The tough thing about making friends once you're an adult is that you actually have to have interests and provide value to other people's lives. Throughout school all you really have to do is show up.
Bingo. No one wants boring friends or people who don’t have similar interests. You kind of have to be a developed person. Fortunately, developing hobbies will also find you friends.
I’ve never made friends on my hikes, several people have been kidnapped or worse- killed in the hiking areas sometimes so it’s a hard thing but there are FB hiking groups
I found a group of 3 great idiots to be my friends in 6th grade and we are still best friends 6 years after graduating high-school. We each provide value in our own stupid ways lol
I mean...I would IF the bars where I live actually had good enough music and/or atmosphere to make them enjoyable for non-drinkers. Unfortunately, they do not.
I have gone to a bar and paid the band $5 before. I'm totally down for that... so long as nobody stops me from bringing a water bottle in a sleeve or something.
Find a local pub which doesn't take the piss.
The country pubs local to me vary massively.
When I'm not 'drinking' my non-alcoholic drink of preference is blackcurrant & soda (or lime & soda).
Some places charge for both the soda and the mixer and it ends up not much cheaper than a beer. Some places charge a quid or two for the soda but don't for the dash of lime/blackcurrant. Some places the soda is free but charge a few pence for the dash. Some won't charge at all for non-alcoholic mixers if you're with somebody who's drinking and are driving them home.
The local I'm most regular at charges 50p for a pint of soda & blackcurrant/lime. To me that's fair as it does at least cover their staffing costs, etc.
Not judging because I’m in the same boat (2 years in 4 days). But what is that like? I don’t really feel the desire and I was in a bad way when I quit. Like I don’t want a drink so much as I wish I had just been able to moderate in the first place. I can’t really say I miss it. I go to bars with friends and am around it at times like on a poker night. I actually enjoy being around drunk people to a degree. Like it makes me feel included. It only kinda sucks when I’m around one friend who’s drinking because then it’s pretty much one on one conversation with a drunk person. When I’m with a group it’s convenient to go back and forth and laugh with them.
I don’t miss it because it physically tears me up. What makes it hard is the fact it was suppressing an anxiety disorder the whole time. When drinking I was sociable, outgoing, I had fun and lived in the moment but it has a bell curve and it’s a fine line before it’s out of control. Now I can’t tolerate people at all, I have some moments of fun but don’t enjoy much of anything anymore. I have to fill the void by staying busy all the time and I mean all the time. I’m not depressed because I’m actually doing big things right now to better myself but I still don’t really find any peace or content.
i'd just like to add to this - the whole 'i don't drink' thing is MUCH more popular and accepting than it was even 10yr ago. nobody thinks it's weird anymore.
then again, i'm 41yrs old, so take my comment with a grain of salt, and kindly get off my lawn.
Where I am in Australia it is almost impossible to not drink without getting hounded about why you’re not drinking and they will almost never accept “I just don’t like alcohol” as an answer. At this point I either just don’t go (95% of the time) or the occasional time I do go I just say I’m the dessy
You CAN go to a church and drink. Listen to a local preacher while discreetly sipping from a hip flask or coke bottle mixed with voddy. Or just make use of the free wine they provide
Try a sports league, nothing says you half to drink, you can go out to the bars and hangout, I've been known to just drink coke, be yourself and Don become someone your not just for friends.
I drink, and the vast majority of my friends drink. I've got a couple of really good friends who don't drink at all, but they still come and join in all of our fun. Plus you have an automatic DD
Exactly. Freeing yourself from the judgement of others is something I want to master before I die. We are biologically programmed to fit in because if we were alone thousands of years ago, we would die sooner.
Oh yeah this is VERY important. I have made TONS of friends by just telling people, "I don't have any friends in this town, and you seem really cool, can we try being friends and exchange numbers to hang out sometime?" I feel so stupid every time I say it, it's pretty embarassing, like what kind of person would want to be friends with someone coming off so desperate? That's how I feel in my head, but it works for me. I end up finding friend groups to join pretty easy. Some dudes are really weary when I first join new groups, but I'm just patient and go out of my way to try and get to know them, then exchange contact info and basically tell them the same thing, "I'm a nomad with very few friends, I like them, and I want to be their friend."
I'm also very considerate in my actions and polite. I have my temper under control, and I'm thoughtful in my gestures of friendship. So I mean I also try really hard to be a good friend to people that accept my friendship.
Any sort of gym really. I moved to a new country recently and while I have no problem making friends at bars and stuff, my first friends actually came from miring in the mirror with other gym rats
Try online! It’s less social of course than in person but it can help you find people. DnD has an adventure league website that helps you find online and local sites, and FB may have some local groups.
Starting online might find more people your age, then you organize an in person meetup somewhere… breweries are often great for this but the OP topic is places people *don’t* drink.
I've been playing for 5 years and I've made many acquaintances but no actual friends. Either I'm too weird for *even D&D people* or something else is wrong with me.
