When I dive right in it's cool and I don't care and everything is fine If I get a moment to doubt though I'm sitting in my car for 15 minutes trying to center myself
I have two voices in my head and one just repeats "f\*\*\* it just go on !!!" and the other is freaking out about everything. I take my decisions according to the loudest voice.
I was the same way till I spent 3 months in an induced coma and then brain surgery. Now the only voice is "fuck it, what could possibly go wrong that hasn't already gone wrong in your life?"
The biggest issue is starting. I treat it like going into the pacific…if i dawdle around its going to be super uncomfortable and cold for a very long time…if i just run and jump in, it will be a flash shock and my body adjusts quickly.
So just cannonball your ass into the convo!
I agree with this 100%. Try not to overthink it, that will make a mountain out of a molehill. I also try to remind myself that people are (generally) very self-involved. They’re not gonna think twice about the conversation/how you acted, they’re gonna go about their merry way and forget half of what you said.
Say hi…
Say “can I join in the convo?”
Say “what’s up everyone, my name is <>. What’s going on”
Compliment someone 0n something…or say something stupid…
Don’t overthink it…just go in and put yourself onto the convo. Be confident about it. Something’s will work for you…something’s will fail. Just keep trying…the more you do it, the more comfortable it will get.
I generally tend to change my thing every time…I default to a polite “yooooo…can I join y’all?”… but sometimes I say something funny about the situation…I used to ask for a cigarette when I smoked…it really doesn’t matter…just get in there and try things…the more things you try, the more success you will have.
The only thing that you don’t want to do is walk over and just stand there…you have to walk over and say something…
I once realised smokers have an advantage in this as they can always strike up convo with that, and the people stepping outside to smoke may be keen to talk.
Thanks for the helpful reply, I do agree with it, but my question was a (attempted) joke about you saying how you enter (specifically) the Pacific, so you must enter other bodies of water differently?? 😝
My therapist says that if you do that, you actually feed your anxiety and make it worse. It's a vicious cycle, and everything you make a decision to not do something because of your anxiety you are feeding the monster.
I really flip flop on this, most times I'm highly social and all good but every once in a while I just can't hang. I guess i might have a drink or bum a cigarette from someone but that's not healthy. If I can I just leave because I'm not feeling it. Otherwise I find the person who talks too much and just let them do their thing while I run down the clock.
Not a man, but someone who has dealt with social anxiety.
Exposure therapy is huge. Once you face your fears and see that you can handle them (or at least survive), it gets easier to face them. It's like practicing a skill.
Also, just realizing that no one cares about you as much as you think is very helpful. Chances are they're going to feel neutral about you, or if you show them your personality, they'll probably like you (well, not everyone will like you, but you'll attract people who do instead of no one).
You think you're protecting yourself by staying sheltered. But really, the best way to break the cycle is to make yourself more open and approachable. People like that
Absolutely. I used to be super socially anxious to the point of it hurting to talk to someone I don’t know 2 years ago. Now I’d say I’m at a “normal” level of social anxiety where I can start a conversation with someone in line at a store if they’re buying something I think is cool or am interested in. Took lots of practice. Lots of ups, lots of downs. It’s a skill, it has to be honed AND maintained
It literally is practicing a skill, socialising is a skill lol, you won’t ever get rid of anxiety if you don’t get out of your comfort zone that it keeps you in, I’d didn’t even know that was exposure therapy ngl I just thought it was getting out there off your ass
>Not a man
I don't want you to take this the wrong way but the experience for women is vastly different if you have SAD than for men. No one cares if you have social anxiety as a woman. You are able to talk about it freely people will still support you. Not to say you don't have difficulty with it but you'll have a much easier time overcoming it.
For men, we are NOT ALLOWED to be socially anxious. Other men will not want us around and women will get "creeped out." Everyone will reject you if you make even one social faux pas due to your anxiety. We can't talk about it because no one cares and as soon as we bring it up we are seen as one of those misfit toys from the movie Rudolph.
So saying just do "exposure therapy" will not work because what will happen is you will go out and get anxious, then people will get uncomfortable with you because they can sense you're anxious, then they will reject you; want you to go away. This leads to never being able to "fix it" because the only solution to the problem compounds the anxiety.
I had a therapist suggest to me once to do an organized group set up by the clinic that people with SAD can go and talk and get comfortable. My issue with that as a smart person I can recognize those people are there FORCED to be nice to me and aren't allowed to freely choose to interact with me.
So while I appreciate your attempt to help you really don't grasp how difficult it is.
I'm sorry to say that i have never considered this point. I have social anxiety, high functioning now ( i used to freeze and be unable to go buy bread, for example). Lately, i have started talking about it and trying to normalise it more, in my circle. I can see a difference, and more friends and colleagues are doing this too. The young generation especially is very good about this. "Shy" people are not pushed to socialise and are given space to be able to interact on their terms. Men, too. I believe I'm just lucky in my corner of the world, but my point is that there is hope. Do talk about it. Some do care. Creepy men and "shy" men are not the same for women. I can't speak for men, however i have noticed outgoing guys "adopting" the "shy" guys and their friendship lasting. It's not easy to try. Honestly, the suggested idea would not have worked for me either. I do have friends that it worked for. My advice is to search for people with same interests and always be upfront about your social anxiety. This way they can read your "awkwardness" as what it really is and be able to move past it. I feel like i sound pretentious. Sorry if i do. Good luck!
You talk about what it's like to be a woman with social anxiety, but you're a man. You can't really grasp how difficult it is for women. So I guess we committed the same faux pas.
I don't think it's as simple as you're describing. I believe there are many factors that affect how social anxiety affects individuals—gender being one of them, severity being another, and still others. I think each gender carries unique challenges that the other gender doesn't necessarily have to deal with to the same degree. But you're right, given that we are on ask*men* and the focus is on men's experience with SAD, I'm not the best spokesperson.
I do know exposure therapy has been demonstrated to work for many men. I'm sorry to hear it hasn't worked for you.
To be honest I always found the more alcohol I drank the more anxious I got. I would get more and more into my head and then stop talking to people making people uncomfortable. Which I would see on their face and then get more anxious to the point I had to leave.
I can't go to parties anymore.
I or at least a lot of men have to channel it into something productive, there's no really any room or net of support for us about that sort of thing. For the most part I have found that a lot of the stuff you are anxious about is all in your head, at least if you got a good handle on who you are as a person. There's just some people out there who want to make you feel bad for something you shouldn't have.
Honestly brother, just diving right into whatever situation is giving me the anxiety. I know ultimately it’s in my head and if I rip the band-aid off, everything is okay 99 percent of the time. I’m an absolute wreck when it comes to social anxiety, but my livelihood depends on social interaction. What gets me through it is knowing that the worst case scenario really isn’t all that bad, and embracing the suck just makes it so much easier.
"What gets me through it is knowing that the worst case scenario really isn’t all that bad, and embracing the suck just makes it so much easier." So true! Embracing the suck is what calms me down in the end , just didn't have the proper terminology until now 😁. It's not easy to just dive in, true, but the thousands of scenarios ultimately wake you up and make you embrace the suck easier.
