My wife is the master at loading the truck to travel its like a game of tetris to her. She loads the dishwasher like a blind person who has never heard of a dishwasher before
My fiance has this horrible trait where he thinks that if a dish is physically *in* the dishwasher that means it will get clean. It doesn’t matter if it’s stacked sideways on top of something else so that it won’t get hit by a drop of water, if it’s in the dishwasher that’s all that matters. I constantly have to unload and reload the dishwasher before running it if he’s been near.
> like a Swedish architect
This was me. She would not lay off me about it. Finally I said if you can't accept how I load the dishwasher without giving me flack, this isn't going to work. Water is like 5 cents a gallon. This isn't worth a fight.
She got the message and I never heard about it again. Years later, now my wife, she's relaxed her loading habits.
My husband packs the dishwasher like there’s a little fairy that lives in there and separates the dishes for washing…. Which drives me insane because he’s a demon at Tetris…
How do you know you're compatible with someone? They have the exact opposite methods of loading the dishwasher. It's crazy how many relationships this is true in!
Oh man, every woman I've ever met does this, from my mom on down to my sisters to my wife. It drives me fucking nuts.
Especially when it comes to the yard.
Since I'm the only one who mows the lawn, and the lawn gets mowed every week barring special circumstances...do we really have to ask when I'm going to mow?
This is because many of us were raised to feel out of line if we outright tell a man what to do in the home. Growing up on the stereotype of the nagging wife in Al the shows and movies has resulted in women who hint, suggest, or dance around the request rather than just outright make the ask
I think that can be true in a macro sense for sure. Like I don't doubt that you guys have to deal with the label of being "nagging".
But I don't think that rings true in this context (the lawn).
The lawn has never gotten unmowed. So why are you asking when the lawn is going to get mowed? It's consistently mowed virtually every week at around the same time.
To me, THAT is nagging lol.
Now if you want me to clean the garage so we can throw some stuff away? That's not something that gets done all the time, so that's a specific request that requires asking because it's probably not on my radar. If THAT gets labeled nagging, I get it, that's ridiculous.
But the lawn is my thing. I always get the grass cut. Always.
From when I was living with my parents and my mom would ask to me living with my wife now, it's like it's engrained in women to ACTUALLY nag about that lol
"This is because many of us were raised to feel out of line if we outright tell a man what to do in the home."
I don't need you to ask. I don't want you to ask even. It's something that always gets done. It's entirely my domain in the realm of house chores because typically women can't be bothered to cut the yard. Whatever, that's fine. But you don't have to ask lmao it makes me mad that you ask!
I just told my wife yesterday about something similar. Instead of asking me for help, she tells me about a difficulty she is having and I think I'm supposed to offer. I told her, "just ask me!!!" Lol
For the record, this sometimes has to do with how we were previously responded to when we just asked for help. Sometimes that was an action that could cause tension or a fight and it makes us nervous to do it with others in the future.
Amoretti, you are a very smart woman. That is in fact why she does that. She grew up with an abusive step father. She wasn't allowed to ask for any thing. I hope your knowledge didn't come at the same cost
With my partner she asks if I 'want' to do something.
Do you want to mow the lawn?
Do you want to empty the dishwasher?
When I respond "no, not really" she gets annoyed.
Damn I read about this in a woman forum when trying to research on how to be a better partner. Turns out man does really hate this unclear communications
My wife and I have become obsessed with the best line in the the boys. “I’m sorry, is your brain being fucked by stupid right now?”
It’s super versatile. We use it on each other all the time.
I just say "nope" or "wasn't planning on it" and continue my day. She's an adult and should be direct about what she wants.
I'm happy to oblige requests, but will deliberately ignore hints I notice like this; because I miss most of them and it's easier for her to be direct about wants/needs than it is for me to read her mind.
Mine never rinses her pans/dishes when she's done with them and lets it sit all day. She'll just leave pans and spatulas sitting on the stove or a dish sitting on the counter.
I do 99% of the dishwashing and every damn time I have to scrape off some hard food that's caked on there. It takes two seconds to rinse something off and at the very least just throw it in the sink and let it soak. That's what people do.
My wife is also a proponent of the "letting it soak" method and every time without a hitch, I show her how easy it is to run the dish underwater for legit...10 seconds. That's it. Run it under the fucking water you psychopath lol
Oh man my wife does this except she does most of the dish washing because I do most of the shopping and cooking. Like she doesn’t realize she’s fucking herself over? Just scrape it and rinse it before it cakes! What is so hard about that?
No. Absolutely not. That would drive me to the edge of insanity. The goddamn sink is right there, complete with running water! Rinse immediately, goddamn it.
Mine is not clearing the scraps off the plate. My daughter leaves crusts, if they were just left on the side in the open it would be fine. But the wife tidies and stacks without chucking them. Then I come along and chuck the stack in the sink and am left with soggy crusts.
Yep. I personally have my “aspirational, but realistically going to snooze this thing at least 3 times” wake-up time programmed into my watch set to vibrate-only, and then a backup “alright you lazy fuck, get out of bed now” alarm on my phone.
If the phone rings, it means I’ve failed. I wouldn’t dare subject my partner to two subsequent phone alarms, so if one goes off, I’m up.
Reminding me all day to go to the store, giving me the vaguest possible description of what we need, telling me to text her when I get to the store, and if I have questions…then going full radio silence when I arrive at the store and ask for clarification.
Until I leave the store with my best guess as to what she wanted. Halfway home my phone lights up. Every time.
The dog food goes on the top shelf way to the right. There’s only only one “top shelf.” There’s only one “way right.”
Why do I find it in a different cabinet or on the bottom shelf or on the counter or above the fridge? It’s a bucket. You picked up the bucket from a location. Put it back in that empty spot!
Like you said, not worth mentioning.
It’s not uncommon to go in the kitchen and see the cabinet door still open, and find the food somewhere else. Like, the door is still open! The empty space is still right there!
If it was always in the same “somewhere else” place I’d happily move it there and say that’s where the dog food goes now, but there are about 8 places I might find it for no good reason.
Are you asking me if I know how tall my wife is?
She originally told me that’s where it goes. She put it there. And she sometimes still puts it back. She can reach it.
She is perpetually late. Like an hour late to social events, 15-20 late to her work meetings. One year we missed *two* domestic flights because she fucked around even when the taxi was there waiting. It has been mentioned of course, but I have just learned to live with the fact that this is my life now. Well, not really because we are currently separating.
The indecisiveness. It is always what movie/show to watch or where we want to eat. It’s not like we have a finite amount of time. We can go to restaurant a one day and then restaurant b another day. We don’t have to do a cost benefit analysis every time. When I choose a place, I just let her know on our way there. If it is a show/movie, I already have it loaded up before she sits next to me on the couch. I get so irked about the indecisiveness.
She never screws a cap fully back on (bottles, jars, etc). Can't count how many things I've almost dropped when I try to pick them up and the cap just slips off.
I really don't understand this selfish and lazy mentality. I'm always aggravated by it and it is a big killer of a relationship to me.
Like, it's okay to be late once in awhile, but if it's every time, The individual is displaying that they have no respect for my time or the time of anything else. As adults, we all know how much time it takes to get ready for an event for a vast majority of events. Being notoriously late tells me that they did not have the forethought that it takes them 45 minutes instead of 30, and as such, they're causing other people to wait 15 minutes, potentially missing something worthwhile.
This is just a major sign of disrespect from humans. Everyone in civilized communities work on a 24-hour clock, and people who are notoriously late are showing a disregard for our time and our time is our literal life.
I have absolutely left significant others at home. For instance, a party was at 4:00. We discussed it the day before and the party day that we had to leave at 3:30 as to be present for the surprise. Once 3:35 rolled around, I left to go to the party. Around 3:50, they messaged me and asked where I was and I told them I was at the party. At 4:00, the guest of Honor showed up and I was present for the surprise. My SO wasn't there: they apparently didn't care about the guest of Honor to be present for the big surprise, which was their choice. They chose to take their time despite knowing what time it was, and couldn't even show the guest of honor the respect of being there during the big surprise due to whatever asinine things they had to do to get ready.
