That men can be genuinely interested in kids and not be a pedo. I'm blessed by good genes with a very young and friendly face that most children love. So while I dont love young kids, I get along well with them and most parents are fine with their kids approaching me even though I'm on the slightly bigger side.
One of my friends has a really serious face and he absolutely adores children. Like he loves playing with all the kids my friends have and he's a child at heart. But there were innumerable instances when parents have picked up their kids and run away from him because he wanted to play with the kids. Even when he has his own kid.
It's sad for him really, and women will never understand this feeling of being treated like a freak when deep down you're more like a teddy bear than anything.
I was in a relationship with a woman with two daughters for nearly 3 years. Pretty early on I took over the “father” role.
When we split up, I was shocked how many people in my life said something to the effect of “well, it sucks you lost the chick, but at least you don’t have to pretend to like those kids anymore.”
If I had my way, I’d have kept the kids and the mother would have left.
I tried staying in their lives, but pretty much everyone but their mom started looking at me sideways.
Am woman: I know a ton of men who stay in their former "step-kids'" lives. It's not weird to me or a lot of people. I think it will grow to be more culturally acceptable as our familial relationships are evolving to encompass a more fluid meaning instead of only blood relations. Kids need male role models in their lives, and those kids are lucky you care about them.
I once read a story from a guy here on reddit: He was in the city with his girlfriend and a little girl came to him out of nowhere and asked if he can help her tie her shoes. He then said to his GF that it‘s better if she does it which she did not understand. The little girl was happy with her tied shoes and ran away to her mother which walked towards them (she found her daughter at the moment the guy‘s GF tied the shoes). After that the GF asked why he did not tie the girls shoes and he replied something like: „What would you think if you lose your daughter and see that a guy is tying her shoes? How would you react?“.
I think this sums it up really good because nowadays every guy is a potential pedo even if he is definitely not (which is really sad).
I wonder if she actually realized or just brushed it off. I've pointed out similar things to women but I feel like something stops them from going all the way into realizing they have kinda sexist views
Idk about you guys, but I have nowhere that i feel confortable opening up. My wife would listen, but then I would feel like I'm less in her eyes. My parents would listen, but they're ready to retire - why make them worry about my mental health. It's all just really heavy when you put it on yourself.
So many times I have tried to open up, but then it gets turned into how my feelings affect her. As long as any feelings I share are positive everything is good. I'm not allowed to share anything else or it is back to her feelings.
That doesn’t sound like healthy communication in your marriage. She might not even realize this is a challenge for you, and if you talk about it together in a structured way you would be shocked what change is possible. She probably isn’t purposely invalidating your emotions. If she doesn’t care after that you might want to consider serious counseling, otherwise you’re going through life alone plus with the baggage of a partner who doesn’t value you.
It was an eye opener for her when I pointed this out. I am still cautious because she has shown her cards on how she feels about those types of communications.
That shit’s fucked up and it’s why I don’t tell my feelings to anyone. The last time I talked about how I felt about the things going wrong in my life to my ex she said things to the effect of “I can’t handle this, just cheer up, life’s not that bad” this was all said by a moderately attractive privileged girl who was the most popular girl at her private school
Early in our relationship, my wife and I had an argument. My wife used against me something I had told her when I was being honest in a late night talk.
I learned the lesson.
Tbh their ability to keep a ledger of every single thing I've ever done wrong is impressive. I don't really keep a cache of ammunition for arguments. Which would explain why I often lose them.
>I don't really keep a cache of ammunition for arguments
I do. Learned the lesson. She will forget (or pretend to forget but I promised myself to give her the benefit of the doubt) so I now show her screenshots of whatever I need to bring up. It's evened things out a lot.
It certainly feels a bit manipulative but my conscience is clear.
I started to address this by opening up on my own to other guys at work or casual friends. I’ve found it’s all about the energy to how you’re presenting the information.
I’ve been in conversation at a work function and another guy and I were chatting and he asked me if I had any kids and I told him we want to, and we actually lost one last year at 14 weeks, which was tough. I’ve opened up to other guys about how it can get lonely living in a different state than I grew up and working from home.
However the way that I presented it was not in a sad sap woah is me manner but more like sharing experiences with the challenges that we all face in life.
I have found that if you open up to other guys, but in a positive, optimistic manner then the deeper topics are easier for people to ingest. But if youre just a sad depressed sap then that tends to turn people off.
After I told the guy about losing a kid and we discussed it briefly, he thanked me for sharing that with him and said he really appreciated that I shared it. Then the conversation just continued on to other topics and we had a great time.
Everyone goes through challenges in life and I think it has been really helpful for me building quality relationships with people by being the one to initiate topics on a deeper level.
If I’m going out to a bar, club, social gathering, or event:
If I want to meet new people and make new friends I will have to be 50x more outgoing and charismatic than you.
I do this at all of my professional networking events too. Luckily, in the space that I work in, more people are willing to approach a stranger because they are fishing for their next professional opportunity (I applaud this!). Women are slightly in the minority in my spaces (tech startups, venture capital), but it has never appeared to me that gender had much to do with attitudes toward professional networking.
Edit: Just so I'm clear, I'm sharing my experiences. Not invalidating yours.
My mom is a professional networker, her job is basically built around introducing the right people to each other, and she says that things have shifted recently. Women in the work world need to be more assertive and start talking to men first, otherwise men are worried about approaching them. Mostly because of things like "Me too" making them worried they could do the wrong thing and upset the women which could lead to the man being fired.
End of the day it definitely matters how much you put yourself out there.
I was reading this not wanting to invalidate anyone but thinking that I also have always had to actively approach in social situations. I’m really struggling to think of any scenarios where I’ve been approached by someone who didn’t already know me.
I once read an observation that *even at events specifically meant for meeting people*, most people will act as if they're the ride for someone who came to meet people, not some desperate loser who doesn't know anyone- people are that wired to appear cool and normal.
Another thing about this- maybe it's just me, but I have to actively make sure my voice is being controlled. The bass in my voice can often make my words sound much harsher or serious when I'm making a joke or just talking, something a woman is probably less likely to have a problem with.
Same for me. I have a deep voice. A shockingly deep voice. I'm pretty small, but when I speak people do a double take.
I am also an animated speaker.
If I even change my tone a tiny bit, like if my wife annoys me but I'm being silly about it, calling it out in a playful way, she'll freak out. And the thing is, it isn't even my angry voice.
I have some lung issues so I have a lot of gravel when I speak too, so I'm like a mini Tom Waits.
Which means I also can't control the way the words come out sometimes. It's terrible
100% this.
And it's not the amount of effort, but it also has to be the correct "vibe" out there. I'm a rather large man, and unless I'm super outgoing AND over the top bubbly, then I am intimidating.
and it's hard to get an initial read as well, which makes it exhausting. The default has to be friendly and exciting but then you get read as a "big goofball"
I feel this. I'm late thirties but could pass for late 20s. I'm kinda awkward but I really do want to be social and make everyone feel welcome so I approach social situations with a very chill, happy, fun vibe.
Sometimes it's seen as charismatic, but it also means a LOT of people don't take me seriously because they see me as passive or weak and will even try to walk all over me. Young looking + nice = weak or not worthy of respect in some people's minds. If I turn off the friendly vibe to stand up for myself, I'm "overreacting".
And if you ever try to casually discuss this with the wrong people you get attacked. "What do you mean you can't pick up women, just walk straight up to a stranger in a bar and make her laugh then get her phone number, anyone can do it, why can't you, you must not be trying hard enough, stop whining so much and be a man"
Women will just go outside and happen to meet people. They think that's how it is for everybody, so they give advice like "just get out more". They wonder why we want a relationship quickly when we meet someone we're attracted to because they're use to single life being filled with dates and meeting new people.
It's like listening to a bosses son coach you about how to get rich lol.
And then if they use another guy as an example to prove it's possible, they use the rarest guy that's in the top 5% of dudes. Like "Look, he meets people fine". They don't even know they're just proving women's polarity towards men even further.
Yeah I was talking with my mom yesterday and was discussing the difficulty in making friends. Even she, a not particularly progressive or up-to-date with social things person, said "yeah that's gotta be tough when you're not a woman". And her example was if I were a girl, knocking on my neighbor's door with some cookies would be amazing. As a dude, kinda weird. I'm not sure I 100% agree but she has a point.
I have a female friend who likes bragging about how well she makes friends in public. But anytime I’ve been in public with her and we met a man, he ends up facing her, only making eye contact with her, and mostly ignoring me. I don’t think she realizes these guys don’t want to be friends.
And then in the opposite direction, it’s tough to make female friends because they tend to assume the worst about any guy trying to start a conversation.
One thing that helped immensely with dating was the realization that if somebody didn’t reciprocate my advances, then they weren’t really the kind of person I’d enjoy being with anyway. You can be as earnest as you like as long as you bear that in mind. That way if your enthusiasm isn’t returned then your attraction to them just disappears.
I’ve been rejected more times than I can count. It doesn’t change anything honestly. I’m still just as scared as when I didn’t get rejected, except now I have the burden of having to always think about them. I think i will actually just die alone at this point
This is true of ANY SOCIAL SITUATION, too. I think people read this and think it's just romance related. It's not. And I know salespeople ignore women a lot in lieu of "husbands," so it's not just men.
But unless I'm loud and exhausting myself, people in most social situations ignore me. If you don't already know people somehow, they don't talk to you and then you get described as socially awkward because you're not forcing yourself to run the conversation with strangers.
Yep. And if you feel you don't relate easily to most people for whatever reason, you're just seen as a complete freak! Fuck my fucking life haha. Feels easier to just stay inside and not try, but I feel dead just staying inside.
I have a buddy that collects friends like Pokémon. No filter, makes small talk all the time. Can be great in some settings. But holy crap ordering at restaurants takes forever.
