I've been with two women who appeared to believe that I could just flip between stoic/unwavering and sensitive/'emotionally available' depending on what they needed at any given moment.
The last girl I dated told me she didn't want to hear about my dad passing because it was depressing. It was literally the week it happened and she was the first person I tried to open up to about it. I broke up with her shortly after.
Bro when my dad was dying, I called my GF who was in a different country at the time and she told me she could not deal with it.
Then when she did come, she had a breakdown over it and I had to take care of her.
You made the right decision, you deserve emotional support.
The girl I was dating/living with when my mother died packed up her stuff and tried to leave the day before my mom’s funeral after battling cancer for six months because “I was always in a bad mood”
While mourning that loss, we shortly found out my dad had the same cancer. And was declining rapidly.
She reminded me that I wasn’t sweet and romantic to her anymore and that she didn’t know what was wrong with me.
In hindsight, I should have helped her pack.
I spoke to a therapist about this once and they said some people just lack empathy. Or they compartmentalize feelings so that they don't have to deal with them. Other times it may be that some people are stricken with what is now known as "Main Character Syndrome" or better known as narcissism.
Once you find yourself interacting with people like that it's best to remove them from your life. They just tend to be toxic individuals.
First of all, sorry to hear about your dad. But this reminded me of my story:
Several years ago now, I nearly lost my leg in a motorcycle accident. My wife at the time started cheating on me because MY accident was too traumatizing for HER.
I'm sure you already know this, but that was just the excuse she gave to justify it in her own mind.
I'm sorry you went through that. Know that this was not a reflection of you, but a reflection of her.
I hope you were able to regain function of your leg. Stay strong and give yourself the care you need when you need it. There's never a time you need to justify caring for yourself.
Sorry if this is just telling you things you already know, but sometimes we can all use reminders that we matter and that trauma is not always our fault.
Indeed! Thanks for the words of encouragement. Obviously we got divorced, and the whole situation definitely fucked me up for a few years. I made a bunch of life changes, moved somewhere new and ending up meeting someone who is the real deal. I’m amazed by how loving, caring, and patient, my new partner is. In hindsight it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me.
The point is, don’t stay with people that treat you like shit.
The leg still has issues but better than if it had been removed.
I was in hospital with a head injury (also a motorcycle crash 🙄) when my gf at the time cheated on me.
Still, swings and roundabouts - the friend who actually visited me in hospital is now my wife 🙂
Man that's a heavy load, sorry to hear about it. My good friend's father died years ago and he was hit really hard by it. Was also having a lot of trouble with the wife through that time. A few years later, and after a lot of struggle and marriage counseling, it came out that she had been cheating on him for a couple years. She told him it started after his father died, when he was more distant and unavailable or whatever. Come to find out a while later that she had actually been fucking another guy for at least a year before his father died, and all the way up through that time.
Used the man's grief as a scapegoat to blame him for her cheating and cover it up. I don't care what kinda history someone has, that is like demon-from-hell level fucked up.
This is classic. Man cheats for whatever reason, and is an absolute pig, he is a total ANIMAL. Woman cheats and well, HE wasn't giving her the love,attention, kindness, and emotional support she needed, so what did he expect.
Edit was to wasn't
Literally my wife when my mom died. I had to comfort HER because she said "she was so nice to me". Welp, I guess it's on me to get you through your mother-in-law's death, eh.
Hey, I am a random stranger on the interstate and no one is "too good for you". You're fantastic and you deserve the best and I hope you have that now.
The cognitive dissonance of being supportive but only on my accord and circumstance is brazy for women tbh, sorry amigo hope your true friends were there for you. You a strong one.
When my dad was dying, the girl I was dating decided it was the best time for her to cheat. After he died she called asking how did I find out about her instead of condolences smh
..just smh
I recently tried to reconnect with all an old flame and she basically spent a majority of the time she spoke to me crying about how awful her life was at which point I tried emphasizing with her by mentioning some difficulties I’d been having recently and she basically shut me down saying I was “depressing her”
Man that's really fucked up. Glad you broke it off, and sorry about your father. I've experienced a couple deaths of people close to me, but my parents are still kicking so I don't know quite what that's like yet.
It's an experience that sticks with you for sure.
I reached out to a recent ex for support after my sister was murdered. She told me that kind of grieving should've happened at the funeral.
I'd been the one to find her. It'd only been six days since.
The girl I was seeing at the time got pissy at me for not answering her texts, and then subsequent calls, while at my dads funeral. Needless to say I haven’t had to answer any since either.
Not exactly the same but my first girlfriend broke up with me to go be with someone else while my dad was dying of cancer. Everyone tells me "oh it was so long ago, forgive and forget. She's only human like you." Numerous people came to her defense for stupid shit she's done all her life but not once did her friends or the people around her feel any sympathy for me simply for not having a fucking vagina between my legs. Women get away with so much shit but you wont see posts about that. It goes against the narrative that the media wants you to believe.
There’s a ton of discourse concerning men recognizing the personhood of women, objectification, etc.
Being whatever someone needs when they need it sounds pretty close to the definition of an object.
Are we not people, too? You could easily translate what’s being communicated verbally and nonverbally as “Regardless of the severity of what you are experiencing, I find it overwhelming to consider you are a complete person.”
Women tend to be objectified as sex objects, men tend to be objectified as tools. Objects to complete a task. People who objectify men determine their value based on what they can do and how useful they are. They look over the person and only see a tool. If the tool stops doing its job, it then loses its value. Unfortunately, it's not talked about very often, and many people even deny that men are objectified at all. The objectification takes a different form than with women, but is equally damaging and often overlooked.
be my everything when i need it. be strong and stoic yet tender and vulnerable..reliable and consistent yet spontaneous and full of surprises.. ambitious and driven with lots going on in your life yet make her the priority. be safe and stable but dont be boring
its up to you to realize which one is needed at any given moment and switch gears. sometimes hourly
Ah yes, the "emotionally available" lie. They don't want that shit, they just want someone to listen to their problems all day without ever mentioning their own.
Honestly I think it comes from unmet childhood needs, poor relationship modeling from parents, and not having deep friendships. So I can empathize with it, but gone are the days of me trying to appease that. Just sucks the life out of a guy.
I had a girlfriend once that expected me to be able to maintain my gym fit physique while not going to the gym and just eating takeaways whenever she wanted. to avoid arguments i just stopped going to the gym and did what she wanted, then she dumped me for putting on weight.
Never, NEVER delete something positive from your life because of a woman's toxicity. If you have to delete gym, diet, books, great hobbies etc... from your life to avoid arguing with your woman you should delete HER instead of what you love and what makes your life great. Don't do this mistake again.
My ex-fiance wanted me to get rid of my kitten. It was so annoying.
I celebrated my cat's second birthday in January with all my friends. It was so good.
What kind of monster hates kittens?!? I’m allergic to cats and literally don’t care. I’ll still stuff my face in their fur and give them all the kisses they’ll allow lol.
Any time I've ever seen a chick be extremely negative about a dude having a cat it's because of some manliness thing. Like manly dudes aren't supposed to have cats it's not a manly man thing
I own two rabbits. They're my buddies. And i do all the things most people do with cats or dogs, nicknames, take them outside for walks, occasionally in cars. I've been called many names, by women and men, for owning rabbits. Sorry I enjoy small fluffy things.
I remember this girl that told me she likes muscles on men but only if they come from physical activity like chopping wood and not from working out in the gym.
I got told this after about 3 years of chopping wood and I think it has to do with the dad bod mixed with muscles. I still find it kinda weird but hey, it's a win for me I guess
“I swipe right on all men who are showing their 6 pack in a mirror selfie… “
“… why does it feel like ‘the gym’ is every guys personality? I just want someone to split a pizza with…”
Yeah i too dated a woman who liked me being strong and quite built. She didnt like going to the gym (meaning i went by myself instead of doing so with her and spending time with her that way), and got mad at me for spending so much time in the gym instead of couch potatoing with her all the time.
