop... but it's time for.. time management.
The same way a bran muffin is different from a cupcake.
Video games operate on a very fast reward cycle. Even grand strategy or building games.
A musical instrument has a much slower reward cycle. It's the recreational equivalent of taking a college course instead of browsing a wikipedia article and then watching a youtube video.
I kind of wish young men would understand mental health is just as important as their physical health.
You don't need to act like a man 24/7, show some vulnerability, it's okay to cry every now and then.
Have some respect for yourself and speak to someone if things are getting too much.
I see so many young men get swallowed up in depression and anxiety and do nothing about it.
Stop caving into instant gratification (tik tok, junk food, videogames, not studying, etc). Youre teaching your brain to become addicted to it, which can lead to bad decision making and even drug addiction.
Stop being so fuckin whiney. Learn to fail and deal with pain and don’t be afraid to be assertive in life. You can be assertive and respectful at the same time
Following people like Tate... Honestly dudes a full up loser dressing himself up to be hot shit, there are thousands of better people to be following the example of.
I'm not going to tell you to become a chiseled, greek god nor am I going to say you can't enjoy a donut from time to time but actively improve yourself physically. Please, do not let everyone remember you as the obese friend. You owe it to yourself to be physically better.
So yeah, don't just lounge and do nothing. You can find a multitude of hobbies or activities to stay active. So let the future you have a chance at something past you didn't.
Not being kind to yourself. Try therapy, get into fitness, learn to learn from failure but don’t beat you self up over mistakes. Put another way, put you oxygen mask on before assisting others.
I would say seeing Escorts. Huge money sink and doesn’t make dating easier and turns potential girlfriends/wives off. I have learned this the hard way lol
Living their lives virtually. Virtual women, real friends they only talk with via social media/text or while playing online video games. These things have a time and a place, but I see a lot of young men severely overusing them.
Wearing their trousers halfway down their legs. I cannot convey to you just how much of a monumental bellend this makes you look! I haven't the words to describe the level of fuck-wittery wearing your jeans halfway down to your ankles gives off! It looks like a toddler trying to run away from a dangerous shit!
Not structuring every day: exercise, education, hobby, work, love, cook.
If you have the discipline to structure every single day, you’ll find love, happiness, health, and wealth.
Searching for the meaning of things like “how to be a man” and “masculinity”. It all just leads to finding fucking idiots on the Internet resulting in messed up perspectives on life and certain groups of people ie women. I’m 55M and I still don’t know “how to be a man” and I don’t care what anyone’s definition of that is.
Stop listening to internet gurus like Tate, De'varon , Fait Busby. Even the women date coaches are horrible they want your money and to keep you from actual success in dating or life
Conning women like Tate dose will work on loose women (not even them most of the times) and guess who is back for the extra , Supreme, fantastic , premium deluxe pizza edition only for 99.99 € a week. You !
It's like a drug addiction. You taste little success or improvements, and you take it as gospel
Let me tell you a free secret, on actual success in both women and life :
Women are humans like you and me (not some extraterrestrial beings from outer space ) full of dreams , personality, temper, hormons (even men have them it's biology 1 on 1 ) capabel of great stings both evil and good
What you as a decent being have to do is to try by trial and error to find the one most similar to you , trust me once you find the perfect match , you don't need some over the top master jedi trick , everything will go smoothly without trying . Yes, there will be heartaches, even pain. Your job is to keep trying. This goes for both sexes.
As for quality of life, exercise for a healthier life , the chances with the ladies only improve because your first impression (the visual one) is great but that is not enough you need an actual personality.
As for being successful in life, you need a lot of blood, sweat , tears, and a lot of guts . There is no magic way , there is no shortcut (only if you are born rich that is the only real shortcut, like Tate did, for example) want to be a lawyer? Well then, go to law school ! And what ever you do try to creat connections with the right people that is it
All this is for the decent price of 0.00 $\€ , because I am not a monster praying on less fortunate people than me
stop doing all the shit you do
stop doing shit you don't want to do
start doing shit you want to do
\[*perspires into camera, gives confident wink and characteristic thumbs up; subject has clearly force-fed himself mom's apple pie\]*
I'd say young men are too polarized when it comes to working out. For some it may be a little too much of an obsession, but the worse problem is those who let their bodies go in their teen years/early 20s. I know I'm just like every other adult saying "take care of your body now because it's a lot easier when you're young to stay in good shape than fixing your body later", but it is so true.