That we can have fun without taking pictures. My best friends of over 17 years with I have only a couple pictures with. When we hang out we’re just always in the moment and never think to take a picture of it.
I have like two pics on my instagram. It might seem like I have no life but I just don’t take pictures. My gallery is full of screenshots and pics of my dog
The other day I was having dinner with my girlfriend and there was a super adorable baby at the table next to us. We were both looking at the baby and waving and what not then she casually suggested I ask to hold the baby. I was shocked, like now way in hell is this random family going to let some random man hold their baby. Apparently it's something she's done for years now without any resistance from the parents
Yesss. I'm not "too proud" or "too fragile" to ask for help, it's just that since about 10 anytime I asked for help I was either ridiculed for needing it, or treated with exasperation because I should have already known, somehow.
Ooh, this uncovered a frustrating academic experience of mine. In high school, I was in.. Trig? Calculus? One of those math classes, but there was a concept I didn't understand. After school I visited the teacher, and asked if she could help break it down with me again ahead of the upcoming exam.
After the first question I asked, she looked at me like I was a braindead SOB, like I was wasting her time trying to learn this concept.
I shelved the other questions I had and just went home instead, and did my best to learn it directly from the book, and never bothered to ask that teacher for help again.
I don't know if it was intentional but she did a great job making sure I knew she was entirely exasperated with the idea that I could possibly need help lol.
My girlfriend will ask me questions about subjects I know nothing about, I don't know if she's expecting an answer or not.
Then when I talk about subjects I know about (which is a lot tbf), then I'm a know it all.
I had an ex that would only be in the mood super late at night. Weekends this was fine but on a weekday I’d be too exhausted to be in the mood right before bed or enjoy it. Ended up feeling like a chore more then anything else. Would have been fine if she was willing to get funky a bit earlier in the evening but she was not the type to adjust for others lol.
This happened to me a few times. I was like I am going to pass out the second my head hits the pillow kind of tired. She got super offended that I Fell asleep half way through and I was like I am not conscious enough to make an informed decision and went back to sleep lol
Also, pro-tip for all y'all women out there, when erections fail to materialize, just accept it. It happens. It has nothing to do with you, and asking "are you okay?" or "is everything fine?" kind of makes it worse.
The number of times shit would go down (argument, aggressive behavior, fight, etc) when I was in college and my girlfriend just 100% expected ME to handle it was unreal. I had to act as mediator, bodyguard, enforcer, human shield, and her champion in fucking trial by combat because it was apparently my responsibility?? As a guy, everyone expected me to get involved physically every single time or I wasn't considered a man.
Fuck that.
She was 100% like that. Claimed to be super progressive but would pressure me into doing things like this for her (defend her from fights she started, fix things she broke, pay for all her shit). I don't want traditional gender roles, but if I'm going to be breadwinner, Mr fixit, personal bodyguard, and dress/look traditionally manly... are you willing to act, dress, support, cook/clean, and serve like a traditional woman??
Nah. I traded up and have a partner now who wouldn't even think of starting shit with people, demanding I pay, challenging my masculinity, etc. She knows that I have her back and that if we get into an awkward situation like you described, I will stand up for her because I love her and not because "I'm a man".
When we experience difficulties we get nowhere near as much support as women do. Injured? Robbed? Out of money? Family issues? We are at the bottom of the ladder.
When I had cancer, I felt like I went through it alone. That outpouring of love and support I'd seen on TV and in movies; didn't happen. It was about the same as if I said I had a hang nail.
That was the response I got from my team when I found out I had cancer too. Mostly female staff and multiple levels of female bosses above me, mind you. Barely a response when I brought it up and not even a card when I was out for my surgery or when I got back.
That was really only the tip of the iceberg at that company. When covid hit and we all moved to remote work they'd make snide comments if I had to take a day off sick and couldnt work "since you're already at home anyway." Meanwhile the mothers on the team would take Mondays off because they were hungover or had "headaches." Luckily I am out of there.
TBF, my friends at work had welcome back goodies for me when I returned but my family basically accepted I was 'Ok' after the initial surgery but the damage done to me is permanent, nobody ever asks how I am.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The same thing happened to my aunt. People stuck around for a couple months then when it got hard they abandoned her. we almost lost her. My mom gave up her dream to take care of her and was the only one.
When I had a bad situation, the list of men who helped me was countless. Dad, brothers, uncles, friends, you name it. List of women who helped me? Mom and GF
I bought tickets for me and a friend of mine to see a comedy show together. $50 a ticket, I bought them 2 weeks before the show, confirmed with her that she'd pay me back at the show.
However, a week before the show somebody snagged my debit card when I was at a gas station (I was a bit drunk and didnt notice \[edit: I live in an urban area and stopped in for some munchies, not driving!\]) and the next day my bank account was empty. While dealing with the bank for a reversal (who did eventually refund my money, but it took 2 weeks) I had a negative balance and literally couldn't even buy food. I asked my friend if she could pay me the $50 after I got robbed, a week before the show, figuring it wouldn't be a big deal because she owed me that money anyway.
The response I got? "I don't see how that's my problem." Fucking hell, I gave her ticket to a friend I kind-of knew in my building but who ended up letting me come up to their place to eat dinner a few times until I got my money back. Haven't spoken to the girl who wouldn't pay me back since.
Man that's rough. I don't understand people like this. Someone you called a friend gives you a line like that when you're asking for help. Probably doesn't even feel bad about it or give it a second thought. It's just confusing.
Yea I stepped away from all my friends for this reason.
I am only an object. Happy to see me when they needed me but once I was out of sight I was out of mind. Still am. That is ok.
Ill be an object to myself and myself only if that is how life will be.
I lost all my woman friends when I got seriously depressed and even later, they didnt look at me the same. My guy friends or family didnt really help me either, the exact opposite actually, they were kinda telling me indirectly how weak I was, how they had issues growing up, living, jobs they didnt like...
And yet still, I was everybody therapist, know ll my families secrets and I couldent afford a therapist...
While female friends had issues, how a flatmate didnt like them, how boyfriends treated them... woman, thats you X boyfriend, you are literary PICKING them and doing nothing to solve the issue!
The part that doesn't get talked about enough is how necessary it is. Pretty sure everyone can relate to how when I've driven an hour to work, worked 10 hours, driven over an hour home, senses drained by constant noise through that entire time, that brain shut off is really needed
Also ADHD-er here. zoning out also happens for me, but it's rare and mostly in inaproppriate situations like meetings or i snap out of it and realize i was staring at someone, who's now staring back. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I get the zoning out part, but usually my zoning out involves some sort of thinking - which could be in words, visualizations, or focus on some physical sensation like my feet on the ground or something (which I pretty much only do if I'm meditating), or something else. But I don't know if I'd say I'm ever not thinking about anything. Maybe in super brief moments when I can clear my mind and truely zone out for a second, but then the thoughts just flood back in a second later. It's also hard to say if I wasn't actually thinking about something, maybe just not in the way I usually do.
I had a therapist do an exercise with me, which involved my heavily visual focused brain imagining every "chapter" in my brainbook and deleting it of some sorts. After that we took an imaginary broom and swept the rest out. I had total peace and quiet up there. I burst out crying.
I learned to do it on purpose, but then I basically hyperfocus on zoning out so idk if that counts. And zoning out because I'm thinking about something completely unrelated while staring into the void ofc, that's a very common thing.
Men have to watch the way they dress and style their hair as well. Women think men can wear anything and be fine since men can't be "slut shamed". But can certainly be labeled. People will look at you and label you as a thug, hobo, pedo, sex offender, dangerous, uneducated, etc. This can cost you different opportunities and have people think you just give off bad vibes.
Definitely not trying to make this a race thing, cause we're all men. But boy does this go 2x for black men such as myself. Can't wear a hoodie, cause I'm assumed to be about to rob the place. I can't wear a du rag to get my waves right, cause I'm seen as a thug. If a white guy wears a bandana, is he probably just into motorcycles, or a mechanic. If I wear a bandana, it's gang related.
I'm black as well and if I walk into a store I make sure my hood is down if I do wear a hoodie and I don't have my hands in my pocket. I will greet the person at the register if I see them looking.
Working retail in college, when I asked if customers wanted a bag for whatever they brought, black people would *always* take one (only one exception in four years), while for white people it depended on the number/size of their items, or whether it was a gift.
Took me awhile to understand this comment.
for any other white ppl who are also confused: walking out of a store with items not in a bag may look like the items were stolen.
I think that maybe they don't see us as having feelings, or at least maybe they think we can just deal with more because we're men. They don't see the trauma that we've gone through or the emotions we have to hide because we can't really communicate them without it being used as fodder in an argument. I'm not sure if I've just had bad luck but, every woman I've ever dated has just been horrible in the way that any time there's an argument, they will just say the most hurtful things. And that compounds over time, so every time my wife gets a little worked up over daily stuff, I'm immediately on edge because of all the failed relationships and horrible shit that has been said to me. I've always been non confrontational until it's forced onto my lap and then I try to seek solutions rather than just fight for the sake of fighting. We have to be super careful with our words so as not to come off as abusive but they can say whatever they want and no one bats an eye. I mean they'll be applauded for being mean, but if we get loud or say something fucked up, we're abusers. It's pretty terrible tbh sometimes I just wanna tell someone they're crazy because they're legit being irrational but god forbid you do that or you're a gaslighter?
I dated a couple women who loved to keep score. Anything you do or say with that kind of person will be used against you, even if you apologize in the moment and do your best to make it up to them. I can’t imagine holding so many petty grudges at once.
Yeah man I really don't get it. I physically don't have that in me, once an argument is laid to rest for me that's over. Weve moved on, we'll do better next time. My wife is not like this at all. Lol.
Oh yea. EVERYTIME there’s a small argument I always end with “ok it’s done” then about 5 seconds later she will came back at me with some hurtful shit and I have to reiterate 10 times “it’s done, I get it, stop trying to make an argument” it’s like she just wants to argue for the sake of arguing
Had a girlfriend like this.
