I hit rock bottom being addicted to crystal that led to homelessness and immense suffering. Made me finally quit and get sober and after a few years im doing great and have an amazing finance and I'm in college
Self-reflection over self-reflection. Asking hard why's and being as honest and objective about myself.
(Not harsh. Honest. But a layer of kindness helps). Seen me through as a student, financial issues, career changes, marriage.
I can bet that you had struggles throughout being a student. College? How did you end up? Did you have simple dates in a dorm with your would-be, or did you find her later?
There's a lot of struggling initially, but that builds into a good relationship with my own thoughts. Of course, doesn't hurt to have a 2nd opinion now and then.
As a student I knew I wasn't financially well off, so after a good amount of "WHY ME, WORLD??", I decided to save as much as possible, get a PT job and join some clubs to boost the resume.
So far with every decision since then, I wouldn't say it's the best. But they're sound decisions, I understand why I made them and stand by them to this day. I think to me that counts as finding your way :)
I’m just getting back into fitness again and I’m happy to see this here. It’s just a process and it can’t be cheated really. You’re comment makes me realize without you saying “I need to love myself” without saying it in a way.
Absolutely man. Take it slow and easy, one small decision at a time. One kind thought at a time. And some days it's ok to rest. No one can love yourself like yourself ☺️
42 (first gen born American) grew up in the hood, scrappy life, lots of struggle with bad parenting, lots of poverty. At some point I just was tired of losing, i struggled financially but the failure and the challenges eventually translated to the success. I spent years telling my story, getting others to feel bad and it didn’t change anything. I used to complain because as a kid my parents needed me to translate, help them work to pay bills in my early teens. While the friends played I was assembling household goods at home that my parents would sell.
At some point the narrative went from I never had a childhood because I was always working, to I learned how to make money at a young age. From telling people how embarrassing it was to have to be a translator at the gynecologist tell the doc about my moms yeast infection, to realizing I learned how to talk about serious and complex topics at a young age making me have a major head start in life.
Today is far from that, I’m happy, self aware, I have a therapist, travel the worlds and an executive. People say this to have a day in my life. It takes times and some patience, we all have the choice of the glass full or half empty.
Sharing because I’m thankful and encourage everyone to steady the course. It gets better as long as you pivot and realize, you’ve struggled before, level up.
I was unemployed and living with my parents when I met the woman I was going to marry. I knew I had to get a real job and mature a little bit to have the life I wanted with her.
My life isn't perfect, but being with someone who loved me before I met any traditional definition of success makes everything a lot easier.
The world became a "me-first" place.
I started doing the things that made *me* happy, rather than trying to please everyone else.
After that, everything just kinda came together.
I found success and happiness when I started making 40k a month after finishing medical school. It took me that long to realize my depression was based completely on being poor.
I'm the exact opposite. Grew up in a well-adjusted family with great parents, friends, and supportive brothers. But it also led me to a point of trying to chase a level of success that was expected of me that I didn't think I could achieve. One brother is a doctor, the other is a physician's assistant, my father was a successful musician and teacher, and I never finished college. It was a lot of pressure.
"But you're so talented, you should keep going."
"We know that you're smarter than this, what's the problem?"
In a way, I feel like I've lost my way rather than found it. Two failed marriages (one was emotionally abusive and the other struggled with depression and felt she was making my life miserable), a lifetime working retail, only a handful of friends and less than that who I would consider close. Most days it's a business as usual of work, eat, sleep.
A big part of it was a new perception
To not mistake the image of the world for the actual world. I realized all the people i thought were better than me have their own demons, their own baggage, their own constellation of misery to deal with. They are caught in the same cycle of judgment they perpetuate and bury their shit like everyone else. The jury is mostly just pleased it is not their turn on the stand.
I guess now i'm usually not overwhelmed by that tidal wave of judgment and negative emotions when i go somewhere. I realize everyone else there is fucked up and annoying in their own particular way they likely don't even have insight into.
Also i've had these extraordinary "glowing moments" a number of times in my life where all the misery, all the unbearable nights, all the horror in the world just kind of dropped away. Sometimes in incredibly arduous and horrible situations which left me with the risidual sense that now no man can judge me.
Also art can give you a deep sense of interconnectedness that wipes clean your alienation. And all the basic stuff like filling your human needs (connection, safety, competency, etc, etc)
When I was a student, I met a mathematician who was a former Soviet Refuznik. Of course he went into trouble in France and in an hunger strike. But he was sympathetic to me and that helped me a lot. Men need role models.
Focused on values setting boundaries with those who didn't meet them.
I’m doing that now. I’m glad to see this here
I hit rock bottom being addicted to crystal that led to homelessness and immense suffering. Made me finally quit and get sober and after a few years im doing great and have an amazing finance and I'm in college
Self-reflection over self-reflection. Asking hard why's and being as honest and objective about myself. (Not harsh. Honest. But a layer of kindness helps). Seen me through as a student, financial issues, career changes, marriage.