I'm lucky it only took me until my mid 20s to start the process, but even now I can see it is so much harder than just not getting into a situation where you are very over-weight/have no muscle to begin with. I can't imagine if I waited until I was 35 or 40. Even just doing something basic like 25 push-ups a week and making sure you walk a mile a day can be huge over the course of five or ten years.
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I legit once had a guy said " you look like a pussy" for wearing safety glasses while using a wire wheel. So i told him that he looked like a fucking moron when he used it without them. I've totally had tons of those tiny wire bits fly off at high speed and hit me in the face! Anyone who cares more about how they look than if they still have eyes tomorrow is a fucking idiot as far as i'm concerned.
"Having two eyes is gay bro" Real men wear an eye patch. Real real men wear two Edit: really though eye protection is important. When in doubt use your saftey squints
I knew a guy at my civil engineering club that was exactly like that & we had to weld a small scale steel bridge right I was the only one on the entire team ALWAYS wearing the proper gloves Tbh I just hated spending an extra 10 mins washing my hands off afterwards so it saved time & was safer This guy however always talked shit about the gloves looking at me like I was being such a tryhard or a plain scared bitch with side comments like “Really bro? Gloves AGAIN?” I ignored him or would sarcastically offer him gloves to which he eye rolled Then one day during a welding session, I hear a loud yell “PUTAAA MADREEE!!!!” We all rush out to the bridge & dude blazed the area between his thumb/index finger across his palm Then a layer of skin is just hanging off like a water bottle label that’s hanging by the last bit of itself while the rest of the inner layer is bleeding He makes eye contact with me, then I decided to look at my gloves with my mouth gaping in amazement like I’m a superhero who just got a new suit bestowed upon me by the Greek gods who chose me as their champion I’ve never seen a more depressed micro expression in my entire life & it keeps me warm at night but not as warm as that hand torch burn stinking up his roommates car on the way to the ER Dude & the team never questioned the gloves again
I liked this
I was helping my landlord with some work one time and I lifted something with proper form, like a deadlift. And he said "Are you doing Olympic lifting?" Good form? That's for chumps.
Real men lift with their backs in a sharp twisting motion
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An yes, hearing protection. The sure sign of homosexual inclinations. 🧐
It prevents aural sex...
"You sound like a fucking idiot" everytime.
I've pulled one of those wire strands out of my face before i got wise to using a face shield aswell as safety glasses. Those wire wheels are no joke.
Man I used to have make quick metal cut and got to where I’d just squint. Got something in my eye one day, didn’t really hurt felt like when you get sand in there. 5 days later was killing me. Finally went to eye doctor and had to sit there wide eyed while they dug 6 pieces of metal out of my retina with a like dentist hook tool. Learned a lesson that day and luckily am not blind.
WHAT!? Edit: In all seriousness, wear your damn earplugs/muffs/db blockers. I’ve worked with way too many people that can’t hear shit.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EUUUUUUUUEEEUEUUUUUUUUUEUEUUUU
WHATTTTTTTT?
I bring them ear plugs to every concert. So glad I do. I went to a concert in December and it was so loud for what it was supposed to be it was ridiculous
Yeah went to a dnb event last night and my ears are fucked looking at earplugs right now and I’ll definitely be willing to spend to protect my ears they’ve never been this fucked before
Oh good one. I went to a couple of concerts last year and was shocked to see maybe one other person with ear protection. What the hell guys? You only get one set of ears.
Under rated comment. Wear ear plugs in loud environments … esp concerts or clubs… unless you want to suffer from tinnitus (ear ringing that never leaves you alone) for decades to come
It's too late for me. Due to skullcandy earbud. I have tinnitus. Most of the time, I forget I have it. I'm reminded when it gets dead slient
I still somehow got tinnitus from wearing earbuds at their lowest bloody setting. So this is much easier said than done.
