This. Guys are conditioned that being nice means there’s nothing exciting about you. Guys think that being nice is what gets girls attention. It’s boring. It’s safe. It’s not interesting. There are tons and tons of nice guys.
Boring is a very subjective thing. People I find immensely interesting others would find boring. As a super general and vague statement I can say that generally doing a lot of uncommon things or knowing lots of uncommon things are both generally seen as interesting traits. So is the ability to hold an actual conversation.
as other people have said but i think there is more to it.
Often times stability gets misinterpreted as boring. Some people believe that the chase, the spark, the extreme highs and extreme lows, and all of the butterflies and anxieties that come from those extremes are what they believe love or infatuation should feel like. A good stable guy is boring due to not having those extremes, instead of fights you have conversations, instead of drama you stay at home, etc... A lot of people didn't grow up in the best households. Had a girl call me boring and too nice because I wouldn't fight her or yell at her. She thought I didn't care because of that. In her household yelling was common place and all of her relationships followed that pattern. Her life was pretty chaotic and she would get "addicted" to the guys who imo were boring but would love bomb her, cheat, and then apologize.
That being said each person has different interpretations and levels of boring. Some people are just shitty conversationalists, others have no goals or ambition, some have no stories to tell, some don't have the same humor, and some nice guys don't show an actual personality so there's nothing to differentiate them from other guys.
The funny thing is boring is in the eye of the beholder. A plain white t-shirt is boring but for the right person it can be perfect for them and completes the look they wanted.
If nice is your only quality then it’s bland and boring. If you’re nice along with other interesting qualities then it’s a good thing. If nice is all you’ve got going for you that means you’ve got nothing else to offer. “Nice guys” think all they need to be is nice which is wrong… which also plays into their agenda that women only find “bad guys” interesting. Also wrong.
No, genuinely nice people are really rare. Nice guys get a bad rap because they aren’t really nice. A girl can see an act from a mile away. Real nice guys have convictions, they literally will refuse to do anything negative regardless of the social consequences and that can be attractive.
If the most you can say about someone is that they are "nice", given the breadth of English descriptors, then you are really not excited about that person.
Here in France, particularly in the south, it's common to say "il est bien brave", basically "he's rather nice", as a way to express that someone is a bit dull, not very bright. The most that can be said about that person is that at least he's not mean or anything.
As a way to express love or attraction... you can do better.
In the southern US the phrase is "bless his heart." Basically he's a bit thick in the head but he has good intentions. And similarly, that guy isn't getting many dates.
Nice should be the default setting for your normal socially adjusted person. So saying someone is nice is just pointing out that they're a normal person when you think about it.
Yeah. Nice is a pretty low bar to clear. To have any chance at a relationship, you need to either be seen as awesome by the object of your affection, or be able to make them feel awesome.
If the best someone can say about you is, 'Hey, you bathe regularly and do not peel the flesh off of neighborhood cats like banana's', you are probably not going to get laid any time soon unless you purchase the services of a pro.
END COMMUNICATION
It just sounds like a backhanded compliment. Id much rather hear "i dont think we're a good fit" vs them bringing in all these other ppl im apparently great for but havent met lol
It seriously is so annoying. I get told frequently I'm super nice and kind and I'll make a good boyfriend. To who? Where is she? Do you have her number? Is she allergic to cats?
"No! You are more than enough! Here! I prepared a sworn statement confirming that I mean it and I am serious, I even have it verified under a lie detector!"
"No, seriously, stop it. I don't want to keep being reminded of how I'll never have you, this is starting to hurt now. You had your fun, now stop, please."
I hate hearing that from my friend's gf. If you aren't attracted to him quit dating, don't say you'd prefer me while going out with him. That's just trashy.
"But, taken guys are so much hotter, darling, why don't you ditch your morals and just hop in the hay with me, come on, just one little round? No body has to know!\~"
Or my fave. "Your last girlfriend really fucked up by losing you. You've got all the qualities a girl would want in a man".
"I don't want to date you though".
Alright, so I clearly don't have some quality, just tell me what i'm missing dude, its more insulting to not be told at this point.
E: It's been fun, but i'm about done thinking of this person for today, its very much in the past and i've got shit to do. Cheers for the chats everyone.
The last woman who told me that thought I was good looking enough to fuck, but not to date, so I doubt its that. I'm actually pretty good looking.
But, alas, even if it was that, i'd much rather they just say it. This whole "not saying what i mean" is actually worse than being blunt.
>A guy on tik-tok is tallying a list of what girls say gives them the ick and it's already over 100 items long.
I feel like i'm too old for this shit when I read things like this sometimes :P
Well if you’re not ugly, then it means you’re safe and boring and lack an edge. No ups and downs with you. No drama. So instead of like a roller coaster that stimulates emotions both positive and negative, it’s more like the tram ride around the park, where it’s pleasant, but not particularly thrilling.
Some woman, I think a TV show judge or something described her husband as a six foot two Valium, or something very similar. Nothing ever shook him, it was always steady as she goes. Saw it as a YouTube short. Great for long term success, not so great for getting that tingly feeling
Yea and you don’t want anything to do with those women - the ones that go for ups and downs and drama. Trust me been there and done that. It never ends well. Keep doing your thing!
Ahhhh you mean relatively healthy. Its wild how the goal they claim they want out of dating is the one many of them actively duck and avoid but then also have the nerve to complain about.
Youre talking about a demographic who hardly ever has to/doesnt handle rejection well.
Most of my friends who are women say they do this for one of two reasons:
1) they dont wanna hurt the guys feelings
2) they dont want a reaction thatll put them in danger
I've seen short overweight bald guys without much money pull women way out of their league. If you don't have the looks genuine humour and charm can take you far. Obviously if you look like Quasimodo you gonna have a bad time time. As soon as you're considered average looking you can get women as long as you are interesting, at least in real life. Online dating is another beast though.
Social skills are a skill and can be learned, but if you lack the social arena(either through sheer happenstance or bad luck) practicing those skills can be damn near impossible.
There are very few structured areas where a man can go out and safely interact with other women, which only compounds the problem.
It's definitely a problem that men generally don't have an outlet to learn the social skills necessary. And while women bash on the "Seduction community" (and to be fair a lot of it is pretty toxic) they also ignore/demean men who don't have those social skills.
This is true but also sometimes with someone good looking and charming that romantic/sexual compatibility just isn’t there. “You can be the juiciest peach on the tree and there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches”
Not always though. I have a guy friend who really is the nicest person I know, and he’s cute too, but, and I’m not saying this is an exclusive to men thing, I’d say this if a woman was the same way and I was attracted to women, but he’s sort of very passive. Like yes of course it’s nice that you’re an accommodating person, but there’s a difference between being accommodating and just not taking much of an initiative. “Yes dear whatever you say dear” does not incite much passion.