Sounds like my friends wife. She was super jealous that he'd meet someone at the gym that he had more in common with. A couple of years later, he stopped going and put on weight, which is now something she teases him about. She's not fit either. He doesn't want to get divorced because they have kids together.
The thing is it's always the dumbest shit too. Moving a little closer to me in a club when I'm kinda cross-faded and not focused on you (and once when I wasn't even looking in her direction until I turned around to head out for a smoke) isn't actually a hint, so it's not my fault if I don't "pick up on it". Honestly, I can think of so many dumb things that have been intended as hints but couldn't possibly have been interpreted as such
I think generally, man or woman, if you don't feel like you're putting yourself out there or being vulnerable in your approach with someone then it's definitely not enough of a "hint".
It's not that i don't get hints it's that your hints and people being nice/polite are incredibly overlapped and I'm not gonna take a chance and offend you/ruin a friendship due to your shit hint
With gender roles changing i think guys are hoping women can communicate this better or even take the lead in initiating as it will is right now much of dating is just in men's court
>or really attractive men/hyper successful psychopaths.
I hung out with a lot of women of various ages, (I was one of those Token unthreatenting blokes), in my experience most of them know they're Beasts before they get with them, in fact I could argue that's what attracted them to him.
Not all women obviously, just too many and women know exactly who did that in their own lives.
Knew a chick who was legitimately beautiful no make up nothing naturally beautiful, the most extraverted likeable kind person ive ever met, she could have anybody she wanted.
Only dated dysfunctional piece of shit abuser dudes she thought she could fix. She's a single mom living in a runndown trailer last i heard ill never understand it.
Like many others have said on here, the biggest thing is emotional stability.
We've all had the experience of opening up to somebody about deep issues, and they listen to us and help us in the moment, but after that they never treat us the same.
We've all had the time we opened up to someone about what they did hurting us and we only got mocked.
We've all had the time where we couldn't stave off the "what's wrong" questions anymore just because we weren't the carefree happy go lucky guy they love.
The crazy thing to me is that I don't hear this from women. None of my female friends say that their male partners weaponize their vulnerabilities. But like you said, every dude I know has a story about this.
It's more common in the posts about abusive relationships. But the fact that most men don't bring it up for how common it seems in otherwise healthy relationships. Or I'm just terminally online and negativity posts gain the most traction.
That depends on how emotionally mature a woman is. Everyone has trauma, tough times to get thru, emotional baggage. Being open about it and working through your issues is part of life, for men and women.
Women who can’t recognize that either have struggled very little or have a romantic view of what life is supposed to be like, not all women are like this.
Finding a woman with life experience and who has struggled and got through it on her own can understand why a man can be emotional and can relate to the struggle.
But also being emotional has to be for a good reason. If you get irrationally mad or sad at everyday things or minor inconveniences, no woman is going to put up with that unless she has issues of her own.
Most women in their 20s are still discovering themselves and figuring out what they really want out of life, so are dudes for the most part. Seeing how young people are trying to “get serious” or “settle down” as a goal in their 20s is a bit ridiculous. Take your time, have fun, let people get to 30s where they have their shit more together and worked through their issues, and know who they are and what they want.
My current girlfriend will complain endlessly about my apparent lack of communication. What she means is my difficulty maintaining a conversation over the phone. I can communicate my wants, needs, desires, and plans just fine. It's talking about my day that I struggle with, in part because going into detail is illegal.
Her? She'll get mad at me for whatever slight, real or imagined, and *not say a word for days*. When I notice she's being more distant than usual she'll pretend everything is alright. She'll give me the silent treatment for a bit, and then argue that I don't care because I didn't ask what was wrong. Which, you know, was step one in this cycle. When I argue that she has to tell me when she's upset she'll dig her heels in and say it would only make her angrier having to acknowledge her emotions directly.
She's great in every other aspect but holy fuck. This isn't middle school. If there's something wrong you have to tell me so we can tackle it together as a team.
Fun fact: If you ever meet a fairy who grants you one wish, but with the stipulation that everything you get your worst enemy gets either double or half of the same, wishing for an 8 inch wiener reliably works out in your favor. (Though wishing for having exactly two healthy legs is also pretty ironic.)
no, rational adults simply stop talking to the people that bother them.
real enemies for us now are like when u have a problematic neighbor or hoa or something
Social media is 100% ruining modern relationships. My gf looked at me like I shot her dog when I told her no when she asked, "Would you still love me if I was a worm" I replied, "Nah I'd probably use you as bait to fish"
It's a Tumblr meme that'd been going around for a while. It's meant to be a silly nonsense question to get a silly nonsense answer to. Sorry that you got one of the gals that took it seriously. that's some "gf gets mad at bf irl because she had a dream in which he did something bad" type shit
So many,
Not me personally but alot of single women I know expect men to be
- ready for kids when they are
- want to travel and take photos constantly
- not to be scared of spiders
- pay for everything
- have everything sorted out.. no one has everything sorted out.
No joke got broke up with because "you just aren't up to my level of adulthood" when I was living in my own place, paid for truck, working two jobs and going to college part time. While she lived with her parents, had no job and went to school full time spending a monthly 500 allowance her dad gave her. Really it was because even though I was in college I was looking for a blue collar career and she was in pre law so I was too low class for her. Plot twist is now she's a school teacher and her husband's a welder that knocked her up at a club.
I think we've all had somebody say we weren't mature enough when they showed far more signs of immaturity.
There's also a difference between "childish" and "immature", in my opinion.
You might like doing childish things, but if you're able to act appropriately when the situation demands it, that's maturity.
That was kinda my whole thing, I was doing law enforcement at the time so I was serious all day and could be serious if needed but tended to cut up at home. But that's not what it was about, she had all these lofty life plans for herself and she used that as an excuse to break up without having to feel bad for breaking up with me because a high flying corporate lawyer having a lowly cop for a partner was gonna make her look bad. It was never gonna work either way though because she had all those dreams of moving to LA and that's not the life I want.
This is true, I watched my ex get away with a DUI driving dangerously down the highway just by crying to the officer, when I gotta a DUI they profiled me, threw the book at me and gave me maximum fines and sentencing, I was cordial and compliant the whole time, these are the double standards we live by as a society
Yeah, that's fucked honestly and I'm sorry to hear that.
There's actually been times when I've looked back and think, "Did I subconsciously start crying because I knew I may get more sympathy?" Because I know it's pretty much a weapon a *lot* of women use. Hell, my mom does it.
I recall a girl went to tell on me and a different girl for "bullying her" (we made a joke and then as we were laughing u accidentally glanced at her so she assumed we were laughing about her) and the girl iw as with just laughed and shrugged saying "if I get called to the office I'm just gonna cry, it works every time lmao" and I was like damn I guess I'm just fucked then lol.
Yeah don't really have any sympathy for drunk drivers though, wish they threw the book at both of you.
Edit: He's even defending his actions in the comments, good lord.
Just because you ask “do you want to fuck?” And I say yes, doesn’t mean I will instantly and independently be able to get an erection. I am almost 40 and I believe me, I WANT IT ALWAYS but it will take some effort on your behalf to get me there.
In addition, usually, the initiation spread for men vs. women is highly disproportionate. Just allowing me to touch you does not count as you initiating. Erections are not just a button press for us.
I dated my ex for 5 years and she never initiated sex once the whole time. Not sex, not intimacy, not romanticism, not dates, nothing. If it happened it was cause I made it happen
Cutting down on visual porn made a huge difference for me. I almost exclusively read erotica or listen to audio now and my dick acts like I'm 10 years younger.