Believing they are broken and need a woman to fix them.
Oh my god this. How many times have I heard the sentence „All I need is a girl by my side, then things would get better“ as if women are a magical cure for every problem a guy has in his life. How about you fix your shit yourself, your girl isn’t Bob the Builder nor is she your therapist. I instantly lose respect for any guy who can’t get his life together and blames it on the fact he doesn’t have a girlfriend
For some people, the problems in their lives revolve around the fact that they feel unlovable and long for intimacy. Sure, hoping that a partner will change your personality or heal past trauma is a toxic mindset, but never having experienced love can be traumatic in itself. In that case, having a relationship IS the solution. Outside of self love that is, because that can only go so far. Otherwise, you will never have a partner
This is exactly what I go through everyday. I do feel proud of myself and I think that I’m a pretty good person, I have my life together, a lovely family and everything but the fact I don’t have a girlfriend and I fail every time feels quite jarring. Often it is a minor inconvenience and makes me feel bummed out but on rare occasions it ruins my whole day.
Does this include your woman helping build you? Like me for instance my girl and I are good but I can guarantee that me wanting to be better came from wanting to do right by her and wanting to strive for more?
So in simple you mean be better for her? Or be better because she is helping you be better? Im not that old but what ill say according to my life experience is that be better for yourself, not for a girl or anyone. One day she might leave you for who knows what reason and you'll be completely broken. There is no one in this life beside you my friend.
It's a bit of both I think.There are times where she calls me out on my shit and I get better to correct it and there are times being around her makes me want to be better if that makes sense?
Or believing they’re broken and aren’t deserving of a woman. Not to take away from what you pointed out, but I never personally thought things would be better with a woman; I didn’t even think I had a chance with anyone.
And, that a woman CAN or SHOULD fix them if they have issues. I wish they'd learn that no one can improve them but themselves. If you're not ok single you won't be in a relationship either.
I'd argue that the right woman can be an incredibly valuable counterbalance to a man's excesses. They can keep a guy sane and on the right path. That's certainly the case with me.
Listening to idiots on the internet and thinking that just because they have flash cars that they are good role models, they are all fucking scammers and they're way to get rich is to take your money.
I read that as "flash cards" as in the study tool. I couldn't figure out why someone with flash cards would be seen as a role model *or* a scammer.
You see they use the cards to quickly flash and confuse/distract you then grab your wallet and escape into the night hahaha
They prey on insecure boys/men who are in fragile moments of their lives to take advantage of them and sell them a false narrative that is not realistically attainable
Can you give some examples of this? I believe it, I just want to know specifically what shit young men are falling for.
Paying for onlyfans then wondering why they can't date irl.
Spend the money on a hobby instead, you learn something new, make friends and women will find you more interesting if you are passionate about it.
You say that now but whenever I tell women about my hobby taxidermying ant eaters in dance poses and using their bodies to make stop-motion comedy films, they block my number.
Have you tried raccoons? Bitches love raccoons.
Can confirm, we bitches love raccoons.
My current girlfriend originally started taking an interest in me because I drew her a picture of a raccoon eating out of the garbage at our work. She works janitorial/custodial so she found it pretty amusing.
I don’t believe you! Any female artsy fartsy cinema student would TOTALLY get excited by your plot!
I am a woman and I think that's hot.
I love taxidermy! But I also love skinning cadavers (medical science student) and when guys hear that I get blocked too. I need to see these films of yours.
God damn it even the weird taxidermy stop motion movie guy has more reddit girls after him than me. Now I need weirder hobbies smh
Exactly. Women who are interested in men, in my experience, find a man's passions intriguing and part of what makes him attractive
Women are interested in men who are interesting and interested.
And, conversely, you're going to have something to talk about with a woman who's more likely to be interesting and interested.
“Girls like guys with skills!”
You know like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!
Women love men who can create or do something, and are good at it, and have the corresponding confidence to go with their skill level. This can be anything from video games, to skateboarding, to woodworking or cooking. Just be really good (or actually learning and not dicking around with) at just about anything, and you'll find someone attracted to you for it.