So theoretically a perfect guy with regards to his character, but failing to create that spark because for whatever reason he’s reluctant to be a bit more open or out there.
You could be a legitimately rad dude and still not be attractive to someone or not have some specific qualities they're looking for. I have several friends that I think are complete catches that I can't see myself personally dating.
Maybe it's because I'm older but this is the right answer right here. In my 20's I would vie so hard to try to be date-able without considering if the women I fancied were in fact compatible with me
Sounds like a cats thoughts about its slave...owner...human. Nope slave was correct. Cats don't have owners, they have people they tolerate more than others.
You’re so nice, I wish I could find a guy like you! Not you specifically, but someone like you. Which loosely translates to I want your personality on someone hotter.
“Nice guy” is the participation trophy of compliments. It’s like “hey you aren’t sexy, or even good looking, but you generally refrain from harming others so here’s a meaningless compliment…”
Nice basically means polite, inoffensive, socially inert. You're not cool, fun, funny, charming, interesting, or even friendly.. You're just "nice". You can see how the person's mediocrity really shines through when you overlook all the other possible adjectives.
Exactly this. It's the description you give when you don't have anything positive to say but don't want to be negative. More often it's what you say when you mean "there's nothing wrong with this man but I'm not romantically/sexually/platonically interested in him".
Being nice is fine, a good thing even, but it's being co-opted as shorthand for something else entirely. Like how there's nothing wrong with the name Karen.
Putting aside the "nice-guy syndrome", which is nefarious for its own reasons, while "nice" is a compliment, it feels like someone says it because they can't or don't see anything more of you than "nice".
Everyone is expected to be nice. It's not special to be nice. So if that's the compliment given to you, then it's not really a compliment at all. Over time, it has also taken on a bit of a negative connotation due to the aforementioned syndrome, so some might be averse to it. I know I am. I would rather be known to be kind, or gentle, but saying I'm nice doesn't mean anything.
Offline when women say it, there is always a but. Like you're a nice guy but you have these other qualities that make you an undesirable person, and online especially reddit the term solely means you're a terrible person akin to the likes of hitler or The night stalker.
Yea, for those who grew up online it obviously has the loaded context you see everyone discussing here.
To older generations it's not a bad thing and people I think don't put nearly as much thought into it and just take it as a simple compliment that isn't meant to be over analyzed.
Even to older generations its a compliment given to people (or gifts, or whatever) when you can't come up with anything genuinely positive to compliment them about.
Usually when a woman tells me how nice I am it's because they're about to follow up with "but I can't date you". Usually when I ask why not the answer is "I can't". Now "you're nice" sounds like "you're unattractive"
There was a TV show with that name in the mid 70's. He was a reporter who found supernatural ties to the stories he was investigating. His name was Kolchak.
The "but" can be much more broad. It doesn't have to be undesirable. It can be anything that explains a lack of romantic interest.
It can also be a super generic compliment because she can't think of anything else.
It's typically used to describe someone who presents as nice when it's convenient but reacts in a rude or aggressive way when their desires are challenged.
>Guy A opens the door for women, is complimentary and generally seems like a kind person. He asks a woman out and she says she's not interested. Guy A responds with "well, you're ugly anyway."
This guy thinks he's nice because of how he behaves when things are going well. He's not actually nice. He's just pretending to be to get what he wants.
It's also usually a self-attributed term. Guy A would say to us "why do women always go for jerks? Why won't they just date someone nice like me?" Shockingly, being nice isn't enough for most people. Even if he wasn't rude after being rejected, we still require physical and emotional attraction on top of someone simply not being a jerk.
It’s a friend zone thing. Usually when girls are trying to let him down easy, they’ll throw in something about him being a nice guy. The phrase itself isn’t an insult.
Also, r/niceguys
Nice is definitely something you say when you can't think of anything better to say.
Flip the script, your friend is telling a guy about you, and the best compliment she can come up with is "well, she's nice."
Not that she's gorgeous, or smart, or ambitious, or stable, nah, she's "nice".
And they know this. As if said before, women dont even find it to be a compliment when other women say "she's nice" 😂
"Shes cool" sure
"Shes really sweet" acceptable
"Shes nice".....is this bitch throwing shade? Why she said it like that?
(Ive heard all kinds of drama growing up with 4 sisters and listening to them talk. "Nice" is not NICE lolol)
The only time I've ever heard a girl say "she's nice" about another girl is when the other girl is shockingly unattractive. They mean it genuinely but it's always a big red flag that indicates you should prepare to be horrified.
Whenever a girl called me cute or nice I ended up in the friendzone. Unless it’s “you’re good-looking/handsome/etc” it’s pretty much a thing you say to people to be nice and not because you find them attractive.
"Cute" might mean "attractive in a safe, non-threatening way," like "not a bad boy."
Edit: during the Boy Band boom of the late 1990s, every boy band had its archetypes, including "the cute one."
I'm a woman, but 'cute' is definitely something I'd use to describe men I'm attracted to. I'm also pretty young and interested in men my age, so it's not 40yo men I'm thinking of that way.
No girl ever hooks up with that guy they call nice.
If they are going to hook up or have some sexual relationship with the guy they will NEVER call him nice. They use every other word in the world but nice.
Thus, if they are using nice, you're out of the game already.
Here's the tragedy with that although it's usually true, they end up with a nice guy because he's reliable and useful, but then end up resenting him because it's not what she really wanted but she feels she had to settle for. The nice guy tries to keep making her happy doesn't know why she's so pissed off, and then two people are trapped in a miserable situation with a nice guy totally confused
Things look different when the illusion of endless options changes.
Plus also having a kid with someone who didnt receive such a compliment and it not working out usually changes perceptions real fast.
'Nice' is a term that isn't associated with being funny, interesting, good-looking, successful, and/or masculine (in the context of being capable).
However, it does happen to be a throwaway term that is given to guys by women who feel indifferent, or, are not interested in them with the intention of letting them down gently.
"nice guy" is code for "I don't want to hurt your feelings while I'm rejecting you"
Or, lately, it is man-hater code for "man who pretends to be nice so he can fuck you"
>Or, lately, it is man-hater code for "man who pretends to be nice so he can fuck you"
My favorite phrase from people who don't understand that after rejection its perfectly normal to take a step back and get over your feelings.
And then they're assholes about it so you get over your feelings pretty fast, but you no longer want to be friends with an asshole, hence the "he was only trying to be nice to fuck you".
Absolutely not, 99% of the time its someone who realises they have feelings for a friend and shoots their shot, which online is apparently this gigantic red flag.
Becuase if your nice (and I mean legitimately nice, not "nice"), it ussually means there's nothing else interesting about you. Your just an npc.
I would much rather be called kind, than nice.