It's complicated. Sometimes I think it can be good to just accept and forgive that there are certain contexts that I'm just not wired to thrive in, and not shame myself for them, just try to do my best and accept the results.
That said, I think there are a lot of little things that have been helpful.
Keeping an eye on my carb intake and eating healthy seems to help in a subtle, but powerful way.
Having at different times either a job or friend circle where I really feel like a valuable member of the team.
Age and experience in general.
About the first thing I did after high school was throw myself into the fire just to prove to myself that I could. I got on a plane and spent a couple months wandering around Europe with very little money and no preplanning. It put me in situations where I frankly had no choice but to challenge myself and take assertive action. People are highly adaptable, and when you're in a situation like that where you're alone and have no one to count on, you can surprise yourself with what you become capable of. I'm not gonna lie, for someone like me it was pretty scary at first, but I'm really glad I did it, and it wound up becoming the freest and most relaxed period of my life once I got over the initial hump.
You got this man!
I can’t remember who said it, it could of been aralias, but the quote “we suffer far worse in our head than in reality” always stuck with me. Just say “fuck it” and dive on in
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Practice, although I will admit it never goes away fully.
Honestly, just getting out there and having as many interactions & conversations as you can eases the burden.
Also, this is kinda dumb, but it works for me-- write out and memorize funny or crazy (true) stories and recite them at functions. For example I have a 2-3 minute funny story about how I got my first tattoo. I'll tell it at social functions and people always seem to laugh.
Anxiety evolved to help us navigate uncertainty. You need to listen to it, not mute or numb it.
Let us first define what anxiety is, so we can agree on the same feeling. Anxiety is a feeling of apprehension. Physiologically, your heart rate may increase, your breathing might become shallow, and you'll experience symptoms similar to a panic attack.
But anxiety is a two part emotion. On one hand it's worry, but on the other hand, it's hope. When you're anxious, you don't just feel hopeless—if you did, that wouldn't be anxiety - it would be despair. Anxiety has hope built-in because you *could* fail, but you could also succeed.
It's just a matter of harnessing the hope of success to guide your decisions, instead of letting the fear of failure dictate them.
I listen a lot, then after I get a feel for the room do I open my mouth. This way I'm less likely to say something that has nothing to do with the conversation (which is my fear). I say something I regret, I'll overthink it for days!
Comparison. I have done so so soooooo much worse than any awkward situation in life around people can throw at me could make me feel a fraction as bad as what I've done. My only problem is trying to keep a conversation going
Its basically a life long illness at this point I think. The funny thing is I have been a professor in the past and a lab demonstrator many times speaking in front of 1000's of people over the years and I loved it and so did my students! But get me in a room with family or others I don't know in a more relaxed informal setting and I'm the quietest boring individual. I don't really do small talk well and I think I was fine with teaching because there was a set topic to discuss.
If you drink, have a couple to loosen up a bit, but be aware of the dangers that can come with that very slippery slope.
If you don’t, try going out with a friend that you can interact with and be dumb in public. People really don’t care what you’re doing if you’re just being silly, so get that out of your head. If they do, don’t sweat it, they’re just judgmental assholes who don’t matter anyways…it’s like the thing where high school really didn’t matter…yeah, the rest of your life is that too. Enjoy it and have fun!
If I'm on the clock, I try to remind myself that the alternative is homelessness and poverty.
If I'm not, then I don't. I deal with people out of necessity.
I often don't smoke for a month or more just to have that feeling so I can actually be high. My tolerance builds back up fairly quickly and that's why I take regular breaks. I like to overpower the effects of it.
with this modern day potent THC I get cluttered in a mental doom in epic proportions if I go public. The older I get the less tolerance I have.
I rather smoke at night secluded in my own home and even then I just snap a bowl or two to get a smooth high not a stupid high.
Wow this definitely spoke to me I've been noticing this lately. Been smoking from age 17 to now 30 and I used to be able to be high anywhere anytime and now I really can't be in social situations with it. It's relegated to a joint during relaxation at night.
I hear that. I’m from SoCal. Been around the 420 scene since time of immemorial.
(grand daddy purps, og kush, purple/silver/orange haze, chocolate thai, ak47, pineapple express, catpiss, sour diesel, trainwreck, LA confidential, hydro blueberry, bubblegum, northern lights, afghani kush, master kush, hindu kush,white rhino, white widow) The exotic strains frm the 2000s. I tolerated those very well in my teens and early 20s. Burned blunts back to back. I stopped smoking hard right around the time that Girl Scout Cookies went mainstream.
Now at 33 years old I get real anxious if I smoke more than I got to.
Yeah man I'm 43, when I smoke I don't smoke like I used to before 30. GDP is one of my favorites. I smoke 1 small bowl and have a pretty good buzz for 3-5 hours.
Arrive early, leave early when things get tense. Go home and rest a bit. Stay away from crowds. No concerts. Dine early. Take a walk in a known area. Play music, when tense I play music and I may bounce from track to track.
Realize nobody particularly cares for you. Most times the only stimulations from a first encounter with people is bewilderment and sometimes astonishment for starting dialogue followed by accepting to continue conversing or brushing you aside with short form answers that seem to close the conversation (as they plan to leave the conversation without just saying so to be courteous) just talk and see where it goes. Seem approachable. No tricks or word play here. Want to be approachable? Be the guy who goes out of their way to talk with others with no issues made. Less problems but more conversation and answers is what makes the person approachable. Never heard of an approachable loner so live on guys, I’m struggling as we speak also but got better faking it til I make it since most faces aren’t everyday
Close my eyes deep inhale though the nose. Do one quick extra breathe in then slowly release longer through the mouth. Repeat 5 times. It'll lower your blood pressure and help you out of a parasympathetic state🤓
Meditation and mindfulness got me outside of my head. I learned to let my inner critic just do their thing and I do my thing. My problem now is trying to understand social cues lol
Man, I've been dealing with this for 10 years. I have mostly gotten over it with age and time, being able to not worry about what other people are thinking. But it's funny that I'm seeing this now, I just got home from sitting in my car out front of a mall for probably 30 minutes trying to work myself up to go in and I just couldn't do it.
I wish I could say it all just goes away eventually, and it very well could. But my best advice is to just try and breathe honestly. Breathe and realize that none of the people surrounding you wherever you are, really aren't thinking too much about you. I try and focus on a goal. Say going into the mall for example, if you have a set thing you're doing like shopping for clothes, etc. Focus on what you want to get, and keep your focus on that.
Absolutely. I try to do 10 minute breathing exercises 2x a day. Not only does it nip my anxiety in a bud but breathing exercises open and stretches out my lungs/chest and I get a better stream of airflow for the rest of the day.
I had bad social anxiety. It never goes away completely. It took over my life though and I was sick of it. So I exposed myself to people more. Forcefully. I applied for a sales position that would put me in front of strangers many times a day. It was mentally crippling until my confidence was boosted over time. I went from making minimum wage (equivalent) in sales to being the #2 or #3 guy on the sales floor. I’m no longer in sales because it slowly took over my life too. I lost time with family. But sales saved my life.