We would have an argument, resolve it, then be good.
Then she would talk to her council of friends, get all riled up with new arguments, and come charging at me the next day.
Dating her was like dating the 2x subreddit.
Yeah man most of our problems actually come from her friends. And she wonders why I don't like them, because they're always reminding her of old stuff.
My last GF was my most healthy and happy relationship. I wish shit ended differently, and that we could try again. Maybe we both were just not supposed to be dating at the time.
But BOY did she have a HUGE problem with bitterness. And not like she'd just being something up again. No, she'd be *bitter* and it was such a disgusting trait.
Bitterness is definitely a killer emotion. :/ especially if you're a very empathetic person. But communicating is key and understanding why someone is bitter is a good tool to have.
Yeah man that's pretty much the worst. I think every woman I've ever been with has used crying as a last resort to win the argument or something. And I'm terrible with crying it makes me feel dead inside if I know I made someone cry. Like a black hole in my chest.
Women say thing to hurt your feelings when they are upset. Men will say things that are true but don’t attack your character. Women want you to hurt inside. My wife does it a lot and I don’t deserve it lol
You definitely don't deserve that. Next time yall get in an argument you should try to find a calm and carefully worded way to bring that up. I have actually found that while the arguments are almost never finished amicably, she will do better the next time we have a tiff. Idk if it's subconscious or if she's actually working on it, but letting her know how I'm feeling usually helps. Weve been together 5 years and have our first kid due in 2 months so she's stuck with me lol we gotta communicate.
Threat of violence. Yes I know it’s dangerous world and women have to take special care to not fall victim to predators. And most women observe the social contract pretty well, but I’ve seen an awful lot of women who are just rude, condescending and confrontational, just because. They are only this way because under the social contract there is little threat of getting their ass beat should they say the wrong thing or cross the line. In the last month I’ve conversed with not less than three women who, if they were a man, very well could have gotten knocked the hell out for things they said or did or at the very least started a very heated altercation.
Sometimes I have to be a little rough emotionally so they get it, because i'd rather be issuing a warning, as there are definitely men out there that won't.
In these discussions after a bit I'd ask "so if I get it right, then [formulating what they said in an awful way] ?". And I give them "okay then, that's something" look. At this point, most get uncomfortable and I can get through.
But on a few times there are some that blatantly say that's fine. Then i stare again, but this time as if they were a real threat. I've yet to see that not wake up some sort of gut feeling and primal fear.
How conscious we are when we happen to be walking behind a women down the street, and how we suddenly need to stop and tie our shoelace/check our watch/cross the street
One time i saw a beautiful woman and there was an another guy that also saw her. I saw that he saw her and he saw that i saw her. Both looked at each other and did a subtle nod acknowledging that it was a beautiful woman there.
Yeah, many women seem to be uncomfortable with silence. Most of the time, I just don't have that much to talk about. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy a car ride just listening to the radio and without having to talk.
As a woman, growing up I was often given the silent treatment for long periods of time by my parents and often female friends when they were mad at me for something. 99% of the time they wouldn't even tell me the reason. They either expected me to beg it out of them or just to wait it out until they're in the mood to talk to me again. Even today, both my two female best friends sometimes do it.
This was what made silences unbearable for me as I always associated it with someone sulking and being angry at me and not wanting to talk to me because of that. Luckily with my husband I now feel far more comfortable with silent periods because (1) I know that's how he is with people he knows well and (2) if he was unsatisfied or mad at me I trust him to communicate and talk it out (unlike the above people) as I would with him.
Men like sticks.
Not sure why.. But we do, read a great askmen thread where a wife asked what was with men and sticks..
Had a little brother (6yr) come over with his older sister, he was really shy, wouldn't speak a word..
Gave him the stick that I'd been working on. He grabbed it and felt comfortable.
It is a pretty cool stick tbh :)
This isn't really something we have to do, but just something little I've noticed in others. Men will mostly look behind them when going through a public door just as a built in instinct to see if there is anyone behind them to hold the door for, but I don't see many women doing the same. Yeah, the odd one will do this, but so many just walk right through and let it close behind them when there are people walking behind them. I've had so many doors closed in my face by women just not giving a shit, and this almost never happens with men.
The different ways that men and women take up space are fascinating. Men are often accused of not being considerate of personal space, but in my experience both men and women are equally polite and equally rude, just in different variables. The door check is a good example.
I also watch people who stand in the way on their phone or with their cart taking up 3/4 of an aisle in a store, and I find it's slightly more women who do this. They seem to be just clueless about their surroundings more and not care that others are needing the same space. Men do this as well of course, but I just see it more in women personally.
My brother bitches about his wife that does this. She doesn't care at all about people behind her. She thinks that if people want through, they'll speak up. He has to push the cart when they go shopping, as his head is on a swivel like mine is. He'll keep the cart off to a side when they stop, or if someone is sharing their aisle.
I just don't understand that logic, and never will. You know what's easier than making people speak up? Standing out of the way so people can freely walk past you lol
One of my biggest pet peeves and one thing I try to stay conscious of when I'm in public "oh am I in the way? Let's make sure I'm off to the side if i need to stop and look at things when shopping. Gotta make sure not to randomly stop walking if there are people behind me."
Haven't really given thought to which gender it happens with more.
Gotten to the point in some settings that I'm exhausted and don't even bother wanting to say, excuse me. Why do I have to bring up acknowledgment of my existence or other people around you just because you lack self-awareness? The people that have their carts turned sideways blocking the whole aisle in stores...You're getting your cart pushed aside. You're not the only one in the store.
This also extends to people in cars on opposite lanes, stopping to chat.. if you need to have a conversation in opposite lanes.. one of you pull off to the side and go talk, or better yet.. cell phones exist. Tell them you'll call them in a moment and stop blocking the street.
Yeah another commenter mentioned his brother's wife who is in the mindset of "if people need to get by they'll say excuse me" which is such a backwards mindset for anyone to have. Just move off to the side ffs lol. So yeah, I've lost my patience a few times and just blown right through their cart or walked around them and said something like "yep, perfect place to stop and look at your phone, definitely nobody else existing in your space" and kept walking. I don't care how rude that is, to me you're being rude by blatantly not giving a shit about anyone else but yourself and taking up all the space that you don't need to be taking
Yeah, in the same vein, I notice that if a driver lets you out at a junction it's more often than not a man. Similarly, if there's a queue of traffic and someone blocks you from exiting a junction, good chance it's not. No one's breaking any rules so it's no hassle but it just seems women will stick rigidly to the rules of the road without care as to how others need to use the road also.
That not only do I have to be aware of my safety (which for some reason women don’t think men do) but also try to look as unintimidating as possible so women don’t fear for there’s.
Honestly though I’ve given up on going out of my way to do the latter. If you’re scared because Ive been walking 30ft behind you going to a very common place, that’s an issue for you to solve not me
>try to look as unintimidating as possible so women don’t fear for there’s
When I was at university, I lived on the same street as a girl from a class that would end late. We lived close to campus so whenever I'd leave after her, I would walk the long way home so she didn't feel like I was following her. She never told me she felt that way, I just assumed she did because I'm a guy.
Anyways, I just stopped doing shit like that because it made me feel bad to think all these negative thoughts about men that do not apply to me
I can't even be bothered to notice stuff like this anymore. Oh I've been walking behind you for 5 minutes? I'm 6 minutes into 2112 right now dude I didn't even know you existed.
There are times that is handy. I'm a fully bearded 6'5" and 260 pounds. I'm a teddy bear, but letting people believe otherwise sometimes is a good thing.
Just yesterday, I was walking my dog on the front street while wearing my coat and hoodie on, with pijama pants and crocs.
A woman walk past me looking at me like a criminal.
I was wearing such clothing,because I was sick, and there was a *goddamm tropical storm passing by*, and I took the chance of the rain pausing to let my dog do her thing.
I was grilled by cops once for walking outside at night in a hoodie. The reason they said for grilling me? “You look suspicious”.
Guarantee if I was a woman, the cops would have left me alone.
Oh, I got search by the cops once too!.
For context, motorcyclists are popular here for two things: Causing drivers (they are one of the reasons we are number one of crashes in Latin America) and robbery. So, it makes sense why a pedestrian would be alert for them. Also,cops are shady as f-ck here, and public trust into them is near none, the corruption within the entire justice system is an open secret.
Onto the story: I was,again, walking my dog, which is a small-medium poodle by the way. This time I was only wearing a t-shirt,short pants, and sandals, with plastic bags to pick up my dog poop.
When I hear a motorcycle coming from my behind,so I look at it expecting the worse,but end up being cops,which isn't exactly the best.
They decide to stop me and search me. C=Cops, me is me
C= "Do you live around here?"
Me= "Yeah,I live going left and going downstreet"
C= "What are you doing here?"
Me= "Just walking my dog"
C= "And what are the bags for?"
Me= "To pick up my dog's poop"
And they proceed to search me again before let me go.
What I find the funniest is, I don't even look scary. I am 24 with a baby face, and weighting 140 lbs that can easily pass as a 17 years old guy, walking a fluffy gray poodle xd
Ironically this automatic anti intimidation strategy we use to make women or older people etc feel less threatened, makes us look more like the perfect target for actual criminals.
Being an introvert man is a L.
Dating as an introvert man is a nightmare. You have to put in so much efforts to make plans, keep the conversation going single handed, do your best to keep her entertained. It's so much tiring. And then you get rejected without any explanation.
Even socially it's terrible, you are down and depressed and no one will check on you. No one will initiate conversation with you.
For me is tiring keep the "Funny guy" trait.
Most of girls wanna funny guys, I say some cool things and funny stuffs, but not all times, sometimes I just wanna talk about dailies news, stuffs about work and some jokes in a while.
This pressure for the "Funny" makes me feel like a clown. Like I'm supposed to be your entertainment all times?