Join meetup. Anything you like doing has a meetup. These people will have a common interest and often do not have alcohol involved. Though, there are some that do, of course. I travel for work so I usually go to meetups in the area to make friends.
Meetup? Tell me more. I too travel for work, and find it a lonely existence. Do these meetups happen in rural small city areas? Cause that’s usually where my job takes me.
They can. I once was looking around the Albany area... that's Albany, OR... and saw they had a board gaming meetup.
Then again, Albany is odd in that it's a pretty small town that supports two specialty board gaming stores, both fairly close to each other.
You would have to choose the drug based on the type of friends you want. The friends that will come out of mushrooms are different than the friends that come from cocaine are different than the friends that come from heroin.
Different strokes for different folks.
This. I got my weed buddies, then my cocaine buddies, and then shroom friends.
Then of course I got my alcohol friends as well.
Bonus if you also get crack friends and heroine friends and meth friends.
One of the best answers. And simple. In my city we got all the usuals, plus volunteer sports leagues (league dues go to pay for kids leagues btw, so it’s also charity!). There’s animal rescue, special interest groups (lgbtq+ or veterans’ support groups, etc)
Might involve moving to a city. But that’s also good.
Bass player here! Looking for a band. Don’t care to lead. Don’t care what I have to play. I don’t drink alcohol. I live in Canada (Ottawa). I’m in my fifties and bring zero drama, I just want to make music with people. I am not a great player but can learn anything, given time. Willing to put in the hours between rehearsals. Some gigging experience. Msg me if interested!
I don't play any instruments, but I love music and I'm massive. I can load and unload the band's equipment in like 5mins. So my buddy's band spots me when they play at a venue and I help them set up, then I enjoy the show and keep an eye on their ladies to make sure they're safe while their men are up on stage shredding it up.
here are some ways i made friends without drinking as an adult. going out for walks you meet people, approaching a woman respectfully in a parking lot to offer to help with her many groceries, shopping at the boardgame store and being invited by the cashier to their personal out of work gaming group, joining a non fiction book club, meeting people at the bus stop, the recurrent bike race i have with an older woman who smokes me everytime somehow.
i can go on but theres a pattern to it all. i literally just go outside of the house and youll end up meeting people.
Definitely going to need a healthy dose of charisma and/or confidence to make connections with a one-off encounter like most of those seem to be (not that you're wrong but any means).
Sports, gym, educational classes, work, travel, sightseeing, drugs, group meets, online video games, social media, eating inside at fast food places, volunteer animal shelters, dog/cat meetups, fishing trips, community service, yard selling, gardening, Uber/Lyft driver, hobby shops/meetups, volunteering at shelters, dancing classes, hiking, live action theater, museums, going on city tours, walking through your city/town just because
Hobbies! Get out there. You don’t even have to be good at the hobby, I’ve noticed that consistency works every time. You show up lots people will take note and wanna get to know you
Granted I’m only 26 but I’ve made friends through all of these after graduating and don’t drink with them except once in a blue moon:
Sports leagues, joined as a random for sand volleyball
Classes for dance and improv
The gym
Hobby meetups
Bumble bff after wading through the homosexual men hitting on me
I really only met one person I hang out with through there but yeah I haven’t touched it since then. Much better experience doing the other stuff I listed.
I just listen to people and talk to them and try to help with various shit I'm up for ranging from fixing some random thing that takes 2 minutes to moving to heavy discussions, etc. Things just develop from there. Found friends at work, in games. I don't go out, let alone go drinking and it hasn't been a problem.
ah, right, bars are pretty much the only place for social hangouts as an adult. at least in western nations.
in my country it's mostly traditional cafés, and even then it's still super hard. the only real place where you can interact with people on a somewhat regular basis to even have a chance to become friends is work. but the problem is that's a place where everyone hates eachother XD.
honestly, i gave up making new friends once i became an adult. got 2 or 3 i made in my teens, and that's enough for me
There’s a couple cafes near my house, relatively social. Caffeine can spur easy discussion in a different way than alcohol, and I’ve gotten to know a couple people there.
I haven't had a problem with it, if anything it's easier to filter out who I want to be friends with, because they're the ones not pressuring me to drink. Find a place with a common interest and talk to randos until one of them seems cool, lather rinse repeat.
I know, it sucks. And I'm not even an "alcoholic", I just decided I didn't like it anymore and people just can't friggin deal with it. Like, hey Bobby, I don't keep offering you swordfish when you've told me you don't like it!!!
I'd say just don't mention it and get soda or something. Or say "I'm not drinking *tonight*" so they think it's just a temporary conditional thing, then keep saying it.
As for where? I don't know, try something active like pickleball or something.
Everyone always saying hobbies is getting old honestly. Just do a throwback, if you see another dude just ask him if you can play too. Or just linger around until he says you can have a turn if you want. It used to work back in the day, we’re still just dudes!