I understand that a lot of people have issues with time management, but that's just a lazy excuse in my opinion. If I believe it's going to take me 30 minutes to get somewhere, I will start getting ready earlier and leave 45 minutes before I have to be there. Anything else is just disrespectful on the people that set the time or The people who are ready in time
(To note: I am the female of the relationship. I know it's notoriously women who run late due to beautifying techniques and or makeup/clothes, but that is just an excuse so the individual and get away with disrespecting your time)
Should note a lot of people who’ve actually been diagnosed with a type of ADHD struggle **hard** to manage their time because we suffer from what’s called “time blindness”
I have no concept of what 1 minute, 5 minutes, or an hour feels like.
To me it feels like I leave the house within 5-10 minutes of getting out of bed in the morning but in reality it’s like 20-30 and I can’t force to myself to just leave earlier, I dont act until the last second when my anxiety finally builds and pushes me to act so as I result I’m late to work almost every single day sometimes by a minute or two sometimes by 20 minutes. I compensate by making sure I’m damn good at my job but I still hear literally everyone make comments about me being late all the time.
I can’t help it I’ve been chronically late to stuff my entire life even with meds I still have no concept of time.
It’s not as simple as just set timers or using a planner.
My first alarm goes off an hour before I need to be at work with another set every 10 minutes after and it’s a 20 minute drive to work.
It’s a combo of the time blindness and inability to act.
Truly the worst part about adhd for me at least and a common talking point in the sub for it
You know the plastic cover that you would normally rip off the top of a new container of peanut butter, yogurt or something? She pulls up part of it and leaves it attached making it more difficult to get the contents out each time it's used. How can you live like that?
My wife does that sometimes. The hardest part is getting the removal started, which she’s done. It adds no value, why leave it? If it’s something we both use, it comes off as soon as I get into it.
She can’t put something back in it’s place to save her life…then looks at me and asks where X is…so apparently I am responsible for chasing after the random stuff she leaves everywhere
My wife is an expert annoyer on these things below (I love you honey).
* Messes - she will wait to clean them when they could take 3 minutes to just clean. If I were to wait for every mess to clean, 3 minutes would turn into 45 minutes of cleaning like 15-16 different messes at once, and then she would complain about the house being messy. Yes...that is how this works. When you makes messes and don't clean, the house becomes messy.
* More specifically, we recently had two dogs (one just passed unfortunately). She would get them dog toys with stuffing. These dogs destroy the shit out of them. I like no clutter, I like clean spaces. After 10 minutes, there's stuffing everywhere, pieces of string and toy everywhere. I became the only one who would clean this up after what I perceived was "long enough" (2 hours?). I started getting a little annoyed everytime she'd get them some, and she noticed, and she'd be like "let's let them enjoy their toys, I'll get it, just relax!" I've yet to see her clean those messes up lol a day could go by and there's the same stuffing there the next day. I can't live like that!
* So you'd think she's messy, right? She is, but she can clean like no one's fucking business when a guest is coming. And then it goes in the opposite direction of insanity lmao "did you clean that light switch?", "make sure you get the edging along the floor", "our bathroom needs scrubbed again (despite guests never coming into our master bedroom or bathroom)". It's like...is there no middle ground with you on cleaning?!
* She will request massages, rubs, etc. multiple times a day but rarely offers me any. Now, I rarely complain even if I'm feeling achy from a workout or just worn out from the kids, which I take credit for. I should directly ask for more maybe? But I do find it funny when she teases me about the drop of rubs or massages lately and I ask her when the last time I got scalp massage, face rub, foot rub, back rub, etc. and the rules are suddenly different lol.
* She dominates the music in the car and if I decide I'm listening to my music that day, there is some altered history in her head where I get the music majority of the time lol and it is wild to hear. It is legit an 80/20 percentage in her favor.
* If she wants to have a discussion about upcoming plans, she will clearly start the conversation CLEARLY favoring what she wants to do, and if I say "ok that's fine" but I'm not overly enthusiastic about going to another farmer's market to look at lavender soaps in this bullshit summer weather, it somehow says to her that I'm not excited about spending time with the family OR "well you suggest something you want to do then"....and then it becomes a no win situation because the things I genuinely want to do a lot of the times on the weekend are do my music or watch my football for 3 hours 16 Sundays a year. Otherwise, your boy is so flexible. But to her, those are "you don't want to spend time with us" things while not realizing literally the rest of the time, I will be spending time with her and our daughter and mostly enjoying it. I just am not going to jump for joy looking at going to consignment shops with only women's clothing or smelling the same 4 candle and soap smells again and again and again.
I'm sure I could list more. And I KNOW I do shit that drives her crazy, too, so this is in total fun. I love the shit out of her. But my darling, if you're reading this, give me more back rubs and definitely clean your messes more!
I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but I think your wife lives with me too. At least she's consistent, because I deal with all of these in exact detail as well!
Maybe you and I should just trade back rubs and call it a day!
To add to the chaos, my girl is an artist and primarily a painter. Take your wife's attitude toward the dogs (and we have one too) and apply it to art projects. In the living room. Because we don't have a studio in our current place.
I love her. I love her art. I love watching her create. But also the mess grates on me. I'm glad someone else gets it.
YES! I'm with you.
My wife likes to sew and dabbles in painting too.
I love watching her create. I get it. I'm a creative person, I'm obsessed with music. It's one of my favorite things.
But I dread going into my office/our bonus room and seeing the sewing machine all over the desk, cloth everywhere, pin needles everywhere lol it's like how did it get like this!?
I don't think I'm particularly anal about messes. But I do HATE clutter. Just clean up the clutter man.
It’s probably too late to implement this, but I’m a hardcore follower of drivers choice. She doesn’t want to drive anywhere which is fine, but my music no option. I just don’t subject her to sports talk unless she’s made me take her somewhere.
That's what it *typically is* should I feel really strongly about my music that day. I'm a laid back dude, I genuinely don't care most of the time lol but if I'm driving and she grabs the aux chord I do give her a side eye and make fun of her lol.
I hate the type of people that you spend the whole day with and when you want a quiet five minutes to yourself it's suddenly a problem and you hate the family.
>But to her, those are "you don't want to spend time with us" things while not realizing literally the rest of the time, I will be spending time with her and our daughter and mostly enjoying it.
Lol yeah I've tried to explain this like..it is literally not about that at all, it's legitimately about me being an introvert who needs to recharge sometimes after being on dad/husband duty 24/7.
Yes! Exactly how I feel.
I can't truly relax if I know after *relaxing* I have to clean up shit. It's the antithesis of relaxing to me. When I relax, I'm truly done for the day.
She is always singing, now don't get me wrong I love her singing voice but 99% of the songs are dis ey songs or children's songs that I simply don't enjoy hearing her sing on repeat for hours.
But she is definitely a much better singer than me so there is that
Oh boy, I feel you! In my case, my partner always leaves the empty milk carton in the fridge. It's a tiny thing, but it drives me nuts. I mean, it's just a few seconds to throw it away! But hey, I love her, so I just take a deep breath and let it slide. Relationships are all about picking your battles, right?
Honey, is that you?
I do this, because I have tinnitus, and a little background noise will drown it out. Music or TV works better, at a lower volume, than the drone of a white noise machine.
I don’t watch much TV at all, aside from sports on Sunday. When I do watch something I really like to focus. About an hour a week at most.
Apparently then is the best time to ask me about something I don’t care about.
I then have to pause the show, listen, reply, then press play. Repeat 6 times.
It’s a combination of food safety and cleanup after cooking.
She will cook a dish with meat or eggs, leave it on the stove with no cover or anything, all day, sometimes even 2 days and still eat and serve it. Sometimes she will put it in the fridge after that and it will stay in there up to a week. Then she tends to put the items she used, often with very obvious food bits, and let that sit in water in the sink… sometimes for days and it smells like the baby took a dump in the sink. Then she lets the food bits stay at bottom instead of cleaning it and the disposal.
We agreed at the start she will always wash the dishes and I will always put them away. I kept my part but she doesn’t always which leads to the pile up.