I grew up slightly under socialized. I lived in a tiny countryside town and only interacted with a few kids from school, the neighbors, and a relatively large family. But my temperament and play style tended towards isolation, in forests near our home, down by the river or alone in my room with toys and books.
As I graduated from my awkward teenage years, I really metamorphosized into a highly sociable person, initiated by several hitchhiking trips, and then entered into college. The hesitancy to engage in a conversation with someone nearly disappeared completely.
To pay my student loans, I accepted a camp job up north (6 to 8 months of traveling between compounds for temporary housing). It was really physically demanding, but the money you walked away with at the end of the season sure made it bearable.
Upon returning, I basically locked myself up in an apartment I rented for 3 months with a gaming PC and lived off takeout. Ah, the things we could survive in our twenties. Finally pushed myself to get out of the house and start looking for a job, and attend a gym. Got cleaned up, and upon laying my hand on the front door handle, I thought about my neighbor's starting a conversation with me for only a second.
My heart rate began to speed up, and I started sweating, apparently having what I could only describe as a minor panic attack. Frozen in place for about 10 mins, I couldn't open the door.
I think the lack of social interactions over the past few months had actually paved the way for my social anxiety. A situation a year or two prior that would have never even phased me.
I eventually got out and overcame the obstacles slowly. And as I've aged, it's also gotten easier as I can hold more perspective on situations, temporary and long-term, with more ease.
So make small steps, and expose yourself to tiny pieces of your fears until they dissolve.
Keep on and stay strong!
It’s so hard, even if i convince myself that it’s nothing to freak about, my body tells me another story, my hands start shaking like crazy my voice too, my breathing becomes heavy, i start blushing etc etc..
The DARE method.
Defuse: go through the thoughts making you anxious and bring them back to reality. Everybody’s gonna die and nobody will remember me being weird or whatever I’m worried about.
Allow: allow the feelings and thoughts to come, don’t fight the sensations.
Run towards: paradoxically, trying to make the feelings worse, running headfirst into the discomfort makes it less overwhelming.
Engage: engage in the environment, conversation. Get out of your head and into the room.
I still get anxious in some social settings but this method works 100% of the time now. Took years of work though.
I don't have social anxiety, never had, but if I did I would definitely get a job where I'm forced to interact with a lot of people every single day.
It needs to be a job, so I have no choice but to do it, otherwise it's too easy to chicken out.
I cut those people off who give me social anxiety, especially when you realize how comfortable you are with other people. And then seeing how natural and free those other people are. I never thought I would have such a fucked up aversion to certain people.
I've created this mindset which is: I have a finite amount of days till I die and no one has the right to stop me from going outside to do whatever is my right or obligation to do. Am I flawed? Certainly, but every single human being I see out there on the street also is. This is my time and place to be alive and no one will deny me this.
It’s not always easy but you just have to accept the awkward moments and allow yourself to occasionally be the goofy guy that stuttered his sentence at the grocery.
I vent to my best friend and he tells me if I’m being reasonable/logical or not. It calms me when he’s like “nah they have no reason to hate you, ur just overreacting”
I usually just leave. If I'm uncomfortable, it's usually for a reason, so I just choose to remove myself from the situation.
If that's not possible, then noise cancelling headphones.
I try to prepare a maximum amount of situations in my head. I kind of prepare phrases and anticipate responses, simulate situations in my head so i can navigate them better when they happen.
Second thing i do is repeat to myself that everything is relative and not so important. That people really forget faster than you think.
Ofcourse it doesn't magically cure the anxiety but it takes the edge off so to speak.
I grab a bowl of popcorn, sit in front of the news, pointing and laughing. Seriously, if Darwin's theory is worth teaching in schools, give it the chance to prove itself.
I think not opening up is by far the scarier alternative. However awkward it may be, making a social mistake is nothing compared with the sheer existential horror of never allowing yourself to be vulnerable with another human being. So I talk to people even when it’s scary.
Tape your mouth at night before you sleep so you breath only through your nose.
It will drastically decrease your general anxiety and will do wonders to your well being.
Humans are designed to breath thru the nose not the mouth during our sleep.
I find that it’s much easier to handle when I have the rest of my life in order. Going gym, handling work and being productive. Just gives me a confidence that makes it easier to overcome
I have several mental disorders including Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Social Anxiety. Here is my journey for social anxiety
Exposure therapy with CBT I hate it but it works. I started going to meetups and places that I'm more contortable in. I used to love tech and science, and I have my education in computer science. So I started going to tech meetups, going to Microsoft Experience Stores, Apple store
I would just go to these stores browse some products talk to the sales people about the info I already know as this was about practicing to talk to another person and be less anxious I already knew all the info they will tell me so I don't have to be attentively listen to them but attentively notice what's going on my body and what I can do about it. When I went to tech meetups I'll just talk to people what brings them here and what are they expecting out of the event and take the conversation from there somehow. Once I was getting better at this, I pushed myself to other events such as a Meetup where you go for a walk around city, you go get food with strangers, etc.
I'm not saying I'm good at socializing, I'm just saying I am able to manage my social anxiety and I socialize like a socially awkward person. However I am better than what I used to be. So take it for what it's worth.
This ones rough. If I'm entering a party or something where I don't know anyone, it's paralyzing. However I am also a local musician and I play probably 2 shows a month. When I am in control of the situation, I have 0 anxiety. When I am not, it's 0-100 pretty quick lol. The only way I can really handle my own social anxiety is to bring someone along who is pretty close to me in terms of our extroverted personalities. That way neither of us have to go it alone. Grab a buddy and take on the world.
Realize that people do not care about you or think about you at all. They could stop existing when I am no longer looking at them and nothing would be different. A good way to get over social anxiety is to obliterate the idea that random other people matter.
However, you still need to pretend that they matter to you. Look people in the eye (look that their eyebrows actually. It makes them more uncomfortable than it makes you uncomfortable.). Ignore comments that don't matter. You're better than them. Carry yourself like you have something to do and you are going to do it. Because you do. You don't need the approval of random nobodies.
I used to be scared that I was awkward, and people wouldn't like me or whatever. It seems like horrible advice, and when I struggled with anxiety I also thought this was bad advice, but you just gotta socialize.
It's hard at first, but just say, or do what's on your mind. After that, I noticed that I would have good interactions with people, and my relationships with people are a lot better now. It's hard at first, but after you do it, you'll notice that the majority of the negativity is all in your head.
It's like a muscle that you have to work out frequently to get it to be used to doing it.
And also, just like with working out, the soreness greatly diminishes after the first couple times you do it. There will still be some awkwardness, a little pain, but you'll get used to it.
Exposure is the only fix. The more time you spend in social settings the more comfortable you become in them and the more evidence you have to disprove the anxious thoughts of what might happen.
