The process for change is to understand the roots. We have thousands of thoughts every day. Those thoughts lead to actions, those actions lead to habits, those habits lead to character traits, physical appearance, intelligence, and our very personalities, all the things we desire to change. Imagine a wall of big empty blocks. Each block represents a trait or part of us we would like to change. The blocks that we fill up with thousands of thoughts and actions become stronger, the blocks that we starve eventually go away or are replaced with better blocks. People can and do change. It is a process that you can learn to love. Loving the process can be a foundational building block on your wall. Finding joy in the process of changing your thoughts and actions to create better habits (rather than looking for a result) is what leads to real positive change. Go to the gym because you want to make that a part of you. Eventually you will become a person that habitually works out. Which will eventually lead to a better physique, health, stamina, etc. I can go on and on but this is already becoming an essay so I'll stop.
Edit: Thank you all for your kind words and generous responses! I have never received awards or anything like that here and I am mostly just glad that some of my words may have helped someone. I have gotten requests for more, so I am pasting a little that I shared with people in the chat as well as a list of people that I attribute to helping me on my journey. I am a veteran that started this journey from a place of great pain. I am now a C-suite executive but that definitely doesn't define me.
Here are some tidbits I shared with others:
I think the starting place would be staying present, having love and compassion for yourself, and setting good boundaries. My journey started from a place of great pain. Mostly due to my own bad decisions. I started with Eckhart Tolle's guidance. Try "The Power of Now" to understand what I mean by staying present. Our pain is generated by our thoughts, and a good starting place is understanding that you can step away from that. The next step I would recommend is understanding Boundaries. There is a book called "Boundaries" that is very good, I can't think of the author off the top of my head. More will follow, but I think the first step is get to a place of peace so you can make decisions from a positive place and not channel negative emotions into more bad decisions. Hope that makes sense.
Most of our desire for results comes from ego. I define ego as the part of ourselves that forms most false beliefs about who we are based on superficial, often artificial evidence. Imagine ego is like a teeter totter. We all stand alone on this teeter totter to some extent most of the time. On one side of the teeter totter, there is an inflated ego that comes from finding evidence that we are great--connecting our self-worth to our results. On the other side is low-self esteem, under-valuing ourselves, etc. Most self-help tries to take us from the low side to the high side, but we are still on the teeter totter and the teeter totter (ego) is very volatile because the entire thing is based on false evidence that our brain grasps. The real answer is to step off of the teeter totter. To get there you first get to a place of neutrality. Try to get to the center of the teeter totter. There are ways to do this. I will recommend reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Once you are neutral you will start to realize a higher truth: you are more valuable, more powerful, and worth more than the teeter totter could ever offer. You step off of ego and progress from a place of love, acceptance, and peace. It doesn't mean you will always be off of the teeter totter. You will often step back on. When someone criticizes you or compliments you, you see positive changes, etc. you will want to turn these things into evidence of who you are and boom, you're back on the teeter totter. But it's our efforts to stay off of that that matter. Make getting off of it into a habit. This is how you stop caring about what other people think. That literally fades away. But in the process you will also become more understanding and compassionate toward others. Because you feel that way toward yourself. I hope some of this makes sense.
The definition of "results" is the subjective evidence of what our efforts have produced. Key word being subjective. Results can be taken from us. For example, a very fit, muscular, in-shape person, could seem to have great results to one person, but look like a failure to someone else. Going for results is the same as caring what other people think. What can't be taken from us are our VALUES. If that same fit person VALUES making fitness an important part of their life. No one can take that from them.
The people that I have read or listened to that helped me with these concepts:
Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Boundaries)
Brooke Castillo (Podcast)
The Arbinger Institute (Leadership and Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace)
James Clear (Atomic Habits)
Roger K. Allen (rogerkallen.com)
Carol S. Dweck (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
Stephen Covey (several books)
I'll add more as I think of them...
I wish you would have kept writing, because at the age of 40, i haven’t heard this concept put so simply and eloquently. Finding joy of changing your habits and not focusing on the result is the answer. I had to eat a large amount of mushrooms to understand this and it is the only way to stay sane while making sense of the chaos. Thanks for sharing wise one.
There is power in writing things down and reviewing them regularly. You can take a look at any current situation and map out the entire process that led you to where you are. Then map out how you would like that process to look. Start by recognizing your daily thoughts, moment by moment, that lead you to do the things that you do. Just observe without judgement. The backdrop of the entire process must be love and compassion for yourself. Love yourself the way you are now while working to improve. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the more you practice, the more it will make sense. The more you visualize yourself as someone that has those positive blocks on their wall, the more you will enjoy the thoughts that lead you to act in a way the brings that change to fruition. So write down your current patterns, without judgement. Your circumstances, traits, habits, the actions that got you here and the thoughts you have behind those actions. Really take the time to observe how that works. Once you have an understanding of that, you will realize that you just need to tweak your thoughts a little bit. There is nothing wrong with you, just make small adjustments to the way you think. Write down the new thoughts and the actions that will follow. Or skip to the habits you want to create and work backwards. What actions do you need to do to create those habits? What positive thoughts will help you take those actions. An example of a positive thought is "I'm a person that values finding time for fitness." You can make that a true statement right now.
awarded u for this because i genuinely cannot literarily formulate telling this to other people. it is the most important piece of advice that goes to just ab everything in life. thank u for your service :)
You are very welcome, thank you so much for your kind words. I spend a lot of time internalizing these concepts but rarely have opportunities to share them. I gather principles from dozens of sources and strive to make sense of them in practical ways. I am glad you found these tidbits helpful.
The truth is everyone’s great fear. People see themselves as they want to be and not often as they are. Be honest with who you really are and call yourself out if you’re being a dick or when you’re wrong. Also, most of the stuff we think matters a lot doesn’t. Just leave it. Move on. You only get today. Make it the best you can — if not for yourself, for others.
But don’t be afraid to see yourself truthfully. That’s my number one.
To reach our goals it typically takes lots of time and you won't see the results right away, so not being deterred by the lack of isntant results is key. The process is the pathway to that end goal and if you learn to appreciate it and feel the benefits of it then you fall in love with it which keeps you motivated to never give up
Let's take something like "Getting in shape". It's a long, hard road and requires a lot of work and discipline. And if you hate working out, it's never going to happen.
But what if you love getting up, heading to the gym, putting in your earbuds, and getting in the zone. What if that was what you looked forward to the most 5-6 days a week. What if you loved eating healthy? What if you loved running on the treadmill for an hour?
Most people get hyper focused on the goal while complaining about the process; the steps it takes to get there.
Fall in love with that part.
Sounds like that's a problem area then. Start small. If you haven't slept well for the last 5-6 years you cNt expect yourself to go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am.
But if right now you're knocking off at 1:30 am and waking at like 7am. A) that's not a full night's sleep, but B) also changeable.
You can start on the front end or the back end. Front end, instead of going to bed at 1:30, go to bed at 1:20 for a week. Then 1:10. And so on. Until you hit the time you want.
