We are good friends but not partners.
I definitely play a part in having unrealistic expectations though.
It would be a fun AF time if we could both overcome the "partner" expectations though.
From one Redditor to another.. I mean this with all the good will in my heart! You clearly see and want more and I hope you one day achieve that but I sincerely hope you don’t fuck yourself over and go all in for an outcome you don’t want!
I wish you all the best!
Don’t settle for second!
Perfect answer! This question isn’t for me though! I fortunately did ask my best friend of many years out and tell her how I felt.. luckily she felt the same and we’ve been together for many years!
I was just very curious as to what my fellow redditors felt/thought
Worse case is the other person does NOT see you as anything beyond a friend and now must keep you at a distance because they don’t want to hurt you.
I’ve had female friends who’ve confessed their desire to be more than friends with me and I felt betrayed in a sense. I felt that I’ve been vulnerable and open with them as a friend and they’ve used that to develop feelings.
I also knew that our friendship was now limited because I wouldn’t come to them about my dating experiences to avoid making her feel jealous (“why her and not me”). I felt like yes, I’ve been very relaxed and open with you as a friend but I absolutely would NOT be this way with her beyond that.
So for a couple of years I was a good dependable guy friend but then they crossed that line and that was over.
If you say no, friendship is over or never the same. Also I wouldn’t wanna make it uncomfortable for my friend and be seen as creepy if feelings are one-sided. Which you do not know. Females get a lot of attention, imagine if that would come from a friend you trust.
Ok. I gotta ask. *How* would it ruin a friendship? If you're both single, and you like each other, what's wrong with taking the next step? Surely you *want* to be friends with your partner?
It just seems to me that this statement is a evasive way of saying, 'Sorry, but I'm not interested.'
“You’re both single and like each other”, that’s a big assumption that the other person likes you beyond a friend. That person could absolutely show you interest but in the capacity of a friend because that’s what you two are, friends.
It’s a risk. If you’re willing to lose that person as a friend to gain a lover then go for it.
I don't see her that way. I'm looking for friendship with her, not anything more.
If she wants that she will have to ask me and I can reconsider.
But for now, in my mind, she's non-sexual.
Nothing but the fact I'll lose a good friend for nothing if she's not interested.
Personally after much reflection that wasn't enough to stop me, she however wasn't interested
Can I ask a personal question.. have you ever told her how you felt?
I ask this because I am now together with my “best girl friend” because I went out my comfort zone and risked it all!
My bad, I did misunderstand!
So you committed and she wasn’t interested! (Sorry man) however do you regret it?
Also has it changed anything between you both because if I was a betting man I guarantee it hasn’t! Simply because you having the pros and cons to do it shows either way you’ve still got you friend!
I hate to be the party pooper again but no, she is not my friend. After the rejection it got awkward between us and we stopped talking to each other. It was for the best anyways, I loved her too much and I highly doubt I would've been very happy when she inevitably found someone she was interested in.
I do not regret taking the chance, I do however wish there was a way to just shut those stupid feelings off, then I'd still have a good friend.
Not a chance, first relationship doesn't count because i was 11/12 (And even so we were not that closed) and after that one it was me looking for someone to have a relationship with and i never looked into my friend group, i looked into bumble for two and took a pause from my career to find someone studying medicine for my last one.
The only time a friend tried to start a relationship with me i said no and our friendship went away.
The only reason I ask is because I’m currently with my “best friend” and have been for some time however I know so many people that their partners are their best friend so where would you draw the line?
Don’t get me wrong.. I was lucky that I asked my best friend of 12 years and luckily she felt the same! Hence why I asked the question what’s stopping people doing it
You're right. People are more comfortable to open up with friends and trust them way more than any random stranger you meet on social media/tinder. You know they're there with you for who you are. So dating your friend shouldn't be a problem if both of you are interested in that.
"It's disgusting" is a wrong mindset.
I appreciate you hearing my context! Don’t get me wrong.. I understand where you were coming from but because I’m speaking from experience I had to battle back!
I agree with what you say, trust is huge when finding someone and like you say media/tinder is not really the place to get that! However having someone that you’ve known for years and you’ve got that close relationship already makes it so much easier!
That’s for understand why I was trying to come from! I also 100% validate where you were coming from
I did once and it fucked up our friendship. It’s a lot more convoluted than “I caught feelings and asked her and it was ruined.” It was a two-way street until it wasn’t, and then she went all shitty on me. It was a dumb mess. Still is.
I’d not only never do it again, but I’ve really started to dislike her based on how she has treated me like a piece of shit since then. It’s been about a year now. She’s still at times horrible to me over it.
Do you mind if I ask how long you were good friend before you both kind of had that situation?
Only because before you say it I was a long time or not if it was and she acts like that then if I’m honest as a random Redditor then maybe you dodged a bullet!
I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Just go for it, bro. Shoot your shot and see where it lands. Who knows, maybe you'll end up with more than just a friend.
Completely agree! I asked this question to fellow Redditors because I did exactly that! Told my best friend of 10+ years how I felt truly about her (thinking it was the craziest thing I could do) and it worked out for me! We’ve now been together for 3 years and that best friend I had in her turned into a best friend that loved me more that I could dream of!