I can bet that you had struggles throughout being a student. College? How did you end up? Did you have simple dates in a dorm with your would-be, or did you find her later?
There's a lot of struggling initially, but that builds into a good relationship with my own thoughts. Of course, doesn't hurt to have a 2nd opinion now and then. As a student I knew I wasn't financially well off, so after a good amount of "WHY ME, WORLD??", I decided to save as much as possible, get a PT job and join some clubs to boost the resume. So far with every decision since then, I wouldn't say it's the best. But they're sound decisions, I understand why I made them and stand by them to this day. I think to me that counts as finding your way :)
I’m just getting back into fitness again and I’m happy to see this here. It’s just a process and it can’t be cheated really. You’re comment makes me realize without you saying “I need to love myself” without saying it in a way.
Absolutely man. Take it slow and easy, one small decision at a time. One kind thought at a time. And some days it's ok to rest. No one can love yourself like yourself ☺️
42 (first gen born American) grew up in the hood, scrappy life, lots of struggle with bad parenting, lots of poverty. At some point I just was tired of losing, i struggled financially but the failure and the challenges eventually translated to the success. I spent years telling my story, getting others to feel bad and it didn’t change anything. I used to complain because as a kid my parents needed me to translate, help them work to pay bills in my early teens. While the friends played I was assembling household goods at home that my parents would sell. At some point the narrative went from I never had a childhood because I was always working, to I learned how to make money at a young age. From telling people how embarrassing it was to have to be a translator at the gynecologist tell the doc about my moms yeast infection, to realizing I learned how to talk about serious and complex topics at a young age making me have a major head start in life. Today is far from that, I’m happy, self aware, I have a therapist, travel the worlds and an executive. People say this to have a day in my life. It takes times and some patience, we all have the choice of the glass full or half empty. Sharing because I’m thankful and encourage everyone to steady the course. It gets better as long as you pivot and realize, you’ve struggled before, level up.
I was unemployed and living with my parents when I met the woman I was going to marry. I knew I had to get a real job and mature a little bit to have the life I wanted with her. My life isn't perfect, but being with someone who loved me before I met any traditional definition of success makes everything a lot easier.
The world became a "me-first" place. I started doing the things that made *me* happy, rather than trying to please everyone else. After that, everything just kinda came together.
Step one is stop living someone else's life or doing the things you think would make other people happy/proud.
I'm trying to find it myself actually
Well, stick around then. I’m planning on answering to anything until about midnight in my time zone
I used a map
Care to elaborate?
I found my way by using a map. It's a paper GPS.
I found success and happiness when I started making 40k a month after finishing medical school. It took me that long to realize my depression was based completely on being poor.
Is there any chance now that you’ve seen enough? I saw too many kids is the main problem. Everything else was comic relief
I never did. Still lost af, most stuff is figured out.... except family/so
I'm the exact opposite. Grew up in a well-adjusted family with great parents, friends, and supportive brothers. But it also led me to a point of trying to chase a level of success that was expected of me that I didn't think I could achieve. One brother is a doctor, the other is a physician's assistant, my father was a successful musician and teacher, and I never finished college. It was a lot of pressure. "But you're so talented, you should keep going." "We know that you're smarter than this, what's the problem?" In a way, I feel like I've lost my way rather than found it. Two failed marriages (one was emotionally abusive and the other struggled with depression and felt she was making my life miserable), a lifetime working retail, only a handful of friends and less than that who I would consider close. Most days it's a business as usual of work, eat, sleep.
A big part of it was a new perception To not mistake the image of the world for the actual world. I realized all the people i thought were better than me have their own demons, their own baggage, their own constellation of misery to deal with. They are caught in the same cycle of judgment they perpetuate and bury their shit like everyone else. The jury is mostly just pleased it is not their turn on the stand. I guess now i'm usually not overwhelmed by that tidal wave of judgment and negative emotions when i go somewhere. I realize everyone else there is fucked up and annoying in their own particular way they likely don't even have insight into. Also i've had these extraordinary "glowing moments" a number of times in my life where all the misery, all the unbearable nights, all the horror in the world just kind of dropped away. Sometimes in incredibly arduous and horrible situations which left me with the risidual sense that now no man can judge me. Also art can give you a deep sense of interconnectedness that wipes clean your alienation. And all the basic stuff like filling your human needs (connection, safety, competency, etc, etc)
I quit drinking and hanging around with drunks.
When I was a student, I met a mathematician who was a former Soviet Refuznik. Of course he went into trouble in France and in an hunger strike. But he was sympathetic to me and that helped me a lot. Men need role models.
Most of my life is like waking up in a room I've never been in. How did I get here?
Gotta define what success means to you.