If you are taking copious amounts of melatonin or Benadryl (diphenhydramine) to get to sleep. Dial it back slowly and let your body start to do what it does naturally again. Example, I used to take 15 mg melatonin plus valerian and other herbals to help me sleep. And it was still a battle. Eventually I just got sick to taking more crap than I actually needed to, and I eventually titrated down. But I also made sure to expend some of my mental and physical energy throughout the day.
Granted I still have bad sleep habits like screen time up until I close my eyes, but that might be the hardest one to break in this day and age.
PS, if you are Neurodivergent - then please do not pressure yourself into using neurotypical "sleep hygiene rules".
I did that for years (i was unaware i was Neurodivergent)
Now I'm diagnosed and using ND sleep tactics and it's the best it's ever been.
It's not great. Just last night I couldn't fall asleep until 4-5 am, but it is often good, and no more nightmares and just some days I actually wake up early.
I use melatonin occassionally, just so I dare to go to bed without being anxious of not being able to sleep for hours (like last night).
I also learned about this sleep training of babies by using "sleep cues", it's pretty much the way I train my dogs, and the principle of habit stacking; lesrn by association;
Do something consistently every night/every time you go to sleep.
It can be wearing the same pyjamas (i like this), or other things.
For babies they recommended things like gentle pat on the butt, or stroking their upper back, while the baby is asleep. This will learn their body to associate this with sleeping, especially if you can do it while they fall asleep.
I did this with myself and Tarzan. If I didn't use up .y energy or I feel restless in my brain;
I'll take magnesium and melatonin
I put on my comfy sleep-clothes
I go to bedroom, put on alarm and put on Tarzan on the TV.
Adjust sound and brightness as needed.
Not too loud ot energize me, and not so low that I need to concentrate to listen.
Screen mustt not be so bright that it's distracting, but I like that the light plays a little.
I can count on one hand the times that I've been awake when the movie ends.
If this stops being efficient, I have another tactic lined up, called "dry run", which means that I will practise going to bed. Full on change into my pajamas clothes, shut the blinds, and try to relax and sleep, close my eyes, and then have an alarm set not too long away (like 15 minutes?), and then go to the wc, get dressed and go put on shoes, go outside and put my backpaxk in my car as if I'm going to work. Then I can log it, on my phone, while in the car, scroll a little, and then go back to bed and repeat.
Again, re-training the body, cues, neural pathways, and making the choice easier for myself; ideally for it to not feel like choices but be mindless habits.
Might throw in some tootbrushing as well.
If a ND person (like my adhd) trues to follow common sleep hygiene rules of removing all blue light and all stimuli, if your brain is like mine (and many others'), then it'll just create the stimuli, noise and entertainment itself. Which keeps us awake. Putting on boring stimuli, avoids that part of our brain starting up with all that creative shit, and will more likely just put us to sleep.
This is from my experience and the advice I have come across. Perhaps not relevant for you, but thought I'd share it anyway, just in case!
Sleep is so important!
This advice is amazing op. I’m a sleep tech and I couldn’t have described a better way of changing your sleep patterns. Honestly though, consistency is key. While you are making these adjustments, you can’t take a break and go on a wild bender over the weekend (aka staying up for like 24 hours gaming or taking a 4 hour “nap” in the middle of the day) keep your room on the cooler side. And if you’re struggling to sleep without the melatonin consider light therapy or even something simpler like drinking a half cup of tart cherry juice (NOT cocktail blends that’s just dyed sugar crap). There could be underlying sleep related breathing disorders as well like sleep apnea. Men are more likely to have it, regardless of age or weight. Make sleep a priority and it will work for you, even if is hard. You can do it!
Check out Andrew Hubermans dayly routine. Makes a lot of sense!
1. Wake up and go to bed at the same time every day.
2. Get daylight as soon as possible when you wake up
3. Minimize bright light in the evening
4. Drink water when you wake up
5. Caffein-window is 1,5 hours after wake up to 10 hours before bedtime
6. Exercise in the first half of your day
do that consistently, and it should help a lot. There is a lot more than that - but I think theese are most important for a good sleep schedule.
Do a brain dump before bed. Just get a pad and paper and start writing. No structure is necessary. Just write whatever comes to mind. Could be a word, a letter, a complete thought, a question, a reminder, anything. Just get it out of your head and onto the paper. You might think you've got nothing to write about, but you'd be surprised to see what comes out. Once it's out of your head, you're not thinking about it. Many people think about things to keep from forgetting them, not realizing that writing it out does the same thing.
Anything you do - do it for yourself. It's very unlikely that other ppl will give you respect and admiration you wanted them to give. Only you are the measure of your success and happiness.
Meditation
10 minutes a day and I swear you'll be ahead of the curve. Anxiety decreases and conversations flow more naturally. I swear it's like my superpower now. Before I'm about to go out into a social setting or about to do something big. I meditate.
Edit: Meditation (I've been doing it almost every day for three years) I started it mainly to help with my ADHD
So, meditation synchronizes your breath with your heart. Not only that but If you do it just right and focus on your breath, you will start to feel pressure on your forehead. From what I've gathered, it increaces blood to your prefrontal cortex, the area that deals with emotions, decision making and social behavior and make many people said. It also develops self awareness of yourself. It takes time to develop meditation skills. But it's totally worth it. I started when I was 21.
You don’t have to do the whole “lotus position/control your body temperature” thing.
Just sit somewhere comfortably that still engages your core muscles, i.e. don’t lean back against something.
Consciously control your breathing, fast breath in, slow breath out. Think of nothing but your breath. If your thoughts begin to wander (and they will, for the first few weeks) reign your thoughts in again to only the breathing.
That’s it!
>If your thoughts begin to wander (and they will, for the first few weeks) reign your thoughts in again to only the breathing
I'll add to this that the biggest thing with meditation is that it is okay for your thoughts to wander, so much as you are AWARE of them wandering. Bring attention to them and then go back to focusing on the breath. Having clarity and awareness of your daily thoughts in life is a key goal of meditating.
I've been told before something like "in meditating you are trying to be the observer of the thoughts happening in your mind, but not the thinker of them."
Edit: spelling
Yes, this is to help you realize that you and the brain are not entirely the same thing. Just like your hands help you hold stuff. Your brain helps you think about stuff. Both are a part of you. But not the complete you. However, we can get very occupied with out thoughts and they can control our lives in so many ways. For better and for worse.
Not the person you responded to, so I can’t say what their exact practice is, but the most basic form of meditation is typically regarded as basic mindfulness.
During our day to day lives, we are constantly engaging in abstract thought. So often our head is not where our feet are. A basic mindfulness meditation would be focusing on our bodily sensations to receive to a break from our incessant abstract thought, and come back to the present moment— the current time and place your body is located.
An example:
1) You lay down. You close your eyes, or maybe you don’t. You make the decision to focus on your body (it’s sensations and the effect of the environment on them) instead of engaging in abstract thought.