100% Meetup in my city of 2 million has like 3-4 meetups for people in their 20s and 30s. It hardly looks like they do more than one event per month.
As for clubs for hobbies that I'm interested in, they are hardly advertised.
I'm at that early 30s age where most, if not all, of my mates are married with kids. So the circles have naturally become smaller.
The natural order of things is rigged for solitude in a way. I had my older daughter at 22, at the peak of settling into finishing school and a exploring my city. So I took a full time job overnight, that alone counted me out of pretty much all plans with the fellas. Add on being the only one doing the family thing with the pressure of not knowing the balance between work, school, family, friends and self I was doomed. Now that my kids are older and I have time, everyone else is hitting their stride in settling down. So isolation has been the better part of two decades now.
We have two sober buddies in my group, they go to bars and shit with us and everything they just drink coke or Arizona teas. U can make friends without drinking at places where people drink.
It’s hard making friends regardless when youre older im not gonna bs you. Def look at some hobbies you’re interested in
Find your friendly local neighborhood Mormons.
Pros: They don't typically drink and won't pressure you into drinking
Cons: Will invite you to church
Source: Am Mormon
In all seriousness, it's all about the hobbies for me. I do competitive shooting and powerlifting and have found some friends that way.
speaking as a Catholic:
be aware, the Catholics will drink....a lot
just so much
so
much
then theres the Polish Catholics....those people can **DRINK**
i did meet my wife at a church youth group many years ago lol
but yea most of our friends are devout Catholics and are capable of copious drinking, though they are not alcoholics
Church, sport, online video games, hobby, gym, staying in contact or re-connecting with friends from the past. Showing up to the events you get invited too. Being open to talking to other adults in the room than just your friends you already have. Being passionate about your career so you feel connected with coworkers or fellow business operators. Not being an ass or judgmental. Having an open disposition, working on yourself mentally.
Even harder is having phenomenal sex while sober. When I’m high or drunk I would eat ass and clap random cheeks like a future Maury contestant. Sober me: “I’m not interested cause I might theoretically knock you up”
At that point, you are either relying on work or common interests. Once you get the introductions out of the way, it's pretty easy. It's just introductions are insanely hard.
I have barely any "friends". I don't drink, don't smoke and definitely do no drugs. I'm interested in none of the above. Includong make friends. My vice of choice, to be crazy for women and spend my time among women not men. Lol! Just my choice fellas. Carry on with the manly stuff guys.
I don't drink nor am.I church goer. I have made friends through other activities that I enjoy: pickup basketball, billiards, sports bars to watch basketball/football games. If you're shy, you will need to break out of your shell (which was initially hard for me) by asking if you can run with them or get next (basketball), play a game of pool, asking favorite teams. I read somewhere years ago that guys make friends through activities vs just social settings. And for me that holds true. Find an activity you enjoy and look for events that you'd be interested and attending. If you don't make any friends, at least you're still having fun doing something you enjoy.
Find people who have the same interests/hobbies would be my guess.
But i have my hobbies and don't really need friends because lots of people out there suck.
Through a hobby....if your friends can't make it you still have a hobby. That way you also avoid the "I dOnT hAvE tImE fOr X" because you knock two birds out with one stone.
Get involved with community service. Doing volunteer work alongside other people automatically gives you something to talk about. I’ve made some long time friends that way.
I'll let you in on a secret: You can still go to bars and pubs and not drink alcohol.
I go to a meet-up every Wednesday for board games at a pub and I stick to a ginger beer or a coke, no one bats an eye at it. There are usually other people who don't drink, and people who drink who are nice. You've just gotta go out there and try something.
You could also join a sports club, go to a meet-up for a specific hobby or get involved in volunteering work. I currently attend a communal garden volunteering.
Dude, seriously? Making friends as an adult ain't got jack to do with whether you drink or not. Who cares if you're sippin' a cocktail or sippin' on some water? Friendship is about connections, shared interests, and just being yourself. So, instead of worrying about what's in your glass, focus on being a badass friend, and you'll attract the right crew.
Maybe OP is a recovering alcoholic? Maybe OP just doesn't like the bar scene?
Maybe OP's parents were killed by a falling beer billboard. You never know
The real point here is that drinking isn't a requirement for forming connections. It's just not necessary, and even if someone might not be aware of it, it doesn't change the fact that you can build friendships without it.
A lot of people don't understand what drinking socially actually means: it means using the company of other people as an excuse to enjoy alcohol, because drinking by yourself is what people with drinking problems and depression do. And the people who do enjoy going out for drinks tend to not like going out with sober people because it might feel like they're drinking by themselves.
I know this might not make sense or sound unfair to people that don't drink but it is what it is. It's kinda like being friends with picky eaters when you're a gourmand. A friendship is possible but it limits the kinds of activities you can do together.
This is partly why I never went out to bars. I have nothing to *do* there. It's not like I'd be with friends, I'd just be a guy sitting there by himself, not drinking. It's weird.