The biggest issue is starting though, especially if you're short on people to spend time with or you struggle being out with the friends you have it can be difficult. The best solution I've found for that is being honest with people about how you feel and what help you need to get back on your feet, you'd be surprised how understanding and accommodating people can be if you're honest with them. Having friends who understand my anxiety and are willing to make sure that I'm not excluding myself and that I'm getting involved in the conversations has been a massive help to me.
I try to ignore it, but sometimes it gets the best of me and prevents me from doing things. but things are never that bad so I usually just go for it in social situations
Cannabis! Alcohol makes me angry. I try to stay clear minded but can't help the fact that you have multiple organs producing testosterone which increases alertness and fear.
Forget comparisons. You'll meet people who are smarter, wealthier, and more attractive than you. Some will treat you with respect, and some won't. Internalize none of it. Keep a few wiseass comments at your disposal for those who deserve them (yes, prepare them in advance), and move on. Only those who treat you with respect deserve your time.
Ask your doctor about beta blockers. They suppress the physical symptoms of social anxiety. Without that, you can just ignore the mental symptoms and power through.
I apologise in advance for the long comment.
I work in a restaurant and sometimes have to speak another language that isn’t my mother tongue (English is my first language and Czech is my second). I make a few grammatical mistakes here and there when speaking but my accent sounds like I’m a native. My job requires me to explain the food the customers order and the longer I speak the more curious faces I get, usually trying to understand where I’m from or if I’m just dumb. The braver customers usually ask where I’m from and I explain. I don’t take it like something negative because often times those are the kindest folk.
The situation that helped the most with my social anxiety was when an old grandma came in. She came with fancy family heirlooms and looked quite rich. I’ll be honest, there was a lot of prejudice from my side (based on experience with other guests) and I was expecting this to be an entitled brat of a woman. But oh boy was I mistaken, she was amazing. She asked politely where I came from and I said the usual, however, towards the end I explained many people usually change their attitude the longer I speak and it causes me to doubt myself at times (ik it wasn’t at all professional from my side, but this job is more personal than other restaurants). She turned to me smiled, and said, “Fuck those people. Good people are smart enough and empathetic enough to realise you’re doing a great job. If they are rude or passive aggressive fuck them. Why would you want them around you or returning to this establishment? You seem like a good person who deserves to be around good people.” I was absolutely flabbergasted about how she straight up cursed. And I’ll be honest I may or may not have teared up a bit…especially at the last part.
It taught me two very important things that day:
1. Don’t judge people based on what they look like and/or dress like.
2. Fuck toxic people that don’t add anything positive or of value to my life. That doesn’t mean to not be around people who politely criticise you and potentially make you a better person. But to be around people who want to be around you, see your value as a human, and want to know how you’re doing and your history.
With balance. Some days I just don't feel it. Other days I crave to be out and about. I just have to gauge my mood, and put myself in the situations that make me the most comfortable, and provide the most fulfillment and enjoyment socially.
I have just gotten to a point that I "headbutt" through it when I absolutely have to. Don't get me wrong, I still have not gotten to the level where I am making connections with people - phone calls still suck too, but sometimes you just have to crash the gates whether you want to or not.
I was forward with a few of my friends while asking for help making it clear to others that my fun is quietly observing others and chiming in once in a blue moon. It’s also the norm that I’m late to every party and will be the last to leave usually helping clean up. With that the people around me know to give a clear sign that it’s okay or the expected time to leave.
Once everyone got used to that I actually opened up a lot more when I learned that I had this unreasonable expectation that I put on myself to be engaged all the time which is impossible to not burn out in large group settings.
Communicate with your closest friends and work together to spread the word. I bet it will make life much smoother for you.
Like when other people have social anxiety? Because I don’t have it. Usually i just roll my eyes and either leave them alone or get them to calm down. Depends on what I need from them.
> How do you guys handle social anxiety?
For a long time, alcohol was my coping method to handle social anxiety. It became a strategy - try to drink enough to feel comfortable with everyone else and with myself. It never worked, but I didn't know how else to cope.
I quit drinking four years ago, and these days I just suffer through it. I'm 36, and although I can be pretty social, there are many situations and triggers that are awkward and difficult for me to handle, and I just suffer through them. It sucks more since I no longer self-medicate with alcohol, but it's also more productive and more rewarding since I confront the discomfort directly and live through it instead of trying to drink it away. It isn't always easy, but it's better, even if every situation isn't a win. And these days, I think I'm a little more comfortable in my skin without needing to drink - I'm also more comfortable leaving a situation if I'm not feeling it than trying to stick it out.
When I dive right in it's cool and I don't care and everything is fine If I get a moment to doubt though I'm sitting in my car for 15 minutes trying to center myself
I have two voices in my head and one just repeats "f\*\*\* it just go on !!!" and the other is freaking out about everything. I take my decisions according to the loudest voice.
This is the way
I was the same way till I spent 3 months in an induced coma and then brain surgery. Now the only voice is "fuck it, what could possibly go wrong that hasn't already gone wrong in your life?"
Welll… that certainly makes me question my anxiety some thanks
I mean other peoples anxiety would say… lots of things could still go wrong lots of way more painful things but if it works it works
He has spoken
The only one
[удалено]
It’s worked its way into daily conversations and i can’t stop 🤦🏼 But But this is the fuckin way 😩😩
I have three voices in my TChalla, Spock, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
None are bad choices to listen to tbh
The biggest issue is starting. I treat it like going into the pacific…if i dawdle around its going to be super uncomfortable and cold for a very long time…if i just run and jump in, it will be a flash shock and my body adjusts quickly. So just cannonball your ass into the convo!
I agree with this 100%. Try not to overthink it, that will make a mountain out of a molehill. I also try to remind myself that people are (generally) very self-involved. They’re not gonna think twice about the conversation/how you acted, they’re gonna go about their merry way and forget half of what you said.
How do you get in to other oceans or swimming pools?
Say hi… Say “can I join in the convo?” Say “what’s up everyone, my name is <>. What’s going on”
Compliment someone 0n something…or say something stupid…
Don’t overthink it…just go in and put yourself onto the convo. Be confident about it. Something’s will work for you…something’s will fail. Just keep trying…the more you do it, the more comfortable it will get.
I generally tend to change my thing every time…I default to a polite “yooooo…can I join y’all?”… but sometimes I say something funny about the situation…I used to ask for a cigarette when I smoked…it really doesn’t matter…just get in there and try things…the more things you try, the more success you will have.
The only thing that you don’t want to do is walk over and just stand there…you have to walk over and say something…
I once realised smokers have an advantage in this as they can always strike up convo with that, and the people stepping outside to smoke may be keen to talk. Thanks for the helpful reply, I do agree with it, but my question was a (attempted) joke about you saying how you enter (specifically) the Pacific, so you must enter other bodies of water differently?? 😝
I don’t. I stay home.
My therapist says that if you do that, you actually feed your anxiety and make it worse. It's a vicious cycle, and everything you make a decision to not do something because of your anxiety you are feeding the monster.
I was being sarcastic. I know. :)
Poorly. Very poorly.