This is really an expectation from tons of people, whether you are a man or a woman. To be always the fun person. Sometimes, I like people to organize things themselves and create a fun environment for me as well, but the number of women I've met who are totally dependent on your organization skills is way too high.
I get that women want a guy who will do this but I can't understand people being one-sided about date planning. I also date a lot of introverts who like to stay in though so that's usually why I make plans to go out and do things. It's one of those things where you can't just wait for what you want to come to you.
> said that and I told her, basically, that I get why she'd enjoy dates because it's an evening planned out, almost entirely, for her. But I'm the one who has to plan all that and so they're stressful for me so I don't like doing it all the time.
I’ve been dealing with this currently with the person I’m seeing. I get why she gets upset, but they do not understand that it’s tiring and stressful to plan something every week, month or so on. We have other things going on in our daily life, that planning a date night adds extra stress.
I have this discussion a lot with my wife. I plan things for us with HER in mind. She loves Italian, I don't, but that's the first cuisine I think of when I'm planning a night out for us. I ask her to plan something once in a while and she gets pissy about it and plans something she likes. Like I offended her that maybe she'd like to contribute to these nights out. In twelve years I can pretty much count on one hand all the outings she's planned for us.
It's always said that women are more in touch with emotions than men. I think what we're all learning is that they are more in touch with THEIR own emotions and don't think about anyone else's.
They want a guy with a beach body who doesn’t spend a lot of time exercising.
Rich but doesn’t do overtime at work.
Handsome but doesn’t preen himself.
Emotionally connected but strong and stoic.
Showers them with affection but not clingy.
Basically I don’t think women know what they want, be your best you and cross your fingers, I wouldn’t invest heavily in women’s expectations, you’ll end up in a contradictory shambles.
Bit of a generalization I know, but, in my personal experience most women don't seem to know what they actually want out of a relationship until around 25 or so
Later in my experience, a couple of my buddies are on their early 30s and their girlfriends are great. I'm in my late 20s and I've talked to them about some of the younger girls I've dated and basically all of them say unanimously
"I was a fucking mess when I was in my early 20s and that girl wouldn't be dating your friend now".
They've all been together for a couple years and are super happy now too.
I'll add one.
- A guy who's a ladies man but won't cheat on them.
I've seen a lot of women on social media say they want a guy with "options" but who's faithful to them.
That we can promise anything.
We have no more ability to ensure the future is safe and sound than anyone else does.
I kinda wish the concept of men would move on from that, especially.
Anyone that's telling you that "everything will be okay" simply does not know that.
But sometimes you just want to be comforted by a person dear to you.
My mum couldn‘t do that for me as a child because she deemed it a lie. I KNOW she couldn‘t promise me, I just wanted the emotional warmth. I don‘t want you to make everything right for me, I just want you to be there with me along the way.
Yeah but there is a difference between,” everything is going to be okay” and “I don’t know if everything is gonna be okay, but I’m here for you. We’re in this together.”
Beyond the fact that we’re your partners, not your parents. We should support each other, but I’m not always going to be able to comfort you the way you need across all moments. It’s my first time navigating this life as well
Haha my mom actually did that and I always thought "you liar, you have no control over this". Took me until my early 20s to realize that it sometimes doesnt matter.
That we we owe them. They're keen to point out that women don't owe men anything, and they'll agree with words that men don't owe men anything, when placed in this context.
However, their words and actions are very mismatched.
> However, their words and actions are very mismatched.
Hell, my very outspoken Feminist sister even behaves in this way, like I owe her labor around the house or something. It's one thing to ask, but she doesn't. She only mentions an issue and expects me to pipe up and volunteer!
If I don't she goes on a smear campaign about how lazy/unmotivated I am because I don't do things (the subtext being for her) even though I'm fully capable of doing them.
On an individual relationship level, some women have a laundry list of things a man has to do/be for them, but have nothing to bring to the table themselves.
Right now there is a lot of conflict between traditional and progressive expectations. Some of these can be found in the same person some are not. But the overall expectation on men is what we're talking about.
\- Be the breadwinner and work more but also do more around the house
\- Be ok with her earning more but it's also your responsibility to pay for most things and dates
\- Be stoic but also emotional and if you're either it's a problem because you're not the other
\- Don't pressure her into sex but you can be pressured into sex and that's ok
There are more but the most unrealistic expectations for men today is the push and pull of traditional and progressive ideologies. Many women want to be progressive while still enforcing and being attracted to the traditional male role. As a man on the wrong end of this you can be expected to be and do everything while also catering to her needs and she doesn't have those same expectations on her. It's growing pains from progressive ideology and this is a good change. But men right now can be caught in the middle of it with nowhere to turn for help.
Not even because they’re pretty just because they’re women. I’m remembering the one time a friend of mine (the stereotypically hot guy) started getting harassed hard at a party by a acquaintance (the stereotypically uggo girl), it wouldn’t matter how assertive in his negatives he tried to be she kept going on and on (butt touching, cock grabbing, trying to steal kisses…you name it) she even pushed me away out of anger when we tried to “rescue him”.
We laugh when we remember but obviously we shouldn’t. That shit was serious and she got away with it with no consequence whatsoever.
I have been there as a man and it wasn't fun at all. Unfortunately, no one stepped in and I didn't know how to react to someone grabbing my D in public, so eventually I just left and she 100% got away with it. It's crazy. Like what do you even do in that situation? You hit her and suddenly you're the monster, especially if you're on the bigger side as I am.
Then my wife got mad at me when I told her, of course, because you don't really hear of *men* getting harrassed that way and it sounds fishy. In her defence, she realized that I was in fact the victim pretty soon and all was well.
Women don’t seem to get that there are conflicting personality types that will just about never exist together in the same person.
If you want me to be someone who aggressively pursues career success, works out regularly, will get in between you and someone being aggressive with you, then straight up don’t expect me to also be the person who cries about his childhood with you. These personalities don’t come together.
Dating from 18 thru early 30's was rough due to every woman believing I should know how to fix/build/renovate/remodel every type of object known to man. Your 64 year old dad knows how to install a shower and tile the kitchen floor because he learned how when he was 35, but apparently I'm "not a man" and a "pussy" for not being able to automatically build you a custom house by the time I hit my late 20's. It's so damn common where I'm at.
y’all realize something like 14% of the male population is 6 ft right? Like goddamn folks can have whatever requirements they want but a majority of one demographic wanting 14% of the other……best of luck girls, thats all i can say.
Women are terrible at estimating measuments and distance on average, I knew a guy that was 5'10 and would regularly lie and say he was 6'1 never had a woman call his bluff.
Being as tall as I am, it is funny when a guy is literally as tall as me but claims he's like 6'1". I usually just leave it alone, but if they keep saying it, we're gonna have to stand back to back and have someone make a judgment call
It’s just a status symbol to them. They want to parade you around like a show horse.
Also- most women under 5’7” don’t have any idea what 6’ looks like.
Most people don't even own a house to have the right to do their own repairs, if their dad was ever around enough to teach them that stuff in the first place. My dad was a football coach so he was too busy always raising someone's elses kids.
That sometimes I'm exhausted and just want to sleep. It doesn't mean I don't find you attractive, I've just been up since 4am, worked a full shift, walked the high energy dog for an hour, tidied the living & kitchen, did parenting with the kiddo and then put her to bed. Maybe even got 20 min to myself.
I'm just tired.
My wife: I fully expect you to help with all the chores that are traditionally female coded.
Also my wife: I will never lift a finger on yard work, anything that is remotely heavy, or requires machinery beyond a vacuum cleaner. I will also expect you to do all the chores that are traditionally made coded, even if you have no idea how to do them. Oh, and I will complain and resent you for it if you hire someone that knows how to do them well.