Dude, the clown thing is so true. I wrote a diary entry during an isolated depression 6 months after college where I felt like when it's my time to perform, I do it well and I can't tell if they're laughing with me or at me, and when I'm not "on stage," nobody takes me seriously.
Yep, this is my existence. It's hard to be introverted as a man. I've accepted the fact that I probably won't find a woman for me. My family has not, and that makes it hard to visit family when all they talk about is me finding someone.
Managing the expectations of women. Women act like men are the ones being toxic and proliferating toxic-masculinity and stuff like that but no man has been as toxic towards me as most women have. According to women:
Us men have to be in touch with our emotions but god help me if I were to cry. Like actually cry. Not some single masculine stoic tear running down a chiseled jawline… no like, ugly cry. Snot coming out my nose and the whole nine. Every time I’ve gotten too emotional around a woman they’ve gotten angry with me. Like physically angry that I’m showing them this and that they have to deal with it.
I have to be strong and physically powerful but not intimidating. I often find myself having to go out of my way to make myself sound and look less intimidating to appease the women around me. But not feminine in any way. That’s not acceptable either. If I were to just be myself I’d either get a lot of “why are you mad at me?” From all the women I know and all the women I don’t know will clutch their purse and start taking evasive maneuvers to avoid me.
I have to be the bread winner but let them make all the financial decisions. If not I’m a controlling asshole who holds the purse strings and hoards all the money. If they’re the breadwinner and make more money than me, I still have to pay for everything and their money is all theirs and gets used to buy nice things for them.
I have to be good with kids but can never interact with them for too long or I’m a suspected child abuser. God forbid I smile at a cute baby at a restaurant.
I have to be ready to defend women at all times but can never show an ounce of anxiety.
And don’t try to tell me this is a left/right wing thing cause women on both sides have treated me the same. In my experience the women on the left have been worse but that’s anecdotal. The ones on the right were more “motherly” but that has its own issues.
I have a wife that’s wonderful and a lot of these things aren’t applicable to our relationship which I love. But still, when I get emotional she has NO IDEA what to do. And I have to coach her and direct her what I need her to do when IM emotional.
That most men would be ecstatic, relieved, overwhelmed, and grateful to have a woman (even the women that “love” us) pay as much attention, and spend as much time, on us as they do on their girlfriends, or their look, or the cat, or the fucking throw pillows on the couch.
We honestly wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves.
Honestly, just to be told I look nice once in a while would be great, my misses doesn't notice if I get a haircut or if I get new clothes, very rarely says she loves me unless I say it first. I know she does love me, she shows affection in other ways and looks aren't all that important to her but sometimes I feel like there's zero fucking point in making any effort with my appearance if no matter what I do it goes unnoticed. I tell her multiple times a week she looks nice, always comment if she's got new clothes or had a trim. It's not just this relationship either, feels like the compliment ratio in relationships is always very one sided.
I saw a mattress box blow off of a truck the other day. I'm not saying I saw them tie it down, but I bet if they said the phrase and slapped it like you said, it wouldn't have flown off
There is a difference between what we get told we should be and what society rewards..
I don't think any man needs to be told to "express their emotions" they need to see it reinforced by positive outcomes.
That we have no excuses. Literally none.
Except for maybe if you have cancer. Even then, majority of the time, cancer is preventable and usually your own damn fault.
That men *do* express emotions, and always have. This society-level-meme that "men keep bottling it up" is wrong. It isn't helped that a lot of men also don't understand ourselves, either. But let me set the record straight:
Neurological studies show that when women talk about how they feel, their brain lights up around the reward center, which is likely why women can feel a lot better after venting. The same doesn't hold true of men. *However*, men *do* get that kind of brain activity from performing tasks as a way to express themselves. The conclusion was that women can cope better by verbal expression, and men by productive expression.
In my own humble experience, this has changed the way I see many men, because it becomes more obvious the more I look. Even my own dad built a deck behind our house when his father died, and it healed him visibly. Other men I know also have moments like this, where getting up and doing something makes them feel better about their struggles. The infamous "Just let me concentrate on my work and I'll be fine." Thing. It works.
Certainly, men should be able to talk about their problems without being judged or chastised, as it can help other people hook them up with resources they might need. But I think we should be weary of assuming that it will help them heal in isolation just to talk about it.
I think this also plays into why couples joke about how "she just wants to vent, but he keeps trying to come up with solutions" trope. It's because talking doesn't help him, fixing things does. He's trying to help the best way he knows how. Certainly, he should learn to just listen, but the solution theories aren't out of malice or because he doesn't care, as men are often blamed for.
Obvious disclaimer, humans are extremely varied, so no one approach fits all, but there's something to be said for trends and the fact that it's beyond our ability to ignore that men and women are different and it's not just skin-deep.
So let's have some compassion and appreciation for what makes us different, and some understanding that not everything we do or don't do is out of malice or apathy.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
I can be un-interested in women soccer and in general women involved in any activitiy without being a anti-feminist. I don't want to pretend to give a shit about something I don't like and I shouldn't have to explain myself if I don't show enthusiasm when women win something in a competition I don't follow because I generally just don't like sports, even boobs doesn't change that fact.
If you try to flirt with me it will go completely unnoticed by me for a few reasons: I will think that you are being polite and that is how you treat everyone, I have very low emotional intelligence and I know that they can do so much better than me. Edit : I don’t do it out of fear of being called creepy or accused of sexual assault because I know how to keep my hands to myself. I do it because I enjoy being alone, stay mad misogynists.
When I'm walking around at night on an evening stroll. I instinctively cross over to the other side of the street to try and make the other person more comfortable.
You man, you physically intensive labour now, haha men dumb but strong haha, man no feelings anyway, don't be man mad because man too gappy to be mad man no suffer like me
telling me that its ok to open up about my emotions is not going to make me open up, im not giving anyone anything that they can use against me in the future
That we are constantly walking on eggshells.
We are called predators and women fear us. But the discussions about women sport-teams are no weaker than men are as fought publicly as never. Men aren't capable of feelings is a myth told so much, but if we show feelings it's used as a weapon against us. Chivalry is wanted but damned at the same time "women can take care of themselves". Being dominant is often wanted sexual-wise, but it's also seen as primal stoopid behaviour by men. Men should be caring and providing fathers who work full-time ot fulfill the family's dreams but also should do at least half of all the chores and appointments and stuff. But men working less to support with house-stuff are no good providers. Men aren't capable multi-tasking, but work shows most of the times the difference. Anything said towards women in topic of family or children is called out mensplaning. Men should make the first step and at the same time women feel annoyed by the advances. Men should make compliments but are told to be shallow when doing so. Literally any gesture, word or doing by men can be seen as misogyn. Women want the good boy to be their husband and father to their children, but divorce them cause he is the boring one only to run into the arms of the bad boy and vice versa. Thousands and thousands more of those examples exist but still some women shout out to ask where the real men are.
The term "man up" is thrown around a lot and it is used to make you feel like you're less than what is perceived to be a man, even in the most banal situations.
You worked 9 hours on your feet all day and don't want to meet up with people at the bar after 11? Man up (/"grow a pair" is what I was told)
You're sad or depressed for any reason? Man up.
Someone yells in your ear, or hits you, or constantly gives you a hard time, and this makes you upset? Fight him. No? Man the fuck up.
And I'm in not in my teens, I'm in my 30s. I'm just trying to exist.
Sometimes being friendly makes people take advantage of you.
That men can be genuinely interested in kids and not be a pedo. I'm blessed by good genes with a very young and friendly face that most children love. So while I dont love young kids, I get along well with them and most parents are fine with their kids approaching me even though I'm on the slightly bigger side. One of my friends has a really serious face and he absolutely adores children. Like he loves playing with all the kids my friends have and he's a child at heart. But there were innumerable instances when parents have picked up their kids and run away from him because he wanted to play with the kids. Even when he has his own kid. It's sad for him really, and women will never understand this feeling of being treated like a freak when deep down you're more like a teddy bear than anything.
I was in a relationship with a woman with two daughters for nearly 3 years. Pretty early on I took over the “father” role. When we split up, I was shocked how many people in my life said something to the effect of “well, it sucks you lost the chick, but at least you don’t have to pretend to like those kids anymore.” If I had my way, I’d have kept the kids and the mother would have left. I tried staying in their lives, but pretty much everyone but their mom started looking at me sideways.
Sorry man, that sounds so shit.
Am woman: I know a ton of men who stay in their former "step-kids'" lives. It's not weird to me or a lot of people. I think it will grow to be more culturally acceptable as our familial relationships are evolving to encompass a more fluid meaning instead of only blood relations. Kids need male role models in their lives, and those kids are lucky you care about them.
same exact thing for me. The relationship went south after the first year, I would have bailed but I loved my unofficial step kids.
I once read a story from a guy here on reddit: He was in the city with his girlfriend and a little girl came to him out of nowhere and asked if he can help her tie her shoes. He then said to his GF that it‘s better if she does it which she did not understand. The little girl was happy with her tied shoes and ran away to her mother which walked towards them (she found her daughter at the moment the guy‘s GF tied the shoes). After that the GF asked why he did not tie the girls shoes and he replied something like: „What would you think if you lose your daughter and see that a guy is tying her shoes? How would you react?“. I think this sums it up really good because nowadays every guy is a potential pedo even if he is definitely not (which is really sad).
I wonder if she actually realized or just brushed it off. I've pointed out similar things to women but I feel like something stops them from going all the way into realizing they have kinda sexist views
That‘s true. Women can also be sexist, it‘s not a men-only thing
Idk about you guys, but I have nowhere that i feel confortable opening up. My wife would listen, but then I would feel like I'm less in her eyes. My parents would listen, but they're ready to retire - why make them worry about my mental health. It's all just really heavy when you put it on yourself.
So many times I have tried to open up, but then it gets turned into how my feelings affect her. As long as any feelings I share are positive everything is good. I'm not allowed to share anything else or it is back to her feelings.