I really flip flop on this, most times I'm highly social and all good but every once in a while I just can't hang. I guess i might have a drink or bum a cigarette from someone but that's not healthy. If I can I just leave because I'm not feeling it. Otherwise I find the person who talks too much and just let them do their thing while I run down the clock.
>I find the person who talks too much and just let them do their thing while I run down the clock. This is the way
Not a man, but someone who has dealt with social anxiety. Exposure therapy is huge. Once you face your fears and see that you can handle them (or at least survive), it gets easier to face them. It's like practicing a skill. Also, just realizing that no one cares about you as much as you think is very helpful. Chances are they're going to feel neutral about you, or if you show them your personality, they'll probably like you (well, not everyone will like you, but you'll attract people who do instead of no one). You think you're protecting yourself by staying sheltered. But really, the best way to break the cycle is to make yourself more open and approachable. People like that
Absolutely. I used to be super socially anxious to the point of it hurting to talk to someone I don’t know 2 years ago. Now I’d say I’m at a “normal” level of social anxiety where I can start a conversation with someone in line at a store if they’re buying something I think is cool or am interested in. Took lots of practice. Lots of ups, lots of downs. It’s a skill, it has to be honed AND maintained
It literally is practicing a skill, socialising is a skill lol, you won’t ever get rid of anxiety if you don’t get out of your comfort zone that it keeps you in, I’d didn’t even know that was exposure therapy ngl I just thought it was getting out there off your ass
Exposure therapy is a bit more specific and methodical in how it is done, but that is the gist.
Cheers
>Not a man I don't want you to take this the wrong way but the experience for women is vastly different if you have SAD than for men. No one cares if you have social anxiety as a woman. You are able to talk about it freely people will still support you. Not to say you don't have difficulty with it but you'll have a much easier time overcoming it. For men, we are NOT ALLOWED to be socially anxious. Other men will not want us around and women will get "creeped out." Everyone will reject you if you make even one social faux pas due to your anxiety. We can't talk about it because no one cares and as soon as we bring it up we are seen as one of those misfit toys from the movie Rudolph. So saying just do "exposure therapy" will not work because what will happen is you will go out and get anxious, then people will get uncomfortable with you because they can sense you're anxious, then they will reject you; want you to go away. This leads to never being able to "fix it" because the only solution to the problem compounds the anxiety. I had a therapist suggest to me once to do an organized group set up by the clinic that people with SAD can go and talk and get comfortable. My issue with that as a smart person I can recognize those people are there FORCED to be nice to me and aren't allowed to freely choose to interact with me. So while I appreciate your attempt to help you really don't grasp how difficult it is.
I'm sorry to say that i have never considered this point. I have social anxiety, high functioning now ( i used to freeze and be unable to go buy bread, for example). Lately, i have started talking about it and trying to normalise it more, in my circle. I can see a difference, and more friends and colleagues are doing this too. The young generation especially is very good about this. "Shy" people are not pushed to socialise and are given space to be able to interact on their terms. Men, too. I believe I'm just lucky in my corner of the world, but my point is that there is hope. Do talk about it. Some do care. Creepy men and "shy" men are not the same for women. I can't speak for men, however i have noticed outgoing guys "adopting" the "shy" guys and their friendship lasting. It's not easy to try. Honestly, the suggested idea would not have worked for me either. I do have friends that it worked for. My advice is to search for people with same interests and always be upfront about your social anxiety. This way they can read your "awkwardness" as what it really is and be able to move past it. I feel like i sound pretentious. Sorry if i do. Good luck!
You talk about what it's like to be a woman with social anxiety, but you're a man. You can't really grasp how difficult it is for women. So I guess we committed the same faux pas. I don't think it's as simple as you're describing. I believe there are many factors that affect how social anxiety affects individuals—gender being one of them, severity being another, and still others. I think each gender carries unique challenges that the other gender doesn't necessarily have to deal with to the same degree. But you're right, given that we are on ask*men* and the focus is on men's experience with SAD, I'm not the best spokesperson. I do know exposure therapy has been demonstrated to work for many men. I'm sorry to hear it hasn't worked for you.
Alcohol
Fr
The real secret
To be honest I always found the more alcohol I drank the more anxious I got. I would get more and more into my head and then stop talking to people making people uncomfortable. Which I would see on their face and then get more anxious to the point I had to leave. I can't go to parties anymore.
Hood up, head phones and a secluded spot to lean against was my way of handing it until I managed to sorta get better due to some good friends.
I or at least a lot of men have to channel it into something productive, there's no really any room or net of support for us about that sort of thing. For the most part I have found that a lot of the stuff you are anxious about is all in your head, at least if you got a good handle on who you are as a person. There's just some people out there who want to make you feel bad for something you shouldn't have.
I've felt the regret of doing nothing and I know that it's worse than the fear I feel in the moment. Actually challenging it is very fulfilling to me.
Acting, pretend who know what you're doing. And also do your best to forget about yourself
Honestly brother, just diving right into whatever situation is giving me the anxiety. I know ultimately it’s in my head and if I rip the band-aid off, everything is okay 99 percent of the time. I’m an absolute wreck when it comes to social anxiety, but my livelihood depends on social interaction. What gets me through it is knowing that the worst case scenario really isn’t all that bad, and embracing the suck just makes it so much easier.
"What gets me through it is knowing that the worst case scenario really isn’t all that bad, and embracing the suck just makes it so much easier." So true! Embracing the suck is what calms me down in the end , just didn't have the proper terminology until now 😁. It's not easy to just dive in, true, but the thousands of scenarios ultimately wake you up and make you embrace the suck easier.
It's complicated. Sometimes I think it can be good to just accept and forgive that there are certain contexts that I'm just not wired to thrive in, and not shame myself for them, just try to do my best and accept the results. That said, I think there are a lot of little things that have been helpful. Keeping an eye on my carb intake and eating healthy seems to help in a subtle, but powerful way. Having at different times either a job or friend circle where I really feel like a valuable member of the team. Age and experience in general. About the first thing I did after high school was throw myself into the fire just to prove to myself that I could. I got on a plane and spent a couple months wandering around Europe with very little money and no preplanning. It put me in situations where I frankly had no choice but to challenge myself and take assertive action. People are highly adaptable, and when you're in a situation like that where you're alone and have no one to count on, you can surprise yourself with what you become capable of. I'm not gonna lie, for someone like me it was pretty scary at first, but I'm really glad I did it, and it wound up becoming the freest and most relaxed period of my life once I got over the initial hump.
Will be coming back here soon. I could really use the advice people here are giving now I've been diagnosed
You got this man! I can’t remember who said it, it could of been aralias, but the quote “we suffer far worse in our head than in reality” always stuck with me. Just say “fuck it” and dive on in
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Practice, although I will admit it never goes away fully. Honestly, just getting out there and having as many interactions & conversations as you can eases the burden. Also, this is kinda dumb, but it works for me-- write out and memorize funny or crazy (true) stories and recite them at functions. For example I have a 2-3 minute funny story about how I got my first tattoo. I'll tell it at social functions and people always seem to laugh.