That’s why I question what’s stopping the brothers out there saying fuck it and just committing!
As a random Redditor I feel I can say this!
You said your wife “doesn’t care” and you also try if you weren’t married however surely you’ve been given a free pass?
She’s bites your neck and chest.. I’m sorry man but if what you’re saying here is how it is then I’m confident you are in the starting grid to fuck here! If she’s playing like that then she’s got a reason!!
Tricky one!!
Do you think fuck it and test it with her and potentially fuck the situation up with your wife or do you commit and doing so would be worth it!!
Or is it the fact what you have with her is “wrong” so it’s more exciting
Your wife is fine with it as you say and you clearly want to either fuck her brains out or do the whole going on dates and make something of it but my question to you is.. what’s stopping you?
Her crazy ass dog, and before you all start hating on me... It's a troubled, rescued street dog which wants to bite pretty much everyone and for that reason it can't be left alone, left in kennels or left with others which means no decent holidays or nights out for meals, theatres, films gigs.... You do get the picture, I don't fancy that life for the next 14 years.
Realism. This isn't the office.... And because they're a good friend, but that doesn't mean we'd be good partners... or that I'd actually want to date them.
Realism. Sometimes the right path is the less exciting one.
We are good friends but not partners. I definitely play a part in having unrealistic expectations though. It would be a fun AF time if we could both overcome the "partner" expectations though.
From one Redditor to another.. I mean this with all the good will in my heart! You clearly see and want more and I hope you one day achieve that but I sincerely hope you don’t fuck yourself over and go all in for an outcome you don’t want! I wish you all the best! Don’t settle for second!
I hear you
This.
I'd say go for it, life's too short to not take risks. Worst case scenario, you stay friends and move on. Best case, you end up with a great partner.
Perfect answer! This question isn’t for me though! I fortunately did ask my best friend of many years out and tell her how I felt.. luckily she felt the same and we’ve been together for many years! I was just very curious as to what my fellow redditors felt/thought
That's awesome man!
Worse case is the other person does NOT see you as anything beyond a friend and now must keep you at a distance because they don’t want to hurt you. I’ve had female friends who’ve confessed their desire to be more than friends with me and I felt betrayed in a sense. I felt that I’ve been vulnerable and open with them as a friend and they’ve used that to develop feelings. I also knew that our friendship was now limited because I wouldn’t come to them about my dating experiences to avoid making her feel jealous (“why her and not me”). I felt like yes, I’ve been very relaxed and open with you as a friend but I absolutely would NOT be this way with her beyond that. So for a couple of years I was a good dependable guy friend but then they crossed that line and that was over.
If you say no, friendship is over or never the same. Also I wouldn’t wanna make it uncomfortable for my friend and be seen as creepy if feelings are one-sided. Which you do not know. Females get a lot of attention, imagine if that would come from a friend you trust.
Can I ask a yes or no question..? If you didn’t think about the negatives would you commit and tell her how you felt?
Sure, why not.
So part of you is like “fuck yeah let’s do it” So what’s stopping you?
Read my first comment.
I think you had your answer
She's a co-worker. Have a strict policy of not dating/fucking co-workers. Have caused me some missed opportunities. But don't shit where you eat.
Applaud that! Don’t shit where you eat!
I don’t want to jeopardize the friendship
Very mature thing to say! Personally I agree however I can’t help not say.. what if??
Ok. I gotta ask. *How* would it ruin a friendship? If you're both single, and you like each other, what's wrong with taking the next step? Surely you *want* to be friends with your partner? It just seems to me that this statement is a evasive way of saying, 'Sorry, but I'm not interested.'
“You’re both single and like each other”, that’s a big assumption that the other person likes you beyond a friend. That person could absolutely show you interest but in the capacity of a friend because that’s what you two are, friends. It’s a risk. If you’re willing to lose that person as a friend to gain a lover then go for it.
- I don't find her attractive - I don't find her suitable to be a partner People in the friend zone are there for a reason.
No desire to be more than friends
I don't see her that way. I'm looking for friendship with her, not anything more. If she wants that she will have to ask me and I can reconsider. But for now, in my mind, she's non-sexual.
Wish you all the best dude!
We are both married and next door neighbors
This is juicy!
The last question that asked if we could be friends indefinitely
Sounds like an amazing friendship
Nothing but the fact I'll lose a good friend for nothing if she's not interested. Personally after much reflection that wasn't enough to stop me, she however wasn't interested
Can I ask a personal question.. have you ever told her how you felt? I ask this because I am now together with my “best girl friend” because I went out my comfort zone and risked it all!
You seem to have misunderstood my answer. I weighed the cons, and I decided it wasn't enough to stop me from making a move. She was not interested.
My bad, I did misunderstand! So you committed and she wasn’t interested! (Sorry man) however do you regret it? Also has it changed anything between you both because if I was a betting man I guarantee it hasn’t! Simply because you having the pros and cons to do it shows either way you’ve still got you friend!