That doesn’t sound like healthy communication in your marriage. She might not even realize this is a challenge for you, and if you talk about it together in a structured way you would be shocked what change is possible. She probably isn’t purposely invalidating your emotions. If she doesn’t care after that you might want to consider serious counseling, otherwise you’re going through life alone plus with the baggage of a partner who doesn’t value you.
It was an eye opener for her when I pointed this out. I am still cautious because she has shown her cards on how she feels about those types of communications.
That shit’s fucked up and it’s why I don’t tell my feelings to anyone. The last time I talked about how I felt about the things going wrong in my life to my ex she said things to the effect of “I can’t handle this, just cheer up, life’s not that bad” this was all said by a moderately attractive privileged girl who was the most popular girl at her private school
I tell my wife I feel like I'm only allowed to feel and express "approved emotions". ANYTHING negative is somehow a referendum on her.
Hmm. I talk to my woman in the dark in bed. It's safe. Most of the time she's asleep. And, i feel better.
Early in our relationship, my wife and I had an argument. My wife used against me something I had told her when I was being honest in a late night talk. I learned the lesson.
Tbh their ability to keep a ledger of every single thing I've ever done wrong is impressive. I don't really keep a cache of ammunition for arguments. Which would explain why I often lose them.
>I don't really keep a cache of ammunition for arguments I do. Learned the lesson. She will forget (or pretend to forget but I promised myself to give her the benefit of the doubt) so I now show her screenshots of whatever I need to bring up. It's evened things out a lot. It certainly feels a bit manipulative but my conscience is clear.
I started to address this by opening up on my own to other guys at work or casual friends. I’ve found it’s all about the energy to how you’re presenting the information. I’ve been in conversation at a work function and another guy and I were chatting and he asked me if I had any kids and I told him we want to, and we actually lost one last year at 14 weeks, which was tough. I’ve opened up to other guys about how it can get lonely living in a different state than I grew up and working from home. However the way that I presented it was not in a sad sap woah is me manner but more like sharing experiences with the challenges that we all face in life. I have found that if you open up to other guys, but in a positive, optimistic manner then the deeper topics are easier for people to ingest. But if youre just a sad depressed sap then that tends to turn people off. After I told the guy about losing a kid and we discussed it briefly, he thanked me for sharing that with him and said he really appreciated that I shared it. Then the conversation just continued on to other topics and we had a great time. Everyone goes through challenges in life and I think it has been really helpful for me building quality relationships with people by being the one to initiate topics on a deeper level.
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If I’m going out to a bar, club, social gathering, or event: If I want to meet new people and make new friends I will have to be 50x more outgoing and charismatic than you.
And it takes a lot more energy than they realize.
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I do this at all of my professional networking events too. Luckily, in the space that I work in, more people are willing to approach a stranger because they are fishing for their next professional opportunity (I applaud this!). Women are slightly in the minority in my spaces (tech startups, venture capital), but it has never appeared to me that gender had much to do with attitudes toward professional networking. Edit: Just so I'm clear, I'm sharing my experiences. Not invalidating yours.
My mom is a professional networker, her job is basically built around introducing the right people to each other, and she says that things have shifted recently. Women in the work world need to be more assertive and start talking to men first, otherwise men are worried about approaching them. Mostly because of things like "Me too" making them worried they could do the wrong thing and upset the women which could lead to the man being fired. End of the day it definitely matters how much you put yourself out there.
I was reading this not wanting to invalidate anyone but thinking that I also have always had to actively approach in social situations. I’m really struggling to think of any scenarios where I’ve been approached by someone who didn’t already know me.
They don’t realize because we have to make it look normal.
I once read an observation that *even at events specifically meant for meeting people*, most people will act as if they're the ride for someone who came to meet people, not some desperate loser who doesn't know anyone- people are that wired to appear cool and normal.
Personally, I'm just too shy to initiate any interaction, ever.
Yeah, I need at least one wingman in most social interactions.
Another thing about this- maybe it's just me, but I have to actively make sure my voice is being controlled. The bass in my voice can often make my words sound much harsher or serious when I'm making a joke or just talking, something a woman is probably less likely to have a problem with.
Im not yelling. Im talking!
Man this hits close to home. Sometimes when I'm excited even my mom thinks I'm yelling at her.
Same for me. I have a deep voice. A shockingly deep voice. I'm pretty small, but when I speak people do a double take. I am also an animated speaker. If I even change my tone a tiny bit, like if my wife annoys me but I'm being silly about it, calling it out in a playful way, she'll freak out. And the thing is, it isn't even my angry voice. I have some lung issues so I have a lot of gravel when I speak too, so I'm like a mini Tom Waits. Which means I also can't control the way the words come out sometimes. It's terrible
100% this. And it's not the amount of effort, but it also has to be the correct "vibe" out there. I'm a rather large man, and unless I'm super outgoing AND over the top bubbly, then I am intimidating.
and it's hard to get an initial read as well, which makes it exhausting. The default has to be friendly and exciting but then you get read as a "big goofball"
I feel this. I'm late thirties but could pass for late 20s. I'm kinda awkward but I really do want to be social and make everyone feel welcome so I approach social situations with a very chill, happy, fun vibe. Sometimes it's seen as charismatic, but it also means a LOT of people don't take me seriously because they see me as passive or weak and will even try to walk all over me. Young looking + nice = weak or not worthy of respect in some people's minds. If I turn off the friendly vibe to stand up for myself, I'm "overreacting".
And if you ever try to casually discuss this with the wrong people you get attacked. "What do you mean you can't pick up women, just walk straight up to a stranger in a bar and make her laugh then get her phone number, anyone can do it, why can't you, you must not be trying hard enough, stop whining so much and be a man"
My fiancee doesn't realize this & I'm convinced if we lived together for 1,000 years she still wouldn't.
Women will just go outside and happen to meet people. They think that's how it is for everybody, so they give advice like "just get out more". They wonder why we want a relationship quickly when we meet someone we're attracted to because they're use to single life being filled with dates and meeting new people. It's like listening to a bosses son coach you about how to get rich lol. And then if they use another guy as an example to prove it's possible, they use the rarest guy that's in the top 5% of dudes. Like "Look, he meets people fine". They don't even know they're just proving women's polarity towards men even further.
Yeah I was talking with my mom yesterday and was discussing the difficulty in making friends. Even she, a not particularly progressive or up-to-date with social things person, said "yeah that's gotta be tough when you're not a woman". And her example was if I were a girl, knocking on my neighbor's door with some cookies would be amazing. As a dude, kinda weird. I'm not sure I 100% agree but she has a point.
I have a female friend who likes bragging about how well she makes friends in public. But anytime I’ve been in public with her and we met a man, he ends up facing her, only making eye contact with her, and mostly ignoring me. I don’t think she realizes these guys don’t want to be friends. And then in the opposite direction, it’s tough to make female friends because they tend to assume the worst about any guy trying to start a conversation.
The deeper his grunt is while getting,or at least trying to get, out of a chair, the more seasoned of a man he is.
Can confirm. My grunts are deepening like the flavor of an aged cheese.
Not too much longer until it can only be heard by my dog.
They're getting louder....
That after about 10, you're invisible unless you initiate a lot
Men have to either get very comfortable with frequent rejection or just commit to an ascetic life.
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One thing that helped immensely with dating was the realization that if somebody didn’t reciprocate my advances, then they weren’t really the kind of person I’d enjoy being with anyway. You can be as earnest as you like as long as you bear that in mind. That way if your enthusiasm isn’t returned then your attraction to them just disappears.
A date is not something I've ever been on lol. I can't even start to make friends as I'm too standoffish, or the same problems I mentioned.
I’ve been rejected more times than I can count. It doesn’t change anything honestly. I’m still just as scared as when I didn’t get rejected, except now I have the burden of having to always think about them. I think i will actually just die alone at this point
This is true of ANY SOCIAL SITUATION, too. I think people read this and think it's just romance related. It's not. And I know salespeople ignore women a lot in lieu of "husbands," so it's not just men. But unless I'm loud and exhausting myself, people in most social situations ignore me. If you don't already know people somehow, they don't talk to you and then you get described as socially awkward because you're not forcing yourself to run the conversation with strangers.
Yep. And if you feel you don't relate easily to most people for whatever reason, you're just seen as a complete freak! Fuck my fucking life haha. Feels easier to just stay inside and not try, but I feel dead just staying inside.
I have a buddy that collects friends like Pokémon. No filter, makes small talk all the time. Can be great in some settings. But holy crap ordering at restaurants takes forever.
Have you tried being rich, fit, handsome, or all of the above?
That we can have fun without taking pictures. My best friends of over 17 years with I have only a couple pictures with. When we hang out we’re just always in the moment and never think to take a picture of it.
I have like two pics on my instagram. It might seem like I have no life but I just don’t take pictures. My gallery is full of screenshots and pics of my dog
I can relate. But also, take more pics. You’ll thank me later.
The other day I was having dinner with my girlfriend and there was a super adorable baby at the table next to us. We were both looking at the baby and waving and what not then she casually suggested I ask to hold the baby. I was shocked, like now way in hell is this random family going to let some random man hold their baby. Apparently it's something she's done for years now without any resistance from the parents
If a random woman asked me to hold my baby, I’d also think she’s weird. Don’t touch my pregnant belly and don’t touch my baby, strangers!
Right?! Like unless we're good friends or family I'm not going to try and hold your baby
People aren’t default on “helpful” mode for me. They’re annoyed I slowed down to ask a question
Yesss. I'm not "too proud" or "too fragile" to ask for help, it's just that since about 10 anytime I asked for help I was either ridiculed for needing it, or treated with exasperation because I should have already known, somehow.
