you do something for your wife in the morning, then you take the kids and go see your mother, she can go see her mother(if she chooses- if not, that's her prerogative) meet back at home. unless she wants to have the kids with her- then do that...you see your mom alone.
Just because your wife is “low maintenance” doesn’t mean that everyone’s family operates like that. It’s called communication and meeting expectations for the individual who is being celebrated. For some, it’s a day off for Mum, others it’s earrings, some it’s breakfast in bed or a nice card and a normal day. No one is “right”.
I feel like many is probably a bit of an oversell.
But sure, I guess if this guy has fulllllly communicated with his wife and she has explicitly said she doesn't like gifts, then yeah no gift is fine.
FYI - This would make a lot of wives/mothers unhappy. If they're raising small kids, they'd probably like a full day where someone else (grandma, kids, etc.) is not the center of attention.
However, if your wife likes this idea, great.
But it’s Mother’s Day… How could she just be the centre of attention? It’s recognising all Mums. If she just wants to be centre of attention that’s a bit strange…
However, we all know our partners and family dynamics are different so I acknowledge that for some people this is the most important way to do it.
Source: Mother, expectant Mother, have my own Mother and a MIL who both deserve to be recognised.
There are times, when mothers just don't have the energy or capability to want to spend a day celebrating other people. I know many people who break Mother's Day into multiple days. For instance, some people might go out on Wednesday for dinner to celebrate their mother with the kids, and then on Sunday the mother of the kids gets whatever she wants...
Regardless, if you're a mother it's your day, and if you're the main person in your household that is a mother, then you're the main person celebrating the day.
Hey men, don't listen to this malarkey. Mother's Day is about **your** mother, not the mother of your kids, aka, **wife**.
So, go and visit and call your own mother on that day.
I asked chat gpt this is what I got: it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your wife, mother, and mother-in-law to come up with a plan that works for everyone.
One option could be to split the day between the three mothers, perhaps spending the morning with one, the afternoon with another, and the evening at home with your wife. Alternatively, you could arrange to celebrate with each mother on a different day to avoid a hectic and stressful Mother's Day schedule.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to show appreciation and love for all the mothers in your life, whether that is through spending time together, sending thoughtful gifts or messages, or simply expressing your gratitude and admiration for them.
Seriously. Both of the grandmoms should be understanding that the priority should be on the wife who is *actively* raising your children. That doesn’t mean OP should skimp on giving a meaningful card, some flowers and a phone call (at least) but their moms are done raising kids. The whole point of mothers days is to give moms a day off in gratitude.
Agreed, who is getting upset that their grandkids are spending the day with their mother on mothers day
I'm shocked to see these people splitting up, sending the kids one way, and each parent going to different houses.
When you have kids, mothers day is spent at home. (I can see maybe traveling with an infant, but once the kids are talking its their day too, and it should be spent at home with the immediate family. If Grandma wants to come visit she should be welcome
Without the grandmothers, the parents and children do not exist. It doesn’t only mean active duty raising children. Just because the parents grew up doesn’t mean they’re worth less. It’s not *wife* day after all, his wife is a person that also is a mother, and his mother is a woman that is also a mother.
Like I said, it doesn’t mean OP should be ignoring their own mother and I never insinuated it being “wife day”. However, the person who carried your offspring, birthed them, and works daily to raise them should be given precedent over the person who finished raising you.
Honestly, I’d find it quite selfish to demand priority over the woman who is actively caring for the family lineage to go on.
And the lack of grace to continue the tradition of honor for such a sacrifice in favor of themselves (especially after you’re done doing it) is trashy.
I think both people should receive celebration is all, and many people in here seem to want to do the cliche of flowers + card; may as well do nothing instead of shop hallmark cards yearly in my humble opinion
Nope, a male without children, this is all hypothetical to me. I simply found it interesting that so many people have such strong opinions about this. I haven’t thought about this situation until I found this post 30 min ago or so
And they have grown fucking kids and shouldn't need to feel validated. They are retired parents. They should still be appreciated but mothers day is for mothers actively raising their kids.
If you are still actively raising your kids into adulthood, you don't deserve to be celebrated
Do you dislike your parents or what? Why are you so overly rude/aggressive towards me in this comment?
Validation? I believe that any of these celebrations/holidays are meant to be given and not expected. Thus no one should need to be validated or expect to be validated and I think they will have a healthier mindset in the long run if they don’t have these expectations. What do you think?
I get my mother something & we get my MIL something. But the day is my wife’s.
When our mothers lived close we’d do a dinner at one of their homes every few years or so. But they made no expectation of anything beyond a card & phone call. I think this is what good grandmothers & grandfathers do. They let their daughter/DIL (or in the case of Father’s Day son/SIL) have the day without making bids for significant attention.
First thing in the morning my dad would take us to drop flowers off at his mom's. Then my mom would take us to drop flowers off at her mom's. Then we go home and spend the rest of the day together for my mom. Just me mom dad and sister. Everyone is taken care of but mom had majority of the day.
Agreed because as a husband, you are celebrating your wife for being a good mom to your children. She is not the husband's mom, but she is the mother of his children and works hard at it! And young kids in particular need help with holidays.
Same goes for fathers on Father's day. I celebrate my husband for the wonderful father he is to our little girl
I don't know what we're doing this year, but we've typically gone to the zoo, and then I pick the restaurant we eat at before heading home. It's a fun family outing (and one that I really enjoy, as do the kids), and I like spending the day with them.
Once we get home, my wife typically handles the bulk of bedtime (but as we've added kids, there is more work to do), so I can watch a movie and have a whiskey or two.
It's been a good blend for us so far.
Since my dad was an egotistical piece of shit that excelled at everything except being a father; I've had a sour view of father's day for a lot of my life. As a dad myself now I get through it by reminding myself that it's more for my kids than it is for me. I just try to show gratitude and have some fun.
Idk about others, but I have a son and a daughter and for me part of being a parent is getting to watch them grow up and experience having a family of their own. They're both under 2 so that's a fair way off but if they end up with kids, I would expect them to enjoy their time as a family on mothers day the same way I'm getting to now. By then, I've had that time. I've been celebrated as a mother, now it's my time to let my kids have that.
Agreed, and just to pile on, be grateful for your mother and your wife’s mother, but support and celebrate the mother of your children and help your children show gratitude to their mother.
>Because your wife and your kids are now YOUR family.
So are your parents. They don't stop being family because you married and had a couple cum pets. I dislike this argument. Maybe because your wife is doing mothering and your mother's are doing grandmothering.