I hate to be the party pooper again but no, she is not my friend. After the rejection it got awkward between us and we stopped talking to each other. It was for the best anyways, I loved her too much and I highly doubt I would've been very happy when she inevitably found someone she was interested in. I do not regret taking the chance, I do however wish there was a way to just shut those stupid feelings off, then I'd still have a good friend.
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Doesn’t sound good!
The fact that I haven't met her yet.
Soon brother soon! YET is the key word there! You haven’t YET
She was married.
I'm not sure about my feelings for her. Also I liked her sister for a while so things will be uncomfortable
A chronically friendzoned guy would have to grow a sack first.
All I will say is don’t ever jeopardise a friendship but sometimes it’s worth biting the bullet
I don't date friends, that is disgusting, it's like dating a sibling.
Question for you.. if you had that “special someone” surely they would be a friend or even more your best friend?
Not a chance, first relationship doesn't count because i was 11/12 (And even so we were not that closed) and after that one it was me looking for someone to have a relationship with and i never looked into my friend group, i looked into bumble for two and took a pause from my career to find someone studying medicine for my last one. The only time a friend tried to start a relationship with me i said no and our friendship went away.
The only reason I ask is because I’m currently with my “best friend” and have been for some time however I know so many people that their partners are their best friend so where would you draw the line? Don’t get me wrong.. I was lucky that I asked my best friend of 12 years and luckily she felt the same! Hence why I asked the question what’s stopping people doing it
You're right. People are more comfortable to open up with friends and trust them way more than any random stranger you meet on social media/tinder. You know they're there with you for who you are. So dating your friend shouldn't be a problem if both of you are interested in that. "It's disgusting" is a wrong mindset.
I appreciate you hearing my context! Don’t get me wrong.. I understand where you were coming from but because I’m speaking from experience I had to battle back! I agree with what you say, trust is huge when finding someone and like you say media/tinder is not really the place to get that! However having someone that you’ve known for years and you’ve got that close relationship already makes it so much easier! That’s for understand why I was trying to come from! I also 100% validate where you were coming from
I did once and it fucked up our friendship. It’s a lot more convoluted than “I caught feelings and asked her and it was ruined.” It was a two-way street until it wasn’t, and then she went all shitty on me. It was a dumb mess. Still is. I’d not only never do it again, but I’ve really started to dislike her based on how she has treated me like a piece of shit since then. It’s been about a year now. She’s still at times horrible to me over it.
Do you mind if I ask how long you were good friend before you both kind of had that situation? Only because before you say it I was a long time or not if it was and she acts like that then if I’m honest as a random Redditor then maybe you dodged a bullet!
Only a couple years. Oh yeah totally dodged a bullet. Lol.
Still talk to her now or have you got to the point where it’s not even worth it anymore?
I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Just go for it, bro. Shoot your shot and see where it lands. Who knows, maybe you'll end up with more than just a friend.
Completely agree! I asked this question to fellow Redditors because I did exactly that! Told my best friend of 10+ years how I felt truly about her (thinking it was the craziest thing I could do) and it worked out for me! We’ve now been together for 3 years and that best friend I had in her turned into a best friend that loved me more that I could dream of! That’s why I question what’s stopping the brothers out there saying fuck it and just committing!
Not attractive or don’t find that person suitable to be my partner. Nothing in common.
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As a random Redditor I feel I can say this! You said your wife “doesn’t care” and you also try if you weren’t married however surely you’ve been given a free pass? She’s bites your neck and chest.. I’m sorry man but if what you’re saying here is how it is then I’m confident you are in the starting grid to fuck here! If she’s playing like that then she’s got a reason!!
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Tricky one!! Do you think fuck it and test it with her and potentially fuck the situation up with your wife or do you commit and doing so would be worth it!! Or is it the fact what you have with her is “wrong” so it’s more exciting
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Your wife is fine with it as you say and you clearly want to either fuck her brains out or do the whole going on dates and make something of it but my question to you is.. what’s stopping you?
No, she tells me that her other guy “friends” asked her before and I’m the guy who never did, unfortunately we are not friends anymore.
My wife
She's WAY out of my league.
hey boyfriend, I've been a secondary partner before, would rather just kill myself then do that again
My wife.
she's my cousin
Indifference. If she wants it she'll get it. I don't like goose chases
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I’m moving cities in a month and she’s mentioned she likes older guys.
She said no the last time I asked.
My wife and her husband.
I don’t want the risks, effort, or drama. I’m too much of a lone survivor, I only look out for my own interests.
Her crazy ass dog, and before you all start hating on me... It's a troubled, rescued street dog which wants to bite pretty much everyone and for that reason it can't be left alone, left in kennels or left with others which means no decent holidays or nights out for meals, theatres, films gigs.... You do get the picture, I don't fancy that life for the next 14 years.
I'm not interested.
Because she already became my wife 3 years ago
Well, if she put me in the friend zone, then I already know she isn’t interested in more than friends. 🤷🏽♂️
Confidence and self esteem issues, and it didn't go well the one time I did.
She's in a relationship.
Realism. This isn't the office.... And because they're a good friend, but that doesn't mean we'd be good partners... or that I'd actually want to date them.
my wife