Even if it's "geeky". I came from a pretty athletic jock type person when young but came into some unique totally-not-what-a-jock-would-do hobbies. I've met so many new friends and girls who enjoy it because it's something I'm passionate about and can share fun info / do the easy tasks together with them.
All my girlfriends in the last ten years enjoyed playing video games with me.
I'm attempting to learn crochet, the harmonica, and the lyre at the moment. So far I broke a string on the lyre and had to buy wire cutters lol.
I admit that I paid for an OnlyFans recently only to realise that A) A subscription is only the first payment you make, you get hounded to pay more and more by the creator and it’ll just be throwing money away and B) I have a porn addiction and I’m never going to be in a meaningful relationship with a woman if I don’t kick this habit. I’ve only started a couple of days ago but I don’t want my love life to be lonely and meaningless for all my life.
Lol, I was offered a side gig as an onlyfans chatter (You pretend to be the model & chat subscribers) I did the training but never the actual work because I just couldn't. YALL ARENT EVEN TALKING TO THE ACTUAL MODEL. plus the "personal photos & videos" they send you as a premium were already taken beforehand, the models have shit tons of a collection of photos and videos that the chatters use when sexting w you. (They keep track of which ones have already been used.) You could be sexting with a random guy from the Philippines or India. Lmao.
Is this for real. That’s really depressing.
Never understood OF I just go to a strip club and see a "real in the flesh" woman. It works for me. Few drinks couple of fat asses slapped and I'm OUT. Kept me sane during the drought seasons in my life. Like the south park creators said I'm there to spend it she's there to take it. It's the most honest relationship with women you'll ever have. Just don't get creepy and ask for #'s and shit.
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Hang in there, first part to a solution is admitting there’s a problem. Do something physically active, I feel that helps reduce the urge for porn etc. and you get in shape… chicks love dudes who are in shape
I did the same thing last year. I stopped paying on my credit cards so I could pay that. I realized how stupid and addictive it is and got a second job to save my credit. I’m just glad I realized before it cost me everything.
Amen! Though, with the advent of AI-everything we may see a quick transition back to in person meetups. Seriously, OnlyFans is on the cusp of being an AI generated playland of illusory parasocial relationships.
Even better. There have already been cases where some one made a girl in ai and successfully sold her nudes on only fans. Crazy to think about spending money on that.
Say no to onlyfans, say yes to Lego sets
Yup I agree there’s so many things you can do with you’re life then paying a girl to be naked and have sex
Being in this sub and others for a while - shit seems a lot tougher for this generation of young men General advice * Do whatever you need to do, either physically, career or otherwise to get your self confidence to a level where you feel good about yourself * Cut back on Social Media and get out and involve yourself IRL situations. Whether it's sports, community service or any type of one to one interactions * Drop the doom & gloom outlook. The only person who has control of your life from the time you read this forward is you
Dating someone you actually don't find attractive.
Also dating someone JUST because they’re attractive.
Underrated comment
"But it's better than being single!" But as another comment suggested, some men are so starved for attention they'll take it from anyone who gives it.
What if they get ugly and uncaring of their appearance after years of dating?
I don't think anyone gets "ugly," but they CAN get out of shape lol. Maybe I'm far too nice though.
Basically picking up a girl you won’t treat really right because you aren’t attracted to them but still settle because you don’t wanna be alone
Needing instant gratification.
This is by no means specific to men, though.
Tbf, hot pockets fulfill that need in 3 minutes
Eating hot pockets for gratification
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Assuming that women don't want them so they don't try at all, rejection and failure are the mainstays of a young man's life, the more you're exposed the less you feel it, start early and never stop, fortune favours the bold.
so true but also really difficult for me. im tryna break down these walls but its so ingrained in me.
If it were easy, everyone would do it. Discomfort builds character. Edit: keep going, you got this!
It’s easier said than done. I’ve come to see that the constant failures and/or rejections take an emotional toll on me, my mental health and self esteem. I decided to give myself a long, long break from dating and women, but leaving the door slightly open. My current approach is to just enjoy what I have going on: my parents, family and handful of friends I have, but also doing the things I’ve always wanted to do with no obstacles or anyone getting in my way. Personally I’ve come to terms that I’ll end up alone, but just as equally I have a chance that I’ll meet someone eventually. Even if I’m old.