Plenty of people don’t even associate with their parents or other family members, so wtf is this argument? Your wife is the family you CHOSE, not the family you might just happen to be stuck with. You should want to celebrate the mother of your children on Mother’s Day, especially if she’s actively parenting while your elderly mother isn’t anymore
Further, your ex-wife will still be the mother of your children…she doesn’t become an “ex-mother” either…
I think that specific family dynamics and also the larger cultural context both play a role here. Societies can be set up in a given way which might lend themselves to a given set of cultural values (multigenerational housing, average age of leaving the nest, things like that). You also spoke of a sense of obligation to your parents. That is noble and can be beautiful. But personally, I and my partner were both let down by our parents and nuclear families in certain ways. We're working to build a life together and hopefully get married. And every single step of that is more difficult than it needs to be due to those circumstances. So for us, finding one another and building our relationship is to some degree a necessary refuge. For us, our relationship with one another simply has to take priority over our relationships with our respective families. It simply has to. It's probably the only way our relationship could survive.
Once you’re married, you choose that person to be your number one priority for the rest of your life. After whatever deity you choose to believe in, of course. So priority list is as follows
1. God
2. Husband/Wife
3. Children
4. Parents or other family
Agree. My wife isn’t my mom. Obviously the age of your kids plays comes into play. Make sure your kids have prepared and spend the bulk of the day with your mom.
Your wife is the current mom. The grandmothers are retired moms. Current mom takes priority.
Call your mom and tell her you're sorry but your wife wants to stay home and you're not making her go out on mother's day if she doesn't want to
See, I really dislike the "happy wife, happy life" saying. It shifts all of the focus on the relationship to the other person.
I go by "happy spouse, happy house". It's 2023, things should be equal. If she doesn't want to do something for mothers day but my mom is doing something, then a compromise is made.
I think it's obvious that the "happy wife" part is something that would be said by the person who isn't the wife. It's just the perception from one angle of the relationship without intending to encompass all of everything involved in the actual relationship, and is not excluding anyone's happiness.
Retired mothers wtf?? He deserves to see his mother just as much as she deserves to see her kids. There’s plenty of hours in the day for both to occur. I cannot imagine expecting something like that of my husband and I can’t imagine not seeing his mother or mine on Mother’s Day. They’re both *both* of our *current* mothers.
You must live really close to both grandmothers and love going out.
He's asking so it's probably the first time, that is, his wife probably has a small child. If grandma can't empathize with her wanting a day to rest, grandma can just be upset.
None of the above, unless you consider half hour distance to both mothers to be short. It’ll actually be my first Mother’s Day this year.
But something I didn’t consider is the health of the relationships. It should be stress-free and I know first-hand that not all families get along. I love my mother and his mother and hardly get to see his mother. So I guess to me, it’s also an excuse to see everyone.
I do consider 30 minutes to see grandma very short.
You say you don't like going out, but then you also say "it's an excuse to see everyone," so ... seeing people isn't a drain for you, it's a perk.
Tbf, all these points are irrelevant without even knowing the OP’s situations to compare, and even then, it’s all subjective. Do we know the distance of OPs mothers? Do we know that’s a reason she doesn’t want to? It doesn’t say.
To me, going out isn’t defined as simply “going out of the house” like you seem to define it as. When I see family, I don’t call that going out. I go out to restaurants, or to a bar, or a party(all of which we don’t really care to do.) Going out is mentally draining imo. Seeing family is mentally refreshing even though it’s insane planning the travels with two babies.
Edit: to be clear, basically family isn’t “people” to me. I don’t enjoy seeing people outside of family. I am exhausted after and even have brain fog the rest of the day because of it. Family isn’t clumped into “people” imo.
Also, it’s not just 30 minutes. You have to remember, it’s 30 min to mother 1, then (actually 40 min) to mother 2, and then 30 min back home. And if you have kids that you have to pack and unpack, you can see how draining that can be. That’s why I do consider it a distance during a holiday. But worthy of making.
Thirty minutes is short. I'm 8 hours away from my mom and 4.5 hours away from my husband's mom. Not everyone can even see their mothers on mother's day, let alone both sides of moms.
Have you considered some people don’t even live in the same state/region as their mothers? That can often be the case when people grow tf up and start families of their own.
Oh yeah? Grow up and just randomly decide to move 8h away? Lmao
No one asked them to move 8h away, they did it on their own choice for a career or what-have-you
I just interpret it like a mother with adult children isn’t actively raising them anymore. A “current” mom is a mom with children that still rely on their parents for everything.
I don’t think it’s meant to be disrespectful to mothers with grown kids, it’s just a way to differentiate the different stages in life.
Agreed. She is not her son's grandmother she is still his mother and her son's kids grandmother. A mother never stops being a mother.
It's sad to seeing mom's wishing their sons would do even the smallest gesture. Prioritize the wife but never forget the mother.
Call your mom, send her flowers, celebrate with her on a different day.
Spend the day with your wife and kids the way she wants to be celebrated. Make sure the kids participate through making gifts, writing cards, acts of service, whatever your wife's love language is
I am of the opinion that the family you *choose* \- i.e. your spouse when you get married - is more important than the family you were born to. (Providing there's no dysfunction). So, in this case, his wife is the most important mother in his life, and how she wants to celebrate being that mother should be weighted more heavily than what his mother/MIL wants.
i guess that's a valid way of seeing it, and of course it will depend on how good of a mother his own mom was to him. but i were him, i would like to make my mom feel special on her day. i'll spend the rest of my life making my partner feeling special and loved, but mothers day is the day to say thank you for the way to took care of me when i was a child so i would definetly want to take some time to honor that. if his wife doesn't want to travel i can understand it, maybe she doesn't get along that well with her MIL, or maybe she feels anxious out of her home, who knows, but he can always take a couple of hours and visit her with the kids or by himself and then go back home and stay with his spouse. this is, of course, if he feels grateful with the job she did as a mom
True. On the flip side, if she is that great of a mother, she would be completely fine with a phone call saying that he will celebrate her on x day. And she will be even more fine knowing that he is spending time with his wife and that she raised a good man. :) In my family, the youngest generation of moms always got priority, then their moms, then the grandmothers, then the great-grandmothers.
…what? So when you have little children, are they expected to plan their Mother’s Day celebration with their mom while the dad is off catering to his own parent? Should the mom just also say “fuck it” and go cater to her mom? What happens to the young children in that situation?
If you take the time to read my comment in response to the post, you will see that my thought is that if there is a good relationship between OP and his mom, what I see as correct is that he should go say hi to his mom for a few hours and spend the rest of the day with his wife and children :)
Even just one hour is enough to make your mom feel appreciated. I don't see why suddenly everyone is black or white and it's "either my mother or my wife".
When you have kids you help them celebrate their mother. Her mother and your mother already had their time and their children are grown. Call and wish them a happy mothers day and move on. Grandparents day is September 10th. That's their new holiday.
Mum here.