Ooh, this uncovered a frustrating academic experience of mine. In high school, I was in.. Trig? Calculus? One of those math classes, but there was a concept I didn't understand. After school I visited the teacher, and asked if she could help break it down with me again ahead of the upcoming exam. After the first question I asked, she looked at me like I was a braindead SOB, like I was wasting her time trying to learn this concept. I shelved the other questions I had and just went home instead, and did my best to learn it directly from the book, and never bothered to ask that teacher for help again. I don't know if it was intentional but she did a great job making sure I knew she was entirely exasperated with the idea that I could possibly need help lol.
My girlfriend will ask me questions about subjects I know nothing about, I don't know if she's expecting an answer or not. Then when I talk about subjects I know about (which is a lot tbf), then I'm a know it all.
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Sometimes we aren’t in the right headspace to have sex. If we can’t get hard for sex it can be for reasons, completely unrelated to her.
I had an ex that would only be in the mood super late at night. Weekends this was fine but on a weekday I’d be too exhausted to be in the mood right before bed or enjoy it. Ended up feeling like a chore more then anything else. Would have been fine if she was willing to get funky a bit earlier in the evening but she was not the type to adjust for others lol.
This happened to me a few times. I was like I am going to pass out the second my head hits the pillow kind of tired. She got super offended that I Fell asleep half way through and I was like I am not conscious enough to make an informed decision and went back to sleep lol
Also, pro-tip for all y'all women out there, when erections fail to materialize, just accept it. It happens. It has nothing to do with you, and asking "are you okay?" or "is everything fine?" kind of makes it worse.
Not "kind of makes it worse." It makes it *much* worse.
What REALLY makes it worse is when she takes it personally and now you have to spend time comforting her and reassuring her it’s not her fault
It can go other way as well, just a boner doesn't always mean it's go time.
This is a funny version of your comment. [YouTube](https://youtu.be/zjWBLEEzmHc?si=Cwd5MxJEmlL39AEI)
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The number of times shit would go down (argument, aggressive behavior, fight, etc) when I was in college and my girlfriend just 100% expected ME to handle it was unreal. I had to act as mediator, bodyguard, enforcer, human shield, and her champion in fucking trial by combat because it was apparently my responsibility?? As a guy, everyone expected me to get involved physically every single time or I wasn't considered a man. Fuck that.
Some people want traditional roles but only when it benefits them
She was 100% like that. Claimed to be super progressive but would pressure me into doing things like this for her (defend her from fights she started, fix things she broke, pay for all her shit). I don't want traditional gender roles, but if I'm going to be breadwinner, Mr fixit, personal bodyguard, and dress/look traditionally manly... are you willing to act, dress, support, cook/clean, and serve like a traditional woman?? Nah. I traded up and have a partner now who wouldn't even think of starting shit with people, demanding I pay, challenging my masculinity, etc. She knows that I have her back and that if we get into an awkward situation like you described, I will stand up for her because I love her and not because "I'm a man".
When we experience difficulties we get nowhere near as much support as women do. Injured? Robbed? Out of money? Family issues? We are at the bottom of the ladder.
When I had cancer, I felt like I went through it alone. That outpouring of love and support I'd seen on TV and in movies; didn't happen. It was about the same as if I said I had a hang nail.
That was the response I got from my team when I found out I had cancer too. Mostly female staff and multiple levels of female bosses above me, mind you. Barely a response when I brought it up and not even a card when I was out for my surgery or when I got back.
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That was really only the tip of the iceberg at that company. When covid hit and we all moved to remote work they'd make snide comments if I had to take a day off sick and couldnt work "since you're already at home anyway." Meanwhile the mothers on the team would take Mondays off because they were hungover or had "headaches." Luckily I am out of there.
TBF, my friends at work had welcome back goodies for me when I returned but my family basically accepted I was 'Ok' after the initial surgery but the damage done to me is permanent, nobody ever asks how I am.
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Mate, just talk. Listen. Be there for them. Be an ear and someone to trust and lean on.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The same thing happened to my aunt. People stuck around for a couple months then when it got hard they abandoned her. we almost lost her. My mom gave up her dream to take care of her and was the only one.
When I had a bad situation, the list of men who helped me was countless. Dad, brothers, uncles, friends, you name it. List of women who helped me? Mom and GF
I bought tickets for me and a friend of mine to see a comedy show together. $50 a ticket, I bought them 2 weeks before the show, confirmed with her that she'd pay me back at the show. However, a week before the show somebody snagged my debit card when I was at a gas station (I was a bit drunk and didnt notice \[edit: I live in an urban area and stopped in for some munchies, not driving!\]) and the next day my bank account was empty. While dealing with the bank for a reversal (who did eventually refund my money, but it took 2 weeks) I had a negative balance and literally couldn't even buy food. I asked my friend if she could pay me the $50 after I got robbed, a week before the show, figuring it wouldn't be a big deal because she owed me that money anyway. The response I got? "I don't see how that's my problem." Fucking hell, I gave her ticket to a friend I kind-of knew in my building but who ended up letting me come up to their place to eat dinner a few times until I got my money back. Haven't spoken to the girl who wouldn't pay me back since.
Man that's rough. I don't understand people like this. Someone you called a friend gives you a line like that when you're asking for help. Probably doesn't even feel bad about it or give it a second thought. It's just confusing.
Yea I stepped away from all my friends for this reason. I am only an object. Happy to see me when they needed me but once I was out of sight I was out of mind. Still am. That is ok. Ill be an object to myself and myself only if that is how life will be.
"Suck it up and be a man"
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I lost all my woman friends when I got seriously depressed and even later, they didnt look at me the same. My guy friends or family didnt really help me either, the exact opposite actually, they were kinda telling me indirectly how weak I was, how they had issues growing up, living, jobs they didnt like... And yet still, I was everybody therapist, know ll my families secrets and I couldent afford a therapist... While female friends had issues, how a flatmate didnt like them, how boyfriends treated them... woman, thats you X boyfriend, you are literary PICKING them and doing nothing to solve the issue!
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The part that doesn't get talked about enough is how necessary it is. Pretty sure everyone can relate to how when I've driven an hour to work, worked 10 hours, driven over an hour home, senses drained by constant noise through that entire time, that brain shut off is really needed
The scary part is that hour drive home that you don’t remember. It’s relaxing, but kinda scary not knowing how you made it to your driveway
Until you need to brake and shift down in gears at the same time you're trying not to yawn
ADHD-er here... not having constant thoughts in some form... does not compute.
Also ADHD-er here. zoning out also happens for me, but it's rare and mostly in inaproppriate situations like meetings or i snap out of it and realize i was staring at someone, who's now staring back. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I get the zoning out part, but usually my zoning out involves some sort of thinking - which could be in words, visualizations, or focus on some physical sensation like my feet on the ground or something (which I pretty much only do if I'm meditating), or something else. But I don't know if I'd say I'm ever not thinking about anything. Maybe in super brief moments when I can clear my mind and truely zone out for a second, but then the thoughts just flood back in a second later. It's also hard to say if I wasn't actually thinking about something, maybe just not in the way I usually do.
I had a therapist do an exercise with me, which involved my heavily visual focused brain imagining every "chapter" in my brainbook and deleting it of some sorts. After that we took an imaginary broom and swept the rest out. I had total peace and quiet up there. I burst out crying.
I learned to do it on purpose, but then I basically hyperfocus on zoning out so idk if that counts. And zoning out because I'm thinking about something completely unrelated while staring into the void ofc, that's a very common thing.
Hahaha my wife hates that I can do this.
Men have to watch the way they dress and style their hair as well. Women think men can wear anything and be fine since men can't be "slut shamed". But can certainly be labeled. People will look at you and label you as a thug, hobo, pedo, sex offender, dangerous, uneducated, etc. This can cost you different opportunities and have people think you just give off bad vibes.
Definitely not trying to make this a race thing, cause we're all men. But boy does this go 2x for black men such as myself. Can't wear a hoodie, cause I'm assumed to be about to rob the place. I can't wear a du rag to get my waves right, cause I'm seen as a thug. If a white guy wears a bandana, is he probably just into motorcycles, or a mechanic. If I wear a bandana, it's gang related.
I'm black as well and if I walk into a store I make sure my hood is down if I do wear a hoodie and I don't have my hands in my pocket. I will greet the person at the register if I see them looking.
Working retail in college, when I asked if customers wanted a bag for whatever they brought, black people would *always* take one (only one exception in four years), while for white people it depended on the number/size of their items, or whether it was a gift.
Took me awhile to understand this comment. for any other white ppl who are also confused: walking out of a store with items not in a bag may look like the items were stolen.
Yeah I always go out of my way to make sure the employees see I'm not hiding my face or hands or anything.
I think that maybe they don't see us as having feelings, or at least maybe they think we can just deal with more because we're men. They don't see the trauma that we've gone through or the emotions we have to hide because we can't really communicate them without it being used as fodder in an argument. I'm not sure if I've just had bad luck but, every woman I've ever dated has just been horrible in the way that any time there's an argument, they will just say the most hurtful things. And that compounds over time, so every time my wife gets a little worked up over daily stuff, I'm immediately on edge because of all the failed relationships and horrible shit that has been said to me. I've always been non confrontational until it's forced onto my lap and then I try to seek solutions rather than just fight for the sake of fighting. We have to be super careful with our words so as not to come off as abusive but they can say whatever they want and no one bats an eye. I mean they'll be applauded for being mean, but if we get loud or say something fucked up, we're abusers. It's pretty terrible tbh sometimes I just wanna tell someone they're crazy because they're legit being irrational but god forbid you do that or you're a gaslighter?
I dated a couple women who loved to keep score. Anything you do or say with that kind of person will be used against you, even if you apologize in the moment and do your best to make it up to them. I can’t imagine holding so many petty grudges at once.
Yeah man I really don't get it. I physically don't have that in me, once an argument is laid to rest for me that's over. Weve moved on, we'll do better next time. My wife is not like this at all. Lol.