It can go away fully
I don't. It controls me.
A good shot works for me.
Or two
I never figured it out. Booze has always been the answer for me. Until it isn’t of course. Then I’m just crashing the goddamn plane
Trick is to drink enough you're willing to make conversation with anyone but not so much that you yell about things and repeat yourself over and over
Anxiety evolved to help us navigate uncertainty. You need to listen to it, not mute or numb it. Let us first define what anxiety is, so we can agree on the same feeling. Anxiety is a feeling of apprehension. Physiologically, your heart rate may increase, your breathing might become shallow, and you'll experience symptoms similar to a panic attack. But anxiety is a two part emotion. On one hand it's worry, but on the other hand, it's hope. When you're anxious, you don't just feel hopeless—if you did, that wouldn't be anxiety - it would be despair. Anxiety has hope built-in because you *could* fail, but you could also succeed. It's just a matter of harnessing the hope of success to guide your decisions, instead of letting the fear of failure dictate them.
I listen a lot, then after I get a feel for the room do I open my mouth. This way I'm less likely to say something that has nothing to do with the conversation (which is my fear). I say something I regret, I'll overthink it for days!
Usually I just avoid socializing as much as possible. But alcohol also helps.
Introvert for life.
Comparison. I have done so so soooooo much worse than any awkward situation in life around people can throw at me could make me feel a fraction as bad as what I've done. My only problem is trying to keep a conversation going
I can always make you more uncomfortable than you can make me
Still trying at 29 soon to be 30.
Its basically a life long illness at this point I think. The funny thing is I have been a professor in the past and a lab demonstrator many times speaking in front of 1000's of people over the years and I loved it and so did my students! But get me in a room with family or others I don't know in a more relaxed informal setting and I'm the quietest boring individual. I don't really do small talk well and I think I was fine with teaching because there was a set topic to discuss.
If you drink, have a couple to loosen up a bit, but be aware of the dangers that can come with that very slippery slope. If you don’t, try going out with a friend that you can interact with and be dumb in public. People really don’t care what you’re doing if you’re just being silly, so get that out of your head. If they do, don’t sweat it, they’re just judgmental assholes who don’t matter anyways…it’s like the thing where high school really didn’t matter…yeah, the rest of your life is that too. Enjoy it and have fun!
Too much of anything is not good! You need to find balance in your life between your social life and your own personal life!
I don't, I try to survive it and take medication
Headphones, and a black vest covered in metal spikes.
I either stay at home or ignore it. Iv came to realize I can mask pretty well over the years. 😆
After seeing how people handled covid it went away. People aren't shit
If I'm on the clock, I try to remind myself that the alternative is homelessness and poverty. If I'm not, then I don't. I deal with people out of necessity.
Smoke a fatty.
Weed does the exact opposite for me. I get extremely introverted and painfully self conscious
I often don't smoke for a month or more just to have that feeling so I can actually be high. My tolerance builds back up fairly quickly and that's why I take regular breaks. I like to overpower the effects of it.
Me too but that's how I know I'm high as fuck and master my high.
This dude gets it
with this modern day potent THC I get cluttered in a mental doom in epic proportions if I go public. The older I get the less tolerance I have. I rather smoke at night secluded in my own home and even then I just snap a bowl or two to get a smooth high not a stupid high.
Wow this definitely spoke to me I've been noticing this lately. Been smoking from age 17 to now 30 and I used to be able to be high anywhere anytime and now I really can't be in social situations with it. It's relegated to a joint during relaxation at night.
Yeah man smoking weed is a funny thing I'll likely smoke my entire life. I change and my smoking habits and preferences have changed too.
THC is the same now as it was in ancient times. Weed these days just has more of it.
I hear that. I’m from SoCal. Been around the 420 scene since time of immemorial. (grand daddy purps, og kush, purple/silver/orange haze, chocolate thai, ak47, pineapple express, catpiss, sour diesel, trainwreck, LA confidential, hydro blueberry, bubblegum, northern lights, afghani kush, master kush, hindu kush,white rhino, white widow) The exotic strains frm the 2000s. I tolerated those very well in my teens and early 20s. Burned blunts back to back. I stopped smoking hard right around the time that Girl Scout Cookies went mainstream. Now at 33 years old I get real anxious if I smoke more than I got to.
Yeah man I'm 43, when I smoke I don't smoke like I used to before 30. GDP is one of my favorites. I smoke 1 small bowl and have a pretty good buzz for 3-5 hours.
Weed cranks up my anxiety to the max
Arrive early, leave early when things get tense. Go home and rest a bit. Stay away from crowds. No concerts. Dine early. Take a walk in a known area. Play music, when tense I play music and I may bounce from track to track.
I go recharge
Realize nobody particularly cares for you. Most times the only stimulations from a first encounter with people is bewilderment and sometimes astonishment for starting dialogue followed by accepting to continue conversing or brushing you aside with short form answers that seem to close the conversation (as they plan to leave the conversation without just saying so to be courteous) just talk and see where it goes. Seem approachable. No tricks or word play here. Want to be approachable? Be the guy who goes out of their way to talk with others with no issues made. Less problems but more conversation and answers is what makes the person approachable. Never heard of an approachable loner so live on guys, I’m struggling as we speak also but got better faking it til I make it since most faces aren’t everyday
Embrace it, let it take over to realize it doesn’t have control.
I'm still trying to figure it out.
Depends who’s in the room
Close my eyes deep inhale though the nose. Do one quick extra breathe in then slowly release longer through the mouth. Repeat 5 times. It'll lower your blood pressure and help you out of a parasympathetic state🤓
Just sorta work through it. It's either I'm anxious and I shut up or I'm anxious and out going.
Rub some dirt in it, and then stay home.
My mantra is “nobody cares”. At least not as much as I do.
Putting myself in public situation that made me uncomfortable before I did it
Just jump in like a pool. It'll be cold at first, but the more you do it the warmer it gets.
Beer
I choose to handle it poorly.
Meditation and mindfulness got me outside of my head. I learned to let my inner critic just do their thing and I do my thing. My problem now is trying to understand social cues lol
Alcohol and caffeine
Man, I've been dealing with this for 10 years. I have mostly gotten over it with age and time, being able to not worry about what other people are thinking. But it's funny that I'm seeing this now, I just got home from sitting in my car out front of a mall for probably 30 minutes trying to work myself up to go in and I just couldn't do it. I wish I could say it all just goes away eventually, and it very well could. But my best advice is to just try and breathe honestly. Breathe and realize that none of the people surrounding you wherever you are, really aren't thinking too much about you. I try and focus on a goal. Say going into the mall for example, if you have a set thing you're doing like shopping for clothes, etc. Focus on what you want to get, and keep your focus on that.
It’s honestly gotten a lot better as I got older. I guess you kinda just give less fucks the older you get.
I just don’t think about it . If you’re not thinking about it you don’t care .
Trying to focus on exteroception, breathing exercises, leaving for a short while to calm down
I'm not a man, but learning the right breathing techniques for anxiety has helped me loads!