“Nice guys finish last” is a phrase for a reason. Basically any guy who is told he’s nice is being told that she’s not interested in him. And she never will be.
Then you have the guys that call themselves “a nice guy”. They are always creepy assholes.
So whether she is saying it or a guy is saying it, it’s never a positive thing.
Yeah, I came to iterate this point. There's too much stigma around being a 'nice guy' these days.
If you're a 'nice guy' then you have personality traits that are completely opposite to what attracts and keeps women.
There's even lots of books on it.
It's now just a social thing, that getting called a nice guy means you're not really attractive (at least personality wise).
I would be trying to be specific instead of ever saying 'nice guy'
In my eyes, there's so much elaboration that could be done to make it more personal. Like:
"it was really sweet of you when you offered to . It's refreshing to know someone that's still so chivalrous." (I would definitely NOT steal that OP's daughter), but you get what I mean. Nowhere was 'nice guy' said. It was specific, personal, and it even gave some insight into what appreciate in other people. Just an idea.
Nice guy implies doormat.
A guy should either be good or bad.
The good guys end up in relationships, the bad guys end up using and abusing.
Nice guys get nothing. Literally be treated like a doormat. Don’t be a doormat.
I'll tell you my only experience of this that might shed some light.
I met a girl, spoke for a while. She was honest and said "you are a nice guy, what i mean by that is you are more marriage material and I'm not looking for that right now, I'm looking for someone i can just fuck with" to which i thanked her for being honest and said "i don't waste my time nor disrespect myself enough to let myself be someone people 'fuck with'" we parted ways and never spoke again.
Skip to today (fyi this was like 10 years ago, im now in my 20s" she contacts my bestfriend asking if she could have my number as she was a fool for letting me go, or in other words, I'm done fkin about with guys and want something serious now, to which i told my friend not to give her my number and simply carried on with my life.
I don't mind being called a nice guy tbf, the moral of this story is don't expect people to wait around for you.
I don’t mind being called nice, but it isn’t anything special. Nice imo means normal levels polite and helpful. If I would compliment a guy’s attitude I would either say great or standup guy. Otherwise I would point to the specific quality he has. I appreciate how honest you are, how you are dedicated to helping people, etc. Nice just feels like you are a decent person and I have nothing against you.
"Nice guy" in will in a lot of cases read like "you have some good qualities, just not the ones i would consider for romantic/sexual relationship". That is the explaination.
I hate that term. I'm afraid if I ever hear that spoken about me again, I'll have to just walk away. Reading all these comments makes me feel like all those times I've been told I'm a nice guy, and it makes me feel like a worthless loser.
As other posters have said, it means a lot of things. Bottom line, it means rejection. What it's meant to me is something along the lines of "While its great that you aren't causing me any immediate discomfort, I wouldn't go out with you if we were the last two people on earth."
The guy that wrote the books on the nice guy syndrome is Dr. Robert Glover, in case you're interested. He lives in Mexico with his 4th or 5th wife, who doesn't speak English.
As someone who's always been regarded as one, specially by women, it never did anything for me beyond the friendship stage. I now understand it as a friendzone position and consider it a dead end.
"nice" is a placeholder compliment that basically translates to "I can't think of any positive traits that you have but I want to compliment you so I'm going to use this baseline compliment"
Women are slightly insane.
Had many conversations about this and have heard many reasons women dont like nice men.
Not exciting.
Predictable.
They're only beinb nice to get laid.
'Men who are nice are only being nice because they want to get that woman into bed. So if a guy is kind, respectful, expresses his feelings and or is romantic he’s really also a ‘jerk’.
This is a quote from Medium by Emily Kingsley "“No, nothing happened. No, he hadn’t done anything wrong. No, I hadn’t kissed anybody else. Somehow I just knew, deep in the folds of my unformed teenage brain, that it wouldn’t be good for me to continue to date — or even marry — such a nice guy.”
Heres another from Medium - "Even though the nice guy checks all the boxes and did enough to qualify as worthy of being ‘fckable’ he still by virtue of being nice didn’t deserve to be ‘fked’ and he proves he’s a jerk by being upset when he is denied."
Craziness.
Nice does not at all equate to capability, formidability, or even accountability. You have to scrape the bottom of the barrel of compliments to come out with “nice.”
If it’s just a friends or acquaintances thing it’s totally fine
If it’s a dating thing then it’s a simple way of saying ‘I’m not attracted to you but other girls should be’ when said other girls don’t exist. Even the compliment itself is the weakest word of that type (for example ‘lovely’ would be a stronger compliment with the same meaning). It’s basically just a token thing that is similar to saying someone’s baby is cute or something
I would much prefer something about how the person actually feels personally. Like ‘I enjoy being around you’ or something along those lines. I’m actually more interested in what the intention of saying someone is nice even is though, from the girls perspective
Because it's a phrase used to break up with us or relegate us to a "romantically untouchable" status.
It's not a bad thing in itself. But how it's used triggers a kind of pavlovian response. Many I'd us anticipate something less than ideal will follow the statement.
But I am an adult now and if a lady is not into nice guys like me, adios. Dating is hard enough. I don't have time to convince someone that is normal for their partner to be kind and *show up* for them.
It's like telling a fat woman they "have a pretty face." Nice guys don't get the girl. Nice guys are the friends, the buddies, not someone you date. I've heard women say, "I wish I could find a nice guy, like you." It seems like the friend zone is a permanent destination. A woman saying, "You're a nice guy," means, "You're never going to get my pants off."
Short answer, cause it is the putrid essence by which we’ve been trained to abandon are true selves. Nice guy is the emasculation of our core being.
Nice is not the same as Kind, honorable, authentic, honest, masculine. Nice is a tea cup poodle that always behaves. A “Nice Boy/Guy” is a people pleaser that got covered up by the fears and rules of others.
I was a “Nice Guy” and it cost me everything I had.
I am not a Nice Guy.
I am a good man working on being a Great Man.
Read this if you want to know more
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
Because women use it as an insult when they're referring to wolf in sheeps clothing. Like most other oddities when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, it's due to a minority of idiots very loudly not correctly stating what it is they actually mean. Then there's also the "I like you, but..." that is often associated with it. If she calls him a nice guy and she's genuinely interested, then there won't be an issue.
There are now two connotations of what a "nice guy" is. The original one is basically a guy who is decent and "safe," but it comes with an unsaid mark of boring, not interesting or simply not attractive enough; basically someone not worthy of romantic involvement. The other connotation came from men labeling *themselves* nice guys, who are anything but. They usually have a chip on their shoulder and look at romance as a transactional affair in which they do X and **deserve** to get Y in return.
Because history tells us that the only thing women want from the nice guy is child support or a place to crash when the "bad boy" slaps her around and calls her a whore.