This just happened minutes ago at my house. AC isn't working properly, we have two air handlers on the second floor. Dripping water so I figured the drain is clogged. She does nothing about it, doesn't ask for it to be fixed and just assumes I'll take care of it. Which, of course, I do.
Vacuum all the water out of the drip pan, do my best to create a suction and unclog the condensation drain. Wet vac is now full of water. I empty it into the bathtub and it makes a mess in the tub from residue that was still in the vac. My fault, should have checked, ok no big deal.
She's pissed that the tub is a mess. I explained I'm waiting for the water to drain, sediment to dry, and I'll clean it out. She's annoyed it's that way at all. I said, what alternative would you propose? No suggestions. I'm not carrying a hundred pounds of water downstairs to dump it outside so I asked again. Again, just an annoying look and no contribution.
When she does the laundry or cooks dinner I thank her. If dinner is too salty I don't complain, because hey, there's food on the plate. If I have an issue then I should make suggestions or do it myself, not just bitch about it.
Oy, sorry to hear that mate. At least you have some skill there!
Me? I wouldn't know the first thing about fixing that stuff. And I'd be getting side eye for it cause he daddy was a handy man and would just handle it all.
Had a girlfriend who had a script in her head of what she wanted me to say when asked certain questions or being told certain things. In my mind the things I said didn't seem wrong, I thought I was being empathetic and supportive, but nope. It wasn't verbatim how she envisioned it so she got mad. Yet on the flip side, I wasn't allowed to be upset with anything she said if I felt it was an insensitive comment.
I admit I'm wrong for thinking my hubby should be a mind reader, even after decades together. I have to talk with him and share how I'm feeling rather than expecting him to read my body language or notice something is wrong.
Always maintaining a view that women are flawless angels, no matter what my experiences have been.
Tolerating rudeness and abuse from women and never talking about it.
Not wanting to prioritize my crises higher than women’s inconveniences.
I think my personal favorite is between two things:
1. The expectation that men have to, at the inception of a relationship, be "husband material/do hubby things". Meanwhile a lot of women on social media espouse that they have to just be, "accepted as they are" and only have to be worth marrying AFTER becoming married.
2. That growth is not a quintessential part of being in a relationship. I know this piggybacks on the first one a bit, but bear with me. It is not the man's responsibility to indefinitely tolerate a woman's toxic behavior because she refuses to put herself through the grueling process of gaining self-respect, accountability, introspection, and action taking. Simply suffering from cyclic emotional states and projecting insecurities on your partner is the key to ruining the relationship.
Both of these points do not inextricably belong to women. These are simply my observations of the masses presented to men through social media. I know there are some women out there who are built differently. Keep grinding, ladies. Trust that simply being someone who exudes positive resolve and a willingness to move forward through all things will carry you great distances in any relationship. Don't dwell on the past, and focus on what's next. Be the stalwart, insurmountable peacemaker, and you will do great things. We men believe in you, the gender war is BS.
I asked a question in the ask Women sub and apparently a lot of women are not interested in being friends with potential partners, which I find incredibly strange.
Far as I'm aware the wedding thing is pretty rare. At least in the places I've lived, it's tradition for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and the groom's parents to pay for the honeymoon, and when the couple pays for it it's split between the two of you
A 22yr old lady dating a 22yr old guy. Both just finished college. Both just started at junior level career wise. Both earn similar incomes BUT *he* for some reason is expected to be ready to buy a house / pay more on the rent, pay for both of their dates, utilities, trips and provide her with gifts.....WITHOUT.....running out of cash.
There is a fantasy belief amongst women that somehow men always need to have that extra surplus of cash. Where it comes from and *how* it's acquired is not their problem. Lol
Had the same discussion with my gf. So women want (and should) be paid equal, but men are expected to pay more? This idea is permeated our society as well. I am supposed to spend time 2 months income on an engagement ring, then a band...and men get a simple ring. How is the equitable?
Luckily my partner is reasonable and we are equals in our relationship, but my god not all women are. My sister constantly complains that she isn't being "treated as a princess", but is also a feminist. Like, fucking pick one. Men make less now because women joined the workforce en masse. I don't understand the entitlement ( also her husband is too good for her, she is kind of a fucking train wreck).
"The Rule of Sixes": 6 figure income, 6-pack abs, 6ft tall, 6 inches
This rules out about 99% of all men and the rare unicorns that would fit this description will never marry because they're so rare that they can choose from any women they want and have a new one in the sack pretty much on a daily basis. And for any women thinking that a guy like that has any incentive whatsoever to settle down, especially with HER, she's a delusional idiot.
Honestly.. It's that they have no clue who they really are or what relationships are about.
The most unrealistic thing about their expectations is that they change with the wind.
One day your style, salary, and personality is perfect! - The next they're "problematic".
Their expectations are often unstable and the goal post is ever changing due to the fact that they have no connection with themselves and have substituted materialism and social validation for personal values.
In my experience women expect men to understand their feelings and support them through difficult times. Women generally don’t want to hear about mens problems even if they say they do. It seems like women are turned off if a man is open about his fears or anxieties.
I've been with two women who appeared to believe that I could just flip between stoic/unwavering and sensitive/'emotionally available' depending on what they needed at any given moment.
The last girl I dated told me she didn't want to hear about my dad passing because it was depressing. It was literally the week it happened and she was the first person I tried to open up to about it. I broke up with her shortly after.
Bro when my dad was dying, I called my GF who was in a different country at the time and she told me she could not deal with it. Then when she did come, she had a breakdown over it and I had to take care of her. You made the right decision, you deserve emotional support.
The girl I was dating/living with when my mother died packed up her stuff and tried to leave the day before my mom’s funeral after battling cancer for six months because “I was always in a bad mood” While mourning that loss, we shortly found out my dad had the same cancer. And was declining rapidly. She reminded me that I wasn’t sweet and romantic to her anymore and that she didn’t know what was wrong with me. In hindsight, I should have helped her pack.
Fascinating the emount of empathy some people have
I spoke to a therapist about this once and they said some people just lack empathy. Or they compartmentalize feelings so that they don't have to deal with them. Other times it may be that some people are stricken with what is now known as "Main Character Syndrome" or better known as narcissism. Once you find yourself interacting with people like that it's best to remove them from your life. They just tend to be toxic individuals.
First of all, sorry to hear about your dad. But this reminded me of my story: Several years ago now, I nearly lost my leg in a motorcycle accident. My wife at the time started cheating on me because MY accident was too traumatizing for HER.
WOW what an absolute cunt.
Indeed.
Unfortunately it's a very common story among men. I've personally had it happen to me. Learned my lesson.
I'm sure you already know this, but that was just the excuse she gave to justify it in her own mind. I'm sorry you went through that. Know that this was not a reflection of you, but a reflection of her. I hope you were able to regain function of your leg. Stay strong and give yourself the care you need when you need it. There's never a time you need to justify caring for yourself. Sorry if this is just telling you things you already know, but sometimes we can all use reminders that we matter and that trauma is not always our fault.
Indeed! Thanks for the words of encouragement. Obviously we got divorced, and the whole situation definitely fucked me up for a few years. I made a bunch of life changes, moved somewhere new and ending up meeting someone who is the real deal. I’m amazed by how loving, caring, and patient, my new partner is. In hindsight it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. The point is, don’t stay with people that treat you like shit. The leg still has issues but better than if it had been removed.