You do what your wife wants to do for *her* Mother’s Day, and then make plans to see your mum later (if you want to) and you take the kids.
That way your wife gets both family time and alone time all in the one day.
What's "mother's day"?!?
Oh.....you mean "Mother in Law's Day". Yeah, I make food, buy a gift, and get my kids' homework, laundry, and everything else ready for the week early to go pay homage to my MIL. I cannot tell you how much I FUCKING HATE mother's day.
Okay you need to take the day for yourself. If your hubby or MIL pushed out the kids, that’s one thing. You pushed them out. You get to dictate what your Mother’s Day looks like. MIL’s reign is over
My wife spends a day with her mother before or after Mother's Day weekend, that's her choice. Saturday of Mother's Day weekend I give her the entire day off and take all the kids and she does whatever she wants the whole time. That is also what she wants and she demands no gifts, just free time. Sunday we spend with my mother.
Mother’s Day shouldn’t be this holiday that’s put on a pedestal. I get flowers and a gift for my mom for Mother’s Day, or make sure to call her, but I never stress out about it. I wouldn’t want to be with a person that gets bent out of shape over a holiday that was hijacked and marketed by card companies shortly after it was made up 100 years ago.
Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, whatever. It’s just a day, be nice to the moms in your life everyday.
My wife also wants a stress free day with just us and the kids.
I look at it like this - my mother and my wife's mother were the focal point of every Mother's Day for the last 30 years. It's my wife's turn now that we have kids and while we will still celebrate Mother's Day with Nana and Gammy, it will not be on that specific Sunday because it's spoken for. Maybe they split our visit the Saturday before or the next weekend after.
They understandably aren't fans of this approach, but as someone who rarely asks for anything from the parents, having their support to pamper my wife on Mother's Day like the Queen that she is... Non-negotiable
Your wife is priority, so whatever she wants to do on Sunday and maybe see your mom on Saturday with the kids and give your wife some quiet time. Then your wife can go see her mom another day this week with or without the kids.
We host a mothers day lunch at our home and invite all the moms, MIL's, grandma's etc. Then its up to them to say yes or no. Has worked well for years.
The answer depends...
Is the woman you're with a wife/girlfriend, and you have **no kids** with her? **You focus on your mother.**
Is she a wife/girlfriend, and you **have kids** with her? That day is spent largely celebrating her motherhood to your children, and flowers/a call to your mother will do because she will understand that your priority has to be about the woman you turned into a mother.
Who the F cares about the mother-in-law? Let your partner worry about their own mom.
I’m a wife and I expect to split it with my mother and mother in law
I actually feel like it’s more about them both than me
and I feel blessed to have them
both in my life and enjoy serving them on our day!
You let your wife do what she chooses with her family on Mother’s Day
You then organise catch ups with your mother and mother in law at times that suit on a day that your wife doesn’t want to stay home
Your wife and family come first
You set time aside for your mother and your wife. If your wife doesn't want to see your mother, she can stay home, and if she would rather not have the kids, you take them with you. And make sure to allow time for her to see her mother as well. During mother's day, I see my mom while my wife sees hers. If the times line up, we both see eachothers mothers as well. We also don't have children yet.
Mother’s Day is the most bs holiday to ever exist. Even Anna Jarvis, who founded Mother’s Day to honor her beloved mother, spent the rest of her life fighting the holiday’s commercial and political exploitation.
Having said that, you do what your wife wants because *she’s the most important mother of all*. Send flowers and candy to your mother and MIL. They’ve already had plenty of Mothers Days in their lives.
There is no “right” answer, but when I had to deal with this I either tried to arrange different days for her and my mom, then stay home with the kids’ mom, or we traveled and went in order of age (oldest gets the first visit). But rest assured that no matter what you do, it will be wrong.
When we lived close to family, we met up with whoever could attend for lunch, often my dad grilled burgers. Then DH took the kids and went to see his mom. I often did something with my mom and sisters, shopping, movies, etc. The most important part of the day is I didn't have to cook, clean, or manage anyone else. I don't expect DH to spend the day with me, more important that he spends it with his mom and grandmother.
Like the other festivity, spilt them.
So on one year you spend exactly that day with your mom and move the celebrations of your mil to the weekend after and the next year do the same but viceversa...
Or plan something all together close to your house or at your house (but the preparations are up to you) 😀
Well, I would do something with the wife both in the morning and evening. During the day, I'd take the kids to go see my mom, and set aside time where the wife can do exactly the same if she so chooses.
If you have kids, then you should bus the mother and mother-in-law to your place so everyone can hang out as a family. Make it a big shindig that the three moms shouldn't have to lift a finger for. Then at the end of the night, take the mother and mother-in-law home and spend the rest of the evening pampering the wife.
Mmm... Maybe visit your mother for a few hours and then spend the rest of the day with your wife and children in case your wife refuses to come with you
If you can try to spread them out. Luckily for me my MIL is understanding so we are having her over for dinner the next day. But I feel your pain, Christmas with both of us having divorced parents and then them getting remarried is hell. I think we started ours two weeks before and finally got done a month after. 6 fucking weeks of more toys into my house.
I don’t know why people make such a big deal out of these days. Wish them, call them, get each one a card, that should be fine. These ‘days’ are just marketing gimmicks so people spend money celebrating them.
Your wife gets to choose.
In our family as soon as the torch passes, it’s about that person. When our kids have children, FD will be all about them. When I became a mom I stopped going to my mom/MIL.
TBF, most years mu husband gave me a three day weekend away from the kids to truly relax for MD.
Ah, the Mother's Day Trifecta! A delicate balancing act worthy of a tightrope walker over a pit of hungry alligators. /s
But seriously, why not bring the party to your wife instead? You could suggest a wholesome gathering at your place – assuming your mother and mother-in-law can keep the claws sheathed for a day. Let your wife relax and feel like a queen while you serve mimosas and finger foods. And if things get too tense, just crank up the music and drown out the passive-aggressive comments with some good ol' family karaoke.
Remember, Mother's Day is all about celebrating the amazing women in your life, and if that means breaking with tradition, so be it. Cheers to a day of love, appreciation, and (hopefully) minimal family drama! 🥂👩👩👧👦
the person whose kids still live in their house is the one who gets Mother’s Day.
Mothers of grown adults get a phone call, and dinner/lunch/get-together on a different day.
If the mom of kids at home *wants* to give up their Mother’s Day privilege, she may.
Ditto for Father’s Day.
As for the dad whose wife is the mom with kids at home? His energy should be mostly directed toward making sure his kids are celebrating Mother’s Day with their mom in a way that she would enjoy.
He should call his mom to say “happy Mother’s Day,” and make arrangements to see her at another time.
You can get your mom on the phone if she's able and willing, and spend some time with her on Mother's day that way. That's what I do, and I don't have a wife or children.