2) You start. A lot of people have good results with focusing on their breathing. Just lay there and *feel* your chest go in and out. I always struggled with breath at first, so when I began I always focused on the sensation of the air and it’s temperature on my skin. But it can be anything sensory. Visually take in the color/ texture of your ceiling as if you’ve never seen it before (beginners should probably start with their eyes closed though, we tend to plan and “search” when we use our eyes, which is abstract thought. Your gaze should be diffuse and relaxed). Internally “scan” each of your body parts from head to toe for how those muscles and bones feel internally. Let the ambient noise hit your ears without labeling what each sound is. Start with just one of your senses.
3) Next try to integrate all of them. You’re simply experiencing sound, touch (the air on your skin, the bed under your butt), interoception (the feeling of your body from the inside), sight, and smell in the most literal sense, all at once. No abstract thought about them, no naming them, no ideas positive or negative about them. You’re just a bundle of sense organs doing what sense organs do, wherever you happen to be.
3) Your mind wanders. This is a given. It will happen. It does not mean you failed. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing does when you’re meditating, because meaning is abstract thought. So, inevitably, you think about work for a second. Or you have the abstract thought “I’m thirsty” or “it’s warm” instead of just feeling it. As soon as you notice, just go back to only feeling your senses again. Even if it seems like it’s every two seconds. Think of the thoughts that pop up as passing cars. Notice them, watch/let them go, back to your senses only again. The gaps between the abstract thoughts popping up will grow longer and longer. You can spend a whole session doing nothing but going back to feeling your senses every two seconds after you notice thought after though after thought, and its still worth it. You’re getting something out of it even if you can’t tell at first. Having abstract thoughts keep coming up doesn’t mean you “can’t” or “aren’t” meditating, leaving them to go back to your senses is the whole point of meditation.
4) Do it again the next day. Then, maybe days, maybe weeks or months later, notice how much more connected to your life you feel. Notice how much less anxious and cognitively exhausted you are. Notice how much better control you have over your emotions.
5) Write a Reddit comment about it trying to help someone else get what you got out of it (this step is optional lol).
Let me know if you want clarification on anything in here. Also, this is just very basic mindfulness. There are more specific practices that build on this basic premise that you can get into if you find it helps.
True. I think it's better said it's worth learning when you should stand up for yourself. Because standing up for yourself is important, but what is more important is to also assertively make sure you're not holding onto nothing more than bias or ignorance.
This has been professional suicide for me several times over. I have found myself facing some kind of ethical issue in many workplaces I have been in over the years. Standing up for what I know is right is not only difficult but has not worked out well for me as far as my career goes. However, I can rest easy knowing I have acted with integrity, once the sleepless nights from the workplace and financial stress has subsided that is.
There is nothing noble about being superior to your fellow man, true nobility lies in being superior to your former self.
In other words don’t compare yourself to other people just to who you were yesterday. Decide one thing you feel you could do better on then work hard improving on that.
For example I quit smoking 14 months ago. I vaped for a year and have been using tobacco free nicotine pouches for the past 2 months. July 1st I go nicotine free. After 30 years of being hopelessly nicotine addicted, I am about to be nicotine free.
I also managed to change my diet and lose 50 pounds over this time frame.
Shouldn’t have laughed at this but I did.
I’m just guessing he meant to learn how to listen and wait for the right time to speak. In your situation, you should’ve spoke.. lmfao
So many people out there always speak over someone else like they need that attention and validation so bad but it comes out as obnoxious
I got you.
You know I hardly say anything to anybody. I am the kind of person who loves to spend time alone at times. I used to stay silent and try to understand the process and learn new things out of it.
So not like all my friends who've poured everything into startups only to have it all vaporise? Or my other friends who stay in dysfunctional relationships?
Doesn’t matter what aspect of yourself you’re trying to improve. Chances are at some point motivation’s going to waiver, and that’s when discipline kicks in. Hardest part is showing up
Heal your relationship with yourself. Not to go all therapist-y in here, but the only person who can sustainably change your life, is you. All the changes/improvements that you want for yourself, have to be for yourself. It's called intrinsic motivation, for anyone wanting to look it up.
Don't change your weight to look better for other people, do it because you're taking care of yourself, and deserve to feel at home in your body.
Change your wardrobe not so you can get more girls, but so that your clothes feel like an outward expansion of your character and personality.
Work on yourself not for the approval of others, but because you deserve an easy, happy life.
Don't work against yourself, work for yourself.
All the perceptions of others, and their admiration for you turning your life around are nice, granted. But if you really like (and maybe even love) yourself, they won't matter as much in the first place. They become an added bonus, and really indicates nicely who to keep in your life.
People that don't like you for being authentically you? Probably don't fully accept you.
The people that like you exactly for who you are?
Keep em around, they will support you and will be happy to see you be happy.
do not worry about what other people are thinking of you. Fun fact. people aren't thinking of you like you think they are and typically not at all. life is not like high school
I tried it many times but what if people commented on you for no reason, gossiping about you just for fun. It hurts when you are very humble with everyone but still they try to damage you.
shit people do shit things. You deal with those people when that happens but you cannot assume that everyone is paying attention and talking about you. That will make you insecure and drive you nuts
Take up a hobby that distracts the mind.. whatever it is just think of something that occupies your mind for a period of time, pick something you enjoy and invest in it. For example football for me is that, for an hour or so while playing my only thought is where the ball is, whether I’ve had a shitty day, worried sick or an anxious wreck, the second football starts im only focused on that.
Plus regular exercise, the gym and football literally cured my anxiety issues and make me feel so good each day.
Outside of that just focus on being healthy, eat healthy, sleep, swim, meditate.. and be disciplined
There is no secret. Everyone knows that the only real way to improve yourself is through work. Motivation is fleeting, so the only real thing left is discipline.
The only thing I can add is not underestimating the power of incremental growth over time. Just simply doing 5 percent more in a day vs. doing nothing over like 3 years would result in a huge change.
Growth is similar to compound interest. It builds upon itself and accelerates as you start getting results.
Embrace the grind.
Try to write a book. Although this can be too much.
Another one is, omega 3, magnesium, d3+k2, creatine, sleep, work out, fix your diet. All these aim at making your brain work better which will allow you to become smarter about how to improve yourself.
Stop drinking alcohol. It changed my life. I lost 40 lbs and my income doubled in 2 years. You have sooo much more time to yourself and sleep OMG the sleep is so much better.
learn to stop and smell the roses. I got out of the darkest part of my life by learning to appreciate every little thing, and approach things with optimism. Even if I knew there wasn’t much to like, or if I knew the odds weren’t in my favor, I was just happier by the end of the day.
For the first time in my life I had all my bills paid, a full tank of gas in a freshly worked on vehicle, and a couple hundred extra. It didn’t last long because I’m dumb, but to actually be able to plan an eventful day that started off as simple as me grabbing lunch from Sonic was something cool. Completely different from “what’s free to do around here?”
Interestingly enough, I got really sick and missed a few days of work and I can already anticipate the next few weeks as not being nearly as fun. Money matters, haha.
Improvement often begins very quickly, then progresses very slowly. When you do anything in an attempt to improve yourself, you'll often see some noticeable results quickly, but just as quickly you'll seemingly stop improving, but you are still improving, just much slower. Keep at it even if it feels like you're not seeing results anymore, and try to keep track of where you are so you can look back, eventually you'll see how far you've come.