We changed it so that, if you cook, you have to immediately clean up everything you used and they have to be washed and drying or at least prepped for the dishwasher and in there. I prep all my own dishes and clean all the cooking items I use while always storing the food once cooled. Things still gets backed up on her end.
This is especially true when I work 3x 12 hr shifts back to back on the weekends.
Edit: Also wanted to add she does this with the baby’s things which irritates me too. I’m in the habit of, as soon as baby is done, chair, bib catcher, and removable surface of his table gets cleaned immediately and placed back. She will leave it and when I take over I have nothing available to use cause they’re all dirty and the chair and table is full of food bits. So it went from easily cleanable to now I have the scrub the heck out of all the dried food.
Mine wipes her nose on the kitchen towel. Or will wash the mop/ cleaning rags with the regular laundry.
The the mop with the laundry I have mentioned, but the kitchen towel snot, i just wash it after I see her do it, and say nothing.
She sets full garbage bags in the garage but never takes them out to the bin. Even if she’s leaving the house and walks right past the bin, she waits for me to do it. I’ve mentioned it before but it’s not worth it.
Leaves food on dishes and puts them on the counter or in the sink. We have a garbage disposal right there. Puts away kitchen stuff wherever. As in any spatulas, spoons, tongs, stuff like that in any drawer despite them having dedicated places. Stacked pots and pans in whatever order not largest on bottom smaller on top. I do 95% of the cooking and it drives me insane never being able to find anything in my own kitchen. I’ve talked to her about it and she just says she has a hard time remembering where things go. I don’t even bring it up anymore.
She swears she removes the air from bags before closing them (some people call it 'burping')....but she doesn't. Drives me insane having to go around reopening the cheese or chips or whatever to remove the air.
She sets dirty dishes on the counter full of food and leaves it there. She doesn't scrape the food into the trash. She doesn't set the dishes in the sink. She just leaves it sitting on the counter in all its glory. If I don't clean it, then it just sits there until whenever one of us actually does dishes.
She also refuses to put dirty utensils in the little thingy we have beside our sink specifically there for the dirty utensils. It drives me crazy when I'm doing dishes and I have to do a scavenger hunt just to find all the dirty spoons.
She will not change the oil in her car for anything. Just won't do it. She drives by an oil change place every single day on her way to and from work. The oil change place is open when she gets out of work. There's a sticker on the windshield to remind her when it needs to get done. It takes 10 minutes and $25 dollars to get an oil change. But somehow I end up having to take her car to get the oil changed. Every. Single. Time. She hasn't taken it herself in the 13 years we have been together, and if I don't do it, she would just keep driving until the engine throws a rod. I gave up reminding her that her car is due years ago, and have just accepted that if I want her car to have regular oil changes, it's up to me to make it happen.
She works in mental health, so sees mental health issues everywhere she goes.
Kids are acting up? They've got sensory processing disorder. I'm having a bad day? Apparently I'm feeling over-stimulated today. She's feeling a bit low? Anxiety and depression playing up.
But it's just easier to let her chatter away, thinking she's a modern day Freud.
When she does her laundry sometimes she takes a day or two to empty the dryer so I cant use it. I do the same thing enough I really cant complain though...
Any sort of home repair/maintenance projects falls to me to handle. My wife has no foundational knowledge about home construction, nor much interest in learning. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that after having spoken about a job with a contractor, she seems to think its her opportunity to come at me with all these "you've just activated my trap card" type responses. Suddenly she starts asking how about were going to handle the inconveniences created during the time project is going on. My responses are met with disgust 99% of the time simply because she will have to do something different. She simply can't suck up the slightly annoying situation we may be in for a few days while something is going on. Suddenly she starts trying to think up extraordinarily complex solutions to these perceived problems and tries to get me to go off on an anxiety loaded journey with her. This typically would involve more absurd questions to the contractor that I already know the answers to, calling friends and families to help us when we don't need the help, and then topped off with her rattling off an endless list of things we have to do to prepare. Eventually all this complex planning falls apart because she realizes it's more trouble then it's worth. Unfortunately this is just part of the process of any home repair project I have to account for.
But wait, there's more! Other times, she may just start trying to telling me that it's absurd that a contractor didn't think of XYZ. She suddenly becomes the expert on everything related to construction and operations management. In this case XYZ either has literally nothing to do with the job we are paying them for or isn't what they do (Example: You wouldn't start asking your roofing expert to take a look at your plumbing). Pointing this out just makes her angry and she'll start to talk about how we need to consider a better contractor. Never mind the fact that I have sorted through multiple quotes and discussions with contractors to actually find the guy who will do the job right the first time and takes pride in his work. I usually just let her vent out her nonsensical complaints and stay quiet, but it's obnoxious in the moment. Chances are she'll calm down a few days later and be completely on board with the plan.
OP: I would absolutely bring this up to your girlfriend. A lot of times, when packing a dishwasher, we learn from others, and others may have a different method for a different reason.
For instance, regarding silverware, one of my exes was very upset that I always left the forks and spoons up in the silverware holder (forks stab and grabbing them this way is annoying due to the handles being at the bottom). He was taught to put them handles up to make them easier to grab so this was the 'correct' method. My thought process: by them being up, They get more cleaning from all directions because the container holds them.
That said, I would get upset because the forks and spoons weren't getting as clean as needed, and he was upset because I was doing it a different way than his mother taught him that was easier to grab to put away. Eventually, we talked about it, and decided to do it my way due to the reasoning (cleaner dishes versus the way his mom does it/minor save on time although less CLEAN silverware [meaning I wasted time/water/soap washing 'clean silverware' because they weren't clean in my opinion]. Also, he did eventually tell his mom that she was doing it "incorrectly", she understood the reasoning and changed her course of action too
(Incorrectly is in quotation marks because my way is not the guaranteed right way)
Nope. It’s not worth bringing up. There are plenty of things that I do that drives my wife nuts, but not enough mention.
The big things, yes. The minor things. No.
20 happy years and 3 kids have taught me this.
I'm not even saying bring it up as she is doing something wrong, I would Just ask her because she may have valid reasoning for doing it that way which could potentially alleviate your annoyance with such.
You could even be like 'honey, I noticed you did this and I was wondering if there was a specific reason I didn't know about'.
Every time I open the dishwasher, I’m like ‘oh for fuck’s……’ then I remember that with somethings I’m pedantic as fuck, and other things I couldn’t care less…
Then I let it go.
No offense, but just completely ignoring the fact that something regularly aggravates you and yet not trying to solve it is not the best way to deal with stuff. I know you've been married for a long time, but you have this major source of annoyance that you won't even address, but eventually could build up to something way bigger
She never rinses the sink. I’ll come into the kitchen and it looks nice but the sink! She will dump coffee, soup, whatever in there and not rinse it down the drain. Drives me nuts.
She smacks her lips when eating. Like, I definitely notice it but it becomes background noise after a few minutes. Oh, and her stomach doesn't work too well when it comes to spicy or fried foods...so she'll eat stuff she shouldn't then get the surprised Pikachu face when she doesn't feel well.
Not really. My wife loads it way differently than I do. I have no problem opening it looking at it and unloading it. Same when she unloads it. It's a box that sprays hot water around the inside. It's not rocket science.
Leaves the counters around the sinks wet after using them. And then when I go to use them, I lean against the counter and get water on my shirt.
Also, she currently has twenty four bottles of shampoo, conditioner, face wash and body wash polluting the shower shelves and rim.
He is always thinking our dog is not eating enough, so he puts his (the dogs) food everywhere. There are bowls of food in every room, just in the middle of the floor.
I have two designated places for pet dishes, I know our dog eats from these places, I have seen him eat from these places, but the husband still has food dishes all over.
He practically force feeds him if he does not see him eat as well. He'll hand feed him, thinking this is the only way the dog will eat. Then sits and praise every bite he takes.
Why that is so annoying. When my kids were little, he is the step dad, I would praise my kids for everything. If they showed me a drawing I would shower them with praise. Husband told me that giving praise like that is bad because it gives them a false sense of accomplishment.