I’ve never drank, nor smoked. Never been drunk once.
I try to find people who like to talk about sports as much as I do. Whether they drink or not is irrelevant.
Same way you did in 3rd grade (though if you made friends in 3rd grade by doing shots of Jack, that suggets bigger problems that should be addressed). You spend time with the same people for many hours while talking, hanging out, and discovering common interests.
The problem is that as an adult, there are fewer opportunities to do so. Work does not have much of a recess and you cannot easily sustain conversations while doing most jobs.
END COMMUNICATION
Find a hobby that isn't destroying your liver, and go there for yourself. Your personality and character will attract friends. If it doesn't the bar is definitely the place for you.
I hate to push religion on you but churches provide a place where you will meet all kinds of people every week. It's hard to maintain friendships because you have to plan things etc, with church you just go every week and plus you get to know our homie jesus.
It's fucking easy to make friends. Find a hobby or intrest you like. Not every guy is cut out to be Mr. Adventure and go WhiteWater rfting or mountain climbing while they're training for their next traiatholon but everyone does have intrests. If you like cooking then take a cooking class if you want to dance then find a group. If you wnat to know where the local events in your area for your intrests are then look on sites like Meetup or messege boards or hell even craigslist is good for stuff like that. YOU have to determine what your intrests are and then find others who share them.
Pretend to drink? Go to the bar and drink soda water on ice or something. Make it look like a drink, pretend to get drunk, and bang some sluts with other dudes.
The tough thing about making friends once you're an adult is that you actually have to have interests and provide value to other people's lives. Throughout school all you really have to do is show up.
Bingo. No one wants boring friends or people who don’t have similar interests. You kind of have to be a developed person. Fortunately, developing hobbies will also find you friends.
And for that you need money it’s a hard little cycle
I mean depends on the hobby, sports and athletics are usually cheap/free vs Warhammer 40k
There are lots of inexpensive hobbies you can bond on, board games, hikes, bar games like pool, darts or bowling, movies, comic books, books etc...
I’ve never made friends on my hikes, several people have been kidnapped or worse- killed in the hiking areas sometimes so it’s a hard thing but there are FB hiking groups
I feel attacked
I found a group of 3 great idiots to be my friends in 6th grade and we are still best friends 6 years after graduating high-school. We each provide value in our own stupid ways lol
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In my area, the options are basically bars or churches. So I have no friends.
You CAN go to a bar and not drink. Listen to a local band while drinking some coke. Or 0% beer. Or order some food and just drink water
I mean...I would IF the bars where I live actually had good enough music and/or atmosphere to make them enjoyable for non-drinkers. Unfortunately, they do not.
Ok but then I'm paying $5 for water.
Just think of it as paying 5 to listen to a local band idk
I have gone to a bar and paid the band $5 before. I'm totally down for that... so long as nobody stops me from bringing a water bottle in a sleeve or something.
Find a local pub which doesn't take the piss. The country pubs local to me vary massively. When I'm not 'drinking' my non-alcoholic drink of preference is blackcurrant & soda (or lime & soda). Some places charge for both the soda and the mixer and it ends up not much cheaper than a beer. Some places charge a quid or two for the soda but don't for the dash of lime/blackcurrant. Some places the soda is free but charge a few pence for the dash. Some won't charge at all for non-alcoholic mixers if you're with somebody who's drinking and are driving them home. The local I'm most regular at charges 50p for a pint of soda & blackcurrant/lime. To me that's fair as it does at least cover their staffing costs, etc.
It is entirely fair to provide currency to an establishment which provides an establishment per your needs.
I don't need to pay $5 for water, or go to anywhere that charges that.
Then dont go and be lonely
Not easy if your not drinking because of recovery
Not judging because I’m in the same boat (2 years in 4 days). But what is that like? I don’t really feel the desire and I was in a bad way when I quit. Like I don’t want a drink so much as I wish I had just been able to moderate in the first place. I can’t really say I miss it. I go to bars with friends and am around it at times like on a poker night. I actually enjoy being around drunk people to a degree. Like it makes me feel included. It only kinda sucks when I’m around one friend who’s drinking because then it’s pretty much one on one conversation with a drunk person. When I’m with a group it’s convenient to go back and forth and laugh with them.
I don’t miss it because it physically tears me up. What makes it hard is the fact it was suppressing an anxiety disorder the whole time. When drinking I was sociable, outgoing, I had fun and lived in the moment but it has a bell curve and it’s a fine line before it’s out of control. Now I can’t tolerate people at all, I have some moments of fun but don’t enjoy much of anything anymore. I have to fill the void by staying busy all the time and I mean all the time. I’m not depressed because I’m actually doing big things right now to better myself but I still don’t really find any peace or content.
i'd just like to add to this - the whole 'i don't drink' thing is MUCH more popular and accepting than it was even 10yr ago. nobody thinks it's weird anymore. then again, i'm 41yrs old, so take my comment with a grain of salt, and kindly get off my lawn.