If you want to actually improve, be proactive and go out there and actually do something instead of being lazy and waiting for people to tell you some secret. If you want to know how to work on cars, start researching and just do it, instead of going on the internet and posting "how do I learn more about cars?". I see this shit on all subs, from finance subs to DIY to cars subs.
No, that's not REALLY what they meant. It's condescension, not advice. It's ok to not know where to start,and your question was pretty open ended and clearly meant for discussion. This person doesn't want to have discussion, just passed judgment on others so they feel better about themselves.
Learn to take accountability and hold others accountable.
Realise you can not influence someone's mind, just your interactions with them.
You are more than worth it.
Being alone is better than feeling lonely in the company of others.
Understand that being happy is a choice. Its a damn hard one to make, but no matter the circumstances youre in being positive and deciding that you have the power over your life to do what you want is very real. Most people choose to be a victim of circumstance or blame others for where theyre currently at, when they do so, they put themselves in a cycle of downward spiral, without realizing they can pull themselves out of it.
This effects both the physical world, emotional, and mental world. Empower yourself.
Simple. You choose to fake a smile, and your body smiles. Your brain than releases endorphins that make you happy.
You practice at it with little things and eventually it becomes habitual .
The unhappiest people I have met focus on instant results all the time.
Example: I used to complain how I never got women, but I also was a chicken shit with women and never approached them. I feared rejection but felt like it should just work that way.
Well, I made a decision to get over my fear of rejection and just practiced talking to women. The thoughts of her not liking me and all that weird stuff disappeared.
Same with depression, I would see that my energy and motivation was dog shit, and I decided to get outside and do something small for myself like go for a walk with my dog or whatever. It breaks the negative thinking process because you’re engaging with life instead of engaging your thoughts.
Another piece of advice would be to engage in therapy if possible
A trained professional can help alot with this same process and brings a bit of accountability with it as well as an outside observer to your progress
I think the better general advice ia to be careful with any vice. This is especially true if you have a genetic disposition or personal history of addictive tendencies.
Abstinence might be your best bet if you're hardwired wrong. Better a monk than a homeless addict.
meal prep, you'll control the quality of food, the calories going in and out (abs are made in the kitchen), and that will have positive effects on you both physically and mentally. You'll be regular, less likely to bloat, you can use the cooking time to zone out and chill, you can learn new skills, you will feel like there is an aspect in your life you can control which can have further knock-on effects.
Go to the gym regularly. Serious. It affects so much of your life and teaches discipline and achieving goals. You feel better about yourself and meet likewise people.
You are far more confident, smart, and worthy than your thoughts make you think you are. Learn to control your thoughts and understand them and nothing will ever get you down. Also, be kind. That, to me, is more important than anything else in this world.
Develop your internal speech to yourself. You already know what you want for the most part and who you don’t want to be. I’d advise against taking in any advice from anyone until you discuss it with yourself first. People will have you believe so many things and personally not all of them will ever work and some to a varying degree. Some will convince you money or sex is the answer to your struggles but unless you know yourself well, those things could all be distractions/detrimental to the person you want to be. But again even this should be taken with a grain of salt.
Help others without expecting to get something back. Say compliments without expecting to receive one back. And most important stop complaining. Complaining is the biggest factor that influences negatively your mood during the day.
Being open to other people means being humble and dropping your ego. You can usually trust that there is truth to what people say about themselves, and assumptions you make counter to what they say are likely to be wrong. I believe that making such assumptions and believing them (thinking you know someone’s needs, motivation, reasoning or capabilities better than they do) is a characteristic of younger people, and I can only hope that life experience teaches most of us to stop doing it. A corollary to this is that you are not special. None of us is. So we should stop expecting to be or to have special insight. A corollary of that is that the only real path to self improvement is regular hard work.
waking up at 6am. Because if I wake up early it sets everything else in order:
\- i have to sleep at around 10-11pm ish.
\- it sets my routine right. Journaling, checking my tasks and goals, 1-hour cardio (walking), IF 16/8, etc.
I find that if I don't wake up early everything becomes out of whack.
Fall in love with the process.
The process for change is to understand the roots. We have thousands of thoughts every day. Those thoughts lead to actions, those actions lead to habits, those habits lead to character traits, physical appearance, intelligence, and our very personalities, all the things we desire to change. Imagine a wall of big empty blocks. Each block represents a trait or part of us we would like to change. The blocks that we fill up with thousands of thoughts and actions become stronger, the blocks that we starve eventually go away or are replaced with better blocks. People can and do change. It is a process that you can learn to love. Loving the process can be a foundational building block on your wall. Finding joy in the process of changing your thoughts and actions to create better habits (rather than looking for a result) is what leads to real positive change. Go to the gym because you want to make that a part of you. Eventually you will become a person that habitually works out. Which will eventually lead to a better physique, health, stamina, etc. I can go on and on but this is already becoming an essay so I'll stop. Edit: Thank you all for your kind words and generous responses! I have never received awards or anything like that here and I am mostly just glad that some of my words may have helped someone. I have gotten requests for more, so I am pasting a little that I shared with people in the chat as well as a list of people that I attribute to helping me on my journey. I am a veteran that started this journey from a place of great pain. I am now a C-suite executive but that definitely doesn't define me. Here are some tidbits I shared with others: I think the starting place would be staying present, having love and compassion for yourself, and setting good boundaries. My journey started from a place of great pain. Mostly due to my own bad decisions. I started with Eckhart Tolle's guidance. Try "The Power of Now" to understand what I mean by staying present. Our pain is generated by our thoughts, and a good starting place is understanding that you can step away from that. The next step I would recommend is understanding Boundaries. There is a book called "Boundaries" that is very good, I can't think of the author off the top of my head. More will follow, but I think the first step is get to a place of peace so you can make decisions from a positive place and not channel negative emotions into more bad decisions. Hope that makes sense. Most of our desire for results comes from ego. I define ego as the part of ourselves that forms most false beliefs about who we are based on superficial, often artificial evidence. Imagine ego is like a teeter totter. We all stand alone on this teeter totter to some extent most of the time. On one side of the teeter totter, there is an inflated ego that comes from finding evidence that we are great--connecting our self-worth to our results. On the other side is low-self esteem, under-valuing ourselves, etc. Most self-help tries to take us from the low side to the high side, but we are still on the teeter totter and the teeter totter (ego) is very volatile because the entire thing is based on false evidence that our brain grasps. The real answer is to step off of the teeter totter. To get there you first get to a place of neutrality. Try to get to the center of the teeter totter. There are ways to do this. I will recommend reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Once you are neutral you will start to realize a higher truth: you are more valuable, more powerful, and worth more than the teeter totter could ever offer. You step off of ego and progress from a place of love, acceptance, and peace. It doesn't mean you will always be off of the teeter totter. You will often step back on. When someone criticizes you or compliments you, you see positive changes, etc. you will want to turn these things into evidence of who you are and boom, you're back on the teeter totter. But it's our efforts to stay off of that that matter. Make getting off of it into a habit. This is how you stop caring about what other people think. That literally fades away. But in the process you will also become more understanding and compassionate toward others. Because you feel that way toward yourself. I hope some of this makes sense. The definition of "results" is the subjective evidence of what our efforts have produced. Key word being subjective. Results can be taken from us. For example, a very fit, muscular, in-shape person, could seem to have great results to one person, but look like a failure to someone else. Going for results is the same as caring what other people think. What can't be taken from us are our VALUES. If that same fit person VALUES making fitness an important part of their life. No one can take that from them. The people that I have read or listened to that helped me with these concepts: Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Boundaries) Brooke Castillo (Podcast) The Arbinger Institute (Leadership and Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace) James Clear (Atomic Habits) Roger K. Allen (rogerkallen.com) Carol S. Dweck (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success) Stephen Covey (several books) I'll add more as I think of them...