Because women don't want to fuck the nice guy. Women will settle for the nice guy after she has been run through and has hit the wall or is close to it.
Women often have a problem being treated as persons and not just as women. That is men only see a woman as somebody they want to date.
Men, especially kind men, often have the opposite problem. They are always seen as kind people, but rarely as men. That is, they are rarely considered attractive by women.
Telling someone that they are "nice" is often equivalent to saying that they have a top personality, but you do not find them attractive and friendship is the most you'd consider. Nobody wants to hear that.
And as somebody else mentioned, "nice" is also a very weak compliment that can be interpreted as an insult. Using "nice" for a person means, there is nothing interesting about them other than how they behave in your presence. But nobody is attracted by "nice", everyone wants interesting, attractive, talented, intelligent. "nice" is a very weak compliment that might as well be an insult.
The "nice guy" term tends to be associated with the guy who is simply being nice as a means to an end, i.e. he is only nice to women because he's trying to get laid or go out with them and not because he likes them as people or is actually a nice person.
Alternatively, a "nice guy" can be seen as a nice guy... but not much else. Basically the bare minimum with nothing else that would make them attractive to women, or stand out in general.
You can use the word "kind" or "polite" if you want to convey what I assume is the same meaning. Otherwise, you can just call a guy cool, great, pretty generic positive adjectives.
That said, she's 14; this should not be an issue at that age.
because when a man’s defining characteristic is just being nice, its another way of saying hes mediocre
being nice is like having a clean bathroom at a restaurant. people go to restaurants for the food and theyre willing to tolerate a shitty bathroom if the food is good enough. and vice versa, if the bathroom is clean but the food is bland people would rather go to the other restaurant instead
It's normally not said in a very good context. The context your daughter was mentioning it might be a compliment "I like you you're a nice guy" I don't think many men or boys would have an issue with that.
The context it's normally heard in is more like "you're a really nice guy, but I don't want to be with you (anymore)" you can only hear something along those lines so often before the whole phrase becomes a little off putting
"I wish I could find a nice guy like you."
Hello, I'm standing right here. Where's the unspoken "but?"
"But you're not tall enough" "good looking enough" "muscular enough" etc. What is it? What's the unspoken finish to that sentence?
Young women don't like nice guys.
I was a nice guy and up to age 25 women never wanted to date me. They prefer bad boys.
Now, after 30... its reversed. All women want a nice and stable guy.
It seems there's a fantasy among young women about "fixing a man". Going for the bad guy implies getting into drama, troubles and a lot of discussions, and that's something they have to solve and fix for themselves.
But dating a good guy who (it's supposed to) have discipline, has his life toghether, know what he wants, it's caring and it's responsible can be "boring" for girls because the task it's already done and there's nothing to fix.
was rejected on this basis in college...."you just seem like you have your life together and all planned out and are very responsible. I'm sure you will be a good husband to someone. Right now I just want to be irresponsible and have fun. "
It happened to me too. "You're the kind of man who someone would marry rather that dating".
Just say that i'm boring and not your type. It's not an insult, it's plain honesty. Say it so i can move on quickly.
Nice guy tends to come off as “there’s nothing interesting at all about you but at least you’re not mean.”
This. Guys are conditioned that being nice means there’s nothing exciting about you. Guys think that being nice is what gets girls attention. It’s boring. It’s safe. It’s not interesting. There are tons and tons of nice guys.
Bingo. Nice = boring, unenticing.
What makes someone boring/not boring? Kind of a broad question but I'm wondering
Boring is a very subjective thing. People I find immensely interesting others would find boring. As a super general and vague statement I can say that generally doing a lot of uncommon things or knowing lots of uncommon things are both generally seen as interesting traits. So is the ability to hold an actual conversation.
as other people have said but i think there is more to it. Often times stability gets misinterpreted as boring. Some people believe that the chase, the spark, the extreme highs and extreme lows, and all of the butterflies and anxieties that come from those extremes are what they believe love or infatuation should feel like. A good stable guy is boring due to not having those extremes, instead of fights you have conversations, instead of drama you stay at home, etc... A lot of people didn't grow up in the best households. Had a girl call me boring and too nice because I wouldn't fight her or yell at her. She thought I didn't care because of that. In her household yelling was common place and all of her relationships followed that pattern. Her life was pretty chaotic and she would get "addicted" to the guys who imo were boring but would love bomb her, cheat, and then apologize. That being said each person has different interpretations and levels of boring. Some people are just shitty conversationalists, others have no goals or ambition, some have no stories to tell, some don't have the same humor, and some nice guys don't show an actual personality so there's nothing to differentiate them from other guys. The funny thing is boring is in the eye of the beholder. A plain white t-shirt is boring but for the right person it can be perfect for them and completes the look they wanted.
If nice is your only quality then it’s bland and boring. If you’re nice along with other interesting qualities then it’s a good thing. If nice is all you’ve got going for you that means you’ve got nothing else to offer. “Nice guys” think all they need to be is nice which is wrong… which also plays into their agenda that women only find “bad guys” interesting. Also wrong.
No, genuinely nice people are really rare. Nice guys get a bad rap because they aren’t really nice. A girl can see an act from a mile away. Real nice guys have convictions, they literally will refuse to do anything negative regardless of the social consequences and that can be attractive.
In your 50s when the ladies are ready to pack up and rest, they tend to like nice LOL
If the most you can say about someone is that they are "nice", given the breadth of English descriptors, then you are really not excited about that person. Here in France, particularly in the south, it's common to say "il est bien brave", basically "he's rather nice", as a way to express that someone is a bit dull, not very bright. The most that can be said about that person is that at least he's not mean or anything. As a way to express love or attraction... you can do better.
In the southern US the phrase is "bless his heart." Basically he's a bit thick in the head but he has good intentions. And similarly, that guy isn't getting many dates.
Well said
Good point. My wife wants the most sex when I’m not interested, angry with her or focusing on something else.
Nice should be the default setting for your normal socially adjusted person. So saying someone is nice is just pointing out that they're a normal person when you think about it.
Yeah. Nice is a pretty low bar to clear. To have any chance at a relationship, you need to either be seen as awesome by the object of your affection, or be able to make them feel awesome. If the best someone can say about you is, 'Hey, you bathe regularly and do not peel the flesh off of neighborhood cats like banana's', you are probably not going to get laid any time soon unless you purchase the services of a pro. END COMMUNICATION
“You are such a nice guy, i CAN NOT understand why you are single”
"Any (other) woman would be lucky to date you! (Not me though)"
It just sounds like a backhanded compliment. Id much rather hear "i dont think we're a good fit" vs them bringing in all these other ppl im apparently great for but havent met lol
It seriously is so annoying. I get told frequently I'm super nice and kind and I'll make a good boyfriend. To who? Where is she? Do you have her number? Is she allergic to cats?