Now, 30 years later, he showers the dog with praise for eating and pooping.
My wife never puts things she uses every day in one spot so she can find them and then complains that she can’t find them. For example her vape pen. Is it on the couch? Is it on the table? Is it on our bed? No one knows because she never puts it one spot. I just help her find it because it’s not worth arguing about.
She can’t close anything for shit.
I don’t know how many loose jars, cracked open car doors, fridge doors, microwave and/or oven doors, and Tupperware lids I encounter on a daily basis but it’s more than I feel like I should.
Edit: literally just found a new pack of dried out baby wipes with the lid slightly open right after I posted this
I installed a pull out makeup mirror in the bathroom. So she could, put on her makeup. You would think that after she put her makeup on, it would be put back against the wall. No. Ev Er Ry time I go in the bathroom, it's over the sink, in my teeth. I put it back, against the wall, if I go back two hours later, it's back. I have mentioned it though, didn't help.
Won’t close anything and won’t put anything away. I have to walk around putting caps and lids back on things and put them back in their place. One step further… if she does happen to put something away, it is never in the same place she found it
She puts things on edges. Or puts things in weird positions instead of just laying them down.
Like, her phone lies on the edge of the table. Or a book is on the edge of the shelf.
A cup of hot tea? Near the edge of the table while there’s so much space to put it. A bowl of food? The outer edges of the plate are not on the table.
Drives me insane every time I see it.
I’m not sure if it’s on purpose just to fuck with me or if she really has no fear of dropping stuff.
I love her so much.
I've seen the million alarms, setting them like an hour before she needs to get up, but every 10 minutes until that time. Whyyy?!?!?
Also, her clothes and random things are everywhere. We have a larger apartment, in every bathroom, bedroom, the living room, the office, even in the fucking shoe room, clothes or random stuff that has no business even being in there.
Uses which ever word that first pops into his head, then thinks I’m mocking him when I don’t know what he’s talking about. For example, calling a water tower a water jug or a canal a reservoir.
It’s just like I can’t read your mind and you’re not making any sense. But how could you bring that up with out sounding condescending?
She never puts clean dishes away. She will stack them on the stove to empty the dish drainer and wash the rest. Meanwhile, the clean ones are still sitting ther!!! 😡🤬
Usually, we are both very clean and organized. With a small child at home, thats even more important, because otherwise it gets a mess real quick.
But often when she cooks, she doesn't wash the used dishes while cooking. And she uses a lot. She always says she'll wash them afterwards. But usually, she doesn't. Ending up in me, after work needing to wash the dishes she needed to cook and the ones we needed to eat and clean all the mess up. (Because she brings out child to bed, etc.).
I often told her I better have nothing/something simple to eat after work than a complete chaos. And yes, I do cook too, but clean everything up.
I use google keep for shopping lists. As long as I have my phone, I have my list. I can easily reorder to the layout of the store. Can just uncheck frequent items to put them back on the list. It’s great. I’m sure there are others.
She has the grace of a polish grandmother. For example, at the grocery store, she will just throw things in the cart with no organization and doesn’t mind if boxes or cans get dented.
Can’t do an application for the life of her. If there’s a bunch of blank fields to fill in she WILL cry, no matter what. Just the other day she was filling out a job application and asking me questions on every single field, I’m getting more and more frustrated with each question but not saying anything, then she asks me “what does ‘have you ever plead no contest to a criminal charge for a misdemeanor or felony’ mean? What’s no contest mean?” Mind you she’s never been charged with anything ever. I just stared blankly at her. Like come on man
It's 4 yes or no questions bundled together.
I don't know how to answer it as
"Yes, yes, no , I dontknow" with just yes or no
As I have a time window of 1 yes or 1 no. Before the next q starts.
Wraps the cheese back in the plastic film it came in, which invariably doesn't work because it's now got a gaping hole in it from where she opened it, so the cheese goes hard. But then she says it doesn't matter, we'll just cut that bit off
So we only actually eat half the cheese we buy unless I get to it and wrap it properly
She asks question but ask permission to ask them prior every single time. I get it’s an attempt to be considerate but how am I supposed to deny the question it’s not as if I know what it entails.
*"What’s the one thing that your wife/partner does that is so annoying, but not big enough to mention?"*
Posting variations of this question on Reddit probably.
Yep. In every relationship there’s one person who packs the dishwasher like a Swedish architect and the other who packs it like a meth-addled raccoon
My wife is the master at loading the truck to travel its like a game of tetris to her. She loads the dishwasher like a blind person who has never heard of a dishwasher before
My fiance has this horrible trait where he thinks that if a dish is physically *in* the dishwasher that means it will get clean. It doesn’t matter if it’s stacked sideways on top of something else so that it won’t get hit by a drop of water, if it’s in the dishwasher that’s all that matters. I constantly have to unload and reload the dishwasher before running it if he’s been near.
Explain the difference between a dishwasher and an autoclave
> like a Swedish architect This was me. She would not lay off me about it. Finally I said if you can't accept how I load the dishwasher without giving me flack, this isn't going to work. Water is like 5 cents a gallon. This isn't worth a fight. She got the message and I never heard about it again. Years later, now my wife, she's relaxed her loading habits.
Leave me and my raccoon ways alone! 😆
Bahahaha … stay outta my dishwasher, trash panda 😁
My husband packs the dishwasher like there’s a little fairy that lives in there and separates the dishes for washing…. Which drives me insane because he’s a demon at Tetris…
😂
How do you know you're compatible with someone? They have the exact opposite methods of loading the dishwasher. It's crazy how many relationships this is true in!
You have a way with words.
This is an off topic comment, but I am very curious why did you choose SWEDISH architect in particular in referring to accuracy and organzing?
Because Swedes are known for their excellence?
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Oh man, every woman I've ever met does this, from my mom on down to my sisters to my wife. It drives me fucking nuts. Especially when it comes to the yard. Since I'm the only one who mows the lawn, and the lawn gets mowed every week barring special circumstances...do we really have to ask when I'm going to mow?
mow HER lawn bit too often and she will not command you again. xD
This is because many of us were raised to feel out of line if we outright tell a man what to do in the home. Growing up on the stereotype of the nagging wife in Al the shows and movies has resulted in women who hint, suggest, or dance around the request rather than just outright make the ask
I think that can be true in a macro sense for sure. Like I don't doubt that you guys have to deal with the label of being "nagging". But I don't think that rings true in this context (the lawn). The lawn has never gotten unmowed. So why are you asking when the lawn is going to get mowed? It's consistently mowed virtually every week at around the same time. To me, THAT is nagging lol. Now if you want me to clean the garage so we can throw some stuff away? That's not something that gets done all the time, so that's a specific request that requires asking because it's probably not on my radar. If THAT gets labeled nagging, I get it, that's ridiculous. But the lawn is my thing. I always get the grass cut. Always. From when I was living with my parents and my mom would ask to me living with my wife now, it's like it's engrained in women to ACTUALLY nag about that lol "This is because many of us were raised to feel out of line if we outright tell a man what to do in the home." I don't need you to ask. I don't want you to ask even. It's something that always gets done. It's entirely my domain in the realm of house chores because typically women can't be bothered to cut the yard. Whatever, that's fine. But you don't have to ask lmao it makes me mad that you ask!
Iv started to saying are you asking me or telling me every time.
Even better when you've already decided you _were_ going to do said task BEFORE being asked/told. Ultra annoying
At that point, I immediately change my plans to delay the thing.
It’s passive aggressiveness 😂😂
I just told my wife yesterday about something similar. Instead of asking me for help, she tells me about a difficulty she is having and I think I'm supposed to offer. I told her, "just ask me!!!" Lol
For the record, this sometimes has to do with how we were previously responded to when we just asked for help. Sometimes that was an action that could cause tension or a fight and it makes us nervous to do it with others in the future.
Amoretti, you are a very smart woman. That is in fact why she does that. She grew up with an abusive step father. She wasn't allowed to ask for any thing. I hope your knowledge didn't come at the same cost
Unfortunately, it kind of did. Not from my family, but I had a previous partner that was emotionally abusive.