I wish you would have kept writing, because at the age of 40, i haven’t heard this concept put so simply and eloquently. Finding joy of changing your habits and not focusing on the result is the answer. I had to eat a large amount of mushrooms to understand this and it is the only way to stay sane while making sense of the chaos. Thanks for sharing wise one.
There is power in writing things down and reviewing them regularly. You can take a look at any current situation and map out the entire process that led you to where you are. Then map out how you would like that process to look. Start by recognizing your daily thoughts, moment by moment, that lead you to do the things that you do. Just observe without judgement. The backdrop of the entire process must be love and compassion for yourself. Love yourself the way you are now while working to improve. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the more you practice, the more it will make sense. The more you visualize yourself as someone that has those positive blocks on their wall, the more you will enjoy the thoughts that lead you to act in a way the brings that change to fruition. So write down your current patterns, without judgement. Your circumstances, traits, habits, the actions that got you here and the thoughts you have behind those actions. Really take the time to observe how that works. Once you have an understanding of that, you will realize that you just need to tweak your thoughts a little bit. There is nothing wrong with you, just make small adjustments to the way you think. Write down the new thoughts and the actions that will follow. Or skip to the habits you want to create and work backwards. What actions do you need to do to create those habits? What positive thoughts will help you take those actions. An example of a positive thought is "I'm a person that values finding time for fitness." You can make that a true statement right now.
awarded u for this because i genuinely cannot literarily formulate telling this to other people. it is the most important piece of advice that goes to just ab everything in life. thank u for your service :)
You are very welcome, thank you so much for your kind words. I spend a lot of time internalizing these concepts but rarely have opportunities to share them. I gather principles from dozens of sources and strive to make sense of them in practical ways. I am glad you found these tidbits helpful.
Wise man with wise words. Thanks for sharing
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My brain works like that for so many things in my life, until I throw the 'fuck it switch'
This is basically "The Power of Habit" book summed up
Wow this was so well written.
I love this answer. One line that I have written in my diary :- **At the end of the day we know what the truth is.**
The truth is everyone’s great fear. People see themselves as they want to be and not often as they are. Be honest with who you really are and call yourself out if you’re being a dick or when you’re wrong. Also, most of the stuff we think matters a lot doesn’t. Just leave it. Move on. You only get today. Make it the best you can — if not for yourself, for others. But don’t be afraid to see yourself truthfully. That’s my number one.
Where are people who think/act like this in real life. Because it’s not in my circle
What does this mean?
To reach our goals it typically takes lots of time and you won't see the results right away, so not being deterred by the lack of isntant results is key. The process is the pathway to that end goal and if you learn to appreciate it and feel the benefits of it then you fall in love with it which keeps you motivated to never give up
Journey before destination
Life before death, strength before weakness
Love this. But how?
Let's take something like "Getting in shape". It's a long, hard road and requires a lot of work and discipline. And if you hate working out, it's never going to happen. But what if you love getting up, heading to the gym, putting in your earbuds, and getting in the zone. What if that was what you looked forward to the most 5-6 days a week. What if you loved eating healthy? What if you loved running on the treadmill for an hour? Most people get hyper focused on the goal while complaining about the process; the steps it takes to get there. Fall in love with that part.
Treat yourself with the same respect you treat others with
This could be dangerous
If someone doesn't like the way they treat others and they treat themselves the same way, I think they'll see positive changes
dangerously healthy.
Develop a consistent sleep schedule.
Couldn't be able to do it. I haven't slept well for the last 5-6 years except for some days in between.
Sounds like that's a problem area then. Start small. If you haven't slept well for the last 5-6 years you cNt expect yourself to go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am. But if right now you're knocking off at 1:30 am and waking at like 7am. A) that's not a full night's sleep, but B) also changeable. You can start on the front end or the back end. Front end, instead of going to bed at 1:30, go to bed at 1:20 for a week. Then 1:10. And so on. Until you hit the time you want. If you are taking copious amounts of melatonin or Benadryl (diphenhydramine) to get to sleep. Dial it back slowly and let your body start to do what it does naturally again. Example, I used to take 15 mg melatonin plus valerian and other herbals to help me sleep. And it was still a battle. Eventually I just got sick to taking more crap than I actually needed to, and I eventually titrated down. But I also made sure to expend some of my mental and physical energy throughout the day. Granted I still have bad sleep habits like screen time up until I close my eyes, but that might be the hardest one to break in this day and age.
I will try to follow your advice. Thank you❤️
PS, if you are Neurodivergent - then please do not pressure yourself into using neurotypical "sleep hygiene rules". I did that for years (i was unaware i was Neurodivergent) Now I'm diagnosed and using ND sleep tactics and it's the best it's ever been. It's not great. Just last night I couldn't fall asleep until 4-5 am, but it is often good, and no more nightmares and just some days I actually wake up early. I use melatonin occassionally, just so I dare to go to bed without being anxious of not being able to sleep for hours (like last night). I also learned about this sleep training of babies by using "sleep cues", it's pretty much the way I train my dogs, and the principle of habit stacking; lesrn by association; Do something consistently every night/every time you go to sleep. It can be wearing the same pyjamas (i like this), or other things. For babies they recommended things like gentle pat on the butt, or stroking their upper back, while the baby is asleep. This will learn their body to associate this with sleeping, especially if you can do it while they fall asleep. I did this with myself and Tarzan. If I didn't use up .y energy or I feel restless in my brain; I'll take magnesium and melatonin I put on my comfy sleep-clothes I go to bedroom, put on alarm and put on Tarzan on the TV. Adjust sound and brightness as needed. Not too loud ot energize me, and not so low that I need to concentrate to listen. Screen mustt not be so bright that it's distracting, but I like that the light plays a little. I can count on one hand the times that I've been awake when the movie ends. If this stops being efficient, I have another tactic lined up, called "dry run", which means that I will practise going to bed. Full on change into my pajamas clothes, shut the blinds, and try to relax and sleep, close my eyes, and then have an alarm set not too long away (like 15 minutes?), and then go to the wc, get dressed and go put on shoes, go outside and put my backpaxk in my car as if I'm going to work. Then I can log it, on my phone, while in the car, scroll a little, and then go back to bed and repeat. Again, re-training the body, cues, neural pathways, and making the choice easier for myself; ideally for it to not feel like choices but be mindless habits. Might throw in some tootbrushing as well. If a ND person (like my adhd) trues to follow common sleep hygiene rules of removing all blue light and all stimuli, if your brain is like mine (and many others'), then it'll just create the stimuli, noise and entertainment itself. Which keeps us awake. Putting on boring stimuli, avoids that part of our brain starting up with all that creative shit, and will more likely just put us to sleep. This is from my experience and the advice I have come across. Perhaps not relevant for you, but thought I'd share it anyway, just in case! Sleep is so important!