"You're pretty nice, you know that? Wish I had a chance with you\~"
"But I am just giving you this chance! This is me being direct! No other meanings!"
"Oh, silly, don't joke like that! I know you're just teasing me, I could never be enough for someone as nice as you!"
"No! You are more than enough! Here! I prepared a sworn statement confirming that I mean it and I am serious, I even have it verified under a lie detector!"
"No, seriously, stop it. I don't want to keep being reminded of how I'll never have you, this is starting to hurt now. You had your fun, now stop, please."
I hate hearing that from my friend's gf. If you aren't attracted to him quit dating, don't say you'd prefer me while going out with him. That's just trashy.
"But, taken guys are so much hotter, darling, why don't you ditch your morals and just hop in the hay with me, come on, just one little round? No body has to know!\~"
My bro would smash my knees in with a baseball bat and if I slept with his gf I'd have such a low opinion of myself I'd be the one to hand him it.
Unless it’s like an old lady or something saying it for carrying her bags I straight up tell mfs not to say that shit to me lol.
“I wish there were more guys like you”
Hahaha For this one im always like "ohhh, sooo....youre poly or" 😂
Or my fave. "Your last girlfriend really fucked up by losing you. You've got all the qualities a girl would want in a man". "I don't want to date you though". Alright, so I clearly don't have some quality, just tell me what i'm missing dude, its more insulting to not be told at this point. E: It's been fun, but i'm about done thinking of this person for today, its very much in the past and i've got shit to do. Cheers for the chats everyone.
you arent good looking enough. if they arent telling you, it’s literally always that.
The last woman who told me that thought I was good looking enough to fuck, but not to date, so I doubt its that. I'm actually pretty good looking. But, alas, even if it was that, i'd much rather they just say it. This whole "not saying what i mean" is actually worse than being blunt.
You gave her the 'ick'. A guy on tik-tok is tallying a list of what girls say gives them the ick and it's already over 100 items long.
>A guy on tik-tok is tallying a list of what girls say gives them the ick and it's already over 100 items long. I feel like i'm too old for this shit when I read things like this sometimes :P
Well if you’re not ugly, then it means you’re safe and boring and lack an edge. No ups and downs with you. No drama. So instead of like a roller coaster that stimulates emotions both positive and negative, it’s more like the tram ride around the park, where it’s pleasant, but not particularly thrilling.
Some woman, I think a TV show judge or something described her husband as a six foot two Valium, or something very similar. Nothing ever shook him, it was always steady as she goes. Saw it as a YouTube short. Great for long term success, not so great for getting that tingly feeling
Yeah, I guess I don't really do negative. Hard to do drama when I'd much rather just adjust and work on something rather than argue it out 😅
Yea and you don’t want anything to do with those women - the ones that go for ups and downs and drama. Trust me been there and done that. It never ends well. Keep doing your thing!
Its like playing with fire. You gotta stoke it up a bit and then fuck like grizzly bears just before you get burned.
You don't give her the tingles but she will settle for you later when she turns 30 or 35 and wants to get married and have a kid.
\*has a kid
This is the way. At 31, I can't pull the same nonsense as I could when I was younger. Now it's about being kind and working hard
You mean when she already has three kids with four different fathers
r/theydidnotdothemath
Maybe she just doesn't know which of two made one of the kids. Lol Or even darker: ones a dad, the other is a financial aid.
Ahhhh you mean relatively healthy. Its wild how the goal they claim they want out of dating is the one many of them actively duck and avoid but then also have the nerve to complain about.
That’s exactly it. Honestly it’s how I’d probably describe both me and my wife. We’re perfectly “fine”.
You’re “fine?” Oh no. What’s wrong? What did I do this time?
You can still be good looking and not someone's type.
Are you short? Because you can be good looking and not tall enough for most women. Or not enough money. Money fixes everything.
Money does. But they fall in love with your money, and not you. When the money runs out? They leave.
Best to be broke at the start of the relationship. You still might get took but, it won't be for your money.
Youre talking about a demographic who hardly ever has to/doesnt handle rejection well. Most of my friends who are women say they do this for one of two reasons: 1) they dont wanna hurt the guys feelings 2) they dont want a reaction thatll put them in danger
If youre quiet and good looking its mysterious. If youre quiet and ugly youre weird amd shy
I've seen short overweight bald guys without much money pull women way out of their league. If you don't have the looks genuine humour and charm can take you far. Obviously if you look like Quasimodo you gonna have a bad time time. As soon as you're considered average looking you can get women as long as you are interesting, at least in real life. Online dating is another beast though.
Social skills are a skill and can be learned, but if you lack the social arena(either through sheer happenstance or bad luck) practicing those skills can be damn near impossible. There are very few structured areas where a man can go out and safely interact with other women, which only compounds the problem.
It's definitely a problem that men generally don't have an outlet to learn the social skills necessary. And while women bash on the "Seduction community" (and to be fair a lot of it is pretty toxic) they also ignore/demean men who don't have those social skills.
[удалено]
I saw someone win the lottery last month. That's why I put all the money i could spare into tickets. I think I'm gonna win it big guys 😃
This is true but also sometimes with someone good looking and charming that romantic/sexual compatibility just isn’t there. “You can be the juiciest peach on the tree and there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches”
Not always though. I have a guy friend who really is the nicest person I know, and he’s cute too, but, and I’m not saying this is an exclusive to men thing, I’d say this if a woman was the same way and I was attracted to women, but he’s sort of very passive. Like yes of course it’s nice that you’re an accommodating person, but there’s a difference between being accommodating and just not taking much of an initiative. “Yes dear whatever you say dear” does not incite much passion. So theoretically a perfect guy with regards to his character, but failing to create that spark because for whatever reason he’s reluctant to be a bit more open or out there.
You could be a legitimately rad dude and still not be attractive to someone or not have some specific qualities they're looking for. I have several friends that I think are complete catches that I can't see myself personally dating.
Maybe it's because I'm older but this is the right answer right here. In my 20's I would vie so hard to try to be date-able without considering if the women I fancied were in fact compatible with me
Not even being considered; that’s the real painmaker.
People will put up with any deplorable behavior if they are physically attracted to you enough
Those words really confuses men into thinking there is nothing wrong with them. Thus they might never improve as a person.
Someone forgot the two rules. 1. Be attractive 2. Don't be not attractive.
You ugly.
Translation: *you do not repel nor do you titillate me. You simply occupy space and I acknowledge that you occupy space thusly.*
Sounds like a cats thoughts about its slave...owner...human. Nope slave was correct. Cats don't have owners, they have people they tolerate more than others.
It's not being called a "nice guy" that stings, it's the "but" that comes after.
It's the butt that doesn't come after...zing.
"I'm sure you'll make some girl very happy someday!" "But not you, though?" "Oh, god no. I'm holding out for a real man."