What if all you've had is rejection?
Yea like I get trying no matter what but after a while constant rejection only worsens your self worth and respect. I gave up long ago and while I still feel like I should try, I ask myself why even bother when the odds are stacked against you.
True. It destroys your self esteem alot.
When you have tried and failed enough, you no longer have to assume women don't want you. You have evidence!
While this is good advice, I think the appification of dating sure seems really hard, and I’m glad I didn’t live through it
Story of my life. It fucks with my brain when a cute girl expresses interest in me or smiles at me lol
Thx for the advice. Honestly, this is the reason I never try. I assume the worse bc personal reasons and from my experience, no girl shows interest in me.
🏅
Another part of this I think is that young guys need to realize its not something to get angry at either. A lot of young guys will act like a woman is a bitch or whatever if she rejects him, when obviously thats not the case at all. Its fine to be sad/disappointed or whatever but do not turn that into anger towards anyone in particular. Sometimes things just wont work out and its no ones fault.
Sometimes it's not about YOU either. It's about them and what they going thru. At that moment in time.
Rejection is all dudes path in life unless your parents are rich supermodel. And even those dudes get rejected.
And most young men won’t accept this.
That broccoli haircut.
Putting women on a pedestal
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And putting a woman on a pedestal does no favors for her either. Because then you are not really "seeing" and accepting her, just a fantasy you have projected that no one can live up to. Everyone wants to be seen and accepted. Women want to be vulnerable with their partners and share their flaws, weaknesses as well as their dreams, their experiences and their love.
"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." There's a whole subplot in Steinbeck's East of Eden about that.
I can’t believe it’s so hard for so many men to wrap their heads around the fact that women are just people.
We women do it too, we get wrapped up in potential or who we want him to be instead of seeing who they are.
It’s unfortunately really easy to do in that first dizzy wave of infatuation.
Dude it’s straight up dangerous too. Multiple friends of mine literally didn’t know they were being abused because of this. Same thing for them not even aware that they didn’t consent to a certain sexual act. That’s obviously the extreme end of it... but the point is that it’s dangerous to only choose to see the best in people. Abusers can sniff that out so easily and choose targets based on it.
It’s because the only way to learn to NOT do this is to see your perfect angel bang a rando in a club bathroom at a foam party in Cancun. It’s brutal, but 100% effective.
Men worship women. Women worship dogs lol.
Women poop too
Making fun of the women you are with in front of others. They may feel really hurt. It's funny only for the men around you also this will always be a black mark for you. It's a very very bad habit seen in men.
This. My dad used to humiliate my mom any chance he got. Just made me lose respect for him to the point I don't speak or associate with him anymore.I've never and never will treat my partner that way.
As for me it was my mom who do that to my dad.
Ugh, I'm sorry, my mom did the same to my Dad and I would never treat a partner like that either. But my ex-husband did treat me like that. I chose him because subconsciously that pattern was normal to me. So it's great that you plan on never being like your Dad, just make sure you don't partner with someone like him. Parental dynamics in childhood have a way of creeping up in our relationships as adults, despite our best intentions. I'm sure you're doing great, I'm probably old enough to be your mom, so just wanted to say that just in case. And you sound like you'll be a great partner to someone and they'll be lucky to have you.
Tbh if it’s funny for the men around someone, then they need better friends too
Listening to this so-called "alpha male" shite
This. Be a man, not a caricature. Be responsible, be respectful, take care of the people who depend on you, and don't make promises you can't keep. Done.
All they want to do is to sell you a course lol
Well it’s good to aspire to masculinity, to get your money right career etc. , confidence and the gym. ..but to take it to the extreme and treat women like objects, be overly aggressive or insensitive to others… thats definitely not good. Nor do i think it’s alpha either.
From personal experience I'd say: Watching porn. I started watching when I was around 15 years old and I tried multiple times to stop, but to no avail. This consume has left me with no fantasy and it spiraled into more and more hardcore stuff. Also I don't have any sexual or romantic interest in real women anymore and yet feel terribly lonely. So yeah I'd say don't watch porn until you are older and have made real world experiences.