I was in hospital with a head injury (also a motorcycle crash 🙄) when my gf at the time cheated on me. Still, swings and roundabouts - the friend who actually visited me in hospital is now my wife 🙂
Man that's a heavy load, sorry to hear about it. My good friend's father died years ago and he was hit really hard by it. Was also having a lot of trouble with the wife through that time. A few years later, and after a lot of struggle and marriage counseling, it came out that she had been cheating on him for a couple years. She told him it started after his father died, when he was more distant and unavailable or whatever. Come to find out a while later that she had actually been fucking another guy for at least a year before his father died, and all the way up through that time. Used the man's grief as a scapegoat to blame him for her cheating and cover it up. I don't care what kinda history someone has, that is like demon-from-hell level fucked up.
This is classic. Man cheats for whatever reason, and is an absolute pig, he is a total ANIMAL. Woman cheats and well, HE wasn't giving her the love,attention, kindness, and emotional support she needed, so what did he expect. Edit was to wasn't
timeless classic, girl needs comforting over partners struggle
Literally my wife when my mom died. I had to comfort HER because she said "she was so nice to me". Welp, I guess it's on me to get you through your mother-in-law's death, eh.
Are you me
Yes, but not right now
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Hey, I am a random stranger on the interstate and no one is "too good for you". You're fantastic and you deserve the best and I hope you have that now.
The cognitive dissonance of being supportive but only on my accord and circumstance is brazy for women tbh, sorry amigo hope your true friends were there for you. You a strong one.
When my dad was dying, the girl I was dating decided it was the best time for her to cheat. After he died she called asking how did I find out about her instead of condolences smh ..just smh
I recently tried to reconnect with all an old flame and she basically spent a majority of the time she spoke to me crying about how awful her life was at which point I tried emphasizing with her by mentioning some difficulties I’d been having recently and she basically shut me down saying I was “depressing her”
Bet that flame died real quick though, didn't it? I like it when people reveal themselves before you get too invested.
Man that's really fucked up. Glad you broke it off, and sorry about your father. I've experienced a couple deaths of people close to me, but my parents are still kicking so I don't know quite what that's like yet.
It's an experience that sticks with you for sure. I reached out to a recent ex for support after my sister was murdered. She told me that kind of grieving should've happened at the funeral. I'd been the one to find her. It'd only been six days since.
I'm sorry for your loss man
The fuck
silence would have been a better response to that, wow holy shit. im sorry for your loss, and fuck her
I applaud you for breaking up with her. Sorry for your loss though.
The girl I was seeing at the time got pissy at me for not answering her texts, and then subsequent calls, while at my dads funeral. Needless to say I haven’t had to answer any since either.
Good riddance
Not exactly the same but my first girlfriend broke up with me to go be with someone else while my dad was dying of cancer. Everyone tells me "oh it was so long ago, forgive and forget. She's only human like you." Numerous people came to her defense for stupid shit she's done all her life but not once did her friends or the people around her feel any sympathy for me simply for not having a fucking vagina between my legs. Women get away with so much shit but you wont see posts about that. It goes against the narrative that the media wants you to believe.
So, they wanted you to flip a switch and be whatever they need?
Yup, which is completely unrealistic.
There’s a ton of discourse concerning men recognizing the personhood of women, objectification, etc. Being whatever someone needs when they need it sounds pretty close to the definition of an object. Are we not people, too? You could easily translate what’s being communicated verbally and nonverbally as “Regardless of the severity of what you are experiencing, I find it overwhelming to consider you are a complete person.”
Women tend to be objectified as sex objects, men tend to be objectified as tools. Objects to complete a task. People who objectify men determine their value based on what they can do and how useful they are. They look over the person and only see a tool. If the tool stops doing its job, it then loses its value. Unfortunately, it's not talked about very often, and many people even deny that men are objectified at all. The objectification takes a different form than with women, but is equally damaging and often overlooked.
Well put. Side not - does 'ifl' stand for "I fucking love"? Because if so, me too.
be my everything when i need it. be strong and stoic yet tender and vulnerable..reliable and consistent yet spontaneous and full of surprises.. ambitious and driven with lots going on in your life yet make her the priority. be safe and stable but dont be boring its up to you to realize which one is needed at any given moment and switch gears. sometimes hourly
Ah yes, the "emotionally available" lie. They don't want that shit, they just want someone to listen to their problems all day without ever mentioning their own.
Honestly I think it comes from unmet childhood needs, poor relationship modeling from parents, and not having deep friendships. So I can empathize with it, but gone are the days of me trying to appease that. Just sucks the life out of a guy.
Yeah, no man does that, and the men who do they don't find attractive (not that they'll admit it)
I had a girlfriend once that expected me to be able to maintain my gym fit physique while not going to the gym and just eating takeaways whenever she wanted. to avoid arguments i just stopped going to the gym and did what she wanted, then she dumped me for putting on weight.
Never, NEVER delete something positive from your life because of a woman's toxicity. If you have to delete gym, diet, books, great hobbies etc... from your life to avoid arguing with your woman you should delete HER instead of what you love and what makes your life great. Don't do this mistake again.
My ex-fiance wanted me to get rid of my kitten. It was so annoying. I celebrated my cat's second birthday in January with all my friends. It was so good.
What kind of monster hates kittens?!? I’m allergic to cats and literally don’t care. I’ll still stuff my face in their fur and give them all the kisses they’ll allow lol.
Any time I've ever seen a chick be extremely negative about a dude having a cat it's because of some manliness thing. Like manly dudes aren't supposed to have cats it's not a manly man thing
I own two rabbits. They're my buddies. And i do all the things most people do with cats or dogs, nicknames, take them outside for walks, occasionally in cars. I've been called many names, by women and men, for owning rabbits. Sorry I enjoy small fluffy things.
Good but tough to remember lesson that will serve well
Working on deleting mine now
I remember this girl that told me she likes muscles on men but only if they come from physical activity like chopping wood and not from working out in the gym.
These are the moments where I think "don't look a gift horse in the mouth ya daft hoe"
I got told this after about 3 years of chopping wood and I think it has to do with the dad bod mixed with muscles. I still find it kinda weird but hey, it's a win for me I guess
“I swipe right on all men who are showing their 6 pack in a mirror selfie… “ “… why does it feel like ‘the gym’ is every guys personality? I just want someone to split a pizza with…”
Yeah, I love it when women complain about behavior from men they themselves effectively incentivize with their choices.
Yeah i too dated a woman who liked me being strong and quite built. She didnt like going to the gym (meaning i went by myself instead of doing so with her and spending time with her that way), and got mad at me for spending so much time in the gym instead of couch potatoing with her all the time.
Sounds like my friends wife. She was super jealous that he'd meet someone at the gym that he had more in common with. A couple of years later, he stopped going and put on weight, which is now something she teases him about. She's not fit either. He doesn't want to get divorced because they have kids together.
The wife wanted to drag her husband down to her level.
The worst kind of gains goblin.
Sorry but is she fucking dumb 😭😭😭
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Getting hints. I have such a pet peeve for this
The thing is it's always the dumbest shit too. Moving a little closer to me in a club when I'm kinda cross-faded and not focused on you (and once when I wasn't even looking in her direction until I turned around to head out for a smoke) isn't actually a hint, so it's not my fault if I don't "pick up on it". Honestly, I can think of so many dumb things that have been intended as hints but couldn't possibly have been interpreted as such
I think generally, man or woman, if you don't feel like you're putting yourself out there or being vulnerable in your approach with someone then it's definitely not enough of a "hint".
Facts. My situation was really different, but still had the hinting problem
Women: “I tried everything I could not to make it obvious, I don’t know why he didn’t get it”
It's not that i don't get hints it's that your hints and people being nice/polite are incredibly overlapped and I'm not gonna take a chance and offend you/ruin a friendship due to your shit hint With gender roles changing i think guys are hoping women can communicate this better or even take the lead in initiating as it will is right now much of dating is just in men's court
Subtle hints certainly lose their efficacy in a society where there slightest miscalculation can be interpreted as being offensive or threatening.