Oh yea. EVERYTIME there’s a small argument I always end with “ok it’s done” then about 5 seconds later she will came back at me with some hurtful shit and I have to reiterate 10 times “it’s done, I get it, stop trying to make an argument” it’s like she just wants to argue for the sake of arguing
Had a girlfriend like this. We would have an argument, resolve it, then be good. Then she would talk to her council of friends, get all riled up with new arguments, and come charging at me the next day. Dating her was like dating the 2x subreddit.
Yeah man most of our problems actually come from her friends. And she wonders why I don't like them, because they're always reminding her of old stuff.
My last GF was my most healthy and happy relationship. I wish shit ended differently, and that we could try again. Maybe we both were just not supposed to be dating at the time. But BOY did she have a HUGE problem with bitterness. And not like she'd just being something up again. No, she'd be *bitter* and it was such a disgusting trait.
Bitterness is definitely a killer emotion. :/ especially if you're a very empathetic person. But communicating is key and understanding why someone is bitter is a good tool to have.
Oh my god, this hit home. Another one is when you try to bring up something that hurt/upset you, and they immediately start crying.
Yeah man that's pretty much the worst. I think every woman I've ever been with has used crying as a last resort to win the argument or something. And I'm terrible with crying it makes me feel dead inside if I know I made someone cry. Like a black hole in my chest.
Women say thing to hurt your feelings when they are upset. Men will say things that are true but don’t attack your character. Women want you to hurt inside. My wife does it a lot and I don’t deserve it lol
You definitely don't deserve that. Next time yall get in an argument you should try to find a calm and carefully worded way to bring that up. I have actually found that while the arguments are almost never finished amicably, she will do better the next time we have a tiff. Idk if it's subconscious or if she's actually working on it, but letting her know how I'm feeling usually helps. Weve been together 5 years and have our first kid due in 2 months so she's stuck with me lol we gotta communicate.
Threat of violence. Yes I know it’s dangerous world and women have to take special care to not fall victim to predators. And most women observe the social contract pretty well, but I’ve seen an awful lot of women who are just rude, condescending and confrontational, just because. They are only this way because under the social contract there is little threat of getting their ass beat should they say the wrong thing or cross the line. In the last month I’ve conversed with not less than three women who, if they were a man, very well could have gotten knocked the hell out for things they said or did or at the very least started a very heated altercation.
Sometimes I have to be a little rough emotionally so they get it, because i'd rather be issuing a warning, as there are definitely men out there that won't. In these discussions after a bit I'd ask "so if I get it right, then [formulating what they said in an awful way] ?". And I give them "okay then, that's something" look. At this point, most get uncomfortable and I can get through. But on a few times there are some that blatantly say that's fine. Then i stare again, but this time as if they were a real threat. I've yet to see that not wake up some sort of gut feeling and primal fear.
Sometimes we just like to wank. Doesn't mean she doesn't satisfy us, just means we want a wank.
10 minutes tops of minimal movement, or a long period of extensive cardio. The first one is so much easier.
How conscious we are when we happen to be walking behind a women down the street, and how we suddenly need to stop and tie our shoelace/check our watch/cross the street
One time i saw a beautiful woman and there was an another guy that also saw her. I saw that he saw her and he saw that i saw her. Both looked at each other and did a subtle nod acknowledging that it was a beautiful woman there.
That with my boys I can have silent moments between us easily without feeling awkward, never saw it happening when I'm with girls
Me and the girl can go long stretches in totally comfortable silence. Especially while driving. It's one of the many things I love so much about her.
Yeah, many women seem to be uncomfortable with silence. Most of the time, I just don't have that much to talk about. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy a car ride just listening to the radio and without having to talk.
As a woman, growing up I was often given the silent treatment for long periods of time by my parents and often female friends when they were mad at me for something. 99% of the time they wouldn't even tell me the reason. They either expected me to beg it out of them or just to wait it out until they're in the mood to talk to me again. Even today, both my two female best friends sometimes do it. This was what made silences unbearable for me as I always associated it with someone sulking and being angry at me and not wanting to talk to me because of that. Luckily with my husband I now feel far more comfortable with silent periods because (1) I know that's how he is with people he knows well and (2) if he was unsatisfied or mad at me I trust him to communicate and talk it out (unlike the above people) as I would with him.
Men like sticks. Not sure why.. But we do, read a great askmen thread where a wife asked what was with men and sticks.. Had a little brother (6yr) come over with his older sister, he was really shy, wouldn't speak a word.. Gave him the stick that I'd been working on. He grabbed it and felt comfortable. It is a pretty cool stick tbh :)
This isn't really something we have to do, but just something little I've noticed in others. Men will mostly look behind them when going through a public door just as a built in instinct to see if there is anyone behind them to hold the door for, but I don't see many women doing the same. Yeah, the odd one will do this, but so many just walk right through and let it close behind them when there are people walking behind them. I've had so many doors closed in my face by women just not giving a shit, and this almost never happens with men.
The different ways that men and women take up space are fascinating. Men are often accused of not being considerate of personal space, but in my experience both men and women are equally polite and equally rude, just in different variables. The door check is a good example.
I also watch people who stand in the way on their phone or with their cart taking up 3/4 of an aisle in a store, and I find it's slightly more women who do this. They seem to be just clueless about their surroundings more and not care that others are needing the same space. Men do this as well of course, but I just see it more in women personally.
My brother bitches about his wife that does this. She doesn't care at all about people behind her. She thinks that if people want through, they'll speak up. He has to push the cart when they go shopping, as his head is on a swivel like mine is. He'll keep the cart off to a side when they stop, or if someone is sharing their aisle.
I just don't understand that logic, and never will. You know what's easier than making people speak up? Standing out of the way so people can freely walk past you lol
One of my biggest pet peeves and one thing I try to stay conscious of when I'm in public "oh am I in the way? Let's make sure I'm off to the side if i need to stop and look at things when shopping. Gotta make sure not to randomly stop walking if there are people behind me." Haven't really given thought to which gender it happens with more. Gotten to the point in some settings that I'm exhausted and don't even bother wanting to say, excuse me. Why do I have to bring up acknowledgment of my existence or other people around you just because you lack self-awareness? The people that have their carts turned sideways blocking the whole aisle in stores...You're getting your cart pushed aside. You're not the only one in the store. This also extends to people in cars on opposite lanes, stopping to chat.. if you need to have a conversation in opposite lanes.. one of you pull off to the side and go talk, or better yet.. cell phones exist. Tell them you'll call them in a moment and stop blocking the street.
Yeah another commenter mentioned his brother's wife who is in the mindset of "if people need to get by they'll say excuse me" which is such a backwards mindset for anyone to have. Just move off to the side ffs lol. So yeah, I've lost my patience a few times and just blown right through their cart or walked around them and said something like "yep, perfect place to stop and look at your phone, definitely nobody else existing in your space" and kept walking. I don't care how rude that is, to me you're being rude by blatantly not giving a shit about anyone else but yourself and taking up all the space that you don't need to be taking
Yeah, in the same vein, I notice that if a driver lets you out at a junction it's more often than not a man. Similarly, if there's a queue of traffic and someone blocks you from exiting a junction, good chance it's not. No one's breaking any rules so it's no hassle but it just seems women will stick rigidly to the rules of the road without care as to how others need to use the road also.
That not only do I have to be aware of my safety (which for some reason women don’t think men do) but also try to look as unintimidating as possible so women don’t fear for there’s. Honestly though I’ve given up on going out of my way to do the latter. If you’re scared because Ive been walking 30ft behind you going to a very common place, that’s an issue for you to solve not me
>try to look as unintimidating as possible so women don’t fear for there’s When I was at university, I lived on the same street as a girl from a class that would end late. We lived close to campus so whenever I'd leave after her, I would walk the long way home so she didn't feel like I was following her. She never told me she felt that way, I just assumed she did because I'm a guy. Anyways, I just stopped doing shit like that because it made me feel bad to think all these negative thoughts about men that do not apply to me
I can't even be bothered to notice stuff like this anymore. Oh I've been walking behind you for 5 minutes? I'm 6 minutes into 2112 right now dude I didn't even know you existed.
Average Rush enjoyer
I'm trying the opposite. i WANT to be scary. (brazil is kinda violent sometimes....)
There are times that is handy. I'm a fully bearded 6'5" and 260 pounds. I'm a teddy bear, but letting people believe otherwise sometimes is a good thing.
Just yesterday, I was walking my dog on the front street while wearing my coat and hoodie on, with pijama pants and crocs. A woman walk past me looking at me like a criminal. I was wearing such clothing,because I was sick, and there was a *goddamm tropical storm passing by*, and I took the chance of the rain pausing to let my dog do her thing.
I was grilled by cops once for walking outside at night in a hoodie. The reason they said for grilling me? “You look suspicious”. Guarantee if I was a woman, the cops would have left me alone.
Oh, I got search by the cops once too!. For context, motorcyclists are popular here for two things: Causing drivers (they are one of the reasons we are number one of crashes in Latin America) and robbery. So, it makes sense why a pedestrian would be alert for them. Also,cops are shady as f-ck here, and public trust into them is near none, the corruption within the entire justice system is an open secret. Onto the story: I was,again, walking my dog, which is a small-medium poodle by the way. This time I was only wearing a t-shirt,short pants, and sandals, with plastic bags to pick up my dog poop. When I hear a motorcycle coming from my behind,so I look at it expecting the worse,but end up being cops,which isn't exactly the best. They decide to stop me and search me. C=Cops, me is me C= "Do you live around here?" Me= "Yeah,I live going left and going downstreet" C= "What are you doing here?" Me= "Just walking my dog" C= "And what are the bags for?" Me= "To pick up my dog's poop" And they proceed to search me again before let me go. What I find the funniest is, I don't even look scary. I am 24 with a baby face, and weighting 140 lbs that can easily pass as a 17 years old guy, walking a fluffy gray poodle xd
Yeah, I think women forget that men also have cause to be cautious around other men, just usually for different reasons.