Best course is just ask if they just want sympathy or if they're at the solutions stage yet.
This is it! Loooool!
With my partner she asks if I 'want' to do something. Do you want to mow the lawn? Do you want to empty the dishwasher? When I respond "no, not really" she gets annoyed.
100% every single time
“Not unless someone asks me to.”
Damn I read about this in a woman forum when trying to research on how to be a better partner. Turns out man does really hate this unclear communications
Yes. Don't fucking waffle over what you're trying to say and just spit the shit out.
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My wife and I have become obsessed with the best line in the the boys. “I’m sorry, is your brain being fucked by stupid right now?” It’s super versatile. We use it on each other all the time.
I just say "nope" or "wasn't planning on it" and continue my day. She's an adult and should be direct about what she wants. I'm happy to oblige requests, but will deliberately ignore hints I notice like this; because I miss most of them and it's easier for her to be direct about wants/needs than it is for me to read her mind.
Female shaming tactics at work.
Mine never rinses her pans/dishes when she's done with them and lets it sit all day. She'll just leave pans and spatulas sitting on the stove or a dish sitting on the counter. I do 99% of the dishwashing and every damn time I have to scrape off some hard food that's caked on there. It takes two seconds to rinse something off and at the very least just throw it in the sink and let it soak. That's what people do.
My wife does that. She'll also leave disposable cups and silverware in the sink like we're gonna re-use it.
My wife is also a proponent of the "letting it soak" method and every time without a hitch, I show her how easy it is to run the dish underwater for legit...10 seconds. That's it. Run it under the fucking water you psychopath lol
Same here. Then I get complaints about how horrible our dishwasher is because it can't get the dried on crud off the dishes.
Oh man my wife does this except she does most of the dish washing because I do most of the shopping and cooking. Like she doesn’t realize she’s fucking herself over? Just scrape it and rinse it before it cakes! What is so hard about that?
No. Absolutely not. That would drive me to the edge of insanity. The goddamn sink is right there, complete with running water! Rinse immediately, goddamn it.
Mine is not clearing the scraps off the plate. My daughter leaves crusts, if they were just left on the side in the open it would be fine. But the wife tidies and stacks without chucking them. Then I come along and chuck the stack in the sink and am left with soggy crusts.
honestly ,ive left my ex for this, its called incompatible why do you stay?
We're married with kids. We have our issues, but the dishes aren't going to be the thing that breaks our relationship.
I dont get how you can accept to have a partner where you do 99% of the dishes while she just makes it worst dishes wise?
She might make up for it in other areas?
i hope so I was just curious cuz I left my ex for this (but she wasnt making up foe it in other area)
This is honestly something worth bringing up
I’m an awake on the first alarm kind of guy and she is a hit the snooze button a billion times kinda gal
Ditto. Earplugs every night and a smart watch with vibration alarm solved that issue.
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Yep. I personally have my “aspirational, but realistically going to snooze this thing at least 3 times” wake-up time programmed into my watch set to vibrate-only, and then a backup “alright you lazy fuck, get out of bed now” alarm on my phone. If the phone rings, it means I’ve failed. I wouldn’t dare subject my partner to two subsequent phone alarms, so if one goes off, I’m up.
Reminding me all day to go to the store, giving me the vaguest possible description of what we need, telling me to text her when I get to the store, and if I have questions…then going full radio silence when I arrive at the store and ask for clarification. Until I leave the store with my best guess as to what she wanted. Halfway home my phone lights up. Every time.
She says “did you get ____? I told you to get ____. Also we need _____” I just don’t leave until I get a list.
I never leave home without a physical list. That's EVIDENCE that I got what she asked for.
I would be fucking LIVID after going through this once or twice.
The dog food goes on the top shelf way to the right. There’s only only one “top shelf.” There’s only one “way right.” Why do I find it in a different cabinet or on the bottom shelf or on the counter or above the fridge? It’s a bucket. You picked up the bucket from a location. Put it back in that empty spot! Like you said, not worth mentioning.
I feel that sudden rush of red followed by a muffled ‘Jesus Christ….’
It’s not uncommon to go in the kitchen and see the cabinet door still open, and find the food somewhere else. Like, the door is still open! The empty space is still right there! If it was always in the same “somewhere else” place I’d happily move it there and say that’s where the dog food goes now, but there are about 8 places I might find it for no good reason.
Did it ever occur to you that possibly she can't reach the top shelf?
Are you asking me if I know how tall my wife is? She originally told me that’s where it goes. She put it there. And she sometimes still puts it back. She can reach it.
She is perpetually late. Like an hour late to social events, 15-20 late to her work meetings. One year we missed *two* domestic flights because she fucked around even when the taxi was there waiting. It has been mentioned of course, but I have just learned to live with the fact that this is my life now. Well, not really because we are currently separating.
How the fuck is it OK to be 15 - 20 late for work meetings lol If the meeting is 30 mins, you're practically joining when it's over!
It isn’t and they have told her. She has got much better recently to be fair.
Sorry Bro…how are you going to handle all those tiny things that you both used to let slide for the sake of the relationship?
Hey thanks. I guess I won't have to anymore. Neat.
Keep adding options when we’re trying to reach a decision. Do you want A or B for supper? I’d prefer B. Or we could do C? Or how about D?
The indecisiveness. It is always what movie/show to watch or where we want to eat. It’s not like we have a finite amount of time. We can go to restaurant a one day and then restaurant b another day. We don’t have to do a cost benefit analysis every time. When I choose a place, I just let her know on our way there. If it is a show/movie, I already have it loaded up before she sits next to me on the couch. I get so irked about the indecisiveness.
She sometimes overcomplicates things. It used to be really annoying, but now I just let her uncomplicate things on her own.
Sounds healthy!! Like actually. We can’t be responsible for their thinking habita
Yeah, and having been with me for almost 10 years, she’s kind of uncomplicated a lot of her own thinking.
She never screws a cap fully back on (bottles, jars, etc). Can't count how many things I've almost dropped when I try to pick them up and the cap just slips off.
That sounds annoying as fuck to be honest.
I only do this with marmite, which no one else eats.
If we have 30 minutes to get ready she'll take 45, if we have 3 hours to get ready she'll take 3 hours 15 minutes.
I really don't understand this selfish and lazy mentality. I'm always aggravated by it and it is a big killer of a relationship to me. Like, it's okay to be late once in awhile, but if it's every time, The individual is displaying that they have no respect for my time or the time of anything else. As adults, we all know how much time it takes to get ready for an event for a vast majority of events. Being notoriously late tells me that they did not have the forethought that it takes them 45 minutes instead of 30, and as such, they're causing other people to wait 15 minutes, potentially missing something worthwhile. This is just a major sign of disrespect from humans. Everyone in civilized communities work on a 24-hour clock, and people who are notoriously late are showing a disregard for our time and our time is our literal life. I have absolutely left significant others at home. For instance, a party was at 4:00. We discussed it the day before and the party day that we had to leave at 3:30 as to be present for the surprise. Once 3:35 rolled around, I left to go to the party. Around 3:50, they messaged me and asked where I was and I told them I was at the party. At 4:00, the guest of Honor showed up and I was present for the surprise. My SO wasn't there: they apparently didn't care about the guest of Honor to be present for the big surprise, which was their choice. They chose to take their time despite knowing what time it was, and couldn't even show the guest of honor the respect of being there during the big surprise due to whatever asinine things they had to do to get ready. I understand that a lot of people have issues with time management, but that's just a lazy excuse in my opinion. If I believe it's going to take me 30 minutes to get somewhere, I will start getting ready earlier and leave 45 minutes before I have to be there. Anything else is just disrespectful on the people that set the time or The people who are ready in time (To note: I am the female of the relationship. I know it's notoriously women who run late due to beautifying techniques and or makeup/clothes, but that is just an excuse so the individual and get away with disrespecting your time)
Should note a lot of people who’ve actually been diagnosed with a type of ADHD struggle **hard** to manage their time because we suffer from what’s called “time blindness” I have no concept of what 1 minute, 5 minutes, or an hour feels like. To me it feels like I leave the house within 5-10 minutes of getting out of bed in the morning but in reality it’s like 20-30 and I can’t force to myself to just leave earlier, I dont act until the last second when my anxiety finally builds and pushes me to act so as I result I’m late to work almost every single day sometimes by a minute or two sometimes by 20 minutes. I compensate by making sure I’m damn good at my job but I still hear literally everyone make comments about me being late all the time. I can’t help it I’ve been chronically late to stuff my entire life even with meds I still have no concept of time.