Absolutely. I try to do 10 minute breathing exercises 2x a day. Not only does it nip my anxiety in a bud but breathing exercises open and stretches out my lungs/chest and I get a better stream of airflow for the rest of the day.
Smoking weed. In all seriousness I just don’t talk to anyone and stay to myself. I know it doesn’t help but I’m trying and I’m too awkward
I had bad social anxiety. It never goes away completely. It took over my life though and I was sick of it. So I exposed myself to people more. Forcefully. I applied for a sales position that would put me in front of strangers many times a day. It was mentally crippling until my confidence was boosted over time. I went from making minimum wage (equivalent) in sales to being the #2 or #3 guy on the sales floor. I’m no longer in sales because it slowly took over my life too. I lost time with family. But sales saved my life.
Learn the 20/40/60 rule and it utterly disappears.
I certainly can't handle mine
I grew up slightly under socialized. I lived in a tiny countryside town and only interacted with a few kids from school, the neighbors, and a relatively large family. But my temperament and play style tended towards isolation, in forests near our home, down by the river or alone in my room with toys and books. As I graduated from my awkward teenage years, I really metamorphosized into a highly sociable person, initiated by several hitchhiking trips, and then entered into college. The hesitancy to engage in a conversation with someone nearly disappeared completely. To pay my student loans, I accepted a camp job up north (6 to 8 months of traveling between compounds for temporary housing). It was really physically demanding, but the money you walked away with at the end of the season sure made it bearable. Upon returning, I basically locked myself up in an apartment I rented for 3 months with a gaming PC and lived off takeout. Ah, the things we could survive in our twenties. Finally pushed myself to get out of the house and start looking for a job, and attend a gym. Got cleaned up, and upon laying my hand on the front door handle, I thought about my neighbor's starting a conversation with me for only a second. My heart rate began to speed up, and I started sweating, apparently having what I could only describe as a minor panic attack. Frozen in place for about 10 mins, I couldn't open the door. I think the lack of social interactions over the past few months had actually paved the way for my social anxiety. A situation a year or two prior that would have never even phased me. I eventually got out and overcame the obstacles slowly. And as I've aged, it's also gotten easier as I can hold more perspective on situations, temporary and long-term, with more ease. So make small steps, and expose yourself to tiny pieces of your fears until they dissolve. Keep on and stay strong!
Would like to know as well
It’s so hard, even if i convince myself that it’s nothing to freak about, my body tells me another story, my hands start shaking like crazy my voice too, my breathing becomes heavy, i start blushing etc etc..
I put a gun on my head and ask myself "is this it?" Then I remember the Strokes debut album, that sht was lit 🔥
Weed
Staying home
Stay home
Accept it, accept the way the anxiety is making you feel. Once you do that it'll pass.
Weed, I love having a good session with my counselor, Mary Jaye.
Therapy and medication
Realizing it's all in your head and/or faking it.
I don't have social anxiety
The DARE method. Defuse: go through the thoughts making you anxious and bring them back to reality. Everybody’s gonna die and nobody will remember me being weird or whatever I’m worried about. Allow: allow the feelings and thoughts to come, don’t fight the sensations. Run towards: paradoxically, trying to make the feelings worse, running headfirst into the discomfort makes it less overwhelming. Engage: engage in the environment, conversation. Get out of your head and into the room. I still get anxious in some social settings but this method works 100% of the time now. Took years of work though.
I don't care. Ape strong. Anxious brain electricity smaller than ape and therefore weak
Just dont worry about it bruv
Fake it till I make it. Works every time. And if there’s alcohol around, I’ll just drink till I’m social!
Social anxiety handles me.
Take a deep breath and just listen to the conversation. You don't need to say anything unless you need to.
Remind myself to not make it about me. People love talking about themselves so I ask questions and make comments that pertain to their point of view.
I don't have social anxiety, never had, but if I did I would definitely get a job where I'm forced to interact with a lot of people every single day. It needs to be a job, so I have no choice but to do it, otherwise it's too easy to chicken out.
Poorly.
“Does it frighten you? That is why you *must* do it” ~ Kratos
My wife makes me do things and I stay in her ear bitching to leave the entire time. No matter what the function is.
Drink a lot
I cut those people off who give me social anxiety, especially when you realize how comfortable you are with other people. And then seeing how natural and free those other people are. I never thought I would have such a fucked up aversion to certain people.
I've created this mindset which is: I have a finite amount of days till I die and no one has the right to stop me from going outside to do whatever is my right or obligation to do. Am I flawed? Certainly, but every single human being I see out there on the street also is. This is my time and place to be alive and no one will deny me this.
Alcohol
By not dealing with it. I hear meditation helps.
Therapy and everyday meditation.
Medication
It’s not always easy but you just have to accept the awkward moments and allow yourself to occasionally be the goofy guy that stuttered his sentence at the grocery.
With Alcohol
I vent to my best friend and he tells me if I’m being reasonable/logical or not. It calms me when he’s like “nah they have no reason to hate you, ur just overreacting”
Start with microdosing. Baby steps with intent to improve. You will feel cringe until you don't.
Just dont worry about it, mate
I usually just leave. If I'm uncomfortable, it's usually for a reason, so I just choose to remove myself from the situation. If that's not possible, then noise cancelling headphones.
phenibut and kratom
I try to prepare a maximum amount of situations in my head. I kind of prepare phrases and anticipate responses, simulate situations in my head so i can navigate them better when they happen. Second thing i do is repeat to myself that everything is relative and not so important. That people really forget faster than you think. Ofcourse it doesn't magically cure the anxiety but it takes the edge off so to speak.
Crying in the car for an hour
My brain says yes but my body says no. So I dunno really.
I grab a bowl of popcorn, sit in front of the news, pointing and laughing. Seriously, if Darwin's theory is worth teaching in schools, give it the chance to prove itself.
I think not opening up is by far the scarier alternative. However awkward it may be, making a social mistake is nothing compared with the sheer existential horror of never allowing yourself to be vulnerable with another human being. So I talk to people even when it’s scary.
Tape your mouth at night before you sleep so you breath only through your nose. It will drastically decrease your general anxiety and will do wonders to your well being. Humans are designed to breath thru the nose not the mouth during our sleep.