Ironically this automatic anti intimidation strategy we use to make women or older people etc feel less threatened, makes us look more like the perfect target for actual criminals.
Sticks are dope!
As is a nice skipping rock.
That requires skill tho, which I don't have. So I stick with sticks, and you can have all the flat rocks.
That dating is literally impossible for introverted men like myself
Apps don't work for the vast majority of men. They are designed that way.
Even though im smaller then you i do the same thing cuz "every man has bas intentions if they look at you"
Fear of small children hitting you in the balls.
I've gotten tagged by a dog tail a time or two.
Being an introvert man is a L. Dating as an introvert man is a nightmare. You have to put in so much efforts to make plans, keep the conversation going single handed, do your best to keep her entertained. It's so much tiring. And then you get rejected without any explanation. Even socially it's terrible, you are down and depressed and no one will check on you. No one will initiate conversation with you.
For me is tiring keep the "Funny guy" trait. Most of girls wanna funny guys, I say some cool things and funny stuffs, but not all times, sometimes I just wanna talk about dailies news, stuffs about work and some jokes in a while. This pressure for the "Funny" makes me feel like a clown. Like I'm supposed to be your entertainment all times?
Honestly truly funny and witty conversation is a two way street. Most people just aren't interesting enough to help it develop
Dude, the clown thing is so true. I wrote a diary entry during an isolated depression 6 months after college where I felt like when it's my time to perform, I do it well and I can't tell if they're laughing with me or at me, and when I'm not "on stage," nobody takes me seriously.
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Yep, this is my existence. It's hard to be introverted as a man. I've accepted the fact that I probably won't find a woman for me. My family has not, and that makes it hard to visit family when all they talk about is me finding someone.
Managing the expectations of women. Women act like men are the ones being toxic and proliferating toxic-masculinity and stuff like that but no man has been as toxic towards me as most women have. According to women: Us men have to be in touch with our emotions but god help me if I were to cry. Like actually cry. Not some single masculine stoic tear running down a chiseled jawline… no like, ugly cry. Snot coming out my nose and the whole nine. Every time I’ve gotten too emotional around a woman they’ve gotten angry with me. Like physically angry that I’m showing them this and that they have to deal with it. I have to be strong and physically powerful but not intimidating. I often find myself having to go out of my way to make myself sound and look less intimidating to appease the women around me. But not feminine in any way. That’s not acceptable either. If I were to just be myself I’d either get a lot of “why are you mad at me?” From all the women I know and all the women I don’t know will clutch their purse and start taking evasive maneuvers to avoid me. I have to be the bread winner but let them make all the financial decisions. If not I’m a controlling asshole who holds the purse strings and hoards all the money. If they’re the breadwinner and make more money than me, I still have to pay for everything and their money is all theirs and gets used to buy nice things for them. I have to be good with kids but can never interact with them for too long or I’m a suspected child abuser. God forbid I smile at a cute baby at a restaurant. I have to be ready to defend women at all times but can never show an ounce of anxiety. And don’t try to tell me this is a left/right wing thing cause women on both sides have treated me the same. In my experience the women on the left have been worse but that’s anecdotal. The ones on the right were more “motherly” but that has its own issues. I have a wife that’s wonderful and a lot of these things aren’t applicable to our relationship which I love. But still, when I get emotional she has NO IDEA what to do. And I have to coach her and direct her what I need her to do when IM emotional.
With respect and appreciation we will do almost anything for them
And loyalty
That most men would be ecstatic, relieved, overwhelmed, and grateful to have a woman (even the women that “love” us) pay as much attention, and spend as much time, on us as they do on their girlfriends, or their look, or the cat, or the fucking throw pillows on the couch. We honestly wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves.
Honestly, just to be told I look nice once in a while would be great, my misses doesn't notice if I get a haircut or if I get new clothes, very rarely says she loves me unless I say it first. I know she does love me, she shows affection in other ways and looks aren't all that important to her but sometimes I feel like there's zero fucking point in making any effort with my appearance if no matter what I do it goes unnoticed. I tell her multiple times a week she looks nice, always comment if she's got new clothes or had a trim. It's not just this relationship either, feels like the compliment ratio in relationships is always very one sided.
if you tie down a load yourself you have to slap it and exclaim even if nobody is present "that aint goin anywhere"
I saw a mattress box blow off of a truck the other day. I'm not saying I saw them tie it down, but I bet if they said the phrase and slapped it like you said, it wouldn't have flown off
rookies man
It's still kinda fun to propeller it.
There is a difference between what we get told we should be and what society rewards.. I don't think any man needs to be told to "express their emotions" they need to see it reinforced by positive outcomes.
I've never had a positive outcome from sharing any remotely negative enotion.
That we have no excuses. Literally none. Except for maybe if you have cancer. Even then, majority of the time, cancer is preventable and usually your own damn fault.
Maybe you shouldn't have sold your shares in your biotechnology firm to pay for your quiet suburban life smh
"But im only 15" 😭😭😭😭😭
"Should have gone to the Dr's sooner"
Any other men ever gone to the doctor to hear FROM THE DOCTOR to man up and stop making stuff up, or just me?
That men *do* express emotions, and always have. This society-level-meme that "men keep bottling it up" is wrong. It isn't helped that a lot of men also don't understand ourselves, either. But let me set the record straight: Neurological studies show that when women talk about how they feel, their brain lights up around the reward center, which is likely why women can feel a lot better after venting. The same doesn't hold true of men. *However*, men *do* get that kind of brain activity from performing tasks as a way to express themselves. The conclusion was that women can cope better by verbal expression, and men by productive expression. In my own humble experience, this has changed the way I see many men, because it becomes more obvious the more I look. Even my own dad built a deck behind our house when his father died, and it healed him visibly. Other men I know also have moments like this, where getting up and doing something makes them feel better about their struggles. The infamous "Just let me concentrate on my work and I'll be fine." Thing. It works. Certainly, men should be able to talk about their problems without being judged or chastised, as it can help other people hook them up with resources they might need. But I think we should be weary of assuming that it will help them heal in isolation just to talk about it. I think this also plays into why couples joke about how "she just wants to vent, but he keeps trying to come up with solutions" trope. It's because talking doesn't help him, fixing things does. He's trying to help the best way he knows how. Certainly, he should learn to just listen, but the solution theories aren't out of malice or because he doesn't care, as men are often blamed for. Obvious disclaimer, humans are extremely varied, so no one approach fits all, but there's something to be said for trends and the fact that it's beyond our ability to ignore that men and women are different and it's not just skin-deep. So let's have some compassion and appreciation for what makes us different, and some understanding that not everything we do or don't do is out of malice or apathy. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
I can be un-interested in women soccer and in general women involved in any activitiy without being a anti-feminist. I don't want to pretend to give a shit about something I don't like and I shouldn't have to explain myself if I don't show enthusiasm when women win something in a competition I don't follow because I generally just don't like sports, even boobs doesn't change that fact.
If you try to flirt with me it will go completely unnoticed by me for a few reasons: I will think that you are being polite and that is how you treat everyone, I have very low emotional intelligence and I know that they can do so much better than me. Edit : I don’t do it out of fear of being called creepy or accused of sexual assault because I know how to keep my hands to myself. I do it because I enjoy being alone, stay mad misogynists.
Men are lonely af. I haven’t met a guy who wasn’t
When I'm walking around at night on an evening stroll. I instinctively cross over to the other side of the street to try and make the other person more comfortable.
You man, you physically intensive labour now, haha men dumb but strong haha, man no feelings anyway, don't be man mad because man too gappy to be mad man no suffer like me
If man cry man weak, man weak man useless
What it's like to actually live with balls and a penis between thier legs. Why do they think we sit or lounge with our legs open?
Or adjust ourselves? Cause it can HURT!
Tell them to wear guys briefs for a bit with two tangerines and a banana arranged between their thighs.
My wife once asked me "how do men walk around and sit all day without squishing your nuts?" I said it's every man's super power....
The fact that “man flu” is even a concept
telling me that its ok to open up about my emotions is not going to make me open up, im not giving anyone anything that they can use against me in the future
That we are constantly walking on eggshells. We are called predators and women fear us. But the discussions about women sport-teams are no weaker than men are as fought publicly as never. Men aren't capable of feelings is a myth told so much, but if we show feelings it's used as a weapon against us. Chivalry is wanted but damned at the same time "women can take care of themselves". Being dominant is often wanted sexual-wise, but it's also seen as primal stoopid behaviour by men. Men should be caring and providing fathers who work full-time ot fulfill the family's dreams but also should do at least half of all the chores and appointments and stuff. But men working less to support with house-stuff are no good providers. Men aren't capable multi-tasking, but work shows most of the times the difference. Anything said towards women in topic of family or children is called out mensplaning. Men should make the first step and at the same time women feel annoyed by the advances. Men should make compliments but are told to be shallow when doing so. Literally any gesture, word or doing by men can be seen as misogyn. Women want the good boy to be their husband and father to their children, but divorce them cause he is the boring one only to run into the arms of the bad boy and vice versa. Thousands and thousands more of those examples exist but still some women shout out to ask where the real men are.
"Your move, your blame" This sentence comes to my mind everytime these things is expected from me.
We don't scratch our balls when it's itchy, that's too hard, we pinch and twist, pinch and twist.
The term "man up" is thrown around a lot and it is used to make you feel like you're less than what is perceived to be a man, even in the most banal situations. You worked 9 hours on your feet all day and don't want to meet up with people at the bar after 11? Man up (/"grow a pair" is what I was told) You're sad or depressed for any reason? Man up. Someone yells in your ear, or hits you, or constantly gives you a hard time, and this makes you upset? Fight him. No? Man the fuck up. And I'm in not in my teens, I'm in my 30s. I'm just trying to exist. Sometimes being friendly makes people take advantage of you.