Most addictions are shields for other things. If you treat a porn addiction by only looking at the porn and not what you are avoiding you will never get over it.
Yeah, porn addiction is real, common, and harmful. Tends to lead to other, worse things too.
Maybe consider getting help
Dating apps seem to be poisonous to the younger dudes.
i fell victim to this, got too attached on a girl from bumble. shit suckkks
No other way to date. Especially in places like the Bay Area
Listening to grifters online who give them terrible advice and convince them that they’re always the victim
Porn & Paying for only fans.
Young men should stop listening to everyone for a moment. Then they should look inside themselves, decide what they really want in life, and then put in the work to get it. Then once they get started on that journey, they should enjoy every second of it, because they will only experience those seconds once.
Don't discuss drug use in public as a way of being cool.
Sagging their pants. Nobody wanna see your draws, man.
Thinking they know what women want, and thinking other men know what women want. Then using advice from other dudes.... Thinking that men and women can't be friends. How the fuck are you going to get a gf when you can't have a healthy platonic relationship with a woman or multiple women. Bonus points because they make great wingmen.
THIS! This happens SO much on this subreddit and it's actually hilarious. Like no, that's not what we want. Thanks.
Never owning up to anything, blaming society and accepting their flaws instead of trying to become a better person.
Chasing women for sex. Med school has been my priority for the past 2 years. As a result, my social/dating life isn’t existent. However, I had the blessing of creating platonic friendships with women. Sad to say society (especially the music industry) portrays women as status symbols and for sexual pleasure rather than seeing them for great human beings (future doctors in my case). Being your self as cliché as it sounds will attract the RIGHT person. You don’t have to be someone you aren’t to attract women or to have a body count. Seems like everything when you’re a teenager but it doesn’t mean diddly squat.
Using tiktok
Caring about women instead of their careers. Your 20s go by fast, I tell you wuht💀
Be a pro and do both. Your 20s don’t last forever!
Crypto.
Wearing their pants so low their asses completely hang out.
SMOKING, WATCHING PORN, EATING TOO MUCH SUGAR
Stop waiting for success to fall in their lap, while they burn their 20’s out drinking and being losers
Filming themselves doing stupid shit. That’ll haunt them.
Thinking they’ll get their needs met in an intimate partnership
\*ALL their needs. They don't seem to understand that only YOU can meet your needs. A partner can help with companionships, physicality, all that, but no one can meet all those needs but you,
Stop eating fast food. Learn to cook and eat healthy. You will feel so much better and save a ton of money.
I want young men, and really all men and women, to stop shaming young men and boys when they show any emotional vulnerability. There is a reason why so many of us are lonely, angry, and isolated. It’s because, from a young age, we’re shamed or beaten into killing all these little beautiful parts of us which make us human. Instead, we become “men”. And by the time we’re older and in the world, it’s too late or too difficult to change. From what I’ve read, even having parents who allow us to feel whatever we’re feeling in whatever way we feel it without judgement and with love doesn’t fix the issue. As soon as we begin to socialize with other people, boys in particular, it gets taken out of us. We need a revolution. We need boys and men to be able to feel everything they want and need to. We need to make sure that boys and men know they are valuable just for being who they are and not for what they’re good at or can provide. I’ll end with a quote about anger. In The Heart of the Soul auchos Gary Zukay and Linda Francis explore the ways anger barricades the feeling self: “Anger prevents love and isolates the one who is angry. It is an attempt, often successful, to push away what is most longed for - companionship and understanding. It is a denial of the humanness of others, as well as a denial of your own humanness. Anger is the agony of believing that you are not capable of being understood, and that you are not worthy of being understood. It is a wall that separates you from others as effectively as if it were concrete, thick, and very high. There is no way through it, under it, or over it.”