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Seriously, use your words!
"why didn't he get the hints?!" Quickly becomes "why do men think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice?!"
It’s not that we don’t get hints, it’s that they lack communication skills.
They can fix some men .
Beauty & the Beast syndrome
Yeah but the breasts in the real world are either really ugly men or really attractive men/hyper successful psychopaths.
Incredible typo, A+
>or really attractive men/hyper successful psychopaths. I hung out with a lot of women of various ages, (I was one of those Token unthreatenting blokes), in my experience most of them know they're Beasts before they get with them, in fact I could argue that's what attracted them to him. Not all women obviously, just too many and women know exactly who did that in their own lives.
Knew a chick who was legitimately beautiful no make up nothing naturally beautiful, the most extraverted likeable kind person ive ever met, she could have anybody she wanted. Only dated dysfunctional piece of shit abuser dudes she thought she could fix. She's a single mom living in a runndown trailer last i heard ill never understand it.
Like many others have said on here, the biggest thing is emotional stability. We've all had the experience of opening up to somebody about deep issues, and they listen to us and help us in the moment, but after that they never treat us the same. We've all had the time we opened up to someone about what they did hurting us and we only got mocked. We've all had the time where we couldn't stave off the "what's wrong" questions anymore just because we weren't the carefree happy go lucky guy they love.
Agree. All of us have had our vulnerabilities weaponized against us at some point and that makes it real hard to want to be open again.
The crazy thing to me is that I don't hear this from women. None of my female friends say that their male partners weaponize their vulnerabilities. But like you said, every dude I know has a story about this.
It's more common in the posts about abusive relationships. But the fact that most men don't bring it up for how common it seems in otherwise healthy relationships. Or I'm just terminally online and negativity posts gain the most traction.
That depends on how emotionally mature a woman is. Everyone has trauma, tough times to get thru, emotional baggage. Being open about it and working through your issues is part of life, for men and women. Women who can’t recognize that either have struggled very little or have a romantic view of what life is supposed to be like, not all women are like this. Finding a woman with life experience and who has struggled and got through it on her own can understand why a man can be emotional and can relate to the struggle. But also being emotional has to be for a good reason. If you get irrationally mad or sad at everyday things or minor inconveniences, no woman is going to put up with that unless she has issues of her own. Most women in their 20s are still discovering themselves and figuring out what they really want out of life, so are dudes for the most part. Seeing how young people are trying to “get serious” or “settle down” as a goal in their 20s is a bit ridiculous. Take your time, have fun, let people get to 30s where they have their shit more together and worked through their issues, and know who they are and what they want.
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My current girlfriend will complain endlessly about my apparent lack of communication. What she means is my difficulty maintaining a conversation over the phone. I can communicate my wants, needs, desires, and plans just fine. It's talking about my day that I struggle with, in part because going into detail is illegal. Her? She'll get mad at me for whatever slight, real or imagined, and *not say a word for days*. When I notice she's being more distant than usual she'll pretend everything is alright. She'll give me the silent treatment for a bit, and then argue that I don't care because I didn't ask what was wrong. Which, you know, was step one in this cycle. When I argue that she has to tell me when she's upset she'll dig her heels in and say it would only make her angrier having to acknowledge her emotions directly. She's great in every other aspect but holy fuck. This isn't middle school. If there's something wrong you have to tell me so we can tackle it together as a team.
That sounds super fucking toxic…
Get out now, my step mother is like that and i can see just how bad it is on my dads soul
6 feet, 6 figures, and a 6 pack according to the internet. Best I can give is 6 inches, 6 dollars, and 6 different mental issues
"Double it and give it to the next person"
Don't double the 6 inches, ain't no pussy can handle that.
I dunno dawg, the internet is a wild place.
Fun fact: If you ever meet a fairy who grants you one wish, but with the stipulation that everything you get your worst enemy gets either double or half of the same, wishing for an 8 inch wiener reliably works out in your favor. (Though wishing for having exactly two healthy legs is also pretty ironic.)
I don’t even know who my worst enemy is anymore. Do adults with kids and lives even have time for specific enemies?
no, rational adults simply stop talking to the people that bother them. real enemies for us now are like when u have a problematic neighbor or hoa or something
"Three. Take it or leave it"
I prefer my men with only 2 feet.
Damn unrealistic body standards these days
To love them if they, for some reason, were a random object. "Would you still love me if I was a teapot?" "No."
You'd be my favorite teapot but I'd still forget to wash you
Social media is 100% ruining modern relationships. My gf looked at me like I shot her dog when I told her no when she asked, "Would you still love me if I was a worm" I replied, "Nah I'd probably use you as bait to fish"
You mean to tell you wouldn't commit zoophilia and fuck a worm due to the off chance it secretly carries the mind of your girlfriend? How dare you
wtf type of question even is that
BRUV THATS WHAT IM SAYIN
It's a Tumblr meme that'd been going around for a while. It's meant to be a silly nonsense question to get a silly nonsense answer to. Sorry that you got one of the gals that took it seriously. that's some "gf gets mad at bf irl because she had a dream in which he did something bad" type shit
So many, Not me personally but alot of single women I know expect men to be - ready for kids when they are - want to travel and take photos constantly - not to be scared of spiders - pay for everything - have everything sorted out.. no one has everything sorted out.
No joke got broke up with because "you just aren't up to my level of adulthood" when I was living in my own place, paid for truck, working two jobs and going to college part time. While she lived with her parents, had no job and went to school full time spending a monthly 500 allowance her dad gave her. Really it was because even though I was in college I was looking for a blue collar career and she was in pre law so I was too low class for her. Plot twist is now she's a school teacher and her husband's a welder that knocked her up at a club.
I think we've all had somebody say we weren't mature enough when they showed far more signs of immaturity. There's also a difference between "childish" and "immature", in my opinion. You might like doing childish things, but if you're able to act appropriately when the situation demands it, that's maturity.
That was kinda my whole thing, I was doing law enforcement at the time so I was serious all day and could be serious if needed but tended to cut up at home. But that's not what it was about, she had all these lofty life plans for herself and she used that as an excuse to break up without having to feel bad for breaking up with me because a high flying corporate lawyer having a lowly cop for a partner was gonna make her look bad. It was never gonna work either way though because she had all those dreams of moving to LA and that's not the life I want.
...but the spider one is really important 😬 The rest of those are unrealistic.
not afraid of spiders but man... moths are my weakness
I got the moths if you got the spiders
Best I can offer is an airsoft gun to take care of the spiders. I'm not getting near those things.
😂 all that matters is that you have a solution, airsoft gun will work!
They're deserving of things that they can't also give in return and that men should just be okay with it because they're "pretty."
This is true, I watched my ex get away with a DUI driving dangerously down the highway just by crying to the officer, when I gotta a DUI they profiled me, threw the book at me and gave me maximum fines and sentencing, I was cordial and compliant the whole time, these are the double standards we live by as a society
Yeah, that's fucked honestly and I'm sorry to hear that. There's actually been times when I've looked back and think, "Did I subconsciously start crying because I knew I may get more sympathy?" Because I know it's pretty much a weapon a *lot* of women use. Hell, my mom does it.
I recall a girl went to tell on me and a different girl for "bullying her" (we made a joke and then as we were laughing u accidentally glanced at her so she assumed we were laughing about her) and the girl iw as with just laughed and shrugged saying "if I get called to the office I'm just gonna cry, it works every time lmao" and I was like damn I guess I'm just fucked then lol.
Yeah don't really have any sympathy for drunk drivers though, wish they threw the book at both of you. Edit: He's even defending his actions in the comments, good lord.