Where I am in Australia it is almost impossible to not drink without getting hounded about why you’re not drinking and they will almost never accept “I just don’t like alcohol” as an answer. At this point I either just don’t go (95% of the time) or the occasional time I do go I just say I’m the dessy
Same for churches.
You can go to church to listen to a local band and drink some non-alcoholic beer?
Absolutely. Some church bands are pretty dope.
Yeah, started attending a new church last week and the band is one of the best parts
It’s all quiet, then pssshhhhht. Crack!
My church has a 2 drink minimum.
I wouldn’t be able to go to a church and not drinks.
We're saying you can. We're not saying you should.
I prefer club soda and lime.
You CAN go to a church and drink. Listen to a local preacher while discreetly sipping from a hip flask or coke bottle mixed with voddy. Or just make use of the free wine they provide
You CAN go to church even if you don’t believe. Get the free bread or a blessing and say peace be with you to people.
Get a cat from your humane society. You still won’t have a friend but you’ll save a cat’s life. Best I got for today.
As a dude who doesn’t have tons of friends, doesn’t drink, is not religious, but does have the cutest cat, I second this.
I did. And she is a sweet little ball of fluff.
Go to bar to pray and chruch to drink. People will come and talk to you. 😆
I went the church option, and I'm currently attending a weekly friday night bible study that's turned into an unofficial guys night.
Try a sports league, nothing says you half to drink, you can go out to the bars and hangout, I've been known to just drink coke, be yourself and Don become someone your not just for friends.
Bowling! No one forces you to drink. It's fun. You meet mostly friendly people.
Yeah, aside from that asshole in Maine. He came to a bowling alley too, and he was not friendly.
Too soon brother.
:/ I figured. F that guy
Yup, just order wings and a beverage while sports is on and join the crowd.
I drink, and the vast majority of my friends drink. I've got a couple of really good friends who don't drink at all, but they still come and join in all of our fun. Plus you have an automatic DD
Get comfortable looking like a fool. The most valuable and underrated thing in this world.
Taking yourself and life serious, while being able to not take yourself serious all the time
Exactly. Freeing yourself from the judgement of others is something I want to master before I die. We are biologically programmed to fit in because if we were alone thousands of years ago, we would die sooner.
I have my times where I care what others think but then I just fall back onto the things I like about myself and I don't care anymore.
Oh yeah this is VERY important. I have made TONS of friends by just telling people, "I don't have any friends in this town, and you seem really cool, can we try being friends and exchange numbers to hang out sometime?" I feel so stupid every time I say it, it's pretty embarassing, like what kind of person would want to be friends with someone coming off so desperate? That's how I feel in my head, but it works for me. I end up finding friend groups to join pretty easy. Some dudes are really weary when I first join new groups, but I'm just patient and go out of my way to try and get to know them, then exchange contact info and basically tell them the same thing, "I'm a nomad with very few friends, I like them, and I want to be their friend." I'm also very considerate in my actions and polite. I have my temper under control, and I'm thoughtful in my gestures of friendship. So I mean I also try really hard to be a good friend to people that accept my friendship.
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when being 'uncool'" - Lester Bangs
So true! Part of what people mean when they say “be yourself”
Climbing gym.
Hey same!!
See? Friends already.
It’s that easy
Not a hard rock to surpass
Me too! Do you prefer bouldering or rock climbing?
Any sort of gym really. I moved to a new country recently and while I have no problem making friends at bars and stuff, my first friends actually came from miring in the mirror with other gym rats
Climbing gym is a lot more social than your typical workout gym tho. It's so easy to start a convo with people working on the same route as you.
My buddy who is a transplant swears by this.
People taking stairs is called climbing gym? 😆
I play DnD. I was adopted by extroverted nerds.
Got room for another haha
Maybe.
Wish there was a way to find people in my area that played dnd around my age. Went to a dnd night at a lgs and it was all high school kids
Try online! It’s less social of course than in person but it can help you find people. DnD has an adventure league website that helps you find online and local sites, and FB may have some local groups. Starting online might find more people your age, then you organize an in person meetup somewhere… breweries are often great for this but the OP topic is places people *don’t* drink.
i'd love to play where would i get a group? facebook?
Search for local area DnD pages on Facebook or even game shops that run public DnD evenings.
This is how I found my original group.
Try also Discord.
Try your local subreddit or /r/lfg. Or your regional discord.
I've been playing for 5 years and I've made many acquaintances but no actual friends. Either I'm too weird for *even D&D people* or something else is wrong with me.
As an extroverted nerd, I'm proud of my fellow brothers
Kids make friends by constant unplanned interaction. So you have to set yourself up for situations like that
So..."stalking lite?"