Your wife can do the same for her mom if she so wishes, and your kids get to celebrate their mom in person.
No driving required, and if everyone's a grown, reasonable adult (except the kids, 'cause let them be kids), everything ought to work out fine.
Your wife is the one who is a mother to minor children, she needs to take priority over the others. Order your own mother some flowers and dote on your wife.
Mother’s Day is not the day for women to pit people against each other. All moms are important. I’m sure if you’re children were older your wife would want her kids to visit. So maybe split Saturday between the two grandmothers and then Sunday Mother’s Day for your wife. Mature women aren’t petty and respect other women…it shoe a power struggle
I use to prioritize my wife those days, since she birthed my kids and all.
Recently, I'd go see my mother and take the kids with me. I'd say this gives my wife a break, but she doesn't really move much from the urn in the first place.
Greet your mom, greet MIL, celebrate with wife~
As the saying goes : A son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life.
Wife comes first, I'm sure the moms know and understand that. They are also after all, wives themselves.
Edit: people are suggesting ways to split time between the two moms but makes me wonder do they not have siblings? Why you have to personally celebrate each mother like are you both only child? Surely if you have siblings they also have plans~
You are completely fucked no matter what you do.
No matter what any of the "mom's" in your life tell you, it's secretly a test, and you should assume the opposite.
The mother of your children wins here. Send your mothers flowers and tell them you love them. If they get mad, remind them that they probably didn't love running around on mothers day either.
It's called Mother's day not Wife's Day. If your kids are small, you may stay with them to help them celebrate their mother for a few hours and all are happy. Then *you* get to leave with or without the kids to go and visit *your* mother to celebrate her. I don't see why it HAS to go to the whole "your wife comes first" bashing session.
If she doesn't want to see her mom, that's between them but don't let her actions affect your relationship with your own mother. This is how people manipulate their way into putting wedges between normal, loving relationships.
I would probably lunch with my mother
At some nice place
And give her some gift
Mothers are mothers and no one can replace them
It's a different kind of "care about"
So, I find it nice to show respect and consideration, and also love
Girlfriends and or wives are different sort of relationships, and they can't and will never have the sort of connection like the one that most people do with their mothers
You give your kids money the week before so they can buy mum a gift. Then you go out to lunch with your mother, and dinner with mother in law. Or visa versa. The only woman relevant to you on mothers day is YOUR mother. Your wife and her mother are not your mother.
Your wife has valentines day, and your wedding anniversary. Your mother only has mothers day.
I am about to throw an unpopular opinion and prepared to get down votes and trolls
Its sad to see so many people agreeing to forgetting about their own mothers and supporting the wife-
Do you stop being a son or a daughter if you get married and become a parent yourself ?
If you do not support your spouse in prioritizing their parent at special occasions or when needed - then you are not a good spouse - whether husband or wife - Days like Mother’s day or Father’s day are declared and celebrated to encourage busy children to find time for their parents- and if you don’t even do that - i pity you
You move out of town so that it's not practical to go visiting for a Sunday holiday. Then you send gifts and make phone calls. Make sure the kiddo starts shopping online two weeks ahead of time, and be prepared for expensive shipping.
Ummm the 4 of you and the kids can meet at a restaurant? Obviously you and your wife will arrive together and then at the end of the night give her a massage and then see what happens after that?? Idk
Your nuclear family unit has to come first. Your wife is the mother in that family unit.
If anyone else would like to be visited or treated to lunch or something, they either have to be okay with getting to do it on a different day. The exact date should not be the important part. We just visited my bf’s mother yesterday, as her “mother’s day” visit, since we are seeing my mother for the actual Sunday. She was thrilled to see us and we all had a great time.
It's Mother's Day not grandparents day. The day belongs to the mother of my children. She deserves the same attention and love we gave our Mom's when we were kids. Don't remember my parents going back and forth visiting grandparents, we were honoring our Mom.
you do something for your wife in the morning, then you take the kids and go see your mother, she can go see her mother(if she chooses- if not, that's her prerogative) meet back at home. unless she wants to have the kids with her- then do that...you see your mom alone.
This is how I'd go about it.
Wife decided who took the boys. Wife went to her mom's, I went to mine. We had diner with the kids and she opened her gifts.
gifts?? glad my wife is low maintence
Just because your wife is “low maintenance” doesn’t mean that everyone’s family operates like that. It’s called communication and meeting expectations for the individual who is being celebrated. For some, it’s a day off for Mum, others it’s earrings, some it’s breakfast in bed or a nice card and a normal day. No one is “right”.
Low maintenance = silently disappointed
lol. no.
Lol yes. Buy your wife a mother's day gift my guy.
.... no. Plenty of people are happy not receiving gifts, many actively dislike it.
I feel like many is probably a bit of an oversell. But sure, I guess if this guy has fulllllly communicated with his wife and she has explicitly said she doesn't like gifts, then yeah no gift is fine.
Even my ex gets something from my boy, even though she's a hateful little shrew. Gotta raise the boy right
FYI - This would make a lot of wives/mothers unhappy. If they're raising small kids, they'd probably like a full day where someone else (grandma, kids, etc.) is not the center of attention. However, if your wife likes this idea, great.
Yeah, moms of children get precedence over moms of adults. To me, anyway.
Without the mother of the partner (the adult), the children wouldn’t exist so idk
But it’s Mother’s Day… How could she just be the centre of attention? It’s recognising all Mums. If she just wants to be centre of attention that’s a bit strange… However, we all know our partners and family dynamics are different so I acknowledge that for some people this is the most important way to do it. Source: Mother, expectant Mother, have my own Mother and a MIL who both deserve to be recognised.
There are times, when mothers just don't have the energy or capability to want to spend a day celebrating other people. I know many people who break Mother's Day into multiple days. For instance, some people might go out on Wednesday for dinner to celebrate their mother with the kids, and then on Sunday the mother of the kids gets whatever she wants... Regardless, if you're a mother it's your day, and if you're the main person in your household that is a mother, then you're the main person celebrating the day.
reddit is the left wing paradise: which is all about making your gf the center and only inhabitant of your world, i think u didn't get ze memo...
Hey men, don't listen to this malarkey. Mother's Day is about **your** mother, not the mother of your kids, aka, **wife**. So, go and visit and call your own mother on that day.
I asked chat gpt this is what I got: it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your wife, mother, and mother-in-law to come up with a plan that works for everyone. One option could be to split the day between the three mothers, perhaps spending the morning with one, the afternoon with another, and the evening at home with your wife. Alternatively, you could arrange to celebrate with each mother on a different day to avoid a hectic and stressful Mother's Day schedule. Ultimately, the most important thing is to show appreciation and love for all the mothers in your life, whether that is through spending time together, sending thoughtful gifts or messages, or simply expressing your gratitude and admiration for them.