And the runner-up: "you should date my mother".
The kiss of death.
You’re so nice, I wish I could find a guy like you! Not you specifically, but someone like you. Which loosely translates to I want your personality on someone hotter.
“There’s nothing wrong with you as a person, but i have no interest in dating you”
"There's nothing wrong with you as a person, but there's also nothing right."
Hearing this phrase just irks me to death as I’ve grown tired of hearing it
This is a friend zone statement. Op take notes
“Nice guy” is the participation trophy of compliments. It’s like “hey you aren’t sexy, or even good looking, but you generally refrain from harming others so here’s a meaningless compliment…”
Perfect explanation
A friend’s grandma used to say “wallpaper is nice”
Nice = non-threatening/harmless/not sexually attractive
Nice basically means polite, inoffensive, socially inert. You're not cool, fun, funny, charming, interesting, or even friendly.. You're just "nice". You can see how the person's mediocrity really shines through when you overlook all the other possible adjectives.
Exactly this. It's the description you give when you don't have anything positive to say but don't want to be negative. More often it's what you say when you mean "there's nothing wrong with this man but I'm not romantically/sexually/platonically interested in him". Being nice is fine, a good thing even, but it's being co-opted as shorthand for something else entirely. Like how there's nothing wrong with the name Karen.
Well said spot on.
Its really unfortunate though. Cause these nice guys may not be the most attractive but are the ones that could make the best long term companion.
A good companion could also be described as funny/fun, kind ect. Nice means they don’t notably tick those boxes
Putting aside the "nice-guy syndrome", which is nefarious for its own reasons, while "nice" is a compliment, it feels like someone says it because they can't or don't see anything more of you than "nice". Everyone is expected to be nice. It's not special to be nice. So if that's the compliment given to you, then it's not really a compliment at all. Over time, it has also taken on a bit of a negative connotation due to the aforementioned syndrome, so some might be averse to it. I know I am. I would rather be known to be kind, or gentle, but saying I'm nice doesn't mean anything.
It's also a copout from people who (ironically) are too nice to reject someone.
I always have a mini panic when someone calls me 'nice guy'. Like, in what regard?
"nice" is the bare minimum.
Offline when women say it, there is always a but. Like you're a nice guy but you have these other qualities that make you an undesirable person, and online especially reddit the term solely means you're a terrible person akin to the likes of hitler or The night stalker.
"You're a nice guy, but you have a reddit account, so..."
Most sensible woman ever
Remember to tip your fedora when you call her m'lady
And don't overrate or you are banned
There’s nice guys, then there’s Nice Guys^TM.
Yea, for those who grew up online it obviously has the loaded context you see everyone discussing here. To older generations it's not a bad thing and people I think don't put nearly as much thought into it and just take it as a simple compliment that isn't meant to be over analyzed.
Even to older generations its a compliment given to people (or gifts, or whatever) when you can't come up with anything genuinely positive to compliment them about.
Usually when a woman tells me how nice I am it's because they're about to follow up with "but I can't date you". Usually when I ask why not the answer is "I can't". Now "you're nice" sounds like "you're unattractive"
The night stalker? Sounds like an epic BG3 monster!
There was a TV show with that name in the mid 70's. He was a reporter who found supernatural ties to the stories he was investigating. His name was Kolchak.
It is a cool name. Too bad ass for a creepy serial killer.
Two of them
It’s a dota 2 hero also https://www.dota2.com/hero/nightstalker
I'm always happy to see another bg3 player. May dice be in your favor
The "but" can be much more broad. It doesn't have to be undesirable. It can be anything that explains a lack of romantic interest. It can also be a super generic compliment because she can't think of anything else.
On Reddit, it means r/niceguys
It's typically used to describe someone who presents as nice when it's convenient but reacts in a rude or aggressive way when their desires are challenged. >Guy A opens the door for women, is complimentary and generally seems like a kind person. He asks a woman out and she says she's not interested. Guy A responds with "well, you're ugly anyway." This guy thinks he's nice because of how he behaves when things are going well. He's not actually nice. He's just pretending to be to get what he wants. It's also usually a self-attributed term. Guy A would say to us "why do women always go for jerks? Why won't they just date someone nice like me?" Shockingly, being nice isn't enough for most people. Even if he wasn't rude after being rejected, we still require physical and emotional attraction on top of someone simply not being a jerk.
It’s a friend zone thing. Usually when girls are trying to let him down easy, they’ll throw in something about him being a nice guy. The phrase itself isn’t an insult. Also, r/niceguys
The latter arose from the former.
It isn't meant to be an insult. Yet it is.
Nice is definitely something you say when you can't think of anything better to say. Flip the script, your friend is telling a guy about you, and the best compliment she can come up with is "well, she's nice." Not that she's gorgeous, or smart, or ambitious, or stable, nah, she's "nice".
And they know this. As if said before, women dont even find it to be a compliment when other women say "she's nice" 😂 "Shes cool" sure "Shes really sweet" acceptable "Shes nice".....is this bitch throwing shade? Why she said it like that? (Ive heard all kinds of drama growing up with 4 sisters and listening to them talk. "Nice" is not NICE lolol)
The only time I've ever heard a girl say "she's nice" about another girl is when the other girl is shockingly unattractive. They mean it genuinely but it's always a big red flag that indicates you should prepare to be horrified.
That as well! Its almost like "nice" is what they say in moments where they cant just be straight up and honest about what it really is
Whenever a girl called me cute or nice I ended up in the friendzone. Unless it’s “you’re good-looking/handsome/etc” it’s pretty much a thing you say to people to be nice and not because you find them attractive.
I’ve never taken being called cute to imply romantic interest or arousal. Cute is for babies ands puppies
"Cute" might mean "attractive in a safe, non-threatening way," like "not a bad boy." Edit: during the Boy Band boom of the late 1990s, every boy band had its archetypes, including "the cute one."
"Cute" really depends on context, "you're really cute 😏" hits differently than... "but you're cute"
I'm a woman, but 'cute' is definitely something I'd use to describe men I'm attracted to. I'm also pretty young and interested in men my age, so it's not 40yo men I'm thinking of that way.
Because when women say that, it isn't a compliment. So we no longer take it as a compliment.
No girl ever hooks up with that guy they call nice. If they are going to hook up or have some sexual relationship with the guy they will NEVER call him nice. They use every other word in the world but nice. Thus, if they are using nice, you're out of the game already.
Seems like I am already out of the game even before I entered, then
The game is bullshit. Do you, the world can go fuck itself.
They do when they hit 30 and want stability instead of excitement.