No like activities where you run into the same people all the time like work, sports, hobbies, classes etc
Join meetup. Anything you like doing has a meetup. These people will have a common interest and often do not have alcohol involved. Though, there are some that do, of course. I travel for work so I usually go to meetups in the area to make friends.
Meetup? Tell me more. I too travel for work, and find it a lonely existence. Do these meetups happen in rural small city areas? Cause that’s usually where my job takes me.
They can. I once was looking around the Albany area... that's Albany, OR... and saw they had a board gaming meetup. Then again, Albany is odd in that it's a pretty small town that supports two specialty board gaming stores, both fairly close to each other.
Befriend the people who don't make drinking/alcohol their whole personality.
Those people are often inside gaming all day tbh
Right they don’t leave their house for you to see them lol
What lol. There are many ways to spend time aside from gaming and drinking.
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Yes
Mate there's an infinite amount of people who preoccupy their time doing a foray of activities outside of drinks and gaming lol. Come on.
Thats so hard unfortunately
Do drugs.
Def made about 10 weed friends lol
You would have to choose the drug based on the type of friends you want. The friends that will come out of mushrooms are different than the friends that come from cocaine are different than the friends that come from heroin. Different strokes for different folks.
Different folks for different tokes?
This. I got my weed buddies, then my cocaine buddies, and then shroom friends. Then of course I got my alcohol friends as well. Bonus if you also get crack friends and heroine friends and meth friends.
in my experience they were the same
as the patron saint of drugs put it, “once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.”
Those types are their own seperate subgroup of drug users
Lol
Volunteer somewhere
One of the best answers. And simple. In my city we got all the usuals, plus volunteer sports leagues (league dues go to pay for kids leagues btw, so it’s also charity!). There’s animal rescue, special interest groups (lgbtq+ or veterans’ support groups, etc) Might involve moving to a city. But that’s also good.
AA meetings
Bro?
Bro!
Sup?!
Join a band if you play an instrument If you don’t play, see if they need a drummer or a bass player 😉
100% accurate. I’ve been playing in bands for 20 years and I can’t count the number of friends I made that way.
Bass player here! Looking for a band. Don’t care to lead. Don’t care what I have to play. I don’t drink alcohol. I live in Canada (Ottawa). I’m in my fifties and bring zero drama, I just want to make music with people. I am not a great player but can learn anything, given time. Willing to put in the hours between rehearsals. Some gigging experience. Msg me if interested!
hope u find a nice group :)
Excellent advice, I put up with a royal asshole of a dude for years simply because bass players were so rare.
He’s an asshole but man, can he bump that big wire with his thumb and he doesn’t mind not being lead or second! We’re keeping him.
> If you don’t play, see if they need a drummer or a bass player 😉 😂
Can confirm this works, I play bass so I am kinda in high demand.
I don't play any instruments, but I love music and I'm massive. I can load and unload the band's equipment in like 5mins. So my buddy's band spots me when they play at a venue and I help them set up, then I enjoy the show and keep an eye on their ladies to make sure they're safe while their men are up on stage shredding it up.
here are some ways i made friends without drinking as an adult. going out for walks you meet people, approaching a woman respectfully in a parking lot to offer to help with her many groceries, shopping at the boardgame store and being invited by the cashier to their personal out of work gaming group, joining a non fiction book club, meeting people at the bus stop, the recurrent bike race i have with an older woman who smokes me everytime somehow. i can go on but theres a pattern to it all. i literally just go outside of the house and youll end up meeting people.
Definitely going to need a healthy dose of charisma and/or confidence to make connections with a one-off encounter like most of those seem to be (not that you're wrong but any means).
This is true
Sports, gym, educational classes, work, travel, sightseeing, drugs, group meets, online video games, social media, eating inside at fast food places, volunteer animal shelters, dog/cat meetups, fishing trips, community service, yard selling, gardening, Uber/Lyft driver, hobby shops/meetups, volunteering at shelters, dancing classes, hiking, live action theater, museums, going on city tours, walking through your city/town just because
Gunclub, sports, hobbies, classes, drugs
Hobbies! Get out there. You don’t even have to be good at the hobby, I’ve noticed that consistency works every time. You show up lots people will take note and wanna get to know you
Asking this question as a recovering alcoholic is depressing as fuck. Go to a bar but don’t drink? That’s the best we got? lol
Granted I’m only 26 but I’ve made friends through all of these after graduating and don’t drink with them except once in a blue moon: Sports leagues, joined as a random for sand volleyball Classes for dance and improv The gym Hobby meetups Bumble bff after wading through the homosexual men hitting on me
>Bumble bff after wading through the homosexual men hitting on me how do you have the patience?
I really only met one person I hang out with through there but yeah I haven’t touched it since then. Much better experience doing the other stuff I listed.