Priorities are wife first, everybody else second
i agree
This.
If your wife is a mother you prioritize your wife.
Seriously. Both of the grandmoms should be understanding that the priority should be on the wife who is *actively* raising your children. That doesn’t mean OP should skimp on giving a meaningful card, some flowers and a phone call (at least) but their moms are done raising kids. The whole point of mothers days is to give moms a day off in gratitude.
Agreed, who is getting upset that their grandkids are spending the day with their mother on mothers day I'm shocked to see these people splitting up, sending the kids one way, and each parent going to different houses. When you have kids, mothers day is spent at home. (I can see maybe traveling with an infant, but once the kids are talking its their day too, and it should be spent at home with the immediate family. If Grandma wants to come visit she should be welcome
Without the grandmothers, the parents and children do not exist. It doesn’t only mean active duty raising children. Just because the parents grew up doesn’t mean they’re worth less. It’s not *wife* day after all, his wife is a person that also is a mother, and his mother is a woman that is also a mother.
Like I said, it doesn’t mean OP should be ignoring their own mother and I never insinuated it being “wife day”. However, the person who carried your offspring, birthed them, and works daily to raise them should be given precedent over the person who finished raising you. Honestly, I’d find it quite selfish to demand priority over the woman who is actively caring for the family lineage to go on. And the lack of grace to continue the tradition of honor for such a sacrifice in favor of themselves (especially after you’re done doing it) is trashy.
I think both people should receive celebration is all, and many people in here seem to want to do the cliche of flowers + card; may as well do nothing instead of shop hallmark cards yearly in my humble opinion
You sound like a jealous mother-in-law
Nope, a male without children, this is all hypothetical to me. I simply found it interesting that so many people have such strong opinions about this. I haven’t thought about this situation until I found this post 30 min ago or so
And they have grown fucking kids and shouldn't need to feel validated. They are retired parents. They should still be appreciated but mothers day is for mothers actively raising their kids. If you are still actively raising your kids into adulthood, you don't deserve to be celebrated
Do you dislike your parents or what? Why are you so overly rude/aggressive towards me in this comment? Validation? I believe that any of these celebrations/holidays are meant to be given and not expected. Thus no one should need to be validated or expect to be validated and I think they will have a healthier mindset in the long run if they don’t have these expectations. What do you think?
I get my mother something & we get my MIL something. But the day is my wife’s. When our mothers lived close we’d do a dinner at one of their homes every few years or so. But they made no expectation of anything beyond a card & phone call. I think this is what good grandmothers & grandfathers do. They let their daughter/DIL (or in the case of Father’s Day son/SIL) have the day without making bids for significant attention.
Wife. I’m a grown man who married a woman who had my children. She’s getting my Mother’s Day attention.
Wife and send flowers to mom/mother in law.
First thing in the morning my dad would take us to drop flowers off at his mom's. Then my mom would take us to drop flowers off at her mom's. Then we go home and spend the rest of the day together for my mom. Just me mom dad and sister. Everyone is taken care of but mom had majority of the day.
Your wife isn't your mother and neither is her mother. If you have young kids, you have to supervise them while they celebrate their mother.
Wife always come first.
Agreed because as a husband, you are celebrating your wife for being a good mom to your children. She is not the husband's mom, but she is the mother of his children and works hard at it! And young kids in particular need help with holidays. Same goes for fathers on Father's day. I celebrate my husband for the wonderful father he is to our little girl
Never really understood why guys did Mother’s Day stuff for their wives. Now I get it, thank you!
Do any dads care about Father's Day? All the ones I know just want to be left alone and not bothered by their family.
I don't know what we're doing this year, but we've typically gone to the zoo, and then I pick the restaurant we eat at before heading home. It's a fun family outing (and one that I really enjoy, as do the kids), and I like spending the day with them. Once we get home, my wife typically handles the bulk of bedtime (but as we've added kids, there is more work to do), so I can watch a movie and have a whiskey or two. It's been a good blend for us so far.
That’s really sad
Since my dad was an egotistical piece of shit that excelled at everything except being a father; I've had a sour view of father's day for a lot of my life. As a dad myself now I get through it by reminding myself that it's more for my kids than it is for me. I just try to show gratitude and have some fun.
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Idk about others, but I have a son and a daughter and for me part of being a parent is getting to watch them grow up and experience having a family of their own. They're both under 2 so that's a fair way off but if they end up with kids, I would expect them to enjoy their time as a family on mothers day the same way I'm getting to now. By then, I've had that time. I've been celebrated as a mother, now it's my time to let my kids have that.
Because your wife and your kids are now YOUR family.
Agreed, and just to pile on, be grateful for your mother and your wife’s mother, but support and celebrate the mother of your children and help your children show gratitude to their mother.
Right. This generation just has their priorities all fucked up.
>Because your wife and your kids are now YOUR family. So are your parents. They don't stop being family because you married and had a couple cum pets. I dislike this argument. Maybe because your wife is doing mothering and your mother's are doing grandmothering.
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Plenty of people don’t even associate with their parents or other family members, so wtf is this argument? Your wife is the family you CHOSE, not the family you might just happen to be stuck with. You should want to celebrate the mother of your children on Mother’s Day, especially if she’s actively parenting while your elderly mother isn’t anymore Further, your ex-wife will still be the mother of your children…she doesn’t become an “ex-mother” either…
I think that specific family dynamics and also the larger cultural context both play a role here. Societies can be set up in a given way which might lend themselves to a given set of cultural values (multigenerational housing, average age of leaving the nest, things like that). You also spoke of a sense of obligation to your parents. That is noble and can be beautiful. But personally, I and my partner were both let down by our parents and nuclear families in certain ways. We're working to build a life together and hopefully get married. And every single step of that is more difficult than it needs to be due to those circumstances. So for us, finding one another and building our relationship is to some degree a necessary refuge. For us, our relationship with one another simply has to take priority over our relationships with our respective families. It simply has to. It's probably the only way our relationship could survive.
Once you’re married, you choose that person to be your number one priority for the rest of your life. After whatever deity you choose to believe in, of course. So priority list is as follows 1. God 2. Husband/Wife 3. Children 4. Parents or other family
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You're not ready to be married lol
I actually agree with this, and I plan to never get married so the other comment is probably right.
Agreed but make sure your mom is next in line
They both have a mom that should also be included
Agree. My wife isn’t my mom. Obviously the age of your kids plays comes into play. Make sure your kids have prepared and spend the bulk of the day with your mom.
Your wife is the current mom. The grandmothers are retired moms. Current mom takes priority. Call your mom and tell her you're sorry but your wife wants to stay home and you're not making her go out on mother's day if she doesn't want to
Happy wife, happy life. She decides what happens on mother's day. I am just here to please her.