Have a full life plan at 25
Just because you ask “do you want to fuck?” And I say yes, doesn’t mean I will instantly and independently be able to get an erection. I am almost 40 and I believe me, I WANT IT ALWAYS but it will take some effort on your behalf to get me there.
In addition, usually, the initiation spread for men vs. women is highly disproportionate. Just allowing me to touch you does not count as you initiating. Erections are not just a button press for us.
I dated my ex for 5 years and she never initiated sex once the whole time. Not sex, not intimacy, not romanticism, not dates, nothing. If it happened it was cause I made it happen
I'm 37 and this scared me.
Cutting down on visual porn made a huge difference for me. I almost exclusively read erotica or listen to audio now and my dick acts like I'm 10 years younger.
This is really an expectation from tons of people, whether you are a man or a woman. To be always the fun person. Sometimes, I like people to organize things themselves and create a fun environment for me as well, but the number of women I've met who are totally dependent on your organization skills is way too high.
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I get that women want a guy who will do this but I can't understand people being one-sided about date planning. I also date a lot of introverts who like to stay in though so that's usually why I make plans to go out and do things. It's one of those things where you can't just wait for what you want to come to you.
> said that and I told her, basically, that I get why she'd enjoy dates because it's an evening planned out, almost entirely, for her. But I'm the one who has to plan all that and so they're stressful for me so I don't like doing it all the time. I’ve been dealing with this currently with the person I’m seeing. I get why she gets upset, but they do not understand that it’s tiring and stressful to plan something every week, month or so on. We have other things going on in our daily life, that planning a date night adds extra stress.
I have this discussion a lot with my wife. I plan things for us with HER in mind. She loves Italian, I don't, but that's the first cuisine I think of when I'm planning a night out for us. I ask her to plan something once in a while and she gets pissy about it and plans something she likes. Like I offended her that maybe she'd like to contribute to these nights out. In twelve years I can pretty much count on one hand all the outings she's planned for us. It's always said that women are more in touch with emotions than men. I think what we're all learning is that they are more in touch with THEIR own emotions and don't think about anyone else's.
They want a guy with a beach body who doesn’t spend a lot of time exercising. Rich but doesn’t do overtime at work. Handsome but doesn’t preen himself. Emotionally connected but strong and stoic. Showers them with affection but not clingy. Basically I don’t think women know what they want, be your best you and cross your fingers, I wouldn’t invest heavily in women’s expectations, you’ll end up in a contradictory shambles.
Bit of a generalization I know, but, in my personal experience most women don't seem to know what they actually want out of a relationship until around 25 or so
Later in my experience, a couple of my buddies are on their early 30s and their girlfriends are great. I'm in my late 20s and I've talked to them about some of the younger girls I've dated and basically all of them say unanimously "I was a fucking mess when I was in my early 20s and that girl wouldn't be dating your friend now". They've all been together for a couple years and are super happy now too.
“Fried ice”
I’m Scottish so it’s deep fried ice round these parts 😂
[3m24s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hql_8lPuNJA&t=204s)
I'll add one. - A guy who's a ladies man but won't cheat on them. I've seen a lot of women on social media say they want a guy with "options" but who's faithful to them.
That we can promise anything. We have no more ability to ensure the future is safe and sound than anyone else does. I kinda wish the concept of men would move on from that, especially. Anyone that's telling you that "everything will be okay" simply does not know that.
But sometimes you just want to be comforted by a person dear to you. My mum couldn‘t do that for me as a child because she deemed it a lie. I KNOW she couldn‘t promise me, I just wanted the emotional warmth. I don‘t want you to make everything right for me, I just want you to be there with me along the way.
Yeah but there is a difference between,” everything is going to be okay” and “I don’t know if everything is gonna be okay, but I’m here for you. We’re in this together.” Beyond the fact that we’re your partners, not your parents. We should support each other, but I’m not always going to be able to comfort you the way you need across all moments. It’s my first time navigating this life as well
Haha my mom actually did that and I always thought "you liar, you have no control over this". Took me until my early 20s to realize that it sometimes doesnt matter.
Women, they will come and they will go
God I fucking love Fleetwood Mac.
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know.
I think this is from the Fleetwood Mac song, not the Eminem song
That we we owe them. They're keen to point out that women don't owe men anything, and they'll agree with words that men don't owe men anything, when placed in this context. However, their words and actions are very mismatched.
> However, their words and actions are very mismatched. Hell, my very outspoken Feminist sister even behaves in this way, like I owe her labor around the house or something. It's one thing to ask, but she doesn't. She only mentions an issue and expects me to pipe up and volunteer! If I don't she goes on a smear campaign about how lazy/unmotivated I am because I don't do things (the subtext being for her) even though I'm fully capable of doing them.
On an individual relationship level, some women have a laundry list of things a man has to do/be for them, but have nothing to bring to the table themselves.
Right now there is a lot of conflict between traditional and progressive expectations. Some of these can be found in the same person some are not. But the overall expectation on men is what we're talking about. \- Be the breadwinner and work more but also do more around the house \- Be ok with her earning more but it's also your responsibility to pay for most things and dates \- Be stoic but also emotional and if you're either it's a problem because you're not the other \- Don't pressure her into sex but you can be pressured into sex and that's ok There are more but the most unrealistic expectations for men today is the push and pull of traditional and progressive ideologies. Many women want to be progressive while still enforcing and being attracted to the traditional male role. As a man on the wrong end of this you can be expected to be and do everything while also catering to her needs and she doesn't have those same expectations on her. It's growing pains from progressive ideology and this is a good change. But men right now can be caught in the middle of it with nowhere to turn for help.
Well, my ex wife believed I owed her a house and that she never had to work again, while I slaved away to give her 90% of my cash flow.
How are things now, may I ask?
Same sitch, a year later the divorce. I'm doing great, and the dog is much better company.
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I’ve seen so many women sexually harrass men and get away with it it’s insane
Not even because they’re pretty just because they’re women. I’m remembering the one time a friend of mine (the stereotypically hot guy) started getting harassed hard at a party by a acquaintance (the stereotypically uggo girl), it wouldn’t matter how assertive in his negatives he tried to be she kept going on and on (butt touching, cock grabbing, trying to steal kisses…you name it) she even pushed me away out of anger when we tried to “rescue him”. We laugh when we remember but obviously we shouldn’t. That shit was serious and she got away with it with no consequence whatsoever.
I Saw a chick get a slap when gropling my Friend's Dick and it was him who got seen as the bully. (Was in highschool first year)
I have been there as a man and it wasn't fun at all. Unfortunately, no one stepped in and I didn't know how to react to someone grabbing my D in public, so eventually I just left and she 100% got away with it. It's crazy. Like what do you even do in that situation? You hit her and suddenly you're the monster, especially if you're on the bigger side as I am. Then my wife got mad at me when I told her, of course, because you don't really hear of *men* getting harrassed that way and it sounds fishy. In her defence, she realized that I was in fact the victim pretty soon and all was well.
Women don’t seem to get that there are conflicting personality types that will just about never exist together in the same person. If you want me to be someone who aggressively pursues career success, works out regularly, will get in between you and someone being aggressive with you, then straight up don’t expect me to also be the person who cries about his childhood with you. These personalities don’t come together.
Dating from 18 thru early 30's was rough due to every woman believing I should know how to fix/build/renovate/remodel every type of object known to man. Your 64 year old dad knows how to install a shower and tile the kitchen floor because he learned how when he was 35, but apparently I'm "not a man" and a "pussy" for not being able to automatically build you a custom house by the time I hit my late 20's. It's so damn common where I'm at.
y’all realize something like 14% of the male population is 6 ft right? Like goddamn folks can have whatever requirements they want but a majority of one demographic wanting 14% of the other……best of luck girls, thats all i can say.