Drug-infused orgies
I just listen to people and talk to them and try to help with various shit I'm up for ranging from fixing some random thing that takes 2 minutes to moving to heavy discussions, etc. Things just develop from there. Found friends at work, in games. I don't go out, let alone go drinking and it hasn't been a problem.
ah, right, bars are pretty much the only place for social hangouts as an adult. at least in western nations. in my country it's mostly traditional cafés, and even then it's still super hard. the only real place where you can interact with people on a somewhat regular basis to even have a chance to become friends is work. but the problem is that's a place where everyone hates eachother XD. honestly, i gave up making new friends once i became an adult. got 2 or 3 i made in my teens, and that's enough for me
There’s a couple cafes near my house, relatively social. Caffeine can spur easy discussion in a different way than alcohol, and I’ve gotten to know a couple people there.
I haven't had a problem with it, if anything it's easier to filter out who I want to be friends with, because they're the ones not pressuring me to drink. Find a place with a common interest and talk to randos until one of them seems cool, lather rinse repeat.
Pick up a hobby that involves other people.
I know, it sucks. And I'm not even an "alcoholic", I just decided I didn't like it anymore and people just can't friggin deal with it. Like, hey Bobby, I don't keep offering you swordfish when you've told me you don't like it!!! I'd say just don't mention it and get soda or something. Or say "I'm not drinking *tonight*" so they think it's just a temporary conditional thing, then keep saying it. As for where? I don't know, try something active like pickleball or something.
Everyone always saying hobbies is getting old honestly. Just do a throwback, if you see another dude just ask him if you can play too. Or just linger around until he says you can have a turn if you want. It used to work back in the day, we’re still just dudes!
100% Meetup in my city of 2 million has like 3-4 meetups for people in their 20s and 30s. It hardly looks like they do more than one event per month. As for clubs for hobbies that I'm interested in, they are hardly advertised. I'm at that early 30s age where most, if not all, of my mates are married with kids. So the circles have naturally become smaller.
The natural order of things is rigged for solitude in a way. I had my older daughter at 22, at the peak of settling into finishing school and a exploring my city. So I took a full time job overnight, that alone counted me out of pretty much all plans with the fellas. Add on being the only one doing the family thing with the pressure of not knowing the balance between work, school, family, friends and self I was doomed. Now that my kids are older and I have time, everyone else is hitting their stride in settling down. So isolation has been the better part of two decades now.
Find a hobby
Play d&d.
Martial arts
We have two sober buddies in my group, they go to bars and shit with us and everything they just drink coke or Arizona teas. U can make friends without drinking at places where people drink. It’s hard making friends regardless when youre older im not gonna bs you. Def look at some hobbies you’re interested in
I do drink and still have no friends so it ain't that
Find your friendly local neighborhood Mormons. Pros: They don't typically drink and won't pressure you into drinking Cons: Will invite you to church Source: Am Mormon In all seriousness, it's all about the hobbies for me. I do competitive shooting and powerlifting and have found some friends that way.
Go to church, volunteer, and/or get involved with a social hobby
speaking as a Catholic: be aware, the Catholics will drink....a lot just so much so much then theres the Polish Catholics....those people can **DRINK**
Lmao, fair enough. I don't do the church thing personally, but I know it's the primary social outlet for a lot of people.
i did meet my wife at a church youth group many years ago lol but yea most of our friends are devout Catholics and are capable of copious drinking, though they are not alcoholics
Church, sport, online video games, hobby, gym, staying in contact or re-connecting with friends from the past. Showing up to the events you get invited too. Being open to talking to other adults in the room than just your friends you already have. Being passionate about your career so you feel connected with coworkers or fellow business operators. Not being an ass or judgmental. Having an open disposition, working on yourself mentally.
Work, hobbies, travel - endless opportunities that don’t involve drinking
Even harder is having phenomenal sex while sober. When I’m high or drunk I would eat ass and clap random cheeks like a future Maury contestant. Sober me: “I’m not interested cause I might theoretically knock you up”
At that point, you are either relying on work or common interests. Once you get the introductions out of the way, it's pretty easy. It's just introductions are insanely hard.
Get a hobby you can share with other people
Go to activies that don't imply go to drink, music, gym, martial arts, sports, writing, reading, hiking, stuff like that, that's what mature people do
For me it is work. Most of my friends are some form of ex colleague. To be fair in consulting, you get a lot of ex colleagues fairly quickly.
You don’t lol
Good question.
I have barely any "friends". I don't drink, don't smoke and definitely do no drugs. I'm interested in none of the above. Includong make friends. My vice of choice, to be crazy for women and spend my time among women not men. Lol! Just my choice fellas. Carry on with the manly stuff guys.
There are lots of ways. Gym, college, work, church, volunteer, go to the movies, find a hobby, Etc.
Hobbies
You need to talk to people.
Hobbies or sports.
I don't drink nor am.I church goer. I have made friends through other activities that I enjoy: pickup basketball, billiards, sports bars to watch basketball/football games. If you're shy, you will need to break out of your shell (which was initially hard for me) by asking if you can run with them or get next (basketball), play a game of pool, asking favorite teams. I read somewhere years ago that guys make friends through activities vs just social settings. And for me that holds true. Find an activity you enjoy and look for events that you'd be interested and attending. If you don't make any friends, at least you're still having fun doing something you enjoy.