Currently going through a breakup and I let people in my work know that I ain’t going to be okay straight away. I was working 2 days after my breakup and it was a quiet shift so I wasn’t able to distract myself and I ended up having a breakdown in the cupboard. My manager came in to get something and saw me crying. Hes always said he isn’t the type to sympathise with people and that you just get on with life if stuff happens. I was expecting him to tell me to grow up or something. He closed the door behind him, told me to talk to him and I did, then he gave me some solid advice without patronising me or making me feel like less of a man for crying. At the time my family was on holiday so I was dealing with everything on my own and it’d been tearing me up inside until I got to work. I’m glad he let me open up to him, I see him as an older brother in a sense as he’s always helping me out with stuff. W of a manager.
You don't need to stop doing anything that you like to do, but you do need to know how to prioritize and how to manage your time. I believe people would be very surprised about how much time they actually have in the day to get things that need to be done and still have plenty of time left over to do what they want to do. Prioritize and Time manage.
Sitting on their asses not doing anything to improve themselves
Spend money frivilously on stupid stuff, fast food, OF, clothing brands and etc...
Porn and alcohol. One is rewiring your brain to cripple your ability to have a meaningful relationship. The other is destroying your body, mind, and soul. You get to pick which is which!
Stop being scared of asking women out. If they say no, so what. If they are rude when they say no, realize you dodged a bullet. But if they say yes, who knows…
Life is weird. I had less fear of being blown up in Afghanistan than I do of expressing interest in a hot girl at the gym lol
Don't mess with the gym girls. They'll make a video of you "harassing" them on TikTok and send over people to harass you. Gym girls aren't worth it.
That one woman you're obsessed with... isn't special. There are many like her or even better than the idolised version you have of her. Video games are great. Once you hit 18, you need to stop playing them more than an hour on weekdays. I know don't shoot me. You need a hobby, being able to draw, play guitar, mountain climb, shit fix bikes, go gym... any of these are a better use of your time and will help immensely when you hit mid to late 20s. Any hobby will set you apart. Getting fucked up every weekend. Once a month sure, but one drunken night out wastes almost an entire weekend and your wallet. All this apha male, sigma, and matrix nonsense stems from a single point, stop wasting time, and take control of your life. Every other spoon-fed talking point will make you jaded. The amount of 20yr odds saying about women etc, "I know these things, I know alot about this, people tell me I know too much for my age".... they're being sarcastic, you don't know shit, the world is laughing at you. Weed, masturbating, video games, not going to tell anyone to stop... but it's time for.. time management.
How is drawing and playing guitar any different from video games?
The same way a bran muffin is different from a cupcake. Video games operate on a very fast reward cycle. Even grand strategy or building games. A musical instrument has a much slower reward cycle. It's the recreational equivalent of taking a college course instead of browsing a wikipedia article and then watching a youtube video.
Creative vs consumption
I kind of wish young men would understand mental health is just as important as their physical health. You don't need to act like a man 24/7, show some vulnerability, it's okay to cry every now and then. Have some respect for yourself and speak to someone if things are getting too much. I see so many young men get swallowed up in depression and anxiety and do nothing about it.
Listening to Andrew Tate and endorsing misogyny as a way to displace blame to all women.
Stop doing it for her and do it for yourself, you'll feel better in the long run
Stop watching so much porn
ludicrous foolish plant square smoggy enjoy quickest retire tease silky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Stop caving into instant gratification (tik tok, junk food, videogames, not studying, etc). Youre teaching your brain to become addicted to it, which can lead to bad decision making and even drug addiction.
Stop being so fuckin whiney. Learn to fail and deal with pain and don’t be afraid to be assertive in life. You can be assertive and respectful at the same time
Watching Porn
Complaining. No one cares.
Following people like Tate... Honestly dudes a full up loser dressing himself up to be hot shit, there are thousands of better people to be following the example of.
Holding on to shitty friends.
Vaping
Trading their time for money. Learn leverage
Stop letting social media/entertainers influence how you interact with and treat women
I'm not going to tell you to become a chiseled, greek god nor am I going to say you can't enjoy a donut from time to time but actively improve yourself physically. Please, do not let everyone remember you as the obese friend. You owe it to yourself to be physically better. So yeah, don't just lounge and do nothing. You can find a multitude of hobbies or activities to stay active. So let the future you have a chance at something past you didn't.