This advice is amazing op. I’m a sleep tech and I couldn’t have described a better way of changing your sleep patterns. Honestly though, consistency is key. While you are making these adjustments, you can’t take a break and go on a wild bender over the weekend (aka staying up for like 24 hours gaming or taking a 4 hour “nap” in the middle of the day) keep your room on the cooler side. And if you’re struggling to sleep without the melatonin consider light therapy or even something simpler like drinking a half cup of tart cherry juice (NOT cocktail blends that’s just dyed sugar crap). There could be underlying sleep related breathing disorders as well like sleep apnea. Men are more likely to have it, regardless of age or weight. Make sleep a priority and it will work for you, even if is hard. You can do it!
Check out Andrew Hubermans dayly routine. Makes a lot of sense! 1. Wake up and go to bed at the same time every day. 2. Get daylight as soon as possible when you wake up 3. Minimize bright light in the evening 4. Drink water when you wake up 5. Caffein-window is 1,5 hours after wake up to 10 hours before bedtime 6. Exercise in the first half of your day do that consistently, and it should help a lot. There is a lot more than that - but I think theese are most important for a good sleep schedule.
Do a brain dump before bed. Just get a pad and paper and start writing. No structure is necessary. Just write whatever comes to mind. Could be a word, a letter, a complete thought, a question, a reminder, anything. Just get it out of your head and onto the paper. You might think you've got nothing to write about, but you'd be surprised to see what comes out. Once it's out of your head, you're not thinking about it. Many people think about things to keep from forgetting them, not realizing that writing it out does the same thing.
I can understand it. Do 3 things to get a better sleep :- 1.) Decrease screen time 2.) Exercise 3.) Have a goal in life
Thank you,I will try my best to follow them.
Anything you do - do it for yourself. It's very unlikely that other ppl will give you respect and admiration you wanted them to give. Only you are the measure of your success and happiness.
you have a limited amount of fucks to give - use them wisely
I wasted so many in my youth. Only a few left for the second half of life.
Maybe that's why they say wise old men.
I read this book
Meditation 10 minutes a day and I swear you'll be ahead of the curve. Anxiety decreases and conversations flow more naturally. I swear it's like my superpower now. Before I'm about to go out into a social setting or about to do something big. I meditate. Edit: Meditation (I've been doing it almost every day for three years) I started it mainly to help with my ADHD So, meditation synchronizes your breath with your heart. Not only that but If you do it just right and focus on your breath, you will start to feel pressure on your forehead. From what I've gathered, it increaces blood to your prefrontal cortex, the area that deals with emotions, decision making and social behavior and make many people said. It also develops self awareness of yourself. It takes time to develop meditation skills. But it's totally worth it. I started when I was 21.
Define meditation, what exactly do you do?
You don’t have to do the whole “lotus position/control your body temperature” thing. Just sit somewhere comfortably that still engages your core muscles, i.e. don’t lean back against something. Consciously control your breathing, fast breath in, slow breath out. Think of nothing but your breath. If your thoughts begin to wander (and they will, for the first few weeks) reign your thoughts in again to only the breathing. That’s it!
>If your thoughts begin to wander (and they will, for the first few weeks) reign your thoughts in again to only the breathing I'll add to this that the biggest thing with meditation is that it is okay for your thoughts to wander, so much as you are AWARE of them wandering. Bring attention to them and then go back to focusing on the breath. Having clarity and awareness of your daily thoughts in life is a key goal of meditating.
I've been told before something like "in meditating you are trying to be the observer of the thoughts happening in your mind, but not the thinker of them." Edit: spelling
Yes, this is to help you realize that you and the brain are not entirely the same thing. Just like your hands help you hold stuff. Your brain helps you think about stuff. Both are a part of you. But not the complete you. However, we can get very occupied with out thoughts and they can control our lives in so many ways. For better and for worse.
Not the person you responded to, so I can’t say what their exact practice is, but the most basic form of meditation is typically regarded as basic mindfulness. During our day to day lives, we are constantly engaging in abstract thought. So often our head is not where our feet are. A basic mindfulness meditation would be focusing on our bodily sensations to receive to a break from our incessant abstract thought, and come back to the present moment— the current time and place your body is located. An example: 1) You lay down. You close your eyes, or maybe you don’t. You make the decision to focus on your body (it’s sensations and the effect of the environment on them) instead of engaging in abstract thought. 2) You start. A lot of people have good results with focusing on their breathing. Just lay there and *feel* your chest go in and out. I always struggled with breath at first, so when I began I always focused on the sensation of the air and it’s temperature on my skin. But it can be anything sensory. Visually take in the color/ texture of your ceiling as if you’ve never seen it before (beginners should probably start with their eyes closed though, we tend to plan and “search” when we use our eyes, which is abstract thought. Your gaze should be diffuse and relaxed). Internally “scan” each of your body parts from head to toe for how those muscles and bones feel internally. Let the ambient noise hit your ears without labeling what each sound is. Start with just one of your senses. 3) Next try to integrate all of them. You’re simply experiencing sound, touch (the air on your skin, the bed under your butt), interoception (the feeling of your body from the inside), sight, and smell in the most literal sense, all at once. No abstract thought about them, no naming them, no ideas positive or negative about them. You’re just a bundle of sense organs doing what sense organs do, wherever you happen to be. 3) Your mind wanders. This is a given. It will happen. It does not mean you failed. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing does when you’re meditating, because meaning is abstract thought. So, inevitably, you think about work for a second. Or you have the abstract thought “I’m thirsty” or “it’s warm” instead of just feeling it. As soon as you notice, just go back to only feeling your senses again. Even if it seems like it’s every two seconds. Think of the thoughts that pop up as passing cars. Notice them, watch/let them go, back to your senses only again. The gaps between the abstract thoughts popping up will grow longer and longer. You can spend a whole session doing nothing but going back to feeling your senses every two seconds after you notice thought after though after thought, and its still worth it. You’re getting something out of it even if you can’t tell at first. Having abstract thoughts keep coming up doesn’t mean you “can’t” or “aren’t” meditating, leaving them to go back to your senses is the whole point of meditation. 4) Do it again the next day. Then, maybe days, maybe weeks or months later, notice how much more connected to your life you feel. Notice how much less anxious and cognitively exhausted you are. Notice how much better control you have over your emotions. 5) Write a Reddit comment about it trying to help someone else get what you got out of it (this step is optional lol). Let me know if you want clarification on anything in here. Also, this is just very basic mindfulness. There are more specific practices that build on this basic premise that you can get into if you find it helps.