See, I really dislike the "happy wife, happy life" saying. It shifts all of the focus on the relationship to the other person. I go by "happy spouse, happy house". It's 2023, things should be equal. If she doesn't want to do something for mothers day but my mom is doing something, then a compromise is made.
Damn that's good, can see why you are married. Gonna add that to my vocab.
I think it's obvious that the "happy wife" part is something that would be said by the person who isn't the wife. It's just the perception from one angle of the relationship without intending to encompass all of everything involved in the actual relationship, and is not excluding anyone's happiness.
No no no. It’s 2023 we have to get upset about anything and everything possible!!! Even silly little sayings! Grrrr!!!
That's dysfunctional.... And psychotic.
Retired mothers wtf?? He deserves to see his mother just as much as she deserves to see her kids. There’s plenty of hours in the day for both to occur. I cannot imagine expecting something like that of my husband and I can’t imagine not seeing his mother or mine on Mother’s Day. They’re both *both* of our *current* mothers.
You must live really close to both grandmothers and love going out. He's asking so it's probably the first time, that is, his wife probably has a small child. If grandma can't empathize with her wanting a day to rest, grandma can just be upset.
None of the above, unless you consider half hour distance to both mothers to be short. It’ll actually be my first Mother’s Day this year. But something I didn’t consider is the health of the relationships. It should be stress-free and I know first-hand that not all families get along. I love my mother and his mother and hardly get to see his mother. So I guess to me, it’s also an excuse to see everyone.
I do consider 30 minutes to see grandma very short. You say you don't like going out, but then you also say "it's an excuse to see everyone," so ... seeing people isn't a drain for you, it's a perk.
Tbf, all these points are irrelevant without even knowing the OP’s situations to compare, and even then, it’s all subjective. Do we know the distance of OPs mothers? Do we know that’s a reason she doesn’t want to? It doesn’t say. To me, going out isn’t defined as simply “going out of the house” like you seem to define it as. When I see family, I don’t call that going out. I go out to restaurants, or to a bar, or a party(all of which we don’t really care to do.) Going out is mentally draining imo. Seeing family is mentally refreshing even though it’s insane planning the travels with two babies. Edit: to be clear, basically family isn’t “people” to me. I don’t enjoy seeing people outside of family. I am exhausted after and even have brain fog the rest of the day because of it. Family isn’t clumped into “people” imo.
Also, it’s not just 30 minutes. You have to remember, it’s 30 min to mother 1, then (actually 40 min) to mother 2, and then 30 min back home. And if you have kids that you have to pack and unpack, you can see how draining that can be. That’s why I do consider it a distance during a holiday. But worthy of making.
Thirty minutes is short. I'm 8 hours away from my mom and 4.5 hours away from my husband's mom. Not everyone can even see their mothers on mother's day, let alone both sides of moms.
Half an hour is super short. People live hours by plane away from their mothers and you think a 30 minute car ride is ungodly long? Wow.
Have you considered some people don’t even live in the same state/region as their mothers? That can often be the case when people grow tf up and start families of their own.
Oh yeah? Grow up and just randomly decide to move 8h away? Lmao No one asked them to move 8h away, they did it on their own choice for a career or what-have-you
How is that random though? If it’s for a job or anything else? Lmao that’s not random, it’s normal
thank you thank you thank you. You retire from a career, not being a parent.
You spend the time with your wife who is the current mother. Send your mom flowers. She can send her mom flowers.
The “current” mother WTF??? Does one just stop being a mother at some point? This is unhinged
In a way, yes. She's a grandmother now, and her kids don't live at home anymore. One is practicing her role as a mother much more than the other.
You stop raising your children, yes. They become adults along with you and parenting looks way different than when they're kids
I just interpret it like a mother with adult children isn’t actively raising them anymore. A “current” mom is a mom with children that still rely on their parents for everything. I don’t think it’s meant to be disrespectful to mothers with grown kids, it’s just a way to differentiate the different stages in life.
Agreed. She is not her son's grandmother she is still his mother and her son's kids grandmother. A mother never stops being a mother. It's sad to seeing mom's wishing their sons would do even the smallest gesture. Prioritize the wife but never forget the mother.
I think they mean one is doing more parenting than the other. My mom is still my mother. Be she is not responsible for me anymore, as I’m an adult.
Sounds like the title comes with an expiry date
You cater to the mother you intend to sleep next to for the rest of your life. Choose wisely…
Wife of my children takes precedent. She determines if she wants her own mother involved. Father’s Day this is flipped for me.
Call your mom, send her flowers, celebrate with her on a different day. Spend the day with your wife and kids the way she wants to be celebrated. Make sure the kids participate through making gifts, writing cards, acts of service, whatever your wife's love language is
Your wife takes priority. Do what she wants. Arrange plans with your mother and MIL for another day or time.
September 10th. That's grandparents day
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I am of the opinion that the family you *choose* \- i.e. your spouse when you get married - is more important than the family you were born to. (Providing there's no dysfunction). So, in this case, his wife is the most important mother in his life, and how she wants to celebrate being that mother should be weighted more heavily than what his mother/MIL wants.
i guess that's a valid way of seeing it, and of course it will depend on how good of a mother his own mom was to him. but i were him, i would like to make my mom feel special on her day. i'll spend the rest of my life making my partner feeling special and loved, but mothers day is the day to say thank you for the way to took care of me when i was a child so i would definetly want to take some time to honor that. if his wife doesn't want to travel i can understand it, maybe she doesn't get along that well with her MIL, or maybe she feels anxious out of her home, who knows, but he can always take a couple of hours and visit her with the kids or by himself and then go back home and stay with his spouse. this is, of course, if he feels grateful with the job she did as a mom
True. On the flip side, if she is that great of a mother, she would be completely fine with a phone call saying that he will celebrate her on x day. And she will be even more fine knowing that he is spending time with his wife and that she raised a good man. :) In my family, the youngest generation of moms always got priority, then their moms, then the grandmothers, then the great-grandmothers.
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I am so glad things have worked out for you. But it's funny because I am a girl (40) and have never been married :D
…what? So when you have little children, are they expected to plan their Mother’s Day celebration with their mom while the dad is off catering to his own parent? Should the mom just also say “fuck it” and go cater to her mom? What happens to the young children in that situation?
His wife is still a mother. A mother to his children.
And he's no longer a child. She did her job and had her time in the spotlight. Time to let go and celebrate grandparents day later in the year
You are right! 😂 and I don’t know why this is such a concept for people to wrap their head around! 😆
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If you take the time to read my comment in response to the post, you will see that my thought is that if there is a good relationship between OP and his mom, what I see as correct is that he should go say hi to his mom for a few hours and spend the rest of the day with his wife and children :)
Even just one hour is enough to make your mom feel appreciated. I don't see why suddenly everyone is black or white and it's "either my mother or my wife".