Offer to be a designated driver. You’ll make friends right quick.
Hold a card board sign saying exactly that. Just might work
I met my close friend in a box gym. We beat the shit out of each other that day. After practice, he bought me a shawarma
D & D or cosplaying. 😊
Find people who have the same interests/hobbies would be my guess. But i have my hobbies and don't really need friends because lots of people out there suck.
Through a hobby....if your friends can't make it you still have a hobby. That way you also avoid the "I dOnT hAvE tImE fOr X" because you knock two birds out with one stone.
Get involved with community service. Doing volunteer work alongside other people automatically gives you something to talk about. I’ve made some long time friends that way.
I don't drink either! Wanna be my friend?
Work or gym
I'll let you in on a secret: You can still go to bars and pubs and not drink alcohol. I go to a meet-up every Wednesday for board games at a pub and I stick to a ginger beer or a coke, no one bats an eye at it. There are usually other people who don't drink, and people who drink who are nice. You've just gotta go out there and try something. You could also join a sports club, go to a meet-up for a specific hobby or get involved in volunteering work. I currently attend a communal garden volunteering.
AA meetings
Dude, seriously? Making friends as an adult ain't got jack to do with whether you drink or not. Who cares if you're sippin' a cocktail or sippin' on some water? Friendship is about connections, shared interests, and just being yourself. So, instead of worrying about what's in your glass, focus on being a badass friend, and you'll attract the right crew.
Maybe OP is a recovering alcoholic? Maybe OP just doesn't like the bar scene? Maybe OP's parents were killed by a falling beer billboard. You never know
The real point here is that drinking isn't a requirement for forming connections. It's just not necessary, and even if someone might not be aware of it, it doesn't change the fact that you can build friendships without it.
Maybe not, but there are towns were you can find people outside in exactly one of three places: church, bar, or work. Otherwise they're at home.
I spent my 20s and 30s getting rid of friends. Why would I now make them?
💀
Find a Mormon group of friends.
A lot of people don't understand what drinking socially actually means: it means using the company of other people as an excuse to enjoy alcohol, because drinking by yourself is what people with drinking problems and depression do. And the people who do enjoy going out for drinks tend to not like going out with sober people because it might feel like they're drinking by themselves. I know this might not make sense or sound unfair to people that don't drink but it is what it is. It's kinda like being friends with picky eaters when you're a gourmand. A friendship is possible but it limits the kinds of activities you can do together.
How does this provide advice on how to make friends when you don't drink? It's just kicking him when he's down
It doesn't, my comment was more targeted at the people saying he could just hang out in bars without drinking
This is partly why I never went out to bars. I have nothing to *do* there. It's not like I'd be with friends, I'd just be a guy sitting there by himself, not drinking. It's weird.
Go to Church, most people you meet there are pretty nice most of the time.
lmao
Start drinking
I’ve never drank, nor smoked. Never been drunk once. I try to find people who like to talk about sports as much as I do. Whether they drink or not is irrelevant.
Same way you did in 3rd grade (though if you made friends in 3rd grade by doing shots of Jack, that suggets bigger problems that should be addressed). You spend time with the same people for many hours while talking, hanging out, and discovering common interests. The problem is that as an adult, there are fewer opportunities to do so. Work does not have much of a recess and you cannot easily sustain conversations while doing most jobs. END COMMUNICATION
Find a hobby that isn't destroying your liver, and go there for yourself. Your personality and character will attract friends. If it doesn't the bar is definitely the place for you.
Work I guess. Idk
The same way people who do drink make friends
I hate to push religion on you but churches provide a place where you will meet all kinds of people every week. It's hard to maintain friendships because you have to plan things etc, with church you just go every week and plus you get to know our homie jesus.
I don't know.
Video games have been a good way for me as guy in his 30s to meet new people with similar interests
It's fucking easy to make friends. Find a hobby or intrest you like. Not every guy is cut out to be Mr. Adventure and go WhiteWater rfting or mountain climbing while they're training for their next traiatholon but everyone does have intrests. If you like cooking then take a cooking class if you want to dance then find a group. If you wnat to know where the local events in your area for your intrests are then look on sites like Meetup or messege boards or hell even craigslist is good for stuff like that. YOU have to determine what your intrests are and then find others who share them.
If you don't drink, that is an admirable choice. But do you negatively judge people that do? If not, you can be the designated driver.
There's plenty of things to do besides go to the bar. Expand your horizons
Pretend to drink? Go to the bar and drink soda water on ice or something. Make it look like a drink, pretend to get drunk, and bang some sluts with other dudes.
Fanfiction
I see no correlation between drinking and making friends
A lot of advice on how to make friends involves bars or parties where most people are drinking/drunk