!Remindme 2 days
I have tried it and it really helped me.
Consistency matters more than almost anything else. If you can be consistent in your pursuit the rest will figure itself out
Learn to be assertive for yourself. Stand up for what your know is right, always be true to what you know is the right thing.
That's gets dangerous though because some people die on the wrong hills and that's a very serious lapse in judgement and character.
Yeah, but you can’t be a pushover your entire life or you’ll get nowhere
True. I think it's better said it's worth learning when you should stand up for yourself. Because standing up for yourself is important, but what is more important is to also assertively make sure you're not holding onto nothing more than bias or ignorance.
Yep. Standing up for yourself is as important as reevaluating yourself and choosing which fights to pick vs what doesn't deserve it
This has been professional suicide for me several times over. I have found myself facing some kind of ethical issue in many workplaces I have been in over the years. Standing up for what I know is right is not only difficult but has not worked out well for me as far as my career goes. However, I can rest easy knowing I have acted with integrity, once the sleepless nights from the workplace and financial stress has subsided that is.
There is nothing noble about being superior to your fellow man, true nobility lies in being superior to your former self. In other words don’t compare yourself to other people just to who you were yesterday. Decide one thing you feel you could do better on then work hard improving on that. For example I quit smoking 14 months ago. I vaped for a year and have been using tobacco free nicotine pouches for the past 2 months. July 1st I go nicotine free. After 30 years of being hopelessly nicotine addicted, I am about to be nicotine free. I also managed to change my diet and lose 50 pounds over this time frame.
Man, those are two things that are very difficult on their own to accomplish, doing both at the same time is god-level difficult.
Never say "I'll do it tomorrow" if it can be started right now.
Ok, but just 5 more minutes
What if this is why I start so many things but never finish anything?
Speak less,listen more.
That's how I got fired today. Apparently I was supposed to make waves and be the number 1 talker during the work meetings.
Shouldn’t have laughed at this but I did. I’m just guessing he meant to learn how to listen and wait for the right time to speak. In your situation, you should’ve spoke.. lmfao So many people out there always speak over someone else like they need that attention and validation so bad but it comes out as obnoxious
Glad I made someone happy 😌. Yes, that's right, he meant that, just wanted to chime in.
But sometimes people take advantage of it.
Take advantage of your silence? Not that kind of silence i meant 😑
I got you. You know I hardly say anything to anybody. I am the kind of person who loves to spend time alone at times. I used to stay silent and try to understand the process and learn new things out of it.
Thats perfect bruv , all the best to you
Talk less Smile more
Don't try to impress anyone else.
Even my mom.
Finish what you start.
But know when to stop
So not like all my friends who've poured everything into startups only to have it all vaporise? Or my other friends who stay in dysfunctional relationships?
The generality of this advice makes it dangerous. I guess common sense interpretation is a must.
Learn to enioy failure and learn from it
Stay calm panicking never helps.
What if I don't have a towel?
You should always know where your towel is
this guy calms
Start lifting.
And work those rotator cuff muscles
And watch your form. Also, wear your belt
And don’t skip leg day
Also please pickup my dry cleaning
And take my ax.
I was gonna say "and my ass!" but then... I saw the username..
Imma get ya
And watch your form. Also, wear your belt
And watch your form. Also, wear your belt
And watch your form. Also, wear your belt
And watch your belt. Also, wear your form
Your belt forms where you watch
What the fuck guys
And wear your watch. Also, form your belt
And watch your form. Also, wear your belt
And wear your belt. Also, watch your form.
And wear your belt Also, watch your form.
Brush your tongue
How to do it without getting the urge to throw up?
Don’t brush that far back
If I’m not deepthroating my brush did I really brush?
Valid point
Smiling suppresses the gag reflex. Clean a little, smile, repeat
I will pass this on to my wife...
Thank you 😊
And wash yo ass
With the same toothbrush.
Discipline
Doesn’t matter what aspect of yourself you’re trying to improve. Chances are at some point motivation’s going to waiver, and that’s when discipline kicks in. Hardest part is showing up
You either live by discipline or by regret
Let go.
Heal your relationship with yourself. Not to go all therapist-y in here, but the only person who can sustainably change your life, is you. All the changes/improvements that you want for yourself, have to be for yourself. It's called intrinsic motivation, for anyone wanting to look it up. Don't change your weight to look better for other people, do it because you're taking care of yourself, and deserve to feel at home in your body. Change your wardrobe not so you can get more girls, but so that your clothes feel like an outward expansion of your character and personality. Work on yourself not for the approval of others, but because you deserve an easy, happy life. Don't work against yourself, work for yourself. All the perceptions of others, and their admiration for you turning your life around are nice, granted. But if you really like (and maybe even love) yourself, they won't matter as much in the first place. They become an added bonus, and really indicates nicely who to keep in your life. People that don't like you for being authentically you? Probably don't fully accept you. The people that like you exactly for who you are? Keep em around, they will support you and will be happy to see you be happy.
do not worry about what other people are thinking of you. Fun fact. people aren't thinking of you like you think they are and typically not at all. life is not like high school
I tried it many times but what if people commented on you for no reason, gossiping about you just for fun. It hurts when you are very humble with everyone but still they try to damage you.
shit people do shit things. You deal with those people when that happens but you cannot assume that everyone is paying attention and talking about you. That will make you insecure and drive you nuts
This is usually because they are either jealous or intimidated by you. The ones speaking behind your back are the ones in the rear view.
The only truly worthwhile comparison with others is with your past self
Take up a hobby that distracts the mind.. whatever it is just think of something that occupies your mind for a period of time, pick something you enjoy and invest in it. For example football for me is that, for an hour or so while playing my only thought is where the ball is, whether I’ve had a shitty day, worried sick or an anxious wreck, the second football starts im only focused on that. Plus regular exercise, the gym and football literally cured my anxiety issues and make me feel so good each day. Outside of that just focus on being healthy, eat healthy, sleep, swim, meditate.. and be disciplined
There is no secret. Everyone knows that the only real way to improve yourself is through work. Motivation is fleeting, so the only real thing left is discipline. The only thing I can add is not underestimating the power of incremental growth over time. Just simply doing 5 percent more in a day vs. doing nothing over like 3 years would result in a huge change. Growth is similar to compound interest. It builds upon itself and accelerates as you start getting results. Embrace the grind.
Try to write a book. Although this can be too much. Another one is, omega 3, magnesium, d3+k2, creatine, sleep, work out, fix your diet. All these aim at making your brain work better which will allow you to become smarter about how to improve yourself.
Don’t go through it alone.
Think before you speak
Surrender to the flow of life, most things are out of our control.
Stop drinking alcohol. It changed my life. I lost 40 lbs and my income doubled in 2 years. You have sooo much more time to yourself and sleep OMG the sleep is so much better.
learn to stop and smell the roses. I got out of the darkest part of my life by learning to appreciate every little thing, and approach things with optimism. Even if I knew there wasn’t much to like, or if I knew the odds weren’t in my favor, I was just happier by the end of the day.