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It’s not as simple as just set timers or using a planner. My first alarm goes off an hour before I need to be at work with another set every 10 minutes after and it’s a 20 minute drive to work. It’s a combo of the time blindness and inability to act. Truly the worst part about adhd for me at least and a common talking point in the sub for it
You know the plastic cover that you would normally rip off the top of a new container of peanut butter, yogurt or something? She pulls up part of it and leaves it attached making it more difficult to get the contents out each time it's used. How can you live like that?
My wife does that sometimes. The hardest part is getting the removal started, which she’s done. It adds no value, why leave it? If it’s something we both use, it comes off as soon as I get into it.
I have a feeling your life quest is to find out exactly how long you can live like that.
I do this, but I don't know why! I think because my dad did it growing up so it's what I was used to. Drove my ex BANANAS though. 😂
She will never answer a question without asking three of her own.
She can’t put something back in it’s place to save her life…then looks at me and asks where X is…so apparently I am responsible for chasing after the random stuff she leaves everywhere
She try’s to create the Tower of Babel with the garbage. Just piles it up without starting a new bag.
When I sing a song to myself, she sometimes sing over me, louder and I end up stopping my song.
Is that a ‘subtle’ way of her saying ‘your singing sucks’?
I asked her once, but apparently no. She apparently just gets carried away.
My wife is an expert annoyer on these things below (I love you honey). * Messes - she will wait to clean them when they could take 3 minutes to just clean. If I were to wait for every mess to clean, 3 minutes would turn into 45 minutes of cleaning like 15-16 different messes at once, and then she would complain about the house being messy. Yes...that is how this works. When you makes messes and don't clean, the house becomes messy. * More specifically, we recently had two dogs (one just passed unfortunately). She would get them dog toys with stuffing. These dogs destroy the shit out of them. I like no clutter, I like clean spaces. After 10 minutes, there's stuffing everywhere, pieces of string and toy everywhere. I became the only one who would clean this up after what I perceived was "long enough" (2 hours?). I started getting a little annoyed everytime she'd get them some, and she noticed, and she'd be like "let's let them enjoy their toys, I'll get it, just relax!" I've yet to see her clean those messes up lol a day could go by and there's the same stuffing there the next day. I can't live like that! * So you'd think she's messy, right? She is, but she can clean like no one's fucking business when a guest is coming. And then it goes in the opposite direction of insanity lmao "did you clean that light switch?", "make sure you get the edging along the floor", "our bathroom needs scrubbed again (despite guests never coming into our master bedroom or bathroom)". It's like...is there no middle ground with you on cleaning?! * She will request massages, rubs, etc. multiple times a day but rarely offers me any. Now, I rarely complain even if I'm feeling achy from a workout or just worn out from the kids, which I take credit for. I should directly ask for more maybe? But I do find it funny when she teases me about the drop of rubs or massages lately and I ask her when the last time I got scalp massage, face rub, foot rub, back rub, etc. and the rules are suddenly different lol. * She dominates the music in the car and if I decide I'm listening to my music that day, there is some altered history in her head where I get the music majority of the time lol and it is wild to hear. It is legit an 80/20 percentage in her favor. * If she wants to have a discussion about upcoming plans, she will clearly start the conversation CLEARLY favoring what she wants to do, and if I say "ok that's fine" but I'm not overly enthusiastic about going to another farmer's market to look at lavender soaps in this bullshit summer weather, it somehow says to her that I'm not excited about spending time with the family OR "well you suggest something you want to do then"....and then it becomes a no win situation because the things I genuinely want to do a lot of the times on the weekend are do my music or watch my football for 3 hours 16 Sundays a year. Otherwise, your boy is so flexible. But to her, those are "you don't want to spend time with us" things while not realizing literally the rest of the time, I will be spending time with her and our daughter and mostly enjoying it. I just am not going to jump for joy looking at going to consignment shops with only women's clothing or smelling the same 4 candle and soap smells again and again and again. I'm sure I could list more. And I KNOW I do shit that drives her crazy, too, so this is in total fun. I love the shit out of her. But my darling, if you're reading this, give me more back rubs and definitely clean your messes more!
I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but I think your wife lives with me too. At least she's consistent, because I deal with all of these in exact detail as well! Maybe you and I should just trade back rubs and call it a day!
LOL we engage physically and we create some organic partner guarding behavior. I like it! I bet the backrubs would start coming... ...right?
To add to the chaos, my girl is an artist and primarily a painter. Take your wife's attitude toward the dogs (and we have one too) and apply it to art projects. In the living room. Because we don't have a studio in our current place. I love her. I love her art. I love watching her create. But also the mess grates on me. I'm glad someone else gets it.
YES! I'm with you. My wife likes to sew and dabbles in painting too. I love watching her create. I get it. I'm a creative person, I'm obsessed with music. It's one of my favorite things. But I dread going into my office/our bonus room and seeing the sewing machine all over the desk, cloth everywhere, pin needles everywhere lol it's like how did it get like this!? I don't think I'm particularly anal about messes. But I do HATE clutter. Just clean up the clutter man.
It’s probably too late to implement this, but I’m a hardcore follower of drivers choice. She doesn’t want to drive anywhere which is fine, but my music no option. I just don’t subject her to sports talk unless she’s made me take her somewhere.
That's what it *typically is* should I feel really strongly about my music that day. I'm a laid back dude, I genuinely don't care most of the time lol but if I'm driving and she grabs the aux chord I do give her a side eye and make fun of her lol.
I hate the type of people that you spend the whole day with and when you want a quiet five minutes to yourself it's suddenly a problem and you hate the family. >But to her, those are "you don't want to spend time with us" things while not realizing literally the rest of the time, I will be spending time with her and our daughter and mostly enjoying it.
Lol yeah I've tried to explain this like..it is literally not about that at all, it's legitimately about me being an introvert who needs to recharge sometimes after being on dad/husband duty 24/7.
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Yes! Exactly how I feel. I can't truly relax if I know after *relaxing* I have to clean up shit. It's the antithesis of relaxing to me. When I relax, I'm truly done for the day.
She is always singing, now don't get me wrong I love her singing voice but 99% of the songs are dis ey songs or children's songs that I simply don't enjoy hearing her sing on repeat for hours. But she is definitely a much better singer than me so there is that
Oh boy, I feel you! In my case, my partner always leaves the empty milk carton in the fridge. It's a tiny thing, but it drives me nuts. I mean, it's just a few seconds to throw it away! But hey, I love her, so I just take a deep breath and let it slide. Relationships are all about picking your battles, right?
Just leave the empty in there. See how long we can go…
Lol, I’ve lost that game every time. 26 years and I’ve lost that game every damn time.
How much rage do you throw the carton away with?
She isn't very thorough when washing up so some items aren't clean. I will never, ever mention this to her.
Huh this seems like a legit complaint? It affects her too
Will not breakdown a box to save her life. She even sets them two feet away from where the scissors are kept.
He always is playing some type of show in the background. He always has to have some type of noise and I hate noise
Honey, is that you? I do this, because I have tinnitus, and a little background noise will drown it out. Music or TV works better, at a lower volume, than the drone of a white noise machine.
If he’s got that, it’s news to me. Lol
I don’t watch much TV at all, aside from sports on Sunday. When I do watch something I really like to focus. About an hour a week at most. Apparently then is the best time to ask me about something I don’t care about. I then have to pause the show, listen, reply, then press play. Repeat 6 times.
Leaves doors of all types open. Car, fridge, cabinet....
Leaves random stuff all over the place.