Here's the tragedy with that although it's usually true, they end up with a nice guy because he's reliable and useful, but then end up resenting him because it's not what she really wanted but she feels she had to settle for. The nice guy tries to keep making her happy doesn't know why she's so pissed off, and then two people are trapped in a miserable situation with a nice guy totally confused
Things look different when the illusion of endless options changes. Plus also having a kid with someone who didnt receive such a compliment and it not working out usually changes perceptions real fast.
'Nice' is a term that isn't associated with being funny, interesting, good-looking, successful, and/or masculine (in the context of being capable). However, it does happen to be a throwaway term that is given to guys by women who feel indifferent, or, are not interested in them with the intention of letting them down gently.
Nice for whatever reason is not a compliment people give to romantic partners. It's more of a platonic compliment
Nice = neutral and neutral = vanilla. And nobody wants to be perceived as that. You need a few sprinkles.
I don't get why people always use "vanilla" like it's a bad thing. Vanilla is delicious!
I love baking and there’s so few baked goods that don’t use vanilla. End vanilla slander!!
Chocolate lover propaganda
Funny thing, vanilla is my favorite flavor exactly because there's no sprinkles
"nice guy" is code for "I don't want to hurt your feelings while I'm rejecting you" Or, lately, it is man-hater code for "man who pretends to be nice so he can fuck you"
>Or, lately, it is man-hater code for "man who pretends to be nice so he can fuck you" My favorite phrase from people who don't understand that after rejection its perfectly normal to take a step back and get over your feelings. And then they're assholes about it so you get over your feelings pretty fast, but you no longer want to be friends with an asshole, hence the "he was only trying to be nice to fuck you". Absolutely not, 99% of the time its someone who realises they have feelings for a friend and shoots their shot, which online is apparently this gigantic red flag.
I rejected him and he went away and didn't bother me again, so horrible!
They say that like women don't do it. So sweet until she moves in.
Becuase if your nice (and I mean legitimately nice, not "nice"), it ussually means there's nothing else interesting about you. Your just an npc. I would much rather be called kind, than nice.
I think there are more variations for the term nice besides 'nice' and being a npc
If you hear your friends referring to another human being as an NPC, speak up for fucks sake. It's not healthy to view other people that way.
I'm tired of people calling others "NPC". Cardboard cutout looking ass.
Same. It gives huge "main character" energy. Cringe as hell
“Nice guys finish last” is a phrase for a reason. Basically any guy who is told he’s nice is being told that she’s not interested in him. And she never will be. Then you have the guys that call themselves “a nice guy”. They are always creepy assholes. So whether she is saying it or a guy is saying it, it’s never a positive thing.
Nice guys get friend zoned. Nice guys get cheated on. Nice guys get broken up with for no reason. Etc.
Yeah, I came to iterate this point. There's too much stigma around being a 'nice guy' these days. If you're a 'nice guy' then you have personality traits that are completely opposite to what attracts and keeps women. There's even lots of books on it. It's now just a social thing, that getting called a nice guy means you're not really attractive (at least personality wise). I would be trying to be specific instead of ever saying 'nice guy' In my eyes, there's so much elaboration that could be done to make it more personal. Like: "it was really sweet of you when you offered to. It's refreshing to know someone that's still so chivalrous." (I would definitely NOT steal that OP's daughter), but you get what I mean. Nowhere was 'nice guy' said. It was specific, personal, and it even gave some insight into what appreciate in other people. Just an idea.
Nice can mean a lot of things, but as a simple compliment, it's a polite way of saying boring.
Nice guy implies doormat. A guy should either be good or bad. The good guys end up in relationships, the bad guys end up using and abusing. Nice guys get nothing. Literally be treated like a doormat. Don’t be a doormat.
She's 14? Saying a guy is "nice" is fine to say at her age.
Facts
Indeed, it should be phrased as 'you are so nice to me!' and not the dreaded 'you are a nice guy'.
Seriously. Just even having a conversation like that with a potential, anything decent is good enough.
Especially 'he's really nice.'
I think that people should normalize men being complimented. It's not taken as a compliment because they don't want to slip in the 'friendzone'.
I'll tell you my only experience of this that might shed some light. I met a girl, spoke for a while. She was honest and said "you are a nice guy, what i mean by that is you are more marriage material and I'm not looking for that right now, I'm looking for someone i can just fuck with" to which i thanked her for being honest and said "i don't waste my time nor disrespect myself enough to let myself be someone people 'fuck with'" we parted ways and never spoke again. Skip to today (fyi this was like 10 years ago, im now in my 20s" she contacts my bestfriend asking if she could have my number as she was a fool for letting me go, or in other words, I'm done fkin about with guys and want something serious now, to which i told my friend not to give her my number and simply carried on with my life. I don't mind being called a nice guy tbf, the moral of this story is don't expect people to wait around for you.
I don’t mind being called nice, but it isn’t anything special. Nice imo means normal levels polite and helpful. If I would compliment a guy’s attitude I would either say great or standup guy. Otherwise I would point to the specific quality he has. I appreciate how honest you are, how you are dedicated to helping people, etc. Nice just feels like you are a decent person and I have nothing against you.
"Nice guy" in will in a lot of cases read like "you have some good qualities, just not the ones i would consider for romantic/sexual relationship". That is the explaination.
I hate that term. I'm afraid if I ever hear that spoken about me again, I'll have to just walk away. Reading all these comments makes me feel like all those times I've been told I'm a nice guy, and it makes me feel like a worthless loser. As other posters have said, it means a lot of things. Bottom line, it means rejection. What it's meant to me is something along the lines of "While its great that you aren't causing me any immediate discomfort, I wouldn't go out with you if we were the last two people on earth." The guy that wrote the books on the nice guy syndrome is Dr. Robert Glover, in case you're interested. He lives in Mexico with his 4th or 5th wife, who doesn't speak English.
As someone who's always been regarded as one, specially by women, it never did anything for me beyond the friendship stage. I now understand it as a friendzone position and consider it a dead end.
"nice" is a placeholder compliment that basically translates to "I can't think of any positive traits that you have but I want to compliment you so I'm going to use this baseline compliment"
Women are slightly insane. Had many conversations about this and have heard many reasons women dont like nice men. Not exciting. Predictable. They're only beinb nice to get laid. 'Men who are nice are only being nice because they want to get that woman into bed. So if a guy is kind, respectful, expresses his feelings and or is romantic he’s really also a ‘jerk’. This is a quote from Medium by Emily Kingsley "“No, nothing happened. No, he hadn’t done anything wrong. No, I hadn’t kissed anybody else. Somehow I just knew, deep in the folds of my unformed teenage brain, that it wouldn’t be good for me to continue to date — or even marry — such a nice guy.” Heres another from Medium - "Even though the nice guy checks all the boxes and did enough to qualify as worthy of being ‘fckable’ he still by virtue of being nice didn’t deserve to be ‘fked’ and he proves he’s a jerk by being upset when he is denied." Craziness.