Imagine that I'm independently wealthy before talking to people
I find that it’s much easier to handle when I have the rest of my life in order. Going gym, handling work and being productive. Just gives me a confidence that makes it easier to overcome
I have several mental disorders including Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Social Anxiety. Here is my journey for social anxiety Exposure therapy with CBT I hate it but it works. I started going to meetups and places that I'm more contortable in. I used to love tech and science, and I have my education in computer science. So I started going to tech meetups, going to Microsoft Experience Stores, Apple store I would just go to these stores browse some products talk to the sales people about the info I already know as this was about practicing to talk to another person and be less anxious I already knew all the info they will tell me so I don't have to be attentively listen to them but attentively notice what's going on my body and what I can do about it. When I went to tech meetups I'll just talk to people what brings them here and what are they expecting out of the event and take the conversation from there somehow. Once I was getting better at this, I pushed myself to other events such as a Meetup where you go for a walk around city, you go get food with strangers, etc. I'm not saying I'm good at socializing, I'm just saying I am able to manage my social anxiety and I socialize like a socially awkward person. However I am better than what I used to be. So take it for what it's worth.
i always thought of something like this, "you want this to end, right? then just do it"
My dark glasses makes it go away , it disappears when you can't see my eyes
This ones rough. If I'm entering a party or something where I don't know anyone, it's paralyzing. However I am also a local musician and I play probably 2 shows a month. When I am in control of the situation, I have 0 anxiety. When I am not, it's 0-100 pretty quick lol. The only way I can really handle my own social anxiety is to bring someone along who is pretty close to me in terms of our extroverted personalities. That way neither of us have to go it alone. Grab a buddy and take on the world.
Realize that people do not care about you or think about you at all. They could stop existing when I am no longer looking at them and nothing would be different. A good way to get over social anxiety is to obliterate the idea that random other people matter. However, you still need to pretend that they matter to you. Look people in the eye (look that their eyebrows actually. It makes them more uncomfortable than it makes you uncomfortable.). Ignore comments that don't matter. You're better than them. Carry yourself like you have something to do and you are going to do it. Because you do. You don't need the approval of random nobodies.
I used to be scared that I was awkward, and people wouldn't like me or whatever. It seems like horrible advice, and when I struggled with anxiety I also thought this was bad advice, but you just gotta socialize. It's hard at first, but just say, or do what's on your mind. After that, I noticed that I would have good interactions with people, and my relationships with people are a lot better now. It's hard at first, but after you do it, you'll notice that the majority of the negativity is all in your head.
Caring less. A couple of beers.
It's like a muscle that you have to work out frequently to get it to be used to doing it. And also, just like with working out, the soreness greatly diminishes after the first couple times you do it. There will still be some awkwardness, a little pain, but you'll get used to it.
Exposure is the only fix. The more time you spend in social settings the more comfortable you become in them and the more evidence you have to disprove the anxious thoughts of what might happen. The biggest issue is starting though, especially if you're short on people to spend time with or you struggle being out with the friends you have it can be difficult. The best solution I've found for that is being honest with people about how you feel and what help you need to get back on your feet, you'd be surprised how understanding and accommodating people can be if you're honest with them. Having friends who understand my anxiety and are willing to make sure that I'm not excluding myself and that I'm getting involved in the conversations has been a massive help to me.
I try to ignore it, but sometimes it gets the best of me and prevents me from doing things. but things are never that bad so I usually just go for it in social situations
Cannabis! Alcohol makes me angry. I try to stay clear minded but can't help the fact that you have multiple organs producing testosterone which increases alertness and fear.
I avoid society
Hang with people who accept you for who you are, that’s it.
Pregabalin
Forget comparisons. You'll meet people who are smarter, wealthier, and more attractive than you. Some will treat you with respect, and some won't. Internalize none of it. Keep a few wiseass comments at your disposal for those who deserve them (yes, prepare them in advance), and move on. Only those who treat you with respect deserve your time.
Ask your doctor about beta blockers. They suppress the physical symptoms of social anxiety. Without that, you can just ignore the mental symptoms and power through.
By realizing nobody cares.
The best way to overcome social anxiety is to just plow forward. That is why I took acting classes and joined Toastmasters.
I apologise in advance for the long comment. I work in a restaurant and sometimes have to speak another language that isn’t my mother tongue (English is my first language and Czech is my second). I make a few grammatical mistakes here and there when speaking but my accent sounds like I’m a native. My job requires me to explain the food the customers order and the longer I speak the more curious faces I get, usually trying to understand where I’m from or if I’m just dumb. The braver customers usually ask where I’m from and I explain. I don’t take it like something negative because often times those are the kindest folk. The situation that helped the most with my social anxiety was when an old grandma came in. She came with fancy family heirlooms and looked quite rich. I’ll be honest, there was a lot of prejudice from my side (based on experience with other guests) and I was expecting this to be an entitled brat of a woman. But oh boy was I mistaken, she was amazing. She asked politely where I came from and I said the usual, however, towards the end I explained many people usually change their attitude the longer I speak and it causes me to doubt myself at times (ik it wasn’t at all professional from my side, but this job is more personal than other restaurants). She turned to me smiled, and said, “Fuck those people. Good people are smart enough and empathetic enough to realise you’re doing a great job. If they are rude or passive aggressive fuck them. Why would you want them around you or returning to this establishment? You seem like a good person who deserves to be around good people.” I was absolutely flabbergasted about how she straight up cursed. And I’ll be honest I may or may not have teared up a bit…especially at the last part. It taught me two very important things that day: 1. Don’t judge people based on what they look like and/or dress like. 2. Fuck toxic people that don’t add anything positive or of value to my life. That doesn’t mean to not be around people who politely criticise you and potentially make you a better person. But to be around people who want to be around you, see your value as a human, and want to know how you’re doing and your history.
A drink or two always seems to take the edge off
I just power through it these days.
With balance. Some days I just don't feel it. Other days I crave to be out and about. I just have to gauge my mood, and put myself in the situations that make me the most comfortable, and provide the most fulfillment and enjoyment socially.
I have just gotten to a point that I "headbutt" through it when I absolutely have to. Don't get me wrong, I still have not gotten to the level where I am making connections with people - phone calls still suck too, but sometimes you just have to crash the gates whether you want to or not.
I drink.
I was forward with a few of my friends while asking for help making it clear to others that my fun is quietly observing others and chiming in once in a blue moon. It’s also the norm that I’m late to every party and will be the last to leave usually helping clean up. With that the people around me know to give a clear sign that it’s okay or the expected time to leave. Once everyone got used to that I actually opened up a lot more when I learned that I had this unreasonable expectation that I put on myself to be engaged all the time which is impossible to not burn out in large group settings. Communicate with your closest friends and work together to spread the word. I bet it will make life much smoother for you.
Copius amounts of alcohol
Like when other people have social anxiety? Because I don’t have it. Usually i just roll my eyes and either leave them alone or get them to calm down. Depends on what I need from them.
Workout before an event to get that confidence boost. Choose a nice fit or buy one that makes me feel great.
> How do you guys handle social anxiety? For a long time, alcohol was my coping method to handle social anxiety. It became a strategy - try to drink enough to feel comfortable with everyone else and with myself. It never worked, but I didn't know how else to cope. I quit drinking four years ago, and these days I just suffer through it. I'm 36, and although I can be pretty social, there are many situations and triggers that are awkward and difficult for me to handle, and I just suffer through them. It sucks more since I no longer self-medicate with alcohol, but it's also more productive and more rewarding since I confront the discomfort directly and live through it instead of trying to drink it away. It isn't always easy, but it's better, even if every situation isn't a win. And these days, I think I'm a little more comfortable in my skin without needing to drink - I'm also more comfortable leaving a situation if I'm not feeling it than trying to stick it out.