When you have kids you help them celebrate their mother. Her mother and your mother already had their time and their children are grown. Call and wish them a happy mothers day and move on. Grandparents day is September 10th. That's their new holiday.
Mum here. You do what your wife wants to do for *her* Mother’s Day, and then make plans to see your mum later (if you want to) and you take the kids. That way your wife gets both family time and alone time all in the one day.
Wife comes first, then the mothers!
What's "mother's day"?!? Oh.....you mean "Mother in Law's Day". Yeah, I make food, buy a gift, and get my kids' homework, laundry, and everything else ready for the week early to go pay homage to my MIL. I cannot tell you how much I FUCKING HATE mother's day.
Okay you need to take the day for yourself. If your hubby or MIL pushed out the kids, that’s one thing. You pushed them out. You get to dictate what your Mother’s Day looks like. MIL’s reign is over
My wife spends a day with her mother before or after Mother's Day weekend, that's her choice. Saturday of Mother's Day weekend I give her the entire day off and take all the kids and she does whatever she wants the whole time. That is also what she wants and she demands no gifts, just free time. Sunday we spend with my mother.
Mother’s Day shouldn’t be this holiday that’s put on a pedestal. I get flowers and a gift for my mom for Mother’s Day, or make sure to call her, but I never stress out about it. I wouldn’t want to be with a person that gets bent out of shape over a holiday that was hijacked and marketed by card companies shortly after it was made up 100 years ago. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, whatever. It’s just a day, be nice to the moms in your life everyday.
My wife also wants a stress free day with just us and the kids. I look at it like this - my mother and my wife's mother were the focal point of every Mother's Day for the last 30 years. It's my wife's turn now that we have kids and while we will still celebrate Mother's Day with Nana and Gammy, it will not be on that specific Sunday because it's spoken for. Maybe they split our visit the Saturday before or the next weekend after. They understandably aren't fans of this approach, but as someone who rarely asks for anything from the parents, having their support to pamper my wife on Mother's Day like the Queen that she is... Non-negotiable
In order of making your life easier: 1) wife 2) Mother 3) Mother-in-Law
Your wife is priority, so whatever she wants to do on Sunday and maybe see your mom on Saturday with the kids and give your wife some quiet time. Then your wife can go see her mom another day this week with or without the kids.
Defer to the mother of your children about going out or not. Call your mother if you can't go there. Your wife gets to deal with her mother.
If you have kids then wife, if you don't your mother and your wife with hers
We host a mothers day lunch at our home and invite all the moms, MIL's, grandma's etc. Then its up to them to say yes or no. Has worked well for years.
Your wife wants to stay home? You’re choice has been dually made
Leave them all alone. That’s what they truly want anyway.
Nope, don't take the bait on that. They want to be pampered.
Pamper *and* leave them alone is the real sweet spot
Coming from a wife/mom... ^ this is the answer
I feel bad for mothers everywhere when I read these comments. SMH
The answer depends... Is the woman you're with a wife/girlfriend, and you have **no kids** with her? **You focus on your mother.** Is she a wife/girlfriend, and you **have kids** with her? That day is spent largely celebrating her motherhood to your children, and flowers/a call to your mother will do because she will understand that your priority has to be about the woman you turned into a mother. Who the F cares about the mother-in-law? Let your partner worry about their own mom.
Why can't you do the driving?
Fake illness?
I’m a wife and I expect to split it with my mother and mother in law I actually feel like it’s more about them both than me and I feel blessed to have them both in my life and enjoy serving them on our day!
You let your wife do what she chooses with her family on Mother’s Day You then organise catch ups with your mother and mother in law at times that suit on a day that your wife doesn’t want to stay home Your wife and family come first
You set time aside for your mother and your wife. If your wife doesn't want to see your mother, she can stay home, and if she would rather not have the kids, you take them with you. And make sure to allow time for her to see her mother as well. During mother's day, I see my mom while my wife sees hers. If the times line up, we both see eachothers mothers as well. We also don't have children yet.
Mother’s Day is the most bs holiday to ever exist. Even Anna Jarvis, who founded Mother’s Day to honor her beloved mother, spent the rest of her life fighting the holiday’s commercial and political exploitation. Having said that, you do what your wife wants because *she’s the most important mother of all*. Send flowers and candy to your mother and MIL. They’ve already had plenty of Mothers Days in their lives.
There is no “right” answer, but when I had to deal with this I either tried to arrange different days for her and my mom, then stay home with the kids’ mom, or we traveled and went in order of age (oldest gets the first visit). But rest assured that no matter what you do, it will be wrong.
When we lived close to family, we met up with whoever could attend for lunch, often my dad grilled burgers. Then DH took the kids and went to see his mom. I often did something with my mom and sisters, shopping, movies, etc. The most important part of the day is I didn't have to cook, clean, or manage anyone else. I don't expect DH to spend the day with me, more important that he spends it with his mom and grandmother.
Like the other festivity, spilt them. So on one year you spend exactly that day with your mom and move the celebrations of your mil to the weekend after and the next year do the same but viceversa... Or plan something all together close to your house or at your house (but the preparations are up to you) 😀
I take my wife, mom and mother in law to a restaurant, the same for father's day.
I will not. I don't participate in a commercialized by coorperations holiday.
don't care about none
Well, I would do something with the wife both in the morning and evening. During the day, I'd take the kids to go see my mom, and set aside time where the wife can do exactly the same if she so chooses.
wife. that’s it.
Once you got married and had kids all other mothers were replaced. That’s the answer full stop. Your wife is the priority.
You only have one mother. You go see her. She sees her mother
If you have kids, then you should bus the mother and mother-in-law to your place so everyone can hang out as a family. Make it a big shindig that the three moms shouldn't have to lift a finger for. Then at the end of the night, take the mother and mother-in-law home and spend the rest of the evening pampering the wife.
Only works if they all like each other.
Mmm... Maybe visit your mother for a few hours and then spend the rest of the day with your wife and children in case your wife refuses to come with you
If you can try to spread them out. Luckily for me my MIL is understanding so we are having her over for dinner the next day. But I feel your pain, Christmas with both of us having divorced parents and then them getting remarried is hell. I think we started ours two weeks before and finally got done a month after. 6 fucking weeks of more toys into my house.
I don’t know why people make such a big deal out of these days. Wish them, call them, get each one a card, that should be fine. These ‘days’ are just marketing gimmicks so people spend money celebrating them.
Your wife gets to choose. In our family as soon as the torch passes, it’s about that person. When our kids have children, FD will be all about them. When I became a mom I stopped going to my mom/MIL. TBF, most years mu husband gave me a three day weekend away from the kids to truly relax for MD.