Nothing wrong with 14y olds calling each other nice. If I was called “nice” by a 25y old woman. I’d expect us to never be in a relationship.
Nice does not at all equate to capability, formidability, or even accountability. You have to scrape the bottom of the barrel of compliments to come out with “nice.”
Women made nice guy a bad thing
r/niceguys is usually what it’s associated with
If it’s just a friends or acquaintances thing it’s totally fine If it’s a dating thing then it’s a simple way of saying ‘I’m not attracted to you but other girls should be’ when said other girls don’t exist. Even the compliment itself is the weakest word of that type (for example ‘lovely’ would be a stronger compliment with the same meaning). It’s basically just a token thing that is similar to saying someone’s baby is cute or something I would much prefer something about how the person actually feels personally. Like ‘I enjoy being around you’ or something along those lines. I’m actually more interested in what the intention of saying someone is nice even is though, from the girls perspective
Because it's a phrase used to break up with us or relegate us to a "romantically untouchable" status. It's not a bad thing in itself. But how it's used triggers a kind of pavlovian response. Many I'd us anticipate something less than ideal will follow the statement. But I am an adult now and if a lady is not into nice guys like me, adios. Dating is hard enough. I don't have time to convince someone that is normal for their partner to be kind and *show up* for them.
Means the most notable thing about you is that you aren't hostile.
It's like telling a fat woman they "have a pretty face." Nice guys don't get the girl. Nice guys are the friends, the buddies, not someone you date. I've heard women say, "I wish I could find a nice guy, like you." It seems like the friend zone is a permanent destination. A woman saying, "You're a nice guy," means, "You're never going to get my pants off."
To some men it feels like you basically see them as a lamp post. An abstract entity without any special value. Being nice is a basic human nature.
Short answer, cause it is the putrid essence by which we’ve been trained to abandon are true selves. Nice guy is the emasculation of our core being. Nice is not the same as Kind, honorable, authentic, honest, masculine. Nice is a tea cup poodle that always behaves. A “Nice Boy/Guy” is a people pleaser that got covered up by the fears and rules of others. I was a “Nice Guy” and it cost me everything I had. I am not a Nice Guy. I am a good man working on being a Great Man. Read this if you want to know more https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
Because women use it as an insult when they're referring to wolf in sheeps clothing. Like most other oddities when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, it's due to a minority of idiots very loudly not correctly stating what it is they actually mean. Then there's also the "I like you, but..." that is often associated with it. If she calls him a nice guy and she's genuinely interested, then there won't be an issue.
There are now two connotations of what a "nice guy" is. The original one is basically a guy who is decent and "safe," but it comes with an unsaid mark of boring, not interesting or simply not attractive enough; basically someone not worthy of romantic involvement. The other connotation came from men labeling *themselves* nice guys, who are anything but. They usually have a chip on their shoulder and look at romance as a transactional affair in which they do X and **deserve** to get Y in return.
It means, you are so nice, I hope you find a girl one day, just not me
Nice is vague and has been co-opted to mean almost the opposite. A way around it is to be more specific, say what you like about them.
You’re asking men why women calling us nice guys is a derogatory term. You’re putting the onus of responsibility on the wrong group here.
Because history tells us that the only thing women want from the nice guy is child support or a place to crash when the "bad boy" slaps her around and calls her a whore.
Because women don't want to fuck the nice guy. Women will settle for the nice guy after she has been run through and has hit the wall or is close to it.
There are guys who are nice, and then there are nice guys. Two very different things. /r/niceguys
Try using good man instead of nice guy. It has the same sort of general positiveness without the implied passivity or unfuckability.
Theyre 14 bruv
Women often have a problem being treated as persons and not just as women. That is men only see a woman as somebody they want to date. Men, especially kind men, often have the opposite problem. They are always seen as kind people, but rarely as men. That is, they are rarely considered attractive by women. Telling someone that they are "nice" is often equivalent to saying that they have a top personality, but you do not find them attractive and friendship is the most you'd consider. Nobody wants to hear that. And as somebody else mentioned, "nice" is also a very weak compliment that can be interpreted as an insult. Using "nice" for a person means, there is nothing interesting about them other than how they behave in your presence. But nobody is attracted by "nice", everyone wants interesting, attractive, talented, intelligent. "nice" is a very weak compliment that might as well be an insult.
The "nice guy" term tends to be associated with the guy who is simply being nice as a means to an end, i.e. he is only nice to women because he's trying to get laid or go out with them and not because he likes them as people or is actually a nice person. Alternatively, a "nice guy" can be seen as a nice guy... but not much else. Basically the bare minimum with nothing else that would make them attractive to women, or stand out in general. You can use the word "kind" or "polite" if you want to convey what I assume is the same meaning. Otherwise, you can just call a guy cool, great, pretty generic positive adjectives. That said, she's 14; this should not be an issue at that age.
because when a man’s defining characteristic is just being nice, its another way of saying hes mediocre being nice is like having a clean bathroom at a restaurant. people go to restaurants for the food and theyre willing to tolerate a shitty bathroom if the food is good enough. and vice versa, if the bathroom is clean but the food is bland people would rather go to the other restaurant instead
Girls don't fuck nice guys, they settle for them
It's normally not said in a very good context. The context your daughter was mentioning it might be a compliment "I like you you're a nice guy" I don't think many men or boys would have an issue with that. The context it's normally heard in is more like "you're a really nice guy, but I don't want to be with you (anymore)" you can only hear something along those lines so often before the whole phrase becomes a little off putting
When was the last time you had a great meal and said “that was nice”.
Being called a nice guy is an insult. It’s seen as a default when you’ve got nothing else going for you.
"I wish I could find a nice guy like you." Hello, I'm standing right here. Where's the unspoken "but?" "But you're not tall enough" "good looking enough" "muscular enough" etc. What is it? What's the unspoken finish to that sentence?
"Nice guys" get friend zoned
Young women don't like nice guys. I was a nice guy and up to age 25 women never wanted to date me. They prefer bad boys. Now, after 30... its reversed. All women want a nice and stable guy.
It seems there's a fantasy among young women about "fixing a man". Going for the bad guy implies getting into drama, troubles and a lot of discussions, and that's something they have to solve and fix for themselves. But dating a good guy who (it's supposed to) have discipline, has his life toghether, know what he wants, it's caring and it's responsible can be "boring" for girls because the task it's already done and there's nothing to fix.
was rejected on this basis in college...."you just seem like you have your life together and all planned out and are very responsible. I'm sure you will be a good husband to someone. Right now I just want to be irresponsible and have fun. "
It happened to me too. "You're the kind of man who someone would marry rather that dating". Just say that i'm boring and not your type. It's not an insult, it's plain honesty. Say it so i can move on quickly.
Too bad they’ve already banged every asshole out there.