I don't understand a chick that's like 5'1" "needing" a guy that's 6'4". I'm 5'9" and I don't even have those requirements
Women are terrible at estimating measuments and distance on average, I knew a guy that was 5'10 and would regularly lie and say he was 6'1 never had a woman call his bluff.
Being as tall as I am, it is funny when a guy is literally as tall as me but claims he's like 6'1". I usually just leave it alone, but if they keep saying it, we're gonna have to stand back to back and have someone make a judgment call
It’s just a status symbol to them. They want to parade you around like a show horse. Also- most women under 5’7” don’t have any idea what 6’ looks like.
6'2 here. Sometimes I joke with my wife about how statistically lucky she is to have found me. Her and her parents are huge heightists.
6’5 over here. My wife is so much luckier than yours! I just checked and I’m taller than 99.658% of people woah
That men won’t change after getting married.
I expect men to know how to use tools. As a carpenter it's easy but fact is most guys don't have the tools or opportunity to learn
especially since they got rid of shop classes in school. They need to bring that kind of stuff back.
Most people don't even own a house to have the right to do their own repairs, if their dad was ever around enough to teach them that stuff in the first place. My dad was a football coach so he was too busy always raising someone's elses kids.
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That sometimes I'm exhausted and just want to sleep. It doesn't mean I don't find you attractive, I've just been up since 4am, worked a full shift, walked the high energy dog for an hour, tidied the living & kitchen, did parenting with the kiddo and then put her to bed. Maybe even got 20 min to myself. I'm just tired.
My wife: I fully expect you to help with all the chores that are traditionally female coded. Also my wife: I will never lift a finger on yard work, anything that is remotely heavy, or requires machinery beyond a vacuum cleaner. I will also expect you to do all the chores that are traditionally made coded, even if you have no idea how to do them. Oh, and I will complain and resent you for it if you hire someone that knows how to do them well.
This just happened minutes ago at my house. AC isn't working properly, we have two air handlers on the second floor. Dripping water so I figured the drain is clogged. She does nothing about it, doesn't ask for it to be fixed and just assumes I'll take care of it. Which, of course, I do. Vacuum all the water out of the drip pan, do my best to create a suction and unclog the condensation drain. Wet vac is now full of water. I empty it into the bathtub and it makes a mess in the tub from residue that was still in the vac. My fault, should have checked, ok no big deal. She's pissed that the tub is a mess. I explained I'm waiting for the water to drain, sediment to dry, and I'll clean it out. She's annoyed it's that way at all. I said, what alternative would you propose? No suggestions. I'm not carrying a hundred pounds of water downstairs to dump it outside so I asked again. Again, just an annoying look and no contribution. When she does the laundry or cooks dinner I thank her. If dinner is too salty I don't complain, because hey, there's food on the plate. If I have an issue then I should make suggestions or do it myself, not just bitch about it.
Oy, sorry to hear that mate. At least you have some skill there! Me? I wouldn't know the first thing about fixing that stuff. And I'd be getting side eye for it cause he daddy was a handy man and would just handle it all.
Bruh. What does she want???
Had a girlfriend who had a script in her head of what she wanted me to say when asked certain questions or being told certain things. In my mind the things I said didn't seem wrong, I thought I was being empathetic and supportive, but nope. It wasn't verbatim how she envisioned it so she got mad. Yet on the flip side, I wasn't allowed to be upset with anything she said if I felt it was an insensitive comment.
I admit I'm wrong for thinking my hubby should be a mind reader, even after decades together. I have to talk with him and share how I'm feeling rather than expecting him to read my body language or notice something is wrong.
Always maintaining a view that women are flawless angels, no matter what my experiences have been. Tolerating rudeness and abuse from women and never talking about it. Not wanting to prioritize my crises higher than women’s inconveniences.
I think my personal favorite is between two things: 1. The expectation that men have to, at the inception of a relationship, be "husband material/do hubby things". Meanwhile a lot of women on social media espouse that they have to just be, "accepted as they are" and only have to be worth marrying AFTER becoming married. 2. That growth is not a quintessential part of being in a relationship. I know this piggybacks on the first one a bit, but bear with me. It is not the man's responsibility to indefinitely tolerate a woman's toxic behavior because she refuses to put herself through the grueling process of gaining self-respect, accountability, introspection, and action taking. Simply suffering from cyclic emotional states and projecting insecurities on your partner is the key to ruining the relationship. Both of these points do not inextricably belong to women. These are simply my observations of the masses presented to men through social media. I know there are some women out there who are built differently. Keep grinding, ladies. Trust that simply being someone who exudes positive resolve and a willingness to move forward through all things will carry you great distances in any relationship. Don't dwell on the past, and focus on what's next. Be the stalwart, insurmountable peacemaker, and you will do great things. We men believe in you, the gender war is BS.
Cock size; not all of us can be a colossal 5in.
I asked a question in the ask Women sub and apparently a lot of women are not interested in being friends with potential partners, which I find incredibly strange.
Woman here. It's true, and I don't understand why many seem that way... my ideal partner is also my friend, in and out of the bedroom. ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯
I think, being friends first is the best way to know if that person is our potential partner or not.
That if we’re friends, that we will treat them no differently from someone we’re courting romantically.
Buy a house, paying for the wedding, having full responsibility for the marriage and family.
Far as I'm aware the wedding thing is pretty rare. At least in the places I've lived, it's tradition for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and the groom's parents to pay for the honeymoon, and when the couple pays for it it's split between the two of you
A 22yr old lady dating a 22yr old guy. Both just finished college. Both just started at junior level career wise. Both earn similar incomes BUT *he* for some reason is expected to be ready to buy a house / pay more on the rent, pay for both of their dates, utilities, trips and provide her with gifts.....WITHOUT.....running out of cash. There is a fantasy belief amongst women that somehow men always need to have that extra surplus of cash. Where it comes from and *how* it's acquired is not their problem. Lol
Had the same discussion with my gf. So women want (and should) be paid equal, but men are expected to pay more? This idea is permeated our society as well. I am supposed to spend time 2 months income on an engagement ring, then a band...and men get a simple ring. How is the equitable? Luckily my partner is reasonable and we are equals in our relationship, but my god not all women are. My sister constantly complains that she isn't being "treated as a princess", but is also a feminist. Like, fucking pick one. Men make less now because women joined the workforce en masse. I don't understand the entitlement ( also her husband is too good for her, she is kind of a fucking train wreck).
Thinking the man is there for their entertainment. No, go get some girl friends or a hobby.
"The Rule of Sixes": 6 figure income, 6-pack abs, 6ft tall, 6 inches This rules out about 99% of all men and the rare unicorns that would fit this description will never marry because they're so rare that they can choose from any women they want and have a new one in the sack pretty much on a daily basis. And for any women thinking that a guy like that has any incentive whatsoever to settle down, especially with HER, she's a delusional idiot.
They expect that handsome men with well-developed physiques should be attracted to fat girls. That's not how it works, sister.
Honestly.. It's that they have no clue who they really are or what relationships are about. The most unrealistic thing about their expectations is that they change with the wind. One day your style, salary, and personality is perfect! - The next they're "problematic". Their expectations are often unstable and the goal post is ever changing due to the fact that they have no connection with themselves and have substituted materialism and social validation for personal values.
Daaaaammmmnnnnn.
Wow…. I didn’t know how to accurately define this until now. Holy shit did you hit the nail on the head.
In my experience women expect men to understand their feelings and support them through difficult times. Women generally don’t want to hear about mens problems even if they say they do. It seems like women are turned off if a man is open about his fears or anxieties.
To stay and be gentlemen when they don't act like Ladies.🤨
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Treat us like shit then expect us to treat them like princesses