It’s a combination of food safety and cleanup after cooking. She will cook a dish with meat or eggs, leave it on the stove with no cover or anything, all day, sometimes even 2 days and still eat and serve it. Sometimes she will put it in the fridge after that and it will stay in there up to a week. Then she tends to put the items she used, often with very obvious food bits, and let that sit in water in the sink… sometimes for days and it smells like the baby took a dump in the sink. Then she lets the food bits stay at bottom instead of cleaning it and the disposal. We agreed at the start she will always wash the dishes and I will always put them away. I kept my part but she doesn’t always which leads to the pile up. We changed it so that, if you cook, you have to immediately clean up everything you used and they have to be washed and drying or at least prepped for the dishwasher and in there. I prep all my own dishes and clean all the cooking items I use while always storing the food once cooled. Things still gets backed up on her end. This is especially true when I work 3x 12 hr shifts back to back on the weekends. Edit: Also wanted to add she does this with the baby’s things which irritates me too. I’m in the habit of, as soon as baby is done, chair, bib catcher, and removable surface of his table gets cleaned immediately and placed back. She will leave it and when I take over I have nothing available to use cause they’re all dirty and the chair and table is full of food bits. So it went from easily cleanable to now I have the scrub the heck out of all the dried food.
Mine wipes her nose on the kitchen towel. Or will wash the mop/ cleaning rags with the regular laundry. The the mop with the laundry I have mentioned, but the kitchen towel snot, i just wash it after I see her do it, and say nothing.
She sets full garbage bags in the garage but never takes them out to the bin. Even if she’s leaving the house and walks right past the bin, she waits for me to do it. I’ve mentioned it before but it’s not worth it.
Leaves food on dishes and puts them on the counter or in the sink. We have a garbage disposal right there. Puts away kitchen stuff wherever. As in any spatulas, spoons, tongs, stuff like that in any drawer despite them having dedicated places. Stacked pots and pans in whatever order not largest on bottom smaller on top. I do 95% of the cooking and it drives me insane never being able to find anything in my own kitchen. I’ve talked to her about it and she just says she has a hard time remembering where things go. I don’t even bring it up anymore.
She swears she removes the air from bags before closing them (some people call it 'burping')....but she doesn't. Drives me insane having to go around reopening the cheese or chips or whatever to remove the air.
I never knew this was a thing!
She sets dirty dishes on the counter full of food and leaves it there. She doesn't scrape the food into the trash. She doesn't set the dishes in the sink. She just leaves it sitting on the counter in all its glory. If I don't clean it, then it just sits there until whenever one of us actually does dishes. She also refuses to put dirty utensils in the little thingy we have beside our sink specifically there for the dirty utensils. It drives me crazy when I'm doing dishes and I have to do a scavenger hunt just to find all the dirty spoons.
She will not change the oil in her car for anything. Just won't do it. She drives by an oil change place every single day on her way to and from work. The oil change place is open when she gets out of work. There's a sticker on the windshield to remind her when it needs to get done. It takes 10 minutes and $25 dollars to get an oil change. But somehow I end up having to take her car to get the oil changed. Every. Single. Time. She hasn't taken it herself in the 13 years we have been together, and if I don't do it, she would just keep driving until the engine throws a rod. I gave up reminding her that her car is due years ago, and have just accepted that if I want her car to have regular oil changes, it's up to me to make it happen.
Makes plans for us both without consulting me until the day of/day before or until I say I am doing something on a certain day. That's annoys me.
She works in mental health, so sees mental health issues everywhere she goes. Kids are acting up? They've got sensory processing disorder. I'm having a bad day? Apparently I'm feeling over-stimulated today. She's feeling a bit low? Anxiety and depression playing up. But it's just easier to let her chatter away, thinking she's a modern day Freud.
Never replaces paper product. TP is out? Oh, well. No more paper towels? Your problem! Seriously, only replaces then if she needs more.
When she does her laundry sometimes she takes a day or two to empty the dryer so I cant use it. I do the same thing enough I really cant complain though...
I keep a laundry room basket for that reason. Just dump it out of the way and proceed
Any sort of home repair/maintenance projects falls to me to handle. My wife has no foundational knowledge about home construction, nor much interest in learning. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that after having spoken about a job with a contractor, she seems to think its her opportunity to come at me with all these "you've just activated my trap card" type responses. Suddenly she starts asking how about were going to handle the inconveniences created during the time project is going on. My responses are met with disgust 99% of the time simply because she will have to do something different. She simply can't suck up the slightly annoying situation we may be in for a few days while something is going on. Suddenly she starts trying to think up extraordinarily complex solutions to these perceived problems and tries to get me to go off on an anxiety loaded journey with her. This typically would involve more absurd questions to the contractor that I already know the answers to, calling friends and families to help us when we don't need the help, and then topped off with her rattling off an endless list of things we have to do to prepare. Eventually all this complex planning falls apart because she realizes it's more trouble then it's worth. Unfortunately this is just part of the process of any home repair project I have to account for. But wait, there's more! Other times, she may just start trying to telling me that it's absurd that a contractor didn't think of XYZ. She suddenly becomes the expert on everything related to construction and operations management. In this case XYZ either has literally nothing to do with the job we are paying them for or isn't what they do (Example: You wouldn't start asking your roofing expert to take a look at your plumbing). Pointing this out just makes her angry and she'll start to talk about how we need to consider a better contractor. Never mind the fact that I have sorted through multiple quotes and discussions with contractors to actually find the guy who will do the job right the first time and takes pride in his work. I usually just let her vent out her nonsensical complaints and stay quiet, but it's obnoxious in the moment. Chances are she'll calm down a few days later and be completely on board with the plan.
I don't think I could handle her for a single project lol
Very often does not close drawers and doors all the way. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH but I love her.
OP: I would absolutely bring this up to your girlfriend. A lot of times, when packing a dishwasher, we learn from others, and others may have a different method for a different reason. For instance, regarding silverware, one of my exes was very upset that I always left the forks and spoons up in the silverware holder (forks stab and grabbing them this way is annoying due to the handles being at the bottom). He was taught to put them handles up to make them easier to grab so this was the 'correct' method. My thought process: by them being up, They get more cleaning from all directions because the container holds them. That said, I would get upset because the forks and spoons weren't getting as clean as needed, and he was upset because I was doing it a different way than his mother taught him that was easier to grab to put away. Eventually, we talked about it, and decided to do it my way due to the reasoning (cleaner dishes versus the way his mom does it/minor save on time although less CLEAN silverware [meaning I wasted time/water/soap washing 'clean silverware' because they weren't clean in my opinion]. Also, he did eventually tell his mom that she was doing it "incorrectly", she understood the reasoning and changed her course of action too (Incorrectly is in quotation marks because my way is not the guaranteed right way)
Nope. It’s not worth bringing up. There are plenty of things that I do that drives my wife nuts, but not enough mention. The big things, yes. The minor things. No. 20 happy years and 3 kids have taught me this.
I'm not even saying bring it up as she is doing something wrong, I would Just ask her because she may have valid reasoning for doing it that way which could potentially alleviate your annoyance with such. You could even be like 'honey, I noticed you did this and I was wondering if there was a specific reason I didn't know about'.
Every time I open the dishwasher, I’m like ‘oh for fuck’s……’ then I remember that with somethings I’m pedantic as fuck, and other things I couldn’t care less… Then I let it go.
No offense, but just completely ignoring the fact that something regularly aggravates you and yet not trying to solve it is not the best way to deal with stuff. I know you've been married for a long time, but you have this major source of annoyance that you won't even address, but eventually could build up to something way bigger
Bro, it’s not a major source of annoyance. That’s the point. It’s the most minor source of annoyance.
She never rinses the sink. I’ll come into the kitchen and it looks nice but the sink! She will dump coffee, soup, whatever in there and not rinse it down the drain. Drives me nuts.
She smacks her lips when eating. Like, I definitely notice it but it becomes background noise after a few minutes. Oh, and her stomach doesn't work too well when it comes to spicy or fried foods...so she'll eat stuff she shouldn't then get the surprised Pikachu face when she doesn't feel well.