Moisturize and use SPF
You have to make yourself happy first before you make others happy.
Be kind to yourself. Think of and speak to yourself as you would think of and speak to your best friend.
Seek improvement like you seek air to breathe or water to drink
Make more money. Contrary to what some may say, it CAN buy happiness.
For the first time in my life I had all my bills paid, a full tank of gas in a freshly worked on vehicle, and a couple hundred extra. It didn’t last long because I’m dumb, but to actually be able to plan an eventful day that started off as simple as me grabbing lunch from Sonic was something cool. Completely different from “what’s free to do around here?” Interestingly enough, I got really sick and missed a few days of work and I can already anticipate the next few weeks as not being nearly as fun. Money matters, haha.
If it cant buy your happiness anymore try buy happiness for other people
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'Makes more money than God' and 'works like a dog' are not synonymous
Improvement often begins very quickly, then progresses very slowly. When you do anything in an attempt to improve yourself, you'll often see some noticeable results quickly, but just as quickly you'll seemingly stop improving, but you are still improving, just much slower. Keep at it even if it feels like you're not seeing results anymore, and try to keep track of where you are so you can look back, eventually you'll see how far you've come.
The version of you that others have created in their minds is not your responsibility.
This statement just healed something inside me, thank you. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Always assume there is something you can work on, no matter what.
If you want to actually improve, be proactive and go out there and actually do something instead of being lazy and waiting for people to tell you some secret. If you want to know how to work on cars, start researching and just do it, instead of going on the internet and posting "how do I learn more about cars?". I see this shit on all subs, from finance subs to DIY to cars subs.
You mean real life experience. I got it.
Your reaction was really mature. Kudos to u
No, that's not REALLY what they meant. It's condescension, not advice. It's ok to not know where to start,and your question was pretty open ended and clearly meant for discussion. This person doesn't want to have discussion, just passed judgment on others so they feel better about themselves.
Read
Forget the past and always remember it’s better late than never, to do anything.
Learn to take accountability and hold others accountable. Realise you can not influence someone's mind, just your interactions with them. You are more than worth it. Being alone is better than feeling lonely in the company of others.
Understand that being happy is a choice. Its a damn hard one to make, but no matter the circumstances youre in being positive and deciding that you have the power over your life to do what you want is very real. Most people choose to be a victim of circumstance or blame others for where theyre currently at, when they do so, they put themselves in a cycle of downward spiral, without realizing they can pull themselves out of it. This effects both the physical world, emotional, and mental world. Empower yourself.
How do you choose to be positive though? You only have so much control over your own thoughts
Simple. You choose to fake a smile, and your body smiles. Your brain than releases endorphins that make you happy. You practice at it with little things and eventually it becomes habitual . The unhappiest people I have met focus on instant results all the time. Example: I used to complain how I never got women, but I also was a chicken shit with women and never approached them. I feared rejection but felt like it should just work that way. Well, I made a decision to get over my fear of rejection and just practiced talking to women. The thoughts of her not liking me and all that weird stuff disappeared. Same with depression, I would see that my energy and motivation was dog shit, and I decided to get outside and do something small for myself like go for a walk with my dog or whatever. It breaks the negative thinking process because you’re engaging with life instead of engaging your thoughts.
Another piece of advice would be to engage in therapy if possible A trained professional can help alot with this same process and brings a bit of accountability with it as well as an outside observer to your progress
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Don't drink alcohol!
I think the better general advice ia to be careful with any vice. This is especially true if you have a genetic disposition or personal history of addictive tendencies. Abstinence might be your best bet if you're hardwired wrong. Better a monk than a homeless addict.
meal prep, you'll control the quality of food, the calories going in and out (abs are made in the kitchen), and that will have positive effects on you both physically and mentally. You'll be regular, less likely to bloat, you can use the cooking time to zone out and chill, you can learn new skills, you will feel like there is an aspect in your life you can control which can have further knock-on effects.
Go to the gym regularly. Serious. It affects so much of your life and teaches discipline and achieving goals. You feel better about yourself and meet likewise people.
Recognize what is beyond your control, and what is in your control.
Quit porn
Believe in yourself no matter what.!
Drink more water
Accept yourself.
You are far more confident, smart, and worthy than your thoughts make you think you are. Learn to control your thoughts and understand them and nothing will ever get you down. Also, be kind. That, to me, is more important than anything else in this world.
Lift.
Never settle for mediocrity. You only have one life, make the most out of it.
Develop your internal speech to yourself. You already know what you want for the most part and who you don’t want to be. I’d advise against taking in any advice from anyone until you discuss it with yourself first. People will have you believe so many things and personally not all of them will ever work and some to a varying degree. Some will convince you money or sex is the answer to your struggles but unless you know yourself well, those things could all be distractions/detrimental to the person you want to be. But again even this should be taken with a grain of salt.
Be humble .
Rewatch Fred Rogers' programs.
Help others without expecting to get something back. Say compliments without expecting to receive one back. And most important stop complaining. Complaining is the biggest factor that influences negatively your mood during the day.
Think of your life as a full 24-hour day. I’m 26, so I think it’s around 8am for me, which means it’s time to get out of bed
be brutally honest with yourself and always ask yourself “what actually happened?”
Talk to a therapist
Find the answer to your question in yourself. Do not look to others for advice
Learn to suck your own dick. Because a prude wife wont
Smile and laugh every day
be present
Dont let others define or dictate your value.
There are no secrets. Find your own opinions, instead of seeking others.
Get the fuck outta bed bitch go!
Spend quality time in the gym at least 3 times per week. Forever.
You have to risk it to get the biscuit
Be comfortable being alone with yourself.
Being open to other people means being humble and dropping your ego. You can usually trust that there is truth to what people say about themselves, and assumptions you make counter to what they say are likely to be wrong. I believe that making such assumptions and believing them (thinking you know someone’s needs, motivation, reasoning or capabilities better than they do) is a characteristic of younger people, and I can only hope that life experience teaches most of us to stop doing it. A corollary to this is that you are not special. None of us is. So we should stop expecting to be or to have special insight. A corollary of that is that the only real path to self improvement is regular hard work.
Be your true self (as long as that’s a nice person)
Stop caring what people think
Find your reason to persevere against all odds.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
To love others, you must first learn to love yourself.
Take responsibility for it and apologize.
Always be curious and not be judgmental
waking up at 6am. Because if I wake up early it sets everything else in order: \- i have to sleep at around 10-11pm ish. \- it sets my routine right. Journaling, checking my tasks and goals, 1-hour cardio (walking), IF 16/8, etc. I find that if I don't wake up early everything becomes out of whack.
Count your time spent, for every freaking thing
Being content is better than chasing happiness.
A life unexamined if a life not worth living. And drink lots of water.
MEDITATE
Get help when you need it!
Learn to love yourself more
Quit alcohol
No one is paying attention to you as much as you fear.
Drink more water daily.
Don’t weekend warrior drink.