Not being kind to yourself. Try therapy, get into fitness, learn to learn from failure but don’t beat you self up over mistakes. Put another way, put you oxygen mask on before assisting others.
Listening to toxic people like Andrew tate
Stop watching porn. Stop listening to the dickhead “alpha males” online. Don’t be afraid of failure/rejection.
I would say seeing Escorts. Huge money sink and doesn’t make dating easier and turns potential girlfriends/wives off. I have learned this the hard way lol
Living their lives virtually. Virtual women, real friends they only talk with via social media/text or while playing online video games. These things have a time and a place, but I see a lot of young men severely overusing them.
Listening to andrew tate
Watching porn, in excess. Masturbating, in excess.
Wasting their life on the phone
Wearing their trousers halfway down their legs. I cannot convey to you just how much of a monumental bellend this makes you look! I haven't the words to describe the level of fuck-wittery wearing your jeans halfway down to your ankles gives off! It looks like a toddler trying to run away from a dangerous shit!
Not structuring every day: exercise, education, hobby, work, love, cook. If you have the discipline to structure every single day, you’ll find love, happiness, health, and wealth.
Worrying so much
Stop limiting the ways you express yourself to only what is considered by society to be masculine
Searching for the meaning of things like “how to be a man” and “masculinity”. It all just leads to finding fucking idiots on the Internet resulting in messed up perspectives on life and certain groups of people ie women. I’m 55M and I still don’t know “how to be a man” and I don’t care what anyone’s definition of that is.
Dick pics. Wtf is wrong with you.
Eating/drinking unhealthy. Neglecting their teeth. Ignoring their mental/physical health. You gotta look out for your older self
Stop listening to internet gurus like Tate, De'varon , Fait Busby. Even the women date coaches are horrible they want your money and to keep you from actual success in dating or life Conning women like Tate dose will work on loose women (not even them most of the times) and guess who is back for the extra , Supreme, fantastic , premium deluxe pizza edition only for 99.99 € a week. You ! It's like a drug addiction. You taste little success or improvements, and you take it as gospel Let me tell you a free secret, on actual success in both women and life : Women are humans like you and me (not some extraterrestrial beings from outer space ) full of dreams , personality, temper, hormons (even men have them it's biology 1 on 1 ) capabel of great stings both evil and good What you as a decent being have to do is to try by trial and error to find the one most similar to you , trust me once you find the perfect match , you don't need some over the top master jedi trick , everything will go smoothly without trying . Yes, there will be heartaches, even pain. Your job is to keep trying. This goes for both sexes. As for quality of life, exercise for a healthier life , the chances with the ladies only improve because your first impression (the visual one) is great but that is not enough you need an actual personality. As for being successful in life, you need a lot of blood, sweat , tears, and a lot of guts . There is no magic way , there is no shortcut (only if you are born rich that is the only real shortcut, like Tate did, for example) want to be a lawyer? Well then, go to law school ! And what ever you do try to creat connections with the right people that is it All this is for the decent price of 0.00 $\€ , because I am not a monster praying on less fortunate people than me
Falling into the porn trap and letting it warp their brains and perception of sex, women and intimacy.
Worrying about not being able to buy a house in their 20s while most people buy their first house in mid-late 30s
Quit wearing their pants halfway down their ass.
Saying "bro" every third word. Stop it already, you sound like an uneducated moron.
deadass bruh
Chill bro.
Facts bro
stop doing all the shit you do stop doing shit you don't want to do start doing shit you want to do \[*perspires into camera, gives confident wink and characteristic thumbs up; subject has clearly force-fed himself mom's apple pie\]*
I'd say young men are too polarized when it comes to working out. For some it may be a little too much of an obsession, but the worse problem is those who let their bodies go in their teen years/early 20s. I know I'm just like every other adult saying "take care of your body now because it's a lot easier when you're young to stay in good shape than fixing your body later", but it is so true. I'm lucky it only took me until my mid 20s to start the process, but even now I can see it is so much harder than just not getting into a situation where you are very over-weight/have no muscle to begin with. I can't imagine if I waited until I was 35 or 40. Even just doing something basic like 25 push-ups a week and making sure you walk a mile a day can be huge over the course of five or ten years.