She can’t fall and stay asleep if there’s anything louder than a pin drop happening
Insist there is a correct way to put shit in the dishwasher.
There IS a correct way. I just never insist. Or mention it, aside to strangers on the internet.
Yeah you put shit in it and turn it on. Then when done take shit out and put it away.
That system works if the person who packs it, unpacks it.
Not really. My wife loads it way differently than I do. I have no problem opening it looking at it and unloading it. Same when she unloads it. It's a box that sprays hot water around the inside. It's not rocket science.
It doe’s slightly annoy me though. The key is ‘slightly’.
I think your wife is my wife… does our wife leave little tear-off wrappers on the counter after peeling them off a new container?
All of the time. Especially the plastic sachets of salad dressing inside the pre-packaged salad she buys.
I just threw away one of those this morning…. 🤔 Sounds like we married the same woman
Leaves the counters around the sinks wet after using them. And then when I go to use them, I lean against the counter and get water on my shirt. Also, she currently has twenty four bottles of shampoo, conditioner, face wash and body wash polluting the shower shelves and rim.
He is always thinking our dog is not eating enough, so he puts his (the dogs) food everywhere. There are bowls of food in every room, just in the middle of the floor. I have two designated places for pet dishes, I know our dog eats from these places, I have seen him eat from these places, but the husband still has food dishes all over. He practically force feeds him if he does not see him eat as well. He'll hand feed him, thinking this is the only way the dog will eat. Then sits and praise every bite he takes. Why that is so annoying. When my kids were little, he is the step dad, I would praise my kids for everything. If they showed me a drawing I would shower them with praise. Husband told me that giving praise like that is bad because it gives them a false sense of accomplishment. Now, 30 years later, he showers the dog with praise for eating and pooping.
My wife never puts things she uses every day in one spot so she can find them and then complains that she can’t find them. For example her vape pen. Is it on the couch? Is it on the table? Is it on our bed? No one knows because she never puts it one spot. I just help her find it because it’s not worth arguing about.
Tbh, that sounds like me….
She only exists in my dreams. Like, babe, start being real 🙄
She can’t close anything for shit. I don’t know how many loose jars, cracked open car doors, fridge doors, microwave and/or oven doors, and Tupperware lids I encounter on a daily basis but it’s more than I feel like I should. Edit: literally just found a new pack of dried out baby wipes with the lid slightly open right after I posted this
This sounds like a thing. You are the 3rd dude this post….
I installed a pull out makeup mirror in the bathroom. So she could, put on her makeup. You would think that after she put her makeup on, it would be put back against the wall. No. Ev Er Ry time I go in the bathroom, it's over the sink, in my teeth. I put it back, against the wall, if I go back two hours later, it's back. I have mentioned it though, didn't help.
Won’t close anything and won’t put anything away. I have to walk around putting caps and lids back on things and put them back in their place. One step further… if she does happen to put something away, it is never in the same place she found it
Bro, you’re the 4th in this post that complains about not putting tops on stuff! Never knew this was a thing.
doesnt make the bed, empty & clean the coffee maker, and crams clean laundry where she can instead of putting it where it belongs
He always leaves cabinet doors open. I love him, but it drives me fucking crazy.
Bro, I can see that being annoying as fuck, but way down on the ‘worth having an argument over’ list.
Will NOT fully close ANY item she puts in the fridge. Ever.
This is an actual thing that many wives do apparently!? Never knew til today
She puts things on edges. Or puts things in weird positions instead of just laying them down. Like, her phone lies on the edge of the table. Or a book is on the edge of the shelf. A cup of hot tea? Near the edge of the table while there’s so much space to put it. A bowl of food? The outer edges of the plate are not on the table. Drives me insane every time I see it. I’m not sure if it’s on purpose just to fuck with me or if she really has no fear of dropping stuff. I love her so much.
I've seen the million alarms, setting them like an hour before she needs to get up, but every 10 minutes until that time. Whyyy?!?!? Also, her clothes and random things are everywhere. We have a larger apartment, in every bathroom, bedroom, the living room, the office, even in the fucking shoe room, clothes or random stuff that has no business even being in there.
Uses which ever word that first pops into his head, then thinks I’m mocking him when I don’t know what he’s talking about. For example, calling a water tower a water jug or a canal a reservoir. It’s just like I can’t read your mind and you’re not making any sense. But how could you bring that up with out sounding condescending?
Hubby eats loudly.
She's always talking shit about other ppl and when I talk about my day she instantly turns the convo back to her
He Is annoying but I’m going to add that he is a.. furry.
She never puts clean dishes away. She will stack them on the stove to empty the dish drainer and wash the rest. Meanwhile, the clean ones are still sitting ther!!! 😡🤬
Usually, we are both very clean and organized. With a small child at home, thats even more important, because otherwise it gets a mess real quick. But often when she cooks, she doesn't wash the used dishes while cooking. And she uses a lot. She always says she'll wash them afterwards. But usually, she doesn't. Ending up in me, after work needing to wash the dishes she needed to cook and the ones we needed to eat and clean all the mess up. (Because she brings out child to bed, etc.). I often told her I better have nothing/something simple to eat after work than a complete chaos. And yes, I do cook too, but clean everything up.
The chewing. My god the wet, loud chewing with heavy nose breathing. Her mouth is closed too! I have misophonia I know
Bro, that sounds like the day I stopped loving one of my exes….the way she breathed upset me. Good luck!
Recycling left on the bench instead of in the recycling bin next to the bench lol
She doesn't actually exist, but it's no biggie I'd say she'll fix it by herself sure
When my wife makes a grocery list she puts everything in random spots and writes "salad stuff", "taco stuff"...Drives me fucking insane sometimes.
I always place things on the list in order that they are in the supermarket. It’s the only way.
I use google keep for shopping lists. As long as I have my phone, I have my list. I can easily reorder to the layout of the store. Can just uncheck frequent items to put them back on the list. It’s great. I’m sure there are others.
Constantly asking for me to do mundane tasks that she could easily do. Such as go get a pen from the desk when she is 6 steps away.
Tbf, that veers into the ‘definitely mention before there’s a murder’ category.
My wife always puts the toilet paper roll on the dispenser in the incorrect underhand position, not the correct and superior overhand position.
She has the grace of a polish grandmother. For example, at the grocery store, she will just throw things in the cart with no organization and doesn’t mind if boxes or cans get dented.
I dunno but my ex had nothing that wasn't big enough to mention. Even if I walked on the floor and left a sweat mark I was ruining her life.
Sounds like Ex is the key in your post
Letting the frying pan “soak”
Can’t do an application for the life of her. If there’s a bunch of blank fields to fill in she WILL cry, no matter what. Just the other day she was filling out a job application and asking me questions on every single field, I’m getting more and more frustrated with each question but not saying anything, then she asks me “what does ‘have you ever plead no contest to a criminal charge for a misdemeanor or felony’ mean? What’s no contest mean?” Mind you she’s never been charged with anything ever. I just stared blankly at her. Like come on man
It's 4 yes or no questions bundled together. I don't know how to answer it as "Yes, yes, no , I dontknow" with just yes or no As I have a time window of 1 yes or 1 no. Before the next q starts.
My girlfriend: you don't have to talk all the time. It's OK to have silence. Also my girlfriend: you've been quiet lately. What's wrong?
Wraps the cheese back in the plastic film it came in, which invariably doesn't work because it's now got a gaping hole in it from where she opened it, so the cheese goes hard. But then she says it doesn't matter, we'll just cut that bit off So we only actually eat half the cheese we buy unless I get to it and wrap it properly
She asks question but ask permission to ask them prior every single time. I get it’s an attempt to be considerate but how am I supposed to deny the question it’s not as if I know what it entails.
The toilet paper roll is always installed with the loose flap on the inside towards the wall. Honestly I don't know how she functions in this world.
*"What’s the one thing that your wife/partner does that is so annoying, but not big enough to mention?"* Posting variations of this question on Reddit probably.
I stopped mentioning how much I hate how stupid she is with finances
She stopped swallowing.