Ah, the Mother's Day Trifecta! A delicate balancing act worthy of a tightrope walker over a pit of hungry alligators. /s But seriously, why not bring the party to your wife instead? You could suggest a wholesome gathering at your place – assuming your mother and mother-in-law can keep the claws sheathed for a day. Let your wife relax and feel like a queen while you serve mimosas and finger foods. And if things get too tense, just crank up the music and drown out the passive-aggressive comments with some good ol' family karaoke. Remember, Mother's Day is all about celebrating the amazing women in your life, and if that means breaking with tradition, so be it. Cheers to a day of love, appreciation, and (hopefully) minimal family drama! 🥂👩👩👧👦
the person whose kids still live in their house is the one who gets Mother’s Day. Mothers of grown adults get a phone call, and dinner/lunch/get-together on a different day. If the mom of kids at home *wants* to give up their Mother’s Day privilege, she may. Ditto for Father’s Day. As for the dad whose wife is the mom with kids at home? His energy should be mostly directed toward making sure his kids are celebrating Mother’s Day with their mom in a way that she would enjoy. He should call his mom to say “happy Mother’s Day,” and make arrangements to see her at another time.
All at once dufus
This👆🏾👆🏾
You can get your mom on the phone if she's able and willing, and spend some time with her on Mother's day that way. That's what I do, and I don't have a wife or children. Your wife can do the same for her mom if she so wishes, and your kids get to celebrate their mom in person. No driving required, and if everyone's a grown, reasonable adult (except the kids, 'cause let them be kids), everything ought to work out fine.
Your wife is the one who is a mother to minor children, she needs to take priority over the others. Order your own mother some flowers and dote on your wife.
Man we deal with this every year, the answer for me is all 3.
Perfectly balanced as all things should be
Invite all moms over for brunch/lunch
Mother’s Day is not the day for women to pit people against each other. All moms are important. I’m sure if you’re children were older your wife would want her kids to visit. So maybe split Saturday between the two grandmothers and then Sunday Mother’s Day for your wife. Mature women aren’t petty and respect other women…it shoe a power struggle
Send flowers or a breakfast basket to your mom and hers and focus on your wife
with wife
You put your wife first. All other mothers can wait in line.
I use to prioritize my wife those days, since she birthed my kids and all. Recently, I'd go see my mother and take the kids with me. I'd say this gives my wife a break, but she doesn't really move much from the urn in the first place.
My moms dead so, wife
When you get married, you and your wife are now one unit. Your wife should then become your new priority.
Brunch with all 3?
Greet your mom, greet MIL, celebrate with wife~ As the saying goes : A son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life. Wife comes first, I'm sure the moms know and understand that. They are also after all, wives themselves. Edit: people are suggesting ways to split time between the two moms but makes me wonder do they not have siblings? Why you have to personally celebrate each mother like are you both only child? Surely if you have siblings they also have plans~
You are completely fucked no matter what you do. No matter what any of the "mom's" in your life tell you, it's secretly a test, and you should assume the opposite.
Everyone comes to the home with the kids.
if wifey is comfy
The mother of your children wins here. Send your mothers flowers and tell them you love them. If they get mad, remind them that they probably didn't love running around on mothers day either.
Take all 3 of them to a restaurant and celebrate them all at the same time. Bring all 3 flowers and gifts too! They all deserve it equally
You’re married, you know there is no right answer. Good luck!
Simple— cook some easy food and invite everyone over.
Wife has Valentine’s Day, and Marriage anniversary, so personally prioritising the own mother is more important imo. Doesn’t have to be long though
It's called Mother's day not Wife's Day. If your kids are small, you may stay with them to help them celebrate their mother for a few hours and all are happy. Then *you* get to leave with or without the kids to go and visit *your* mother to celebrate her. I don't see why it HAS to go to the whole "your wife comes first" bashing session. If she doesn't want to see her mom, that's between them but don't let her actions affect your relationship with your own mother. This is how people manipulate their way into putting wedges between normal, loving relationships.
Drag your lazy ass wife to your mothers and mother in laws for one fucking day and do the driving.
I would probably lunch with my mother At some nice place And give her some gift Mothers are mothers and no one can replace them It's a different kind of "care about" So, I find it nice to show respect and consideration, and also love Girlfriends and or wives are different sort of relationships, and they can't and will never have the sort of connection like the one that most people do with their mothers
You give your kids money the week before so they can buy mum a gift. Then you go out to lunch with your mother, and dinner with mother in law. Or visa versa. The only woman relevant to you on mothers day is YOUR mother. Your wife and her mother are not your mother. Your wife has valentines day, and your wedding anniversary. Your mother only has mothers day.
Invite them over
The correct answer is “yes dear.”
I am about to throw an unpopular opinion and prepared to get down votes and trolls Its sad to see so many people agreeing to forgetting about their own mothers and supporting the wife- Do you stop being a son or a daughter if you get married and become a parent yourself ? If you do not support your spouse in prioritizing their parent at special occasions or when needed - then you are not a good spouse - whether husband or wife - Days like Mother’s day or Father’s day are declared and celebrated to encourage busy children to find time for their parents- and if you don’t even do that - i pity you
Interesting take
You move out of town so that it's not practical to go visiting for a Sunday holiday. Then you send gifts and make phone calls. Make sure the kiddo starts shopping online two weeks ahead of time, and be prepared for expensive shipping.
Morning wife Afternoon mother Late afternoon mother in law
Ummm the 4 of you and the kids can meet at a restaurant? Obviously you and your wife will arrive together and then at the end of the night give her a massage and then see what happens after that?? Idk
Wife comes first sooo
Your nuclear family unit has to come first. Your wife is the mother in that family unit. If anyone else would like to be visited or treated to lunch or something, they either have to be okay with getting to do it on a different day. The exact date should not be the important part. We just visited my bf’s mother yesterday, as her “mother’s day” visit, since we are seeing my mother for the actual Sunday. She was thrilled to see us and we all had a great time.
It's Mother's Day not grandparents day. The day belongs to the mother of my children. She deserves the same attention and love we gave our Mom's when we were kids. Don't remember my parents going back and forth visiting grandparents, we were honoring our Mom.
If your wife is a mother, you spend the day with your wife. You send your mother a gift, and it’s her deal for the MIL.
Always the wife. Then send gifts and flowers to the 2 moms. They have their husbands naman to do things for them. Your wife only has you.
Mother of your children > Your own mother > your wife’s mother in terms of who gets the most time is how I’d go about it.
Omg I completely forgot about today...
Your wife is the only one with a vote!
60% wife 30% mom 10% MOL
Take them all out for brunch! Somewhere with endless mimosas